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Thread: Never in the Wrong Time or Wrong Place (14A)

  1. #276
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    It can be "ECG" or "EKG", it's probably one of those UK/USA things. I'm Canadian so I can use either (MUAHAHAH) though I usually choose to use the Brits' way.

    And in Daedalus' defence, he DOES fight, just not for fun. :P

    Also, if I don't make the corrections in a week, remind me. It's probably due to school stuff.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  2. #277
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    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    It can be "ECG" or "EKG", it's probably one of those UK/USA things. I'm Canadian so I can use either (MUAHAHAH) though I usually choose to use the Brits' way.
    Damn you & your British English spelling differences!
    Sorry...

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    And in Daedalus' defence, he DOES fight, just not for fun. :P
    He doesn't fight inside the War-zone, & anyone who hates warfare is a pacifist in my book, Mr. Griffin.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Also, if I don't make the corrections in a week, remind me. It's probably due to school stuff.
    *Takes note of this inside his brain*
    You should consider yourself lucky, as I also happen to have a superior memory.

    Now, let's see if I can't finish this...

    *Busts out his microscopic sights & continues scanning*

    Chapter 15:

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “What kind of Paras' mushrooms have you been eating?” he asked with a quizzical chuckle. “Come on, you haven’t been gone THAT long!”
    Added an apostrophe.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Jeff stood in shock as the teen smirked, the same teen who was a little taller and more muscular than he. He looked down to examine the pokemon whom he thought was a Mudkip, due to the fact that Professor Birch had one in his possession when he departed from Littleroot Town. Although the pokemon also had a blue head and limbs, it was surrounded by a thick, round shell. The sparkling shell was brownish red on top and beige underneath. Its blue, puffy tail swung back and forth, idly.
    That should be either him or himself, take your pick.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    It shrunk back at these questions, obviously hurt by them. It quickly disappeared back into its shell, showing no signs of coming back out. After a moment of slight confusion towards the pokemon’s actions, Jeff realized what that must of sounded like and apologized. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that to sound so… MEAN.”
    Improper wording; that should be have.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “How long does it take to put on a skirt, tube top, and make up or whatever?” he replied, somewhat exasperated.
    A tube top? For the life of me I've never heard of such a thing...

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “Man, Jeff, dude! You forgot your badge,” cried a familiar voice from the recovery room’s entrance doors. Jeff looked up towards the surfer, along with many other faces which either held a surprised, upset, or thrilled expression on their faces, depending on their previous encounters with Brawly, or lack there of. However, he stopped walking as soon as he hit a point where he wouldn’t get in anyone’s way. Brawly gave a motion for someone to come to the doorway, for reasons that were unknown to Jeff.
    That's supposed to be one word. DP mentioned this earlier.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    The wood gecko pokemon glanced over at Jeff before staring at the ceiling. Silently, he wished he was gone; the short time alone had not been long enough. Who ever, or what ever, made him decide to leave the room without the Coke had done a horrible job of keeping him with them.
    These two are supposed to a single word as well. Also mentioned by DP.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    The pokeball was thrown into the air, and a blinding white figure appeared on the sand as the ball was retracted to Kevin’s hand. As the white began to instantly fade, Jeff could already sense that there was something vaguely recognizable about the figure. A mantis pokemon was able to be seen, its menacing and intimidating cream-colored blades standing out above all the other features.
    Missing something...

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Brawly stumbled back a few steps, but was followed by Jeff, who executed two more quick blows to his face. The attacker subconsciously grinned and quickly examined the smear of blood on his right knuckle. Meanwhile, Brawly was collecting himself and raised his own fists.
    I might be a maniac, but even I know that going against your superiors is going to get yourself in a much worse pickle...

    That's done.

    Chapter 16:

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    After a few more moments of silence and gazing at them, he was shocked and disappointed when he saw them swiftly scurry away. Atlas presumed that there was nothing left for them to see here in the clearing, and that they went to tell Jeff he was alive and well. Suddenly, he heard a loud noise coming from a little inside the forest, back in the direction of the cave that Atlas had once resided in. An outline of a shadow emerged through the trees on the opposite side he had seen his friends, and was thrilled to see it was another Onix; no other pokemon could share the same structural shape.
    Lose that.

    For part two:

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “‘Hello' yourself, pal!” Kevin responded, putting a hand on Blitz’s shoulder. “Can ya do me a favour?”
    Missing something. Also, is it me, or is Kevin talking like a street gangster?

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    The Squirtle looked down sadly and sighed. “Squirrr…”
    I wouldn't be surprised if Ace's fear will get the best of him. *chuckles evilly*

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “<Well perhaps it’s because Jeff is a hypocrite or a liar! He said that he wouldn’t make us fight in any battles and then he calls ME to fight when I specifically told him that I was morally opposed fighting unless I had to!>”
    This is exactly why I think that Taillow is a Pacifist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “Your Onix can’t come back here... EVER! I’m not just saying that because he destroyed those buildings, but it’s for his own good. If he’s back here, he’ll probably want to go back to that cave here and those Onix may go as far as to kill him. If not, he’s probably going to get beat up pretty badly and he might go on another destruction spree out of rage-I’m not going to let that happen to this city. Got it, bro? He’s got to go.”
    Missing a period...

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “So we can’t come back here?!” Jeff questioned with rage building. Thankfully for him, he managed to keep his anger under tabs-learning his lesson from last time.
    Replace that with a semicolon.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Brawly chuckled. “Well at least I can respect you for that. It is a shame however, that Treecko of your woulda made a tubular surfer… you, not so much.”
    Yours...

    & that's finished.

    Chapter 17:

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Blitz landed on the deck. “<We could have defeated that oversized eel, could not we, Kevin?>” exclaimed Blitz, confidently.
    Swap these two.

    Looks like I'm finished with this already.

    Chapter 18:

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Jeff, Kevin, Rachel, and Blitz walked and flew, respectively, off of the pier and into the sand. The sea wind blew the grainy particles at them as they scanned the beach looking at the occupants. Jeff and Kevin couldn’t help but gawk at a couple of sunbathing girls of their age, but the two quickly turned before Rachel could stop them, though.
    Added a couple of commas, & that's right off the bat.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Kevin nodded, but spun around after a moment. “DON’T YOU SPEND ANY OF MY MONEY! YOU STILL OWE ME!” he yelled after her.
    I'm guessing that Rachel is an impulsive shopper.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “You’re just mad because they made it to the semi-finals and the Sootopolis Sharpedos didn’t make it to past the quarters,” retorted Jeff.
    Missed something.

    That's all finished.

    Chapter 19:

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Jeff then heard a buzzing sound to his left. He turned and saw a large, yellow hornet with black stripes standing on its two skinny, black forelegs. Its menacing main stinger looked just as deadly as its two ivory fore stingers that took the place of hands. The bug squinted its large, red, buggy eyes, which stood under two antennae. Jeff had never seen a Beedrill walk instead of fly before, but it seemed to be injured seeing as the lower pair of its two wings appeared missing. In addition to the wings, something else caught his eye. There was a vine necklace around the bug’s neck with two small, ivory cones on it, which looked like the very tips of a Beedrill’s fore stingers.
    Added something...

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Jeff cringed and looked up at the Beedrill standing over him. “Why don’t you kill me?” he asked, in the form of a question rather than a goad.
    Didn't sounds better for this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    The bug looked down at the ground. “<I don’t want anymore blood on my stingers… I hate it here… This hive… They’re all over-aggressive, warmongers who hate anyone outside the hive… and… Tal’s gone…>” he said contemptibly, his voice getting gradually softer as he spoke. “<I keep planning to run away… but I can’t. We’re on an island… I wouldn’t be able to get away and if they found me they might kill me.>”
    I like warmongers...

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “<I tried to help you… but I couldn’t… It’s just like the battle…>” Drezdk looked down at the necklace on his chest in deep thought. “<…Two days ago I had my first real battle. I was part of the ‘reconaissault’ team along with my best friend. During the battle, the entire team was wiped out. My best friend, Talvoc, died saving me… and I couldn’t save him…>”
    Never heard of that, but a better substitute would be recon/assault.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “So, Drezdek,” he said.

    “<Drezdk,>” the Beedrill corrected.
    I can pronounce his name just fine myself.

    That's finished.

    Chapter 20:

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Treecko cut in. “<Tree.>”

    Daedalus looked back forwards and slammed hard into a warm wall of bark. “Taaiiii…” he groaned, slinking to the ground.
    I almost coughed up a lung laughing at this.

    ...& this thing is spotless!! Great job!
    Almost there! Just... one... more.. chapter!

    Chapter 21:

    I would like to say that this one is...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...spotless!!! *crowd rejoices*

    Huzzah, I'm done!

    Final Comments: I'll definitely say that you've given each of these Pokemon their own unique personality. One can be upbeat, another timid, & another a bloodfrenzied maniac like myself. I like that, as it does prove us that Pokemon are more than just mindless drones. Also, Jeff's a great person, even though he does get emotional at times; he just needs some experience.

    Bottom line: This piece is the perfect mix of comedy, drama, violence & everything else. It's written with a great deal of motivation, which thus will prove to make a real author. Combined with my help, we be making us a masterpiece!

    So that's my super-extendo review for you, Mr. Griffin. Now I can go back to playing Disgaea.

    Keep up your work.






    Brumrha
    Last edited by Brumrha; 13th February 2009 at 5:58 PM.

  3. #278
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    This fic is awsome! I like the fact that treecko is starting to come out of his "shel" so to speak.

    Can you please put me on the PM list?
    Einstein: If life is XYZ then X = having fun Y = working hard and Z = knowing when to keep your mouth shut

  4. #279
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    Brumrha:
    Chapter 10:


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Griff4815
    “<He looks like he’s been bitten by a Chimchar infected with the rage virus…>” Corphish half joked to Daedalus.

    I think you're talking about the rabies virus...


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Griff4815
    Without meaning to, Treecko’s pound attack hit Jeff in the right knee, creating a “thuhk” sound. Seviper’s tail also entered the unknown obstacle. The sword-like tail penetrated the muscle in Jeff’s upper right leg. Jeff’s right leg was held up in the air not only by the tail holding it up, but by the fact that Jeff couldn’t extend his leg. His face went pale and the two pokemon looked at the damage that they caused. Jeff, in shock, balanced on his left foot, seemingly laughing the pain away with adrenaline. Treecko was in as much shock as Jeff, but he was not laughing. Treecko stood fixated at the mangled leg. Seviper couldn’t care less; with a flick of the tail, the sword effortlessly slid from the wound and Jeff was thrown onto his back.

    That's thunk.
    Watch 28 Days Later :P

    Also, you've obviously never had your kneecap dislocated. xP

    I have editted up to Chapter 10, but it wouldn't let me edit Chapter 10. I'll try again later.


    SamuraiDragon1
    : Thanks, and I'd be happy to.


    Everyone else
    : The next chapter will be ready in the next few days.
    Last edited by Griff4815; 16th February 2009 at 10:57 PM.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  5. #280
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    Training Day



    Daedalus perched on the windowsill and looked out, peering over the balcony as best he could. He wasn’t gazing at the cityscape; he was gazing at the forest beyond the human-dwelling settlement. He briefly glanced around and saw Treecko leaning against the wall on the other side of the room, keeping to himself. Daedalus looked back at the forest longingly and sighed.

    The Taillow closed his eyes and wondered where his flock was. He found it terribly ironic that he was sitting in a room full of sleeping people, but he had never felt more alone. He sat there staring out into the night hoping that his friends were all okay, wherever they were. The bird peered downwards, glaring in disgust at the human-made buildings.

    “<They drive us out of our homes to build their own homes. Some aren’t even homes, they’re just… I don’t know what they are! There are buildings that try to touch the sky or hope to light up the night with bright colours. Why do they need all of this? Pokemon are happy to live in the wilderness, but no, these humans want more. They think that they’re so much better than us so they have to reflect that in the things that they make, not caring who it hurts. Then they make us fight each other for their own gain or pleasure. Even Jeff… the one human who I held a sliver of respect for. They’re all the same,>” he thought, frowning as he did. Daedalus tilted his head forwards so that it leaned upon the glass. “<…I just wish that I was back with my friends right now.>”

    The Taillow turned his head around and looked at Corphish, who was lying on the bed, contently snoring. “<I guess Corphish and I are buds, but… he’s still no Struthios or Ornithos.>”

    As he was looking at Corphish, he noticed Jeff beginning to stir. Daedalus turned around and continued to look at the rising sun. Jeff stretched, being wary not to hit the others on the bed, and then stood up and looked around. Treecko opened an eye and glanced at Jeff.

    “Good mornin’, Treecko,” Jeff greeted with a slurred voice. Treecko made eye contact acknowledgingly before closing them again and continuing to lean against the TV stand.

    The teen adjusted his hat and looked over at the window, where he saw Daedalus looking out.

    “Hey, Dae; I didn’t know you were up this early.”

    The Taillow turned his head slightly and opened his beak to respond, but then decided against speaking and turned back to gaze through the glass window.

    The corner of Jeff’s mouth tensed and his eyes made their way to the ground. He was hurt by Daedalus’ seemingly endless disdain towards him. He had already apologized; he wasn’t sure what else he could do.

    Jeff quickly wrote something on a sticky note and attached it to the TV. Treecko began to walk towards the door to the room. With an effortless leap, he jumped up and twisted the knob using his steadfast grip. After a back flip from the lizard, the door came swinging open.

    Jeff grinned. “Looks like we’re both ready… Let’s go.”

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Jeff and Treecko walked outside of Mauville on the route between it and Verdanturf Town. They continued along a dirt path across the land shaded by the dark blue sky. The sun hadn’t even risen yet. The two kicked up dirt as they walked, their skin being bitten by the sting of the passing cool night.

    Ahead of them was a small, sparkling, dark blue lake which had a small stream running from it, travelling through a small trench in the grass and into a grove of trees where it deposited the fresh water in the nearby shore.

    Treecko walked directly beside Jeff’s right foot, easily matching each foot step with several of his own. “<I’m surprised you wanted to get up this early. You usually like to sleep in a bit,>” he stated, glancing up at the groggy human.

    He scratched at the corner of his eye and cracked his stiff jaw. The boy was just barely awake. “And wait for Kevin? No way. We’re better off doing this alone now.”

    “<Obviously,>” Treecko dryly responded.

    He agrees with me… That’s a first,” thought Jeff.

    “<What should we practice?>” Treecko asked, eagerly cracking the three knuckles on each emerald hand.

    Jeff attempted to get his tired mind into gear. He scratched the back of his neck while attempting to get the initiative to think. “Let’s start with your attacks. Pound and Quick Attack seem fine. You obviously don’t need help staring people down, so Leer is good. Bullet Seed, though…”

    “<Duds; I know,>” said the grass type, hoping not to dwell on the shameful fact for long. He clenched his fists and took a deep breath, wishing he knew what exactly was wrong with him so that he could fix it.

    “What’s going on with that?” Jeff asked, really hoping he didn’t place his words poorly.

    There was no verbal response from Treecko; he looked forward and continued chewing his twig as they tromped along the beaten dirt road.

    “Well…” Jeff swung around his backpack, zipped it open, and took out a bag of sunflower seeds which he threw to Treecko. The gecko caught it in both arms and looked up at Jeff. “Show me what you’ve got.” The pokemon nodded and poured a handful of seeds into his mouth. “Try aiming for that tree,” he said, leering at a small oak tree that stood looming over the grass in front of them.

    “Treeeee CKO!” yelled the wood gecko, propelling a volley of sunflower seeds towards a nearby tree. The seeds impacted and exploded on contact into tiny, brown fragments. Some small pieces of bark even chipped off when pelted with the seeds.

    “Nice,” Jeff said appreciatively.

    Treecko ceased and spat out a final seed into the ground beside him. “<It’s not the spitting I’m having trouble with,>” he explained, folding his arms.

    “Then what?” Jeff asked, squatting down on his haunches.

    “<I don’t know… I just can’t control the damn thing.>”

    “Sounds like your attack takes after you,” he replied with a slight grin.

    Treecko shot him a look that could kill. “<I mean I can feel the things building up, but I can’t get the bullet seeds from point A to point B, where those sunflower seeds were.>”

    “Try giving it your all,” Jeff plainly suggested.

    Treecko sneered and then quickly turned to face and reprimand him. “<I HAVE been giving it my all. You honestly think I’d hold back in a battle? I don’t exactly like looking like an idiot because I can’t use a simple grass attack,>” he snappily retorted, clenching his fists.

    Jeff bit his lip and felt like an idiot. He was right; it wouldn’t be like Treecko at all to ever hold back. He out of everyone should have known that. “Uhhh… Right… Sorry…”

    “<Forget it,>” he said, looking back towards the tree. “<Should I give it another shot?>”

    “It’s your call, Treeck,” replied Jeff, leaning back to relax his haunches to sit down in the grass. He was really hoping that Treecko would be able to pull it off; Bullet Seed was Treecko’s only grass move so far, after all.

    Treecko eyed him and nodded. He heaved his chest back and inhaled air. As soon as his chest was expanded with air and ready to expel the numerous seeds of energy, he attempted to forcefully release everything he had at once. “Treeeeeeeee…Ck-”

    The attempt completely halted; not a single seed had been fired. He failed again. Treecko’s face showed surprised, but the look of initial shock soon crumpled into a frustrated frown. The small lizard placed his own tail onto the cool, dew-ridden grass and lay back against the cushion of muscle while placing his relatively diminutive hands behind his head.

    “Damn… I wish I knew how to help, but I’ve never, well, used Bullet Seed before,” Jeff said, scratching the back of his head.

    Treecko didn’t respond for a few moments before deciding to put forth a suggestion, which was really more of a demand. “<We should practice in a battle.>”

    “I agree,” he replied, looking around. “See anyone as up as early as us?”

    Treecko climbed on top of Jeff’s hat for a better vantage point and looked around. “<No.>”

    “Then what do we do?”

    “<We’ll just have to find one…>”

    --------------------------------------------------------------------

    “I can’t believe they left without waking me!” Kevin complained. He walked out of the city limits and onto the dirt road where Jeff and Treecko had went on. On his left walked Blitz who glanced over at him. On his right walked and flew Corphish and Daedalus, respectively. Ace was held in his arms, clutching onto Kevin’s hand tightly.

    “<They had left a note. Besides, I can see why they didn’t; every time I try to wake you up early, you say words that I do not understand, like ‘Fu-’>”

    Blitz was promptly cut off as Kevin’s empty hand tightly shut his snout. After a moment, he removed his hand and Blitz gave him a look.

    “<At any rate, should we have not waited for Rachel, Blane, and the others?>” Blitz asked.

    “…Nah,” Kevin answered, squinting at the sun as it began to peer over the mountains in the distance.

    Blitz grinned. “<You are a very unthoughtful human, did you know that?>”

    “Hey, I’m not the one who tried to do to Jeff what ‘Miracle Blades’ did to a flying pineapple, am I, Chef Tony?” Kevin replied with a goading smile.

    Corphish burst out laughing, remembering the infomercial they saw on TV earlier. “<Well played, sir!>”

    The Scyther, however, was not amused. His face turned a bright shade of red and he turned his head in the other direction.

    “Hey, Blitzy, your face is all red. Are you evolving into a Scizor or something?” he continued with a wide smile.

    Blitz’s face became even redder. “<I’d prefer if we talked about something else… please.>”

    Kevin placed his hands behind his head, idly. “You’re the boss.”

    Corphish looked over at Daedalus, who hadn’t said anything the whole trip. The bird was solemnly staring at the ground as he flew.

    “<Hey, Featherface…>” Corphish merrily said, eagerly awaiting a response. When he got none, he put on a more serious tone. “<…Dae?>”

    The Taillow blinked and looked over. “<Uhh… Sorry, what is it, Corp?>”

    “<What’s wrong, buddy? Did a mean pidgey steal your favourite worm this morning?>”

    Daedalus shook his head. “<Nothing. I’m fine. Thanks for asking.>”

    Corphish scoffed. “<Oh right. Whenever ‘nothing’ is wrong I get all glum and Jeff-like too,>” he replied, persisting.

    The bird sighed. “<Fine… but don’t tell anybody… Especially not Treecko. I’m kinda… homesick,>” he explained, keeping his voice very quiet.

    Corphish nodded. “<I miss my TV, myself. Especially that misanthropic doctor. Hey, Dae, you’d love him!>” he said with a chuckle.

    Daedalus rolled his dark brown eyes and continued flapping his wings at a slow and steady speed. Corphish looked up at the bird pokemon. “<Hey, did Jeff tell you where they were going?>”

    The Taillow remained quiet and kept flying forwards.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    “Quick Attack, Treecko!”

    Treecko charged forwards, driving his shoulder into the stomach of a brown humanoid pokemon. It fell backwards, and the leaf on its head lay limply in the dirt. The wild Nuzleaf began to slowly crawl away while cursing.

    “<This isn’t over!>” it yelled, crawling into the forest.

    Treecko grinned and turned around. “<Are all pokemon on this route such pushovers? That’s the third one I’ve beaten in an hour.>”

    Jeff smiled. “Nice going, but don’t get cocky; we still haven’t mastered your bullet seed, yet.”

    Treecko folded his arms and narrowed his eyes. “<I don’t necessarily need to master Bullet Seed to win. It’s not like it’s especially effective against electric pokemon.>”

    Jeff sat down in the grass. “Oh? Remember what happened last time you went into melee with that Electrike? Paralyzed.”

    Treecko indignantly turned his head away and looked to the side.

    The teen sighed and rested his head on his fist. “Look, I know you don’t like failing at using the attack, but we need a ranged attack in order to win this! And if we don’t practice-”

    “<Isn’t that your friend?>” Treecko interrupted, glancing down the path.

    Jeff looked to where Treecko was staring and indeed saw Kevin walking towards him with his pokemon and Corphish and Daedalus. He assumed that Drezdk was returned to his pokeball. Kevin and the others ran up to him upon spotting them.

    “Thanks for waiting for us, you two!” Kevin complained, handing Jeff his backpack and two pokeballs.

    “I tried to wake you, but I was drowned out by your snoring,” Jeff brazenly replied. Blitz grinned, but decided it would be in his best interests to keep quiet.

    “Where are the others?” Jeff asked, folding his arms.

    “They’re either sleeping or checking out. We left them a note,” Kevin said with a smirk.

    Jeff grinned. “What took you guys so long?”

    “Well… Corphish insisted on watching a nature program on the mating rituals of Corphish and Crawdaunts,” Kevin replied. “We only got through a few minutes before the others started to complain.”

    Corphish stepped forward. “<She was faking it, by the way,>” he plainly declared.

    Kevin chuckled, but Jeff merely sighed. “Thanks for that, Corphish…”

    Kevin looked at the landscape around them and then back to Jeff. “Hey, this would be the perfect place to let the jolly grey giants out… I mean… unless you think Atlas will go berserk again.”

    Jeff’s green eyes widened. “Crap! I completely forgot about Atlas!” he thought to himself. “I didn’t even give him that paralyze heal for his wound yet!” He frantically grabbed the pokeball and threw it to the ground. After a blinding flash of light, a giant stone serpent towered over the group, looking around in confusion. The morning air touched his scar, causing Atlas to cringe and double over.

    “Atlas!” Jeff ran over towards the quivering, writhing pokemon, but he made sure to keep his distance for fear of what happened last time.

    Atlas looked out of the corner of his scrunched up eye towards Jeff. “<Jeff... Stay away… I’m not sure how much longer I can stay in control…>” he growled; heavy strain was in his voice.

    Jeff slowly approached, still very nervous. The others looked on warily, not daring to step any closer. He put his hand out in good will, as if approaching a wild pokemon who was distrustful of him. “Just relax, Atlas… put your head down and I’m going to apply something to your gash… It should take away the pain.”

    Atlas remained still- sceptical of the foreign substance Jeff was holding. The more he waited, the more pain Jeff could see in his eyes. “Atlas… Please… I want to help you.”

    The Onix closed his eyes. Through the pain that clouded his mind, he remembered Jeff placing his trust in him when they first met. He remembered Jeff sticking up for him in Dewford, which got him arrested. And he remembered how Jeff kept him even after how he had acted on the beach of Slateport. He also knew that Jeff had no idea what his true intentions were in Dewford.

    Atlas tried to keep himself composed as he lowered his head towards Jeff. He arched his rocky spine and gently placed his chin on the grass in front of the human. Jeff slowly stepped forwards, approaching his head and raising the spray bottle of paralyze heal. “Now… I don’t know how this is going to feel. So if you feel pain, just try to relax and think of something nice back home, okay, Atlas?”

    Jeff neared his hand towards his face and Atlas closed his eyes and swallowed nervously. The human held the trigger of the bottle and the yellow liquid shot out in mist-form into the deep gash. Atlas’ closed eyes shut tighter and he let out a sharp grunt, but Jeff’s advice seemed to be paying off. He remained still; Atlas thought about his cave, with all sorts of different pokemon living happily in it, not just members of his species.

    “Sorry… Nurse Joy said that it should start to take effect in thirty or so seconds.”

    He opened his eyes and a smile crawled upon his face. “<…Thank you, Jeff…>” Atlas said graciously.

    They were suddenly interrupted by another bright flash of light. The two looked over to see Prometheus appear from the dimming flare. He quickly wrenched his head around in disorientation. “<Wh- Where am I?! What happened?!>”

    The world around him spun and all he could make out was a blur. He attempted to shake off the distorted vision and blink his eyes into focus. The first thing that was vaguely clear was a blue shirt beneath a head of blonde hair. His eyes focused on Kevin.

    “<You… I remember you!>” he exclaimed, anger rising in his voice. He leaned forwards. “<What did you do to me?! Where am I?! Where’s Atlas?!>” His bold, threatening demeanour led him to have the tip of his snout millimetres away from Kevin’s eyes. Kevin nervously grinned and stepped back, but imposing Prometheus was more than ready lock horns with the small human, so he moved his face to the same position as before until he got his answers. Needless to say, Ace was paralyzed with fear. Blitz stepped forwards and readied his scythes, just in case.

    “<Are you going to tell me, runt? Or am I going to have to harm you?>”

    A voice rang out to their side. “<Prometheus, you and I both know that you couldn’t hurt a fly, no matter how much you threaten it.>”

    Prometheus craned his head to his right and saw Atlas, now standing upright beside Jeff. Atlas had a large grin on his face.

    “<Atlas!>” he joyously yelled, slithering over to him. They rammed their heads together in a form of good-humoured greeting between friends. This action resulted in a gritty echo that one would expect from two boulders colliding at high speeds. “<Hahah! You’re okay! …And forget that load of nonsense that you said about me not being able to hurt a fly, I could have eaten that human up in a second,>” he said, hoping to keep face.

    Atlas chuckled. “<Whatever you say, Prometheus.>”

    Prometheus turned around, eying the others. “<Who are they… especially that human with the yellow fur on his head?>”

    “<He is the one who saved you from the human police. Perhaps you owe him a thanks?>” Atlas said with a sly smile. “<And try offering the end of your tail and then lightly shake it.>”

    “<Why?>” Prometheus asked in confusion.

    “<From what I’ve seen, shaking limbs seems to be the universal gesture of good-will. I’ve seen both humans and pokemon doing it. Well, go along, Prometheus; show the good-will of all Onixes everywhere,>” he goaded with a grin.

    Prometheus gave him a half-serious sneer, but submissively nodded. “<You know, I’m usually the one in your hide in this situation- being the moral compass,>” he quietly said.

    Atlas let out a short laugh before seriousness returned to his face. “<Hah… I suppose you’re right,>” he replied, glancing down at Jeff.

    The Onix slithered over to Kevin and the others, all of which were still slightly wary. “<I… apologize for being so brash… but know not to cross me, little one… understood?>” he said, curling around and extending the end of his rocky tail towards Kevin.

    Kevin grinned at his attitude and contently shook his tail. Prometheus performed Atlas’ suggested tail-shaking procedure in what he considered ‘lightly’, but it was not technically so. Kevin was sent flying back several meters by the force of the friendly gesture.

    “<…Oops. Too powerful?>” Prometheus asked, looking back at Atlas, slightly nervously.

    After several moments of regaining his breath, Kevin slowly got to his feet and lightly chuckled. “I like your style, Prometheus. My name’s Kevin.”

    Prometheus nodded. “<It is nice to meet you, Kevin.>”

    A certain slightly irritated Scyther stepped forwards, in front of Kevin, and pointed his right scythe towards Prometheus. “<I advise you be more gentle around Kevin.>”

    Prometheus let out a hearty chuckle of mockery. “<HAHAH. You ‘advise me’, do you? …And what if I don’t?>”

    Blitz stepped forwards again and narrowed his eyes. Prometheus followed suit and he locked his blue eyes with the mantis’ hazel ones. Both pairs glistened in the morning light, adding to their already sharp colours.

    Atlas cleared his throat. “<Prometheus? Can I have a word with you? I should probably tell you how things work.>”

    The Scyther shot him one last angry glance before turning around. Prometheus grinned and slithered over to Atlas. Blitz put his scythe on Kevin’s shoulder, who was dusting himself off. “<Are you okay, Kevin?>”

    “I’m more than okay! We have an awesome new pokemon to travel with!” Kevin said, ecstatically.

    Blitz turned and looked over to Prometheus momentarily. “<He seems pretty hostile… Are you sure that you can trust him?>”

    “You trust the Scyther, don’t you, Kevin?” Jeff muttered as he passed them to reach Treecko, Corphish, and Daedalus.

    Blitz cringed and looked at the ground, hurt by his words. Kevin looked at Blitz and then turned his head to look at Jeff, unsure of how he should respond.

    “Uhh… Come on, guys,” he said to Blitz and Ace. “Let’s go and get some water refills from that lake.” He nodded to the pond ahead of them, shaded by trees that seemed to form a wall around the water. Kevin picked up Ace and began walking, followed by a sombre Blitz. As they left, Jeff sat down and crossed his legs.

    Corphish leapt up onto his left leg and looked up at him. “<Gee, Jeff; you’re becoming as callous as Dae!>”

    “<Are not!>” both Jeff and Daedalus snapped. They both glanced at each other and immediately jerked their heads away.

    Corphish grinned cheekily. “<You two are either a match made in heaven or a match made in hell.>” The crustacean pokemon glanced over to Atlas and Prometheus, who were a deal of metres away from them. “<What stopped Atlas from hulking out on us?>”

    “Oh, Nurse Joy gave me some paralyze heal in Slateport. I just sprayed some of that on his cut.”

    “<You mean the gash that could double as two champagne bowls?>”

    “…Yes.”

    A brief silence followed, in which the chirping of birds and bugs could be clearly heard. Corphish folded his claws and seemed to fall into a deep state of thought.

    “<… Guys?>”

    Jeff and Daedalus looked at him with great interest, Treecko merely out of the corner of his eye.

    Corphish let out a Zen-like breath and was about to speak. “<…Do you think that the monster in Lost is really Darkrai?>”

    They were both taken off-guard with the question, leaving shell-shocked expressions on their faces.

    “…Uhhh…”

    “<Is TV all that you think about, Corp?!>” Daedalus asked, being the first to snap out of bewilderment.

    “<It’s a gift, really,>” Corphish replied.

    A voice called out from behind them. “You mean like the Trojan horse was a gift?” Kevin approached them with his grin, Ace, and an armful of canteens.

    A chill coursed through Jeff’s spine when he heard the low humming of Blitz’s wings. The mantis landed somewhat close to him, between Kevin and himself, which put the teen on edge. Corphish glanced at the sky behind Kevin and noticed a puffy gray cloud.

    “<Is that another thunder cloud?>” he asked, pointing at it with his claw.

    Blitz abruptly and slightly worriedly spun around to look for himself. As he turned the dull end of his arm missed Jeff’s head by about a hair, who hastily recoiled and stood up in fright.

    The Scyther turned back to see Jeff cagily staring at him, seeming ready to fight-or-flight at any moment. Blitz realized his blunder and opened his mouth to attempt to explain himself. Instead he merely snarled in frustration at the whole situation, causing Jeff to step back. Blitz clenched his teeth and stormed towards his pokeball which lay beside Kevin’s bag on the ground. He raised his right foot and unleashed a portion of his frustration, driving it into the center button which enveloped him in light before any physical damage could be done to the ball.

    Kevin scratched the back of his head in worry and discomfort. “He must be having a bad day or something…”

    Corphish looked back to the spot in the sky. “<So is it a rain cloud?>”

    “<Nope,>” Treecko aloofly replied from the group.

    “<How do you know?>”

    “<…I can tell.>”

    Kevin whipped out his pokedex from his back pocket and scanned Treecko with it. “He’s right; something about his tail.”

    “You wouldn’t need your pokedex to know that if you listened in Professor Birch’s class,” said Jeff, who was beginning to relax after the encounter with Blitz.

    “We can’t all be experts on Treeckos…” Kevin responded.

    Atlas had finished filling in Prometheus with how the world seemed to work outside of the cave and they both slithered over to the group.

    Kevin glanced up at his Onix and smiled. “Are you all up to date now, Pro?”

    “<Metheus,>” he corrected. “<And I believe… What is that?>” the rock type asked, motioning with his head down the dirt road that led back to Mauville.

    Everyone turned around to see what Prometheus was referring to. A white and blue MCPD police cruiser was zooming down the dirt road towards them. Kevin froze. The car slowly pulled to a stop about fifteen metres in front of them.

    “Crap! Blane ratted us out! They know we stole all that stuff from the hotel room!” Kevin sputtered in fear.

    “What?! ‘Stole’?! ‘WE’?!” Jeff shouted, his stomach wrenching around in worry. “I’m not going back to jail again, you idiot! What if they know about Atlas!?”

    Kevin looked around frantically. “Prometheus! Quick! Open your mouth!”

    Prometheus looked sceptically over to Atlas, who tilted his head in an equivalent to a worried shrug. The Onix bent down towards Kevin and opened his mouth. The worried teen snatched up both his and Jeff’s bag. “Don’t swallow anything!” With that, he threw both bags into Prometheus’ mouth under his tongue.

    The window on the driver’s side door rolled down. As soon as it couldn’t be rolled down anymore, an orange blur lunged out of the window and began running towards them. “Oh crap! A Growlithe!” Jeff said, preparing to brace himself. He remembered being tackled by one the last time that they were through this and none of it was at all pleasant.

    The orange dog started running towards Jeff, in particular. He cringed and awaited being winded and the smell of dog breath. The pattering sound of paws came closer. Jeff dreaded the fateful pounce. He waited… and nothing. Jeff opened his eyes and looked down at his feet where the Growlithe was sniffing furiously at Corphish.

    “<Umm… Can I help you?>” Corphish asked, feeling uncomfortable and slightly violated.

    The pup turned its head and barked back at the cruiser. “<Over here!>”

    The driver seat door opened and out stepped a young-looking police officer who seemed to have something in hand. Jeff and Kevin stood rigidly as the police officer approached them. He looked down at his Growlithe.

    “Are you sure?” asked the man.

    The Growlithe nodded. “<Positive, Al. It matches the scent of seafood perfectly!>”

    The officer folded his arms. “Okay, then. Excuse me, guys, I’m Sergeant MacGuffin, can we have a word?”

    The pokemon watched on as the two humans stepped forwards in defeat.

    “I believe you guys dropped something.” He extended his hand and spread his fingers, revealing a large rock.

    “… A rock?!” Jeff and Kevin both sputtered almost simultaneously.

    “<…That would be mine…>” Corphish said, sheepishly, fearing the joint wrath of Jeff and Kevin.

    MacGuffin shook his head. “Oi, it’s not just a rock. If you’ll look closely you’ll see it actually contains a fossil. I was a Geology major before I decided to be a police officer.”

    Much to mostly everyone’s surprise, from out of the back of the police cruiser emerged Rachel and Blane. They casually walked up to the group.

    “These are the right people, right?” the officer asked the two newcomers.

    “Yup, thanks again for the drive,” Rachel happily said.

    Kevin and Jeff were still flabbergasted. The angry blonde-haired teen stepped forwards. “Let me get this straight. The only reason you’re here is to give us this fossil?”

    “Aye. The maid was on the way to clean your room when she saw it lying on the ground. It must have fallen out of your bag. At any rate, I happened to be downstairs when she came down to the front desk about it. I offered to go find you guys and your friends here overheard and said they’d help too,” Sgt. MacGuffin explained.

    They both sighed a breath of relief. “Well, thank you! We wouldn’t want to keep you from more important police work, so… Thanks again!” Kevin impatiently insisted, taking the rock.

    “<I sense fear in him…>” the Growlithe stated suspiciously.

    “I’m… uhh… terrified of… shellfish!” he said, trying desperately to cover his tracks.

    The sergeant paused and eyed Kevin. “…Forget it, mate; let’s go get us some breakfast,” MacGuffin dismissively said to the Growlithe, who gave Kevin one last look before going with the officer back to the police cruiser.

    Corphish folded his claws. “<Who could possibly be terrified of such a majestic species? …Besides Ace.>”

    Kevin relaxed and turned around, picking up the Squirtle. Blane and Rachel walked over to them, Blane slightly irritated. “How come the bill for the hotel was eighty dollars over what it should have been?!”

    Kevin grinned nervously and quickly walked towards his pokemon. “You’ll- uhhh- have to ask Jeff about that! Yo, Prometheus; can we have our bags now?” he inquired, changing the subject and looking up at the Onix.

    He nodded and spat out both bags to the grass. Jeff and Kevin walked over to their respective bags and Jeff picked it up by the strap but quickly recoiled and dropped it.

    “Kevin, you idiot! My bag is covered with saliva now thanks to you!” Jeff complained, tapping his soaked bag with his foot.

    “Oh quit complaining…” was his response.

    Jeff carefully opened his bag and his eyes widened. He pulled out of the bag what appeared to be a large white tarp.

    “Shower curtains?! You stole the shower curtains?!” Jeff grilled in disbelief while folding the fabric in his arms. He tossed it aside and continued looking through his bag.

    “Soaps, coasters, the clock radio, the TV remote, bath salts … You took everything that wasn’t bolted down or twice your weight! Who here actually uses bathsalts?!”

    Corphish raised his claw. “<…But Kevin didn’t know that when he took them.>”

    Kevin shrugged. “What? We paid for the room, so aren’t we entitled to everything inside?” he asked with an innocent smile.

    Blane stepped forwards. “Actually, I’m the one who paid for the room, so…”

    Deciding it would be best to switch to another topic, Rachel spoke up. “What were you guys doing out here anyways?”

    Jeff stalled and glanced back to Treecko. “Uhh… Treecko and I were training.”

    “Oh, for your rematch against Wattson?” Blane asked curiously.

    Jeff grimaced knowing that Blane found out about his loss. “It was Strix…” Rachel apologetically replied.

    Blane continued on, “If you want any tips…”

    “No!” Jeff firmly stated. “…We’ll be fine, right Treecko?”

    The grass pokemon gave a nod agreement. The wood gecko proceeded to walk through the grass and jump up to snatch the fossil from Kevin’s hand. He carefully inspected it, gave a quick glance to Corphish, and then threw it to Jeff, who fumbled with it before catching it.

    Jeff looked closely at it. “Corphish, this is yours? Where did you find it?”

    “<Well…>” Corphish replied, closing his eyes and crossing his claws in thought. “<I found it in that area between that big forest where we met Dae and that big city… Mauville, was it? Then I put it in the back pocket of your bag.>”

    Jeff thought carefully, trying to remember. He suddenly remembered that it was in that area where Corphish and Treecko were taken prisoner by Daggerback, that Nidoking.

    “You mean you took it from Daggerback?”

    Corphish nodded. “<I guess he was too busy getting a bullet seed in the eye to notice,>” he replied, sending a good-natured wink in Treecko’s direction.

    “What would he be doing with two fossils?” Jeff asked aloud.

    He then remembered a part of his discussion with Roxanne, the Mauville City gym leader.

    ---------------

    “The Devon Corporation is a company local to this city that creates many futuristic technologies… one of which includes a fossil reviver. The Nidoking broke into the company late one night, knocked out the guards and stole two ancient pokemon fossils from the lab,” Roxanne had said.

    ---------------

    Jeff’s eyes widened. “This is one of the fossils that was stolen from that Devon Corporation!” he exclaimed in shock. Then something else slipped into his mind. “This is the reason why that Nidoking has been following us!”

    “<That and he was on a revenge kick,>” Corphish added, glancing back at Treecko.

    “<That Seviper that attacked us was working with him too…>” Treecko nonchalantly added.

    Kevin scratched his head. “’Working with him’? They’re pokemon for crying out loud!” he exclaimed, very confused.

    “You should give them more credit, Kev,” Jeff told him, folding his arms.

    “Am I missing something here?” Kevin asked.

    “I’ll tell you later…”

    “Can you tell me too?” Rachel quickly asked.

    Jeff nodded and continued inspecting the fossil. He held the dark brown sedimentary rock in his hands. His fingers rubbed along the coarse surface of the stone and stopped when he felt an irregular, smooth bump. Jeff flipped the rock over to inspect the other side where he saw a white shape on the side of the rock. It looked like a white curved cone, very similar to a claw of some sort.

    “Hmm… I wonder what kind of pokemon this was… Anyway, this is valuable, I should probably keep this for now,” Jeff said, wrapping the fossil in the shower curtain to cushion it, before he put it back in his bag.

    “Yeah, yeah,” Kevin impatiently said. “So are you going to keep training or can we go and have your rematch now?”

    Jeff looked at Treecko, who nodded. “There’s not much left we can do, so… Yeah, I guess we’re ready.” Jeff looked up at Atlas and Prometheus apologetically. “We’re going back into the city now… and it’s the daytime so there’s lots of cars and stuff, sooo… Is it okay if we return you both to your pokeballs?”

    Atlas glanced to Prometheus, who looked sceptical. “<Only if you promise to let us out tonight.>”

    “<’Let us out’?>” Prometheus asked in a whisper. “<What are we, slaves? It sounded like you were talking to Kronos, again.>”

    Atlas growled. “<For lack of a better phrase, okay?>” he fiercely whispered back.

    Jeff nodded. “Of course, guys. No question about it,” he reassured them. They nodded in satisfaction, awaiting their return to the small devices. Jeff and Kevin both aimed the pokeballs at the respective Onixes and within seconds, they were sucked into a red beam of light.

    “Hey, do you think you can catch humans?” Kevin asked, looking at the pokeball in his hand in curiosity.

    “I think you can, but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal,” Jeff replied. “Not to mention that I’d kill you if you ever tried it on me…”

    Kevin grinned. “You saw right through me. Now let’s get going, I don’t want to miss lunch because of you two,” he said, glancing between Jeff and Treecko.

    Jeff gazed down the road to Mauville. With a quick turn of his head he turned to face Treecko. “Are you ready?”

    Treecko’s eyes narrowed slightly at the question, but a small grin appeared on his face as he turned back to Jeff. “<…Are you?>”
    Last edited by Griff4815; 21st February 2009 at 10:44 PM.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  6. #281
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    Cool First in line once again!

    Yay! New chappie!

    On yer marks... git set...

    Review making in progress...

    Review making complete.

    Well, as a first review, I'll set the ball rolling with "What the frick took ya so long?!"

    Now to the meat. There were no grammar errors, so give yourself a hand... and the manner in which you ended this installment was pure gold. You can be sure that the battle to come will be one to remember.

    Fave part of the chapter to me was:

    The orange dog started running towards Jeff, in particular. He cringed and awaited being winded and the smell of dog breath. The pattering sound of paws came closer. Jeff dreaded the fateful pounce. He waited… and nothing. Jeff opened his eyes and looked down at his feet where the Growlithe was sniffing furiously at Corphish.

    “<Umm… Can I help you?>” Corphish asked, feeling uncomfortable and slightly violated.

    The pup turned its head and barked back at the cruiser. “<Over here!>”

    The driver seat door opened and out stepped a young-looking police officer who seemed to have something in hand. Jeff and Kevin stood rigidly as the police officer approached them. He looked down at his Growlithe.

    “Are you sure?” asked the man.

    The Growlithe nodded. “<Positive, Al. It matches the scent of seafood perfectly!>”
    I loved the part about Corppy feeling 'violated'. Priceless.

    Oh, and if I haven't said it yet... congrats on your performance in the recently closed 2008 Fanfic Awards!

    Got to run now, so keep up the excellent work!

    L@er!
    Last edited by Air Dragon; 20th February 2009 at 3:12 AM.
    The Corei Quest's latest chapter: Chapter Forty Seven: Tricks of the Trade (24 April 2014)
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  7. #282
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    Heh, it looks like Jeff's trying to improve both himself & Treecko. I'd say that would be a wise decision...

    Now let's see if I can't find anything wrong with this...
    *busts out his microscopic sights*

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “<They drive us out of our homes to build their own homes. Some aren’t even homes, they’re just… I don’t know what they are! There are buildings that try to touch the sky or hope to light up the night with bright colours. Why do they need all of this? Pokemon are happy to live in the wilderness, but no, these humans want more. They think that they’re so much better than us so they have to reflect that in the things that they make, not caring who it hurts. Then they make us fight each other for their own gain or pleasure. Even Jeff… the one human who I held a sliver of respect for. They’re all the same,>” he thought, frowning as he did. Daedalus tilted his head forwards so that it leaned upon the glass. “<…I just wish that I was back with my friends right now.>”
    I smell a hint of rebellion inside Daedalus...

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    As he was looking at Corphish, he noticed Jeff beginning to stir. Daedalus turned around and continued to look at the rising sun. Jeff stretched, being wary not to hit the others on the bed, and then stood up and looked around. Treecko opened an eye and glanced at Jeff.
    Missing something...

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Jeff quickly wrote something on a sticky note and attached it to the TV. Treecko began to walk towards the door to the room. With an effortless leap, he jumped up and twisted the knob using his steadfast grip. After a back flip from the lizard, the door came swinging open.
    Times two.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “<At any rate, should not we have waited for Rachel, Blane, and the others?>” Blitz asked.
    Now that's just weird. It should be "should we have not"

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Corphish nodded. “<I miss my TV, myself. Especially that misanthropic doctor. Hey, Dae, you’d love him!>” he said with a chuckle.
    We talking about Dr. House??

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “Crap! Blane ratted us out! They know we stole all that stuff from the hotel room!” Kevin sputtered in fear.
    I think he is the one that's supposed to be in jail, as I smell a juvenile delinquent inside of him.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    MacGuffin shook his head. “Oi, it’s not just a rock. If you’ll look closely you’ll see it actually contains a fossil. I was a geology major before I decided to be a police officer.”
    Capitalize.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “Shower curtains?! You stole the shower curtains?!” Jeff grilled in disbelief while folding the fabric in his arms. He tossed it aside and continued looking through his bag.

    “Soaps, coasters, the clock radio, the TV remote, bath salts … You took everything that wasn’t bolted down or twice your weight! Who here actually uses bathsalts?!”
    That's supposed to be two words. Also, this is just absolutely insane; Kevin taking most everything from a hotel room?! He IS a delinquent!

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Jeff nodded and continued inspecting the fossil. He held the dark brown sedimentary rock in his hands. His fingers rubbed along the coarse surface of the stone and stopped when he felt an irregular, smooth bump. Jeff flipped the rock over to inspect the other side where he saw a white shape on the side of the rock. It looked like a white curved cone, very similar to a claw of some sort.
        Spoiler:- My two cents on what the fossil is...:


    & that's a wrap.

  8. #283
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    Yay for new chapters. Anti-yay for posting when I'm busy and have betas and assignments and all that jazz. >_< But review I shall all the same.

    Like it, simply, yet again - and some more humour than some recent chapters, or so I thought. Again, could have used some more description at times, although that mightn't be that warrented given the dialogue around and all...idk, I'm tired. =P The dialogue was strong though, have to say - sounds realistic and all, and also hurrah for more on the characters filtering through.

    The 'flashback' to him recalling that he had stolen fossils might have been a bit better presentation wise - well, not by much, but for some reason I feel putting it in italics would make it 'better'. But super-minor. The fact they have a fossil now is rather interesting, and I liked it - now to see what you will make of it later.

    And was amused by Kevin stealing everything but the kitchen sink - literally. XD
    “Damn… I wish I knew how to help, but I’ve never, well, used Bullet Seed before,” Jeff said, scratching the back of his head.
    Great comment there, Jeff. =P
    “<They had left a note. Besides, I can see why they didn’t; every time I try to wake you up early, you say words that I do not understand, like ‘Fu-’>”
    Like what? Fungi? Funky? Fu... =P Amusing.
    “Well… Corphish insisted on watching a nature program on the mating rituals of Corphish and Crawdaunts,” Kevin replied. “We only got through a few minutes before the others started to complain.”
    Well, maybe a true reson to why he likes TV so much... -_-
    Kevin nervously grinned and stepped back, but imposing Prometheus was more than ready lock horns with the small human, so he moved his face to the same position as before until he got his answers.
    The two bolded parts sounded... confusing to me. Mainly the '...more than ready lock horns with...' and that '...until he got his answers' sounds a bit off and awkward there. Methinks some rewording might be in order so it's clearer?
    Kevin grinned at his attitude and contently shook his tail. Prometheus performed Atlas’ suggested tail-shaking procedure in what he considered ‘lightly’, but it was not technically so. Kevin was sent flying back several meters by the force of the gesture.
    XD the visual imagery I get of this is awesome. Maybe, later on, Kevin could perhaps have felt some more 'effects' of this, though... =/
    “Hmm… I wonder what kind of pokemon this was… Anyway, this is valuable, I should probably keep this for now,” Jeff said, wrapping the fossil in the shower curtain to cushion it, before he put it back in his bag.
    The comma there kinda feels odd and makes the sentence a bit of a run-on as well... =/ Consider using a semi-colon or full stop instead.

    Anyway, that's it I suppose. Ignore the tired response I feel this might have - in short - good chapter, characters remaining as entertaining as always, humour was good, dialogue decent, watch out for the odd mistake as already picked up upon and maybe more description? IDK but I feel that you do it nicely... Dislike the ending as I want more now, darn it! =P Anyway, keep it up.

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
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  9. #284
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    Yay, new chappie, new chappie.

    It's really sad Bredzt ... Breztd ... Bretdz ... whatever his name is didn't appear in this chapter. I would have loved to find out a little more about him.

    I know one thing for sure: If I could be one of the characters in this fic, I would defenitly NOT be Blitz or Rachel. Having Kevin AND Corpfish on my neck ... I would go insane. Those two together aren't a good combo. That is, they are a good combo, but nobody could stay with them without even trying to run away from those two. But watching them from the outside ... I could not stop laughing. These two are just too hilarous.

    I missed another thing in this Chapter. Jeff and Treecko where training, but they didn't train on their teamwork. That is what thy said they would do on chapter 21 (I think it was 21). But that's okay. I just jope they win this time. I'm glad that Treecko is back to normal. Uhhm, is Jef back to normal?

    Can't wit for the next Chappie
    My very first fanfic: Journey to Almo (Chapter 4 up)
    -A New region
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    and a brand new adventure

  10. #285
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    Air Dragon: Heh, I promise I'll release the next one quicker; within the week even, since I have break. Thanks for the review and the congrats, too.

    Brumrha: Yes, we're indeed talking about Dr. House. :P (My favourite still-running comedy-drama) I wouldn't say that Kevin is a delinguent, perse', but is rather just incredibly opportunistic and maybe even slightly kleptomaniacal. We'll just have to see how right you are on the fossil. And thanks for the review.

    Bobandbill: Haha, you definately seem tired. I think I got most of what you're saying and I changed the FB to italics. It's too bad no one has gotten the name reference around that scene of Sgt. Al MacGuffin yet, guess not too many people are familiar with Hitchcock in this day and age. :P

    Blitz had to forcably restrain Kevin from taking the kitchen sink. -_- And yes, Jeff has a knack for pointing out the obvious. I was actually going for 'fungi', Kevin's true dream is becoming a mycologist. And that's definately a possibility for why Corphish likes TV so much. :P

    I'm not quite sure how the best way to reword those parts would be :/ And Excellent, I was hoping for that. xP

    Thanks for the review.

    MayfanXD: It's 'Drezdk', man, you're worse than Jeff at that. xD And we'll find more about him in good time (You can also read my one-shot "Victory or Death" here or on Fanfiction.net if you can't find it here. - It's about him.) but it's hard to spotlight so many characters in just one chapter. I kind of know how the show Lost feels, now. Don't worry about their teamwork... we'll see how that's tested in the next chapter. <evil smirk> And 'normal' is a bit relative. :P
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  11. #286
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    Good news! The new chapter will be up within the week. However, I'm not sure about the next chapter because I have exams in April, so it may take longer.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

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    Turnabout


    The gang walked along the wide sidewalk of Mauville City, feeling diminutive in comparison to the hotels and skyscrapers looming above them. The beating sun was especially bad on that day because the rainfall in the night resulted in an irritating amount of humidity. Luckily for them, they were in the shade of the tall buildings. Ace, who was in Kevin’s hands, hid in his shell where it was quite cool. However, no one else had shells that could be seconded as a house. Daedalus insisted on being returned to his pokeball and the only remaining pokemon out were Treecko and Corphish, who was bushed due to the heat.

    Corphish panted and was sweating quite a lot. “<Are… we there… yet?>”

    Jeff looked down behind him and raised an eyebrow. “Just two more blocks. You know you can go in your pokeball if you want.”

    Corphish shook his head and slowly plodded his numerous legs upon the warm tarmac. “<Like I’m gonna miss this next gym battle!>” he retorted, walking on for a few steps before collapsing to his stomach. He reached out his pincer and clasped the creases in Jeff’s right sock. “<Drag me, please…>” he said, submitting into his own exhaustion. Jeff grinned and walked, dragging the water type with his foot.

    “Corphish has a point… It is really hot today,” Kevin said while rapidly pulling and pushing below his shirt collar to make a makeshift fan. While doing this, he lightly handed Ace to Rachel, who seemed reluctant to have to carry any more weight than she already possessed.

    “You guys live in Hoenn, so aren’t you used to this kind of weather?” asked an especially hot and impatient Blane.

    “That doesn’t mean we can’t still complain about it,” responded Kevin, smirking before turning the corner. The smirk disappeared as, upon turning the corner, he slammed into a warm wall of flesh. The teen stumbled back and clutched his nose. “Son of a-” he sputtered.

    Kevin opened his eyes and found himself staring at a white torso which spanned his entire field of vision. He looked to the sides of the body and saw two large legs and arms branching out of the creature’s bulky blue figure. A massive shadow cast down upon Kevin as he stared up in trepidation at the sneering cobalt face beneath two sizable fins that spanned to the back of the creature’s skull. The large orange whisker-like gills at the corner of the wide mouth tensed as the pokemon sneered down at him.

    “S-s-sorry, buddy,” stammered Kevin, backing up and into Jeff.

    He heard a mechanized ‘ding’ from behind him along with a monotone, electronic male voice. “Swampert: The Mud fish pokemon. It can swim while towing a large ship. It bashes down foes with a swing of its thick arms.”

    The Swampert seemed almost to smirk at the last sentence and he stepped towards Kevin, raising his mighty arms.

    “Cool!” Blane enthusiastically stated, closing his pokedex.

    “Not cool!” Kevin worriedly responded, forcefully walking backwards and ploughing Jeff with him.

    The Swampert reached out, grasped and held Kevin up by the shoulders. A malicious sneer creeped onto the water type’s face, but after a moment, it was replaced by a beaming smile. Within seconds, Kevin felt himself being crushed against the Swampert’s underbelly in a massive bear hug.

    A gaunt twenty year old walked up to the pokemon’s left and kneaded his brown eyebrows, matching his hair, with his fingertips in embarrassment. “Don, quit it!” he playfully scolded the large pokemon. “Don’t mind him, he’s just happy that he won against Wattson.”

    “It’d be hard not to win with this guy!” a strained Kevin managed to state from under the high-pressured friendly gesture. “OW OW! You’re crushing the bruise I got from Prometheus!” Kevin yelled, shifting in response to the sharp pain in his back.

    “Actually, it was a tough battle,” the trainer said, folding his arms over his yellow t-shirt. “That Magnezone was skilled.”

    “Magnezone?” Jeff inquired, curiously.

    “Yup… I take it you guys don’t know that gym leaders have pokemon of vastly different strengths at their disposal. They can’t expect everyone to go to gyms in the same order, now can they? It makes it so that neither the gym leader nor the trainer is at a mark disadvantage. Roxanne in Mauville will be my 6th gym leader to go to… it wouldn’t be fair if I challenged her lowest levelled Geodude with Don here, but it wouldn’t be fair if she used a Rampardos against some new trainer’s Torchic either. Catch my drift?”

    They all nodded, with the exception of Kevin, whose legs were starting to fall asleep. Treecko grew tired of waiting and walked between the Swampert and trainer to make his way to the gym, which was now in plain sight. Jeff noticed and quickly followed. “Gotta go! Nice meeting you!” he hastily said, knowing Treecko wouldn’t wait for the others.

    “Help me!” Kevin pleaded from behind them, but the two kept walking and expected the others to take care of it and be behind them soon enough.

    “<I bet I could take that Magnezone…>” Treecko said, ambling along the sidewalk.

    Jeff smirked and placed his hands behind his head as he went along side him. “I don’t doubt that you could… but let’s just stick to whatever Wattson throws at us.”

    Upon reaching the recently cleaned, glass front doors of the gym, Treecko stood up onto his hind legs and folded his arms across his red chest.

    “You sure you want to keep that twig in your mouth during the battle?” Jeff asked, glancing at his pokemon partner.

    Treecko gave an affirmative nod. Jeff grinned and placed his hands on the metal handle but stalled opening it upon hearing numerous footsteps behind him. He turned and saw Rachel, Blane, Corphish, and a rather p*ssed off Kevin.

    “Thanks for the help, you two!” Kevin sarcastically said, giving them each a glare.

    Treecko merely glared back with a look that said ‘Don’t try me…’ Jeff, however, replied, “You had it under control.”

    “I’m so cheering for Wattson now… Actually… No, then I’d never get lunch,” Kevin said, grinning and playfully shoving Jeff into the handle so that the door would open. Jeff pushed him back and the group walked up to the front desk of the gym.

    “Can we go in?” Jeff asked, glancing over at the metal door to their right.

    The guard, who was in the middle of a drink from his morning coffee, gave a slight nod and eyed the door. Jeff quickly complied and trudged over to it. He was apprehensive about going back in after his humiliating ‘defeat’ yesterday. However, it wasn’t technically a defeat in everyone’s eyes. Jeff glanced at Treecko, took a deep breath, and opened the steel door.

    Jeff and Treecko walked forwards onto the simple, obstacle-lacking gym arena. The others went around it and climbed onto the bleachers on the left side.

    While departing, Corphish made a point to ask something of Treecko. “<Treeck! At some point during the battle, can you say ‘It’s tail time’?!>”

    Treecko gave his friend an utterly perplexed look before continuing to the edge of the field. Much to Jeff’s mixture of relief and embarrassment, Wattson was already standing on the other side of the field.

    “OH HOH! I expected you two back earlier,” the gym leader said, his voice echoing about the walls of the empty gym, as he grinned and placed his hands on his yellow and brown aloha t-shirt which sat above a pair of brown shorts. “I guess you two took my advice after all. Are you ready to see how much it has paid off?”

    Both pokemon and trainer nodded. Jeff did so with awkward shame. They traipsed across the flat dirt floor to meet Wattson in the middle. The jolly gym leader confidently marched forwards and walked up to the two with a large grin on his face. Wattson stopped in front of them and placed his broad hands on his hips.

    “Okay, lads… The rules for rematches are a little different in this gym. People in your case get a handicap,” Wattson said, slinging around his grey backpack and shuffling through it.

    “A handicap?” Jeff asked sceptically. “Uhhh… okay; that sounds fine.” Jeff wasn’t sure about the idea of being given an advantage over Wattson. It didn’t seem right to him, but he wasn’t going to argue and it seemed like a good idea.

    “<Jeff… I don’t need a handicap to beat this guy,>” Treecko fractiously whispered to the human situated next to him.

    “I know that… but we should take any advantage we can get,” Jeff whispered back.

    The wood gecko folded his arms and sneered. Jeff honestly couldn’t tell if he was agreeing or disagreeing. Wattson took something out of his backpack- a long white cloth, carrying the aroma of one of those airline ‘moist towelletes’, that he tossed down to Treecko, who caught it and looked at it curiously.

    Jeff stared at it blankly. “Is this a joke? Is that for surrendering or something?” he questioned with a hint of irritation hanging on his words.

    Wattson chuckled. “Hahah! No no… That’s your handicap!”

    Jeff and Treecko looked uncomprehendingly at each other. “Uhhh… I don’t follow you, Sir.”

    “Don’t call me ‘sir’… And it’s a blindfold for the Treecko,” he explained.

    Jeff’s eyes darted from the blindfold and Treecko to Wattson. “Wait! I thought you said we were getting a handicap!”

    Wattson nodded and crossed his arms. “Aye… he has to wear that blindfold for the battle. What did you think a ‘handicap’ meant?”

    Jeff recoiled in terror from the statement. He quickly looked down at Treecko, who seemed somewhat peeved, but he felt that a small part of the gecko was inviting the challenge. Wattson looked at Jeff and let out a merry chuckle.

    “Hah hah! Well, Jeff, you seem shocked… No pun intended…” Needless to say that, a moment after, Wattson burst into thunderous bellows of laughter, threatening to rival the roar of an Onix.

    Jeff impatiently held his objections until Wattson was good and done. “…How do you expect Treecko to battle if he can’t see his hands in front of him?!” Jeff quickly demurred.

    “Well, that’s your job, trainer. To prove to me that you two trust and can work together, you have to guide his actions and call out positions and whatnot. It shows your job as a trainer and the trust that should exist between you two.” Wattson gave them a brief moment to take in what he said before continuing. “You could hypothetically keep losing and retrying at this gym. You could lose eight times and get lucky on the ninth time, but that doesn’t show that you’ve learned anything as a trainer, it just shows that you’ve gotten lucky. Like I’ve said before, gyms are here for a reason… They’re to gauge your abilities and bond with your pokemon. It would be unfair to give you a badge for a lucky blow that won you the battle after the 9th rematch. No one gets the Dynamo Badge unless I’ve seen they deserve it, and I know that most of my fellow gym leaders feel the same way.

    Jeff stalled, feeling quite insulted and misunderstood, although part of him found truth in Wattson’s words. “…We’ve been through a lo-”

    “Whatever turmoil has happened between the two of you lads, if any, it’s your own faults and it’s irrelevant to the task you face right now. So you both should suck it up and save it for off of the battleground,” Wattson harshly scolded.

    Jeff was taken aback; Treecko was not. While being frustrated that he needed Jeff’s directions, he smirked and stared up at a somewhat pouty Jeff, who felt like all the gym leaders were ganging up on him. “<You heard him… Let’s show this guy.>”

    Jeff managed to crack a grin as a result of Treecko’s confidence despite the situation. “Got it… Can we have a few minutes, Wattson? ...Y’know, for war room discussion.”

    Wattson chuckled. “Aye, tell me when you’re ready.”

    Jeff turned on his heel and began to walk back towards his side of the battleground, Treecko walked beside him, looking down at the blindfold in his hands.

    “Okay… How are we going to make it so that you know where you’re going?” Jeff asked with rising apprehension in his voice. Treecko put his hand to his hip and glanced off in thought. “Hmm… Hey, Treecko! You seem pretty survival savvy, with all that first aid stuff you’ve given me and the like…”

    Treecko folded his arms, wondering what he could be getting at.

    “Well… can you read a clock?”

    The wood gecko raised an eyebrow, having been clearly lost by Jeff’s question.

    “Like, 12:00 is forwards, 6:00 is behind, and so on…”

    Treecko nodded in comprehension, but shook his head. “<We don’t use clocks in the forest…>” Jeff folded his arms and pursed his lips. “<Do you know azimuths?>” Treecko asked, not entirely expecting him to. Jeff scratched the back of his head in confusion. “<…Angles in degrees,>” he reiterated.

    “Uhhh… Only 0, 45, 90, 180, 270, and 360 degrees,” he said with an uncomfortable smile.

    Treecko sighed. “<…That’s not good enough. Hmm… tell me you at least know compass bearings. Like north, north-north-east, and so on…>”

    Jeff nodded, while thinking whether he knew them or not. “Sure.”

    “<Do you? I don’t want to slam into a wall because you don’t want to admit you don’t know them,>” he plainly said, folding his arms across his chest.

    Jeff adamantly nodded. “Yes. I know them... and range in metres?”

    Treecko paused. “<How long is that?>”

    Jeff spread out his arms and created a gap between his hands of roughly a metre.

    Treecko nodded. “<Oh. We called those ‘leaves’.>”

    Jeff tilted his head, curiously, but nodded. “Sounds good, then.”

    “<…Okay. Let’s start this.>”

    “Hold on, we don’t have a battle plan, yet!” Jeff protested.

    “<We don’t need a plan; battles are best fought based on instinct and reflex,>” Treecko insisted.

    “We do so need a plan! Last time we winged it we were shot clean out of the sky!” Jeff retorted.

    Treecko shook his head. “<I’m not against tactics, but this isn’t the right battle for them. In a fast-paced, spontaneous battle against an electric type… especially where I have to wear this damned blindfold… the last thing I need are unnecessary goals to try to reach. We should just adjust to the sway of the battle during the fight.>”

    Jeff folded his arms too, but indignantly. “I think having a tactic would be our best tactic,” he replied in irritation.

    “<You’re wrong.>”

    “No, you’re wrong!”

    “<Nope.>”

    “Yup.”

    “<No.>”

    “Yes!”

    “<No!>”

    “YES!”

    Kevin, Rachel, Blane, Corphish, and Ace watched in amusement and bemusement as the two argued.

    “They are off to a terrific start,” Kevin said.

    “<This is nothing,>” Corphish assured.

    Wattson watched from the other side, mildly annoyed. “AHEM!” He loudly cleared his throat, catching their attention. “…Everything okay? Are you sure you two don’t want to come back in a week?”

    Jeff’s face turned a light shade of red in embarrassment. He remembered his and Treecko’s conversation- one of the points being that Jeff was still a rookie in training. He turned to Treecko. “We’ll do it your way; I trust you know what you’re talking about… but you’re going to have to trust me too. That’s the only way we’re going to win.”

    Treecko nodded, somewhat reluctantly. “<And let’s hope we’ll never have to do this again.>”

    Jeff grinned and looked up to Wattson. “Thanks, we’re ready!”

    The gym leader smirked, as well, as the two stepped forwards on the battlefield. Jeff knelt down and put the blindfold on Treecko as instructed. “Okay, let’s try this… North about four metres.”

    Treecko nodded and carefully stepped in a straight line and stopped a few centimetres short of the desired length.

    “Nice. Right on the mark.”

    “<Remember, you’re going to have to take my position on the field into account when calling out bearings; your south may be my west, if I’m positioned sideways. Got it?>”

    “Got it. I’ll put myself in your scales,” Jeff replied, slightly nervous of the upcoming battle. “Wow, this idea of Wattson’s really covers all aspects of training,” Jeff thought to himself, watching as the gym leader released the green hound onto the arena floor.

    The referee took a seat on the sidelines. “The match between Wattson’s Electrike and… uhh… Jeff’s Treecko may begin,” he stated after glancing quickly at his chart.

    Jeff let out a shaky, nervous sigh while glancing at his blindfolded pokemon. Treecko put his twig in the corner of his mouth and folded his arms. “<Keep calm, Jeff. I’ll be fine. Remember, you just have to call out my directions- I’ll take care of the rest.>”

    Jeff took a deep breath and nodded. “We can do this, Treecko,” Jeff said, more to himself than to Treecko.

    Treecko unfolded his arms and stepped forwards another step. “<Yeah.>”

    Jeff clenched his fists in anticipation and put weight on his left foot to take pressure off of his still stiff and sprained right one. Wattson beamed and clapped his hands together. “Oh hoh hoh! Let’s start this off! Electrike, go ahead and start with Discharge!” he commanded with a shade of jollity donning his voice.

    Blue sparks were conducted by the green bristles of the Electrike’s on-end fur. The static accumulated and was discharged straight towards Treecko’s position on the other side of the field.

    “Jump! To the left!” Jeff called out reflexively, watching as the electricity quickly neared Treecko.

    Treecko side jumped, but upon landing he sternly reminded Jeff, “<Compass bearings, got it?>”

    Jeff shuffled in his place. “Yeah- got it- sorry. ‘West’, then…”

    Wattson clapped and chuckled. “HAHAH! Interesting tactic! Kudos to you both! …However… I’m afraid it will take more than that… Electrike! Spark ’em!”

    Electrike preserved some of the electricity from his previous attack in his conductive fur. The dog began to start charging Treecko at top speed.

    “He’s comin’ in! North north east! About twelve leaves from you!” Jeff called out. Treecko turned to face Electrike exactly. He heard the rapid pattering of his foe’s paws becoming louder and louder, indicating his distance. “Treecko! He’s about two leaves from you! Do something!”

    Treecko ignored his comments and stood his ground, waiting like a crocodile for the perfect time to rise out of the water and grab its prey. He waited until he heard the pattering of the feet cease to strike. It was at this point that he knew that Electrike was lunging at him. Treecko waited a fraction of a second before pivoting around on his heel, swinging his large tails at full force. “Cko tree CKO!” He felt his tail smack into fur and flesh and heard a sharp yelp. His target flew off to the side of the court.

    Treecko stood firmly on the ground and asked Jeff. “<Where am I now?>”

    “Electrike is north to you… you got him pretty good. Uhhh… and… the direction of the field is east northeast. Don’t forget about Electrike’s static! We have to try to use Bullet Seed or else there’s a good chance you’ll get paralyzed!”

    “<’We’? I thought you said you’ve never used Bullet Seed before,>” Treecko said, slightly sarcastically, trying to cover the fact that he didn’t want to use it.

    “I’m serious! You’ve gotta try to use it!”

    “<So am I. There’s no point. Why would I have suddenly be able to use it from over the span of this morning?>” Treecko retorted.

    “Just try it! You’re not scared, are you?” Jeff goaded.

    Treecko turned his head back towards the trainer. Jeff recoiled; even under the blindfold he knew that Treecko’s eyes were digging into him. The wood gecko turned back around and opened his mouth.

    “Treeeeeee CK-”

    As he expected, no seeds escaped his throat. Treecko sneered and clenched his fists.

    “Gesundheit!” Wattson merrily called from the other side of the field. “Oh, and hook and Thunder Fang!” he directed his pokemon.

    Jeff blushed and scratched the back of his neck. He wasn’t looking forward to after this battle at all; he knew Treecko would get him for making him do that. Meanwhile, the Electrike had risen and began circling around Treecko to flank his right.

    “He’s going around you, Treecko!” Jeff warned.

    “<Where is he right now?!>” Treecko quickly asked, hoping this would prompt a hasty answer.

    Jeff mentally went over the various bearings in his mind as quick as possible while trying to keep an eye on both Treecko and Electrike at the same time. “Uhh…” He waited for the right moment. “Due east!”

    Without a response, Treecko turned around and ran at a forty-five degrees angle. He headed for exactly where Electrike was about to be. Before Electrike could readjust his plan, Treecko went into a very speedy run- a Quick Attack. Electrike tried desperately to halt himself, but that wasn’t possible at the speed and orientation he was going. Treecko pivoted the twig to the other side of his mouth, making sure that it wouldn’t break on impact.

    Treecko rammed his shoulder into the hound’s neck and used one of his tails to buckle the Electrike’s hind legs. The electric pokemon winced and felt the rear of his body give and succumb to the moving ground beneath. The force from the blow and the fall caused the dog to topple head over heels in the dirt until he rolled to a stop. Treecko skidded to a halt, sending up a small wave of displaced dirt.

    “<Status report?>” he asked Jeff.

    “The other end is west to you, and Electrike is north north west to you and about three metres- err, leaves- away. He’s hurt but not out… Good job by the-”

    Before Jeff could finish his compliment or warn Treecko, Electrike jumped upwards and lunged at Treecko, with sparks jumping about in his glossy fangs. Treecko attempted to react, but was slightly late to the draw. Electrike dug his fangs into Treecko’s left shoulder and collar. Treecko let out an agonized, grating snarl as the teeth broke skin and entered his flesh.

    “TREECKO!” Jeff yelled, actually walking onto the field to get the Electrike to stop.

    “Hey! Behind the white line, buddy!” the referee shouted, outstretching his arm and pointing his index finger accusingly at Jeff.

    Jeff stopped and sneered, but nodded, walking backwards as quickly as he could. Wattson clapped his hands together and chuckled. “Hah hah! Jeff! You remind me of me when I first started training! Such heart in you! … However, rules are rules… leave the fight to the pokemon,” he replied, his tone becoming dead serious.

    Jeff ignored him and watched down as Treecko struggled with the Electrike latching onto him and sending voltage into his wound and, subsequently, body. Bent over and on his knees, Treecko was trying hard to shake off both the electricity and Electrike. In a strained action, the reptile managed to move his right arm and gradually grab Electrike’s lower snout. He slowly and painfully pushed the lower jaw towards the ground, causing the teeth to slide out of his flesh.

    Ignoring the burning of his wounds and the upper set of teeth still embedded in the back of his left shoulder, Treecko used his right hand to reach into Electrike’s mouth and close his fist on Electrike’s tongue. The hounds’ eyes widened as he felt his tongue being grabbed.

    Sweat now dampened the blindfold and Treecko was grimacing from the pain, but managed to speak. “<…Let go… or you’ll never lick your own *ss again…>”

    Electrike slowly nodded and removed his upper fangs from Treecko’s shoulder. The wood gecko let go of his tongue and stood up, stepping back a pace. The Electrike spit out blood, closed his mouth and stepped back a pace as well. Treecko wiped his spit-covered hand in the dirt before resuming his fighting stance, despite the pain and the feeling of warm blood leaking out of his wounds. He heard the crackle of electricity and gave a motion with his finger to Jeff, behind him.

    “Oh! North! One leaf away!” Jeff said, previously distracted by the amount of blood dripping down Treecko’s back from the bite. “He’s charging a Thunder attack! Dodge! Ten metres towards my voice!” Jeff yelled, much too desperate to try to think of the compass bearings at that point.

    Treecko sensed the urgency in his voice, meaning that Electrike was just about finished charging and preparing to strike. Treecko turned towards Jeff and began running. He felt the warm, prickly pulse of the electricity hitting the ground behind him on his back, but he continued to sprint.

    “<Say when to stop, Jeff…>” he calmly said with a hint of frustration in his voice.

    “Stop!” Jeff quickly shouted, the grass pokemon stopping right in front of him.

    “Hit ‘em with another Thunder, Trikey!” Wattson shouted to his pokemon, who seemed reluctantly accepting to the spur-of-the-moment nickname.

    “TRIIIIKE!” the lightning-spouting hound howled. He sent a massive blue bolt the size of a human towards Treecko.

    Jeff’s eyes widened and he quickly focused solely on Treecko. “Treecko! East as fast and as far as you can. NOW!”

    Treecko vaulted to his right at remarkable speed as the electricity neared him. He ran and felt a few outlying sparks latch onto his tail, but he made it out of the powerful attack pretty much unscathed.

    Jeff was another matter.

    Treecko had been standing directly in front of Jeff when the attack was launched at him and, unfortunately, electricity is indiscriminate. The spear of static slammed into Jeff and danced about his body.

    Jeff let out a strained, gravelly roar as he collapsed to his knees and then his hands and then giving in and writhing in pain on the dirt floor of the arena. The Electrike’s eyes widened and he immediately halted his attack. Treecko swiftly turned around towards the direction of the bellow and the referee stepped out onto the field, quickly looking to Wattson.

    “Crap! Should we call for a break and some medical aid, sir?!” he asked, glancing over at Jeff.

    Wattson let out a hearty laugh. “Hah hah hah! … No no. It’s good for the boy…” he explained with a crooked smile.

    “…Really?” the ref asked, glancing over to Jeff, whose leg was twitching slightly.

    Treecko folded his arms, still chewing habitually on his twig. “<Get up, Jeff… or are you too weak to handle a meagre shock?>” Treecko asked in a similar goading manner that got him to try his Bullet Seed.

    Jeff sneered through his pain and slowly began to move his arms. Still lying down, he propped himself up on his elbow and let out a pained snarl. “Re… sume… battle!”

    “Gee, those two are stubborn,” Rachel said to Kevin, Blane, and Corphish.

    Kevin, who was drumming his fingers on Ace’s shell, shrugged. “That and they’re idiots,” he said with a grin. “You still in on our bet, Blane? The odds are now ten-to-one of Jeff winning. I get forty bucks if he loses!”

    Blane nodded. “I think they can pull this off with that kind of determination. Besides, I think Wattson’s morale is down since he ran out of electricity-related puns.”

    “Your funeral…” Kevin chuckled.

    Rachel shot Kevin a look. “You’re, like, the worst best friend someone could have.”

    The teen winked. “I do what I can.”

    Meanwhile, Jeff had managed to bring himself to an incredibly wobbly kneel. “It’s just a bit of electricity, boy-o.” Wattson snapped his fingers and looked to the referee. “Jerry? I think we can resume now.”

    “Yessir! The match will resume.”

    “Electrike! Light up that lizard with a Thunderbolt!” the gym leader commanded while placing his hands on his hips.

    The Electrike nodded and fired a smaller, more precise bolt at Treecko.

    “Treecko… dodge-” Jeff attempted to gurgle out directions, but was too slow and still recovering from being electrocuted.

    Treecko let out a cry as the electricity went through him and he collapsed to one knee.

    “Tree-eck-ck-ck!” Jeff inaudibly stammered while hoping to say something coherent.

    Treecko grimaced and slowly stood up. Sparks leapt about his skin and Jeff could see some of his muscles trembling involuntary, especially around his still-bleeding bite wound.

    “Crap, Are y-you para…lyzed, Treeck?” Jeff asked.

    Treecko panted, sneering as he did so. Ignoring the beads of sweat dripping down his face, he simply and forcefully asked, “<Tell me… where he is…>”

    Jeff stalled, worried that his rage and tenacity were taking him over. “Treecko…” he said dismissively.

    Treecko looked over to him. Again, even with the blindfold, Jeff immediately felt the look he was given. “<I’ve trusted you all of this time, so trust me… got it? I may be stubborn sometimes, but I’m not an idiot- I won’t let my rage take over my common sense.>”

    Jeff nodded and felt a wave of guilt. “… North north east, about sixteen leaves away,” he directed, humbly.

    Wattson called out first. “Volt Tackle, Electrike!”

    The dog pokemon began charging towards Treecko, electricity surrounding him as he ran. The wood gecko quickly turned his head to Jeff. “<When I’m about to hit him, count down from three. Don’t mess up the timing or else.>”

    Before Jeff could nervously nod in reply, Treecko was off. However, he noticed that the Treecko was much more sluggish than usual, but that couldn’t be helped- he was just shocked with countless watts of electricity, after all. Treecko raced towards the static-enveloped pokemon on all fours.

    “Three…”

    Treecko sprinted faster, hoping that he was given the right instructions. Electrike was at maximum energy potential as he closed towards Treecko.

    “Two…”

    Treecko’s aching and warbling muscles burned, but he continued running. Jeff was fixed on the reptile, tensely wondering his seemingly insane plan.

    “ONE…”

    Treecko fell. In Jeff’s wide eyes he had tripped and was about to roll, prey to the oncoming Volt Tackle.

    However, this wasn’t the case.

    Treecko slid and manoeuvred on the ground, pivoting on his side while sliding along the light layering of dirt. He swung his large tails around in front of him. Electrike was taken off guard by Treecko’s unpredictable tactic, but he couldn’t stop, he could only hope that he gave more damage than he received.

    Treecko swung his tail with all of his might. He took out Electrike’s statically charged front legs and received a nasty shock as he did. The dog pokemon yelped and fell over Treecko crashing into the ground behind the gecko, face first- the electricity around him died. The electrical energy surged through Treecko’s tail and he slowly slid to a stop.

    Neither moved. Everyone looked on anxiously, especially the referee. There was a deathly silence.

    Then… Electrike’s leg twitched. The referee raised his arm.

    “NO!” Jeff called out, his heart sinking down to his feet.

    But then, Treecko pushed his arms against the ground, attempting to get to his knees. The ref lowered his arm and watched. The fight wasn’t over yet.

    Both Electrike and Treecko moved very sluggishly in an attempt to get to their feet. Treecko was also bipedal, so he managed to slowly stand first. Electrike saw this and frantically attempted to get his legs to allow him to stand. While he did this he began to build up electricity as a defence.

    “<… Jeff?>”

    Getting down to the bare essentials, he replied, “East south east. Two metres.”

    Treecko scowled and began to slowly walk towards Electrike, like an unstoppable killer in a slasher film. Electrike’s eyes widened and he built up a greater amount of electricity. Treecko would have none of that.

    Jeff called over and with a serious tone, declared, “You’re there…”

    The wood gecko loomed over his opponent for a second, before winding up his tail. Without so much as a ‘cko’, he swung his tail around and slammed it into Electrike. Sparks erupted in a small firework upon impact. The electric pokemon flew to the side, skidded, and tumbled in the dirt at the center of the field until coming to a stop, with a few rogue sparks still jumping off of his fur.

    The referee carefully inspected the unconscious Electrike from the side before nodding. “Electrike is unable to battle. Treecko and Jeff are the winners!”

    There was silence.

    Jeff looked across the field to Wattson, who was silently staring at him. Still no words were said; Jeff was starting to worry that Wattson was going to take out a pair of pistols and start firing at him. He looked like he was burning a hole through Jeff’s head.

    However, a wide, beaming smile came onto Wattson’s face and he started feverishly clapping his hands together in a joyous fashion while laughing. “HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! WELL DONE, BOYO!” Wattson bellowed, chortling with amusement.

    Jeff still remained silent. He had won. He really didn’t know what to say- certainly not in response to Wattson’s behaviour.

    Treecko winced and slowly walked towards the middle of the field. Jeff also lumbered to the center to meet Wattson, who was grinning madly. He could hear Kevin swearing about losing his bet. The middle aged gym leader took something out of his pocket and folded his arms.

    “Impressive, lads! I didn’t think you two could pull it off!” Wattson exclaimed. He outstretched his hand and revealed in it a golden badge shaped like a shaped like a coiled wire with a pole going through it diagonally. “There is one more condition before I give you this though…”

    Jeff froze- he was tired of Wattson’s outside-the-box techniques.

    “You have to promise that you two’ll fight each next gym battle like the one you just fought,” he explained.

    “…You mean… W-with a blindfold?” Jeff asked nervously.

    Wattson chuckled. “No no! With you and your pokemon… specifically that Treecko… working as a team and cooperating… It’s never too late to bond with your pokemon.”

    Jeff turned his eyes down at a very serious Treecko. It worried him, thinking that that bird had flown. “Cko.” The wood gecko threw his blindfold to the ground and let out a grunt. Jeff wasn’t sure if it was a grunt of pain or indignance, but either one was enough to make Jeff want to hurry this up.

    “Yeah- yeah, okay. We’ll do it,” Jeff quickly said, taking the badge. “Thanks.”

    Wattson gave him a stern stare. “… You’d better… HAH HAH! Good luck to you, boyos!” the gym leader said giving him a hard slap on the back which caused Jeff to stumble a bit.

    “Ack! Uhh, th-thanks, Wattson,” he answered. Jeff looked down at the badge in his hand. His victory finally began to sink in as he realized the obstacles he had to come over to win this. A beaming smile crept onto his face and he looked down at Treecko. “… WE DID IT!” Jeff yelled with a victorious laugh. He bent down, picked up the Treecko and hugged him in merriment.

    They both initially winced as they electrocuted each other on the impact of their flesh colliding, but Jeff ignored it. Treecko, however, struggled exasperatedly to get out of the hug.

    “<Jeff! Quit it! I hate frigging hugs!>” he complained, squirming violently.

    Jeff simply chuckled and let go, quite proud of their achievement. His smile disappeared when he saw blood staining his own shirt. He looked down and realized that Treecko’s wounds were still bleeding and he realized that they should leave now.

    “Thanks again, Wattson.” Jeff had a reluctant Treecko to saddle up on his shoulder so that he wouldn’t waste any more energy. The teen ran to the bottom of the bleachers to meet his friends.

    “Nice job, Jeff!” Rachel congratulated.

    “Yeah, thanks for winning, Jeff!” Blane added, putting his wallet in his pocket.

    “You owe me forty dollars, Jeff,” Kevin said crossly.

    Corphish jumped from the stand onto Jeff’s back, causing him to wince from the hard and jagged exoskeleton hitting him. “<Way to get electrocuted, you two!>” Corphish then noticed Treecko’s blood dripping off his front and back- staining Jeff’s white shirt. “<…Eww… Oh, and Treeck? What’s with you and that Bullet Seed attack?>”

    Treecko heard the comment and winced. The reptile pretended he didn’t hear and he continued gazing forwards, becoming lost in his thoughts.

    “<Why is everyone ignoring me today?>” Corphish asked, downtrodden.

    Jeff grinned and reached back to pat Corphish’s back. “I’m not ignorin’ ya. Everyone’s just tired from getting electrocuted… I’m feeling kinda tired right now.” He yawned.

    Corphish held tightly to the scruff of the yawning Jeff’s shirt and looked forwards. “<Hmm… should I tell Jeff about the closed door he’s about to walk into?>” he thought to himself.

    Moments later Corphish heard and felt a bump as his steed collided with the metal.

    “Owwww…”

    A big smile appeared on the water type’s face. “<I’m happy I didn’t.>”

    -------------------------------------------------

    Jeff huffily rubbed his nose as he sat in the waiting room of the Mauville pokemon center. Blane and Rachel sat on one white couch and Kevin, Jeff, Corphish and Treecko sat on the other. Of course, Kevin had made fun of him the entire way there about him walking into the door. Jeff could have beaten Arceus and Kevin would still be able to find something to undermine him with. Right now, the pokemon center was backed up in terms of patients, so there were about six other trainers and their pokemon idly waiting around the lobby.

    Jeff inspected his friends: Rachel and Blane were eagerly talking with each other about some topic he couldn’t quite make out, Kevin and Corphish were exchanging their opinions on some of the many TV programs that they had gotten up relatively early to watch, and Treecko sat on top of the spine of the white leather couch- the reptile was staring off into nothing.

    Jeff was frankly surprised- of course he didn’t expect any boasting or anything in the way of celebration from Treecko, but he expected at least a half-grin at the time he was announced the winner, especially given the circumstances of the match. He really wondered what was on his mind, but he knew he’d never find out.

    The teen looked at the slip in his hand. It read: “Forty-two.” Jeff looked up at the ‘we are now serving…’ ticket counter above the front desk. To his dismay, it was only at thirty-eight. His eyes trailed over from the white desk across the room over to his left, where he saw two video phone stations next to another couch. “Maybe I’ll see how everyone at home is doing…” he thought to himself, as he felt kind of isolated from the others right then.

    Jeff stood up and walked over the freshly cleaned white tiles and over to the machines. The video phones looked strikingly like ATM machines, except the screen was more inclined for easier sight access. His finger pushed on the green ‘On’ button and the screen lit up, awaiting the phone number. He quickly typed on the number pad and hit the blue call button right next to the ‘on’ button.

    Jeff waited somewhat impatiently as the phone rang. Suddenly, the blue screen switched to a new screen and Jeff made out a familiar brown, humanoid body reluctantly holding up a sign which read: “Growell Residence- Please leave a message with the pokemon.”

    The pokemon looked over the sign and into the screen and his eyes widened. “<JEFF!>” he immediately threw the sign to the side and stepped forwards,

    Jeff smiled. “Tyr- err- Hitmonlee!” he replied, just as happily.

    “<Ugh! I wish I could tackle people over the phone… How’ve you been?! You better have been doing a lot of fighting for me!>” Hitmonlee excitedly asked.

    “Yup! I just got my third badge!” Jeff said happily, holding up the Dynamo Badge to the screen.

    “<Took ya long enough!>” Hitmonlee joked. “<I bet I would have been able to get it the day after you left, if I was a human… Who’s with you anyways? Any new friends?>”

    Jeff chuckled. “Right, dream on. As for new friends well there’s Rachel, a nice girl from Johto, and Blane… well… he’s some guy from Sinnoh who ended up travelling with us. OH! Kevin’s here too!”

    “<Kevin? Really? Your blonde haired friend from our town who was always over?>” Hitmonlee asked.

    “Yup. You forgot to mention ‘annoying’ and ‘evil’. Oh, and also I’m friends with a Beedrill named ‘Drezdek’.”

    “<Yeah? I hope he’s not as sulky as you were,>” the fighting type continued to tease.

    Jeff stalled, knowing that the Beedrill was, moreso- he did lose his best friend after all. “Uhh…”

    “<Anyways, tell Kevin I said ‘Hi.’ Now this ‘Rachel’ girl… do you two have a thing?>” Hitmonlee slyly asked.

    Jeff’s face flushed red. “No! No no! We don’t!” he insisted. “I barely know her!”

    Jeff knew that Hitmonlee was grinning wildly, despite not having a mouth. He even heard a few suppressed chuckles. The fighting type folded his arms across his brown, toned chest and smiled. “<Whatever you say, Jeff.>”

    The teen hoped that the blood would leave his face soon, so he decided to take the pressure off himself. “What about you and Bayleef? Ever get the guts to tell her how you feel about her?”

    Hitmonlee’s stunned face turned a bright red colour as well. He quickly clenched his fist and imposingly shaked it at the video screen. “<WHY YOU- When I next see you, you’re dead meat, pal! You hear?!>”

    Jeff chuckled and gave a dismissive wave. “Not so funny, is it?”

    Hitmonlee grunted and averted his eyes. “<That wide smile on your face begs to differ… Anyways, you say you just beat a gym? What type?>”

    “Electric,” Jeff answered.

    The kicking pokemon nodded. “<So… that Corphish and Taillow would be toast against them… that means you used the Onix?>” he asked.

    “Uhhh…” Jeff stalled, instantly remembering his promise to Hitmonlee when he last saw him. He promised that he wouldn’t go and find Treecko. While it was true that he didn’t look for Treecko, he came across him through inane circumstances, the end result was still the same. That would be enough to set Hitmonlee off, and he knew that he wouldn’t listen to Jeff’s explaination. He continued stalling. “…Not exactly?”

    “<‘Druzdork’ or whatever the heck that Beedrill’s name was, then?>”

    “…Nnnnnnnno…” Jeff answered, becoming very nervous.

    Hitmonlee set his piercing brown eyes on his friend’s, knowing that something was up. “<…Then who? …Didn’t you say that you didn’t meet any new pokemon?>”

    Jeff began getting very nervous. It was only a matter of time now before he found out. “…Uhh… Y-yeah…”

    The fighting type stared into him and then his eyes widened. “<… YOU DIDN’T!!>” he roared in disbelief.

    Jeff recoiled in fear. “N-NO! I… I mean… What are you talking about?” he asked, attempting to play dumb.

    Just then, he heard Nurse Joy’s voice call out from behind him. “Excuse me, Jeff, is it? We’re ready to tend to your Treecko’s bite wounds…”

    Jeff froze in his spot, watching helplessly as Hitmonlee’s rage grew exponentially. Just as it looked like the brown humanoid was about to unleash his wrath on him, a green sauropod pokemon shoved Hitmonlee out of the way of the screen and replaced him.

    “<JEFF!>” Bayleef greeted happily.

    An overwhelming wave of relief swept over him. “B-Bayleef! How are you?!”

    “<I’m pretty good! Except Hitmonlee can’t cook food at all. Fighting types have no taste in anything!>” she joked.

    Jeff laughed. “Very true…” He was suddenly very confused. “Wait… Why would Hitmonlee have to cook?”

    Bayleef tilted her head slightly. “<Oh… Your parents still aren’t back yet from their trip in Sinnoh.>”

    “Will you two be okay?” Jeff asked in great concern for them.

    The grass type nodded. “<Yeah. We’ll survive… barely,>” she joked, giving a look to Hitmonlee off-screen.

    A flustered Hitmonlee pushed himself back onto the video phone screen so that his glaring brown eyes were all that took up the screen. “<WHY DID YOU GO AND GET THAT DAMN TREECKO BACK?! DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO A SINGLE WORD I TOLD YOU?! YOU KNUCKLEHEAD! YOU ABSOLUTE KNUCKLEHEAD! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK THAT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO GO AND GET THAT IDIOT REPTILE?! DAMNED MORONS, THE LOT OF YOU! YOU’RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER! HONESTLY! IDIOT! I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO GO AFTER HIM, BUT NOOOO, YOU HAVE TO GO AND LOOK FOR HIM BECAUSE YOU JUST CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT THE ANNOYING LITTLE PEST! YOU REALLY ARE PATHETIC, YOU KNOW THAT?! DON’T COME CRYING TO ME FOR ADVICE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A LITTLE FALLING OUT! ABSOLUTE KNUCKLEHEAD! HONESTLY! I SWEAR, YOU’LL-…>”

    Bayleef managed to push her way onto the screen as Hitmonlee continued on. “<Maybe you should call back later!>” she yelled over the shouting. “<Bye! Love ya!>” She waved her vine and then moved it to turn off the video phone. His screen then went blank.

    In the pokemon center there was dead silence. Jeff felt a presence behind him. He didn’t need to move his eyes in the slightest to know that everyone in the pokemon center was staring at him. His face flushed redder than a Scizor’s metal hide as he turned around to face everybody.

    Corphish was the one to try to break the excruciatingly awkward silence. “<…Those things should really come with headphones, eh?…>”
    Last edited by Griff4815; 10th April 2009 at 3:37 PM.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  13. #288
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    I'm the first one up?? Wahey!!

    *smashes the barrier of silence*

    It's not often that I actually get the first helping when it comes to reviewing the latest works...

    Anyway, time to get moving.
    *busts out his microscopic sights*

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    The gang walked along the wide sidewalk of Mauville City, feeling diminutive in comparison to the hotels and skyscrapers looming above them. The beating sun was especially bad on that day because the rainfall in the night resulted in an irritating amount of humidity. Luckily for them, they were in the shade of the tall buildings. Ace, who was in Kevin’s hands, hid in his shell where it was quite cool. However, no one else had shells that could be seconded as a house. Daedalus insisted on being returned to his pokeball and the only remaining pokemon out were Treecko and Corphish, who was bushed due to the heat.
    Since the last part of this paragraph only talks about Corphish being exhausted, & judging the fact that all this is still happening now, I've come to the conclusion that it should be is. It's basically an improper tense, long story short.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    A gaunt twenty year old walked up to the pokemon’s left and kneaded his brown eyebrows- matching his hair- with his fingertips in embarrassment. “Don, quit it!” he playfully scolded the large pokemon. “Don’t mind him, he’s just happy that he won against Wattson.”
    Replace these with commas.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “Yup… I take it you guys don’t know that gym leaders have pokemon of vastly different strengths at their disposal. They can’t expect everyone to go to gyms in the same order, now can they? It makes it so that neither the gym leader nor the trainer is at a mark disadvantage. Roxanne in Mauville will be my 6th gym leader to go to… it wouldn’t be fair if I challenged her lowest levelled Geodude with Don here, but it wouldn’t be fair if she used a Rampardos against some new trainer’s Torchic either. Catch my drift?”
    That would definitely make sense if a trainer starts somewhere other than Twinleaf, or decides to do them out of order.

    In any case, that should be leveled, & I'm going to flip out if that's a British English spelling difference...

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Treecko gave an affirmative nod. Jeff grinned and placed his hands of the metal handle but stalled opening it upon hearing numerous footsteps behind him. He turned and saw Rachel, Blane, Corphish, and a rather ****** off Kevin.
    Made that same mistake that you've done back in Chapter one... That should be on.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Jeff’s eyes darted from the blindfold and Treecko to Wattson. “Wait! I thought you said we were getting a handicap!”

    Wattson nodded and crossed his arms. “Aye… he has to wear that blindfold for the battle. What did you think a ‘handicap’ meant?”
    *sigh* Sometime, I'm going to crack Jeff's head open for having such idiotic thoughts...

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Jeff’s face turned a light shade of red in embarrassment. He remembered his and Treecko’s conversation- one of the points being that Jeff was still a rookie to training. He turned to Treecko. “We’ll do it your way; I trust you know what you’re talking about… but you’re going to have to trust me too. That’s the only way we’re going to win.”
    In training...

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “<Remember, you’re going to have to take my position on the field into account when calling out bearings- your south may be my west, if I’m positioned sideways. Got it?>”
    Replace with semicolon.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “Got it. I’ll put myself in your scales,” Jeff replied, slightly nervous of the upcoming battle. “Wow, this idea of Wattson’s really covers all aspects of training,” Jeff thought to himself, watching as the gym leader released the green hound onto the arena floor.
    Italics for thoughts.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    “Hey! Behind the white line, buddy!” the referee shouted, outstretching his arm & pointing his index finger accusingly at Jeff.
    *sigh* Time to bust out my sledgehammer...
    You're missing something BTW.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Treecko vaulted to his right at remarkable speed as the electricity neared him. He ran and felt a few outlying sparks latch onto his tail, but he made it out of the powerful attack pretty much unscathed.

    Jeff was another matter.

    Treecko had been standing directly in front of Jeff when the attack was launched at him and, unfortunately, electricity is indiscriminate. The spear of static slammed into Jeff and danced about his body.
    Ummm... Ow?

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Treecko fell. In Jeff’s wide eyes he had tripped and was about to roll, prey to the oncoming, Volt Tackle.
    Lose that comma.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Jeff looked across the field to Wattson, who was silently staring at him. Still no words were said; Jeff was starting to worry that Wattson was going to take out a pair of pistols and start firing at him. He looked like he was burning a hole through Jeff’s head.
    Paranoid schizo!

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Corphish held tightly to the scruff of the yawning Jeff’s shirt and looked forwards. “<Hmm… should I tell Jeff about the closed door he’s about to walk into?>” he thought to himself.
    Italics for thoughts.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    A big smile appeared on the water type’s face. “<I’m happy I didn’t.>”
    Times two.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    A flustered Hitmonlee pushed himself back onto the video phone screen so that his glaring brown eyes were all that took up the screen. “<WHY DID YOU GO AND GET THAT DAMN TREECKO BACK?! DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO A SINGLE WORD I TOLD YOU?! YOU KNUCKLEHEAD! YOU ABSOLUTE KNUCKLEHEAD! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK THAT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO GO AND GET THAT IDIOT REPTILE?! DAMNED MORONS, THE LOT OF YOU! YOU’RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER! HONESTLY! IDIOT! I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO GO AFTER HIM, BUT NOOOO, YOU HAVE TO GO AND LOOK FOR HIM BECAUSE YOU JUST CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT THE ANNOYING LITTLE PEST! YOU REALLY ARE PATHETIC, YOU KNOW THAT?! DON’T COME CRYING TO ME FOR ADVICE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A LITTLE FALLING OUT! ABSOLUTE KNUCKLEHEAD! HONESTLY! I SWEAR, YOU’LL-…>”
    I smell a grudge deathmatch sometime...

    That does it.

    However, before I close up, I'd like to make one thing clear to you, & this is something I'll entrust my bloodfrenzy with in order to put a greater emphasis on it:

    I do not need a notification for each new chapter that you post!

    Have a nice day.
    Last edited by Brumrha; 7th April 2009 at 9:54 PM. Reason: Re-worked my first correction

  14. #289
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    Only if you're sure you won't forget.

    Thanks for the grammar edits, I'll be sure to fix them. Also, as for the very first mistake you pointed out, I meant that just Corphish was exhausted. Is there any way to word that better?
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  15. #290
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    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Only if you're sure you won't forget.
    I check these forums out on a regular basis, so your heads-up from more than a week ago is more than enough for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Thanks for the grammar edits, I'll be sure to fix them. Also, as for the very first mistake you pointed out, I meant that just Corphish was exhausted. Is there any way to word that better?
    That so? Then that means I've got to come up with something else.

    *gets into "The Thinker" position*
    Hmm....
    ....
    ....
    ....
    ....
    Ah, found a better way. Give me a sec.
    ...
    ...
    Okay, I've re-worked my first correction on my previous post, so have a look at it now.

    & don't forget to update your sig.

  16. #291
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    Smile Whoa

    Genius.

    This was pure... genius.

    Half of me resents you for pretty much trademarking the idea of fighting a battle blindfolded, but half of me admires your creativity.

    Possibly one of your best ideas, and chapters to date.

    And though Hitmonlee's response was hilarious, nothing beats the Corp.

    Corphish panted and was sweating quite a lot. “<Are… we there… yet?>”

    Jeff looked down behind him and raised an eyebrow. “Just two more blocks. You know you can go in your pokeball if you want.”

    Corphish shook his head and slowly plodded his numerous legs upon the warm tarmac. “<Like I’m gonna miss this next gym battle!>” he retorted, walking on for a few steps before collapsing to his stomach. He reached out his pincer and clasped the creases in Jeff’s right sock. “<Drag me, please…>” he said, submitting into his own exhaustion. Jeff grinned and walked, dragging the water type with his foot.
    Corphish held tightly to the scruff of the yawning Jeff’s shirt and looked forwards. “<Hmm… should I tell Jeff about the closed door he’s about to walk into?>” he thought to himself.

    Moments later Corphish heard and felt a bump as his steed collided with the metal.

    “Owwww…”

    A big smile appeared on the water type’s face. “<I’m happy I didn’t.>”
    A flustered Hitmonlee pushed himself back onto the video phone screen so that his glaring brown eyes were all that took up the screen. “<WHY DID YOU GO AND GET THAT DAMN TREECKO BACK?! DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO A SINGLE WORD I TOLD YOU?! YOU KNUCKLEHEAD! YOU ABSOLUTE KNUCKLEHEAD! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK THAT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO GO AND GET THAT IDIOT REPTILE?! DAMNED MORONS, THE LOT OF YOU! YOU’RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER! HONESTLY! IDIOT! I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO GO AFTER HIM, BUT NOOOO, YOU HAVE TO GO AND LOOK FOR HIM BECAUSE YOU JUST CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT THE ANNOYING LITTLE PEST! YOU REALLY ARE PATHETIC, YOU KNOW THAT?! DON’T COME CRYING TO ME FOR ADVICE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A LITTLE FALLING OUT! ABSOLUTE KNUCKLEHEAD! HONESTLY! I SWEAR, YOU’LL-…>”

    Bayleef managed to push her way onto the screen as Hitmonlee continued on. “<Maybe you should call back later!>” she yelled over the shouting. “<Bye! Love ya!>” She waved her vine and then moved it to turn off the video phone. His screen then went blank.

    In the pokemon center there was dead silence. Jeff felt a presence behind him. He didn’t need to move his eyes in the slightest to know that everyone in the pokemon center was staring at him. His face flushed redder than a Scizor’s metal hide as he turned around to face everybody.

    Corphish was the one to try to break the excruciatingly awkward silence. “<…Those things should really come with headphones, eh?…>”
    I believe you get my drift...

    L@er!
    The Corei Quest's latest chapter: Chapter Forty Seven: Tricks of the Trade (24 April 2014)
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  17. #292
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    About time I had time! Hurrah for the Easter holidays, I say.

    Nice chapter, and a quite original gym battle there with the blindfold and all - made for a very entertaining rematch. Nice action with it, and well carried as well.

    And the humour... very nice moments there, have to say - even better than usual. Especially the ending, which was very nicely pulled.

    Sometimes I'd say that the sentences felt a bit choppy... mostly in the beginning, the pacing felt a bit off and repetitive as sentences were of a similar length - felt it could have been mixed up a bit more so the pacing was smoother. But it fixed itself as the chapter went on pretty quickly.
    “OH HOH! I expected you two back earlier,” the gym leader said, is voice echoing about the walls of the empty gym, as he grinned and placed his hands on his yellow and brown aloha t-shirt which sat above a pair of brown shorts.
    Need a 'h' there. Also, I kinda felt that the sudden mention of the clothes he wore now as a bit...out of place? Just felt odd, really, given he was already established as a character - felt like you were re-introducing him. But methinks this is subjective and anti-sleep induced.
    “Hah hah! Well, Jeff, you seem shocked… No pun intended…” Needless to say that, a moment after, Wattson burst into thunderous bellows of laughter, threatening to rival the roar of an Onix.
    Hurrah for more puns from him. XD
    “Crap! Should we call for a break and some medical aid, sir?!” he asked, glancing over at Jeff.
    Wattson let out a hearty laugh. “Hah hah hah! … No no. It’s good for the boy…” he explained with a crooked smile.
    “…Really?” the ref asked, glancing over to Jeff, who’s leg was twitching slightly.
    Seems like some TR stuff has carried into your fic. =P Amusing though... poor Jeff. Not sure that I agree with the whole 'oh, you'll be ok, it's only a Thunder attack!', but this is Pokemon physics after all. But IMO maybe medics would be treating him during the battle, even if he could (eventually) get to his feet? It doesn't seem like 'just a shock' to me. Also, feel maybe a 'whose' would work better there...?
    Blane nodded. “I think they can pull this off with that kind of determination. Besides, I think Wattson’s morale is down since he ran out of electricity-related puns.”
    Heh. XD
    Without so much as a ‘cko’, he swung is tail around and slammed it into Electrike.
    Another 'his' as an 'is'. Identity crisis from the characters, maybe?
    Corphish held tightly to the scruff of the yawning Jeff’s shirt and looked forwards. “<Hmm… should I tell Jeff about the closed door he’s about to walk into?>” he thought to himself.
    Moments later Corphish heard and felt a bump as his steed collided with the metal.
    “Owwww…”
    A big smile appeared on the water type’s face. “<I’m happy I didn’t.>”
    And so am I. =P Ah, good-old fashioned slapstick...

    And I'd quote the last part, but I already mentioned it being amusing and all, so...=P I liked the whole ending scene though - felt that it worked well after the action-y and awesome battle.

    Also, in response to this on the first paragraph:
    Since the last part of this paragraph only talks about Corphish being exhausted, & judging the fact that all this is still happening now, I've come to the conclusion that it should be is. It's basically an improper tense, long story short.
    Eh, I'm inclined to disagree on whether the 'is' actually helps. Considering that beforehand, 'was', 'were' and so forth were used, not only in the same paragraph but the same sentence as well, it feels like an incorrect tense change, and was really does feel better, IMHO. Hmm... however some small rewording of that paragraph would be best, as it did feel a bit uncomfortable for me nonetheless - quite a few things happening there, and maybe a bit too much in the short amount of space, hence the awkward-sounding-ness of it.

    EDIT: As serebii is lagging up really badly and it's both slightly easier and less redundant to edit than to make a new, short post...
    Are you implying that the entire first paragraph is loaded with improper tenses, Bobby & Billy?

    I'm going to kick myself if that's the case...
    Bobby and Billy lolwut?
    I'm not saying that, I believe (if it seems so it's probably becuuase of being sleepy)... rather that the 'is' is out of place compared to the tenses used in the whole paragraph - just feels that the 'is' doesn't feel right, rather than all of the 'was's and 'were's, as well as 'hid', 'walked', 'insisted', 'returned'... all past rather than present. Doesn't seem to fit in with the 'is' there in the same sentence as a few of those - so if anything, IMO the 'was' was ok. =/
    Last edited by bobandbill; 10th April 2009 at 4:17 AM.

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
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  18. #293
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobandbill View Post
    Eh, I'm inclined to disagree on whether the 'is' actually helps. Considering that beforehand, 'was', 'were' and so forth were used, not only in the same paragraph but the same sentence as well, it feels like an incorrect tense change, and was really does feel better, IMHO. Hmm... however some small rewording of that paragraph would be best, as it did feel a bit uncomfortable for me nonetheless - quite a few things happening there, and maybe a bit too much in the short amount of space, hence the awkward-sounding-ness of it.
    Are you implying that the entire first paragraph is loaded with improper tenses, Bobby & Billy?

    I'm going to kick myself if that's the case...

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    Air Dragon- Heh, thanks. It was nothin'. But "whoo" I trademarked something!

    BobandBill- Always a pleasure. Thanks, I felt a rematch would need spicing up after already going through it a few times. I'll definately have to have a look at those sentences, I've still not got the hang of flow-related stuff.

    As for the getting electroucuted, Electrike wouldn't be in the habit of using a deadly shock in a pokemon battle- it would be just enough to down an opponent I would think. He'd probably also use the same voltage against a water type, so I don't think Jeff would be very seriously injured in that case. In my [un]professional opinion, it would probably pack the same punch as a taser slightly above 'stun'.

    Thanks for the review though. =D

    Brumrha- I'd be careful when nicknaming BnB, lest you dare to invoke Miror B's dancing wrath. xD

    Thanks everyone for the reviews and the advice.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  20. #295
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    I couldn't put it down. My laptop, that is, while I was reading this. From the beginning, it's showed a lot of promise. The characters are written very well. I'll start with them.

    I love the way Treecko's turning out, even if he did start a little like the one in the anime. He has a lot of flaws, but that makes him feel a lot more real... except for the fact that he's a Pokemon, of course. He's coming into his own. I'm looking forward to how he progresses.

    Corphish is written excellently as well, even though at times he makes me want to punch him in the face. He's perfectly likable to some but simultaneously very annoying to others. That's one of the main things about him that makes him seem so well done. Some characters aren't meant for a ton of depth, and Corphish does that very well. Makes it all the more out-of-left-field and profound when the deep moment with him comes. It's almost like when Silent Bob speaks.

    Daedalus, I can't quite peg down. He strikes me as reluctant, yet his beliefs are unflappable. Crisis of faith, or sting of betrayal? Seems he's got issues, man. That's why I can't wait to see what happens with him. I'm sensing high drama coming centered on him... am I far off?

    I haven't seen Atlas enough to form a thorough opinion on him, but at least he has complexities. Complexities are good. He's not just a stereotypical "gentle giant," and he has a cause aside from Jeff's travels.

    As for Jeff, it seems that you've already thrown everything except the kitchen sink at him, and somehow despite being all too human at times, he seems to be holding on well. Still, I'd think sometime soon, he needs to try to deal with his Blitz issues. Jeff's turned out well so far strictly as a character, but in the same regard, his development strikes me as being on a razor's edge.

    ...Could I get that Bayleef's number? She's hawt.

    *gets hit with a soda can*

    Okay, I'll be serious. Even though she doesn't appear that often, she and Hitmonlee (formerly Tyrogue) make me wonder just who Jeff's parents really are. He seems at times to have a stronger parental bond with the two Pokemon than with his own parents. It's not a bad thing, just a curiosity.

    Daggerback is probably the weaker of the recurring characters that I've noticed... he seems to be your typical thug who tries to win his way over with intimidation... and utilizing cowardice to great effect when intimidation fails. He seems a little crafty, but not quite crafty enough. He strikes me overall as a stereotypical villain, truthfully. He could do with a little pinch of depth.

    Overall, the characters are well done, but they all have plenty of room to grow and evolve. For this stage of the story, that's about where they should be. Can't give it all away in Chapter One, after all... then no one will want to read the rest.

    Aside from the characters, the rest of the story is coming along good so far. There's conflict, there's drama... there's moments where you can't help but go "Awwwwwwww," moments where you want to slap one of the leads in the face, and others where you're yelling at the screen for someone to just kill the evil SOB already. The villains are powerful but not omnipresent, striking a good balance. The battles are just begging to be visualized, not simply read. There's no telling what will come in the next chapter even on a non-cliffhanger ending. All good aspects, there.

    The only things really keeping me from saying "After reading this story, my life is complete," are the typos and such that keep sneaking in there. It's gotten better lately, though - your beta really helps that out.

    Can't wait for the next chapter. Please add me to your PM list.
    Last edited by Last Disaster; 12th April 2009 at 11:10 AM.
    August 29, 2005 - Never Forget.

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  21. #296
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    Well, now to respond to this great review.

    Quote Originally Posted by Last Disaster View Post
    I couldn't put it down. My laptop, that is, while I was reading this. From the beginning, it's showed a lot of promise. The characters are written very well. I'll start with them.
    Wow, your eyes must really be burning, then. It's definately a task getting through all that.

    I love the way Treecko's turning out, even if he did start a little like the one in the anime. He has a lot of flaws, but that makes him feel a lot more real... except for the fact that he's a Pokemon, of course. He's coming into his own. I'm looking forward to how he progresses.
    In all honesty, I'm still staying true to the anime character, but I'm expanding on it where I think the personality could have been looked into more.

    Corphish is written excellently as well, even though at times he makes me want to punch him in the face. He's perfectly likable to some but simultaneously very annoying to others. That's one of the main things about him that makes him seem so well done. Some characters aren't meant for a ton of depth, and Corphish does that very well. Makes it all the more out-of-left-field and profound when the deep moment with him comes. It's almost like when Silent Bob speaks.
    Corphish won't be purely the 2D comic relief character, I can assure. He does have another part of him that is more subtle in prominance. It's good that he can have that power, though. :P

    Daedalus, I can't quite peg down. He strikes me as reluctant, yet his beliefs are unflappable. Crisis of faith, or sting of betrayal? Seems he's got issues, man. That's why I can't wait to see what happens with him. I'm sensing high drama coming centered on him... am I far off?
    You're not far off. There is some truth in this... but I won't say which part. :P

    I haven't seen Atlas enough to form a thorough opinion on him, but at least he has complexities. Complexities are good. He's not just a stereotypical "gentle giant," and he has a cause aside from Jeff's travels.
    Yup, he's definately got complexities, alright... *shifty eyes*

    As for Jeff, it seems that you've already thrown everything except the kitchen sink at him, and somehow despite being all too human at times, he seems to be holding on well. Still, I'd think sometime soon, he needs to try to deal with his Blitz issues. Jeff's turned out well so far strictly as a character, but in the same regard, his development strikes me as being on a razor's edge.
    Yup, he's not the luckiest clover in the field. I can't say that I know what you mean by the last two sentences there, though. Mind clarifying?

    ...Could I get that Bayleef's number? She's hawt.

    *gets hit with a soda can*

    Okay, I'll be serious. Even though she doesn't appear that often, she and Hitmonlee (formerly Tyrogue) make me wonder just who Jeff's parents really are. He seems at times to have a stronger parental bond with the two Pokemon than with his own parents. It's not a bad thing, just a curiosity.
    You'll have to get through Hitmonlee first. :P

    Eh, I wouldn't say that Jeff has a parental bond with them- it's more of a strong friendship, to me, especially since Tyrogue/Hitmonlee thinks of himself as Jeff's best friend (and feels subsequently threatened when Treecko enters the picture.)

    Daggerback is probably the weaker of the recurring characters that I've noticed... he seems to be your typical thug who tries to win his way over with intimidation... and utilizing cowardice to great effect when intimidation fails. He seems a little crafty, but not quite crafty enough. He strikes me overall as a stereotypical villain, truthfully. He could do with a little pinch of depth.
    True, but there's definately more too him than I have let on. It's still a bit early for me to show it, though.

    Overall, the characters are well done, but they all have plenty of room to grow and evolve. For this stage of the story, that's about where they should be. Can't give it all away in Chapter One, after all... then no one will want to read the rest.

    Aside from the characters, the rest of the story is coming along good so far. There's conflict, there's drama... there's moments where you can't help but go "Awwwwwwww," moments where you want to slap one of the leads in the face, and others where you're yelling at the screen for someone to just kill the evil SOB already. The villains are powerful but not omnipresent, striking a good balance. The battles are just begging to be visualized, not simply read. There's no telling what will come in the next chapter even on a non-cliffhanger ending. All good aspects, there.
    Heh, thanks. Out of curiousity, how many times have you yelled "Kill the evil SOB?" xD

    The only things really keeping me from saying "After reading this story, my life is complete," are the typos and such that keep sneaking in there. It's gotten better lately, though - your beta really helps that out.
    The flow and description is also a bit meh, in my opinion.

    Can't wait for the next chapter. Please add me to your PM list.
    Will do.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Yup, he's not the luckiest clover in the field. I can't say that I know what you mean by the last two sentences there, though. Mind clarifying?
    He's straying really close to First-Season-Ash territory at times, hence "razor's edge."

    Heh, thanks. Out of curiousity, how many times have you yelled "Kill the evil SOB?" xD
    Every time Daggerback, Alan, or that Steelix show up. It also tends to make me put myself in that spot - "what would I do here?"
    August 29, 2005 - Never Forget.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Last Disaster View Post
    He's straying really close to First-Season-Ash territory at times, hence "razor's edge."
    Really? I don't exactly see it, myself. Do you mind giving some examples of this, just so that I can understand if I'm over looking something?

    Every time Daggerback, Alan, or that Steelix show up. It also tends to make me put myself in that spot - "what would I do here?"
    Heh, well unfortunately you'll be shouting that a few more times soon.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
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    Quote Originally Posted by Griff4815 View Post
    Really? I don't exactly see it, myself. Do you mind giving some examples of this, just so that I can understand if I'm over looking something?
    The greatest example is Chapter 14, where Jeff steals Blane's bike to have an injured Treecko healed - and then having Blane as a traveling partner afterward. (Anime similarity: Within the first couple of episodes of the anime, Ash had "borrowed" a bike from Misty in order to get Pikachu healed (and destroyed the bike along the way), then Misty tailed Ash for a long time "to get the bike she was owed.") The motivations may be different in Blane's case for tagging along, but the end result is still eerily similar.

    The scene in Chapter 4 where Jeff protects Treecko from that Fearow also reminded me of a scene from those episodes (Anime similarity: Ash stands in front of his injured Pikachu in order to distract a bunch of PO'd Spearow from attacking it. Pikachu then springs up onto Ash and hits all the Spearow with a rain-boosted Thundershock.) This example doesn't end up with story and anime being as close, but it still strikes me as a scene that could have come from the anime.

    Yet there's differences as well... Ash didn't beat the hell out of Pikachu to get him in that bad a shape to have to commit Grand Theft Bike and haul it to a Center - Jeff did fight Treecko, though. Ash started it with those Spearow - neither Treecko nor Jeff started it when that Fearow tore them both up.

    That's why I say Jeff's awful close at times to being a first-season Ash clone, but gets pulled back nearly as quickly. IMO, you've got a good balance. The most important thing here is, it works. Like all balances, though, it has to be maintained.
    August 29, 2005 - Never Forget.

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  25. #300
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    Quote Originally Posted by Last Disaster View Post
    The greatest example is Chapter 14, where Jeff steals Blane's bike to have an injured Treecko healed - and then having Blane as a traveling partner afterward. (Anime similarity: Within the first couple of episodes of the anime, Ash had "borrowed" a bike from Misty in order to get Pikachu healed (and destroyed the bike along the way), then Misty tailed Ash for a long time "to get the bike she was owed.") The motivations may be different in Blane's case for tagging along, but the end result is still eerily similar.

    The scene in Chapter 4 where Jeff protects Treecko from that Fearow also reminded me of a scene from those episodes (Anime similarity: Ash stands in front of his injured Pikachu in order to distract a bunch of PO'd Spearow from attacking it. Pikachu then springs up onto Ash and hits all the Spearow with a rain-boosted Thundershock.) This example doesn't end up with story and anime being as close, but it still strikes me as a scene that could have come from the anime.

    Yet there's differences as well... Ash didn't beat the hell out of Pikachu to get him in that bad a shape to have to commit Grand Theft Bike and haul it to a Center - Jeff did fight Treecko, though. Ash started it with those Spearow - neither Treecko nor Jeff started it when that Fearow tore them both up.

    That's why I say Jeff's awful close at times to being a first-season Ash clone, but gets pulled back nearly as quickly. IMO, you've got a good balance. The most important thing here is, it works. Like all balances, though, it has to be maintained.
    Oh, okay. I think I see what you're getting at. I was just worried you thought he was identical personality-wise, which I guess they are similar in some respects.

    In my defence, when Jeff first stole Blane's bike, I didn't know he'd be tagging along later (somehow I seem to had missed the now-very obvious anime theme of taking bikes too...). :P

    As for the latter situation, it was kind of necessary theme-wise and in the way of having Treecko even consider going with Jeff (plus, I needed a bird who was angry and who had a sharp beak for that scene. :P)

    What do you think I could do to keep Jeff from slipping into the Ash-clone realm? (I omit the '1st season' part because he's pretty much the same in all seasons.)
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

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