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Thread: Never in the Wrong Time or Wrong Place (14A)

  1. #76
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    I agree that this chapter was excellent. My only comments are on what different possibilities might have yielded.

    First, I'm not sure that the song helped much. Perhaps you should have tried the chapter with and without it and decided based on that.

    Second, shifting the view to Daedalus did slightly weaken the emotion. Although it still kept the sad tone, perhaps this might have been another thing to experiment with to see if it was needed or not in the chapter.

    Experimenting with writing can take a lot of time, but it's always good to play with possibilities in the search for the best one. As the chapter is, it was great, and that's why the only things I have to critique are only possibilities of what the chapter could have been like. Keep up the good writing.

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  2. #77
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    ...Well, I've just read the whole thing. It's been a long read, but well worth it.

    You've improved from the prologue that's for sure. It's taken a while though - things only really got more interesting when Jeff left his hometown IMO. There's still a few mistakes here and there - I *think* I remember a 'wear' as 'where' for instance, and one of you 'bolding' attempts didn't work in one of the early chapters. (i.e. looked something like [b]/insertwordshere/b] ).

    Personally, I've been liking Corphish more than Treecko, which is the main Pokemon in your fic - probably because his personailty agrees with me more, and his obsession with T.V. shows are quite funny.

    Your strong point in this fic is character development and personality establishments without a doubt IMO - and this has been highlighted in your last chapter. Truely a great improvement, and an outstanding chapter that makes most of the others pale in comparison. Definetely worked for me (though the song inclusion may not have been nesserary... kinda distracted) - and as I'm not quite good at the character development thing, I'm jealous of that

    Anyway, here's hoping you continue that last chapter's quality in other chapters. I would like to go on the PM list as well by the way Keep it up!

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  3. #78
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    ...

    Wow. I'm currently in a minor state of shock, wondering what the hell to put in this review that would get across what I think. I could give another lecture about sentence flow and technical things like that, but it would seem so out of place after a chapter which quite frankly didn't NEED good sentence flow to be easily your best chapter yet. In fact, it was probably the most moving thing I've read in a long while.

    So, first things first: the Treecko POV. When I read your note at the start of the chapter I assumed it was going to be third person limited to Treecko, so the first person was a bit of a surprise. However, as I read the chapter I realise how this would not have worked anywhere near as well from another perspective.

    I am going to have a small technique-related moan here about the first person, and that is that Treecko's thought process (not the italicised thoughts themselves) occasionally slipped into present tense, when they should be keeping to past tense throughout.

    As for the song, I didn't mind it too much seeing as it was actually playing in the scene - it would admittedly have been too weird if you'd just put the lyrics in for no apparent reason. They were a tad distracting but I found that they helped give a sad aura to that scene - I don't actually know the song so I just sort of imagined the lyrics being sung in a depressing way. The one thing I found odd was when the lyrics continued even after Treecko had run from Jeff and would have been out of earshot from his headphones.

    Erm. Other stuff to mention.

    *gushes for ten minutes about how much she liked the emotion*

    ...seriously, I can't find a way to express how well you did in a mature, reviewerish way, so I'll just say that it was amazing and you damn well better keep it up.

    You also deserve cookies for finally including a Grovyle in the fic, for describing its evolution's voice in what I consider to be a negative way, and for giving the Grovyle a cool name. (Velox makes me think of Velotus :3)

    ...And one final thing. How does Corphish know Treecko's name if he's never said it out loud to anyone since... since whenever?
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  4. #79
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    Hmm, I wonder who your favorite Pokemon is. LOL, I like that Treecko is a main Pokemon in the RP. I also like how Jeff doesn't start his journey as a 10 year old. Basically an elementary school kid. XD.

    Trying to find something to criticize in the first 2 chapters, but so far, so good . Keep it up.

  5. #80
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    I'll leave grammar to DP479... on to the funny/nice parts!

    He let out a pained grown before falling flat on his face
    He let out a pained groan before falling flat on his face

    OK, that was a grammar check... back to fun times!


    “<Ok, so he was PMSing, everyone has bad days! It happens!>”
    Uh... 'PMSing'?!

    “<If you aren’t going to stay for Jeff, at least stay… for the kids!>” coerced Corphish. He put on a sad face, and placed his claw around Daedalus’ shoulder.
    Yeah, don't go, T-Cko!

    Well, now jeff can't understand his pokemon, communication in this team will plain ol' suck. Can't wait to see if Jeff gets his 'gift' back...

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  6. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by HommeDor View Post
    wow, that was absolutely amazing! and very long
    i love the emotion that is shown, i really felt the sadness and the joy, it was beautiful.
    i love the way you made Jeff's understanding of his pokémon dissappear after he slapped treeko, very lovely and inspired

    now to what i feel is negative: Daedalus finding the twig out of the blue just seemed too lucky. it did not really seem realistic enough to me....
    secondly, i did not understand the whole song thing.... could that please be explained?
    lastly, i did not get treeko's dream.... and how he feel asleep in such a moment of high tension....

    great chapter, my eyes could not leave the computer!
    First, thanks for the compliments. I was worried I didn't pull it off too well.

    Yeah, Daedalus finding the twig was a bit too fast. But he does know that forest 'like the back of his wing' plus I didn't really want to drag the chapter on ^ ^.

    The song: I added that in because I found that the lyrics to that particular song had a deep connection to the situation at hand. It was also there to heighten the drama. It helps if you know the song but the lyrics still help.

    Treecko's dream was a flashback/series of flashbacks. This served to help influence Treecko's decision to leave as well as reveal/add more mystery to his character.

    PS, yay so far I've got two teary eyes and two eyes unable to leave screen. ^ ^

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkPersian479 View Post
    Now this was a well-written chapter, and you've come a long way in your writing since the first chapter. Emotions were captured really well as the relationship between Jeff and Treecko hit rock bottom (with the smack and Jeff no longer able to hear Pokespeech afterwards) before getting patched up... somewhat. Jeff struck his Pokemon, and with Treecko's stubbornness, that's not something that'll be patched up with a mere apology. After doing something like that, trust between a trainer and Pokemon usually is built back slowly, and you do a good job with showing that at the very end.

    So I guess the way I interpret it is that Jeff and Treecko are on "uneasy good terms" right now, since though they're a team again, Treecko still has the hitting incident fresh in his mind.

    Now the only problem is, this is the second fic I've read in a row with a dark/depressed theme to it, and now I have to find something light and fluffy to read! *scurries off*


    I heard that the little guy actually makes a six-figure income. Might not be such a bad career path
    I'm happy you enjoyed it. ^ ^
    "Uneasy good terms" is what I'm going for. This will play a large roll in the next chapter.
    Funny thing is...I never expected my fic to ever have any dark themes besides Jeff getting heartbroken... and look where we are now xD. I guess the drama aspect has grown on me.

    Lastly, LOL at your final comment. I'm not sure that would be Treecko's cup o' tea, though. :P

    PS. In answer to your earlier question: I've readt the first, I think, five chapters of your fic and I don't think Jeff would sic Daedalus on her although he might not agree with some of the tactics. (on the other hand, I don't know what Lisa is like now so she may have gotten worse or better so I can't say until I get up to date)

    Quote Originally Posted by Apotheosis View Post
    I agree that this chapter was excellent. My only comments are on what different possibilities might have yielded.

    First, I'm not sure that the song helped much. Perhaps you should have tried the chapter with and without it and decided based on that.

    Second, shifting the view to Daedalus did slightly weaken the emotion. Although it still kept the sad tone, perhaps this might have been another thing to experiment with to see if it was needed or not in the chapter.

    Experimenting with writing can take a lot of time, but it's always good to play with possibilities in the search for the best one. As the chapter is, it was great, and that's why the only things I have to critique are only possibilities of what the chapter could have been like. Keep up the good writing.
    Thanks. I'll keep the possibility thing in mind.

    Quote Originally Posted by bobandbill View Post
    ...Well, I've just read the whole thing. It's been a long read, but well worth it.

    You've improved from the prologue that's for sure. It's taken a while though - things only really got more interesting when Jeff left his hometown IMO. There's still a few mistakes here and there - I *think* I remember a 'wear' as 'where' for instance, and one of you 'bolding' attempts didn't work in one of the early chapters. (i.e. looked something like [b]/insertwordshere/b] ).

    Personally, I've been liking Corphish more than Treecko, which is the main Pokemon in your fic - probably because his personailty agrees with me more, and his obsession with T.V. shows are quite funny.

    Your strong point in this fic is character development and personality establishments without a doubt IMO - and this has been highlighted in your last chapter. Truely a great improvement, and an outstanding chapter that makes most of the others pale in comparison. Definetely worked for me (though the song inclusion may not have been nesserary... kinda distracted) - and as I'm not quite good at the character development thing, I'm jealous of that

    Anyway, here's hoping you continue that last chapter's quality in other chapters. I would like to go on the PM list as well by the way Keep it up!
    Wow, thanks for taking the time to read the whole thing.
    It'll be tough, but I'll try and see if I can't find those errors that you pointed out. xD
    As I've said before, Corphish IS really fun to have.
    Don't let the character developement get to you. I can guarantee that you're better than me at description, plot, or what have you.
    And I'll add you to the PM list.

    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg View Post
    ...

    Wow. I'm currently in a minor state of shock, wondering what the hell to put in this review that would get across what I think. I could give another lecture about sentence flow and technical things like that, but it would seem so out of place after a chapter which quite frankly didn't NEED good sentence flow to be easily your best chapter yet. In fact, it was probably the most moving thing I've read in a long while.

    So, first things first: the Treecko POV. When I read your note at the start of the chapter I assumed it was going to be third person limited to Treecko, so the first person was a bit of a surprise. However, as I read the chapter I realise how this would not have worked anywhere near as well from another perspective.

    I am going to have a small technique-related moan here about the first person, and that is that Treecko's thought process (not the italicised thoughts themselves) occasionally slipped into present tense, when they should be keeping to past tense throughout.

    As for the song, I didn't mind it too much seeing as it was actually playing in the scene - it would admittedly have been too weird if you'd just put the lyrics in for no apparent reason. They were a tad distracting but I found that they helped give a sad aura to that scene - I don't actually know the song so I just sort of imagined the lyrics being sung in a depressing way. The one thing I found odd was when the lyrics continued even after Treecko had run from Jeff and would have been out of earshot from his headphones.

    Erm. Other stuff to mention.

    *gushes for ten minutes about how much she liked the emotion*

    ...seriously, I can't find a way to express how well you did in a mature, reviewerish way, so I'll just say that it was amazing and you damn well better keep it up.

    You also deserve cookies for finally including a Grovyle in the fic, for describing its evolution's voice in what I consider to be a negative way, and for giving the Grovyle a cool name. (Velox makes me think of Velotus :3)

    ...And one final thing. How does Corphish know Treecko's name if he's never said it out loud to anyone since... since whenever?
    *Blushes and hides head in ground*
    I'm flattered, really. :3

    I have to say I love writing in first person, although I won't do it too much unless the occasion calls.

    I'll have to keep an eye out for the present-past tense thing. I'm told I sometimes slip in and out of it. As for the music continue to play... let's just say that the Ipod was still hanging from Jeff's pocket and when he fell it turned up REALL REALLY loud! xP

    I'm really pleased that I managed to pull off the emotion as well as I wanted to. Admittedly I was worried I went too far or made Treecko OOC.

    And it won't be the last Grovyle, Elyvorg. As for the name, I simply searched up 'speed' or something along those lines in my Latin dictionary and one of the results was 'Velox'. I thought it sounded badass so I used it

    Corphish knowing the name... It's to be assumed that Treecko and he conversed about their personal issues at one point off screen. I didn't actually want to show the conversation since that would completely ruin what I have in store later. I should probably have alluded to it more.

    Thanks for the great review.

    Quote Originally Posted by TurtleKing View Post
    Hmm, I wonder who your favorite Pokemon is. LOL, I like that Treecko is a main Pokemon in the RP. I also like how Jeff doesn't start his journey as a 10 year old. Basically an elementary school kid. XD.

    Trying to find something to criticize in the first 2 chapters, but so far, so good . Keep it up.
    Yeah, my favorite pokemon is a mystery even to me XD. Thanks for reading the first few chapters. Apparently it gets better as it goes along.

    Quote Originally Posted by Air Dragon View Post
    I'll leave grammar to DP479... on to the funny/nice parts!



    He let out a pained groan before falling flat on his face

    OK, that was a grammar check... back to fun times!




    Uh... 'PMSing'?!



    Yeah, don't go, T-Cko!

    Well, now jeff can't understand his pokemon, communication in this team will plain ol' suck. Can't wait to see if Jeff gets his 'gift' back...

    L@er!
    I appreciate you reading it, thanks. We'll see what happens. And that was Daedalus' words, not mine ^ ^




    Phew, my fingers are falling off.

    Thanks to all who read and reviewed I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for saying that the song was distracting, I'll keep that in mind for the future.
    Last edited by Griff4815; 15th October 2007 at 4:07 PM.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  7. #82
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    I didn't think the song was distracting. O_O Gah. Oh well. >_>

    yudothistomegriff.. *cough* Anyway, again, this was a great chapter, and you did well with the emotions for both Treecko and Jeff, and Daedalus leaving his clan was pretty sad too.

    Keep it up! XP *short review ended*

  8. #83
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    Aww, I love you too, beta.

    PS everyone, I'm posting the next chapter tonight and I got an awesome new banner from the pwnsome 'Sammi'.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  9. #84
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    Nobody Said It Was Easy

    The ocean breeze blew around the sides of the water-bound vessel. Corphish was contently hanging over the side of the rails, watching the waves go by. Jeff was lying asleep on his back while Daedalus was slumbering on the resting human’s chest. Treecko was hanging on the rails of the boat’s bow. His liquid-barren eyes were fixed on the horizon, he seemed to be locked and lost in thought, as if his mind were a maze and he was at the dead center of it..

    The ruffian pokemon was the only one of the gang who got a decent sleep last night, when Jeff was up moping, Treecko having nightmares, and Daedalus bidding farewell to his comrades. Refreshed, Corphish walked along the deck and opened Jeff’s backpack. He bottom upped the bag, releasing its contents on the ground. He looked at the scattered items and inspected each item carefully.

    “<Food… food?>” he mumbled, searching though the contents for sustenance. He noticed one and a half potions, a day’s set of human clothes, five red and white spheres for capturing pokemon, a small metal pot used for cooking, a pokedex, and sunglasses which were surprisingly unbroken from the journey. He looked inside the pot to find only stew remains crusted on the bottom. Unfortunately, his claws were too thick to reach the scraps. He next eyed the potions and thought, “<Too bitter!>”

    He continued to rummage through the bag, murmuring, “<Food food food food food.>” Under a green t-shirt he uncovered a plate of four sandwiches spilling out into the bottom of the bag. “<FOOD!>” Corphish took out the crushed sandwiches and placed them carefully on the green shirt which was now slathered with mustard. Corphish created a loud hammering with his claws on the deck in happiness of finding food.

    Corphish hammered on Jeff and Daedalus’ heads with his claws to awaken them. They groaned from the rude awakening and held their heads with their hands and wings, respectably. Corphish raced over to Treecko to hit him to get his attention. Corphish began to swing his claw but Treecko turned around from his perch, caught the oncoming claw, and kicked Corphish to the side with a quick exchange from his flexible, green foot. Corphish skidded and hit the guard rail. Treecko shot him a look that simply said, “<Don’t do that again.>”

    “<Thank you for that wake up call, Corppy, we appreciate it,>” groaned Daedalus, half sarcastically.

    “What’s this about?” Jeff asked, still expecting to get an answer.

    “Taiii! Looow taiiiloww low!” was the reply he received.

    Jeff sighed as the grim reality returned; he couldn’t understand his pokemon. What had happened? He knew that creating bonds with your pokemon would make you understand them… Nurse Joy said he was lucky that he could understand them so quickly. Did fate take it back because of what he did to Treecko? Or did that part of his brain shut itself off because of the bonds that he had broken? Either way, he felt that he was to blame.

    He shook himself out of his thoughts to see Daedalus staring at him blankly while vigorously pointing the food that Corphish had taken out using his wing and talon. Jeff nodded and went over to the picnic that was set up unfortunately on one of his favorite shirts. Corphish and Daedalus munched merrily on the two of the four sandwiches. Instead of complaining about his shirt, Jeff decided to take the “if you can’t beat ‘em then join ‘em” approach. He picked up a sandwich and began to satisfy his stomach, which was planning to implode on itself if it was not soon fed. He noticed the sandwich-less Treecko, leaning on the guard rail and staring into the horizon. Jeff put on a smile and warmly asked, “Hey, Treecko! There’s an extra sandwich here… why don’t you come and join us?”

    Treecko briefly glanced at Jeff but then remained silent and continued to stare off.

    Disconcerted, but not giving up, Jeff tried again. “Come on Treeck, it’s a good sandwich and you must be hungry!”

    Treecko continued to look into the distance, not acknowledging Jeff’s heeds.

    I guess some things never change,” Jeff thought, shaking his head.

    The trio went back to eating their food. For a moment, Jeff closed his eyes. He imagined what it would have been like if Treecko actually came over and began to eat with them. He thought of what it would be like if Treecko never second guessed Jeff’s decisions and if he talked with others instead of having his thoughts be his company. Jeff tried as he may, but he couldn’t see Treecko… THIS Treecko… doing any such thing. He sighed and began to hate himself for thinking of wanting Treecko to change.

    You can’t change who people or pokemon are and you shouldn’t, you selfish Weavile,” he thought, dismally. Corphish finished his sandwich before reaching for what would have been Treecko’s.

    “Corphish… that’s Treecko’s food; you can’t eat that,” Jeff admonished him before he could bite down on the sandwich.

    “<Why not? He doesn’t want it!>” Corphish explained. Jeff got the gist of what the Corphish said because he already knew the logical answer.

    Jeff looked at the detached wood gecko and sighed. He looked back down to find the sandwich in Corphish’s mouth. Corphish smiled nervously, showing the remaining contents in his maw. Disgusted, Jeff and Daedalus turned away from the sight. Rummaging through the pile of his personal items which were strewn carelessly in a heap on the deck, Jeff found a zip lock bag filled full of mildly salted sunflower seeds.

    Treecko was now standing on the side of the boat, mouth open. His abdominal muscles and his jaws flexed, as if he was trying to regurgitate something.

    Jeff noticed this and quickly asked, “Treecko? Are you alright?!”

    Treecko gave a quick nod and continued to frantically do what ever it was he was doing.

    “Are you sure?! Are you choking?! You sick?!”

    Treecko kept quickly trying to spit out whatever it was that he was trying to spit. It was no good. He dashed full speed over to Jeff and ripped the bag of seeds from his hand.

    “What the-”

    Treecko opened the bag and poured every single seed down his throat. He tried spitting again but it was no good. He fell to his hands and knees and coughed up some of the remaining sunflower seeds onto the deck.

    “Treecko, what’s wrong with you?” Jeff asked, kneeling down beside him.

    Treecko turned his head to Jeff in pure rage. He then jumped to his feet and jutted his head around in every direction, flexing his stomach and mouth.

    What the hell is wrong with him?” Jeff thought to himself.

    “<He looks like he’s been bitten by a Chimchar infected with the rage virus…>” Corphish half joked to Daedalus.

    A wary Jeff began to approach Treecko. Treecko had a sneer of self-malice on. He tried to do what ever it was he was doing. In a frustrated rage, he pounded the side of the guard rail with his tail. The metal bar was badly bent as a result from the attack. Jeff backed off but then went in again. Treecko contracted his chest and yelled out the sharp, piercing yell.

    “TREEEEEEEEEEECKOOOOO!!” With that battle cry, Treecko unleashed a furious barrage of bright green seeds from his mouth. Treecko held his ground but his head was forced around by the terrifying volley. The attack went beyond his control. The seeds were shot all around the boat. They ricocheted off the sides, the white floor, and the cabin. Corphish and Daedalus dove for cover. Jeff braced himself but remained standing. One rogue seed broke through the glass in the cabin and almost hit Mr. Briney in the head.

    “Holy jumpin’ Moses!” Mr. Briney cried out from the cabin, hitting the floor. “Are we under attack?!” The unmanned boat took a sharp turn, but the sea captain stood back up and righted its course.

    The sharp turn caused Jeff to stumble, but the wood gecko remained standing, stoically. Veins were pulsating in Treecko’s head; his eyes were wide and eyebrows creased in a passionate frenzy. The bullet seed’s line of fire raked along on boat until it finally made its way to Jeff. Treecko was so intent on the attack itself that he didn’t know what he was firing at. The seeds punched into him like a pistol firing acorns. He held his ground the best that he could but the attack was too strong to withstand. He flew backwards and his head collided with the metal rail.

    Treecko didn’t notice; he just kept firing until he was physically exhausted. No more seeds were spat and Treecko collapsed to his knees. Treecko’s head was slumped downwards; he was panting and sweat soaked his face. Jeff slumped, motionless, against the guard rail; a steady flow of blood dripped from the side of his forehead. The crimson fluid dripped around his ear before following his sideburns down to his neck, starting to stain his green shirt.

    “What in the blazes was that?!” a gruff voice called up from the captain’s cabin.

    “<Treecko! What the bloody hell is wrong with you?! Why did you do that?!>” Corphish yelled, scuttling to the front of Treecko.

    The exhausted yet infuriated wood gecko said nothing and continued panting.

    “<Jeff? Jeff? Can you hear me? Jeff?>” Daedalus began talking to the limp figure of the human. “<Guys? Get over here! Jeff’s out!>”

    Before turning to help Daedalus, Corphish landed a final stare upon Treecko’s eyes. Treecko’s mouth was left open and eyes almost fully opened in shock. Treecko continued to kneel on his hands and knees. Treecko didn’t walk over to help the others, but instead he walked over to the broken metal bar that he created from earlier. He stared at it and glowered, while clenching his teeth.

    “TREEECKO!!!” wailed the wood gecko. He raised his tail and slammed it onto the same rail, bending it more. He continued to pound the metal bar. With each hit he grimaced.

    Thwak!

    A low pitched, chiming echo rang out after the impact of Treecko’s tail with the bar.

    Thwak!

    Thwak!

    Thwak!


    Treecko’s tail was now badly bruised. With the next hit the tail opened a bad cut from the friction. Beads of sweat were dripping off the stick in his gritted teeth. Before Treecko could deal more damage to the ship or himself, Daedalus wrapped his wing around Treecko. The grass type tried to resist but was too exhausted from all of his attacks. Daedalus fell backwards with Treecko to the ground.

    “<Treecko! Why are you acting like this? Jeff’s hurt; we need your help to stop the bleeding!>” Daedalus urged.

    He didn’t reply; Treecko just looked up at the sky.

    “<Fine, just hold this cloth against the cut!>” Daedalus said, taking a cloth from Jeff’s bag which was dampened by the sea breeze.

    Treecko reluctantly took the damp, white cloth from Daedalus and, only for a moment, looked at Jeff to find where the cut was. He pressed it against the bleeding gash and looked away. He leaned on the body by his hand, where he was holding the cloth, as if he was leaning on a pole. Treecko avoided all eyes and looked off into the sky. It was as if he didn’t care.

    The Wingull named Peeko flew up from the cabin to inspect what was going to. She flew onto the guard rail and chirped, “<What happened? Did you kill him?!>”

    “<Not US,>” Corphish scowled at Treecko.

    “<I think he’ll be ok, we just need a potion… see if you can get one, please!>” Daedalus suggested.

    “<Of course,>” replied Peeko, flying towards the cabin.

    “<Oh, and… one more thing.>” The Taillow flew next to Peeko, stared at her before a wink, and asked, “<How YOU doin’?>”

    The Wingull giggled and flew back into the cabin to get the requested item. After a few moments, it returned with a potion in its beak. She blushed when she landed next to Daedalus with the potion. Corphish clamped down on the button which sprayed the serum onto the gash. He held down on the button for too long so the entire potion was sprayed into Jeff’s head and hair. His limp face was unaffected by the accident.

    “<Oh crap, will his entire face like… mutate and he’ll turn into a zombie alien?>” Corphish asked, worried that he had sprayed too much.

    “<He won’t turn into a zombie because he’s not dead! Right, Treeck?>” Daedalus retorted with encouragement before looking over to see the out of place Treecko.

    Treecko was off doing what he did; he sat alone, eyes closed but not asleep.

    “<… Oh, forget it!>” Daedalus gave up. “<Since Treeck is off being Treeck, the three of us are going to need to work together to tie this bandage from the aid kit around Jeff’s head… I still don’t know what the hell got into T-cko.>”

    “<And damned if he’ll tell us,>” Corphish added, getting a good grip on the unraveled bandage but was careful not to slice it with his sharp claws. Daedalus and Peeko both took opposite sides of the bandage in their beaks. Corphish pressed the bandage to the potion-soaked wound while the two bird pokemon flew around in opposite circles, tying the bandage around Jeff’s forehead. They released the ends of the bandage when the two pieces met. Daedalus then craftily made a strong knot using his beak and talons.

    “<Somebody went to Taillow-Scouts Camp!>” Corphish joked.

    “<In wars you have to know how to adapt with what ever you have,>” Daedalus grinned, obviously impressing Peeko.

    “<Oh yeah! I know what you mean. This one time I was in a fight with another Corphish over this girl and he called me a female Growlithe so I threw sand in his face and ran… because that’s EXACTLY the same…>” Corphish grinned at himself, realizing the ridiculous story.

    Jeff’s eyes twitched and he let out a groan. He stirred in his spot.

    “<He’s waking up!>” Daedalus exclaimed.

    “<Or MAYBE… he’s just DREAMING of waking up!>” Corphish said profoundly.

    Treecko, who was on the other side of the boat, opened his eye halfway to inspect the occurrence.

    “Errrrghhh… what…happened?” Jeff mumbled, almost inaudibly.

    The three pokemon gathered around him looked at each other, confused as to what to say without incriminating Treecko. Peeko decided to fly back into the cabin to tell the captain that everyone was alright.

    He put a hand to his bandaged head and winced. Daedalus and Corphish helped him to a sitting position, resting against the guard rail. Jeff eyed the metal rail and saw a brick red liquid crusting on the rail; the liquid he saw was his own drying blood.

    “The last thing… I remember… are bright green bullets going… around the boat… Treecko?” Jeff looked at the large-tailed lizard, who was no longer glancing at him but was sitting up, hand back, in a relaxed position. Jeff tried to stand to walk over to Treecko but fell to the deck in wobbly daze. Jeff grunted on impact and immediately tried to drag himself over to Treecko in a crawl; his foot still ached from the badge being lodged in it. After ocean spray splashing over the side of the boat soaked him, Jeff made it to Treecko.

    “Treecko? What happened there?” Jeff asked with confusion and as much warmth as possible.

    Treecko, again, chose not to answer his master… no, not master…friend. …Friend? Was that right?

    “<Why should I even bother explaining myself to him? It’s not like he really wants me around, nor do I really want to be here… I guess. Besides, it’s my problem, not his, and why should I waste my breath on someone who can’t understand me?>” Treecko thought while closing his eyes.

    “Treecko I know I can’t understand you but you have to at least try to explain what happened. Tell Corphish or Daedalus or something! Come on Treecko!” Jeff pleaded.

    “Tree… cko,” Treecko replied with an intimidating, cold tenor.

    Daedalus whispered to Corphish, “<Did he just tell him to ‘piss off’?>”

    “<Yeah, he did. It’s a damn good thing that Jeff can’t understand us.>”

    Jeff stepped back and tried again. “Treeck! Give me something! You can’t keep isolating yourself and what you’re thinking… it’s not healthy!”

    Treecko pierced a cold, aloof look into Jeff’s pupils. With a serious, take no crap tone, he replied, “<Don’t-tell-me-what-I-can’t-do.>”

    Treecko turned his head in an attempt to shoo them away from him. Jeff opened his mouth to protest but Corphish clamped down on Jeff’s shirt, urging him away from the disobedient grass type. Jeff shut his eyes, nodded, and followed Corphish and Daedalus from the bow to the port of the boat where Jeff’s bag was. They all parked their rears next to the guard rail. Corphish and Daedalus began to converse but Jeff just stared at Treecko.

    Where did it all go wrong?” Jeff mentally asked himself. He responded to his own question, “With one flick of the wrist and one twist of the tongue…”

    A large land mass appeared in front of the boat. Jeff tried to sit up to get a better look but he fell back against the rails. The water that he had been staring at had formed into green land. He didn’t know why but it felt very familiar. Jeff prodded Corphish and Daedalus and pointed out the terrain. Treecko was aware of the earthy island so he did not bother opening his eyes.

    “Land ho!” called out Mr. Briney. “I love saying that,” he chuckled to himself.

    Jeff looked at the large piece of land. He scanned it from left to right. He saw a dense forest with towering trees coming from behind it. Next to that was a massive city with smog clouds overhead. On the other side of the disgusting city was more forest and shores which didn’t seem to end. Something wasn’t right to Jeff.

    “THAT’S Dewford Island?! I thought it was small and clean!”

    “No no! That’s not Dewford Island, that’s Petalburg City!”

    “Petalburg?” Jeff’s heart sank and the memories hit him hard. He shook the image of Kristie and Alan from his mind and quickly followed up with, “Wh-why are we going to Petalburg? I thought you said we were going to Dewford!”

    “We are, but I need to re-supply fuel at the Petalburg docks first! We’ve been ferrying people left and right over here so I doubt we can make another trip. Didn’t I mention that?” asked Mr. Briney, stroking his long white beard. “Also, that Treecko of yours busted the main controls of the ship with its bullet seed.”

    “Sorry… and no you didn’t mention that…” Jeff grumbled. “It’s ok, I guess. How long will we have to sit in the city?”

    “To get those parts fixed? I’d say two or three days tops. Sorry, lad, it looks like I’m your only way to Dewford, too.”

    “Two…two to three days… in THERE?” Jeff gulped.

    “I can probably find you a decent hotel to stay at.”

    “Thanks for the offer… I think I’d rather camp out in Route 102.”

    “Suit yourself,” Mr. Briney answered, steering the boat towards an open pier. The side of the boat scraped against the wall of the jetty. The captain tied the boat securely to a pole on the wharf. “I’ll be here helping the mechanics tomorrow and hopefully not the next,” he explained.

    “Ok… we’re really sorry for all of the trouble,” stated Jeff. “If you want I can pay for most of…” Jeff’s voice was drowned out by the sounds of the chopping rotors of two helicopters flying over head in close quarters. He looked up to try and see the two helicopters but they were obscured by the blinding rays on the noon sun behind them. He squinted his green eyes and thought he saw three helicopters but only heard two, followed by a deep rumbling noise. He turned his head away in order to get his sight back. His pupils enlarged and the world became a little darker; it was fitting given the city that they were in.

    “So I’ll see you in two to three days. I’ll check in the day after tomorrow to see if it’s finished,” Jeff told Mr. Briney before walking off the deck, followed by the pokemon. “Daedalus, Corphish, Treecko… stay close. We don’t want to be separated.”

    Daedalus perched on his shoulder, intimidated by the large city. Corphish and Treecko followed behind Jeff’s footsteps. He walked up a north street which head directly from the docks to the pokemon center and to the right of the center was the exit. His eyes remained facing right; he stared at the long metal fence that separated the city from Route 102. The large inclined slope of the road paid its toll on Jeff’s cut foot. He winced as he could feel the cut reopen and blood stain his sock. Luckily the badge was now in his left shoe so that it wouldn’t cause anymore damage to the right one.

    For ten minutes they continued to climb the seemingly infinite tarmac hill. They reached the gates of the city and made a hard right into the warm, welcoming forested path of Route 102. Jeff let out a sigh of relief. They walked a good deal into the forest until they saw a small grassy area suitable to set up camp in. Jeff plopped his backpack on the ground and took a tent from his bag.

    “Hey, Corppy, do you want to help me pitch this?”

    “<Sure, but my fastball has sucked the past few months. I think I threw out my shoulder!>”

    Daedalus sighed and took a perch in a low branch of a tree. He jutted his head to a rustling noise behind him. The high bushes moved but they went back to stillness after whatever it was passed by. Treecko, who was parked on a high tree branch, opened up his eyes when he sensed something. He immediately jumped to a lower branch and then the ground. Treecko warily scanned his peripheral vision as well as his centered sight. The rustling surrounded the campsite, accompanied by a long, tedious hissing. Daedalus turned around to inspect the other side of the area. He froze when the noise became more vigorous and louder behind him. Treecko ran as fast as he could towards him, but Daedalus’ instincts told him not to wait. With a mighty beat of his wing, the Taillow took off from the branch and glimpsed behind him to see that he was narrowly missed by the large mouth of a pokemon.

    The pokemon attacking was a long, primarily, serpent-like pokemon. It retracted its black and purple head. It slithered out from the underbrush. On its neck was a purple pattern like a lightning bolt. Along its head and back were gold hexagonal gems. The pokemon opened its yellow-jawed mouth to reveal a red, forked tongue and two red teeth; the teeth appeared to be broken, but they were still a force to be trifled with. As it slithered out its tail was revealed; it had a purple ring at the base before the tail turned into a sharp, deadly red blade like a sword.

    Daedalus landed in front of the wood gecko. Treecko stared into the Seviper’s eyes. Suddenly something struck his memory.

    “<You!>” Treecko growled through his teeth. He shoved Daedalus to the ground in an attempt to get past him. Treecko walked towards the massive snake with virtually no fear. Treecko felt scar tissue on his left collarbone.

    The Seviper’s eyes opened wide as he too remembered the Treecko. “<Well… if it issssssn’t the helplessssssss little bug! You got lucky lassssst time but it won’t be sssssso now!>”

    Treecko glared with a look that could kill. He clenched his left fist as well as his teeth and raised his right hand. With that hand he pulled his index finger towards him repeatedly, motioning for his foe to “try him”.

    Daedalus got up and begged, “<Please Treeck, don’t do it! He’s huge!>” Treecko ignored him, dug his feet in, and jerked back his mouth.

    “<Dae, it could be Lugia and he wouldn’t move a muscle!>” Corphish advised the bird.

    Treecko prepared to fire his bullet seed and Seviper quickly slithered towards him. Jeff and the duo looked on with worry. Treecko thrust his head forward expecting a bullet seed attack to fire. But nothing, virtually nothing, came out. Treecko was shocked and aggravated. He tried once more. The same result.

    “<Why the hell does this keep happening?! What is wrong with you, you weakling!>” were thoughts that flowed through Treecko’s mind. Jeff rushed to Treecko’s aid as the Seviper neared; Jeff was followed by Corphish and Daedalus. Treecko decided to switch to close quarters combat. He charged at Seviper, unaware that Jeff was closing in on them. Seviper raised his dagger-like tail, preparing to stab and Treecko raised his own tail, ready to slam. They both attacked at the same time.

    Jeff was in the way.

    Without meaning to, Treecko’s pound attack hit Jeff in the right knee, creating a “thuhk” sound. Seviper’s tail also entered the unknown obstacle. The sword-like tail penetrated the muscle in Jeff’s upper right leg. Jeff’s right leg was held up in the air not only by the tail holding it up, but by the fact that Jeff couldn’t extend his leg. His face went pale and the two pokemon looked at the damage that they caused. Jeff, in shock, balanced on his left foot, seemingly laughing the pain away with adrenaline. Treecko was in as much shock as Jeff, but he was not laughing. Treecko stood fixated at the mangled leg. Seviper couldn’t care less; with a flick of the tail, the sword effortlessly slid from the wound and Jeff was thrown onto his back.

    Jeff landed in the dirt. He groaned with a smile and bit down hard on the twig in his mouth. Jeff looked down at his leg and noticed two things. One was that he was bleeding badly from the wound that Seviper inflicted, and two, the kneecap on the same leg was shoved over to the right of its original position by two inches. The grizzly scene was disturbing but Jeff was surprisingly unaltered by it.

    Seviper continued to try and strike Treecko; he swung his blood-laced tail in a stabbing fashion. Treecko sidestepped each blow while backpedaling. The fight edged away from Jeff and more towards the forest. Corphish and Daedalus ran up to Jeff.

    “Don’t worry guys. I’m fine! …I’m just bleeding a little and my kneecap is… out of place,” Jeff reassured through gritted teeth.

    Corphish placed a claw under Jeff’s dislocated knee to support it. This gave Jeff some relief but wincing waves of pain continued in pumps, as did the spurts of blood coming from Jeff’s leg. The Seviper began to slither slowly into the forest.

    “<Treeck! Get over here! We need your hands to stop the bleeding!>” Daedalus ordered.

    Treecko looked at the three and then back at the Seviper who was slinking away, probably to create an ambush. Treecko took off after Seviper. Friends were not Treecko’s top priority right now, revenge was.

    “<Jeff’ll be ok with those two. I know he will. I have to hunt down and get that damned, slithery b*stard. I’ll make sure he pays for last time. I’ll get that dishonorable coward… no matter what. That was the worst day of my life… before yesterday. He’ll pay with his life.>” Treecko thought while growling. He ran into the forest. It didn’t even cross his mind how Jeff was.

    “<DAMN IT, Treeck!>” Daedalus yelled, flying after him. “<Corphish! Stay with Jeff! Don’t relocate the knee cap! Just try to stop the bleeding!>”

    Treecko, with rage and impervious determination, quickly followed the snake pokemon into the forest. The Seviper turned around. Treecko leapt off of the ground and jumped onto a tree trunk to his left. He bounced off of that, roared with a high battle cry, and landed a solid kick down Seviper’s head. When the Seviper’s head was forced down by the foot, Treecko jumped off of his head, ricocheted off another tree trunk to his right, and flipped in the air; Treecko’s tail hit Seviper right in the face. The blow was increased by the momentum of the fall. Treecko landed on his feet, panting through clenched teeth and a sweating face. There was so much fury in his eyes that they looked like they would shoot real daggers. The vengeful look of anger remained imprinted on his face.

    “<You’re pissssssing me off!>” hissed Seviper in anger. He thrust his head at Treecko, who flew back from the hit. Seviper then whipped his tail around in a straight motion. The blade sliced with great force up Treecko’s right shoulder, causing small droplets of blood to leave the wound with the tail. The wood gecko pokemon was thrown against the tree behind him; it was the tree that he was roosting on when Seviper first appeared. Treecko hit the tree with such force so that a sickening crack was made on impact.

    “<Those hitssss were nothing compared to the onessss that you delivered when we firsssssst fought! You are losing your touch, lone little Treecko.>”

    “Tree,” Treecko grimaced, holding his badly bleeding shoulder. The Seviper smirked and then wrapped its body around Treecko as well as the tree; he squeezed the tree and the lizard tightly. Treecko groaned as the pressure from Seviper’s strong muscles were put on his bleeding shoulder and bruised ribs. The hold crushed Treecko into the trunk making him unable to move his arms, legs, or tail. Seviper put his sharp tail to Treecko’s neck.

    “<Well, well, well…issssn’t thissss jussst like old timessssss, little Treecko? Thisssss time you won’t get away.>”

    Through Treecko’s pain, he managed to slip out one taunt. “<I’d tell you to -errggh- bite me…but I forgot… you can’t.>”

    “<Cocky little ssssslime!>” Seviper hissed, squeezing Treecko harder. He attempted to free himself from the bind but it was too tight. Treecko felt as if every bone in his body would be crushed into dust. He tried with all of his might to move but this caused tremendous agony. The muscles of the snake’s body tightened, driving Treecko into the bark of the tree. He wished that all the pain would end, but he wouldn’t let himself die… he needed to settle his scores. It felt like his body was becoming part of the tree trunk now; the bind grew relentlessly tighter. There was no greater discomfort for Treecko; he would rather be caught on fire than go through another second of this. “<As much as I admire your sssspirit, you cannot esssssscape, tough one!>”

    Treecko saw Daedalus flying towards him. He shook his head at the bird, insisting that he’d be alright. Seviper continued to squeeze the life from Treecko. The air had left Treecko’s lungs so he couldn’t protest. All he did was let out a short, stressed cry of pain. Daedalus flew at full speed into Seviper’s unaware head.

    The snake cried out from the deep peck to his face. The grip tying Treecko slightly loosened. Daedalus continued to peck and scratch at the snakes face, who winced and tried to bite back. Seviper’s bind loosened as he was distracted by the attack from Daedalus. It was just enough for Treecko to regain his breath, but not enough for him to free himself. Treecko wanted to aid the battle but with his bullet seed out of commission and his tail stuck behind him, he could only watch and wait.

    Weak, helpless, and useless.

    Those were the only words that could describe what Treecko was feeling, other than the immense pain that was caused from the bind. A shiver crept up and down his breaking spine. Treecko shut his eyes, grimaced, and turned his head away.

    He began to think, “He was right. This IS just like last time… except I could actually do something about it, then. No… that’s not true, either. I got lucky last time. I couldn’t do anything to free myself then and not now either. You’re a weak, pathetic Caterpie who has to rely on others and luck to save his sorry excuse for a tail. You need to be stronger if you ever want to show your face again.”

    Treecko squirmed in discomfort.

    You CAN’T show your face again. You left Jeff when he needed you. Not for the first time and not for the last time. You’ve been kidding yourself you selfish b*stard.”

    Daedalus landed a quick beak strike into Seviper’s neck, sending a shock down his nerves. Seviper’s tail twitched and loosened. Treecko leapt out of the wrapping attack and grabbed a hold of Seviper’s tail. He shoved the bladed tail into the heart of the tree.

    “<That should hold him here until I get back,>” Treecko spat, walking away from the tree before collapsing onto the trunk of another tree. Daedalus flew over to Treecko.

    “<’Until you get back’? Are you serious? You can’t even walk!>” Daedalus asked as Seviper tried to snap at the two pokemon. They were just out of his reach.

    Treecko weakly moaned, tightly clutching his severely hurt right shoulder. Daedalus made Treecko put his left hand around his back as they walked back towards Jeff and Corphish.

    “<The rebel and the loner… two of the leader’s greatest banes. They refuse to get caught up in the group mentality and they fail to follow instructions. Because of this they will often be the one who needs the leader to get his tail out of a jam in times like these. I have problems too! I didn’t want to be a leader, but I HAD to be! The situation arose and I was put in charge. Now I had these five other Taillow’s looking to me for guidance and strategies! I didn’t know what to say at first but then I realized that I had to lead them. I stepped up and ever since being caught, I’ve felt like I’ve let them down. Sure, I’m no longer leading them so you’d think there’d be a great burden lifted off of my chest… but it’s still there and it’s heavier than ever. I wasn’t a leader… yet now I know what it feels like when one sends his men to their deaths.>”

    Treecko let out a groan of pain.

    “<Let me ask you this, Treecko; what’s inside that thick head of yours? What are your loves, fears, goals? More importantly, why are you acting like this?>”

    Treeck grunted and muttered to himself, “<It’s none of your damn business.>”

    Treecko didn’t answer after that but followed his feet limping in the dirt. He lifted his head up and then stared at the light shining through the canopies.

    “<Did you say something?>” Daedalus asked, but not without warmth.

    “<You don’t even know me! You don’t know what’s inside me!>” Treecko sharply retorted.

    “<That’s exactly my point! You have to open up!>”

    Treecko defiantly turned his head away from the conversation.

    “<What? Too cool to talk? Pride and stubbornness come hand in hand, I hope you know, but being a loner doesn’t help you one bit! The three combine and turn you into...you. Maybe that’s why you and Jeff are always clashing!>”

    Treecko continued to look away and a silence ensued. Daedalus knew that, try as he might, he couldn’t change Treecko. Admittedly, he felt guilty.

    Breaking the long pause, Treecko quietly declared, “<You shouldn’t have interfered; I was fine without your help.>”

    “<Oh yeah, he was BEGGING for mercy!>” Daedalus rolled his eyes.

    Treecko kicked a large, outgrowing root in anger, cringing with the action.

    Daedalus only shook his head in exasperation. “<I wonder if Jeff’s ok…>” thought Daedalus aloud.

    They arrived at the site where Jeff was lying on the ground. Corphish was lying over an unconscious Jeff, his claw pressed against the bloody wound. Treecko opened his eyes and looked upon the sight. His mouth slackened as he stared. Treecko ignored his own pain and gazed at the wounds that he both directly and indirectly inflicted. The wood gecko folded his arms and shuddered.

    “<I caused that?! Oh, Arceus! I can’t do anything right! I can’t defend myself against that damned Seviper! I keep messing Jeff up!>” Treecko’s thoughts were interrupted when he collapsed to a knee.

    “<What I wouldn’t give for House M.D. right now!>” Corphish scowled. “<He lost too much blood! He’s unconscious! I’m not sure how much more blood he can lose!>”

    Daedalus placed Treecko on Jeff’s stomach. The Taillow and Corphish both grabbed Jeff’s hands and tried to pull them. They pulled Jeff centimeter by centimeter, no matter how hard it was.

    Treecko grimaced in pain and thought.

    “<You did a real friggin’ great job again, Treecko! Why can’t you be more like them!? Actually HELPING Jeff! You hurt Jeff in battle! You went after Seviper instead of helping… and LOST! You couldn’t do a thing to save yourself so you had to let Daedalus come to your rescue! Now you can’t even help them drag Jeff back to the pokemon center, YOU’RE the one being dragged! You’re a pathetic excuse for a Treecko!>” he thought in disgust.

    Treecko was also losing a lot of blood. He fainted while on Jeff’s chest. Right before Treecko was completely out, he managed to whisper the following word.

    “<Weak…>”

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Daedalus and Corphish continued to drag the bodies of the two with their beak and pincers, respectably.

    “<Hey, Corppy? What do you think is wrong with Treecko?>”

    “<Well first of all he’s unconscious from the nasty gash on his shoulder and his ribs may be broken from the squeezing!>” Corphish answered with sarcasm.

    “<You know what I mean!>”

    “<Well… here’s how I see it! Back when Jeff told him to take a hike, Treecko cared way too much and took it much too personally. That escapade almost made him leave Jeff alone forever. I don’t think Treecko had ever cared that much in his life… to my knowledge… so he noticed this and saw where it almost got him. Now, I think he’s over compensating by not caring at all. He doesn’t want to ‘over-care’ and have something like that happen again. Now by not caring at all he’s driving himself into a similar hell.>”

    “<I don’t know Corppy… I mean, I agree with you up until the part where you say he’s trying too hard not to care. The Treecko that we have now, it… doesn’t seem unnatural for him. It feels like he’s back to normal…except he doesn’t value Jeff as a friend. I mean, his need to prove that he’s not weak, him being alone, the uncaring, calm attitude.>”

    “<You have a point there, Inspector Daedalus. Let’s say ‘he cared too much, now he’s back to normal… but he’s a royal jackass’.>”

    “<It’s a deal… hey! We’re almost at the gate!>” Daedalus exclaimed.

    Past the gate was a guy in a blue uniform. The guy wore a black hat and a badge on his sleeve. He seemed to be writing a ticket for an improperly parked car. The man noticed, out of the corner of his eye, the pokemon dragging the other two with all of their might. The guy came running over to check out the situation. He withdrew a flashlight and shone it on the bodies.

    “What’s going on here?” he asked in a confused but calmed voice.

    “<We need help!>” Corphish answered, flailing his claws upwards.

    The police officer understood that the pokemon were probably Jeff’s. He answered, “Ok, I’ll take the guy; you two carry the Treecko in!”

    They nodded and took Treecko off of Jeff’s chest. The officer dragged Jeff into the pokemon center by his shoulders, aware of his dislocated knee. He was followed by Corphish and Daedalus with Treecko.

    “Excuse me Nurse Joy? We have two badly wounded here! We need stretchers and then you should bring them to the ER room!” advised the police officer of the PCPD.

    “Of course, officer, what… my goodness! Is that Jeff?!” Nurse Joy exclaimed in surprise. All Nurse Joys were very good with placing faces. They had to be, given their not-so-diverse family.

    Two pink, egg-bearing Chanseys came out from the back hallway carrying two stretchers. Nurse Joy took Jeff by the arms and the police officer took him by the legs; they carefully lifted him up onto the stretcher while the Chanseys did likewise with Treecko. The two stretchers, pink pokemon, and Nurse Joy disappeared into the door in the back of the lobby, undoubtedly to the ER.

    The officer kneeled down and asked Daedalus and Corphish, “Do you need me to watch you guys while they’re in there?”

    Daedalus shook his head and pounded his chest with his wing saying, “<I think I can take care of Corphish here!>”

    “<Yeah! He knows to read my favorite book ‘Goodnight Moon’ at bedtime. I sleep like a Togepi each time.>”

    The police officer nodded and left the Pokemon center to go back to his patrol duty. The two attempted to wait in the lobby but they found themselves too nervous to wait. They agreed that they would see how their friends were doing. The two pokemon quickly ran to the door at the back of the lobby. The door was ajar so it slid open with a light push and the two entered the hallway. There were three doors on each side of the hall with a final room at the end of the hall. Corphish opened the door to his right. The door squeaked open and high, raspy yells followed. The door opened to show the light green body of a Scyther strapped to a hospital bed tossing around violently. A Chansey was struggling to put a sedative into his IV line.

    “<Heh, sorry…wrong room.>” Daedalus grinned nervously. Corphish followed up by closing the door.

    Corphish then tried the door across from the previous one. He opened it and saw Treecko lying belly-down on a bed in the center of the room. His chest was bandaged horizontally and his right shoulder had more bandages slung diagonally to meet the dressings on his chest. There were three beads attached to his thigh, chest, and shoulder. Attached to these beads were wires which led to a large machine. Nurse Joy was standing at the machine which housed a screen and many buttons.

    “<Poor Treeck…>” Daedalus said aloud. “<I’m sure if Jeff was able to, he’d be in there right next to him.>”

    “<Speaking of Jeff, let’s see how he’s doing…>” suggested Corphish.

    They tried the second room on the left and opened it to see a Chansey standing over him. He had a plasma-filled IV line going into his arm. There were four empty syrettes on the table beside him. His wound was bandaged and the Chansey was, just as they entered, popping the kneecap back into place. The result was a sickening crack. Both Corphish and Daedalus cringed and turned away as the Chansey performed the procedure with a creepy smile.

    “<Well there goes MY lunch! Want to go back to the lobby?>” Corphish asked, his shell a fine beige color.

    “<My thoughts exactly…>”

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Continued...
    Last edited by Griff4815; 15th October 2007 at 4:45 PM.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  10. #85
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    ...continued

    -------------------------------------------------------

    An eyelid opened.

    Jeff stared upwards to the blindingly clean, white ceiling of the recovery room. He lay on an equally white bed. He looked down at his leg; there was a white bandage wrapped around an apparently stitched cut. His kneecap was also back where it should have been and there were no signs of swelling. Jeff cautiously began to bend his knee. Much to his joy, he felt virtually no pain or irritation, the worst was that his knee was a little weak. Nevertheless, the cut still ached when he extended his leg. Jeff reached over to the end table to read his medical chart.

    Twelve milligrams of morphine given at eight twenty-three PM,” read the chart.

    Twelve MGs?! Man, with that dosage I should be out for hours if not dead! By the feel of my cut… they aren’t doing a damn thing! And the half-life of morphine is six or so hours and it’s only…” Jeff looked at the clock on the wall across from him. “…Eight forty-two!” Jeff thought in surprise.

    Jeff continued reading the folder. “The patient in the bed to the right of him is his Treecko. Condition: Stable but should not move.”

    Upon reading that, Jeff turned his head sharp to the right, expecting to see Treecko. All that Jeff saw was a mess of bed sheets and three drops of blood leading away from the bed.

    “Tree…Treecko?” Jeff called out.

    He slung his legs over the side of the bed and ripped the IV from his vein. He grimaced from the pain in his leg but at least that distracted him from extraction of the IV line. A small drop of blood trickled from the vein where his IV was. Jeff let it flow and shakily stood out of bed.

    If I know Treecko, he wasn’t discharged!” Jeff thought, clutching his leg, careful of ripping his stitches.

    He began to weight bear using his left leg. He hobbled his way out of the recovery room and found himself in the eight door hallway along with a sleeping Daedalus and Corphish.

    “What the? You’re not supposed to be in here!” Jeff stated, confused at their presence. The two pokemon stretched and groaned.

    “<Couldn’t open the doorway out,>” Corphish shrugged, attempting to explain.

    “Nevermind, I have to get out of here! Did you see Treecko come by here?” Jeff growled, limping down the hallway to the doorway out.

    They both shook their heads.

    “Right… asleep. You guys stay in the lobby until I get back!” Jeff stated, turning around and hobbling out the door.

    “<What’s with him?>” Daedalus asked.

    “<Maybe they made him watch the tape of when they popped his knee back into place in slow motion… or even worse…>” Corphish gasped. “… What if they made him watch ‘BRINGING DOWN THE HOUSE’!?>”

    Daedalus sighed and led Corphish out into the lobby.

    Jeff burst out of the front door of the center and turned left, into Route 102. Three pedestrians looked with surprise at the dazed patient but decided to let Jeff continue. Luckily for Jeff, Nurse Joy was not in the lobby and therefore, could not stop him. The sun setting cast an orange light on the ground. Jeff walked as fast as he could without hurting his leg. He went along the orange, dirt path into the forest. He quickly turned his head around in all directions, still dazed from unconsciousness.

    “Treecko?” he murmured in hope.

    The most that he saw was a purple-furred Rattata with large fangs cross his path. Jeff continued to walk. He was only about thirty meters away from the center.

    Where is he? What if he’s hurt? What if I never see him again?! What if a pokemon attacks him or he tries to fight Seviper again and… NO! He’s a big pokemon! He can take care of himself! I still have to find him, though… Arceus, let him be alright! I need to find Treecko… I can’t let him leave again… not because of me!”

    Jeff stopped in his tracks when he saw what was ahead of him. He walked forwards to see bandages unraveled on the ground. Jeff kneeled with his good knee and picked up the bandages.

    “Tr… Treecko…” Jeff whispered, placing the bandages back on the ground. “He must be around here.”

    He closed his eyes and listened carefully.

    Wind blowing… leaves rustling in them… but something else.

    Jeff perked up his ears and listened closer. He heard the distant yet unmistakable sound of his Treecko. Jeff ran diagonally to his right. He didn’t care about his leg anymore; he just had to get there. He ran through brush and forest.

    The sounds were getting closer. Treecko sounded like he was in pain.

    Jeff kept running faster. He made his way to a clearing. There was a cliff a little over twice Jeff’s size ahead of him in the grass. At the base of the cliff was a foot high rock. Jeff stopped running to catch his breath. At the top of the cliff he saw Treecko’s outline. Jeff was about to call out but then he saw the wood gecko jump off in a flip. Jeff’s relief turned to pure shock. Treecko did multiple somersaults in the air before whacking his tail against the rock. He cried out in pain with the hit but he landed with his feet on the ground. Treecko climbed back up the cliff and jumped off; this time he jumped in a backwards somersault. He slammed his tail into the rock below only to have a similar result. He grimaced and climbed back up to repeat the process.

    Jeff inspected Treecko’s body; his shoulder wound bled and there were bruises all over his body, especially the tail. Seeing Treecko that way broke Jeff’s heart. Treecko jumped again and pounded his tail into the rock.

    Why is Treecko doing this to himself? Is he training? Is he trying to break the rock? Is it because it’s said that Treecko’s tails can sometimes break through rock? Is this a way of self torture? Why? Why is he doing this?” Jeff thought, hiding behind a bush. One thing that he noticed about Treecko was that his twig was not in his mouth but, upon Jeff’s further inspection, it lay propped up against the target rock.

    The stubborn lizard scaled the cliff before repeating the process. He hit the rock and unleashed a pained cry. Treecko climbed up and continued the heartbreaking perpetual motion, each resulted with a piercing and suffering yell as well as horrible, beaten up bruises and cuts. Jeff doubted he would last four more tries. He couldn’t help but let a whimper escape his throat.

    Why? Why is he doing this to himself?! HE didn’t do anything wrong! It’s ME, it’s MY fault! I should be throwing myself on that stone, not him! Why does he feel that he’s to blame?! I wish that we could switch bodies so that I could take in all the pain that he’s receiving!” Jeff thought between controlled sobs.

    Jeff could no longer watch. He ran into the clearing. “Stop! Treecko! NO! Enough! Please!” While Jeff ran, he felt his own stitches tear from his skin. He let out a cry and felt a pour of blood soak his bandage. He stumbled to the grass and landed with a painful thud. Jeff inspected the blades of grass in front of his eyes. A shadow cast over them. He looked up to see a green hand outstretched before him. The pained human looked up at Treecko’s bruised and scraped face. The pokemon’s face did not grin any smug grin, nor did it frown. His face was that of determined seriousness and apathy. Jeff looked at his face with nervousness and pity.

    “Treecko… why are you doing this?”

    Treecko didn’t respond. Instead he turned around and walked back to the rock. The wood gecko picked up the twig and walked back to Jeff. The human got onto his knees. Treecko slowly approached Jeff and extended his hand. He grabbed Jeff’s left hand and brought it towards him, outstretching it. Without a word, Treecko took his twig and placed it in Jeff’s empty palm. With both of his hands he closed Jeff’s hand until the hand firmly grasped the stick.

    “Treecko cko tree.”

    Treecko hugged the kneeling Jeff one last time before turning away. It lasted for four seconds, but to Jeff it seemed like no time had passed. Treecko walked away from him and climbed over the rock and up the cliff. Where Jeff expected him to jump again, he didn’t. The wood gecko had just disappeared over the plateau.

    What had happened?

    Jeff remained kneeling, still, and seemingly wasn’t breathing.

    Treecko was gone.

    He remained in a shocked, statue-like position. He spilled no tears, he vented no anger, and he made no sound.

    The orange light disappeared and night overtook. The beats of wings were heard above Jeff. Daedalus swooned down and landed in front of Jeff.

    “<CORPHISH! DOWN HERE; I FOUND HIM!>” Daedalus yelled into the forest.

    Shortly after the yell, Corphish came scuttling out of the forest with Jeff’s backpack in claw.

    “<We were looking everywhere for you! I managed to get your backpack near where that Seviper was,>” Corphish explained.

    Jeff remained staring at his hand.

    “<Jeff?>” Daedalus asked.

    After a long pause, Jeff answered in an apathetic melancholy, “Treecko left.”

    Jeff could see the shock in their eyes although he couldn’t comprehend the barrage of words coming from them. They continued to blabber indistinctly. The white noise didn’t affect Jeff. The searing pain in his leg was no longer bothersome.

    After they finally quieted, Jeff said with as little emotion as possible, “We should get some sleep.”

    The pokemon didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like they could protest so they agreed with sorrow. Jeff lay down on his back and stared up into the stars.

    I don’t think he’s coming back… why? Why did I have to hit him? Why did I have to ask to travel with Kristie? Why can’t I get over her? It wasn’t his fault that he brought it up…I was egging him on!” Again, tears began to fill Jeff’s eyes and tightness arose in his throat. “Stop crying!” he ordered himself.

    Why? Why should I stop!? I’m the reason he left! I’m the reason why he’ll never be happy!” Jeff rubbed his eyelids and held back the feelings with great struggle. “No, do not be weak! You can’t let the others see you like this! …Oh Arceus, I wish Treeck was here!”

    Suddenly, Jeff felt a tugging on his shoe. He quickly wiped all emotion from his vacant face and raised his head to find Corphish at his feet with Daedalus behind him. They both looked deeply upset.

    “Corphish cor cor,” said the Corphish, sadly.

    “You two can’t sleep?” Jeff asked with emptiness.

    They shook their heads in agreement.

    “Want me to sing or something?”

    They looked at one another and nodded. Jeff remembered a song that he sang or listened to whenever he was down. It was a song by the band Oasis. He didn’t think it would help him at all, but his pokemon deserved to sleep. The pokemon rested their heads on both of Jeff’s sides, trying to get comfortable.

    Jeff began to sing the lullaby to his two grieved pokemon.

    “Hold up.
    Hold on.
    Don’t be scared.
    You'll never change what's been and gone.”

    Despite his blankness, Jeff managed to get every key right. His deep voice could not mimic the lead singer’s exactly but it was close enough. He knew the song like the back of his hand.

    “May your smile.
    Shine on.
    Don't be scared.
    Your destiny may keep you warm.”

    Jeff almost whispered each word. He was singing it with a soothing voice, prolonging each verse. He didn’t know how much of the song he could actually handle, though. The duo’s spirits began to calm. Fortunately, the soothing song apparently worked also for pokemon.

    “'Cause all of the stars
    are fading away.
    Just try not to worry
    you’ll see them some day.
    Take what you need
    and be on your way
    and stop crying your heart out.”

    Jeff’s voice began to shake but he tried to keep it bottled up inside. Depression was poisonous and it infected those around. Why should more of his friends have to suffer for his own faults?

    “Get up.
    Come on.
    Why're you scared?
    You'll never change what's been and gone.”

    Their creased eyes began to close as they nestled against Jeff’s warm t-shirt. The feeling of helping them sleep created a warm feeling in Jeff’s frigid heart but the two feelings clashed.

    “'Cause all of the stars
    are fading away.
    Just try not to worry
    you’ll see them some day.
    Take what you need
    and be on your way
    and stop crying your heart out.”

    Jeff paused. He looked at the two pokemon and noticed that they were sound asleep. Although his audience was at rest, he continued to sing… just for himself. It was worth a try. He was unaware that he was being watched.

    “'Cause all of the stars
    are fading away.
    Just try not to worry
    you’ll see them some day.
    Take what you need
    and be on your way
    and stop crying your heart out.”

    A pair of yellow eyes watched from behind a tree. They gleamed in the moonlight except when, with each blink, they disappeared completely. Jeff still did not spot his watcher. He was as content as he could possibly be to sing to himself in an attempt to help him through this tough time.

    “We're all of us stars
    we’re fading away.
    Just try not to worry
    you’ll see us some day.
    Just take what you need
    and be on your way
    and stop crying your heart out.
    Stop crying your heart out.
    Stop crying your heart out.”

    Jeff’s voice began to crack and trail off. He scratched his eye and lay on his back. He quickly shut his eyes in an attempt to escape.

    The hiding figure took a long, hard, quivering sigh. The pair of yellow eyes turned around and began to walk back into the forest. The green body moved away from the clearing. The dark green tail bobbed side to side with each step.

    “<Take good care of yourself and the others Jeff. I might be back. I don’t blame you for holding it against me… I hold it against me, too.>”

    He made no noise as he calmly crept away. The figure’s reddish-pink underbelly stood out in the green surroundings. He stopped and turned around. His cool, collected, yellow eyes looked back at his best friend a final time. He shut his shimmering eyes and turned his head forward, disappearing into the darkness of the forest.

    In his mind, Treecko said, “<Goodbye, Jeff… although you don’t know it… this time… I really am sorry.>”

    Jeff, before shutting his eyes completely, looked up at the tree tops and the starry night sky; the full moon cast a blue light on the clearing. Jeff examined the two close to identical twigs in his hands before shutting his eyes.

    "<Jeff, you will always be my brother.>"

    He whispered, “Treecko…

    He’s really gone.”

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    A/N:

    I don't think this was as gripping as the last chapter.
    I also didn't expect it to be take up 2 posts again. xD It was only one in the original cut.

    The lullaby was "Stop Crying Your Heart Out" by Oasis.

    Jeff may make a catch next chapter!

    I revamped Chapters 1 and 2
    Last edited by Griff4815; 15th October 2007 at 5:01 PM.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  11. #86
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    wow. that was so sad. i loved it, even though it took me AGES to read, it was worth it!
    well, i found no mistakes, i have nothing negatice to say.
    you really aregood with emotion! i always feel it! it is like a real novel!
    i like the new banner too

    will treeko be back?
    The first banner was slightly over 46800 pixels, so your entire signature was erased. Please read the signature rules.

  12. #87
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    vigorously pointing at the food that Corphish had taken out
    Corphish and Daedalus munched merrily on two of the four sandwiches.
    Removed "the" between "on" and "two"

    continued to frantically do whatever it was he was doing.
    to inspect what was going on.
    how to adapt with whatever you have
    He walked up a north street which headed directly from
    it wouldn’t cause any more damage to the right one.
    He wished that all the pain would end,
    Removed the extra, "it would"

    peck and scratch at the snake's face,
    Man, Jeff and Treecko simply CANNOT catch a break, can they? They're both bruised and battered to hell, Treecko's pride is in shambles, and he left the rest of the group!

    Very descriptive- perhaps a bit too descriptive when it comes to injuries- some of it was a bit too graphic for my tastes, but it was handled well nonetheless.

    Emotions were handled exceptionally well, as we can see both Jeff and Treecko both sink deeper into depression and regret, as well as blaming themselves for the events that transpired. And Treecko's self-destruction and abandonment. Man, I never predicted that I'd get into reading something this emotionally heavy, but you're able to pull it off very well. Again, a bit more depressing than what I would usually read, but you pull it off well so I don't mind- I just need to find something light and fluffy to read after this- perhaps some hotel reviews... some of them really crack me up

    I just hope that they can eventually pull themselves out of this slump eventually...

  13. #88
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    Hey, Griff! I decided that since PC seems to be down for sometime, I would review your fic over here. The forums haven’t been lagging on me. Hopefully, the post will go through. XD For each chapter, I’ll give general comments, then focus on the nitty-gritty grammar.

    Prologue
    Longer and more descriptive from the first time that I read it. It’s good that you listened to your early reviews and reworked your prologue to make it sound better.

    The girl had brown-red hair and smooth, natural skin. She smiled sweetly at me with an innocent yet beautiful face.
    Not only was "beautiful" repeated to describe this girl, the wording to describe her skin and face read oddly to me. For her skin "naturally smooth" skin sounds better. At least to me, "smooth, natural" reads like everyone else is covered in artificial skin and she’s not. For her face "innocent yet beautiful" makes it seem as if innocence is ugly except for on this girl.

    I could see the insides of my arm: inside the gash were: still pumping veins and arteries, muscles which quivered in contraction, and exposed tissues.
    Too many colons here. The first one after "arm" isn’t needed. I would take it out and replace it with a full stop to make the sentence stand on its own, making it more shocking to the reader. I’m doubting the need of the second colon, but you do have a list after it, so that’s good.

    It was Not the dull pain of a headache, but more like someone… or something, slashed me in the head.
    I’m not sure if you want "Not" capitalized. There’s no need for it to be that I can see.

    Chapter One
    Wonderful job describing Jeff, his personality, and his setting here. You didn’t interrupt the narration to stick in the description. Instead, you went with a better touch and integrated the two. Plus, you get bonus points for mentioning my favorite plant. (I have four dragon tongue plants myself!)

    Lying to his right was an opened copy of "Catch-22," by Joseph Heller, as well as the "Hoenn Edition to the Guide of Starter Pokemon," by Professor Birch.
    Book titles are written in italics. Short story titles are written in quotation marks.

    One was poster was advertising "Lone Wolf" starring Duke, the Mightyena.
    Second "was" isn’t needed.

    "Starring ‘Nychus the Grovyle’, A thought provoking, breathtaking ride!" read a review.
    The "A" shouldn’t be capitalized. Or the comma before it could be an exclamation point.

    He had green leaves protruding his arms and head.
    You need a "from" after "protruding".

    "It’s finally happening…I’m going to leave town on my own pokemon journey, like all of my friends before me did." He thought as he poked his head through his forest green shirt.
    The "he" after "did" needs to be lowercased, because it’s just like a dialogue tag.

    Besides, going out into the world knowing nothing of what’s coming and relying purely on your pokemon will nit only get you hurt but most importantly your pokemon.
    Small typo here: "nit" should be "not".

    "Yo, Tyrogue, I’m finally going," Jeff smiled to the superpower pokemon, who was the size of a child.
    The comma after "going" should be a full stop.

    "Alright, dear!" She replied from the kitchen.
    The "she" should be lowercased.

    "Yes, you just missed them!" She shouted back, preoccupied with making coffee.
    See above comment.

    "I have something else in mind" Jeff muttered to himself, turning the brass doorknob.
    You missed the comma after "mind".

    He stopped at the doorway, and took a deep breath before walking calmly out the door to his first pokemon
    Missed the full stop after "pokemon".

    Chapter Two
    This chapter did well to show the connections between Jeff and the Treecko. If these characters meet up again, they’ll have enough in common to hopefully form a friendship. Plus, your battle descriptions were done well. I could picture Treecko bashing Scyther full in the face.

    Just as a reminder: You might want to proof-read your chapters before you post them by previewing your post. There were sometimes when you missed italicizing Jeff’s thoughts, and so they appeared as if they were only dialogue. Just a small formatting issue though.

    "GRAAAAAAGGHHH" Jeff yelled in blinding pain.
    Missed the exclamation point after that scream there.

    he clutched his slashed bicep, turned, and ran behind him.
    "ran behind him" reads oddly to me. I picture Jeff running backwards. Rewording it might be helpful. Or you could just say "leaving the Scyther behind him".

    "Treecko Tree" it said calmly with a high tenor voice.
    The second "tree" doesn’t need to be capitalized, as it’s part of the dialogue, and you missed the comma after it.

    The bug pokemon doubled over while the new pokemon crawled up the massive trunk of the tree that Jeff was leaned against.
    You don’t really need the past tense of "lean" since you have "was" before it. Use "leaning".

    The wood gecko picked up speed and ducked between the bugs.
    I think this sentence ended too early. There’s only one Scyther, so it should be "bug’s", and you need a noun after "bug’s". I’m assuming "legs" or "claws"?

    Jeff’s sight was compromised from the blood lost the entire battle so it wasn’t until the pokemon was still that he got a good glimpse of his savior.
    It seems as if you missed a "during" after "lost", and actually "lost" should be "loss".

    "Treecko… a Treecko?!" He thought, eyes widening in labored joy.
    Again, the "he" before "thought" should be lowercased.

    "Treecko Tree," The lizard said as the two shuck hands…err, tails?
    The second "tree" doesn’t need to be capitalized, and "the" should be lowercased.

    Maybe he watched from the tree while other Treecko’s played tag or hide and seek or whatever Treecko’s played.
    To make a plural of a Pokémon’s name, you don’t add a "s". You just leave it alone, and the context of the sentence tells people that it is the plural form. "Apostrophe -s" makes the noun the possessive form, which you don’t need in this sentence.

    "Thank you for saving me. I hope we’ll meet somewhere again." Jeff thanked him as he stood, wobbly.
    The same dialogue punctuation problem. The full stop after "again" should be a comma.

    I’m going to cut this review here, as it’s reaching four pages on Word, plus it’s late at night for me. ^^; I’ll keep reviewing in the following days until I’m caught up. I’ll finish reviewing chapters here, and if PC ever loads back up, I’ll just continue over there as you continue to update.

  14. #89
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    I think the song worked much better in the newest chapter. It added to the already deep emotion of the moment. So much confused emotions for those only beginning their journey...

    I think they should follow the advice of this quote:
    "Get stronger. Consume all your happiness and sadness, and use that as your stepping stone." -Ovan

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  15. #90
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    Read the new chapter. 'Twas good, like the last one. Maybe not as good though, as personally Treecko's self thoughts may have been repeated and emphasised upon a bit too much. I also wasn't persuaded that Jeff could just 'up and leave' like that from the hospital - seemed a bit unrealistic to me.

    Nevertheless, a very well constructed and emotional chapter - extremely different in nature to the first few chapters. I wouldn't (didn't) have guessed that things would turn out like this at the start - the surprise and 'shock' factor that you use is quite good.

    One mistake others have missed methinks:
    “<Maybe they made him watch the tape of when they popped his knee back into place in slow motion… or even worse…>” Corphish gasped. “<… What if they made him watch ‘BRINGING DOWN THE HOUSE’!?>”
    Forgot the '<' part for the second sentence by Corphish.

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  16. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by Me, last chapter
    and you damn well better keep it up.
    You sure did. The emotions were brilliant once more and it was nice to get them from Jeff's point of view as well as Corphish and Daedalus.

    One thing which slightly bothered me about this chapter was how the Seviper storyline was pretty much ripped from an episode of the anime - Treecko gets in a fight with a Seviper, loses badly, gets taken to the Pokémon Center and bandaged (hell, the bandages were wrapped in the exact same way!) Then Treecko runs away from the Center and beats himself up while "training" on a rock. I just found that a little bit TOO similar - not that you didn't do it well.

    The scene on the boat was nice too - gotta love Corphish's "Food, food, food, food, food..." *finds sandwich* "FOOD!" Aww, and Daedalus and Peeko make a cute couple.

    And Jeff's injuries... damn, I'm starting to think this fic should be named A Series Of Unfortunate Events or something, nothing EVER goes right for them, does it?

    While your characters and emotions are excellent as ever, one thing which continues to bother me is the jerky flow. I've probably said this many, many times before but it really wrecks smooth flow when you use the same words too close together. One thing in particular which bothered me was overuse of the word "Treecko" when many times, "he" would have been a suitable and less awkward alternative. On a rather random note to do with that, I also noticed you refer to Peeko as "it" once.

    I eagerly await the chapter in which the first thing you spoiled to me in PM happens. :3 ...and the next chapter, regardless.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
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  17. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by HommeDor View Post
    wow. that was so sad. i loved it, even though it took me AGES to read, it was worth it!
    well, i found no mistakes, i have nothing negatice to say.
    you really aregood with emotion! i always feel it! it is like a real novel!
    i like the new banner too

    will treeko be back?
    Thanks you You'll just have to wait and see (I'm evil aren't I?) :P

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkPersian479 View Post
    Man, Jeff and Treecko simply CANNOT catch a break, can they? They're both bruised and battered to hell, Treecko's pride is in shambles, and he left the rest of the group!

    Very descriptive- perhaps a bit too descriptive when it comes to injuries- some of it was a bit too graphic for my tastes, but it was handled well nonetheless.

    Emotions were handled exceptionally well, as we can see both Jeff and Treecko both sink deeper into depression and regret, as well as blaming themselves for the events that transpired. And Treecko's self-destruction and abandonment. Man, I never predicted that I'd get into reading something this emotionally heavy, but you're able to pull it off very well. Again, a bit more depressing than what I would usually read, but you pull it off well so I don't mind- I just need to find something light and fluffy to read after this- perhaps some hotel reviews... some of them really crack me up

    I just hope that they can eventually pull themselves out of this slump eventually...
    It's quite near rock-bottom now...or is it?

    Well stay tuned ^ ^ it can't get anyworse I don't think... maybe I shouldn't speak too soon. :P

    Sorry about the graphic-ness, I'm trying to make it realistic while still staying in PG 13 :P.

    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg View Post
    You sure did. The emotions were brilliant once more and it was nice to get them from Jeff's point of view as well as Corphish and Daedalus.

    One thing which slightly bothered me about this chapter was how the Seviper storyline was pretty much ripped from an episode of the anime - Treecko gets in a fight with a Seviper, loses badly, gets taken to the Pokémon Center and bandaged (hell, the bandages were wrapped in the exact same way!) Then Treecko runs away from the Center and beats himself up while "training" on a rock. I just found that a little bit TOO similar - not that you didn't do it well.

    The scene on the boat was nice too - gotta love Corphish's "Food, food, food, food, food..." *finds sandwich* "FOOD!" Aww, and Daedalus and Peeko make a cute couple.

    And Jeff's injuries... damn, I'm starting to think this fic should be named A Series Of Unfortunate Events or something, nothing EVER goes right for them, does it?

    While your characters and emotions are excellent as ever, one thing which continues to bother me is the jerky flow. I've probably said this many, many times before but it really wrecks smooth flow when you use the same words too close together. One thing in particular which bothered me was overuse of the word "Treecko" when many times, "he" would have been a suitable and less awkward alternative. On a rather random note to do with that, I also noticed you refer to Peeko as "it" once.

    I eagerly await the chapter in which the first thing you spoiled to me in PM happens. :3 ...and the next chapter, regardless.
    OK... :P

    I admit I knew the storyline of the episode in question. However, I didn't watch any of the episodes from Advance (this includes battle and challenge) so that bandage thing must be a coincidence o_O... I mean he was his ribs and shoulder were both badly injured so it makes sense to have bandages across them, no? Also In my defense, the Seviper is from a flashback that I wrote a LONG time ago (in a much later chapter) and I thought it would be cool if the two had met up again. That was the only time I did that. The storyline just suited the situation at hand so well that I couldn't imagine it happening any other way. Anyways, good to have that off of my chest. And need not worry, I didn't just do this "because". It will all make sense in relevence to my plot later. That's a promise.

    PS I can't confirm that Treecko was training. At this point we know about as much as Jeff did at the time. That rock also makes a return later. :O

    I'm happy I pulled off the emotions well. I was worried it was too similar to last chapter.

    And no, luck/fate has a vendetta against them, it seems. :3 But there's gotta be sunny skies some time right?......RIGHT?!

    PPS: Don't hold your breath for the event in the PM xD It may not happen for a WHILE.

    PPPS

    : Jeez, Jeff, just finish already. -_-

    Anyways, I'm happy to know that I managed to "keep it up". I was genuinly worried I wasn't able to.

    Quote Originally Posted by bobandbill View Post
    Read the new chapter. 'Twas good, like the last one. Maybe not as good though, as personally Treecko's self thoughts may have been repeated and emphasised upon a bit too much. I also wasn't persuaded that Jeff could just 'up and leave' like that from the hospital - seemed a bit unrealistic to me.

    Nevertheless, a very well constructed and emotional chapter - extremely different in nature to the first few chapters. I wouldn't (didn't) have guessed that things would turn out like this at the start - the surprise and 'shock' factor that you use is quite good.

    One mistake others have missed methinks:

    Forgot the '<' part for the second sentence by Corphish.
    I agree with Treecko's thoughts, abit.

    Now it's time for the FORGOTTEN AUTHOR'S NOTE!!!

    This summer I dislocated my knee in the exact same way as Jeff (except instead of a Treecko's tail, it was my friend's knee.) I reacted in the same way (except with more sarcastic comments, but I couldn't have Jeff taking Corphish's job ^ ^) I was taken to the hospital and as soon as they popped the knee cap back into place I could move my leg with virtually no pain or irratation. Although I understand the Seviper's tail wound hindering Jeff.

    And to be honest, I didn't think it would be like this at the start either

    Quote Originally Posted by Apotheosis View Post
    I think the song worked much better in the newest chapter. It added to the already deep emotion of the moment. So much confused emotions for those only beginning their journey...

    I think they should follow the advice of this quote:
    "Get stronger. Consume all your happiness and sadness, and use that as your stepping stone." -Ovan
    Cool, I'm glad it worked out better. And very true. They're quite unlucky.

    I'll be sure to tell them that quote.

    Hanako Tabris- Thanks for reviewing this and for giving the tips and compliments. Don't worry there's no rush.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  18. #93
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    Oh man. What is this? Another chapter? Then you must know what this is... a review. *lame intro* XD

    First, I liked Corphish's little search for food there . . . reminds me of me when I'm looking for food and there's nothing there. Nooo. t_t

    Jeff looked at the detached wood gecko and sighed. He looked back down to find the sandwich in Corphish’s mouth. Corphish smiled nervously, showing the remaining contents in his maw. Disgusted, Jeff and Daedalus turned away from the sight.
    lol'd. Reminds me of my dad every night at dinner. XD Typical, typical Corphish..

    “<Oh, and… one more thing.>” The Taillow flew next to Peeko, stared at her before a wink, and asked, “<How YOU doin’?>”
    ......Peeko......... *sharpens axe*

    “<You’re pissssssing me off!>” hissed Seviper in anger.
    That made me 'lol'. I'll never know why.

    I never saw that anime episode that elyvorg described, so it was all pretty new to me. ._. The descriptions were great in the battle, and you did really well with Treecko trying to prove that he doesn't want to be weak and handle everything and anything on his own. This was also a great chapter to gain a little information about Treecko's past, aka the rivalry it has with Seviper. You're doing a good job with incorporating each detail about the character's lives little by little instead of smashing it all into the reader's faces at once (there's more next chapter! i wanna see)

    I also agree with whoever said this may as well be titled "A Series of Unfortunate Events." I'm wondering when, or if, Jeff and co. are ever going to get a break from anything. First the Kristie/Alan incident, then Treecko's running away, having to be close to Petalburg again, being caught in between Treecko/Seviper, and now Treecko is . . . gone. I won't be surprised if Jeff is sent to some mental institution for going crazy one day. x[

    I thought "Talk" by Coldplay was better than the Oasis song, BUT this song was also put into the story in a better way than "Talk". So, good job on that, too.

    One thing I want you to work on is... proof-reading. I think there could be a lot less mistakes in your story if you did so. I just think you type so fast that you don't really know what you're typing at all, and it ends up not making sense. Slow down a little, and after every few paragraphs or so, go re-read it and see if it looks okay to you.

  19. #94
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    Thanks for the review and all of the betas.

    I admit I'm, by nature a fast person. But, for you, I'll try to slowdown and proofread. I do like characters having backstories because it puts them on a more realistic level because every one has stories from their past that affects how they are in the present.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  20. #95
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    -FINALLY finished. I revamped the ending to this chapter as me and my beta (Diamondpearl876) thought some one was developed too drastically.

    -After mind numbing time of choosing a chapter title, I was listening through my playlist and happened to come across the Eiffel 65 song and the lyrics, I felt had to do with the chapter, very much.


    Now Isn't Forever

    “Hey! I’m home!” a smug but deep, calmed voice rang out. It sounded as if it belonged to one of those hardcore surfers who constantly said “radical” and “bodacious”. A door could be heard closing as well as two pairs of footsteps.

    I quickly stood up from my desk where I was drawing a picture of a Geodude for school. My body was not that of my regular maturity. I looked in the mirror and saw that I was my nine year old self. It didn’t cross my mind that I should be sixteen… or was it seventeen now? I ran out of my room and pedaled down the stairs. I stopped on the landing to see my brother to my left. He was much taller than I; he was tall enough so that our heads were level when I was three stairs off of the floor. He was an almost fanatic bodybuilder, which was obvious from his suntanned, muscular arms. He smiled at me and took off his shoes. I scanned his belt, which separated his beige Beastie Boys t-shirt from his baggy olive pants and noticed a red and white sphere known as a ‘pokeball’ on it. I could see something green behind his short, dark brown hair that was gelled up. It was his seventeenth birthday, so he used this milestone as an opportunity to get his first pokemon.

    “Hey, Jeffrey,” my brother, Keanu, said with a mellow tone. “Is Mom home?”

    “Yeah, she’s out back with Chikorita… did you get a pokemon?!” I asked with eagerness.

    “Yeah… Jeffrey, this is Sawyer, my new friend.” From behind Keanu’s head jumped down a light green lizard with two green tails and a red underbelly. The lizard pokemon grinned at me. It was the coolest pokemon I had ever seen!

    “Awesome! That’s so cool! Why did you call it Sawyer, Keanu? Why not something like Leafy or Rex?” I asked. My creative vocabulary was lacking considerably at that age. The Treecko gave a hurt look.

    “First of all, Sawyer’s a HE not an IT. Remember that knowing your pokemon’s gender is important when forming a bond for when you get your first pokemon. I mean, how would you feel to be called an IT?”

    I looked at the ground in shame. “Sorry, Sawyer,” I apologized. The wood gecko nodded, accepting my request for forgiveness.

    “Anyways, my favorite book was ‘The Adventures of Tom Sawyer’ and Sawyer means, I think, either wood or woodcutter or something and a Treecko IS a WOOD gecko pokemon,” Keanu replied proudly. “Also, both of those are crap names for Sawyer here.”

    The Treecko chuckled and began to curiously look around the hallway. I stared in awe at the miraculous pokemon. I couldn’t help but feel jealous.

    “Well, I’m going to say goodbye to her and then I’m finally off,” stated Keanu.

    “’Off’? You mean you’re leaving?!” I asked in disbelief.

    “Yeah, I finally have my first pokemon and I’ve gotten all I could from Professor Birch’s classes, so I have no reason not to!” he explained while disappearing into the kitchen.

    I sat on the steps and placed my head in my hands. I couldn’t believe that he was actually leaving! It just didn’t seem fair. Why did my brother, who I idolized, have to leave me here alone?! Did he even think about what he was leaving behind? I knew it was selfish of me and I wouldn’t be able to change his mind but I was sad and frustrated.

    I let out a soft sob through hands which covered my face. I remained there in the dark of my hands for a few minutes. All of a sudden I felt a warm, comforting hand on my shoulder. I turned an eye and saw that it was Sawyer! I quickly turned my head away and wiped the tears from my face before looking back. Sawyer let out an all-knowing grin and continued to pat my shoulder.

    “Thanks, Sawyer,” I smiled. “You’re a great pokemon.”

    The Treecko blushed and scratched the back of his head. Keanu came back in the hallway, now carrying a massive hiking backpack.

    “You ready, Sawyer?” Keanu asked him, smiling.

    It seemed like he was TOO eager to leave.

    Sawyer nodded, gave me final pat on the shoulder and leaped from the stairs to Keanu’s shoulder.

    “See you around, Jeffrey; we’ll be back sometime…”

    “Bye, Keanu. Bye, Sawyer. I’ll see you later. Oh… and it’s ‘Jeff’!” I replied with a hint of contempt.

    Keanu and I shook hands and he opened the door. I made eye contact with the yellow eyed lizard before the door created a sight barrier between us. Once they were out of sight, I quickly ran upstairs and jumped face down on my bed. I let out a few uncontrolled weeps before collecting myself in my sheets.

    I can’t believe he’s gone.

    I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked up at my white ceiling. I started to think about Sawyer, the Treecko.

    Ever since I’ve set my eyes on that pokemon I’ve decided that that would be my first pokemon, no matter what.

    I don’t care how much the Treecko hates me; I’m going to make sure to love it and care for it as much as possible! Eventually we’re going to become best friends and we’ll battle together, play together, and travel together, just like Keanu and Sawyer! I promise that we’re going to become best of friends and NOTHING will be able to drive us apart. Nothing.

    …Nothing.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Continued next post...
    Last edited by Griff4815; 28th October 2007 at 4:29 PM.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  21. #96
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    Continued....

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Jeff’s eyes shot open. He blinked back glazed eyes. He looked down to find Corphish and Daedalus sprawled on his chest. Jeff looked to the right side of his head, expecting Treecko to be sleeping beside him. He let out a sad sigh and looked upwards.

    It’s funny how things turned out…”

    Jeff felt a heavy, warm breeze blowing onto his left side. It felt kind of dewy. Jeff closed his eyes. The moist wind continued at a continuous pace every four seconds. Irritated and dazed, Jeff opened his eyes and turned his head to his right side.

    He noticed a large boulder like form beside him. The rock was almost shaped like a face. It appeared to have eyes, a large mouth, and a nose. On the top of the boulder was a large, oddly shaped, pointed crest. On the side, going from the apparent mouth, past the pseudo-left eye was a very deep, gray slash mark, as if somebody cut the rock like King Arthur and Excalibur. Jeff tried to look around the weird rock and found out that attached to the boulder was more boulders. The boulders created a chain, going around in a circle around the group. The stones became smaller as they went along. Jeff was surprisingly passive to the situation.

    Was there a crazy avalanche or something?” Jeff thought, staring at the linked rock formation.

    He turned his head back towards the largest rock. He noticed that the rock, that he thought was an eye, fluttered, revealing a white, glossy interior. Jeff looked back up at the dawn sky. The fact suddenly sunk in. He darted his head towards the face that he thought was a rock and quickly sat up. He scooted away from his head, backing against the tail that was coiled around the campsite.

    “Is th-that a pok… kemon?”

    The pokemon opened its mouth and yawned in a bass, throaty groan. The yawn was so powerful that Jeff’s hair was blown towards the pokemon on the inhale, but then his whole body was pushed back with the mightier exhale. Corphish and Daedalus were both awoken by Jeff’s moving. They stared at the giant sleeping pokemon and jumped to Jeff’s side.

    “<An Onix!>” Corphish exclaimed.

    “<What’s it doing all the way over here?!>”

    “Ok, guys? Climb on my back and we might be able to get over the end of its tail without waking it.”

    It was too late. The Onix lifted up its scarred head, let out a roar and extended its tail; it was like it was stretching. It rose like a tree and towered over the three. It peered down at the travelers and nodded.

    “<Please don’t eat me! I’m very sharp and I taste of feet!>” Corphish pleaded.

    Onix licked his lips and grinned. “<Don’t worry little Corphish, I do not eat other pokemon.>”

    Corphish let out a sigh of relief.

    “<Where exactly am I? I’ve been lost since yesterday,>” Onix asked, looking around him.

    “<You’re about a kilometer east of Petalburg City,>” Daedalus informed.

    “<What?! They airlifted me to the MAINLAND?!>” the large Onix roared.

    Jeff stepped back; he was sure the Onix would attack them.

    “<They? Who’s they?>” Daedalus continued to grill.

    “<The humans of Dewford Island! I remember something hit my scar and then I woke up, suspended by two helicopters over the water. I was sure I would die.>”

    “<So the humans knocked you out and dumped you here?>” Daedalus asked with contempt in his voice.

    “<No. The human’s didn’t knock me out… they just took me here. I don’t remember what happened in between,” explained the Onix.

    “<What happened before that?>”

    “<I’d… rather not talk about it… >” the massive rock snake mumbled, looking away.

    “<Well my name is Daedalus!>” the flying type introduced himself in merriment. “<That is Corppy, and the human is Jeff. Don’t worry, Jeff isn’t one of the bad humans.>”

    “<It’s nice to meet you all. I was called by my c… my name was… just call me Atlas,>” the Onix struggled to mumble in a sulking bass.

    “<Nice to meet you, Atlas. That scar on your face looks pretty fresh and… REALLY deep! You should have that bandaged or something. How did you get it?>” Daedalus asked.

    Atlas pretended not to hear him and he looked around the sky and the surrounding scenery. “<You don’t happen to know how to get back to Dewford… do you?>”

    “<The way we’re getting there is by ferry… although I don’t know why we’re bothering to go there,>” Daedalus informed him.

    Jeff, frustrated for being left out of the pokespeech, hopped over Atlas’ tail and sulked towards the tree line on the edge on the clearing. He sat down in the grass and looked into the forest.

    The Onix noticed this and asked, “<What’s wrong with your human… Jeff?>”

    A wave of solemn feelings returned to the party.

    “<I am sorry, did I say something wrong?>” Atlas asked, puzzled and embarrassed.

    “<No, it’s not your fault. We’ve… recently had a Treecko, Jeff’s best friend, leave…>” Daedalus enlightened the rock snake pokemon.

    “<The green, selfish b*stard,>” Corphish muttered to himself.

    “<I think I should say something to him,>” the Onix told them. “<Hey, Jeff!>”

    Jeff didn’t turn or reply. For all he knew, Atlas was talking to the others.

    “<Can he understand me?>”

    “<Maybe if you scared us half to death two days before tonight,>” Corphish told him.

    Atlas tilted his head in confusion. “<I don’t understand…>”

    “<You seem like a good guy, and, no offense, but it doesn’t look like you’d have anyone to tell…>”

    The Onix let out a grunt from his nose. The exhale was so powerful that Daedalus had to dig his talons into the earth to keep from being blown back. Corphish, however, went somersaulting behind him.

    “<…Sorry,>” Atlas apologized, scratching the back of his head with his tail, sheepishly. Daedalus nodded and began to explain what had happened with Jeff.

    Meanwhile, Jeff was still sitting and thinking. He began to remember far back as well as the days which seemed so long ago but were really only less than a week.

    He thought of the day he first met Treecko. He was being chased by a Scyther and, out of nowhere, the pokemon jumped out and saved him from death. The heroic Treecko had beaten up the assailant and even brought him his backpack after Jeff forgot it. He invited the wood gecko back to his house in gratitude, but Tyrogue must have said something to make Treecko want to leave. Jeff had thought that Treecko had abandoned him, until one year later when he went to get his first pokemon and he saw the green pokemon fighting. Jeff saved Treecko much like Treecko had saved him and they had been friends and travel partners ever since. But then Jeff remembered what happened in Petalburg and how he was afterwards. He got mad at Treecko when he shouldn’t have; his pokemon was only trying to help although he didn’t know how. Jeff chose not to think about the events following his first gym battle. Instead he went back to remembering the fun times: having a race with Treecko, play fighting with him, joking, and laughing. The times were short but the memories stuck with him and would stay forever.

    Jeff put a hand to his face and rubbed his sleep-deprived, unblinking eyes. When he opened his eyes, he was surprised to see Atlas’ head lying on the ground next to him. The Onix looked at Jeff and smiled warmly before letting out a soft grumble of questioning warmth.

    “You’re wondering what’s wrong?” Jeff asked the gigantic serpent.

    Atlas nodded in reply, even though he already knew the answer.

    “Well… I’m sorry; I don’t even know your name… anyways I… a good friend of mine… my best friend, Treecko… he left. We had an argument, but ever since, he has been acting much different. The whole thing was my fault so I can understand why he was upset. But he was acting very weird… scary… I’m worried about him, but I want him to be happy,” Jeff explained, as if talking to a psychiatrist. He didn’t know why he was telling this to a pokemon that was a stranger to him. He felt comfortable around this Onix; he felt like they could relate to each other, There was something about him that felt so familiar…

    Atlas knew he couldn’t respond with comprehensible words so he kept his head at ground level and lightly nuzzled Jeff’s side, comfortingly. He was almost knocked over by the rock snake’s head but he managed to stay upright and able to pet the Onix back.

    “Thanks…” Jeff answered with some surprise, comforted by the normally terrifying pokemon.

    Jeff paused before he looked at Atlas and asked, “That’s a pretty bad scar; how did you get it?”

    He uncomfortably pulled his head away from Jeff, his head now rearing up high above the ground. Atlas began to stare over the tree canopies, into the pink, dawn sky.

    “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you,” Jeff sheepishly apologized.

    The towering Onix looked down at him, smiled, and shook his head in reassurance. Using Atlas’ body as support, Jeff struggled to stand; his right leg and foot still ached from the cuts. Atlas watched Jeff turn and walk over the grass back to the other two pokemon.

    In an almost inaudible whisper, Jeff said, “Let’s get going.”

    Corphish and Daedalus let out remarks of protest.

    “You guys are going to have to learn English because I still can’t understand what you’re saying,” he muttered, beginning to get a headache.

    Corphish picked up a twig in his claws and put it in his mouth. Following that, he pointed out into the forest and began to frantically hop around.

    “What about Treecko?” Jeff asked, in which the duo replied with a nod. “He made his choice. It’s because I didn’t respect his wishes that we’re in this frigged up mess! So it’s about time I just… let him… go… if it’s what makes him happy. As long as Treecko’s happy, that’s all that I care about… he deserves at least that,” he exclaimed, lying to himself.

    “<But he’s NOT happy!>” Corphish yelled, stepping forwards. Daedalus put his wing on the water pokemon’s shoulder to calm him down.

    “So, let’s go… lead the way, Dae…” Jeff sighed as if he was holding all his air in his lungs until that point.

    Daedalus looked at Corphish before nodding and flying ahead. Jeff and Corphish began to follow. Jeff turned around and looked at Atlas.

    “Thank you, Onix,” Jeff said with mild gratitude before turning back around. He began to walk away from him.

    Atlas’ head sunk and he let out a series of low bellows and growls, to which Corphish turned around and began to reply. They got into a conversation.

    Jeff slowed in his tracks to turn around. “What are you doing, Corphish? Come on.”

    “Corp corphish, phish phish cor corphish!” he responded to Jeff, seemingly trying to explain something.

    “What are you two talking about? What does he want?”

    Corphish ran up to Jeff, jumped, and snatched a pokeball from his belt, careful not to hit the center button. He then motioned with the pokeball towards Atlas.

    “You want me to catch him?!” Jeff asked, almost upset.

    Corphish nodded vigorously.

    “I don’t want to catch that Onix!” he yelled.

    Atlas’ eyes widened. He turned his rocky head down, feeling hurt and unwanted.

    “No, I didn’t mean it like that, big guy. I mean I don’t want to have to take another pokemon unwillingly from their home. It’s bad enough that I did that with three already. I couldn’t live with myself if I did that again.”

    Atlas roared in protest and shook his head.

    “I’m sorry, Onix. But you don’t want to come with us,” insisted Jeff.

    The rock snake nodded his head in persistence and neared Jeff.

    “Trust me; I bring bad luck to everyone around me.” With that, Jeff turned around and began to follow the troubled Daedalus. He heard the noisy slithering of Atlas behind him. Jeff stopped in his tracks and turned again to face the gigantic pokemon trailing their footsteps.

    “Do you actually want to come or are you feeling bad for me?” Jeff questioned. He stared into the Onix’s warm but hard, staring eyes and he immediately got his answer. “Why would you want to come with me? I’m sure you could have it so much better… Treecko did.”

    Atlas looked off into the distance before he lowered his head to Jeff’s level and brushed it against him affectionately.

    “Nothing I say is going to make you leave… is it?” Jeff questioned.

    Atlas gave a smug grin and shook his head. Something in Atlas’ smile immediately reminded him of Treecko. He felt a little warm, but the memory also hurt to think of him.

    “Would you be genuinely happy to come?” Jeff asked, insecurely.

    The Onix rolled his eyes and nodded in a persistent agreement.

    If this will make him happy… maybe I SHOULD let him come along. If I couldn’t make Treecko happy, I should at least try to make this Onix content. Still… why would he want to come with me?”

    Jeff left his thoughts and answered, “Sure… we’d love to have you with us, Onix. Just know that you can leave anytime that you want. No pressure. No guilt. No problem.”

    Atlas was overjoyed; he beamed and let out a joyous roar. Jeff took the pokeball from Corphish and held it in front of him, awaiting the Onix to make it official. The rock snake leaned forwards and tapped his head on the pokeball. He was engulfed in a red beam and went into the pokeball without a struggle. The sphere clicked shut. Without a second thought, Jeff immediately released Atlas from the ball. He towered over the three.

    “Now let’s go,” said Jeff impatiently.

    They nodded and moved around the cliff base and up a hill. Atlas was very careful not to accidentally slither on one of his comrades. They went past the plateau and into the forest. Daedalus flew ahead while Jeff and Corphish rode on Atlas’ back.

    “You sure you don’t mind us using you as a train?” Jeff asked the Onix. He shook his head and grinned, squeezing through trees and bushes, following Daedalus. They entered a familiar clearing; it was where they were attacked by Seviper. Daedalus cautiously scouted ahead. He looked at the tree where Seviper was. He saw that the pokemon had disappeared. The tiny swallow also noticed that the tail looked like it was ripped from the bark where it was planted by Treecko. There were small blood spatters on the bark and the grass surrounding the tree.

    “This is where Seviper attacked us… and where Treecko tried to save me,” Jeff remarked glumly.

    Corphish looked at Daedalus. “<It’s a good thing he doesn’t know what really happened.>”

    Daedalus nodded and urged them to turn east, away from the clearing.

    “<What do you mean?>” Atlas asked in a throaty grumble.

    “<Treecko actually chased after Seviper to fight him instead of trying to save Jeff. I don’t know why he did that, either. He should have known better,>” Daedalus informed.

    “<Maybe he had a good reason…>” the giant serpent mused.

    “<Either way, it looks like Treecko came back and finished what he started… and I don’t think he left the number of his insurance company,>” Corphish ruminated, inspecting the damage.

    Atlas turned and followed Daedalus through the forest. Corphish and the Taillow struck up a conversation about Piplups.

    “<What’s the deal with them? Are they a fish or a bird?>” Corphish asked, almost frustrated.

    “<They’re obviously birds, numbskull!>” Daedalus retorted, somewhat offended.

    “<Sure they LOOK like birds, but they can swim, can’t fly, and can shoot water from their mouths!>”

    “<What about Peeko? She can swim and shoot water!>” he confidently stated.

    “<But she can fly! Piplups can’t!>”

    Daedalus sighed at the hopeless conversation and changed the subject. “<Speaking of Peeko… I wonder how SHE’S doin’!>” Daedalus grinned, thinking about the Wingull they had met earlier.

    “<Keep your dirty wings off of her!>” Corphish shot.

    “<Are you saying that she’s out of my league?>” Daedalus asked as he grinned competitively.

    “<Yes, what if I am?>”

    “<So you’re saying YOU’RE in HER league?>”

    “<Hah! NO! Could she BE any more out of my league?>”

    “<So, you’re saying we’re in the same league?>”

    “<No! You’re a stud compared to me. But still not good enough for Peeko!>”

    Daedalus paused and flew on. “<We’re getting kind of into an uncomfortable discussion here…>”

    Corphish looked around, uncomfortably. “<SO… food! What’s the deal with THAT?!>”

    The contented Atlas remained silent the whole time and smiled. Jeff shifted uncomfortably on the rocky transport. Although he couldn’t get comfy he was happily shocked that the Onix’s body was actually quite warm as opposed to what he thought would have been stone cold. Atlas continued to slither around trees, where Jeff had to bring his legs up from the rock snake’s sides so they wouldn’t be crushed between the stone and the tree trunks. The forest moved by them quickly. Daedalus flew hastily while he talked to Corphish, with some nervousness in his voice.

    Jeff sighed. “Ok, Daedalus, stop. You stop as well, Onix.”

    The two pokemon stopped and looked at Jeff in confusion.

    “Dae, I may be a human, but I’m not an idiot!”

    Daedalus didn’t even try to lie; he looked away in guilt. Atlas, however, was genuinely confused.

    “We’re not going to Petalburg… you brought us in the wrong direction to find Treecko!”

    Corphish’s stomach sunk; their plan was exposed and left out in the wind.

    “<Is this true?>” Atlas asked Daedalus, who weakly nodded in reply; he still did not make eye contact.

    “You know I don’t want him gone, but we can’t FORCE him to come with us! He has a mind of his own… and I want to respect that,” explained Jeff with heavy repentance.

    The Taillow opened his mouth to protest, but he stopped himself knowing it would be in vain.

    “We’re not going to look for Treecko…” Daedalus and Corphish’s heads sunk. “…but we’re not going back to Petalburg, either.” Their grief turned to confusion.

    “<We aren’t?! But why?!>” Atlas growled in shock.

    “For now… we’re going home. Daedalus, go straight to Oldale Town and then we make a hard right. Let’s go.”

    Without much choice, he nodded and flew in the direction he was flying in.

    “<I can’t believe this,>” the rock snake grumbled. “<Where does Jeff live?>”

    “<In the gym battle he said that he was from Littleroot Town,>” Corphish explained.

    Daedalus stopped flying in his tracks and hovered in place. An organ twisting silence ensued. Corphish’s eyes widened at his misdeed. Daedalus wasn’t supposed to know that!

    “<…Did you say… ‘gym battle’?>” he asked coldly.

    Corphish looked around frantically. “<Uhhh…yes! Wh…while you were in the… the pokemon center, Jeff was out getting you medicine and he decided to go into the local WORK OUT gym to WORK OUT. Then he accidentally stepped on this guy’s foot and then they started to fight…it was pr…pretty cool…>”

    “<I’m sorry I missed seeing that, then,>” Daedalus remarked, flying forward again.

    After a little while of traipsing the sunlit woodland, Daedalus had an idea. “<Instead of going to the town up ahead and then turning at a right angle, why don’t we cut diagonally to the right and that will half our travel time.>”

    “<Good idea, Featherhead,>” Corphish complimented. “<I don’t think the good people who I steal satellite signals from would be too happy with Goliath here slithering over their… twelve buildings.>”

    “<Just because I don’t eat Corphish’s now doesn’t mean I can’t start,>” Atlas threatened, good-naturedly.

    Corphish grinned nervously and backed into Jeff’s arms. They continued to move through the dense forest and entered Route 101.

    “Route 101…” Jeff muttered to himself. “Let’s get through here as fast as we can!” he ordered to the rest of the group.

    Daedalus flew quicker and Atlas speedily followed him. They moved from the forest onto the path that led from Littleroot to Oldale Town. Jeff remembered happy memories from this path. He could clearly see him and Treecko walking away from the town, poking fun at each other and sharing a laugh. He quickly shut his eyes hard. It hurt him to think about.

    “<Is that it?>” Daedalus asked, pointing ahead to a good sized town. The biggest building was Professor Birch’s lab, which was closest to them. The community omitted a sorrowfully, familiar ambience.

    “<I think it is,>” grumbled Corphish. “<It’s not as bad as that awful Petalburg City!>”

    “<Yeah… it’s actually kind of nice… for a human city,>” Daedalus remarked. “<And there’s only a few of those things that humans go around in… what are they called… BWMs or something?>”

    They began to near the side of the lab. Atlas was incredibly cautious, so he crawled in the middle of the empty road.

    “<Cars, bird brain… cars. Also, it’s BMWs… I see a lot of celebrities driving them on TV along with Porsches,>”

    “<A ‘Porsche’? Is that a pokemon?>” Daedalus asked Corphish.

    “<No! …NO! It’s a CAR! Like we were just talking about...?>” Corphish asked, a little frustrated.

    “<Krabby today, are we?>” Daedalus grinned, sticking his tongue out at Corphish. “<How do you watch TV anyways?>”

    “<I stole a TV from the Oldale pokemon center along with about four things of extension cords, so that I could watch it from my pond. I bribed a Magnemite into hooking up the satellite signals with the TV,>” Corphish explained proudly.

    “<Wow… I… >” Daedalus pictured Corphish running through the forest with a TV over his head. The image caused him to burst into laughter.

    A glass door was heard being swung open from the lab. The mildly husky Professor Birch ran out to inspect the Onix.

    “Jeff?! Is that you?!” he yelled to them, removing his hands from the pockets of his white lab coat to shade his eyes from the sunlight. The brown haired professor was obviously confused as to why Jeff was back in Littleroot Town so soon. He indicated that his assumptions were correct by scratching his thick brown beard in confusion.

    Jeff gave him a quick glance before he turned forwards and directed Atlas down the main street. The rock snake pokemon attracted a great detail of attention from the town’s inhabitants. A few people gazed at the beast through their opened windows, while others abruptly closed their curtains. Jeff pointed to his white house, which now had bits of the front painted an odd pale gray-green color.

    He noticed that the driveway had no car in it. That must have meant that his mom was out shopping in Petalburg. Atlas slithered into the driveway and let out a low sigh. Jeff and Corphish dismounted and Daedalus flew onto the human’s shoulder.

    “Sorry, Onix. Do you want to wait out here or inside your pokeball?” Jeff asked him.

    The rocky serpent laid his head on the tarmac, indicating that he was fine outside.

    Jeff nodded and picked up Corphish. He walked with his pokemon up the front steps and took a key from his pocket. He inserted the metal unlocking device into the keyhole.

    Jeff stopped in mid unlocking. “I never thought I’d be back here so soon… and like this…” he thought. He finished opening the lock and placed the key back in his pocket. The door creaked open, revealing an unoccupied hallway.

    “…And this is my home,” the human explained to his pokemon. “You guys must be starving; the kitchen is straight ahead.”

    “<Kit…chen?>” Daedalus asked, oblivious.

    “<It’s where humans keep their food,>” enlightened Corphish.

    “<So is it like a place where they hunt for… whatever it is that they eat?>”

    “<No, Featherhead… no hunting. All of their food is already dead and they keep it in a kitchen for storage.>”

    “<Pfft… typical humans. Don’t even hunt for themselves. ME… I hunt for MY Weedles and Caterpies!>” Daedalus proudly exclaimed.

    “<So THAT’S why you’re always looking at Atlas like he’s a giant Wurmple! Not to mention why your breath always stinks!>” Corphish laughed, poking fun.

    Daedalus smirked and entered the kitchen, looking around in awe. Corphish pointed to the giant, white box-like appliance. He looked at the indent in the left door of it, which was the ice dispenser. It had two levers where you put the glasses to obtain either water or ice. He and Daedalus pushed a chair over to the left door of it and Corphish hopped up onto it.

    “<I’ve never seen one of whatever these things are in a fridge before… I wonder what it does,>” he said, motioning to the device.

    Coprhish outstretched a claw and pressed the lever on the left. The hole above the lever, on the fridge, emitted a gentle trickle of water. The liquid dampened his claw and he became very pleased.

    “<Aww, it’s water!>” Corphish stated happily. He merrily splashed Daedalus, who waited below. The Taillow shook off the water and flew up beside him.

    “<Great, but what does the other one do?>” he asked, nudging Corphish with his wing.

    Corphish reached with his claw and pressed the other button, holding it down. A terrifying mechanical humming came from the button. It sounded almost like a Sceptile blowing its nose for a long time. They jumped back but Corphish still kept his claw on the lever. From the hole, out shot semi-circle blocks of ice, which barraged the two unsuspecting pokemon. They let out shocked cries as they fell from the chair and onto the white tile.

    “<It knows blizzard! Get it!>” Corphish yelled in fear and anger. He opened his pincer and unleashed a volley of clear bubbles, which hit the levers. As a result of being hit, the machine spat out more ice. The blocks hit Daedalus who was righting himself on the floor.

    “<You jackass!>” Corphish yelled at the inanimate device, unleashing more bubbles at the fridge.

    Jeff, who still stood in the hallway, broke a grin at the antics. He chose not to intervene since they would probably tire themselves out soon.

    Jeff sensed movement behind him. A shadow moved over his body. He turned to move but he couldn’t react in time. He felt something like a hammer hit the back of his closely planted knees. His legs buckled and he fell to his knee caps with a cry. His right, freshly relocated kneecap filled with pain. The knees impacted the hardwood floor but before he could retaliate Jeff felt another blunt blow in his spine. He fell to his stomach and something hard began to crush his left hand, while something else grabbed his right hand and pulled it behind his back. His left hand was pulled behind his back to meet his right hand and the same thing that crushed his left began to press on both hands.

    “Eerrrrgh,” Jeff snarled.

    “Hit,” said a smooth voice.

    “What?” he asked the clenched teeth.

    “Hitmonlee monlee,” replied the familiar tone.

    The pressure on his hands was taken off. He rolled over to find the brown, long-legged body of Hitmonlee standing over him, grinning. The brown pokemon outstretched a hand to help Jeff up. He returned the grin and took his hand.

    Corphish and Daedalus rushed into the hallway to see what the commotion was about. Corppy pointed his opened claw at Hitmonlee as Daedalus stepped forwards.

    “<Who the hell are you and what did you do to Jeff?!>” trilled the bird, threateningly.

    Hitmonlee glared at the bird and stepped forwards.

    “It’s ok, guys. I know Hitmonlee. He’s with me!” Jeff explained, still holding onto Hitmonlee’s hand.

    With a large jerk of his arm, the kicking pokemon pulled Jeff to his feet. The human stepped between Daedalus and Hitmonlee to prevent a possible clash between the two. Hitmonlee looked at Jeff and grinned contently.

    “<It’s nice to see you again, Jeff,>” the brown pokemon told him.

    “It’s nice to see you too, Hitmonlee,” replied Jeff.

    Daedalus and Corphish’s jaws dropped in shock. Jeff looked at them blankly. He then realized why the duo was staring at him so oddly.

    “I’m sorry to get your hopes up, but I still can’t understand you guys. I’ve been living with Hitmonlee for so long that I can understand him through his tone of voice and his body gestures… I can’t actually understand his words. He’s part of the family.”

    Their heads sunk in disappointment.

    “Oh yeah… Hitmonlee? This is Corppy and this is Daedalus. And this is obviously Hitmonlee.”

    “<And the Onix snoozing in our driveway?>”

    “That’s Onix… he’s with us.”

    “<His name is actually Atlas… but Jeff doesn’t know that,>” Daedalus informed him.

    “<He knows YOUR name! How did he manage that?>” Hitmonlee asked the Taillow, imposingly.

    “<It’s kind of a long story…>” Daedalus explained.

    “Tyr…err… Hitmonlee? Can I talk to you upstairs privately?”

    The Hitmonlee nodded and followed Jeff up the stairs to the right of the doorway. Daedalus and Corphish followed, curious of this ‘upstairs’.

    “I see that your blunt sense of humor hasn’t changed,” said Jeff through a grin, rubbing his hurt hands.

    “<I couldn’t resist,>” laughed Hitmonlee.

    They reached the top of the stairs. Jeff and the fighting pokemon walked into the pseudo fighting dojo where they always practiced martial arts. Corphish and Daedalus, however, wandered into Jeff’s room. The two in the hardwood gym sat against the wall beside a new punching bag in the corner. Jeff lightly pushed it, causing it to swing like a pendulum.

    “<It’s been pretty lonely sparring by myself…>” Hitmonlee explained with a solemn smirk.

    “Sorry… I can imagine how you feel…” answered Jeff in apology.

    “<It’s not your fault. Arceus, Jeff, you apologize too much! If a tree falls in the forest you can’t say you were responsible because you weren’t there to prop it back up!>”

    “I… don’t know…” Jeff mumbled. “Hitmonlee, I have a strange question…”

    “<Shoot.>”

    “How…do you eat… and talk?” awkwardly asked Jeff.

    Hitmonlee took a half full bottle of water from beside him and brought it to his face. He tipped it to where one would think his mouth would be. Jeff expected water to pour down his front and was shocked when that didn’t happen. The water went from the bottle to his face before seemingly evaporating on impact. Jeff was left speechless.

    “<What? Didn’t you pay attention during your pokemon biology class? I have really fine pores in that area of my face. It’s called diffusion… ring any bells, college boy?>” he taunted, despite the fact that Jeff was not in college.

    “That was amazing, Hit,” Jeff gaped. “Can you do that with solid food, too?”

    He nodded. “<The food turns into particles on impact with the pores and goes into my stomach.>”

    “That’s so cool… you talk the same way… through your pores or whatever, I mean?”

    “<No! I talk with my feet!>” Hitmonlee grinned, bringing a foot and his sharp toes to Jeff’s neck, kidding his friend.

    “I could tell by the heartwarming greeting you gave me! Y’almost dislocated my knee again!” Jeff tried to smile, hitting the foot away from his neck. “That reminds me… how’s Bayleef doing? She like your new form?” Jeff asked, ribbing the fighting type with a playful punch to the waist. Hitmonlee visibly blushed and returned a shove, although it was much harder, knocking Jeff to the wooden floor. Hitmonlee felt a bit guilty for hitting Jeff so hard, so he helped him back upright.

    “<Bay’s doing fine… I guess… I… don’t know if she likes it or not… So… a Taillow, a Corphish, and an Onix! Not bad for your first week as a trainer!>” complimented the kicking pokemon.

    “That’s the thing… ” Jeff began.

    “<Hey, what happened to the little green ***?>” interrupted Hitmonlee.

    Jeff went silent and turned his head away. Hitmonlee felt a great stone burden his heart from guilt.

    “<Oh Arceus… Jeff… I’m so sorry… how did he die?>” he asked sympathetically, although jumping to conclusions.

    “No no! He didn’t die… I don’t think… please Arceus, no…” Jeff answered, his voice gradually getting softer.

    “<Then what happened?!>”

    “I’ll tell you… but there’s something else I need to tell you, too.”

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Corphish and Daedalus walked around Jeff’s room, admiring all of the different things. The Taillow flew up onto Jeff’s bed, followed by Corphish, who clawed his way up the sheets. The ruffian pokemon eyed the movie posters which feature the black-grey, dog-like Mightyena and the Grovyle, who instantly reminded him of Treecko.

    “<Those were both great movies… Nychus… that Grovyle… reminds me of… nevermind.>”

    Corphish collapsed on the soft, cotton sheets of the mattress. He began to roll about them, semi-contently.

    “<THIS reminds me of him…>” Daedalus said, pecking at a life-sized Treecko plush toy that he found sitting on the bed.

    “<Hmm… the eyes and cheeks are ALL wrong!>” Corphish stated, examining the Treecko.

    “<He must really admire Treeckos,>” thought Daedalus out loud, nudging the plush toy over on the bed.

    “<Yeah… he does… >” Corphish muttered, withholding something.

    “<He’s probably taking Treecko’s leaving harder than we thought.>”

    “<Um… right. Because he wanted to get Treecko back SO badly that he came home instead of looking for him.>”

    “<It just doesn’t seem like Jeff would let this go so easily… do you really think he gave up and let it be?>”

    “<You know what, Featherhead? I think he has.>”

    “<You remember how hard he took it when Treecko left temporarily! You’d think he’d at least be the same way when Treeck left for real… but he’s hardly showing anything at all!>”

    “<I don’t know… but what I DO know is that THIS bed is really soft!>” pointed out Corphish, sprawling on the neat covers. Daedalus flew over to the window and peered out. He looked down upon the driveway where Atlas was waking up from a deserved nap. The rock snake pokemon yawned, causing the windows to tremble.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Jeff finished telling Hitmonlee what had happened. He recapped the story with surprising apathy. The kicking pokemon felt very badly for his friend and anger coursed through him when thinking about the Treecko who abandoned Jeff.

    “<That jackass…>” Hitmonlee muttered. “<Don’t worry, Jeff… we’re better off without him anyways.>”

    “…If only that were true.”

    “<You know it’s true, pal! He’s a selfish, arrogant prick who only thinks about what’s in his best interests! He left you, so why should YOU feel bad?!>”

    “He was my… one of my best friends, Hitmonlee! I had to have done SOMETHING!” Jeff insisted with heavy woe bearing down on him.

    “<I’M your best friend, Jeff! Trust me… he’s not worth what you’re putting yourself through!>”

    Jeff let out a deep sigh and paused.

    “I’ve decided to stop trying to be a trainer.”

    The fighting pokemon gaped at Jeff for a moment.

    “<You can’t be serious! Not because of this!>”

    “No, not just because of this…” Jeff explained with an uncaring monotone tenor. “Ever since I started becoming a confident trainer, it all went to hell! Kristie was with Alan. I couldn’t command my pokemon or even myself! I didn’t even win my first gym battle on my own, Treecko bailed me out! Then our plan with that Nidoking went to hell. I hit my own pokemon for Arceus’ sakes! I’m surprised they ALL didn’t leave when I did that! I can’t even get my own starting pokemon to stay with me.”

    Hitmonlee was going to protest but Jeff stood up before he had a chance to. Without a word, he limped to the door of the hardwood dojo.

    “I’ve got to go break it to my pokemon.”

    “<Oh yeah?! THEN what are you going to do with them?>” Hitmonlee shot at him, getting up to follow Jeff.

    “Then they can finally go home. They’ll no longer be mine,” he replied.

    In frustration, Hitmonlee spun around and kicked the punching bag with such force that it swung up and hit the ceiling before coming back down and dangled around in circles.

    “<DAMNIT, JEFF!>” he yelled with a significantly raised voice, stopping Jeff in his tracks. “<I know you think that if you do this you’ll be able to start over from before you left for the lab to get that Treecko, BUT YOU WON’T! I’ll still be a Hitmonlee, Kristie will still be with Alan, Treecko will still be gone for good, you’ll still have three pokemon to take care of, and you’ll still be a pokemon trainer!>”

    Jeff turned and locked his green eyes with his friend in a cold stare. Hitmonlee glared back, not budging an inch. He needed to prove his point… for Jeff’s sake. The glare-off kept for several seconds.

    “<Let it go, Jeff…>” the arrogant kicking pokemon ordered, brown eyes still fixated on the human’s.

    Jeff turned to leave to his room, followed by Hitmonlee. They crossed the blue carpeted hallway and walked into Jeff’s spacious room. He threw his backpack down my the bed, as it was quite heavy. Corphish and Daedalus were nested on the bed, the sun warming their backs from the window behind them. Daedalus was sneaking something into Jeff’s backpack, but the human took no notice of it.

    “Guys… I need to talk to you. Can you wake up Onix so…” Jeff was interrupted by Hitmonlee forcefully pulling back on his arm.

    “<Jeff, don’t do this!>”

    Jeff yanked his arm from Hitmonlee’s grasp. Meanwhile, Corphish threw Jeff’s alarm clock down at Atlas to wake him from his deserved nap. The clock let out a final ‘PIDGEO’ before exploding in wood, gears, springs, and wings. Atlas woke up with a sharp snort and looked up at the apparent assailant.

    “<Hey, Atlas! Get up here for a group meeting before I start bringing out the sexual innuendo insults!>” Corphish called from the window. The rock serpent grumbled and brought his head to level with the second story window over looking the driveway.

    “Ok, guys… this is hard for me to say so I’ll just say it!”

    The pokemon leaned in with a bit of worry and curiosity.

    “I’ve decided to stop trying to become a pokemon trainer. You guys can leave if you want.”

    Following the bold words were a barrage of comments and protests.

    Corphish’s cries were the most noticeable and obnoxious, although Jeff still could not decipher them. “<Could that idea BE any stupider?! Get a hold of yourself, Jeff!>”

    Atlas also let out a frustrated rumble of frustration, causing loose items on Jeff’s end table and desk to fall over. “<How am I supposed to get to Dewford?! He can’t leave me, too!>”

    Much to Hitmonlee’s surprise, Daedalus smiled, closed his eyes and nodded. The smile said, “<I’m proud of you, Jeff,>” but his eyes had a burdened longing in them. The flying type’s head sunk but the smile in his beak remained. It was as if he felt like he failed them.

    Jeff honestly was happy that he couldn’t hear the rantings and insults of his pokemon at this point. It made the decision so much more easy. Although he still got the main idea of what the collective protest was.

    “Enough you guys… I made up my mind!” This shut the pokemon’s traps. “I’m going to the lab to return my pokedex and pokeballs… I’ll meet you guys downstairs,” ordered Jeff in a flustered mumble.

    The trio indignantly marched downstairs, while Atlas simply lowered his rocky head from the window to down by the front door. Jeff picked up his backpack again and walked over to his desk underneath the two posters. He looked at the many items knocked over by the growl of Atlas. One of the many articles was a face down picture. He tipped up the picture and placed it in both of his hands. It was a photograph of his brother, Keanu, and the Treecko, Sawyer. Both who he greatly admired.

    I’m sorry… I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be like you…” Jeff thought back to what he had said the day that those two left. He vowed that nothing would drive him and his own Treecko apart. “I let you down… I couldn’t keep my promise.

    With that, he gently and carefully placed the photograph to its original upright position on the desk. Jeff hobbled out of the room, his foot and quadricep wounds still giving his right leg grief. He turned left to go down the stairs after his pokemon. He saw them angrily waiting in the porch, talking about what was probably Jeff’s decision. Jeff walked into the hallway and turned to face them.

    All of a sudden he heard a sweet voice behind him.

    “<Jeff?!>” asked the soothing, feminine voice.

    The person in question turned around to see Bayleef standing in the hallway. She twirled the leaf on her head around in delight.

    “Bayleef!” Jeff greeted in return.

    The green sauropod ran towards the human. Upon reaching Jeff, she reared her forelegs up onto Jeff’s quadriceps and released two vines from her leafy necklace which wrapped around his waist in a hugging fashion. He smiled and bent down to reprise the action. After a moment, they released each other from the mutual bond.

    “<It’s nice to see you again!>”

    “Thanks, Bay.” Like Hitmonlee, Bayleef could be understood by Jeff since they had been around each other for so long. It was through their motions and tone that this relatively lucky skill was established. Jeff had still wished that he actually knew what they were saying, though.

    Bayleef looked around Jeff to see the three pokemon in the porch. She noticed that the original team member was listening.

    “<Where’s Treecko?>” she asked eagerly.

    Upon that question, Hitmonlee furiously scowled at no one in particular and subconsciously kicked a propped up umbrella, immediately snapping it in half. Everyone turned their heads to the enraged fighting pokemon.

    With a cold, unrepentant tenor, he answered, “<… My bad.>”

    Jeff turned his head, back to face the hopeful Bayleef. He paused and looked deeply into her red eyes.

    “<He’s gone.>”

    He watched her smile instantaneously fade into a broken frown. The red eyes began to ripple as tears started to flood them. Jeff turned away and opened the front door to leave. The distressed Bayleef bounded up the stairs away from them.

    Hitmonlee reached out his rather stubby arm to try to go after her, but he also noticed that Jeff and his pokemon had already made it down the walkway and onto the sidewalk. Torn between which he should go after, he took his own oath and he let his feet do the talking. They were jumping down the front steps and running after Jeff before his friend made a huge mistake.

    Hitmonlee’s powerful legs caught him up to the Taillow, Corphish, human, and the Onix, whose back they were all sitting upon, in no time at all.

    “<You can’t stop becoming a trainer, Jeff! We’ve all talked and your pokemon don’t want to go home… they’ve moved on… why can’t you? And what about all of our training for those years?!>”

    “Arceus, Hit, I’m not having this conversation with you again! My mind’s made up!” Jeff retorted, as stubborn as a Tauros.

    They neared the largest structure in town… Birch’s lab, which seconded as a classroom. The walls of the building’s exterior were a clean white color. The paint wasn’t even peeling from the sides; it was like it was brand new. Atlas slithered in front of the spotless glass doors and the three dismounted and landed beside Hitmonlee. Atlas then moved away from the entrance and curled up on the grassy path to the left of the large edifice. Jeff opened the glass door and held it open for Daedalus, Corphish, and Hitmonlee.

    Inside the spacious, but this time, clean room were many shelves containing text books and biological encyclopedias. Essays were crammed between the books, but were done so in a tidy, organized fashion. There was a video-phone in the left corner of the machine-laden room. The devices looked like they were used for physical and internal research of pokemon; Jeff had only seen a few of them in action. In the far right side of the room was Professor Birch’s desk, but he was not at it. Instead, he was at the farthest end of the room next to a pedestal with three pokeballs on it. Beside him was a kid who looked like he was in his early teens.

    Just as the door behind Jeff closed, the kid picked up a pokeball and held it against his red shirt before beginning to place it in his tattered, blue jeans. When the door clicked shut, creating a loud echo around the spacious room, Professor Birch and the guy turned around.

    “Jeff! I was hoping I could have a chat with you… come on over here!” Professor Birch called out warmly.

    Jeff nodded and walked over to the two, followed by his pokemon. The teen walked up to him and outstretched a hand. He shook the guy’s hand and introduced himself, “I’m Jeff.”

    “Hey, I’m Sam,” he replied. “That’s a lot of cool pokemon you have there! You must be a pokemon trainer, too… I just became one.”

    Jeff shifted in his spot, uncomfortably. “Well, I am for about four more minutes…” he answered softly so Professor Birch wouldn’t immediately hear.

    “You’re quitting? Before you do, can we have a battle? It’d kinda be my first battle and your last battle,” Sam asked, hopefully.

    “I guess that’d be ok… I have to talk to the professor first, though,” replied Jeff.

    Hitmonlee grabbed Jeff’s arm once more, saying, “<Please, Jeff… Treecko isn’t worth giving up all of your work.>”

    He kneeled down to Hitmonlee’s level and whispered in his ear boldly, “As long as I keep thinking of and remembering what I did to Treecko… I can never be a pokemon trainer. And the memories and guilt aren’t leaving any time soon…”

    He pulled his arm away from the kicking pokemon and walked up to Professor Birch. Hitmonlee sighed and walked towards the table with the two remaining pokeballs.

    “So, Jeff! Wow, an Onix! How did you manage to pull that one off?” Professor Birch asked with a large grin.

    “I find me asking myself that same question…” Jeff half-grinned and began to open his mouth but was interrupted.

    “That’s a fine Taillow you have there, too! His forked, tail feathers are notably longer than the average Taillow. That’s a large plus when it comes to mating season.”

    Jeff tried to open his mouth again but had his words stolen, again.

    “Say, I don’t see Treecko… where is the green little troublemaker, anyways?”

    Jeff’s heart sunk deeper. He dodged the question like a live grenade. He decided he would blurt out what he was going to say before being interrupted again.

    “I’m qui…”

    “<HEY JEFF!>”

    “WHAT? WHAT HITMONLEE?!” Jeff yelled in frustration at the pokemon over by the two pedestals. The other humans and pokemon sweat dropped.

    “<I think you should battle that kid. He seems really antsy to start his journey!>”

    Annoyed, Jeff ignored him and turned back to the professor.

    “<Battle him or I’ll tell the other pokemon about your… ‘first’ pokemon…>”

    Jeff’s entire body froze. He managed to creak his head to face Hitmonlee. Stunned, he gazed into his eyes to see if he was serious. Even if it was a bluff, Jeff didn’t want to take the chance. “This’ll have to wait, Professor… Hey Sam! Battle time!”

    “Actually, wait!” The Professor budged between the two humans, passively. “I kind of just cleaned my lab and I don’t want bubbles or anything messing up my freshly finished essays. Also, Sam? I think you should get to know your pokemon a little first before throwing him straight into a battle! The better you two know each other the better you two will get along both on and off the field!”

    Sam nodded in agreement. Jeff fell back into his maze of thoughts before the professor nudged him with the words, “Is that ok, Jeff?”

    “Uhh… yeah, suits me fine,” he answered.

    “But, Jeff, aren’t you…” Sam started to ask but was cut off.

    “Professor, I’m…” Jeff interrupted but was disrupted, himself.

    Professor Birch had barged into the sentence. “Jeff! Can I ask you a favor?”

    He bit his inner lip in frustration but nodded, as he wanted to be polite for the teacher who he admired.

    “Great! Being an accomplished trainer, can you come into my class tomorrow and explain to some of my students what your journey has been like so far as a trainer and how you and your pokemon are getting along? They would be honored to hear what you have to say,” asked Birch.

    Jeff laughed out loud at the apparent irony before uncomfortably shifting around.

    Fate is out to get me,” he thought with a defeated laugh. “…I guess that would be ok,” he finally replied with uncertainty.

    “Great! Thanks, Jeff! I owe you one!”

    I owe you one.’

    The words cut through Jeff like a lance. The reminiscences of saving and being saved by Treecko pervaded his thoughts, high-jacking them. He began to wonder if his former green friend needed to be saved right now. Jeff awoke from the contemplation when he noticed he was blankly staring into oblivion.

    “Uh…yeah. Sure. No problem,” he replied, a bit hazed.

    “Great, I’ll see you tomorrow! I’m going to lock up the lab now, the sun is setting…” Professor Birch said, merrily.

    Jeff, Sam, and the pokemon walked out of the lab, the bright lights being turned off darkening the room behind them. Outside was now a sharp dark blue which the ground was shaded. The sun had departed to their right, shining only a few streams of orange across the blue.

    “I’ll see you tomorrow,” said Sam, unable to take his eyes off of the sleeping, rock snake giant.

    Jeff tilted his head in confusion. “But you got your first pokemon today,” he pointed out.

    “I’m not leaving for another three weeks at the end of the semester… so I’m excited to see what you have to say tomorrow,” Sam answered, beginning to walk away from them. Without turning his back, he said, “It looks like you’re still a trainer…”

    Jeff returned the slumbering Atlas to his pokeball and gathered his pokemon around him.

    “…‘still’?”

    They began to walk down the long road, south to Jeff’s house. The night humidity burdened on their bodies.

    “…never.”

    -----------------------------------------------------

    Sorry for the lack of action this chapter. I had to make compromises.

    I promise the fic will be more upbeat in the future! xP

    Happy Birthday DarkPersian479 *Gives a Koffing-shaped cake with a quadratic equation in the icing*
    Last edited by Griff4815; 28th October 2007 at 5:35 PM.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 21 is up.

  22. #97
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    A good chapter - I don't mind the filler chapters, unless they are boring.
    Corphish, yet again, wins this chapter. He is by far the funniest character - definetely a great part of your fic. Very amusing. A nice explanation for Hitmonlee's eating habits as well as you description of Onix.
    One saying that, though, there's one character that I'm not liking at the moment - and more due to constant moaning and lack of self-confidence, not character development and protrayal and all.
    Jeff.
    Man he's annoying me with his persistant aim to not become a trainer... serves him right when he kept being stopped at saying "I quit!"
    .
    One 'possible' mistake:
    “<I stole a TV from the Oldale pokemon center along with about four things of extension cords, so that I could watch it from my pond. I bribed a Magnemite into hooking up the satellite signals with the TV,>” Corphish explained proudly.
    Not sure if that's purposeful of Corphish's possible ignorance of extension cords... hard to tell.

    A good chapter - with a new addition in Atlas, good character development and emotions, although I personally did not like where Jeff is going with this - nothing to do with your writing, just my qualms with a character. Guess that was what you were aiming for, and it certainly was done well. However may have been overdone a bit - seemed that Jeff was saying 'I suck' every moment for a bit.

    Keep it up!

    A parody of the Pokemon Colosseum game, full of pastries and Miror B.
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  23. #98
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    Dec 2006
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    Okay, before I start there is something which has to be established.
    It sounded almost like a Sceptile blowing its nose for a long time.
    YOU WIN THE INTERNET. OH YES.

    Now that that's sorted...

    Jeff's emo. After being rejected by his crush and losing his best friend partly by his own actions, I don't blame him. So I think his actions are pretty justified - he'll probably get over them in a bit. Well, if he didn't there'd be no more fic, which would be baaaad.

    So, Atlas. I like the character of a sort of gentle giant, but one thing bothers me. I don't get how he so desperately wanted to be captured by Jeff after being somehow rejected by his colony (which is the guess I'm making for now) and being airlifted away from his home by humans. You'd think he'd be a bit more cautious before trusting the first human he meets to take him back to Dewford.


    “<Uhhh…yes! Wh…while you were in the… the pokemon center, Jeff was out getting you medicine and he decided to go into the local WORK OUT gym to WORK OUT. Then he accidentally stepped on this guy’s foot and then they started to fight…it was pr…pretty cool…>”
    Corphish. I love him. There is no more to be said on that.

    I was slightly put off by how Jeff understood Hitmonlee. It makes sense that he'd get the general meaning because he lived with him for so long, but to get the exact meaning of something like:
    “<Oh Arceus… Jeff… I’m so sorry… how did he die?>”
    is a bit much to ask. I can see him understanding that Hitmonlee is guilty for a second, then sympathetic, but to specifically get the word "die" seems like overkill. Erm, pun not intended.

    The dream scene was a nice touch, but I couldn't help thinking it could be a bit more... dreamy. It wasn't clear that it was a dream for quite a while, which confused me a bit.

    And now for my obligatory flow-related moan.
    Atlas also let out a frustrated rumble of frustration,
    This is such a good example of redundant wording. Either have a frustrated rumble or a rumble of frustration but don't use both. Really.

    But the great thing about your fic is that there's so much interesting stuff happening for me to comment on, even in a filler chapter like this, that I don't need to go all techniquey on you to make this review nice and long. And you deserve extra credit for making me laugh out loud several times during this chapter.

    And ooh, it's DP479's birthday? I'll have to see if I can finish reading the six chapters of his fic that I've yet to read so I can give him a nice big review as a present.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  24. #99
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    May 2007
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    lol, wow. There's like.. Treecko's everywhere in this story. x( Sawyer, the life-sized Treecko plushie, and.. yeah. If he doesn't come back I'm going to hurt youuu..... or Daedalus will.

    First, for the grammar nitpicks that you added after the beta XD:

    He felt comfortable around this Onix; he felt like they could relate to each other, There was something about him that felt so familiar...
    Period after "other", not comma.

    I can’t believe he’s gone.
    I think these should be in italics.. =( I thought they were Jeff's thoughts so I left it as it was. If not, "can't" should be "couldn't". Oh, and this goes for everything up to the word "...Nothing." o_O

    "...'still'?"
    "...never."
    Both should be capitalized.

    ANYWAYYYY. I liked the way you described the Onix. And, see, no one thought his capture was rushed, did they? x) I'm still curious to see where/how exactly he got that scar though.. I bet you told me and I forgot. *slaps*

    Still loving the Corphish moments, like the "I taste of feet" one and "It knows blizzard! Get it!". I think my parents thought I was weird when I laughed. Atlas actually had his funny moments too, with all the times Jeff and co. were blown back by him just roaring or grunting or something. XD Makes sense since he's.. um.. huge.

    Anyway, this chapter was kinda shorter so.. I can't wait to see what happens next chapter. Aside from what you already told me, anyway. x] I say anyway too much. I think you followed my proof-reading suggestion because there weren't that many mistakes this time. Though... watch out for those capitalization things. Congrats anyway *gives cake*

  25. #100
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    Jeff has serious mental issues!!! what the heck was he thinking????? anyway here is my review:
    very interesting. there were times i could tell it was meant to be sad but i felt nothing, you described the anger well though
    i love the TV bit explained, though how does a pokémon bribe???
    well done!

    /346;
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