Page 5 of 8 FirstFirst 12345678 LastLast
Results 101 to 125 of 194

Thread: Pokemon: Neo Genesis (AaMayL/Advanceshipping, PG-13)

  1. #101
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    The land of Hope and Glory
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Hi, i've been reading the fic for a while but only joined the site a few days ago, so well I guess I'll review:

    “But you, you stabbed him!” the coordinator suddenly blurted out.

    “Yeah, I know I did.”

    The manner in which Altaďr spoke was unnerving to May. He didn’t seem at all affected at the feat he had performed minutes earlier, and he spoke with out a single shred of emotion. It was almost as if he had done things like that before.
    He stabbed a guy? he may have had reasons and everything, but most people
    break down on the spot at there first kill, so I'm guessing he's used to all of this, unless hes part of a gang or something. (Don't ask me how I know)

    Brock, then at the people behind him shouting for him to sit down
    Don't you hate it when that happens?

    The song ended, Ash fell asleep in the early evening, and Brock turned off the radio. He looked at the young boy, and smiled while saying to himself, “I think he got something out of that
    Nice job Brock

    and also with the song 'Oasis Wonderwall' at least I'm guessing it's Oasis, I got the song yesterday, and got hooked on it.
    My Advanceshipping Fanfic on Serbii HERE

    and now I vanish...

  2. #102
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    ***Important announcements at the bottom***

    Xaotl, you are the 100th post in this thread, congratulations!

    Now here's your prize...

    ...

    Ok yea I guess I'll just start by replying to your review first.

    Hi, i've been reading the fic for a while but only joined the site a few days ago, so well I guess I'll review:
    Glad you could join us here. =) And read my fic. =P

    He stabbed a guy? he may have had reasons and everything, but most people
    break down on the spot at there first kill, so I'm guessing he's used to all of this, unless hes part of a gang or something. (Don't ask me how I know)
    Remember what happened back in chapter 11? With the fight scene? Unless you didn't read it, that's what the flashback is about; the time after Altaďr fought those five thugs.

    Also, he actually didn't kill the one guy he stabbed. He just sliced up his shoulder and loss of blood and shock did the rest. But you got the right idea of Altaďr's character in a way.

    and also with the song 'Oasis Wonderwall' at least I'm guessing it's Oasis, I got the song yesterday, and got hooked on it.
    Ding! We have a winner! Here's your prize... ok I don't actually have a prize at all. I'm not sure what kind of prize I could give out over the intarweb.

    Yes it is Wonderwall by Oasis. If anybody wants, I could email the song to whoever. If you just want to hear it, YouTube is your friend.

    Ariel_Anderson

    Altair not kissing May... noble of him, but annoying for me, a proud May-Altair fan!
    Heh, sorry to disappoint you. =P Too bad that can never happen in this fic either, as this is an Advanceshipping fic. However, if this thread didn't say Advanceshipping on it, I wonder how many of you would actually have started reading this. ;-)

    Dawn's right - being with May when she gets like that would be a slightly weird experience. Hmm, I wonder if Dawn will figure it out.
    Love triangles suck in real life but are quite interesting in fiction, are they not? Actually, this would be more of a love square, with one side of the square not really reaching out to anybody (Altaďr).

    That was a really good chapter. I loved your descriptiveness, and I loved your creativity when it came to May's appeal. I am also impressed that you managed to turn out another chapter so quickly.
    Heh, the appeal was one of the things that worried me the most when I wrote it. I've only seen one competition in the anime and that was in the Diamond and Pearl episode with the first contest Ash and Dawn competed in. So overall, I really have no idea what May does her contests.

    Earthborn

    Now Ash WILL talk to May.
    Soon.
    I hope.
    That will be mentioned in the things I wanted to announce at the end of this author reply.

    Heh, joking. That was a good feat you managed - getting up two chapters in the span of two days.
    Now for extreme Altair-May-Ash-Dawn confusion. The only problem being that Ash isn't a part of this tournament but Altair is.
    Hm, yes, how will Ash compete for May? =)

    Anyways, Birdyshipping is really likable now - ya' know? Go ahead with the fic, I guess we can't expect another instant update anytime soon .
    Did I slip some Birdyshipping into the chapter without intentionally doing it? o.O Hm I'll have to look over it. Or maybe you're just saying generally that it's likable now. Nonetheless, It's good to see people enjoying the fic for what it's got so far.

    Heh, I worked my brains out for chapter 13. Now it's a school week again so it's back to the homework.

    Lord Zant

    Three cheers for Ash, he is SUCH a guy...
    The one and only!

    Yep, saw that one coming...
    And the only one to have that happen to him so fast...

    You may not be emo, but you ARE at least 1/2 an inch shorter than me...
    ...ROAR

    I envy your energy, what with writing two chapters, not to mention long-ish ones, within one weekend. I'm sorry I didn't get to review Chapter twelve, but I was on a Boy Scout campout. I got home today at 12-ish, and took a nap after a quick shower.
    Well I pretty much worked in whatever time I had on Saturday and Sunday in order to get chapter 13 out. Chapter 12 was much shorter so it didn't take nearly as much work.

    It's alright, about not being able to get to chapter 12 fast enough. As long as you like it that's fine by me.

    Also, I woke up around 12 on Sunday. =P

    But yeah, I wanna read chapter 14... Ash STILL hasn't talked to May...
    Will be touched on in the end announcements.

    Finally, I think Birdyshipping should definately occur here. (Along with Advance... Duh.)
    That may be touched on in the announcements, but I'll just say that I'm not totally sure what I want to do with that ship... ;-)

    PS: Did you even know this emoticon exsisted?
    What the deuce? (Stewie from Family Guy reference)

    GrizzlyB

    Well, this is a surprise. That was like, what, a day and a half? Nice work. Although your speed apparently lent to a few (minor) errors.
    Ah well, the constant writing probably affected the mechanics some.

    Yet again, an awesome chapter. Content, descriptions, everything. I wonder if anything's going to prevent Ash from getting to May besides just being lost (seems like the sort of thing to happen to him)(and you've been delaying it for rather awhile) and if something won't go wrong when they do meet. Wait and see, I suppose. Oh, yes, another kudos for time to post. Hope you can keep this rate up.
    Pretty much the same reply to things about Ash and May. Also, I'm not so much delaying as I am just letting the story flow the way I want it to. But it seems like I might be going a little too slowly.

    The posting rate will be tough for me. Expect that kind of stuff more on weekends.

    ***Announcements***

    Finally, the announcements I wanted to make (Don't worry it's nothing big like me saying this fic is actually over right now! No really it's not).

    So anyway, a lot of you are wondering when Ash and May are going to be shipped, or even just speak to each other, as they haven't even done that yet. And I'm going to let out some of my plans here via spoiler.

        Spoiler:- The future...:


    Now, second announcement. I have finally decided to put my fanfiction.net account to use (same username 'cichawk) by putting this fic onto there. However, the process may take a while since I have to write different forewords and afterthoughts and whatever else for each chapter as the people reading the fic there may have no affiliation to this website. It's also a good place for people here who cannot get on when SPPf goes down to read or re-read some chapters. However, I will always post here first, receive reviews, then re-edit before posting on FF.net.

    Thank you for your time.

    -CICHawk
    Last edited by cichawk; 3rd December 2007 at 11:52 PM.

  3. #103
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    The land of Hope and Glory
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cichawk View Post
    ***Important announcements at the bottom***

    Xaotl, you are the 100th post in this thread, congratulations!

    Now here's your prize...

    ...

    Ok yea I guess I'll just start by replying to your review first.



    Glad you could join us here. =) And read my fic. =P
    No problemo. I've not really reviewed many fics here (cause I just joined B'duh) but I reviewed yours mainly cause I hadn't been able to review on ff.net, thaat and I couldn't resist :P
    The force works in mysterious ways :P

    Remember what happened back in chapter 11? With the fight scene? Unless you didn't read it, that's what the flashback is about; the time after Altaďr fought those five thugs.

    Also, he actually didn't kill the one guy he stabbed. He just sliced up his shoulder and loss of blood and shock did the rest. But you got the right idea of Altaďr's character in a way.
    SOOOOOO

    he is a GANGSTA :P

    or maybe he is a drug dealer :P

    joke, joke.

    I did read that chap, its just that, I read so many fics, and in the large time period that you delayed this fic, all of the fics that I have ead get into a big pot in the back of your head and mix together, to the point where you can't tell which fic is which.

    Now why is eveyone staring at me.

    [QUOTE/]
    Ding! We have a winner! Here's your prize... ok I don't actually have a prize at all. I'm not sure what kind of prize I could give out over the intarweb.

    Yes it is Wonderwall by Oasis. If anybody wants, I could email the song to whoever. If you just want to hear it, YouTube is your friend.
    [/QUOTE]

    So I guess the song, and I get the 100th post. YEAY for me.

    Did I slip some Birdyshipping into the chapter without intentionally doing it? o.O Hm I'll have to look over it. Or maybe you're just saying generally that it's likable now. Nonetheless, It's good to see people enjoying the fic for what it's got so far.
    Fic=
    Birdyshipping = :[

    am I the only person here who dosn't like the concept of Birdyshipping?

    It's also a good place for people here who cannot get on when SPPf goes down to read or re-read some chapters. However, I will always post here first, receive reviews, then re-edit before posting on FF.net.
    ah, so you are on ff.net. I must admit it is hard to read and review this fic as SPPF constantly crashes (2 times when I was writing this review)

    and to get things in bold on your bios, you click the B button at the mini-toolbar.

    I'm there as Xaotladv cause the acursed site won't accept xaotl. AAAAAAHHH
    Last edited by Xaotl; 4th December 2007 at 7:25 PM.
    My Advanceshipping Fanfic on Serbii HERE

    and now I vanish...

  4. #104
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Battle Tower, Hoenn
    Posts
    671

    Default

    Hello! I found a few typos:

    She smiled at Dawn sweetly, almost a little to sweetly
    There are two o's.

    May then looked at the younger coordinator that stood before her with a look of curiosity on her face.
    Kind of confusing. I can't tell who has the look on their face.

    Dawn jumped up and down like young childwho had
    Forgot the a there.

    What if he didn’t want to say something to Altaďr because they were all traveling together?”
    I believe there are two l's.

    his cluelessness and denseness towards love finally frustrated her
    It's density.

  5. #105
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Graduating Class of 2009!
    Posts
    902

    Default

    Hey, you favorite-d me on fanfiction.net!

    *clears throat* Now that we have that out of the way, time to get to the actual review...

    Wow, well, what else can I say? That was very cool of you cichawk, the way you put the chater together. I honestly could not take my eyes off the screen. It was that cool. I mean, with all the emotions and all. And I liked it the most when Ash first saw May and they had those flashbacks. I'm sad for May though, for the fact that she got blown off by Altair.

    Altair not kissing May... noble of him, but annoying for me, a proud May-Altair fan!
    I totally agree. Though I'm a fan of both right now

    Awesome chap(s) since I can't remember if I didn't review for one or two...
    Good job! Good job!
    ~*Uza-chan's Good bye*~

    IS SUPAH FIIIINE

  6. #106
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Hello. I'm back.

    I'll start with an extremely delayed review-reply.

    Wow, well, what else can I say? That was very cool of you cichawk, the way you put the chater together. I honestly could not take my eyes off the screen. It was that cool. I mean, with all the emotions and all. And I liked it the most when Ash first saw May and they had those flashbacks. I'm sad for May though, for the fact that she got blown off by Altair.
    I tried to keep the flashbacks as close to the canon as I could from what I read on Bulbapedia, since I haven't seen the episode yet. Seemed to work out alright.

    Altaďr's just... Altaďr.

    I totally agree. Though I'm a fan of both right now
    Sadly, I cannot fulfill that ship. =\ Advanceshipping must persist.

    Now to the chapter.

    -------------------

    Foreword

    Short chapter this time, even though it would seem I had a lot of time to work on this. Been pretty busy lately, and I just cranked this out from the couple hundred words I started with just now. It's only focused around Altaďr's appeal, which wasn't really as hard to write as I thought. Probably 'cause I had the whole thing pictured in my mind; only job left was to write it.

    -------------------

    Chapter 14 - Blinding


    “Altaďr, on deck.”

    Altaďr opened his closed eyes as he was awoken from his light nap on one of the couches. He grumbled, saying something about how he was in no mood to move, and shut his eyes again. He still had a few minutes until the preceding coordinator would be done and he would have to move.

    “Altaďr, you’re up.”

    The teenager snapped his eyes back open after what seemed like a couple seconds of being called on deck. He grumbled to himself once again and dragged himself towards the stage entrance, and forced himself to go through the double steel doors.

    “Never a moment’s respite.”

    Natural light soon entered the teen’s eyes as the midday sun shined brightly above the stadium. His black eyes soon adjusted and the sight of the immense crowd came into view. He continued down the marked path to the stage while the audience cheered.

    “Now up next is Altaďr, whose origin is apparently from the high mountaintop of Mt. Coronet. This is also his first contest, as he is a new coordinator, so let’s all give him a great big hand.”

    “I’m not a coordinator, and I don’t need a great big hand,” Altaďr said to the air, as the crowd’s noise was overpowering.

    When he finally made it to the stage, the audience finally died down and waited intently for the round to begin, which brought a reprieve to Altaďr’s ears.

    “Alright Altaďr, you have three minutes, starting… now!”

    Still wearing his backpack, Altaďr swiftly brought his hands to the single strap and pressed the buttons of his teal and green Pokéballs. The Pokéballs immediately opened with a flash of white light, as Altaďr had neglected to use ball capsules or seals on his special Pokéballs, and revealed his Glaceon and Leafeon who simply appeared on the ground, standing motionless.

    “And that… lacking… entrance may cost Altaďr some points. Probably just a case of stage fright that caused him to forget to do something as elementary as that. This is his first contest.”

    Altaďr scowled as the MC talked about him as if he weren’t there, and continued to stand motionless with his Pokémon, letting them prepare themselves.

    The crowd began to pick up in volume as they muttered to one another, wondering why the strange teenager was just standing there and not giving any commands while the clock was ticking down.

    Suddenly, Altaďr’s two Pokémon sprang into action as the clock showed two minutes and thirty seconds remaining. Glaceon and Leafeon both sprinted to the opposite ends of the circular stage and spun to face each other. Without needing their trainer to utter a single word, the two fox-like Pokémon performed their prepared appeal.

    Glaceon was the first to move. He took off from his side of the stage and began to sprint with great speed towards the center of the stage while shooting a trail of ice in front of his path from the cap endings of his head. At the very center of the stage, Glaceon then quickly changed the direction of his Ice Beam so it created a vertical ramp of ice. He then stopped firing the beam and allowed himself to slide on the ice path and straight up the vertical ramp, which launched him into the air. From the tremendous speed he had gained from running on the ice, the Fresh Snow Pokémon gained an altitude of a couple hundred meters.

    While Glaceon performed his actions, Leafeon stood patiently on her side of the stage while her partner did his thing.

    As Glaceon reached the peak of his launch, he then began to spin with immense speed while his cap endings glowed the usual teal color when he released an ice attack from that part of his body. The spinning allowed Pokémon to levitate long enough so he could encase his own body in a block of solid ice, much like he did during his battle with Pikachu, only this time the block seemed to have a geometric shape and Glaceon was airborne. As the ice block completed, unknown forces held by Glaceon kept it levitating in place.

    It was now Leafeon’s turn to act. She sprinted towards the center of the stage with the same agility as Glaceon and jumped onto the very tip of the vertical ice ramp left behind by Glaceon. The Verdant Pokémon balanced herself gracefully on her four feet and simply stood there. Several seconds of inactivity passed until a wind began to pick up in the stadium. Mesmerized by what was going on, the audience took no notice. Leaves than began to blow into the stadium, towards Leafeon. The leaves gathered under the Pokémon, and soon, the leaves were great enough in density to support the weight of their passenger. Using her own unique powers, Leafeon allowed the leaf platform to rise.

    After the platform and Pokémon had risen several meters above the tip of the ramp, it halted. At that, all activity from Glaceon, who was frozen in ice, and Leafeon, who simply sat down on her platform of leaves, ceased.

    Several more seconds passed and the timer read two minutes remaining. The crowd picked up in volume once again as the spectators talked amongst each other of the strange behavior of the teenager and his Pokémon. Altaďr took no heed of the noise that surrounded him and continued staring at the scene before him with an emotionless stare.

    A minute and thirty seconds remained on the clock and Glaeon and Leafeon continued to remain in their places. Some of the audience had begun yelling jeers and insults at Altaďr but they were unheard as his blank stare seemed to possess him and drown out the world.

    More seconds passed until Leafeon suddenly jerked into a standing position on her four feet and looked straight up into the clouds that now blotted out the afternoon sun above. The audience looked up as well and was largely surprised at the clouds that seemed to spontaneously appear.

    As if someone had flicked a switch, the daylight seemed to be sucked out of the stadium and it became nearly pitch black except for one glowing object in the very center. That object was Leafeon, who now held an aura of bright yellow light around her small body. The spectators seemed to be stunned at the strange manifestation before them, and not a sound was heard. Even the inside of the stadium was deathly quiet as the lights inside had seemed to turn off as well.

    Suddenly, the light quickly intensified and Leafeon’s body was veiled in a ball of light. The ball of light became distorted and then calmed into a ball once again. Then, the ball suddenly seemed to burst at the top as a thick beam of light shot up and soared straight at the ice block that contained Glaceon. Instead of shattering the block, however, the beam of light entered the block and split into many smaller beams by the inner patterns of the block, and permeated from the sides into six smaller beams. The beams created a spectacular light show, but Altaďr and his Pokémon were not finished yet.

    Six more ice blocks materialized out of thin air in the paths of the six smaller light beams. The beams entered these ice segments as well but were instead bent downwards and at an angle towards the original source of the light; Leafeon.

    The audience stared in awe at the beams of light that created a sort of inverted pyramid-like shape. May and Dawn, who watched from a screen inside the staging room, allowed their jaws to drop as they watched the entire process from when Glaceon formed the ice block with his own body to now when the lights formed their pattern. There was one more step to be done.

    A soft rumble could be heard in the deathly silence of the stadium, and it increased in volume as the time slowly ticked to its end. Fifteen seconds remained as the sound grew in intensity, and at five seconds, the most astonishing part of the appeal took place.

    Every ice block created by Glaceon seemed to shake until they finally exploded, sending shards of ice in every direction from each of the ice pieces. However, instead of the pieces flying into the crowd below, the shards seemed to stop in a stasis after they traveled a few meters away from their core. The shards weren’t the most interesting part of these last few seconds, but rather what was revealed from the blast.

    Glaceon’s body levitated where it had been since he froze himself within his ice, and glowed a beautiful bluish gold color. Everyone watching took a sharp intake of breath at the divine scene in front of them.

    The bell then rang, signaling the end of Altaďr’s three minutes. MC Brian said nothing, being stunned from the appeal. Glaceon and Leafeon slowly dropped to the ground from their levitations, and walked calmly towards their trainer. Glaceon had returned to his normal teal color by the time he and Leafeon reached Altaďr.

    “Good job.”

    Glaceon and Leafeon said their names in acknowledgment as the red beams of their Pokéballs claimed their bodies.

    The clouds had vanished and the sunlight reappeared. The audience took no notice as they sat silently, gaping at the mysterious teenager that stood on the stage below. As if he knew which of the hundreds of cameras was currently focused on him, Altaďr turned his head and looked straight into the one camera that was on him. May and Dawn still sat dumbly with their jaws hanging as they watched him stare straight at them. They could have sworn he cracked a small smile.

    -------------------

    Afterthought

    Short, I know. I apologize.

    But I'm going to make it up, with a... special treat. It should be out tomorrow... I hope.

    So anyway, on Saturday I leave for Hilton Head Island, South Carolina, where my parents play golf and where I just loiter around, doing whatever I please really. I'll be back home next year, but hopefully, I'll be able to find an easy source of internet on the island. Then I can update while on vacation. =)

    Oh yea, my new car is now a Jeep Commander. Yes I know it's a 'box car,' as stated by one of my friends. But whatever, at least I have my own car now.

    Anyway, I'm out now. One more day of school tomorrow. Or rather, today.

    -CICHawk
    Last edited by cichawk; 22nd December 2007 at 8:02 AM.

  7. #107
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Zeppelin Rules!
    Posts
    2,083

    Default

    Another well-written chapter, although... not much plot-wise. Oh well.

    This is also his first contest, as he is new coordinator, so let’s all give him a great big hand.”
    "a" new coordinator, maybe.

    More seconds pass until Leafeon suddenly jerked into a standing position on her four feet and looked straight up into the clouds that now blotted out the afternoon sun above.
    There's a tense issue here.

    Anyways, it was a very interesting and complex appeal. And I'm wondering if Altair's Pokemon are special, or if they've learned little tricks (what with levitating). And, I find myself strangely looking forward to whatever you hopefully have tomorrow.

  8. #108
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Surprise!

    I'm just going to use the foreword and afterthought that I am using for FF.net, I really cannot anymore.

    I'm posting this today because I'm gone on vacation tomorrow, and I don't know when the next time I'll have internet is.

    --------------------

    Foreword

    From this point on, I will be having special holiday-themed one-shots for all of your reading pleasure. It’s also sort of my way of saying ‘thank you’ for all your support for my main fic. These holiday one-shots will have varying elements, such as where the point of view is told from, the characters, and even the ship if I choose to change it up. Some will be semi-related to the timeline and events of my main fic, Pokémon: Neo Genesis, but some could take place wherever or whenever else.

    For this one-shot, it doesn’t exactly take place within the timeline of Pokémon: Neo Genesis, but something, or rather someone, is certainly present in this one-shot. That’s right, Altaďr. That is how I plan on doing a lot of my holiday one-shots; with the characters from my fic (and believe me, I will have more in the future) but not necessarily within the timeline. It just spices things up a bit, methinks. Some will be more ‘normal’ however. Just depends on how I want to write.

    Anyway, this one-shot is told from Altaďr’s point of view. I will also say during which chapter this one-shot was posted (chapter 14) so that in case people read this in the future when my main fic has already advanced, they will know how much the storyline (if any) and characters are incorporated. This one has several minor story elements incorporated in it; see if you can spot them. Some things written in this one-shot may even be incorporated into my main fic as well.

    Enjoy. Happy holidays to you all.

    Disclaimer: I use Christmas ‘cause I’m a Christian. Plain and simple.

    --------------------

    One Spotlight


    Well, it’s that time of the year again. That time when everybody’s family gets together for the holiday season. That time when everybody is off work and is able to go places for vacation. That time when families enjoy delicious home cooked meals on the one special night. That time when presents and kisses are exchanged…

    All that is great and wonderful… for other people, as I have a little problem when it comes to this season.

    I have no family.

    Well, at least no biological family. But that’s alright, I’m used to it. However, this Christmas, I learned that I wouldn’t be as lonely as I usually was.

    It was December 23, and I was just loitering around my small cabin on the side of Mt. Coronet, when my video phone suddenly rang. I wonder who would have time to call me, as when I receive calls it is usually for business. I shrug off the question and pull up a chair to the desk the video phone sits on, and pick up the receiver to answer.

    When I do, a face appears on the screen and I blink several times.

    It was Ash, a trainer I had met and helped out once while he was on his Pokémon journey in Sinnoh with two others. One, a younger girl named Dawn, who seemed to take an interest in me right away, and the other an older guy named Brock, who seemed to have some sort of extreme fetish for older women. They were quite a motley crew, and I had done them a great favor by sheltering them in my humble cabin when they were stranded in a blizzard. After they left the following morning, I figured I wouldn’t see them again, but I was proved wrong as I soon had to rescue them from an avalanche. After many thanks, Ash eagerly asked for my phone number, saying that he wouldn’t forget my exploits and that he would call me up when he had a way to repay me. I guess this was it.

    “Hello Ash,” I greet plainly.

    “Hey, Altaďr, long time no see, how’ve you been?” he gives me a wide grin.

    “Been alright, still just training here.”

    “Cool, cool. Hey, I was wondering… would you like to come to a party?”

    “Party?” I raised my eyebrow.

    “Yeah, a sort of Christmas and New Years party that’s going to be happening here in Pallet tomorrow through New Years. I know it’s kind of last second, but it’d really be great if you could join us!”

    I consider his invitation, first wondering why I had only been remembered at this last moment in time, but then finding myself not particularly caring and I just wonder whether I wanted to go.

    “I guess I might as well; I’m not busy.”

    “Awesome! See you at Professor Oak’s laboratory tomorrow at 1 then?” he actually looked to be pretty excited at my acceptance. I definitely wasn’t expecting that. Guess some people do actually care a little bit about me.

    “Yup.”

    -------------------

    A quick run down a mountain to the village at the base, a bus ride to the nearest train station, and a ticket onto a bullet train got me to Saffron City in the Kanto region at about midnight. In order to make it to Pallet Town the next day, I would have to catch a bus, if there was a bus at this time at night.

    I waited for about half an hour at the bus stop before seeing a pair of large headlights making its way down the mostly deserted street. The bus saw me in the bus stop and stopped by the sidewalk, opening its doors to allow me in. The driver salutes me, commenting that I was a new face in town. I give him a short reply of acknowledgement and drop a few coins into the fare machine. I had expected the bus to be completely empty, but was surprised to see figures at the back of the bus.

    I took a seat in the middle section of the bus, and attempted to restrain myself from looking back at the four people that sat at the very back. However, curiosity overtook me and I soon found myself with my head rotated to the left just far enough to take in the appearances of the four people behind me out of the corner of my eye.

    At the left window seat sat a tall man with slick black hair wearing a dark trench coat over a red jacket, blue pants, and black boots. Due to a shadow, it was difficult to take in the man’s facial features, besides the fact that his eyes seemed to be closed, so I abandoned my examination of the first man.

    I thought that there was no one sitting next to the tall man, but upon closer inspection, I noticed a green woolen hat and a pair of glasses peaking from above the seat in front. I safely assumed that whomever the hat and glasses belonged to was a child of a younger age. I could also tell that the head was leaning on the seat in front, leading me to the conclusion that the child was not as short as he seemed but was merely asleep with his head leaning forward. A shadow shrouded his face as well.

    I shifted my gaze to the right side of the bus and noticed two heads with long brown hair, though the shorter head had some sort of covering that only allowed the hair on the sides of her head to be visible. There was no shadow on this side, so I could take in the full facial features of the two people, who I had identified to be a girl and a woman, and were very much alike in appearance. The woman was wearing a heavy tan colored coat while dozing with her head leaning on the window. She was also… attractive, despite being however old she is. I shuddered a bit as I thought that.

    The girl, however, was wide awake. I think she caught the corner of my eye glancing at her, because she eventually turned her head to the side and seemed to look at the sleeping boy across the center of the bus. However, the girl interested me the most out of all of the other occupants. I now was able to identify the covering on her head as a red bandanna and noticed her long locks of hair that flowed down the sides of her head, covering her ears. She looked to be a couple of years younger than I, though that’s only a rough estimation. She was wearing a red jacket that had fluff on the hood, which matched her bandanna. I took note that she was quite… pretty.

    --------------------

    I woke up from a lurch, and rubbed the back of my neck, as it was now extremely stiff from sleeping upright on old bus seats. I quickly remembered where I was heading to, which was where I should have been at that moment, and quickly jumped out of my seat and strode towards the door of the bus. Before I exited, I took one last glance at the back of the bus, only to see that the four people, which I now assumed was a family, was gone.

    Family…

    I exited the bus, and looked up at a sign that hung above the station, which read Pallet Town. I had reached my destination, but now I had to figure out where Professor… Oak’s laboratory was. Asking one of the workers inside the bus station quickly got me in the right path for the lab.

    The snow fell lightly on my black beanie that lay atop my head as I trekked through the white land. I assumed I was in the commercial section of the small town and was heading out into the suburban regions. Passing a bank, the scrolling sign that stood in front read 24 degrees Fahrenheit for the temperature and 12:14 pm for the time. The cold was nothing compared to how it could get on Mt. Coronet, though. I ambled on the snowy sidewalks and made my way out of the busy sector and into snow-covered trees and fields with houses spread out. The bus station worker had told me the laboratory was about three miles south of where I was, so I calculated that if I walked briskly and didn’t get lost, I could make it at the official start time of the party. Besides, showing up late is never polite.

    --------------------

    The scene before me struck me with awe. In front of me was a long stairway completely lined with golden lights, and atop of the hill at the end of the stairway was a building that I assumed was the laboratory, was a marvel just to look at. Decorations were everywhere; lights hung on the roof of the building, shapes of Pokémon made from lights were poised in the front yard, and several trees filled with ornaments were erected by the entrance. Behind the building of the main laboratory I could make out a giant dome that I figured was where the party was being held.

    “Festive,” I said to myself.

    Even the doors themselves I noticed were decorated with various lights and designs as I neared them. I took a good look at them before preparing myself to walk into a strange new world, for me at least.

    The doors were pushed open, and a bright light blinded me. After a second of adjusting, I found myself in a large empty lobby, which I assumed was the atrium of the magnificent building. The interior was not as festive, but it was impressive nonetheless. Someone must clean this place often and keep it in top shape, I thought to myself.

    I glance at a large grandfather clock standing to the right of me, and noticed the time was 1:20. I really should consider getting another watch or just any device that could keep time. My tardiness explained why no one was in front to greet me, even though if there even was a person to greet me, they probably wouldn’t know who I am.

    Feeling stupid just standing at the doorway, I shut the doors behind me and quickly navigated myself to the back of the building, which I assumed would lead me to the dome and thus, the party. I felt surprised at myself as I felt a swell of excitement in my chest. It was unusual, as I usually felt a certain distaste for social gatherings, but this time, eagerness took over my rational.

    Eventually working my way through the labyrinth of a laboratory, I finally found another pair of large double doors at the back. I swiftly pushed them forward and entered the premises. What I stumbled into was the inside of the dome I had been searching for, which was bustling with what looked to be more than a hundred people, and those were only the ones visible to me. Tables covered with mountains of food were placed everywhere around the perimeter of the dome, round tables that occupied the central area held many conversing occupants, a stage with unused band instruments and a DJ playing Christmas songs was visible at the far end, and the largest Christmas tree I have ever seen stood in the center. There were so many decorations on the gargantuan tree that I felt my eyes start to cross when I began staring too hard at it. Nevertheless, I couldn’t stop admiring the tree.

    “Hey! Altaďr!” a female voice squealed out.

    I whirled around and saw a familiar beanie-wearing blue haired girl running towards me. Despite being in an airtight dome, the temperature was still kept relatively cool so the snow on the ground wouldn’t melt and turn the land into mud. The girl wore only a light pink jacket on her body, and still wore her usual short skirt and pink boots. I wondered if it was cold down there…

    “Hello, Dawn,” I said with a friendly smile, though it was pulled off with difficulty.

    Dawn stopped a meter short of me and began jumping up and down with excitement, which caused me to back off another meter out of slight nervousness at her over-enthusiasm.

    “It’s been so long! How’ve you been!” she squealed again.

    “I’ve been… fine.”

    “Oh hey, Altaďr, you made it!” another voice chimed in.

    I turned my head to the source of the voice and saw the capped head of Ash beside me. He had that wide silly grin on his face that I had actually grown used to in the short amount of time I had spent with him. He wore a dark blue jacket with his usual jeans underneath. And of course, Pikachu was on his usual perch on Ash’s right shoulder.

    “Hey Ash, Pikachu,” I nodded in acknowledgement.

    “Pika!”

    After the greeting was exchanged, I noticed another person to the side of Ash who had been just out of my peripheral vision moments before. I turned my focus to the person and was surprised to see a familiar face.

    “Ash, introduce me!” I heard the bandanna-headed girl whisper to Ash. This puzzled me slightly; couldn’t the girl just have introduced herself?

    “Oh, sorry,” Ash said to her with a sheepish look. “Altaďr, this is May. She and her brother travelled with me and Brock through Hoenn and the Battle Frontier. She’s a coordinator, like Dawn. Oh yeah, she and Max, which is her brother by the way, are the children of the Petalburg Gym leader, Norman.”

    “Really?” I said with half interest. I was actually more interested in how the girl known as May seemed to look at Ash with a look of… actually I’m not sure…

    “Ash… there’s more to me than just being the Petalburg Gym leader’s daughter,” May teased.

    “Heh, yeah I know that May. It’s just an introduction, we can talk a lot more later, but I think Altaďr must be pretty hungry now.”

    I thought about it and realized that I indeed, was hungry.

    “Yup.”

    “Well, there’s lot’s of food around here to go around!” he said as he began to make way towards the food stuffed tables. As the four of us walked, I took notice of May again, who was looking at Ash, again, only this time with a pout on her lips.

    ------------------

    Ash and I got platefuls of food while the two females said they weren’t hungry. We sat down at one of the round tables and immediately began conversing. Actually, it was more of Ash and Dawn asking me questions, and May just popping a word in here or there, as well as do her usual glancing at Ash. I was beginning to get signals.

    “So, have you won any gym badges lately?” inquired Ash. I swear that’s pretty much all that boy thinks about.

    “Nope, just stayed around Mt. Coronet mostly, ever since you, Dawn, and Brock left.”

    “Well, I bet you’ve gotten a lot stronger!” the speaker of those words was Dawn, surprisingly. I had expected Ash to say something like that and then challenge me to a battle, even though it was the holidays.

    Dawn’s eyes seemed to glisten as she looked into my eyes, which caused me to feel slightly awkward. I always did have a problem looking people straight in the eye in social situations like this. I blinked twice and then turned my attention back to my food that sat in front of me.

    “Mm, who knows. I just want to get strong enough to prove myself worthy of doing anything.”

    “Like Ash,” a voice said at barely a whisper.

    The heads of Ash, Dawn, and me turned in the direction of the voice and we all found ourselves looking at May. She was blushing heavily as our eyes all pierced through her, and she then began waving her hands wildly while dropping sweat as she began sputtering incoherent words out. Ash and Dawn just laughed at her silly appearance, but I saw something else through her nervous eyes. What was it?

    ------------------

    Another few minutes of Ash and Dawn interrogating me and eventually, I was able to make an escape by saying that I had to use a restroom. Their incessant questions were beginning to wear on me. As I walked towards the laboratory, I saw a familiar squinty eyed man and chuckled as he hung around an attractive, older woman. Or rather, he stalked around the woman, as she seemed to constantly walk away from him. Hopeless Brock.

    Suddenly, it hit me. The look in Brock’s eyes (though I can’t actually really see them) and the look in May’s; they were similar. Sure Brock only had infatuations with the women he follows around, but the look of attraction was evident in his and May’s eyes. Which lead me to the conclusion; May was into Ash. At the realization, I smiled devilishly, which was something I thought I wouldn’t catch myself be doing, even while dead. The gears began to turn in my head and after a minute of thinking, I got it. I ran over to Brock, and stopped him from his stalking by standing directly in front of him. He quickly recognized me and seemed to forget about the woman as I greeted him. He greeted me back, and we exchanged a few words on how were doing. Then, I explained my plan.

    ------------------

    It was a few minutes before 8 pm, which was the start of the Christmas Eve dance that was to be held for the teenagers. The dome was darker than it had been that afternoon since the dome was slightly translucent and the sky was pitch black. Only a few lamps on the round tables lighted the dome minimally. Brock and Dawn, who were dressed in formal clothes, the former in a tuxedo and the latter in an elegant blue dress, stood beside me as I went over details of the plan to them.

    “So when I’m done, you know what to do, right?”

    “Yup, don’t worry about us, Altaďr, worry about what you have to do,” Dawn simpered.

    “I’ve told almost everybody that was coming to the dance here about the plan, it should work flawlessly,” Brock added with smirk.

    “Excellent.”

    Then, the large clock that hung on the side of the Christmas tree struck eight, and a Pidgey jumped out and chirped ht times, audibly signaling the time.

    “Initiate Phase One.”

    Brock and Dawn nodded as we went our separate ways. A large area in front of the stage where the DJ had been playing music earlier was now cleared for a dance floor. Tables were pushed the side and the ground was flattened and cleaned so snow wouldn’t be a distraction in the dancing. I walked over to one of the round tables at the side of the dance floor and sat down. I leaned forward with my arms on my thighs and looked around at the people who were now filling the center.

    The DJ then walked onto the stage, yelled a few words to the crowd to pump them up, and started off with a energetic song. There was actually a good number of people, all dressed formally, that began dancing. A few more stood off to the side or sat at tables like I was. Too bad I stuck out like a sore thumb, as I was still dressed in my normal street clothes, since I hadn’t expected a formal dance and Ash had neglected to tell me so. At least my fleece jacket keeps me warm wherever I go.

    I then leaned back into my chair and relaxed my body. It would be a little while until I would have to do my part in the plan.

    Song after song played from the DJ and a live band while I observed the proceedings of the festivities. At several points of time, I noticed Ash, donning a blue tuxedo and having removed his hat, sitting at a table with Pikachu next to him on the other side of the dance floor. I also saw May, sans bandanna and wearing an exquisite red gown, sitting at another table a good distance away from Ash. Oh would they love what I had in store tonight.

    Finally, I heard my cue.

    “And now, we have a special performer here with us tonight. Please welcome Altaďr!”

    There was much cheering and applause, which gave me the sign that Dawn and Brock had done their jobs. I got up and walked towards the stage, but not before stealing glances at the surprised faces of Ash and May.

    I made my way up the stage and took up a microphone. I would have a few words to say first.

    “So, how y’all doing tonight?” I said with more enthusiasm than I usually would, since of course I was now the star of the show.

    Cheers and whistles blasted towards me. I stuck a finger in my ear in attempt to be rid of the ringing the audiences’ loud noise had caused me, and continued.

    “Well, are you ready for…”

    I did my devilish smile once again.

    “A show?”

    At that, all the small lamps on the tables were put out and two spotlights above the stage focused on their targets; Ash and May. I swear I saw their eyes grow twice their size.

    “Oh yes, come on you two, get onto the dance floor!” I was having a riot with what I was doing.

    The crowd began to chant “Ash, May, Ash, May!” in encouragement, and several people, including two boys that had been introduced to me as Gary and Tracey, and a girl called Misty, began to pull the couple up from their seats. Even Pikachu began to tug on Ash. I couldn’t hear them over the roar of the crowd, but I could see their lips moving in protest. However, they were no match for the combined force of the horde of supporters. Eventually, they were finally forced into the center, with the spotlights still focused on them, and the spectators surrounding them with no exit. My plan was working perfectly, and I had to restrain myself from laughing maniacally.

    “Ash, May, you can’t hide it. Even I can see it, but I don’t think you two can, so that’s why you’re here now. Maybe this song will open your eyes.”

    I turned back to the band and gave a nod.

    I picked up the guitar next to me, and the music began.

    The and drums started off the song with a moderate beat and soft sound. Following the short intro, I came in with the guitar rift and vocals.

    It won’t be long now
    The music’s on loud
    We’ll sing this song out
    And then we’ll lie down
    I hold you close then
    And let you know when
    This space in time bend
    And then we’ll fall in


    The couple merely stared at each other, motionless but deep in thought. I continued to the pre-chorus and began to strum on my guitar rhythmically. The volume began to pick up.

    Go put on your best tonight
    It's you and me and one spotlight
    One more show one last time
    We are readyyyyyy


    Some progress was being made. Ash had walked a step closer to May and seemed to be whispering a few words to her. The music then became loud, but still moderate in speed as I went into the chorus.

    Say you will be
    All around me
    When your body
    Sets your heart free
    Say you will be
    All around me


    The volume died down once again, and now Ash’s arms began to move around the brunette before him. She brought her arms up to his neck and clasped them together.

    I look for your eyes
    To keep me inside
    When everything dies
    But one last sunrise
    And when we stand there
    Together not scared
    I’ll dry your last tear
    And then we’re just air


    The volume increased once again as I transitioned into the next segment. Ash and May were now swaying to the tempo of the music. The crowd around stayed quiet as they watched the scene before them and listened to the music.

    Go put on your best tonight
    It’s you and me and not much time
    To watch the world burning bright
    We are readyyyyyy


    Now they were in full sway and stared intently into each others eyes. I shut my own eyes as I continued to sing at a range higher than my normal range.

    Say you will be
    All around me
    When your body
    Sets your heart free
    Say you will be
    All around me
    Say you’ll get me
    Through the ending
    Take my body
    Set my heart free
    Say you’ll get me
    Through the ending


    The volume died done as I began to play a guitar solo, but the couple was now in their own world, oblivious to all around them. I continued to play with my eyes shut.

    Go put on your best tonight
    It’s you and me and one spotlight
    One more show, one last timeeeeeeeeee


    The spotlights shut off…

    It won’t be long now

    … and then returned brighter than ever.

    Say you will be
    All around me
    When your body
    Sets your heart free
    Say you will be
    All around me
    Say you’ll get me
    Through the ending
    Take my body
    Set my heart free
    Say you’ll get me
    Through the ending
    Say you will beeeeee (You won’t be long)
    All around meeeeee (You won’t be long now)


    The instruments continued for several more measures until I hit the final note. The song ended, the crowd cheered, the couple stared at one another, and the spotlights shut off.

    I wiped the sweat off my brow and cleared my throat as it had just been put through a lot of strain. I noted to myself that I should probably change the key if I ever sang that song again. Being finished with my antics, I picked up the microphone and spoke into it once again.

    “I hope you two enjoyed that…”

    The couple still held each other close as they turned their heads toward me with smiles.

    “If not, I have one last surprise for you.” The devil’s smile returned.

    At that, every person that was part of the circle pulled out something from behind them. They were mistletoes, and now there were scores of them around the new couple. I chuckled at myself for my ingenuity, though lack of originality.

    Shocked expressions came across the faces of Ash and May, which I of course had expected, and prepared for. I snapped my fingers, and the lights went out. The crowd went deathly quiet as they awaited for the conclusion of this tale.

    Finally, one spotlight shined, and two figures closely intertwined could be seen in the lone source of light. The two figures held each other close and had their lips were pressed to one another. I was satisfied, my mission was complete. I made my way to the side of the stage and went to the light switch.

    Ash and May, in one spotlight, were still passionately taking the love out of one another.

    I decided they could use some privacy right about now.

    I flipped the switch.

    Gone was one spotlight.

    --------------------

    Afterthought

    Well, couple of thoughts after writing this.

    First, since this was told form Altaďr’s point of view, a lot of his personality (which is really reflected off me) is revealed firsthand by himself, and don’t be surprised if you hear some of the same things again (minor spoiler?). As I have stated in the past, Altaďr basically is just a hot anime version of me (wow that totally did not sound queer).

    Next, I am aware that it probably does not snow in Pallet Town, or rather the entire Kanto Region. It was kind of implied in the second movie, and I still have yet to see it snow anywhere other than when the characters are on a mountain.

    Oh yeah, the song of course. The song is You and Me and One Spotlight by Yellowcard, and like I always say to people that want to hear the song, YouTube is your friend. I know the song is a bit loud for a slow dancing song, but that’s alright. The tempo worked out.

    So that’s it! That’s my first holiday one-shot. Stay tuned for the New Years one!

  9. #109
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    A little bit late, but I couldn't get on here last night. Seriously Serebii, get a new host or something xP.

    Foreword

    This is a direct continuation of my one-shot of One Spotlight. So in a sense, it wasn’t really a one-shot…

    Ok anyway, here’s to the new year.

    -------------------

    Hiccups


    All was joyous at the Ketchum Residence. It was the last hour of the year and people and Pokémon alike could feel their hearts swelling with anticipation as it approached. The humble home was filled with those that had remained after the Christmas party at Professor Oak’s laboratory and were now conversing, laughing, drinking, and waiting for those final seconds until the ball would be shown on the TV being dropped in Celadon City.

    It was 11:32 pm, and Ash, May, Gary, and Misty were sitting at the kitchen table, all dressed in warm sweaters and sipping hot chocolates while talking about their experiences and adventures over the past year. Brock, Tracey, and Max had joined the adult occupants of the household while Dawn was chatting with a quiet Altaďr in the backyard. Gary was in the process of telling the other three a very interesting tale of his studies with Professor Oak.

    “So me and gramps have recently been studying the feeding habits of a couple of Snorlax that have been sent here recently,” Gary said proudly. “It’s been going really well, and-…”

    Gary then noticed that the other three weren’t paying a bit of attention to him, as Ash was taking an unusual amount of interest in his hot chocolate and May and Misty seemed to be engaged in their own private conversation.

    The young Pokémon researcher gave a snort of contempt. “Well, it’s not everyday you get to study the eating habits of some rare Snorlax…”

    “Gary, Snorlax eat everything...,” replied a very bored Ash.

    “Says the average trainer,” Gary mumbled under his breath.

    “Did you say something?” Ash flashed his eyes dangerously.

    “Nope, you must be hearing things, Ash,” said Gary sardonically. Ash simply glared at Gary.

    “Oh c’mon Ash, I thought you and Gary have already set aside your differences and become friends again,” Misty said in an attempt to quell the tense atmosphere.

    “Well, doesn’t mean he has to bore us to death,” Ash mumbled this time.

    May heard his sideward comment and giggled with her hand up to her mouth.

    Gary was about to shoot a comeback at Ash if it wasn’t for a certain professor that came trotting into the kitchen, with a shot glass in his right hand and a glass bottle in his left.

    “Why… helllooooooo children!” Professor Oak greeted jovially. “Areeee you having… uh… funnnn?”

    The four teenagers stared dumbly at the professor as if he were an alien.

    “Professor Oak! Leave the kids alone if you’re in that state!” Ash’s mother scolded as she stomped into the kitchen.

    “Holaaaaa Deliaaaaa!” The professor chuckled at his clever rhyme as he to sway at a dangerous angle.

    “Professor, I think you need to come back into the living room and take it easy,” Delia said exasperatedly.

    “But I wantttt to talk to the chillllldren…”

    Suddenly, Brock popped into the kitchen. “Hey Professor, we got pudding in the next room. Why don’t you come over here and have some.”

    “Oooo, Pudddddding!” The professor said like a toddler while skipping back into the living room.

    Brock and Delia both shook their heads. “I definitely shouldn’t have forgotten how Samuel gets when he and alcohol are put together at a party.” Delia exited the kitchen at that to make sure the professor got into no more trouble.

    Brock chuckled as he turned to the four bewildered teenagers. “So… let this be a warning to you young’ns,” he said jokingly. Then the breeder put on a serious face. “No drinking before you’re legal, and even when you are legal, don’t drink ‘till you’re drunk, or you’ll end up like the professor.” Brock made his exit at those words.

    Silence befell the four teenagers as they had just witnessed the honorable professor in a drunken stupor. After a minute of it, Gary was finally the first to speak up.

    “Wow… I never knew gramps had that in him…”

    The three other occupants nodded slowly.

    -------------------

    The time was 11:39. May and Misty now stood alone in a secluded corner of the house talking about what girls their age are generally known to talk about.

    “So, you and Ash now, eh May?” Misty said in a sort of teasing way. “That Altaďr sure knows how to make a set-up like that.”

    May immediately began to blush as she fidgeted with her fingers. “Well, he was right, I guess…” She then put on a more cheerful demeanor. “…And now, me and Ash are together, which is what I always wanted!”

    Misty giggled as May finished. “I’m happy for you May. Ash is a great guy and anyone would be lucky just to find someone else like him. The only problem is that he’s pretty dense about love,” the gym leader saddened as she thought about her past love for Ash, but pushed it out of her mind and returned to her normal mood.

    May sighed. “I know what you mean. Over the past few days, he’s been a little bit… awkward and distant, and I guess it’s because of this whole girlfriend-boyfriend thing. I guess he’s just not used to it.”

    “Hm, I think I know the way to fix that…” Misty gave a devilish grin much like Altaďr’s.

    “Huh? What do you mean?” May looked at the other female blankly.

    “Show him what he’s got,” said Misty, giving a wink.

    May blinked twice before finally understanding what Misty was getting at, and smiled in the same way as Misty.

    “And I think I know how to do that.”

    -------------------

    The time was 11:44. Most of the occupants of the Ketchum Residence were now in the living room, waiting for the last minutes of the year to come, with the exception of Brock, who was preparing more snacks and drinks and Altaďr, who had wandered off somewhere alone. Ash was lying prone on the floor in front of the TV, sharing his hot chocolate with Pikachu who was by his side. He planned to stay at that position if it wasn’t for a certain orange-haired female that approached him.

    Misty stood over Ash, casting a shadow across his body that soon entered his view. The trainer rolled onto his back to face the tall figure that stood above him.

    “Hi Misty,” said Ash, oblivious to what was about to happen.

    “Hey Ash, your girlfriend told me to find you and tell you she wants you up there,” replied the older trainer casually.

    “Huh, May’s in my room?” Ash looked as puzzled as usual.

    “Just go up there, Ash. I don’t know anymore about why she’s up there than you.”

    “Um, alright,” said the confused trainer. “I’ll be right back, Pikachu.”

    Pikachu gave a simple nod as he kept his eyes glued on the television.

    Ash got off his stomach and straightened out his sweater before making his way out of the living room to the stairs. As he ascended, the same question he had asked Misty floated around his mind until he reached the end of the stairs. Turning the corner, he continued down the hallway until he reached the door that led into his bedroom.

    “I really wonder what May’s doing in my room,” the oblivious trainer pondered aloud one more time. “Well, I guess I’m about to see.”

    Ash grabbed the doorknob and turned it, opening the door. He was surprised to find that his room was completely dark. This puzzled the trainer.

    “Uh, May, are you in here?” he called into the dark. Not hearing a response, he stepped into the room.

    “May, if this is some sort of prank, it’s not funny...” Ash tried to say bravely, but betrayed his nervousness in his tone.

    His first thought was to go for the light switch, but something on his desk that sat in the moonlight caught his eye. He walked slowly over to the desk through the darkness and saw that it was a bottle with a cloth on it.

    “What’s this?” he asked himself as he felt the desk for his lamp. Finally finding it, he flipped the switch and brought the bottle under it. What he saw made his eyes widen. It was a bottle of whiskey with May’s bandanna on top of it.

    “What the, how’d this get in here?” he asked himself.

    “Ohhh, heyyyy Ashhhhy-boy…” a familiar female voice slurred from behind him.

    The trainer gave a short yell of surprise as he spun around, lamp in hand shining at the source of the voice. When he finally shined the light on the person’s face, he breathed a sigh of relief.

    “Heh, it’s just you May, you kind of scared me there.” Ash chuckled skittishly.

    May just giggled, but not in the usual way she did. It seemed a little more… loosened than usual. A couple of hiccups could be heard amiss the giggles as well. She continued to giggle in the strange manner as she closed the door and walked towards where Ash’s bed was located.

    Ash was beginning to feel nervous once again. “Uh… what are you doing, May?”

    His question was answered when the striking of a match could be heard, and two candles on his nightstand were lit, minimally illuminating the bedroom. Ash could now get a full view of May, which caused his jaw to drop.

    Instead of being in her normal attire, May now donned only a pink bathrobe, which Ash recognized as his mother’s. Her hair was now also flowing freely behind her, as her bandanna was sitting on the bottle Ash held.

    “Do you *hic* likeeee it Ashhhhy-boy?” May asked in a drawled out voice while striking a modeling pose.

    Even being as dense as he is, Ash was able to put two and two together, and make the connection between the whiskey bottle and bandanna in his hands with May’s behavior.

    “May, you haven’t been… have you?” he asked with shock.

    “Mmmm, mayyybe? Just a teeeeny-tinnyyy *hic* bit,” his girlfriend resumed her drunken giggling.

    “C’mon May, we should… we should…” but Ash truly didn’t know what he was supposed to do in this situation.

    “I knowww what *hic* we should doooo,” May put on a silly grin that unnerved Ash even more than he already was. She began to approach him. “We shoulddd do *hic* what couplesssss usually do,” she finished. She was now a foot away from Ash and began to circle around him.

    “Wha-,” but Ash was cut off as May shoved him in the chest, causing him to fall back onto his bed.

    The trainer landed with a grunt, and regained his composure to see May climbing onto the bed on top of him. He tried to sputter out whatever he could, but pure astonishment and shock muted him.

    “I thinkkk *hic* that you’reeee gonna *hic* enjoyyyy thissss,” she whispered with her surly voice while pinning his arms and legs down with her own.

    Ash’s eyes widened to the size of golf balls as May’s face began to descend toward his. He felt his body become limp as he was now at May’s whim.

    May’s face was now an inch away from his own, and he finally began to understand what was taking place. He didn’t know whether to feel horrified or exited at what was to ensue next.

    The coordinator parted her lips slightly and closed her sapphire eyes as her nose was now touching the boy’s. She turned her head slightly to the side, before finally taking the initiative and plunging in. May felt her emotions melt away as she breathed into the boy’s mouth. Ash was unresponsive at first, mainly due to the shock, but then felt his love for the beautiful, yet drunken, girl that was kissing him, and parted his lips as well, allowing May in. The teenaged girl felt the movement and took the opportunity to advance with her tongue. The boy felt this action and moved his tongue forward as well, making contact with his partner’s. Together, they took turns teasing each one another’s mouths and provoking the other to do the same back. Time seemed to stop and all was forgotten as they shared the passionate moment, releasing their love to each other. The kiss was lustful and feverous as the recent couple explored this new territory of their relationship. They began to roll and sway slightly as moans began to escape their throats, and Ash soon found himself the one on top of May, pinning her down with his own limbs.

    Finally feeling the need for a breath and reprieve, he pulled his mouth away from hers, and stared intently into her eyes. May shyly looked up at the dark brown eyes, and fidgeted with the tying of her robe. Ash noticed this action, and looked back into his love’s sapphire eyes, wondering if what he was thinking really what she was hinting.

    And only God knows what would have happened if a certain tall teenaged boy hadn’t stepped into the room.

    “Am I… interrupting something?”

    Ash rolled off May and fell onto the floor with a loud resounding thud with speed that rivaled an Agility attack. May sat up quickly and pulled her robe tight as she looked at the doorway. Recovering from his fall, Ash turned to look as well.

    Standing there was Altaďr, staring with raised eyebrows at the girl on the bed and boy, who seconds ago was on top of her, on the ground. He shut his eyes and quickly shook his head as if to shake the image out of his head, before continuing.

    “Uh, er, um… yeah, Misty told me you guys were up here. Just came up here to tell Ash that there are some visitors at the door for him. I, uh, Ima leave now…” Altaďr quickly shuffled away at that.

    Several seconds of stillness passed, until May was the first to speak after the extremely awkward situation.

    “You… don’t think he’ll say anything, do you?”

    “I… definitely hope not. Who knows what my mom will do to me if she finds out…”

    “Or my parents… and my brother... or-”

    “Hey, wait a sec, why is your voice normal already? Can you get over being drunk that fast?” Ash looked up at his girlfriend that still sat on his bed.

    “Oh, um… about that…” Ash could tell even in the dim light that May was heavily blushing. He waited patiently for her to continue.

    “…I wasn’t actually drunk... because I didn’t actually drink anything…” May said quietly while looking away from Ash at the same time.

    “Huh? Then what was the whole… act for?” Ash now got up from his sitting position and knelt by the bed.

    “Well… ever since we became a couple… you always seemed a bit… scared to do anything… with me,” May continued on.

    Ash felt a wave of guilt as he realized that he indeed had been nervous about his new relationship over the past few days. Everything had happened so fast that Ash never had the time to sort out any of his own thoughts about the whole thing.

    “I’m… sorry, May. I guess I’m just not used to this stuff… It’s so new to me…”

    “Neither am I… I don’t know what got into me… I just wanted to get closer to you so badly… and then Misty-.”

    “Wait, Misty was in on this?” Ash remembered how Misty was the person that had fetched for him earlier that evening.

    “No, Of course not! This was my plan and my plan only. I… I don’t know… I don’t know…” tears had begun to form in May’s eyes as she thought over her actions. “You p-p-probably hate me for everything n-now, don’t you? I’ve probably j-just ruined our relationship…” she managed to sob out.

    “May...-” Ash began softly. “-I don’t hate you. We all make mistakes, like how I brought up how I was unsure how to handle our relationship. But whatever problems there are, we’ll work through them, no matter how much they tear us apart at first. I love you May, and I never want to lose you.” He then lifted himself onto the bed and sat beside May, placing a hand on her cheek. May turned her head towards the boy whom she loved, wondering when he learned how to say all those things and when he became such a sensitive guy.

    “I love you too, Ash,” she whispered softly back with a smile. Catching Ash by surprise, she then sprung towards him and latched onto the trainer with a hug. Ash calmed down and wrapped his arms around the girl he loved and held her close. Together, they shared another intimate moment, but not one full of lust and passion, but of one of pure love. The moment seemed to last an eternity, was it not for something the both of them remembered at the same time.

    “Hey, didn’t Altaďr say there was someone downstairs for you?” asked May, breaking the embrace.

    “Uh… oops. Hehe, I guess we’d better go check now… we’ve kept ‘em long enough.” Ash chuckled nervously.

    Ash hopped off the bed and began to make his way for the now-open door, which light now filtered through. May jumped off as well and began to follow until she noticed that she was still wearing the pink bathrobe. She began to undo the tying of the robe just as Ash turned around to see if she was coming, and immediately began to become frantic.

    “Um… May?... Uh, I don’t think you should…” The girl before him then let the bathrobe fall off her shoulders and onto the floor, revealing all that was underneath it.

    Ash was ready to turn away right then, but if he had, he wouldn’t have seen that May was just wearing her red woolen sweater and pants that were rolled up her shins. May then bent down to unroll her pants until she noticed that Ash was staring at her with wide eyes.

    “What? You didn’t really think I wasn’t wearing anything underneath, did you?” the coordinator then put on an angry face. “I was just playing drunk, Ash Ketchum! You don’t think I’m some sort of… of slut, do you?!” she then put on a face of horror. “If you really were going to do that to me, I would have made sure you would have never gotten off that bed, even if I was drunk!”

    The trainer attempted to open his mouth to retort, but found himself speechless at May’s insinuations. However, as he tried to speak again, May burst out with a stream of girlish giggles. Ash just stood where he was, dumbfounded.

    “I-I was just k-kidding Ash,” she managed to say amidst her giggles. “I don’t think you’re a pervert or anything. C’mon, let’s go downstairs.” May then skipped past her boyfriend and out of the room, leaving Ash alone to review what had just happened in his mind.

    “W-Wait up May!”

    ------------------

    The time was 11:58. Ash ran down the stairs and found his girlfriend in a conversation with Misty, most likely about what had just occurred upstairs, by the foot of the stairway. He shook his mind off the topic as he remembered once again that he had visitors that were specifically for him, so he walked over to the front door.

    When he opened the door, the three figures that stood before him caused his jaw to drop for the millionth time that evening.

    “Why, hello twerp,” greeted a tall red-haired woman with a devious smile. “How might you be doing on this fine evening?”

    “And greetings from me to you, too,” a tall blue-haired man added in. “Beautiful night for a new year, is it not?”

    “’N ‘tanks fo’ makin’ us wait ou’side foreva’!” interjected a short cat-like Pokémon.

    “Team Rocket! What are you doing here? Can’t you bother me another time? It’s New Years Eve,” Ash looked at the trio tiredly.

    “Oh, well we’re not here to steal your Pokémon, twerp, we’re just here to thank you,” said Jessie.

    “Huh?”

    “Yeah, we’s jus’ here to t’ank you fo’ ‘dis year of Pikachu snatchin’,” Meowth explained.

    “And not killing us or turning us into the authorities, either,” James said giddily.

    “Um… ok?” said a very confused Ash.

    “Well, that’s all we wanted to tell you, twerp.” Jessie then flashed her evil smirk. “But don’t worry; we’ll be back tomorrow to get Pikachu!”

    “And now, we bid you adieu,” rhymed James.

    The trio then bowed to the trainer, and turned around to head for their balloon that was parked in Ash’s front yard.

    “That was… strange,” commented Ash as May appeared by his side.

    “Was that Team Rocket?” she asked without much concern. Ash gave a simple nod.

    “Well, let’s go into the living room, Ash. Everyone should be counting down soon.”

    Ash complied, and the couple walked back into the house, hand in hand, to where all the other occupants of the household were finishing the countdown.

    “3… 2… 1… HAPPY NEW YEARS!”

    Fireworks were shot out from Ash’s backyard at that moment, due to the timer system that Brock had set up for the night. Unfortunately, they were aimed at an angle that spelled trouble for a certain trouble-inducing trio.

    “Heh? What’s ‘dat noise?” asked Meowth.

    “Sounds like… whistling,” deduced James.

    “Hey guys, I think we’re going to be blasting off tonight anyway…” said a melancholy Jessie as she pointed over the edge of the basket.

    James and Meowth didn’t even get a chance to look over the edge as the fired rockets had penetrated the balloons of the Rocket trio, causing the balloon to explode.

    “Ahhhh, why do we have to blast off even on New Years!” screamed the Jessie, who were now charred black from the explosion.

    “Eee! I didn’t even make my New Years Resolution yet!” yelled James, who was black from soot as well.

    “I jus’ wanted ‘dis year to end happy!” screeched Meowth.

    “WE’RE BLASTING OFF INTO THE NEW YEAR!” the trio yelled into the night as they turned into a speck in the distance.

    --------------------

    Afterthought

    Woot! I added Team Rocket in this one-shot. Thanks to PikamasterADV for showing me that Team Rocket are indeed important characters to the anime, and thus should be used in fics.

    I know their presence in this one-shot was pretty rough and brief, but I do plan to keep them brief when I write them for now, since I was never a huge fan of them, and I still have to practice writing them in order to make the flow effectively.

    Well, Happy New Years people.

  10. #110
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    The land of Hope and Glory
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Did you just put two different fics together?
    Neo Genisis, and Your holiday one- shots.

    I will 'just' leave a review for your last chap of Neo Genisis. and I will be completely honest with you here. Altair is like some sort of super trainer, which I personally get tired of seeing in fanfics. (Authours baising characters off themselves, and making themselves invincible)

    I haven't seen any flaws, in his battling style, the contest was diferent, with him off to a bad start, but the results speak for themselves.

    I don't want this to sound the wrong way, he IS a good character. I just like my characters to be not so invincible.
    Last edited by Xaotl; 1st January 2008 at 9:24 PM.
    My Advanceshipping Fanfic on Serbii HERE

    and now I vanish...

  11. #111
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Did you just put two different fics together?
    Neo Genisis, and Your holiday one- shots.
    In the foreword of my first holiday one-shot, I said that the one-shots would generally not be in the same timeline as my main fic, meaning that what happened in Neo Genesis didn't happen in my one-shots, but elements will be reused. Hopefully that was somewhat of a better explanation, since some people have been getting confused about it. I may make exceptions sometimes if I find a correct opening in the fic to fit in something from the holidays. Hiccups is a direct continuation from One Spotlight though. That'll be one of the few times I do that, since they were just so close together I just decided to meld them.

    under the presumption that it was a mistake, I will leave a review for your last chap of Neo Genisis. and I will be completely honest with you here. Altair is like some sort of super trainer, which I personally get tired of seeing in fanfics. (Authours baising characters off themselves, and making themselves invincible)

    I haven't seen any flaws, in his battling style, the contest was diferent, with him off to a bad start, but the results speak for themselves.

    I don't want this to sound the wrong way, he IS a good character. I just like my characters to be not so invincible.
    I was waiting until someone would say something like that, and let me just say that's a perfectly valid complaint. I meant Altair to only be based off me in personality and vague appearance, however, and his Pokemon training theory was something I came up with along the way. However, there are more things to the 'theory' that hasn't been revealed yet, and it should all come together at a certain point.

    Let's just say he's not exactly normal.

    If you find that recurring theme a bit too tiresome, well, I apologize for that but I can't really change what I've done now. Hopefully you fill find future chapters more enjoyable.
    Last edited by cichawk; 1st January 2008 at 9:37 PM.

  12. #112
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Battle Tower, Hoenn
    Posts
    671

    Default

    I'm not sure this will even post properly, the forums are taking about 10 minutes to load right now.

    A couple of hiccups could be heard amiss the giggles as well.
    He didn’t know whether to feel horrified or exited at what was to ensue next.

  13. #113
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Zeppelin Rules!
    Posts
    2,083

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cichawk
    Thanks to PikamasterADV for showing me that Team Rocket are indeed important characters to the anime, and thus should be used in fics.
    Team Rocket isn't the only thing you seem to have gotten from PikamasterADV in this. While I was reading, I thought about how alike to his work this was (but especially when Team Rocket showed up in a non-antagonistic role). And great though it may be, I honestly find your more normal writing more enjoyable. So, you shouldn't really feel pressured to include characters or elements if you don't really want to. Granted, this is just a one (two?) shot, so whatever. It's just a thought.

    Anywho, I noticed minimal errors, which I don't feel like relocating. Oh, wait, I just did.

    Why don’t you come over here and have some.”
    Should have a question mark.

    The professor chuckled at his clever rhyme as he to sway at a dangerous angle.
    Can be fixed however you like, I suppose.

    Anyways, like I was saying, you wrote it pretty well. May's behavior was a bit of a shock to me, though. Even though I find it funny when someone older, such as Professor Oak (and Brock, I guess) is drunk, teenage drinking is something I'm sort of apprehensive of (hell, I'm about the only person I know at my high school who doesn't drink). Luckily, it turned out to just be a ruse. Still was a strange situation, though. And like I said, Team Rocket showing up was very PikamasterADV-esque. Good overall, I must say.

    And I was thinking that you could just create a new thread for this story, or proceeding ones, but it's your choice, I guess (I know Gazmof and PikamasterADV did, even though they have running stories).

  14. #114
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    swampert55

    I'm not sure this will even post properly, the forums are taking about 10 minutes to load right now.
    It seems to have worked. And as usual, thank you for being one of my trusty editors. =)

    GrizzlyB

    Team Rocket isn't the only thing you seem to have gotten from PikamasterADV in this. While I was reading, I thought about how alike to his work this was (but especially when Team Rocket showed up in a non-antagonistic role). And great though it may be, I honestly find your more normal writing more enjoyable. So, you shouldn't really feel pressured to include characters or elements if you don't really want to. Granted, this is just a one (two?) shot, so whatever. It's just a thought.
    Uh oh, I hope I don't end up writing too much like him, at least in your eyes.

    I thought I would make Team Rocket non-antagonistic just for the simple fact that it was New Years. I mean, that's just bad blood, being evil on New Years.

    My writing's more normal? I sometimes think I overdo some things just to sophisticate it a bit. But I do have a policy where I say "simple structure, complex content." A bit of alliteration there for you, but what it means for me is that keep the sentence structures relatively simple to read, but boost up the vocab and such a bit more. After all, that's what English has been teaching me all these years.

    And to the last part. I guess I should just write however I like, but I realize since I'm writing my main fic to the canon at an extent (though that's going to change later on), I should do all I can to present a good amount the anime elements. Of course not all, but a satisfactory amount, and Team Rocket fits in that category in my book. I already have another small role for them to play in a future chapter of my main, and it shouldn't seem forced in any way. One (or multi) shots for me are more of a way to practice writing different things so I have some experience if I have to use it in a future chapter.

    One thing concerns me about my fic though, and that's with the plot. I know I've stated in the beginning that my intention is to present an intriguing plot with Advanceshipping at the side, but I can't help to sometimes worry that I'm going too much into Altair's things and not enough about the other characters. And like I stated in a previous post in a spoiler, the shipping will not fully present itself until the next part most likely, but I hope that's not repelling some of the readers away as I keep on delaying. It's not the issue of me not posting enough, I already have my whole philosophy on that, it's whether or not people have the patience to read chapter of chapter and seeing the apparent main focus be put off for even longer.

    Any thoughts on all that from anybody?

    Another thing is with Altair. Like Xaotl stated in his review, Altair seems to be a bit too 'invincible' at the moment. I just want to know what you other readers think about that, since I indeed have been making him a lot more prominent than the other characters.

    However, I do plan on finally showing a weakness of his in a not so distant chapter. I can't give an estimate, since I just have to keep writing up to the point I get there.

    *Ahem* Uh, anyway, I should get back to replying to GrizzlyB.

    Anyways, like I was saying, you wrote it pretty well. May's behavior was a bit of a shock to me, though. Even though I find it funny when someone older, such as Professor Oak (and Brock, I guess) is drunk, teenage drinking is something I'm sort of apprehensive of (hell, I'm about the only person I know at my high school who doesn't drink). Luckily, it turned out to just be a ruse. Still was a strange situation, though. And like I said, Team Rocket showing up was very PikamasterADV-esque. Good overall, I must say.
    I guess I should have notified in my foreword that there may have been a little out of character-ness in that one-shot.

    Don't think I like drinking or even the idea of drinking and getting drunk; I actually despise the smell of liquor. It's just that the opportunity came up in my main fic to have Brock drunk as it would contribute to what was happening in that scene. As for Hiccups, well it was New Years, and many people do drink gratuitously, and I just kinda wanted to theme that in. I did have it be a ruse since I really just can't imagine May or the other younger teens drinking at all.

    I put my all with adding Team Rocket. That ending was really the longest part for me to think up, since Team Rocket just has so many aspects to them such as their rhyming and alliteration. Turns out I didn't add all that much in the end anyway. I hope their presence didn't seem forced though. It was a bit spontaneous, however.

    And I was thinking that you could just create a new thread for this story, or proceeding ones, but it's your choice, I guess (I know Gazmof and PikamasterADV did, even though they have running stories).
    I guess I can do that. I'll probably put them together since they are intertwined.


    And now, a little public thanks.

    I thank all of the reviewers that have sticked with my fic from whatever point and kept up reviews after most of the chapters. The reviews actually help me greatly, 'cause they give me insight on what the reader may be thinking, and then I'll be able to improve or alter future chapters.

    Take Xaotl today, for example (heh, sorry I keep using you). I thank you, Xaotl, for giving me your honest opinion on your thoughts of Altair, and I have to say I agree with you as well. And now, your review of him has caused me to think of a good plot element to implement into a future chapter that should enhance the overall plot. Without your honesty, I may have just let Altair stay as he is until I begin to reveal the grand plot, which may be too late.

    I thank the reviewers that check much of my grammar, spelling, or whatever else. Mechanics is actually my weakest point in essay writing for my English class, and being constantly checked on it will do me a lot of good in the future.

    I thank the reviewers that give the overall general reviews of what happens in the chapter as well, since like I stated in the beginning, I gain valuable reader insight from it. And if some of you have been holding back on some of your thoughts, please don't hesitate to let them out, since I will never get mad or upset at an honest review and I'll be more than happy to take criticism.

    And finally, I thank all the silent readers, or the people who just read and not review. I personally never have really minded that I don't get as many reviewers as other people, since no matter how low my review count goes, I will always keep writing since I know now that some people truly have interest in it. This goes for FF.net people too, if any of you are here as well.

    Just please excuse me for my long update times. Quality always comes before quantity for me, and as you all may have heard from a prominent author on these forums, pushing quantity truly does have an effect on even the most experienced authors.

    And now, I bid adieu.

    **edit**
    Oh wait, I forgot to add my little spoiler!

    Want to know a bit of something about Altair?

        Spoiler:- Click Here:
    Last edited by cichawk; 2nd January 2008 at 6:42 AM.

  15. #115
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Zeppelin Rules!
    Posts
    2,083

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cichawk
    My writing's more normal?
    Ah, I didn't mean that your writing's normal, per se, I was referring to your more typical style. Sorry about that.

    And about putting in Team Rocket and such, I just thought you might have felt obligated to do so, despite not having done so previously, thereby being sort of forced. If that's not the case, I've no worries.

    I actually like the pace you're going at. Take as long as you want for all I care (so long as that doesn't apply to updates...). Truth is, I don't like one shots too much because they have to be rushed into some sort of romance. Like the old adage goes, "It's not the destination, it's the trip" (or something along those lines).

    And I think Altair's fine for now. I mean, in the anime, Cynthia's Garchomp beat four of Paul's pokemon without any trouble. Apparently such trainers exist. But, unless I'm mistaken, you've been planning on changing that for awhile, no?

  16. #116
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    The Pltomaios
    Posts
    93

    Default

    Well... that was unexpected of May, (pretending to be drunk)

    Good OneShot!

  17. #117
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Ah, I didn't mean that your writing's normal, per se, I was referring to your more typical style. Sorry about that.
    Well it wasn't like I took offense or anything. It's fine if my writing is normal or typical, I just sometimes think I make some parts too complex or wordy. I've never given the rest of the more casual stuff a second thought. Glad it suites your taste though.

    And about putting in Team Rocket and such, I just thought you might have felt obligated to do so, despite not having done so previously, thereby being sort of forced. If that's not the case, I've no worries.
    I actually like the pace you're going at. Take as long as you want for all I care (so long as that doesn't apply to updates...). Truth is, I don't like one shots too much because they have to be rushed into some sort of romance. Like the old adage goes, "It's not the destination, it's the trip" (or something along those lines).
    Heh... about my update times...

    Yeah I understand your feeling about one-shots. I guess they aren't really mean to be the more glamorous pieces of work, but just a little fun read, and maybe sort of an advertisement for a person's writing. But you're right, it's all about how it happens and not what happens.

    And I think Altair's fine for now. I mean, in the anime, Cynthia's Garchomp beat four of Paul's pokemon without any trouble. Apparently such trainers exist. But, unless I'm mistaken, you've been planning on changing that for awhile, no?
    The recent opinion I got for Altair has given me a very interesting idea to add to my fic, and I'm glad to receive that opinion even if it may seem a bit negative at first glance.

    I did feel a bit obligated to add them, but I think of it in sort of a healthy way. Finding new ways to improve your writing is never a bad thing. I generally don't feel very forced to change something or add an element, since I generally agree with the person that suggests so.

    Well... that was unexpected of May, (pretending to be drunk)

    Good OneShot!
    Thank you, glad you liked it. =)

    I just like toying around with character personalities in my one-shot, so getting May to do something like that was a fun trip.

  18. #118
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Foreword

    Time for Dawn’s appeal. Hopefully I haven’t lost any of my touch after not writing for a relatively long time.

    --------------------

    Chapter 15 – Enigma

    “What do you mean I can’t enter?!”

    “That’s the rules, kid. It’s just a security measure due to the number of contestants present. You can see your friend when the contest ends for the day, or if she decides to exit the staging room.”

    However, the disgruntled trainer that stood before the security guard was not ready to give up. He would do whatever he could in order to enter those large doors behind the guard, as long as it was legal. Finally, the teenaged boy thought of a brilliant plan.

    “Hey, what’s that over there?” Ash said with feigned look of shock while pointing down the hallway to the left of the guard. Pikachu followed in suite by pointing as well, but in the opposite direction. The guard just gave the boy and Pokémon a look of “Do I look that stupid to you?” and pointed down the hallway they had come from, signaling for them to leave.

    “Well, that… wasn’t such a great plan on my part.” Ash hung his head in defeat.

    “Pikapi…” Pikachu patted the back of his trainer’s head for reassurance.

    “Guess we’ll just have to wait until later,” said Ash as he walked away with disappointment.

    --------------------

    The large double steel doors parted and allowed Altaďr to enter the staging area. Like after May’s appeal, every coordinator turned to look at the boy, but instead of applause welcoming the boy as he entered, and eerie silence was all that he got. It was difficult to tell whether the other coordinators were just amazed by his appeal, or if they were somewhat frightened of what they had just witnessed. It wasn’t every day they saw seemingly ordinary Pokémon changing the weather and absorbing the light out of the air.

    Altaďr ignored the awkward stares, however, and simply walked back to the couch he had been napping on earlier to continue what he had been doing. He could hear whispers of other coordinators gossiping about him but he didn’t care. He hadn’t had much sleep the past few days, and now was as good as time as any to get it.

    Dawn and May sat on their stools at the juice bar and watched the whole scene from afar. Dawn, who had viewed a glimpse of Altaďr’s ability before, was not as overwhelmed as the others were, unlike May. The older coordinator was caught completely off guard by the boy’s strange abilities, and could not stop gaping at him from across the room. Dawn noticed these glances but said nothing of them. They only attributed to her growing opinion of the strange actions of the girl.

    “Dawn, on deck,” the PA then announced, disrupting the silence of the staging room. The other coordinators snapped out of their trances and then resumed their own activities, trying to forget about the new coordinator.

    Dawn turned her head to face May again and noticed a look of what seemed to be fright on her face. Knowing full well what her new acquaintance was thinking, she placed her hand on May’s shoulder as a kind gesture. The anxious look left May’s face as she felt Dawn’s hand and turned to face Dawn. Dawn only had a few, but meaningful words to say.

    “Just do your best and believe in yourself. That’s what somebody always tells me”

    May’s mouth opened as if she was going to say something, but she instead closed it and gave Dawn a simple nod.

    “Calling Dawn on stage.”

    May felt Dawn’s hand leave her shoulder as Dawn rose from her seat and walked towards the doors that would lead her to the stage. May looked at Dawn, then at Altaďr who had resumed his nap, then turned her stool around to face the bartender and ordered a drink.

    --------------------

    “Now, please welcome Dawn, from Twinleaf Town!” The crowd exploded once again with cheers and applause. It seemed like the audience of the contest had a limitless reserve of energy as they always showed as much enthusiasm for every coordinator that came on stage. “Dawn here is an experienced coordinator, as many of you may recognize her from several official contests that have been held recently in the Sinnoh Region. Let’s see what she has in store for us today!”

    Dawn shut her eyes as she held two Pokéballs in both of her hands, preparing herself for the important appeal that was to take place. She then flung the two Pokéballs high into the air with grace and they opened with dazzling effects. The first opened with a splashing wave effect that revealed Dawn’s Piplup, who spun elegantly in the air and then stuck the landing. The second exploded with flashes of lightning as a squirrel-like Pokémon emerged from the light and gave several cute poses.

    “Piplup!” said the blue penguin Pokémon proudly.

    “Pachi!” the little EleSquirrel Pokémon said excitedly.

    “Alright, let’s do this Piplup, Pachirisu!"

    Dawn’s two Pokémon nodded in affirmation and proceeded to take positions at opposite ends of the stage, shouting out their names to confirm that they were ready to their trainer.

    “Alright, Piplup, Bubblebeam! Pachirisu, Sweet Kiss!” ordered Dawn.

    The two small Pokémon leapt high into the air and pirouetted once before performing their attacks in the direction of each other.

    “Pip-pip-pip-pip-pip!” chanted Piplup as he released a stream of bubbles from his beak.

    “Pachi pachi pachi!” squeaked Pachirisu while kissing her hands and letting hearts fly towards the bubbles.

    The two attacks hurtled into the center of the field and made contact with one another. The hearts from Pachirisu’s Sweet Kiss attack entered into the bubbles of Piplup’s Bubblebeam, which halted the momentum of both attacks and allowed the hearts to float up into the air inside the bubbles. The two Pokémon both fired another volley of attacks and the same situation occurred once again. The two waves of heart-bubbles continued to fly higher into the air until they stopped at the top of the stadium.

    “Now!” commanded Dawn. “Piplup, use Whirlpool!”

    The Penguin Pokémon summoned all his energy and launched himself as high as he could into the air. Piplup then extended his body straight and pointed his beak into the air as his body began to glow white. After several seconds of charging energy, Piplup opened his beak and an enormous whirlpool was fired out of it.

    Dawn knew she had to act fast before Piplup reached the peak of his jump and fell back towards the stage.

    “Pachirisu, your turn! Jump into the whirlpool!” she shouted.

    The EleSquirrel Pokémon stopped her dancing on the stage before launching herself into the air as Piplup had but with more force so she could enter the whirlpool from the bottom. The current of the whirlpool sucked Pachirisu in and she squealed in joy as the whirlpool spun her around.

    “Alright Piplup, let go of the whirlpool!” Dawn yelled with her hands cupped at her mouth.

    “Pip!” the water type managed to say through a beak full of water. Piplup shut his beak, which detached the whirlpool from himself and he fell towards the ground while the whirlpool containing Pachirisu continued to rise higher.

    “Now Pachirisu, Discharge!”

    “Paaaaaaaa…” Pachirisu yelled through the whirlpool. Dawn crossed her fingers as she hoped her appeal would work as planned.

    “CHIIIIIIII!” screamed the little electric type as she released electricity in every direction. The current of the whirlpool redirected the sporadic electricity upwards and spun it in the same direction. Pachirisu exited the whirlpool through the vertex at which the whirlpool spun at, and the rest of the plan was up to nature.

    The fusion of spinning water and electricity rose higher and began to flatten out of its funnel shape as it neared the bubble-hearts. Eventually, the whirlpool was no longer a funnel shape but instead a large disc shape of spinning water and electricity. The newly formed disc continued to ascend until it was right below the bubble-hearts. Dawn was now praying that nothing would go wrong with her eyes squeezed shut.

    Suddenly, the spinning disc of water and electricity lost its rotation and instantly dispersed, causing the elements to fly in every direction. The audience looked with awe as the water and electricity that was projected upwards collided with the heart-bubbles, causing the bubbles to pop. The hearts remained intact as they dropped towards the earth while the bubbles added to the rain of the dispersed whirlpool. The remaining electricity diffused into the air while the rain fell onto the stadium, causing a light shower over the spectators while refreshing them from the warm weather at the same time. Dawn breathed a giant sigh of relief.

    The bell then rang, signaling the end of the allotted three minutes.

    “What a spectacular and refreshing appeal! Who knew a combination of water and electricity could combine so well together! I definitely see this young talented coordinator making it to the next round!”

    Dawn smiled brightly as the MC said those words, and began curtseying in every direction. When she had finished, she felt her two Pokémon jump into her arms and laughed as she cuddled with them.

    Ash, Brock, Pikachu, and Happiny cheered until their throats went hoarse from their seats high in the stadium.

    May smiled at the big screen that displayed the joyous coordinator who she had just recently met.

    Altaďr watched another screen through his left eye, as he had been sneaking glances at the appeal while pretending to be asleep. He simply nodded slowly.

    --------------------

    “Good job, Dawn!” chirped a cheerful voice from behind Dawn.

    Dawn, who had just re-entered the staging room, spun around and saw that May smiled at her with a bright expression.

    “Thanks…” Dawn said rather distractedly. Now that the adrenaline of being on stage was gone, the younger coordinator felt somewhat melancholy, but didn’t know the reason why. May’s expression changed to a puzzled one, which indicated she noticed Dawn’s changed behavior, but she made no attempt to question it.

    Dawn then found herself subconsciously scanning the room for a certain individual, but could not manage to find him within the premises. She shrugged once and then put on her cheerful persona as she faced May again.

    “Wow, that appeal sure worked up an appetite in me. Want to go get something to eat?” Dawn asked.

    May, who was glad to see Dawn return to her normal mood, nodded and gave her an “Of course!”

    --------------------

    Altaďr opened the door to the men’s public dressing rooms and began to scan the area. The trainer had exited the staging room right after Dawn re-entered the room so nobody besides the door guard would notice him. After determining that he was the only person in the room, Altaďr made his way for the dressing stalls at the far end of the room. He silently turned the knob, entered the stall, and shut the door behind him. Knowing that he didn’t have much time, he began to work fast.

    The teenaged boy slipped his backpack off his body and unzipped it. He then pulled out an electronic device that looked like a highly advanced personal digital assistant. Altaďr ceased his activities as he listened for any sign of life in the dressing room for several seconds before continuing with his business.

    The PDA was booted up and a screen displaying the letters “PDI” that rotated in front of an insignia in the background. Then a menu appeared and Altaďr began to use his finger to navigate the touch screen. Eventually he ended up in a mailbox, which held a single message with a topic displaying “Shipment Received.” Altaďr touched the message topic with his index finger and read the message embedded within it.

    Shipment received; pick up at Mason’s Pawnshop at 5th Street and Marbury Street in the Downtown Sector.


    The teenaged boy nodded at the message and exited the mailbox. He then operated the PDA and opened a menu named “Intelligence.” After accessing several more menus, he ended up in a folder called “Maps.” Altaďr touched the screen to access the files and made a selection of the map for “Beacon Tower.” The PDA then began to beep and suddenly a 3D hologram of a building was projected out from the screen. Altaďr held the PDA parallel to the ground and studied the hologram for a minute before finally shutting off the PDA. He exited the dressing room and made his way out of the stadium to pick up his delivery.

    --------------------

    Afterthought

    Enigmatic? A bit. That pretty much explains the chapter title.
    Last edited by cichawk; 2nd February 2008 at 5:33 AM.

  19. #119
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Nowhere near You
    Posts
    238

    Default

    Enigmatic? A bit. That pretty much explains the chapter title.
    Yes, certainly enigmatic. Well chosen title.


    Shipment received; pick up at Mason’s Pawnshop at 5th Street and Marbury Street in the Downtown Sector.
    Hmm...Altier isn't a conventional guy.
    Yeah, we came to know that some time back (about how he did the appeals), but no, he isn't conventional. This proves it - he's probably (to my guess) a part of a Pokemon Order like the Rangers or something.
    Mystic. We'll see.


    “Hey, what’s that over there?” Ash said with feigned look of shock while pointing down the hallway to the left of the guard. Pikachu followed in suite by pointing as well, but in the opposite direction. The guard just gave the boy and Pokémon a look of “Do I look that stupid to you?” and pointed down the hallway they had come from, signaling for them to leave.

    “Well, that… wasn’t such a great plan on my part.” Ash hung his head in defeat.
    Now that was fun.
    That same stupid plan won't work every time - and Ash won't get to see May (yet). Ash seldom realizes that his plans are stupid.

    Anyway, I guess there's not much to say in this chapter: it was mainly a well-executed appeal by Dawn, although we have a slight mystery ending. Hmmm...
    The only thing that's remotely revealing is the Carbon compound (possibly an Amino Acid) on your banner.

    Talk about Life...

  20. #120
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Battle Tower, Hoenn
    Posts
    671

    Default

    May looked Dawn, then at Altaďr
    Looked at, perhaps.

    The second exploded with flashes of lightning as a squirrel-like emerged from the light and gave several cute poses.
    Uh, squirrel-like Pokemon?

    “Alright, let’s do this Piplup, Pachirisu!
    You missed a quotation at the end.

    nodded and gave her an “Or course!”
    Enigmatic? A bit. That pretty much explains the chapter title.
    :D
    Last edited by swampert55; 27th January 2008 at 1:04 AM.

  21. #121
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Location: Location: Location:
    Posts
    297

    Default

    EDIT: Top of page seven! Wahoo!

    Sorry I'm late.

    First off, good job with the opening scene. It's good to make fun of your characters so they don't become Mary Sues.

    “Just do your best and believe in yourself. That’s what somebody always tells me”
    And then Dawn dropped off of the edge of the Earth, which turned out to be flat after all, and her sentence remained incomplete for all eternity. (Or I could just say you missed a period, but that's boring.)

    Who knew a combination of water and electricity could combine so well together!
    Sounds a bit redundant, but maybe it's just me.

    Omigosh, you own at writing contest appeals. This one was absolutely amazing. Great description, amazing ideas, and yet a touch of humanity, with Dawn hoping that her appeal actually works.

    The teenaged boy slipped his backpack off his body and unzipped it. He then pulled out an electronic device that looked like a highly advanced personal digital assistant. Altaďr ceased his activities as he listened for any sign of life in the dressing room for several seconds before continuing with his business.
    *Cough-Riley-from-National-Treasure-cough*

    Sooo... I got it!

    PDI, from Altair's PDA, stands for

    Pokemon
    Donators of
    Intestines

    And Altair's gonna be picking up a Mareep heart to disect for his science class. Duh.
    Okay, so maybe not, but I have got several VERY believeble guesses...

    Proud Destroyers of Idiots?
    People Donning Invisibility?
    Personal Doctors Incorperated?
    Percy Driving Infernos?
    Patrick Dissing Infernapes?

    Fine. So maybe I have no idea.
    Again, Ash fails to see May. I was about to get upset if he did.

    I like your reactions between Dawn and May - really believeable.

    Not much to comment on emotion-wise, plot wise, or character wise, but it definately was flashy, and well described.

    Fluency did seem a bit off here and there, but it might just be me.

    I'm waiting for the next one!

    PS, PLEASE tell me - I did reply to your second one-shot on Fanfiction, right?


    ~LZ~
    Last edited by Lord Zant; 29th January 2008 at 5:07 PM.

  22. #122
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    The Pltomaios
    Posts
    93

    Default

    Um, I don't understand... why was May nervous when it was Dawn's appeal?
    Oh no, I'm out of time... when I return I will make my own guesses at what PDI stands for!

  23. #123
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Earthborn

    Hmm...Altier isn't a conventional guy.
    Yeah, we came to know that some time back (about how he did the appeals), but no, he isn't conventional. This proves it - he's probably (to my guess) a part of a Pokemon Order like the Rangers or something.
    Mystic. We'll see.
    We're getting nearer to point where the plot is going to thicken. Soon, Altair will be revealed.

    Now that was fun.
    That same stupid plan won't work every time - and Ash won't get to see May (yet). Ash seldom realizes that his plans are stupid.
    Just seemed like a good spot to pull a dumb one like that. I really didn't put a whole lot of thought in this chapter since it was mostly centralized on Dawn's appeal. Random events such as that just come along as I write.

    This fic isn't going to be a short one. =)

    Anyway, I guess there's not much to say in this chapter: it was mainly a well-executed appeal by Dawn, although we have a slight mystery ending. Hmmm...
    The only thing that's remotely revealing is the Carbon compound (possibly an Amino Acid) on your banner.

    Talk about Life...
    All my appeals seem to have a theme of chucking things into the sky and making them blow up or something like that. I dunno if you or anybody else really notice though. Well, appeals are over so that won't be an issue anymore. =P

    Hm...

    swampert55

    Well, I just thank you for continuing to be one of my chief editors. =D

    Lord Zant

    Omigosh, you own at writing contest appeals. This one was absolutely amazing. Great description, amazing ideas, and yet a touch of humanity, with Dawn hoping that her appeal actually works.
    Hm, but again, all my appeals has something to do with like colliding attacks going into the sky and them doing something funky with it. I guess it's variable enough though. I just hope that you and everybody else who reads can actually understand the picture I'm trying to paint with my descriptions. Well, I guess that's half the fun of reading.

    Even Dawn, who's the more confident one, has to show some fear eh?

    *Cough-Riley-from-National-Treasure-cough*
    But does Riley go around fighting thugs and all that good stuff? ;-)

    Sooo... I got it!

    PDI, from Altair's PDA, stands for

    Pokemon
    Donators of
    Intestines

    And Altair's gonna be picking up a Mareep heart to disect for his science class. Duh.
    Okay, so maybe not, but I have got several VERY believeble guesses...

    Proud Destroyers of Idiots?
    People Donning Invisibility?
    Personal Doctors Incorperated?
    Percy Driving Infernos?
    Patrick Dissing Infernapes?

    Fine. So maybe I have no idea.
    Heh, all my acronyms start with PD. And in all honesty, the actual words of the acronym aren't all that flashy, but you all probably still can't guess it since nothing in the plot's really going to suggest the true identity of it. But I'll give you what the first word is.

        Spoiler:- First Word:


    Again, Ash fails to see May. I was about to get upset if he did.

    I like your reactions between Dawn and May - really believeable.

    Not much to comment on emotion-wise, plot wise, or character wise, but it definately was flashy, and well described.

    Fluency did seem a bit off here and there, but it might just be me.

    I'm waiting for the next one!
    Heh, glad to see you're patient with my delivery of the meeting betwen Ash and Dawn.

    To be honest, I'm not really giving all that much thought between the relationship between Dawn and May. Everything I've done is probably extremely generic between two friendly female characters of any fic. Example in my own fic; May freaks out, Dawn helps. Dawn freaks out, May helps (though I forget if that actually happened yet). But whatever, seems to be satisfactory.

    I will agree that sometimes the way I write does become a bit too complex and incoherent, something to work on.

    PS, PLEASE tell me - I did reply to your second one-shot on Fanfiction, right?
    I've answered this in a reply to your fic, so you'll find it there.

    Ariel_Anderson

    Um, I don't understand... why was May nervous when it was Dawn's appeal?
    May was nervous because she was amazed by Altair's appeal, and like most other people, she was slightly afraid of his power. That doesn't mean oh-so-amazing-Altair is invincible. You'll see when the plot thickens. =)

    Oh no, I'm out of time... when I return I will make my own guesses at what PDI stands for!
    Hopefully they'll be better than Lord Zant's (haha, nothing wrong your suggestions though).

  24. #124
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Location: Location: Location:
    Posts
    297

    Default

    But I'll give you what the first word is.
    The second word is detectives. Almost positive. As for I... if D is not detective, I is Investigators.

    But does Riley go around fighting thugs and all that good stuff? ;-)
    Nope... He's not that manly. (But he rocks anyway.)

    Heh, glad to see you're patient with my delivery of the meeting betwen Ash and Dawn.
    He's seen her already, silly. I think you meant MAY. This is why you don't write late into the night.

    *Whistles*

    But whatever, seems to be satisfactory.
    Good enough for me!

    I've answered this in a reply to your fic, so you'll find it there.
    I'll add that one to my list of replies to make...

    Hopefully they'll be better than Lord Zant's (haha, nothing wrong your suggestions though).
    A GLOVE FRY
    VALEY FROG
    FARGO LEVY


    Mine weren't ^THAT^ bad, at least.

    Besides, I have WAY too much fun with acronyms.


    ~LZ~

  25. #125
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Battle Tower, Hoenn
    Posts
    671

    Default

    In the Gamecube games, PDA stands for Pokemon Digital Assistant. If the first two words are retained, I could stand for Informant/Informer?

    The only thing that's remotely revealing is the Carbon compound (possibly an Amino Acid) on your banner.
    Does the I stand for isotope?

Page 5 of 8 FirstFirst 12345678 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •