Page 7 of 8 FirstFirst ... 345678 LastLast
Results 151 to 175 of 194

Thread: Pokemon: Neo Genesis (AaMayL/Advanceshipping, PG-13)

  1. #151
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    The Pltomaios
    Posts
    93

    Default

    Wow! This forum is letting me on for the first time in like a week and a half! Cookies for everone!
    *Passes out cookies*
    Mmmm, cookies...
    Anyway, down to business! I remember you saying long ago about Altair's battling system having some drawbacks. I guess the whole pain thing is it. But I still can't guess why it's happening in the first place... I mean, I have some ideas, but they're pretty stupid...

  2. #152
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Nowhere near You
    Posts
    238

    Default

    Ariel: You accidentally double posted.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Zant
    Whoa, EB. Slow down for a second. Dawn's never been out of Sinnoh with Ash, I thought?

    I have no objection to Pearlshipping either, but a different perspective on the characters' ages would seem in order.
    *shot*
    That was my imagination deceiving me. The tons of different storylines often distort what is canon and not, so sorry about that. :/

    Anyway, that's that.

  3. #153
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Lord Zant

    Wow! This forum is letting me on for the first time in like a week and a half! Cookies for everone!
    *Passes out cookies*
    Hm, for some reason, I never have too much of a problem getting on. Maybe it's because of where I'm located?

    Who DOES remember all of those rules? I just read my writing out loud, and everywhere I naturally pause, I stick a comma. Never fails.

    Usually.

    I'm sure my teacher disagrees, but she seems to think I can handle my grammar well enough.
    Eh, I didn't fail my comma test, but I didn't ace it either...

    Maybe I should try how you do it.

    Whoa, EB. Slow down for a second. Dawn's never been out of Sinnoh with Ash, I thought?

    I have no objection to Pearlshipping either, but a different perspective on the characters' ages would seem in order.
    *shot*
    Actually, I think Earthborn is referring to the time Misty asked Ash to dance, which was during the first season.

    To the second part, huh?

    Dirty pictures are forming in my mind...AH!

    You COULD'VE just said "Dawn said as she carefully shut the bathroom door," or something, but no. She has to be UNDRESSING.
    ...O...

    Oh my gosh, he's doing it again! My mind is sinking deeper into the gutter! My brain is frying!
    ...Double O...

    Aw, why don't I have a Mexican Fast Food stand? Life frowns on me.
    Hm, actually, I just had Mexican today for dinner (thought not at a stand).

    Yeah, I dunno what compelled me to put that in.

    Says the boy who ate an entire Taco in one bite.
    And my dad had a ungodly amount of hot sauce today...

    Good job May, you can read and comprehend signs. You pass first grade. Next time, lets try and keep our thoughts to ourselves, alright?
    Well... hey. =P

    Dude, Cichawk is an ADVANCESHIPPER. We don't have anyone else to dump the dirty roles on, now do we? (Aside from Misty, but almost all of the Mods are Pokeshippers, so I'd watch it there.) Of course he'll be showing up, if only in mention.
    Hm...

    Adult themes!

    (And just as I got the last two out of my mind...)
    Ok, but this is present even in our teenaged world, (high school dances, anybody?) so this is completely acceptable to me. xP

    Altair, avoiding an event where Boys and Girls socialize together, possibly romantically?

    With the chapter name of Polarity Check, I'm worried about his orientation.
    Er?

    Actually, Schanophoozeric (hard to spell, eh?) people have several personallities, and when one personallity does something, the others don't know about it, I think. I wouldn't know, because it was the Bob half of me that looked it up in the dictionary.
    Well, I didn't really know what else to call it.

    Spellcheck for the win too.

    So, kind of a more grown up chapter here, but it's nice to know that the characters of Pokemon are actually maturing mentally in your fic. It's also nice to know that you don't consider Ash/May/Brock/Dawn to be gay. I hate those people. (But we all know the truth about Harley, James, and Tucker, don't we?)
    Well, when you think about it, undressing *cough* is a daily activity, so I didn't think it'd be considered that mature... hehe I guess I just didn't think of the consequences for that part.

    o.O Why would any of those 4 characters be gay? Are they presented as gay in some fics?


    I wanted to comment on the emotion you put in your fic:

    Just for fun, I copied a chapter into Microsoft word and deleted all of the emotional thoughts.

    It was confusing, first of all, and pacing seemed to die.

    Really your emotion does three things quite effectively, as I am glad to report.

    1. It tells the reader what the characters are thinking, so the reader doesn't guess and get it completely wrong. It's your story, and we're all completely stupid about it. Tell us everything you can about what's going on - use packing peanuts for that fragile mental picture, because it would be a shame if we got it all wrong.

    2. It helps explain the story.

    3. It improves pacing, and forces people to read it closer. (not to mention that it's funny.) I've read too many fanfictions, (mine included) that tend to skip over the emotions when the author gets excited about what he wants to say. They quicken up emmensely, and lose quality because of it. Definately keep the emotional dialogue the way you have it, because it is very effective.
    That's a nice analysis that I probably would have never come up with without performing such an experiment. I just kind of keep on writing and hope I do good enough of a job. =)

    And what did the title mean, really? I made an immature guess, but I wanna know...
    Well, May acted kind of polar in this chapter, going from all nice friendly to a raging jealousy case and is about to switch her target to Altair.

    A little bit of the above, and that the title just sounds kind of cool. 'Check' doesn't really mean anything

    Ariel_Anderson

    Mmmm, cookies...
    Anyway, down to business! I remember you saying long ago about Altair's battling system having some drawbacks. I guess the whole pain thing is it. But I still can't guess why it's happening in the first place... I mean, I have some ideas, but they're pretty stupid...
    Hm, yes I guess that would be considered a drawback, wouldn't it?

    Well, as the author, I'll say that your guess may be right in some way, but there's much more that I have in mind for any guess to be completely right.

    Earthborn

    That was my imagination deceiving me. The tons of different storylines often distort what is canon and not, so sorry about that. :/

    Anyway, that's that.
    Actually, your imagination was correct, because like I said to Lord Zant above, there was an episode with a dance during the first season. I forget exactly what the episode about, but in the end, everybody's in kimonos and Misty asks Ash to dance.

  4. #154
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Foreword

    Continuing on from last chapter. Lots to happen.

    -------------------

    Chapter 20 – Ice Box


    “Hey Altaïr, where’ve you been?” said a female voice.

    Altaïr spun around, and a girl clad mostly in red with a red bandana on her brown hair came into view.

    “May,” acknowledged Altaïr with a nod. “Uh, I was just attending to some business after I left the contest.” He paused, and continued. “You probably want to know why I threw the battle.”

    “Well, actually, I wanna know if you want to dance with me first?” asked May, doing her best to hide her nervousness.

    “…Huh?”

    May gathered more courage and asked once again, this time more boldly. “Do you want to dance with me?”

    Altaïr furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at the girl before him who eyed him with sparkling blue eyes. The room was dark, but he could make out her features, such as her little smile, her clasped hands, her cute face…

    “…’Kay, why not.”

    The young coordinator felt her heart leap and had the urge to squeal, but suppressed it in fear of looking silly in front of Altaïr. She grabbed his right hand with her left and began to lead him into the dance floor.

    Altaïr coolly followed, but kept his guard up since May was acting strangely, in his assessment. He began to wonder why he had even agreed to dance in the first place again.

    Eventually, the two were in the midst of the action and May began to take lead, lifting her arms and swaying her hips to the moderate speed of the new song. Altaïr raised an eyebrow at her dancing, but felt his own body start to move to the beat as he looked at the girl’s face that smiled seductively at him.

    “Whew, is it me, or is it getting hot in here…”

    May continued her dancing while moving closer to Altaïr at the same time, and soon her back was against Altaïr’s front side. The teenaged girl could feel her cheeks become warmer, but she went on and continued backing up against Altaïr until her back was rubbing against his front as she swayed.

    Altaïr, who began feeling even hotter, allowed May to move against his body, but he stopped his own movements and froze into a statue. The teenaged boy felt the strong desire for pleasure churn inside him, but his conscience kept him from taking advantage of the situation.

    May was now grinding against Altaïr, and she felt her whole body heat up. She knew that she was doing the very thing she had just voiced disgust towards, but the half of her that wanted love and companionship compelled her to go on. The brunette closed her eyes as she relaxed herself, and let her body and mind go free. Her dancing intensified, and she turned around to face Altaïr, who stiffened even more as she did so.

    “Oh, c’mon Altaïr, there’s no need to be nervous,” said May with a sultry voice while opening her eyes to stare into his.

    “Uh…” Altaïr could only stare blankly back. It was still near impossible for May to tell his emotions through his dark eyes.

    Unbeknownst to the dancing pair, a pair of brown eyes observed them from their corners as the teenager they were attached to danced with his partner.

    Ash watched with wide eyes as May was dancing provocatively before Altaïr, while Dawn watched Ash with interest.

    “Something caught your eye, Ash?” asked Dawn as she danced a comfortable distance from Ash, as opposed to the way May was dancing.

    “Huh?” said Ash as he tilted his eyes back at Dawn. “Uh… it’s nothing…” he answered after a second, hoping the answer would satisfy Dawn.

    Dawn looked suspiciously at Ash for a moment, then shrugged and let the question go, deciding she would rather have fun with Ash than pursue the reason for his strange behavior.

    The trainer sighed as Dawn looked away from his eyes and continued her dancing, allowing him to rotate his eyes back towards May and Altaïr.

    “Since when have those two… how the hell?”

    The questions began popping in Ash’s head, and soon he found himself subconsciously inching away from Dawn to get a closer view of the other pair. After catching himself though, he inched back towards Dawn, but still kept Altaïr and May in view.

    “Maybe it’s just a coincidence… maybe they just met and decided to dance with each other…”

    “But I never knew May could dance like THAT. How much has she changed since we were last together?”

    “How do I know she’s not with Drew, or anybody else?”

    “Or maybe she likes Altaïr… and maybe he likes her too…”

    As that painful conclusion hit Ash, he felt his heart sink lower than it ever did before, even lower than it did when he lost in the Indigo Plateau. His shoulders sank like they were weighed down by a heavy backpack, and his knees went soft.

    His dance partner noticed his sudden change in demeanor, and stopped her own dancing to look at him with concerned eyes.

    “…Ash?”

    The trainer initially made no response, but then slowly looked at the young coordinator in front him. With lifeless eyes, he answered her.

    “I think I’m going to go back to the Pokémon Center now… I have a stomachache.”

    Dawn made an attempt at saying something back, but Ash had already strode out of her sight, and melded into the crowd. Before he made it to the door, however, he took one last look at his beloved and his rival.

    “Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.”

    --------------------

    “This has got to stop… I can’t do this…”


    Altaïr suddenly jerked backwards from May, who was just a hair’s width away from him. May looked at him with confusion, and slight hurt, but Altaïr did his best to resist.

    However, he couldn’t lay it out so plainly to her, so he did the second thing that came to mind.

    “Uh, I just remembered, I have to go up to my room and uh… do some… things.” The tall teenager cursed at himself for the lame excuse, but it worked nonetheless, as May’s expressions disappeared and a cheerful one replaced it.

    “Oh, ok! When will you be back, then?” the coordinator chirped.

    “Uh, actually, I think it’ll take all night, so I probably won’t be able to come back down here…”

    “Oh… well, then I guess you have to go do what you gotta, right?” May looked at Altaïr with disappointment.

    “Yeah…” Altaïr meant to leave the conversation at that, but a strange force within him compelled to leave the girl with some closure. “Well, you can come to my room to visit, if you like…”

    “Whoa! Damn! What made me say that?!”


    But it was too late to take the offer back, as May suddenly looked up at him with bright eyes and a wide smile.

    Altaïr felt like slapping himself across the face at that moment, but the damage was done, and he had to get away from May before anything else could happen. He quickly nodded before turning around to make his way out of the ballroom.

    “No, I can’t do this… I can’t put another unnecessary variable in my life…”

    “I can’t have-…”

    --------------------

    “Hey, Brock?”

    Brock was unable to hear the voice over the loud music, and continued to dance like a drunkard with three other women, feeling as though he was in heaven.

    “Brock!”

    The breeder still did not respond to the call, and now had his arm around two of the girls, bringing them in close.

    “BROCK!” screamed the voice into his ear.

    “AH! WHA?!” Brock jumped up in surprise, but still managed to keep his arms around his newfound companions.

    “Get over here!” seethed Dawn as she grabbed his ear and pulled him away from the girls.

    “NOOOO! TAKE ME BACK! I MAY NEVER HAVE THIS-.”

    “Oh be quiet, this is important!” barked Dawn as she pulled hard on Brock’s ear, causing him to squeal.

    Dawn calmed herself down after inflicting her wrath on Brock, and let go of his ear.

    “Sorry about being so rough with you, but I didn’t think there was any other way to get you away from them,” said Dawn sheepishly.

    Brock only moaned in grief in response.

    “But I had to pull you out because of Ash. He began acting really weird, and then he walked out to go back to the Pokémon Center, saying he has a stomachache.”

    “Well, he did eat a ton of tacos for dinner, so maybe that’s it. Can I go back now?” Brock looked longingly in the direction of the three girls he was pulled away from.

    “No! I could tell something was really up with Ash. He, he looked really hurt, or something like that…” Dawn clasped her hands together and looked worriedly at Brock.

    “Could you ask Ash what’s wrong whenever you see him again? It doesn’t have to be right now; it can be after the dance, when you’re done with your… stuff, but whenever you meet up with him back at the Pokémon Center.”

    Brock looked closely at Dawn, and saw that she really was apprehensive about what happened.

    “Alright, I’ll do it, but I don’t get why you can’t go talk to him yourself. It’s not that I don’t care, but this seems like something you would go handle yourself.”

    Dawn froze as Brock drew up that evaluation, and quickly looked away from the breeder.

    “Is it because you-“

    “Ooook! Well, I’m going to go back up to my room now. See you later, Brock!” and with that, Dawn ran off through the crowd towards the exit.

    Brock merely chuckled at the girl’s actions, and made one final thought to himself.

    “Heh, children, they always gotta hide their love, unlike me.”

    Brock puffed his chest out in pride at his ability to proclaim love to any woman he found beautiful.

    “Now, where are those three?”

    ---------------------

    Altaïr stepped out of the steaming shower and grabbed a towel to begin drying himself. His thoughts meandered about, from the contest, to his evening surveillance, to what just happened at the dance, and to the forthcoming night. He sighed deeply as he looked at himself in the mirror, which reflected the image of a messy, long-haired teenager. He noted that his hair had grown considerably in just a few days, and made a second note to cut it sometime soon.

    The trainer pulled his eyes away from the mirror, not wanting to stare at himself for too long, and began making his way for the clean clothes that he had tossed onto the floor before he took his shower. Just as Altaïr was bending over to pick them up, he heard a knock outside of the bathroom door that he’d left open.

    At first, Altaïr decided on ignoring it for the time being to get dressed, but more knocks soon followed, this time slightly louder. The boy gave in, and decided to go for the door outside, since eventually, the knocking would get on his nerves.

    Altaïr grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his torso before walking out of the bathroom. He turned right, where the door stood directly in front of him, and without looking through the peephole, or engaging the lock at the top, Altaïr swung the door open.

    When he saw who was outside, he wished he had done either of those two things.

    Standing before him was May, still dressed in the clothes she wore at the dance. At first, she smiled sweetly at him, but then turned bright red and her mouth hung agape as she saw him naked with only a towel on.

    “Uh…” was all Altaïr could manage to get out.

    “H-Hey-,” started May. She then put on the smile once again, though she was still red, and went on. “-can I come in?”

    “Well, um, can I get some… yeah…” Altaïr looked down at himself, and felt his body heat up, even though his room was air-conditioned.

    “Actually, it’s kind of urgent. Can I just wait inside?”

    “…Ok?”

    Altaïr stepped aside and let the coordinator in, who walked past him towards the beds, but not without sneaking another glance at his physique.

    The teenaged boy mumbled unintelligible words to himself about the embarrassing situation, and walked into the bathroom, this time closing the door behind him.

    May, now at the beds, plopped herself down on the one closest to her, and waited patiently for Altaïr to emerge from the bathroom. In her mind, she reviewed her plan, and nervously twiddled her fingers.

    Glancing around the room, May noticed there were not many foreign objects in the room. The only things she could see were Altaïr’s backpack with his Pokéballs, the suitcase, and the brown package, the latter two recognized by May as the two objects he carried with him around noon that day.

    The coordinator also spotted an electronic device lying on the desk, with a wire attached to it running towards a power outlet. May had the thought of checking it out, but decided against it as she didn’t want to invade his privacy more than she already was.

    Looking behind her, the clocked on the nightstand showed 9:32 pm.

    “The night’s still young,” thought May.

    Finally, a click was heard from the bathroom door, and Altaïr emerged in a plain white T-shirt and boxers. May felt her cheeks warm as she looked at his body again.

    “So uh, what’s so urgent here?” asked Altaïr plainly as he sat on the opposite bed.

    May stayed silent, thinking of the words to say to him.

    “Altaïr-,” she began, and thought some more. “-do you have somebody?”

    “Whuu…?” he drawled in a slightly stupid tone.

    May reiterated. “Do you… have somebody that… you care for?”

    The question sounded extremely familiar to the trainer, and he began feeling uneasy in the situation.

    “I used to… and I believe you’ve asked me the same question before.”

    “Well, before, I asked if you did have somebody you cared for, and now I’m asking if you still do.” May looked slightly away from Altaïr’s black eyes that stared at her.

    “Then no, I don’t.”

    May went silent for a moment, and Altaïr waited patiently.

    “Well, do you think… are you… uh…” the coordinator couldn’t seem to get the right words out. After some stuttering, she finally got it.

    “Are you available, then?”

    Altaïr didn’t say a word.

    May waited longer for his reply, but none came. He only stared at her with his dark eyes, betraying no thought or emotion.

    “W-Well… the reason why I’m, asking… is… because…” May got up from the bed she sat on, and took a single step towards Altaïr. This time, his eyes betrayed a hint of uneasiness, and he shifted backwards slightly.

    Then, without warning, May shoved hard on Altaïr’s shoulders and he fell backwards, flat onto his back. A shocked expression took over the teenaged boy’s face, but he couldn’t utter a single word as May suddenly pounced on top of Altaïr, pinning his arms with her hands and his legs against the side of the bed with her knees.

    When Altaïr’s vision refocused, he looked up with wide eyes at the girl who had just overpowered him. May’s eyes were now closed as she readied her lips. Then the realization of what May was doing hit Altaïr, and he attempted to summon all his resistance to push the coordinator off him, but it was too late.

    May dove in with her head and her mouth connected with Altaïr’s. A muffled yell of surprise could be heard from Altaïr’s throat, but May went right on kissing him. After a few moments of just touching lips, Altaïr could feel May’s tongue beginning to probe his mouth. It felt like it went on for hours, but it only took a few seconds for Altaïr to decide that enough was enough.

    Altaïr deftly slipped his arms from under May’s hands, grabbed her shoulders, and heaved her off of him to his left. The trainer picked himself up from the bed and stood up, looking away from May. May, who was now on her back, opened her eyes when she finally noticed that she was no longer connected with Altaïr, and sat up, wondering what happened.

    “I’m, sorry, but this isn’t right,” said Altaïr in a low voice.

    “Huh?” whispered May, eyes becoming watery.

    Altaïr still did not turn around and continued. “I can’t allow you to go on like this. I can’t allow myself to take all this.”

    “But, but…” she had to say it.

    “I love you…”

    Altaïr’s body locked at those words as he stood with a deathly stillness. May tensed up as well as she watched the boy before her, and felt as though the air around her suddenly became colder. Shivers were sent up her spine as she awaited his response

    Then, Altaïr spoke with a dark tone that made May shudder.

    “No, you don’t.”

    The girl couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but she pressed on.

    “Yes I do!” she began, starting to tear up. “How would you know what I’m feel-.”

    “Because I know what’s going on!” Altaïr’s voice was soft, but had a harsh tone to it. “What you think I am is not what I really am. You don’t really know a single thing about me, besides from the few things I’ve said. What you have is a blurred image of me. You have nothing but an infatuation with me.”

    Tears were now flowing down May’s cheeks as she tried to open her mouth to interject, but Altaïr had one line to say.

    “What you really have is Ash.”

    It felt as though a knife cut through May’s chest when Altaïr mentioned Ash’s name. Memories of the boy overflowed her thought, causing her face to become even wetter. Pandemonium erupted in May’s mind, and it felt as though she was carrying a heavy weight.

    May buried her face in her hands as she began to audibly sob, causing Altaïr to turn around for the first time. He looked at her with the same impassive look that he usually had, and took the initiative to say the next words.

    “I think, you should go.”

    The despaired girl slowly got up from the bed, face still in her hands, and began allowed herself to be led by Altaïr to the front door. The teenaged boy opened the door, and softly nudged her out. Before he closed the door, May uncovered her face from her hands, but looked straight ahead, away from Altaïr, and breathed deeply.

    “W-Why are you so…” she paused as she thought for the right word.

    “Cold?...”

    May couldn’t see Altaïr’s expression at her question, but he spoke in his normal, controlled tone, as he answered.

    “Because ice is my element.”

    The door behind May closed.

    ------------------

    It was midnight, and Altaïr was awake, preparing for the night ahead of him.

    He first got his normal street clothes off, and walked over to where the brown, lumpy package sat on a desk. He grabbed his pocketknife and cut the strings that held the package together, and unwrapped its contents.

    Two boots, two gauntlets, a belt, and a black hooded robe that was neatly folded up were now revealed to the boy. Altaïr first picked up the robe, feeling the tough material it was composed of, and slowly unfolded it. He laid it on a bed and examined it for a few moments, before going back to the desk to where his suitcase also lay.

    He reached into his pocket, pulling out a key, and stuck the key into the lock of the suitcase. The suitcase unlocked with a click, allowing Altaïr to undo the buckle. He slowly opened the suitcase and pulled out some sort of leather sash that had five specifically shaped pockets. He took out another sash of the same fashion, and then continued to pull out two pads that had five of the same shaped pockets on the top of them.

    As he laid them all down on the desk in an organized fashion, his PDA that sat at the corner of his desk, charging at an outlet, beeped once.

    He reached over the table and pulled the PDA out of its charging cable, and held it in his left hand. On the screen, it displayed that he had a “New Message,” which he touched with his right index finger to open.

    Don’t mess up.

    -The Director


    Altaïr gave a short snort in amusement, and exited the message before setting the PDA back down. He reached for his suitcase once again and pulled out a silver object, spinning the object once before sticking it in one of the pockets.

    “This will be a long night.”

    --------------------

    Afterthought

    …I won’t say anything.

    The title “Ice Box” is just after the song Ice Box by Omarion, which I recently just started listening to. Usually, I’m not an R&B guy, but this song has caught my attention. Also, it goes along with Altaïr saying that “ice” was his element. That’s all I’ll say about that. =)

  5. #155
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Nowhere near You
    Posts
    238

    Default

    Really sorry, but I don't have much time; as such, this will be a short review.

    The real emotional drama seems to begin with this chapter. May's more confused than ever, and now, so are Ash and Dawn.
    Altaïr is quickly becoming my favorite character in this fic; his icy/stylish nature seems to be something really catchy at that. Ice is his element you say? Well, you do know that better than he does.

    I'll be waiting for the next one and...

    Quote Originally Posted by cichawk
    Don’t mess up.
    (Seriously now )

  6. #156
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Zeppelin Rules!
    Posts
    2,083

    Default

    I haven't reviewed in, like, forever. Or done anything else here. Stuff happens, I guess. I'm all read up on this, though.

    Not a whole lot to comment on for this most recent chapter. Ash and Dawn have their issues, Altair's mission is starting, and, most prominently, May's libido is flaring up. Some revelations about Altair, I suppose, but then again, we readers are already more privy to his thoughts and secretive actions than the other characters. Good read, though.

    No real grammatical errors, maybe some comma-related things. There were more mistakes in some previous chapters, but let bygones be bygones. And, thanks for sending the PMs even though I was, for all intents and purposes, dead (doesn't two months mean that on the internet?).
    Last edited by GrizzlyB; 30th March 2008 at 6:48 AM.

  7. #157
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Foreword

    Sorry… this took a while to finish. And most of it was written just tonight too.

    I really need to start scheduling myself better.

    ----------------

    Chapter 21 - East

    Two humans and a Pokémon trudged through the brightly lit streets of Lightcrown, with stomachs growling loudly. Their heads hung down as they constantly thought about food as their mouths watered.

    “We haven’t eaten ever since we were blasted off by that strange kid,” moaned the blue-haired man.

    “I know, we landed so far from civilization that we had to walk for days just to get here,” sighed the red-haired woman.

    “Well, if you’s two wasn’t so slow, we could’a got away’s from 'dat scary twoip,” said their talking Pokémon weakly.

    “At least we should be able to find some food now that we’re in the city. Where do you think we should start, Jessie?” said the blue-haired man turning to his female partner.

    “I don’t know, James. We don’t have any money, as usual, so there’s no place we can go and pay to eat,” Jessie grumbled.

    “Guess it’s back to ‘da trash bins ‘gain, huh?” Meowth sadly looked to the right, down an alley to see if he could find any full bins.

    “The sun’s starting to come up, too,” noted Jessie dully.

    “Yeah, I guess we should get moving now,” James suggested.

    Meowth sighed and began turning away from the alley before movement from the corner of his eye caught his attention.

    “Huh, what was ‘dat?” he said loudly.

    Jessie and James both turned back to Meowth with wondering expressions.

    “What was what?” asked James.

    “Take a look.” Meowth beckoned his two teammates over and pointed down the alley.

    “This had better be good, Meowth, else I’m going to make you regret making me walk more than I already have,” murmured Jessie.

    “Gah! Get ova’ here now!” Meowth suddenly exclaimed.

    Jessie and James both jogged over to where Meowth was and glanced down the alley. Sure enough, there was something, or rather, someone, in the darkness. What caused the Rockets to widen their eyes was the fact that the person was now scaling a brick wall. From where they were, they could hear the figure breathing heavily and grunting with effort as it seemed to use all its energy to get up the wall. Soon, the person was over the building and out of sight.

    “What-What was that?” questioned James.

    “I have no idea, but let’s go over for a closer look.”

    The Rockets entered the alley and walked over to the area that they had seen the figure. They examined the wall and saw that it was rather flat, with no good holds to be able to climb it.

    “Wonda’ how ‘dat poisen was able to climb ‘dat wall,” pondered Meowth.

    “Hey, what’s this here?” Jessie said as she spotted streaks on the wall.

    “Is it, paint?” James asked as he noticed the streaks on the wall as well. He traced the path of the streaks and saw that it went down to the ground, where it traveled along the path that the mysterious person they had seen had been on.

    Jessie then placed her nose up to the wall, and sniffed the substance. The smell seemed rather familiar to her, and it suddenly hit her.

    “Guys, this is-!”

    --------------------

    “Ash!”

    “Huh… wha…?”

    “Ash, over here!”

    The boy that was being called looked to his right across a grassy field at a lone tree. Under the tree in the shadow stood a figure that he could recognize anywhere.

    “M-May?!” shouted Ash, breaking into a run towards the large tree. The shadow of the tree shrouded her face but he knew it was definitely her.

    He was now in a full sprint as he covered the seemingly endless field of grass that spread in all directions. The tree and body of May grew larger as he became within fifty meters of them. He could feel his
    excitement rise for it was the first time they spoke since she had left for Johto.

    “I’m coming, May, I’m coming.”


    Ash was now mere feet away from their position and he could just about see May’s face. He stopped just before the shadow cast by the tree, and gazed into her sapphire eyes from a short distance. The teenager felt himself smile widely and took one step towards her.

    Right as he entered the shade, he blinked his eyes as they began adjusting from the bright light to the darkness. But when his eyes reopened, and refocused themselves, something was off. The figure of May was now gone. Ash blinked again, to make sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him, and May was still absent from the scene.

    The trainer began turning in all directions, trying to spot where May could be. He figured she was just hiding somewhere to tease him, but there was no where to hide since he was in the middle of a vast grassland and the only thing that broke the flat land was the tree he stood under.

    Ash began to panic, since people couldn’t just vanish like that. “Uh… May… this isn’t… funny… so you can come out now,” he gulped.

    Sweat dripped down his temples as the situation began to take the best of him. He was now running around the large tree, but it was futile as May still did not reappear. The teenaged boy looked up into the leaves and branches and saw no sign of her still.

    “What-What’s going on?!” he shouted out loud.

    As he said that, something suddenly appeared at the corner of his eye. Ash turned to face the thing he saw and gasped in surprise. Before him stood a person who was not May, but rather a tall, hooded figure wearing a black robe. The presence of such a person froze Ash in his place, and caused his jaw to drop.

    The robed figure then raised a hand wearing a heavy gauntlet, and pointed a finger at Ash. The act confused the trainer, but he still made no movement.

    Then, the strange person began taking steps with his feet clad in heavy boots that left imprints in the grass as it neared the teenaged boy. Ash immediately began to panic once again and swiftly turned tail to run. But before Ash had moved much distance from the person, he heard a grunt, and the sound of something falling.

    Despite his fear, curiosity took precedence and allowed Ash to turn back and see what had happened. What he saw surprised him for the umpteenth time already.

    The robed figure was now lying on the ground, prone with its face in the grass. What had caused the person to end up in that position was a mystery to Ash, and he approached it to get a better look and idea what happened.

    Ash was now standing directly above the person, and he stared down, examining it with interest. The figure was not sprawled out on the ground, but rather, it seemed to have fallen straight onto its face from a standing position. The teenaged boy had half the mind to remove the hood on the figure and see its face. After a moment of deliberation, Ash finally made the decision to do such a thing, and he bent down to grasp the back of the hood.

    Suddenly, the figure turned sideways and onto its back, causing Ash to recoil backwards with shock. Its face was shrouded by the hood that it wore, but Ash thought he could see a pair of black eyes through the darkness.

    The person then brought its legs to its chest and kicked upwards, propelling its body into the air and landing on its feet into a stand. Ash was amazed at the person’s dexterity momentarily, until he realized that the person seemed to be crouched slightly as if he were ready to strike.

    And that was exactly what the robed figure did, as he leapt forwards towards Ash with inhuman agility. Ash’s brain told him to dodge, but his legs would not perform the feat. The last thing the trainer remembered was a glistening object extending from the person’s hand…

    ------------------

    Ash snapped up into a sitting position and gasped deeply. His head felt like it was spinning as he looked straight ahead with wide eyes, expecting to still see the mysterious person.

    Then his mind began to recollect, and he began realizing exactly where he was.

    Looking around, Ash saw the familiar interior of a Pokémon Center dormitory. He was on the bottom bunk of the left bunk, covered warmly by a layer of blankets. Pikachu was sound asleep at his feet, snoring lightly. Across the small room was another bunk, which Brock was sleeping and snoring loudly on. Beams of light filtered through the single window and cast rays in between the two bunk beds.

    Ash still breathed somewhat heavily, but his eyes had returned to their normal size. Beads of sweat dripped down his temples as he tried to understand what had happened.

    “What the-What the heck was all that?”

    The teenager pinched himself in the arm to be sure he was actually where he thought he was.

    “Alright, that was just… a dream. Just a dream.”


    But the boy still could not understand the bizarre dream, and who or what the robed figure was. His anxiety began subsiding as his heartbeat slowed. Finally calm, but still confused about the strange events in the dream, or rather nightmare, he carefully pulled the covers off him, making sure not to disturb Pikachu.

    Ash sat on the side of the bed and ruffled his black hair as if to shake his thoughts off. He glanced above the door at the analog clock and saw that it was 8:04 a.m. It was about time that everybody woke up he thought, so he walked over to Brock’s bed and shook him lightly.

    “Yo, Brock-o, rise and shine.”

    “Mmm, not now, honey. Five more minutes and I’ll pleasure you all you like…” Brock mumbled with a goofy smile.

    Ash jumped backwards at that, afraid Brock would actually do what he had just promised to him.

    “Eh… maybe I’ll just wake him up later…” Ash said with a nervous smile.

    The trainer then walked back to his bunk, and carefully woke his Pokémon companion up, as he didn’t want to be shocked by a grumpy electric mouse.

    “Chaaaaa,” yawned Pikachu.

    “Heh, glad to see you could wake up,” grinned Ash. “Unlike Brock over there.”

    “Chu,” said Pikachu simply, as he was still rather tired after the long exciting day the day before.

    “C’mon, let’s just leave Brock to his… fantasies, and grab a bite, then head over to the hotel and meet up with Dawn and…”

    Ash stopped midsentence as the second name he thought of hit him like a ton of bricks. The image of the previous night burned in his memory, and depression spread over him once again.

    “… Actually, forget about breakfast. I’m not hungry. Let’s just head over there.”

    “Pika…” said his Pokémon worriedly.

    ------------------

    Sunlight beat down on Ash’s hat as he trudged down the sidewalks towards the heart of the city, where the Lightcrown Plaza was located. Pikachu sat on his left shoulder and watched his trainer intently, feeling the same sadness Ash felt.

    The morning of the second contest day brought much clamor in the streets. Even though the contest was to start at two in the afternoon, many people were still flocking towards the contest hall in the east. People excitedly chatted about the exhilarating day that was to come, but Ash paid no attention to them. His mind was glued to the images of the dance and of May and Altaïr.

    His mind was blank yet full of white noise. The air was not particularly loud around him, but it felt as though something was screaming into his ears, allowing him no peace. He brought his hands up to his ears to attempt to block out the noise, but since it came from inside him, it remained.

    “AGH, JUST STOP!”

    Pikachu looked at his trainer with alarm as he had just erupted without warning. Several passerbys stared at him strangely as well, and whispered to each other about the seemingly irate boy.

    Ash’s eyes were clenched shut as he continued walking with his ears plugged. The sound only grew louder in his head the harder he tried to block it out. Pikachu began tugging on his hair to try to gain his attention, but Ash paid no heed.

    Suddenly, the trainer felt a pair of hands push against his shoulders and stopped him in his tracks. He quickly opened his eyes, and saw the looming structure of the Lightcrown Plaza before him. Then he looked down and saw Officer Jenny with her arms on him and giving him an annoyed look.

    “Excuse me, but you’re just about to run into the tape we set around this scene,” Officer Jenny said with authority.

    “Huh?” was all Ash could respond with as he pulled his fingers out of his ears.

    Ash began observing his surroundings and saw that in fact there was yellow police tape that created a border behind Officer Jenny.

    He then noticed that the border was covering the entrance to the Lightcrown Plaza, and distress overcame him as he remembered that Dawn, May, and Altaïr were all inside. He figured that a crime had been committed and the police were on the scene.

    “What happened here!? I-I need to get inside, my friends are inside!” exclaimed Ash.

    “You can enter the hotel, but just not through the front entrance. Take the back entrance if you want to see your friends. As for what happened, we’re still trying figure that out.”

    Ash began to open his mouth to ask for questions, but then the thought of May entered him, and he decided to drop his question and head over to the back entrance Officer Jenny had mentioned.

    The teenaged boy hurriedly ran around the side of the building to the back, which was quite a great distance as the hotel was rather large. The back entrance was not as grand as the front, but it still served its purpose of being a luxury hotel’s entrance.

    The doors automatically opened as the boy and his Pikachu stepped in front of them, and Ash quickly ran into the lobby.

    The last time Ash had entered hotel, it was from the front, which led to the large check in counter, many wide hallways leading to various rooms, and the large open lobby. However, from the back, Ash was already in the beautiful lobby, but he saw many blue uniforms and yellow tape near the front. He quickly made his way forward, around the furniture and foliage and met a small crowd that stood outside of the tape. He lightly pushed his way to the front to get a better view of what was going on. The scene he saw before him caused chills to shoot up his spine.

    The side that Ash had arrived from was exactly how it was the last time he walked through the lobby, but the frontal area that he could now see looked to be in complete ruins. Tables and chairs were overturned, stuffing from couches littered the ground, silverware was scattered in the entire area. It looked as though there had been a brawl in the vicinity, which was actually a pretty large area after more observation by Ash. It looked like the entire area from the front doors to a couple meters behind the Milotic statue was sealed off by the police.

    “The Milotic statue…”


    Ash stared at it in amazement as it, too, seemed to have been through some destruction. Chips of the stone sculpture were chipped off and missing and the entire tail end of the Pokémon sculpture was missing. What could have done such a terrible act was all Ash could think of.

    “Ash!”

    The calling of his name brought back memories of his dream the night before, but the voice was not the same.

    Ash spun around to see Dawn running dashing towards him through the crowd. He too, then began making his way towards her and eventually they met in the midst of the spectators.

    “What happened here?!” Ash asked over the increasing murmur of the onlookers of the scene.

    “I-I don’t know!” Dawn’s eyes showed hints of fear in them. “I just finished dressing when I heard commotion outside my room, and when I peeked outside, I heard some yelling about a break in or something.”

    Ash took a look again at the destroyed lobby and mutilated statue.

    “This was no break in,” he concluded. Dawn and Pikachu looked at him slightly surprised.

    “Well, what could this have been, then?”

    “Pika Pikapi!”

    “I don’t know for sure, but robbers wouldn’t leave such a big mess for the police to search for clues. Something big must have gone down here… like Pokémon battle.”

    “Pokémon battle?” Dawn said with disbelief. “If there was a battle down here, I’m sure somebody like security would have heard.”

    “Yeah, you’re probably right, Dawn. But something crazy must have happened.” Ash then looked away to see if he could see anything interesting, but all he saw were policemen investigating the scene and spectators moving in and out.

    Then, a thought struck the trainer.

    “Uh, Dawn, have you by any chance seen…” but he had no need to finish his question.

    A brunette wearing a red bandanna could be seen jumping over the yellow police tape, and into the restricted area. Almost immediately, a large policeman began running towards her in order to apprehend her.

    “Hey you, girl, stop it right there!”

    What May was up to was completely beyond Ash, Dawn, and Pikachu, and they could only watch dumbfounded as May dove under an intact table as if she was going for something down there. The policeman then grabbed her by the legs and pulled her out from under in a bit of a rough manner.

    A bit too rough for Ash to watch.

    Before Ash could think before he acted, he already found himself jumping the yellow tape like May had, and running towards the girl and the policeman, who had gotten May on her feet and held her arms tightly against her back.

    “Hey, you! Let go of her, now!” roared Ash as he tackled the policeman.

    The man and the boy both fell to the ground with a thud, while May jumped away from the tumbling bodies. When she recovered, she looked down at the ground and saw Ash being pinned down by the policeman.

    “Ash!” she screamed, seeing him being handled by the large man that stood over him.

    “You ‘lil punk, did you know that you just assaulted an officer of the law?” the policeman growled malevolently.

    Dawn had now entered the scene and ran up to the scuffle.

    “What’s going on in here?” yelled a female voice. All heads were turned at Officer Jenny, who had entered the hotel at hearing a report of the ongoing fight.

    The large policeman pulled Ash up by his collar with a jerk while immobilizing his two hands behind his back.

    “This kid here decided to assault me as I was apprehending this ‘lil gal over here,” he said while pointing to May with his free hand.

    Officer Jenny took a look from May, then to Ash, then to Dawn, who was now standing right next to May.

    “You do realize that these kids are merely adolescents, right?” asked the policewoman.

    “Well, yeah…”

    “And you do know that they’re not criminals or anything like that, am I correct?”

    “Um…”

    “Unhand the boy,” ordered Officer Jenny. The policeman immediately complied, releasing Ash from his grip.

    “Next time I see you roughing up minors, you’ll be thrown on patrol duty at ground zero. Do I make myself clear?”

    “Yes ma’am!” saluted the officer, before he quickly walked out of the scene.

    “Now,” began Officer Jenny as she turned to Ash, May, and Dawn. “That doesn’t mean you kids are just allowed to charge into restricted police areas.” Officer Jenny eyed the three with severity.

    “I’m sorry, Officer Jenny,” May stepped forward and clasped her hands in apology. “It was my fault. I uh, dropped something and it rolled into this area, so I went chasing after it…”

    Ash and Dawn gave sideward glance at May, as they detected the lie in her tone. Officer Jenny took no notice, however, and continued admonishing the three teens.

    “Well, next time, alert a police officer instead of jumping over the tape. I’m just going to let you all off with a warning,” and with that, Officer Jenny turned to return to her post.

    Ash, Dawn, and May gave relieved looks at each other, and made their way out of the area. Many eyes watched them from beyond the tape, which caused the three teens to feel nervous and slightly embarrassed, but they eventually reached the border and were about to go over it until Ash spotted something from the corner of his eye.

    He turned his head to get a better view, and saw that there was a splatter of something red at the base of the Milotic Statue. The trainer squinted his eyes, and noticed that it seemed to be dried up.

    “Is that… is that blood?”

    “Ash, come on!” urged Dawn, who wanted to disappear from the staring crowd.

    Ash peeled his eyes away from the red substance on the statue and quickly ran over to where Dawn was. He noticed that May was not with her.

    “Where’d um, May go?” he asked with hesitantly as they crossed the tape.

    “She said she was going to go back to her room, and get away from all the people here.” Dawn answered.

    “Oh…” Ash had the slight feeling that she had left in order to get away from only one person.

    --------------------

    The elevator door opened with a ding as it reached the fifth floor. May stepped out of it and walked briskly to her room which was a good distance from the elevator due to the enormosity of the hotel.

    She eventually reached her room, and pulled a keycard from her fanny pack. The keycard was slid into the lock, and a soft click sounded, signifying that the door was unlocked. May opened turned the knob and walked in, quickly closing the door behind her.

    Inside the safety of her room, the coordinator made her way to a bed and seated herself on it. She had had her right hand clenched the entire time from the incident in the lobby to now, and felt the security she needed to open it again.

    She opened her right hand and revealed what had caught her eye and caused her to create all the trouble downstairs. It was a red, thick object with translucent plastic around it. May knew very well what it was as she used her fingernails to grab hold of a small niche and pulled at it. A silver blade then emerged from the side of the object, and eventually was extended out, parallel to the plastic body.

    It was Altaïr’s pocketknife.

    “The same one he used to defend us from that gang.”

    She observed it carefully as she remembered the only time she had seen it used by the absent teenager. There was no blood on the blade, as it must have been washed sometime after the fight with the hoodlums, figured May.

    Questions began entering her head as she now had the peace and quiet she needed to think critically.

    The girl began thinking about how the knife was where she found it, whether Altaïr had anything to do with the destruction downstairs, and where in the world the teenaged boy was, as she had not seen him at all yet.

    “Surely, he must have heard about what happened, and went to go check it out.”

    May sat motionless on the bed as she stared at the knife that had delivered the final blow to the leading thug that they met. She still did not know of the man had died or not, but she figured that being cut in the shoulder wouldn’t kill somebody.

    Then, the fact that Altaïr could still be in his room hit her, and she stood up to leave her room. She opened the front door slowly, and peeked out, seeing nobody in the hallway. She then fully opened the door and stepped out, heading deeper into the complex of the Lightcrown Plaza towards where Altaïr’s room was located.

    A minute passed until she reached is door. May recalled the events of the previous night, but a strange force compelled her to seek the teenaged boy out, despite the awkward situation of the night before.

    May brought a fist up and knocked on the door, but there was no answer after several seconds. She knocked again, this time harder, but still there was no response from inside.

    Figuring that he was possibly in the bathroom or still asleep, May knocked on his door extra hard, and to her surprise, his door opened. She blinked once, and then realized that the door was not all the way closed but was slightly ajar. When she had knocked particularly hard, it caused the door to slip open. She deliberated on whether she should enter or not, and her need to talk to him got the better of her as she opened the door all the way and entered quietly.

    The coordinator soon learned that her stealth was needless, as the room was unoccupied. The bathroom door to her left was open, and not a soul was in there. Nor was there a body in either of the beds. Having no more need to be in his room, May began turning around to exit until a series of beeps emitted from somewhere behind her.

    The sound caught her attention, and she turned back to glance around for the source. Finally, she saw lights beeping on the desk in the corner of the room, and she quickly trotted toward it. On the desk was Altaïr’s PDA that May had taken a look at the night before, and on the screen it had the words “New Message.”

    “I wonder…” May whispered.

    The girl then brought a finger down on the screen and pressed the box that contained the new message, and a new window as opened up. She bent down closer to get a better look at the words on the screen.

    Report. Now.


    The two simple words confused May, as she had no idea what “report” in that context meant, and who the message came from.

    May then clicked an icon to close the message, which took her back to the main menu. The many text boxes and selections on the menu intrigued her greatly.

    Before she could click on anything else, however, May heard a series of barks from outside the room in the direction of the balcony. The coordinator made her way over to the glass door and opened it. Stepping out onto the balcony, May could hear the barks clearly, and she could tell they were coming from below.

    She leaned over the edge and shaded her eyes, as the sun was directly in front of her, and saw a large squad of police officers and Growlithe running down the street. Over the barks, she could hear Officer Jenny shouting.

    “Alright, Growlithe, follow the scent of the blood and fan out with fifty meter intervals! This could be our only lead!”

    “Blood?” said May to herself.

    May watched for several more seconds as the Growlithe and police officers became smaller as they moved farther before returning to the interior of the room. Being interrupted by the police activity, May momentarily forgot what she was doing in Altaïr’s room in the first place until she spotted his PDA again.

    The complexity of the device was still beyond her knowledge to effectively use, but May figured she might as well click on something and try to take a look around. The fact that she was invading Altaïr’s privacy completely eluded her.

    The teenaged girl decided to click on a selection on the menu called “Maps,” and the screen went blank momentarily. Then more text boxes with names of various places came up, and May read them each. Since she did not know most of the locations on the menu, she decided to touch the only one she knew; “Lightcrown City”.

    The screen went blank once again, but this time, another menu didn’t appear. Instead, rays of light shot out of the screen, and created a larger plane about twice the size of the PDA that sat above the screen. Slowly, images began to grow out of the virtual plane, and after several seconds, holograms of buildings were completed. The holograms caused May to gasp in awe, as she had never seen technology such as that.

    “This is… amazing…”

    The holograms were of extremely clear quality, and May found herself admiring the translucent buildings that constituted the map. She also noticed the valley edges and fields outside of the part of the hologram with the most buildings. It was then that May realized that the location she was looking at was truly Lightcrown City, in a scaled down 3D image.

    The awed coordinator wanted to examine more of the map, but small blue blinking dots on the landscape caught her eye first. She pinpointed each blinking dot, and noticed that they were at various buildings, some that she knew, some that she didn’t.

    “Here’s one at the contest hall… and another at the Pokémon Center… and another at this hotel!”

    May was enjoying her little location game until a large, red, blinking dot outside of the city attracted her attention.

    She instantly turned her view towards the dot, and looked at it with curiosity. Without noticing, the girl began subconsciously bringing her right index finger closer to it, as if touching it would cause something to happen.

    It did, as when her finger passed through it, a beep sounded, and the hologram zoomed into that position. May jerked backwards slightly as she thought she might have broken it, but then, the zoomed image became clear and details of the terrain could be seen. When the image was done buffering, two words above the map appeared. May read them to herself.

    “Last… resort… What does that mean?”

    She pondered on the meaning of the message and stared at the image blankly.

    Suddenly, the location on the map seemed vaguely familiar to her. There was a river… and a bridge…

    “Hey! This is the place that I camped on the first night I arrived!” she exclaimed.

    It then became clearer to her, as she remembered that she had camped to the east of city, and the location shown to her was to the east. The coordinator remembered the lone path and bridge, and how she strayed off it to find a place to make camp.

    “I wonder why this place is on his map… The dot is really close to the place I stayed, I think.”

    Another realization then struck her. The squad of police officers and Growlithe that she saw running outside were heading in the direction of the sun, which meant that they were heading east.

    “Could this… be a coincidence?”

    She took one more look at the hologram, and finally made up her mind.

    “I’m going there.”

    --------------------

    Afterthought

    I honestly don’t know if the place Altaïr and May camped that first night was really to the east. I don’t think I mentioned it in that chapter (Chapter 5), but since May entered from the east, I figured she camped there too.

    I like making subtle hints and details like that, but then it’s just so hard to remember every past detail I’ve written.

    All in all, it’s not that important though. Not like you all will be completely confused, since y’all probably don’t remember these small details any more than I do.

    Return of Team Rocket, yes! Well, actually, I don’t really care so much for them, but hey, I was able to add them in so why not. I actually wrote that beginning part after I had written everything else, since I had planned to add them in the first place, but forgot when I started writing the chapter. It all works out though.

    Title is self explanatory.
    Last edited by cichawk; 26th April 2008 at 4:17 PM.

  8. #158
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Battle Tower, Hoenn
    Posts
    671

    Default

    The last time Ash had entered hotel, it was from the front,
    Entered the hotel.

    like Pokémon battle.”
    You need an a there.

    Ash and Dawn gave sideward glance at May,
    You forgot another a.

    The complexity of the device was still beyond her knowledge to effectively use,
    I really don't like the wording; it's confusing.

  9. #159
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Zeppelin Rules!
    Posts
    2,083

    Default

    So, it sounds like May's gonna get caught up in all of Altair's business, now. And Altair himself is surely up to something. Wonder when we get any details of his mission?

    Ash spun around to see Dawn running dashing towards him through the crowd.
    Take one of them out, I guess.

    She still did not know of the man had died or not, but she figured that being cut in the shoulder wouldn’t kill somebody.
    "if" the man had died?

    A minute passed until she reached is door.
    Forgot an "h", I think.

  10. #160
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Nowhere near You
    Posts
    238

    Default

    Alright, a new chapter. As I didn't notice any further grammatical errors, I'll get right down to the plot.

    Quote Originally Posted by cichawk
    The holograms were of extremely clear quality, and May found herself admiring the translucent buildings that constituted the map. She also noticed the valley edges and fields outside of the part of the hologram with the most buildings. It was then that May realized that the location she was looking at was truly Lightcrown City, in a scaled down 3D image.
    Obviously, this...agency Altair works for is not low on funds or anything. Maybe it's the CIA equivalent of the Pokemon World? We'll have to see.

    “Could this… be a coincidence?”
    Most certainly not. I think it was a good idea that May is the one who discovered all of this first, and not Ash. Of course, May knows Altair better than Ash or even Dawn do - but hardly any better at the same time.
    I can see that May's still avoiding Ash, and that can carry on for a while longer/


    Everything aside, Ash had an - interesting - dream over there. He just might be subconciously realizing something here.

    I'm anticipating the next chapter, good luck with it.

  11. #161
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    All the errors will be fixed... someday. =P

    GrizzlyB
    So, it sounds like May's gonna get caught up in all of Altair's business, now. And Altair himself is surely up to something. Wonder when we get any details of his mission?
    Sooner or later, but closer to sooner. I will say that this current "arc" if you would like to call it that, is starting to become resolved.

    Earthborn

    Obviously, this...agency Altair works for is not low on funds or anything. Maybe it's the CIA equivalent of the Pokemon World? We'll have to see.
    Yup, we'll have to see won't we?

    Most certainly not. I think it was a good idea that May is the one who discovered all of this first, and not Ash. Of course, May knows Altair better than Ash or even Dawn do - but hardly any better at the same time.
    I can see that May's still avoiding Ash, and that can carry on for a while longer
    Yeah, it seems like Ash has been playing a minor part so far, and honestly, I don't have any real resolution to that yet. I just go along with my flow of writing. Same with Brock. May has had a lot of roles, and Dawn has had a decent amount of focus too. Funny how the protagonist of the series is being like a third wheel now.

    Everything aside, Ash had an - interesting - dream over there. He just might be subconciously realizing something here.
    Mayyyybeeee...

  12. #162
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Foreword

    And now, some answers.

    ----------------

    Chapter 22 - Truth

    Ash and Dawn sat beside one another on a vacant couch near the back of the lobby, where it was not restricted. Pikachu sat in Ash’s lap and rested his head on his trainer’s knee, while Dawn sat to Ash’s left, silently pondering the recent events that had just occurred, as well as the contest that was to begin in about five hours.

    Ash had the brim of his hat over his eyes as he slouched on the couch. He did his best not to show it, but both Dawn and Pikachu knew that something was bothering him.

    The trainer rewound his mind back to when he had tackled the policeman to defend May, and how she cried out his name when he was countered and pinned down. The tone of her voice reminded him of the other times that May yelled his name whenever he was in danger or she needed help. However, his name was the only thing that the coordinator had said to him, and the fact that she wasn’t even directly talking to him wasn't reassuring.

    A sinking feeling in the stomach and an ache in the heart pained Ash as he sat completely motionless. Dawn and Pikachu gave him concerned glances from time to time, but the depressed boy would take no notice of them.

    Dawn sighed, deciding that whatever was on Ash’s mind would stay there. She began playing with her Pokétch and stared blankly into the vast lobby since she and Ash were waiting for Brock to arrive. Dawn had contacted Brock shortly after their run in with the authorities, and she described the situation for him. Brock had immediately become concerned and told them he would be there ASAP.

    She checked the time and saw that it was five after nine, a little less than an hour since she heard about the occurrence on the main floor. The pre-teen girl was feeling bored and decided to mess around with the applications on her Pokétch some more, so she brought her wrist up to her eyes and began pressing buttons with her other hand.

    As Dawn toyed with her Pokétch, she noticed the elevator door opening and a person dressed in red step out. She lowered her wrist and focused on the person, seeing the person to be May. Dawn began observing curiously as the other coordinator looked around the lobby for several seconds, before then dashing out of the hotel.

    “Hey, Ash?”

    Ash gave a short grunt.

    “I just saw May leave the hotel. I wonder where she could be going.”

    He grunted again.

    Dawn then thought for a moment, and decided that getting Ash active would bring him to his normal self again, so she stood up and grabbed his arm from his side.

    “C’mon, let’s follow her and see where she’s going!” chirped Dawn cheerily.

    “Wait, whoa-!” Dawn had pulled Ash from where he sat on the couch and was dragging him along as she walked to the back entrance May had exited from. Pikachu jumped to the floor as his trainer stood up and quickly jumped onto Ash’s shoulder.

    “Dawn…” but Ash was unable to say anything as he suddenly found himself interested in where May was going as well.

    The two of them stepped out into the sunlight and saw that the streets were already busy in the late morning. They turned their heads, looking for any sign of May. Pikachu decided to survey from the top of Ash’s hat, and hopped on top, bringing a paw up to shield his eyes from the sun.

    “Pi Pikapi!” exclaimed the Electric Mouse Pokémon, pointing down the street at a red bobbing bandanna.

    “C’mon! We’ll lose her!” Dawn pulled Ash by the arm while running in the direction May was heading.

    Pikachu kept watch on May’s head as she began to gain distance from them. It was more difficult for Ash and Dawn to weave their way through the crowd since there were two bodies to squeeze through the pedestrians.

    More minutes of running and dodging passed as May’s bandanna grew further and further away from Pikachu’s view. It seemed like they were going to completely lose her trail until the setting suddenly changed around Ash and Dawn.

    They were now out of the city and looking up the eastern side of the valley that Lightcrown was nestled in. The time during the chase seemed to go by so slowly, but it was several miles from the center of the city to the exterior, meaning they must have been moving about for a good quarter of an hour.

    Looking a little ways up the valley, the trainer, coordinator, and Pokémon could see a figure dressed in red running up the side of the road. A good distance ahead of her was a group of blue-clad figures with a team of Growlithe in front.

    Ash faced Dawn, and Dawn looked back. They nodded to one another and began running up the hill.

    ----------------

    “Those… policemen… run… fast…”

    May was gasping for breath as she was still giving chase to the Growlithe team that was becoming smaller as they continued their ascent up the two mile valley side. For her, this was the greatest distance she ever had to run in a single period.

    The brunette began to feel her legs soften as they started feeling like jelly. She knew that she had reached her limit and had to stop running.

    “I gotta… stop… now,” thought May, as she came to a halt.

    She was bent over with her hands on her thighs, feeling as though she had just run a marathon. Finally catching her breath, May looked up and brightened instantly.

    Just as May had stopped running, she had reached the top of the valley, and now was looking at a vast forest in front of her.

    Feeing reinvigorated, May felt the stress leave her legs, and she began to walk towards the forest before her.

    The sunlight sent rays of heat onto the Earth, but the trees relieved the land from the light and created a cool atmosphere underneath. The shadows consumed the entire forest floor and gave the place a peaceful feel. The coordinator sighed as she entered the coolness and breathed in the fresh-smelling air.

    Now relaxed, May recollected her memory to begin pinpointing the location which she had camped at during the first night.

    “Well, there was this path that I’m on now, which led to a river and a bridge, so I should just follow this path first.”

    May suddenly realized that she was completely alone and had just talked to herself. The silence of the forest was unnerving, and the isolation crept into May. Feeling vulnerable, the coordinator took a Pokéball out of her fanny pack and called out a Pokémon. Soon, Eevee materialized from the ball and stood happily in front of her.

    “Ee-ee!”

    “Hey, Eevee.” May bent down to pick up her fluffy Pokémon. She petted Eevee’s soft fur and began moving along the path and deeper into the forest.

    Moments of silence ensued as the girl walked with her Pokémon wrapped tightly in her arms. Eevee was cuddling her head with May’s chest as she was oblivious of the meaning of this trip.

    Eventually, May could hear running water, which indicated that she was near her checkpoint. She started jogging as the sound of water grew louder. Soon, up the path, she spotted the elevated bridge.

    “Alright, we made it,” May said to Eevee. “Now we just have to remember where we camped out that first night.”

    In the distance, May could hear barks echoing through the trees. The barks soon dissipated, and she clutched her Pokémon tighter, quickly making her way over the bridge.

    “I think it was to the left now.”

    “Eevee!”

    May stepped off the dirt path and slipped into the forage that marked the border for the path. Taking a quick glance around, she decided to start her search along the side of the river, as she remembered her campsite was not far from it.

    The teenaged girl walked along the riverbank as she tried to recall any landmarks she may have come across. It seemed like May had been walking for hours until she came across a familiar sandy bank.

    “This is where I got water and cleaned myself up…” May whispered.

    She then turned away from the river and wandered into the trees.

    “It shouldn’t be far from here…”

    It wasn’t long until the girl stepped into a small clearing where the dead remains of a fire were visible, as well as a small tree trunk on its side which could serve as a seat.

    “This is it,” declared May. With one hand, as she was still holding on to Eevee, she reached into her fanny pack to pull out Altaïr’s PDA that she had taken with her from his room. Eevee watched curiously as her trainer navigated the menu once again and was at the holographic map of Lightcrown and its surrounding landscape.

    “Looks like I just have to go north a tiny bit.” May shut off the PDA and slipped it back into her pack.

    May stepped into the thicket once again and fought her way through the foliage as it was becoming thicker as she was going further into the middle of no where.

    Rays of sunlight could be seen by May several meters away, despite the mass of vegetation. She picked up her pace and soon stumbled into another small clearing.

    At first glance, nothing was special about the clearing, and nothing moving could be seen. But as May moved across the soil, a black mass entered her view. She turned her head toward it and saw that it was under the shadow of a large tree, and seemed to be leaning against it.

    May took one step towards the object and was instantly knocked onto her back by a brown and green blur. She grunted in pain as she held Eevee close to her chest to prevent her from flying away.

    “Eevee Ee!” the little Eevee cried out as her trainer had just been attacked.

    The green and brown blur appeared once again, and a pair of large brown eyes stared into May’s sapphire eyes. May held her breath as the brown eyes pierced into her, but as her focus returned, she the body of a familiar Pokémon appeared.

    “Leaf-Leafeon?” she whispered, the fear leaving her.

    The Verdant Pokémon made no sound or movement as she jumped away from May and ran back to the black clump by the tree. May picked herself up from the ground and placed Eevee on the ground.

    The girl silently stared at the black mass on the ground, before beginning to take small steps toward it. Leafeon seemed to be standing next to the mass protectively, but she made no hostile motions at the coordinator nearing her.

    As May came within a few meters of what Leafeon was guarding, she was able to make out the shape of it. The coordinator was now only a couple steps away from it and was now able to see the mass in close detail. It was a body.

    May knelt down in front of the body and brought her hands up to the hood that shrouded the person’s face. Before she could pull the hood down, chills shivered down her back as the feeling of dread begun to overtake her. Eevee watched with concern while making soft whimpers.

    Against her own fear, May summoned up whatever courage remained inside her, and pulled down the hood.

    May gasped.

    Dawn and Ash gasped from behind the bush they hid behind.

    -------------------

    “Hey.”

    “…”

    “How are you? It’s been a while...”

    “I’m ok.”

    “Only ok?”

    “Yeah.”

    “I see…”

    “So what are you doing here?”

    “What? Can’t I just pop in for a visit?”

    “You haven’t in a while.”

    “I’ve been busy.”

    “Alright, but you don’t need to take time off to… visit.”

    “Are you sure about that?”

    “…”

    “You still act that way…”

    “What way?”

    “That way… the way you’ve always acted towards me... ever since…”

    “…”

    “You know what I’m talking about.”

    “It was for both of our benefit.”

    “How do you know that?”

    “… I just do.”

    “You never asked me.”

    “It just wasn’t meant to be.”

    “That doesn’t mean you had to just…”

    “Leave?”

    “Yeah…”

    “…”

    “Why do you have to be… so cold?...”

    “…”

    “…like ice?”

    “Because it’s my element.”

    “Don’t give me that. I know you better than that.”

    “You sure about that?”

    “I know that you…”

    “…”

    “…care.”

    “Oh really?”

    “Well, it seems like you’ve been quite caring lately.”

    “That’s because…”

    “Because?...”

    “Because…”

    “That’s ok, I don’t need you to give me your reason; I already know it.”

    “No you don’t.”

    “I think I do.”

    “…”

    “And I think it’s time that you wake up. They’re worried about you.”

    “…”

    “I’m worried about you.”

    “Don’t be.”

    “Doesn’t mean I’m not.”

    “…”

    “I’m going to go now.”

    “Ok.”

    “Bye.”

    “…Bye.”


    ----------------

    The darkness was dispersing. A thin line of light appeared and was growing larger as warmth flowed through in a circuit. Vibrations to the left and right rumbled lightly. An appealing odor perforated, and tickled the area under the band of light, which was still becoming larger. Saltiness was detected beneath everything else, unappealing and choking.

    Then consciousness began returning. A light bulb in a lamp could be seen above. Feelings began returning to the extremities. Voices could be heard in the distance. The smell of disinfectants lingered in the air. Salt could be tasted by the tongue.

    Then perception was acquired. The mind began functioning once again, and an identity was linked.

    Altaïr opened his eyes, but had to squint as a bright light shined into them. He felt warm blankets covering his body, but aches and soreness vexed him. Voices could be heard clearly, indicating that the source was near. The scent of alcohol and other chemicals permeated his nasals, as well as another familiar smell that also was in his mouth. The boy gathered the saliva in his mouth and swallowed it down, tasting that unpleasing flavor.

    “Six deep cuts, three stabs wounds, many other smaller cuts and bruises, a fractured rib, loss of much blood, and…”

    Altaïr quickly snapped into attention as the clouds of his mind disseminated.

    “…one gunshot wound. It’s amazing this kid is still living.”

    Then the trainer’s body snapped upwards into a sitting position, but intense pain shot through his spine and into his brain, causing a splitting headache among the external pain he felt.

    “He’s awake!”

    “And his pulse is spiking!”

    “Somebody stabilize him before he does more harm to himself!”

    Arms overtook the boy forced him to lie back down into the bed. A growl escaped Altaïr’s throat as he attempted to retaliate, but a sting was felt in his right arm. He looked at it and saw that a needle had been stuck in it. He then looked up and saw the face of a male doctor. Altaïr felt his mind turn into jelly as the rest of his body softened. He was only able to give the doctor one more grunt before he lost perception and consciousness once again.

    ---------------

    Ash sat with Pikachu on his lap in a cushioned bench in the waiting room. His mind was in a haze; nothing made sense anymore. All the events that were occurring, they did a number on the boy’s mental capacity. What bothered him the most was not about the circumstances Altaïr was found, however.

    The trainer raised his head and glanced across the waiting room at the only other occupant present, May. Her head was down like his was, and her hands on her thighs, and her sapphire eyes were unseen in the shadow cast across that portion of her face. Those beautiful sapphire eyes Ash had yet to look into…

    Pikachu felt his trainer’s heaviness in himself as well, and cooed softly. Ash gently stroked Pikachu’s fur as he took his eyes off of the coordinator and looked back down into his lap.

    “I think… I’m beginning to understand… why I feel what I feel.”

    The recent memories of all of Brock’s teasing and hinting entered him, and Ash began analyzing all of them.

    “He… knew all along… even before I even knew… All this time it was just a strange feeling in my chest and stomach every time her name was mentioned. Every time I thought about her. Even every time when I saw a Pokémon that she owned as well. But now I know what that feeling is.”

    Ash took a small peek at May once again, then quickly looked at Pikachu, speaking to his Pokémon.

    “You know what I’m feeling too, don’t you?”

    “Pi.”

    Then the image of Altaïr and May together shattered his peaceful thoughts, and depression set into him once again.

    “But… I’m too late.”

    “Cha…”

    “I’m too late.”

    ------------------

    May sat alone on her bench in the corner of the waiting room, looking down at her gloved hands in her empty lap. The past couple hours seemed to meld together as she attempted to recall them. The leaving of the hotel, the following of the police, the wandering in the forest, the discovery of Leafeon, the discovery of a body…

    Everything else was a blur after that. There was screaming, yelling, calling, crying, running. Before May knew it, she was waiting in the hospital, sitting on the very seat she was sitting on.

    “Altaïr… What happened?” she whispered quietly to herself, replaying the chain of events after her discovery that led her to where she currently was.

    The image of Altaïr’s face being revealed from the hood returned, and May remembered herself gasping and stepping back. His eyes were closed, and seemed to be contorted in pain. Then May saw the thing that caused her to scream; the blood. He was lying in a pool of it, and May saw the pictures in her head of red splashes all over his robe, on the grass, on the trunk of the tree…

    As she screamed, two figures jumped out of a bush from behind her and ran up to her yelling. It was Ash and Dawn. They asked what was wrong and spotted Altaïr’s blood stained body as well. Ash took charge and used his PokéNav to call the Lightcrown Police, and a unit was soon dispatched onto their position. Paramedics accompanied the officers and soon, Altaïr was taken on a stretcher and to the Lightcrown Hospital.

    That had all occurred a little over an hour ago, and still May, nor Ash and Pikachu, the only other two in the waiting room, had not heard any word about the teenaged boy’s condition. Brock was contacted during the wait and had to rush over from the Lightcrown Hotel, where he was supposed to meet Ash and Dawn in the first place. When Brock arrived, he quickly asked what had been going on, and Dawn explained the entire story to him, while Ash and May awkwardly stood on opposite sides of Dawn. After the story was finished, they all decided to take seats around the waiting room and wait for any word on how Altaïr was doing. About a half hour into the waiting, Dawn and Brock decided to go out and pick up some food, as it was noon.

    Now only May, Ash, and Pikachu remained in the waiting room, the two humans sitting completely across the room from one another.

    May sighed as deep concern stretched across her chest, and she felt herself quivering slightly. While Altaïr was being placed on the stretcher, May felt tears well up in her eyes. It was frightening for her as she didn’t know whether the boy that had shown so much care towards her was still alive or not, but that fear was alleviated when the paramedics announced that they could feel a pulse. Dawn was silent, and anxiety was present at her face at the time. Ash had disappeared into the forest for a short amount of time when the paramedics and police arrived.

    The thought of Altaïr dying still haunted May, even though the doctors had told them that all his wounds were just flesh wounds, and no vital organs were damaged. She felt helpless just knowing that he had been lying out in the middle of the forest, bleeding for who knows how long. How Altaïr came to be in that condition was another mystery to May. There was that event several days ago when Altaïr was able to take on a group of thugs and defeat them all. What made her in awe, yet somewhat intimidated, if not afraid, of him, was when he had whipped out his pocketknife and stabbed the leader in the shoulder.

    “The pocketknife that I have with me right now…”


    Altaïr’s pocketknife had been kept inside May’s fanny pack ever since she swiped it from under the table at the hotel. She made a note to herself to return it to him whenever they were alone.

    May heard a shuffle, and looked up to see Ash rising from his seat. She watched him coyly as he turned towards the main doors and headed through them, and out of the room. She was now alone.

    The coordinator was about to sink back into her thoughts when she heard the sliding doors of the patients’ wing slide open. She whirled her head around and saw a doctor entering the waiting room. It had to be about Altaïr, since she and the others had been waiting to hear about the news.

    The doctor, a short middle aged man who was already balding, spotted May all alone in her corner. He smiled warmly and made a motion that signaled her to enter the patients’ wing. May nodded and stood up, walking towards the doors.

    --------------------

    “Amazing, I’ve never seen any human being heal this fast!”

    The nurse that was checking on Altaïr’s condition stared wide eyed at the wound on the boy’s arm. Altaïr was conscious once again and took no notice of the nurse as he stared straight at the ceiling.

    “The diameter of this wound was two inches when he arrived, and now it’s only one! I have to report this to the doctor.”

    “Alright, it seems like you’re already making progress, Altaïr.” The nurse smiled sweetly, trying to hide her wonder. Altaïr gave a single dismissive grunt and the nurse stepped out of the room. On her way out, a brunette wearing a red bandanna pushed past her into the room.

    “Hehe, he’s got a cute girlfriend.”


    Altaïr heard the second person enter the room and he tilted his head to the left and saw May. His face was impassive as she looked at him apprehensively.

    May examined the boy who was wearing the usual light blue patient’s outfit that covered his body on the front completely. She had been to hospitals before and knew that coverage was absent on the backside, though she never exactly knew why. Blankets covered his lower body but she could still see the gruesome wounds that were present on his arms. May tore her eyes away from that part of his body and re-centered her view on his face.

    His face was also scuffed up, and light bruises and cuts could be spotted as well, but May noticed that he still retained most of his original look, and may even look a little more rugged that way.

    The girl began approaching the bed, and clasped her hands in front of her. Altaïr simply looked with his black eyes that betrayed no thought and waited for her. She was now right beside the bed and the two of them stared at one another. After about five seconds of that, Altaïr broke the contact and turned his view at the ceiling.

    May now looked at the side of his head, wondering what she should say. She said the first thing that came to mind.

    “Are… you ok?”

    Altaïr didn’t alter his gaze as she asked the question. He simply lay there silently for several seconds until answering.

    “Mm.”

    “Oh! I have something that belongs to you,” May blurted out suddenly, remembering her mental note she made earlier. She quickly reached into her fanny pack and pulled out the pocketknife from one of the front pockets. As May pulled it out, she took one last look at it, and noticed that there was red residue on the edge where she had folded the blade back in. It intrigued her slightly as she hadn’t taken the time to examine the knife when she had first obtained it, but she let that thought go as she brought the pocketknife over Altaïr’s eyes.

    Altaïr still did not move as May dangled the object over his face, and she sighed as she placed it on the stand next to his bed.

    “So…” began May, but she was soon cut off by an opening door behind her. She twirled her head around to see Brock, Dawn, Pikachu, and Ash standing at the entrance. Their faces were solemn as they looked hesitant to enter.

    May was about to beckon them all in when Altaïr’s deep voice sounded.

    “Good, you’re all here.”

    The entire room seemed to go even quieter than it already was.

    “I think now is the time to tell you all the truth.”

    -------------------

    Afterthought

    To be continued next chapter.
    Last edited by cichawk; 5th August 2008 at 5:07 AM.

  13. #163
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Location: Location: Location:
    Posts
    297

    Default

    You're cruel.

    No, seriously.

    I WILL read next chapter. That's gotta be one of the most bothersome cliffhangers I've ever seen. 21 chapters of buildup, and it stops with "I think it'a time to tell you the truth."

    Is he a Pokemorph? there was that discussion - "My element is ice, after all."

    But the wounds? I dunno. You're definately taking this in a cool direction, though.

    I saw no grammar errors at first glance, so good job there.

    Uh... not too much to say. It WAS a cliffhanger, after all.

  14. #164
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Zeppelin Rules!
    Posts
    2,083

    Default

    Okay, a few-ish errors I saw.

    Dawn sat to Ash’s left, silently pondering the recent events that have just occurred, as well as the contest that was to begin in about five hours.
    Tense issue, "have" should be "had."

    Dawn had contacted Brock shortly after their run in with the authority, and she described the situation for him.
    Did you mean "authorities?" Or, just the one officer? It's slightly awkward, but it's probably actually fine.

    “I just say May leave the hotel.
    "Saw" May leave the hotel?

    Before May it, she was waiting in the hospital, sitting on the very seat she was sitting on.
    I'm assuming that there should be a "knew" in that first bit.

    Anywho, interesting development. Altair got beaten... badly. So, I guess we'll find out by whom and why in the next chapter, eh? That, plus why his wounds heal so fast, and why Ash went back into the forest. And, strange turnaround for Altair to suddenly decide to reveal everything. Sounds like he might need their help. Exciting.

  15. #165
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Battle Tower, Hoenn
    Posts
    671

    Default

    I agree with LZ: that was an excellent cliffhanger. However, you have an excessive amount of single-sentence paragraphs, and the flow of this chapter seems erratic and rushed. Your longest paragraph is 5 lines.

    May suddenly realized that she was completely alone and had just talked to herself. The silence of the forest was unnerving, and the isolation crept into May.

    Feeling vulnerable, the coordinator took a Pokéball out of her fanny pack and called out a Pokémon.

    Eevee materialized from the ball and stood happily in front of her.
    Here, for example, the flow would be much better if that was one paragraph.

    Against her own fear, May summoned up whatever courage remained inside her, and pulled down the hood.

    May gasped.
    That definitely lacks any description. It's like an anticlimax.

    While Dawn toyed with her Pokétch, she noticed the elevator door opening, and a person dressed in red step out.
    Extra comma there.

  16. #166
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Nowhere near You
    Posts
    238

    Default

    !

    That was my first reaction to this chapter. It certainly seemed like a sudden leap in the pace after so much happening for unknown reasons.

    Quote Originally Posted by cichawk
    “I think… I’m beginning to understand… why I feel what I feel.”
    Not a are you, Ash? Well, at least you finally get it.
    “But… I’m too late.”
    If cichawk is an Advanceshipper, you're not.

    Altair....who or rather what is he? I sense that we're finally going to get some answers. He sure can heal fast...maybe the PDA implants nano repair bots into thier agents or something.

    Anyway, the truth. I hope soon, but take your time.

  17. #167
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    The Pltomaios
    Posts
    93

    Default

    Oh, wow! Altair is so awesome!!! Yay Altair!!!

    But enough of that.
    “The diameter of this wound was two inches when he arrived, and now it’s only one! I have to report this to the doctor.”

    “Alright, it seems like you’re already making progress, Altaïr.” The nurse smiled sweetly, trying to hide her wonder.
    Hmm, one part is in italics, the other in normal writing. Does that mean it's just a flashback of her previous comments OR
    He's reading her mind?
    Aww, May saved his life. And Altair says nothing. (A**hole)
    “Hey.”

    “…”

    “How are you? It’s been a while...”

    “I’m ok.”

    “Only ok?”

    “Yeah.”

    “I see…”

    “So what are you doing here?”

    “What? Can’t I just pop in for a visit?”

    “You haven’t in a while.”

    “I’ve been busy.”

    “Alright, but you don’t need to take time off to… visit.”

    “Are you sure about that?”

    “…”

    “You still act that way…”

    “What way?”

    “That way… the way you’ve always acted towards me... ever since…”

    “…”

    “You know what I’m talking about.”

    “It was for both of our benefit.”

    “How do you know that?”

    “… I just do.”

    “You never asked me.”

    “It just wasn’t meant to be.”

    “That doesn’t mean you had to just…”

    “Leave?”

    “Yeah…”

    “…”

    “Why do you have to be… so cold?...”

    “…”

    “…like ice?”

    “Because it’s my element.”

    “Don’t give me that. I know you better than that.”

    “You sure about that?”

    “I know that you…”

    “…”

    “…care.”

    “Oh really?”

    “Well, it seems like you’ve been quite caring lately.”

    “That’s because…”

    “Because?...”

    “Because…”

    “That’s ok, I don’t need you to give me your reason; I already know it.”

    “No you don’t.”

    “I think I do.”

    “…”

    “And I think it’s time that you wake up. They’re worried about you.”

    “…”

    “I’m worried about you.”

    “Don’t be.”

    “Doesn’t mean I’m not.”

    “…”

    “I’m going to go now.”

    “Ok.”

    “Bye.”

    “…Bye.”
    Who's he talking to?
    “The diameter of this wound was two inches when he arrived, and now it’s only one! I have to report this to the doctor.”
    And yet somehow, I'm not surprised.
    “I think now is the time to tell you all the truth.”
    Goody!

  18. #168
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    24

    Default

    RAAAAAAARGH!!!

    I have read the entire thing quite recently, THEN I GET THE MASSIVE CLIFFHANGER!!!

    Oh well. Well, I'll just say that i am loving the fic, but I think Altair is too strong. I mean, super awesome Matrix float in the air abilities XD, not giving commands to his pokemon and owning everyone by not doing anything. Oh well, I am kinda glad he was nearly dead, I don't like him, as great as his character is.

    Keep up the writing, and stay fabulously awesome at writing (well, at least in comparison to me VV)

  19. #169
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Alright, time to get to work.

    Lord Zant

    You're cruel.
    I've heard that one before.

    No, seriously.
    I've heard that one too.

    I WILL read next chapter. That's gotta be one of the most bothersome cliffhangers I've ever seen. 21 chapters of buildup, and it stops with "I think it'a time to tell you the truth."
    Heh, it must not bother me as much since I already knew exactly what happens. =P But really, I just stopped because the chapter was getting long, and I was getting tired.

    Is he a Pokemorph? there was that discussion - "My element is ice, after all."
    I googled that up, and that's quite some interesting stuff on that website. Well, to that question, I'll just say... hmm.

    But the wounds? I dunno. You're definately taking this in a cool direction, though.
    I will say Naruto influenced a bit of that. But I do have him have that ability for a reason.

    Uh... not too much to say. It WAS a cliffhanger, after all.
    I tend to imagine every chapter as a cliffhanger, since there's obviously more to the story after each chapter, unless it's the last one, so technically every chapter is somewhat of a cliffhanger.

    GrizzlyB

    Will get onto those errors.

    Anywho, interesting development. Altair got beaten... badly. So, I guess we'll find out by whom and why in the next chapter, eh? That, plus why his wounds heal so fast, and why Ash went back into the forest. And, strange turnaround for Altair to suddenly decide to reveal everything. Sounds like he might need their help. Exciting.
    Yeah, everything will pretty much be revealed next chapter, to an extent. As for Ash going back into the forest, he didn't go back for any special reason other to be alone. I guess I kind of made it like he went out looking for something eh? But I imagine that he was just finding time for his thoughts about the strange occurrences.

    swampert55

    I agree with LZ: that was an excellent cliffhanger. However, you have an excessive amount of single-sentence paragraphs, and the flow of this chapter seems erratic and rushed. Your longest paragraph is 5 lines.
    I guess I did eh? I'll keep an eye on that next chapter.

    That definitely lacks any description. It's like an anticlimax.
    I dunno, that was supposed to be like a mini-cliffhanger for the next segment of the chapter, since I did a semi recap in the next section. I don't really know what else I could say there without describing what she saw, besides saying something like "May gasped at the sight she witnessed."

    Earthborn

    !
    I get that sometimes too.

    hat was my first reaction to this chapter. It certainly seemed like a sudden leap in the pace after so much happening for unknown reasons.
    Yeah, sort of like when it was discovered that Altair was an operative. Looking back, I'm not sure if I wanted to reveal all that, but I guess it did make for some nice content. Otherwise, I may have lost a couple chapters.

    If cichawk is an Advanceshipper, you're not.
    =D

    Altair....who or rather what is he? I sense that we're finally going to get some answers. He sure can heal fast...maybe the PDA implants nano repair bots into thier agents or something.
    He's a person of course!

    When you said PDA, I think you meant PDI. Heh, a bit confusing now that I look at it.

    Anyway, the truth. I hope soon, but take your time.
    Getting to work.

    Ariel_Anderson

    Hmm, one part is in italics, the other in normal writing. Does that mean it's just a flashback of her previous comments OR
    He's reading her mind?
    Aww, May saved his life. And Altair says nothing. (A**hole)
    The italics is the nurse's thoughts, and the normal is her speech.

    Hehe, Altair isn't exactly sociable is he?

    Who's he talking to?
    Hmm, who knows? (Except me)

    Shadow_Shaymin

    Why hello, new reader. =D

    PM list?

    RAAAAAAARGH!!!

    I have read the entire thing quite recently, THEN I GET THE MASSIVE CLIFFHANGER!!!
    I get that response a lot too. I must do that a lot. =P

    Oh well. Well, I'll just say that i am loving the fic, but I think Altair is too strong. I mean, super awesome Matrix float in the air abilities XD, not giving commands to his pokemon and owning everyone by not doing anything. Oh well, I am kinda glad he was nearly dead, I don't like him, as great as his character is.
    Yeah, that's been an issue some people have had with my fic. I guess he does seem like some sort of demi-god or whatever you may call him. There is a reason for his strengths though, and also, his weaknesses are starting to show too.

    Hm, so you want me to kill him off? =D

  20. #170
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Foreword

    It has been way too long, so finally here it is. Direct continuation from last chapter, and a ton of story elements stuffed in. I just hope it’s not all too sudden or rushed. If it is, I might as well have just ruined the story.

    --------------------

    Chapter 23 – Goodnight, Goodbye

    The four visitors had grabbed chairs from around the room and situated themselves around Altaïr’s bed, staring at him intently for him to begin what he had to say. The room was quiet, and barely a breath could be heard as the visitors felt themselves become tense and jittery. All the strange occurrences, all the mysterious events, all the dangers, were about to be explained by the wounded teenager.

    Ash did his best to put on a tough demeanor, but his eyes betrayed the nervousness and fright that pestered him. Pikachu felt his trainer’s anxiety, and hid with ears drooped behind Ash’s shoulder. Brock sat stiffly with his legs crossed on his seat, attempting to predict what Altaïr may want to tell them. Dawn had her hands clasped together in her lap with her body leaned forward slightly, awaiting the tale that was about to be told.

    And finally, May sat with her hands crossed across her chest and slightly shivered, as if the air was freezing cold even though it wasn’t. Nobody but May had witnessed as many things about Altaïr as she had, and now all the answers to his being were about to be answered. The suspense was killing her, but at the same time, she was afraid of what she would hear.

    Altaïr sat motionless in a sitting position on his bed. He merely stared with his black eyes at the opposing wall, not taking a look at any of the people that sat around him. Part of him regretted saying as much as he did moments ago, but part of him knew that he had to say everything, for he knew the consequences of keeping mum.

    Then, Altaïr snapped out of his trance and his eyes refocused on his surroundings. It was time to do what must be done.

    “You all know my history, am I correct?”

    Three humans and a Pokémon nodded their heads as one made no movement

    “Well, as a quick recap-,” Altaïr started, remembering that he hadn’t mentioned anything to May before. “-I am an orphan, abandoned by whoever my parents were on Mount Coronet. An old hermit found me in the cold and took me in, and he became my ‘father.’ I discovered Eevee one day in the dead of winter and we became fast friends. Inseparable. When I was 10, I went down and begged for my trainer’s license, as I had no proof of my age, and me and Eevee set out for our journey.”

    Even though the tale was abridged, May still felt absorbed in the tale and ceased her shivering at the warm story.

    “We trained hard and we eventually obtained the eight Sinnoh gym badges, and I also caught five more Eevees and evolved them. I returned home with only my first Eevee one day for reasons still unknown to me, and an avalanche fell upon us. Eevee was swept away and I searched for him for days, only to have him return to me as a Glaceon. And after that is when I entered the Sinnoh League Competition…”

    Altaïr stopped his storytelling and looked around at every person in the eye with stony eyes. Each of the listeners felt a chill run up his or her spine as he looked at each of them one at a time. He took one breath, and opened his mouth to speak again.

    “And that’s all I really told you guys. You three know that I was defeated in the first round-,” Altaïr turned to look at May. “-and now you do too. Then I said that I got depressed and suicidal, but remembered my promise to Glaceon, which was to never leave him, and then I said I decided to take a hiatus from the leagues and train for three whole years.” Altaïr paused and looked at everyone once again.

    “But… I never mentioned what happened within that time period… or even what happened right after my defeat.”

    That caused everybody to lean in and put their entire focus into Altaïr’s words. Altaïr seemed to not notice the action and moved on with a darker tone.

    “I told you all that the reason why I decided against suicide was because of my promise to Glaceon, but I never actually stated why I took that break from competing in leagues.”

    Altaïr began to shift uncomfortably in his position, as if he was looking for the right thing to say. It was unusual for him to look as nervous as he did, and his audience definitely took notice, but still remained silent.

    “Well…” the teenager looked around at each person once again, took a deep breath, and made up his mind.

    “I was approached. By a man. A man that would change my life forever.”

    ------------------

    A young boy with unruly black hair, a pair of black sports shorts, and a plain white t-shirt, sat dejectedly on a bench. It was midday, and the boy had just exited a battlefield in which he had just been soundly defeated in a Pokémon battle. The boy sat with his head looking into the ground, and his eyes were unseen due to the shadows cast by his hair. In his hand, he held a single teal Pokéball, the Pokéball which held his best friend. A drop of water fell onto the Pokéball, and the boy’s grip on it became tighter.

    “Say there, what’s got you down there, kid?”

    The depressed boy looked up and saw a man wearing a formal business suit and brown hair slicked back with gel. The man was clean shaven and looked to be in his twenties. A black suitcase was in his right hand while his left hand was stuffed in the pocket of his suit.

    The boy that the man spoke to turned his head back down and continued staring at his Pokéball with sad eyes. He fidgeted with the object and did his best to ignore the man, though a slight interest on what the man wanted piqued him.

    “So, not gonna say anything to me? That’s nice.”

    Stepping a bit to the left, the man stood directly in front of the juvenile and allowed himself to cast a long shadow over the boy. The young boy felt the pit of his stomach swell in anxiety, not knowing what the man wanted with him.

    “The name is Altaïr, correct?” the man continued on without waiting for the boy’s reply. “I saw your battle. Quite interesting indeed.”

    Altaïr’s grip on his Pokéball hardened as he recalled the humiliating battle he had just had to suffer through. A pulse shot through his veins as his frustration toward his own failure boiled him. Then the frustration turned into rage, and the young boy began to sweat and feel hatred for the world inside of him. He felt like punching the man before him, even though he still did not know the man’s purpose for approaching him. Gritting his teeth, Altaïr looked up at the man with as much resentment as possible.

    The man stared straight into Altaïr’s eyes but disregarded the look of hatred he received. “I am not here for games, kid,” the man said with seriousness. “I am here to offer you a business proposition. And no, do not ask for my name, or who I am, or what I do, as that is not important. Only answer yes, if you are interested in hearing me out, or no, if you want me to leave.”

    The sudden flow of words at Altaïr surprised him, causing his eyes to falter. He quickly shook it off and resumed his persona of hostility. Then the boy spoke his first words to the man.

    “What can you offer me, a loser? A failure at Pokémon training?” Altaïr’s eyes narrowed.

    “Now that’s not the answer to the question I asked you, so answer me simply yes… or no…”

    The boy took several seconds to consider before finally answering.

    “Yes.”

    “Good, I thought you might.” The man flicked a very faint sneer, or so it seemed to be to Altaïr, but it was gone before he could get a second look.

    “I am here to offer you a job-“

    “A job?” the boy interjected. “Aren’t I a little young to be having a job? And anyway, I’m a Pokémon trainer.”

    “I thought you said you were a failure as a Pokémon trainer.” That statement shut Altaïr up.

    “So, continuing on, I have a job to offer you. This job is no normal job. There are many risks, and danger is always present. Death is not uncommon in this occupation.” The man saw Altaïr slowly gaining more and more interest in his speech, and knew he was achieving his goal.

    “However, even with all these, inconveniences, for lack of a better word, I am thinking that you will accept this occupation.”

    “And why is that?” asked Altaïr, testing the man.

    “Because in this job, you can prove yourself worthy. You can prove that you are strong. Unbeatable. You can prove that you are not an insignificant weakling.”

    A gleam flashed in Altaïr’s eyes as the words passed through his mind. Before him stood a man that claimed to offer him a promise out of the hole in his life. Before him was a chance to gain strength and self worth.

    “Is this-Is this what I’m looking for? After my defeat, I realized that I’m a nothing. But now in front of me stands the chance to be rid of my weaknesses and take on power. All my life, I have been a nobody, alone in the world, but now, with this, I can prove myself… to the world.”

    The young boy ceased his contemplation and looked into the man’s eyes once again. This time not with hostility and hatred, but of renewed vigor and determination.

    “You have my life,” stated Altaïr simply.

    The man nodded and held out his suitcase with one arm. He undid the lock with his other hand to open it, and he reached inside.

    “Welcome to the PDI.”

    A hand grabbed Altaïr from behind and the lights went out.

    --------------------

    “The PDI…” May recognized those letters instantly, as they were the same as the ones on Altaïr’s PDA.

    “What does ‘PDI’ stand for?” Brock questioned carefully.

    “Pokémon Defense Initiative.”

    “What is that?” blurted out Dawn, as the three words made no sense to her.

    “Well, I was just about to explain what the PDI is, and what my job is.”

    The teenager’s audience shut their mouths and patiently waited for Altaïr to continue. Answers taunted the foursome as they thought of all the questions and thoughts they have had about Altaïr over the past few days, but none of them were prepared for what they were about to hear.

    “The PDI is a private military corporation, or PMC. Yes, even though the current world is at peace, there are still private militaries ready to be hired at a moment’s notice. If any of you know about history, you would know that the last major war occurred over 300 years ago, so the idea of war is foreign to people today. The only visible threat to the public today is gangs like Team Rocket.”

    The three younger listeners were somewhat taken aback but also confused at the content Altaïr was explaining, but they remained quiet. Brock however, began realizing what was going on, but he kept his cool to prevent any panic among his younger companions.

    “So basically, the PDI is just a group of mercenaries,” analyzed Brock.

    “Not quite, since the PDI only sells its services to the government. Nobody else. There are other smaller PMCs out there, but the PDI is the biggest and is often times sent out to erase the existence of the smaller PMCs that provide services to terrorist groups or gangs. However, the existence of the PDI is kept under secret since the government wants to maintain the illusion of peace.”

    “The illusion of peace?” asked Ash with confusion.

    “I say illusion because there is still military action being carried out covertly whenever the problem arises. And it’s not small problems like street gangs or even the bigger crime syndicates, but problems like other PMCs selling services to dangerous organizations, or others that have… a special case… that require more manpower and firepower.”

    The two girls of the group stared blankly at Altaïr as he explained the new information. Neither of them had a concept of war or military, as that knowledge was never presented to them in their youth. Ash and Pikachu had their mouths slightly agape at the facts they were hearing. Brock however, sat motionless and gave no reaction.

    “And now, there is exactly that type of problem occurring right now.”

    The four listeners suddenly felt fearful at the prospect of a dangerous threat that required military personnel to deal with it. Both Dawn and May subconsciously leaned in towards Ash. Altaïr now sat up straighter and stared straight into the wall opposite from him, not looking at a single other soul.

    “There is an organization out there, The Brotherhood of Abolitionists, or just called The Brotherhood for short, that has risen to become a serious threat to the security of not only people, but Pokémon alike.”

    The information shocked the listeners violently, and no response could be procured from them.

    “The Brotherhood is an organization that believes Pokémon catching and training is enslavement, and they want to rid the world of this slavery through some sort of means. They call trainers, coordinators, breeders, whoever, the enslavers, and they believe that such people should be purged.”

    “That’s not right!” Ash exclaimed. “We’re not enslaving Pokémon! Our Pokémon are our friends, and they want to be with us, isn’t that right Pikachu?”

    “Pika Pikapi!” Pikachu shot a peace sign with two fingers.

    “Well, that’s how most of the world thinks I’m pretty sure, but there’s still a rather large group that believes otherwise, and they have formed The Brotherhood. I’m not sure of what their plan is, but the PDI has been doing its best to gather intelligence and prepare to combat this threat.”

    Altaïr’s audience did not know how to react to the supposed threat that their seemingly peaceful world contained. Nervous glances were set to one another and the tension in the room stood high.

    “And I’m an integral part of it.”

    --------------------

    “And welcome to your new home in the PDI.”

    The blindfolds were removed from the younger Altaïr’s eyes and what he saw around him was vastly different from the setting he was just at hours before. He had only regained consciousness minutes ago, but the blindfolds had still suppressed his vision and he had no idea what was going on. Now before him was a room similar to a solitary confinement cell with a single small bed and a sink and toilet.

    “I apologize for the… rough procedure to bring you here, but as always, it is for security purposes.”

    Altaïr said no words as he blankly stared at the room as if he was thoughtless, but on the inside, he was teeming with excitement and a bit of anxiety at the new life to which he was to embark on. Finally, he would be able to escape his old existence that he despised calling his life, and prove himself to the world and most importantly, himself.

    The door to his cell opened once again and a man in military clothing entered. The man wore a green camouflage uniform and wore a simple hat on his head. He was clearly bald as no hair came out the sides of the hat, as was expected of all military personnel. The man was tall, built, and his eyes radiated the essence of violence and combat. He walked over to Altaïr with his heavy boots that clanked as he took each step and towered over him.

    “So, this the new scrub?” growled the soldier.

    “He’s it,” stated the suited man plainly.

    “Not much muscle on you, eh? And not short, but not tall either. You sure he’s the right one?”

    “Right one?”

    “He’s it. Now stop asking questions and do your job.” The man’s words were trite and cold as he gave a look that even caused the soldier to shudder.

    “Yessir. C’mon kid, you’ll see what real training is like,” the main chuckled as he pushed Altaïr out the door.

    ------------------

    “Thus began my training, for an entire year. I would train alone under military guidance for six months, then with my Pokémon for another six. After that, I was deemed ready to join the force and was assigned to the ISA Squad.”

    “ISA? What’s that mean?” May asked, which was the first time she had done so through the entire monologue.

    “Intelligence, Sabotage, and…”

    Altaïr seemed to hesitate slightly, but he cleared his throat and continued on promptly, as if nothing had happened.

    “Assassination.”

    The four listeners and Pokémon all displayed their shocked states in different manners. Dawn gasped audibly, putting her hand to her mouth, May took a sharp intake of breath as she tensed her body, Ash swiftly stood up and had his eyes wide open, and Brock leaned heavily forward in his chair. The thought that Altaïr was an assassin had crossed their minds during their entire encounter with him, but now to some who had witnessed his abilities, the role began to match.

    “ASSA-," Ash was promptly cut off by Brock’s hand.

    Brock looked sternly at Ash and shook his head, nonverbally telling him to contain himself. Ash nodded, and sat back down in his seat with Pikachu on his shoulder.

    “And I believe this is all I can tell you now without endangering us all here further,” stated Altaïr as he glanced up and an analog clock and saw the time to be four in the afternoon.

    “I suppose you two forfeit your rankings in the contest?”

    The two females in the group nodded and each blushed slightly. Ash saw May blush and he immediately began to feel his heart sink again.

    “We… wanted to make sure you were ok…” said Dawn sheepishly.

    “Yeah… you were just in such a terrible condition…” added May shyly.

    “Then this makes things much more convenient.”

    “Huh? Convenient?” asked Brock in puzzlement.

    “This is for all of your own well being. Good night.”

    “Oh shi-, Pikachu! Thund-.” But Ash’s command was cut short as a scent wafted through the room. It was a sweet scent that smelled of the most expensive perfumes, but it also held another trait to it.

    The last thing Ash could remember were his eyes drooping and Pikachu slipping off his shoulders. His next vision was of Altaïr standing above him, looking down. Ash could not get a clear view of his face, as his vision had become blurry, but he thought could make out a face of regret on Altaïr. Then, all went black.

    From behind a table, Leafeon stepped out and showed herself to her trainer. She gave a little nod, to which Altaïr replied to with a nod back.

    “Good job Leafeon,” said Altaïr as he recalled her into her green Pokéball.

    The teenaged boy grabbed his backpack from the chair it hung on, and hooked Leafeon’s Pokéball in its usual position on the single front strap. He then shouldered his backpack, and prepared to make his leave of the hospital, but before doing so, he made one look back at the four sleeping humans and Pokémon. Altaïr sighed deeply as he felt both necessity and slight remorse at the act he had just committed, but that feeling didn’t linger for long as he knew he had an objective to fulfill.

    “I’m sorry, but this is to protect you all, and allow myself to follow the path set for me.”


    Altaïr stepped out the door and closed it gently, thinking one last time about if what he did was right.

    “It is. I have to complete my mission. And it’s not the one I was assigned.”

    “Goodbye.”


    END OF PART 1


    -----------------

    Afterthought


    Ooo, more mystery.

    There was actually more I wanted to write in this chapter, but I decided to exclude it because of the overall story’s purposes. Vague, yeah, but someday in the future, the distant future, it’ll be clear. So yup, that's the official end to Part 1: Neo Expedition.

    Again, I just hope it’s not too rushed.

    And yes, it’s a coincidence that this chapter was released on the same day Metal Gear Solid 4 was released (if any of you know about the game, you’ll know why I mentioned this).
    Last edited by cichawk; 25th June 2008 at 5:19 AM.

  21. #171
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    The Pltomaios
    Posts
    93

    Default

    OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cliffffffffffhhhhhhhhaaaanggggggerrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! Noooo!!!
    You sure he’s the right one?”

    “Right one?”

    “He’s it.
    Ooooooooo!!! Altair is special?!
    The two girls of the group stared blankly at Altaïr as he explained the new information. Neither of them had a concept of war or military
    Huh. How about that?
    The PDI is a private military corporation, or PMC
    *Starts to shiver* N-no... not PMC... not PMC, not PMC notPMCnotPMCNOTPMCNOTPMCNOTPMC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! NOT THAT ACRONYM! NO!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Edit: I'm sorry for freaking out before, it's just...

    Sorry. Old trauma.

    You see... that was the name of the organisation that my older brother's murderer belonged to!!!! And he was a f****** mercenary as well!!!!!
    Last edited by Ariel_Anderson; 13th June 2008 at 11:06 AM.

  22. #172
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Nowhere near You
    Posts
    238

    Default

    Ooh, an explanation chapter. I've got one coming up too, but of a different nature of course.

    PDI= Pokemon Defence Initiative. Kinda like GDI in CNC huh? Anyway, it's functioning and stuff makes quite a bit of sense, considering the position of war in the anime. Altaïr, I was right in assuming he's in a CIA-like branch of the PDI. ISA and the name Altaïr reminds me a lot of Assassin’s Creed, which I haven't been able to find enough time to play.

    So, has Altaïr, um, assassinated anyone yet? I don't think so, but I do think that's a part of his mission right now. The Brotherhood of Abolitionists, certainly do have a unique ideology, but it remains to be seen what can be done about them. Naturally, Altair seems to have gotten some genetic enhancements after all.

    Keep toughing along...

  23. #173
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    The Pltomaios
    Posts
    93

    Default

    So, has Altaïr, um, assassinated anyone yet?
    Betcha he has.

  24. #174
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Zeppelin Rules!
    Posts
    2,083

    Default

    “I am not hear for games, kid,” the man said with seriousness.
    “Am I’m an integral part of it.”
    May took a shark intake of breath as she tensed her body,
    I'll assume that you can find the mistakes in those.

    So, is there going to be a time lapse, or what? I don't really get why Altair told them all of that, then just ran off, either. Still, very interesting and informational chapter.

  25. #175
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Ariel_Anderson

    *Starts to shiver* N-no... not PMC... not PMC, not PMC notPMCnotPMCNOTPMCNOTPMCNOTPMC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! NOT THAT ACRONYM! NO!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Edit: I'm sorry for freaking out before, it's just...

    Sorry. Old trauma.

    You see... that was the name of the organisation that my older brother's murderer belonged to!!!! And he was a f****** mercenary as well!!!!!
    I'm sorry for your loss.

    Earthborn

    Ooh, an explanation chapter. I've got one coming up too, but of a different nature of course.
    I would say my story is sort of based off the games I play, since I feel that the best story lines ever are all placed in games. Movies just don't really cut it for me. I mean, I named my OC after a video game character, and I kind of borrow elements from other games. But rest assured, the entire story is unique (I hope).

    PDI= Pokemon Defence Initiative. Kinda like GDI in CNC huh? Anyway, it's functioning and stuff makes quite a bit of sense, considering the position of war in the anime. Altaïr, I was right in assuming he's in a CIA-like branch of the PDI. ISA and the name Altaïr reminds me a lot of Assassin’s Creed, which I haven't been able to find enough time to play.
    Bingo with the connection with CNC.

    I just wanted to go in the direction of something that would be mentioned in a children's TV show. In this case, it's war and espionage.

    Heh, I got the name Altaïr from Assassin's Creed, which I beat when I got it last year.

    So, has Altaïr, um, assassinated anyone yet? I don't think so, but I do think that's a part of his mission right now. The Brotherhood of Abolitionists, certainly do have a unique ideology, but it remains to be seen what can be done about them. Naturally, Altair seems to have gotten some genetic enhancements after all.
    Well, I cannot answer that first question at this point. And as Altaïr will be absent for much of Part 2, that question won't be answered in the story for a while.

    See another link with the name "Brotherhood of Abolitionists?"

    As for the ideology, it always was something that sort of came into mind whenever I thought deeply about Pokemon. I mean, it's just like ownership, but Pokemon have more complex thoughts and emotions, so thus they could be justified as "people."

    And let's not jump to conclusions about Altaïr's genetic makeup. ;-)

    GrizzlyB

    So, is there going to be a time lapse, or what? I don't really get why Altair told them all of that, then just ran off, either. Still, very interesting and informational chapter.
    No time lapse I will say, since I'm posting the next chapter in juts a few.

    Altair is juts a mysterious guy I have to say.

    Next chapter will also be a mix of information and action.

Page 7 of 8 FirstFirst ... 345678 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •