Page 4 of 8 FirstFirst 12345678 LastLast
Results 76 to 100 of 194

Thread: Pokemon: Neo Genesis (AaMayL/Advanceshipping, PG-13)

  1. #76
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Hey, welcome back. :P

    The new chapter was kinda entertaining, especially with the last part. I guess the Advanceshippy feeling is starting to grow on Ash's side now. I have a feeling that he'll be meeting May at the Lightcrown Contest, whenever you're ready to reach that part of the story.
    Mm, perhaps, but knowing me, there are gonna be twists. =O

    I wonder what's up with Altaďr now, his character is one I'm not all that familiar with. All in all, that was a worthy update. Just remember that good art cannot be rushed, and that I'm going to keep following this closely.
    This fic is really as much about Advanceshipping as it is about Altaďr's origins and a much larger event that is taking place. Circling a fic completely around love and whatnot just isn't my style, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy writing about it in general. This may as well have been in the normal fanfics section, but I did want to have the Advanceshipping element in my fic, which makes it fall into the shipping fics forum.

    As for rushing, I guess you're right about that, but let's not ignore the fact that we all get apathetic once in a while, which was probably one of the factors in my absence.

    Your PM states that chapter 8 has been posted, and I don't think you can triple post, even in your own fic.
    ...Oops. Guess copying and pasting isn't the best idea all the time.

    I highly doubt that downtown must be capitalized.
    Mm, perhaps not. I'll look into that.

    You have speech down pretty well, at least better than my attempts...
    Well, sometimes I feel that the speech I write in the fic is too much like my own everyday speech, instead of what the characters would really say as if in they were in the anime. Not watching a whole lot of the anime dub is probably a reason for that, but I hope I write it without it being too slang-ish in my own way.

    That's the second time you've done that!
    ...Oops. Gotta get that word out of my system. =P

  2. #77
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Zeppelin Rules!
    Posts
    2,090

    Default

    Weird, I'm, like, last this time.

    There wasn't really much plot-wise to this chapter, except for that Altair is on the prowl. Still, I liked it nonetheless, like all of your chapters. Yay.

    I hope you update soon, I suppose. Sounds like you're setting up a bigger chapter next time. There's really not too much to say after all of the other posts...

  3. #78
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Graduating Class of 2009!
    Posts
    902

    Default

    Wow, cichawk, that was very good. I'm not saying this just to compliment you, but I really enjoyed that chapter, more so than the last one(strange, isn't it?) For your chapters it always seems like the more you write, the better it becomes. A chapter is always better than the one that came before it. Sort of like that.

    I agree with Lord Zant(since his is the only review I read ), the feelings you made Ash feel and how he felt it was so very Ash-like. Everyone was in character. I'm happy that he's now starting to watch over Dawn like he was supposed to. And that you didn't make him express his undying love for May(okay, okay, so I'm exaggerating)

    All in all, it was a pretty great chapter to read. Thank you for the PMs btw. They help!
    ~*Uza-chan's Good bye*~

    IS SUPAH FIIIINE

  4. #79
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Huh that was weird, I got an email that I got a reply in this thread and saw that someone requested to be on the PM List. Then I leave here to go read League of Legends by Lord Zant and review it and I come back here and it's gone. (That's a lot of ands) Hm... deleted for spam maybe? Well, I added the requester to the list nonetheless.

    Weird, I'm, like, last this time.

    There wasn't really much plot-wise to this chapter, except for that Altair is on the prowl. Still, I liked it nonetheless, like all of your chapters. Yay.

    I hope you update soon, I suppose. Sounds like you're setting up a bigger chapter next time. There's really not too much to say after all of the other posts...
    Yeah a lot of things are just kinda filling in time gaps before the contest day, which I guess is what the current story arc is about now.

    Progress is going a little slow... As in I've written a few hundred words so far as opposed to the usual 2500+ I get per chapter. This is planning to be a big chapter too so I dunno how long it'll take. =\

    Wow, cichawk, that was very good. I'm not saying this just to compliment you, but I really enjoyed that chapter, more so than the last one(strange, isn't it?) For your chapters it always seems like the more you write, the better it becomes. A chapter is always better than the one that came before it. Sort of like that.
    Heh, the chapter before the last chapter was supposed to be a little more angsty and suspenseful. Just felt I had to put something like that in the story to make it more interesting, or else all the characters would do is train for the upcoming contest. I'm the kind of guy that has to fill in every second of the day with some kind of activity, even if it's just a short description like saying "they just trained form then to now." Glad to see you think they're getting better. I always try my hardest to keep them top notch.

    I agree with Lord Zant(since his is the only review I read ), the feelings you made Ash feel and how he felt it was so very Ash-like. Everyone was in character. I'm happy that he's now starting to watch over Dawn like he was supposed to. And that you didn't make him express his undying love for May(okay, okay, so I'm exaggerating)

    All in all, it was a pretty great chapter to read. Thank you for the PMs btw. They help!
    And once again, glad to see I'm still hitting characters on the spot. Watching over people is something I do a lot in my personal life so I guess I felt that I should integrate some of that into this story. Plus it was just logical for Ash to be more responsible for Dawn. I'll just save his love for May is still hazy. I am in no rush to present a ship before a storyline.

  5. #80
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    I'm back.

    And I can't find my thread on the index for some reason. Oh well at least I can still access it from search.

    --------------------

    Foreword

    Ok, so viewer discretion is somewhat advised here, as there will be some detailed violence in this chapter. However, I tried to keep it as PG-13 as I could.

    Now if I could somehow make the 'fight scene' into animation, I would definitely use something like Start Something by Lost Prophets as the background music. (Couldn't find a normal video with just the song, so the Matrix will have to do) Yes I like to imagine my fic as something with moving pictures; it lets me create some scenes more easily and give it the proper details.

    Anyway, enjoy.

    --------------------

    Chapter 11 - Silver



    After lunch at the sushi shop, Ash, Dawn, and Brock returned to the training fields to resume Dawn’s training while Altaďr wandered off on his own. The words of the older teenager lingered in Ash’s mind and distracted him from the training.

    “Hey Ash, if you don’t act now, Pikachu is gonna be the one with that dazed look you have on his face.”

    Ash shook his head quickly and saw the action that was taking place, and quickly yelled out orders to his Pokémon.

    “Staravia, blow Buizel away from Pikachu with a Whirlwind, and follow up with Thunderbolt Pikachu!”

    Dawn however, commanded her second Pokémon to go on the offensive. “Buneary, use Bounce on Staravia!”

    Both teams followed through on their orders without hesitation. Buneary leapt up with grace towards Staravia in the air but the Starling Pokémon outmaneuvered her and she fell back onto the earth. Staravia then began to use his wings to create a gale that was aimed at a charging Buizel. Buizel was taken out of his Aqua Jet and thrown back by the strong winds, while Pikachu worked himself back onto his feet and began to charge one last attack with all his strength.

    “Alright! I think this battle is over now,” announced Brock from the sidelines.

    Ash and Dawn both looked at him with surprise on their faces.

    “Brock, I could have countered Pikachu’s attack with Buneary, you know,” Dawn rebuked.

    “I don’t want to risk it, Dawn. As I am the referee of this practice match, it is my responsibility to make sure the Pokémon don’t receive any unnecessary damage. If that Thunderbolt hit Buizel while he was in that condition, he may have been out of action for the contest tomorrow,” Brock explained.

    Dawn resigned and sighed. “I guess you’re right Brock.”

    “Don’t sweat it Dawn, you fought a great battle. I think you’ll be ready for the contest tomorrow,” smiled Ash.

    Dawn turned a light shade of pink at the remark, though it remained unnoticed by the two males.

    “You-You really think so, Ash?” she asked shyly.

    “Of course, you’re a great coordinator, Dawn! Why, I bet you could beat everybody, even that Altaďr,” Ash said confidently while pumping a fist into the air.

    Dawn giggled softly and approached Ash slowly, he not noticing as he was staring at the sky. As Dawn came closer, she hesitated slightly, then finally wrapped her arms around his back and gave him a small hug. Ash felt her arms around him and looked back down with a slightly shocked expression, but calmed down slightly after he processed what was taking place. He brought his arms up as well and gave her a small hug back, blushing heavily at the same time. An eternity seemed to past until the two grasped what they were doing, and broke apart quickly.

    “Thanks for um… believing in me… Ash,” Dawn whispered softly.

    “Er… um… no problem... Dawn,” Ash replied with a whisper as well.

    “Wow, he’s not babbling like an idiot this time,”
    Brock mused.

    --------------------

    More hard hours of training passed before the trainer and coordinator realized their hunger, and so the breeder then began to cook up dinner right on the training field so they could resume training after. Deep in the city, another coordinator and trainer were heading to the same destination.

    Altaďr strolled slowly on the busy sidewalk, taking in the sights of the beautiful city. The day was beginning to fade away as evening approached, and the sky gleamed orange. He breathed in the air, smelling the fumes and exhaust in it, and cleared his throat. As he neared an intersection, he looked up at the street signs, which read 1st Avenue and Thompson Street, confirming that he was heading in the right direction. The trainer walked another half a block until he finally made out the words ‘Spotlight Café’ in the distance, and made his way to the building the neon words hung over while flicking his long messy hair off his face.

    “I need a haircut,” concluded Altaďr.

    He reached the pair of glass doors and stared blankly at them, before shaking himself back into reality and pushing the two doors open.

    Inside, the air was filled with smells of food and low murmurs of conversing patrons. Altaďr glanced around the interior for the person he was to meet, but unable to spot her, he walked over to a wooden bench in a corner and sat down. He stared tiredly out the window to his side and pondered what he was to do later that night.

    -------------------

    “Oh no, I’m late! I hope he’s not mad for making him wait this long.”


    A red bandanna-wearing girl ran down the sidewalk while checking her PokéNav every few seconds. Her long brunette hair flailed behind her as she made her way through the busy crowd while her heart beat wildly in her chest.

    “I knew I shouldn’t have trained so far away from the cit-,”

    THUD

    Not looking where she was going, the brunette bounced off the body of a large burly man standing in the center of the sidewalk and tumbled backwards. Another man, this one without a shirt and having tattoos on his entire body, peered around the larger man and raised an eyebrow. However, before either of the men could say anything, the girl had already gotten back on her feet and began to run again while yelling a “Sorry!” backwards.

    Another minute of running passed until the girl finally reached her destination. She charged through the door, causing a scene, and looked around frantically until she caught sight of the person she was to meet sitting on a bench in the corner.

    “Hey, May” greeted Altaďr, giving a look of amusement at her current state, and at his rhyme.

    “I am SO sorry that I’m late!” May panted while putting her hands on her knees and bending forward to catch her breath.

    Altaďr looked amused. “Late? It’s 6:03,” he said while pointing a clock above the main entrance.

    May gave a look of embarrassment, and kept silent.

    “Let’s, get a table eh?” suggested the teenaged boy.

    The coordinator could only nod while she blushed a slight red, though Altaďr paid no notice.

    Altaďr promptly requested a two seat table and soon they were on their way to be seated. They sat down at their table and a slim waiter who looked no older than Altaďr soon came by with a pair of menus. Altaďr and May ordered drinks and after the waiter had left, began to shift through the pages.

    A silence befell them as they studied the pages of the menus, and May began to feel a slight uneasiness in the quietness between them. Whenever she tried to open her mouth to say something however, Altaďr would always seem to move right at that moment, making her retreat once again. After what seemed like an eternity, Altaďr finally said his first words to her after their initial encounter.

    “I think I’ll have the salmon, how ‘bout you?” he said from behind his menu.

    May almost fell over at hearing his insignificant words, and screamed as loud as she could in her head from the frustration. Altaďr noticed her movements and peered around his menu at the estranged coordinator.

    “Um, you alright there?”

    May dropped a bit of sweat, and feigned a smile while telling him, “I’m alright. I think I’ll just have a salad.”

    Altaďr looked slightly annoyed as he questioned, “Why does it seem like the only things girls eat nowadays are salads? Or nothing at all,” he added.

    “No, no it’s not like I’m trying to lose weight or anything, I’m just not very hungry!”

    In reality, May was famished, and she knew that. Her lie bit her in the back of her mind as she wondered why she was ordering a salad when she in fact was hungry. The obvious answer eluded her.

    Altaďr shrugged and put down his menu and glanced around for the waiter. He soon arrived and the trainer and coordinator recited their orders. The waiter promptly took note and walked away to fulfill them.

    The two sat across from each other silently for many minutes, with Altaďr talking sips from his non-alcoholic strawberry daiquiri, and May slurping a bit of her orange soda from her straw. May felt the tension of the silence once again, and began to shift uncomfortably in her seat. However, this time Altaďr seemed to have no inclination to say anything, so May began to summon up as much courage as she could to speak first. She did not know what made her so nervous but she knew that she was seeing the tall teenaged boy in a new light. Her cheeks turned a slight pink as she created a short fantasy in her head, but shook it out as she finally thought of something to say.

    “So, do you like strawberries?” May’s inner conscience beat her in the head at the small talk she was making.

    “Uh, yeah, it’s my favorite fruit…” Altaďr spoke skeptically while raising an eyebrow.

    “Huh, what’s up with this girl? What’s with her not asking about Ash first?”


    May also was wonder the same thoughts as he, but quickly put her mind back on the conversation at hand.

    “Mm, that’s nice. I like strawberries too,” May replied, though in fact, she actually didn’t like strawberries very much since they often were sour whenever she had them.

    “That’s… great.” Altaďr said without much enthusiasm, as the gears in his brain were still turning as he speculated about what the coordinator was up to.

    The silence settled back in, and the two just sat tensely across each other. Soon, the food arrived and their mouths would have something to do now besides speak. Altaďr ate the rice on the side of his salmon slowly as May carefully munched on her Caesar salad. Finally, Altaďr couldn’t take it anymore and he spoke out assertively.

    “Ok, do you want to know about what Ash said, or not? I mean that is what this meeting is for, right?”

    May felt as if somebody had stabbed her in the chest as he said the last part. She immediately began to feel guilty as well as she began to realize that she had been avoiding the topic of Ash the entire time so she could have more small talk with Altaďr, and maybe have the possibility of talking about something even deeper…

    May put on a sheepish smile and gave a light laugh as she said, “Oh, sorry Altaďr, of course I want to know what Ash said. I just didn’t want to rush you or anything. You can tell me about Ash now if you’d like.”

    Altaďr looked at May with a bit of suspicion, but returned to his original demeanor before he had lashed out at her.

    “Alright, well, I didn’t really… get a real response from Ash. As soon as I brought up the topic about girls and whether or not he was interested in one, he became very defensive. I’m sorry, but I guess he just doesn’t trust me with knowledge of his personal life, or really just doesn’t have anything to say.” Altaďr shrugged his shoulders and took a sip out of his daiquiri.

    “Oh,” was all the coordinator could say. “That’s alright.” However, inside her, the disappointment didn’t seem to affect her significantly. The rest of the evening would go by in silence as the two teenagers felt a new sense of awkwardness between them. Altaďr for his failure to get information, and May for her behavior.

    Eventually, the two had finished their meals, and the check was brought by the waiter. May began to search through her fanny pack for her money but Altaďr was one step ahead of her and handed the waiter two twenties and told him to keep the change.

    “Wow, what a gentleman…”

    “Shall we leave?”

    May glanced up at Altaďr who had already stood up, and nodded while standing up as well. The two made for the exit and Altaďr gave his compliments to the manager who was standing by the door as they passed.

    Altaďr pushed the two glass doors open with a shove and the dusky evening sky came into view. However, that was not all that was visible to the pair.

    About 20 meters from the entrance stood five men, some large and bulky while others slimmer but muscular nonetheless. Two men were identified by Altaďr and May immediately.

    “Miss us?” sneered a familiar shirtless man covered in tattoos.

    “’Ello there,” said a large burly man, with an air of stupidity in his voice.

    Altaďr narrowed his eyes as he took in the full appearance of the two thugs for the first time. He noticed that the shirtless tattooed man sported a mohawk on his head, and wore a pair of black leather pants with chains hanging from the sides. The large burly man was completely bald on the top of his head, and had a shadow of a beard on his round head. He wore a denim jacket ripped at the sleeves with a white undershirt that seemed to barely fit him, with a pair of loose cargo pants to go. He was much taller than the shirtless man, and looked to be stupider as well.

    “Your regular brain and muscle.”

    “Who are these people, Altaďr? Do you know them?” asked May nervously.

    The shirtless man laughed loudly as she spoke. “Who’s this with you this time, kid? You’re second girlfriend?”

    May blushed from embarrassment but Altaďr merely stared passively at the five opposing men. He didn’t have an angry look on his face, which slightly irked the shirtless man. Altaďr took note that he probably was the leader of this small band of thugs.

    “What do you want?” questioned Altaďr in a chilling voice.

    “Oh, nuttin’ much, we just wanted to thank you for what you did to us and our buds yesterday.” The shirtless man gave a sinister grin as he said this.

    May glanced at all the men with confusion, and was about question Altaďr about the men again until she noticed what each of the men were holding in their hands.

    The three thugs unknown to Altaďr and May wielded a metal baseball bat, crowbar, and heavy chain, and toyed with them threateningly; the burly man carried a large sledgehammer and twirled it with his two hands with ease; and the shirtless man, carried the weapon that May feared the most. He wielded a large 12 inch blade that gleamed menacingly in the street lamps that were beginning to turn on. There was still a bit of sunlight for the conflict that was about to occur. He felt the edge of his blade as he continued.

    “So you punkass, how should we do this? Are you gonna run so we can have a fun ‘lil chase? Or are you going to stand here and fight? Oh, and I wouldn’t suggest going for your Pokéballs, ‘cause if you do, you, her, and your Pokémon will be in a battle of real pain.”

    Several pedestrians had noticed the confrontation and began to move away. Altaďr merely stared straight ahead and said nothing.

    “I’ll also make a deal with you. Stay and fight, and we won’t hurt your ‘lil girly over there when you’re dead… much,” the shirtless man said as he eyed May with smile.

    “I don’t make deals with scum like you.”

    The shirtless thug began to open his mouth to spit out a retort, but before he knew it, Altaďr had moved with inhuman speed and was already within five meters of him. The leader gave a snarl and brought his blade up to counter the oncoming assault, but with bestial agility, Altaďr had leapt over the man and landed on the thug wielding the baseball bat behind him, knocking him flat on his back.

    The baseball wielding man gave a grunt has he hit the ground hard, but wasn’t taken out of the fight. However, Altaďr didn’t plan to stay still in one spot, and had already got off the thug and was already engaging the chain carrying thug with his fists.

    May had been stunned as in one second, Altaďr had been standing beside her and in the next, he was in a melee with five armed men. The screams of the pedestrians and onlookers were drowned out by the blood rushing through her brain and the fear grasping her heart.

    The man who carried the chain had trouble swinging his lengthy weapon at the teenaged boy as the boy was moving agilely and was striking him relentlessly with his limbs. However, the thug was able to withstand Altaďr’s flurry of punches, though barely, and he backed off after ten seconds of the onslaught.

    The man with the baseball bat had brought himself off the ground and attempted to sneak up on Altaďr in order to strike him from the back, but Altaďr detected his presence and quickly gave him a powerful kick to his stomach, sending the man back to the ground.

    Altaďr whirled around quickly as he heard a loud shout, and saw the burly man charging him with his sledgehammer raised above his head. Altaďr dived to the side as the thug brought the hammer down onto the cement, creating a crater in the cement. The trainer rolled once and was back onto his feet in a battle ready stance. Four armed men stood in front of him, and Altaďr strategized on how he would take on this feat.

    The four men then moved to form a circle around Altaďr. The circle left a space of ten meters between Altaďr and the four thugs in every direction. After several seconds of inactivity, the man with the crowbar made the first move by running into the circle from Altaďr’s right flank and swinging his crowbar. But Altaďr had sensed the attack and crouched down with one leg bent and the other extended out to his side. The goon missed completely as he had swung horizontally, giving Altaďr the opportunity to strike. Altaďr pulled off what looked to be a break-dancing move, as he planted his two hands on the cement and rotated himself 180 degrees, tripping the crowbar wielding man with his extended leg. The man fell backwards and was fearful that a beating was soon to be in effect, but Altaďr had already moved on and pounced from his crouching position at the man with the chain.

    The chain wielding goon attempted to swing his chain at Altaďr, but as the chain was about to connect with Altaďr’s side, Altaďr deftly caught the chain with his left hand while still in midair, and proceeded swing his end of the chain back at the man as he landed. The chain made contact with the side of the thug’s head, instantly knocking him out.

    The crowbar and baseball bat wielding men then made for Altaďr from behind with weapons raised, while the burly man with the sledgehammer charged from the front. Altaďr identified the attacks from both sides, and performed a move that surprised everybody watching the scene.

    The hammer wielding thug reached Altaďr first, and gave a mighty yell as he swung his hammer horizontally with all his might, in an attempt to crush his ribs. The two other men then came within range of Altaďr and began to swing their weapons as well. Altaďr was prepared for the attack, however. Before the hammer came into contact with his body, he jumped straight up with his legs bent. As if it were in slow motion, he then rotated his body sideways until it was completely parallel with the ground. Right as he completed this action, the hammer came across the area that his body had once been, but now because he was airborne and parallel with the swing of the hammer, he stayed unharmed. However, his two assaulters from behind weren’t as lucky. As they missed their attacks, they stumbled forward into Altaďr’s former position, and the crowbar wielding thug took the full brunt of the burly man’s hammer straight into his chest. The thug was thrown sideways into the man with the baseball bat, and both were on the ground in the next second, several meters from where they had originally been. The burly man only looked at the two fallen men dumbly, before he realized what he had just done. He then went into a rage and was about to swing his hammer once again, before Altaďr seemed to materialize from the ground and strike the man from underneath with a swift kick to his groin. The large goon groaned and dropped his hammer before falling onto the ground, incapacitated.

    Unnoticed by Altaďr because of the intensity of the fight, the shirtless man had snuck away from the main battle and had been creeping up on May from the dark wall of the café. May, who was still standing near the entrance of the café, was so absorbed in the battle in front of her that she hadn’t noticed the man from the corner of her eye until he was within a few meters from her. As soon as she spotted the man, she let out a scream, only to have her mouth covered by the shirtless thug and a blade pressed up at her throat. Altaďr heard the scream, and turned around to see the leading thug holding May hostage at knife-point. He had only a few seconds to act.

    “Don’t think about doing anythin’ kiddo, lest you want this ‘lil cutie to have an ‘accident’,” the shirtless man taunted.
    Altaďr wasn’t one to stand around, however, and as the man ended his sentence, he summoned that inhuman speed he seemed to possess and sprinted at the hostage and her captor. Between the shirtless man and Altaďr was a bench, and Altaďr used this to his advantage.

    The shirtless thug seemed to become paralyzed as he saw Altaďr approaching him and slightly lost his grip on the blade. Altaďr saw this little action and knew that it was the time to act. Altaďr leapt from the cement onto the bench and proceeded to step onto the back of the bench, where he used the extra height to propel himself even higher. He was now airborne a good two meters in the air and began to descend upon his target. The leading thug was still unable to move out of the pure amazement of Altaďr’s stunt.

    A flash then appeared at Altaďr’s left hand, and when he came into range, he brought his left hand onto the shirtless man’s right shoulder, causing him scream out in pain and his arm to go into a spasm, causing his hand to open its grip. The blade left the man’s hand, safely away from May’s throat. May was able to escape from the thug’s left arm that was wrapped around her torso and put a small distance in between them before she turned around and witnessed the final scene.

    Altaďr was now behind the shirtless man, standing back to back with him. The shirtless man seemed to have a glazed look on his face while Altaďr stood motionless. As she watched the scene, May could make out a silvery object protruding from the man’s right shoulder. Her focus soon returned and she noticed a red substance coming out of where the silvery object was inserted.

    Before May was able to make any hypothesis to what had happened, Altaďr swiftly turned around and grabbed the object that stuck out of the man’s shoulder, and pulled it sideways out of the shoulder, causing a sound that chilled May to the bone. May could now see that the small silvery object was a small pocket knife, drenched in the man’s blood. She could also see the path where Altaďr had brutally pulled it out, and nausea began to overtake her. Altaďr then kicked the shirtless man in the back to the ground, where the man lay motionless, and grabbed May’s hand and led her away from the scene.

    Under normal circumstances, May would have been feeling butterflies in her stomach.

    --------------------

    Afterthought

    Well, that's another good month's of work. (Not really)

    So, I hope I wrote that fight scene clearly enough for you all to understand. I can imagine exactly what everybody does and whatnot in my own head, but writing it down for others to read is another story. If you need any sort of explanation, don't hesitate to ask. I may even provide some sort of visual aid if I find that I can't explain something specific in words.

    Hope you all found the chapter as a whole interesting too. The fight scene was something I've had in my head for a long time. Stay turned. (For like a month =P)

    -CICHawk
    Last edited by cichawk; 22nd November 2007 at 8:57 AM.

  6. #81
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Location: Location: Location:
    Posts
    297

    Talking

    Dude! YOu are still alive!!! (Author's note: I RARELY use nore than one exclamation point. Consider yourself lucky. )

    And I can't find my thread on the index for some reason. Oh well at least I can still access it from search.
    Try going to your settings and changing the age of threads you allow to be visible.

    Yes I like to imagine my fic as something with moving pictures; it lets me create some scenes more easily and give it the proper details.
    Wait, you don't see it as a slideshow drawn by a three-year-old? I have actually dug through my attic and retrieved my old little 2-inch pokemon figures, and I've been using them to help with writing some of my battle scenes. (Mine have not been human to human though... yet.)


    Anyway, it seems as if the girls are getting attracted to the wrong guys. May got saved by Altair, Dawn got hugged by Ash, amid many blushes. Poor Brock's left alone.

    I would like to publicly thank you for not making this an "abuse" (You know what I mean, right?) fic. I've read so many stories where the beginning, characters, and plot are just beautiful, all until the writer runs out of ideas, and the girl runs into a bum while walking down an alleyway...

    I'm glad you didn't take May or Dawn there.

    The battle scene, like last time, left me marvelling at its clearly defined glory. Altair did show a little bit of a bad side, though. He STABBED the guy! Dun dun DUN! But again, I am left in amazement at Altair's physical ability. He could take down Bruno, I bet.

    The Altair/May dinner was amusing, and so reminiscent of times I have spent semi-alome with girls... awkward. I can guess from your description that you have been on the same boat, no?

    Not to mention, through all of this... May is STILL yet to see Ash...

    I'll see you around, now I'm off to finish a chapter of mine I said I wonldn't start for a week... XD *Faints from FanFic related sleep deprivation*

    ~LZ~

  7. #82
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Nowhere near You
    Posts
    238

    Default

    Good to see another chapter here .
    Right, so they still haven't met yet (), but that's secondary.

    That was a healthy blend of emotional confusion - as in the first part and the action in the second part.
    I guess this chapter really showed us some of Altair's other side - it's almost like he's genetically augmented - or just real HARD training.

    I guess this May-Altair portion made me forget what had happened before with Ash and Dawn. I see that the emotions are starting to go in the opposite directions, but I guess that will be resolved in a while, maybe dramatically.
    Brock does seem to get left out, but that is the unfortunate case in most Advanceshipping fics, I guess. You might want to try and make him do something if you wish - I won't mind either way.

    So anyway, lets keep those updates streaming; slow but steady.

  8. #83
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Dude! YOu are still alive!!! (Author's note: I RARELY use nore than one exclamation point. Consider yourself lucky. )
    I'm due to die in a few days though... church football on Saturday. (No pads, no helmet, full contact.) And let's say I'm not a very big guy. (5'10'' 150lbs?)

    Try going to your settings and changing the age of threads you allow to be visible.
    Thanks for the advice.

    Wait, you don't see it as a slideshow drawn by a three-year-old? I have actually dug through my attic and retrieved my old little 2-inch pokemon figures, and I've been using them to help with writing some of my battle scenes. (Mine have not been human to human though... yet.)
    I have a very movie-esque brain, so I create a movie in my head. But that's a pretty cool idea you have to write your Pokemon battles. Actually, some of the moves I used in my own scene are from some specific sources.

    Anyway, it seems as if the girls are getting attracted to the wrong guys. May got saved by Altair, Dawn got hugged by Ash, amid many blushes. Poor Brock's left alone.
    All part of the grand plan.

    I would like to publicly thank you for not making this an "abuse" (You know what I mean, right?) fic. I've read so many stories where the beginning, characters, and plot are just beautiful, all until the writer runs out of ideas, and the girl runs into a bum while walking down an alleyway...

    I'm glad you didn't take May or Dawn there.
    Hm, I haven't read that many fics, because of time restraints, but I have noticed that of all the big fics I've read (Two of a Kind, May's Crush, Journey through Hoenn, or something like that) have some sort of abuse directed toward the girl. I guess I kinda did too, with Dawn, but of course rescue was imminent in that one. If May was alone in this scene I guess the same would have happened. Hm, I dunno if I will have something like that in the future; don't have it planned though.

    The battle scene, like last time, left me marvelling at its clearly defined glory. Altair did show a little bit of a bad side, though. He STABBED the guy! Dun dun DUN! But again, I am left in amazement at Altair's physical ability. He could take down Bruno, I bet.
    All in due time, my friend, will you learn more about him.

    The Altair/May dinner was amusing, and so reminiscent of times I have spent semi-alome with girls... awkward. I can guess from your description that you have been on the same boat, no?
    Mm, I've only had a couple of experiences alone with a girl, but the feelings were a bit more... mutual. This part was actually more made up then from my own experiences.

    I have been stuck with a group of all girls, however. Now that was awkward.(No I'm not one of them kids that are considered a bit 'queer' because of that. Just got stuck in the wrong place at the wrong time)

    Not to mention, through all of this... May is STILL yet to see Ash...
    All part of the grand plan.

    I'll see you around, now I'm off to finish a chapter of mine I said I wonldn't start for a week... XD *Faints from FanFic related sleep deprivation*
    I only woke up about an hour ago. (That'd be around 12:30 pm)

    Good to see another chapter here .
    Right, so they still haven't met yet (), but that's secondary.
    All part of the grand plan.

    That was a healthy blend of emotional confusion - as in the first part and the action in the second part.
    I guess this chapter really showed us some of Altair's other side - it's almost like he's genetically augmented - or just real HARD training.
    To the last part - Hmm. =)

    I guess this May-Altair portion made me forget what had happened before with Ash and Dawn. I see that the emotions are starting to go in the opposite directions, but I guess that will be resolved in a while, maybe dramatically.
    Well, this is an Advanceshipping fic, so I hope I'd better not forget that.

    Brock does seem to get left out, but that is the unfortunate case in most Advanceshipping fics, I guess. You might want to try and make him do something if you wish - I won't mind either way.
    Hm, I should rectify that.

    So anyway, lets keep those updates streaming; slow but steady.
    Heh, life sux, but I adapt.

  9. #84
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Graduating Class of 2009!
    Posts
    902

    Default

    My Gawd, that was the most intense chapter I read from you! All the violence, and.... wow...

    Some of me is starting to hate you, you now have me rooting for AltairXMay and AshXDawn. Man, cichawk, you have an awesome fic going on. Like, really good.

    God, I can't even say anything, you have me speechless, I don't even know what to say, other then, of course, that it was really good.

    This is my favorite scene...

    Dawn giggled softly and approached Ash slowly, he not noticing as he was staring at the sky. As Dawn came closer, she hesitated slightly, then finally wrapped her arms around his back and gave him a small hug. Ash felt her arms around him and looked back down with a slightly shocked expression, but calmed down slightly after he processed what was taking place. He brought his arms up as well and gave her a small hug back, blushing heavily at the same time. An eternity seemed to past until the two grasped what they were doing, and broke apart quickly.

    “Thanks for um… believing in me… Ash,” Dawn whispered softly.

    “Er… um… no problem... Dawn,” Ash replied with a whisper as well.
    so cute!

    Other then that, take your time, a well written fic is better than a not well written fic.(heh heh)

    And this chapter was VERY well written, so good job!
    ~*Uza-chan's Good bye*~

    IS SUPAH FIIIINE

  10. #85
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    The Pltomaios
    Posts
    93

    Default

    WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! THAT FIGHT SCENE WAS AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Takes deep breathe* Be zen, Sa-chan, be zen...there, much better anyway, I really liked that chapter. I'm so glad you're still writing this!

    I can imagine exactly what everybody does and whatnot in my own head, but writing it down for others to read is another story.
    Yeah, it's hard, isn't it! (I have this same problem too!)

    I agree with Hinata! I now want this to be May-Altair, Ash-Dawn!

    Oh, and one more thing - I've been wondering, was reason you called this fic by its name have anything to do with Neo Genisis Evangelion?

  11. #86
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    My Gawd, that was the most intense chapter I read from you! All the violence, and.... wow...
    That's what I aimed for. And as a forewarning, let me say that that's not the last of it. Well for the time being it will be.

    Some of me is starting to hate you, you now have me rooting for AltairXMay and AshXDawn. Man, cichawk, you have an awesome fic going on. Like, really good.
    o.O I've created a new ship with my own original character? Heh that was never intended, but rest assured the story will play out to what it was originally meant for. (Advanceshipping for those of you who forgot)

    Glad you like it. =)

    Better make sure I don't overdo the other ships, lest people start thinking this be not an Advanceshipping fic.

    Other then that, take your time, a well written fic is better than a not well written fic.(heh heh)
    Actually I've already started the next chapter. Now I'll have to see how long it'll take me to finish it.

    WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! THAT FIGHT SCENE WAS AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Takes deep breathe* Be zen, Sa-chan, be zen...there, much better anyway, I really liked that chapter. I'm so glad you're still writing this!
    Wow, I never knew a girl took such a fancy to violence. (I am assuming that you are a girl based off the fact that you called yourself Sa-chan)

    And of course I'm still writing this! It ain't gonna stop 'till I yell stop.

    Yeah, it's hard, isn't it! (I have this same problem too!)
    Perhaps I should go learn some animation skills, that'd be an interesting way to write my fic.

    I agree with Hinata! I now want this to be May-Altair, Ash-Dawn!
    D'oh.

    Oh, and one more thing - I've been wondering, was reason you called this fic by its name have anything to do with Neo Genisis Evangelion?
    Actually it was more for the literal Latin meaning of the words. (Or was it Greek, I think it was Latin) Means 'New Generation' or something, which will all be explained in due time.

  12. #87
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Zeppelin Rules!
    Posts
    2,090

    Default

    Another great chapter from you. Excellently written, and it seems like the later plot is shaping up more (assuming my guess of Altair's mission having to do with those thugs is right)(but of course, that's all part of your "grand plan", right?)

    There weren't very many grammatical mistakes, and I don't feel like refinding (not a word) and reporting them, unless you really want me to...

    I actually didn't like the fight scene too much, but that's just a personal preference; it was still written well. And I am enjoying the Pearlshipping here (for some reason, I don't hate it like I do Pokeshipping or Contestshipping); too bad there's no, uh, viable way to do it with Advanceshipping (unless you're Mormon, I suppose...). Anyways, I hope you'll be able to update slightly more often than once a month in the future.

    Oh, yes, 'Neo Genesis' is Latin for 'new beginning' (which you stated at the beginning of this thread, if I'm not mistaken, which is weird).

  13. #88
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    The Pltomaios
    Posts
    93

    Default

    Wow, I never knew a girl took such a fancy to violence. (I am assuming that you are a girl based off the fact that you called yourself Sa-chan)
    Yep, I'm a girl, and yep, I sure do like my violence! (Yeah! Girl Power!) But yeah, it was written so well, it was just so exciting!

    And of course I'm still writing this! It ain't gonna stop 'till I yell stop.
    Hooray! I just HATE it when people start writing their fics all of a sudden!

    And I still want this to be May-Altair he is so cool! (Totally worthy of her!)

  14. #89
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Location: Location: Location:
    Posts
    297

    Default

    Better make sure I don't overdo the other ships, lest people start thinking this be not an Advanceshipping fic.
    Yeah, that would be fraud.
    You could get arressted, killed, or even worse... BANNED.

    o.O I've created a new ship with my own original character? Heh that was never intended, but rest assured the story will play out to what it was originally meant for. (Advanceshipping for those of you who forgot)
    Don't you remember BirdyShipping?

    Wow, I never knew a girl took such a fancy to violence.
    Obviously, you haven't met my cousins.

    All part of the grand plan.
    All part of the grand plan.
    All in due time, my friend, will you learn more about him.
    ^You sound like one of those clichéd villains, like from a children's show. "All according to plan..."

    I'm due to die in a few days though... church football on Saturday. (No pads, no helmet, full contact.) And let's say I'm not a very big guy. (5'10'' 150lbs?)
    I wish you luck...

    I'm taller than you!

    ~LZ~

  15. #90
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Another great chapter from you. Excellently written, and it seems like the later plot is shaping up more (assuming my guess of Altair's mission having to do with those thugs is right)(but of course, that's all part of your "grand plan", right?)
    I'm just praying that I don't forget what I'm writing about at this point of time. =P

    There weren't very many grammatical mistakes, and I don't feel like refinding (not a word) and reporting them, unless you really want me to...
    That's ok, this chapter was like 4000 words anyway.

    I actually didn't like the fight scene too much, but that's just a personal preference; it was still written well. And I am enjoying the Pearlshipping here (for some reason, I don't hate it like I do Pokeshipping or Contestshipping); too bad there's no, uh, viable way to do it with Advanceshipping (unless you're Mormon, I suppose...). Anyways, I hope you'll be able to update slightly more often than once a month in the future.
    All well, all a matter of preference, like you said. I'm somewhat of a violent person, in my mind, since I play violent video games and whatnot. (Assassin's Creed, Call of Duty 4, Bioshock, Halo 3 anybody?)

    Well I'll try to keep the updates coming in at most once a month, though I feel that's too long, as probably do the rest of you.

    Oh, yes, 'Neo Genesis' is Latin for 'new beginning' (which you stated at the beginning of this thread, if I'm not mistaken, which is weird).
    Ah yes, found my explanation in the foreword of chapter 2.

    The title shall be explained... in due time.

    Yep, I'm a girl, and yep, I sure do like my violence! (Yeah! Girl Power!) But yeah, it was written so well, it was just so exciting!
    Oo, intriguing.

    Glad you thought it was exciting.

    Ok crap, football time. I'll be back probably tomorrow to finish up these replies.

    **continued**

    And I still want this to be May-Altair he is so cool! (Totally worthy of her!)
    =D Yay I made a cool character.

    Don't you remember BirdyShipping?
    Uh... I may have missed it if I read a fic that has it... or I just don't know what it is. Feel free to reply or PM an explanation if you please.

    ^You sound like one of those clichéd villains, like from a children's show. "All according to plan..."
    That's how I roll.

    I'm taller than you!
    Actually, I think I may be 5'' 10 1/2'' =P
    Last edited by cichawk; 25th November 2007 at 6:00 PM.

  16. #91
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Graduating Class of 2009!
    Posts
    902

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cichawk View Post
    That's what I aimed for. And as a forewarning, let me say that that's not the last of it. Well for the time being it will be.
    Violence is good... sorta. It depends on the situation. But it's good in this fic and I like how you explained it very good. Cuz some ppl(like me) can't explain for crap so it's good to know that there are others who are very good in that field XD



    o.O I've created a new ship with my own original character? Heh that was never intended, but rest assured the story will play out to what it was originally meant for. (Advanceshipping for those of you who forgot)
    I agree with... whoever else talked about this. I can't believe you didn't notice that you created a new ship! And it's a very cute ship. I'm just kind of wondering when it will take a turn back for advanceshipping, the reason why we're all reading this

    Glad you like it. =)

    Better make sure I don't overdo the other ships, lest people start thinking this be not an Advanceshipping fic.
    I haven't come across a chapter I haven't liked yet.


    Actually I've already started the next chapter. Now I'll have to see how long it'll take me to finish it.
    Hah, well seeing that Thanksgiving break is over I'm guessing u did a lot?

    I agree with Hinata! I now want this to be May-Altair, Ash-Dawn!
    Yay!

    I'm due to die in a few days though... church football on Saturday. (No pads, no helmet, full contact.) And let's say I'm not a very big guy. (5'10'' 150lbs?)
    good luck!

    Well, if your 5'10", I'm definitely shorter than you
    ~*Uza-chan's Good bye*~

    IS SUPAH FIIIINE

  17. #92
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Somewhat short chapter, but I felt that it was a really good cliffhanger. =P

    --------------------

    Foreword

    Well, I wonder how many of you forgot that there's a contest in town. Some of you I suppose, seeing all the action that's happened over the past few days in the story.

    Few notes:

    A lot of narration in this chapter.

    Who said the drinking age is 21 in the Pokemon world?

    Can you spot the pop-culture reference? (It's really cheesy)

    And finally... actually just read it. =)

    ------------------

    Chapter 12 - Shocking


    It was the dead of night, and the streets of downtown Lightcrown were deserted due to the contest that was to take place the following morning. Not a soul was stirring, except for a certain breeder’s.

    Brock trudged along the empty sidewalk of the downtown district, slightly disoriented from the activities he had just engaged in the hour before. The taste of liquor lingered in his mouth as he attempted to navigate a straight path for the Pokémon Center.

    He soon came across one of the two large clock towers that gave the city its name. This one was named ‘Light Tower’, and stood to mark the southern sector of the city where the downtown district was located. The other, placed at the northern end, was called ‘Crown Tower’, and that marked the beginning of the northern area of the city, which was also the newest. To the east of the new sector was the old sector, where the abandoned homes and businesses lay in ruins from riots and crime. In between the northern and southern divisions was the middle district, which contained the main, commercial, and residential sectors. Brock knew he had to get back to the southwestern corner of the main sector, which was where the central Pokémon Center was located.

    Though Brock had clearly gotten himself drunk, he still had enough sense in him to take notice of the time. He lazily turned his head upward to peer at the great clock that stood hundreds of meters above him. As he slowly read the hands of the clock, he noticed a dark figure perched on the ledge above the face of the clock. His drunken curiosity soon got to him and he squinted as much as he could in order to examine the figure more closely. It wasn’t the shape of any Pokémon he knew, so he quickly inferred that the figure must be a human crouched on the ledge. He soon began to lose interest as the figure was motionless, but just as he began to peel his eyes away, the shadowy figure performed a feat that shocked him even in his drunken state.

    The dark silhouette jumped from the ledge and spread his arms out as if it was to begin flying. From Brock’s angle, the figure even did seem like some sort of bird. However, the figure did not fly, but instead began plummeting toward the ground at full speed. The figure seemed to be in control of itself, though, as it straightened its body so that it pointed directly downwards into a dive. The figure soon was blocked by several buildings that lay in between Brock and the base of the clock tower, so Brock was unable to witness the fate of the figure. Not that he cared too much though; he was too drunk.

    --------------------

    The day had finally arrived. The day that the entire city of Lightcrown had been anticipating was at last at hand. The streets were buzzing with inhabitants and tourists alike, with many making their way to the great contest hall located at the center of the main sector. The sea of people that flooded the massive stadium was staggering, as it could hold up to 60,000 people at full capacity. Not to mention the event would be broadcasted on the numerous giant television screens that were scattered throughout the main sector, so people who weren’t physically attending the contest could still watch it on the streets.

    For a certain young blue-haired coordinator, the publicity made its toll on her psyche.

    It was five minutes until 10 a.m., the official start time of the contest, and Dawn was staring at her reflection in the public dressing room mirror. With the large number of coordinators present, the use of private rooms was impossible.

    With the shopping Dawn had done with Ash, she hadn’t neglected to pick up a new dress for the spectacular occasion. Instead of her usual pink dress with the puffy skirt, Dawn donned a long, flowing, blue gown, which matched the color of Piplup. The gown had sleeves that went up to her elbows and a wavy skirt that draped just above her ankles. Sequin lined the area around her waist and a baby blue scarf completed the ensemble. She also stylized her hair into a wavy pattern as well, to match with her dress, with it flowing freely down. She was physically ready for the contest, but she still wasn’t quite emotionally ready. The sheer number of people watching was disheartening.

    In an attempt to build up confidence, she tried to picture herself appealing and battling her way to the winners stand and receiving the trophy, ribbon, and shopping spree check. She then pictured Ash congratulating her for her victory, Altaďr actually fully smiling at her, Ash approaching her, Altaďr approaching her, Ash’s face nearing hers, Altaďr’s face nearing hers… Ash… Altaďr… Ash… Altaďr…

    She then remembered the kiss that she gave to Altaďr during the time at the fountain after he had rescued her from the thugs in the alley. But now, she could see that it was just a silly girlish antic that she had always wanted to pull off, or rather that’s what she told herself to believe, as deep inside, she was still unsure of her own feelings.

    “Calling all coordinators, calling all coordinators, please report to the stage entrance at this time.”

    Dawn snapped out of her images, and realized that everybody around her was making their way out of the dressing room. She envisioned the scene one last time before following the crowd out of the room and through several hallways leading for the stage entrance.

    They at last reached a large room that looked to be the staging area, with large hanging TV screens, scoreboards, tables, chairs, and couches occupying much of the area. Dawn was able to make out a pair of giant sliding doors that had the words ‘Stage’ over it. The excitement began to swell in her chest as the thrill of competing in a contest returned to her from the last contest she attended weeks ago. Adrenaline also began to pump as she thought of victory once again, but as she eyed her competition, she caught sight of Altaďr. Dawn then remembered the battle he and Ash had on the first day of their encounter, and the feelings of anxiety and fear from two days before began to creep into her mind. She thought of the prospect of battling such a trainer, even in a contest battle. Unless he lost all his points due to major follies, which was highly improbable, he would only need to knock out her Pokémon to gain victory.

    “C’mon Dawn, where’s that confidence you managed to find in the past few days? You can’t wimp out at the last second now…”

    Altaďr was much less enthusiastic than the rest of the coordinators, as he had been somewhat seduced into the competition, by a 12 year old girl no less. He glanced around at the numerous competition, and chuckled in his head at the silly appearances of some of the male coordinators. Altaďr himself hadn’t even bothered to go for a change of clothes, as he still wore his black fleece jacket and baggy blue jeans. Some of the coordinators scoffed at his appearance, but Altaďr merely smiled politely back at them.

    “What a bunch of snobs, eh?”

    Altaďr scanned the crowd before him a second time, before finally laying his eyes on a familiar brunette headed girl. He could only see the back of her head as the bodies of several other people blocked the way.

    “Now what do we have here?”

    Before he could attempt to wade through to crowd to reach the brunette, the PA system spoke once again.

    “Would all the coordinators present please line up into two even lines and wait for the doors to open. When the doors open, please file out along the appointed path in an orderly fashion. Thank you.”

    “Well, it’s time.”

    -------------------

    Ash, Brock, Pikachu, and Happiny, whom Brock finally decided to take her out of the daycare center of the Pokémon Center and with him to the special event, saw the large sliding doors at the north end of the circular stadium slide open, revealing the first coordinators that walked out of the door. The full hall erupted into cheers and applause as more coordinators stepped out of the entranceway and toward the circular elevated stage in the center. The stage was flat and plain, as it had to be viewed from all 360 degrees of the contest hall, with one wide ramp leading from the path that the coordinators treaded on. Ash, Brock, and Pikachu scanned the crowds for Dawn and Altaďr but since they were sitting in the middle section of the gargantuan stadium, they had to rely on the four large widescreens that stood on the top of the stadium.

    The widescreens showed images of what the cameramen recording the event saw as they panned over the line of coordinators. Ash and Brock stared at the screen directly across the contest hall from them until it showed one of the cameras that had an angle where they could see Dawn.

    “Wow Ash, did you pick that dress out for her? Looks good, no?” Brock joked.

    “Ok, lay off the jokes Brock, getting kind of old.” Ash retorted. “By the way, you ok? You look a little… crooked there.”

    Indeed Brock did seem to slouch sideways as he sat in his seat and held Happiny, due to his massive hangover from the early morning clubbing he had done.

    “Oh, uh, I’m ok. Just a bit tired, that’s all.”

    While Ash and Brock conversed, Pikachu kept his eyes glued onto the widescreens, interested in the large amount of coordinators that walked the grounds. Right as Brock and Ash concluded their conversation, the image of the screen shifted to another angle, and Pikachu caught a glimpse of a very familiar looking coordinator. He rubbed his eyes to make sure they weren’t deceiving them, and glanced back up at the screen, only to see that the camera had changed angles again.

    “Yeah, ok Brock, whatever you say.” Ash turned his attention back to the widescreen to see Altaďr captured on video. “Heh, there’s Altaďr.” The conversation that Ash had with the still mysterious teenager the previous day still lingered in his mind, as well as May.

    “May would love being in a contest like this…”

    --------------------

    After the short walk on the path to the stage, the coordinators lined up into orderly rows and stood by as the MC came onto the stage and gave the opening speech.

    “Welcome all… to the 9th annual Lightcrown Pokémon Contest Festival! I am your host, Brian Teawest, and prepare to witness the greatest event in all of Sinnoh!”

    “That’s a bit of an over-exaggeration,” commented a certain teenaged boy on the stage.

    “This year, we have a total of 68 coordinators competing for a prize, a trophy, and most of all, glory!” Brian shouted the last word in order to incur a wave of cheers and applause from the crowd.

    “Looks like I don’t have to tell you all to give a round of applause for our coordinators now!”

    “This guy’s cheesy.”

    “The procedure of this contest will be the same as last year’s; it is a double Pokémon contest, as always, and today, every coordinator will perform his or her appeal with a time limit of three minutes. From there, the judges will then determine which 32 coordinators make it to the next battle round, which then 16 double contest battles, with a time limit of five minutes, will take place, leaving 16 coordinators standing. On day two, the 16 skillful coordinators will appeal once again, and the judges will rule out eight coordinators from the running. The final battle rounds will then take place in tournament style, and the remaining eight coordinators will then fight their way to the top. However, this year, the final battle shall have a twist. That’s right folks, a twist! In the final battle round, the opponent gets to choose what Pokémon the other is to use, so you’d all better take some notes, lest you be unprepared to choose the Pokémon you want to be up against if you make it to the final round. And now…”

    The entire stadium hushed as he said the words.

    “Let the contest begin!”

    The crowd roared into a thunderous cheer that could be heard for a mile at least. Ash, Brock, and Pikachu yelled as well and were deafened by the noise. The coordinators on the stage cheered and applauded as well while MC Brian brought the mike back to his mouth to call out the first coordinator.

    “And now… give a warm welcome to May!”

    ------------------

    Afterthought

    So like I mentioned, pretty short, but it seemed a good spot to cut it off. I bet y'all well hate me for that though.

    So anyway, I had to read all of my previous chapters, since I had long forgotten ever piece of detail I had written, and discovered a few things that I had forgotten and would have ended up with a inconsistency in the story. Happiny's an obvious one. Heh, almost totally left her out of the show, so I just kind of made up the excuse that Brock dumped her at the daycare center. (Yeah I know kind of lame but I couldn't do much else to explain her absence.)

    I also kind of forgot whether or not May mentioned that she'd be in the contest. I've read all my chapters though, and I didn't seem to find that fact, but now she's obviously in it. (Or is she?)

    So anyway, as you may or may not have noticed/cared, Lightcrown actually has a history now. Well, it's not so much history as it is the city layout too. I actually drew a map of the city and its surroundings, labeling the districts, sectors, specific areas the characters have visited, in order to organize my ideas so it stays consistent. If I get the time, I'll draw it up on Photoshop or something and upload it somewhere for you all to see. That'll be pretty fun.

    Hm, I might as well draw the layout of the stadium/contest hall while I'm at it too.

    Well have a good one.

    -CICHawk
    Last edited by cichawk; 2nd December 2007 at 11:10 PM.

  18. #93
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Nowhere near You
    Posts
    238

    Default

    Cliffhangers! How much I love (and hate) cliffhangers , too .
    Anyway, I guess that the moment has finally come - hasn't it? There seems to be a great deal of pomp and show for this contest - and Brock's become a heavy drinker.


    Quote Originally Posted by cichawk
    “This guy’s cheesy.”
    That was a nice one. I like the way Altair thinks - it suits his character pretty well.


    Quote Originally Posted by cichawk
    In an attempt to build up confidence, she tried to picture herself appealing and battling her way to the winners stand and receiving the trophy, ribbon, and shopping spree check. She then pictured Ash congratulating her for her victory, Altaďr actually fully smiling at her, Ash approaching her, Altaďr approaching her, Ash’s face nearing hers, Altaďr’s face nearing hers… Ash… Altaďr… Ash… Altaďr…
    So Dawn is quite confused too. And that's a good thing for advanceshipping and all. I hope you can get a good reaction out of Ash when he sees May - who already knows that he will be there.


    Fantastic chapter, keep it going!

  19. #94
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Zeppelin Rules!
    Posts
    2,090

    Default

    Yet another awesome chapter. And in less than a month, too!

    That was definitely a double cliffhanger (with the contest and May). The descriptions were really great. Your writing seriously is superb. I just realized that.

    [Brock's] drunken curiosity soon got to him and he squinted as much as he could in order to examine the figure more closely.
    I just found that to be a little... off (not that I'd change it, though). I rather liked the whole 'Brock being trashed' bit, even if it is a bit extensive.

    Can't wait for the next chapter. It's building up to be a dandy, though.

  20. #95
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Cliffhangers! How much I love (and hate) cliffhangers , too .
    Anyway, I guess that the moment has finally come - hasn't it? There seems to be a great deal of pomp and show for this contest - and Brock's become a heavy drinker.
    It always seems like the best place for ending a chapter is at a cliffhanger... oh well at least I know what happens next. =P

    The contest is a pretty big deal around the parts, I guess. Nice prizes, get recognized, yadda yadda. Though it's hosted by that big department store called Stacy's (spinoff) if you all remember from chapter whatever, so it's really just a big business venture, like the rest of the world is.

    Mm, Brock just likes to get it down with the ladies... and that requires a bit of outside help. ;-)

    That was a nice one. I like the way Altair thinks - it suits his character pretty well.
    You could probably characterize him in a few words now, and satirical would definitely be one of them.

    So Dawn is quite confused too. And that's a good thing for advanceshipping and all. I hope you can get a good reaction out of Ash when he sees May - who already knows that he will be there.
    Yup, EVERYONE'S CONFUSED! I seem to like screwing with their emotions a lot.

    Yet another awesome chapter. And in less than a month, too!
    And let's hope I can keep it that way. =)

    That was definitely a double cliffhanger (with the contest and May). The descriptions were really great. Your writing seriously is superb. I just realized that.
    Wow, thanks for the great compliment. I'm quite flattered.

    I guess the reason why I don't update that often is not because of busyness, but in fact it's because I put a lot of effort into writing an extremely detailed story that people can visualize in their heads, since I've mentioned before that's kind of how I see it in my head; like a movie. So after a while, the hard work just gets to me, and being the slacker that I am, I decide to call it quits for a while. But recently, I seem to have gotten some sort of vigor to write more; let's just see how long I can keep it up.

    I just found that to be a little... off (not that I'd change it, though). I rather liked the whole 'Brock being trashed' bit, even if it is a bit extensive.
    I guess he had a fun night out eh? =P

    But he's 20 now, I guess he has some more freedom.

    We could also say he drowns out his sorrows of failure with alcohol.

    Can't wait for the next chapter. It's building up to be a dandy, though.
    Today I actually created a document a bunch of important story elements I plan for the future so I don't forget. I've already created a timeline document so I don't forget what I'm supposed to write about next, heh.

    Oh, and reply to Uza-Chan from a while ago.

    Violence is good... sorta. It depends on the situation. But it's good in this fic and I like how you explained it very good. Cuz some ppl(like me) can't explain for crap so it's good to know that there are others who are very good in that field XD
    There will definitely be a lot more in the future. I just hope I don't overdo it or anything. As you can probably tell, danger seems to follow in Altaďr's wake.

    I've watched and played many violent movies and video games, so I just take what I see and attempt to turn it into words. Hopefully it's working out without being too confusing.

    I agree with... whoever else talked about this. I can't believe you didn't notice that you created a new ship! And it's a very cute ship. I'm just kind of wondering when it will take a turn back for advanceshipping, the reason why we're all reading this
    Too bad my 'accidental' ships can't last. At least one with May in it. Not sure if I'd have to make note of additional ships in my first post if any do come up.

    I haven't come across a chapter I haven't liked yet.
    =D

    Hah, well seeing that Thanksgiving break is over I'm guessing u did a lot?
    Oh lookie here... Heh actually it still took me a whole week after Thanksgiving break to finish it.

    Well, if your 5'10", I'm definitely shorter than you
    +1/2 plz =D
    Last edited by cichawk; 2nd December 2007 at 4:36 AM.

  21. #96
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Surprise!

    ------------------

    Foreword

    Bet you didn't see this chapter coming up so fast. For some reason, I just had the great urge to write and write, and actually came up with quite a lengthy
    (for me) chapter within a day.

    So, info about the actual chapter. Direct continuation off the last chapter, which is actually kind of a rarity. Ever notice how I usual have some sort of timeskip between chapters? Ok well I've had a few other instances where I didn't do that, but anyway...

    I like writing emotions a lot. Not that I share the same emotions the characters I write about or anything. I just like writing it.

    So there's also a flashback and another one with two points of views. (Denoted by ***'s)

    And also, a mini song-fic section =P. See if you can figure the song out, and if you do, I find reading with music an enjoyable activity, (though it makes reading kind of hard) so I might as well suggest that.

    -------------------

    Chapter 13 - Wonderwall

    “MAY?!”

    Despite being in a loud stadium holding 60,000 people, Ash’s voice managed to turn the heads of every person sitting up to five rows in front of him. Brock and Pikachu were surprised by her appearance as well, but it was nothing compared to the fire in the boy’s eyes as he stared at the screen that was now focused on May.

    “W-w-w-w-what is she doing here?!” even the voice in Ash’s head stammered with a mix of emotions.

    “Pika!” Pikachu tried jumping and waving his arms in front of Ash’s face but since he had stood up from his seat upon hearing May’s name, Pikachu could not grab his attention.

    Brock merely sat quietly next to the trainer, smiling at his reaction. “I wonder what he’s thinking now…”

    But Ash didn’t know what to think. Thousands of images of the past flooded his mind, threatening to implode his brain if he didn’t regain control of his conscious. He knew that he had been thinking about her often during his journey through Sinnoh, and as time passed and as Brock mentioned her more and more, he had discovered a feeling inside him that was incomprehensible. All it felt like to him was a swelling feeling in his chest and a tingling feeling in his stomach. Brock’s comments about May had always puzzled him as well, and he was still unsure of what the true meanings of those comments were. The only thing he knew for sure was that he wished she had been with him on his journey in Sinnoh ever since he arrived.

    And now that wish had come true.

    “Hey Ash, wanna sit down? You’re kind of blocking the way for some of the people behind you.”

    An audible pop could be heard in Ash’s ears as he receded from the inner bowels of his mind and back into the physical world. He looked at Pikachu, then at Brock, then at the people behind him shouting for him to sit down, before finally resigning from thinking too hard again, and sat down.

    Ash once again looked back at the widescreen that had been focused on May, and he took in everything he saw. May looked a tad different from the last time he had seen her years ago; she looked older, and more beautiful, but it was probably due to the dress that she was wearing for the contest, Ash rationalized. The dress was a bright red evening gown that flowed gently down the sides of the coordinator’s body, fitting her form very well. The sparkles in the material shined brightly in the sunlight of the morning and she seemed to radiate an aura of brilliance. She wasn’t wearing her usual bandanna as it didn’t fit with her formal attire, and her hair flowed like silk freely down the back of her head. The sight took Ash’s breath away as he continued to stare.

    May, who was down on the stage directly in the center of the hall, smiled brightly as cheers and applause surrounded her. She then turned around and glanced at the coordinators leaving the stage in order to make room for her to appeal, and saw the figure of Altaďr leaving the stage last. The events of the previous day crept into her mind once again, as she had been replaying what had happened that evening repeatedly.

    ********************

    “Is he… is he… dead?” May whispered with apprehension quietly after Altaďr had led her by her hand for several blocks.

    “Shouldn’t be, I only aimed to take his arm out. He shouldn’t be able to use it to hurt anybody anytime soon,” Altaďr replied with an impassive tone.

    “But you, you stabbed him!” the coordinator suddenly blurted out.

    “Yeah, I know I did.”

    The manner in which Altaďr spoke was unnerving to May. He didn’t seem at all affected at the feat he had performed minutes earlier, and he spoke with out a single shred of emotion. It was almost as if he had done things like that before.

    “It was to protect you,” he continued. “If I didn’t act…” There was no need to complete the sentence, as May came to the realization too. Since she had never been held at knife point before, the idea of being a hostage on the verge of death was something new to her.

    May stopped, and that stopped Altaďr as well since they were holding hands. She had to say it.

    “Thank… you… not just for rescuing me, but for being there for me at that ice cream parlor.” May gazed into the tall teenager’s black eyes, and noted how lifeless they looked when they in fact carried much life. She felt mesmerized by the boy as he stared back, and before she knew it, she began to lean into him, lifting her head to make contact with his. She closed her eyes…

    But Altaďr had different plans, and he immediately let go of her hand and turned away when she had shut her eyes. May reopened them as she felt his hand and body slip away, to see him walking silently down the street.

    “Altaďr…”

    ********************

    “What’s happening to me? Why do I feel these things that I… that I feel for… Ash… when I’m around Altaďr now?” The smile on her face disappeared as the flurry of emotions returned to her.

    “I love… I love…”

    “Alright May, it is now time for you to make your three minute appeal! Good luck and impress the judges!”

    May snapped back to the world and she realized she was the only one standing on the stage with thousands of spectators waiting for a show. Her previous emotions left her as new ones of intensity and vigor filled her spirit. It was time to compete.

    “Come on out… Beautifly and Skitty!”

    May tossed two Pokéballs high into the sky that released two Pokémon in an explosion of sparkles of all colors, thanks to the ball capsules and seals she used. The first Pokémon that appeared was a butterfly Pokémon with a long, skinny mouth and wings with yellow, blue, and red shapes on them. The Pokémon chirped happily as she made a sparkling entrance. The second Pokémon was a small pink kitten Pokémon. The little Pokémon had a tan underside and face, as well as squinted eyes and a large balloon shaped tail which ended with three protrusions. The Pokémon flipped and gave a “Nyaa” before landing on the ground next to her partner.

    May looked up at one of the large screens at the top of the stadium and saw that the time had begun to run in the lower left corner of the screen. She had to act fast.

    “Let’s go! Beautifly, use Stun Spore over the stage!”

    Beautifly chirped in acknowledgement and swiftly flew high over the stage, letting out a golden powder that would paralyze any living creature when inhaled.

    “Skitty, Blizzard!”

    The small kitten Pokémon puffed up her little chest before letting out a tremendous “NYAAAAAA!” which released an immense Blizzard attack that intertwined with the Stun Spore. The particles of the Stun Spore instantly froze in the Blizzard attack and became small snowflakes that glided gently towards the ground. The crowd began to applaud the spectacular winter wonderland May had created, but she wasn’t done yet.

    “Beautifly, Silver Wind now!”

    Beautifly flew under where all the frozen Stun Spore was falling and then began to beat her wings powerfully, sending spiraling scales upward into the imitation snowfall. The scales sliced into the cloud of frozen Stun Spore, propelling it upwards, and causing individual particles to explode into puffs of sparkling light. The explosions looked like small fireworks in the middle of the day, and the sheer amount of the exploding Stun Spore was awe-inspring.

    The crowd exploded into a frenzy of acclamation at the beautiful scene before them. Ash, Brock, and Pikachu stood up in their seats and yelled praises to May even though it was impossible to be heard. May looked up at her performance with satisfaction, and glanced at the time, seeing that there was still a minute and twenty seconds left, enough time to pull off a second performance.

    “Alright Skitty, let’s go with an Assist!”

    May knew that the move was risky, as it could pull out any move of any Pokémon she carried into the arena, but she had prepared a response for most of the attacks that may appear as Beautifly had quite a large moveset to compensate.

    Skitty stood still for a couple of seconds until a move finally came out of the little Pokémon. It was a Flamethrower attack from May’s Blaziken that was released from Skitty’s mouth. The small Pokémon tilted her head directly at the sky and let the immense blaze loose.

    “Beautifly, your turn! String Shot!”

    The butterfly Pokémon uncurled her mouth and shot a long sticky white string into the blaze which began to spiral around the fire, creating a spinning tornado of fire and string. The string amazingly stayed untouched by the flames, and continued to spiral all the way to the top of the fire that Skitty was maintaining.

    “Now, Psychic!”

    Beautifly ceased to fire the string shot from her mouth as she began to glow with a purple aura. Focusing her mind on the task, Beautifly began to part the flames and string and lift it into the sky. Skitty then halted the Flamethrower attack as it was no longer needed, and Beautifly continued to move the string and fire separately, being careful to keep the string intact. May checked the timer once again, seeing that there were only 20 seconds left in her limit. She could only hope that Beautifly could complete her task in time.

    Using every part of her mind, the butterfly Pokémon began to stretch the string shot out into a shape of some sort. The fire still hovered around the string but was prevented by Beautifly’s mind to touch the delicate string. 10 seconds were left on the clock and something recognizable could be made out from the string. The cursive letters M, A, and Y inside a star could be deciphered in the sky, and as the construction was completed, Beautifly finally let the flames she had been holding back for so long to consume the lettering, creating a beautiful flaming message in the sky.

    The bell signaling the end of the allotted time rang out, and May sighed with relief. She had gotten the move done in the nick of time, and all the spectators roared excitedly at the splendid performance.

    Throughout the appeal, May had been so focused on her own actions that the voice of the MC had been drowned out in her mind, but being finally finished with it, she heard the last few words of MC Brian.

    “Now that was an amazing usage of String Shot and Flamethrower, which came from May’s Skitty’s Assist move! Using such a move shows how well a coordinator can adapt as any move that a Pokémon she owns could be used. Such a venture and spectacular performance should almost guarantee a spot in these preliminaries. Congratulations May!”

    May smiled broadly and held two Pokéballs out to recall her Pokémon.

    “You two did a great job, I’m proud of you.”

    May put her Pokéballs away and began bowing in every direction as the stadium surrounded all 360 degrees of her. She looked up into the crowd, and scanned it for any sign of a specific boy, but with the thousands of people surrounding her, it was an impossibility. May then bowed one more time, and made her way for the ramp to exit the stage.

    “I hope you’re proud of me.”

    -------------------

    The sliding doors opened and the heads of every coordinators turned to see May entering the staging area. A large number of coordinators applauded her and a few even came straight up to compliment her. One young male coordinator stammered as he tried to get out a simple “Nice job” to her, which caused May to giggle and the boy to blush. She then realized she was quite thirsty from the time she had just spent in the warm sun, and began walking to the juice bar for a drink until a certain blue haired coordinator ran up to her.

    “Are-are you THE May?”

    May whirled around and saw the wide eyes of an extremely excited girl in front of her.

    “Um… yes? Who are you?”

    The girl didn’t seem to hear the question as she inquired on.

    THE May?-" the girl emphasized again. "-That traveled with Ash throughout Hoenn?”

    May then realized who the girl in front of her must have been.

    “Yes, I am, and I am assuming you are Dawn?” she said with a polite smile.

    “I am! Oh wow, Ash has told me so much about you throughout our journey. It’s finally great to meet you in person!” Dawn jumped up and down like a young child who had just gotten another cookie from the jar.

    “Ash talked about me?”

    May saw Altaďr approaching the bar at that moment, but he then seemed to change his mind and turned away to go somewhere else. She could have sworn that he made eye contact with her before he turned around, but she already had a new acquaintance on her hands.

    “That was an amazing performance, May! I can see why Ash spoke so highly of you now.”

    This was unexpected by May. The thought of Ash talking about her turned the gears in her head once again.

    “So Ash talks about me... and of good things too… what does that mean? Does this mean he… actually does care about me, even after all this time?”

    Being out of the heat of the contest for the moment, May’s previous confused feelings returned to her and she once again tried to comprehend them. She then saw Altaďr once again, in between a couple groups of coordinators, and her she retreated into the depths of her conscious.

    “Who… WHO?!”

    She knew she had liked Ash for more than a friend by the end of their journey through Kanto and the Battle Frontier, but Ash had only showed his usual kindness and helpfulness to her; as he did with everybody else, save for a few moments on the journey. Sure he had rescued her numerous times as well, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t done those things either. By the end of their journey together, even though she liked him, his cluelessness and density towards love finally frustrated her enough so that she began to think of other options. She concluded that Ash was not ready for any sort of relationship as his focus would always be on Pokémon. The option appeared with Drew, when he asked her to come with him to Johto, which she quickly agreed as her rivals would be there, and as well as being away from Ash, who was now a painful object in her head. But it was the final straw; he couldn’t have her now even if he wanted her. But the question of whether or not Ash shared her same feelings constantly gnawed at her, especially when she had gotten together with Drew during her trek through Johto. After the terrible act Drew had committed, she knew that her actions had been a huge mistake, and she set out to find Ash once again, this time with a new sense of affection for the boy she had left. Those of love, or so she thought.

    But now she was split between two choices once again, this time between Ash, who was there for her in the past, and Altaďr, who was there for her in the present.

    “Are you ok, May? You’ve kind of had a blank stare on your face…” Dawn looked inquisitively into May’s face.

    May then looked at the younger coordinator that stood before her who had a look of curiosity on her face.

    “So this is the person that Ash has traveled with for the past few years… she seems… nice enough… so what if Ash…”

    “Oh, I’m fine, I was just, thinking back to something.” May replied as normally as possible, but Dawn seemed to have detected something in her voice as her eyebrows raised, but she said nothing of it.

    “What if Ash finally began to notice girls during his time with Dawn? What if I’ve lost my chance… I mean from his response to Altaďr’s questions, it seems like he really didn’t want to say something. What if he didn’t want to say something to Altaďr because they were all traveling together?”

    What if, what if, what if. A thousand and one questions arose from those simple two words, and May could not stop saying that phrase in her head. She focused her eyes back onto Dawn, who was still studying May’s face.

    “If… Ash has fallen for her… it’s not his fault. It’s my own fault. So I shouldn’t hold any hard feelings against her… Ash wouldn’t want that. I wouldn’t want that.”

    May finally exited the bowels of her thoughts and returned to the meeting at hand. She smiled at Dawn sweetly, almost a little too sweetly, and asked if Dawn wanted to have a drink with her.

    “That’ll be nice…” Dawn replied carefully, as May was starting to give her strange vibes. May didn’t seem to hear the girl’s tone as she led the way towards some open stools.

    “At least I haven’t lost everything.” May turned around and saw Altaďr sitting alone on a couch and smiled.

    ------------------

    “I’m going down to find her, Brock.”

    Half an hour had passed after May’s initial appearance and appeal round. Ash had been deep in thought ever since she had left the stage, and he had finally made the decision to confront her.

    “Are you sure you know the way to the coordinators’ area?” questioned Brock, knowing full well that Ash didn’t.

    “I-… no. But I can find out! C’mon Pikachu.”

    “Chu!” Pikachu hopped onto his usual post on Ash’s right shoulder and Ash began to make his way out of the row.

    “Excuse me, pardon me, sorry, coming through.”

    Brock simply watched the young teenager walk away, thinking to himself, “He’s finally grown up a bit.” He smiled and began tending to Happiny once again, feeding her milk from the bottle he had used with Bonsly.

    Within minutes of exiting the stands, Ash was lost. The interior of the stadium was mind-boggling. The many people who could not sit in the stands of the stadium or who had just come inside for a bite populated the giant corridors. The place looked and felt like an airport which lacked terminals, as the areas where they would normally be in an airport were replaced by rows of theater chairs facing giant widescreens broadcasting the competition live. The number 60,000 merely gave the number of seats in the main stadium, as the entire contest hall could hold thousands more.

    “So, do you have any idea we should go, Pikachu?”

    “Pi…” Pikachu was as confused as his trainer.

    Ash began to feel lost not only inside the contest hall, but inside his heart. A single memory of the past returned to him.

    ****************

    “She’s… really leaving.”

    Ash stood silently with Brock as they both waved at two figures and four Pokémon standing on a boat that was leaving the docks they stood on. The sunset shined a brilliant orange in the background as the boat began to sail further away, but despite the distance, Ash could still see the two figures’ faces clearly.

    Ash began to feel a single tear drop from his eye, and wiped it away quickly, not wanting the two figures on the boat or Brock to see him like that. He stared intently at the taller figure, and made eye contact with her. Her eyes seemed to water as she gazed back into his eyes, but the image became fuzzy as the boat was now a considerable distance away. Both sides stopped waving, but Ash and the girl continued to stare at one another, not wanting to take their eyes off each other, even if they could barely see each other now. Finally, after what seemed like an hour, the boat was out of sight.

    “She’s… really gone.”

    ------------------

    “I’m… really leaving him.”

    May felt her eyes strain as she tried to get one last good look at the boy that was now fading into the distance. Her eyes were watering as well, but she maintained her composure as she didn’t want her little brother, Max, to see her crying at that moment.

    “I know he’s dense about love and all… but is this really the right decision?”

    The coordinator could no longer even see the dock which the boy she was watching stood on, and finally resigned. She recalled all her Pokémon and led her brother off the deck and into the main compartments.

    “Well, I’m pretty tired now sis, I think I’m going to find a place to take a nap.” With that, Max left her alone in the area where they had been, which happened to be the cafeteria.

    May watched as her brother walked away, and sighed as she went to find a seat at a table. She was feeling tired as well, so she bent forward let her arms and body rest on the table.

    “Is leaving him the right decision?” she asked herself again. She knew she wanted to compete against her rivals in the Johto region contests, but her main motive was that of a much more emotional nature.

    The girl began to shut her eyes as fatigue began to envelop her, but before she lost consciousness, the song that had been playing in the cafeteria from a radio channel finally entered her head. The song was almost over, but the last few words of it rang in her ears.

    I said maybe
    You're gonna be the one who saves me
    And after all
    You're my wonderwall

    Said maybe
    You're gonna be the one that saves me
    You're gonna be the one that saves me
    You're gonna be the one that saves me


    “Ash has saved me so many times, not just from danger, but from myself. I don’t know what I would be today without him…”

    May felt herself slip into unconsciousness.

    “Is he my… wonderwall?”

    And with those final thoughts, May fell into a deep slumber.

    --------------------

    “I’m confused.”

    I said maybe

    “Why do I feel like this?”

    You’re gonna be the one that saves me

    “It feels like I’m missing something now, with her gone.”

    And after all

    “Is something wrong with me? Am I sick?”

    You’re my wonderwall

    “Or is it something else?”

    Said maybe

    “I’m tired.”

    You're gonna be the one that saves me

    “Hm, this is a nice song.”

    You're gonna be the one that saves me

    “Save… I’ve saved so many people now that I think about it.”

    You're gonna be the one that saves me

    “Like… May…”


    The song ended, Ash fell asleep in the early evening, and Brock turned off the radio. He looked at the young boy, and smiled while saying to himself, “I think he got something out of that.”

    *******************

    “I still don’t understand those feelings, Pikachu, but that doesn’t matter. Only one thing matters.” Ash clenched his fists and shut his eyes tightly, feeling his chest swell.

    “Pi?”

    “I don’t want her to leave me again.”

    --------------------

    Afterthought

    Wow, that was actually a lot of emotional stuff I just wrote... not that I'm emo at all or anything... you don't believe me?? I'll prove it!

    But seriously I'm not.

    Um anyway, some of you may or may not have noticed that during the big reminiscent May had during her talk with Dawn, that I used the word 'liked' instead of 'loved' to explain her feelings for Ash during that time. The reason for that is because I felt that it wouldn't make much sense or be right if I wrote that she loved Ash at the end of the Battle Frontier and then have her leave with Drew. Of course there was a bit of trying to make him jealous, but the main thing is that she still hadn't developed the love for him yet; not until after the Drew thing, which was touched upon in the chapter. Hope that clears up any ideas people had about me writing a fic with very minor Advanceshippiness.

    Oh, and kudos to anyone who recognized the song right off the bat. Actually, if you know the song, you should have known what it was from the chapter title. =P I just really wanted to do something with a song for the entire time I've been writing this fic, but I haven't found a real way to until now. (I did suggest that song by Lost Prophets for the fight scene a few chapters back, but that wasn't actually part of the chapter)

    Whew, alright, now let's see how long it'll take to get the next chapter out.

    -CICHawk
    Last edited by cichawk; 5th December 2007 at 11:09 PM.

  22. #97
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Zeppelin Rules!
    Posts
    2,090

    Default

    Well, this is a surprise. That was like, what, a day and a half? Nice work. Although your speed apparently lent to a few (minor) errors.

    It was a Flamethrower attack from May’s Blazikenthat was released from Skitty’s mouth.
    I'm betting you want a space between "Blaziken" and "that".

    She had gotten the move done in the nick of time, and all the spectators roared excitedly and the splendid performance.
    "at" the splendid performance, probably.

    Ash began to feel a single tear drop from his eye, and wiped it away quickly, not wanting the two figures on the boat or Brock to seem him like that.
    "see" him like that?

    “Why I feel like this?”
    "Why do I feel like this?" (I'm guessing that's what you meant).

    Yet again, an awesome chapter. Content, descriptions, everything. I wonder if anything's going to prevent Ash from getting to May besides just being lost (seems like the sort of thing to happen to him)(and you've been delaying it for rather awhile) and if something won't go wrong when they do meet. Wait and see, I suppose. Oh, yes, another kudos for time to post. Hope you can keep this rate up.

  23. #98
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Location: Location: Location:
    Posts
    297

    Default

    The Pokémon gave a flipped and gave a “Nyaa” before landing on the ground next to her partner.
    Here you have "gave a" twice, which seems a little bit reduntant, at least to me. You also used the wrong tense for "flipped".

    his focus would always be on Pokémon, for who knows how long.
    Minor one here, but you said "Always," and "who knows how long," about the same thing. It seemed a bit illogical...

    composure as she didn’t want her little brother, Max, see her crying at that moment.
    Sorry, another small one. Perhaps... TO see her crying?

    “I-… no. But I can find out! C’mon Pikachu.”
    Three cheers for Ash, he is SUCH a guy...

    Within minutes of exiting the stands, Ash was lost.
    Yep, saw that one coming...

    not that I'm emo at all or anything... you don't believe me?? I'll prove it!
    You may not be emo, but you ARE at least 1/2 an inch shorter than me...

    I envy your energy, what with writing two chapters, not to mention long-ish ones, within one weekend. I'm sorry I didn't get to review Chapter twelve, but I was on a Boy Scout campout. I got home today at 12-ish, and took a nap after a quick shower.

    But yeah, I wanna read chapter 14... Ash STILL hasn't talked to May...

    Finally, I think Birdyshipping should definately occur here. (Along with Advance... Duh.)

    ~LZ~

    PS: Did you even know this emoticon exsisted?


  24. #99
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Nowhere near You
    Posts
    238

    Default

    Now Ash WILL talk to May.
    Soon.
    I hope.

    Heh, joking. That was a good feat you managed - getting up two chapters in the span of two days.
    Now for extreme Altair-May-Ash-Dawn confusion. The only problem being that Ash isn't a part of this tournament but Altair is.

    Anyways, Birdyshipping is really likable now - ya' know? Go ahead with the fic, I guess we can't expect another instant update anytime soon .

  25. #100
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    The Pltomaios
    Posts
    93

    Default

    Altair not kissing May... noble of him, but annoying for me, a proud May-Altair fan!

    Dawn's right - being with May when she gets like that would be a slightly weird experience. Hmm, I wonder if Dawn will figure it out.

    That was a really good chapter. I loved your descriptiveness, and I loved your creativity when it came to May's appeal. I am also impressed that you managed to turn out another chapter so quickly.

Page 4 of 8 FirstFirst 12345678 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •