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Thread: Never in the Wrong Time or Wrong Place (14A)

  1. #201
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    Sep 2007
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    Wow, these chapters are extremely long, but all full of great stuff worth reading. I'm gonna try to tackle one or two chapters a day to catch up, I can't really stay focused on something for that long.

    33
    Last edited by blaziken33; 28th February 2008 at 12:18 PM.
    33

  2. #202
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    Dec 2006
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    Sorry for the ungodly long wait. I only posted the first part of the chapter because it would 1.) be very long if it was the whole thing. 2.) Since it's been so long, I would have rushed the second part because I'm so eager to post.

    The first part was co-written my Diamondpearl876. Let's see who can spot the difference!

    Anyways... ENJOY!

    Exile: Part 1

    The sound of the heart wrenching bars closing rang through Jeff’s ears; it was a sound he’d never even dreamed of hearing in a million years. The reverberation merely reminded him of his stripped freedom to continue his journey as a trainer for however long the police intended to keep him locked up. More importantly, it was impossible to reach Atlas or Treecko; he wasn’t as worried about the others, since they were left with Kevin and Rachel as he was led to this wretched place in handcuffs. He managed to tell Kevin to retrieve Treecko for him in order to tell him of the situation.

    Jeff took a look at his surroundings, even though there wasn‘t much to be acknowledged in the room; the bed and the toilet, each placed in one corner of the cell, looked even more uninviting and unsettling than the cold, hard metal that had been harshly placed upon his wrists. What kinds of people had actually slept in this place? Criminals, convicts, and other things that Jeff believed he shouldn‘t be called. . . He definitely didn’t belong here, although people probably now presumed that he was; the thought caused a sickening feeling in his stomach. Jeff could sense the hatred and the wanting for revenge in the room, which unwittingly brought up another question: what exactly had these people thought when they were stuck in this dreadful place? He couldn’t imagine himself trying to get back at Brawly, the police, the Growlithe that had pinned him to the ground, or anyone else . . . It was his own impulsiveness that had gotten him into this mess.

    Even though he had never known them before, Jeff didn’t want to become even more like those people. He took a deep breath and refused to think about everyone who had been apart of him being sent to the station. He walked over to the most appealing part of the room, which was undoubtedly the window. Peering outside past the metal bars, the only thing to be seen was a part of a forest with bits of the cave through the lush trees, but it was enough for the nauseating feeling in his stomach to slowly diminish.

    "We must be close to the beach," he solemnly thought.

    The beach! Jeff’s thoughts quickly turned to Atlas, whose whereabouts were unknown to him. He felt a sudden panic wash over him and numerous questions jumbled through his mind--questions that couldn’t be answered without the help of the police or another person.

    What if they hurt him, or shipped him off to evil Petalburg again? Why exactly did Atlas admit he did… the whole destruction thing? Not possible, not possible… Will they even let me own him again? Would taking him away even be legal?!

    All the questions came in vain, and the fact that none of them were being answered tore away at his juvenile heart.

    ---

    “Alright, guys, let’s bring this pest to the spot. Brawly will lead the way. Never look away from the Onix, and always be ready to listen to commands.” Numerous species of pokemon that had been released from their pokeballs surrounded the frightened rock serpent and immediately obeyed the instructions, focusing all of their attention on him. They began walking towards there destination, careful to pay attention to Atlas and where they were stepping at the same time. Atlas hesitated for a moment, unsure of what he wanted his next actions to be.

    “<What are you doing? Move, or I’ll be forced to attack. We wouldn’t want that, now would we?>” one of the policemen’s Growlithe said with a menacing tone in his voice. He snarled and glared at Atlas, trying to scare him into moving. The fire-type succeeded easily, since the rock serpent was terrified to begin with; Atlas swiftly turned his head away and began moving through the soft sand.

    As they were making progress towards their destination, Atlas couldn’t help but feel intimidated with all the eyes set upon him. All the infuriated faces were things he were use to from the past, and didn’t want to witness them anymore. Atlas tried to distract himself by looking towards the humans. They were talking amongst themselves, saying things Atlas couldn’t comprehend with the distance between them. He assumed it was about himself, or about Jeff…

    … Jeff. He envisioned the teenager when he had been taken away against his will, and the faces of the other pokemon were left staring in awe, probably feeling helpless at the fact they couldn’t do anything about the unfortunate situation. Atlas had originally thought that maybe admitting his wrong doings would clear his conscious and end the whole thing for good, but it turned out things were getting even more complicated. He was unsure of what his next encounter with Jeff would be like--if there even was one. The Onix wasn’t even sure if he’d ever see him again, all because of his presence on the beach at the wrong time.

    Atlas stared straight ahead, fighting the urge to look down at the daunting pokemon below him. He noticed they were slowly approaching an open clearing, and he was surprised when he saw several Machoke, most likely awaiting their arrival. Seeing that the pokemon possessed large chains, Atlas struggled not to yelp when he realized they were definitely planning to immobilize him for the time being. The Onix wasn’t preparing a great escape, but the thought of being weighed down like that terrified him. The thickness was close to that of a tree trunk, as if especially designed to trap an Onix in its place. The rock-type couldn’t help but think they had somehow prepared for this, expected for him to come back and wreak more havoc on the popular island.

    “This is the place where I train my pokemon at. No dude really comes by here, so no worries. If he cries out people will think it‘s totally from the cave,” Brawly explained. His voice was loud and clear, matter-of-fact. “Only two guard dudes will have to stay here when the Onix is totally chained up. He won’t be going anywhere.”

    When the teenager was finished speaking, Atlas saw a couple of the policemen smile and nod; they were getting exactly what they wanted. Atlas’ heart sank even more when the Machoke began to use their muscles to pick up the massive chains. Most of them went directly to the rock-type, and began working relentlessly on placing the chains on nearly all parts of his body, starting from the bottom. As they progressed, Atlas found it difficult to stay in his place, and struggled not to topple over onto the grass. More and more chains were used on the boulders that had increased in size. The chains tightened around his body, and Atlas didn’t know it was possible to feel so trapped in such an open area.

    Just when Atlas thought that the Machoke had finished working on securing him in his place, he saw two of them head over to one side of the clearing, near the forest that blocked the frightened tourists’ views. The two of them worked together to tie the chains to the tree trunk.

    How is that supposed to help anything…? Atlas wondered. With the chains already weighing him down significantly and the guards that he’d soon be stuck with, he figured it’d be enough to keep him in place until someone decided his fate. Whatever the reason was, Brawly and the other humans seemed satisfied with it. Brawly mentioned something else inaudible to Atlas, and he and all the policemen except two departed from the clearing; Atlas almost felt sorry for the two specific humans who had been hired for watching him, seeing as it was a waste of time--no spectacular plan was being devised.

    Once the policemen and Brawly were finally gone, Atlas noticed that night was beginning to set in, which not only darkened the sky, but darkened his mood more as well. The tall trees seemed to be watching his every move, and warning the creatures that might’ve been thinking about running through the clearing to turn back.

    “Don’t face the monster. Go back. He could attempt to break out of his chains at the sight of you and attack for no reason, just like he did to those poor peoples’ houses,” he could imagine them saying, and then numerous frightened, innocent faces . . .

    Atlas could’ve made himself believe he was seeing things, but indeed there we faces in the darkness, and they were peering into the clearing through the trees. He could make out the outlines of a human, and a few other small creatures that Atlas recognized as Jeff and Rachel’s pokemon. So, they had followed him here! The rock-type had been focusing on Jeff that he had forgotten about anyone else.

    There was only one thing left to wonder about them now that he knew their identities: what exactly were they going to do about this situation?

    Atlas pondered this for a moment, but no ideas came to mind and he wished he could see what they were thinking. He honestly couldn’t visualize Corphish or Daedalus or any other small pokemon destroying the chains that suffocated his body. Atlas sighed. There seemed to be no use, and his hope quickly vanished. He continued to watch the unmoving figures; there wasn’t much else he could do with his current position.

    After a few more moments of silence and gazing at them, he was shocked and disappointed when he saw them swiftly scurry away. Atlas presumed that there was nothing left for them to see here in the clearing, and that they went to tell Jeff he was alive and well. Suddenly, he heard a loud noise coming from a little inside the forest, back in the direction of the cave that Atlas had once resided in. An outline of a shadow emerged through the trees on the opposite side he had seen his friends, and was thrilled to see it was another Onix; no other pokemon could share the same structural shape.

    The guards hastily turned around at the sound, and began taking out their red and white spheres to prepare to attack whatever dared to come by. They gaped at the sight of another Onix when it could be seen clearly, but they rapidly gained a hold of themselves and sent out their faithful companions, a Growlithe and a Meditite. The two pokemon got in their fighting stance, ready for what ever was going to be thrown at them.

    Atlas looked back to get a clearer view of the other Onix, who was now fully in the clearing and had stopped dead in his tracks. The expression on its face told Atlas he was here for a reason, and hadn’t accidentally stumbled over the scene.

    “Get out of the clearing, or we‘ll have to attack!” one of the guards ordered furiously.

    Atlas waited for the pokemon’s next actions, but he contently stayed in his spot. He saw a smile creep up the pokemon’s face, and felt that he recognized the Onix from somewhere before.

    “<Don’t think I’m leaving you here, all right?>” the Onix said. Atlas gasped, suddenly realizing that it was his friend from his old clan, Prometheus.

    Still smiling, Prometheus turned to face the guards and their tiny pokemon. With a quick swing of the tail in the ground, a massive wave of sand flew into the air. He kept swinging his tail around in the ground causing vast quantities of granules to blot out most of the sun from the defenders of the sudden sandstorm.

    “Growlithe, use Take Down! Don’t let it finish!” one of the guards shouted to the fire-type. By then, though, it was too late; the sandstorm had finished its effects, and Atlas found it increasingly harder to breathe through it all. He heard muffled coughs and whines from the pokemon and the guards, but was unable to see them through the blinding dust particles.

    The rock-type heard Prometheus move a little, but Atlas was unsure as to whether or not he could see where he was going. Suddenly, a thunderous crash could be heard just near where Atlas was chained down. He could feel the ground tremble beneath him vigorously. Small cries from the guards rang through Atlas’ head; they were as oblivious to what was happening as Atlas was. Without warning, Atlas was yanked back by Prometheus’ body and another booming collision moved the earth under them. The coldness of the chains still rested on his body, but he could see now that he was free from the tree that had collided with the ground, thanks to Prometheus.

    The other Onix whispered something inaudible to Atlas, and soon after he could feel himself ram into the ground. He was being dragged away from the clearing, away from the fallen tree that had taken him as a temporary prisoner, and from the guards had made a vain attempt at trying to get rid of Prometheus. The chains pushed hard against his body, but it was worth the pain; even though the destination was unknown, any place was better than here.

    His craggy friend pulled him away tail-first, slowly easing him along with the broken chain which was tied to the tree in his mouth. All Atlas could do was watch the sandstorm behind them subside and watch the guards and pokemon stumble around, holding their eyes. They were moving at a nail bitingly slow pace. Atlas cringed and sighed, knowing that this wasn’t over by a long shot.

    “<Wow, Atlas, have you gained weight?>” Prometheus mocked while biting down on the chain.

    “<It’s the chains,>” answered Atlas grimly, hardly amused by the situation he was in. Although it was understandable that Prometheus couldn’t free him due to lack of time to escape, Atlas wished that these almost crushing chains were off of his rocky flesh already. The rock snake had a feeling that he knew where his friend was taking him- the cave which was home to more than just bad memories.

    They left an unmistakable drag trail which looked more like a trench than anything else. The humans grew smaller and the already lightless night became darker. Atlas knew that they were now inside the cave. The immobile rock type lifted his eyes up to see a gigantic mouth of the cave- it was tall enough for even Prometheus to enter without ducking. He felt the chains form a sandwich between his own stony body and the moist rocky floor, creating an occasional spark while his friend dragged him.

    “<We’re almost there, friend,>” Prometheus explained, grunting with each pull.

    “<Almost where? I think we’re far enough!>”

    “<No… not yet,>” the Onix said, making a wide turn into a cavern which Atlas did not remember. Although he could hardly see in the dark at that time, he could navigate the grotto purely by touch and memory, save this cave that Prometheus was taking him to.

    He felt an incline in the terrain. Atlas experienced his body scraping against stalagmites and smaller boulders, causing him to cringe slightly. The hill seemed to level off again and Prometheus stopped dragging him. The chain fell from his mouth with a clang that echoed about the rocky walls. Atlas began to grow more used to the cave’s darkness the longer he stayed in it.

    “<Why did you bring me here?>” Atlas asked, almost coldly.

    “<No one knows about this place. Here, I can free you without…>” Prometheus trailed off.

    “<How exactly did you plan on freeing me?>”

    The standing Onix put the end of his tail to his chin in contemplation.

    “<Thinking as always,>” Atlas grumbled, trying to lift up his head but failing.

    “<I never thought you as the sarcastic type, Atlas,>” Prometheus said with a smirk. The irritated Onix sighed. “<I’ve got only one idea,>” he continued. “<I’m going to try my Iron Tail. It will hurt, Atlas, but it’s the only way I can think of.>”

    The chained down Onix gulped and attempted to nod. “<Very well, Prometheus.>”

    Prometheus raised his tail, causing it to gleam in the darkness. He brought it down with a crash onto the metal along with Atlas’s body. Sparks flew and the rock serpent let out a pained grunt. The Onix removed his tail and noticed that the attack barely did anything against the massive chains.

    Atlas sighed. “<Maybe this isn’t the best idea.>”

    “<It’s the only way, Atlas. Just take a deep breath,>” Prometheus insisted, raising his tail again.

    “<…Very well. Don’t hold back; I can deal with the pain,>” replied Atlas, half shuddering.

    He brought his tail down again, harder this time. His friend growled and twitched slightly.

    “<These won’t give! I will try again in rapid succession,>” Prometheus exclaimed, bringing his rocky tail down again. He struck the same place three strong times. Atlas let out a roar as the metal began to chip away at his solidified flesh.

    Prometheus whipped his tail around and brought it down precisely in the same place. The Onix cried out in pain. The massive chain broke halfway through.

    “<Good!>” Prometheus said enthusiastically. “<Almost through! Once more should do it.>”

    He raised his tail a final time and slammed it onto Atlas and the severed chain, which snapped as a result. Prometheus then began to unwrap the chains from his friend by pulling them with his stony mouth. Feeling lighter than air, if that was possible for an Onix, Atlas reared up and shook the remaining massive chains off of him. He turned to face his old friend and made out his blue eyes in the dark.

    “<Thank you, Prometheus…but…>”

    “<What is it, Atlas?>” the rock snake asked.

    “<You should have left me there. They had a right to keep me! I’m tired of running away,>” Atlas answered.

    “<What was I supposed to do? Watch them ship you off again… or worse?>” Prometheus shot back.

    “<I do appreciate the save, but did you have to bring me back here? What if he sees me?>”

    “<Don’t worry, Atlas,>” Prometheus answered. “<He’s busy sleeping in his royal chamber.>”

    There was a brief silence between the two. All that could really be heard was the trickle of water hitting the cave floor. Prometheus cleared his throat, initiating a question.

    “<Atlas, they shipped you over the water… how did you get back here?>”

    “<Well,>” Atlas began to say with confidence, “<first I found this human sleeping outside of Petalburg and I curled around them to make sure that they wouldn’t be able to leave without awakening me. Then I begged to come along with him, knowing that he’d come by Dewford eventually for that gym.>”

    “<And once you arrived here you were planning to ditch him and come back to the cave?>” asked Prometheus with a sly grin.

    “<Yes, I->” Atlas began to reply, but he stumbled on his words as Prometheus’s stinging ones sunk in. He remembered how genuinely nice Jeff was to him upon meeting him, and then again further along in the journey. An image flashed into his head of Jeff being hauled away by the policeman after trying so hard to stick up for him and protect him. He had even fought that particularly prestigious blue-haired human over his innocence. Atlas closed his eyes and shuddered.

    “<Atlas?>” asked Prometheus, curiously.

    “<I cannot believe I was going to leave him alone after all that he has done for me,>” the rock snake thought in shame.

    “<Atlas?>”

    “<I needed to return here… but I shouldn’t have used him like that! Look where he is now because of me!>” he self-consciously continued to think.

    Unexpectedly, Atlas let out a sharp roar and slammed his tail into a nearby stalagmite, causing it to shatter into many tiny stone shards.

    “HWARRGHH!!!” bellowed the rock snake. Prometheus sunk back slightly before once again erecting his posture.

    Atlas turned away, awkwardly. “<Sorry about that, Prometheus. I have a lot on my mind.>”

    “<Does the scar hurt?>” he asked.

    “<Yes… Always. Even if something comes close to it.>” Atlas answered, not wanting to talk about it.

    Prometheus looked at him curiously.

    “<I cannot stay here; I’m going to have to leave eventually, and they’ll be waiting out there,>” explained Atlas.

    “<Maybe Cronus will let you back…>” Prometheus suggested rather sheepishly.

    “<I doubt it; after what I did he’ll probably kill me the next time he sees me!>”

    Prometheus looked around the cave warily. “<That’s the thing, Atlas. I don’t like how he’s been ruling us. I too want a change.>”

    “<If only you had such a point of view back when I challenged Cronus, Prometheus,>” Atlas commented, rather disdainfully.

    “<Yeah… I’m sorry about that. I really wasn’t prepared when you challenged his leadership.>”

    Atlas nodded. “<Has anything changed since I left?>”

    Prometheus shook his head. “<No. Cronus is still ruling the cave’s inhabitants by the means of fear. He’s even sending some of the smaller pokemon out of the cave.>”

    The scarred rock pokemon let out a low sigh.

    “<Just because he’s a Steelix with a shiny metal hide doesn’t give him the right to push the entire cave around like we’re his slaves!>” Prometheus protested.

    “<But perhaps my strength does!>” a menacing voice echoed through the walls of the cave. A giant serpent similar to an Onix, but with metal flesh and spikes on his long body appeared from the darkness. He was easily distinguished as a Steelix by the lack of a head crest and the gleam emitted by the metal.

    “<Cronus…>” Prometheus said in surprise, slinking back behind Atlas.

    “<Why hello there, Atlas!>” the Steelix said in mock pleasure. “<And Prometheus, good evening to you too. Always a pleasure.>”

    Atlas growled and felt a sharp tingling in his scar.

    “<Atlas, I didn’t think you had the stones to come back here! Why the long face? That little scratch I gave you still hurt?>”

    The rock pokemon in question looked at the ground in shame.

    “<What you’re doing isn’t right. You’re not the leader of the entire cave; you can’t push all the other pokemon living here around!>” replied Atlas sternly.

    “<Well you don’t have to worry, Atlas, they won’t be living here for much longer.>” Cronus the Steelix calmly explained.

    Atlas let out a low growl.

    “<What are you doing back here, traitor? Did Prometheus here bring you or did you come back on your own?>” the metal snake asked in a growl.

    Atlas looked back at his friend, who squirmed uncomfortably in his place. He sighed. “<I came back on my own accord.>”

    Steelix let out a hard chortle from through his metal teeth. Atlas let out a louder snarl.

    “<You’re not thinking of attacking me again, are you? Don’t you remember how that turned out last time?>” Cronus jeered, gesturing at the scar on Atlas’s face.

    He turned his head slightly to hide the visible scar from Cronus and Prometheus in shame.

    “<Why did you challenge me, I wonder?>”

    “<Because you are a tyrant,>” Atlas answered coldly.

    “<Poor reason, poor choice!>” said Steelix with a grin. “<You should have known that you can’t stand up to me, both in a fight and out of it.>”

    Atlas let out a sharp grunt while Cronus continued, “<And what would have happened if by some slim miracle you did win? You can’t be a leader! How would you control them? You’re just not clan leader material; you’re too softhearted. You just don’t have the guts! Unlike me, you fight with your heart and not your head. That’s why I’m the leader and you’re the pathetic exile!>”

    Sucking in the facts, Atlas sighed and thought that most of that might be true. Still, he shakily countered, “<But you have one thing wrong, Cronus; you don’t fight with your head, you fight with your greed.>”

    “<Now, Atlas,>” Cronus said with a mock-hurt voice. “<I’m hurt by that! And Prometheus, I feel bad that you think so poorly of me!>”

    “<Cronus, I->” begun Prometheus nervously before being interrupted by Atlas.

    “<Leave it, Prometheus. Our leader is just trying to get in your head!>”

    The Steelix let out a hard chuckle. “<Given your big heads with such little brain to fill them, I’d be able to fit Lord Groudon in them!>” Cronus’s face became stern again. “<But the problem is I AM the leader, so Prometheus, get your yellow tail over here and Atlas, get the hell out of my cave before I’m forced to make you, again!>”

    Prometheus began to slowly slither towards the Steelix sneering in the darkness. He looked warily back at Atlas, who finally said, “<Prometheus, stop!>”

    He turned and looked at the scarred rock serpent with wide, questioning eyes.

    “<We’ve had enough; we’re not going to let you rule like this anymore!>” bravely exclaimed Atlas.

    “<Oh?>” Cronus said, slithering up to face to two Onix. “<You’re going to try to stop me, are you?>” He imposingly turned to Prometheus and bore his fangs. “<You’re questioning my authority?>”

    Prometheus shrunk back a bit.

    “<Are you?!>” the Steelix roared. Prometheus quickly shook his head and avoided Atlas’s betrayed and helpless look.

    “<Prometheus?>” Atlas asked. The Onix remained silent.

    Once again, Atlas felt alone. If his best friend wouldn’t stick up for him, who would?

    “<At least your friend has some sense.>” Cronus turned to the regretful Onix. “<You’re not as stupid as you look, but don’t think I’ve forgotten about your earlier comments!>” he said, slapping his metal tail on the dank cave floor. “<Perhaps now would be a good time for your penalty for defying me!>”

    Atlas growled and slithered towards Cronus, ready to strike. The Steelix, getting just what he wanted, swiftly whipped around his tail. The steel appendage, not even close to full force, made impact with the scar on Atlas’s left eye.

    Excruciating pain exploded from the hit. It coursed though every inch of his body within mere seconds.

    From the sheer pain, Atlas sharply bellowed, “HWAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHH!!!”

    His body thrashed around mindlessly and violently. He began to ram his head sideways against the cave wall, causing stalactites and pieces of stone to fall from the ceiling. Atlas then let out another strained roar and began to writhe in agony on the floor of the cave. Prometheus looked on in pure bewilderment and shock, while Cronus merely chuckled and turned around. Cronus gave Prometheus a light hit on the head, urging him to follow him back through the cave. Atlas’s friend looked back in guilt, but followed.

    Atlas remained cringing on the ground. He opened one eye and muttered, “<I will…defeat you…eventually.>” He then waited for the gnawing pain to cease.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    The blond haired teen found himself faced with the pokemon center lit up in the night. Kevin tightly held Ace, who squirmed a bit uncomfortably in his hands.

    “Stupid Jeff getting arrested and making me go get his Treecko. The thing will probably bite me,” mumbled the teen in complaint. Ace looked up at Kevin with some worry. The two sighed and walked through the automatic doors opening before them.

    Kevin calmly walked up to the desk and placed Ace as well as his hands on the counter top.

    “How may I help you sir?” the pink haired nurse asked perkily.

    “Hi,” Kevin said with a broad smirk. “I need to pick up a pokemon for my friend, Jeff, from the recovery room.”

    “Alright, I’m going to need to see some ID,” Nurse Joy replied.

    Kevin nodded and took from his pocket both his pokedex and his pokemon trainer’s card, both of which he received from Professor Birch. Nurse Joy took the two and briefly scanned both with her eyes.

    “Thank you, now which pokemon do you need to get?” she asked.

    Kevin cleared his throat. “I need to get that Treecko!” he explained, now peering through the glass windows of the recovery room doors.

    “Umm…” Nurse Joy stalled. “That Treecko is in no condition to move. His ribs are still very tender. You do realize that they were broken in a gym battle and that he almost died from a collapsed lung.”

    Kevin stopped looking through the window and turned his attention to Nurse Joy with an eyebrow raised. “No, I didn’t know that… but still, this is an emergency.”

    “I’m sorry, but it can’t be that important. That Treecko couldn’t go anywhere if he tried.”

    Kevin frowned, but his grin swiftly returned. “That’s okay. Do you mind taking a look at my Squirtle here? I think he has a thorn or something inside of his shell.”

    Ace immediately began to panic, looking around, both in and out of his shell, for this alleged thorn. Nurse Joy nodded and began to take Ace into the back check-up room. Kevin winked at Ace and mouthed, “Sorry, I’ll make it up to you later.”

    As soon as the nurse was out of sight, Kevin slipped into the recovery room and ran over to the wood gecko pokemon’s bed. The grass type was staring at the ceiling with his old, acquired twig in his mouth. Upon seeing the teen’s sudden appearance, Treecko looked up at him with a mixture of annoyance and confusion.

    “Okay, we don’t have much time. I’m Jeff’s friend, Kevin. He’s in jail right now and he asked me to come get you so you need to come with me!” Kevin explained, outstretching a hand.

    “Treecko cko,” the grass type simply answered, turning his attention back towards the ceiling.

    “I know this sounds crazy but I need you to come with me,” the blond teen persisted, reaching his hand in closer.

    Treecko began to stand up; he attempted not to cringe with the movement. Kevin smiled. “I knew you were damn tou- OW!” Kevin emitted a sharp cry and put his aching fingers in his mouth. Treecko repositioned himself from his previous well placed pound on Kevin’s hand.

    “Wha tha hell wah tha foah?!” he yelled, still sucking on his swelling fingers.

    Treecko simply turned his nose up at the human and folded his arms. Kevin angrily removed his fingers from his mouth. “Okay, you don’t want to do this the easy way? We’ll do this the hard way! Now I know you’re injured, so for both our sakes, maybe you want to cooperate!”

    The rebellious grass type opened an eye, adjusted the twig in his mouth, and mumbled provokingly, “<Try me.>”

    Gladly giving into Treeck’s goads, Kevin lightly, yet firmly grabbed Treecko’s right arm and the base of his tail. The grass type struggled against the human’s hold. Treeck managed to rip his tail free from Kevin’s hand and he whacked the teen across the face with it.

    “AH! Damnit! We don’t have time for this!” Kevin let go of the pokemon’s arm and whipped his backpack around from his back. He quickly unzipped the bag and gave a quick grin at Treecko, who began to realize what he was going to do. Before the grass starter could fight back, Kevin quickly grabbed him and began to put him in the bag. After another pound to the face and a bite to the right hand, Kevin was able to safely put Treecko in his backpack. Luckily for Kevin, it was late at night so no humans were able to witness the apparent kidnapping, and most of the pokemon there were sleeping anyways. Needless to say there were muffled cries of protest and feet and hands kicking Kevin’s back as he placed the bag back on.

    As calmly as he could, he quickly strode out of the recovery room and nervously approached the desk to get Ace. The blond haired boy moved with the bag as it budged back and forth. Nurse Joy held Ace and looked at Kevin quizzically.

    “Something wrong?” the nurse asked him, suspiciously.

    “No, I’m fine! My back is just really itchy!” Kevin quickly answered. “Can I have Ace back now, please?!”

    “Of course,” Nurse Joy answered, holding out a rather relieved Squirtle. She paused mid reach. “Do you hear something?” she questioned, noticing a strange noise.

    “Uh, yeah! It’s just some Sandshrew having a bad dream. He’s fine!” Kevin insisted, practically ripping Ace from her hands. “Thanks for the check up!”

    With that, he dashed out of the lobby and into the warm night. He sprinted his way back to the police station, ignoring the stares of people who most likely heard the muffled Treecko from inside his backpack. Either that, or they were confused by Ace’s shocked and frightened expression; he had been part of that whole ordeal--and he had done it all unwillingly. Nonetheless, Kevin’s trip to the station was free of people being entirely convinced of him being a kidnapper and chasing him down the streets of Dewford.

    Before entering the building, he came to a halt and set Ace down on the ground. The little turtle attempted to recover from the situation as Kevin kneeled and began to unzip the backpack that contained the wood gecko. Kevin noticed that Treecko wasn’t fidgeting anymore, and he wasn’t sure how long ago he had stopped. Nurse Joy’s words then echoed in his ears.

    “That Treecko is in no condition to move. His ribs are still very tender,” was what she had said. From what he saw, though, it wasn’t as bad as she made it sound; Treecko removed himself from the backpack without any of the boy’s help, and Kevin sighed in relief--he would be able to report back to Jeff with an unharmed pokemon.

    “Okay, Treecko, we’re where Jeff is at. You don’t have to cooperate anymore…” Kevin said, standing up. “…Not like you were doing that to begin with,” he added, loud enough to where Treecko could hear. Surprisingly, the pokemon made no comment back to him; instead, he looked back from Ace to Kevin, and then made his way through the station doors. Kevin and Ace soon followed close behind.

    “Can I help you with anything?” asked a deep voice when they arrived inside.

    Kevin looked up and replied, “Yeah . . . we’d like to visit Jeff Growell.”

    “Very well.” He gave Kevin a questioning look, as if he wanted to ask why the three of them would want to visit a criminal--why anyone would want to visit a criminal. He turned and started walking to where Kevin assumed was Jeff’s jail cell. He began to follow the man with Ace and Treecko at his side.

    When they reached his cell, Jeff was found staring out the window. He wasn’t immobile, but he might as well of been; he looked as if he had no intentions on leaving his current position.

    “Um . . . Jeff?” Kevin said, trying to get the boy’s attention, wondering if he was completely oblivious to his surroundings and hadn’t heard them enter. Jeff quickly turned, however, eager to see if his friend had brought what was requested. Kevin could see a faint smile on Jeff’s face when he saw that Treecko was indeed with him.

    “Hi, Treecko,” Jeff said, as if Kevin and Ace weren’t even present. The wood gecko only smiled in response. Jeff continued, “I’m glad to see you can walk, though Nurse Joy must not be too happy about you leaving . . . You told her it was an emergency, right?”

    “Yeah, of course! She understood completely,” Kevin lied. Jeff wasn’t even looking his way, so deducing that he was lying was out of the question. He knew Jeff would most likely learn about what really happened eventually, but figured now wasn’t a good time. Kevin peered down at Treecko, awaiting some kind of glare that would give the situation away. Surprisingly, nothing came from him. He didn’t even do so much as look at Kevin.

    "Odd," he thought. "I’d expect something out of him, considering how awfully stubborn he was before..."

    “Good. Anyway, Treecko, I don’t know how long I’ll be in here. Days, weeks…” he trailed off, and shuddered. “Point is, I may be here a while.” He hesitated, assuming the next part would be unacceptable to the grass-type. “So… you’ll be with Kevin until I can get out… okay?”

    Treecko looked from Jeff to Kevin a few times. His face was emotionless, and Jeff worried about his reaction. After all, he had sent a complete stranger to fetch him and bring him back, and now he was asking Treecko to spend practically all his time with Kevin for an unknown amount of days . . .

    “<That’s fine with me,>” he finally said. His voice was unfaltering, as if he had thought about it a thousand times over and nothing would change his mind.

    Jeff’s eyes widened. Had he really heard what he thought he did? Treecko… agreeing with something like that? Well. This was quite unexpected. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about Treecko being miserable with him as well.

    Jeff decided to test the wood gecko, even though he predicted he’d regret it later. “That also means you may have to go in your pokeball at times, you know,” he said slowly, carefully.

    “<… I know that,>” he replied, and frowned. Treecko figured this should be the kind of behavior that was wanted from their trainers; he thought there was no reason for Jeff’s statement--he wasn’t an idiot, and he knew what he was doing.

    Jeff smiled at the fact this was easier than he had expected it to be. He’d have plenty of time to figure out what his pokemon was up to later, another day, when he wasn’t cooped up in this place, where bars were the only things that stopped him from being where he wanted to be--with his pokemon.

    He sighed and approached the bars between him and the others. Jeff squatted to a kneeling position and playfully ruffled the top of Treecko’s head. The grass type backed off a bit in irritation, not to Jeff’s surprise.

    With almost a chuckle, he said, “Okay, well, don’t give Kevin TOO much hell.”

    Treecko looked down a bit as he chewed on his twig.

    “Do you mind going into your pokeball now?” Jeff asked mostly to Treecko, but to Ace in proximity, as well. “I need to speak with Kevin in private.”

    The teen still didn’t expect Treecko to comply with such a demand. Kevin swiftly pulled out Ace’s pokeball and returned the Squirtle, but he hesitated when bringing out Treecko’s pokeball which he had swiped from Jeff’s backpack before the police took it. With a closer inspection of the pokeball, it was collecting dust on the red and white exterior.

    Treecko suppressed a shiver which tried to crawl down his spine. After a deep breath, he slowly nodded, calmly. Kevin stalled, examining Jeff’s bewildered expression.

    “<Go for it,>” answered Treecko with a sense of a mixture of irritation, resoluteness, and acceptance. Jeff was positive that his fear was still present, but he knew that he wouldn’t let it show. The red beam shot from the sphere and engulfed Treeck- he disappeared into it without another sound.

    With a sigh, Jeff leaned against the bars and let himself slide to the floor. “Are you sure you picked up the right Treecko?” he asked Kevin, half joking.

    “What do you mean?” hastily questioned the blond haired teen, fondling the collar of his blue t-shirt. Kevin wondered if he indeed picked up the wrong Treecko- it would make sense given his previous determined refusal to go with him.

    “Treeck would never have agreed to… any of that! He hates being inside his pokeball… It’s like he just…changed his mind all of a sudden!” replied Jeff, brushing some dust that had accumulated on his white shirt and blue shorts.

    A silence ensued. Kevin decided to let Jeff soak in his thoughts for a minute until he became rather fidgety. He broke the calmness with his usual manner.

    “So of all the gym leaders you had to pick a fight with, you just happen to have to choose Brawly, the fighting gym leader-slash-surfer! Well played, sir!” Kevin had a wide grin plastered on his face and he was sure he could sense a vein throbbing on the back of Jeff’s head from anger.

    “Kevin?” the teen asked in a faux-innocent voice. He was facing away but he began to stand up. “Can you come a little closer to the bars for a minute? I have something to tell you.”

    “I’m fine right here, thanks- out of the reach of strangling hands,” insisted Kevin still with a broad smile.

    Jeff’s voice became serious again. “Have you talked to Rachel yet?”

    “Nah, not since I practically had to beg her to follow Mt. Crushmore for ya,” Kevin replied, referring to Atlas.

    A knot tied itself in Jeff’s stomach as he was thinking about Atlas. “I feel bad for bringing you guys into this… but I had to try to-”

    “I know,” Kevin interrupted. “I wanted to punch him out too, but, ya see, I’m a thinker!” he explained, making a tapping gesture to his head.

    There was a brief pause and Jeff looked at the floor.

    “Kevin…” Jeff sighed. “Are your shoes on the wrong feet again?”

    The teen looked down at his feet and scratched the back of his head. In a sheepish attempt to cover his tracks, he stated matter-of-factly, “…It’s the new fashion craze… all the cool kids are doing it! What? Are you afraid to be cool, Jeff? Are ya?!”

    Jeff let out a chuckle before bleakly staring at the wall again.

    “Make sure that you take care of them, and let them out of the pokeballs as much as possible,” the teen instructed.

    Kevin nodded and looked at the guard keeping a watchful eye on the two.

    “You don’t happen to have enough money for bail, do ya?” Jeff asked, half joking.

    Kevin shrugged apologetically. “I can go steal something else and then sell it and then maybe I will.”

    “What do you mean something else?” asked Jeff, confused.

    His friend tensed up and fidgeted to put Treecko’s pokeball in his bag. “Well hang tight, Jeff. It shouldn’t be too long, now!” he explained turning to walk down the hallway.

    “Where are you going?” asked the incarcerated male.

    Kevin turned and answered his friend, making sure to be out of the earshot of the guard.

    With a reassured, determined tone, Kevin replied, “I’m going to find Rachel, and then we’re going to find out how to rescue your Onix.”

    And with that, Kevin gave a sideways glance to the police officer and left the station, leaving Jeff, once again, alone.

    To be continued...
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 18 is up.

  3. #203
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    Blah - only Chapter 16 - PAST ONE is up? Oh well, better than nothing.

    Pretty good half, I have to say - interesting stuff going on there, including the fact that you basically answered the whole 'is Atlas guilty?' question - and hurrah for an new antagonist. Explains the scar as well - quite interesting. So now I can definately say - stupid Brawly.

    Description was good, although there was not as much as there has been in previous chapters, owing to the large amounts of dialogue in that part.

    Criminals, convicts, and other things that Jeff believed he shouldn‘t be called. . . He definitely didn’t belong here,
    Odd ellipse there... - why spacing between that one, but the normal usage (...) for the other ellipses? Not sure if 'He' should be capitalised either.

    All the infuriated faces were things he were used to from the past, and he(?) didn’t want to witness them anymore.
    Missing d, and perhaps a 'he' thrown in there as well - that seemed a little bit rushed, that sentence.
    Atlas gasped, suddenly realizing that it was his friend from his old clan, Prometheus.
    Either I've totally forgoten that Prometheus has been mentioned before, or he hasn't. Seemed a bit convient and too sudden to give us that information IMO - 'oh look, it's my fiend from so-and-so!' is the feeling that I got there... could have been solved if he (Prometheus) had been mentioned eariler. If you had, than it's all good.

    “That’s okay. Do you mind taking a look at my Squirtle here? I think he has a thorn or something inside of his shell.”

    Ace immediately began to panic, looking around, both in and out of his shell, for this alleged thorn.
    Heh.

    Overall, pretty good - looking forward to the second part, and how this whole thing 'might' blow over...

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  4. #204
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobandbill View Post
    Blah - only Chapter 16 - PAST ONE is up? Oh well, better than nothing.

    Pretty good half, I have to say - interesting stuff going on there, including the fact that you basically answered the whole 'is Atlas guilty?' question - and hurrah for an new antagonist. Explains the scar as well - quite interesting. So now I can definately say - stupid Brawly.

    Description was good, although there was not as much as there has been in previous chapters, owing to the large amounts of dialogue in that part.


    Odd ellipse there... - why spacing between that one, but the normal usage (...) for the other ellipses? Not sure if 'He' should be capitalised either.


    Missing d, and perhaps a 'he' thrown in there as well - that seemed a little bit rushed, that sentence.

    Either I've totally forgoten that Prometheus has been mentioned before, or he hasn't. Seemed a bit convient and too sudden to give us that information IMO - 'oh look, it's my fiend from so-and-so!' is the feeling that I got there... could have been solved if he (Prometheus) had been mentioned eariler. If you had, than it's all good.


    Heh.

    Overall, pretty good - looking forward to the second part, and how this whole thing 'might' blow over...
    Thanks for the review, Bobandbill.

    More things will (hopefully) happen in Part 2, which I can get out next week because I have March break then.

    Stupid Brawly, indeed.

    You do have a point about Prometheus (He wasn't mentioned before, I dont think.)

    Anyways, stay tuned. (and I think that 2 month long wait ate the rest of my reviewers..)
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 18 is up.

  5. #205
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    well it didn't eat me up but i'm not much of a good reviewer :P at best an encouragement :P

    but the 1st part is really good. Description could use a little more details but still fine just little details here and there and its all patched up (can't tell where the spots are exactly, but they are there)

    anyways i look forward towards the next chapter

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  6. #206
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    Ah, my apologies Griffy, with my own chapter and the n00b test...it took a while. Better late then never I suppose.

    I think this chapter (part 1) was absolutely fantastic. The begining was a tad tedious, having to read through all the description to finally get to the action, but man was it worth it. I've gotta say, I love Treecko, and what you've done with that character. Characters and plot seem to be your strong point, and If im not mistaken, DiamondandPearl's strong point is description. If thats the case, you have a dynamic duo working on a fatastic fic here.

    Lets look at the multiple positives:
    1)Description was fantastic. It wasnt listy or out of place, and really immersed me into the story. I felt as if I was with poor Treecko and Jeff. I'm not sure which one of you was the mastermind of the descrition, but kudos to the both of you.

    2)Plot was amazing. It kept me interested to the end, almost begging for more. Not a big fan of Brawly though..but its all good. I can't wait for the next part, but dont rush. I'm expecting great things from you.

    His body thrashed around mindlessly and violently. He began to ram his head sideways against the cave wall, causing stalactites and pieces of stone to fall from the ceiling. Atlas then let out another strained roar and began to writhe in agony on the floor of the cave. Prometheus looked on in pure bewilderment and shock, while Cronus merely chuckled and turned around. Cronus gave Prometheus a light hit on the head, urging him to follow him back through the cave. Atlas’s friend looked back in guilt, but followed.

    Atlas remained cringing on the ground. He opened one eye and muttered, “<I will…defeat you…eventually.>” He then waited for the gnawing pain to cease
    Favorite part...it had everything I was looking for. Good job Griffy and Diamondpearl476!

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    No, I didn't forget. I've been on holiday for the past week with no internet. However, at least I don't have a lot to catch up on - yours was the only fic I follow that was updated in my absence

    everyone who had been a part of him being sent to the station
    They began walking towards their destination
    things he were used to from the past,
    ready for whatever was going to be thrown at them.
    "Whatever" is only one word.

    causing vast quantities of granules to blot out most of the sun from the defenders of the sudden sandstorm.
    The sun? I thought this was all happening after dark.

    You should have known that you can’t stand up to me, whether in a fight or out of one.
    Brawly isn't a jerk - he just jumped to conclusions based on only what he observed, failed to investigate the whole truth behind the situation, and he sent Atlas away so he could potentially become a problem for another town (he made the assumption that Atlas was dangerous - "We'll just ship him off so he can wreak havoc elsewhere") - oh, wait, that DOES make him a jerk. My bad.

    But an even bigger jerk is Cronus - the arrogant, narrow-minded leader who must have everything his way. He thinks very little of those who are below him in the pecking order, but he's too powerful for Atlas to deal with alone and Prometheus is too scared to stand against him. When/If Jeff ever gets out of prison, I'll be looking forward to seeing him teach the snob a lesson.

    As usual, you did an admirable job with characterization from all angles - Jeff, Atlas, Kevin, and Treecko - and their reactions to the situations that each of them were up against. And the story of Atlas' scar is an interesting - if not totally unique - development. I'm still a bit confused about what actually caused the damage - whether it was caused during the struggle between Cronos and Atlas, or if Cronos did it himself to frame Atlas - or maybe I'm totally off:/

    I don't have as much to say as far as the whole Kevin/Treecko dynamic -only to say that I'm looking forward to seeing how Treecko will (not) accept Kevin while Jeff's still in the slammer. Also, trickster Kevin ftw.

    Well, I suppose that's about all I had to say, but I am looking forward to part two (though, may I suggest just calling it Chapter 17?)
    Last edited by DarkPersian479; 15th March 2008 at 3:53 PM.

  8. #208
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    Wow, been a while since I read this, nearly forgot it. Sorry for the delay.

    Chapter 10 and 11- I forgot to divide these up while reading, sorry. So these two'll be crushed together.

    “You can’t change who people or pokemon are and you shouldn’t, you selfish Weavile,” he thought, dismally.
    You don't need that comma after thought.

    “<Or MAYBE… he’s just DREAMING of waking up!>” Corphish said profoundly.
    Only Cophish would say something so...corphishy. lol.

    Luckily the badge was now in his left shoe so that it wouldn’t cause anymore damage to the right one.
    Why does he have a badge in his shoe? It's been too long since I read this, I kinda forgot about that.

    The pokemon attacking was a long, primarily, serpent-like pokemon.
    Seviper are just primarily serpent-like? I thought they'd just be plain serpent-like, but w/e. If you leave primarily in there, take out the comma that comes after it.

    Without much choice, he nodded and flew in the direction he was flying in.
    He flew in the direction he was flying in...yeah, that seems a tad obvious to me.

    “<Krabby today, are we?>” Daedalus grinned, sticking his tongue out at Corphish. “<How do you watch TV anyways?>”

    “<I stole a TV from the Oldale pokemon center along with about four things of extension cords, so that I could watch it from my pond. I bribed a Magnemite into hooking up the satellite signals with the TV,>” Corphish explained proudly.

    “<Wow… I… >” Daedalus pictured Corphish running through the forest with a TV over his head. The image caused him to burst into laughter.
    Glad you cleared that up, I'd been wondering about it, lol.

    He inserted the metal unlocking device into the keyhole.
    You've done this a few other times, but this is the worst one so far. There's no need to use weird terms to describe things. We all know what a key is, if not, we can get a dictionary. You don't have to call it a 'metal unlockign device'; it just doesn't feel right reading that.

    Chapter 12
    Still kinda choppy throughout. Not much else to say at this point.

    Chapter 13

    The stairs did not squeak with each heavy footstep.
    I don't really see the point in mentioning that.... Description is good, but overdescribing the situation isn't.

    With a shaky, fearful voice, Jeff goaded, “Come on, guys… let’s go catch a pokemon or something!”
    Says the guy who always complains about taking pokemon from their homes...doesn't seem to fit him.

    Daedalus flew up and landed on his shoulder, covered by a saturated shirt.
    With the way you've got this phrased, it sounds like Dae is being covered by the shirt

    They silently squirmed through the bush and poked their heads through the leaves. What they saw was a massive, old tree which was like a colossus. The immense boughs of the tree were big enough to be small trees on their own. The canopy created a massive umbrella, even though most of the leaves had disappeared from the limbs of the old, wooden titan. The rain seemed to be tolling on the tree.
    The song I'm listening to right now really added to the effect of the description of the bigness of the tree. It's kinda classical, and just had the right feel for this part. 'Twas the end of "Everlasing" by Virgin Black if you wanted to hear the effect. Probably a minute or so out from the end. Just thought it was cool how it worked out.

    Oh, I just remembered. In 12 or 13, during Jeff's battle with Sam, you didn't italicize some thoughts of Jeff's, and at first it threw me since I thought he was saying it out loud, and it wasn't something he would have been letting them hear. Sorry, but I forgot to pull that out when I first read it, so I can't tell you the exact line it was.

    Chapter 14

    Atlas winced from the rain and looked down, seriously considering digging down into the subterranean for shelter.
    Has Jeff not thought to recall Atlas for Atlas's benefit?

    Jeff asked, obviously in response to his hostile actions and not the order, itself since he still couldn’t understand.
    Move the comma to the other side of 'itself'.

    The fighting type tried to get up but Corphish already ran towards him and he felt the cold wet pincer hit his face.
    You need a comma between cold and wet.

    This was a good chapter, I like how Dae refuses to fight, and how Treecko refuses to stand down, even to the point of almost killing himself, again. Although, I did find it kinda odd that Nurse Joy was so concerned w/ the safety of a pokemon, which is pretty much just an animal, that she knowingly endangered Jeff to try and save him. I would have thought at the least she could have had a chansey try to hold him back or something, but idk.

    Although that would have been a very good chapter break instead of making it two parts. Mean, yes, but good as well.

    I would say expect the next two chapters to be reviewed soon, but whenever I say something like that it takes me forever to get back to it, so I won't bother saying that.

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  9. #209
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    HI Griff, I'm Araleon, and I absolutely ADORE your fanfiction. Ahem. Excuse me. My favorite character is... well, I don't think I can decide. I have read the past 15 and a half chapters in the past two days, and am dying for more... You have awesome description, suspense, and emotion. I can't wait(well I can but still) to see how you portray an evolution. Of Treecko perhaps? To restrengthen his and Jeff's bond? I know that Jeff can understand them, but still... And, is it possible to hate a character as much as I hate Brawly now? He is now my least favorite Gym Leader. Ever. YOu awaoke my love of Treecko-Grovyle-Sceptile.

    See you next chappie!

    Araleon
    Current Black Team: Rivka (Stoutland), Elmo (Musharna), Scarlett (Whimsicott), Gabriel (Carracosta), Reese (Klang), Sean (Mienfoo); all are at level 47. Currently in Victory Road.

  10. #210
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    Default I'm not letting it happen

    Quote Originally Posted by Araleon View Post
    HI Griff, I'm Araleon, and I absolutely ADORE your fanfiction. Ahem. Excuse me. My favorite character is... well, I don't think I can decide. I have read the past 15 and a half chapters in the past two days, and am dying for more... You have awesome description, suspense, and emotion. I can't wait(well I can but still) to see how you portray an evolution. Of Treecko perhaps? To restrengthen his and Jeff's bond? I know that Jeff can understand them, but still... And, is it possible to hate a character as much as I hate Brawly now? He is now my least favorite Gym Leader. Ever. YOu awaoke my love of Treecko-Grovyle-Sceptile.

    See you next chappie!

    Araleon

    Whoa! Evolution? I know it's strange but I have a problem with that because the evolution of Ash's treecko in the anime actually got me pretty upset. I don't think it's a good idea to evolve Treecko because Treecko and Jeff had so many memerable times together, for example, Jeff was saved by... a treecko, when Jeff was in hospital ward he held the hand of... his treecko, not Grovyle or Sceptile just Treecko! And you are forgetting about the nicknames, T-cko, Treeck etc. (I really don't think "Grovy" or "Scepty" make great nicknames). And this is why I cry out, TREECKO 4 EVER!

    Oh and Griff, if you still want to kill someone off I would recommend someone who isn't such a huge hit in the story but still has a big impact on Jeff so the readers don't have to greave over their faveourite character but still feel Jeff's sorrow (or happiness).

    P.S. treecko 4 ever.
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  11. #211
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    So this is me, finally reviewing your chapter due to a lack of anything better to do. Apparently, "lack of anything better to do" is the only thing that ever gets me reviewing these days. But oh well.

    Like I think I told you, I held off reviewing this straight after reading it for the first time because I planned to go nitpick crazy. So here it is.

    He managed to tell Kevin to retrieve Treecko for him in order to tell him of the situation.
    Should really be "He had", seeing as he obviously told Kevin that some considerable time before the moment when he's sitting in his cell.

    Will they even let me own him again?
    This should either be italicised like all other direct thoughts or rephrased into "Would they even let Jeff own him again?", because it's weird to see a "me" in the middle of what seems to be narration.

    All the infuriated faces were things he were use to from the past, and didn’t want to witness them anymore.
    Should be "he was used to". And the phrasing of the second bit is off; either get rid of "them" or put a "he" between "and" and "didn't".

    Atlas had originally thought that maybe admitting his wrong doings would clear his conscious
    Conscience, not conscious.

    If he cries out people will think it‘s totally from the cave,” Brawly explained.
    I think the "totally" here seems out of place. I know you're going for a surfer accent, and it works fine a lot of the time, but sometimes it just seems like you were too desperate to make a sentence sound Brawly-ish, so you shoved in a "totally" for the sake of it. That said, the "totally" would probably have fitted better after "will", in this instance.

    The rock-type had been so focused on Jeff that he had forgotten about anyone else.
    ...

    I'm not getting a proper idea of the setting where Atlas is tied up. It's not described at all, for one thing, leaving me in the dark and filling in the gaps. So, I'm assuming he was being escorted through the forest and then left in a clearing, tied to a tree on the edge. But then Prometheus turns up and sends up a wave of... sand? What kind of a clearing is this? Yeah, more setting description needed; you had a good opportunity while Atlas was travelling through it.

    “<These won’t give! I will try again in rapid succession,>” Prometheus exclaimed,
    The diction of Prometheus' second sentence is oddly formal which just makes him sound really, really weird, especially straight after the more informal first sentence. He IS talking to his friend, after all; relax on his wording a bit. Something like "I'll try again, one after the other" might sound more fitting.

    “<And once you arrived here you were planning to ditch him and come back to the cave?>” asked Prometheus with a sly grin.

    “<Yes, I->” Atlas began to reply,
    He was? Judging by the negative way you portrayed his cave earlier (something about bad memories, I think, and not once did you imply that he was happy to be back), I'd assumed that he never wanted to return - well, not to the cave, at least.

    “<Atlas?>” asked Prometheus, curiously.

    “<I cannot believe I was going to leave him alone after all that he has done for me,>” the rock snake thought in shame.

    “<Atlas?>”

    “<I needed to return here… but I shouldn’t have used him like that! Look where he is now because of me!>” he self-consciously continued to think.
    If Atlas is thinking his lines, they should really be italicised, otherwise I'm automatically under the impression that Prometheus can hear what he's saying despite evidence that he can't.

    “<Well you don’t have to worry, Atlas, they won’t be living here for much longer,>” Cronus the Steelix calmly explained.
    You put a full stop where there should have been a comma. I'm also a little iffy on the wording "Cronus the Steelix"; it (unintentionally) sounds a little kiddy, and is stating the obvious as we know Cronus is a Steelix.

    “<Poor reason, poor choice!>” said Steelix with a grin.
    I'm iffy on this, too - Cronus has a name of his own, so when you're referring to him by his species name it should be "the Steelix", as just "Steelix" on its own is not his name.

    “<Cronus, I->” began Prometheus nervously before being interrupted by Atlas.
    “<We’ve had enough; we’re not going to let you rule like this anymore!>” bravely exclaimed Atlas.
    I don't like the word order of the dialogue tag here. It just sounds odd. Methinks the "bravely" should go at the end, but I can't think of a proper reason other than "it sounds odd". It does.

    He imposingly turned to Prometheus and bared his fangs.
    The Steelix, getting just what he wanted, swiftly whipped around his tail.
    From the sheer pain, Atlas sharply bellowed, “HWAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHH!!!”
    Another couple of instances where the adverb going before instead of after the verb "just sounds odd". It may just be me.

    He opened one eye and muttered, “<I will…defeat you…eventually.>” He then waited for the gnawing pain to cease.
    Eh, I don't like the last sentence here. It seems odd to follow a declaration of eventual revenge with him just sitting there meekly waiting.

    Gladly giving into Treeck’s goads,
    Don't like the use of the nickname here. It implies that either the narrator (who's meant to be completely objective) or Kevin, or both, are on such personal terms with Treecko that they feel able to think of him by that name. Same goes for every other time you refer to Treecko by that name - even in a scene with Jeff is pushing it, IMO.

    He quickly unzipped the bag and gave a quick grin at Treecko, who began to realize what he was going to do. Before the grass starter could fight back, Kevin quickly grabbed him and began to put him in the bag.
    Overuse of "quick" here. You're getting better at avoiding repetition, but there are times when it still catches you out, it seems.

    He wasn’t immobile, but he might as well have been;
    Keep an eye out for this in future; you seem to make the mistake of putting "of" instead of "have" in certain phrasings quite a lot.

    "Odd," he thought. "I’d expect something out of him, considering how awfully stubborn he was before..."

    “Good. Anyway, Treecko, I don’t know how long I’ll be in here. Days, weeks…” he trailed off, and shuddered.
    Seeing as the thought is Kevin's, you probably want to mention that the next line of speech is coming from Jeff, as it's not immediately obvious.

    The last nitpicky thing I have to say is that you and diamondpearl386 seem to have different ways of writing both dashes and ellipses. You need to make them all the same for consistency's sake - preferably changing them to your way of doing it so it fits with the rest of the fic.

    Would also like to say that I know you have a habit of leaving everything in a chapter as it was when you posted it despite reviewers pointing things out. I'm fine with you doing this in most cases, but for the love of Grovyle, change the damn grammar mistakes. When I'm re-reading so I can review weeks after the chapter was first posted and I see things that were pointed out by DarkPersian ages ago, it's kinda discouraging.

    Random highlights because I feel like it:

    Kevin frowned, but his grin swiftly returned. “That’s okay. Do you mind taking a look at my Squirtle here? I think he has a thorn or something inside of his shell.”

    Ace immediately began to panic, looking around, both in and out of his shell, for this alleged thorn.
    xD. Naivety ftw. I can totally see Ace as being the type to be caught out by "Look! A distraction!"

    “Are you sure you picked up the right Treecko?” he asked Kevin, half joking.

    “What do you mean?” hastily questioned the blond haired teen, fondling the collar of his blue t-shirt. Kevin wondered if he indeed picked up the wrong Treecko
    Love Kevin's "Oh, snap!" moment here. xD

    ...Okay, loving the banter between Jeff and Kevin. Too much to quote, but it's all full of win.

    I liked Atlas' conversation with Cronus in a more general, less "omg, win" sort of way. Cronus is an interesting character, but he does seem to be a little bit "clichéd tyrant". Watch out for that. I also like Prometheus in that he doesn't quite have the guts to stand up to Cronus even though he wants to. And much love for the Onix/Steelix clan's names. Apparently Taillow aren't the only species to name themselves after Greek myths.

    Couldn't help thinking that you actually had an opportunity to give me both the Rachel-ness and the Corphish-ness that I wanted in this chapter - during the scene where Atlas was tied up and saw their faces looking at him, you could have perhaps done a short scene more from Rachel's POV. It'd have been a nice insight to how Rachel reacts to doing something she apparently really isn't too happy about doing, and I'm sure Corphish would have had a lot to say about it. Daedalus' reaction would have been interesting, too - as well as the chance to get an idea of Rachel's Pokémon's personalities.

    If you have a scene very similar to what I've just described lined up for the second part of this chapter, go ahead and completely ignore what I just said. ^^;

    Overall, this was pretty good - not quite the best I've seen from you, but enjoyable all the same.

    And now I feel a pressing need to respond to this post.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ultimatallic View Post
    Whoa! Evolution? I know it's strange but I have a problem with that because the evolution of Ash's treecko in the anime actually got me pretty upset. I don't think it's a good idea to evolve Treecko because Treecko and Jeff had so many memerable times together, for example, Jeff was saved by... a treecko, when Jeff was in hospital ward he held the hand of... his treecko, not Grovyle or Sceptile just Treecko! And you are forgetting about the nicknames, T-cko, Treeck etc. (I really don't think "Grovy" or "Scepty" make great nicknames). And this is why I cry out, TREECKO 4 EVER!

    Oh and Griff, if you still want to kill someone off I would recommend someone who isn't such a huge hit in the story but still has a big impact on Jeff so the readers don't have to greave over their faveourite character but still feel Jeff's sorrow (or happiness).

    P.S. treecko 4 ever.
    You are not the author. This is Griff's fic, and he can do whatever the heck he wants with it. Treecko is his character, and as far as I'm aware he's already planned out quite a lot of his future. It's not your place to tell him what he should and shouldn't do.

    And exactly WHAT is wrong with the possibility of Treecko evolving anyway? He'll still have the same personality, and it'll open up opportunities for some great character development. The only big change will be that he looks different. Not worse or anything (my Grovyle-biased side would like to chip in here with the phrase "hell no"), just different. Which you will get used to. And then there will be more memorable times with Jeff and his Grovyle which will seem just as "it was a Grovyle, not a Treecko!"-worthy as the memorable times with Treecko do now.


    And Griff - I agree with Araleon in that I can't wait to see how you portray an evolution. *coughhinthintcough*

    Insert obligatory poke in the direction of my fic here. *shiftyeyes*
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  12. #212
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    I didn't really have any particular comments for the chapters I didn't review in my last post, but I did read them. Overall, my opinions remain largely the same as whatever I've already said, I'd assume; I don't remember what I said then, but I don't feel like I've looked at this story any differently since then at least.

    I remember when "The Authors' Cafe" was still "The Author's Cafe".
    Scrap, purple_drake, Ryano Ra, and Burnt Flower are my fanfic idols.


    --fics--
    NEW:Emory In Viridian- A more realistic spin on a new trainer trekking through Viridian Forest. [one-shot]
    NEW:Pallet Evening News [on DeviantArt and not Serebii due to short length] - A disturbing report from Pallet Town's evening news concerning three new trainers. [one-shot]
    Tómur -Dark contemplations of an undisclosed Pokemon about nothingness and the end. [one-shot]
    The Traveler - A lonely traveler encounters a malevolent pokemon during the night on Route 8. [one-shot]
    Redead - A Redead's perspective on its own life. [Legend of Zelda one-shot]

    More at my DeviantArt



  13. #213
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    Sorry for the lack of updates. I don't want to call this "being on hiatus". It's just taking me a really long time writing the next chapter. I'm constantly gaining and losing inspiration like soap in a bathtub. I promise I will get the next one up eventually, but I won't set a date I can't keep.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 18 is up.

  14. #214
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    If you are looking for an idea you could start a parallel story about a pokemon that eventually meets up with Jeff. Just a thought, sorry if you feel like I'm trying to take over your fanfic. It's the world I'm after!
    Ultimatallic's smart saying of the year:

    "You are young only once, but you can still be immature"

  15. #215
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    I'm not looking for ideas. I just lost the inspiration until just recently, but when I did try to write it, I found out that the file with my story had disappeared. So now I have to scrounge the other documents to try and put it back together. Hopefully I'll be writing again shortly.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 18 is up.

  16. #216
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    Jesus, that is what I call 'Lucketh Sucketh'.

    Hope you get back on track, and don't worry if you don't find the fine: Just steal from this thread:P


    I reject your Nyancats and replace it with my own.
    FB

  17. #217
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    Good news!

    I'm actually writing this again and I should have the chapter posted [hopefully] within the month. No promises, though, as I still have exams and a lot of other more pressing matters.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 18 is up.

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    Holy Matthew Perry! Could it be? It is! A new chapter.

    Thanks to those of you who are extremely patient and haven't just forgotten about this.

    This isn't my best work, and it's much shorter than the others, but I'm rusty from all that time of not writing.

    Here it is.

    Exile Part 2?

    Scratching his blonde hair, Kevin walked out onto the moonlit road. He looked around the streets before crossing the barren road in front of him. The teen ran onto the beach and wandered around the premises.

    “Hmm… where did Rachel tell me to meet her again?” Kevin asked himself. “She had better not be back at the souvenir stand!”

    Kevin took out a pokeball and stared at it. “I still don’t know why Jeff freaked out when he saw Blitz… maybe…” He stalled and came to a revelation. “When I asked him about that gash on his arm he said he was attacked by a wild pokemon… was it… Blitz?...” Kevin stopped walking and continued looking down at the pokeball in his hand. “…Cool!” He grinned and continued walking along the beach.

    Kevin threw the pokeball onto the sand, which burst in a flash of light. The Scyther appeared and flew up to Kevin, who was busy picking up the thrown pokeball.

    “<Hello, Kevin,>” Blitz greeted.

    “‘Hello yourself, pal!” Kevin responded, putting a hand on Blitz’s shoulder. “Can ya do me a favour?”

    The Scyther nodded and folded his scythed arms. “<Of course I can. What is it that you ask?>”

    “I need you to fly around the area and find Rachel and the others. When ya do, tell’m to follow you back here,” Kevin explained.

    “<It shall be done,>” Blitz replied. He then turned, flew up, and went out of sight.

    Kevin sat down in the sand and rested his head on his fist. “I hope he doesn’t feel committed to come with me after what happened because of his code of honour or something…” He then decided to lie back. “Eh, I’ll talk to ’im later. No sense thinking about it now.”

    He yawned and pulled out another pokeball. He pointed it to the sand next to him and from a bright light materialized the Squirtle, Ace. Ace looked about warily and quickly crawled up onto Kevin’s chest. The teen exhaled--anyone would from having a twenty pound turtle stand on their stomach.

    “Hey buddy; sorry about earlier with the whole thorn thing, it was kinda an emergency,” explained Kevin.

    Ace shakily nodded before sitting down and looking cautiously around the dark beach. As Kevin reached towards him to pat his head, Ace retracted his head a little into his shell. The teen pulled his arm back and sighed.

    “Ace, you gotta relax. I’m your friend. You shouldn’t be so uptight,” he said with an approachable grin appearing on his face.

    The Squirtle looked down sadly and sighed. “Squirrr…”

    “What’s wrong?” Kevin asked the troubled water pokemon.

    Ace didn’t reply, he simply rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

    “Come on, buddy. I’m here to help ya and I can’t do that if you don’t open up a little,” he encouraged.

    Ace stalled, but looked up at Kevin.

    “I’m not gonna make fun of you or anything. Let’s hear it, pal,” reassured Kevin.

    The Squirtle shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He looked like he was about to say something when…

    “Scyther!!!” screeched a voice coming from their side.

    Ace literally choked on his words and let out a cough before falling off of Kevin’s chest in shock. While he retreated to his shell, Blitz landed standing over Kevin. Following close behind was Rachel, her pokemon, Corphish and Daedalus. They all stopped behind the Scyther.

    “Where were you?” Kevin asked, sitting upright and grinning.

    “Jeff’s pokemon took off down the beach to follow that Onix of his and then mine followed and I didn’t want to be left alone so I went too!” spat out Rachel rather quickly, obviously out of breath.

    “<I have done as you have asked,>” stated Blitz.

    Kevin picked up Ace and got to his feet. “Yeah, thanks Blitz. I’ll owe you one!” he said heartily. “Now… Jeff won’t be out until tomorrow morning. I say we go keep an eye on the guards and the Onix to make sure nothing happens to him.”

    “Why can’t we just sleep in the hotel for once?” complained Rachel.

    “Where’s your sense of adventure?” prodded Kevin.

    “Where’s your sense of not being an idiot?” Rachel retorted.

    Kevin grinned. “Fresh out of that, I’m afraid.”

    Corphish chuckled. “<A human with a sense of humor! I thought there were only these on TV.>”

    “Shall we get a move on?” asked Kevin.

    Rachel sighed. “You do that. Me, Avis, and Strix are going back to the hotel,” she explained, beginning to walk away with her Pidgey on her shoulder. The zubat on the other hand flew towards Kevin.

    “<What are you doing now?>” Avis called to Strix, exasperated.

    “<I’m staying, of course! I’ve got too much energy to lie around in some room! Yeah!>” the zubat replied.

    “<You’re not the sharpest bat in the cave, are you?>” asked the pidgey.

    “<What what? I don’t see what the problem is!>”

    “<Your problem is you don’t see anything!>”

    “<Hey now! That was uncalled for! All we’re doing is going to make sure nothing happens to that Onix guy!>” Strix complained.

    She sighed. “<Don’t do anything you’ll regret, Strix,>” Avis warned before turning her head back around.

    Noticing that Strix wasn’t near her, Rachel turned around and looked at him. “You want to stay?” she asked, rather surprised. Strix shrugged as he flew in his place. “Hm… fine. Just get into any trouble, okay?” The zubat half nodded and landed on Kevin’s shoulder.

    “See? Strix knows where the action is!” Kevin called out, teasingly.

    “Men…” Rachel mumbled to Avis. She walked off the sand, onto the sidewalk and down the street.

    Kevin and the others began to walk down the beach. Daedalus flew next to Corphish.

    “<I hope Atlas is okay,>” the Taillow stated.

    “<He’s fine… He’s a giant pile of boulders, what’s the worst that could happen? Besides, they didn’t look like they’d do anything to him…or vice versa,>” reassured Corphish.

    “<This is all Jeff’s fault! He came here to win a stupid gym battle!>” growled Daedalus.

    “<And here I was thinking he came here to help Treecko. That selfish *******!>”

    Daedalus let out an indignant chirp.

    “<Why are your feathers so ruffled, Dae?>” asked Corphish.

    “<Well perhaps it’s because Jeff is a hypocrite or a liar! He said that he wouldn’t make us fight in any battles and then he calls ME to fight when I specifically told him that I was morally opposed fighting unless I had to!>”

    “<But you’re NOT morally opposed to beating the chlorophyll out of Treecko…>” added the grinning Corphish.

    Daedalus shot him a glare. “<Okay, maybe I let my anger get the better of me and MAYBE I owe him an apology for that, but not until I next see him will…>”

    The Taillow was interrupted by a burst of light. Kevin threw Treecko’s pokeball in the sand and from it appeared the still-bandaged wood gecko. Treecko took a deep breath and then exhaled. He put his twig in his mouth and glanced over at Daedalus.

    Dae was rubbing his own forehead with his wing in exasperation while Corphish was grinning and saying, “<Kiss and make up! Kiss and make up!!!!>”

    With a sigh, Dae flew over to Treecko, who eyed his presence.

    “<Ahem…>” Daedalus started by awkwardly clearing his throat. “<Howdy Treecko! It’s… nice to see that you’re… okay. Those pokemon centers are… are something… else… yeah…>” Daedalus cringed at himself and rubbed his face with his wing again. “<Uhh… I’m… well I’m sorry for attacking you after you tried to save us... I should have been more grateful… yeah, so… sorry.>”

    Treecko gave a half-grin and nodded. Corphish approached the duo.

    “<Did you two shake hands?>” he asked them.

    “<Don’t push it,>” Dae harshly whispered.

    The Taillow’s eyes darted back and forth, looking for an escape.

    Very uncomfortable, he gave a very put-on grin.. “<Yeah, so uh… sorry… I’m gonna go hang out with, uhh… Strix… bye.>” With that, he flew off next to Strix and sighed a breath of relief.

    “<Welcome back, salad ***!>” Corphish said with a huge grin, as he grabbed Treecko’s hand with his claw and heartily shook it.

    Treecko looked rather confused. “<You’re not mad at me?>”

    “<Sure you acted like a person on a soap, but everyone has bad days and makes bad decisions!>” said the water type merrily.

    “<Bad day is right… Don’t tell ANYONE I said this, but I feel like a total idiot. First I piss off Jeff, then I run off like a wimpy little chikorita, then you guys have to DRAG me back kicking and screaming. Then my bullet seed gets all messed up and I have a hissy fit about that, then I see that Seviper again and go off after it and lose! And THEN I get even angrier about that so I leave you guys and run home and then get caught by that Nidoking. After that I get into a real fight with Jeff AND LOSE and then I fight in that gym battle and almost die…>” Treecko exclaimed, putting his hands behind his head.

    Corphish stared at him for a good minute. That was definitely the most he had ever heard Treecko talk and… open up… in all the time he knew him. “<…Well at least you won THAT time,>” he added.

    “<I guess so...>” he quietly answered. “<I have to get stronger… and I have to do it alone! But, I have to do it without acting like a sulky, touchy, whiney jerk!>”

    Corphish scratched one of his horns in uneasiness. “<You did kinda have an inferiority complex back there… Jeff’s getting over his too, it looks like. What a train wreck THAT was! But you’re not going to run off again are you? Because if you do, can you tell Jeff to give me your servings at lunchtime?>” asked Corphish.

    “<No… I’m going to stay. I shouldn’t have run away from my problems before. I need to face them and become stronger… and I’m going to do it without anyone’s help,>” explained Treecko adamantly.

    Corphish rolled his eyes. “<…But you’re staying, right?>”

    “<Yes, I am. And don’t tell anyone I told you these things… actually, I’m not sure why I even bothered in the first place.>” With that, Treecko got onto all fours, and with a cringe, ran ahead of the group to take point.

    The ruffian pokemon half chuckled and half sighed in relief. “<Well, I for one am happy that lizard breath is back,>” genuinely said Corphish to no one in particular.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Atlas still lay on the cave floor breathing heavily. After much effort, he managed to prop himself against the cave wall.

    “Errrrrghhh,” growled Atlas in response to his searing gash.

    “<He won… again… but not next time… justice must… prevail…>” growled Atlas through gravely heaves.

    The wounded Onix managed to stand himself upright and balance himself. He began to slowly slither through the dark cave, awaiting the red spots to stop dancing about his eyes so that he could see fully again. He attempted to retrace his tracks to where Prometheus turned off into the so called “secret” cave. Atlas looked up the rather steep slope. With a sigh, he began to traverse the large incline.

    “<Here…>” he mumbled to himself.

    He had made it to the top and then looked left, which led deeper into the cave, Just then, he looked down to see two Arons scampering by him with obvious fear in their faces. They appeared to be going towards the exit. He turned left to where they were coming from and saw two more coming towards him.

    “<Where are you two going?>” he asked them, who both shrunk back in fear.

    “<P-p-p-please, we’re leaving as fast as we can. We’ll be out of here in no time. I promise!>”

    Atlas raised an eyebrow. “<Leaving? Why are…>” Then he remembered Cronus and his plan to keep the cave for himself and the other Onixes only. “<Don’t go very far… this cave will be open to all again in not much time at all.>”

    The Aron looked confused, but continued to make towards the cave exit. Meanwhile, Atlas continued down the long, dark tunnel. He slithered around stalagmites and over crevices. The cave brought back rather bad memories for him so he chose to look solely at the ground in front of him. For a moment he stopped upon hearing a rather regretful voice.

    “<Alright… let’s go… get a move on…>”

    Atlas immediately recognized it as Prometheus. He quickly slithered towards where the voice was. The voice echoed down the tunnel. The Onix continued to follow it until he came to a crossroads in the cave.

    “<Prometheus! What are you doing?!>” He found the Onix herding out smaller inhabitants of the cave.

    “<Atlas!? You’re okay! I’m really sorry for not sticking up for you, but he might have killed me!>” apologized Prometheus.

    Atlas growled but then shook his head dismissively. “<Forget it. More importantly, what are you doing?>”

    Prometheus allowed his head to sink. “<Cronus put me on exodus duty. I’m supposed to herd out all the other pokemon,>” he shamefully answered.

    “<And you’re doing it?! Show some stones for once!!>” roared Atlas.

    The Onix was taken aback. “<I…>”

    Atlas scowled and then began to slither towards the tunnel behind his friend.

    “<Errgh, I’m going to settle this once and for all! I’m not asking you to come with me.>” Atlas slithered past Prometheus and towards Cronus’s cave.

    “<W-wait, Atlas!>”

    His friend turned slightly. “<Don’t attempt to stop me.>”

    “<…I’m coming too. You’re right about all of this. He does need to be stopped.>”

    Atlas was frankly surprised, but he then nodded. “<Then let’s get a move on.>”

    The two continued slithering down the cavern. As they went, they could see the leering eyes of other Onixes warily watching them as they passed. The duo turned off into another tunnel, where there was a steep drop, that only Onixes could traverse. They crawled down and soon found themselves facing a very large, cavern mouth. This was Cronus’ cave.

    “<CRONUS!>” bellowed Atlas.

    From inside the cave they heard a gruff chuckle. Appearing from the darkness came the distinct gleam of a Steelix. They heard the creak of the metal against the rocks. Cronus’s grinning face came into view. He slithered out to meet them and reared upright.

    “<Atlas… Prometheus…>” he informally greeted.

    Atlas growled. “<You know why I’m here.>”

    “<I’d be a bigger fool than you if I didn’t… tell me, Atlas, will you ever stop?>” asked the metal serpent.

    “<You already know when I’ll stop,>” coldly answered the Onix.

    “<It’s a shame for us both that that will never happen. I see Prometheus has managed to sum up his courage to lose against the big bad wolf, as well! Well… make your move,>” goaded the smirking Steelix.

    The creaking and grinding of rock could be heard around them. Atlas lunged at Cronus, but felt his movement stopped. He felt a pair of stone jaws lockdown on his neck, causing him to cry out in pain. An Onix had appeared from the darkness and ceased his attack.

    “<What?! Get off of me!>” he growled, wrenching his neck around trying to repel the steadfast attacker. Atlas turned around to see Prometheus’s neck also being restrained by an Onix. They were surrounded by fifteen other Onix.

    “<It seems that I have the popularity vote here, Atlas,>” mocked Cronus.

    “<You fools! Why don’t you attack him?! Don’t you see what he’s doing?!>” shouted the pained Onix.

    “<Now Atlas… I still fail to see why you hate my plan so much. Your friends seem to like it! A cave devoted entirely to Onix! No more having to share space with those shrimps of pokemon. No more having to look at the ground wherever we go for fear about accidentally crushing some dimwitted pokemon. We’d have the place all to our clan!>”

    “<But it’s wrong! Where will the other pokemon live? This was their home too!>”

    “<It WAS indeed,>” Cronus jeered.

    Atlas looked back at Prometheus, who motioned back at his attacker. Atlas nodded. Suddenly, both Atlas and Prometheus swung their tails with tremendous power at the Onix biting them, causing the attackers to drop to the ground and free their jaws. Two more Onix charged at them. Atlas whipped his tail up, hitting one in the chin, while Prometheus drove his rocky skull into the other’s face. Both fell back and the rest of the Onix charged at them.

    They caused three more to fall after a ferocious defense, but their attackers were persistent.

    Atlas and Prometheus attempted to fight off the rest of the horde, but were overpowered and tackled to the ground. Soon they were underneath a massive dogpile and were knocked out from the pressure.

    “<I guess third time isn’t the charm,>” chuckled Cronus.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The early morning.

    Jeff awakened. His eyes shot open as a result of clanging metal. He groaned and sat up in the rather uncomfortable cot. He saw a guard standing on the other side of the now opened bars, running his flashlight along the bars.

    “Hey, you. Jeff, is it?” asked the guard dressed in standard police attire. “You’re free to go now.”

    Without hesitation, Jeff immediately stood up and warily walked out of the cell. He walked down the hallway to the lobby, where the guard gave him his backpack at the front desk.

    “Now you better not pick anymore fights. Got it? Especially with a leader of a fighting pokemon gym, at that,” warned the guard.

    Jeff rubbed the back of his head and nodded. The guard pet his Growlithe who was watchfully sitting beside him and motioned to Jeff that he could go. The teen turned around and saw Rachel come through the front door of the station.

    “Hey, Jeff. They told me you’d be getting out around now,” explained Rachel as she entered the building with her Pidgey on her shoulder.

    “Hey…” He chuckled awkwardly as a result of feeling like an idiot from being dragged to jail. “Not a smart move on my part… heh uhm… Atlas… what happened to him?”

    Rachel stalled. “Well…”

    The door behind them swung open and Brawly burst in.

    “You two need to come with me right now!” he demanded.

    Jeff opened his mouth to protest, but stopped himself. They both followed him out the door where he jumped into a jeep which was idling outside. Jeff and Rachel walked around to the other side of the vehicle and climbed in. Brawly hastily took off from the road and onto the uninhabited beach.

    “Where are we going?” asked Rachel warily.

    “Something happened with that Onix of his,” Brawly explained while driving over the sand.

    Jeff’s stomach twisted. “Can’t you go any faster?!”

    Sand whipped up from the jeep tires as the vehicle sped down the beach. It went far down the coast where Jeff hadn’t seen before. The forest seemed to begin to takeover most of the beach for awhile, whereas barely any sand remained. There was just enough for the jeep to drive along it however. It went along like this for awhile until the forest suddenly receded far back along the sand, revealing a large, secluded area of sand. At the other side of the clearing was a Cliffside with a massive cave mouth. Jeff could make out a bunch of figures around the craggy opening. Brawly braked just before them and skidded to a halt, which resulted in a wave of sand hitting the figures. Brawly, Jeff, and Rachel hopped out of the car. They walked up to Kevin, his pokemon, Strix, Corphish, Treecko, Daedalus, and the two guards who were initially watching over Atlas.

    “<AHH! I’M BLINDED!>” Corphish cried. “<ALL I CAN SEE IS A HORRIBLE ARRAY OF SAND!>” Daedalus, who blocked the sand with his wing, looked down at Corphish to see him lying face down in the beach. The Taillow pulled Corphish’s head out of the ground by lifting his horns with talons. Corphish chuckled embarrassedly and Dae then whacked him of the back of the head.

    Jeff saw a KO’d Onix lying in the sand just outside the mouth of the cave. It looked like it was dragged out. His eyes widened when he recognized the pokemon.

    “Atlas?!” he yelled, running over to him. He put a hand on his unmoving head and looked back angrily. “What happened to him?!”

    A guard stepped forward and began to explain. “We were keeping an eye on him when some Onix came outta nowhere and started a sandstorm. We and our pokemon couldn’t see and when we opened our eyes both the Onixes were gone with drag marks leading into that cave. Something in there must not have liked him very much.”

    Jeff looked over to Kevin, who was tossing a pokeball up and down in his hand.

    “It must’ve been that Onix clan…” Brawly mumbled with a hint of anger.

    “Onix clan?” Jeff asked with a bit of surprise.

    “Some bogus clan of Onix have been forcing all of the other pokemon living in the cave out, so now they’ve got no place to live and our pokemon center has been chalked full.”

    Jeff pointed his pokeball at Atlas and returned him to it, half expecting Brawly to hit his arm again.

    “So they did this to Atlas?” asked the angered Jeff.

    “Right, bro. He also has the scar,” Brawly explained.

    “The scar?” Jeff questioned, remembering the scar on the left side of Atlas’s face.

    “A deep, gash that signifies exile from the clan. It’s usually given after a bad fight or argument with the leader or the whole clan. He already tried to come back once for whatever reason, and this time he was lucky. Next time, they might just kill him for good,” explained Brawly.

    “What?” asked Jeff in bewilderment.

    “Your Onix can’t come back here... EVER! I’m not just saying that because he destroyed those buildings, but it’s for his own good. If he’s back here, he’ll probably want to go back to that cave here and those Onix may go as far as to kill him. If not, he’s probably going to get beat up pretty badly and he might go on another destruction spree out of rage-I’m not going to let that happen to this city Got it, bro? He’s got to go.”

    “So we can’t come back here?!” Jeff questioned with rage building. Thankfully for him, he managed to keep his anger under tabs-learning his lesson from last time.

    “Not if you still have that Onix with you, you can’t,” replied Brawly, crossing his arms.

    “Well… lucky for you I’m not about to abandon him,” explained Jeff, scowling.

    Brawly chuckled. “Well at least I can respect you for that. It is a shame however, that Treecko of your woulda made a tubular surfer… you, not so much.”

    Jeff shot him a glare and returned Corphish and Daedalus to their pokeballs, as did Rachel and Kevin with their pokemon. Jeff pointed a pokeball at Treecko but stalled. He then remembered his injured ribs among other healing wounds and decided it was for his own good. He then recalled the grass type and sighed.

    “I’ll see you later…” Jeff said as he turned his back to Brawly and began walk down the beach.

    “Not if you’re lucky,” he heard Brawly mutter before the gym leader turned to the guards.

    The trio walked in half darkness, as the sun was only just rising. They began to make their way out of the secret clearing.

    “Can you believe this?!” interjected Jeff. “This is ridiculous! I’m not allowed to come back here because of something that Atlas didn’t even do?!”

    “Look on the bright side, at least you got your badge here before you and your Onix went all Mel Gibson on Brawly and whatever the hell was in that cave,” Kevin added.

    “I’m sorry, I thought I was talking to Kevin, not Corphish!”

    They walked past the intruding forest and onto the regular beach, where there were still no inhabitants due to the early hours of the morning.

    “So we make for Briney’s?” Kevin asked them.

    “There’s no better ferry service?” inquired Rachel.

    “Not right now, no. Don’t start this again, when you said the boat smelled like fish, Ace got all self-conscious because he’s a water type,” explained Kevin.

    “At least we’re almost there,” added Jeff.

    Just then a person came running down the adjacent street. It was Nurse Joy. “There! The blonde one!” she yelled, pointing at Kevin. “He’s the one who stole that Treecko!”

    Kevin’s eyes widened. “Run… run… run run! RUN!!!!!”

    With that, the three charged from the beach to the dock with Briney’s boat.

    “WHAT DID YOU DO?!” yelled Jeff while running down the pier.

    They dove onto the boat and begged the captain to take off. The boat set sail just before anybody could catch up to them.

    “…Kevin?” panted Jeff. “… I am… going to… kill you…”
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  19. #219
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    FURZT POZT!

    Yowch...if Cronus didn't half give Atlas a hiding...and we at least know Brawly did that out of care for Atlas, which makes him not that bad a guy.

    The fact that they're not going back there for a good while however is a little sad, but what a way for this to end, Kevin being accused of stealing Treeck.

    I suck at reviews, so one will end with me saying that this is a good chapter, and don't worry if you're not motivated: Just put it on hiatus and write it when you feel happy.


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  20. #220
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    Cool Tubular!

    Yatta! You're back! Since i'm feeling tired right about now, I'll pile grammar and fun parts together:

    “Why can’t we just sleep in the hotel for once?” complained Rachel.

    “Where’s your sense of adventure?” prodded Kevin.

    “Where’s your sense of not being an idiot?” Rachel retorted.

    Kevin grinned. “Fresh out of that, I’m afraid.”

    Corphish chuckled. “<A human with a sense of humor! I thought there were only these on TV.>”
    How astute, Corppy…

    Dae was rubbing his own forehead with his wing in exasperation while Corphish was grinning and saying, “<Kiss and make up! Kiss and make up!!!!>”

    With a sigh, Dae flew over to Treecko, who eyed his presence.

    “<Ahem…>” Daedalus started by awkwardly clearing his throat. “<Howdy Treecko! It’s… nice to see that you’re… okay. Those pokemon centers are… are something… else… yeah…>” Daedalus cringed at himself and rubbed his face with his wing again. “<Uhh… I’m… well I’m sorry for attacking you after you tried to save us... I should have been more grateful… yeah, so… sorry.>”

    Treecko gave a half-grin and nodded. Corphish approached the duo.

    “<Did you two shake hands?>” he asked them.

    “<Don’t push it,>” Dae harshly whispered.

    The Taillow’s eyes darted back and forth, looking for an escape.

    Very uncomfortable, he gave a very put-on grin.. “<Yeah, so uh… sorry… I’m gonna go hang out with, uhh… Strix… bye.>” With that, he flew off next to Strix and sighed a breath of relief.

    “<Welcome back, salad ***!>” Corphish said with a huge grin, as he grabbed Treecko’s hand with his claw and heartily shook it.
    Dude, I love this Corphish!

    Very uncomfortable, he gave a very put-on grin.
    that Treecko of yours woulda made a tubular surfer
    “Look on the bright side, at least you got your badge here before you and your Onix went all Mel Gibson on Brawly and whatever the hell was in that cave,” Kevin added.

    “I’m sorry, I thought I was talking to Kevin, not Corphish!”
    Me too! LMAO!

    All in all, a great return to the game, Griff! Damn, this took so long i'd almost forgotten how funny Corppy could be!

    Well, gotta slide for now...L@er!
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  21. #221
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    Dude, you're back! Awesome. This wasn't your best chapter, but youa re rusty, three months! And it was still good! I hate Brawly in this fic. Not being able to return to DI? Sigh, at least he got his badge. I just wish they could have solved the Onix situation. Oh well. Man, I wonder how Jeff will handle the whole thing with Dae... Gah! I'm xcited for the next chapter!

    See ya then!

    ~Araleon~
    Current Black Team: Rivka (Stoutland), Elmo (Musharna), Scarlett (Whimsicott), Gabriel (Carracosta), Reese (Klang), Sean (Mienfoo); all are at level 47. Currently in Victory Road.

  22. #222
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    Ding Dong, the Griff is back!
    (Griff4815 doesn't have as good a ring to it)

    Anyway, good to see you back. Been a while, and although the chapter felts a bit light on description and a bit rushed in places, it was still good. Some parts might have been fleshed out a bit more though, and the parts including Jeff being told that he has to leave, and the last 'race' for the ferry felt a bit too quick and sudden IMO.

    Some nice moments though - and an interesting ending in that the Onix (and the Steelix) were successful in their takeover of the cave, Treecko saying something decent in length, and Kevin being accused of stealing.

    And it's good to see Corphish being funny all the while still - that hasn't deteriorated. Overall still good - just a bit rusty in description and pacing IMO, but with some more time it should get back where it was. (Hope I don't get too much a decrease, have had a break from my chapters for similar reasons as you had as well... and other stuff).
    “Why can’t we just sleep in the hotel for once?” complained Rachel.

    “Where’s your sense of adventure?” prodded Kevin.

    “Where’s your sense of not being an idiot?” Rachel retorted.
    Fair question, I feel.
    If not, he’s probably going to get beat up pretty badly and he might go on another destruction spree out of rage-I’m not going to let that happen to this city. Got it, bro?
    Missing full stop there.
    It is a shame however, that Treecko of yours woulda made a tubular surfer…
    's' needed there, unless Brawly doesn't use 's's as much as he used to. BTW - Brawly still sucks. :P
    “Look on the bright side, at least you got your badge here before you and your Onix went all Mel Gibson on Brawly and whatever the hell was in that cave,” Kevin added.

    “I’m sorry, I thought I was talking to Kevin, not Corphish!”
    Win. Props for a Mel Gibson reference.

    Good work - keep it up! (And not so slowly as well if it can be helped).

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  23. #223
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    Great to see this back in action Griffy. Actually, I saw it last night, but didn't really have the time.

    Now, as said, you were a tad rusty. Not your fault, three months will do that to ANYONE. Beleive me, I have sympathy for you, considering I havent wrote anything in about a month. All in all, it seemed..alright. Plot was of course good with Brawly and such, and I am definetly with AD when I saw, I LOVE Corpfish. You turned him into a fantastic character.

    Sand whipped up from the jeep tires as the vehicle sped down the beach. It went far down the coast where Jeff hadn’t seen before. The forest seemed to begin to takeover most of the beach for awhile, whereas barely any sand remained. There was just enough for the jeep to drive along it however. It went along like this for awhile until the forest suddenly receded far back along the sand, revealing a large, secluded area of sand. At the other side of the clearing was a Cliffside with a massive cave mouth. Jeff could make out a bunch of figures around the craggy opening. Brawly braked just before them and skidded to a halt, which resulted in a wave of sand hitting the figures. Brawly, Jeff, and Rachel hopped out of the car. They walked up to Kevin, his pokemon, Strix, Corphish, Treecko, Daedalus, and the two guards who were initially watching over Atlas.

    “<AHH! I’M BLINDED!>” Corphish cried. “<ALL I CAN SEE IS A HORRIBLE ARRAY OF SAND!>” Daedalus, who blocked the sand with his wing, looked down at Corphish to see him lying face down in the beach. The Taillow pulled Corphish’s head out of the ground by lifting his horns with talons. Corphish chuckled embarrassedly and Dae then whacked him of the back of the head.
    Nice use of imagery, and of course, description.

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  24. #224
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    Thanks all for the reviews. Bobandbill, I agree about those select parts being rushed, completely. At that point I was in the homestretch and just wanted to finish the chapter so rushing definately occured.

    Now, normally I'd give review responses to each person, but I have two exams on Wednesday and I really must study. But thanks for the reviews and the next chapter won't take so long.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
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  25. #225
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    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Thanks all for the reviews. Bobandbill, I agree about those select parts being rushed, completely. At that point I was in the homestretch and just wanted to finish the chapter so rushing definately occured.

    Now, normally I'd give review responses to each person, but I have two exams on Wednesday and I really must study. But thanks for the reviews and the next chapter won't take so long.
    Oh! Good luck on your exams Griff. I'm already out of school <does a little dance>

    I forgot to mention how much I love Corppy in this fic. Treecko and Jeff and Dae are so serious, he just makes the story a little more lighthearted, so it is a nice blend.
    Current Black Team: Rivka (Stoutland), Elmo (Musharna), Scarlett (Whimsicott), Gabriel (Carracosta), Reese (Klang), Sean (Mienfoo); all are at level 47. Currently in Victory Road.

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