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Thread: Memories. ~ A ContestShipping tale. <3 [PG-13]

  1. #1
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    Jul 2007
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    Default Memories. ~ A ContestShipping tale. <3 [PG-13]

    Mmmm I just can't resist! <3 I love ContestShipping to death, and despite being new, I decided to post my fan fiction. :3

    Because of my busy schedule I might put up a chapter a week. . .if I can. XD

    But please enjoy my tale of romance, tragedy, friendship and the hardships and happiness one experiences in the stage play called "Love".

    "Because when you love someone, sometimes you have to think of them before yourself."

    Memories
    ___________________

    Prologue
    : "Our summer's memories~"

    -

    In the middle of the night, I slipped out with you as we're illuminated by the moonlight.

    "I won't wake up from this dream...!" you said, as you held onto my hand.

    We know that the promises we exchanged can't be completely erased away. And so you softly smiled.



    It's been almost ten years since that day.

    I wonder where he is?

    Quietly sipping my tea, I contendedly watched my children play with their Pokemon.

    My youngest daughter, Dania clumsily chased my Skitty, a Pokemon I've had since the beginning of that journey.

    Yes. That journey where I met him.

    My thoughts slowly drifted towards that ever so familiar dream world. Back to my childhood.

    When I was still that determined young woman. With a selfish goal: to be the best.

    My friends and family supported me, and because of them I was able to stand up through all the harsh challenges.

    More importantly, he supported me.

    I tried to hold back the tears as I gently laughed at the memories.

    How we first met. The way he quietly looked after me, the determination he taught me. The smiles, tears, pain and dreams we both shared with each other.

    Rivals and friends at the same time.

    How he awkwardly confessed to me six years ago. And the joyful tears he showed me on our wedding day four years ago.

    That day I ran to him when I thought everything was over.

    I still remember. . .


    He embraced my entire body and put his hands on my cheeks. . .as much as I wanted to hold him. . .I couldn't.

    But he wouldn't let go of me.

    "Don't cry anymore. Because until the night becomes dawn, I'll always be right here with you.

    Always. . .Even if the world falls to ruins.

    Always. . ."



    My thoughts were broken off by the sound of Dania crying.

    Her older sister, Maya came running back from across the yard, rock in hand, with her brows curled up in anger.

    "Murkrows came and pecked Dania! Skitty tried to scare them off but they didn't stop. So I had to do something about it!"

    I gave Maya a quick "great job" smile before quickly bringing my attention back to my crying baby.

    Skitty hurriedly ran through my legs before she curled up into a ball and whimpered. She was obviously apologizing for what happened.

    I gave Skitty a "great job" smile as well.

    Picking my daughter up, I gently brought her back to the safety of our home, placing her in her soft Altaria themed bed.

    I allowed her a quick change of clothes before I sat next to her. I started to brush her untidy hair, while I sang her favorite song.


    She inherited her father's beautiful green hair.

    Of all the tasks I had to do, brushing my dear Dania's hair brought me the most joy.

    "Mommy...when's daddy coming back?"

    I stared at the wall for an instant before replying.

    "Very soon honey."

    ~

    I received a call that night from an old friend of mine. We used to travel together, and some might say we were the closest of friends.

    We got along very well for we both had very similar goals.

    Him to be a Pokemon master, and me to be the best Coordinator.

    He recently earned a spot at the Kanto elite four, a prestigious honor after finally reaching his dreams a few years ago. He will forever be a legend to all future trainers.

    "PIKA!!"

    I giggled as I heard that familiar voice. They were always together, him and his Pikachu. Even now they're inseparable.

    After catching up with him, his voice suddenly grew more serious. He asked me about him. I tried to force a smile while I said I was okay.

    "By the way. . .the reason I called is. . ."

    I almost dropped the phone at what he said.

    ~

    The next day, I left Dania and Maya at my parent's home in Petalburg city. The tears my daughters showed me tore my heart apart. . .however. . .

    This was something I must do.


    You're still alive inside of my heart.

    I won't let go.

    I won't lose you again.

    I'll keep walking to you. . .always. . .

    Even if the world falls to ruins

    I'll surely find you again.

    I'll find you my love.

    Wait for me Drew.
    M e m o r i e s <3

    The snack wasn't always this sour.

  2. #2

    Default

    I'm always a big fan of flashback text {The stuff that's bolded and italiczied.}, and your choice of wording is quite impressive.

    We know that the promises we exchanged can't be completely erased away.
    There could be some description into the characters and the pokemon, what do they look like, oh scenary/setting too.

    Overall decent prologue, definatly something with curiousity into it, with what's up with Drew. Decent writing in the bolded/italiczied text again. And good luck with the next few chapters.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    Hot pants. :o
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    Default

    Thank you for the review. ^_^

    Definitely expect more imagery in the next few chapters. Haha I tried to make this prologue seem fast paced, the feeling one gets when they're missing people they care about, you know? How your entire attention's limited only to that person. XD

    . . .Well I tried. XD

    Thank you. <3
    M e m o r i e s <3

    The snack wasn't always this sour.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    In the Sky with Diamonds
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    Iwas wondering why the chapter was so short, and then I realized it was a prologue *smacks forehead*.
    Anyway, I think it was excellent, and I really like your writing style.

    As for constructive criticism, I don't have much, other than try to make descriptions very vivid. It takes a small bit of effort, but it can make a huge difference in the final result. Even though it might not seem like much when you're writing, using high-vocabulary words (even if you only use them sparingly) can really make a story oustanding. So, basically, it's the small details that can make a huge difference ^_^().

    Anyway, if you have a PM list, I'd love to be on it =^).
    Last edited by Liberty4Pokemon; 26th July 2007 at 1:44 AM.
    {New icon currently under construction C:}
    You can call me Liberty4Pokemon, Liberty, or Libby (my given name), whatever floats your boat! =)

    Proud Namer of/Supporter of OutofSpiteShipping | Ditto on ShootsDownShipping :-*
    ^Glitter/Twinleafshipping, yuri-licious oneshot | ^ShootsDown/Penguni/AppealShipping serial <33
    Claims: Shinji/Kengo; Nozomi/Kengo; Kasumi/Hikari; Sakaki/Kaorin {AzuDai} (couples)||Gwen Stefani (celebrity)
    Nozomi is my bishie =3

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Don't worry about it.
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    It lacked length, but you deffinitly got me into the story with what you wrote. Even though the backround and what was going on was a bit hazy (could use more detail) I still liked it a lot. I really like how you wrote this as a flashback too, they are my favorite kind of stories.

    "By the way. . .the reason I called is. . ."
    oh dear, you got me scared.

    If you have a PM list please add me, thank-you! =]
    [IMG]http://i26.*******.com/246057s.jpg[/IMG]
    kyo sohma is my bishie (:

    &*heres__ to the note |she| wrote
    well RAISE a finger
    obscene g e s t u r e s , so she said
    but i only said sweet things to get you in b e d;

    touch me, tease me - a day away
    drew club + couples claimed ___.

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