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Thread: The Island Of the First One (Specialshipping + Franticshipping)

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    Default The Island Of the First One (Specialshipping + Franticshipping)

    The Island of the First One

    This is a story I made which is a series, at the minute it only features 2 Manga ships, but by the end it’s gonna feature pretty much all of them .

    There’s slight one-sided Franticshipping (Ruby x Sapphire) and strongly hinted Specialshipping (Red x Yellow), here’s a list of the characters:

    Main characters

    Chris
    Bio: This guy is actually a cooler version of me, he even has my name , I’ll mention if anything I post about him actually is true for me in real life.
    Age: 12.
    Team: Pikachu (Stays out of Poke Ball, M), Sceptile (M), Charizard (M), Dragonite (M), Lucario (M), Umbreon (F). Yeah, those are my faves

    Red
    Bio: Heroic and risk-taking kid, best friend of Chris and Yellow.
    Age: 14.
    Team: Pika (Pikachu, M), Aero (Aerodactyl, M), Saur (Venusaur, M), Lax (Snorlax, F), Poli (Poliwrath, M), Gyara (Gyarados, M)


    Sapphire
    Bio: Wild and Nature-loving girl, was Ruby’s girlfriend but after growing tired of Ruby ignoring the relationship decided to star ignoring him.
    Age: 11.
    Team: Chaka (Blaziken, F), Minun (F), Tororo (Tropius, M), Relili (Relicanth, M), Phadodo (Donphan, F), Ronono (Aggron, M)


    Ruby
    Bio: Used to be rather girly after an incident with a Salamence and Spphire when he was 5, however, after saving the Hoenn region with Sapphire he became an expert battler and more like a boy again...
    Age: 11
    Team: Zuzu (Swampet, F), Ruru (Gardevoir, F), Mimi (Milotic, F), Plusle (M), Nana (Mightyena, M), Flygon (M)


    Yellow
    Bio: Caring and friendly girl, has the ability to read the minds of and heal Pokemon as such she is very connected with Pokemon and can understand what most Pokemon are saying, very good friends with Red and Chris
    Age: 13
    Team: Chuchu (Pikachu, F), Dodosk (Dodrio, M), Omask (Omastar, F), Golosk (Golem, M), Freesk (Butterfree, F), Ratty (Raticate, F)


    Lesser Characters

    Blue
    Bio: Very annoying girl, teases Red and Yellow constantly for what she believes to be a relationship between them.
    Age: 14
    Team: Turtley (Blastoise, F), Clef (Clefairy, M), Nidory (Nidorina, F), Snubble ( F), Ditty (Ditto), Jiggly (Jigglypuff, F)


    Gold
    Bio: Reckless and brave kid, generally causes more disaster than he stops however it’s practically impossible not to like him.
    Age: 11.
    Team: Typhlo (Typhlosion, M), Politro (Politoed, M), Aipro (Ambipom, M), Mantro (Mantine, M), Sunflo (Sunflora, M), Sudro (Sudowoodo, M)



    You may have noticed I didn’t include Green or Silver, neither are in this story however by the end of the first paragraph you’ll know why Green isn’t in…

    Chapter 1

    Chris woke up feeling sad, today was Green’s 14th birthday, however Green had disappeared about a month ago, no one knew how, all they knew was that he’d gone to the shops and hadn’t come back. Seeing how Green could have destroyed anybody alone who’d tried to kidnap him it meant that either he’d gone somewhere himself or that a group kidnapped him.
    Chris was a self-made person, his parents had died when he was a baby, unfortunately he’d fallen into a river because of that, therefore he didn’t know who his family was (Not actually true, just useful for the plot), Chris had been given to an orphanage at met Red at the age of 7, Chris was a very strong Pokemon battler at that time and Red helped him train, also protecting him from the older boys in the orphanage who bullied him. When he was 10 Professor Oak had organised a tournament for up-and-coming trainers in the Pallet, Viridian and Pewter area, the winner would receive a Pokedex, Red entered Chris into it (Red at this time being a Pokemon league Champion) but even he hadn’t expected how badly Chris smashed the tournament with Pikachu, Eevee and Dratini, naturally Chris became a Pokedex holder after that and won the Pokemon League that year, although he was 2 months older than Red had been when he won it. Chris also had Aspergers Syndrome (True actually) and most people who didn’t know him didn’t understand him very well. (Long paragraph, eh?)

    Chris checked his post, he dumped most of it into the recycling bin, signed the cheque for his electricity bill (Chris lived on his own) and noticed one last letter:

    I am in grave danger, I need the help of you and other powerful Trainers urgently, please come to these co-ordinates urgently

    Chris grinned, finally something interesting! “Hey, Pikachu, we’ve got something here,” he said.
    Pikachu: (Great! Let’s go see if Red got a letter too) the small electrical mouse never stayed in it’s poke Ball, and looked very excited at the prospect of something happening.
    Chris walked towards Red’s house, Red was standing outside waiting for him.
    “You got a letter too?” They said simultaneously. They both laughed.
    “Well let’s go now,” Chris said.
    “What about Yellow?” Red asked.
    “She’ll be coming, there’s no need to wait, what part of urgent on that letter meant wait for Yellow?” Chris replied.
    Red grinned sheepishly and said “Let’s go then”

    “Go Dragonite!” Chris called, sending out a large Orange-yellow coloured dragon with antennae coming from it’s head.
    “Go Aero!” Red said, sending out a pterodactyl-like creature
    Dragonite: (Where are we going boss?)
    Chris read out the co-ordinates, Dragonite was very intelligent and could understand what he was hearing.
    Dragonite: (OK, hold on tight!) and he flew off with Aero following.
    Chris performed a couple of tricks with Dragonite, Red couldn’t because Aero was holding onto his shoulders, they flew out over the sea.
    “An island perhaps?” Red asked.
    “Probably,” Chris replied.
    They flew for another few hours when Dragonite began to slow down.
    Dragonite: (Landing in about 5 minutes)
    Five minutes later an island came in sight and they began to drop, landing in a clearing in the large forest that occupied most of the island.
    Pikachu: (Sceptile’s gonna like this place)
    Chris smiled, “That he will.”
    Red found a note in the clearing:

    I have been forced to flee, I can’t reveal why you are here in case my enemies find this note, there will be 9 here once all have arrived

    “Well,” Red said, “It would appear this is going to be more difficult than we expected.”
    “Just how I like it,” Chris replied, smiling.

    They set up their tents while they waited for the others to arrive, They noticed a large pink blob on the horizon, “That’d be Blue then,” Red said.
    Blue landed down, “Strange place,” she said.
    “Here,” Red said, passing her the note he’d found.
    “Hmmmm…. We’ll be waiting for a while then,” she said.
    Yellow arrived about ten minutes later, “Hello! This is just the kins of place I’d like to be if anything goes wrong,” she said, Yellow was very good with forests so she was naturally glad about the location.
    The next was a boy who none of them had met before, “My names Jake,” he said, shaking Chris’ hand, “And I already know who all of you are.”
    “Nice to meet you,” Yellow said, the rest of them agreed.
    Next was a pair of identical twins, “Hello,” the first one said, “We are-,”
    “-Mike and Adam,” the other completed.
    Chris laughed, “Identical twins finishing each other’s sentences is probably the most clichéd term of the lot,” he said, shaking their hands.
    “It is isn’t it?” said Mike.
    Ruby and Sapphire arrived last, Ruby was flying on his newly trained Flygon, Sapphire on Tororo. They shook hands with the three they didn’t know (They’d met the Kanto Dex holders before).
    “Well, everyone’s here,” Chris said, “Now what?”

    Not going to put a spoiler seeing how I haven’t got it fully planned out, I know the chapter was pretty slow but I just had to put everything in place, was there too much discription? Paragraphs not split right? Please tell me what’s wrong.
    Last edited by Annhialator Zero; 16th June 2007 at 7:13 PM.
    Comp has died, borrowing brother's to edit this, won't be on much if at all.
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    Looks good, too bad about the no Green thing. ;__;

    I wonder what could have happened to him.

    And I wonder who sent those letters to everyone.

    So far it looks really good, can't wait for the next chappie.
    Pokémon Black FC: 1979-0221-1990

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    All right, here we go.

    Chris woke up feeling sad, today was Green’s 14th birthday, however Green had disappeared about a month ago, no one knew how, all they knew was that he’d gone to the shops and hadn’t come back. Seeing how Green could have destroyed anybody alone who’d tried to kidnap him it meant that either he’d gone somewhere himself or that a group kidnapped him.
    Chris was a self-made person, his parents had died when he was a baby, unfortunately he’d fallen into a river because of that, therefore he didn’t know who his family was (Not actually true, just useful for the plot), Chris had been given to an orphanage at met Red at the age of 7, Chris was a very strong Pokemon battler at that time and Red helped him train, also protecting him from the older boys in the orphanage who bullied him. When he was 10 Professor Oak had organised a tournament for up-and-coming trainers in the Pallet, Viridian and Pewter area, the winner would receive a Pokedex, Red entered Chris into it (Red at this time being a Pokemon league Champion) but even he hadn’t expected how badly Chris smashed the tournament with Pikachu, Eevee and Dratini, naturally Chris became a Pokedex holder after that and won the Pokemon League that year, although he was 2 months older than Red had been when he won it. Chris also had Aspergers Syndrome (True actually) and most people who didn’t know him didn’t understand him very well. (Long paragraph, eh?)
    Do NOT include those brackets, it is incredibly unprofessional, you know. The paragraph seemed very rushed, and you need to describe the person more. As in looks and personality, not just telling us that he was a Pokemon League winner. Dont use numbers as well. Write the numbers in words. Not all numbers, just age, you know, and the amount of stuff, etc.

    Chris grinned, finally something interesting! “Hey, Pikachu, we’ve got something here,” he said.
    Pikachu: (Great! Let’s go see if Red got a letter too) the small electrical mouse never stayed in it’s poke Ball, and looked very excited at the prospect of something happening.
    Chris walked towards Red’s house, Red was standing outside waiting for him.
    “You got a letter too?” They said simultaneously. They both laughed.
    “Well let’s go now,” Chris said.
    “What about Yellow?” Red asked.
    “She’ll be coming, there’s no need to wait, what part of urgent on that letter meant wait for Yellow?” Chris replied.
    Red grinned sheepishly and said “Let’s go then”

    “Go Dragonite!” Chris called, sending out a large Orange-yellow coloured dragon with antennae coming from it’s head.
    “Go Aero!” Red said, sending out a pterodactyl-like creature
    Dragonite: (Where are we going boss?)
    Chris read out the co-ordinates, Dragonite was very intelligent and could understand what he was hearing.
    Dragonite: (OK, hold on tight!) and he flew off with Aero following.
    Chris performed a couple of tricks with Dragonite, Red couldn’t because Aero was holding onto his shoulders, they flew out over the sea.
    “An island perhaps?” Red asked.
    “Probably,” Chris replied.
    They flew for another few hours when Dragonite began to slow down.
    Dragonite: (Landing in about 5 minutes)
    Five minutes later an island came in sight and they began to drop, landing in a clearing in the large forest that occupied most of the island.
    Pikachu: (Sceptile’s gonna like this place)
    Chris smiled, “That he will.”
    Red found a note in the clearing:
    Space. Describe. An orange-colored dragon appeared on the spot. It was large, with scaly skin and long, powerful arms. It had small orange wings, and underarm it was green. Two thin, curved yellow antennas ejected from Dragonite's head. It had a very peaceful face.

    An enormous prehistoric creature appeared. It had massive, stiff gray wings that were as big as small jets. It had an intimidating face with its large mouth, revealing razor-sharp fangs that looked deadly to the bite.


    Describe the island much more. You lack creativity and description and dialogue as well. Three vital tools that authors need to have in order to succeed. You need to refresh upon your basics and learn from other authors. You can do it.

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    Thanks, that's exactly what I needed, i knew there was some problem just i didn't know what it was, thanks
    Comp has died, borrowing brother's to edit this, won't be on much if at all.
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    YOU CANNOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF FROST NOVA'S EGO!
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    well, this has an interesting plot...

    I've seen worse...but I've seen better. Yeah, you must stop using the brackets ; they destroy the mood -_-

    ...type longer and more depper descriptions, try to put more dialogue in it and use more spaces in the text

    and it will be good
    Because of serebiiforums, my Life has been put on hold...

    ...wait, that sounds wrong...
    ...yeah, it's the other way around.

    My Works : A, B, C, D, E

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    Basically more description and no brackets, got it (Good thing I waited for the criticism before I started on the second chapter x_x)
    Comp has died, borrowing brother's to edit this, won't be on much if at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Frost Nova View Post
    YOU CANNOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF FROST NOVA'S EGO!
    Quote Originally Posted by S.Bustathedog View Post
    Anolator

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    To be honest, this has an interesting plot and there is quite a lot of potential. You should see my first chapter...it sucked! And I got better with every chapter, and by Chapter 8 I began writing professionally. Yeah, this fic has a lot of potential.

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    Yaye, so true. All MistyLover said was true.

    But I really liked you storyplot, and my first fic sucked.D:

    Yesh, it has potential, like in Ed's fic. It gradually improved, ha.

    No brackets, but if you nedd to put some notes unrelated to the story, you should put something. Like <A/N:....>?

    Hmm, okay?



    renami ++ says:
    JULIAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    renami ++ says:
    WILL YOU MARRY ME
    on c l o u d nine ? says:
    UM KAY I'LL MARRY YOU
    Dynamite Shark Princess says:
    ILU
    on c l o u d nine ? says:
    WAIT WTF I HAVE A LOT OF ADMIRERS

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    OK, this chapter is gonna be a lot more descriptive than the first, I know it sucked, sorry it’s out so late I was just making sure it was good.

    Chapter 2

    Red sat in his tent bored stiff, there was nothing to do all they could do was wait for something to happen which would let them do something to the enemy the letter had talked about, but until this enemy made their move they couldn’t do anything. He sighed and walked out of his tent ‘Might as well find out more about this island’ he thought.

    He walked into the vast forest that surrounded the clearing where they’d set up camp, Ruby was there too, “Fancy coming to explore the island with me?” Red asked.
    “Sure,” replied the green-and-black kitted boy.
    They set off into the forest, Red took note of places where they could hide if they needed too, and noticed a rather strange looking fallen tree.
    “That tree looks odd,” he pointed out.
    “It does,” Ruby said, the tree was a lot darker than most trees, although it had the look of a tree that had only fallen recently, so it shouldn’t be possible for it to be that dark, Red made note of it in the small map of the island he’d drawn on a sheet of paper, never hurt to be too careful.

    They didn’t find much else useful until they ran into a massive cliff at the other end of the island, “Hadn’t noticed that when I rode in,” Ruby said.
    “Neither did I,” Red replied, they’d both come in from the north so they hadn’t noticed the sheer face on the south of the island.
    “I’ll go take a look with Aero,” Red said.
    “I’ll keep watch from up here,” Ruby called, as Red called out a granite coloured, heavily muscled pterodactyl creature, and plunged off the edge.
    He came back up three minutes later, “Nothing suspicious down there,” he said.
    Ruby knew what he was talking about, parts of the rock that didn’t look normal, caves, that kind of thing.

    They arrived back at camp having not found anything else, Chris was waiting to see what they’d found, dressed in black T-shirt and trousers as usual for him, “So there’s a cliff to the south?” he asked.
    “Yeah,” Red replied, “We didn’t notice it because of the island’s size and because we came from the north.”
    The other members of the camp weren’t doing very much, Yellow was still asleep, Sapphire was nowhere to be seen – although she was a forest kind of person so it was rather obvious where she was –, the twins were training their Pokemon in the centre of the clearing and Jake was sitting watching them, Red went and joined the twins, “Mind if I train with you?” he asked politely.
    “Not at all,” they said simultaneously.
    “OK, go Saur!” he said, calling out a large, bulky, four-legged green dinosaur with a massive plant on it’s back. “Try a Razor Leaf!” he shouted, and Saur let out a flurry of razor-sharp leaves which sliced a nearby boulder in half.
    (Not a bad shot, eh?) Saur asked.
    “Flygon, Fire Blast!” Adam ordered.
    A large green dragonfly-like creature with eyes like red magnifying glasses let out a fiery star which melted the boulder.
    “Nice shot,” Red complimented, “Want a battle?”
    “Sure,” Adam replied, and the two green creatures turned to face each other.
    “Let’s start things with a Fire Blast!” Adam ordered.
    “Saur, Protect,” Red ordered calmly, another fiery star came blasting towards Saur but it was blocked by a shield of light that came up in front of Saur.
    “This looks like a good match,” Red said, “Now Energy Ball!”

    Ruby sat to the side of the camp-site, thinking.
    Blue came and sat next to him, “She still ignoring you?” She asked.
    “Yeah,” Ruby said.
    “You do know that it’s all your fault, you did this to her too,”
    “I know it’s just, I was so embarrassed, I mean, I was eleven and I had a girlfriend, you’re fourteen and there’s nobody you’re interested in.”
    “Yeah, there isn’t” she said, blushing very slightly, although she wasn’t thinking about anybody on the island…
    “Anyway, Valentine’s day’s in three months, you can fix things up then,”
    “Yeah,” Ruby said, not looking very convinced.
    “Now why don’t we go over and watch Red’s battle?” she said, getting up.

    “Go for one last Dragon Claw!” Adam shouted.
    “Let it hit you then get a Leech Seed on it,” Red replied, still very calm.
    The dragonfly Pokemon swooped in with it’s claw blazing red, it slashed across Saur back, however as it did so three seeds lathed onto it, vines spreading from the seeds and absorbing the dragon’s energy.
    “OK, Sunny Day!” They both ordered, the sunlight began to blaze much hotter than it had previously.
    “So one last attack then? OK, put all your energy into a Fire Blast!” Adam shouted.
    “Protect,” Red ordered.
    A massive flaming star blasted from Flygon once again, and again it was blocked by a wall of light, “Now Solarbeam!” Red commanded.
    Saur used the time whole Flygon was recharging from it’s Fire Blast to take in energy from the sun and blast it towards the dragon in a white, laser-like beam, knocking it out.
    (IIIIII am the champion!) Saur celebrated.
    Red laughed at Saur’s celebrations (Trainers generally could understand what their Pokemon were saying) and turned to Adam, “That Flygon was pretty strong, good match,” he said.
    “Thanks,” Adam replied, shaking Red’s hand.

    Night had fallen and Chris’ Pokemon were out of their Poke Balls and talking nearby his tent, Chris generally let his Pokemon stay out of their Poke Balls and most of the other Dex holders were the same. Sceptile and Lucario were talking, Sceptile was a green lizard creature with two sword-like leaves coming out of each arm and six yellow seeds on it’s back, Lucario was a black fox-like creature which bore a striking resemblance to the Egyptian God Anubis, it had spikes sticking out of each hand for reasons nobody knew.
    (And we all know the only reason Sceptile agreed to come here was so he could see his girlf-) Lucario was cut off before he could finish his sentence.
    (Keep talking fox-boy, we’ll see how funny you look with your arms sliced off), Sceptile said, the leaves on his right arm glowing menacingly.
    (I was saying something, what was I saying again?) Lucario said, looking worried.
    (Please remind me why you’re my best friend) Sceptile said.
    (Because the two of us get along OK when we’re not arguing like this) Lucario replied, grinning.
    (Yeah, and whose fault is that?) glaring at Lucario
    (Cut it out you two, Lucario, stop teasing Sceptile. Sceptile, stop losing your temper,) Dragonite said, looking annoyed.
    Both of them stopped arguing, although Pikachu was Chris’ strongest Pokemon Dragonite acted as the general peace-keeper, Dragonite was a large orange dragon with a yellow stomach, two small wings which were green at the front, two antennae snaked out of it’s head.
    Umbreon viewed them silently from the shadow under a tree, (Leave Sceptile alone Lucario, even if it’s not true you’re only teasing him because you’re jealous,) she said. Umbreon was a black dog-like creature with almost silky fur and glowing yellow rings on it’s ears, forehead, tail and legs, Umbreon was very loyal, although most of her kind were, they also evolved during the dark so they tried to stay out of sunlight as much as possible.
    Lucario blushed, (Yeah, right) he said.
    Charizard laughed and said (What’s wrong Lucario? Don’t like it when the joke’s turned on you?) Charizard was a large red Dragon with a flame on the tip of it’s tail and a large yellow belly.
    Pikachu was with Chris so wasn’t there to join in the joke, Pikachu was a small yellow mouse with a lightning bolt-tail and two red cheeks, just then he came over, (What are you lot laughing at?) he asked.
    (Lucario just got his girlfriend joke turned around,) Charizard said.
    (You’re all laughing about one comment Umbreon made,) Lucario said, rolling his eyes.
    Pikachu laughed and said (We gotta go to sleep now anyway.)
    The rest of them sighed and went over to Chris who recalled them into their Poke Balls, all except Pikachu and Umbreon, Pikachu because he never stayed in his Poke Ball anyway and Umbreon stayed out during the dark and slept during the day. “You going out for a while?” He asked her.
    (Yep) Umbreon replied, walking off into the forest.

    ‘I wonder who this girlfriend Lucario keeps talking about is,’ Chris thought, ‘None of my business I suppose, might as well get some sleep.’ Chris, like most experienced trainers, generally respected his Pokemon as if they were humans, which included the right to privacy. (’Night) Pikachu said, curling up into the small sleeping back Chris had made for him.
    “Same to you,” Chris replied, closing his eyes.

    Chris woke up suddenly about three hours later to the sound of Sapphire screaming at somebody, he walked outside of his tent and found Sapphire pressing a middle-aged man to a tree and screaming, “You thought you could steal from me just because I was a girl?!?” Slamming him into the tree.
    “Sapphire, calm down!” Ruby shouted, “What happened?”
    Sapphire dropped the man, she had extraordinary strength for a girl of her age which the unfortunate thief had just found that out the hard way, “I woke up and this idiot,” she said, pointing to the near-unconscious man, “Was poking through my bag.”
    “What was he looking for?” Ruby asked.
    “I found this,” Sapphire said, holding up a computer disc, “Somebody probably dropped it.”
    Chris however, had noticed something a lot more serious about this, “They shouldn’t have known we were here,” he said, looking concerned.
    “How?” Red asked.
    “I checked the area, there’s no bugs, there’s nothing viewing us from the sky, Dragonite checked that, Umbreon would know if anyone was spying on us, someone here told the enemy where we were, one of us is an impostor,” he said, remarkably calmly.
    The entire campsite looked worried now, this meant no one could be trusted, anyone could be a spy attempting to get them all captured, or worse.



    That good? Not putting a spoiler because I haven’t even started on Chapter 3.

    Trivia!
    Try and guess who the impostor is posing as, cookie to anyone who can guess.
    Comp has died, borrowing brother's to edit this, won't be on much if at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Frost Nova View Post
    YOU CANNOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF FROST NOVA'S EGO!
    Quote Originally Posted by S.Bustathedog View Post
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    Yay, new chapter

    That one was better than the first by a huge margin. Your description of the pokemon is dead-on, and I like how you referenced Lucario's appearence to that of Anubis.

    A spy?! I Don't suppose you'd give us fellow shippers a hint as to who it is would ya?

    Quote Originally Posted by Annhialator Zero View Post
    I mean, I was eleven and I had a girlfriend, you’re fourteen and there’s nobody you’re interested in.”
    “Yeah, there isn’t” she said, blushing very slightly, although she wasn’t thinking about anybody on the island…
    Poor Blue. There's no one on the whole island who she's intrested in.
    Hmmm...wonder who she's thinking about?



    Quote Originally Posted by Annhialator Zero View Post
    Trivia!
    Try and guess who the impostor is posing as, cookie to anyone who can guess.
    I like cookies. Umm, Professor Oak?
    Pokémon Black FC: 1979-0221-1990

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    *LF: (DW female), , Power Items, Stones (Dusk, Dawn and Water)

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    No I won't give you a hint , and my Lucario is actually nicknamed Anubis
    Comp has died, borrowing brother's to edit this, won't be on much if at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Frost Nova View Post
    YOU CANNOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF FROST NOVA'S EGO!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annhialator Zero View Post
    No I won't give you a hint
    *;________;*

    Oh well, had to try at least.


    Quote Originally Posted by Annhialator Zero View Post
    and my Lucario is actually nicknamed Anubis
    Best nickname I've ever heard.
    Pokémon Black FC: 1979-0221-1990

    *FT: (MYSTRY), Starters, Pokerus, Fossils, Stones (Leaf, Thunder and Sun)
    *LF: (DW female), , Power Items, Stones (Dusk, Dawn and Water)

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    Why thank you, now how about a rate for the chapter? Was ot better than the first one?
    Comp has died, borrowing brother's to edit this, won't be on much if at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Frost Nova View Post
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annhialator Zero View Post
    Why thank you, now how about a rate for the chapter? Was ot better than the first one?

    You're welcome, and yes it was much better than chapter 1. You described the pokemon very well. Especially with the conversation your's were having.

    And the character's personalities are really good as well. Attacking an old man like that, guess that's to be expected from little miss Sapphire. xD
    Pokémon Black FC: 1979-0221-1990

    *FT: (MYSTRY), Starters, Pokerus, Fossils, Stones (Leaf, Thunder and Sun)
    *LF: (DW female), , Power Items, Stones (Dusk, Dawn and Water)

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    Yeah, note to anyone in my fic: Don't annoy Sapphire
    Comp has died, borrowing brother's to edit this, won't be on much if at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Frost Nova View Post
    YOU CANNOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF FROST NOVA'S EGO!
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    I know my storyline it’s just finding enough filler scenes to make it a long story that’s the problem >_<, by the way I’m not describing any Pokemon already described, if you haven’t read my previous chapters that’s not my fault. And that fourth fic I mentioned has been scrapped so the fifth (With the OldRival confession) is now the fourth one.

    Chapter 3- An Alliance and a Kidnapping

    Sapphire was incredibly bored, there was nothing to do on the island except look around, which she was doing right now, she was heading towards the cliff Red and Ruby had mentioned, she got there about twenty minutes after she had left the camp and called out Tororo, a large grey-brown dinosaur, huge leaves which it used as wings stuck out of it’s back and there were body armour-like leaves across the front of the creature, “Can you fly me down there?” Sapphire asked.
    (Sure,) Tororo said, it’s voice was very high pitched.
    They flew along the cliff face and didn’t find anything, if there was anybody hiding there they were hiding very well.

    Yellow’s family was rather unlucky, and by that I mean nearly everyone in it was dead. Yellow’s parents were dead, on her father’s side she had her Uncle Wilton still alive, her aunt and uncle had died (No one knew what had happened to their child), on her mother’s side she had an aunt and uncle who had died in the same accident that had killed her parents (Their daughter was still alive although Yellow hadn’t seen her in a while) and a great uncle who she’d never met and she didn’t know who he was. A lot of the Pokedex holders had family confusion similar to this, Blue and Silver had been kidnapped and never knew their family, and Chris’ parents had died when he was young (He hadn’t found the rest of his family either), Chris had lived in an orphanage until he was six, they were on a trip and one of the kids was stealing Chris’ money, Red was passing by when this had happened and helped Chris, the two of them became friends and after a few months he was adopted by Red’s parents, he eventually got his own house (Chris, Red and Red’s father had built it up from a vacant one) and Red’s parents de-adopted him, it made Red think how lucky he was to have a family, the fire he was cooking his breakfast on cracked and snapped Red out of his daydream. Three minutes and a relatively full stomach later he walked off into the forest.

    ---x---x---

    The day passed without much incidence, the only thing that happened to stop the immense boredom was Ruby and Sapphire having an argument, it had started, as usual, by Sapphire taking a remark Ruby had made wrong, nobody could even remember what he’d said but, then again, since when had that ever mattered to those two once they’d started. Night was settling in and he decided to get some sleep, Umbreon walked off into the forest again and the rest of his Pokemon returned to their Poke Balls (After his humiliation yesterday Lucario had stopped the girlfriend jokes, for now), Chris liked routine, however he didn’t like it when the routine was as incredibly boring as the one on the island, he settled down for some sleep.

    Sapphire woke up and immediately noticed something: Two people was carrying her, and those two people’s hands were too big to be any of the kids on the island. She opened one eye slightly and saw the same middle-aged man who’d been stealing her stuff last night, and another man she hadn’t seen before, she immediately started struggling to get herself free, the two men dropped her after she smashed her fist into the middle-aged man’s hands, she rolled over, and was knocked unconscious by a rock one of the men swung at her head, “What are you doing?” One of the men said, “You could have killed her! The boss wants her alive!”
    “That’s the least of our worries now,” said the other man, pointing back towards the campsite.
    Ruby was running at them like hell-on-two-legs, “Put her down!” he yelled, calling out Flygon, “NOW!”
    One of the men hopped onto a Salamence that had appeared out of the trees, “You keep her on,” he shouted to the other man, waiting for him to get on before flying off at top speed, with Ruby and Flygon in pursuit.
    “Dragonbreath!” Ruby yelled, Flygon blasted out a crackling, yellow energy beam, which Salamence barely managed to dodge.
    The man on the back called out a Staraptor, a large, intimidating, grey bird with a pointed red hood and white stripes across it’s body, the Pokemon slammed it’s body into Flygon, sending it crashing down, by the time Flygon had recovered, the Salamence was out of sight, “No!” Ruby yelled, landing on the ground.
    Chris had woken up and had caught up with Ruby, as he hadn’t gone far from the camp, “What happened?” he asked.
    “That guy from last night just kidnapped Sapphire,” Ruby said, thumping the ground in frustration.
    Whatever Chris had been expecting, it wasn’t that, “Damn,” he said, “I’m really sorry,”
    “It wasn’t your fault,” Ruby said, staring at the ground.
    Everybody else was there by now, Ruby explained what had happened, still looking at the ground.

    ---x---x---

    The next morning, Ruby didn’t get out of bed. Chris was sitting down by a tree just outside the clearing, Red walked in, “ ’Morning,” he said.
    “Could you go wake Ruby up,” Chris said, “And when you do, come back here with him.”
    Red knew better than to ask questions, so he walked back to the tent and whacked his hand off the side of it, “Wake up, sleepyhead,” he said, “Chris wants to see you.”
    About forty seconds later, Ruby got out of the tent fully-dressed, “Where is he?” he asked. Red lead him over to where Chris was.
    “You’re probably wondering why on earth I told you both to come here,” Chris said, “The reason is: I trust both of you, you’re not the impostors.”
    Red looked at him dumbfounded, then a smile grew on his face, then he started laughing, Ruby looked at him confused.
    “I was going to say exactly the same thing to you two,” he said, still laughing.
    Ruby grinned and said, “I expect I don’t even need to explain what I was going to say now.”
    They all burst out laughing, “Well,” Red said, “With the three of us together, who’s going to stop us now?”

    Finally, that took me a while to write, go to hell writer’s block D:, I know it’s not that long but, eh.

        Spoiler:- Preview for next chapter:
    Last edited by Annhialator Zero; 5th July 2007 at 7:29 PM.
    Comp has died, borrowing brother's to edit this, won't be on much if at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Frost Nova View Post
    YOU CANNOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF FROST NOVA'S EGO!
    Quote Originally Posted by S.Bustathedog View Post
    Anolator

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    Whaaaa?! Someone kidnapped Sapphire?! Hope Ruby goes to rescue her.


    Hmmm...wonder what that spoiler is all about. Guess will see soon.



    Yes, writer's block needs to die.

    *sniff* I can't even think of how to start my sequel. ;__;


    Nice chapter btw.
    Pokémon Black FC: 1979-0221-1990

    *FT: (MYSTRY), Starters, Pokerus, Fossils, Stones (Leaf, Thunder and Sun)
    *LF: (DW female), , Power Items, Stones (Dusk, Dawn and Water)

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    Ruby does rescue her, eventually (He doesn't know where the base is, remember?)
    Comp has died, borrowing brother's to edit this, won't be on much if at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Frost Nova View Post
    YOU CANNOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF FROST NOVA'S EGO!
    Quote Originally Posted by S.Bustathedog View Post
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annhialator Zero View Post
    Ruby does rescue her, eventually (He doesn't know where the base is, remember?)
    Doh! My bad.
    Pokémon Black FC: 1979-0221-1990

    *FT: (MYSTRY), Starters, Pokerus, Fossils, Stones (Leaf, Thunder and Sun)
    *LF: (DW female), , Power Items, Stones (Dusk, Dawn and Water)

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    lol, I'll be starting on Chapter 4 tomorrow
    Comp has died, borrowing brother's to edit this, won't be on much if at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Frost Nova View Post
    YOU CANNOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF FROST NOVA'S EGO!
    Quote Originally Posted by S.Bustathedog View Post
    Anolator

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    Quote Originally Posted by Annhialator Zero View Post
    lol, I'll be starting on Chapter 4 tomorrow
    Awesome!! I can't wait to read it. Hopefully they'll figure out what's going on. :P


    btw, how did you get over writer's block? I have a story on my DA account if you wanna take a look. I gotta have Chapter 2 posted by Sat and could use some suggestions.
    Pokémon Black FC: 1979-0221-1990

    *FT: (MYSTRY), Starters, Pokerus, Fossils, Stones (Leaf, Thunder and Sun)
    *LF: (DW female), , Power Items, Stones (Dusk, Dawn and Water)

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    Every forum I wanted to go on crashed and I couldn't get onto NetBattle, doesn't give me much else to do =/
    Comp has died, borrowing brother's to edit this, won't be on much if at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Frost Nova View Post
    YOU CANNOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF FROST NOVA'S EGO!
    Quote Originally Posted by S.Bustathedog View Post
    Anolator

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    Quote Originally Posted by Annhialator Zero View Post
    Every forum I wanted to go on crashed and I couldn't get onto NetBattle, doesn't give me much else to do =/

    Wait, so you'll check it out then? If so, then tell me what you think of it so far. It's for a friend, kinda at her request.
    Pokémon Black FC: 1979-0221-1990

    *FT: (MYSTRY), Starters, Pokerus, Fossils, Stones (Leaf, Thunder and Sun)
    *LF: (DW female), , Power Items, Stones (Dusk, Dawn and Water)

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    MangaQuest shipping FTW
    Comp has died, borrowing brother's to edit this, won't be on much if at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Frost Nova View Post
    YOU CANNOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF FROST NOVA'S EGO!
    Quote Originally Posted by S.Bustathedog View Post
    Anolator

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    Quote Originally Posted by Annhialator Zero View Post
    MangaQuest shipping FTW

    Yayz for review!!


    But i'm not sure which way to go with Crys. I was thinking maybe switching it to her and Silver, but I'm not sure.

    My favorite part was when Gold mentioned Silver turning to stone. Like that would ever happen.
    Pokémon Black FC: 1979-0221-1990

    *FT: (MYSTRY), Starters, Pokerus, Fossils, Stones (Leaf, Thunder and Sun)
    *LF: (DW female), , Power Items, Stones (Dusk, Dawn and Water)

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