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Thread: Never in the Wrong Time or Wrong Place (14A)

  1. #121
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    Ohhh, so THAT'S what an angst-stu is...*sweatdrops as he realized Jeff almost fell into that category*

    Fact of the matter is I wasn't trying to make an anti-stu. Luck and the irony revolving around luck is an important theme in my fic, which is why Jeff's journey so far has been quite crappy. But yeah like that Switchfoot song says "The Shadow Proves the Sunshine". xP

    And...added to PM list.

    Also Yeah, that is what I'm aiming for with the Treecko scene.

    I am bit ashamed of that list like Treecko descrip, but in my defense, I wanted to get across that is was a Treecko, and was I absent mindedly disregarded how I could have described it better.
    Last edited by Griff4815; 13th November 2007 at 11:36 PM.
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  2. #122
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    OK, this is slow... two days behind finishing review...

    Bah.

    ON to work!

    Jeff was taken aback by his friend’s anger.
    Corppy thrust his claw forward, upper cutting Keith.
    The force of the blow was heavily fuelled by the adrenaline attained by the built up pain and rage.
    OK the last one was a regional glitch... i was bored!

    Personal favourite's were when Dae was left in Hitmonlee's charge, Jeff getting his stupid rear caught in a tough crossroads of promises and Jeff getting his mojo back. On what comes next, this could be one of the most unique fics to hit the boards!

    L@er!
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  3. #123
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    Hey, thanks for reviewing.

    Unfortunately for us all, mediocre filler chapters are sometimes necessary to get the characters out of a rut.

    Cheers, Griff4815
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    Chapter 8 (Part 2) of A Dragon in Shining Armour is up.

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  4. #124
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    Isolation


    The steam from the warm bath rose from the rippling water. Corphish was gleefully treading about the relaxing liquid. Jeff sat on the lid of the toilet, which was placed down so that it acted as a seat, while Daedalus perched on the side of the tub, neutral but more happy than not. Corphish waded around the bubble bath and released some bubbles of his own into the air.

    “How are you feeling?” Jeff asked the joyous ruffian pokemon.

    “Corphish cor!” replied Corppy with visible merriment.

    He smiled. “I’m happy this is helping.” Corphish’s happiness, even in his injured state, was contagious to both Jeff and Daedalus. Jeff was glad that Corphish was jolly no matter the situation.

    Is he this happy because I decided to become a trainer again?” he thought, proud of his decision to soldier on with or without Treecko.

    “<Isn’t this great, Dae? Jeff’s a thing where he does the battles with us again!>”

    “<You mean a ‘pokemon trainer’?>”

    Jeff stood up from the white toilet cover and moved over to the red marble sink. He utilized his tooth brush and began to scrub away at his teeth.

    “<Yeah! Isn’t it, Featherhead?>”

    “<I don’t know, Corppy. I guess it’s good that he’s not sulking around like a Staraptor, but battles? I don’t fight other pokemon for sport; I do because I have to!>”

    “<Where’s your sense of fun? It’s so enjoyable to do, battling against different kinds of pokemon,>” Corphish coerced him.

    “<I’m sorry, but I’m not going to throw away my principles just so that I can have…fun. And how can you say it’s fun?! For the better part of the battle, you were getting your claws and tail handed to you with a side serving of lemon for dipping!>” Daedalus trilled, offended and disappointed at his friend.

    “<I won at the end!>” Corphish retorted, trying to defend himself like a student who’s just been scolded by a teacher.

    “<You’re all bruised up! THAT’S supposed to be FUN?!>” he rebuked the once jolly pokemon. There was a brief silence on the side of the brushing of Jeff’s sharp teeth.

    “<You’re a poop,>” Corphish mumbled, just loud enough so Dae could hear him.

    “<…What?>”

    “<You’re a poop!>” said the water type, grinning slightly.

    Daedalus didn’t even bother to argue back; he rubbed his wing down his face in exasperation before flying onto Jeff’s shoulder.

    Jeff acknowledged the Taillow and attempted to say, “Hey,” but he had a mouth full of toothpaste and saliva mixing together to form a creamy goo. He rinsed out his maw and splashed water on his face. Jeff looked out the window beside the mirror and noticed that dusk had forced the sun under the horizon. He leaned in closer to look up at the starry sky but saw no celestial bodies, only gray clouds.

    “You done your bath, Corppy?” Jeff asked the pokemon.

    “<Ask Mr. Poop over there!>” Corphish replied, giggling and pointing to Daedalus on Jeff’s shoulder.

    “<Oh, grow up, Corp!>” Daedalus sputtered in an irked response.

    “<No, you! By the way, these bath salts Jeff put in are REALLY painful! Yet they’re so relaxing…but very very painful.>”

    “<That’s terrific, Corp. Now get your feminine butt out of the bath so we can get a move on!>”

    Corphish jumped out of the tub and landed on the tile, bringing water with him. They walked towards the hallway.

    “<If by feminine you mean cute, then I agree,>” Corphish replied, sticking out his tongue.

    “<Mature today, aren’t we?>”

    They reached the top of the stairs and Corphish looked down them precariously. He then looked up at Jeff with concern, who immediately understood. Jeff picked up Corphish and proceeded down the stairs. The stairs did not squeak with each heavy footstep. Once at the vestibule, Jeff put down Corphish and Daedalus followed after him.

    Bayleef and Hitmonlee solemnly approached from the kitchen. They loomed Jeff slowly. Bayleef was the first to act. She raised her forelegs to Jeff’s waist and wrapped two vines around his chest. Jeff leaned down and returned the ceremonious hug.

    “<I’ll miss you, Jeff. Come back REALLY soon and don’t forget about… you know,>” she whispered hopefully.

    Jeff stared at her expectant red eyes which glistened. He couldn’t stand to see her cry so he reassured her, “I’ll do my VERY best, Bay.”

    They held the hug for many seconds before letting go. Hitmonlee stepped up next. They shook hands, embraced, and slapped each other on the back all at the same time.

    “<Give them hell, Jeff. Don’t back down. And remember what I told you…no matter what. Trust me,>” his fighting friend encouraged.

    “I will… Thanks for looking out for me, pal,” Jeff said shakily, yet sincerely.

    “<That’s what friends are for,>” Hitmonlee answered, with a hint of a cold undertone in his voice.

    The words stung Jeff as he thought about Treecko, who did the polar opposite of Hitmonlee. He decided to think about the task at hand again.

    “Bay? Hit? Would you two like to come along?”

    Bayleef thought about the question but then reluctantly shook her head in refusal. “<I should stay here…but be sure to call. I might come next time you come back.>”

    Hitminlee’s eyes lit up at the offer. He hadn’t battled since he was a Tyrogue, but he looked at Bayleef and then the ground. “<I have some stuff to take care of…but I promise that I will the next time we see each other.>”

    “Ok, then,” said Jeff with understanding. “Also, you guys can make food, I assume? Just in case, I’m going to leave you guys some food that I packed earlier – it doesn’t require heating or anything.” He opened his rucksack, took out several zip locked bags, and placed them on the ground.

    “Goodbye, you guys. I’ll call you from the video phone as soon as I can.”

    He opened the door and his two pokemon trotted and flew down the steps onto the walkway, which was darkened by the night. Jeff began to follow them but something hard and sharp hit his lower spine. He flew forwards and tumbled down the stairs, landing on Corphish’s back. The confused teen looked up at his assailant who was standing in the doorway.

    “<And STAY out!>” laughed Hitmonlee.

    Jeff would have laughed but only sharp exhales escaped his mouth, winded from the cruel joke. He rolled off of the not-amused Corphish and caught his breath.

    “Well at least your goodbyes aren’t as painful as your hellos! DON’T think I won’t get you back for this!”

    “<I’d like to see that day!>” Hitmonlee mocked with a hearty chuckle, closing the door.

    Jeff let out a sigh as he and his pokemon went from the walkway to the sidewalk, where only a few streetlights cast dull orange glows on the barren road, like an industrial torch.

    Oh crap” Jeff brooded in his mind, “I forgot to ask Hitmonlee why he lied to Treecko like that! …Not that it MATTERS now. Oh well, spilled milk.”

    There was a silence except for the distant singing of Kricketots. A slight drizzle of wetness fell from the overhead cloud he inspected earlier.

    “Well I can’t send out Onix now,” Jeff mumbled.

    His pokemon seemed to be worried that the rain would dampen Jeff’s mood seeing as it just started as they were resurrecting their journey. To prove to his pokemon that he wasn’t a ‘no-fun-Numel’, as the expression went, he made an enthusiastic suggestion.

    “Hey, guys!? How about we have a race from here into the forest?” he beamed cheerfully.

    Corphish hopped around in agreement and Daedalus put on a smile and agreed. They formed a line in the middle of the street.

    “Ok, from here to a good deal into the forest. No rules or limitations; just run straight ahead. Who wants to count down?”

    Corphish took the offer. “Corphish… Corp corp… Corphish phish… Phish cor Corphish… COR!” he yelled sprinting on his many feet while Daedalus went by air.

    Jeff was daunted by the unfamiliar countdown, so it took him a moment to pursue after them. They raced down the middle of the long, dark street. Daedalus had taken the lead and Jeff sprinted to catch up with Corphish. The water type’s little legs were hindering his speed on the cement. Jeff shortly went past him and ahead, giving Daedalus a fly for his money.

    Corppy, realizing that he couldn’t catch up by regular means, took advantage of the ‘no rules’ rule. As he ran, he opened up his pincers to use his ranged attack, bubblebeam. He unleashed the bubbles at the two ahead of him. They whizzed by Jeff’s head and legs, narrowly missing but causing him to instinctively maneuver himself to dodge. A large blue orb, however, clipped Daedalus’s wing and sent him spiraling to the pavement in front of Corphish.

    “<HAH, CAN YOU FEEL THE BUBBLES MELT, BI->” It turned out that Corphish was going faster than he thought, seeing that Daedalus’s body closed in and Corphish ended up tripping over it face first into the rain-soaked cement.

    Jeff didn’t look back while running. They were all just on the edge of both the town and Route 101 now. The human aptly dashed over bushes and through the now-wet, mossy forest bed, running against the cloudburst. He made a good way into the woodland.

    By now he was heaving from exertion as a consequence of the long run. He decided he would slow down and wait for the others. Jeff leaned against a tree and panted, struggling for a breath. He shut his eyes and waited; the heavy backpack he carried paid its toll on him. He breathed in and out, his heart pumping vigorously. Rain, which began to pour harder, leaked onto his face and into his mouth, quenching his thirst.

    A shaking of a leafy branch could be heard.

    “Corphish… Dae… I’m over…here!” he exclaimed through breaths.

    The shaking continued and it became closer and from up high. He became paranoid so he shot his eyes open. He looked at the rain beating the tree canopies. There was nothing.

    Suddenly, something popped out from the bough of the tree parallel from him. He flinched and then looked up and a pokemon on the branch, who traveled on the wooden limb before its peripheral vision caught sight of the human. It stopped dead in its tracks and darted its head sideways. He had two yellow orbs leering into his. This was all he could clearly make out until a flash of forked lightning hit a little ways away. The electric strike illuminated both beings – each studied their respective counterpart. Standing on all fours on the branch was a light green skinned pokemon. The rain water trickled down from the green to the red underbelly. The muscular tail of the hauntingly familiar pokemon flinched. The pouring element dripped off of the end of the straight twig in its mouth.

    Neither figure moved. They both remained in a still shock, like they were being paralyzed by a stun spore. Jeff recognized the pokemon as Treecko… the same Treecko he knew… the one who abandoned him. The stunned wood gecko also identified the astonished human. Their mouths slackened and eyes widened, ignoring the water droplets stinging their respective orbs of sight. The moment either seemed like or was several minutes long. The two gaping figures were drenched and neither knew if they were seeing the real thing.

    Suddenly, movement in the bushed beside him caused Jeff’s head to turn. At that moment, the Treecko turned and bounded away from branch to branch. From the bushes came Corphish and Daedalus, panting and drenched.

    “<We’ve been looking for you and calling your name for the past several minutes!>” Corphish said, even though he knew it fell upon deaf ears.

    Jeff darted his head back to where the Treecko previously stood.

    “I… I saw… Treecko!” Jeff stuttered still in disbelief.

    Corphish’s jaw dropped. “<Really?! Where?! We’ll go follow him!>”

    “He was up there.” Jeff pointed out the branch where he believed Treecko had stood. “He ran off once we heard the rustling… I think.”

    Corphish looked excited but Daedalus looked skeptical.

    “I’m not sure. I don’t think I even saw him. I was exhausted from running, then I closed my eyes. I probably just dozed off and was half asleep.”

    “<But what if it WAS him?>” Corphish protested.

    “<Then the *sshole clearly doesn’t want to be with us, seeing as he ran,>” Daedalus said hot-temperedly.

    Corphish looked at him in surprise and discouragement. “<Fine…>”

    Jeff, who was still stunned from the apparent vision began to walk forwards.

    With a shaky, fearful voice, Jeff goaded, “Come on, guys… let’s go catch a pokemon or something!”

    The pokemon didn’t protest as they agreed that it would probably take his mind off the bad dream.

    “Heeeere, poke-poke-pokemonssss…”

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The rain continued to pour into the night, creating cavernous puddles and sodden trees which excreted the fetid aroma of wet wood. The three comrades traveled through plants and bushes, soaked to the bone. The catching escapade was a flop. Corphish picked a fight with a Wurmple but got a face-full of string shot. He was still grumbling as he picked pieces of sticky silk from his face with his claws.

    Jeff stopped and looked around him, surrounded by woods. Both he and his pokemon knew it. He was lost. Daedalus flew up and landed on his shoulder, covered by a saturated shirt.

    “Do you know where we are Dae?” he asked him, bewildered.

    The tiny swallow pokemon shook his head. “<How the hell would I know, we steered clear of this place ever since what happened way-back-when.>”

    The dark brown haired male sighed and declared, “Straight ahead, it is. We’re bound to hit a road eventually.”

    Jeff decided to pick Corphish up and continued tromping through the pouring rain. The intimidating torrent made it impossible to see where one was going. Jeff began to run as best as he could, clutching and struggling to hold up both pokemon tightly to his chest. He feared that they would get hypothermia from the deluge as he could feel their body temperatures drop. He would have put them in their pokeballs, but the two devices were buried at the bottom of his backpack and he would have to unload everything into the sopping dirt to get them. His hardest sprinting resulted in a jogger’s pace since the thirty-five pounds worth of pokemon added to his substantial rucksack.

    His forced dash came to a halt when he ran towards thick bushes which seemed familiar enough. The sudden stop was brought on by a misstep into a pothole-sized pitfall, which the rain filled to the brim, deceptively disguising its true deepness. His caught leg caused him and his pokemon to fall forwards into a bush. Corphish’s horns missed impaling his hand by mere inches.

    “Woah… Hey, there looks like a clearing on the otherside!”

    He pulled his aching shin and foot from the hole and crawled ahead into the bush along with his pokemon.

    “<Stop, I hear something!>” Daedalus hopped in front of them and outstretched his wings. When Jeff continued forward in the bush, Daedalus lightly pecked his face, causing him to curse and halt.

    They were still and listened for sound. They heard grunts of male pokemon; they were relatively high and calm.

    “<What would be out in this weather?>” Corphish whispered.

    They silently squirmed through the bush and poked their heads through the leaves. What they saw was a massive, old tree which was like a colossus. The immense boughs of the tree were big enough to be small trees on their own. The canopy created a massive umbrella, even though most of the leaves had disappeared from the limbs of the old, wooden titan. The rain seemed to be tolling on the tree.

    “My Arceus…” Jeff whispered to himself. “It’s Treecko’s home!”

    They looked over from the tree, to its left, and saw a familiar outline of a figure silhouetted from the night by the rain. It was Treecko. Jeff wasn’t dreaming!

    “COR-,” Corphish began to call, but Jeff cupped his hand over his mouth.

    “No. Wait.”

    Corppy remained impatient and very excited. Daedalus, on the other hand, was surprised, but then glowered in contempt. Jeff was still in shock as he gazed at his old, cut-up and beaten starter.

    They watched the grass type from the bushes. Treecko had a large, bowl-like leaf which was full of rain water in his green hands. He dragged the heavy thing towards the tree, grunting with each haul. By the resonance of his strained voice, it sounded like he had been burdened with whatever it was he was doing for sometime. Treecko got the leaf to the base of the tree before he carefully up turned the leaf onto a root. The wood gecko backed away from the tree with the leaf and waited for it to fill again. The leaf was filled almost completely before Treecko walked back towards his home with it in hand.

    “He’s watering his tree?” Jeff thought aloud.

    The grass type, ignoring the pounding element on his back, made it back to the tree and, with paramount grace, poured the leaf’s contents onto the roots. Jeff carefully examined Treecko’s face with the action and his very soul was stunned.

    Treecko had a look that he had never seen before. He was smiling! It was a genuine smile, not a grin of victory or a smirk of sarcasm. Jeff looked closer. The expression he had was that of extreme caring and calm bliss. This is what he looked like when he loved something. He treasured and loved his home more than anything, and caring for it was the one thing that made him happy, it seemed. Each trickle of water on the roots soothed and detached the Treecko. This was his heaven.

    Jeff broke a smile. Not because something was funny or he was joyful, but it comforted him knowing that Treecko was finally happy. Jeff continued to watch him care for his home. His heart warmed from the cold rain as he watched the expression that he had always wanted to see from the grass type. Too bad it wasn’t directly because of him. It crossed his mind to walk up to him and say hello, but he decided he would leave Treecko to his work. Many moments passed and Jeff’s two pokemon looked at him expectantly. He noticed but ignored the duo. Treecko finished pouring the water and turned to continue the process. Lightning struck a little ways behind them, closely followed by the menacing clap of thunder.

    After a few more moments of watching, Jeff crawled out of the bush the way he came and stood up.

    “Come on, let’s go!” he sputtered in order, awaiting the negative responses which were sure to come.

    “<What?! We can’t go! Treeck’s there! We have to go talk to him!>” Corphish carped in protest.

    “I know what you’re probably saying, Corppy. But, no, we’re leaving. I don’t want to disturb him.”

    “<But…>”

    Daedalus raised a wing and cawed angrily, “<Shut it, both of you! I hear something!>”

    Upon hearing Corphish quiet, Jeff also muted correspondingly. They listened carefully. A slight thumping could be heard over the rain. Daedalus pointed over to the left of the clearing, where the noise was coming from. The thumping and the breaking of branches grew louder and undoubtedly closer. Treecko stopped watering the tree and turned towards the noise. He imposingly walked towards the spot.

    “Treecko, no, what are you doing?” Jeff murmured to himself under his breath.

    “<What do you think it is?>” Corphish asked Daedalus.

    The Taillow opened his mouth to answer, but suddenly a quick movement was performed from where Treecko approached. Suddenly, a medium sized net appeared from the forest and ensnared the wood gecko pokemon.

    “<Arceus! What the?!>” he sputtered from underneath the cords.

    Then a purple color emerged from wet, dark timberlands. A wet, sharp horn sparkled, catching the eyes of the three onlookers. Water trickled from the spiky dorsal of the hefty, amethyst-colored pokemon; surprisingly, the white underbelly was less noticeable than the rest of him. One thing that particularly established was the black eye patch on the pokemon’s right eye. The horn-clad beast chuckled triumphantly as he slowly approached the trapped grass type.

    “Nidoking?!” Jeff began to say aloud but Daedalus cupped his wing over his mouth to avoid being seen.

    The memorable poison monarch picked up his catch by the ends of his net, making a bag of sorts. Nidoking whipped the grass type around his head in circles and walked towards the giant tree. He then slammed Treecko into the trunk of the tree, letting go of the net. There was a horrific crack, which Jeff hoped was just the bark. With a cry, Treecko fell to the ground, still tangled.

    He felt completely helpless and pathetic.

    “<Why can’t you defend yourself? You’re stuck in a damned net and at this coward’s mercy. Come on. COME ON!>”

    The determined wood gecko pulled himself to his feet in the rain, despite his countless cuts and bruises. He reared his head backwards and attempted to use his bullet seed attack.

    “<NOT THIS TIME, YOU RUNTY, LITTLE PUNK!>” he roared, grabbing Treecko by the face.

    He picked him up by the head and drove the grass lizard and his arm towards the tree, smashing Treeck into his own home. Treecko impacted the tree and let out a muffled groan. Nidoking performed the slamming action again but harder. Treecko’s head and back hit the hard bark, creating splitting pain before he blacked out. He slumped forwards onto Nidoking’s claw; there were red marks as a result from the net being pressed against his face on his head and there was clear internal bleeding as there was a massive purple bruise on Treecko’s back and tail.

    Nidoking took the netted Treecko by the tail and began to walk into the forest. He swung limply from side to side. They walked out of sight into the raining forest.

    The three onlookers remained in shock.

    “<Oh ‘ceus>” Corphish said, mildly slack-jawed. “<We have to go help him!>”

    “<Why should we?! He wouldn’t have done so for us!>” Daedalus protested.

    Jeff remained in silence.

    “<Well what’s your decision, oh great leader?>” the sour Taillow asked Jeff.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    There was a searing pain on every conceivable inch of my back and tail.

    I stirred and realized I was not yet dead. No ground touched my body and I realized that I was on the move even though none of my limbs willingly moved. My eyes barely opened and saw that I was still surrounded by the net. I was hanging from that Nidoking’s back. I tried to free myself but it was still to no avail. Rain stung my injured body while the heavy night breeze from the storm caused me to sway in the wind; I narrowly missed hitting one of his back spikes. In a continuous attempt to escape, I kept struggling.

    “<Save your strength, pipsqueak. You’ll need it for later.>”

    I could only see behind me. I saw that we left the forest and were now in a clearing, one much bigger than the one where my home was. All of a sudden, we stopped. He dropped me to the ground where I saw him lift something up with much struggle. The poison type then whipped his tail at me, forcing me under whatever it was that he held up. The thing dropped to the wet grass with a ‘clang’.

    I took the opportunity to crawl out of the net and stand up. I found myself facing bars. I turned around. More bars. I was in a cube cage, not one of weak bamboo like the one Corphish and I were in, but one made of sturdy metal. I hopelessly fell to my bruised *ss and accepted defeat for the time being.

    “<You chill out there and cool down! Enjoy it while it lasts.>”

    I lay down and curled up, wishing I was free.

    What a sad sight you are! You basically let yourself get caught. You were completely helpless to do anything and this is where you ended up… STILL just as helpless as when he attacked you!

    I felt utterly pathetic and useless. My face kissed the cold, wet, muddy ground. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t get free, I couldn’t fight back, I couldn’t even stand. There was no word in either my language or the human’s that could describe how low I felt. I deemed the very mud I lay in to be of higher rank than me. I thought I should die then and there. All I could think about was when Seviper attacked us and how I went after him only to fail both myself and Jeff. We both wound up in that healing place due to my weak and dismal actions. I couldn’t fail anybody ever again.

    A familiar echo that I recognized from my past rang through my ears. “<Your number one priority is, above ALL else, your honor. Without it… what are you?>”

    Much to my despair, my honor had been stripped back when I fought Seviper. Now… I AM nothing.

    Sure I beat him in the end, but that meant nothing. I needed strength… power… speed… if I ever hoped to prove myself to anybody. But for the moment… I was nothing. I weakly beat the soaking, mud, sputtering some on my face. I was furious at the pathetically weak blow, but I knew that if I beat the ground again I would only get angrier. I hopelessly just lay there. Nowhere to go. No way to vent my self-induced frustration. No one to talk to. I knew that even if I did bullet seed him down, I still wouldn’t be able to escape. I lay in a heap of my own bruises, rage, and torment.

    “<Arceus, please… Strengthen me, evolve me, or kill me,>” I whispered to both myself and the mythical god. “<Just make me more than the pitiable, weak, pathetic excuse for a Treecko... for a pokemon… that I am now. Keep me from failure. Please…>”

    I fell asleep, curled up in a ball, holding myself while shivering.

    After awhile, the purple pokemon returned and stared into the cage, with a victorious grin. He made a clamor on the bars by dragging his horn across each one.

    “<Wakey wakey, you sorry little pokemon. Hell, I bet a Caterpie is stronger than you!>”

    “<Nidoking…>” I muttered coldly.

    “<It’s DAGGERBACK THE OPPRESSOR! Show some RESPECT to your captor, twerp!>”

    “<Shove it, drill-*ss!>” I retorted defiantly.

    He picked up a small stone and placed in his claws. He then effortlessly flicked it at me, hitting me in my nose. I fell backwards onto my tail. I was secretly incredibly ashamed and embarrassed but I quickly stood up to prove I wasn’t THAT pathetic, although I felt like it.

    “<Hahah! A big mouth for someone who can barely stand. Don’t be so cocky, you runt. Now I have a few questions and you better damn well answer them!>”

    I walked to the other side of the cave and calmly leaned against the bars.

    “<Where did you put those fossils?>” He asked, ALMOST nicely.

    “<I don’t know what you’re talking about.>”

    “<You know EXACTLY what I’m talking about! Tell me the TRUTH, damn you!>” he roared, clutching on the bars angrily.

    I turned my scraped nose up at him and turned away, examining the new twig in my mouth.

    “<YOU ASKED FOR IT!>” he growled. Daggerback, as he like to be called, opened his mouth and spat out many needle-like glowing pins. Two pins hit me in the right foot and the other two hit the shin right above. I found myself on a knee, crying out in pain. I quickly stopped and instead clenched my teeth and breathed heavily as the yells showed weakness.

    “<WHERE ARE THEY?!>” he roared, obviously in dire need of these fossils.

    “<I… wouldn’t tell you… slimy piece of sh*t,>” grunted I, between pants of pain.

    “<HRAAAAH!!!>” he bellowed, whirling around and hitting the cage with his tail. There was a tremendous echo and the cage rattled violently. The bars bent but not enough for me to escape through them. Looking at the bowed metal, an idea popped into my head.

    I kept my cool, which irritated the poison pin pokemon even more. “<How did you get a cage like this anyways?>” I asked him, changing the subject to irk him.

    “<NONE OF YOUR DAMNED BUISNESS!>” he yelled, peering into the cell. He walked away from it and began to pace back and forth. “<Where is that damned Seviper?>” he asked himself in a mumble. “<He was supposed to get that prick’s friends for me.>”

    “<Unconscious, in a crate on a ship, on its way to Kanto from Petalburg.>” I grinned smugly.

    “<ERRGH. Then TELL ME, where are the fossils OR where are your friends!? Or else I’LL go find your friends MYSELF!>”

    “<…What friends?>” I spat, quietly.

    “<The ones that I caught along with you back at my home before you stole my fossils that I stole. That human, too. Where are they?!>”

    I thought to myself, “<They weren’t my friends… they were simply three guys who were in the wrong time and the wrong place.>” Of course I didn’t tell Daggerback that – I liked to keep him in the dark.

    In frustration, he rattled the cage before slamming his hand against it. I stood up and walked towards him with my oh-so-smug grin, glaring rebelliously into his brown eye and his eye patch.

    “<I CAN’T DEAL WITH YOU RIGHT NOW! I’m going to have a snooze under that tree, outta this rain! Go crawl back under that net so you don’t try to go anywhere!>”

    “<Bite me.>”

    “<I’ll do MORE than just BITE you!>” he growled, shaking a purple fist. Daggerback then walked over to my left and slumped against the trunk of a tree, quickly falling asleep.

    I looked around me; ahead there was the clearing, close behind me was the edge of the forest. I sat in the mire and turned my head to my right, where there was the border between the clearing and the woods until it curved at the end. I followed the circular perimeter, with my eyes, from the right to the left, ending where Daggerback was. I looked into the forestry and longed to be in there as opposed to a prisoner to THIS scum.

    I rolled the net into a ball and placed my head on it, using it as a crude pillow. I hoped my home would be ok. I attempted to sleep but I couldn’t, not with the rain and the burning pain. I sat up and looked at the four needles jutting out of my right foot and leg. I sighed and reached for the first one in my foot. I yanked it out and red blood and foreign sap-like substance exited the puncture wound. I made no effort to cry out; instead I bit down hard on the twig and reached for the second needle. After the third pin, sweat dripped down my face, my breathing grew heavy, and my green ankle and foot were coated with blood and poison. I yanked the final toxic thorn out and flicked it aside. The pin almost hit a brown-furred rodent walking out of the forest. It was that Zigzagoon I saw earlier!

    He warily walked towards me.

    “<Hey there, buddy! Looking good!>” he jeered, good-heartedly.

    I shot him a glare.

    “<Ok ok, don’t get your tails in a knot! I’m willing to help you. Because I’m a nice guy, I’ll let your rudeness from earlier slide.>”

    “<It’s ok, really. I can get myself out just fine!>” I insisted.

    “<Yeah, and I’m Groudon’s son! Just stay put and I’ll be back with help in no time!>”

    Before I could protest, he ran off. I sighed and noticed that I felt a little drowsy. I held my face in my hands, trying to stay awake. I would fall into a half asleep state and would have to slap myself awake. Much time had passed. The “trapped in a pokeball” feeling remained strong and constant. Where was that Zigzagoon?

    Suddenly I heard a harsh whisper, saying, “TREECKO!”

    My eyes shot open. Was I hallucinating? I took my head from my hand and looked to my right. To my shock and disarray, I saw Jeff pressed up against the exterior of the cage. I blinked twice, checking to see if I was awake.

    “Quite the situation you landed yourself into!” he said with an upbeat smile.

    “<What do you want?>” I asked him with coldness. I still remembered why I was angry at him.

    “I’ll get you out of here in no time! You’ll probably want to be free ASAP.”

    “<I don’t need your help!>” I hissed, resolutely.

    “<Oh yeah, because you’re CLEARLY well on your way out; digging the tunnel out of there while humming to the ‘Great Escape’ whistle, I see?!>” That familiar sarcastic voice… Corphish. He, along with Daedalus, was standing behind Jeff, Corphish with a huge grin burned onto his face.

    “<What the hell are you doing here? Did that damned Zigzagoon find you?>” I asked, irked.

    Dae bitterly inquired in confusion, “<Zigzagoon? No, Jeff over here said we had to save you after we saw what happened at that tree!>”

    Great, they saw that! Just when I thought I couldn’t be more ashamed of myself THEY had to see my pathetic state back there!

    I turned my back to them in contempt and embarrassment.

    There goes my last chance of any honor.

    “Hang in there, Treeck! I’m getting you out!” Jeff encouraged, pressing on the bars.

    At first he tried to pry the bars apart. After the strenuous failed attempt, he took another approach. He tried to lift the wet cage up.

    “<Jeff, that’s not gonna work,>” I told him.

    He didn’t and couldn’t listen. He continued to try to lift the heavy thing, but the bars were dripping wet and it didn’t move at all. He stepped back, the night rain still pelting them.

    “Damn it! ...I know!” he exclaimed.

    Jeff walked backwards several meters. He then ran towards me and the cage. He rammed into the bars, creating a vibrating clang. He recoiled from the hit and growled.

    “Don’t worry, Treeck,” he said, holding his shoulder. He walked back and then did it again, creating the booming metal sound again. Jeff grimaced upon the hit and shook it off.

    “<Stop it! That won’t help! I can take care of myself!>” I urged. I admit I felt a wave of respect for him for doing what he was doing, but it wasn’t helping.

    He ignored me and Corphish joined in with his crabhammer attack. They didn’t notice that Daggerback was asleep on the other side of the cage. Corphish’s attack hit a bar, moving it slightly, but in turn making a huge noise.

    “<Get out of here! I don’t need you! You’ll wake him!>” I stipulated with tremendous stubbornness.

    “<You heard him! Let’s leave the prick!>” Daedalus agreed, although I was shocked at his choice of words.

    With inflexibility and pain, they continued, all the while making a strident clamor. Just then Daedalus noticed the half-blind Daggerback by the tree – he was waking up!

    “<Idiots! Run!>” I scolded.

    It was too late.

    “<Well, well, well! It seems my bait worked like a charm! Like Rattata to cheese!>” He got up from the tree, where he was almost invisible with the downpour and the pitch-black.

    Jeff and Corppy stopped banging. The three slowly edged to their right, into the clearing, preparing for a fight.

    “<Shouldn’t you be teaching some kids to learn the alphabet, Barney?>” Corphish taunted, much to my annoyance.

    “<Wh… what are you talking about, ruffian?! ERGH, never mind! Either go into the cage willingly or I’ll MAKE you go in there!>”

    Then Daggerback walked towards them, his back turned to me. I seized the opportunity. I jumped up and began to pound my tail against the bar which was slightly dented. It moved a little. I landed and looked over at Daggerback. He swung his tail with medium force, hitting Jeff in the face and Daedalus, who was on his shoulder. Both pretty much cart wheeled in mid air before landing in the grass. Corphish, in anger, began to unleash a torrent of bubbles from his claws, which increased in size with the rain.

    I leapt again and, with every ounce of strength, hit the bar. It bent, but still not enough. I hit it again; I could feel the cuts from my tail reopen and bleed. I grimaced but paid no attention. I hit the metal cage barricade. It curved further but a smear of blood was left on the crooked pole. I looked back over and saw Daggerback with his massive foot on Corphish, pressing him into the ground. With frenzied doggedness I jumped up, let out a cry, and swung my tail as hard as I possibly could. I felt the metal bend with my tail. I landed on one knee and looked up – the bar was arced so that it touched the bar to the left of it.

    It looked like I could squeeze through. With a self-satisfied smirk, I jumped up and grabbed the bent bar and the metal shaft to the right of it with my hands and feet. I wedged my way through the small gap and landed on the wet grass. I turned to look at the Nidoking; he had the three in his arms and was walking back towards the cage. He noticed that I was out of it and began to charge towards me.

    “<HEY!>” he roared.

    I had no choice; I ran into the raining darkness of the forest.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The pirate-like Daggerback, in a grumble, lifted the cage and threw the three under. He quickly bent the obstructed bar back into place. Corphish and Daedalus were still, but barely, conscious. Jeff’s bag was thrown into the clearing so he couldn’t pull any fast ones.

    “<Conceited, pompous, moronic prick,>” Daedalus muttered, getting to his feet.

    “<Who? T-Cko?>” Corphish asked. “<What happened here? You used to be the one sticking up for him and I was the one who hated the jerk… Oh, I guess I still do, a little.>”

    “<I can’t stand his type. Selfish, arrogant, disobedient…>”

    “<Yeah yeah, I get it. Could he BE any more of an ass… But still… he was our friend.>”

    Daggerback walked from their position and, with paranoia, kept a look out for the escaped Treecko under the shade of the rained-upon tree.

    The duo of pokemon complained to each other while Jeff remained unconscious. They stopped upon hearing light scampering in the forest behind them. Daedalus and Corphish edged towards the noise, peering into the forest. Suddenly, a brown, furry rodent pokemon leapt from the bushes and fell face first in the wet grass. Embarrassed, he sneakily got to his feet and shook water from his spiky brown-beige fur off.

    “<Hey, buddy! I couldn’t find anyone but I…>” he stopped talking once he reached the cage and looked around in confusion. “<Hey, where did the mean, green guy go? …Hey, I made a rhyme!>”

    “<Wow! I can rhyme, too! Get us out. Don’t make me shout. If you don’t I’ll crabhammer you into the next route!>” Corphish threatened.

    “<Corppy, please! Sorry about him, he hates the rain,>” Daedalus lied. “<But can you sneak over to the bag in the middle of the clearing and get out the pokeball in the side pocket and then bring it back over, please?>”

    The Zigzagoon was distracted. He stared, stunned at Jeff, who was still unconscious. “<It’s him…>” he whispered to himself.

    “<Well?!>”

    The Zigzagoon snapped out of it. “<Yes. Of course I will! I’m Rishi, by the way,>” he said with surprising, yet put-on confidence. He sneaked on the side of the cage that Daggerback wasn’t on and eyed the bag from afar. He peered around the corner to see the poison pin pokemon turned away. Rishi gulped and dashed for the bag. His running legs trembled with fear, but he made it to the bag and hid behind it just as the Nidoking turned. Seeing nothing, he twisted back around.

    Rishi sighed and ripped open the pocket with his mouth. A pokeball spilled out and he picked it up in his mouth. He began to dart back but then stopped out in the open. Daggerback was staring at him, tapping his foot. Rishi was frozen stiff. He dropped the pokeball in his mouth and began to ran the way he came. Rishi dashed by the cage, with tears in his eyes, yelling, “<I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Tell him I tried!>”

    And then he was gone.

    “<Coward,>” Corphish spat.

    Daggerback leered into the cage and said, “<It’s Q and A time, isn’t it?>”

    Then a bright green pellet shot from where the Nidoking’s tree was. It hit him in the side of the head.

    “<HEY!>” he bellowed, turning in the direction of the shot.

    The snarl awoke Jeff. He groaned, holding his head, looking around. As he sat up against the bars, Treecko appeared from where Zigzagoon ran off.

    “Treecko?! How did you get out?!”

    “<A great search and rescue team you guys are… You should make a rescue squad!>” he said, walking in front of the nearby pokeball.

    “<Oh shut up and get us out of here! Start by releasing Atlas from that pokeball>” Daedalus ordered, unkindly.

    Treecko simply folded his arms, standing behind the turned Daggerback, and claimed, “<No.>”

    The soaking wet, eyepatched Nidoking heard this and turned around. “<You…>”

    The wood gecko answered with a massive volley of bullet seed. Jeff was awed by the sight. The array of light green seeds shot from his throat and pelted Daggerback. While the pokemon was stunned, Treecko jumped up and whacked him across the face with his tail. Daggerback’s horn tore the tail’s flesh, slowing the grass lizard down.

    The night storm didn’t let up; all it did was wash the blood from their wounds.

    The purple beast kicked Treecko forwards, who sprawled on the ground. He then shot three purple pins from his mouth. One missed but hit the pokeball, causing the device to ricochet to the right. One narrowly missed Treecko’s head, and one went through his tail. The grass starter growled in his throat and bit through his replacement twig, as the long purple needle literally pinned Treecko’s tail to the ground. He couldn’t move it without extreme pain; the needle stuck out of the top end but also stuck into the ground.

    Daggerback slowly approached Treecko, laughing a hearty snicker. He raised a foot over Treecko’s head, preparing to knock him out.

    “<Not THIS time, either, you runty little punk.>”

    Treecko didn’t back down; he glared into the brown, angry eye and began to shoot another bullet seed. Both of their actions were halted when they were blinded by a massive bright light coming from beside the cage. Materializing from the light was the titanic rock snake, Atlas. Both fighters were equally shocked, although Treecko hid his more than Daggerback.

    Atlas, irritated by the rain, let out a bellow and picked up the cage with ease in his stony jaws. He flung it into the air and it flew towards the two. Daggerback began to flee, but Treecko couldn’t. The Nidoking was in his charge stance so that he would evade the falling object better, but instead of charging the group he barreled towards the forest. He knew he couldn’t stand up against Atlas.

    Instead of bracing himself, Treecko shot a bullet seed at Daggerback as an apparent last stand. The seed dug into the horned back of the poison pokemon, causing him to stumble and fall to the ground before trying to retreat again.

    Luckily for Treecko, the falling cage was bottom-heavy, so it fell on him without crushing him.

    “<Great job, Atlas! Now TREECKO is back in the cage!>” Corphish half-scolded, half-chuckled.

    “<Sorry, dude,>” Atlas apologized, lifting the cage off of Treecko and throwing it towards the Nidoking who was getting up.

    The rolling enclosure narrowly missed hitting the running away Daggerback and rolled beside him.

    “<I’ll be back, and I’LL BE BACK SOON, YOU F…>”

    The rest of his sentence was cut off by Atlas’s triumphant bellow. Treecko ripped the needle from his tail with a grunt. He broke and clenched it in his hand, causing blood to drop with the shards of the purple pin.

    Treecko emotionlessly walked towards Jeff and the human did likewise. The two best friends glared into each other’s eyes. They stood in silence. Darkness surrounded them and their bodies were soaked from the torrent. While the two stared-off, Corphish looked nervously between Daedalus, who glowered at the grass type, and Atlas, who used his tail as an umbrella for his scarred head. Daggerback continued running away from them until he was out of sight. Treecko and Jeff still stared into one another’s eyes, while the others awaited their reactions. Still nothing; no words were spoken and no muscles moved.

    The wood gecko looked down at himself before looking back up at Jeff. “<You’re still worthless, Treecko. Still… worthless…>”
    Last edited by Griff4815; 19th November 2007 at 2:57 PM.
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  5. #125
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    Nice return of the NidoKing - it's certainly a presistant character that I'm sure we'll see again. Wonder where it got the cage from?

    Good action - and the description and battle was quite good near the end of the chapter. However Treecho seems to have caught the disease that Jeff had two chapter's ago - he seems a bit too depressed and all, with him saying to himself that 'he is nothing' to himself a few too many times for my liking.

    Corphish wins again, with his ever-so-imaginative insults and his pro ryhming skills

    Treecho's POV was ok, although half of the sentences seemed to start with 'I..." - maybe try to work on using I a few less times if possible.

    A decent chapter, although not as good as the last two (although they were bloddy fantastic, so I wouldn't worry about that). I'm not too likeable of the dark setting and alll either, so that's just my personal opinion.

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  6. #126
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    Depending on which forum you read this at first, this might look familiar...

    Grammar mistakes I present to you, grasshopper!
    He utilized his toothbrush
    Also, "utilized" seems like a strangely technical term to use in this context...

    “You done with your bath, Corppy?”
    seeing that Daedalus’s body closed in and Corphish ended up tripping over him face first
    He made it a good way into the woodland.
    “Do you know where we are, Dae?” he asked him, bewildered.
    “Woah… Hey, there looks like a clearing on the other side!”
    had been burdened with whatever it was he was doing for some time.
    “<Where did you put those fossils?>” he asked, ALMOST nicely.
    Both pretty much cartwheeled in mid air before landing in the grass.
    A lot of these are either two separate words not spaced apart or one long "word" that needed to be spaced apart...

    Not grammar per se, but:
    while Daedalus perched on the side of the tub, neutral but more happy than not.
    "Somewhat happy" would have sufficed and wouldn't have sounded so funny...

    Yay for the return of everybody's favorite evil psycho Nidoking, Daggerback! And with Jeff and Treecko reunited under... well, I wouldn't call it the best of circumstances, but...

    And while it would have been all sweet and mushy if Treecko had made up with Jeff, from a character development perspective, it was preferable that he hasn't forgiven quite yet. And whether you realize it or not, you DID end this on a cliffhanger... Will Treecko decide to travel with the group again or not? And now that Jeff's gotten over his emo stage, can Treeck do the same?

    Aww, what's poor Daggerback gonna do now with Atlas ready to pwn him? Chicken out again? I loved his hasty retreat! Though the mystery of the stolen fossils remains...
    And Corppy's rhyming and reference to Barney? Priceless XD

  7. #127
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    I think you might be trying a little too hard on description. The most notable example being this line:

    "He had two yellow orbs leering into his."

    The main thing to look at here is: what narrator, character, or person would describe eyes as orbs? Almost no one would.

    In my opinion, the key to description is to have it described as the narrator or character seeing it would describe it. That usually gives it a more natural feel.

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    here was a searing pain on every conceivable inch of my back and tail.

    I stirred and realized I was not yet dead. No ground touched my body and I realized that I was on the move even though none of my limbs willingly moved. My eyes barely opened and saw that I was still surrounded by the net. I was hanging from that Nidoking’s back. I tried to free myself but it was still to no avail. Rain stung my injured body while the heavy night breeze from the storm caused me to sway in the wind; I narrowly missed hitting one of his back spikes. In a continuous attempt to escape, I kept struggling.

    “<Save your strength, pipsqueak. You’ll need it for later.>”

    I could only see behind me. I saw that we left the forest and were now in a clearing, one much bigger than the one where my home was. All of a sudden, we stopped. He dropped me to the ground where I saw him lift something up with much struggle. The poison type then whipped his tail at me, forcing me under whatever it was that he held up. The thing dropped to the wet grass with a ‘clang’.

    I took the opportunity to crawl out of the net and stand up. I found myself facing bars. I turned around. More bars. I was in a cube cage, not one of weak bamboo like the one Corphish and I were in, but one made of sturdy metal. I hopelessly fell to my bruised *** and accepted defeat for the time being.

    “<You chill out there and cool down! Enjoy it while it lasts.>”

    I lay down and curled up, wishing I was free.
    No matter what anyone says, description here was very good. It was a tad listy, but it still gave me a perspective on what was going on.

    I actually enjoyed this chapter from Treecko's perspective, I thought you handled that well. Psycho Nidoking.....great charachter.

    Then of course Jeff and Treecko are reunited....for the time being.

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  9. #129
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobandbill View Post
    Nice return of the NidoKing - it's certainly a presistant character that I'm sure we'll see again. Wonder where it got the cage from?

    Good action - and the description and battle was quite good near the end of the chapter. However Treecho seems to have caught the disease that Jeff had two chapter's ago - he seems a bit too depressed and all, with him saying to himself that 'he is nothing' to himself a few too many times for my liking.

    Corphish wins again, with his ever-so-imaginative insults and his pro ryhming skills

    Treecho's POV was ok, although half of the sentences seemed to start with 'I..." - maybe try to work on using I a few less times if possible.

    A decent chapter, although not as good as the last two (although they were bloddy fantastic, so I wouldn't worry about that). I'm not too likeable of the dark setting and alll either, so that's just my personal opinion.
    Give the darkness another chapter and things'll clear (maybe)

    Yeah, I don't plan on using Treecko's POV too often, I just couldn't really pull off that scene in 3rd so it just kinda happened.

    Really? You thought the LAST 2 were fantastic? I thought those were me worst ones xD

    Alas, Corphish has won many a rap battles.

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkPersian479 View Post
    Depending on which forum you read this at first, this might look familiar...

    Grammar mistakes I present to you, grasshopper!

    Also, "utilized" seems like a strangely technical term to use in this context...

    A lot of these are either two separate words not spaced apart or one long "word" that needed to be spaced apart...

    Not grammar per se, but:

    "Somewhat happy" would have sufficed and wouldn't have sounded so funny...

    Yay for the return of everybody's favorite evil psycho Nidoking, Daggerback! And with Jeff and Treecko reunited under... well, I wouldn't call it the best of circumstances, but...

    And while it would have been all sweet and mushy if Treecko had made up with Jeff, from a character development perspective, it was preferable that he hasn't forgiven quite yet. And whether you realize it or not, you DID end this on a cliffhanger... Will Treecko decide to travel with the group again or not? And now that Jeff's gotten over his emo stage, can Treeck do the same?

    Aww, what's poor Daggerback gonna do now with Atlas ready to pwn him? Chicken out again? I loved his hasty retreat! Though the mystery of the stolen fossils remains...
    And Corppy's rhyming and reference to Barney? Priceless XD
    I half-realized it :P This chapter was initially supposed to be combined with the next chapter, but I thought that it would be MUCH too long so I cut them in half.

    The mystery fossils will be explained...sometime, I don't know when. *braces for arrows*

    Quote Originally Posted by Apotheosis View Post
    I think you might be trying a little too hard on description. The most notable example being this line:

    "He had two yellow orbs leering into his."

    The main thing to look at here is: what narrator, character, or person would describe eyes as orbs? Almost no one would.

    In my opinion, the key to description is to have it described as the narrator or character seeing it would describe it. That usually gives it a more natural feel.
    Thanks for the tips.

    I did the orb thing because I was worried about repitition (I used eyes a lot around that area and my chapter was gushing with repitition until the editted part.

    Quote Originally Posted by Manaphyman View Post
    No matter what anyone says, description here was very good. It was a tad listy, but it still gave me a perspective on what was going on.

    I actually enjoyed this chapter from Treecko's perspective, I thought you handled that well. Psycho Nidoking.....great charachter.

    Then of course Jeff and Treecko are reunited....for the time being.
    Thanks

    Sorry I still didn't review yours yet. I'm bogged down with 3 projects. But I haven't forgotten!
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  10. #130
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    Well, there were a few flow-ish/grammar-ish things I wanted to pick on when I read this last night, but I've forgotten them all now and don't have time to read the whole thing again. ^0^

    “<If by feminine you mean cute, then I agree,>” Corphish replied, sticking out his tongue.

    “<Mature today, aren’t we?>”
    Who doesn't love Corphish? The best thing is that it's not just random quips which are amusing, it's how he reacts to other characters/they react to him.

    The scene with Treecko watering his tree was sort of... nice, but its similarity to the anime bugged me just a little. That and the fact that surely the tree wouldn't NEED watering if it's raining like mad? And... I'm not sure about this, but after Treecko's big emo-trip last chapter it seemed slightly OOC how happy he was, but that might be just me.

    Speaking of which, Treecko's emoness is now officially starting to annoy me. Fair enough, it's his personality, which can't be changed, but it bugs me how much he beat himself up simply because he was taken by surprise by a Pokémon two evolution stages higher than him.

    I also think that his claustrophobia should have been stressed more in his imprisonment scene; it was mentioned after a while, but until then it had slipped my mind. If the degree to which he hates small spaces had been emphasised from the beginning of the scene, I'd have been able to sympathise with Treecko more, and then who knows, maybe I wouldn't have been so annoyed by his emoness.

    I find Rishi cute for some reason, what with his eagerness to help but his understandable fear. I hope he crops up again. One problem:
    “<Hey there, buddy! Looking good!>” he jeered, good-heartedly.
    "jeered" isn't a nice word; it means to laugh at someone, so it doesn't fit the intended meaning.

    Overall I liked the chapter. Perhaps it wasn't the big blockbuster you'd been preparing me for, but it had a lot of action and was enjoyable nonetheless. I just hope Treecko gets out of his emo-rut soon - with all this "weak, worthless" stuff, he's even worse than V- you know who I mean. =P
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  11. #131
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    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg View Post
    Well, there were a few flow-ish/grammar-ish things I wanted to pick on when I read this last night, but I've forgotten them all now and don't have time to read the whole thing again. ^0^


    Who doesn't love Corphish? The best thing is that it's not just random quips which are amusing, it's how he reacts to other characters/they react to him.

    The scene with Treecko watering his tree was sort of... nice, but its similarity to the anime bugged me just a little. That and the fact that surely the tree wouldn't NEED watering if it's raining like mad? And... I'm not sure about this, but after Treecko's big emo-trip last chapter it seemed slightly OOC how happy he was, but that might be just me.

    Speaking of which, Treecko's emoness is now officially starting to annoy me. Fair enough, it's his personality, which can't be changed, but it bugs me how much he beat himself up simply because he was taken by surprise by a Pokémon two evolution stages higher than him.

    I also think that his claustrophobia should have been stressed more in his imprisonment scene; it was mentioned after a while, but until then it had slipped my mind. If the degree to which he hates small spaces had been emphasised from the beginning of the scene, I'd have been able to sympathise with Treecko more, and then who knows, maybe I wouldn't have been so annoyed by his emoness.

    I find Rishi cute for some reason, what with his eagerness to help but his understandable fear. I hope he crops up again. One problem:

    "jeered" isn't a nice word; it means to laugh at someone, so it doesn't fit the intended meaning.

    Overall I liked the chapter. Perhaps it wasn't the big blockbuster you'd been preparing me for, but it had a lot of action and was enjoyable nonetheless. I just hope Treecko gets out of his emo-rut soon - with all this "weak, worthless" stuff, he's even worse than V- you know who I mean. =P
    Seriously? The tree thing is similar to the anime? I put it in there for personal-related reasons which I won't go into! *SIGGHHH* xP I'm starting to think I should WATCH the advance generation (before battle frontier, which is all we get in Canada) before the next chapter.

    And as for Treecko's self-rage (I don't want to call it "emoness") well lets just say he cant stand to lose, holds himself very highly, and always over-compromises.

    The whole tree thing and his happiness around it will be revealed later...much later, though.

    Yeah, the claustrophaphobia slipped my mind at the time. I think I'll go change that now, actually, :X

    Rishi will pop up later. And well Rishi was technically mocking him, hence why Treeck shot him a glare.

    In my defense, you played up the chapter WAY more than I intended, plus I said that back when Chapter 14 was still part of 13. And I don't really want to say Treecko is in an emo-rut (like Jeff was).

    Thanks for reviewing anyways,
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    Hmm... i really wasn't looking for grammar errors so we'll skip that part this time...

    Onto my views of the cast:

    Treecko's still an ego happy idiot...

    Corphish is still a happy go lucky idiot...

    Rishi's a rhyming cowardly idiot...

    Daedalus is an icreasingly irate leader idiot...

    Jeff still looks like an angsty-stu (J/K)...

    Daggerback's still a cowardly p**** of an idiot (self- censored) and

    ATLAS PWNS ALL!!!

    Guess that's all i gotta say...

    L@er!
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  13. #133
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    Late, my eternal chant. In my defense, those are a lot of chapters to go through.

    I liked this from the beginning, I have to say. A few factors were reasons of taste (my heart is reserved for the Hoenn region, and also for natural loners), but it was a well-done fiction in quite a few aspects, undoubtedly. It displayed examples of complex psychology, which I hadn't seen within a fiction for a while.

    One thing I noticed was that the effect of ageing and resultant changes was very effectively... effected. To make myself clearer, it feels like a lifetime since Jeff first set off on his journey, and such a feeling can be very dificult to pull off, I've seen. IN any case, I find the course of events here to be decidedly novel; the character falters within the first few towns, loses his starter, and already he is undergoing immense changes regardless of the badges he's won.

    As many other readers, I find Corphish is GOLD to be around. (As a side-theme, is his remark - "How YOU doin'?" - to the impressionable Peeko a reference to Friends? And, on the topic of references, Rishi is a Hindi word for sage; coincidental or meant?) The little side-stories and anecdotes he relates are a sight to see, and his wisecracking interactions with the more serious members of the team result in some interesting matches.

    I shall be novel and say Jeff and T-cko's depression does NOT bother me. As for Jeff, he seems to be getting his life back into control, and indulges with some fairly non-apathic and happy practices; his Pokčmon does indeed have a sort of dynamic sort of depression about himself, and this is quite enertaining enough, to me. Then again, perhaps the things which ring bells in my twisted mind may not be entirely all right in a world-view.

    Anyway, I shall go more in-depth at the posting of a new chapter, where I have a few developments and not a sizable chunk of storyline to conquer with my disorganized style.

    Yours assuringly,
    Pyroken Serafoculus


  14. #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by Air Dragon View Post
    Hmm... i really wasn't looking for grammar errors so we'll skip that part this time...

    Onto my views of the cast:

    Treecko's still an ego happy idiot...

    Corphish is still a happy go lucky idiot...

    Rishi's a rhyming cowardly idiot...

    Daedalus is an icreasingly irate leader idiot...

    Jeff still looks like an angsty-stu (J/K)...

    Daggerback's still a cowardly p**** of an idiot (self- censored) and

    ATLAS PWNS ALL!!!

    Guess that's all i gotta say...

    L@er!
    Haha, that cast review made my day! Thanks. xD


    Quote Originally Posted by .:Pyroken Serafoculus:. View Post
    Late, my eternal chant. In my defense, those are a lot of chapters to go through.

    I liked this from the beginning, I have to say. A few factors were reasons of taste (my heart is reserved for the Hoenn region, and also for natural loners), but it was a well-done fiction in quite a few aspects, undoubtedly. It displayed examples of complex psychology, which I hadn't seen within a fiction for a while.

    One thing I noticed was that the effect of ageing and resultant changes was very effectively... effected. To make myself clearer, it feels like a lifetime since Jeff first set off on his journey, and such a feeling can be very dificult to pull off, I've seen. IN any case, I find the course of events here to be decidedly novel; the character falters within the first few towns, loses his starter, and already he is undergoing immense changes regardless of the badges he's won.

    As many other readers, I find Corphish is GOLD to be around. (As a side-theme, is his remark - "How YOU doin'?" - to the impressionable Peeko a reference to Friends? And, on the topic of references, Rishi is a Hindi word for sage; coincidental or meant?) The little side-stories and anecdotes he relates are a sight to see, and his wisecracking interactions with the more serious members of the team result in some interesting matches.

    I shall be novel and say Jeff and T-cko's depression does NOT bother me. As for Jeff, he seems to be getting his life back into control, and indulges with some fairly non-apathic and happy practices; his Pokčmon does indeed have a sort of dynamic sort of depression about himself, and this is quite enertaining enough, to me. Then again, perhaps the things which ring bells in my twisted mind may not be entirely all right in a world-view.

    Anyway, I shall go more in-depth at the posting of a new chapter, where I have a few developments and not a sizable chunk of storyline to conquer with my disorganized style.

    Yours assuringly,
    Pyroken Serafoculus
    Thanks, I really appreciate the great review.

    I do admit I'm also a fan of Hoenn and natural loners as well as giving some characters deep psychological...thingies (there's one character with a personal favorite one. who's yet to be introduced.)

    Admittedly, I was worried too much was going on within the short amount of time, but thanks. I don't really like the idea of skipping months, weeks, or even whole days in fics.

    As I've said, Corphish IS fun to write. "How You Doin'?" was an allusion to Friends, which is one of my favorite shows. (I thought Daedalus said that, though. I'll go check.)

    Well that's good to hear. I know I can't please everyone and I am obliged to add the corresponding emotions to compliment the situations where the character's personalities are put into account. But that said, the characters will get a break, of sorts, soon, but of course not permanently.

    Shall I add you to the PM list?
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  15. #135
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    I

    LOVE

    CORPHISH

    "How you doin'?"

    LOL

    I also love Jeff. He's angsty, sometimes, but in a realistic way. And he seems to be getting over his drastic emo phase. I dunno... maybe I just like gorgy angsty guys. :3

    Treeko... a bit egotistic... hehe.

    Anyway, I like the spread of this story. I got into it, and when I was done, it was like BAM. I realized how long ago they'd started the journey, and it felt like a memory of real life. I dunno. It's hard to explain.

    I wouldn't worry about Jeff being a Gary-Stu. I don't think he is one. He's got too much depth.

    Here's my favorite line:

    “<They weren’t my friends… they were simply three guys who were in the wrong time and the wrong place.>”
    I lurve little title allusions like that.

    Be sure to drop me a line when the next chappie's up.

    ^^

    ~Mix

  16. #136
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    Quote Originally Posted by liveletlove_Mix View Post
    I

    LOVE

    CORPHISH

    "How you doin'?"

    LOL

    I also love Jeff. He's angsty, sometimes, but in a realistic way. And he seems to be getting over his drastic emo phase. I dunno... maybe I just like gorgy angsty guys. :3

    Treeko... a bit egotistic... hehe.

    Anyway, I like the spread of this story. I got into it, and when I was done, it was like BAM. I realized how long ago they'd started the journey, and it felt like a memory of real life. I dunno. It's hard to explain.

    I wouldn't worry about Jeff being a Gary-Stu. I don't think he is one. He's got too much depth.

    Here's my favorite line:



    I lurve little title allusions like that.

    Be sure to drop me a line when the next chappie's up.

    ^^

    ~Mix


    Cool, I'm glad you got into it! Anyways, thanks for the review, much appreciated.

    Jeff DOES have his way with women! *Forgets the whole Kristie thing happens* (although I'm not sure what you mean by 'gorgy' xP)

    It's cool about the whole memory thing, relieved that this has kind of a hook to it.

    The allusion was actually a spur of the moment thing, which I decided to do. Hope it didn't sound too corny.

    Anyways, thanks for the review and I'll definately 'drop you a line' as you kids call it.
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  17. #137
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    Salvation


    The heavens leaked seemingly infinite amounts of the water like a broken Bidoof dam. The occasional daunting thunderclap followed the equally menacing nearby lightning strike. Jeff, who was steeped with water, remained barely standing, facing off against the diminutive, dark-lime green reptile.

    The brash Treecko leered boldly into Jeff’s green eyes, focused only on them and not the cuts and bruises burning his entire body. The other pokemon waited impatiently, all for different reasons.

    The unspoken showdown was finally broken by Jeff. He asserted the smallest of grins and said, “Hey there, Treecko.”

    The wood gecko remained still and silent. All he did was continue to glare callously into the human’s eyes. Jeff reversed a step, taken aback, a little intimidated even, by Treecko’s less than warm reply. The standoff of eyes began once more, a battle Jeff was fated to lose.

    Atlas winced from the rain and looked down, seriously considering digging down into the subterranean for shelter. Corphish snapped his claw, the anticipation killing him. The seemingly infuriated Daedalus seemed to struggle to keep himself in one spot.

    “I… I…”

    “<If you want me… you’re going to have to catch me… and then fight me,>” Treecko said without a hint of mirth or fun in his voice.

    Jeff looked to Corphish, the resident charades expert. The ruffian pokemon pointed at him and then began to run on the spot. After that he pointed at Treecko and then back to Jeff before raising his claws in a Rocky-esque fashion.

    “You…want me to… FIGHT you?”

    Without even a shrug, Treecko stared hard into Jeff’s eyes, signifying the answer.

    “Erm…I… Corphish…do you want to-”

    “CKO!” the grass lizard replied in either a curse or a sharp ‘no’. He crossed his arms in disagreement. Treecko then pointed at Jeff and then brought his finger towards him.

    “<You and me… one on one.>”

    Jeff began to understand.

    Daedalus drew his line. “<This is ridiculous. That’s it!>”

    The tiny swallow pokemon lunged at Treecko, knocking him to the ground. Daedalus began bashing at him with his wings and the rare beak strike.

    “DAE! STOP!”

    “<You selfish – b*stard – think about – someone - other than – your sorry – green hide – for once – you have – virtually – nothing – to prove!>” Daedalus yelled between each batter.

    Treecko took the beating – he didn’t even defend himself; he took it in what can either be interpreted as ‘taking it like a male’ or ‘taking it like someone who knew he deserved it’. Jeff ran over to them and held back Daedalus. The increasingly bloodied Treecko looked up at the enraged bird who was starting to settle down. He defiantly stared at his attacker and then spat blood into Dae’s face – some of the sputtered blood fell back onto his own torn-up mug, though it was quickly washed away by the rain.

    Daedalus went into a frenzy and pecked his way from Jeff’s barring hands. He then began to go at the wood gecko again, who remained calm and collected even through the beating.

    “DAEDALUS!” Jeff roared. He pulled a pokeball from his pocket and pointed it at the Taillow, who was barely visible in the night. “RETURN!” Daedalus disappeared in the beam of red.

    Unexpectedly, Jeff pulled out two more pokeballs and shot them at Atlas and Corphish, who also were recalled to those strange, spherical devices. Treecko’s eyes showed minor shock at Jeff’s drastic actions, but he then blinked it away and stood up. The two locked eyes in a brief minor showdown. Treecko nodded and, like a secret code, Jeff replied with a nod.

    The grass starter turned and went down on all fours. He looked back, hit his tailed rear, taunting Jeff, and shot out his tongue at him before darting off into the rainy, dark forest. His physical pain hastened his run instead of hindering it. With a moment lost to comprehension, Jeff immediately took off after him. He, of course, didn’t run in a straight line since that concussion to the head was compromising his balance for the time being. As fast as he possible could without falling, Jeff raced after Treecko. The rebel wood gecko quickly disappeared into the overgrowth and foliage. This didn’t keep the determined human from pursuing.

    Jeff ran blindly into the forest, stopping only on occasion to listen for rustling over the loud slaps of rain hitting leaves. The downpour created a proximity barrier so that it was nearly impossible to see what was past the thousands of droplets. He sprinted with all of his strength through the woodland. He was so focused on running that he didn’t bother to think that this would be futile. His vision and orientation was impaired enough from the rain and concussion without Treecko being able to climb trees and blend in with the plants and trees. Jeff looked up and around before sprinting over logs and branches some more. He wasn’t sure if Treecko was watching him or not, but he was oblivious to the fact that he was going in distorted circles.

    The veins above his eyebrow bulged from exertion. His forced hurtles were leaving him sucking in every conceivable molecule of oxygen for breath. He kept running through every inch of the forest that he could, even with his backpack on. Jeff’s nostrils were flaring, his hair dripping wet, his teeth clenched, and his lungs and leg muscles were in overdrive. During his bewildered sprint his foot caught a root and he went flying onto the limbs of a split branch which appeared to be struck by lighting, apparent by the charred end of it. He fell on his left shoulder with a grunt. Jeff didn’t instantly get up, instead he rolled onto his back and lifted up his t-shirt sleeve. He looked at his bicep and watched water trickle down to meet fresh blood brought on by four small, crude scratches which were complimented by small broken piece of bark.

    The scratches were very close to an old scar that he had never forgotten. The scar from the Scyther went from his shoulder, and it almost curved around his arm down to above his elbow. How he obtained it was the memory that traveled with him wherever he went. The scar was a large white line with red tinting the edges; it was clear Jeff was too proud to get stitched following the event…either too proud or he didn’t want the scar to ever heal. He poked the bumpy, old wound and remembered when Treecko saved him for no reason. It baffled him why he did that then and why he was doing this now.

    Was it because he chose to be stubborn and purposely a handful upon being assigned a trainer so Jeff wouldn’t want him anymore? Was it because of that tree he cared so much for or did he just hate the idea of being tied down with someone? Why would a bad-*ss like Treecko ever save him when he really didn’t care about him in the first place? Chivalry, perhaps?

    Jeff threw away the mental questions and stood back up. He took off through the forest but found himself tripping again, falling into moss and foliage. He got to his hands and knees, spitting out a green leaf from his mouth. Jeff took the rucksack from his back and placed it beside him, still looking down. He reached into the outer most pocket of it and felt two twigs in his hand: his own, which he hadn’t used for so long that he had forgotten when the last time was, and Treecko’s, which was given to him the night he left.

    “Damned rain… damned forest… damned Treecko.”

    He heard nothing but he saw two green feet appear in his downward field of view. Jeff looked up and found himself at eye level with Treecko. Jeff expected him to have a hand outreached to help him up, but there was no such thing. The pokemon simply stood, staring out of the corner of his eye with his arms folded.

    Treecko probably decided to stop the pathetic chase due to the realization that running was the coward’s way out. He decided to face the challenge with courage and collected confidence. He didn’t seem worried about losing mainly because he was positive he’d win if Jeff even had the psychological guts to fight.

    “Have you decided to stop this and come with me, Treecko?” Jeff asked hopefully.

    Although Treecko’s eyes remained still, Jeff guessed that he was probably insulted by the idea that he would abandon all pride and cave to the suggestion.

    Treecko began to walk away from him until he stopped, a good four meters away.

    “…Treeck?”

    He suddenly turned and, with the battle-loving grin that Jeff had suddenly come to fear, dashed towards him. He jumped right before he would have hit Jeff’s face and went into a backwards flip. His tail flew up and hit Jeff in the face with such power that he was sent from on his hands and knees to on his back.

    Stunned, Jeff merely looked up at the rainy night sky and spat out saliva and dark red blood, which formed in his mouth, and the two trickled pathetically down his cheek. Treecko had landed with such grace, but Jeff, for once, could not enjoy it. The entire lower portion of his face was numb. He looked down his chest at Treecko, who stood at his feet.

    “<Get up.>”

    “…Why?” Jeff asked, obviously in response to his hostile actions and not the order, itself since he still couldn’t understand. “What’s wrong with you?”

    Treecko answered just as coldly. “<Get up.>”

    Jeff did get to his feet, but at his own will.

    “I don’t want to fight you… I won’t,” he said, earnestly.

    Treecko ran towards him again and lunged. He hit Jeff with his hand, right below where the human’s ribs ended, dead-center. He had evidently aimed for the winding-effect. It worked. Jeff recoiled two steps and half-doubled over, but quickly straightened himself.

    “<The weakness of the trainer reflects the pokemon.>”

    Treecko jumped up and whipped his tail across Jeff’s face. A mixture of more blood and saliva shot from his mouth and landed on a nearby plant. The force sent Jeff instinctively stumbling in almost a circle just to keep his head from spinning all the way around. Before Jeff could react further, Treecko lunged at him similar to the first time, except higher up on his chest. The hit sent Jeff falling backwards. He crashed to the ground, his head hitting the trunk of a tree. And that hit was the last straw.

    With overwhelming anger and adrenaline storming in his eyes, making them a sharper green than usual, he hissed, “You want a fight… you got it.”

    Jeff stood to his feet and clenched his fists. Treecko grinned, amused at his old friend’s anger. The calm gecko brought his finger once more towards him, egging Jeff on. The human walked towards Treecko in the rain, careful not to get ahead of himself, but he found himself speeding up, eager to get a hit in. Treecko took advantage of this and flanked Jeff’s left and jumped up, whacking his tail into his shoulder.

    Jeff grunted as it felt like a stone hit him, but he remained standing. He turned and spat.

    “I’m proud of you, Treecko. You’re not sinking so low as to use your pathetic bullet seed on me!”

    Treecko grinned in competition. Even Jeff’s taunts wouldn’t be able to get under his green skin. With apt speed, he lunged at the human. Much to both of their surprise, Jeff got the drop on him. He brought his hand across in a curved punch and, in what seemed to be like slow motion, hit Treecko across the face. The impact of his knuckle bones hitting Treecko’s snout was, to Jeff, sadistically satisfying. The last time he hit Treecko, he felt it was his biggest mistake of his life. But this time… he was loving it.

    The impact noise of the two bodies sounded exactly like the ridiculous, stock punch noises in TV shows, but Jeff didn’t complain. He felt his love for the fight return as he felt like just like he did when training with Tyrogue in preparation for leaving. The speed seemed to return to normal in Jeff’s eyes and Treecko was sent sprawling to the human’s left.

    Treecko was stunned in mid-air at the unexpected hit, but he quickly righted himself before hitting the ground. He bent his legs to absorb the shock from the log he was headed towards, and in turn, reversed the force to bound off the wet log and back at Jeff. He saw the body, silhouetted by the night and rain, maneuvering in the air to hit him, but he let his primal instincts overtake all other senses. He ran towards Treecko head on and grabbed the mace-like tail with both of his hands, ignoring the slapping brunt it had with them.

    Jeff used Treecko’s momentum as well as his own to swing him around in circles by the tail. Instead of letting go and throwing him, Jeff edged towards the tree beside him and slammed the wood gecko into the trunk. Jeff let go on collision; Treecko’s face was the first to hit the bark and the rest of his body wrapped around the trunk. He slid to the ground.

    The determined Treecko, with astounding effort, managed to pull himself to a sitting position. Refusing to admit defeat, Treeck began to stand up and shakily walked towards Jeff. The grass starter was on the brink of collapse. The human, who was still in his bloodlust-mode, clenched his fist and arched it towards the ground, so it barely hit the wet dirt. His hand went from down to up, catching Treecko in the jaw. The lizard went flying up and back, and, still in a standing position, he hit the trunk with a blunt ‘BIFFT’. He then slid to the base of the tree, head slumped forwards and unconscious.

    The fight was over.

    Jeff’s anger began to cool down as he looked at Treecko. He then began to realize what he had done. The comprehension sunk in.

    “I… Treecko. Oh, Arceus! I didn’t mean to do that. Oh damnit! Are you alright?!”

    He knelt down in front of the knocked out pokemon, checked his pulse and held him in his arms. Treecko’s breaths were labored and very light. Jeff completely forgot about all of Treecko’s wounds. He was sure he was hurting him just by touching him, even if he was unconscious.

    “I’m so sorry…” Jeff took out Treecko’s pokeball, and after a moment of hesitation, tapped his head gently with it. Before dematerializing into the orb, Treecko’s left eye winced.

    And then he was gone.

    The ball shook…

    …Once.

    Then it locked.

    Jeff shakily stood and looked around in the rain. There was nothing but torrents of water, trees, and the night behind them.

    “Where the hell is the pokemon center?!”

    The aggravated human took out another pokeball and shot the beam straight upwards.

    “TAIII-” the pokemon began to say in a hassle as he appeared in the air.

    “Yeah, yeah. Now go find the pokemon center and HURRY! …GO! THANK YOU!” Jeff angrily ordered Daedalus, who flew off.

    Several pain-staking minutes later, the soaked flyer returned and urged Jeff to follow. Jeff thanked him and complied. His strength allowed him only to jog at full force. He followed the Taillow, only able to see him using the white underside of his tail as a guide.

    What the hell is wrong with you?! You don’t FIGHT your own pokemon in anger! You don’t KNOCK OUT your own pokemon!!” Jeff mentally scolded himself.

    As he ran, he remembered how much he enjoyed punching Treecko.

    Was that because you were mad at him? Was it an anger release for everything that has happened? Or are you really a horrible person, like Daggerback?”

    Jeff tripped over two more roots before catching up to Daedalus.

    “TaaaiLOW,” he chirped, hovering in one place.

    Jeff slowed down beside him and saw him looking at a white light through the trees as well as the muffled tone of human and pokemon voices which seemed to amplify with the sound of the familiar sliding door. It seemed the forest finally ended! He let out a relieved half grunt, half laugh and walked out of the woodland.

    There it was, the rectangle shaped structure which was the answer to all of their questions. Fluorescent lights shot out of the windows and the door of the white building. The red, flat roof of the building housed a sign, saying “Pokemon Center”. The quaint building was surrounded by no more than ten buildings – nine houses and one pokemart.

    Jeff slowly trudged towards the entrance while Daedalus flew ahead. He landed near the exterior of the center and began to hop beside the left side. Much to his shock, he saw the brown wire of an extension cord plugged into an exterior outlet which was hidden behind a bush and it led into the forest. The wire was barely sheltered by the rain.

    “<… Oh, Corphish,>” Daedalus chuckled.

    “Come on, Daedalus! Get your feathery butt over here!” Jeff pried, almost too rudely. He reluctantly complied and flew through the night and onto his shoulder.

    The automatic door swung open for Jeff and he was stunned by the overflow of trainers and their pokemon. The cries of hurt pokemon and the like snivels or comforting words of their trainers drowned out the torrent outside.

    “This had better not be a bunch of wimps who are afraid to get wet,” Jeff scoffed, squeezing between pokemon and human alike. On his way to the crowded front counter, he almost stepped on a terrified purple rodent, known as a Rattata, who had run off from its young trainer. Jeff basically shoved the three guys in front of him to the ground before finally getting to the counter. He withdrew Treecko’s pokeball and placed it with his hands on the counter.

    “My Treecko needs help, right now!” Jeff pleaded, preparing to release the wounded pokemon from the capture device.

    “I’m sorry, you’re going to have to take a number,” the pink haired nurse apologized.

    Jeff looked at the roll of numbers beside his hand and saw that twenty-three would have been his. He then looked up at the ticker on the wall which said, “Now attending to 8.”

    “Pick a number?! My Treecko doesn’t have time to wait for that many pokemon to come and go! He could die at any minute…I think. It’s HARDLY fair that a Spearow with a… twisted ankle gets to go before me while my pokemon is holding on for his life!”

    “I’m sorry, but we are taking all of the patients from the Petalburg City center after some disaster a few nights ago. So we’re taking all of the pokemon who have fought in the gym plus our normal amount of patients. We have four pokemon who are probably worse than your Treecko since they were too badly off to even have the strength to go IN their pokeballs.” Nurse Joy explained, calmly.

    “Right… sorry,” Jeff apologized, guiltily looking downwards.

    “We’ll try to accommodate you the best that we can but we only have four beds and the pokemon using them should be in the ER at Petalburg right now and they won’t be able to leave, let alone move, for many hours as we still have to stabilize them. The best I can tell you is ‘help your Treecko hang on and wait, please’.”

    Jeff turned around somberly and looked up to see a guy his age with a blue track suit on make eye contact with him. It was Blane, the jerk with the Piplup. Jeff quickly pulled out Daedalus’ pokeball and returned him to its confines as Blane walked towards them.

    “Hey! I remember you. You’re that guy with the Taillow who attacked me.”

    “Jeff’s the name. How’s that Piplup of yours?” he asked cynically.

    “He’s a little beaten up right now. He just needs some rest,” Blane answered.

    “Ohh, is that so?! Well, don’t worry; I’m sure he has a GREAT, GRATEFUL trainer who will take care of him instead of sending him into more battles,” Jeff replied with heavy sarcasm which flew straight over Blane’s head. “I hope they pick your number soon,” he told him, this time with seriousness.

    “How’s…Da…eee…daday? Daydal…os…THE TAILLOW! Did he pick a fight with an angrier trainer?” Blane asked with his own derision.

    “No… he hasn’t,” answered Jeff, becoming irritated, but then an idea struck him. “Sayyy…do you still have your bike?”

    “Yea, it’s out front. Why?”

    “No reason…” he lied. Jeff quickly darted his head to the side and pointed at Nurse Joy. In excitement, he yelled, “HEY! IS THAT A POKEMON BATTLE?!”

    “WHERE?!” Blane instantly asked, turning, like when one feigns throwing a ball to a Growlithe.

    Like a Rhyhorn, Jeff plowed through the crowd and to the door, which slid open upon his approach. He craned his head around before spotting the blue bike in the night across the path, tied by a tree to avoid the rain. Jeff ran towards it and threw Corphish’s pokeball beside the bike. The orange water type appeared and looked at Jeff.

    “CORP, USE VICEGRIP ON THAT LOCK, AND HURRY!”

    “<Rushy, rushy!>” Corphish exclaimed, clamping through the cord with ease.

    Jeff had gotten on the bike and he looked back to see Blane walking out the front door. No time to get Corphish’s pokeball from his pocket, after placing it back, he picked up the pokemon and literally squeezed him into the handlebar basket.

    “HEY! THAT’S MY BIKE!” Blane yelled, beginning to run towards them.

    “<Ooo! It’s like Grand Theft Bike! Can I do bubblebeam drive-bys?>”

    Without a word, Jeff pedaled as fast as he could down the wet dirt path.

    “BASTARRR…” Blane yelled but his voice was cut out by the rain as well as the Doppler Effect coming into play.

    The ride was smooth, for Jeff, anyways. Corphish was lodged in the basket in such a way that his tail came up the meet his eyes, and his feet were pointing upwards.

    “<Jeff, I know you had to get me in here quickly, but I’m getting discouraged looking at my own ass… It’s not as cute up close, I’m afraid.>”

    He didn’t hear him. He didn’t even realize Corphish was speaking. Jeff was too busy lost in thought about Treecko and the pokeball. He wondered how he would take it and whether he would even be ok.

    They rode up to the gate of Petalburg City and went in. Jeff turned left but found himself stopped by police tape. Where there was usually a pokemon center there was a crowd of police and investigators inside the yellow tape, looking at the damaged building. The front right corner of the red and white, double story center had appeared to have been destroyed as rubble had caved in.

    Jeff dismounted his bike and returned the lodged Corphish to his pokeball. He then walked over to the closest police officer who was talking to Nurse Joy.

    “Excuse me, what happened here?” Jeff asked, surprised and confused.

    “Huh? Oh,” the officer said, looking at Jeff. “A few days ago, in the night some pokemon… an Onix, went wild near the outskirts of town. It eventually made its way to the pokemon center. The damned thing wildly attacked the center before continuing its path of destruction back into the forest.”

    Jeff’s mouth opened in shock. He reached into his backpack pocket and fondled Atlas’s pokeball in worry.

    “Luckily no one was hurt. If you see an Onix with a scar on its face… or ANY Onix in particular… don’t try to be a hero. Run to the authorities and tell them where you saw it. Got it, kid? And if you needed the pokemon center, go to the one in Oldale. You clearly can’t use this one.”

    Jeff barely nodded as his every muscle clenched. Blood began to drain from his face and he suddenly began to become very afraid of his backpack.

    Was Onix the cause of this destruction? No way would a gentle guy like him never attack a pokemon center for no reason! Besides, Onixes have fights all the time; it’s not unlikely for one to have a scar on its face!”

    Jeff kept telling himself that and got back onto his bike. Nurse Joy walked up to him.

    “Jeff? Is that you?”

    “Hey, Nurse Joy… Yeah, it is,” he responded. “I have another weird question for you…”

    “Of course, Jeff,” she said soothingly.

    “Well…” He took in a deep breath. “Me and my Treecko had a fight… a bad one. After it I couldn’t understand him… or any pokemon anymore. Did I break the bond we had by being an awful friend?”

    Nurse Joy paused and looked down uncomfortably. Her look said it all. “I’m sorry to say it, Jeff, but that is highly possible…not that you were a bad friend but the fight. It must have been pretty hurtful to both of you to make that switch in your head flick back off. Although, it’s not unheard of.”

    “Oh… I understand. Is it possible for it to… come back?”

    “Jeff, it’s not going to be permanent. Of course it will come back, eventually, especially with a gifted individual like yourself. Just give it time and care… like a new tree.”

    “Yeah… ok… thanks,” he answered. “That’s easier said than done,” he pondered to himself.

    “Well, I’ve got to get going right now!” Jeff explained. “I’ll see you later and under less pressing circunstances.”

    “Goodbye, Jeff. Remember what I said.”

    “Ok! Bye!” he replied, turning Blane’s bike around.

    Jeff biked to the top of the street across from him and looked down the daunting slope.

    “Here goes nothing,” he whispered, gulping. He then rode down the incredibly steep street, parallel to the ravaged pokemon center. Jeff was headed for the docks.

    He was accelerating at a dramatic rate. Luckily for him, with the rain and the night, the street was barren of traffic. “Ok, now is probably a good time to use the brakes,” he thought, becoming worried. He lightly squeezed the handlebar brakes. Of course, he did not decelerate. He burned the very asphalt he was going so fast on.

    If I brake suddenly, I’m going to flip. All I can do is keep going…”

    Jeff did exactly that. He neared the water, but luckily for him it was a clear path to it. The rain made it impossible for him to know for sure, but he recalled there being a pier at the end of the street. Sure enough, there was a planked walkway which was a few feet off the water. Jeff braced himself for the inevitable plunge into the water.

    Through the rain, he saw a rock on the pier, moving about wildly. He neared it rapidly and his heart sunk. He tried to maneuver he bike’s course as much as he could without falling. It was no good. The front wheel hit the rock and everything seemed to slow down.

    Just as they hit, before flying into the air, he managed to yell out a panicked, “F*CK ROCKS!”

    The rear of the tandem lifted off the ground and Jeff found himself no longer on the bike. The bicycle flipped and went soaring over the edge of the pier, but not before the wheel hit his face. Jeff was not so lucky. In a mess of flailing limbs he landed on the wooden dock and sprawled until his right leg was awkwardly hanging over the side.

    “Geo… geo… geo…” a hoarse voice said along with the thuds of something big coming towards Jeff. The beaten human groaned and attempted to move. Suddenly a rock with arms and eyed appeared in his field of view.

    “Dude?!” the rock pokemon asked with worry.

    “I’m terrific… and you?” he replied with sarcasm, trying to straighten out his aching limbs.

    The Geodude pulled him so that he wouldn’t have to. After a minute, Jeff wobbly stood. He noticed that the Geodude was cringing from the torrents, as well as the waves brought on by the storm.

    “You need some shelter?” Jeff asked him, who nodded.

    Jeff gestured him to follow. They walked down two piers over and onto the dock. He encouraged Geodude to go onto the familiar boat, which swayed to and fro. Jeff knocked on the door three distinct times.

    “Mr. Briney?! Are you there?!” he called.

    The door opened and the old sea captain’s eyes widened.

    “Jeff! I was wondering when you’d get back!” he greeted.

    “Is everything fixed?” eagerly asked Jeff.

    “Yes, they just finished the repairs yesterday afternoon.”

    “Can we come in? Geodude needs to get out of the rain,” he explained.

    “Of course!”

    They followed Mr. Briney down to the small but homey boat cabin. There was a large steering wheel at the center of it. Jeff saw Peeko perched on a desk next to an oil lamp and some cartography maps.

    “Do you think we could go to Dewford now? Please?!” the teen urged. “It’s a one way trip for me, but not for Geodude here.”

    “Are you crazy? In THIS weather? Sure, I’ve been through worse, but still!” protested Mr. Briney.

    “Please. It’s an emergency! My… this Treecko is really hurt and I couldn’t use any of the other pokemon centers. If we wait it might be too late!” pleaded Jeff, unsure about Treecko’s condition.

    The captain sighed. “Very well. I can’t say no to a hurt pokemon. Why don’t you get some rest and I’ll start up the engine?”

    Jeff thanked him and complied, turning to lie on a cot on the right side of the cabin. He thought about Treecko but he instantaneously fell asleep.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------


    RINGRINGRINGRING

    A bell tolled, waking Jeff up. He arose from the cot and groggily looked around.

    “We’re here, Jeff. Just barely made it, too! I can’t believe you slept through that whole thing,” Mr. Briney stated.

    “Thanks for the ride!” he answered, still half-asleep. He picked up his bag and began to ascend the stairs, topside.

    “No problem. Going through that storm made me feel like I did when I was your age! I’m going to be docked here for awhile, though. If you need to go anywhere else, you know where I am,” the captain chuckled.

    “See you around, Geodude.” Jeff opened the hatch and his face was pelted with rain. It was no longer night, the sky was gray, but it was still raining. He reluctantly pulled himself back into the element. Almost slipping on the deck, he stumbled onto the pier.

    Jeff closely examined the small island town. He would have said it was the size of Oldale Town, except coastal and it had one landmark building: the gym. The large building was huge compared to the other, smaller houses. Directly at the end of the pier was the pokemon center. Without a second guess, Jeff dashed towards it. While he ran, something caught the attention of the corner of his eye: three destroyed beach houses, to his right on the beach. He quickly dismissed it and charged towards the only salvation for his pokemon.

    He burst through the automatic doors, almost tearing one off the track. He ran through the empty pokemon center and up to Nurse Joy, who was waiting happily at the desk next to the plump, pink body of a Chansey.

    “My Treecko is hurt! He needs some help. I don’t know how serious it is.”

    “Of course. If you could release him from his pokeball…” she asked, sweetly.

    Jeff swung around his backpack and dug out the pokeball. He was reluctant to open it, afraid Treecko might be DOA. He closed his eyes and pointed it onto the desk. The still wood gecko materialized on the counter. His eye was barely open and his breathing was much worse than before.

    Incredibly weakly, he heaved, “<You… put me in a… pokeball… and took me… from my… home? You… you…>”

    Even though all Jeff could hear was, “Cko… tree ckotree… treecko cko… cko cko tree…treecko… cko? Cko… cko…” By the very look and tone of voice, he knew that he had made a huge mistake… even though he only wanted to help him. Treecko gave him a final betrayed leer before Nurse Joy took him to the ICU, with the Chansey following.

    “He just needs a lot of rest,” she replied with the obligatory answer of reassurance.

    “If you’d like to wait, there are some magazines that you can read. Then I’d like to ask you about what happened.”

    Jeff really didn’t want to talk about what happened so he said, “I’ll be back soon. There’s something I need to do.”

    Feeling awful and particularly angry at himself, Jeff burst out the door and, without a second thought, stormed towards the Dewford gym. He was waterlogged from the continuous downpour, but he still tramped towards the gym in determination. Jeff approached the beige painted building and opened the front doors. He walked in and drew near the front desk, which had a lanky, bored security guard behind it.

    “I’m here for a battle,” Jeff explained.

    “Go on in,” he replied monotonously. “Brawly is training his pokemon.”

    He entered the door to the left of the broad desk and walked in. He found himself on the perimeter of a green, hardwood-floored gym. The set up had reminded Jeff of the room where he and Hitmonlee had practiced fighting back before Hit had evolved. Surrounding the battlefield were bleachers running five feet above the floor. On the other side of the gym, Jeff made out three figures doing stretches. One was a man with blue hair like the ocean. The green floor heavily contrasted with his orange T-shirt and blue shorts. The other two figures appeared to be pokemon. Both were the size of children but they differed heavily in appearance. The one to the gym leader’s left was a plump-looking yellow pokemon reminiscent of a sumo wrestler. On the human’s other side was a skinnier pokemon with a gray skin tone and a small tail.

    Jeff took off his wet shoes and walked towards the three. On closer inspection, the yellow pokemon had red blotches on its cheeks as well as black, glove-like hands and the gray pokemon had three crests on its head. He stopped in front of the three and they stopped the routine stretching.

    “Hey, I’m here for a battle,” Jeff stated.

    “Woah, slow down, little dude,” the twenty-something year old said in a heavy surfer accent. Jeff had to chuckle under his breath; the accent instantly reminded him of Keanu, his brother. “My name’s Brawly, and this the gym for fighting pokemon, in case ya’ didn’t know.” He outstretched a hand, to which Jeff shook it.

    “I’m Jeff, from Littleroot Town.”

    “Ohhhh yeaaah, three dudes from Littleroot Town and one other chick came by here a day or two ago.”

    “Four?” responded Jeff, confused.

    “Two sets of two. Both at different times,” he explained serenely.

    “Well, anyways, I’d like to battle you.”

    “Radical! We were in the mood for a battle, seeing as y’can’t surf in this weather. Rules are… two on two. First one to have both pokemon wiped out loses. Go to your side and choose your dude!”

    Jeff nodded and walked to his side of the field, in front of the door. He stood firm and reached for his pokeball.

    “Machop, you’re up, dude,” Brawly said, sending the gray pokemon forwards.

    “Ok… Corphish! Let’s go!” Jeff stated, pointing the pokeball at the floor.

    The shimmering orange body of Corphish appeared on the green gym floor. He looked around, confused, but soon got into the groove of things and prepared himself for a fight.

    “<About time!>” Corphish crowed.

    “Let’s keep it ranged, Corp!” Jeff advised, quietly.

    “<Bring it on, you…ugly…dinosaur…human…thing…ummm…err…B*STARD-*SS!>” Corphish struggled to taunt. “<Wow, I haven’t made any battle insults in such a long time I think I forgot how!>”

    “<I’ll take you down no problem. I could beat a crustacean like you surfing blindfolded!>” the Machop haughtily replied.

    “Ok, dude! Use a karate chop!”

    The gray figure began to run towards Corphish, determined and with his hand straightened out.

    “Bubblebeam!”

    Corphish opened both of his pincers and precisely shot bubbles at the Machop like a machinegun. The waving blue orbs quickly hit the fighting type, bursting painfully on contact with his gray skin. Although the volley slowed the Machop’s charge, he was a determined pokemon. He ran straight through the bubbles, but was hurt in the process.

    “Corppy! Ready for close quarters!”

    Corphish nodded and put one claw forward to defend and brought one claw back to retaliate. The superpower pokemon brought a chop down, but the water type blocked the cut with his defending claw and brought his other pincer up the Machop’s jaw in a vengeful uppercut. He fell back and landed on his tail. The fighting type tried to get up but Corphish already ran towards him and he felt the cold wet pincer hit his face. Machop fell backwards, with his nose and mouth bleeding. Corppy was preparing to attempt another crabhammer attack, but Brawly recalled his pokemon first.

    “Good try, dude… Hey little dude! That’s a pretty tough Corphish you got there! We’ll see how he flows against Makuhita here, though,” yelled Brawly, sending the yellow fighting pokemon onto the green floor. It began to walk towards Corphish.

    “Ok Corp, nice work. Do the same thi-” Jeff was cut off by Brawly giving his order.

    “Dude, use fake out!”

    The guts pokemon sped up in a way that Jeff didn’t think was possible. Without time to react, Makuhita brought his black fist into Corphish’s face, sending him stumbling backwards, utterly stunned.

    “Nice hit, Makuhita! Now do vital throw!” Brawly called, confidently.

    The yellow fighting type grabbed Corphish by the horns and began to swing him around in circles. All Jeff could think about was when he did that to Treecko, knocking him out. Makuhita, now with enough momentum to do some serious damage, let go of Corphish and sent him careening towards Jeff. He was forced to duck to avoid his pokemon from hitting his head; poor Corppy hit the wall behind him and fell to the floor, unconscious.

    “Damnit… sorry, Corp,” Jeff apologized, recalling Corphish to the pokeball. He looked around at the gym. Jeff noticed that the roof was only about twenty five feet high, not nearly enough room for Onix to battle. Even if he could, Jeff was still nervous about whether Onix really DID destroy that pokemon center.

    He took out Daedalus’s pokeball. Jeff was beginning to realize that he went into this battle without thinking everything through. Daedalus still didn’t know about the last gym battle and he despised these fights. With merely a hope that Dae would battle, he released him to the field.

    “Daedalus, please, I need your help.”

    He materialized and looked around the field. There two humans facing off, one adrenaline filled pokemon; it didn’t take long for him to comprehend the situation. As soon as he did he turned to Jeff with an extremely betrayed look.

    “Oh great, that’s two for four now,” he mumbled. “Please Daedalus… just this once,” he begged, louder.

    The offended Taillow folded his wings and shook his head with a bold, “LOWW”.

    “Please… I’m beggin-“

    “LOW,” he replied again, cutting Jeff off. He then indignantly marched towards his pokeball, clicked the button, and turned into the red energy.

    “Errr…dude? Do you have any more pokemon?” Brawly asked with some awkwardness in his voice.

    “Well… I have an Onix…but he wouldn’t fit in here,” said Jeff with sudden insecurity.

    “This town has had enough trouble with Onixes, anyways! We don’t need one tearing up the gym, too.”

    There it was again. Onix and destruction. Was it his Onix? That couldn’t be; he found it near Petalburg. Was it the species as a whole?

    Jeff’s train of thought was broken with Brawly’s voice. “I’m sorry, dude, but if you don’t have another pokemon, you’re going to have to forfeit and try again later.”

    He sighed.

    His voice shaky from frustration and embarrassment at the disgraceful loss, he said, “I…guess I…have no choice. I… give…u-”

    “CKO!”

    Jeff’s lips froze in their very place and he turned around, little by little. He found his entire body slowly turning to the noise. He saw a body silhouetted by the brightness outside. Its arms were folded and the tail as well as the overall stance was unmistakable.

    It was Treecko.

    The soaking, cut-up, smug Treecko.

    “Is that little dude gonna battle with you?” Brawly asked.

    “No, he’s not. He should be rest-” Jeff was interrupted by Treecko’s tail hitting his face. The lizard then walked onto the field, his point proven. The bewildered Makuhita looked at the equally confused Brawly.

    Man, this dude has some serious relationship problems with his pokemon,” thought the gym leader to himself.

    “Treecko, are you sure you want to ba…” This time, Jeff cut himself off upon seeing Treecko glare into him, more offended than Daedalus. “Right, sorry. I’m not supposed to ask you that.”

    “So… it’s your badass Treecko against my tubular Makuhita, dude?” Brawly asked.

    “I… guess it is,” Jeff replied, giving in.

    “Righteous! Makuhita, start off with an arm thrust!”

    The yellow pokemon began to run towards Treecko.

    “Keep it ranged, Treecko!” Jeff advised.

    The wood gecko, of course, moved in for a physical attack.

    “…Or not. It’s your call,” he mumbled, irately.

    Treecko awaited the first punch, which he knew was aimed for his face. Gracefully, he moved his head to the side, avoiding the punch, before slinking around behind Makuhita. Treecko pivoted in preparation to take out his legs with his tail. Makuhita sensed this and thrust his leg backwards to catch Treecko in the chest. The guts pokemon then whirled around and began to rapidly punch him, mostly in the face.

    Treecko kept his neck firm and after multiple blows, spat out blood and jumped backwards. He then tried to use bullet seed. Much to his utter contempt, it didn’t work. He scowled and tried again. It was still to no avail.

    “Treeeeeee CKO!” he roared in frustration.

    He tried again and it finally worked. Bright yellow seeds shot from his throat. With aim directed in front of Makuhita’s path, he spat out the seeds with every ounce of strength that he possibly could. A cloud of smoke burst around the fighting type from the blow.

    “Dude! Prepare to use force palm!” Brawly called out.

    Treecko ran towards the shroud and rammed into Makuhita. He hit his tail into Makuhita’s chest, then pounded it across his face, and then finally hammered it into the back of his head as a result of an adept jumping maneuver.

    Treecko turned to hit him again but Makuhita drove his hand into Treecko’s ribs. Neither human could see what happened but both heard a definite snap. The agony-surged lizard fell heavily to his knees, doubled over through gasps and grunts. Sweat dripped off of his snout. Rage and adrenaline poured into Treecko’s eyes.

    “Treecko?! Are you ok?!” Jeff called through the smoke.

    He got up just as quickly as he fell, determined not to lose.

    “TREEECKO!!!” he yelled, doing a back flip. The tail, as a product from the graceful move, pounded up Makuhita’s chin. While flipping in the air, he propelled himself from the back flip into a frontward somersault. This brought his heavy tail onto the guts pokemon’s head. Makuhita fell onto his back. Treecko landed and the smoke began to clear. As soon as it did, he unleashed a volley of bullet seeds onto the already unconscious fighting type, causing bits of the floor to fly up all around him.

    “Dude, not cool!” Brawly mumbled, returning Makuhita to a pokeball. “Nice job, Jeff. I wasn’t expecting that!”

    Treecko began to walk towards Jeff. He stumbled in his place a bit as he walked.

    “You were awesome, Treecko. Thank you, but you should really be-”

    Treecko collapsed on the floor beside Jeff. The human immediately dropped to his knees and held him. Treecko coughed up some blood, which tricked down his chin and onto his chest. As Jeff quickly followed the sharp red liquid’s trail, he noticed that Treecko’s upper chest was very purple and indented inwards. He was gasping for air and heaving at a disturbingly irregular rate.

    “Oh sh*t.”

    The frantic Jeff instantaneously picked Treecko up and as quickly and gently as he could, began to run with him in his arms.

    “Dude! What about your badge?!” Brawly called, oblivious to the situation.

    Jeff ignored him and ran through the doors. He sprinted past the sleeping guard and into the burdening downpour.

    Arceus, you should have stopped him, you should have put him before the badge and ignored his stubbornness. Arceus! You f*cking idiot, Jeff! Look what happened to him!” The soul-stabbing thoughts rushed around his head, which subsequently began to lose color.

    “Come on Treeck, hang on. Hang on. Hang on!”

    The large drops of water hit both him and Treecko, despite his efforts to cover him. The blood from the wounded pokemon’s chin began to wash away, accompanying the rain to the ground.

    “Oh good, you found him h-”

    “HIS LUNG COLLAPSED!”

    Her face suddenly went from relief to seriousness. Nurse Joy carefully made the transport of Treecko from Jeff to her and led them through a white door to the right of the counter which led to a bright hallway.

    “Chansey, ER! Stat! Pneumothorax!” she ordered to the egg-bearing pokemon standing in the lobby. The Chansey nodded and followed her, her face also growing serious. Jeff immediately followed the pink pokemon.

    Once in the room, Joy placed Treecko on a stretcher. She took out many instruments and placed the stretcher’s belt ceremoniously over the pokemon, to hold him down incase he woke up, presumably. Jeff kneeled down to Treecko’s right, holding his hand firmly with his right and cupping both with his left. The Chansey stood beside Nurse Joy and placed an IV line filled with morphine into Treecko’s left arm.

    Nurse Joy picked up a sharp metal rod in her right hand and in her left was the end of a small hose, which led to a suction machine. In the Chansey’s hand was another hose which was hooked up to a machine which appeared to be for pumping oxygen. Also attached to Treecko was an ECG monitor, for his heart rate.

    “Ok, Chansey? Three – two – one – now.”

    To Jeff’s horror, she stabbed the metal rod into a precise position in Treecko’s chest.

    “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Jeff’s father was a doctor; he knew what they were doing, but he still felt obliged to ask.

    The pokemon’s pupils constricted and he gasped.

    A single spurt of blood shot from the hole, which was now sealed by the rod. Droplets of blood landed on Treecko’s chest and one on Jeff’s cheek.

    “Ready, Chansey? Now.”

    Nurse Joy took the rod from his chest. More blood seeped from the hole.

    “Quickly!”

    Joy stuck her hose into the wound and blood began to fill the hose and suck towards the machine containing a blood bag. Just as quickly, Chansey put her hose into the leaking hole and oxygen began to pump into the lungs.

    Treecko turned his head to Chansey.

    Through labored heaves, he said, “<Tell… Jeff… I’m… proud… of… him…>”

    And then he closed his eyes.

    The monitor went wild.

    BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

    “BPs dropping!”

    “Chans chansey!”

    “Prepare the defibrillator and up the oxygen output!”

    “Chansey!”

    BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

    Jeff squeezed Treecko’s still hand tighter.

    “Oh Arceus, hang on, Treecko!”

    “260 BPM. His BPs still plummeting! Bring that defibrillator over here.”

    BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

    “Chansey!”

    Nurse Joy took the gel accompanying the defibrillator and rubbed it on Treecko’s chest. She then readied the paddles.

    “Clear!”

    BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    There it was... the single sound that made both doctor's and visitor's hearts stop, themselves. Jeff's eyes widened and his grip on Treecko's hand tightened. He went into a state of frantic shock.

    “Flatlining!”

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    Jeff held Treecko’s limp hand with resolute zeal.

    “…Treecko?”

    Tears began to form in his eyes.

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    “Clear! …Sir, please remove your hand!”

    “NO!” Jeff shouted.

    “Trainers…” she muttered. “Sir, remove your hand! I need to defibrillate your Treecko!”

    Jeff’s hand didn’t move a muscle.

    “Sir! Let go!”

    “NO!”

    “LET GO!”

    “I’M NOT LETTING GO!” Jeff cried, still kneeling over Treecko.

    “I’m NOT losing this patient because you’re too stubborn to let go of that Treecko! I’m giving you three seconds before I defibrillate!” she said, rubbing the paddles together. “One – two – three – clear!”

    ZZIIIFFTP

    She pressed the paddles to Treecko’s gelled chest and zapped them. The shock went through Treeck, causing him to jump, and went from his hand into Jeff, causing him to twitch and fall to the ground. But he still held onto the lifeless, green hand. Jeff crawled back up, biting his lip and growling in raw emotion. Thoughts shot about Jeff’s bursting mind.

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    “Recharging!”

    “Treecko… wake up… Arceus, buddy, please wake up! Come on! Please!”

    “Chans sey!”

    “Clear!”

    ZPFFT

    The surge went through the two again. Jeff writhed in agony on his knees but was determined to hang on. Tears soaked his face and torrents of blood here rushing to his head from the voltage. Beads of sweat fell from his forehead.

    BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    “It’s not looking good. Chansey, raise the voltage!”

    “Sey!”

    This can’t happen. This wasn’t supposed to happen! We were supposed to battle from continent to continent, side by side. We were supposed to be just like my brother and his Treecko. We were supposed to be best friends. YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO DIE!!”

    “Clear!”

    ZIIIPFFT

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    Jeff kneeled over Treecko, glowering from agony and pain. He was a mess. His hair was ruffled and on end, his nose was now bleeding from the liters of blood that rushed to his face from his increasingly speeding heart. A mixture of the rivers of tears, sweat, saliva, and blood met at Jeff’s chin. The solution dripped off, onto Treecko’s face. He couldn’t see straight and he flinched from the electricity flowing through him.

    He examined the peaceful, calm Treecko and let out a final sob.

    I didn’t mean to hit you! I didn’t mean to make you hate me! I didn’t mean to take you from your home and I didn’t mean to meet you and drag you into this shitty mess! Friends aren’t supposed to hurt friends! ...I failed you… and now you’re gone.”

    “CLEAR!”

    “Treecko… I’m sor-”

    ZIIIIPFT

    And before Jeff lost consciousness, he felt his hand slip away.

    ---------------------------------------
    Last edited by Griff4815; 3rd August 2009 at 6:43 PM.
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  18. #138
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    ...Continued, come on now. I'm not THAT mean,
    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Jeff found himself staring upwards at a spotless white ceiling. He was on a hospital bed. The disoriented human propelled himself to a sitting position. Jeff looked down to see his hands shaking. He remembered what had happened and fear struck him like bolt of lighting would the tallest tree.

    “…Was it a dream?"

    He darted his head to his left.

    “…A very bad dream?”

    Nothing.

    “…A nightmare?”

    He darted his head forward.

    “…Or is he…”

    Nothing.

    “…Is he really gone?”

    He then closed his eyes and slowly turned his head to the right, afraid of what he might see. Fear and sadness pumped through his veins at the question. He had remembered all of it. His shut eyes began to moisten,

    “…He can’t be…”

    He opened them and an unexplainable surge of emotion hit him like sledgehammer.

    It was him.

    “T…T…T-Treecko?” he stammered unwillingly.

    The lizard was lying in the bed next to him.

    A now-sweet female voice came from the foot of his bed. “We managed to resuscitate your Treecko, remove all of the blood from his lungs, and reinflate them. If you had kept holding on we may not have been able to safely give him the proper voltage to restart his heart. So it’s a good thing you passed out when you did. You should consider both you and your Treecko very lucky! Just be sure that you two take it EXTREMELY easy for awhile.” Nurse Joy smiled before going to examine another patient.

    “Lucky,” Jeff muttered in a laugh.

    He dangled his legs over the right side of his bed and stood extremely shakily to his feet.

    “Treecko… I… Are you ok?” was all that Jeff could bring himself to say.

    He simply stared at Jeff and gave a weak grin. “<We won, didn’t we?>”

    “Yes we diiiiiiiiiiii…” Jeff trailed off and was stunned. “What did you just say?”

    “<What do you think I said?>”

    His mouth slackened. “T-T-Treecko… I c-can hear you? …I can hear you! I can HEAR you!” Jeff then jumped at Treecko and hugged him, despite his countless injuries.

    “<Congratulations.>” Treecko mildly chuckled with sarcasm in the comment. “<Now remember what I said about the hugging! Arceus, show some pride!>” He seemed not to care, but Jeff hoped that he was celebrating on the inside.

    Jeff let go of the wincing pokemon, who now forced himself to an upright sitting position. The grass pokemon’s face was now serious, like he was remembering something.

    “I... I’m… You… I…” Jeff attempted to speak but no words escaped his trembling lips. He internally hated himself for his lack of ability to tell him what he was going to say.

    Treecko slowly blinked and struggled to stand on the bed. With tremendous effort, he turned around so that his twin-leaved appendage faced Jeff. Treecko then made eye contact with the human. Jeff, immediately catching on, made eye contact back. Both grinned simultaneously and Jeff grasped Treecko’s tail with his hand, who shook his hand back. After Treecko’s ceremonious gesture, the pokemon spoke with seriousness.

    “<I think you have something that’s mine…>”

    The teen was lost for a moment but then it hit him. Jeff reached into his pocket and pulled out the twig that he had familiarized with Treecko. The pokemon took the almost oversized object from him and began to stare at it. He was immediately lost in a profound state of thought. One couldn’t be sure whether he was thinking about the time it came from or where it came from or whatever else was running through his head.

    He broke his concentration and placed the twig in his mouth. Jeff felt something fill in his eye that he had wished hadn’t.

    Without hesitation, he pointed behind Treecko and remarked, “Hey! An explosion!”

    The pokemon apathetically turned around to see for himself. The rogue tear escaped Jeff’s eye and landed on Treecko’s shoulder. The human mentally swore and shut his eyes.

    “<What was that?>” Treecko asked, turning his head slightly to inspect what had hit him.

    “Probably one of your stitches ripping, you stubborn b*stard, you could have gotten yourself killed!” Jeff laughed heartily, while wiping the tear from his eye. “I’ll be right back; I’m going to get a Coke from the vending machine…”

    Jeff let go of Treecko and stood up. He turned to his left and walked out of the ICU doors to the main lobby. He knew that the times were cheerful now, but the returning of his speech comprehension was a curse in disguise, and he knew it.

    “Ignorance is bliss,” he muttered while approaching the CocaCola machine. He shakily inserted change into the slot and noticed that his hand was still quaking.

    Probably from the electricity,” pondered Jeff as he heard the can of the beverage fall down into the dispensing area. He bent down to pick it and when he came back up he noticed someone staring at him out of the corner of his eye.

    “Well, well, well,” said a voice that Jeff deemed familiar.

    He turned and his eyes widened upon seeing the recognizable blond hair.

    “You…”

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Sorry about the cliffhanger again. I had that ending planned for awhile. :P

    So a lotta stuff happened in that chapter..^ ^;

    The whole medical procedure scene was purposefully lacking in description to make it as hectic and fast-paced as possible, just so you know

    I wanted to post the chapter with a new banner from Scenice but it hasn't come yet so... :X
    Last edited by Griff4815; 3rd August 2009 at 6:46 PM.
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  19. #139
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    Congratulations. Once again you have produced a chapter so good that I can't be bothered to go all nitpicky on you. And this time it comes with a free feelgood ending. Whoo! ^_^

    ...just typed that whole first paragraph out again because I somehow managed to post it without anything else, so I was forced to delete it.

    Anyway.

    So, no grammar nitpicking because they're all trivial and didn't detract from the enjoyment of the chapter. But I can still poke holes in other things.

    The one thing emotionwise which bothered me was how Jeff goes from not wanting to fight Treecko to being really angry all in one go. You have a paragraph or two between these two moments, but they contain no emotion description - perhaps a little sentence just to show that he's beginning to get annoyed?

    There is one other thing which isn't quite a grammar nitpick but I would just like to point out how this sentence made me laugh when it shouldn't have done:
    “F*CK ROCKS!”
    I know what he meant, but if you take the first word to be a noun and the second to be a verb, it sounds... wrong. :x

    Aaaand you didn't quite make clear why Treecko came to help Jeff with his gym battle. Wasn't he ****** off about being beaten up and captured?

    Loved the defibrillator scene with the EEEEEEE and the ZFFFTP - great sound effects. ^^ And you're right, it does have a fast, frantic feel to it. Also, the bit where he wakes up with the "Was it a dream?" *turns head* "Was it a nightmare?" *turns head* was again nice use of extremely short paragraphs.

    Daedalus was nooooot happy this chapter. Makes me wonder what's going to happen to make him want to battle - I'm sure you have something good planned. Or he could just stay not battling forever, which would be quite interesting in itself.

    Yayayay Corphish. Grand Theft Bike sounds like a fun game - can I play it? xD

    Yes. Good chapter equals me saying less in the review. Be pleased. =P

    ...either that or I have become terribly, inexcusably lazy with reviewing.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
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  20. #140
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    Jeff began to understand.

    Daedalus drew his line. “<This is ridiculous. That’s it!>”

    The tiny swallow pokemon lunged at Treecko, knocking him to the ground. Daedalus began bashing at him with his wings and the rare beak strike.

    “DAE! STOP!”

    “<You selfish – b*stard – think about – someone - other than – your sorry – green hide – for once – you have – virtually – nothing – to prove!>” Daedalus yelled between each batter.
    Lol, I liked this part. I love Treecko's guts, and it's overall personality.

    Prepare the defibrillator and up the oxygen output!”

    “Chansey!”


    BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

    Jeff squeezed Treecko’s still hand tighter.

    “Oh Arceus, hang on, Treecko!”

    “260 BPM. His BPs still plummeting! Bring that defibrillator over here.”


    BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

    “Chansey!”

    Nurse Joy took the gel accompanying the defibrillator and rubbed it on Treecko’s chest. She then readied the paddles.

    “Clear!”


    BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    There it was... the single sound that made both doctor's and visitor's hearts stop, themselves. Jeff's eyes widened and his grip on Treecko's hand tightened. He went into a state of frantic shock.

    “Flatlining!”


    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEE
    You wrote this whole scene well, I was on the edge of my seat, throwing stuff around in protest.

    The whole ending was excellently written, dialogue and all.

    My one protest is this. Description in the begining was spot on, but declined to almost nothing in the end....otherwise good.

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