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Thread: Pokemon: Neo Genesis (AaMayL/Advanceshipping, PG-13)

  1. #26
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    Hey, I just finished reading.
    Oddly enough, I had another idea for a Sinnoh-based fic just by reading the title of your story. :|

    Anyway, I like the flow of your writing and the descriptions are interesting. It seems weird that Ash has been in Sinnoh for two years though; must be a big region if he hasn't been in the League.

    The new character is...interesting. His unorthodox battle style is ingenious and not obnoxious. Also, his dark background gives a sort of mystery feel to the story.

    Just keep it going, I'll keep reading!

  2. #27
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    Hey, a new reader and reviewer! Welcome!

    Quote Originally Posted by EarthBorn View Post
    Hey, I just finished reading.
    Oddly enough, I had another idea for a Sinnoh-based fic just by reading the title of your story. :|
    Heh, I'm glad my title was so... inspirational? Er, dunno, I mighta misinterpreted the meaning you had in that sentence. (You meant after you read the title of my story, you got an idea of a fic to write?)

    Anyway, I like the flow of your writing and the descriptions are interesting. It seems weird that Ash has been in Sinnoh for two years though; must be a big region if he hasn't been in the League.
    Mm, I guess that is true, I could change it so that Ash had already competed, but that might lead into some inconsistency issues in past chapters. Plus I'd probably have to add a whole mess of lines to talk about that some or fit it into Ash's thoughts or dialogue. Oh well, let's just go with what you said. I tried to get the timelines the best I could. It seemed like Kanto took one year, (that was referenced in the anime) Johto took one and a half years, (since the series is so freaking long) and Hoenn and the Battle Frontier took another year and a half out of our character's lives. That's just my speculation however. So that would mean Ash was 14 when he entered Sinnoh, and Dawn started out as 10 of course. Now the age difference between the two is only three years in the fic, so I guess Dawn's birthday is just earlier in the year than Ash's. (Don't you just wish the anime would give them real ages instead of calling everybody 10 year olds?)

    The new character is...interesting. His unorthodox battle style is ingenious and not obnoxious. Also, his dark background gives a sort of mystery feel to the story.
    Glad to hear people are liking my original character. Oh, and when you said his unorthodox battle style is ingenious and not obnoxious, are you talking about the character himself that's not obnoxious or the battle style? Was just wondering.

    Also, I do plan on having a good amount of suspense and mystery in the story as well as the best romance I can think of. (Which I have yet to actually do besides the references here and there) Hope I can do the romance all right. =\

    Just keep it going, I'll keep reading!
    Glad you're enjoying the show. PM list?

  3. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by cichawk View Post
    Heh, I'm glad my title was so... inspirational? Er, dunno, I mighta misinterpreted the meaning you had in that sentence. (You meant after you read the title of my story, you got an idea of a fic to write?)
    Yeah, It's odd, but the 'title' was inspirational. Weird huh?

    Mm, I guess that is true, I could change it so that Ash had already competed, but that might lead into some inconsistency issues in past chapters. Plus I'd probably have to add a whole mess of lines to talk about that some or fit it into Ash's thoughts or dialogue. Oh well, let's just go with what you said. I tried to get the timelines the best I could. It seemed like Kanto took one year, (that was referenced in the anime) Johto took one and a half years, (since the series is so freaking long) and Hoenn and the Battle Frontier took another year and a half out of our character's lives. That's just my speculation however. So that would mean Ash was 14 when he entered Sinnoh, and Dawn started out as 10 of course. Now the age difference between the two is only three years in the fic, so I guess Dawn's birthday is just earlier in the year than Ash's. (Don't you just wish the anime would give them real ages instead of calling everybody 10 year olds?)
    It's your fic, so do whatever you want. It's just that 2 years is a bit long for a single region that's all...

    Glad to hear people are liking my original character. Oh, and when you said his unorthodox battle style is ingenious and not obnoxious, are you talking about the character himself that's not obnoxious or the battle style? Was just wondering.

    Also, I do plan on having a good amount of suspense and mystery in the story as well as the best romance I can think of. (Which I have yet to actually do besides the references here and there) Hope I can do the romance all right. =\
    I meant both, the character and the battle style, but mainly the battle style.
    And yeah, I guess the romance is not easy to do really.

    Glad you're enjoying the show. PM list?
    I would appreciate it, thanks.

  4. #29
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    And yeah, I guess the romance is not easy to do really.
    Very true.
    It seemed like Kanto took one year, (that was referenced in the anime) Johto took one and a half years, (since the series is so freaking long) and Hoenn and the Battle Frontier took another year and a half out of our character's lives.
    You forgot Orange Islands.

  5. #30
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    Cool

    Sorry I'm late, I haven't been feeling tip-top.

    (Actually, none of this is that easy, I'm constantly using an online thesaurus to prevent myself from using a word too many times.)
    Heh, I write down at least three different "Names" for each Pokemon that will be in the battle before I write it. Example - Eevee, the small brown fox Pokemon, the Normal type, and so on. Hard, is it not? I like your thesaurus idea, I think I'll try it if you don't mind.

    Also, I just copy and paste Altaďr for the double dotted i, since I don't actually know how to do it myself, heh. I guess I should also accent the E's in Pokemon. (Dangit the shortcut for accents isn't working here)
    The accent is working for me, here's how I do it - on the number pad, you push "0233" while holding down your Alt key. Pokémon. éééééé!

    Now for the actual review. I have officially warmed up to Altaďr. He has a cool background, and he is not seeming like Paul any more. He is able to have fun, and he really cares about his Pokémon. Now he seems like the ultimate Boy Scout. I would have thought, however, that Umbreon, who evolves from friendship, would have been his first, but I understand your reasoning behind Glaceon. Plus, friendship isn't really that hard to get in the game. I bet all of his Pokémon love him.

    I am glad that the person who greatly seems to resemble May has arrived at last, and it's too bad she didn't see him running down the valley. I bet they get lost trying to find each other in the big valley city.

    Finally, don't feel bad about your age guesses, feel bad about them with me if you must at all. They really match my guesses. (Note: all of my statements are based off of Ash's age - it's Algebra, basically.) I have May 2.5 years younger then Ash, and Dawn 4 years younger. Misty is one year older, whereas Brock beats him by four-ish. Gary is the same age. Tracey has two years over him.

    I'm sorry if you can't follow this, I can PM you my chart-thing if you'd like.

    Whew, that was long...

    ~LZ~

  6. #31
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    The accent is working for me, here's how I do it - on the number pad, you push "0233" while holding down your Alt key. Pokémon. éééééé!
    I have Word 2007 and it does that automatically for me! *evil laugh*

  7. #32
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    Hola! Como estan este manana?

    Ok yea my Spanish fails. Dunno how to add tildes or accents to A's via numpad anyway.

    Quickie replies to EarthBorn and swampert55.

    Yeah, It's odd, but the 'title' was inspirational. Weird huh?
    Heh, that's cool. I want to see this fic of yours when you start writing it.

    It's your fic, so do whatever you want. It's just that 2 years is a bit long for a single region that's all...
    I guess they just got... preoccupied.

    I meant both, the character and the battle style, but mainly the battle style.
    And yeah, I guess the romance is not easy to do really.
    Some battle styles are obnoxious? Haha never heard someone really say that anymore, but I get your point.

    I would appreciate it, thanks.
    Done.

    You forgot Orange Islands.
    Woops, uh, well just factor that in with Johto, I guess.

    Ok now to reply to Lord Zant.

    Heh, I write down at least three different "Names" for each Pokemon that will be in the battle before I write it. Example - Eevee, the small brown fox Pokemon, the Normal type, and so on. Hard, is it not? I like your thesaurus idea, I think I'll try it if you don't mind.
    Hm, the name thing is a good idea. You can use it for characters too. Ash - The shorter trainer, the younger trainer, whatever.

    Oh and the thesaurus isn't patented by me or anything, so go for it.

    The accent is working for me, here's how I do it - on the number pad, you push "0233" while holding down your Alt key. Pokémon. éééééé!
    Hm, interesting. Well I can add the accents via my normal way on Wordpad, so it's all good. Just copy 'n paste and add italics and it's the same.

    Now for the actual review. I have officially warmed up to Altaďr. He has a cool background, and he is not seeming like Paul any more. He is able to have fun, and he really cares about his Pokémon. Now he seems like the ultimate Boy Scout. I would have thought, however, that Umbreon, who evolves from friendship, would have been his first, but I understand your reasoning behind Glaceon. Plus, friendship isn't really that hard to get in the game. I bet all of his Pokémon love him.
    Yay, Altaďr's developing his own character now! But there's a lot more things he an do, and a lot more things you don't know about him. Again, he is a major character in this fic. "Ultimate Boy Scout," hehe, I guess that's a way to put it. Well, in the next chap, I have him doing a few funny things... or rather have a few funny things happen to him.

    My reasoning for using Glaceon is just 'cause I just like him more, that's all. =P And yea I don't want to make it seem like Altaďr shafts the rest of his Pokémon so I'll try to give them equal screen time.

    I am glad that the person who greatly seems to resemble May has arrived at last, and it's too bad she didn't see him running down the valley. I bet they get lost trying to find each other in the big valley city.
    Yes, of course we don't know if the person really is May yet. =P I haven't actually stated that out loud yet. And the reason why she didn't see him running down the valley is because she was on the west side of it, while Ash and company were at the east. You could tell they were on the east because when Dawn was looking for the city, she saw the sun and sky in front of her and the trees and bridge behind her. Since it was afternoon, the sun would have been on the west side. It was a small detail that I was wondering if people would catch it.

    Heh, there will be some issues upon meeting each other.

    Finally, don't feel bad about your age guesses, feel bad about them with me if you must at all. They really match my guesses. (Note: all of my statements are based off of Ash's age - it's Algebra, basically.) I have May 2.5 years younger then Ash, and Dawn 4 years younger. Misty is one year older, whereas Brock beats him by four-ish. Gary is the same age. Tracey has two years over him.
    Oh well, the ages of the characters in my opinion is a more minor detail, so it's all good. I didn't want to make Dawn 11 however, since it's a little... more awkward to me if an 11 year old was flirting with 15 year olds. 12 is the pretty universal number for me. I made Brock pretty old since when he met Ash for the first time, he was already a gym leader and taking care of a buncha kids, so that led me to believe he had to be quite a bit older.

    I'm sorry if you can't follow this, I can PM you my chart-thing if you'd like.
    I think I got it down pretty well.

    So now, chapter five is done, but chapter six has like, less than one full line in it. I was at a party last night so I was pretty bushed when I got home. Might post chapter five tonight and chapter six will just take a little longer to get out. I guess I'll release the name of the chapter, though my chapter names sometimes don't really have much to do with the chapter itself.

        Spoiler:- Chapter 5 Title:

  8. #33
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    Whew what a weekend. Friend's birthday party on Saturday and band practice today, as well as going out for slurpees at 7/11 too. =P So as you can see, I've been quite, occupied, so I've only started Chapter six. Here's five in the meantime for you all to read.

    Oh yea, I've been meaning to say this for a while. Thank you to those two people that have rated my fic. I hope you're both enjoying the story which I continue to enjoy writing. =)

    --------------------

    Foreword

    So now the gang has made it to Lightcrown City. (Made up place for this fic.) What are they going to do next? Well, I envisioned Lightcrown City to be somewhere along the lines of, with many skyscrapers and stores and narrow streets and stuff like that. Just with a bit less... traffic. Now I've never been anywhere near New York (At least not that I remember) so I'm just basing my visions through movies and stuff.

    Well, longer than normal chapter here. There's also some um, crude humor, I guess I could call it, in here. Nothing rated R or anything, just some dumb humor in my opinion. Also, may be some out of character-ness, but that's what makes things more interesting eh? Though it depends on how you look at it I guess.

    -------------------

    Chapter 5 - Dare

    "Wow! This place is so huge!" exclaimed Dawn, tilting her head back to gaze at the soaring skyscrapers with awe.

    "And a huge place like this must be occupied by a huge number of people! And a huge number of people means huge number of beautiful girls!" There was no need to see who made that remark.

    Ash however, was a little less enthusiastic about the sights. "Can we PLEASE get something to eat now that we finally made it down here?"

    "I agree," added Altaďr.

    "Oh alright, sheesh! Boys and their stomachs. Do they have any strength when they're without food?" griped Dawn.

    "Hey hey, I've gone three days 'aight? Chastise the other guy please," Altaďr said displeasurably.

    Dawn giggled at that and eyed Ash coyly. Ash just raised an eyebrow with puzzlement.

    "Well, where should we go to eat? Place like this should have plenty of restaurants," Brock observed.

    "Anything that comes out fast and hot and tasty is fine with me. Let's just go!" whined Ash.

    --------------------

    The four travelers walked down the bustling, city street of Lightcrown, with the female of the group eyeing the stores and the males eyeing for a place to eat. The thought of shopping seemed to take Dawn's mind off her stomach as she began walking towards a large department store called Stacy's. Pikachu noticed her absence after the remaining three members of the group had walked a bit further and he tugged on Ash's hair to get his attention.

    "What's up, Pikachu?"

    "Pika, Pikapi," said Pikachu as he pointed towards Dawn, who was already opening the doors to the giant store.

    "Wuh-hey Dawn! Don't you think we should get a bite to eat first?" Ash shouted over the loud roars of the passing cars.

    Dawn didn't seem to take notice of his calls as she walked into the store with stars in her eyes.

    Brock sighed and declared, "There's no stopping a girl from passing a store like that without having to take a walk in."

    "Well, it could be hours until she comes back out. Let's just get a bite to eat and check back later," said the extremely hungry trainer.

    And with that, the three young men and Pokémon continued their quest for a meal.

    --------------------

    Dawn gasped when her eyes adjusted to the bright light of the store. She had died and gone to heaven. The store was unlike any she had ever been in or even imagined, as it was gargantuan. The place was like a citadel, being so many stories high. In front of her were endless rows of checkout counters that had probably over a hundred women working at them, and seemingly thousands of shelves, racks, tables, glass cases, mannequins, you name it, all abundant with anything and everything a woman would need. "Brock would go crazy if he was in here... for the girls of course." Behind the counters were two majestic staircases that led to a second floor that was also full with clothes, jewelry, perfume, and accessories.

    Dawn ran to the center of the store and twirled around, ogling the magnificent balconies of even higher floors that required elevators to reach. Before she could run off to explore the shopping labyrinth however, a voice called out to her.

    "Excuse, miss, have you heard about the big annual Pokémon contest that Stacy's hosts every year?"

    At the sound of the words 'Pokémon' and 'contest,' Dawn spun around so fast her hair whipped a passerby in the face. The bandanna-wearing brunette frowned a bit but decided not to press the issue.

    "Contest? There's a contest here? And how did you know I was a coordinator?" Dawn asked the blonde-haired department store clerk that had spoken to her.

    The middle-aged clerk pointed at the pink Pokétch on Dawn's wrist and smiled pleasantly. "That gave it away, it's a pretty big thing with the coordinator's I've noticed. We sell Pokétch's here as well, but I think you want to hear about the contest some more, don't you?"

    Dawn could only nod in excitement as she placed her hands on her cheeks. The girl that had been whipped in the face by her blue hair was also listening into the conversation.

    "Well, the annual Lightcrown Contest Festival is a big event here in Lightcrown City. It's an unofficial contest, but that doesn't stop over the usually over 50 coordinators from coming to compete for the prizes."

    "Ooo!" squealed Dawn. "What are the prizes?"

    "Patience miss, let me explain the rules and procedures first. First of all, the Lightcrown Contest is a double contest, meaning you'll be using two Pokémon for everything, including appeals. You have to impress the judges by showing off how well your Pokémon can appeal as a team, which is a lot easier said than done. You don't have to stick with the same two Pokémon, however, so be sure to create good match ups of Pokémon for the appeals as well as the battles. Since this contest attracts many coordinators, it has two 3 minute appeal rounds on separate days. The first round of appeals is on the first day and will determine which 32 coordinators get to go into the next contest battle round. There will then be 16 double contest battles which will leave 16 coordinators standing, and that will conclude the events of the first day of the festival. Do you understand all of this?

    Dawn looked at the store clerk with some annoyance. "Yes," she said slightly scoffing. "I'm not that young..."

    The blonde-haired clerk looked at the girl embarrassingly. "Oh, I''m sorry! It's just that you're so adorable and cute, which made me think of you like a little girl!"

    "Er... maybe you should just keep telling me about the contest..." Dawn said nervously although she was somewhat flattered. "She's a little... queer..."

    The second listener giggled to herself as she covered her mouth with her white gloves.

    "Hehe, I'm sorry, you just remind me a lot of my daughter. But anyway, on the second day of the contest, the first thing that is up is the second appeal round, which will weed out the next eight coordinators that get to compete in the final contest battles. In the contest battles, coordinators will battle their way up to the top like tournament, so that means you will have to defeat two trainers in order to make it to the championship battle. Now I heard the championship battle will have a special twist to it, but I don't exactly know the details to that. And... I think that's about it."

    "This sounds so totally awesome!" said Dawn excitedly. "Where do I sign up?"

    "Come with me and I can register you for the contest here."

    "What? Here in a department store?" questioned Dawn.

    "Yes, the Lightcrown Contest Festival is hosted by Stacy's, which I think I forgot to mention. Oh, another thing, all coordinators participating in the contest get complimentary rooms at the Lightcrown Plaza, the best hotel in the city!"

    "Really?" Dawn said with wide eyes. The thought of being in a hotel excited her even more than she already was, as she and her friends had been in the wild for quite sometime. She had not slept in a good bed or taken a hot bath in weeks. "But wait, why?"

    "Well you see, this contest attracts people from all over the region to this city, since the contest is not aired live on television. Since the contest is a two day event, people need places to stay, so they have to stay at hotels. And also, many people not only come to watch the contest, but also to shop, since there are some of the greatest stores here in the region, such as Stacy's. So as you can see, this event brings a huge amount of people and business to hotels and stores."

    "That makes sense, I guess," said Dawn. "Now I really want to sign up!"

    "Come right this way," said the clerk, leading Dawn towards a booth between the staircases.

    The brunette was eavesdropping remained where she was, thinking to herself. "I guess... I could enter this contest. I haven't been in one in a while, since I... skipped the Johto Grand Festival..."

    The girl's eyes began to tear as she thought back to her journey in Johto. "If only I had been more focused on contests than on... Drew-" she let a tear fall as she said that name in her head, "-I wouldn't have lost the heart to compete. Well, maybe Ash will be around here somewhere. His mother told me that when she heard from him a week ago, they were on the road to Lightcrown, and since he's traveling with another... girl... who's a coordinator too..."

    The coordinator struggled to control her emotions from getting loose, but she couldn't hold them in any longer and finally let them out. As she began sobbing, people turned there heads and looked at the depressed girl, but nobody was kind enough intervene and try to ask about the problem. She slowly walked deeper into the store to search for a bathroom so she could have some more privacy.

    "Please be around here somewhere..."

    --------------------

    After a hardy lunch, the three young men walked down the street wobbly as they made their way back to the department store they left Dawn at.

    Altaďr gave a loud yawn as he patted his stomach in satisfaction. "Well, that'd last me for about... six hours. Not eating for three days sure does a number of things to you."

    "That was enough food to keep going for the next whole week!" said Ash happily. Of course he was exaggerating as he would probably be eating the same amount the following day.

    Pikachu had been easily satisfied, since all he needed was the ketchup bottle he had taken the fast food joint. He was enjoying the condiment happily as he sat on Ash's head.

    "C'mon let's move a bit quicker," Brock ordered. "We'd better find Dawn or we may be in a mess."

    Altaďr let out another yawn.

    The three males made it to the giant department store and stood in front of it, staring amazedly at the sheer size of the multi-storied building.

    "So... who wants to go in to get her?" asked Brock, knowing all to well what lay in wait on the other side.

    But before any of the other two boys could answer, a girl bursted out the large, golden doors. It was Dawn.

    "Heeeyyy... whoa!" yelled Altaďr as Dawn collided into him.

    Dawn fell backwards on her rear, since Altaďr was taller and heavier than she, and Altaďr flinched and stepped backwards.

    "Ouch..." said the girl as she rubbed her back with her eyes closed. She heard a soft laugh and opened her eyes to see a gloved hand in her face.

    "Need a hand?"

    As Dawn looked up, she saw the smiling faces of a boy and a Pikachu. She smiled back and took Ash's hand, feeling herself blush slightly when she did so.

    However, a grunt interrupted the two youngster's moment.

    Ash, Dawn, and Brock turned their hands to see Altaďr bent forward and holding his... crotch... in pain.

    "She kicked me."

    --------------------

    After several embarrassed apologies from Dawn, the foursome was now strolling down a street while Dawn talked about her experience in the store.

    "And the prizes are a 2000 dollar shopping spree at Stacy's or an all-expense paid trip to the Mt. Coronet Ski Resort, as well as a really cool ribbon attached to a trophy!"

    "Those prizes don't sound too appealing to me..." Altaďr said.

    "Yeah, really, what kind of guy would want a 2000 dollar shopping spree or a trip to a ski resort? I mean, the trip could be ok, but it's not something that I'd want." Ash added.

    "Well, you guys do realize that most male coordinators are a little... let's just say... different." Brock pointed out, grinning at his own quip.

    "Hey, what about Drew? He seems like a pretty normal guy to me," retorted Ash.

    "I guess so. Hm, how do you think Drew is doing over there in Johto... with May." a knowing smile crept into Brock's mouth.

    "Hm, well, since the Johto Grand Festival is getting closer, I guess Drew and May would be training for contests somewhere." Brock smacked his forehead at Ash's lame response.

    "How dense can this kid get?!" Brock cleared his throat and tried to get Ash again. "Well, when the Grand Festival's over in Johto, where do you think May will go next?" He made sure to only use May's name this time to draw him in.

    "I dunno, Orange Islands maybe?"

    "ARGH! Why won't he catch on? I swear, sometimes it's just impossible to screw with Ash's head when I talk about May."

    Brock decided to take one last shot at it.

    "Well, there are contests here right? What if May decides to come to compete in the contests here? How would that make you feel." Brock smirked, knowing that this would definitely put him on the spot.

    "Ooo, that'd be soooo awesome if she came here! I've always wanted to meet her, since Ash has told me so much about her!" Brock glared at Dawn who had interrupted his mission to get Ash to display his affections to Brock. After a second, Ash spoke once again and Brock immediately shifted his gaze back to the trainer.

    "W-Well, I guess it would be, nice, if she came... here..." Ash finally let out a very faint blush, but shook himself out of it. Pikachu chortled as he finally realized what Brock had been trying to do.

    Brock sighed and shook his head, knowing that was all he would get out of Ash. "Sometimes, I wonder if Ash can sense his own feelings."

    Altaďr was now walking silently behind the group, with a somewhat bored expression on his face.

    "So, anyway, I want to tell you guys more about the contest!" said Dawn cheerily. "The contest begins in three days, so I don't have a lot of time to train. I need spend every second of the day training so I can win that shopping spree!" Her eyes lit up as she imagined all the wonderful things she could buy. She knew it would be tough, but she had to win so she could have all the material possessions she wanted. "It would also be a great opportunity to prepare myself for the Sinnoh Grand Festival," Dawn thought off to the side. Suddenly, an idea struck her. She eyed the two younger males in the group and giggled to herself.

    "Hey Ash and Altaďr, how about you two compete in the contest too?"

    Ash pivoted his head in a blur and looked at Dawn like she had just asked him to take his pants off.

    "Wh-What? Why?"

    "Well..." Dawn paused a second to think of the right words to say. "If more of us competed, then there's a better chance that one of us might win... and get that shopping spree. And it'd give me some more competition if you two were to battle me at some point!" she added hastily without thinking what she had just said through.

    Brock raised his eyebrow as he heard this. "So you want those two to compete so you have a better chance to get that shopping spree?"

    "No! Well, yes, kind of... but that wasn't the only reason! And I just thought it would be a lot of fun if we all competed together, since we all have to stay here until I finish the contest anyway. I just don't want you guys to be bored." Dawn tried to put on a cute face after she said this.

    "Um, I don't think I should, Dawn. I've only competed in one other contest before, and I got knocked out in the first battle round. I probably don't have much of a chance of winning this time, seeing how there's going to be more coordinators out there. Besides, I have to train with my Pokémon... so we can be better." Ash's eyes narrowed as he remembered the battle he had with Altaďr only a couple of hours ago. Whether it was in sadness or anger, nobody knew.

    "Aw, fine," pouted Dawn. "Well, what about you Altaďr?"

    "What?"

    Dawn felt a pulsing in her temple since he apparently hadn't been listening to a word she had said. Putting aside her annoyance, she voiced her proposition again.

    "You and me, competing in the contest, how does that sound?"

    "Uh..."

    "Pleeeeaaaassseee?" Dawn put on her best puppy dog pout to try to get on his soft side.

    Altaďr mumbled something under his breath.

    Dawn decided it was time to take more drastic measures. She slowed her pace until she was beside Altaďr and placed her left hand on his right shoulder as she walked next to him. Altaďr tried to look away while keeping a straight face.

    "Please compete in the contest with me... you're so strong... and smart... and your Pokémon are amazing too," said Dawn in a surly tone while leaning slightly into him.

    Altaďr still didn't seem quite convinced.

    "Or are you too scared?"

    That did the trick, but only barely. "Fine," grunted Altaďr, and he said no more.

    Dawn began to giggle uncontrollably, "Yay! I knew I could get you to do it!"

    Altaďr yawned.

    --------------------

    It was 9 p.m., and the sky began to darken. The four travelers were getting tired, as they had been walking all day, so they decided it was a good time to find a Pokémon Center and turn in.

    As if everything else wasn't oversized in the city, the Pokémon Center was mammoth as well. Ash and Dawn dropped all their Pokémon except for Pikachu with Nurse Joy, while Brock tried to drop down into a conversation with the nurse. Of course, Croagunk was there to put him back in line. The group requested for a standard double bunk bed room that Pokémon Centers had for trainers to stay in and Ash, Dawn, and Brock began to walk down the hall to the room. Altaďr however, remained where he was.

    "Uh, you coming?" asked Brock.

    "Actually, I prefer the outdoors. I'm going to sleep outside of the city tonight." With that, he left the center.

    As Altaďr walked towards the edge of the city, he decided to take his time to watch the sights.

    "It's been a while... since I've been here. Not much has changed though."

    Altaďr ambled down the still noisy street slowly, since a city like Lightcrown City was bound to have a great deal of nightlife.

    When Altaďr had reached the end of the city, he looked up the steep slope of the valley and gave a loud yawn.

    "What a day... better look for a suitable place to camp out now."

    By the time he made it to where the valley met the forest and river, the sun had set and it was already pitch black. He turned around to get a look at the city lights, and then strode over the bridge to where the forest began to thicken.

    "Here's a good spot."

    As Altaďr began to set up camp, he noticed a small glow between the trunks of some faraway trees. After deliberating whether or not he should investigate, he slowly crept towards the orange glow. When he emerged from the thicket, he got a clear view of the source of the glow.

    The source was a small fire, cackling as it burned. There was nobody around at the moment, so Altaďr began to make his way back to his own area, until he heard some rustling in the bushes across the small clearing.

    Altaďr watched intently, waiting for whoever or whatever to appear. His patience paid off as a figure emerged from the bushes. When the figure walked into the light of the fire, Altaďr could see that it was a person carrying some small logs. Upon closer inspection, it was a girl, with her most noticeable traits being her long locks of brown hair and a red bandanna on her head. The girl looked to be pretty young, as well as tired. Or was it a look of sadness?

    "What's a young girl like her doing out here when she could be at the Pokémon Center in the city?" Altaďr asked himself in his head.

    The girl threw a couple of the logs into the small fire and sat down on the ground with her back turned to Altaďr. Altaďr hunkered down in the bushes and watched her for another minute, before finally becoming bored and deciding he needed some rest after the long day.

    After Altaďr had already departed, the girl spoke out loud to herself. "Where are you... Ash?"

    When Altaďr made it back to his campsite, he took a seat on a stump and opened his backpack to pull out a toothbrush and a small tube of toothpaste.

    "Mm, I'll shower tomorrow morning. Too tired now."

    He checked the time on a small digital clock he kept in his pocket, which read 10:30 p.m.

    "Hopefully, I can do what I need to do here without too many problems... but first thing's first." And with that, he began to brush his teeth.

    -------------------

    Afterthought

    Well thar' y'all go.

    In my opinion, I think this chapter has less quality to it, now that I look back at it. I don't know, maybe it's 'cause I've been writing more serious things for the past four, so now all this strange uh, humor? made it a bit more awkward for me to read. Well, can't have a story be all serious now can I. It was pretty fun to write however.

    I know I made quite a lot of out of character things happen, like Dawn wanting to enter the contest more for the prize, Brock trying to screw with Ash's mind, and Dawn fawning over the two boys, more of Altaďr. I dunno, I guess it would make things a bit more interesting, as the characters are somewhat developing their own characteristics in this fic. Dawn is more of a girly-girl now, since she's 12, so she likes shopping and boys of course. Brock trying to get Ash to blush or whatever is just something to hint the shippyness between our pair here. (Ash and May if you haven't caught on yet.) I know he probably wouldn't go to such lengths in the anime, but Ash is 15 here, so I guess I found it plausible to have Brock finally do some messing around.

    Also, had a couple 'crude' jokes as I called them. The reason for Altaďr being kicked was uh... I guess I just wanted to make him seem more human-like, instead of some macho-Pokémon-trainer-guy. I dunno why I had that happen though...

    Hope you all understood Brock's quirk. If not, he was making a gay joke about male coordinators. I know it's probably not true at all, but just look at the male coordinators in the anime. Not that I actually know their characters all too well. I just based that stereotype off some of the coordinators' descriptions on Wikipedia, and they also look kinda... queer in my opinion. (Long purple or blonde hair or wearing tights?) Ok I'll just end that here before I offend anybody. I have nothing against male coordinators by the way.

    Last thing, I know I have 'the mysterious girl that resembles May' cry a lot, but there is a good reason why, and that will be explained next chapter... whenever I start writing it.

    -CICHawk
    Last edited by cichawk; 4th May 2008 at 6:08 AM.

  9. #34
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    Let's see here...

    The first round of appeals is on the first day and will determine which 32 coordinators gets to go into the next contest battle round.
    "Gets" should just be "get", cause coordinators is plural, or something like that.

    "Oh, I''m sorry! It's just that you're so adorable and cute, which made me think of you like a little girl!"
    Yeah.

    Oh, another thing, every coordinator participating in the contest get complimentary rooms at the Lightcrown Plaza, the best hotel in the city!"
    Either change "every coordinator" to "all coordinators" or something, or change "get" to "gets".

    His mother told me that when she heard from him a week ago, they were on the road to Lightcrown, and since he's travelling with another... girl... who's a coordinator too..."
    Spelled "traveling".

    Of course he was exaggerating as he would probably be eating the same amount of the the following day.
    Do... something.

    Ash, Dawn, and Brock turned their hands to see Altaďr bent forward and holding his... area... in pain.
    Um, this sentence is kinda vague, maybe you should fix that.....

    And It'd give me some more competition if you two were to battle me at some point!" she added hastily without thinking what she had just said through.
    Unless you're talking about Stephen King here... ("it", not "It")

    His patience payed off as a figure emerged from the bushes.
    "Payed" should really be "paid"... even though it's still a word.

    Altaďr crouched in the bushes
    Nothing wrong, just thought it was racy. And thought you might like to know.

    "Hopefully, I can do what I need to do here without too many problems... but first thing's first."
    Man, I hate mistakes like these. "Thing's" should be "things", because you seem to be using it neither as a contraction nor as possessive. I could be mistaken, though. But not at all likely.

    Hm, I foresee... Ash and May having a cliffhanger reunion at the end of the next chapter... much story-age taking place between now and the contest... and... many other frivolous and/or unrelated tidbits. Of course, my predictions are probably horrendously amiss. Meh.
    Last edited by GrizzlyB; 30th July 2007 at 11:22 AM.

  10. #35
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    Well that seemed more or less like an introduction to the next chapter. May must have had something really bad happen tho her though.

    Anyway, I'm surprised that Lightcrown doesn't hold it's own official contest. Besides from being such a big city, I find it odd, in the pokemon anime that there are 200+ participants in a Grand Festival where each participant needs to have 5 ribbons won from official contests which are held ... every month or so?
    Even factoring out, let's say, 100 returning coordinators, the remaining 100 need a total of 100x5 = 500 ribbons to enter, and I seriously doubt that there are 500/12 months or 41 locations where official contests are held every month...

    Oh well, got a bit carried away there...

  11. #36
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    Wow, quite a few errors found by GrizzlyB. Guess my hunch that the chapter was of lower quality was correct.

    Um, this sentence is kinda vague, maybe you should fix that.....
    I guess I could say crotch. This is rated PG-13 anyway.

    Nothing wrong, just thought it was racy. And thought you might like to know.
    What do you mean by racy? I'll change the word though.

    Man, I hate mistakes like these. "Thing's" should be "things", because you seem to be using it neither as a contraction nor as possessive. I could be mistaken, though. But not at all likely.
    If he was to say it without the contraction, it would be "But first thing is first." I just shortened it to "But first thing's first."

    Hm, I foresee... Ash and May having a cliffhanger reunion at the end of the next chapter... much story-age taking place between now and the contest... and... many other frivolous and/or unrelated tidbits. Of course, my predictions are probably horrendously amiss. Meh.
    Mm, actually, there are a couple of twists and turns before Ash and May actually meet. And yea quite a lot of crazy stuff is gonna happen in the next two days of their stay. Your predictions aren't all that off. =)

    Well that seemed more or less like an introduction to the next chapter. May must have had something really bad happen tho her though.

    Anyway, I'm surprised that Lightcrown doesn't hold it's own official contest. Besides from being such a big city, I find it odd, in the pokemon anime that there are 200+ participants in a Grand Festival where each participant needs to have 5 ribbons won from official contests which are held ... every month or so?
    Even factoring out, let's say, 100 returning coordinators, the remaining 100 need a total of 100x5 = 500 ribbons to enter, and I seriously doubt that there are 500/12 months or 41 locations where official contests are held every month...

    Oh well, got a bit carried away there...
    If you look back at some of her thoughts, maybe in past chapters, you may be able to guess what happened to her.

    Yea I've never seen any of the Advanced Generation episodes, so I don't really know the usual number of people for a normal contest or for the Grand Festival. Well, I guess there could have been official contests in Lightcrown City from time to time, just not this time. Wanted to give Dawn a little extra incentive to participate, and to have her lure Altaďr into participating too.

    I do agree with your logic about the Grand Festival though. Who knows, guess the creators of Pokemon weren't paying that much attention. Or perhaps there are people who take years to earn five ribbons, thus leading to the many participants. Whatever, not really a big concern of mine in the fic, since no ribbons are required. I decided to set the amount of participants to 50+ 'cause that just seemed like a reasonable number of people to fit into a two day contest. The number will probably end up at 60+.

    Well, I hope you're all enjoying what you're reading. Chapter six... hasn't had much progress done. I'm starting to slack off... eh.

  12. #37
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    Um, yeah, those first two things you mentioned were kinda jokes...

  13. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by GrizzlyB View Post
    Um, yeah, those first two things you mentioned were kinda jokes...
    Oh... well I still fixed them. =P

    --------------------

    Foreword

    Alright, sorry this chapter took a while to be released. Been working on it from time to time during the past few days, and it's ended up being the longest chapter yet. I had originally planned to write more in this chapter, but when I checked what I currently had in a word count program online, it showed up being about 4132. I dunno the word limit on these forums, but I decided to stop it there and continue what I have in store in the next chapter.

    So there's a lot of jumping around in this chapter from character to character. I tried to keep everything like time consistent and in order, but if something seems off, please tell me. Anyway, here it is. Oh by the way, thank you for the third person to rate my story five stars. It gives me that happy feeling in the stomach when I know people like my fic. You know, that feeling you get when you were little and got a new toy or something. Ok yea I'm rambling, here's chapter six.

    --------------------

    Chapter 6 - Training Wheels

    The sun rose over the east side of the valley and shined onto the glorious Lightcrown City. It was very early, 6 a.m. to be exact, so many of the residents of the city were still asleep. However, that didn't stop a certain girl from waking early up to prepare for the long day ahead of her.

    Dawn opened her eyes and looked up at the bunk above her, which was unoccupied. She sat up and turned her gaze towards the two sleeping males in the bunk on the other side of the small room. Ash snored lightly in his slumber while Brock appeared to be mumbling quietly to himself.

    "Ohh, Nurse Joy... Mmm, Officer Jenny..."

    The young girl, who was not new to the sexual desires in adults, shuddered as she tried to push out the images that Brock most likely had in his head. Dawn quietly pulled off her covers and stepped onto the carpeted floor, picking up her normal clothes and items needed for morning personal hygiene. She quietly tiptoed over to the small bathroom to perform her morning routine, quietly shutting the door behind her.

    For a girl that cares a lot about her external appearance, Dawn sure knew how to hasten herself when she knew her precious training time was limited. She brushed her teeth, showered, and got dressed in a record time of 15 minutes, even when she took a bit of time to do her hair.

    When she exited the bathroom, Dawn quickly grabbed her backpack and began to head out the door. When the she was about to turn the knob however, she figured that she should leave a note for Ash and Brock, so Dawn walked over to a small desk in the corner of the room and wrote a quick note on a sticky note that the desk had.

    "Out training, call me when you wake up."

    Dawn looked at her note with satisfaction and headed out the room, but not before thinking up some fantasies of what Ash could say when he called her.

    --------------------

    Altaďr awoke from his slumber with a painful back. He grunted loudly and pounded on it.

    "Note to self, don't sleep with back to tree."

    Altaďr got up from his sitting position where he slept leaning back on a tree and began stretching his back out. It was early morning, and the light shined through the trees of the forest in long rays. The day was just beginning, and there was much work to be done. Once Altaďr finished stretching, he began to change into another plain white T and a pair of running shorts and shoes. After he had done so, he grabbed all six of his Pokéballs from his backpack strap and held them all in both of his hands.

    "Everybody out, morning run."

    The Pokéballs all opened up, revealing all six of his Pokémon. Standing side by side in a military style lineup were, from left to right, his Flareon, Vaporeon, Leafeon, Umbreon, Glaceon, and Jolteon. They patiently awaited Altaďr to give the distance for the day.

    "Mm, we gotta train for the contest as soon as possible. Let's just go for a 10 K."

    With that, all six Pokémon and their trainer took off running. Altaďr, being only human, was easily left behind of his extremely quick and agile Pokémon, and Jolteon, being the fastest of the team, easily pulled away from his five teammates to quickly finish his run.

    Meanwhile, the brunette bandanna-headed girl had just woken up as well and was preparing to make her journey back into the city to continue her mission. As she began to walk down the valley side, she began to formulate a plan.

    "I think I'll check every Pokémon Center in the city first... there's not too many, like three or four? Ash and Brock and their other friend should still be sleeping, so I should be able to find them."

    The girl had begun her day with a more optimistic approach. She walked with a bit more spring in her step and held her head up as she traveled down the side of the valley. The sun shined in her face as she smiled and thought to herself, "I'll see you soon."

    --------------------

    Dawn had made it out of the west entrance of the city without a hitch, and began to walk up the grassy slope of the valley. As she looked around, she noticed a figure that was walking down towards the city, but she gave no second thought about who it was. There were only two days until the contest and she had no time to lose. After a very long walk up the incline, she finally made it to where she could see the edge of the forest and the bridge they crossed when they arrived the day before.

    "Now, to find a good spot to train. Hm... I wonder where Altaďr is... he said he was sleeping outside last night..."

    Before she could talk to herself more, she saw a dark silhouette running through the trees where they were the least dense. Debating whether or she should follow the person or begin training, her curiosity got the best of her and she ran towards the area where she last saw the person running to. It didn't take her long to find the person, since she quickly reached a small clearing in the forest where a single tree stood. The silhouette she had tracked was leaning up against the tree under its shadow and in front of the person was six smaller figures. She couldn't see who the person or figures were because of the small amount of light that shined in the early morning, but she immediately deduced that the person was Altaďr from his deep voice when he spoke.

    "Alright, good run guys. You all just take a break while I freshen up. Vaporeon, if you would, please."

    With that, Altaďr's five other Pokémon dispersed to separate areas of the clearing while the blue Pokémon that had fins and webbed ears jumped up onto the lone tree. Dawn watched inquisitively, wondering what was going on between Vaporeon and her trainer.

    Her question was answered when Altaďr began to strip off his clothes. Dawn could only stare at the teenaged boy's body with wide eyes as he pulled his white T-shirt over his head. He was still in the shadow however, so she couldn't spot every minute detail, but she could see his slim yet somewhat toned figure, being skinniest at the waist and broader at the shoulders. He wasn't overly muscular however, as his chest was quite flat and his arms were on the lanky side. Altaďr continued next with his running shorts that covered up to his knees. His watcher felt herself become extremely warm as she watched him let his shorts drop to the grass, leaving him in his boxers. Dawn held her breath, awaiting to see what he would do next...

    Altaďr then took off his boxers, leaving him completely naked under the shadow of the tree. Dawn immediately felt a surge of exhilaration and guilt as she watched him perform the feat.

    "Wait, why am I watching him... since when was I... how..."

    But Dawn couldn't complete her thoughts as she began scanning Altaďr's body. More specifically, at the new area that was now revealed to her. However, before she could focus on that area, Altaďr turned his back to Dawn and looked up into the tree at Vaporeon. Dawn was now staring at the young man's rear, and she became hotter than ever on the inside.

    "He's... got a nice... WAIT. WHAT AM I DOING?!"

    Dawn tore her eyes off the scene she was watching and began to scold herself severely.

    "What are you doing Dawn? Since when did you become a Peeping Tom? I know that I'm starting to... change... and like boys more, but that doesn't mean I have to lose all of my decency! Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just... ahhh I don't understand myself anymore!"

    The coordinator felt like screaming out loud in frustration, but then her better judgment brought her back. She had begun to sweat and pant a little bit but now her mind was back on track.

    "I think... I should go find another place to train..."

    --------------------

    Ash opened his eyes slowly but quickly covered them as he was blinded by the bright light shining through the window.

    "AHH! THE LIGHT!" screamed Ash.

    He clumsily rolled off the side of his bed and fell with a thud on the floor. The teenager silently cursed at the light and at himself as he stood up. Ash looked up at the top bunk, expecting to see Brock snoozing up there, but the bed was unoccupied, though the covers were in a mess. As Ash pondered where Brock could be, he heard the sound of water and singing in the bathroom.

    "Oh man, Brock's singing in the shower... better make sure I don't hear any of that."

    Ash looked back at his bed and saw Pikachu still sleeping at the foot of his bed. Luckily for the trainer, he hadn't kicked Pikachu when he tumbled off the bed, which may have lead to a couple thousand nasty volts of electricity to shoot through his body.

    Turning his head, Ash looked at the bed where Dawn was supposed to be in, but she too, was absent.

    "Hm, she can't be in the bathroom, since Brock's in there..." he said out loud this time.

    He quickly scanned the room, spotting the sticky note on the table right away. The teenaged boy picked the note up and read it to himself aloud.

    "Out training, call me when you wake up."

    Ash walked over to where his backpack lay and pulled out a small yellow device known as the PokéNav. The time on the gadget read 10:03 a.m. so Ash decided it was time for him to get some breakfast. He figured calling Dawn could wait until after he got some food in his hungry stomach. Despite eating a great feast of fast food the day before, he still had room for the next meal.

    "Hey Pikachu-," Ash whispered into the yellow Pokémon's ear. "-wanna go get some food?"

    Pikachu awoke groggily and saw his trainer looking down at him.

    "Chaaaa," yawned Pikachu. He stretched himself out for a few seconds before shaking off his sleepiness and then jumping onto Ash's shoulder.

    "Alright then, let's go buddy!" Ash said as he opened the door and walked out of the room towards the cafeteria.

    Ash entered the cafeteria to find it relatively empty, since it was already pretty late in the morning for most people that were on Pokémon journeys.

    "Hm, alright, I think I'll get..."

    Within five minutes, Ash had filled three plates with toast, pancakes, sausages, bacon, scrambled eggs, hash brown, fruit, bagels, cereal, and whatever other kinds of breakfast foods existed in the cafeteria. Pikachu settled for a small plate of hash brown with a mountain of ketchup on top.

    "Ok! Let's dig in!" Ash exclaimed happily.

    "Mind if I grab a banana from you?" Ash turned around to see Brock smiling at him and his food.

    "Go right ahead." The trainer took a large bite out of a piece of toast as he continued speaking. "So I decided to come here to eat first since you were showering, and I already showered last night." He then brought a spoonful of cereal to his mouth before remembering something else.

    "Oh yea, Dawn's out training if you were wondering." Ash took a forkful of bacon and shoved it into his mouth. "Said to call her when we wake up."

    "Did you?" asked Brock while he peeled the banana.

    "Nope, not yet. Had to eat first." Ash then began to shove mouthfuls of everything at an alarming rate.

    "Whoa! Slow down Ash. What would the ladies say if they saw you eating like that, or even worse, me sitting next to you eating like that?"

    The younger boy chuckled as he paused in his food gorging. "Is that all you ever think about Brock? I swear, over the years you seem to be getting even more desperate."

    Instead of Brock going into his depressed state when a person mentions his failures at getting women, he simply smirked at the naďve boy.

    "Oh, well, I thought you would care about your appearance around women, seeing how a specific someone has caught your eye, or rather, has had your eye, am I right?"

    Ash immediately turned crimson at Brock's words, but tried his best to maintain his composure.

    "W-What are you talking about?" Ash managed to stammer.

    "Oh I think you very well know what I'm talking about." Brock was enjoying the pressure he was putting on Ash. He knew he could get Ash to crack open and spill his feelings to him, and when Ash did, he would be there to help him. It was the kind of strange brotherly relationship Brock had with Ash that compelled him to do so.

    "Uh... I-I-I well... y-y-you see..."

    A PokéNav rang, and the owner answered it with amazing speed. Brock slapped his forehead in agitation as his plan had been foiled once again.

    "Hello? Oh hey Dawn... Yeah, uh, I didn't check who it was... We're doing fine here, just having some breakfast. Want us to bring some food to you?... Yeah yeah, I know you haven't eaten anything for a while but that bag of chips from the vending machine last night... Hey, it's your fault you skipped dinner to go into some department store... Whoa, ok calm down, we'll meet you there and bring you some food... Alright see you later."

    "Where's Dawn at?" asked Brock after he had put aside his frustration.

    "West side of the city, so let's go meet her there I guess. Oh, and bring some food, she seemed really cranky about that." Ash said as he rolled his eyes.

    "Heh, well, that girl has gotta eat something sometime. By the way, I wonder where Altaďr is at. Haven't heard from him in a while."

    "Eh, who knows. Maybe he decided to ditch us."

    --------------------

    "Now... how do Pokémon Contests work again? Something with appealing with moves first... and then battling. Got the battling down, but got no appeal."

    Altaďr was sitting on a rock in the middle of a field as he thought out loud to himself, with his Pokémon patiently waiting for him to give orders out.

    "I guess... we just have to practice making our attacks look... pretty... or something."

    The teenager looked up into the sky and gave a loud groan in disgruntlement.

    "Why did I ever agree to this in the first place? I have a mission of my own here. Ah well, let's give it a try." Altaďr stood up from the rock and looked down at his Pokémon, still sitting silently.

    "Alright, I guess for the first appeal, I'll go with you two, Glaceon and Leafeon."

    "Glae Glae!" cried the teal fox-like Pokémon in excitement. Leafeon simply stood up from her sitting position and stared at her trainer in acknowledgment.

    "Heh, you could show a little more enthusiasm, can't you Leafeon?" Altaďr said amusedly.

    "Leafeon," the tan-colored Pokémon stated simply. Her eyes, however, actually showed a great deal of excitement in them.

    "Ok, now we got you two for the first appeal, the rest of you go out and spar with each other until I get some moves down with Glaceon and Leafeon."

    The four other Pokémon complied by uttering their names once and then heading off as pairs back into the forest.

    "Hm, so, ice and grass eh? Let's try..."

    --------------------

    "WHERE ARE THOSE TWO?!" an angry blue-haired girl screamed loudly. Dawn was beginning to get aggressive from her hunger and was unknowingly training her Pokémon extra hard. She checked her Pokétch to see that the time was 11:31. "I could be having lunch right now instead."

    "Pip... lup..."

    "Neary..."

    Dawn's two Pokémon, the first a blue penguin Pokémon called Piplup and the other a brown fluffy bunny Pokémon called Buneary, both gasped for their breath after they had performed their appeal for the thousandth time, or so it seemed to them.

    "Hey, We're not quite done yet! The contest is in just two days and we have to get as many appeals as we can to be per-"

    "Dawn!"

    The coordinator rotated her head to where the voice rang out and she saw Ash and Brock emerge from the trees. She immediately put on a smiling face and recalled her two exhausted Pokémon before running over to the two males.

    "Hey guys, how'd you find me here? And what took so long?" added Dawn with a frown.

    "Well, we only heard your screaming from like a mile away," Ash said while chuckling. "And getting up here isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. This place is about three miles away from the city, you know that?"

    Dawn blushed at her extreme loudness and impatience but quickly hid it from Ash and Brock before they could see while she changed the subject. "So... you bring any food?"

    "Yup, but I was thinking since it took us so long to get here and now that it's... 11:33, we could go back into the city and get some lunch. You can munch on some of the stuff we brought as we head back down."

    "But I wanted to-... actually, you're right. Piplup and Buneary do seem to be pretty tired. Guess I should drop them off at the Pokémon Center first, and then we can go eat. Oh by the way, have you guys seen Altaďr?" Dawn felt herself feel slightly embarrassed as she said his name, because of the event that took place that morning.

    "Oh, hi."

    The three instantly turned their heads to the side to see Altaďr standing only a couple of feet away from them. It shocked them how he was able to move so close to them without being heard.

    "Did I hear something about lunch?" Altaďr cracked a small grin.

    "You bet'cha!" piped Ash. "Race you back to the city!"

    "Oh not this again," groaned Brock.

    In about three-quarters of an hour, the gang had made it back into Lightcrown City through a lot of running and walking. Dawn had the most trouble out of the four as she had to stop and rest many times before she could continue. After Dawn had dropped her Pokémon at one of the many Pokémon Centers in the city, the foursome set out in search for another place to eat.

    "I think... I should pick a spot closer to town next time." Dawn said to Brock as she, Brock, and Altaďr waited for Ash to return from a run around the block where he searched for a good place to eat.

    "I'm pretty sure we can find some good spots at the north and south ends of the city. We could check out those places," suggested Brock.

    "That'd be great!"

    "Hey guys, look!" shouted Ash as he came running down the street. "Buffet!" His eyes gleamed with happiness as he pointed down the street towards at a large building with a sign that said "All You Can Eat!" above it.

    "I'm down with that," said Altaďr plainly.

    The foursome swiftly walked into the buffet and found it bustling with people. They requested a table for four and were led to a booth at one end of the buffet. The waiter then got their order of drinks and the four young people set out into the maze of food stands. Pikachu stayed at the booth where the ketchup bottle was, and hugged it tightly.

    "I am STARVING!" said Dawn as she grabbed a plate and began stacking as much food as she could. "Good thing we found this buffet, I probably need to eat as much as Ash could for today, and there's no way we could pay for both of our appetites in a restaurant."

    "Exactly why I chose this place, Dawn!" Ash said back joyfully as he too, was stacking his plate with mounds of food.

    Within minutes, Ash, Brock, and Dawn returned to their booth to begin chowing down, with Dawn sitting next to Ash. Altaďr was still up and about, taking his time, and returned several minutes later. What his plates held turned the heads of many people as he sat down next to Brock in the booth. He placed two plates on the table, and his three companions looked at them with wide eyes.

    "Why do you have...?"

    "I like cheese," stated Altaďr, cutting Ash off.

    Sitting on his plates were many kinds of food that were made of cheese or somehow had cheese on them. There was macaroni and cheese, cheese pizza, mozzarella sticks, potato skins with cheese, clams with cheese, broccoli with cheese, cheese spinach, and just about anything else that could go with cheese. Altaďr ignored the others' stares as he began to fork through the cheese spinach and happily ate it. As he looked out of the corner of his eye, he saw that the other three were still staring at him, which made him feel somewhat uncomfortable.

    "Uh... hi?"

    --------------------

    An hour had passed and the foursome now stood in front of the Pokémon Center where Dawn had dropped off her Pokéballs.

    "Be right back guys!" Dawn said as she ran into the Pokémon Center to retrieve her Pokémon from Nurse Joy.

    The three young men stood quietly looking at where Dawn had ran through the door. The silence was becoming awkward as the minutes passed, and the young men were becoming anxious to get moving.

    "So uh, nice day."

    Ash and Brock looked at the speaker with surprise since Altaďr was almost never the one to speak first when there was silence.

    "What? Just trying to strike up a conversation..." Altaďr mumbled.

    "Oh, sorry Altaďr. So uh, how's the contest training going?" Brock questioned.

    "It's fine. Not something I'm used to doing, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. So what've you two been up to?"

    "Well me and Ash woke up pretty late today and we had to head out right after breakfast to meet Dawn, who was out training like you. That's all we've done really." Brock put on a sad face as a thought hit him. "And I haven't even had time to meet up with some pretty ladies yet!" Brock let a large stream of tears flow down his face as he tried to maintain his composure.

    "Heh, a ladies man I see?"

    "Oh you don't know the half of it," Ash answered while snickering.

    "Hey, don't get so cocky Ash, or else I might have to let something slip." It was Brock's turn to let out a laugh.

    Ash began blushing as he tried to think of a snappy comeback to say to Brock, but his brain failed him.

    "Mm, looks like I have some blackmail on you eh Ash? Looks like you really do like Ma-"

    "SHUT UP!" Ash shouted, interrupting Brock before he could say what he was going to say. "Dawn's coming back out," he added quietly.

    Brock simply smirked while Altaďr stood and stared at the two other males.

    "Eh, not gonna bother figuring this one out," he said dismissively.

    "All right, I got my Pokémon. Let's get going so I can shop for a dress for the contest!"

    The three young men stared at the adolescent blankly.

    "C'mon! I need a new dress for this contest. I want to look the best since a ton of people will be watching!"

    Brock was the first to make his escape. "I uh, I have to go... on a date! With a woman! Yeah, ok see ya!"

    The three others looked at the running man with bewilderment. There was no way Brock had a date with a woman.

    Dawn turned back and smiled sweetly at the two remaining boys. "Soo..." she said seductively. "Which one of you two gentlemen want to take me to try out some dresses?" She starting walking closer to where they stood while swaying her hips.

    "I just remembered, I still have to go register for the contest." With that, Altaďr walked as quickly as he could from the scene without seeming like he was running away.

    Dawn momentarily frowned, but them continued to smile as she looked back at Ash.

    "Well?"

    "I-I, uh, well, uh..." Ash could only give in as he had no excuse to escape from his imminent fate. "Sure."

    "Yay! Thank you Ash!" Dawn squealed as she grabbed his arm and began to pull him away. "This will be fun! There's no need to be a Grumpig, Ash," she added with a wink.

    Pikachu could only laugh at his trainer's plight, and Ash could only growl at Pikachu under his breath.

    "No ketchup for you tonight."

    "Pika!" Pikachu yelled as he let a light charge flow into Ash's body. Dawn felt some of the charge too, but it only made her arm a little numb.

    "What the, what was that?" she almost screamed as she let go of Ash and shook her arm to get rid of the numbness.

    "Uh, beats me." Ash said faking confusion. He turned his head to where Pikachu sat on his shoulder and gave him a soft, "Thanks, it was beginning to feel weird being dragged around by her..."

    "Pika pikachu!"

    --------------------

    Afterthought

    Ok, so I guess there wasn't much action or plot progression in that chapter either. Though there was some shippiness between Dawn and her two crushes, more of Dawn acting out towards them though... Don't worry, May is THIS close to finally officially entering the story, though her shippiness with Ash will still have to wait. I also added a... twist... into May's relationship.

    I guess the main thing I wanted to show in the chapter is the friendliness Altaďr is finally displaying towards our three other characters. I mean, nobody can be as stiff as he was in the beginning of the story can he? But he still is a lot more than meets the eye...

    Also, this chapter sets up everything for the next chapter, which woulda been part of this chapter except I didn't want to exceed any word limits or anything. Plus, more chapters equals a seemingly longer story, am I right? =D

    Well, I hope I can get chapter seven out before my 16th birthday party, which is this Friday. I probably won't have any time after that to finish any chapters since I leave for my summer camp on Sunday, and I won't be back until the 12th. Eh, guess this story will momentarily fade into oblivion during my absence, but that's alright. Pleasing you readers with good writing is my main goal.

    -CICHawk
    Last edited by cichawk; 13th May 2008 at 6:35 AM.

  14. #39
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    Hey, Happy Birthday! (almost) I'm sorry I've taken so long to review, I've tried to reply to this FOUR times, and every time, my computer freezes...

    Altair is really starting to get his own character, and I like him. I can understand his liking of cheese... When he was getting watched by Dawn, I thought it was strange... But I like how well you write Dawn's character, very manipulative.

    It seems like May JUST missed them all, she went to check the centers, and Ash and his friends JUST left... Too bad. But, that gave Dawn time to get Ash into the contest as well.

    I'm really wondering what Altair's ALTAIRior motive is, could he be a Pokemon Ranger?

    Good luck with Chapter Seven, and have fun with camp!

    ~LZ~

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    Happy Birthday for Friday!

    Now, we got to see a little side of Dawn we haven't seen before.
    Poor May's having a hard time finding Ash though. I still wonder what might have happened to her.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Zant
    I'm really wondering what Altair's ALTAIRior motive is, could he be a Pokemon Ranger?
    Interesting idea. However, I don't think rangers carry/own pokemon in pokeballs. He could be an exception though...

  16. #41
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    Earthborn just letting you know, you double posted somehow.

    Anyway, thanks for the happy wishes, cept my birthday is technically on Sunday, Earthborn. Friday's just my party. ;-)

    Altair is really starting to get his own character, and I like him. I can understand his liking of cheese... When he was getting watched by Dawn, I thought it was strange... But I like how well you write Dawn's character, very manipulative.
    Well, it took a lot of thought and development into creating him... (actually not really since he's pretty much like me when I'm in one of my various moods ie. bored)

    It seems like May JUST missed them all, she went to check the centers, and Ash and his friends JUST left... Too bad. But, that gave Dawn time to get Ash into the contest as well.
    Yea, I actually didn't give the fact that she just missed Ash and Brock a thought. I just kinda left her out there... missing... guess I just assumed she went to another Pokemon Center, I dunno. Ah well at least it flows. =D

    I'm really wondering what Altair's ALTAIRior motive is, could he be a Pokemon Ranger?
    Mmm, I shouldn't answer that, in fear of spoiling something, though I know it was rhetorical.

    Now, we got to see a little side of Dawn we haven't seen before.
    Poor May's having a hard time finding Ash though. I still wonder what might have happened to her.
    Dawn's just trapped in that stage between childhood and the teenaged years. Can't blame her for being... curious. =P

    Uh, "The Girl that Resembles May" will be revealed next chapter, and her story shall be told.

    Interesting idea. However, I don't think rangers carry/own pokemon in pokeballs. He could be an exception though...
    I actually didn't know what a Pokemon Ranger actually was. Had to do some research on Bulbapedia to figure it out, they seem pretty nifty.

    All right, I should go work a little harder...

  17. #42
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    Yeah, Happy Birthday, and what you will, and sorry for taking awhile to post (if you care), the website wasn't really working for me.

    Altaďr, being only human, was easily left behind of his extremely quick and agile Pokémon, and Jolteon, being the fastest of the team, easily pulled away from his five teammates to quickly finish his run.
    You should probably put "by", instead of "of", or something.

    Luckily for the trainer, he hadn't kicked Pikachu when he tumbled off the bed, which may have lead to a couple thousand nasty volts of electricity to shoot through his body.
    Probably change "lead" to "led" and "to shoot" to "shooting". Or whatever.

    It seems like I found another error when I first read it (like, right after you posted it), but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was, or if it even existed. Regardless, very few errors (what I like to see on the internet).

    Not too much to really speculate on, but I'm guessing Altair's "mission" has something with him having been to Lightcrown before? I don't even know.

    Oh yeah, about the last chapter, how Ash said he'd only been in one contest before, and got knocked out in the first battle round? This may be a spoiler if you haven't seen it, but he enters a contest against May after he completes the Battle Frontier. You may want to read about/watch that episode, might give you a story element. *nudge,nudge**hint,hint**wink,wink*
    Last edited by GrizzlyB; 4th August 2007 at 9:06 AM.

  18. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by GrizzlyB

    Oh yeah, about the last chapter, how Ash said he'd only been in one contest before, and got knocked out in the first battle round? This may be a spoiler if you haven't seen it, but he enters a contest against May after he completes the Battle Frontier. You may want to read about/watch that episode, might give you a story element. *nudge,nudge**hint,hint**wink,wink*
    Yeah, you're right GrizzlyB, I didn't spot that.
    For Reference, the Episodes are "Once More With Reeling" and the battle ends in "Home is where the Start is". They're the last two episodes of Battle Frontier.
        Spoiler:- ...:

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    Hey all, just a quick reply to comments/reviews and an announcement.

    Yeah, Happy Birthday, and what you will, and sorry for taking awhile to post (if you care), the website wasn't really working for me.
    I know I can count on you to come here to check on my errors =). Yeah the forums are a biotch sometimes.

    It seems like I found another error when I first read it (like, right after you posted it), but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was, or if it even existed. Regardless, very few errors (what I like to see on the internet).
    Glad to see how dedicated you are at checking for my errors, again. Mm, not many errors eh? That's good.

    Not too much to really speculate on, but I'm guessing Altair's "mission" has something with him having been to Lightcrown before? I don't even know.
    He's a busy boy.

    Oh yeah, about the last chapter, how Ash said he'd only been in one contest before, and got knocked out in the first battle round? This may be a spoiler if you haven't seen it, but he enters a contest against May after he completes the Battle Frontier. You may want to read about/watch that episode, might give you a story element. *nudge,nudge**hint,hint**wink,wink*
    Oh yea I forgot about that contest. The one I was referring to in the fic was the one official contest he entered with Dawn in the Sinnoh region, which happened to be Dawn's first too. I knew about that episode since I read a bunch of stuff on Bulbapedia and probably got that info about the ribbon and the contest from reading about her Blaziken or something. (And if you didn't recall, I did mention the ribbon in an earlier chapter.) For not watching the show past season 3 yet, I do know a tidbit here or there. I really should get back to watching my downloads... but just not enough time. =\

    Yeah, you're right GrizzlyB, I didn't spot that.
    For Reference, the Episodes are "Once More With Reeling" and the battle ends in "Home is where the Start is". They're the last two episodes of Battle Frontier.

    Also, it looks like you haven't seen the 9th movie, you can get a few plot points from there too, although it's respective season (Battle Frontier) contains little advanceshipping.
    Heh, thanks for the info but I already do know what happens in those episodes from reading them up in the past. But I haven't seen the movies or read much about them, so is there anything to know from the movies?

    Oh yea, and another thing, I've read Bulbapedia's Advanceshipping page a few times so I get good references from that too. Thanks for all the suggestions and help though.

    Now for the announcement. I leave for my camp tomorrow, and I really doubt I can finish chapter seven since it's turning about to be quite long and it's pretty difficult for me to write well because of the content. So I apologize in advanced if I don't finish chapter seven tonight, and hope you all have a good time reading other fics and whatnot while I'm gone.

    Oh, and thank you for all the happy birthday wishes. Turn 16 tomorrow, same day I go to camp! =D

    Now to let this thread fade into temporary oblivion.

  20. #45
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    Hello again everybody.

    Got back from camp on Sunday, and it was a blast. Won't bore you with details now though.

    Anyway, I swear that I have been working on the fic a little bit since I got back, but progress has been slow. Suffering from the blues of being away from the camp and also been getting together with friends lately. Not to mention a lot of practicing for a violin trio I gotta play this Sunday. *Sigh*

    Well I didn't want to post anything until I got the chapter finished, but I finally gave in and decided to post this notice or whatever for anybody is still interested in the fic.

  21. #46
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    I finally gave in and decided to post this notice or whatever for anybody is still interested in the fic.
    I'm still interested. I actually thought a new chapter had been posted.

    so is there anything to know from the movies?
    Yes, movie 9 has advanceshipping.

  22. #47
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    Ah, I haven’t reviewed or read in like ever, my apologies, I shall get started on that soon! And just to say, I’m finally up to date!


    Mm, dunno if I was actually doubting, by I certainly didn't think people would be interested in the fic so quickly. (Wait, that's called doubting isn't it?)
    Sure is, but hey, I suppose it’s natural for authors to feel that way. But no need to feel like that anymore, you’ve got a great fic coming on!

    Oh no, see, when I wrote "(Don't hurt me!)" (And I assume that's what you were referring too when you made that quote), I was talking to any moderators or whoever since I just admitted before that that I downloaded and watched torrents... which I'm pretty sure is illegal... Yipes!
    lol!

    In the unplanned future, I may decide to include Drew somewhere, to disrupt some of the peace between Ash and May. (Now I know that's not a spoiler since this is a shipping fic.) I've only planned so far so I dunno for sure yet. Same goes for other characters.
    interesting, Drew seems like a good character to pull out.

    Heh, well as I said before, Altaďr is based off me sort of, so you just kinda implied... hehe, nevermind.
    Well, okay, just ignore that I said that then!

    Glad to hear I'm hitting Ash's character correctly. Again, I'm basing a lot of the character's character from other people's fics and from the relatively few episodes I've watched. Oh, and you'll few more sorry for Altaďr in the next chapter, if you haven't already read it. =P
    I know, I read about Altair’s past, so sad!

    Good to hear that you like it, I just hope I can keep up the quality as time goes on, since things start becoming complicated.
    Well, just ta say, so far so good! And I really appreciate you sending me the PM’s even though I haven’t been reviewing lately.

    Well, I can go on and tell you how <<INSERT THE CHAPTERS I READ>> were really good, but that would be no fun. Instead, I’ll just quote funny parts from the fanfic!


    Ash, Dawn, and Brock turned their hands to see Altaďr bent forward and holding his... crotch... in pain.

    "She kicked me."
    hah hah, I didn’t think that would happen, poor Altair.

    "ARGH! Why won't he catch on? I swear, sometimes it's just impossible to screw with Ash's head when I talk about May."
    Again, thumbs up for Ash, I mean, wow, could you get him any more in character?

    Poor Brock!

    Flareon, Vaporeon, Leafeon, Umbreon, Glaceon, and Jolteon.
    Are Glaceon and Leafeon evolutions of Eevee?

    Altaďr then took off his boxers, leaving him completely naked under the shadow of the tree. Dawn immediately felt a surge of exhilaration and guilt as she watched him perform the feat.

    "Wait, why am I watching him... since when was I... how..."
    Man, here I was thinking, “Holy crap Dawn, what the hell do you think you’re doing!?” XDD Naughty girl.


    Ash immediately turned crimson at Brock's words, but tried his best to maintain his composure.

    "W-What are you talking about?" Ash managed to stammer.
    aw, so cute.

    Ash began blushing as he tried to think of a snappy comeback to say to Brock, but his brain failed him.
    too bad for Ash, he just can’t win.

    "Uh, beats me." Ash said faking confusion. He turned his head to where Pikachu sat on his shoulder and gave him a soft, "Thanks, it was beginning to feel weird being dragged around by her..."

    evil peoplez!

    Wellz, anyway, that’s all I have to quote I guess. But hey, those were awesome chapters, I can’t wait to read more!

    Oh yeah!

    Happy Belated Sixteenth birthday! Woo hoo for sixteen year-olds! And, you’re like the.... I dunno, I lost count... but I know so many people who are born in August, and coincidently, they’re all turning sixteen. I guess it’s a popular month, no?

    EDIT: I tried to put this up a few weeks ago, but sadly never got to it.
    ~*Uza-chan's Good bye*~

    IS SUPAH FIIIINE

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    Thank you to all you readers for being patient with me. I'm still not quite in sync with my daily routine since it's been changed dramatically after camp. I spend a lot of time talking to my friends from camp on AIM and Skype during the nights, so I don't always get a lot of time to write. But I am still devoted to writing as much of this fic as I can... until I drop dead.

    Anyway, also thank you to all those people who showed their support after my return. It really means a lot to see your comments and words of encouragement after so long. Also, glad to see Uza-chan is back on track and also leafy-the-hedgehog making a post in this thread.

    Ok, on to the show.

    --------------------

    Foreword

    Well, here it is finally. It's actually not everything I planned on writing in this chapter, but after reading over it a few times and checking the word count, it was becoming somewhat lengthy to me, so I decided it was finally time to put it up. That, and also there hasn't been an update in like, forever. I was becoming really angsty from not putting up a new chapter in so long.

    So, we finally learn something about our mysterious character that resembles May in this chapter. Flashback in this chapter as well. (Denoted by the ***'s)

    --------------------

    Chapter 7 - Gifts and Curses

    The day was beginning to get hot as the sun shined brightly overhead in the sky. Altaďr had exited Stacy's after registering for the contest and was now ambling down the sidewalk at a slow pace. As he walked, the sun beat down on his untidy black hair, making his head extremely hot and uncomfortable. After several more minutes of mindless wandering, he approached an ice cream parlor.

    Altaďr brought his hand up to his chin, thinking hard for a moment. "I want ice cream." he finally concluded as he made his way to the door.

    Entering the parlor, Altaďr saw a long line of customers lined up in front of the counter that sold ice cream. He sighed as he made his way to the back of the line, but as he did so, something caught his eye. Or rather, somebody.

    He spotted a familiar looking girl, who wore a red bandanna and had long strands of brown hair at the sides of her head, sitting at a table in the corner with her back turned to everyone else. Altaďr also noticed that the girl seemed to be shaking, so he deliberated whether or not he should approach her to see what the matter was. After much debate, he made up his mind and left his place in line to begin walking up to the shaking girl. As soon as he was a couple feet behind her, he spoke.

    "Excuse miss, I uh, couldn't help but notice that you seemed a little... down in the dumps here in this corner." Altaďr said in a soft voice so he wouldn’t surprise the young girl.

    The brunette stopped shaking at the sound of his deep voice, but didn't turn around. Altaďr heard her take a deep breath and then she spoke.

    "You're the first one to care..." the girl said faintly.

    Altaďr could tell that her voice slightly cracked, which confirmed his suspicion that she had been crying. He continued conversing with the sad girl.

    "Well, since I'm the first to care..." Altaďr paused to summon up the courage he needed to ask what he wanted to ask. "-do you want to confide the reason why you're distressed with me?"

    The girl pivoted her head in Altaďr's direction with slight surprise as she considered his unusual proposition. She couldn't get a good view at him without showing her red eyes, however, so she turned her head back towards the wall.

    "No, I'm fine. I just need to be alone right now," the girl said as impassively as she could.

    "I understand." Altaďr turned around and began to head back to the line to get ice cream, but before he could make it, a voice rang out in his direction.

    "Wait! Uh... I think... I could actually um... use somebody to talk to..." the girl blurted out loudly, surprising herself at her own sudden change of heart.

    Altaďr turned around and cracked a smile at the girl who was now facing him. When the young girl got a good glimpse at the teenaged boy for the first time, her sapphire eyes that were red from crying widened slightly, and her mouth hung somewhat agape. Several people had begun to watch scene as the girl had just nearly yelled across the parlor, and the bandanna-wearing girl began to blush as the people stared at them with interested eyes, making comments about the situation where the girl could hear a word here or there such as "couple" and "cute." This caused the girl to blush even more heavily but Altaďr however, took no notice of the watchers, and continued to talk to her like nothing was going on.

    "Well, we can't have a proper conversation if we don't know each other's names. Name's Altaďr."

    "That's a... unique name..." The girl commented.

    "Er, thanks... but... I'm interested in your name too." Altaďr gave the girl a warm smile to encourage her.

    "Oh, uh, m-m-my name is..."

    Altaďr waited patiently.

    "May."

    There was silence for several seconds, before Altaďr broke it.

    "May, that's a pretty name. Nice to you meet you."

    "Nice to meet you too... Altaďr..." It could be clearly seen by everyone in the parlor that May's face was crimson.

    "How about we talk over some ice cream? My treat."

    --------------------

    "Why do I feel... different... around this guy?"

    The two teenagers had sat down at the table May had been at and were now enjoying their delicious ice cream treats. Altaďr had got a simple cup of French vanilla and strawberry ice cream while May got a banana split, or rather Altaďr 'accidentally' bought a banana split and insisted that she had it, claiming he was slightly allergic to bananas. They sat across from each other on high table with stool chairs, which on the back of the chair was where Altaďr hung his black fleece jacket and backpack due to the heat of the day. They slowly ate their treats as they waited for the other to speak.

    "I can't really understand what I'm feeling right now... but something tells me that... he's the one I need to talk to..."

    May gazed down at her half eaten banana split and tried to process her thoughts, but she was interrupted when Altaďr spoke to her for the first time after he had bought her the banana split.

    "Enjoying it?"

    May looked up at the source of the voice and attempted to give him a smile, but failed as she just twitched her mouth in several ways.

    "Yeah, thank you for being so generous and buying it for me," she tried to say sweetly, but failed as well, as her voice just sounded like a whisper.

    Altaďr just gave her a small smile of his own and nodded, before going back to finishing his own ice cream.

    "Why does he care so much about me anyway? He doesn't know me at all... or does he?"

    She began to ponder that thought and tried to remember if she had ever seen him. She thought about his tall and lean, but strong, body, his unkempt hair, his kind, handsome face...

    Altaďr, sitting across the table, had finished his ice cream and was waiting patiently for May to speak first. Eventually, May looked up again and saw the young man staring at her.

    "He's got... nice eyes... but they seem to be black... like his hair... black like Ash's..."

    At the thought of Ash's name she looked away from Altaďr and blushed off to the side. Altaďr raised an eyebrow but he didn't speak or make any motions. He wanted to make sure she was ready.

    "Why does Altaďr want to keep me company?... Most people would be suspicious, but for some reason, I trust him."

    May couldn't hold her thoughts and emotions in any longer.

    "Ohh! I feel like my head is about to explode!" she said through closed eyes while rubbing her forehead.

    "You can't keep everything you have bottled within you; you have to let it out sometime."

    May calmed herself down at his words and thought of what she should say to him for several seconds. Finally, it hit her.

    "Altaďr... have you ever..." she tried to find the right words so it wouldn't seem too awkward. "-cared for somebody, like a lot?"

    Altaďr looked at the young girl puzzledly at first but caught on to what she was saying.

    "...Yes..."

    "Then you understand that when you lo-I mean, care for someone a lot, you want them to care for you back... forever... right?"

    Altaďr nodded, wondering where she was going with this.

    "Well, there was this boy..."

    "He did something to you," Altaďr interrupted, but quickly looked away and apologized for his rudeness.

    "It's all right, and you're right..." May looked at her banana split sadly, which was now almost gone.

    Altaďr remained silent, waiting for her to continue.

    "The boy's name... is Drew."

    "What did this Drew do to you?"

    "I..."

    May looked away as she felt tears welling in her eyes, but she held them in. However, she couldn't hide them from Altaďr before he had noticed and he gave her a concerned look as he reached over and gently held her hand.

    "You don't have to tell me anything if it hurts too much to talk about," he said softly.

    The girl was a bit taken aback by his action, but on the inside, she felt a bit warmer and confident.

    "I-I think I'll be ok..." May murmured, still letting him hold onto her hand.

    Altaďr nodded and retracted his hand, leaving May slightly disappointed, as she liked the feeling of his warm grasp.

    "He's so... caring... and sweet... like another boy I know..."

    May got her mind back on track as she continued with her tale.

    "Well, I... I liked Drew. I liked him a lot. You see, we're both Pokémon coordinators and we're rivals as well. Before I met Drew, I traveled with a group of friends, one of them being my brother. But when I met him... I dunno, I didn't like him much at first, because he was always so harsh when he criticized me, but as time went on, I realized he was always trying to help me, and he told me that the reason why he was always so harsh was because he really cared about me a lot and he wanted me to be best I could."

    May looked off to the side sighed.

    "And he really did mean it... I could see it in his eyes when he told me that. So that was when I fell for him, over... another boy... one of the ones I traveled with."

    Altaďr only nodded slowly, not wanting to interrupt the girl for a single word.

    "I continued traveling around with my group, watching the... other boy... compete in gyms while I competed in contests, where I saw Drew again and again. As time passed, I began to think about him constantly, wanting to see him all the time... and that wish came true when my friend that was the trainer cleared the Battle Frontier. After a non-official contest that he and I competed and tied in, Drew came up to me without the others knowing, and asked me if I wanted to travel with him to Johto to compete in the contests there. I eagerly agreed of course... and immediately told my friends and brother that I would be leaving for Johto, but I left out the part about Drew asking me. And... that's the last I ever saw them, since we all had separate paths to take..."

    Altaďr sat quietly and made no sound while May took a small breather.

    "So it was just me and Drew in Johto, and we were happy being alone with each other. Over time, we could tell that we liked each other... a lot... so we started... a relationship.

    May stopped and blushed at how she was being so open to a total stranger, but his dark captivating eyes captured her, and she moved on.

    "We... did things together... and... even kissed several times..." May felt herself getting extremely warm but as she looked up at Altaďr again, she saw his understanding facial expression, which soothed her.

    "We were happy together... but one day..." the coordinator began feel the tears coming back as she recalled the past, and this time, she actually grabbed the boy's hand as she let the tears out.

    "I-I thought he loved me! H-He even said so himself!" May was now sobbing heavily as she held Altaďr's hand close to her chest. He was startled by her action as his hand was now very close to her breasts, but he made no effort to pull way.

    "O-One day, at a c-c-contest... we met a-another... g-girl... a b-beautiful one too..." May paused to control her sobbing so she could speak more clearly.

    "At first, I didn't think... much of it. Drew and the... girl hit it off well, like she... and I did too, so I thought he was just being... friendly. But as we went to... more contests, Drew seemed to be drifting away from me... he wouldn't... be as intimate with me as often... and our conversations grew shorter. I also... saw him talking with the other girl a lot when we met up at contests." May let out of heavy sigh as she regained complete control of her breathing.

    "I thought they just talked about contest things, since she was a great coordinator and Drew had already talked about contests plenty of times with me, so I let go of my suspicion and acted like nothing was wrong. I was so stupid... so foolish..."

    May's eyes began to narrow in anger, surprising Altaďr as he stared into them, but the anger left her eyes almost as soon as it entered, replaced by the sad, defeated look once again.

    "I was too naďve... I couldn't see what was going on behind my back until it was too late. If I had found out earlier, it probably won't have hurt as much..."

    May finally let go of Altaďr's hand and looked down into her nearly empty bowl, with a look of many emotions on her face.

    "I found them together in..."

    ********************

    May walked down the long hallway quickly as she searched for her boyfriend, Drew, who had told her that he would be gone for only about 10 minutes. The hallway was lined with many doors that lead to the dressing rooms for the coordinators who were participating in the contest. Drew had been gone for over 20 minutes and May was starting to get worried, so she had left her own room to see where he might have gone... or what might have happened to him.

    "It's not like Drew to go against his word... I'm starting to get worried."

    The young girl wandered the halls, peaking into a few open dressing room doors, but didn't find her sweetheart in any of them.

    "Maybe he just got caught up in a conversation with somebody... most likely about contests... most likely with... her."

    May instantly felt a pang of guilt as she thought of her new friend in that manner. "No, she'll never try anything on Drew... she's too sweet... if he is with her then they're probably just having a friendly conversation." However, she couldn't help but feel a little anxious at the possibility of the two doing something more, no matter how hard she tried to put that idea out of her head.

    The coordinator continued to amble through the hallway until she had finally reached the double door that would take her back to the contest hall lobby. She looked left and right at the two dressing rooms on both sides of her, and noticed that the door on the left was slightly open. She signed as she considered checking that one last door, but decided against it as she thought Drew was no where in the vicinity, but as May began to walk towards the double door, she heard giggling coming from the open door.

    "Oh Drew, you're so bad!" a female voice giggled out.

    "I know..." a male voice sneered.

    May's eyes widened as she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "It... can't... be..." May managed to stutter.

    She stood in front of the door, shocked, for several seconds, before she did the only thing she could think of doing. She pushed the door in with all her might and caused it to slam against the wall. What she saw broke her heart.

    Inside the room, Drew was laying on top of the girl on a couch, locking his lips with her as he made out with her noisily and passionately. The sound caused by the slammed door hadn't even affected their activity, and they continued their intense kissing without noticing May. May was so stunned and could only manage to whisper one word. "Drew..."

    Despite saying it quietly, Drew somehow heard May say his name and he broke away from the girl and looked up, seeing May standing at the doorway. His jaw dropped since he had just been caught cheating on his girlfriend. "May... I..."

    But before he could make any sort of explanation, May sprinted out the doorway and left the contest hall in a matter of seconds, leaving Drew and the terrible crime she had seen him commit behind. As she ran, her brain was flooded with emotions.

    "How could he... why did he..."

    The same questions ran through the innocent girl's mind as she replayed the event she had just witnessed in her head over and over again. When May finally did stop running and regained her psyche, she looked around and saw she had run deep into the forest.

    "I just... want to be lost in here forever..."

    --------------------

    Two days had passed and May was a total mess as she had remained in the forest ever since she had viewed her boyfriend, or rather ex-boyfriend now, cheating on her with one of her friends. The girl's hair was in disarray, her face dirty, and her clothes soiled. Her only sources of food had been whatever snacks she carried in her yellow fanny pack which was not at able to supplement her fully.

    May's eyes were also completely bloodshot from crying, which was what she did the majority of the time. She kept asking herself why Drew did what he did; she thought he loved her, and he had even said so himself a number of times.

    "Is it me? Was I a bad girlfriend... or am I not pretty enough... or did he just get... bored of me?" May felt the tears coming back as she thought over the questions she had asked herself a million times.

    "It must be... because she's a better coordinator..." she concluded like she did every time she went through the process, and she began to cry quietly to herself again.

    Being out alone in the forest two days has done a number of the girl's physical and emotional health, and she was on the verge of insanity and collapsing from exhaustion, whether she knew it or not. The disheveled girl dragged her feet as she walked at a painstakingly slow pace, just wandering with no destination.

    "I just... want to die..."

    At that last thought, she collapsed.

    When May woke up, she found herself staring at the ceiling of a building. The sight confused her and she struggled to remember what had happened. Suddenly, all her memories came flooding back to her and she jolted into an upright position and observed her surroundings. She was lying on a small cot in a small room with wooden walls and a door. There was absolutely nothing else in the room except a small gas lamp beside her. May made an attempt to get off the cot but discovered her legs weren't responding so well, and then felt the empty feeling in her stomach.

    "How long has it been since I last ate?"

    May let her head fall back onto her pillow and continued staring at the ceiling. After several minutes, she could feel herself dozing off but before she could she heard the door open. The weary coordinator sat up again and saw a dark figure standing at the door. May felt slightly anxious at the sight of the figure but as soon as it stepped into the light of the lamp, she sighed and felt more relieved. The figure turned out to be an elderly woman carrying a tray with a steaming bowl and cup. As the old lady approached May, she could smell the alluring scent of soup and heard her stomach screaming for food.

    "Here child, eat this slowly," the old woman smiled at the young girl and placed the tray on her lap.

    May looked at the soup and hesitated for a moment but her stomach was begging for food, so she finally gave in and picked up the spoon. She took a small spoonful of the soup and slurped it, enjoying it immensely. May then began to pick up more spoonfuls of soup and began to devour it at a quicker pace.

    "Slow down there child, if you eat too quickly after being starved you can kill yourself!"

    That stopped May, and she put down her spoon to let herself digest some of the food. She looked up at the old woman and thought about what she should say to her, finally coming up with two simple words.

    "Thank... you..."

    The elderly woman simply nodded and smiled and then left the room. May was alone once again and she began to feel cold on the inside. She tried to push the feelings into the back of her mind as she resumed eating her soup, this time more slowly. After finishing the soup, she began to drink the hot tea, which rejuvenated her, as well as made her slightly drowsy. Before she knew it, May was fast asleep once again.

    -------------------
    May awoke to find the room dark. This time, the coordinator remembered where she was and quickly hopped off the cot without any problem. The soup the nice old lady gave her yesterday had successfully returned a portion of May’s strength to her. She felt her way to the door and slowly opened it. May peeked into the next room, which appeared to be the living room, dining room, and kitchen of the house, or rather, cabin, as the entire place was made of wood.

    “Uh, hello?” May called into the dimly lit room. Nobody replied.

    The girl slowly opened the door the rest of the way and entered the main room of the cabin, which was rather small. She began to explore the area until she eyed something lying on the table. It was a note, and it was addressed to May.

    “Dear My Guest, if you are reading this, then I have already gone into town and won’t be back until nightfall. Feel free to help yourself to whatever food you need, and to use the phone if you need to call anybody, as you are probably on a Pokémon journey so you probably need to be on your way soon. I was just glad I could help you out before any harm could befall you."

    “I wonder why she didn’t write her name…”

    May looked around the cabin and spotted a simple non-video telephone in the corner. Since she had left her PokéNav in her dressing room at the contest hall, it was her only form of communication now. She thought about calling somebody but she then realized that she didn’t know who to call. Calling her parents would only make them worry about her, and she wasn’t ready to return home if they asked her to, especially under the circumstances. She couldn’t call her friends, as she had no idea where in the world they were. May was about to give up on calling anybody until one person hit her. She swiftly picked up the phone and tried to remember the number of the person. Finally remembering after several moments, she dialed the number and waited.

    The voice of a Pokémon answered the phone.

    “Mime?” The Pokémon cheerfully said.

    “Hey Mimey… this is May. Is… Ash’s mom there?” May asked hesitantly.


    “Mr. Mime!” May heard the Pokémon calling for Delia, Ash’s mom, in Pokémon language and soon, another voice spoke through the phone.

    “Hello?” said the voice of a woman this time.

    “Hi Mrs. Ketchum… this is May.”

    “Oh hello May! It’s been a long time, how are you?” greeted Delia cheerfully.

    “Not… so well,” answered May sadly.

    “Oh, what’s wrong dear?” Delia put on a look of a concern, though May couldn’t see it since she wasn’t using a video phone.

    For some reason, May entrusted Ash’s mom with all the events that had happened since she left for Johto. She felt somewhat guilty about telling everything to Delia instead of her own mom, Caroline, but at the moment, she didn’t want tell her own mother; it would only cause her to worry and she would most likely tell May’s father, Norman, which was the last thing May needed. If Norman knew that May was spending time with a boy, alone, on her Pokémon journey, he would probably have May back at the gym before she could even explain anything else, as well as have a ‘friendly’ meeting with the lucky boy.

    “May, if you ever need a safe place to stay, you know you can always come to my home,” Delia told May.

    “Thanks Mrs. Ketchum, but I actually think I know what I want to do next now.”

    “Really? What would that be?”

    “I want to meet up and travel with Ash again,” May said softly.

    “Oh, May, I think that’s a great idea! I think Ash would like that very much,” Delia exclaimed, with a slight hinting tone in her voice. May missed whatever she hinted however.

    “Yeah… but I don’t know where Ash is right now…”

    “After Ash returned home and battled Gary, he traveled to the Sinnoh region, and currently he’s traveling with Brock again, as well as a new girl named Dawn. She’s a coordinator like you too.”

    May felt a pang of jealously upon hearing the fact that another girl was traveling with Ash. She tried to shake it off but only felt more jealous and hurt.

    “Oh… a new girl? What’s she like?” the coordinator asked sheepishly.

    “I don’t really know May, I’ve only seen her over the video phone a couple of times when Ash makes his weekly calls, but she seems like a nice girl.”

    “I wonder… if Ash still cares about me…” May felt a small tear form at the ends of her eyes but she fought to hold them back.

    “No, no more crying. I will be strong now. I want… to be with Ash again… and I will.”

    All of a sudden, May felt a new spirit within her that was determined to embark on this journey. She didn’t know where it came from, or why she was feeling that way, but she was bent on finding Ash at that moment, no matter what it took.

    Her thoughts were interrupted by a voice coming from the phone she still held to her ear.

    “The last time I heard from Ash, which was actually last night, he said he was on the road a city called… Lightcrown I think? You may want to start your search for him there.”

    May felt herself light up at the new information. “Really? Then I think that’s where I will head to… right now! Thanks for being here to talk with me.”

    “It’s no problem May. Feel free to call again if you need someone to talk to or if you need an update on where Ash may be.”

    “Thanks again, Mrs. Ketchum, but if Ash calls, could you keep the story of me searching for him a secret? I want it to be a surprise when I finally catch up to him.”

    “Sure thing May, you go on now!”

    “All right, bye!” and with that, May hung up the phone and ran back into the small bedroom to collect her belongings. But as she began to open the front door, she realized she still had no idea where she was. May sighed and plopped herself down on a couch to wait for the old woman to return. She checked the clock which read 6:57, so she said to herself that it wouldn’t be long until the old woman returned.

    -------------------

    Afterthought

    Alright, so that's the chapter you've all been waiting so long for. Again, I apologize for the long time gap.

    So since there was a flashback in this chapter, I wanted to make sure everything was consistence with things from previous chapters. If any of you all still remember past chapters and find something inconsistent, please tell me.

    Contestshippers who are reading this fic probably didn't like the way Drew is being portrayed in this fic, but hey, it is and Advanceshipping fic. I just found Contestshipping to be a very believable ship so I decided to wiggle that in, only to destroy it so Advanceshipping can shine. I'm evil, no?

    But wait, what's with May warming up to Altaďr so quickly? Hm, I wonder...

    Haha no i won't say any more about that. You'll all just have to wait for more of the plot to unfold to understand some things. I feel a lot of stuff is pretty predictable though. But let me just say that the true plot has not be uncovered yet.

    Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it. Comment, review, whatever, I'm just glad I'm back to writing this fic, though at a slower pace.

    -CICHawk
    Last edited by cichawk; 22nd August 2007 at 7:07 AM.

  24. #49
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    Finally, it's been, like... forever. But then again, you did plan your absence, so, whatever. I don't really feel like nitpicking today, so I leave you only two possible errors I noticed.

    "He's so... caring... and sweet... like another boy I know..."

    May got her mind back on track as she continued with her tale.
    I assume you meant to switch the italics. I mean, it'd be weird if she said that to Altaďr...

    May instantly felt a pang of girl as she thought of her new friend in that manner.
    Guilt, possibly?...

    So, about the story, yeah, sucks to be May. But, apparently, life's good for Drew. Maybe. Guess we might find out, eh? And about the new girl. Not that I care overly about them, though. Do what you want.

    Altaďr seemed to be acting differently towards May, but I suppose it could be viewed as being alike to him helping Ash, Brock, and Dawn, too. Is it inherent in his nature to aid people in distress? Seems that way.

    Also, it seems as though, Ash, Brock, and Dawn don't appear in this chapter. Weird. Hope the next one comes out soon. I've been suddenly busy as well, with football practice and school starting soon, so I know how all that goes (this was the first time I've checked back here in about four days. Coincidence? I think not).

  25. #50
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    Jun 2007
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    Nowhere near You
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    Contestshippers who are reading this fic probably didn't like the way Drew is being portrayed in this fic, but hey, it is and Advanceshipping fic. I just found Contestshipping to be a very believable ship so I decided to wiggle that in, only to destroy it so Advanceshipping can shine. I'm evil, no?


    Well, this is actually really realistic. From my character perception of Drew (no offense to Drew fans, I do not dislike him anyway), something like this is quite possible with him.

    I wonder what May's reaction is with when Altaďr tells her in passing about Ash . Or something.

    All-in-all, nice having you back after a long time.

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