Galactic Comedy Oneshots (G-R)

[Yeti]

Well, I present my series of [mainly] comedy oneshots featuring Team Galactic. Main ships are InfraRed [yey!], Jovian [pwn], and Betelgeuse [oi]. The ratings vary from innocent to rather naughty, depending on the shot. Feel free to request prompts/ships and I'll do my best to write a good one. ^^ Please review and make constructive criticism and let me know if I'm too OOC, too short/long, bad description/whatever else. Note a bunch of shots are written already, so editting may be minimal. The prompt for each shot is at the top. What's the first one about, and it's rating? PG-13, why? Hehe, take a look and find out. ^^

Just exactly WHY there’s a sign in the Team Galactic Nap Room informing you to ensure the bed is unoccupied before entering it…

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Cyrus heard the distressed scream of his top, favorite commander, Mars, floors above her in his lonely, dark office.

She is most likely attempting to make herself a sandwich and cut herself, as usual, he reasoned to himself, reclining back in his chair to count the Master Balls he had up on his wall containing rare or shiny Pokemon.

Suddenly he heard a knock at his door, most unexpected, considering the only person who ever willingly visited him was Mars, and she certainly hadn’t had the time to run to his office from wherever she was.

“Enter,” he called out to this visitor.

A pudgy grunt waddled in, half a huge, foot tall and long sub sandwich in one hand.

“Um, Cyrus sir, can you, uh, come look at this? We have a little problem, thing,” he spluttered out, still chewing a large bite of food.

“Very well. Lead the way to the location of this incident,” Cyrus agreed, standing up and following the slow-moving grunt down the stairs.

They spotted a crying Mars running blindly along, shrieking in horror.

“Commander Mars, you are acting very immaturely. Settle yourself immediately. MARS!” he yelled at her, but she knocked Pudge E. Grunt over and kept scurrying about.

Cyrus grabbed her and lifted her into the air as her feet flailed about. She soon realized she wasn’t standing on solid ground anymore and opened her eyes to look around.

“Oh, hello Cyrus. Like, OMG, you have to see this, it’s so sick and wrong! It’s completely disgusting, I’m mentally scarred for life, it’s just plain disturbing!” she squealed, somehow darting out of Cyrus’ grasp and hugging him.

There were a multitude of other grunts and scientists bumming about with rather ill faces.

“Um, this way, Cyrus, sir,” Pudge E. Grunt instructed, walking on towards an area Cyrus well knew. Mars just latched onto him and wrapped her legs around his waist, making him carry her along.

This is NOT how I like to start my afternoon. Commander Mars is acting highly illogical and emotional, my employees look stoned, and the chubbiest member I have has been relegated to doing all this walking, what is going ON here? Cyrus thought to himself, glaring at Mars, who just batted her eyelashes at him.

What is she doing? Cyrus pondered, eying her strangely.

“Um, look in there… and you’ll see the problem, thing,” the helpful grunt bowed and ran away, er, he tried to run, that is.

“Oh Cyrus it’s horrible and nasty and weird! Of course it wouldn’t be so bad if it was you and me, but THEM, ugh! Ew! Like, totally SICK!” Mars rambled as Cyrus attempted to shake her off, but failed.

He peered into the Team Galactic Nap Room and spotted a rather large lump of sheets violently thrashing and the bed beneath them trembling.

“What is the meaning of this haunting of the bed linens in this room upon this certain sleeping area?” he demanded, scanning the room for anyone else.

“Um, Cyrus, that’s not a ghost… That’s Saturn and Jupiter,” Mars warily corrected him, slowly detaching herself from his personal body.

“Inform me as to how it happened they decided to share a bed. And what in the name of Arceus are they doing in it?” Cyrus asked, most likely not the most intelligent thing he could’ve asked the most flirtatious commander who adored him.

“Weeeeell… Saturn was looking at the videos from the secret cameras he put in Jupiter’s room, namely the seven he has in her shower, and he decided he wanted the real thing. So he knows that after watching Scooby Doo Where Are You with him she always goes and takes a quick nap in the very center bed. So he ran right after the episode was over, hopped in, and waited.

“Now because Jupiter’s such a stupid idiot she didn’t notice the Saturn-sized lump in the bed and she got in. I always told you she was a brainless bozo and you should never have hired her! She’s completely clueless! You’d think one would have enough sense to ensure one’s bed was empty before getting in without needing a sign to remind you or something.

“So, she’s in there, and she feels something breathing on her chest. She wonders what it is, when it licks her. Naturally she likes it and decides to see what it is. Bam, there’s Saturn, taking off her clothes and sucking on her. So what does she say? ‘Oooooh Saturn, that feels sooooo good, keep it uuuuuup!’ So he does, until they’re both naked and then they start having full-on sex. In the bed. In the open. With no door. It’s practically a public place!

“The rest of us have been playing an extremely intense huuuuuge game of Monopoly and our brains are wasted from trying to count all the money and spaces, so we want to take some naps too! But what do we find? THOSE TWO FOOLS SHAGGING EACH OTHER! I mean, how can you fall asleep with that screaming and moaning going on? Seriously, do something about it Cyrus honey, like, maybe we should try and outdo them to teach them a lesson,” Mars explained, winking at him and rubbing up against her boss at the end.

“What are you implying?” Cyrus asked her, completely oblivious to her advances.

“Ooooooh, forget it! Just get rid of them, AND that bed, nobody will EVER use it AGAIN!” she grunted, pouting and folding her arms.

“Very well. Commanders, I dictate you must remove yourselves from the furniture for sleeping and dispose of it, and never do this again. It is upsetting many other members, and if I had emotions it would upset me as well,” he called out to his commanders as they screamed very loudly at the same time before ceasing to move and becoming quiet.

“CYRUS?!” they both screamed and jerked their heads around to look at him and Mars, who had grabbed his arm and was smiling.

“Yes.”

“Oh, um, okay, uh, give us a second… we’ll be out in a moment…” Saturn eyed his boss warily as Cyrus dragged Mars out.

Soon two rather red and sweaty commanders emerged from the nap room looking at the ground.

“Get rid of the bed. I must go make a sign that hopefully you will read in the future,” Cyrus stated, walking off as Mars struggled to keep up with his long strides. So she jumped on his back and made him give her a piggy-back ride.

“Dang, that was good. Once we get the stupid bed outta there, wanna do it again in my room?” Jupiter asked Saturn, who readily agreed.

“Oh yeah baby, you’re so hot!” he smiled and gave her a thumbs-up as the stupid female commander giggled stupidly.

Meanwhile, in Cyrus’ office of DEATH…

“So Cyrus baby, whatcha makin’?” Mars wondered, sitting on his desk as he attempted to write with a large Sharpie on some poster board.

“A sign stating members must check to ensure the bed is unoccupied, what did you think I was making, a hole to China?” Cyrus rolled his eyes at her stupidity and wondered why he hired such stupid, pervy people.

“Um, no, I’m not THAT stupid! Besides, I know a few holes you’d be welcome to go exploring in anytime, if you know what I mean…” she winked at him and shifted position so she was sitting on the sign with her legs dangling on either side of him and wide open.

“Unfortunately, I do not comprehend the meaning of your illogical statement,” he commented, grabbing her hip and shoving her off his desk onto the floor as he finished the sign.

“OW! I was offering to have sex with you, you idiot! Why don’t you ever spend time with me?” she whined, attempting to pick herself up off the ground.

Cyrus walked by with the sign and yanked her up and threw her over his shoulder, proceeding like her weight wasn’t even there.

So Mars strained her arms and grabbed his rear, massaging it.

Cyrus didn’t even notice.

“I believe you are the person I spend the most time with. Considering I prefer to be alone this is naturally not that much,” he bluntly stated, calling for all the grunts and scientists he encountered to follow him.

“Oooooh, spend more time with me, why don’tcha? I can make you feel soooo good…” she simpered, letting go of his butt to nibble on his ear.

“Commander, I am not in the business of feeling anything, including pleasure or goodness. I am attempting to reshape the universe for the better. Besides, you are still 17, I would get arrested and thrown in jail due to your being a minor,” he retorted as Mars sighed.

“Who’s gonna teeeeeell?! Please?! OOF!”

Cyrus practically dropped Mars onto the floor as he entered the nap room with all the members in tow.

“Today we are gathered here to witness the inauguration of a new, necessary sign into this building. In fact, this sign is probably the most important sign we have ever seen. I shall read it to you, for those who have issues seeing or understanding the written English language, which is almost all of you.

“The sign states: ‘Team Galactic Nap Room. Ensure the bed is unoccupied before getting into it!’ We are already a useless team everyone laughs at; do not make our status any more pathetic than it already is. That is all,” Cyrus finished, hanging the sign on the well where the third, middle bed used to be.

“Oh yeah, we also only have two beds now, cause, seriously, who was ever gonna use that middle one again!?” Mars added, shooing all the members out, who seemed to understand what had been said.

“Saturn, Jupiter, limit your sexual intercourse to private areas, such as either of your rooms or offices only. Other than that, feel free to continue, since I cannot see the problem with it, just do not get pregnant unless you get married. We would be even more shamed if you did that. So do not. This concludes my speech for the day,” Cyrus informed his commanders, who high-fived each other.

“That’s sexcellent, Cyrus, let’s go Saturn!” Jupiter winked at her sex buddy, who spanked her.

“Ooooh, that’s cause Cyrus IS sexcellent!” Mars cooed, grinding against her boss.

“All three of you, GET AWAY FROM ME,” Cyrus roared, loudly but still emotionlessly.

The three ran towards his office.

“Hey Jupi, let’s do it on his desk!”

“Okay honey, that sounds kinky!”

“NOOOOO, stay outta there, I’M gonna do Cyrus on his desk, you can’t do each other there!”

Why did I hire a minor who is in love with me, a perverted man in his twenties who takes covert pictures of a hot girl naked, and a stupid hot girl who lets him?

Cyrus just shook his head.

I thank ye for reading and partition ye to review! *salutes and scuttles to finish Spanish*

[MassivePanda]

GAH! I would have reviewed earlier, but this forum's been lagging.. ALOT.

Anyways, this was a super duper oneshot, especially with the parts that had Pudge.E grunt 8D Gotta love Cyrus and his emotion-less comments.

Yeah. I'm not a hardcore reviewer or anything, who'll point out every flaw you make, so that's all I have to say! I look forward to your next one-shot~

[Aaron_fan]

I know that these stories are supposed to be harmless fun, so quite frankly I don't see the point in freaking out due to lack of description or bad sentance structure or the like.

That being typed, I did quite enjoy the story, though it was a bit short.

All three of you, GET AWAY FROM ME

Has to be my favorite quote. You do a really good job at writing about Cyrus (how DO you write about someone who practically has no personality?). If you're up for suggestions, I'd like to know why the sink has the "Health and prosperity through
the partaking of favorite foods!" sign yet "Foul and unidentifiable substances are
caked around the sink..." comes up directly afterwards.

[Yeti]

/is slow. In any case, thanks for the reviews! Chapter Two is up... and once I start writing again (aka next summer ) I shall do your prompt, good sir!
As far as writing Cyrus, he's similar to Vulcans, only with no contractions and very emotionless. It's really fun to do him. Cyrus = pro writing.

In any case, here's Ch. 2, on the road to InfraRed chaps!

Now, on that thought, why, exactly, is there a TV room? Don’t they all have TVs in their rooms? Find out more mysteries of Team Galactic now…

“Cy-ruuuus… my TV broke,” Jupiter whined as she and Saturn burst into Cyrus’ office of loneliness. It would be lonely if Mars wasn’t already there pestering Cyrus about going to the mushiest movie of the year with her.

“And I should care why?” Cyrus indifferently replied, attempting to shove Mars off his lap. She had somehow snuck onto it when he wasn’t looking, and now she refused to remove her rear.

“Be-cause! There’s a huuuuge Scooby Doo marathon coming up this week, and Saturn’s TV has been broken for years. We need to watch it; it has EVERY episode ever made of every incarnation! And all the movies! But we can’t. And we wanna watch it. So you have to handle it and resolve the problem,” Jupiter explained confidently.

“And how, exactly, do you propose I fix your sad little issue? Besides, it is merely you and Saturn dissatisfied by this lack of viewing a talking dog and four teenagers drive around in a multi-colored van stoking drugs, how does this affect the rest of the team adversely? Do you not have all the episodes on DVD in any case?” Cyrus countered, finally succeeding in pushing Mars to the floor.

“Well, I’m glad you asked! See, the scientists want to analyze Scooby’s speech patterns to find out how to make Pokemon talk. And NO WAI, not all the episodes HAVE been released on DVD, so we were intending to record them. Besides, without a TV, how would we watch them on DVD? Our suggestion for solving this extreme inconvenience is to turn that spare room next to the kitchen into a TV room for all members! It’s big enough for a nice, huge plasma screen and a sweet sound system. Please Cyrus, we seriously need to watch this marathon,” Saturn put in, watching Mars stand up behind Cyrus and try to massage his shoulders.

He flexed his shoulders and knocked her over.

“Very well. I shall purchase the equipment and have it installed today, so you may watch an animated animal solve rather compelling mysteries on a high-definition screen,” Cyrus agreed, standing up to depart for Veilstone Department Store.

Mars sprung back up and blocked his way. “Hey, that’s no fair! Whenever I ask for something you always tell me no, why are you getting them what they want?!” she angrily squealed as Cyrus practically glared at her.

“Because they do not constantly pester me with foolish notions of romantic excursions or other idiotic ideas, that is why,” he retorted, pushing her out of his way.

“Oooooh, that’s because they’re not good enough to be around you as much as I am! Humph!” she plopped down on his desk to wait for his return.

Unfortunately she sat on a tack and screamed, leaping up and somehow launching herself into Cyrus’ arms from midair.

“OOOWWWWW! Cyrus, help, get it out, it huuuuuurts!” Mars whined, grabbing his arm and trying to move it to her rear.

He dropped her onto her stomach, sat on her back and examined the situation.

“You have indeed lodged a tack into your posterior. I shall remove it,” he analyzed, reaching to pull the offending object from her.

“Eeeeek!” she yelped when he yanked it out. Standing up, he reported she had suffered no permanent injuries and there was no blood.

Saturn and Jupiter, meanwhile, were laughing and filming this rather painful event.

Cyrus walked away to purchase the technology required for a TV room.

“Oooooh, I bet you guys put that tack there on purpose! I’m gonna delete that video! Get back here with that camera! GET BACK HERE NOW!” Mars yelled, running after the older, faster commanders.

“Fat chance, stupid!” Saturn taunted, waving the camera at her.

“You don’t need us to be dumb, you do it on your own!” Jupiter laughed as Mars tripped on a small ripple in the carpet and slid on her face for several yards, butt held high in the air.

The other two cackled even harder, recording this as well before darting off to the safety of Saturn’s room.

“Oooooh, I’ll have Cyrus stick tacks in THEIR rears when he gets back!” poor Mars huffed, standing up and dusting herself off. She stormed back to Cyrus’ office to await his return.

---Dooby-Dooby-Doo, Doobidy-Dooby-Dooby-Doo---

“Members of Team Galactic, I have gathered you all here for an important announcement. Many of you have been informed of the upcoming Scooby Doo marathon. In lieu of that fact, I have converted this spare room into the Team Galactic TV Room, for member use only. Knock yourselves out,” Cyrus announced to all the members.

Saturn and Jupiter cheered, along with everyone else.

Mars jumped onto Cyrus once he got off the intercom system.

“Well baby, should we let them have their entertainment and have a little of our own?” she cooed, lap dancing him.

“What are you talking about?” Cyrus looked at her like she had three heads and a tail.

“Let’s have SEX!” she cheered.

“You are a minor and a subordinate, that would be extremely inappropriate.”

“C’mon, I won’t tell anyone…”

“Get away from me.”

“Please…”

“NOW.”

“Oooooh, I’ll show you!”

She proceeded to magically remove all their clothes at once and sit on him.

Cyrus, for the first time in a couple decades, experienced an emotion.

“Are those real?!”

Tada! The end is crap, I know. Review, por favor? And thank ye for reading.

[UltimateShadic]

0.0 Uh...Wow. Cyrus experiencing emotion? That must be a first...

Anyways, nice chap.

[MassivePanda]

Yay! You finally updated! Nice work on it~ Mars getting the tack on her posterior was win.

[Yeti]

Update time! Thanks to those who reviewed... Glad ya like 'em!

Ever wonder why the commanders can speak English, but the grunts can’t? This explains it all!

“As you all know, I am looking to hire two commanders and the rest of you will be grunts. It is preferable the grunts be very multi-skilled and able to understand many different languages, so now Commander Mars and I shall be testing your lingual capabilities. Please take these foreign songs and attempt to translate them,” Cyrus announced to the roomful of trainees.

Sitting next to each other in the far back was a blue-haired male and a pink-haired female, the former asleep and the latter doodling on her notebook.

They received the easiest language, Spanish. Naturally they could’ve just looked up the English lyrics considering the song was ‘Mickey’ but they were too stupid to.

So they took their song and skipped off to Jupiter’s room to listen to it.

“Um, all I can hear is dirty words… is that right?” Saturn commented, straining to understand what the crap Toni was saying.

“I dunno, this is gay, let’s just put some crap down, I doubt those two idiots know anything except English anyways,” Jupiter rolled her eyes and huffed, texting Saturn, even though he was right next to her.

“Okay. We totally looked smarter than all those others, we’ll win for sure,” he agreed, texting her back.

“So, I got out of it she wants the Mickey guy to do her, but he won’t, so she uses her hand. What did you think she was saying?”

“She likes sex and getting off. That’s about it.”

“That works. Write it and let’s go shopping.”

Saturn wrote down a bunch of crap and they ran down to turn it in to Mars. The red-headed commander, who was younger than them, smiled at how promptly they completed the final test.

“Cyrus and I will check this over in a moment, you guys are the first ones done,” Mars told them, walking over to the desk she shared with her boss.

The sweet, innocent, underage girl sat down next to the much-older man and attempted to snuggle up next to him.

The light-blue-haired man looked at her, wondering if she was cold. “Commander is there a problem with the temperature?” he asked, scooting his chair away from her.

She fell off hers and yelled in pain. “Ooooooh, you just don’t get it, do you?!” she whined, trying to climb back up.

Cyrus picked her up and sat her back in her chair with one hand.

Jupiter and Saturn, meanwhile, were long gone, off at the Veilstone Department Store browsing around.

“We must examine their answers now. Cease your unruly behavior and focus,” Cyrus ordered as Mars frowned and nodded her head in submission.

“Let’s see what we’ve got… OH MY!” Mars shouted, reading over the first few lines Jupiter and Saturn had written down.

[The lyrics they pulled out of their rears are not appropriate for a story of any rating less than NC-17 thus they have been censored]

“Commander, what does this mean?” he asked, rather confused.

“It’s all about sex! Self-sex and how she doesn’t want to do herself but Mickey’s gay and won’t do her! It also means they know absolutely NO Spanish what so ever and are completely useless in everything but English! OMG, this is sooooo nasty, burn it!” she screamed, throwing the paper away from her.

“Very well,” he acquiesced, pulling out two sticks and rubbing them together to set the paper on fire.

“They failed sooooooo badly. They may look good, but they absolutely SUCK at foreign languages. They seemed rather good at English, which is what we want for commanders! People who look hot and can use big, bravado sentences to sound impressive. I think we found who to hire, though I doubt that Jupiter chick is very intelligent and she’ll probably be completely useless. Oh well, you’ll hire her anyways,” Mars sighed, resting her head on her hand as she pouted.

The rest of the trainees all rushed in with horrible English but completely accurate translations.

“You all can speak foreign languages?” Mars asked, looking at their lyrics.

“Como?” one asked, not understanding English.

“You all are hired as grunts. Saturn and Jupiter are the commanders, because THEY SUCK. Uds. Comprendan? Good,” Cyrus announced, dismissing everyone as they cheered, because everyone knew the commander position meant you were too stupid and worthless for anything else.

Eventually Saturn and Jupiter returned, loaded with shopping bags, and were stopped by Cyrus and Mars.

“Congratulations guys, you two were the suckiest on the final test and are the new commanders with ME! Yay! I hope your English is a heck of a lot better than your Spanish is, or you two will be used as meat instead,” Mars announced as Cyrus played Sudoku on a handheld device.

“Oh yeah, we’re great at English, we just think foreign languages are gay. See, I told you we’re better than those dumb grunts, didn’t I?” Jupiter turned to Saturn and poked him.

“Be at the meeting room tomorrow for your first assignment and to learn all the full requirements of the job,” Cyrus instructed as he and Mars walked off together.

“Yesh! We get to make lotsa money and be high-ranked villains, alright!” Saturn exclaimed, high-fiving Jupiter. The two cheered and ran off to her room to put their stuff down before charging through the hallways laughing at the newly-hired grunts.

“I wonder if they know being a commander means they’re so worthless and stupid they’re not capable of doing simple tasks,” one of the grunts whispered to a couple others, and soon they all were laughing at their idiotic new commanders.

Review please!

[MassivePanda]

Very awesome and funny xD

The sweet, innocent, underage girl sat down next to the much-older man and attempted to snuggle up next to him.

The light-blue-haired man looked at her, wondering if she was cold. “Commander is there a problem with the temperature?” he asked, scooting his chair away from her.

This part is too great for words. You make Cyrus perfect!

[Yeti]

Thank ye for the review! w00t cyrus .

Not an overly comedic one this time... but still good.

How did Mars join Team Galactic if she’s so young? Well, let’s just say if you could agree to join Team Rocket on Nugget Bridge, I soooooo would.

Once upon a bright and sunny day there was a new trainer standing outside the ominous Mt. Coronet, ready and waiting to go inside to further her adventures in the Sinnoh region.

After being shipped away from her home in Kanto to this strange, cold region, the young red-head had found Professor Rowan and received her starting Pokemon from him, a Shinx. He was out of all the normal starters and as she had no place to stay until he got more, he let her go with the little electric-type.

This lonely girl and her optimistic, energetic Pokemon set off for Oreburgh City to win her first badge, catching a rather grumpy Glameow along the way.

Narrowly defeating the very young and inexperienced leader Roark, they headed off to Jubilife City, catching a spare Bidoof along the way to trade for a good Starly on the GTS, a new, revolutionary means of Pokemon trading, still in its very early stages and regarded as a prototype.

Scanning the system for a Starly of quality, she amazingly stumbled across a female, shiny Starly that wanted a Bidoof and immediately made the trade.

There had never been such cries of joy and excitement heard in that building, and there haven’t been any since. The abandoned, unloved daughter of Team Rocket’s boss had finally been set free of her abusive household, received her first Pokemon, caught two, and made a trade with someone else for a SHINY, not to mention she got a gym badge.

The youngling happily skipped off to Floaroma Town and up to Eterna City through the forest, gladly fighting all the trainers who challenged the red-eyed girl.

She defeated Gardenia with relative ease with the help of her powerful Starly, who evolved into Staravia. Shinx had already evolved into Luxio in the first gym battle.

Up in the corner of the city, however, was a dark building under secret construction, looming over the town with a malevolent aura.

Visiting the Bike Store, the owner delighted in seeing her cute little Pokemon and gifted the trainer, walking around in worn tennis shoes that barely fit anymore, a nice red bike to ride around on.

Hopping on it and speeding down the cycling road, the beginner found the large mountain previously mentioned and stared at its opening, preparing to go in.

She called her Luxio out to light the way, slowly pedaling along.

Until she met a tall, young, depressed man with light-blue hair and eyes staring off into the distance.

She was immediately taken by this handsome figure, despite the agony that tormented his face. He was obviously at least ten years older than her and she felt it was wrong to be attracted to him, but she couldn’t help it.

“Hello young lady, that’s a nice Luxio you have there. I assume you’re traveling from town to town, collecting gym badges?” he asked in a cool, confident voice that was devoid of emotion.

“Yes sir, I am. My name’s Gabriella, but everyone calls me Mars. If you don’t mind my asking, what are you doing?” she sweetly replied, smiling innocently at him.

“I’m going to Eterna City to check the progress of one of my buildings there. I’m the head of an organization dedicated to reshaping the world into a better place for everyone to live. Unfortunately, most people find me to be crazy, and my methods faulted, my dream useless. You have a nice name, child, it seems familiar from somewhere. You may address me as Cyrus,” the older, emotionless human explained, turning from the wall to the sweet young thing in worn red and grey sneakers, a red plaid schoolgirl skirt and a grey polo.

“Oh wow, that sounds like such a great goal! I wish my mom was like that, instead of as selfish as she is. Everyone calls HER Madame Boss, she’s the head of Team Rocket back in Kanto, where I’m from. My step-dad doesn’t like me and sent me here, far away from them and his son, my older half-brother. It’s lonely, though, with just my three Pokemon as company,” Mars sighed, looking very sad.

“I knew you looked familiar. You may have heard of my company, Team Galactic. I have never before met a person of your age who can see the greatness we could provide to the world, the universe, even. Truly, you are unique, and your family is foolish to treat you so carelessly,” Cyrus reached out to stroke her face before jerking his hand back as it trailed along her chin.

She turned rather pink as he clasped his hands behind his back.

“Yeah, I remember Mommy mentioning you guys sometimes… I’d, um, kinda like to join you, you know, like, get hired… you sound so noble,” she admitted, slightly blinded by her infatuation for her own mother’s rival in regional teams.

“That would be… acceptable. Come, I shall examine Eterna City operations later; let us return to my main headquarters in Veilstone City now. There is a gym there as well…” he drifted off, leading the young, love struck girl out of the cave and off to her new home.

-…-_-…-_-…-

“So Cyrus, you finally found yourself a nice little loli, eh?” one of the two commanders laughed as Cyrus brought Mars out, dressed in her uniform and smiling, to present to the team.

“She is NOT a love slave, let me assure you. This, team, is your new commander, Mars. I expect you to treat her with the utmost respect even though she is young. If I find anyone is mistreating her, you shall be SEVERELY punished,” Cyrus announced to his growing organization as they all clapped for her inauguration.

“You’re right; she’s not a love slave. She’s your willing 10 year old toy. Cyrus, you’re 20, what is wrong with you?” the other commander yelled at him.

The two current commanders were a male and female, both black-haired and blue-eyed, and not the nicest people you’d ever want to meet. If they were originally given names, nobody remembered them, as they always demanded to be called ‘Commander, sir/ma’am’ instead.

“Both of you, get out of here. There is nothing wrong with me, but you two obviously have major malfunctions. I apologize for their rude behavior, Mars, do not take it personally.”

That was the start of Mars’ puppy-love crush growing even deeper until she completely adored her boss. He had taken her under his wing, sheltering her from the constant insults of her fellow commanders until they were captured by the police and replaced by Saturn and Jupiter.

She was always so grateful to Cyrus for taking her out of a life of loneliness and misery and being her friend. Her devotion to him was greater than that of any of the other members, and everyone knew she was his favorite employee, even if he denied having preferential feelings.

Read and review, please!

[BlitzBlast]

Okay........I'm guessing Silver is Mars' brother or something.
Interesting............

[MassivePanda]

Fufufu very nice... I must now draw a young Mars in a plaid schoolgirl skirt and grey polo shirt.

Yes sir, I am. My name’s Gabriella, but everyone calls me Mars.

WOW. You totally stole my real life name xD I'm glad I'm related to Mars in some sort of way.. 8D

[JB239874]

Wow. This is one the first R rated fanfic I've ever read. It's good though.

What happened at end of one chapter, where Cyrus experienced his first emotion in a decade? I wanna know... (sad face)

[Yeti]

InfraRedInfraRedInfraRed. :3
Sorry for the lack of updates... I get distracted Dx. *smacks Nny for using all her time*

@BliztBlast, nonono, Mars is Giovanni's brother. :3
@MP LOLYES DO SO PLIX. 8D Also, you have a nice name. ^o^
@JB239874 Why thank you! Also, his emotio- oh shoot did I change that?! Ah no, it was... shock? I think. :3 SEQUEL PERHAPS?!

Ahh, short new prompt, but... INFRARED 8D

So… why, exactly, do you fight MARS three times, and not anyone else? What makes you so special she keeps coming back for more? Let’s see, hm?

One bright and sunny day, Mars ran into the headquarters in Veilstone City yelling happily for no reason at all. She had just been defeated by a ten-year-old girl at the Valley Windworks!

Saturn and Jupiter came out of their hole of love to see what the crap she was so excited about.

Mars jumped onto the couch in the commanders’ lounge and hugged a pillow, sighing happily.

The other two slowly meandered in, sitting down at the computer and acting disinterested.

“So, what’s got you so worked up?” Saturn casually asked, still not paying her much attention.

“I’m in LOVE!” she squealed, leaping about.

“What’s new?” Saturn retorted, snorting.

“It’s not Cyrus,” she winked.

That got their attention, and, in shock, they wheeled around to stare at her, mouths wide open.

“Who the heck is it that took your love away from him?!” Jupiter spat out, horrified.

“Well, for starters, it’s a girl…” Mars began but was cut off.

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!” her fellow commanders screamed in utter mortification.

“I think I’m gonna be sick…” Saturn muttered, turning a rather unattractive shade of green.

“That makes her bi, oooooh gosh…” Jupiter was eerily pale.

“What’s wrong with that?! I’ve had a change of heart is all,” Mars indignantly retorted, folding her arms.

“Tell us more about… her,” the venom in Saturn’s voice was evident; he was obviously not pleased with his best friend moving on from her boss.

“Well, she’s got blue hair, blue eyes…” Mars paused as the other two nodded their heads, “and she’s ten.”

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT TT?!” they screamed, spitting out the water they had just sipped.

“TEN?! MARS WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU? TEN YEARS?! THAT IS SICK AND WRONG!” Saturn screeched at her, completely appalled at her new love interest.

“Yes, she is ten years old! There’s nothing wrong with that, love has no bounds. Besides, we’re only seven years apart, Cyrus and I are ten. I don’t get why you two are so disturbed, you should be happy for me!” she scolded, clucking her tongue.

“But Cyrus is a guy! Even if he is your older boss it’s still not as sick as a ten year old girl, you monster! How could you fall for someone who beat you and ruined your mission!? You’re seriously messed, I’m going to call the only doctor there is on any villainous team and get you some help,” Jupiter retorted angrily, reaching for the phone when Cyrus walked in.

“I detected shouts of immense horror and decided to investigate. What is the situation?” Cyrus announced, scanning the room for signs of an attack or other harmful events.

“Oh right, I totally should tell you. Cyrus, I’ve moved on. I’m now in love with a ten year old girl named Dawn,” Mars proudly stated.

Cyrus’ reaction was probably the most completely and utterly terrified of all.

“HOW COULD YOUUUUUUUU?! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED MEEEEEE! WHHHHHHYYYYYYYY?!” he wailed, completely breaking down and sobbing.

“Sorry Cyrus, I just got tired of waiting for you to come around and decide you wanted me back, and once I met her, wow, I was completely blown away, it was so much fun being beaten by her!” Mars’ eyes became hearts as she squeed about her new love.

Cyrus ran away crying, saddened he had lost the only girl who was alive and loved him to a loli.

“You are sick,” Jupiter plainly said, and it was fact.

“If we ever see that kid we’ll beat her to a pulp for this,” Saturn added and the two walked away, discussing how best to torture Mars’ little girlfriend.

“Ooooooh, they just don’t get it! Dawn’s such a special little princess, I can’t wait to meet her again and battle her over and over!” Mars sighed, getting on the computer and doodling her and Dawn’s names in hearts on Paint.

Thank ye for readin' and please review! And Merry Christmas everyone! ^o^

[MassivePanda]

Oh mai gawd. That was just hilarious! xD Jupiter, Saturn and Cyrus's reactions were the best! I'm glad you finally made an Infrared chapter.

Please make more~

[Yeti]

fdksllskaaaa; taken me forever to update Dx but thanks for the review!

here's a new one-shot... but it might be pushing NC-17, while most stories should be R, so, be warned Dx SEX SCENE AHOY! CYRUS/MARS LEMON LOLZ

Mars decides to sneak into Cyrus’ room one night after she drugged his nightly hot chocolate with sleeping pills…

“You are sure my beverage has been prepared to the stringent qualifications, Commander?” Cyrus sniffed his hot chocolate warily, while Mars sweatdropped and soothingly assured him everything was normal.

I really, really hope he doesn’t realize what I put in it before drinking it… She fretted, wondering what he would do if he knew she’d dissolved sleeping pills into his drink.

“Very well,” he cautiously sipped his drink while Mars paced about, trying not to look, nervous, looking at the maps and charts he had on his wall.

“Are you done?” she heard him set the cup down and turned around, with her hair down and out of its usual style so it swished around her head.

“Yes, thank you. Goodnight Commander, do not stay out too late sleeping around tonight,” her weary boss ordered, pulling the covers over himself and settling down into bed.

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t,” she winked as she walked out.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

An hour or so later, Mars pulled out her skeleton key and quietly inserted it into Cyrus’ door. Silently she opened and closed it, relocking the door.

She crept over to his bed, poised over him, looking down at his sleeping form.

Taking all her clothes off, she smiled down at him, pulling back the covers and gently pulling his pajamas down.

Licking her lips in anticipation, she crawled onto her boss’ bed and on top of him. Cocking her head and eying his rather large cock, she resembled a snake ready to swallow unsuspecting eggs.

“You may never know about this, but I’ll certainly enjoy it,” she smirked, taking all of it into her mouth.

Mars tenderly licked the base of the one thing she wanted most as Cyrus kept on sleeping. He’ll kill me if he wakes up but this is so worth it... She moaned softly into the darkness, sucking on the end of his hardening dick.

Cyrus shifted slightly and Mars froze, terrified of what would happen. He didn’t wake up, and settled down as she sighed in relief.

After moving her mouth up and down his boner, she began fondling his balls. Despite the fact he was doing nothing to her, the fact she was deep throating him was enough to turn her on.

Ugh no I promised myself I wouldn’t sit on it… but… I can’t help it… she pitiably thought to herself, sucking harder.

He came into her mouth and she squealed in ecstasy. That concluded her decision to ride him, unconscious as he remained.

Sitting up, she spread her legs to straddle him. He was still hard, and she lifted herself up, slowly easing herself onto his big dick. “Oooooooooh,” she moaned aloud, but luckily he didn’t hear her. Moving up and down on his cock, Mars screamed into the night cries of pleasure as he filled her.

She laid down on top of him and rubbed herself frantically against his bare skin, enjoying the feel of his cock slamming into her.

“Uuuuuuuh, ooooooooh, OOOOOOOH, mmmmmmm,” her shrieks echoed through the silent building, everyone but Mars tucked into bed and asleep. Through years of experience with sex, she could tell he was close to cumming again. So was she. Mars just hoped it wouldn’t wake him up.

She cried out erotically as she bounced harder on him until they both came. Sitting there satisfied for a moment, she smiled at her older, emotionless boss…

Who looked right back into her eyes.

“……………………..uh…” she stuttered, thinking of a good way to explain how they both ended up naked with him inside her.

Cyrus almost seemed to frown slightly, but even in the dark night Mars could see his mouth never moved. “I believe this is considered rape, Commander,” he quite emotionlessly stated, looking straight into her glazed red eyes with his own blank, sleepy light blue ones.

“Well, uh, um, erm, don’t tell anyone okay? I’m sorry I don’t know what came over me… I just…” she stammered, attempting to stand up. Cyrus held her down. “…love me?” he guessed, finishing her statement.

“Yeah, that’s it. Are you angry?” Mars pouted, still sitting on his cock.

“Only that you didn’t wake me up…”

If anyone had been awake at this late hour, they’d have heard two sets of moans and shrieks.

Thanks for reading! Sorry for never updating, I didn't like any of the finished oneshots and I just wrote this one Reviews are welcome! ^_~

[Tabby Catty]

Awesome!!! That is so awesome! A little different from my fics that I wrote. I would've put them up, but my computer kind of crashed. Seriously, I like it!

Despite it being a little one sided since how I do it is that first Cyrus is faced with difficulty when his organization starts to fall apart so then Mars tries to encourage him and he slowly starts to come out of his shell and yeah, he starts to become like Sai from Naruto since he kind of doesn't understand this whole love thing, but yeah...

Good Work!

[Nny]

Ahhhhh the last one was hilarious.

[Witchan]

Your fics are awesome, especially the 5th and the last part of the story. Both of them are the funniest ones. XD

[Yeti]

Aha thanks for the reviews guys! =)
This next chapter is out of order from when it was written but it's just so quality I couldn't wait...

Presenting "Long-Forgotten Fairytale" based off the song of the same name by The Magnetic Fields. Enjoy~

Cipher’s Youth-Ray has turned Team Rocket into children, so Mars decides to tell them a fairytale she makes up… How well can this end?

Mars needed something to distract a bunch of super-villains turned young. Cipher’s stupid Youth-Ray had turned the best of the best into 8 year olds teetering around making a mess of everything. Saturn and Jupiter were probably off shagging in some closet and Cyrus was no help. He just sat around thinking of new mottos for us.

Think girl, you’re creative, you can entertain them somehow… right?

Suddenly the lyrics from one of the team’s favorite but rarely sung songs began playing in her head…

“Someone told me you’d be here
Whispering these familiar things
Talking to my little pet, smoking the same old cigarettes
…I would have laughed”

What was the title of that song again?

“I saw you last in summertime
You said you hated long goodby-y-yes
You said, “There’s nothing to explain, in every life a little rain”
…etcetera”

It was on the tip of her tongue…

“And a long-forgotten fairytale is in your eyes again
And I’m caught inside a dream world where the colors are too intense
…and nothing is making sense

There’s a floating town of eiderdown in a mist of mystery
There’s an old enchanted castle and the princess there is me
…decked-out like a Christmas tree”

“That’s it! I’ll tell them a fairytale! Children, gather round, Auntie Mars has a story for you,” she smiled triumphantly, motioning for the young agents to sit in front of her.

Steel blue hair and eyes glistened as Hun scowled, “This better not be one we’ve heard before.” Attila told her to shut up and not interrupt grownups. She attempted to hit him but her aim was off considering her arms had shrunk a great deal. “Behave yourselves you obnoxious infidels!” Sundance, already part of the youngest duo of agents, scolded, her gray eyes filled with their usual dominance. Her maroon hair was long and flowing compared to its normal shoulder-length. Billy, her partner, giggled as the lower agents settled down. His yellow eyes and spring green hair were brighter than normal and his freckles were much more pronounced.

Ringo’s long, curly melon hair and sea green eyes had a more youthful appearance. She snuggled next to her partner and sex buddy, Johnny, whose light emerald hair had yet to gain its aqua highlights and his coral eyes seemed bigger on his small, delicate face. Doc and Holliday sat behind the others, fiddling around with medical toys. They were the team doctor and nurse. Doc’s indigo hair was shaggy and longer than he wore it as an adult, and his green eyes shown in awe at the thrill of a story. Holliday’s hair was much blonder, lacking the near 50/50 ratio of lime green and blonde it did with maturity. Her azure eyes carefully monitored a series of test tubes filled with water and sugar.

Saturn and Jupiter strolled in at that moment, having heard the storytime call and come running. They acted like kids all the time, whether they were in child-bodies or not. Cyrus ever-so-slightly turned his head to look at his favorite commander as she sat down and silenced the kids. Their childhood would wear off in a few hours and they’d all be back to their normal ages… or so the Galactic agents hoped.

It had better be for the redhead’s sanity.

“I guess you’ve had your little joke
But I have lost my sense of hu-u-mor
My medication’s wearing off, for it’s just not strong enough
…to cover this.

Then you kissed me like before
I found myself wanting more
And you tell that little lie that kept me hypnotized
…another kiss”

“Well kids, once upon a time there was a very unfortunate prince. His name was Prince Satius and he was twenty years old. He lived in a world with NO Pokemon, just normal animals! He had blue hair and blue eyes and he was very handsome. Not that I overly think he is but a certain someone else does…” she trailed off, noting the angry glare Jupiter gave her.

“And a long-forgotten fairytale is in your eyes again
And I’m caught inside a dream world where the colors are too intense
…and nothing is making sense

There’s a floating town of eiderdown in a mist of mystery
There’s an old enchanted castle and the princess there is me
…decked-out like a Christmas tree”

“When Prince Satius was young, he had been kidnapped by an evil, wart-infested, nasty squid of a hag named Plutina. She really should’ve been a man but most people associate witches with vaginas so she had a sex change for the purpose of this fairytale. The facial hair stayed though…”

“If somebody told me I’d succumb
If someone said I’d be so dumb
After all the sleepless nights, when I turned on all the lights
…I would have hit them

But I have turned the other cheek
My voice trembles, my knees are weak

And you beat me once again
And I know what happens then
…you raise the ante”

“In any case, Plutina was a very powerful witch. She kidnapped poor Satius and locked him in a lovely enchanted castle. It was cursed so that if he tried to get out an invisible barrier would simply reflect him back in. The only way he could get out was if his one true love carried him out. Plutina also said if she didn’t come before his twenty-first birthday he would have to marry her. Now his birthday was drawing close, and poor Satius was very concerned…”

“And a long-forgotten fairytale is in your eyes again
And I’m caught inside a dream world where the colors are too intense
…and nothing is making sense.”

…He sighed. “Another day, another lonely, deserted forest with no maidens for miles around, another year closer to being forced into marrying Plutina. My life sucks.”

The old hag was walking up to the lavish castle’s door to drop off his food for the day. Unlike most damsels in distress, A. he wasn’t a damsel, and B. he was in an actual castle not just a tower. It was just like his failure of a life to be kidnapped by a horny old harlot instead of off saving a beautiful, innocent princess from the vile claws of a dragon. Then her family would be ever-so-grateful and thank him by giving him their dear daughter’s hand.

“OH DADDY!” he cried out in anguish, flinging a hand to his head in woe. His poor father’s heart was probably so tormented by his only child missing. Not to mention his stone wife…

Plutina blew him a kiss as she departed. He vomited over the edge of the turret he was in from his windowsill vista right onto her head. A string of obscenities cursed his name, then reminded him of how only a couple months remained between their union. More chunks blew.

“Why won’t some pathetic sap of a princess come along and rescue me?” he whined to himself. Someone had to pity his pathetic case, after all…

Meanwhile, in a not-entirely-far-away-kingdom, Princess Juniper was just sort of sitting around. Her twenty-first birthday was looming and her reluctant parents had agreed, after much pressuring from neighboring kingdoms, she needed to be married by then. Everyone assumed she had a centipede-infested vagina considering she was pushing 21 and was unmarried and childless.

There was no infestation she just didn’t want to marry any of the failprinces. Her loving parents Queen Marzipan and King Sirius hadn’t wanted to force her into a marriage but they didn’t want their daughter dying before she provided them a descendent. She was their only child, after all.

“Juniper, love, have you given any thought to Prince Llewellyn’s proposal? He’s the only suitor left who hasn’t married a younger princess yet,” Marzipan broached the unpleasant subject with her daughter. “No I haven’t and I don’t need to. He’s a spud-stuffed squid and I wouldn’t let him near me for all the kingdoms in the world,” the magenta-haired princess haughtily raged, folding her arms crossly.

Her mother sighed, “He’s the only prince left who wants to be near you, dear. This is getting ridiculous. You’re doing nothing with your life…” “Well maybe you two oldsters should give me something to do then! I hate sitting in this fancy castle all day waiting for a half-decent prince to come waltzing through even though he won’t. Send me off to some distant land like knights and princes so I can DO something!”

The king had entered the room for the latter part of her rant. “Very well, offspring, if you wish a task I will send you to rescue Prince Satius. As you know he has been locked up by that horrendous hag for a long time. No princess wants to free a man so wimpy he let an old grandma abduct him, however, since you seem eager to be productive, go free him,” he immediately spouted off, and Juniper smiled.

“Cool beans.” “I’m not sure where you pick up these strange phrases from, but it’s really not helping you find a man,” the redheaded queen pouted, shaking her head. Juniper shrugged, not really sure herself. It was probably some strange combination of words made by her mind that wasn’t quite as smart as her mother’s…

“Hey you jerk I never say cool beans! And I’m so smarter than you,” Jupiter angrily yelled, interrupting the story. “Pfft no you aren’t. And who ever said you were Juniper?” Mars rolled her eyes. Everyone in the room looked at her. “Okay, okay, so it was obvious. I’m not good with names, alright? Now, as I was saying…”

“I guess you’ve had your little joke
But I have lost my sense of hu-u-mor
My medication’s wearing off, for it’s just not strong enough
…to cover this.”

…Sirius almost sighed, but that would have been indicative of emotions. “Depart whenever you wish and return him to his kingdom. His father and I played on the same team in ‘One-Room Education Building’ time. And Plutina is a queer,” he explained, taking his fancy gold crown with rubies and light blue sapphires off and shining it on his fire-engine red and bright blue robe. Marzipan dusted off her red and gold dress before standing up and following him out of Juniper’s room. Her mother’s gorgeous golden crown glistened in the setting sun’s light, casting a luminous glow on Sirius’ strong, masculine, attractive back, reminding the queen of why she’d married him…

“Will you shut up and get back to the story instead of rambling your boss-fantasies?” Saturn whined, which was really what he did most of the time. “You lot are so inconsiderate to the fine details!” the redhead huffed, placing her hands on her hips to glare at her fellow commanders. “So Juniper was left alone…”

“Then you kissed me like before
I found myself wanting more
And you tell that little lie that kept me hypnotized
…another kiss”

…In her lavish room. Her magenta dress, lined with silver threads and puffy silver trimming, swished as she stood up, swaggering over to her silver-rimmed mirror. Staring at her large, pouty lip, she wished there weren’t quite so many failprinces alone. It’d be nice to settle down and get away from her parents. One could only stand those two for so long.

Straightening her elegant silver tiara, bejeweled with pink sapphires and yellow diamonds, she moved off to pack a small bag of supplies for her quest. She’d set out in the morning… also known as 11:30 since waking up before then was simply a ridiculous notion. Getting up early was for old squids like her parents who actually did their duties…

“Mars…” Jupiter growled. “Fine, fine…”

“I saw you last in summertime
You said you hated long goodby-y-yes
You said, “There’s nothing to explain, in every life a little rain”
…etcetera”

…Turning to glance out her large window in the direction her father had motioned the castle was in, she groaned, hoping this wasn’t an even stupider idea than sitting around waiting for a decent prince to suddenly appear the spud out of nowhere. And if this one turned out to be a bust, she could always get him out of the castle and stay there herself…

“Get on with the action already,” Hun demanded, never really being able to sit through anything not filled with violence, killing and harsh language. “Be patient you gore-loving mongrel!” Doc retorted, turning back to Mars and motioning for her to continue. “So as I was saying…”

“There’s a floating town of eiderdown in a mist of mystery
There’s an old enchanted castle and the princess there is me
…decked-out like a Christmas tree”

…Looking down at himself, he wondered how even the ugliest maiden could resist the notion to come rescue him. Sure, he looked like the Spirit of Christmas Present all year round in the crimson red and emerald green outfits Plutina provided him with, trimmed in gold and silver tinsel and lining, but they did fit quite tightly, making his slender body evident.

“And not a single soul has come this way in all the years I’ve been here! Has someone painted a portrait of me on the “Missing Persons” fliers that looks absolutely horrendous? Surely someone wants some of this!” he ranted, pulling his tunic tighter.

“I do,” a raspy voice hissed. “Someone not old enough to remember Moses,” he faked a smile down at the ugly hag staring lustily up at him. “My age won’t be able to keep us apart in just another few months, dearest,” she grinned, crooked, fang-like, yellow, decayed, rotting teeth exposed. He attempted to resist the urge to hurl more chunks on her this time. “Plutina, I’ll find some way to kill myself before I subject my royal genetics to your flesh-eating baby-tomb,” he shouted down, sticking his tongue out at her.

“I’m sure you will,” she greedily smirked, depositing the food inside the door and scuttling away from the castle.

His lower lip jutted out and began quivering, knowing part of the curse was he couldn’t die until he was wed. “OH WOE IS ME! OH WOE IS MY POOR MINERALIZED MOTHER! OH WOE IS MY POOR HEARTBROKEN FATHER!” he shouted woefully to nobody in particular. Not like anyone had been around to hear him in the past almost-decade, not like anyone would be.

“Oh woe is you for sure,” a decidedly feminine, sweet voice replied. “Yes woe is me, figment of my imagination. Look at how pathetic my mental state’s become, now I’m imagining someone’s talking to me, oh hello there how are you, just fine, are you, spectacular, of course you’re just fine, you’re not me, simply something my troubled mind’s come up with to get itself off the ugly subject of Plutina…” he rambled on and on.

“No I’m not just fine. Are you Prince Satius?” the voice yelled angrily. “Why yes I am, Figment of Prince Satius’ mind. And what do they call you, aside from Figment of My Mind?” he giggled back, thinking perhaps he’d finally lost his sanity.

A figure standing on the ground rolled her magenta eyes.

“Princess Juniper. And I’m not a figment of your obviously-troubled mind. Look down why don’t you?” she bellowed, upset this ignorant prince she was trying to rescue didn’t even recognize her existence. Why, the nerve of him! Honestly, were all princesses this obnoxious?

“Oh… OH! OH MY WALRUS A PRINCESS! SOMEONE WITH A YOUNG, UNWRINKLED BODY! HELLO THERE! OPEN THE DOOR WHY DON’T YOU I’LL MEET YOU THERE IN A SECOND!” he cried, and for a moment she wondered if the bluenette was having an orgasm.

Shrugging, she went to open the door and was surprised to find it unlocked. The fancily-dressed prince came running down a stairwell of the large castle, arms flailing behind him, looking ready to hug her. When he got close enough to get a good look at her though, he stopped short.

She was glad he did.

“So what’s wrong with your arms? The door wasn’t locked, you know…” she scowled, looking at this full-of-himself young man standing before her glaring back. “Ahem, I’ll have you know part of my curse was only a female can carry me out of this castle. Once that’s done I can come and go as I please,” he haughtily informed her, quite shocked she hadn’t been informed of this detail.

“You couldn’t carry yourself?” she smirked. “And what, pray tell, is that supposed to mean?” Satius glowered, knowing it was some insult to his manhood. “You got yourself kidnapped by an old hag… don’t you think the reason nobody else has come is because no princess wants a sissy like that?”

“For your information she’s the most powerful witch in this whole land! I was about to fling myself out a window, catch a vine, and swing to safety when she hit me with a deep-sleep spell. When I woke up I was in that tower up there wishing I wasn’t. And perhaps nobody was skilled enough to get past the obviously difficult traps Plutina has set up,” he defended himself, enraged this low-class hussy posing as a princess was insulting him like this. She’d probably killed a real princess and stolen her clothes.

“There were no traps, Prince Psycho. If you’re still here, then nobody’s come. No poor sap’s been desperate enough to need to…” suddenly she stopped, realizing she was putting herself down. “Oh really? Then why are you here?” he grinned, watching her squirm nervously. “Um, my parents thought I should help you out before I get married… my dad’s a friend of yours or something…” she half-lied… she wasn’t exactly getting married soon and she’d wanted to come.

Looking at this blue-eyed spoiled brat in the most luxurious clothes and castle ever, she sort of regretted wasting her life.

He looked puzzled for a moment, then brightened back up, “Oh, your old husband died and you’re remarrying? Did you have any children with him to pass on his name?” Her mouth fell open.

“No, you idiot, I’ve never been married. Frankly I don’t want to be either but I have to,” she grunted, not sure if it was more embarrassing to have never been married or to tell this stuck-up snot she had no intention of it. “Goodness me you poor thing! Your parents must be worried sick you’ll never produce them a grandchild. Not to say you look overly old or anything, but don’t princesses usually marry at around 13?” he looked horrified.

“Yes, they do, except me. No good princes around. I’m sure you can sympathize with that, Mr. Lonely,” she had the upper hand again. “Are you quite sure it isn’t that nobody wanted to marry you as opposed to your own reluctance to wed?” he questioned, looking innocent enough for the question to be harmlessly blunt.

She glared. “Yes I’m quite sure there’s no decent princes back home and CERTAINLY none in the castle. If we’re quite finished here, I’m leaving,” she huffed, turning around to storm back out. Realizing his only chance of freedom was about to take off on a chestnut horse and ride away, he cried out for her to stop, snagging her arm as she reached for the door’s handles.

“Stop, please, wait! If you’ll simply carry me out through that door then the spell will be broken, I’ll return to my own kingdom, greet my poor, weary, heartbroken father, you’ll go back to yours and marry some prince, and we’ll never see each other again. Even you can’t have it in you to condemn me to marrying an ancient, repulsive old hag like Plutina and leaving my poor, innocent, fragile mother a stone statue forever, can you?” he pitiably whined, looking quite close to tears. That were obviously feigned.

Rolling her eyes, she scooped him up. He was remarkably light. “If you’re really going to have a cry over it, I suppose I’ll release you and be on my way,” she acquiesced, tossing the door open and stepping beyond the invisible shield that had trapped him for so long. For once it didn’t reflect him back into the castle and he shouted in joy.

He attempted to stand but realized she hadn’t put him down yet. Turning to pester her into dropping him so he could be on his merry way and leave her stuck-up mug behind him, he noticed a strange look of horror on her face. Tilting his head to the other side, a fancily-dressed prince with an army of knights stood eying the pair.

“Who’s that guy? I’ve never seen anyone, male or female, anywhere near this castle…” he whispered, attempting to rouse her from her trance-like stare. “Prince Llewellyn… the failprince who wants to marry me. How cannon-proof is this castle, exactly?” she worriedly asked. “Oh if I tell it to raise its defenses it’s completely impenetrable. Part of the spell, you do understand. Though I can’t say I’m one for going back in there…” he was explaining when the other male cut him off.

“I am Prince Llewellyn Von Slitcshzel, the rightful groom of this rather unruly princess. Who might you be, attempting to steal my claim?” he said in a nasally, irritating voice. Tempting as the option to tell this loser the princess was all his was, she had gotten him out of the castle, and he owed her something…

So he hopped out of her arms and stood up straight, looking into the glare of several dozen well-equipped knights’ swords. “I am Prince Satius, heir of the most beautiful kingdom in all this land, and I do not believe you have any claim on this maiden. I certainly don’t want one, but it is my expert opinion on the subject she objects to any union between the two of you. As such, I simply must demand you vacate the premises of my enchanted castle at once. Trespassing is cause for starting a war, you know,” he proudly announced, trying to hide how much those swords concerned him.

Juniper smiled at him briefly in thanks for defending her. “I’m not moving from this spot until she walks into my arms,” Llewellyn boastfully announced. “Have fun rotting there, then,” the female winked, grabbing the blue-haired prince and locking the castle’s door behind them. The furious mustard-haired male began shouting outside and ordering his troops to attack.

“Enchanted castle that’s caused me much hassle, shield yourself from all harm, else be invaded by these wretched varm,” he chanted, and a shimmering hemisphere took up residence around the castle, bouncing back all the knights.

“Well that’s handy,” Juniper remarked, smiling happily as her suitor screamed obscenities at the barrier. “Isn’t it? Now we can pass through it, but they can’t,” Satius cheerfully grinned at the shield. “How do we get out? It’s not exactly like we can waltz out the front door and they have my horse,” she frowned, folding her arms. “I know a back window, and don’t worry, my unicorn’s waiting in the pasture behind the castle…”

“Unicorn? What’s a unicorn, Mars?” Ringo curiously asked, melon hair bouncing. “It’s like a Rapidash, only with hair like yours and mine instead of fire. So, Satius knew a way out…”

“Someone told me you’d be here
Whispering these familiar things
Talking to my little pet, smoking the same old cigarettes
…I would have laughed”

…During the night, Satius and Juniper crept out a shuttered window in the back of the castle, dropping silently to the grass and sprinting to his unicorn. “Glory my boy, we need to get out of here and fast. My poor, unfortunate daddy must be worried sick about me,” Satius whined mournfully, hopping onto the white unicorn with purple and sky blue hair. Juniper remained on the ground, looking up the incredibly tall, slender equine.

“Uh, are you going to help me up? It’s a little hard to jump in a dress,” she huffed, reluctantly extending a hand for him to grasp. He sniffed and took it, yanking her up. “I’d think you’d be a little more delicate when assisting a princess,” she pouted. “Oops, I thought you were a prince,” he batted his eyelashes innocently.

“I’m sorry I ever took you out of that stupid castle. In fact I’m sorry I ever went looking for you in the first place. Now I’m stuck on a UNICORN of all things with you going off to your kingdom instead of mine. It’s like I’m the damsel in distress now instead of your pansy rear.”

He opened his mouth to insult her back, but something in him was too hurt to think of anything to say back. So he closed it, faced forward and rode on. She diverted her eyes to the ground, wondering if she’d gone too far.

A while later, they’d entered a river port town. “What town is this?” Juniper asked, looking around at the busy merchant streets. “River Isle. This seems like a safe place to stop for something to eat. And my legs are killing me, I haven’t ridden in ages since that stupid old witch took me away from POOR OLD DADDY!” Satius agonized, holding a hand to his head in self-woe. “Your dad will be fine, we’ll be back to your kingdom soon enough,” she assured him, stroking his arm comfortingly.

“Are you sure it’s safe to touch me? Someone could see us and start rumors, and you know how royal scandals go down!” he pointed out, rather pained at discouraging this contact. Wait what was he talking about? She was a jerk!

“This is true. But I’d rather be seen with you than Lloserllyn. Speaking of him… there he is,” she muttered, pointing behind them. “Squad Allah, we’re off!” Satius yanked her back on to Glory, who neighed and took off galloping.

She looked at him. “What?” He looked back. “If this fairytale wasn’t meant to be drama-filled and a lolfest we’d make out now.” “We would if you weren’t such a pansy.” “Or if you weren’t such a jerk.”

Glory whinnied loudly, stopping their arguing. “Yes, Glory, you want us to shut up. The nearest town should be coming up in an hour. Then we’ll reach my kingdom by nightfall,” Satius explained, patting the clever white unicorn’s neck…

“Why aren’t we making out? Honestly, Mars…” Saturn whined. “Settle down there son you’ll be kissing soon enough,” she rolled her eyes, smiling, “So Llewellyn kept showing up in every town they did, it was really quite annoying…”

“And a long-forgotten fairytale is in your eyes again
And I’m caught inside a dream world where the colors are too intense
…and nothing is making sense”

…Glory trotted through the high stone gates of Satius’ home kingdom. “So this is home? It’s nice. I like it. Fancy, pretty, rustic,” Juniper remarked, studying the architecture closely. “Yes, this is my home. Where POOR OLD DADDY is wasting away in his agony,” the bluenette sighed. “There’s your dumb castle let’s go find your father.” “POOR OLD-” Glory whinnied again.

“I’m really getting sick of this anti-whining agenda you two have,” he huffed. “Do shut up you breadcrumb,” magenta eyes rolled. “I should go find Llewellyn and hand you over to him, you know.” She promptly pursed her lips and shut up.

Just then, a voice rang out loudly, calling to the pair. “MY POOR MISSING SON?! IS THAT REALLY YOU?!” a bluenette with gray streaks rasped, looking out from a window in the castle. “MY POOR OLD DADDY! YES, IT IS ME, YOUR QUITE UNFORTUNATE MISSING SON!” Satius cried back eagerly, hopping off Glory to run to meet the elder. Juniper rolled her eyes again and rode Glory into the castle.

The father and son were embracing, and she had to smile at the long-awaited reunion. “Oh, yes, Daddy, this is Princess Juniper, she rescued me from that dreadful old hag Plutina and that fancy, lonely castle. Juniper, this is Daddy. King Cyrine to you I suppose. How is my poor mineralized mother?” the younger bluenette smiled proudly. “My dearest Marzella is still petrified in that painful position Plutina placed her in,” the older agonized.

“Now I see where you get it from,” Juniper rolled her eyes for the millionth time throughout this tale. “Well I’d like to see if your parents are as rude as you are!” Satius retorted, glaring at her. “Son that’s no way to treat a fellow princess. Either Plutina corrupted you something awful or a failure am I at parenting,” Cyrine scolded. “Daddy she’s not a princess she’s a poser or something! Or her parents fail at raising a respectful royal daughter,” he whined.

“Will you stop whining about every little thing that happens? You are the most annoying, ungrateful, self-absorbed narcissist I have ever… What is THAT?” the princess stopped as another princess entered the room.

Only this one was quite unfortunate in the looks department. Juniper may not have been blessed with the most normal of attitudes and dispositions for a princess, however she was quite attractive. This other princess hadn’t been blessed with anything. Her face was essentially one massive wart with a foot-long crooked, hairy nose, lopsided, discolored eyes, smaller warts and pimples on pimples and warts, straggly mustard yellow, olive green and corpse gray tufts of hair, and a pale, tiny, off center lip.

“Oh, yes, this is Brunhilda. You remember her Satius… she’s been eagerly awaiting your return so you could wed,” Cyrine announced, smiling, seemingly unaware of the female’s complete repulsiveness. “I was really hoping she’d have improved even slightly in nearly a decade… unfortunately for me she’s gotten worse. And it smells like a rodent with diarrhea crawled up her vagina and died there,” the prince crossed his arms crossly, exhaling to get the smell out of his nose.

“This is who you’re engaged to? I didn’t know they could make people marry creatures from a black lagoon. You really are a poor, unfortunate thing! Mayhap I ask if this even more tragic monstrosity was lit on fire as a child then ran over by a stampede of drafter horses and a cannonball of solid wart-causing bacteria struck her face?” the magenta-haired female asked.

Brunhilda’s grinding, manly, slurred, lispy voice spoke up, “You’re a rude jerk, aren’t you? There’s nothing wrong with the way I was born you insensitive, impolite, poorly-raised, trashy hussy! I’m ashamed to be a fellow princess with you muddying the name.”

“You look worse than a piece of crap’s crap,” Juniper emotionlessly replied, sounding rather like her father. “YOU HAVE NO DECENCY OR RESPECT!” Brunhilda roared. “No I agree with her, you’re hideous. I don’t know how I got forced into getting betrothed to you but I’m getting out of it!” Satius agreed with the former female. “Son, don’t be like that…”

“JUNIPER! MY LOVE! YOU ARE NO LONGER ABLE TO ESCAPE MY WAITING ARMS, DEAREST!” Llewellyn triumphantly shouted, storming into the castle with his army. “Oh not you again. I really do wish you’d stay away from me,” the pretty, pretty princess frowned. “I wish I’d never seen this mutant again. We’re out of here. BYE DADDY DEAREST I SHALL RETURN WHEN BRUNHILDA IS FAR AWAY AND NOT ENGAGED TO ME!” Satius cried mournfully, pulling Juniper onto Glory with him and kicking the unicorn to gallop back out of the castle.

“COME BACK!” everyone important inside shouted, but the rebel duo didn’t listen. “I can’t blame you for whining so much if your marriage options are that insect or some creeper old hag,” she admitted, attempting to apologize. “If that’s the sort of man who’s been trying to marry you I suppose you’d pick up a bad attitude to chase them off,” he shrugged, accepting the apology and offering one of his own.

Glory whinnied happily. “You’re still nobody I’d ever want to marry,” they both said at the same time, then blushed. “Well good for me!” they huffed at once, blushing again. The white equine purposefully stumbled, knocking Juniper into Satius. She hurriedly pulled back, looking away. The horse just smiled.

“We should be at your kingdom by tomorrow…”

“Why do characters representing you and I appear twice?” Cyrus asked bluntly. “Because I couldn’t think of anyone else?” Mars sheepishly pouted. “Acceptable.” “So Juniper and Satius arrived at her home kingdom…”

“Someone told me you’d be here
Whispering these familiar things
Talking to my little pet, smoking the same old cigarettes
…I would have laughed”

“Mom, Dad, I’m back,” Juniper announced in a tired tone, hopping off Glory and crossing her arms. Her dress was all wrinkled and dirty now, she certainly wasn’t presentable before her parents… and neither was Satius.

Her parents quickly strode in before she had a chance to dart away and change. “Oh we’re so glad you’ve returned, dear! And you’ve brought Prince Satius with you, how kind. Shouldn’t he be at his kingdom, though? Or do you have something to tell us?” Marzipan giggled. The younger royalty blushed furiously.

“No! It’s nothing like that, it’s just there’s all these lunatics chasing us around trying to marry us. And we’re not interested in any of them… and here they are now,” the princess frowned, watching as Plutina, Brunhilda, and Llewellyn burst through the door. “Massive do not want right there,” Satius rolled his eyes, looking ready to pull Juniper back onto Glory and ride away at any second.

Plutina was the first creeper to speak, “You two should stop running away from us, you haven’t much time left before your 21st birthdays.” “So? Poor, dearest, mineralized Mommy will only be returned to normal if I marry my true love… which is nobody here!” the young bluenette forcefully said, scanning the room disdainfully.

His father ran in at that moment. “POOR, PREVIOUSLY-TRAPPED SON! You’re terribly wrong! Part of the curse was only your one true love could remove you from the castle. So whoever carried you out, you’ve simply GOT to marry, for my poor, petrified princess,” he rambled emotionally. The young non-ugly royals simply stared at each other.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. There’s some error, maybe your curse failed somehow, there’s no way I’d ever marry him!” the magenta-haired female roared. “There just HAS to be a flaw! She can’t be my one TRUE love, I don’t love her at all!” he agreed.

The old hag named Plutina cackled. “No, sonny, there’s no mistake. Your choices are Brunhidious, myself, or her, but only one will release your mother from her curse. I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count,” her gravelly voice rasped out from between her crooked teeth.

“Son, you’ve just GOT to free YOUR POOR STONE MOTHER!” his father agonizingly shouted. “Stone is right, what a cold b-,” Marzipan snorted before Sirius cut her off, “Mind your royal manners.”

“Pick your poison,” Plutina laughed. “Is suicide an option?” “Not that I WANT to marry you but I’d think I’m a better alternative to death you jerk!” “Are… are those… real?” “Yes?” “I do believe you’re right then…”

Brunhilda and Llewellyn looked most displeased at this. “Satius you’re MINE!” “Juniper you belong to me.” “No way!” the two attractive youth yelled in unison. “Well you’ve got to pick someone,” Marzipan sighed, wishing her daughter wasn’t so difficult.

“Son, you have to free your mother,” Cyrine pursed his lips, staring at his child. “I know Daddy, I want to, but I don’t believe it’s possible that poorly-behaved harlot is my only option,” Satius whined. “I couldn’t stand marrying you all you’re doing is whining about me!” Juniper pouted, looking almost sad.

Suddenly one of her servants walked in, brunette, tan skin, and looking mighty butthurt at everything and anything. To be honest she was in a rage and ready to slice anyone up with a serrated sword.

Plutina looked up eagerly at this new face. “Who’re you, hot stuff?” she purred. “Ellenor you ****ing ancient piece of rotting ****,” the butthurt female raged. “Forget you, Satius, this chick’s my kind of nast,” the old hag simpered. “Let’s ****.” And so Ellenor rageparted the castle with a crusty old creeper with a sex change in tow.

Brunhilda turned around, looked at herself in an expensive mirror, and her horrendous face shattered it. “My goodness you’re ugly! Do you happen to have any centipede-infested body parts, that sort of disturbing nastiness really gets me going,” Llewellyn eagerly turned to her. “Yes I do! Want to see where they are… down there?” she winked. Juniper and Satius threw up.

“Sure…” and so they departed to have creepy bug fetish sexual intercourse.

“Son you really need to marry Juniper,” Cyrine firmly stated. “Daddy I don’t want to be with her!” Satius whined for the millionth time. “Shut up and kiss me,” Juniper angrily turned to the high-strung bluenette and pulled him into a passionate kiss.

Marzipan looked shocked. “Well to be honest I wasn’t expecting that but at least she doesn’t want some bogus failprince or a spud,” she remarked. “Be happy she is accepting marriage before her death,” Sirius whispered and his wife nodded.

“I’d bone Juniper,” the young male admitted after they pulled apart. “Good…”

“…And so Satius and Juniper married, and Satius’ logical mother was released from her stone curse. And… oh, when did you all return to your normal ages?” Mars blinked, staring at the non-child Rockets looking at her. “A few hours ago but we wanted to hear the end of the story so we didn’t tell you LOL!” Sundance smiled and the others nodded.

“Oh, well, in that case, I think we should go. Good seeing you youngsters again,” the redhead giggled, leading the others out.

“And a long-forgotten fairytale is in your eyes again
And I’m caught inside a dream world where the colors are too intense
…and nothing is making sense

There’s a floating town of eiderdown in a mist of mystery
There’s an old enchanted castle and the princess there is me
…decked-out like a Christmas tree”

Hope you enjoy and leave a review! o)

[Katya Ivanova]

“Oh… OH! OH MY WALRUS A PRINCESS! SOMEONE WITH A YOUNG, UNWRINKLED BODY! HELLO THERE! OPEN THE DOOR WHY DON’T YOU I’LL MEET YOU THERE IN A SECOND!” he cried, and for a moment she wondered if the bluenette was having an orgasm.

LMFAO YETI.

JUST LMFAO.

nice :V