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Thread: Never in the Wrong Time or Wrong Place (14A)

  1. #101
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    I think the phrase "that was gelled up" made the one sentence a bit awkward, but I have no other real complaints.

    I would also like to say that Jeff just cares too much about things and has little emotional strength. Such events as happened to him would possibly frustrate me, but not make me consider quitting. He really needs something or someone to renew and guide him at the moment, given his state of mind.

    Link to my fanfic.
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    Another great fanfic is The Saga of Team Supernova by FPE

  2. #102
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    Happy Birthday DarkPersian479 *Gives a Koffing-shaped cake with a quadratic equation in the icing*
    Thanks! Even though I was a day late in reviewing (maybe two, as I'm facing forum lag as I type this.)

    Anyway, onto the review that I've been late for, once again!
    attached to the boulder were more boulders.
    “WHAT? WHAT, HITMONLEE?!” Jeff yelled in frustration
    So Jeff's back home, ready to give up and sinking further and further into his own depression. Allow me to play the role of Corphish and say, "Chin up and take it like a man, man!" I'm thinking he's officially rock bottom; not much worse than simply throwing in the towel. And since I KNOW you're not ending your fic like this, something's gotta come up to make Jeff see the light (see my spoiler comment at the end)

    Well, despite the fact that Jeff returned home and there's an obvious air of depression as he's about to quit the whole training game, there were some funny moments, courtesy of our good friend Corphish:

    “<Please don’t eat me! I’m very sharp and I taste of feet!>” Corphish pleaded.
    “<I stole a TV from the Oldale pokemon center along with about four things of extension cords, so that I could watch it from my pond. I bribed a Magnemite into hooking up the satellite signals with the TV,>” Corphish explained proudly.
    One must wonder what he was doing with a TV, especially the other Corphish :O

    And one more point I would like to address:
    It sounded almost like a Sceptile blowing its nose for a long time.
    Oh, come now, most ice-makers don't sound THAT bad anymore... XD

    I felt you really expanded Hitmonlee's character this chapter, and showed the reasons behind his animosity toward Treecko in the early chapters. Atlas is an interesting catch, though when he was first introduced he seemed to have conflicting views toward being with humans.

    And good 'ol Professor Birch, interrupting before Jeff even had a chance to get a word in. But...
        Spoiler:- Something Griff mentioned to me in PM:


    Well, this chapter had a new capture and Jeff returning home with his tail between his legs, so to speak. It was a nice chapter besides Jeff being all emo, and I can't help to think that change in his attitude is coming very soon...

  3. #103
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    First of all. I dramatically revamped Chapter 4. I rewrote almost all of it and it's now mostly from Treecko's POV like Bladed Scizor suggested two months ago (wow, it's only been 2 months?!)



    I'm very tired right now so please forgive my half-arsed review responses. They're usually much better.

    I'm happy this chapter turned out better that I thought. I wasn't really "feeling" it as much as the others. I admit "sad-Jeff" is also pissing me off, that's what I was going for in this chapter. :P

    The ice maker: I didn't add the Sceptile part just for you Elyvorg The fridge was based off of the troubles with my own fridge and that's really the only way I could describe the sound it makes. DP479, you obviously haven't heard the terrifying sounds that my fridge makes in the night xD. The first few week we had it I thought it was someone down stairs but really it was just ice being made. XD (It's a pretty new fridge, too.)

    My fault with the Atlas confusion, I should have worded it better. He wasn't angry at the humans, he thought that their actions were justifyable for reasons we'll find out later. Again, my fault.

    As for him understanding Hitmonlee's speech, there's really no way I could get around this. I'm trying to keep Jeff's understanding of him and Bayleef as simple words so he doesn't understand complex sentences, like you said.

    PS, I love looking at my stupid mistakes like the double-frustation one that Elyvorg mentioned. They make me lol at myself for missing it. (That sentence was in fact a mistake :P Often I'll start to write a sentence one way but then forget and write it a different way xD )
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 17 is up.

  4. #104
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    Really? That sounds cool, I've gotta check it out!

    I'm getting to review chapter 11 now:

    Grammar: A+

    Description: A+

    Length: A+

    Jeff quitting being a trainer because of treecko: F-

    All in all, great chapter. Way to laving Jeff in an awkward position, you rule!

    L@er!
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  5. #105
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    Thats the most A's I've ever gotten

    And that's Jeff for you!

    Thanks :P
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 17 is up.

  6. #106
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    Sorry this took so long Griff, I have been very busy. That being said, I only reached the prologue...

    But ok here we go.

    Prologue-
    Description- Very good for a first chapter.
    Everything was a dark green and brown blur in my eyes. The colors moved around in my eyes, I was unable to focus while I sprinted. All that I focused on was running away. I ran through the eerie, misty forest, bounding over roots and branches. There were few beams of light trying to enter the forest, clearly seen in the haze.

    I didn’t know WHAT I was running from but I knew that I had to run. I knew I was being chased, I could sense it. Out of the corner of my eye I could see what appeared to be a moving shape… perhaps a figure, running beside me. It blended in with the forest but had a blur of red moving on it as it ran by my side, like there was a piece of the forest running with me. The red was the only way that I knew that it wasn’t part of the underbrush.

    The underbrush that I dashed in became denser. I felt myself trip over a hard, unwavering root and fall face first into the bushes and grass. I lay in the ground, expecting the worse. When it didn’t arrive I tried to get up and move forward, but my legs wouldn’t let me. I used my right arm to try and crawl forward, grabbing at plants and weeds to help pull me along.

    The dim figure in front of me extended its hand. I tried to reach it and grab it but I couldn’t reach. I looked up and saw a beautiful, almost angelic, shape of a girl I knew beside the figure. Behind them shined a blinding light. The girl had brown-red hair and smooth, natural skin. She smiled sweetly at me with an innocent yet beautiful face. I tried to grab for them but the two continued to be forever out of my reach. I tried to get up again but my legs were limp so I fell back to the ground. I moved forwards using only my hands to drag the rest of my body.

    I heard whispers and high, raspy shrieks of the unknown creature echoing, coming from all around me. They boomed through the forest as if they were everywhere… but I knew they were only getting closer to me. They gradually grew louder and I struggled, helpless.

    I looked down at my left arm and saw a gigantic gash appear down my bicep. The flesh was completely ripped from that part of my upper arm. I could see the insides of my arm: inside the gash were: still pumping veins and arteries, muscles which quivered in contraction, and exposed tissues. The arm stung with a cold numbness, but surprisingly no pain. I was horrified by the grizzly sight; I could feel every muscle in my chest constrict in fear.
    In these paragaphs, you captured your charachter, and his feelings and emotions. His fall, and the gorey predicament that ensued were described perfectly, and gorely...
    So...A

    Lenght- Sorry buddy not good. Yes, it is the prologue, but it needs to be much longer to elaborate on the mystery and plot. I have skimmed over the next few chapters, and you are improving in this department.

    Plot-Good, I love Cliffhangers. However, the prologue gives no mention of a charachters name, or even species. It is a tad confusing, but really interesting.

    Grammar-I cant see anything...I think your good.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
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  7. #107
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    Thanks for reviewing, no problem.

    Cool, the prologue sucked before the revamp. It was kinda supposed to be confusing and disorienting so, happy that worked.

    The review was greatly appreciated, I agree about the length though.

    Again thanks for the great review! I'll be sure to get to yours after this damn project is over.

    Edit, PS: The next chapter should be up by Wednesday night or so.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 17 is up.

  8. #108
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    Alrighty...Chapter 1!

    Jeff was some distance away from the town. He slid his backpack off of his arm and threw it carelessly on the grass. He leaned back against a tree, which stood beside a small, tranquil lakeside, when a Zigzagoon came up to him, curiously. The pokemon was a brown and beige furred large rodent. Its fur appeared to be spiky, although it was really quite soft.

    Zigzagoon sniffed around, inspecting his apple. Jeff put a hand up to motion that he was friendly. Ever since Jeff was young he had never felt any particular fear or hostility towards pokemon. Growing up with a family that had a Chikorita, he felt that pokemon were no threat to him. He liked mostly all pokemon as long as they were at least indifferent towards him. He decided to crouch down in front of it and fed the creature some of his apple that he didn’t finish. Zigzagoon began to happily munch on it, but then it looked up as a large shadow was cast over it as well as Jeff’s back. It dropped the piece of apple that was in its mouth and started to panic, running around in zigzags and then out of sight.

    “What’s wrong?” Jeff asked, confused.
    This part was perfectly described. I felt as if I was Jeff, watching the scene unfold. You have seemed to have mastered description early.

    Plot- So now I am not confused. The setting is just north of Littleroot town, and Jeff is a human...he got that gash from the syther..that part was gorey. Good Job!

    Lenght-This is where you needed improvment. You made it longer yes, but the chapter is still a tad short...this improves in time.

    Grammar-so yeah...whatever Dark Persian caught...

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
        Spoiler:- Review Policy and Image Credit:

  9. #109
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manaphyman View Post
    You have seemed to have mastered description early.
    Heck no xD. The original Chapter 1 was as nooby as hell, haha. I recently got this chapter beta'd and I made it better.

    Thank you for the review. Midterms just came in for me and it isn't looking so good. So I won't be able to r & r your fic for about a week while I get back on track. This will also hinder the posting of my next chapter. Within the buisness week it should be up (then I get to write the chapter I've been wanting to write for 3 chapters :3 )
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 17 is up.

  10. #110
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    Its fine Griff, I can wait.

    This also gives me a chance to catch up.

    Well yes, your 1st chapter was a bit nooby at first, but now, it is great...keep up the good work.

    You needent worry about me losing interest.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
        Spoiler:- Review Policy and Image Credit:

  11. #111
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    Thanks Good to hear.

    And by that quote from the chapter, it's techinically Chapter 1 and 2 that you reviewed.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 17 is up.

  12. #112
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    Here's Chapter...the next chapter!!!


    Home is Where the Heart Is

    Jeff, Hitmonlee, Daedalus, and Corphish walked into the dark house. There was a gloomy aura accompanying the lightless abyss of the home. Around them lingered an eerie silence with the exception of one discouraging noise: a feminine sobbing of a pokemon coming from upstairs. Much to Jeff’s surprise, there was still no one home to tend to either the darkness or the cries. He decided to flick on the light. A blinding flash of fluorescent beams temporarily impaired their vision.

    “<I’d better get that,>” Hitmonlee said, gesturing to the noise.

    “Should I come?” asked the worried human.

    “<You’re in no situation to be comforting anyone… comfort YOURSELF and then you can help!>” the kick boxer-like pokemon answered, angrily. “<And go have a shower… you smell awful.>”

    Jeff was taken aback by his friends anger.

    “<THANK YOU! I’ve been trying to get him to for the past two days!>” Corphish chuckled.

    Hitmonlee walked upstairs and they heard a door shut.

    Jeff cleared his throat. “You guys can do whatever you want; I’m going to go have that shower.” He walked up the stairs and entered the second floor hallway. He opened the door which was right next to his room on the far side. Jeff flicked on a blinding fluorescent light and took a dark green towel from the basket of clean laundry which he slung over the towel rack. He undressed himself before stepping into the spacious shower. Jeff turned on the tap and the nozzle released multiple jets of extremely hot water, which was just the way he liked his showers. The warm water hit his back, creating hot steam on impact.

    He grabbed a bottle of Dial body wash in an attempt to cleanse himself of the dirt and mud which was really stuck on. The pressurized water attempted to pry the dried blood from his body, but it stubbornly clung to his wounds. The hot jets stung his gash of a leg wound, as well as the sole of his foot. The painfully hot temperature was very soothing once he got used to it. Jeff began to think as the warmth relaxed his mind.

    Maybe Hitmonlee’s right… maybe you SHOULD grow up. It’s so hard… but you’re a mature guy… you can get past this. Give it a try… Try being more cheerful tomorrow. All you’re doing is dragging your friends down. You still don’t have to be a trainer, though. Just go into the class, tell them about your journey, show them your pokemon, and answer any questions. It’ll be a piece of cake… you can prove Hitmonlee wrong. Think of this realistically… what good is being upset doing you? Exactly! So just buck up for at least tonight and tomorrow and we’ll see what happens from there! Ok? Ok! Ok, then! …Ok.”

    The water was really helping his mood.

    If only you had a hot shower right after you dealt with Nidoking… or right after you found out about Kristie and Alan. That would have made things so much easier on everyone… NO! Snap out of it, Jeff! You’re not a whiny, weak quitter, are you?! Yes, you are. NO YOU’RE NOT! Promise to cheer up!” Jeff pledged after trying to quell his two conflicting mindsets. He knew he wanted the optimistic one to win, but the ball and chain of the repenting thoughts still weighed the other down. “Come on, Jeff…

    He winced as he rubbed the anti-bacterial body wash into his leg wound.

    “I’m surprised that it’s not infected… who knows what that Seviper killed with it?” Jeff muttered, inspecting the deep gash which was only a little red around the edges.

    He pushed in the tap of the shower and the water ceased. The steam filled bathroom made it almost impossible to see where his towel was. Jeff walked out of the shower, his hand outstretched, and he managed to find the towel, which he wrapped around his waist. He opened the bathroom door and steam flooded into the hallway. Jeff fully opened the door to see Hitmonlee walking to a stop in front of the door.

    Uncomfortable that he was in only a towel, Jeff awkwardly asked, “Hey… What’s up?”

    Hitmonlee scratched his head. “<I talked to Bayleef; I told her that Treecko only ran off. Your great choice of words made it seem like he was dead. She’s still pretty upset. Did you disinfect your leg?>” he asked, pointing to the cut.

    “I put anti bacterial soap on i…”

    “<Not good enough. Are you going to put disinfectant on it or do you want me to?>”

    “Fine… but interrupt me again and I’ll punch you in where ever it is your that mouth is!” Jeff threatened with a friendly grin.

    Hitmonlee chuckled before turning right. Jeff turned left to go to his room but Hitmonlee grabbed his arm.

    “Can’t I get some clothes first?” asked Jeff, confused.

    Hitmonlee shook his head. “<Bayleef is in there, she’ll probably want to talk to you.>”

    “Fine,” Jeff reluctantly agreed, walking towards his parent’s bedroom.

    “<I don’t see why humans wear clothes anyways.>”

    “It’s because we’re ashamed and we almost always have the undeniable need to fit in,” Jeff informed, grinning.

    They walked into the bedroom and sat on the bed. Jeff took out a med-kit that was stashed in the end table. He opened it and took out a spray bottle. As he began to spray the yellow-green liquid on his leg, in a grimace, he said, “I’ve decided to take your advice, Hitmonlee. I’m going to take care of myself.”

    “<So you’re still a trainer?>”

    Jeff avoided the question. “…I dunno yet.”

    “<I need you to promise me something…>” Hitmonlee spoke up. Jeff nodded in agreement. “<Promise you won’t go after Treecko… >”

    He was left surprised and speechless.

    “<No good can come from it. He’ll only drag you back down the hell hole you’re climbing out of! …Promise?>”

    Jeff didn’t make eye contact, but he gave a quick nod. He finished bandaging his wound and walked out of his parent’s room, still wearing a towel. He walked down the hallway, leaving wet footprints with each step. Jeff opened the door to his room and stepped inside. Bayleef was lying on his bed, looking up at the poster of the green-bodied Grovyle.

    Annoyed at still being unable to change into clothes, Jeff walked over to his bed and sat beside her. He put an arm around her long, leafy neck in comfort.

    “Are you ok, Bay?” Jeff asked warmly.

    “<Not… really,>” she answered. “<I don’t understand; why did he go?>”

    “Well I… we… had a disagreement and things kind of were different ever since,” Jeff explained.

    “<So this is your fault?>” she asked accusingly.

    “Ye…” Jeff’s tongue held the ‘y’ before he stopped himself. “No, it’s… no! It was no one’s fault… it just kind of happened.”

    Unsatisfied with the answer, Bayleef placed her head in the ruffled folds of the sheets. She looked up at Jeff with a question.

    “<Promise you’ll bring him back? Please find him and get him back… I think you owe it to him,>” persuaded Bayleef.

    Jeff paused. What was he to do? He had already promised that he WOULDN’T do just that! He gave a quick nod, just as he had done earlier. He would sort it out later.

    “<Thank you…>” she replied. Bayleef placed her head on the pillow and began to fall quickly asleep. Seizing the chance, Jeff took a handful of clothes from his dresser and ran out into the hallway. He looked into the gym room and saw Hitmonlee kicking the punching bag.

    “Hey, Hit, where’s Mom and Dad? I thought they’d be home by now.”

    “<Away…>” Hitmonlee grunted between kicks.

    “For how long?”

    Hitmonlee shrugged and landed another powerful blow on the suspended bag.

    “Are you guys eating alright?” Jeff asked, concerned.

    He didn’t answer; he just kept kicking the bag in a state of concentration. Jeff was impressed with the pokemon’s adroit footwork. He walked into the washroom and removed the towel in preparation for changing. He slipped on blue shorts and white Reebok shirt before staring in the still fogged up mirror.

    “You ready for a fresh start?” he asked his reflection. Despite the fact that it was a rhetorical question, he still didn’t answer. “…Me neither, but too bad. It’s worth a try!”

    Jeff walked into his hallway and turned to go to his room to sleep. To his surprise, Daedalus was asleep on the bed, near where Bayleef was snoozing.

    “Where’s Corphish?” Jeff asked himself out loud.

    “<Watching… ‘E! True Hollywood story’… on David Schwimmer… and then Matthew Perry… says he’ll be up… in two hours…>” Hitmonlee informed, not stopping his precise kicks to talk.

    “Did you say TV? Doesn’t surprise me,” Jeff replied with a smile which astonished Hitmonlee, only because Jeff was grinning at all.

    The weary human laid himself on the bed next to Bayleef and Daedalus. He carefully wedged himself between the warm bodies.

    Well… it can’t hurt to try…”

    Jeff closed his eyes and fell asleep almost instantaneously.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The next morning, his body clock woke him up at his usual time of awakening. Jeff looked down at his chest and saw Bayleef’s head resting on his stomach and Corphish snuggled up next to his side. He also took out Atlas’s pokeball and wondered how he slept.

    Jeff was somewhat surprised when Daedalus flew through the window next to him with something in his beak, but was still too asleep to react. Daedalus circled around the room before flying onto the bed near Jeff’s feet, with a proud smirk. Much to the human’s disgust, Daedalus had the slimy, red and white bottom half of a Wurmple sticking out of his beak. He plumped down his prey on the sheets and began to contently tear away at the former bug type. Dae noticed that Jeff was eying his food, but he misinterpreted why. So Daedalus strutted over to Jeff and plumped the half on his chest, offering him the rest of the meal. His face went white, looking at the feast.

    “Oh gross, Daedalus!” Jeff complained. “I appreciate the offer…but Wurmples aren’t my choice of meal… and do you really have to eat that here?”

    “<I thought everyone ate where they slept! Crazy humans… think they’re too good for public eating,>” Daedalus retorted, offended.

    Jeff realized he probably offended him so he apologized and allowed him to eat on the bed. He ignored the gore and looked upwards.

    He thought, “I guess this is the day. Time to go into that class with a smile… or at least a forced grin… and teach those future kids what it’s like to be a trainer. Hopefully they’ll have better luck then I did… and step one, Jeff, is to NOT be so down on yourself, stupid. Wait… Corphish broke my alarm clock!” Jeff quickly sat up, immediately awakening Corphish and Bayleef.

    “What time is it?!” he yelled.

    Hitmonlee walked into the room and leaned against the doorway.

    “<Time to get up and go,>” he ordered.

    “Yes, Mom…” Jeff muttered, sitting up in bed. “Come on, you two. Let’s go show these kids how cool you are. You want to come, Bayleef?” Jeff asked the leaf pokemon.

    She nodded, mildly interested. Immediately following the agreement, Hitmonlee piped up, “<I think I’ll come, too.>”

    “Let’s go, then,” he said, getting off of his bed. Daedalus finished his last bite and then flew onto Jeff’s shoulder. Corphish leapt from the bed and clamped onto Jeff’s shirt. He made it up to the other shoulder where he held on tightly. Luckily for Jeff, his shirt didn’t rip this time. The two others followed their footsteps. Hitmonlee exchanged a glance with Bayleef but he then quickly turned back forwards.

    They walked down the stairs, stopping at the front door. Jeff took a deep breath before opening it. They were met with the eastern sunlight blinding their eyes upon the door swinging open. Bayleef took in the bright light contently. The five walked down the hardwood steps and down to the concrete sidewalk. They crossed the street without the need to look both ways due to the lack of traffic. Jeff was admittedly nervous and he thought about what he was going to say.

    Why did I agree to this again?” he wondered. “Oh well.”

    With his thoughts, the walk to the lab seemed incredibly short as they were already at the unmistakable glass front door. Jeff looked to his right, facing east. Shielding the sun with a hand, he managed to make out the very familiar, open-field ranch where trainer’s pokemon could run around freely. All that he could make out from the end of the street was the occasional flying type circling over the rolling fields and ponds; most of the pokemon must have still been asleep.

    Jeff took out Atlas’ pokeball and threw it onto the middle of the street. The titan emerged from the white flash with a massive roar. The glass on the door rumbled violently – Jeff held his breath as he was sure that the glass would shatter.

    When it did no such thing, he sighed and instructed, “Ok, you guys go over to the ranch and hang out until we come out. That shouldn’t be too long from now. Hitmonlee, you’re in charge.”

    “<Him?!>” Daedalus protested, hurt.

    Jeff caught on to his offended squawk. “Sorry, Dae… Next time, for sure,” he said with a wink.

    He and his pokemon went their separate ways and Jeff closed the door behind him.

    Ok, you’re in the lab and now go to the southern-most door on the right since the other one leads to pokemon storage,” he told himself in his mind.

    He walked past Birch’s studying desk and opened the large brown door. There it was: Professor Birch’s lecture hall. Desks were rowed so that they formed almost a semicircle. Like all lecture halls, there was stadium seating so that each seat behind the first rose a little more off the ground with each row. Only about half of the seats were filled up by the roughly twenty-three early teens. They were all either studying or chatting amongst themselves.

    Professor Birch was standing at the front, reading through a clipboard. Jeff walked up to him.

    “Hey, Professor, sorry if I’m late,” he apologized.

    “No problem, Jeff. You just made it in time. I was busy going through a few of these student’s trainer applications,” explained the pokemon professor.

    “Erm… what exactly… am I supposed to, well, say?” asked Jeff.

    “Basically, just tell them what your journey has been like so far, take some questions, and then we’ll go outside to meet your pokemon.”

    “You mean from when I got my starter to when I got back here?”

    “Yup. In a nutshell, though,” Birch responded.

    Jeff sighed. “Ok… let’s do this then.”

    Birch nodded and spoke up, “Ok… listen up, class! Today we’re going to have a break from status afflictions and what to use to cure them, and we’re going to be having a guest speaker.”

    Sighs of relief and high-fives erupted from the class.

    “Today we’re going to have Jeff Growell, a pokemon trainer, as well as a former student of mine, who actually lives down the street, talk about what his journey as a pokemon trainer has been like so far. Afterwards we’re going to see some of the pokemon that he has caught.”

    A flurry of positive reactions from the students followed.

    “Jeff, the floor is yours,” Birch told him.

    Jeff stood at the front of the class. He took the twig from his mouth and put in his pocket before clearing his throat.

    “I’m Jeff Growell; some of you may know me. Anyways, I’m going to keep this pretty short and then give more details on the questions. I started my journey around a week ago. I got my first pokemon and I left the lab to go to Oldale Town. There I met… another trainer who was just starting out. We traveled to Petalburg City and on the way I caught my first pokemon. In Petalburg I met an old…friend, who I battled and… won… against. Then I went from there up through Petalburg Forest where I caught another pokemon. My pokemon won me my first gym battle. Then we went back near the forest and we ran into a Nidoking. Our plan went kind of awry but my starter pokemon bailed us out. After that… me and my other two pokemon went back to Petalburg. I caught my third pokemon and we decided to come back here…for a… short break. Yeah, we were, and still are, on a break… questions?”

    A girl in a pink shirt raised her hand. “So YOU were that guy who they were talking about on the news who got rid of that Nidoking who stole those fossils?!”

    “Well, I guess, but like I said, it was really my starter who deserves all the credit!”

    Another pre-pubescent male’s voice rang out, “Who was your starter pokemon?”

    “Erm, it was a Treecko,” replied Jeff.

    “Why did you choose a Treecko? None of the trainers in the past year chose Treecko!” the same boy asked.

    “Well Treecko is by far the coolest one!” Jeff said with a grin. The class seemed unsatisfied with the answer given.

    “Ok… you want to know the truth? A year ago from the day I chose my first pokemon, I was attacked by a Scyther. Then a Treecko came to save me. A year later I found out that the Treecko Professor Birch had for a year was the same one. He escaped from the lab and I helped to save him from a Fearow. Then he agreed to be my starter,” Jeff explained, while at the same time dwelling on his words.

    “That sounds pretty cool,” another boy said.

    “Who was that trainer that you traveled with?” asked a girl with a raised hand.

    Jeff opened his mouth to answer but found that his words were stolen and obstructed by Professor Birch, once again.

    “Wasn’t it Kristie from your class, Jeff? Didn’t she used to hangout with your friend Alan? She took a Torchic, I remember,” chimed in the annoyingly observant professor.

    “What happened to her after you guys got to Petalburg?” another kid questioned.

    Jeff became incredibly flustered and uncomfortable. “I’ll answer anymore questions outside!” proclaimed Jeff, motioning for Professor Birch to give the go ahead to go outdoors. He nodded and told the class to follow Jeff and him to the ranch.

    They poured out the alternate side door which led directly from the lab to the pokemon-friendly zone. Jeff walked ahead to his pokemon followed by the class and Birch.

    “And here they are. Corphish, my first catch. Daedalus, my second catch. And Onix, my third,” Jeff explained as the kids gazed in awe at the five. “I didn’t actually catch Hitmonlee or Bayleef – they belong to my family and wanted to tag along.”

    “Why did you nickname your Taillow Daedalus?” a girl asked.

    “I didn’t nickname him - that’s his real name,” replied Jeff.

    He received a few confused looks from the kids.

    “How do you know what his name is?” a boy asked.

    That was a long story which Jeff didn’t wish to discuss. He instead avoided the question and acknowledged a hand coming from near Onix.

    “Yeah?” Jeff asked him.

    “Where’s your Treecko? He’s not here!” replied the black-haired pre-teen with a question.

    “Erm, he’s at my relatives… training,” Jeff clearly lied.

    “Aren’t you supposed to not leave your starter?”

    “Yeah, why would you do that?”

    “Isn’t it best to train pokemon yourself so your bond grows bigger?”

    The voices all chimed in at once, echoing around Jeff’s ears.

    “Last question!” Jeff said, pretty much yelling. He found himself pointing at Sam.

    “Can we have that battle now?”

    It’s definitely a better option than more of these questions. Those cruel little b*stards,” Jeff thought to himself.

    “Sure, Sam.”

    “<Is he serious?!>” Daedalus asked in shock.

    “<Damn right he is!>” Hitmonlee replied with pride.

    The crowd and pokemon formed a sideline in the grassland, giving the battlers enough room to move about freely without needing to worry about hitting the spectators. Jeff and Sam walked to opposite sides of the line and faced each other to create the center of the battlefield.

    Jeff pondered, looking at his row of pokemon standing at the sidelines. “Hmm…who to pick? I don’t want to ask Dae to fight, seeing as he’d probably refuse anyways. Since I’m battling this guy’s starter, I can’t go with Onix since he’d obliterate him… I’m not even sure if he’s the battling type. I’m not sure Bayleef has ever even battled and Hitmonlee would probably take the battle too far… So that leaves me with…”

    “Corppy, you’re up!” he decided.

    Corphish literally jumped in the air in delight before quickly scuttling over to Jeff’s side.

    “Corphish phish cor!” he merrily said.

    Sam took his only occupied pokeball from his pocket and threw it.

    “Let’s go, Keith!” shouted the new trainer.

    “Keith, huh?” Jeff muttered to himself. “Corp? Prepare to use harden!”

    While Corphish’s shell hardened with sickening cracks, a flash of white light appeared as the sphere opened and released its contents. The bright beam faded and emerging from it was a green pokemon; a green pokemon with a darker green thick tail, a red-pick chest and throat, and green lizard-like eyes.

    Jeff recoiled at the sight of what he had to battle.

    “A… Treecko?”

    It completely slipped his mind that Treecko was one of the Littleroot Town starters.

    “Keith, use pound on Corphish!” Sam called to his green starter.

    The wood gecko, who was noticeably taller than Jeff’s former Treecko, went from a crouched position to all fours. He ran towards Corphish with break-neck speed. Keith went from the run into a slide tackle using his tail to take out Corphish’s unprotected feet. Corphish, who was caught off guard by the attack, immediately felt his legs and tail going over his head. He hit the ground and was forced into the grass with many beats from Keith’s tails in rapid succession. Corphish had no time to defend himself.

    “<Jeff!>” Hitmonlee called to get his attention. Jeff didn’t even turn his head. With the false hope that the daunted human could see his body movements out of the corner of his eye, he called, “<Call for a counterattack!>”

    Even if Jeff could have understood, the words seemed to go in Jeff’s left ear and out his right, hitting only the wind. He was fixated on the Treecko who was pounding Corphish in. The brutal attack continued and Corphish attempted to block but the strikes were too fast.

    “<Jeff! Stop daydreaming and get Corphish outta that volley of pounds!>” Hitmonlee tried again.

    He tried to call to attack but found that no words left his dry throat. He couldn’t call the move. It wasn’t like when he was fighting Chad and Roxanne; he wanted to attack but he literally couldn’t… Something was keeping Jeff from giving the command.

    “<What are you waiting for?!>”

    There were hushed whispers among the students as to why he wasn’t attacking. Everything was white noise except the grunts of the grass starter.

    “I can’t do it,” thought Jeff. “Why can’t I bring myself to attack him?! I thought I was moving on!”

    Corphish groaned in pain with each rapid blow. Daedalus looked away from the battle, unable to watch his friend take the beating. Hitmonlee, however, began to understand what was going on. Daedalus, still turned away from the massacre, whispered something into Hitmonlee’s ear… or where his ear should be.

    “<I know you can do this, Jeff, just bring yourself to attack him!>” he urged, translating Daedalus’ words.

    Jeff tried but he still felt his tongue being held back by the invisible force which the mix of his guilt and conscience.

    “<Jeff… I… could… use… some… battle… advice… right… about… NOW…>” Corphish growled, with a grimace between blows.

    Daedalus whispered to Hitmonlee again, still facing away.

    “<Get a hold of yourself, Jeff! You’re not WEAK are you? The thing that Treecko hated the most!>”

    Jeff remained silent, ogling the contenders. Corphish was fading away from consciousness, his shell becoming noticeably weak.

    “It’s working, Keith! You’re doing great, keep at it!” Sam encouraged.

    “<Your way isn’t working, birdie… Screw the mixed signals; it’s time for some tough love.>”

    In a fiery passion, Hitmonlee roared, “<Come on, you weakling! You can’t keep dwelling on what happened to you! HE abandoned YOU, NOT vice-versa. You have no reason to feel guilty because he didn’t leave because of you! He left because he’s so in himself that the lump in his throat is his tail!>” Daedalus shot him a glare, even though he knew it was true and admittedly agreed with it.

    Jeff heard this yell and began to stammer.

    The yelling Hitmonlee continued his zealous preach. “<JEFF! If you don’t attack that damned Treecko you’ll never be able to move past this and you’ll never be a successful trainer! You say you’re letting go, so PROVE IT! Otherwise MORE of your friends will be screwed over by your emotional weakness! No matter what you say, your pokemon aren’t going to leave you, so get your head OUT of your *ss, stop thinking that everything is your fault, poke-man up, and…>”

    “CORPHISH, PARRY THAT NEXT BLOW AND USE CRABHAMMER WITH ALL OF YOUR MIGHT!” Jeff yelled, interrupting with trachea-tearing intensity.

    Corphish’s eye glinted.

    “CoooorrrPHISH!”

    Then, with concrete instructions, he knocked the oncoming tail away from him with his left claw and reared back his right. Keith was surprised that the pokemon started to fight back. Corppy thrusted his claw forward, upper cutting Keith. The force of the blow was heavily fueled by the adrenaline attained by the built up pain and rage. The Treecko flew backwards across the field, landing at Sam’s feet. He tried to get up, but the blow to the jaw was too much. Keith fell to the grass with a sigh.

    Applause arose from the crowd of teens. Sam ran over to his pokemon, fell to his knees, and held him in his arms, apologizing under his breath. Jeff also fell to his knees. As he yelled the command, it felt like a part of him ripped from his chest and flew off. He felt a wave of relief. The overwhelming feeling was unexplainable. Hitmonlee walked over to Jeff and put a hand on his shoulder. Jeff grabbed the hand and Hitmonlee pulled him up with a strong yank.

    The confused human walked over to Sam, outstretching a hand. Sam stood up and happily shook it.

    “You really did awesome at the very end there. Congratulations,” Sam said, impressed yet a bit worried for his own pokemon.

    “You’re a pretty good trainer yourself. That Treecko is really strong. Remember… the pokemon is as equally important as the trainer. Be sure to care for them and, above all, listen to them.”

    Sam took in the advice and nodded. “I will… thanks, Jeff. I’ll see you soon.”

    Jeff walked towards his pokemon and climbed up on Atlas.

    “<Are you ok, Jeff? You look as white as a Gastly!>” Bayleef pointed out.

    “<Which is a dumb saying because…>” chimed in Corphish, receiving a glare from Hitmonlee.

    Jeff gave no reply. The morose feeling of relief still swept about him.

    “Thank you, Jeff for that presentation on what your experience was like; we hope to hear back from you in a few months to see how you’re doing then,” stated Professor Birch, who began to herd the students back inside. He began to talk to the teens who were walking through the door. “And that brings us to an important topic of why not to get over-confident in a battle, Sam!”

    “Hitmon!” Hitmonlee tapped Atlas and pointed down the road to Jeff’s house.

    “Hwrrrrgh,” the Onix answered in a low rumble, beginning to slither carefully down the road.

    Corphish hopped beside Atlas, holding his claws up like a child who wanted to be picked up. Jeff reached down and grabbed a claw. Corppy winced as he was pulled up; bruises still colored his body. Jeff noticed the pokemon’s pain and smiled comfortingly.

    “As soon as we get home, I’ll run a warm bath for you,” he offered.

    Corphish leapt at Jeff in a hugging manner, beaming. He obviously enjoyed the prospect. Jeff closed his eyes and listened to the pokemon talk.

    “Low taillow taii.”

    “Phish phish corphish.”

    I guess I’ll have to get used to hearing and understanding their names,” thought Jeff.

    They rolled up to the driveway and Jeff took Corphish under his arm, hopping off Atlas. He took a deep breath.

    “Ok…” The pokemon leaned in expectantly. “Here’s the deal… do you guys WANT to travel around and battle with me?”

    Corphish nodded vigorously, Daedalus nodded to the first comment and shrugged to the next, and Atlas and a slight nod and then looked away.

    “Then… if you guys really want me to… I’ll…” Jeff began to struggle with the words. “…Give… being a trainer… another shot…”

    Corphish yelled for joy and hugged Jeff. Daedalus shrugged and also flew up and hugged him. Atlas emitted a large roar, for the joy that they were on the move. The bellow caused a guy who was biking by to lose control and flip the bike forwards, landing in pain and shock.

    Hitmonlee noticed and urged them inside. Jeff recalled Atlas and walked inside.

    With a confident grin, Jeff exclaimed, “So Corphish, we’ll get you that bath and we’ll leave tonight.”

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Somewhere in Route 101

    The sharp blades of grass soothed the cut bottoms of my feet. With all of my strength, I continued to push onward. The orange setting sun shot sideways through the trees, casting the glow on the clouds overhead, as well as the tree canopies. Normally I’d travel around in the tree tops but right now I was just too wea… in pain. I had to make do with walking on foot.

    I stopped dead in my tracks. I got that sensation in my tail again. The same one that shot chills up my spine. I almost wished that I didn’t get that surge, anymore. It told me that it was going to rain tonight.

    You had better get there fast.

    As I picked up my labored pace I noticed that my body grew weaker as the grey clouds blotted out the setting sun. Over rocks and twigs I staggered until I stopped minutes later for a deserved breathing break. Panting, I walked over to a tree. I closed my eyes and leaned against it with a cringe. My mouth felt so tingly and awkward – it was because it was missing something… the twig.

    You left him. You left your trainer and your only friend. He probably thinks it’s his fault… but isn’t it?

    Isn’t he the one who pressured you into coming with him?

    Isn’t he the one who collapsed after what’s her name chose that other human? I know I’d never show weakness in that situation.

    Isn’t he the one who didn’t want to be a trainer and didn’t choose you for a gym battle and ended up needing to have you save his tail?

    Isn’t he the one who didn’t trust you to take out ‘Daggerback’, that Nidoking?

    And isn’t he the one who hit you and told you to leave?

    Exactly! It’s not your fault – other people either just slow you down and or begin to hate you. That’s their problem, not yours. So get your lazy tail off the ground, you worthless pile of sh*t, and keep moving!


    I shot open my eyelids and looked around. Dusk began to over take the many magnificent trees to which I was familiar with. I looked beside me and saw a straight twig on the ground, with a leaf jutting from the side. To quell my naked-feeling mouth, I picked it up and placed it in my maw so that it rested on my lips. The sensation was different, like a stranger in a strange land, but it’d have to do.

    I got up from my relaxed stance and I walked on all fours away from the tree. Traveling like this was much faster, but it also felt more degrading. It felt like a step backwards to my old, primal self, but that was where I was headed so I had might as well get used to it. It wasn’t TOO bad after all.

    Pain coursed through me with every movement I made. I knew whining and complaining would get me nowhere so I sucked it up and soldiered on. Around me I sensed wild pokemon staring at me, not threateningly but out of curiosity and worry. A Zigzagoon hopped out in front of me and urged me to stop. The brown furry rodent blocked my path, to my dismay.

    “<Are you ok? Did a human do this to you or was it a wild pokemon?>” he asked me.

    I paused. “<Not exactly,>” I replied, the only emotion showing was seriousness.

    “<Do you want some berries for your wounds or do you need some…>”

    “<Get out of my way,>” I boldly answered, glaring into his beady brown eyes which were beginning to glaze over.

    “<Sorry. Just wanted to help,>” he squeaked, slightly quivering in his place.

    I continued onward, past the pathetic obstacle, keeping my eyes straight ahead of me. The tree line broke and I found myself now in the night, by a very familiar lake. Exhausted, I walked to where the calm water met the shore. I fell to my knees and stared. In the lake was the reflection of the full moon and the stars, creating a rippling duplicate of the true thing in the water.

    I stared at the reflection before following the water in front of me back to the shore. I looked at myself in the water. I saw a green face and snout, with red coming from the bottom of the mouth. It returned the cold gaze that had been given to many, friend and foe alike. I noticed that my red chest was riddled with purple-red bruises, cuts which had dried or proceeded to seep a mild trickle of blood, and red lesions which I got when Seviper got a hold of me. It was a good thing he got his in the end.

    I continued to look at myself. My eyes… the yellow organs stared eternally into each other.

    You’re home. But is it worth it? You chose the road not taken but you made a u-turn before crossroad was out of sight. Does that make you the coward? Does that make you weak and puny? Did you really give up your one chance at friends and happiness because you were scared to try something new? But you’re all alone, just the way you’ve always liked it. Why do you feel guilty? It’s because you left home in the first place to travel with Jeff. You became emotionally attached and you left him when he was injured and alone.

    Why did you leave? You did it for so many reasons that it floods your head. Inadequacy… guilt… fear… and most of all… shame. The reason why you don’t have friends is because you don’t care about them. This is just as much your fault as it is Jeff’s. You left him when he needed you because you only care about what’s in your stupid-pathetic-little-head! You sat on your hands and missed your only chance at something more! Now all you have left is your home… and puny, weak you.


    I continued staring into the eyes of the pokemon which seemed foreign to me. I could hardly recognize what I saw. The Treecko which used to be my reflection was something else. It was grinning while I remained cold. It had friends around it while I remained alone. It felt something while I felt nothing but a sense of self-obligation. I blinked and saw my true self staring back at me. The yellow eyes were now filled with sadness. Before I could stop it, a tear dripped from the eye and plummeted into the water, hitting the opposing eye. Its impact created ripples, distorting the face so that it became an incomprehensible green, red and yellow waving blur. Rage at both what I saw and at myself for my weakness coursed through me.

    “TREECKO!” I quickly shouted, hitting the would-be reflection with my hand, creating a bigger splash so that there was now no trace of a face ever being there. I wiped my eyes with my dry hand and put on the cool apathetic look which I had come to know and subconsciously associated with myself.

    Grow up! Like you said before, it’s his fault not yours. Just deal with your own problems and he’ll deal with his!

    I cupped water in my hands and splashed my cut face with it. Soon after, I took a large, bowl-like leaf from the ground and filled it with water. Holding it in both my hands, I turned around and slowly walked towards the enormous tree which was highlighted by the moonlight.

    At least now you only have ONE thing to care for…

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    When you try your best, but you don't succeed
    When you get what you want, but not what you need
    When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
    Stuck in reverse

    And the tears come streaming down your face
    When you lose something you can't replace
    When you love someone but it goes to waste
    Could it be worse?

    Lights will guide you home
    And ignite your bones
    And I will try to fix you

    When high up above or down below
    When you're too in love to let it go
    But if you never try you'll never know
    Just what you're worth

    Lights will guide you home
    And ignite your bones
    And I will try to fix you


    -"Fix You" By Coldplay

    AN: I wasn't originally going to put the last scene in, but Elyvorg of Serebii gave me the idea.
    So...Character developement, I think. Jeff's out of his annoying depression and yeah... stuff. xD
    Also: WOO UNDER ONE POST FINALLY!!!
    Last edited by Griff4815; 12th November 2007 at 3:54 PM.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 17 is up.

  13. #113
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    I would review this one....but I need to catch up first.

    I read the next 10 chapters, and I will give it to you straight.

    You steadily improved throughout the fic, description letting up a bit for Chapters 4 and 5, but steadily imorving as you went on. Lenght also improved as the chapters went on, providing for a healthy lenght for your latest chappy.

    Plotwise has been good, in fact, I beleive it is the strongest point in the fic. Some chapters that are from treeko's perspective are excellently written.

    Your one weakness is your characthers gary-sun ness. You said in the begining of your latest chappy that you'd improve that, so fine.

    Your almost there, but not yet....Keep improving, and I will be here every step of the way.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

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  14. #114
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    Copied and pasted from the one you posted on Pokecommunity? Because in the pre-chapter comments, you're talking to people who aren't there. =P

    Anyway, to the review.
    I wasn't originally going to put the last scene in, but Elyvorg of Serebii gave me the idea.
    And I am so glad that I did. It was brilliantly done, and really spiced up a chapter which would have been rather bland without it. I can certainly see why you've been fed up with having to write this one to move on.

    So, Jeff's life changed by one hot shower? Nice to see he's facing reality again. I don't see how he can be considered a Gary-Stu myself, what with having been a bit of an *** since Kristie rejected him, and the sheer number of bad things that happen to him. Interesting to note how Corphish is the only one of his Pokémon currently happy to battle with him. I look forward to the development of Daedalus in terms of willingness to battle. And it was also rather ironic how Hitmonlee and Bayleef both wanted Jeff to do the complete opposite regarding Treecko. Of course, we all know which one he's going to please...

    Can't really say too much else about the chapter given how fillerish it was, but I will say that you captured Jeff's awkwardness and indicisiveness well. As for the Treecko section, 'twas much longer and more in-depth than I expected it to be, and I loved it. I can't help liking Treecko, even if he can be an independent, selfish little bugger.

    Though it's the thing you struggle on the most, your flow seems to be improving all the time. I only noticed one instance of jerkiness (well, I may have noticed more but I read the chapter a few hours ago and can't be bothered to look through it again for mistakes). It's here:
    There was a gloomy aura accompanying the lightless abyss of the home. There was an eerie silence with the exception of one discouraging noise:
    and it's a simple case of starting to consecutive sentences in exactly the same way. Be particularly careful with little mistakes in your first few paragraphs, as they're the ones most likely to be noticed because the readers aren't yet fully absorbed.

    And I have a couple of other nitpicks that are tiny, really.
    roughly twenty-three
    I found it somewhat amusing how a figure of twenty-three can be considered rough.

    My eyes… the yellow organs stared eternally into each other.
    "organs" seemed like a really factual word to use in such an emotional situation; something more elaborate like "orbs" would perhaps fit better.

    Anyway, enough of the nitpicks. I look forward to the next chapter, which you have so often promised will be brilliant. =D
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  15. #115
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    A good chapter, but you seem to be inconsistent in how your character's internal thoughts are shown.

    Sometimes you do it like this

    "Other times you do it like this," Apotheosis thought.

    But perhaps Griff should do it this way, Apotheosis thought.

    Whatever way you decide to do, consistency is important. Anyway, I thought of a good song to fit Treecko at the moment, so here you go: http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/hacksign/theworld.htm

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  16. #116
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    HURRAH NO MORE EMO-JEFF!!! (at least for now)...

    Nice to see that Treecko's also having second thoughts - it rounded out a really good chapter. Even though I predicted that Jeff would be less emo and decided to become a trainer again for at least a while in this chapter, AND that he would be cut down by the kids he was giving the talk to regarding his 'starter', it was well written and enjoyable, so I didn't have to worry about the predictability getting in the way.

    Nice twist on having Sam's Pokemon being a Treecho. Very nice. Probaby the highlight of the chapter for me.

    Good suggestion Elyvorg (BTW you double-posted...) for that last scene - it certainly made the chapter that much better. Loved it.

    Nothing much - if anything - to nitpick here. I liked the idea that Jeff started reconsidering things while having a shower - I can relate to that (do maybe not Pokemon-wise). I did feel that the part leading up to Jeff's chat with Prof.'s students after that event was a bit dull, and it certainly was duller then the rest of the chapter. Maybe the tempo of those scenes let it down, may lacking some of the awesome description, maybe lacking action - I cannot pinpoint it but something made it worse - I guess you'd have a better chance of seeing it as you're the author. Maybe a combination of the three...?

    Do disagree Manaphyman with Jeff referred to as a Gary-Stu - cannot see how you see that - maybe in the VERY early parts of the story, but certainly not afterwards...

    Unfortunately the nitpick-able things I saw have already been nitpicked... bleh. Someone else better at spotting this stuff might see more, but it was a good work from you - nice description, good plot with a nice twist involving another Treecho, and some funny comic moments - and I thought that Jeff desereved everything he got - ie that problem caused by Hitmonlee/Bayleef making him promise two opposite things, and the kids cutting him down to size regarding his starter.

    Keep it up. Please do.

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  17. #117
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    A good chapter, but you seem to be inconsistent in how your character's internal thoughts are shown.

    Sometimes you do it like this

    "Other times you do it like this," Apotheosis thought.

    But perhaps Griff should do it this way, Apotheosis thought.

    Whatever way you decide to do, consistency is important. Anyway, I thought of a good song to fit Treecko at the moment, so here you go:
    Alright Griffy, I'm caught up.

    I basicaly agree with Apothesis here. That was the only problem I found with this chappy.

    HURRAH NO MORE EMO-JEFF!!! (at least for now)...

    Nice to see that Treecko's also having second thoughts - it rounded out a really good chapter. Even though I predicted that Jeff would be less emo and decided to become a trainer again for at least a while in this chapter, AND that he would be cut down by the kids he was giving the talk to regarding his 'starter', it was well written and enjoyable, so I didn't have to worry about the predictability getting in the way.

    Nice twist on having Sam's Pokemon being a Treecho. Very nice. Probaby the highlight of the chapter for me.
    YES, NO MORE EMO JEFF!!

    I agree with bobandbill here with that stament and more. Nice plot twists. Sam's Treecko was also good.

    I need to post earlier so I can properly review...

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

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  18. #118
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    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg View Post
    Copied and pasted from the one you posted on Pokecommunity? Because in the pre-chapter comments, you're talking to people who aren't there. =P

    Anyway, to the review.

    And I am so glad that I did. It was brilliantly done, and really spiced up a chapter which would have been rather bland without it. I can certainly see why you've been fed up with having to write this one to move on.

    So, Jeff's life changed by one hot shower? Nice to see he's facing reality again. I don't see how he can be considered a Gary-Stu myself, what with having been a bit of an *** since Kristie rejected him, and the sheer number of bad things that happen to him. Interesting to note how Corphish is the only one of his Pokémon currently happy to battle with him. I look forward to the development of Daedalus in terms of willingness to battle. And it was also rather ironic how Hitmonlee and Bayleef both wanted Jeff to do the complete opposite regarding Treecko. Of course, we all know which one he's going to please...

    Can't really say too much else about the chapter given how fillerish it was, but I will say that you captured Jeff's awkwardness and indicisiveness well. As for the Treecko section, 'twas much longer and more in-depth than I expected it to be, and I loved it. I can't help liking Treecko, even if he can be an independent, selfish little bugger.

    Though it's the thing you struggle on the most, your flow seems to be improving all the time. I only noticed one instance of jerkiness (well, I may have noticed more but I read the chapter a few hours ago and can't be bothered to look through it again for mistakes). It's here:

    and it's a simple case of starting to consecutive sentences in exactly the same way. Be particularly careful with little mistakes in your first few paragraphs, as they're the ones most likely to be noticed because the readers aren't yet fully absorbed.

    And I have a couple of other nitpicks that are tiny, really.

    I found it somewhat amusing how a figure of twenty-three can be considered rough.


    "organs" seemed like a really factual word to use in such an emotional situation; something more elaborate like "orbs" would perhaps fit better.

    Anyway, enough of the nitpicks. I look forward to the next chapter, which you have so often promised will be brilliant. =D
    I editted out those pre-chapter comments xD

    Thanks for the idea since it apparently made the chapter better, as you said. You can have that Grovyle lollipop that I offered earlier.

    Or DO WE know who he's going to please *looks around shiftily*

    And yeah, Treecko is a bit of a prick... a lovable prick at that. xP

    Also, I'm happy to know I'm improving.

    Quote Originally Posted by Apotheosis View Post
    A good chapter, but you seem to be inconsistent in how your character's internal thoughts are shown.

    Sometimes you do it like this

    "Other times you do it like this," Apotheosis thought.

    But perhaps Griff should do it this way, Apotheosis thought.

    Whatever way you decide to do, consistency is important. Anyway, I thought of a good song to fit Treecko at the moment, so here you go: http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/hacksign/theworld.htm
    As for the thoughts when writing 3rd person (not limited) I use "This" or "<this, if a pokemon>"

    When writing in 1st I ditch the "aigoiag" and the "<kjagvba>" and just use italics so I don't break up the 1st person flow.

    Duly noted, though.

    Also that is a pretty suiting song for Treecko. :P

    Quote Originally Posted by bobandbill View Post
    HURRAH NO MORE EMO-JEFF!!! (at least for now)...

    Nice to see that Treecko's also having second thoughts - it rounded out a really good chapter. Even though I predicted that Jeff would be less emo and decided to become a trainer again for at least a while in this chapter, AND that he would be cut down by the kids he was giving the talk to regarding his 'starter', it was well written and enjoyable, so I didn't have to worry about the predictability getting in the way.

    Nice twist on having Sam's Pokemon being a Treecho. Very nice. Probaby the highlight of the chapter for me.

    Good suggestion Elyvorg (BTW you double-posted...) for that last scene - it certainly made the chapter that much better. Loved it.

    Nothing much - if anything - to nitpick here. I liked the idea that Jeff started reconsidering things while having a shower - I can relate to that (do maybe not Pokemon-wise). I did feel that the part leading up to Jeff's chat with Prof.'s students after that event was a bit dull, and it certainly was duller then the rest of the chapter. Maybe the tempo of those scenes let it down, may lacking some of the awesome description, maybe lacking action - I cannot pinpoint it but something made it worse - I guess you'd have a better chance of seeing it as you're the author. Maybe a combination of the three...?

    Do disagree Manaphyman with Jeff referred to as a Gary-Stu - cannot see how you see that - maybe in the VERY early parts of the story, but certainly not afterwards...

    Unfortunately the nitpick-able things I saw have already been nitpicked... bleh. Someone else better at spotting this stuff might see more, but it was a good work from you - nice description, good plot with a nice twist involving another Treecho, and some funny comic moments - and I thought that Jeff desereved everything he got - ie that problem caused by Hitmonlee/Bayleef making him promise two opposite things, and the kids cutting him down to size regarding his starter.

    Keep it up. Please do.
    Yay, No more "emo"-Jeff, indeed!!

    Yeah those things were a bit predictable, although I was worried Sam's starter was predictable. I'm happy it wasn't :P

    I think that the reason was that, upon the morning scene and upto the class scene, it felt admittedly rushed. Like I mentioned to Elyvorg, I just wanted to get by this chapter, but I put more effort into the Treecko scene because I was "feeling it [the chapter]" as I wrote that part.

    Quote Originally Posted by Manaphyman View Post
    Alright Griffy, I'm caught up.

    I basicaly agree with Apothesis here. That was the only problem I found with this chappy.



    YES, NO MORE EMO JEFF!!

    I agree with bobandbill here with that stament and more. Nice plot twists. Sam's Treecko was also good.

    I need to post earlier so I can properly review...
    Sweet. (lol, 'Griffy' :P )

    Should I add you to the PM list or should you just assume that there's a new chapter whenever it comes from out from the 2nd or 3rd page? xD


    ANyways, Thanks all for reviewing! I'm moving out for 2-3 weeks but I'll still have internet access. I also think I'll finish this chapter within the week, no concrete promises, though.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 17 is up.

  19. #119
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    Jeff was taken aback by his friend's anger.
    I’ll punch you in wherever it is that your mouth is!
    walking towards his parents' bedroom.
    Changed because Jeff does have two parents.
    Okay, you guys go over to the ranch and hang out until we come out.
    Didn’t she used to hang out with your friend Alan?
    "Hangout" as one word is a noun.

    I’ll answer any more questions outside!
    it’s his fault, not yours.
    See, this is what happens when everyone decides to update their chapters while I'm at a university residence life conference. I end up reviewing LATE and everyone already says what I was going to say.

    First:
    Quote Originally Posted by Manaphyman View Post
    Your one weakness is your characthers gary-sun ness.
    I believe you're thinking of the "Angst-Sue/Stu," the polar opposite of the Sue/Stu- the character where everything goes wrong for them, they can't ever catch a break, and generally have a gloomy outlook on life. They're usually the result of someone trying TOO hard not to make their character a Sue/Stu. It ends up that they're just as unrealistic as a Sue/Stu, but in the sense that it's hard to believe that anyone's life could be that crappy. And until this last chapter, Jeff was leaning toward that extreme.

    emerging from it was a green pokemon; a green pokemon with a darker green thick tail, a red-pick chest and throat, and green lizard-like eyes.
    This description was very list-like. Given how much Treecko plays an important role in your fic, I expected better...

    “Wasn’t it Kristie from your class, Jeff? Didn’t she used to hangout with your friend Alan? She took a Torchic, I remember,” chimed in the annoyingly observant professor.
    Way to open up a whole can of Wurmple, doc...

    Well, it's a filler chapter, but one where Jeff finally decides to chin up and be a man. And you managed to avoid the whole "character is developing too quickly" trap by having him continually second-guess himself during the talk and battle.

    The contrast between different pairs of characters- Daedalus and Corphish and their desire to battle, and Hitmonlee and Bayleef and their differing opinion of Treecko and whether Jeff should try to get him back.

    Good bit of irony in having Sam use a Treecko of his own (which apparently was picked up by a starter trainer quicker than Jeff's was- must be the attitude.)

    The scene at the end was nice, even though I think you made it less clear whether Treecko wants to return to Jeff's side. Ah, but that was probably your intention there, huh? Yes, and YAY FOR NO MORE EMO-JEFF!

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    I believe you're thinking of the "Angst-Sue/Stu," the polar opposite of the Sue/Stu- the character where everything goes wrong for them, they can't ever catch a break, and generally have a gloomy outlook on life. They're usually the result of someone trying TOO hard not to make their character a Sue/Stu. It ends up that they're just as unrealistic as a Sue/Stu, but in the sense that it's hard to believe that anyone's life could be that crappy. And until this last chapter, Jeff was leaning toward that extreme.
    Yes, sorry, that what I was going for.....

    Anyways, we finally get a break from all of that, as we have no more emo Jeff. I hope we see Jeff's life improving as the chapters go on.

    Also...Since I am completely caught up....So pm list for me please!

    Looking foward to the next chapter, heres hoping Jeff stays not emo!

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
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    Ohhh, so THAT'S what an angst-stu is...*sweatdrops as he realized Jeff almost fell into that category*

    Fact of the matter is I wasn't trying to make an anti-stu. Luck and the irony revolving around luck is an important theme in my fic, which is why Jeff's journey so far has been quite crappy. But yeah like that Switchfoot song says "The Shadow Proves the Sunshine". xP

    And...added to PM list.

    Also Yeah, that is what I'm aiming for with the Treecko scene.

    I am bit ashamed of that list like Treecko descrip, but in my defense, I wanted to get across that is was a Treecko, and was I absent mindedly disregarded how I could have described it better.
    Last edited by Griff4815; 13th November 2007 at 11:36 PM.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 17 is up.

  22. #122
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    OK, this is slow... two days behind finishing review...

    Bah.

    ON to work!

    Jeff was taken aback by his friend’s anger.
    Corppy thrust his claw forward, upper cutting Keith.
    The force of the blow was heavily fuelled by the adrenaline attained by the built up pain and rage.
    OK the last one was a regional glitch... i was bored!

    Personal favourite's were when Dae was left in Hitmonlee's charge, Jeff getting his stupid rear caught in a tough crossroads of promises and Jeff getting his mojo back. On what comes next, this could be one of the most unique fics to hit the boards!

    L@er!
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  23. #123
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    Hey, thanks for reviewing.

    Unfortunately for us all, mediocre filler chapters are sometimes necessary to get the characters out of a rut.

    Cheers, Griff4815
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 17 is up.

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    Isolation


    The steam from the warm bath rose from the rippling water. Corphish was gleefully treading about the relaxing liquid. Jeff sat on the lid of the toilet, which was placed down so that it acted as a seat, while Daedalus perched on the side of the tub, neutral but more happy than not. Corphish waded around the bubble bath and released some bubbles of his own into the air.

    “How are you feeling?” Jeff asked the joyous ruffian pokemon.

    “Corphish cor!” replied Corppy with visible merriment.

    He smiled. “I’m happy this is helping.” Corphish’s happiness, even in his injured state, was contagious to both Jeff and Daedalus. Jeff was glad that Corphish was jolly no matter the situation.

    Is he this happy because I decided to become a trainer again?” he thought, proud of his decision to soldier on with or without Treecko.

    “<Isn’t this great, Dae? Jeff’s a thing where he does the battles with us again!>”

    “<You mean a ‘pokemon trainer’?>”

    Jeff stood up from the white toilet cover and moved over to the red marble sink. He utilized his tooth brush and began to scrub away at his teeth.

    “<Yeah! Isn’t it, Featherhead?>”

    “<I don’t know, Corppy. I guess it’s good that he’s not sulking around like a Staraptor, but battles? I don’t fight other pokemon for sport; I do because I have to!>”

    “<Where’s your sense of fun? It’s so enjoyable to do, battling against different kinds of pokemon,>” Corphish coerced him.

    “<I’m sorry, but I’m not going to throw away my principles just so that I can have…fun. And how can you say it’s fun?! For the better part of the battle, you were getting your claws and tail handed to you with a side serving of lemon for dipping!>” Daedalus trilled, offended and disappointed at his friend.

    “<I won at the end!>” Corphish retorted, trying to defend himself like a student who’s just been scolded by a teacher.

    “<You’re all bruised up! THAT’S supposed to be FUN?!>” he rebuked the once jolly pokemon. There was a brief silence on the side of the brushing of Jeff’s sharp teeth.

    “<You’re a poop,>” Corphish mumbled, just loud enough so Dae could hear him.

    “<…What?>”

    “<You’re a poop!>” said the water type, grinning slightly.

    Daedalus didn’t even bother to argue back; he rubbed his wing down his face in exasperation before flying onto Jeff’s shoulder.

    Jeff acknowledged the Taillow and attempted to say, “Hey,” but he had a mouth full of toothpaste and saliva mixing together to form a creamy goo. He rinsed out his maw and splashed water on his face. Jeff looked out the window beside the mirror and noticed that dusk had forced the sun under the horizon. He leaned in closer to look up at the starry sky but saw no celestial bodies, only gray clouds.

    “You done your bath, Corppy?” Jeff asked the pokemon.

    “<Ask Mr. Poop over there!>” Corphish replied, giggling and pointing to Daedalus on Jeff’s shoulder.

    “<Oh, grow up, Corp!>” Daedalus sputtered in an irked response.

    “<No, you! By the way, these bath salts Jeff put in are REALLY painful! Yet they’re so relaxing…but very very painful.>”

    “<That’s terrific, Corp. Now get your feminine butt out of the bath so we can get a move on!>”

    Corphish jumped out of the tub and landed on the tile, bringing water with him. They walked towards the hallway.

    “<If by feminine you mean cute, then I agree,>” Corphish replied, sticking out his tongue.

    “<Mature today, aren’t we?>”

    They reached the top of the stairs and Corphish looked down them precariously. He then looked up at Jeff with concern, who immediately understood. Jeff picked up Corphish and proceeded down the stairs. The stairs did not squeak with each heavy footstep. Once at the vestibule, Jeff put down Corphish and Daedalus followed after him.

    Bayleef and Hitmonlee solemnly approached from the kitchen. They loomed Jeff slowly. Bayleef was the first to act. She raised her forelegs to Jeff’s waist and wrapped two vines around his chest. Jeff leaned down and returned the ceremonious hug.

    “<I’ll miss you, Jeff. Come back REALLY soon and don’t forget about… you know,>” she whispered hopefully.

    Jeff stared at her expectant red eyes which glistened. He couldn’t stand to see her cry so he reassured her, “I’ll do my VERY best, Bay.”

    They held the hug for many seconds before letting go. Hitmonlee stepped up next. They shook hands, embraced, and slapped each other on the back all at the same time.

    “<Give them hell, Jeff. Don’t back down. And remember what I told you…no matter what. Trust me,>” his fighting friend encouraged.

    “I will… Thanks for looking out for me, pal,” Jeff said shakily, yet sincerely.

    “<That’s what friends are for,>” Hitmonlee answered, with a hint of a cold undertone in his voice.

    The words stung Jeff as he thought about Treecko, who did the polar opposite of Hitmonlee. He decided to think about the task at hand again.

    “Bay? Hit? Would you two like to come along?”

    Bayleef thought about the question but then reluctantly shook her head in refusal. “<I should stay here…but be sure to call. I might come next time you come back.>”

    Hitminlee’s eyes lit up at the offer. He hadn’t battled since he was a Tyrogue, but he looked at Bayleef and then the ground. “<I have some stuff to take care of…but I promise that I will the next time we see each other.>”

    “Ok, then,” said Jeff with understanding. “Also, you guys can make food, I assume? Just in case, I’m going to leave you guys some food that I packed earlier – it doesn’t require heating or anything.” He opened his rucksack, took out several zip locked bags, and placed them on the ground.

    “Goodbye, you guys. I’ll call you from the video phone as soon as I can.”

    He opened the door and his two pokemon trotted and flew down the steps onto the walkway, which was darkened by the night. Jeff began to follow them but something hard and sharp hit his lower spine. He flew forwards and tumbled down the stairs, landing on Corphish’s back. The confused teen looked up at his assailant who was standing in the doorway.

    “<And STAY out!>” laughed Hitmonlee.

    Jeff would have laughed but only sharp exhales escaped his mouth, winded from the cruel joke. He rolled off of the not-amused Corphish and caught his breath.

    “Well at least your goodbyes aren’t as painful as your hellos! DON’T think I won’t get you back for this!”

    “<I’d like to see that day!>” Hitmonlee mocked with a hearty chuckle, closing the door.

    Jeff let out a sigh as he and his pokemon went from the walkway to the sidewalk, where only a few streetlights cast dull orange glows on the barren road, like an industrial torch.

    Oh crap” Jeff brooded in his mind, “I forgot to ask Hitmonlee why he lied to Treecko like that! …Not that it MATTERS now. Oh well, spilled milk.”

    There was a silence except for the distant singing of Kricketots. A slight drizzle of wetness fell from the overhead cloud he inspected earlier.

    “Well I can’t send out Onix now,” Jeff mumbled.

    His pokemon seemed to be worried that the rain would dampen Jeff’s mood seeing as it just started as they were resurrecting their journey. To prove to his pokemon that he wasn’t a ‘no-fun-Numel’, as the expression went, he made an enthusiastic suggestion.

    “Hey, guys!? How about we have a race from here into the forest?” he beamed cheerfully.

    Corphish hopped around in agreement and Daedalus put on a smile and agreed. They formed a line in the middle of the street.

    “Ok, from here to a good deal into the forest. No rules or limitations; just run straight ahead. Who wants to count down?”

    Corphish took the offer. “Corphish… Corp corp… Corphish phish… Phish cor Corphish… COR!” he yelled sprinting on his many feet while Daedalus went by air.

    Jeff was daunted by the unfamiliar countdown, so it took him a moment to pursue after them. They raced down the middle of the long, dark street. Daedalus had taken the lead and Jeff sprinted to catch up with Corphish. The water type’s little legs were hindering his speed on the cement. Jeff shortly went past him and ahead, giving Daedalus a fly for his money.

    Corppy, realizing that he couldn’t catch up by regular means, took advantage of the ‘no rules’ rule. As he ran, he opened up his pincers to use his ranged attack, bubblebeam. He unleashed the bubbles at the two ahead of him. They whizzed by Jeff’s head and legs, narrowly missing but causing him to instinctively maneuver himself to dodge. A large blue orb, however, clipped Daedalus’s wing and sent him spiraling to the pavement in front of Corphish.

    “<HAH, CAN YOU FEEL THE BUBBLES MELT, BI->” It turned out that Corphish was going faster than he thought, seeing that Daedalus’s body closed in and Corphish ended up tripping over it face first into the rain-soaked cement.

    Jeff didn’t look back while running. They were all just on the edge of both the town and Route 101 now. The human aptly dashed over bushes and through the now-wet, mossy forest bed, running against the cloudburst. He made a good way into the woodland.

    By now he was heaving from exertion as a consequence of the long run. He decided he would slow down and wait for the others. Jeff leaned against a tree and panted, struggling for a breath. He shut his eyes and waited; the heavy backpack he carried paid its toll on him. He breathed in and out, his heart pumping vigorously. Rain, which began to pour harder, leaked onto his face and into his mouth, quenching his thirst.

    A shaking of a leafy branch could be heard.

    “Corphish… Dae… I’m over…here!” he exclaimed through breaths.

    The shaking continued and it became closer and from up high. He became paranoid so he shot his eyes open. He looked at the rain beating the tree canopies. There was nothing.

    Suddenly, something popped out from the bough of the tree parallel from him. He flinched and then looked up and a pokemon on the branch, who traveled on the wooden limb before its peripheral vision caught sight of the human. It stopped dead in its tracks and darted its head sideways. He had two yellow orbs leering into his. This was all he could clearly make out until a flash of forked lightning hit a little ways away. The electric strike illuminated both beings – each studied their respective counterpart. Standing on all fours on the branch was a light green skinned pokemon. The rain water trickled down from the green to the red underbelly. The muscular tail of the hauntingly familiar pokemon flinched. The pouring element dripped off of the end of the straight twig in its mouth.

    Neither figure moved. They both remained in a still shock, like they were being paralyzed by a stun spore. Jeff recognized the pokemon as Treecko… the same Treecko he knew… the one who abandoned him. The stunned wood gecko also identified the astonished human. Their mouths slackened and eyes widened, ignoring the water droplets stinging their respective orbs of sight. The moment either seemed like or was several minutes long. The two gaping figures were drenched and neither knew if they were seeing the real thing.

    Suddenly, movement in the bushed beside him caused Jeff’s head to turn. At that moment, the Treecko turned and bounded away from branch to branch. From the bushes came Corphish and Daedalus, panting and drenched.

    “<We’ve been looking for you and calling your name for the past several minutes!>” Corphish said, even though he knew it fell upon deaf ears.

    Jeff darted his head back to where the Treecko previously stood.

    “I… I saw… Treecko!” Jeff stuttered still in disbelief.

    Corphish’s jaw dropped. “<Really?! Where?! We’ll go follow him!>”

    “He was up there.” Jeff pointed out the branch where he believed Treecko had stood. “He ran off once we heard the rustling… I think.”

    Corphish looked excited but Daedalus looked skeptical.

    “I’m not sure. I don’t think I even saw him. I was exhausted from running, then I closed my eyes. I probably just dozed off and was half asleep.”

    “<But what if it WAS him?>” Corphish protested.

    “<Then the *sshole clearly doesn’t want to be with us, seeing as he ran,>” Daedalus said hot-temperedly.

    Corphish looked at him in surprise and discouragement. “<Fine…>”

    Jeff, who was still stunned from the apparent vision began to walk forwards.

    With a shaky, fearful voice, Jeff goaded, “Come on, guys… let’s go catch a pokemon or something!”

    The pokemon didn’t protest as they agreed that it would probably take his mind off the bad dream.

    “Heeeere, poke-poke-pokemonssss…”

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The rain continued to pour into the night, creating cavernous puddles and sodden trees which excreted the fetid aroma of wet wood. The three comrades traveled through plants and bushes, soaked to the bone. The catching escapade was a flop. Corphish picked a fight with a Wurmple but got a face-full of string shot. He was still grumbling as he picked pieces of sticky silk from his face with his claws.

    Jeff stopped and looked around him, surrounded by woods. Both he and his pokemon knew it. He was lost. Daedalus flew up and landed on his shoulder, covered by a saturated shirt.

    “Do you know where we are Dae?” he asked him, bewildered.

    The tiny swallow pokemon shook his head. “<How the hell would I know, we steered clear of this place ever since what happened way-back-when.>”

    The dark brown haired male sighed and declared, “Straight ahead, it is. We’re bound to hit a road eventually.”

    Jeff decided to pick Corphish up and continued tromping through the pouring rain. The intimidating torrent made it impossible to see where one was going. Jeff began to run as best as he could, clutching and struggling to hold up both pokemon tightly to his chest. He feared that they would get hypothermia from the deluge as he could feel their body temperatures drop. He would have put them in their pokeballs, but the two devices were buried at the bottom of his backpack and he would have to unload everything into the sopping dirt to get them. His hardest sprinting resulted in a jogger’s pace since the thirty-five pounds worth of pokemon added to his substantial rucksack.

    His forced dash came to a halt when he ran towards thick bushes which seemed familiar enough. The sudden stop was brought on by a misstep into a pothole-sized pitfall, which the rain filled to the brim, deceptively disguising its true deepness. His caught leg caused him and his pokemon to fall forwards into a bush. Corphish’s horns missed impaling his hand by mere inches.

    “Woah… Hey, there looks like a clearing on the otherside!”

    He pulled his aching shin and foot from the hole and crawled ahead into the bush along with his pokemon.

    “<Stop, I hear something!>” Daedalus hopped in front of them and outstretched his wings. When Jeff continued forward in the bush, Daedalus lightly pecked his face, causing him to curse and halt.

    They were still and listened for sound. They heard grunts of male pokemon; they were relatively high and calm.

    “<What would be out in this weather?>” Corphish whispered.

    They silently squirmed through the bush and poked their heads through the leaves. What they saw was a massive, old tree which was like a colossus. The immense boughs of the tree were big enough to be small trees on their own. The canopy created a massive umbrella, even though most of the leaves had disappeared from the limbs of the old, wooden titan. The rain seemed to be tolling on the tree.

    “My Arceus…” Jeff whispered to himself. “It’s Treecko’s home!”

    They looked over from the tree, to its left, and saw a familiar outline of a figure silhouetted from the night by the rain. It was Treecko. Jeff wasn’t dreaming!

    “COR-,” Corphish began to call, but Jeff cupped his hand over his mouth.

    “No. Wait.”

    Corppy remained impatient and very excited. Daedalus, on the other hand, was surprised, but then glowered in contempt. Jeff was still in shock as he gazed at his old, cut-up and beaten starter.

    They watched the grass type from the bushes. Treecko had a large, bowl-like leaf which was full of rain water in his green hands. He dragged the heavy thing towards the tree, grunting with each haul. By the resonance of his strained voice, it sounded like he had been burdened with whatever it was he was doing for sometime. Treecko got the leaf to the base of the tree before he carefully up turned the leaf onto a root. The wood gecko backed away from the tree with the leaf and waited for it to fill again. The leaf was filled almost completely before Treecko walked back towards his home with it in hand.

    “He’s watering his tree?” Jeff thought aloud.

    The grass type, ignoring the pounding element on his back, made it back to the tree and, with paramount grace, poured the leaf’s contents onto the roots. Jeff carefully examined Treecko’s face with the action and his very soul was stunned.

    Treecko had a look that he had never seen before. He was smiling! It was a genuine smile, not a grin of victory or a smirk of sarcasm. Jeff looked closer. The expression he had was that of extreme caring and calm bliss. This is what he looked like when he loved something. He treasured and loved his home more than anything, and caring for it was the one thing that made him happy, it seemed. Each trickle of water on the roots soothed and detached the Treecko. This was his heaven.

    Jeff broke a smile. Not because something was funny or he was joyful, but it comforted him knowing that Treecko was finally happy. Jeff continued to watch him care for his home. His heart warmed from the cold rain as he watched the expression that he had always wanted to see from the grass type. Too bad it wasn’t directly because of him. It crossed his mind to walk up to him and say hello, but he decided he would leave Treecko to his work. Many moments passed and Jeff’s two pokemon looked at him expectantly. He noticed but ignored the duo. Treecko finished pouring the water and turned to continue the process. Lightning struck a little ways behind them, closely followed by the menacing clap of thunder.

    After a few more moments of watching, Jeff crawled out of the bush the way he came and stood up.

    “Come on, let’s go!” he sputtered in order, awaiting the negative responses which were sure to come.

    “<What?! We can’t go! Treeck’s there! We have to go talk to him!>” Corphish carped in protest.

    “I know what you’re probably saying, Corppy. But, no, we’re leaving. I don’t want to disturb him.”

    “<But…>”

    Daedalus raised a wing and cawed angrily, “<Shut it, both of you! I hear something!>”

    Upon hearing Corphish quiet, Jeff also muted correspondingly. They listened carefully. A slight thumping could be heard over the rain. Daedalus pointed over to the left of the clearing, where the noise was coming from. The thumping and the breaking of branches grew louder and undoubtedly closer. Treecko stopped watering the tree and turned towards the noise. He imposingly walked towards the spot.

    “Treecko, no, what are you doing?” Jeff murmured to himself under his breath.

    “<What do you think it is?>” Corphish asked Daedalus.

    The Taillow opened his mouth to answer, but suddenly a quick movement was performed from where Treecko approached. Suddenly, a medium sized net appeared from the forest and ensnared the wood gecko pokemon.

    “<Arceus! What the?!>” he sputtered from underneath the cords.

    Then a purple color emerged from wet, dark timberlands. A wet, sharp horn sparkled, catching the eyes of the three onlookers. Water trickled from the spiky dorsal of the hefty, amethyst-colored pokemon; surprisingly, the white underbelly was less noticeable than the rest of him. One thing that particularly established was the black eye patch on the pokemon’s right eye. The horn-clad beast chuckled triumphantly as he slowly approached the trapped grass type.

    “Nidoking?!” Jeff began to say aloud but Daedalus cupped his wing over his mouth to avoid being seen.

    The memorable poison monarch picked up his catch by the ends of his net, making a bag of sorts. Nidoking whipped the grass type around his head in circles and walked towards the giant tree. He then slammed Treecko into the trunk of the tree, letting go of the net. There was a horrific crack, which Jeff hoped was just the bark. With a cry, Treecko fell to the ground, still tangled.

    He felt completely helpless and pathetic.

    “<Why can’t you defend yourself? You’re stuck in a damned net and at this coward’s mercy. Come on. COME ON!>”

    The determined wood gecko pulled himself to his feet in the rain, despite his countless cuts and bruises. He reared his head backwards and attempted to use his bullet seed attack.

    “<NOT THIS TIME, YOU RUNTY, LITTLE PUNK!>” he roared, grabbing Treecko by the face.

    He picked him up by the head and drove the grass lizard and his arm towards the tree, smashing Treeck into his own home. Treecko impacted the tree and let out a muffled groan. Nidoking performed the slamming action again but harder. Treecko’s head and back hit the hard bark, creating splitting pain before he blacked out. He slumped forwards onto Nidoking’s claw; there were red marks as a result from the net being pressed against his face on his head and there was clear internal bleeding as there was a massive purple bruise on Treecko’s back and tail.

    Nidoking took the netted Treecko by the tail and began to walk into the forest. He swung limply from side to side. They walked out of sight into the raining forest.

    The three onlookers remained in shock.

    “<Oh ‘ceus>” Corphish said, mildly slack-jawed. “<We have to go help him!>”

    “<Why should we?! He wouldn’t have done so for us!>” Daedalus protested.

    Jeff remained in silence.

    “<Well what’s your decision, oh great leader?>” the sour Taillow asked Jeff.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    There was a searing pain on every conceivable inch of my back and tail.

    I stirred and realized I was not yet dead. No ground touched my body and I realized that I was on the move even though none of my limbs willingly moved. My eyes barely opened and saw that I was still surrounded by the net. I was hanging from that Nidoking’s back. I tried to free myself but it was still to no avail. Rain stung my injured body while the heavy night breeze from the storm caused me to sway in the wind; I narrowly missed hitting one of his back spikes. In a continuous attempt to escape, I kept struggling.

    “<Save your strength, pipsqueak. You’ll need it for later.>”

    I could only see behind me. I saw that we left the forest and were now in a clearing, one much bigger than the one where my home was. All of a sudden, we stopped. He dropped me to the ground where I saw him lift something up with much struggle. The poison type then whipped his tail at me, forcing me under whatever it was that he held up. The thing dropped to the wet grass with a ‘clang’.

    I took the opportunity to crawl out of the net and stand up. I found myself facing bars. I turned around. More bars. I was in a cube cage, not one of weak bamboo like the one Corphish and I were in, but one made of sturdy metal. I hopelessly fell to my bruised *ss and accepted defeat for the time being.

    “<You chill out there and cool down! Enjoy it while it lasts.>”

    I lay down and curled up, wishing I was free.

    What a sad sight you are! You basically let yourself get caught. You were completely helpless to do anything and this is where you ended up… STILL just as helpless as when he attacked you!

    I felt utterly pathetic and useless. My face kissed the cold, wet, muddy ground. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t get free, I couldn’t fight back, I couldn’t even stand. There was no word in either my language or the human’s that could describe how low I felt. I deemed the very mud I lay in to be of higher rank than me. I thought I should die then and there. All I could think about was when Seviper attacked us and how I went after him only to fail both myself and Jeff. We both wound up in that healing place due to my weak and dismal actions. I couldn’t fail anybody ever again.

    A familiar echo that I recognized from my past rang through my ears. “<Your number one priority is, above ALL else, your honor. Without it… what are you?>”

    Much to my despair, my honor had been stripped back when I fought Seviper. Now… I AM nothing.

    Sure I beat him in the end, but that meant nothing. I needed strength… power… speed… if I ever hoped to prove myself to anybody. But for the moment… I was nothing. I weakly beat the soaking, mud, sputtering some on my face. I was furious at the pathetically weak blow, but I knew that if I beat the ground again I would only get angrier. I hopelessly just lay there. Nowhere to go. No way to vent my self-induced frustration. No one to talk to. I knew that even if I did bullet seed him down, I still wouldn’t be able to escape. I lay in a heap of my own bruises, rage, and torment.

    “<Arceus, please… Strengthen me, evolve me, or kill me,>” I whispered to both myself and the mythical god. “<Just make me more than the pitiable, weak, pathetic excuse for a Treecko... for a pokemon… that I am now. Keep me from failure. Please…>”

    I fell asleep, curled up in a ball, holding myself while shivering.

    After awhile, the purple pokemon returned and stared into the cage, with a victorious grin. He made a clamor on the bars by dragging his horn across each one.

    “<Wakey wakey, you sorry little pokemon. Hell, I bet a Caterpie is stronger than you!>”

    “<Nidoking…>” I muttered coldly.

    “<It’s DAGGERBACK THE OPPRESSOR! Show some RESPECT to your captor, twerp!>”

    “<Shove it, drill-*ss!>” I retorted defiantly.

    He picked up a small stone and placed in his claws. He then effortlessly flicked it at me, hitting me in my nose. I fell backwards onto my tail. I was secretly incredibly ashamed and embarrassed but I quickly stood up to prove I wasn’t THAT pathetic, although I felt like it.

    “<Hahah! A big mouth for someone who can barely stand. Don’t be so cocky, you runt. Now I have a few questions and you better damn well answer them!>”

    I walked to the other side of the cave and calmly leaned against the bars.

    “<Where did you put those fossils?>” He asked, ALMOST nicely.

    “<I don’t know what you’re talking about.>”

    “<You know EXACTLY what I’m talking about! Tell me the TRUTH, damn you!>” he roared, clutching on the bars angrily.

    I turned my scraped nose up at him and turned away, examining the new twig in my mouth.

    “<YOU ASKED FOR IT!>” he growled. Daggerback, as he like to be called, opened his mouth and spat out many needle-like glowing pins. Two pins hit me in the right foot and the other two hit the shin right above. I found myself on a knee, crying out in pain. I quickly stopped and instead clenched my teeth and breathed heavily as the yells showed weakness.

    “<WHERE ARE THEY?!>” he roared, obviously in dire need of these fossils.

    “<I… wouldn’t tell you… slimy piece of sh*t,>” grunted I, between pants of pain.

    “<HRAAAAH!!!>” he bellowed, whirling around and hitting the cage with his tail. There was a tremendous echo and the cage rattled violently. The bars bent but not enough for me to escape through them. Looking at the bowed metal, an idea popped into my head.

    I kept my cool, which irritated the poison pin pokemon even more. “<How did you get a cage like this anyways?>” I asked him, changing the subject to irk him.

    “<NONE OF YOUR DAMNED BUISNESS!>” he yelled, peering into the cell. He walked away from it and began to pace back and forth. “<Where is that damned Seviper?>” he asked himself in a mumble. “<He was supposed to get that prick’s friends for me.>”

    “<Unconscious, in a crate on a ship, on its way to Kanto from Petalburg.>” I grinned smugly.

    “<ERRGH. Then TELL ME, where are the fossils OR where are your friends!? Or else I’LL go find your friends MYSELF!>”

    “<…What friends?>” I spat, quietly.

    “<The ones that I caught along with you back at my home before you stole my fossils that I stole. That human, too. Where are they?!>”

    I thought to myself, “<They weren’t my friends… they were simply three guys who were in the wrong time and the wrong place.>” Of course I didn’t tell Daggerback that – I liked to keep him in the dark.

    In frustration, he rattled the cage before slamming his hand against it. I stood up and walked towards him with my oh-so-smug grin, glaring rebelliously into his brown eye and his eye patch.

    “<I CAN’T DEAL WITH YOU RIGHT NOW! I’m going to have a snooze under that tree, outta this rain! Go crawl back under that net so you don’t try to go anywhere!>”

    “<Bite me.>”

    “<I’ll do MORE than just BITE you!>” he growled, shaking a purple fist. Daggerback then walked over to my left and slumped against the trunk of a tree, quickly falling asleep.

    I looked around me; ahead there was the clearing, close behind me was the edge of the forest. I sat in the mire and turned my head to my right, where there was the border between the clearing and the woods until it curved at the end. I followed the circular perimeter, with my eyes, from the right to the left, ending where Daggerback was. I looked into the forestry and longed to be in there as opposed to a prisoner to THIS scum.

    I rolled the net into a ball and placed my head on it, using it as a crude pillow. I hoped my home would be ok. I attempted to sleep but I couldn’t, not with the rain and the burning pain. I sat up and looked at the four needles jutting out of my right foot and leg. I sighed and reached for the first one in my foot. I yanked it out and red blood and foreign sap-like substance exited the puncture wound. I made no effort to cry out; instead I bit down hard on the twig and reached for the second needle. After the third pin, sweat dripped down my face, my breathing grew heavy, and my green ankle and foot were coated with blood and poison. I yanked the final toxic thorn out and flicked it aside. The pin almost hit a brown-furred rodent walking out of the forest. It was that Zigzagoon I saw earlier!

    He warily walked towards me.

    “<Hey there, buddy! Looking good!>” he jeered, good-heartedly.

    I shot him a glare.

    “<Ok ok, don’t get your tails in a knot! I’m willing to help you. Because I’m a nice guy, I’ll let your rudeness from earlier slide.>”

    “<It’s ok, really. I can get myself out just fine!>” I insisted.

    “<Yeah, and I’m Groudon’s son! Just stay put and I’ll be back with help in no time!>”

    Before I could protest, he ran off. I sighed and noticed that I felt a little drowsy. I held my face in my hands, trying to stay awake. I would fall into a half asleep state and would have to slap myself awake. Much time had passed. The “trapped in a pokeball” feeling remained strong and constant. Where was that Zigzagoon?

    Suddenly I heard a harsh whisper, saying, “TREECKO!”

    My eyes shot open. Was I hallucinating? I took my head from my hand and looked to my right. To my shock and disarray, I saw Jeff pressed up against the exterior of the cage. I blinked twice, checking to see if I was awake.

    “Quite the situation you landed yourself into!” he said with an upbeat smile.

    “<What do you want?>” I asked him with coldness. I still remembered why I was angry at him.

    “I’ll get you out of here in no time! You’ll probably want to be free ASAP.”

    “<I don’t need your help!>” I hissed, resolutely.

    “<Oh yeah, because you’re CLEARLY well on your way out; digging the tunnel out of there while humming to the ‘Great Escape’ whistle, I see?!>” That familiar sarcastic voice… Corphish. He, along with Daedalus, was standing behind Jeff, Corphish with a huge grin burned onto his face.

    “<What the hell are you doing here? Did that damned Zigzagoon find you?>” I asked, irked.

    Dae bitterly inquired in confusion, “<Zigzagoon? No, Jeff over here said we had to save you after we saw what happened at that tree!>”

    Great, they saw that! Just when I thought I couldn’t be more ashamed of myself THEY had to see my pathetic state back there!

    I turned my back to them in contempt and embarrassment.

    There goes my last chance of any honor.

    “Hang in there, Treeck! I’m getting you out!” Jeff encouraged, pressing on the bars.

    At first he tried to pry the bars apart. After the strenuous failed attempt, he took another approach. He tried to lift the wet cage up.

    “<Jeff, that’s not gonna work,>” I told him.

    He didn’t and couldn’t listen. He continued to try to lift the heavy thing, but the bars were dripping wet and it didn’t move at all. He stepped back, the night rain still pelting them.

    “Damn it! ...I know!” he exclaimed.

    Jeff walked backwards several meters. He then ran towards me and the cage. He rammed into the bars, creating a vibrating clang. He recoiled from the hit and growled.

    “Don’t worry, Treeck,” he said, holding his shoulder. He walked back and then did it again, creating the booming metal sound again. Jeff grimaced upon the hit and shook it off.

    “<Stop it! That won’t help! I can take care of myself!>” I urged. I admit I felt a wave of respect for him for doing what he was doing, but it wasn’t helping.

    He ignored me and Corphish joined in with his crabhammer attack. They didn’t notice that Daggerback was asleep on the other side of the cage. Corphish’s attack hit a bar, moving it slightly, but in turn making a huge noise.

    “<Get out of here! I don’t need you! You’ll wake him!>” I stipulated with tremendous stubbornness.

    “<You heard him! Let’s leave the prick!>” Daedalus agreed, although I was shocked at his choice of words.

    With inflexibility and pain, they continued, all the while making a strident clamor. Just then Daedalus noticed the half-blind Daggerback by the tree – he was waking up!

    “<Idiots! Run!>” I scolded.

    It was too late.

    “<Well, well, well! It seems my bait worked like a charm! Like Rattata to cheese!>” He got up from the tree, where he was almost invisible with the downpour and the pitch-black.

    Jeff and Corppy stopped banging. The three slowly edged to their right, into the clearing, preparing for a fight.

    “<Shouldn’t you be teaching some kids to learn the alphabet, Barney?>” Corphish taunted, much to my annoyance.

    “<Wh… what are you talking about, ruffian?! ERGH, never mind! Either go into the cage willingly or I’ll MAKE you go in there!>”

    Then Daggerback walked towards them, his back turned to me. I seized the opportunity. I jumped up and began to pound my tail against the bar which was slightly dented. It moved a little. I landed and looked over at Daggerback. He swung his tail with medium force, hitting Jeff in the face and Daedalus, who was on his shoulder. Both pretty much cart wheeled in mid air before landing in the grass. Corphish, in anger, began to unleash a torrent of bubbles from his claws, which increased in size with the rain.

    I leapt again and, with every ounce of strength, hit the bar. It bent, but still not enough. I hit it again; I could feel the cuts from my tail reopen and bleed. I grimaced but paid no attention. I hit the metal cage barricade. It curved further but a smear of blood was left on the crooked pole. I looked back over and saw Daggerback with his massive foot on Corphish, pressing him into the ground. With frenzied doggedness I jumped up, let out a cry, and swung my tail as hard as I possibly could. I felt the metal bend with my tail. I landed on one knee and looked up – the bar was arced so that it touched the bar to the left of it.

    It looked like I could squeeze through. With a self-satisfied smirk, I jumped up and grabbed the bent bar and the metal shaft to the right of it with my hands and feet. I wedged my way through the small gap and landed on the wet grass. I turned to look at the Nidoking; he had the three in his arms and was walking back towards the cage. He noticed that I was out of it and began to charge towards me.

    “<HEY!>” he roared.

    I had no choice; I ran into the raining darkness of the forest.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The pirate-like Daggerback, in a grumble, lifted the cage and threw the three under. He quickly bent the obstructed bar back into place. Corphish and Daedalus were still, but barely, conscious. Jeff’s bag was thrown into the clearing so he couldn’t pull any fast ones.

    “<Conceited, pompous, moronic prick,>” Daedalus muttered, getting to his feet.

    “<Who? T-Cko?>” Corphish asked. “<What happened here? You used to be the one sticking up for him and I was the one who hated the jerk… Oh, I guess I still do, a little.>”

    “<I can’t stand his type. Selfish, arrogant, disobedient…>”

    “<Yeah yeah, I get it. Could he BE any more of an ass… But still… he was our friend.>”

    Daggerback walked from their position and, with paranoia, kept a look out for the escaped Treecko under the shade of the rained-upon tree.

    The duo of pokemon complained to each other while Jeff remained unconscious. They stopped upon hearing light scampering in the forest behind them. Daedalus and Corphish edged towards the noise, peering into the forest. Suddenly, a brown, furry rodent pokemon leapt from the bushes and fell face first in the wet grass. Embarrassed, he sneakily got to his feet and shook water from his spiky brown-beige fur off.

    “<Hey, buddy! I couldn’t find anyone but I…>” he stopped talking once he reached the cage and looked around in confusion. “<Hey, where did the mean, green guy go? …Hey, I made a rhyme!>”

    “<Wow! I can rhyme, too! Get us out. Don’t make me shout. If you don’t I’ll crabhammer you into the next route!>” Corphish threatened.

    “<Corppy, please! Sorry about him, he hates the rain,>” Daedalus lied. “<But can you sneak over to the bag in the middle of the clearing and get out the pokeball in the side pocket and then bring it back over, please?>”

    The Zigzagoon was distracted. He stared, stunned at Jeff, who was still unconscious. “<It’s him…>” he whispered to himself.

    “<Well?!>”

    The Zigzagoon snapped out of it. “<Yes. Of course I will! I’m Rishi, by the way,>” he said with surprising, yet put-on confidence. He sneaked on the side of the cage that Daggerback wasn’t on and eyed the bag from afar. He peered around the corner to see the poison pin pokemon turned away. Rishi gulped and dashed for the bag. His running legs trembled with fear, but he made it to the bag and hid behind it just as the Nidoking turned. Seeing nothing, he twisted back around.

    Rishi sighed and ripped open the pocket with his mouth. A pokeball spilled out and he picked it up in his mouth. He began to dart back but then stopped out in the open. Daggerback was staring at him, tapping his foot. Rishi was frozen stiff. He dropped the pokeball in his mouth and began to ran the way he came. Rishi dashed by the cage, with tears in his eyes, yelling, “<I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Tell him I tried!>”

    And then he was gone.

    “<Coward,>” Corphish spat.

    Daggerback leered into the cage and said, “<It’s Q and A time, isn’t it?>”

    Then a bright green pellet shot from where the Nidoking’s tree was. It hit him in the side of the head.

    “<HEY!>” he bellowed, turning in the direction of the shot.

    The snarl awoke Jeff. He groaned, holding his head, looking around. As he sat up against the bars, Treecko appeared from where Zigzagoon ran off.

    “Treecko?! How did you get out?!”

    “<A great search and rescue team you guys are… You should make a rescue squad!>” he said, walking in front of the nearby pokeball.

    “<Oh shut up and get us out of here! Start by releasing Atlas from that pokeball>” Daedalus ordered, unkindly.

    Treecko simply folded his arms, standing behind the turned Daggerback, and claimed, “<No.>”

    The soaking wet, eyepatched Nidoking heard this and turned around. “<You…>”

    The wood gecko answered with a massive volley of bullet seed. Jeff was awed by the sight. The array of light green seeds shot from his throat and pelted Daggerback. While the pokemon was stunned, Treecko jumped up and whacked him across the face with his tail. Daggerback’s horn tore the tail’s flesh, slowing the grass lizard down.

    The night storm didn’t let up; all it did was wash the blood from their wounds.

    The purple beast kicked Treecko forwards, who sprawled on the ground. He then shot three purple pins from his mouth. One missed but hit the pokeball, causing the device to ricochet to the right. One narrowly missed Treecko’s head, and one went through his tail. The grass starter growled in his throat and bit through his replacement twig, as the long purple needle literally pinned Treecko’s tail to the ground. He couldn’t move it without extreme pain; the needle stuck out of the top end but also stuck into the ground.

    Daggerback slowly approached Treecko, laughing a hearty snicker. He raised a foot over Treecko’s head, preparing to knock him out.

    “<Not THIS time, either, you runty little punk.>”

    Treecko didn’t back down; he glared into the brown, angry eye and began to shoot another bullet seed. Both of their actions were halted when they were blinded by a massive bright light coming from beside the cage. Materializing from the light was the titanic rock snake, Atlas. Both fighters were equally shocked, although Treecko hid his more than Daggerback.

    Atlas, irritated by the rain, let out a bellow and picked up the cage with ease in his stony jaws. He flung it into the air and it flew towards the two. Daggerback began to flee, but Treecko couldn’t. The Nidoking was in his charge stance so that he would evade the falling object better, but instead of charging the group he barreled towards the forest. He knew he couldn’t stand up against Atlas.

    Instead of bracing himself, Treecko shot a bullet seed at Daggerback as an apparent last stand. The seed dug into the horned back of the poison pokemon, causing him to stumble and fall to the ground before trying to retreat again.

    Luckily for Treecko, the falling cage was bottom-heavy, so it fell on him without crushing him.

    “<Great job, Atlas! Now TREECKO is back in the cage!>” Corphish half-scolded, half-chuckled.

    “<Sorry, dude,>” Atlas apologized, lifting the cage off of Treecko and throwing it towards the Nidoking who was getting up.

    The rolling enclosure narrowly missed hitting the running away Daggerback and rolled beside him.

    “<I’ll be back, and I’LL BE BACK SOON, YOU F…>”

    The rest of his sentence was cut off by Atlas’s triumphant bellow. Treecko ripped the needle from his tail with a grunt. He broke and clenched it in his hand, causing blood to drop with the shards of the purple pin.

    Treecko emotionlessly walked towards Jeff and the human did likewise. The two best friends glared into each other’s eyes. They stood in silence. Darkness surrounded them and their bodies were soaked from the torrent. While the two stared-off, Corphish looked nervously between Daedalus, who glowered at the grass type, and Atlas, who used his tail as an umbrella for his scarred head. Daggerback continued running away from them until he was out of sight. Treecko and Jeff still stared into one another’s eyes, while the others awaited their reactions. Still nothing; no words were spoken and no muscles moved.

    The wood gecko looked down at himself before looking back up at Jeff. “<You’re still worthless, Treecko. Still… worthless…>”
    Last edited by Griff4815; 19th November 2007 at 2:57 PM.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 17 is up.

  25. #125
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    Nice return of the NidoKing - it's certainly a presistant character that I'm sure we'll see again. Wonder where it got the cage from?

    Good action - and the description and battle was quite good near the end of the chapter. However Treecho seems to have caught the disease that Jeff had two chapter's ago - he seems a bit too depressed and all, with him saying to himself that 'he is nothing' to himself a few too many times for my liking.

    Corphish wins again, with his ever-so-imaginative insults and his pro ryhming skills

    Treecho's POV was ok, although half of the sentences seemed to start with 'I..." - maybe try to work on using I a few less times if possible.

    A decent chapter, although not as good as the last two (although they were bloddy fantastic, so I wouldn't worry about that). I'm not too likeable of the dark setting and alll either, so that's just my personal opinion.

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