Well, I present my series of [mainly] comedy oneshots featuring Team Galactic. Main ships are InfraRed [yey!], Jovian [pwn], and Betelgeuse [oi]. The ratings vary from innocent to rather naughty, depending on the shot. Feel free to request prompts/ships and I'll do my best to write a good one. ^^ Please review and make constructive criticism and let me know if I'm too OOC, too short/long, bad description/whatever else. Note a bunch of shots are written already, so editting may be minimal. The prompt for each shot is at the top. What's the first one about, and it's rating? PG-13, why? Hehe, take a look and find out. ^^
Just exactly WHY there’s a sign in the Team Galactic Nap Room informing you to ensure the bed is unoccupied before entering it…
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Cyrus heard the distressed scream of his top, favorite commander, Mars, floors above her in his lonely, dark office.
She is most likely attempting to make herself a sandwich and cut herself, as usual, he reasoned to himself, reclining back in his chair to count the Master Balls he had up on his wall containing rare or shiny Pokemon.
Suddenly he heard a knock at his door, most unexpected, considering the only person who ever willingly visited him was Mars, and she certainly hadn’t had the time to run to his office from wherever she was.
“Enter,” he called out to this visitor.
A pudgy grunt waddled in, half a huge, foot tall and long sub sandwich in one hand.
“Um, Cyrus sir, can you, uh, come look at this? We have a little problem, thing,” he spluttered out, still chewing a large bite of food.
“Very well. Lead the way to the location of this incident,” Cyrus agreed, standing up and following the slow-moving grunt down the stairs.
They spotted a crying Mars running blindly along, shrieking in horror.
“Commander Mars, you are acting very immaturely. Settle yourself immediately. MARS!” he yelled at her, but she knocked Pudge E. Grunt over and kept scurrying about.
Cyrus grabbed her and lifted her into the air as her feet flailed about. She soon realized she wasn’t standing on solid ground anymore and opened her eyes to look around.
“Oh, hello Cyrus. Like, OMG, you have to see this, it’s so sick and wrong! It’s completely disgusting, I’m mentally scarred for life, it’s just plain disturbing!” she squealed, somehow darting out of Cyrus’ grasp and hugging him.
There were a multitude of other grunts and scientists bumming about with rather ill faces.
“Um, this way, Cyrus, sir,” Pudge E. Grunt instructed, walking on towards an area Cyrus well knew. Mars just latched onto him and wrapped her legs around his waist, making him carry her along.
This is NOT how I like to start my afternoon. Commander Mars is acting highly illogical and emotional, my employees look stoned, and the chubbiest member I have has been relegated to doing all this walking, what is going ON here? Cyrus thought to himself, glaring at Mars, who just batted her eyelashes at him.
What is she doing? Cyrus pondered, eying her strangely.
“Um, look in there… and you’ll see the problem, thing,” the helpful grunt bowed and ran away, er, he tried to run, that is.
“Oh Cyrus it’s horrible and nasty and weird! Of course it wouldn’t be so bad if it was you and me, but THEM, ugh! Ew! Like, totally SICK!” Mars rambled as Cyrus attempted to shake her off, but failed.
He peered into the Team Galactic Nap Room and spotted a rather large lump of sheets violently thrashing and the bed beneath them trembling.
“What is the meaning of this haunting of the bed linens in this room upon this certain sleeping area?” he demanded, scanning the room for anyone else.
“Um, Cyrus, that’s not a ghost… That’s Saturn and Jupiter,” Mars warily corrected him, slowly detaching herself from his personal body.
“Inform me as to how it happened they decided to share a bed. And what in the name of Arceus are they doing in it?” Cyrus asked, most likely not the most intelligent thing he could’ve asked the most flirtatious commander who adored him.
“Weeeeell… Saturn was looking at the videos from the secret cameras he put in Jupiter’s room, namely the seven he has in her shower, and he decided he wanted the real thing. So he knows that after watching Scooby Doo Where Are You with him she always goes and takes a quick nap in the very center bed. So he ran right after the episode was over, hopped in, and waited.
“Now because Jupiter’s such a stupid idiot she didn’t notice the Saturn-sized lump in the bed and she got in. I always told you she was a brainless bozo and you should never have hired her! She’s completely clueless! You’d think one would have enough sense to ensure one’s bed was empty before getting in without needing a sign to remind you or something.
“So, she’s in there, and she feels something breathing on her chest. She wonders what it is, when it licks her. Naturally she likes it and decides to see what it is. Bam, there’s Saturn, taking off her clothes and sucking on her. So what does she say? ‘Oooooh Saturn, that feels sooooo good, keep it uuuuuup!’ So he does, until they’re both naked and then they start having full-on sex. In the bed. In the open. With no door. It’s practically a public place!
“The rest of us have been playing an extremely intense huuuuuge game of Monopoly and our brains are wasted from trying to count all the money and spaces, so we want to take some naps too! But what do we find? THOSE TWO FOOLS SHAGGING EACH OTHER! I mean, how can you fall asleep with that screaming and moaning going on? Seriously, do something about it Cyrus honey, like, maybe we should try and outdo them to teach them a lesson,” Mars explained, winking at him and rubbing up against her boss at the end.
“What are you implying?” Cyrus asked her, completely oblivious to her advances.
“Ooooooh, forget it! Just get rid of them, AND that bed, nobody will EVER use it AGAIN!” she grunted, pouting and folding her arms.
“Very well. Commanders, I dictate you must remove yourselves from the furniture for sleeping and dispose of it, and never do this again. It is upsetting many other members, and if I had emotions it would upset me as well,” he called out to his commanders as they screamed very loudly at the same time before ceasing to move and becoming quiet.
“CYRUS?!” they both screamed and jerked their heads around to look at him and Mars, who had grabbed his arm and was smiling.
“Oh, um, okay, uh, give us a second… we’ll be out in a moment…” Saturn eyed his boss warily as Cyrus dragged Mars out.
Soon two rather red and sweaty commanders emerged from the nap room looking at the ground.
“Get rid of the bed. I must go make a sign that hopefully you will read in the future,” Cyrus stated, walking off as Mars struggled to keep up with his long strides. So she jumped on his back and made him give her a piggy-back ride.
“Dang, that was good. Once we get the stupid bed outta there, wanna do it again in my room?” Jupiter asked Saturn, who readily agreed.
“Oh yeah baby, you’re so hot!” he smiled and gave her a thumbs-up as the stupid female commander giggled stupidly.
Meanwhile, in Cyrus’ office of DEATH…
“So Cyrus baby, whatcha makin’?” Mars wondered, sitting on his desk as he attempted to write with a large Sharpie on some poster board.
“A sign stating members must check to ensure the bed is unoccupied, what did you think I was making, a hole to China?” Cyrus rolled his eyes at her stupidity and wondered why he hired such stupid, pervy people.
“Um, no, I’m not THAT stupid! Besides, I know a few holes you’d be welcome to go exploring in anytime, if you know what I mean…” she winked at him and shifted position so she was sitting on the sign with her legs dangling on either side of him and wide open.
“Unfortunately, I do not comprehend the meaning of your illogical statement,” he commented, grabbing her hip and shoving her off his desk onto the floor as he finished the sign.
“OW! I was offering to have sex with you, you idiot! Why don’t you ever spend time with me?” she whined, attempting to pick herself up off the ground.
Cyrus walked by with the sign and yanked her up and threw her over his shoulder, proceeding like her weight wasn’t even there.
So Mars strained her arms and grabbed his rear, massaging it.
Cyrus didn’t even notice.
“I believe you are the person I spend the most time with. Considering I prefer to be alone this is naturally not that much,” he bluntly stated, calling for all the grunts and scientists he encountered to follow him.
“Oooooh, spend more time with me, why don’tcha? I can make you feel soooo good…” she simpered, letting go of his butt to nibble on his ear.
“Commander, I am not in the business of feeling anything, including pleasure or goodness. I am attempting to reshape the universe for the better. Besides, you are still 17, I would get arrested and thrown in jail due to your being a minor,” he retorted as Mars sighed.
“Who’s gonna teeeeeell?! Please?! OOF!”
Cyrus practically dropped Mars onto the floor as he entered the nap room with all the members in tow.
“Today we are gathered here to witness the inauguration of a new, necessary sign into this building. In fact, this sign is probably the most important sign we have ever seen. I shall read it to you, for those who have issues seeing or understanding the written English language, which is almost all of you.
“The sign states: ‘Team Galactic Nap Room. Ensure the bed is unoccupied before getting into it!’ We are already a useless team everyone laughs at; do not make our status any more pathetic than it already is. That is all,” Cyrus finished, hanging the sign on the well where the third, middle bed used to be.
“Oh yeah, we also only have two beds now, cause, seriously, who was ever gonna use that middle one again!?” Mars added, shooing all the members out, who seemed to understand what had been said.
“Saturn, Jupiter, limit your sexual intercourse to private areas, such as either of your rooms or offices only. Other than that, feel free to continue, since I cannot see the problem with it, just do not get pregnant unless you get married. We would be even more shamed if you did that. So do not. This concludes my speech for the day,” Cyrus informed his commanders, who high-fived each other.
“That’s sexcellent, Cyrus, let’s go Saturn!” Jupiter winked at her sex buddy, who spanked her.
“Ooooh, that’s cause Cyrus IS sexcellent!” Mars cooed, grinding against her boss.
“All three of you, GET AWAY FROM ME,” Cyrus roared, loudly but still emotionlessly.
The three ran towards his office.
“Hey Jupi, let’s do it on his desk!”
“Okay honey, that sounds kinky!”
“NOOOOO, stay outta there, I’M gonna do Cyrus on his desk, you can’t do each other there!”
Why did I hire a minor who is in love with me, a perverted man in his twenties who takes covert pictures of a hot girl naked, and a stupid hot girl who lets him?
Cyrus just shook his head.
I thank ye for reading and partition ye to review! *salutes and scuttles to finish Spanish*