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Thread: Complete (Pokeshipping, PG-13)

  1. #1
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    Post Complete (Pokeshipping, PG-13)

    Hello. This is my first ever attempt to write a fan-fic. It's pokeshipping and is rated PG-13. It's also a chaptered fic. I know this isn't the best thing to read, but I think I can do better. Could you please be honset with me and tell me how bad it is. If you thnk it is bad, TELL me it's bad so I won't keep writing. Here goes.



    Complete

    Chapter 1


    “Welcome one and all, to the Sinnoh League finals!” the announcer blared into his microphone, as the hundreds of fans in the audience cheered for the upcoming battle.

    “We’ve seen some awesome battles and some tough competition this year, but none so great as this folks. In the red corner, all the way from Pallet Town, it’s Ash Ketchum!”

    Ash began waving his arms to crowd, glowing in their attention. While Dawn and Brock watched him from the crowd, and all his friends and family watching him on T.V. His mom, Professor Oak, Tracy, Gary, May, Max, and even Misty were at his house watch the battle.

    “And in the green corner, all the way from Tobari Town, It’s Paul!”

    But Paul simply stood there, as impatient as ever.

    “C’mon already. I want to finish off this loser fast.” Paul said.

    Ash took a break from the adoring fans in the crowd, “What did you say!?” Ash said angrily.

    “I don’t need to repeat my self to you, loser.” Paul answered.

    “Alright you two, save it for the pokemon battle.” The announcer warned them. “Are both trainers ready? Begin!”

    “Go Ambipom!” Ash called

    “Go Ursaring!” called Paul.

    “Ambipom, start off with Swift!” Ash commanded. The attack was a clean hit, but only caused minor damage to Ursaring.

    “Humph. Ursaring, hyper beam.” Paul commanded.

    “Quick Ambipom, use double team to dodge!” ordered Ash. And by the time Ursaring had fired its hyper beam, Ambipom had already surrounded Ursaring with dozens of copies of itself.

    ‘Hey, hyper beam takes a lot out of a pokemon; it will be awhile before it can do anything.’ Ash thought. “Quick Ambipom, use Focus Punch while Ursaring is still recovering!” commanded Ash.

    “Ursaring use Hammer Arm RIGHT NOW!” screamed Paul. But Ursaring couldn’t hope to match Ambipom’s speed. Ursaring took a clean hit to the face, causing severe damage and knocking it to the ground.

    “Get up you weakling!” ordered Paul. Listening to its master, Ursaring slowly staggered to its feet, badly beaten and bruised.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    “How can anyone be that cruel to his pokemon?” Misty asked, watching Ash’s battle. “And what pokemon would want to stay with a trainer like that?”

    “I don’t know why Misty.” Delia answered.

    “Well, it’s obvious that Paul isn’t caring towards anyone but himself, including his pokemon.” said professor Oak in a disgusted tone. “He’s a selfish punk in my opinion. And I’m sure Ash feels the way, from the calls he’s given me throughout the Sinnoh region.”

    “But why would any pokemon want to join him?” asked Misty.

    “Well, I think there are two reason pokemon decided to join and listen to trainers. Out of friendship and kindness, and out of fear and ambition. Ash’s pokemon listen to him and stay with him because he is caring and nice to them. But Paul only has his eyes set for strong pokemon, and berates them even if they do a good job, and I think they stay because they are just like him, they want to be strong, and they think by joining him, they will be at their strongest. This is simply not true.” Oak answered.

    “Wow. So this battle is like night vs. day, isn’t it?” said Misty.

    “Yes, very much so.” answered Oak.

    “I’ve always rooted for Ash, but if he loses to this guy, I’ll kill him!” Misty threatened playfully.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>

    “Now Ambipom, use double hit before it has a chance to recover!” Ash ordered.

    “I won’t let you! Ursaring, use earthquake!” Paul ordered. Ursaring sent a shock wave through the ground, knocking Ambipom off-balance. “Quick use Hyper beam!” this time, the attack hit dead-center, dealing massive damage.

    “Ambipom, are you alright?” Ash asked worriedly. Ambipom slowly rose to its feet, panting and out of breath, just as Ursaring was.

    “Let’s finish it. Ursaring Hammer Arm!” Paul ordered.

    “We’ll be the ones who finish it. Ambipom Focus Punch!” ordered Ash.

    The two pokemon charged at full speed towards each other. The attacks collided and caused a large explosion. When the dust settled, only Ursaring was left standing.

    “Ambipom is unable to battle, Ursaring is the winner!” the referee announced.

    “You did a fantastic job Ambipom.” Ash complemented him as he returned it to its poke ball.

    Ursaring was flexing and gloating at its victory, until Paul said, “You almost lost, you should be ashamed.” Putting a real downer on Ursaring’s fun.

    “You haven’t changed at all, have you Paul?” Ash asked in a serious tone.

    “Why would why?” Paul said in a mocking tone.

    “Ash Ketchum please send out your next pokemon.” The referee said.

    “Fine, go!”

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >

    “Ursaring is unable to battle, Bronzong is the winner!”

    “Abomasnow is unable to battle, Bronzong is the winner!”

    “Bronzong is unable to battle, Gyarados is the winner!”

    “Gyarados is unable to battle, Gastrodon is the winner!”

    “Gastrodon is unable to battle, Honchkrow is the winner!”

    “Honchkrow is unable to battle, Staraptor is the winner!”

    “Staraptor is unable to battle, Electabuzz is the winner!”

    “Electabuzz is unable to battle, Torterra is the winner!”

    “Torterra is unable to battle, Infernape is the winner!”

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>

    “Now the final match is almost finished, we have the trainer’s last pokemon, with Paul teaming up with Infernape and Ash with Pikachu. Let the final battle commence!” said the announcer.

    “Pikachu, Quick attack!” Ash commanded.

    “Infernape dodge with dig.” Paul said.

    As Pikachu ran straight over the hole Infernape dug, Ash commanded Pikachu to use Volt Tackle to pursue Infernape into the hole. In the middle of the arena, Pikachu came up in a cylinder of electicity surrounding it and Paul’s Infernape which is on top of Pikachu.

    “Infernape!” Paul shouted.

    “Great job Pikachu! You’re the best!” Ash called excitedly.

    “Infernape, you pathetic excuse for a pokemon! Are you gonna let yourself get beat by one attack from a mouse! I can’t believe I kept you past my first battle with that loser! If you don’t get up and fight I’ll, I’ll, I’ll…”

    “Whoa, Paul, your WAY out of line! You shouldn’t have a license to train pokemon, let alone own them! You can’t talk to a pokemon like that; after all it’s done for you. You just tell it how horrible it is when it clearly isn’t!” Ash screamed at Paul.

    “Butt out Ash, don’t tell me how to raise my pokemon!” “Infernape,” Paul said in a deadly serious tone, “get, up.”
    With those words, Infernape quickly got to it’s feet, not wanting to deal with the consequences if he didn’t get up. “That’s more like it.” Paul said. “Now use dig.”

    With Pikachu unable to see where Infernape is, Pikachu couldn’t do anything to defend itself as Infernape shot up under Pikachu. “Follow up with Slash.” Another clean hit dealt more damage to Pikachu than expected from a weakened and tired Infernape. Right now, the only thing keeping it from falling to the ground in exhaustion was the fear of Paul’s wrath.

    Pikachu rose to its feet and was breathing heavily. “Pikachu, how are you holding up?” Ash asked.

    “Pi…Pi…ka…chu.” Pikachu said between breaths.

    “Pikachu, use Quick Attack.” Ash ordered.

    “Flamethrower Infernape!” Paul said.

    “Dodge it quick!” Ash called. Pikachu dodged the flamethrower, but as Pikachu got closer to Infernape, Infernape dodged at the last second.

    “Finish it with Focus Blast Infernape!” ordered Paul.

    “Block with Iron Tail, Pikachu!” Ash said. Although Pikachu blocked the attack, the force behind it was enough to knock it clear out of the ring and crashing into the solid stone wall. Pikachu fell to the ground in a limp form with swirls in its eyes.

    The crowd was silent; Dawn and Brock looked worriedly from Ash to Pikachu and back to Ash. Everyone at Ash’s home was speechless. ‘How in the world is Ash going to take this?’ Misty wondered, a small tear in her eye, trying to imagine the pain that Ash is going through.

    But the only thing going through Ash’s mind was ‘No’.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I know it's very short, and no real pokeshippy moments, but this is a test run to see if I'm good enough to keep writing. The reason I only wrote the 1st and last battles because I thought it would be boring to read so many of them. Please, TELL me if it's bad or not. I'll probably write another chapter after this to compare to this one, unless no one thinks it is worth continuing. Thank you.


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    My Pokeshipping One-Shot: Lakeside Mischeif

  2. #2
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    Ooh, this is exciting. I like this first chapter, with the battle. Was Ash saying "no" about Pikachu getting hurt? Or about losing the battle? I really like this, poor Ash he almost never wins the big battles does he? Well great start, I think you will do just find writing a chaptered fic, if you make ths chapters just a tad longer and more detailed, other than that, nicely dont.
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  3. #3
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    Wow, thanks! I will try to get the next chap as soon as I can. But i won't continue the full fic more people don't give feed back. If more people don't respond, I'll just put up the overall summary of the fic


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    My Pokeshipping One-Shot: Lakeside Mischeif

  4. #4
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    Remember people, if you think it's bad, post here and say it is bad. Here's the overall summary:

    After Ash loses, he goes into a state of despair and depression. To help Ash, Oak calls a friend of his, a pokemon master called The Pokmon Guru. He contacts Ash and instrucys him to come to his facility so he can train him, in battles and spitituality. Ash can only bring two things, his most trusted pokemon and most important friend. Pikachu and Misty. While there, Ash and Misty become closer and realize their feelings for each other and come back as the strongest tag-team anyone's ever seen. with laughs, drama, and romance while staying at the Guru's estate.

    But if no one says 'yes' to keep writing, or 'no' to stop, I'll give up the fic. Or if anyone would like to write this themselves, go ahead. Because I'm not a writer.


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    My Pokeshipping One-Shot: Lakeside Mischeif

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