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Thread: Lost Evolution

  1. #51
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    what can i say? i am not very good with english grammer and i liked it, i saw nothing wrong with it...
    i cannot say what i do not know and i cannot find a problem with something unless i look at it under a microscope, and this is a computer.... i dont wanna spoil my eyes THAT badly....
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  2. #52
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    Sorry for the late review- I've had a busy week.

    You've delivered yet another great installment that was well worth the wait. I especially liked the part where Foliano, Velotus, and Kabutops were guarding the "prisoners"- it really got in depth with their respective personalities. The cliffhanger ending was a nice touch, but don't do it too often, as it may make your more impatient readers (such as myself) annoyed. I initially worried that Carrie might be too much of a Mary Sue character, seeing as she seems to be based so heavily around yourself, but you've made her quite believable personality wise.

    One thing that sort of bothers me though, is the lack of Sinnoh Pokemon. I'm sort of a stickler about "Generation Representation", as I call it, and I couldn't help notice that although there are plenty of 4th gen moves, there are no 4th gen Pokemon to be found.
    my first assumption is that you were one of those people who greatly dislike the 4th gen Pokemon, but looking at your sprite thread (which is awesome, by the way) I saw several 4th gen Pokemon as part of some of the hybrids. so this is still a mystery to me.

    Now I can't wait for Chapter 5- hope you can get it done soon!

    P.S.- There's something I forgot to mention in my first review. although Raticate is pretty shweet, it's still got too much ugliness to compare with the pwnsomeness of Rattata.
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    Want your fic reviewed? Send me a PM asking! I'll see if I can make time.

    (Keep in mind I'm not usually partial to really dark fics, so I may take longer to get to those.)

  3. #53
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    HommeDor - There's more to a constructive review than pointing out grammar mistakes. Why did you like the chapter? What was your favourite part, and why? Was there anything you didn't like? What do you think of the characters, are they realistic? Do you like my description? If not, how could I improve it? These are just a few examples of the questions you can answer when reviewing. I don't even mind if you can't think of anything negative, just so long as the positive comments tell me what you liked and why you liked it. That way, I can try to include more of what it was you liked in the next chapter.

    I hope that you can take some of these ideas on board to make your next review a useful one.

    InsaneTyranitar - Thankyou for your review and don't worry about the lateness. I was beginning to think that I'd get no more reviews until the next chapter, so yours is a pleasant surprise.

    It is true that Carrie's opinions are very similar to mine, but I personally think that her personality is rather different. Either way, it's relieving to hear that she doesn't come across as a self-insert Mary-Sue; that was something I'd been worrying about. As for the cliffhanger, I'm not planning to overdo them so don't worry. I know it can annoy readers. To tell the truth, I hadn't originally planned for Chapter 4 to end with one when I started writing it, but I got to that point and it seemed like a much better place to end the chapter than where I first intended.

    The lack of Sinnoh Pokémon is due to nothing other than the fact this fic is set in Hoenn. If they do appear, they're more likely to be trainer owned than wild as I don't want to suddenly shove a load of non-Hoenn-natives into the region. Oh, and in case I just made you wonder, Roy is from Kanto, hence his Pokémon being from there (though you might have read my comment about that anyway).

    Chapter 5 should probably be up sometime this weekend.

    *stares at the Raticate comment for a while*
    -a minute later-
    Ah, I get what you mean there. xD I can be incredibly slow sometimes.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  4. #54
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    Default Chapter 5: Lost and Found

    Chapter 5 is ready, finally.

    Chapter 5: Lost and Found

    Milo was rounding the corner on the way to his individual room. He stopped abruptly as he noticed a purple feline Pokémon sitting directly in the middle of the corridor. It was staring at him, the ruby on its forehead twinkling from the light above. Behind it stood a raptor-like Pokémon decorated with teal coloured leaves. Behind that was a strange teenage girl, dressed completely in green with a long, messy ponytail and an alert but worried expression. She towered over Milo, but was herself dwarfed by the large figure which stood beside her. He gaped as he took in the ruffled brown hair, the solid features, the practical clothing.

    “Theo?”

    “Milo!” Theo let out a large breath. “You had us scared there. We thought you were a guard…”

    “So this is the famous Milo?” the girl asked, peering down at his tiny figure, unimpressed.

    Milo stared at her for a moment, before deciding to ignore the comment. “Why are you here?” he asked his friend. “It sounds as if you’ve broken in or something!”

    “We have,” said the stranger bluntly.

    “Look, we need to get somewhere safe before a guard really does come walking round the corner,” Theo told him worriedly. “Can you take us to your room?”

    “Sure, I was heading that way anyway. Once we’re in there you can tell me what on earth this is all about. But we’d better go quickly – you do realise we’re being caught on camera?”

    * * *

    Oh, sh*t. Ivyx didn’t disable the camera.

    The thoughts running through Carrie’s mind as the group was led through the corridor by the diminutive scientist were not positive. There was no point in her Grovyle breaking the camera now – she’d already been caught on tape which would be viewed in the evening, and after that, MemorCorp would not be happy. Still, there was no point being annoyed at herself now. She was inside, safe for the moment, and about to find out what she wanted to know.

    Milo reached a door bearing the name “M. WALSH” and opened it, gesturing for everyone to enter. As Carrie wandered in, she was struck by how unoriginal MemorCorp’s rooms were. White. All of them a plain, artificial white. Did they have no imagination here?

    She and Theo sat themselves on a low bench running across one wall, the only seating the room had to offer. Ivyx came to stand on it next to her; Empathy settled himself reassuringly by Carrie’s feet. She took a moment to survey the place where Milo worked. It was a decent size, most of it taken up by a large work table, predictably white. On it lay a plethora of equipment, none of which Carrie understood the purpose of, and a flat, brown rock.

    On seeing it, Theo leapt up from beside her to take a closer look. His eyes widened in astonishment as he picked it up, his face becoming more animated than Carrie had ever seen it before. “This is… a Scythe Fossil! But they’re so rare…” Theo held up the rock, and Carrie could just make out a faint outline vaguely resembling a crescent.

    Milo nodded, exasperated. “Yes, that’s the fossilised remains of a Kabutops – our boss prefers us to use fossils of evolved Pokémon whenever we can,” he explained. “But surely you shouldn’t be so amazed, being the discoverer of the only Leaf Fossil ever found? And weren’t you going to tell me why you’re here?”

    Theo replaced the rock and sat down, looking sheepish at his sudden burst of emotion. “Yes, of course. This is Carrie –”

    “Hi.” Carrie waved vaguely at the miniature scientist. Even sitting down, she was only just below his eye line.

    “And these are her Pokémon –”

    “– Obviously,” she finished. Empathy and Ivyx nodded and muttered greetings, the Psychic type rather more enthusiastically.

    “Right. Er, nice to meet you, I think.” Milo turned to Theo once more. “Now, what are you doing here? I hope this has nothing to do with my… phone calls. I think this place would do more than just sack me if they found out.” For the first time, a note of panic could be heard in his voice.

    “No, it isn’t,” Theo said reassuringly. “At least, not directly. To cut a long story short, we want to know more about Archopy. Well, Carrie does anyway.”

    “Yes,” she cut in eagerly as Ivyx started paying attention. “I really want to know – why is Archopy extinct? Why does Grovyle evolve into… into something else?”

    The scientist paused for a moment. “Well, I do know that, but I‘m not sure why I should be telling a stranger who apparently broke in.”

    “Oh, come on,” Carrie chided. “Isn’t the whole point of being a whistleblower to give out information?”

    “But…” Milo frowned. “It’s complicated.”

    “I don’t care. Tell me.”

    “Okay.” He gave in. “Let me start with the basics: all living creatures, whether human, Pokémon, plant, or other, are made up of DNA, short for deoxyribonucleic acid. You probably already know this, but bear with me.

    “This DNA holds every bit of information about the living organism: what it looks like; what it’s capable of; how it grows. For Pokémon and only Pokémon, it also contains information on how and why they evolve.

    “Now, being in the Genetics department, and seeing that Theo gave the Leaf Fossil – Archopy’s fossil – to me, I was the lucky one who got to examine its DNA. The coding appears to say that after enough experience, and with conscious consent, the Pokémon’s Grovyle form will evolve into an Archopy. This is the same natural kind of evolution experienced by most Pokémon, and is indeed the same kind shown by modern Grovyle.”

    At the last few words, Carrie’s stomach tied itself into an angry knot. She glanced to the side, but if Ivyx had any hostile feelings at the casual mention of modern Grovyle evolution, she was hiding them well. Carrie ignored her automatic emotions and turned back to Milo, who was continuing.

    “The intriguing part is that nowhere in the DNA does it say anything about Sceptile. Not even as an alternate evolution with a different method, as I thought might be the case. Nothing.”

    “So why did Ar –”

    “I’m getting to it. After examining Archopy’s DNA, I was given the DNA from a modern day Treecko to compare it with. I did so, and found that the coding for the first two evolution stages was exactly the same – bar individual traits that differ between each Pokémon. So were the instructions on conditions for evolution. In fact, it’s practically the same as Archopy’s DNA except for the coding of the final evolution stage, which is, of course, Sceptile. And nowhere on it could I find any trace of Archopy.”

    These facts floated vaguely through Carrie’s head, some of them actually registering. Ancient and modern Treecko and Grovyle were exactly the same, bar their evolution. And modern day Grovyle – and this fact was like a pin to the bubble of hope she had been keeping within her since seeing the ancient Pokémon – they would never be able to evolve into Archopy. It simply wasn’t in their genes. She sighed and continued listening; there was still a lot she wanted to know.

    “The thing is, though Archopy and Sceptile are very different in looks, their DNA is fairly similar. You’d be surprised how much of DNA coding remains the same for all Pokémon – it’s only a small amount that determines the species, even less if the species are relatively similar. Take Butterfree and Beautifly for example. Both the same type, both have large eyes, antennae and pretty wings. I’d say that about ninety per cent of their DNA is exactly the same. Perhaps more.

    “What I’m trying to say here is that it can take only a small genetic mutation to drastically change a Pokémon. It’s these mutations that make Pokémon adapt to their environment – it’s what made the Treecko line fast, capable of climbing trees, etcetera. My theory is that once, a long time ago, all Grovyle would evolve into Archopy. Then, completely by chance, one or two newborn Treecko had slightly mutated genes. But instead of making them faster runners or better tree climbers, these mutations changed what the Grovyle form would evolve into. They made it so that these Pokémon would become Sceptile – it only takes a small mutation, as I said.

    “To put it in simple terms, the Treecko line evolved. Not in the sudden sense that happens to nearly every Pokémon, but in the more general sense, like how Mawile used to have steel horns rather than a fully working metal jaw coming off its head.”

    The irony. The Grovyle line had “evolved”, and with that, an entire evolution stage had been lost. Sitting beside her trainer, Ivyx stared vacantly ahead, deep in thought.

    An idea struck Carrie. “But why isn’t the world populated with both S… those things, and Archopy? Two mutations isn’t enough to make a whole species die out.”

    “It can be. The DNA for Archopy happens to be what’s called recessive, while the DNA for a Sceptile is dominant. This means that if those two different kinds of DNA were to combine and make an offspring, the dominant gene would always overwrite the recessive one. Basically, if an Archopy were to breed with a Sceptile –“ Milo paused, seeing the look of disgust on Carrie’s face, “– which could and did happen, given how similar they are genetically – then the Treecko offspring would evolve into Sceptile, and only Sceptile.”

    “So only two Archopy breeding would get you another Archopy, nothing else?” This was Theo, pretending he’d been listening the whole time. Not that Carrie blamed him if he hadn’t – Milo rambled a lot, and Theo wasn’t particularly interested in what the scientist had to say.

    “Yes. Of course, other factors would probably have had a hand in Archopy dying out, such as a climate change which suited the Sceptile more than them, but ultimately, it was their recessive genes which did for them in the end.”

    So that was it. A small detail with a big name, and whoops, no more Archopy. Carrie could picture in her mind’s eye the population of the flying Pokémon decreasing as the numbers of their rivals – they probably lived in perfect harmony, but Carrie still thought of them like that – increased. She wondered vaguely whether the Archopy who had been fossilised was one of the last to die, or whether it had known nothing of its species’ impending doom.

    Lost in thought, she barely heard Theo’s voice as he was saying something to Milo. She tuned in as he finished with, “…about these tests you carry out?”

    The tests. Of course. That was something else she was interested in knowing, despite that it would probably not improve her mood.

    “Yes. Well,” Milo began hesitatingly. “The thing is, the only tests we – that is, the Genetics department – do on the resurrected Pokémon is take a sample of their living DNA and compare it with the fossilised DNA. Everything else is done by the other side.”

    “The other side?” Carrie asked, listening properly once more. Ivyx, too, was no longer staring into space; Empathy had, on the contrary, been paying attention the whole time.

    “Yes. The Memory department, or as we geneticists nickname it, the other side.” Milo gestured in the vague direction of the corridor Carrie had charged rashly down. “I don’t know exactly how it works – only that it involves a lot of Psychic Pokémon – but somehow, they take the memories of the Pokémon which lived millions of years ago and place them in the mind of a growing foetus, the ancient Pokémon’s clone.”

    Milo paused for dramatic effect.

    “Whoa,” Theo exclaimed, awestruck. “To take memories from so long ago – that’s incredible!” He narrowed his eyes cynically. “You’re not just having us on, are you?”

    “No, I’m not,” said Milo dully. “There’s a reason this place is called MemorCorp.”

    “And the tests?” asked Carrie, more interested in Archopy’s treatment than groundbreaking science.

    “I don’t know everything about them – the other side think they’re better than us and like to keep to themselves. But from what I can gather, they attach electrodes to the Pokémon’s head which allow them to see the memories on a screen. Then they sit around all day, watching them like they’re in some cinema. Research on ancient times, apparently.” He muttered the last few sentences with disdain.

    “But…” Theo was practically jumping off the bench. “But that would be amazing! To witness life as it was for ancient Pokémon…” He trailed off, staring into space.

    Carrie didn’t share his enthusiasm. To be locked in a room and forced to relive memories that weren’t even yours… It didn’t seem amazing from the Pokémon’s point of view. She found herself wondering just how bad it would have been for a Pokémon in MemorCorp. For Archopy.

    “Milo,” she said, the words tumbling out of her mouth before she could really consider how logical they were. “I don’t suppose we could go and see one of these Pokémon?” As soon as she had suggested it, it seemed stupid. Ridiculous. MemorCorp had to have security on the small prisons, didn’t they?

    “Most of them have security on their doors,” Milo told her, voicing her thoughts. “Geneticists aren’t allowed in without permission. But there is one that the other side don’t care about. I could show you that one.” He glanced briefly at Ivyx, then suddenly looked Carrie in the eye. She got the impression that he knew something he wasn’t letting on. “Are you sure you want to see it?”

    Carrie decided to take the question seriously. Did she, really? She wasn’t honestly all that bothered about the treatments of a few fossil Pokémon – it was Archopy she cared about. But she wanted more than anything right now to truly understand the creature she had glimpsed, whatever it took. And besides, how bad could seeing this Pokémon be?

    Theo was now standing up; it was clear what he wanted. Carrie glanced down at Empathy. He looked up at her with an expression that understood her intentions and urged her to go for it. Her eyes flicked towards Ivyx, who shrugged.

    “Yeah, I’m sure.”

    Milo nodded and led the group in a silent procession out of his room. They headed towards an unfamiliar door bearing no name. A corridor greeted them beyond it: long, plain and utterly devoid of doors except at the very end.

    “The other side don’t like us going through their section,” Milo explained as they walked, the bitter edge to his voice back again. “This corridor is our route past them to the holding section, though we rarely use it.”

    Eventually they passed through the exit on the opposite side and found themselves in a smaller corridor, nameless doors cluttering the plain white walls. This was the holding area; Carrie recognised it as the place she and Theo had first entered into.

    Milo stopped in front of one of the doors, identical to the rest. “It’s not quite the same as the other Pokémon,” he admitted. “Hence the lack of security.” He unlocked the door with a key from his pocket, tugged down on the handle and slowly eased it open. “This is where we kept the Treecko we took comparison DNA from.”

    The words hit Carrie like a bombshell. Ivyx froze.

    No. No, no… Implications whirled through Carrie’s head, all of them feeling like a stab in the brain. This could not be good. Not in her view. Half of her wanted desperately to screw up her eyes and run, to get out of there before she saw the true disgrace of MemorCorp, but some morbid curiosity kept her feet fixed in place, her eyelids firmly back as the door opened.

    Behind it, slumped miserably against the opposite wall, drip in its arm but with a noticeable lack of electrodes fixed to its head, was the melancholy figure of a Grovyle.

    The Treecko had evolved only once.

    Carrie breathed an immense sigh of relief. Seconds later she wondered just why she had done so; what could possibly be relieving about an innocent Grovyle trapped in a glorified box with who-knows-what being pumped into its arm?

    Trancelike, she stepped forward into the cell. Only then did she remember that other people were there with her as Milo and Theo moved out of the way to allow her through. Softly approaching the unfortunate raptor, she observed how its leaves were drooping dully; how its half-closed eyes registered nothing. And then her eyes fell upon the intravenous drip with its tube leading back into the wall.

    Carrie turned her head sharply back towards the two men, faltering for a moment on seeing Ivyx’s pitiful expression. Then her gaze fixed itself on Milo. “What does this do?” she asked, pointing fiercely at the drip.

    “Er,” said Milo, alarmed at the display of emotions. “It’s a cocktail of chemicals. Some of them are sedatives to keep the Pokémon docile and make sure they don’t break out. And the others…” he paused for a moment, looking half afraid, half apologetic, “they accelerate evolution. They force it without needing the Pokémon’s consent. The other side can only get the memories the ancient Pokémon had when it was in the current evolution stage, so they have to evolve to remember everythi…” He trailed off as he realised Carrie was not listening.

    Ivyx was now staring at the dejected Grovyle like it was a bomb about to go off. Carrie was frozen for a moment, then came to her senses. If the Pokémon was a bomb, she had to defuse it before it exploded on her conscience. She crouched, reached towards the prone Grovyle and plucked the IV tube from its arm. A drop of fluid slid out of the exposed tip. Simple.

    Or not.

    Carrie watched in alarm as the Grovyle began to shiver uncontrollably. Its eyes jerked open, yellow irises filled with pain. She glanced rapidly at Ivyx, who now looked as though the bomb had begun the final countdown, at Empathy, who for once didn’t seem to know what was happening, and at Theo, standing confused like a spare part. Finally, her frantic gaze found Milo, her expression desperate for an explanation.

    “You really shouldn’t have done that,” he told her with a hint of regret. “Withdrawal symptoms; its hormones are going into overdrive. And now, I’m afraid it’s going to evolve.”

    “No!” Carrie stood up awkwardly and stumbled backwards from the Grovyle, whose form was beginning to glow with a blistering white light. She and Ivyx watched in horror as the Pokémon stretched, swelled, its belly doubling in width. The crest leaf shrank into its skull, being replaced by ridge-like protuberances. A long spike pushed its way out from where the tail leaves were, sprouting pointed branches. The small, satirical part of Carrie’s mind which was not in shock idly wondered if the spikes would grow Christmas baubles, but the round shapes formed higher up, bulging from its back. No more were the leaves like feathers; instead two deformed knives protruded from its wrists.

    Having served its purpose, the blinding glow dissipated. The bright green beast now inside the room stared around dully with heavy, bloodshot eyes. Part of Carrie’s numb mind wanted to curl up in shame and die. A Grovyle had evolved, and it was her fault.

    She felt a strong hand on her shoulder and mutely submitted to its guidance, steering her out of the small room. A second later she registered that the hand was Theo’s, and that Milo was locking the door, trapping the Pokémon inside. Carrie shook her head vigorously in an attempt to return to reality; they were still trespassing in a laboratory, and chances were that the… event in the cell had alerted someone to their presence.

    “We’d better leave,” Theo announced quietly.

    Carrie swallowed and nodded with more strength than she felt she had. Before she had taken a step, she felt a light tug on her trouser leg. Ivyx’s sorrowful eyes met her as she looked down.

    Recall me. Please,” she murmured softly, suddenly seeming incredibly vulnerable. Carrie obliged, crouching to the Pokémon’s level and touching her gently with her red and white sphere. If this place could force evolution, it was not a place for one of her Grovyle. Ivyx’s form wavered and disappeared in a flush of red light; she was safe for now.

    Turning for a moment to her other Pokémon, Carrie ran her hand through Empathy’s smooth fur. A comforting wave of warmth spread through her mind; the Psychic type was doing his best to soothe his trainer’s painful emotions. Her face flickered with a hint of contentment, and the two of them followed Theo down the corridor.

    * * *

    The woman gazed apathetically at the flashing message on the screen. Intruders in the holding area, it told her. Had apparently disturbed a specimen – the least important one at that. It didn’t bother her at all; people were insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Easily sorted, or even just ignored.

    She sat back in her office chair, her sharp blue eyes surveying the multitude of monitors. None of them held the news she wanted: recapture of the escaped specimen. It had been an unlucky occurrence – anything else escaping would not be worrying, but this one was unique. The representation of an entire species, and it had been lost.

    Her tight, dull blonde bun of hair waved from side to side as she shook her head in exasperation. What was taking them? How hard was it to recapture one Pokémon? Not that it mattered for now, she reassured herself. There was still plenty of time until she needed it again.

    The first screen was flashing once more. Intruders may have acquired classified information, it warned. The woman ignored it. She was not bothered about secrets leaking out from her scientists. None of them knew the true scale of their work yet; only she as the Director had any inkling of how groundbreaking this laboratory’s research would be.

    She, Grace White, was going to change the world.

    ~~~

    << Previous chapter

    A/N: Apologies if anyone found the cliffhanger resolution rather anticlimatic - I hadn't originally planned for it to be a cliffhanger. And I'm afraid the guard thing didn't get resolved this chapter either; it just sort of didn't fit.
    Last edited by elyvorg; 14th June 2008 at 6:39 PM.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  5. #55
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    Wow I sure read that fast.

    I found this chapter particularily interesting simply because of the talk of genetics since I'm learning about this kind of genetics in my biology class right now.

    I was a bit dissappointed by the lack of action and the lack of Velotus, Foliano, and Kabutops (does he have a name? I kinda forget) I wanted to see if they spared those humans.

    I felt pretty bad for the Treecko and Grovyle test subjects (especially That one Grovyle in particular who was in the cell and evolved (although I found you made the evolution side-affect seem worse than it could have been, ie. worse sickness, or death)).

    All in all, It was quite good, although I'm worried that, if it wasn't for my current genetics fascination, I may have been bored. But luckily that wasn't the case. Keep up the great writing.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 19 is up.

  6. #56
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    Sure, I was heading that way anyway.
    A comma would be more appropriate here than a semicolon.

    There was no point in her Grovyle breaking the camera now
    the other side think they’re better than us and like to keep to themselves.
    Even though "the other side" refers to a group of people, it still strikes me as weird to see the plural forms of "think" (instead of "thinks") and "like" (instead of "likes") being used.

    “This DNA holds every bit of information about the living organism: what it looks like; what it’s capable of; how it grows. For Pokémon and only Pokémon, it also contains information on how and why they evolve.
    I have something similar explained in my fic, except that in mine it's a brainwave that affects Pokemon obedience and loyalty.

    "The process of evolution evolves itself." Very interesting biological/genetic look at a process that is taken for granted. It's actually got me wondering which of our other current-day Pokemon also used to have alternate evolutions that disappeared and were replaced by the dominant alternative evolution seen today.

    The whole "implanting ancient memory" project is intriguing, though seemingly rather unethical. It'll be interesting to find out what MemorCorp intends to do with the information it gathers, and the side effects it has on the Pokemon that were used for the project.

    And it looks like Carrie did something inadvertently that's going to affect her for the rest of her life- and Ivyx who witnessed her trigger the transformation. Methinks it'll be very interesting to see how this event affects both characters in the future.

    Another well-written chapter that hints at events and character development to come.

  7. #57
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    You balanced technical details with action and dialog rather nicely in this latest chapter. I didn't notice any real mistakes either. Good job.

    Can't geneticists alter DNA? That was how Mewtwo was made, but I wonder if such a thing could be done with existing pokemon to change their evolution...

    Link to my fanfic.
    I was Superkeeleybro on Nsider
    Another great fanfic is The Saga of Team Supernova by FPE

  8. #58
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    Thanks for the reviews everyone.

    Griff4815 - Funny how you find this chapter interesting because of your biology class, yet I'm going to find my biology class (when we get onto the topic of evolution) interesting because of this chapter. xP

    I can't really help the lack of action, this is just one of those kinds of chapters which gives a lot of information but not much happens. I did regret not concluding the hostage situation, but that'll happen pretty much first thing next chapter, so don't worry. Oh, and Theo doesn't nickname any of his Pokémon.

    Treecko and Grovyle test subjects? "That one Grovyle in particular" seems to be implying that you think there are more than two; also, both Grovyle test subjects were in a cell and evolved (though I know which one you were referring to). I don't think I unintentionally implied that there are a large number of the Treecko line used for research, did I?

    (although I found you made the evolution side-affect seem worse than it could have been, ie. worse sickness, or death)
    I totally don't get what you mean here. I made it seem worse than worse sickness or death? o.o

    DarkPersian479 - Fixed the first two grammar mistakes. The third one is rather subjective, and I personally prefer it how it is.

    Oddly enough, I never really thought about how other Pokémon might have an alternate recessive evolution like Archopy until just now. I guess it's because the mutation which changed the Treecko line would have had a millions-to-one chance of happening, so I never really considered that it might have happened more than once.

    The "implanting ancient memory" project is indeed unethical, which is why MemorCorp is being so secretive and a general jerk to the public, eg, Theo.

    You may also be interested to know that I'm slowly working my way through your fic and will probably start regularly reviewing once I've caught up.

    Apotheosis - Your comment was a nice summing up of the chapter, but I can't help thinking that with the eloquent way you phrased it, you'd do well with a full-on review if you really had the time.

    I don't know about real life geneticists altering DNA, but in the Pokémon universe they definitely can. I shall say no more on that subject...
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg View Post
    Thanks for the reviews everyone.

    Griff4815 - Funny how you find this chapter interesting because of your biology class, yet I'm going to find my biology class (when we get onto the topic of evolution) interesting because of this chapter. xP

    I can't really help the lack of action, this is just one of those kinds of chapters which gives a lot of information but not much happens. I did regret not concluding the hostage situation, but that'll happen pretty much first thing next chapter, so don't worry. Oh, and Theo doesn't nickname any of his Pokémon.

    Treecko and Grovyle test subjects? "That one Grovyle in particular" seems to be implying that you think there are more than two; also, both Grovyle test subjects were in a cell and evolved (though I know which one you were referring to). I don't think I unintentionally implied that there are a large number of the Treecko line used for research, did I?


    I totally don't get what you mean here. I made it seem worse than worse sickness or death? o.o

    .
    Very poor wording on my part. Sorry. :P

    I think I meant "You made it seem worse than it had to have been." But I fully understand that Carrie hates the evolution with a passion so I now see that it makes sense from a characters view point.

    I also reread the part where I thought there were more than one test subjects and noticed that I read wrong (I guess my focus is compromised when singing along to The Beatles while reading. If it makes you feel better, the song "Yesterday" made the chapter more sad...even in parts which weren't sad). ANYways, I'm very eager for the next chapter.
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 19 is up.

  10. #60
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    Very interesting stuff. I really like where the story is going. I'm a bit of a sucker for explanation chapters... I kinda feel bad for what happened to all of the Archopies. Same thing for that Grovyle that evolved.

    Now I'm curious about what that Grace White person is up to. No real telling what it is yet, unless I missed something (not surprising if I did. I tend to miss a lot of things). Ah well, cliffhangers don't bother me too much anyways.


    Just two thing that I noticed. In chapter four:
    Her claws made clicking noises against the smooth stone, yet somehow managed to keep her clinging on as she manoeuvred around windows to approach the now unguarded hole.
    Yeah, just a small typo, nothing major.

    Also, at the end of chapter five:
    What was taking them?
    I might be wrong, but shouldn't that be "What was taking them so long?" or something like that?

    Well, thats it for now, I guess. Looking forward to chapter six

  11. #61
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    I liked this chapter. I can see how it would bore some people, but not every chapter is allowed to be it's own mini action movie, and this one did have action anyway.
    Couple of things that let it down first off, characters.
    Why is it that Milo's character changes, rather radically? He appears to be this nervous, quite timid and easily scared scientist the entire way through untill Carrie evolves the Grovyle. He then simply says "You probably shouldn't have done that" or something to that degree. However, the way he acted earlier would've led ME to believe he would've been much more concerned about the consequences, practically "cacking them" as the phrase goes.

    Second, Carrie.
    "She half wondered whether it would sprout baubles or not", now, I know that's not the exact line but for some reason quotes arn't working right now, but to me.. Well I know you added that line for a nice bit of comedy, however the worst thing in the world for Carrie would most likely be her Grovyle evolving into Scepty, or her CAUSING a Grovyle to evolve into Sceptile. Seems to me that the latter did happen, and she was "in two minds" about it.
    Perhaps i'm being picky, but you've somewhat sacrificed a little of Carrie's character, for a line of comedy.

    Grace White. If she doesn't care all that much, then why the obssessive amount of secrecy hat Memorcorp seems to have? Also, the lack of guards... Whether resolvable or not, there should still be some mention of them, or something...

    Other then that I enjoyed this chapter, and wondering where you're going to go now. I apologise for not doing reviews for other chapters, but the forums are totally me-ist.

    Keep it up!

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  12. #62
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    Default Chapter 6: Aftermath

    Griff4815 - Indeed, I tried to make the description of the evolution as biased as I could, seeing as I write in third person limited.

    Kneecaps - Thankyou for your review, and no, you didn't miss anything with Grace. This is the first time she's been mentioned and will be the last for a while.

    As for the "typo" - manoeuvred is the British spelling. Also, if you mention a typo/spelling/grammar error again, could you put the correction in somewhere? ^^; That way I'm not left staring at the screen thinking, "Uh? What should that be?"

    And for the phrase "What was taking them?", I believe that the "so long" is implied and doesn't need to be written down.

    Darkfall - I don't think I actually got round to thanking you for the review on MSN, so consider it done now.

    Milo: Like I admitted on MSN, he kinda died at the end there. Will try to ensure it doesn't happen next time.

    Carrie: Damn. I did put: "The small, satirical part of Carrie’s mind which was not in shock idly wondered..." but obviously that didn't really work. No more will I try to be funny during serious scenes :x

    Grace White: Damn again. I have no excuse for this - it is/was vital to my plot both that MemorCorp are secretive and that Grace doesn't care. So um... I will work on finding an explanation which fits both; in the meantime you'll be left with a gaping plothole, I'm afraid.

    As for the lack of guards, that was completely intentional and has an explanation which will be revealed... at some point. Not sure exactly when it will become apparent though.

    And with that, Chapter 6 is here. Enjoy.

    Chapter 6: Aftermath

    Carrie thundered across the yellowing plain, away from the bemused Milo and the jagged hole in the building behind her, Theo and Empathy in tow. The spell of shock which had bewitched her since the evolution of the Grovyle had broken the moment she was out. Now she was putting as much distance between her and the laboratory as she could.

    She felt the cool relief of the shade as she entered the forest and slowed a little. Empathy led the way to the spot in which they had left Foliano, Velotus and Theo’s Kabutops before beginning the infiltration. Her mind was still flaring with guilt at what she had done, but the mission – to find information on Archopy – had indeed been accomplished. Carrie couldn’t find it in herself to be pleased, though.

    She and Theo stopped as they recognised the small clearing they were now in. Looking across it, she saw Kabutops removing its scythe from above one of the men’s throats as the ancient brown monster caught sight of his trainer. The guard in question craned his neck slightly to catch sight of the newcomers, though he didn’t get far, as several loops of vines were still restraining his body.

    “Is anyone there?” he called out, sounding close to panic. “Do something! These Pokémon are nuts! Wait, isn’t that the Espeon…?” His voice petered out as he recognised Empathy and realised that his potential saviours were, in truth, his kidnappers.

    Carrie said nothing, but came closer to the unfortunate guard. He appeared unhurt but in shock, though he was looking relieved at Kabutops’ retreat. She motioned at Foliano, who was standing beside the man, to maintain the tendrils’ hold for a little while longer. The Grovyle nodded, but looked strained from the task he had been keeping up for over an hour. Acknowledging that he wanted this to end soon, she quickly turned around to check on the second guard.

    The other man was in a much sorrier state. Cowering below the bright blade and the cold, malicious stare that were Velotus’, the guard’s reddened, watery eyes were gazing pleadingly up at Carrie. Even now, the raptor’s shining scythe was not moving from its position, as she suspected it hadn’t done since it had been placed there.

    Carrie suddenly realised she was staring right into the brightest part of the Leaf Blade. The light was like the blinding whiteness that had spilled from the Grovyle when it…

    She shut her eyes quickly to force back the memory before it began. Opening them again, Carrie took a deep breath. “We need to get away from this place, right now,” she announced, the urgency clear in every syllable. “They can force evolution. I saw it happen, to a… to a Grovyle.” She looked imploringly at Foliano and Velotus with haunted eyes.

    The bonds on the two guards loosened as Foliano stared at her in shock. Velotus remained looking stubbornly at his prisoner, but his gaze was now more distant than ruthless. The glowing form of his blade flickered, then dissipated, reverting to a trinity of ordinary, non-luminous leaves. His eyes, not making contact with anyone else’s, remained almost completely unreadable, but Carrie felt she could detect a hint of something within them. Fear.

    The first guard’s form started glowing with a psychic aura, stopping him dead in his attempt to wrestle free of the relenting vines. The second, confused and not yet struggling, shone blue too as Empathy lifted them into standing positions. He held them there with his telekinesis as he looked at Carrie for instructions.

    “Okay,” said Carrie, realising this was a dangerous situation if the guards decided to turn on them. “Take them back to their post, then leave them and run back here as fast as you can.”

    She turned back to her Grovyle as the feline marched the men away. Foliano had withdrawn the vines and was looking much less stressed for it. Velotus was standing as defiantly as ever, covering up his speck of emotional weakness expertly. “Do we run with him, when he comes back?” the raptor asked.

    “Yes.” Carrie turned to Theo, who was staring earnestly in the direction Empathy had gone with his Kabutops at his side. “We run with him.”

    Theo nodded and pulled out a Poké Ball to recall his Pokémon. Kabutops threw a last sideways glance at Foliano before dissolving into red light.

    After a few minutes of silent standing and fruitless staring, Carrie began to hear a soft rustling of the forest’s vegetation. She had no time to speculate as moments later the slim form of her Espeon shot into sight in a flash of purple. The two Grovyle instantly leapt to the trees and began darting from one to the next; Carrie and Theo took after them and Empathy as best they could on foot. She hoped her Pokémon would have the foresight to slow down for the less adept humans. For that matter, she also hoped Theo could run.

    Not that I’m bothered if he gets left behind, she reflected. He’d been helpful with his limited knowledge of MemorCorp, but now, Carrie had no need of anyone else once more. Then again, what would she do now? Did she really just want to go back to her life of forests, Grovyle and distance from general society now that she knew what she did?

    A branch suddenly loomed out of nowhere. It would have smacked Carrie across the face had she not noticed it and ducked in time. She decided that this was not the best moment to be contemplating her future, and focused on not getting knocked out as she ran. She also noted with mixed feelings that Theo was indeed keeping the pace, running only a few metres behind her.

    He can tag along, she thought. We can have a proper talk once we stop moving.

    Then it struck her that she hadn’t actually worked out where they were running to.

    * * *

    Carrie half sat, half lay on the forest floor, regaining her breath slowly. They had eventually stopped their mad dash when she had been able to continue no more. Much to her indignation, Theo, who now sat under a nearby tree, still had energy left in the tank.

    Over to one side, Ivyx was reclined upon a low branch, talking slowly. In the boughs of the tree were Carrie’s other Grovyle, Raptola included, who were being filled in on the information gained in the laboratory. Empathy lay curled up beneath them, and the sleek white shape of Crescent was also settled there as the Absol listened in.

    She wasn’t interested in what Ivyx was saying as she knew it already, so Carrie zoned out and let the white noise of the Grovyle tongue wash over her. Waiting until she was able to speak without panting every second word, she spent a few minutes staring up into the dappled canopy above. She was vaguely wondering what she intended to say, but the thought didn’t go anywhere.

    “So,” Theo said, his voice infuriatingly not even slightly out of breath, “what now?” This was close to the question which had been forming in Carrie’s mind, but she hadn’t yet got around to finding an answer.

    “I don’t know,” she told him plainly. “Give me a chance to think about it.” Theo inclined his head and duly fell silent.

    What next? Carrie wasn’t avoiding the question with Theo; she really didn’t know. Something involving Archopy, that much was certain. She knew that she couldn’t just return to her laid-back life now that things had changed.

    A small, greedy part of her mind told her to hunt the Pokémon and capture it, but her sense of morality stamped it out. Archopy had been born and raised – if you could call it raised – in a tiny cell, pumped with ancient memories that didn’t belong to it. It wouldn’t have a clue about the ways of Pokémon training; there was no way the creature would happily accept belonging to someone else. It probably didn’t even know what a human was.

    That was a point. If Archopy had no idea about mankind, how on earth would it ever manage in this human-filled world? And many of those humans cared a lot less about a Pokémon’s wishes than Carrie did – would there be a sudden race to capture Archopy once it was discovered by the masses? No doubt there would. Some rare Pokémon enthusiasts would reportedly go to great ends to add another elusive creature to their “collection”. Laboratories other than MemorCorp would be itching to get their hands on the new species and find out just where it came from.

    Archopy needed to be warned of the dangers of the human race. Well, there was an idea. Though she was human herself, Carrie reasoned that she, or at least her Pokémon, might as well be the ones to do so – if they didn’t, who would?

    She regarded her group of Pokémon fondly, but was abruptly jerked into the past as she realised what Ivyx was currently recounting.

    …inside it, there was this Grovyle, just sitting there half asleep. It had a man-made thorn in its arm and it looked so sad…

    Carrie sat up abruptly, ignoring Theo’s questioning stare. How much would Ivyx tell them? Would she reveal that it had been her trainer’s fault? Carrie surveyed the group. She noticed Crescent’s mild interest and concern, but more important to her were the looks of shock and anger on the older Grovyle’s faces, and the disbelief in the eyes of the little Raptola. The young creature simply couldn’t comprehend why any human would do such a thing – what would he think of his trainer if he knew what she’d done?

    …he said that the thorn makes it sleepy, but it also forces it to evolve.” Ivyx continued. Foliano’s eyes narrowed; a low growl came from Velotus’ throat. “Carrie and I got really scared, then she…” The Grovyle paused, catching Carrie’s pleading eye. “We saw it evolve.

    Mentally, Carrie breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t in the mood for sharing her guilt, even with her Pokémon. Part of her mind insisted that the evolution hadn’t been her fault as it would have evolved soon anyway, but its voice wasn’t loud enough to drown out her emotions.

    Having finished her tale, Ivyx had dismounted the branch and was approaching her trainer. In front of her came the bounding shape of Raptola; he leapt into Carrie’s arms with a loud “Vyyyyyle!” which had no particular meaning. She hugged her raptor, but he squirmed uncomfortably in her grip.

    The bad people won’t make me evolve, will they? I don’t want to evolve,” he moaned, looking up at his trainer with young, scared eyes like a child afraid of the monster under the bed. Except that in Raptola’s case, the danger was real.

    “No, they won’t,” she assured him. “I won’t let them.” Satisfied, the raptor gave Carrie a quick hug back, then scampered off to Foliano and Ivyx, who had been watching with a mixture of affection and concern. While Velotus remained in the tree, Empathy and Crescent both rose to join their trainer. The Absol nudged his head against Carrie’s hand. She stroked the silky white fur below his scythe absent-mindedly.

    “Uh,” Theo butted in, separate from the show of affection. “Did you think about it?”

    “What? Oh, yeah, that. Of course I did,” Carrie said casually.

    “And?” he asked, pushing for a response.

    “And I want to find Archopy. I want to warn it about humans and capturing. I doubt an ancient Pokémon pumped full of ancient memories will like doing what someone else tells it to.”

    “And that won’t be telling it what to do?”

    “It’ll be advising. Not telling. Besides, what are you doing next?” She shot him a questioning look. Her fingers were still running through Crescent’s smooth fur.

    “I could come with you. I think I know where it’s headed, and I want to see –”

    “You know where it’s headed?” Once again realising her lack of vital knowledge, Carrie attempted to cover it up by asking as loudly and eagerly as possible. “Where?”

    “Where I dug up the fossil,” Theo told her with a hint of enthusiasm. “Northern Canyon.”

    Carrie recognised the name. It was west of Fortree City, beyond the road and the weather institute, close to the northern shoreline, if she recalled correctly. Though from what she could remember, it was less of a canyon and more of a barren, rocky wasteland. “Why would Archopy want to fly there?” she asked, ignoring the twitching of her Absol’s scythe.

    “Well, Pokémon get fossilised when they’re trapped between layers of earth then squashed by the high pressure of water above them. They become filled with minerals which preserve them but keep some skin tissue which scientists can use to rev –” Theo was cut off mid-ramble by a cough from Carrie.

    She raised an eyebrow. “Is this going anywhere?”

    “Erm. Sort of,” he muttered sheepishly. “The point is, Northern Canyon will have had to be a lake or sea when Archopy died. It probably lived nearby, and its body got washed away and fossilised under the water. At least that’s my theory – and I also reckon Archopy will be heading back to where it used to live, in the memories. Don’t you think?”

    “Skimming over the technobabble, that sounds good. No wait, Milo used technobabble. Yours is just plain babble.” Carrie gave Crescent a soothing stroke as his tail began to thrash about restlessly. “Yeah, you can come with me,” she said, answering Theo’s unspoken question. “I might as well have someone who knows the place.”

    “Right,” said Theo. “Er, is your Absol okay?” He nodded towards the black and white beast. Carrie looked down at her Pokémon and saw in surprise that Crescent was staring intensely ahead, his claws raking the ground uncomfortably. From the direction he faced, a distant sweeping sound could be heard, as if several creatures were on the move all at once.

    “Abs… absssol…” Crescent was muttering in his deep, soft voice, his legs fidgeting indecisively. “ABSOL!” In a rush of white, he leapt to his feet and glared at the green and beige figure of a Pokémon which had just crashed in through the trees opposite.

    “Breloom!” The creature’s red-clawed feet skidded to a halt as it noticed the group. Two anxious eyes peered out from a smooth face underneath a bulging green hat. A cluster of round shapes bobbed up and down at the tip of its long, beige tail as it bounced, agitated, on its powerful legs. From amongst the trees behind the Breloom, the rushing, sweeping noise was increasing in volume.

    Carrie, Theo and her Pokémon were too surprised to do anything but stare at the newcomer. Crescent remained still, his eyes fixed on the Breloom, but his gaze had softened upon seeing the mushroom’s apparent fear. The first to break the silence was Theo with a bemused, “What the?”

    “Crescent can sense if there’s an upset in nature,” Carrie explained. “This Breloom sure looks upset about something.” The Pokémon did indeed seem desperate to flee, but it had been brought to a halt by the Absol. Now it merely bobbed up and down rhythmically, staring around as if unsure.

    Crescent, his gaze never leaving the Breloom, spoke. “Absol. Absol ab?” Though Carrie didn’t understand his language, the question was evident from his tone.

    “Loom!” The words had apparently broken the Pokémon’s trance, and now a pair of red claws shot forward like a fist from underneath its odd beige frill that acted as a collar. Carrie tensed in alarm, knowing her Absol’s weakness to Fighting typed moves, but Crescent suddenly wasn’t there. He’d faded away, and the punch whizzed instead through empty space.

    Appearing behind the Breloom, Crescent chose not to execute the tackling part of his Faint Attack. Instead, he repeated his question with more urgency. The kangaroo-like Pokémon ignored it and bounded through the space the Absol had been blocking. Carrie sidestepped quickly to allow it past; on the other side of it a protective Ivyx was dragging Raptola safely away from the creature’s path.

    Crescent, however, was not about to give up so easily. He raced towards the Breloom and leapt once he was in range, grabbing hold of its tail with his teeth. “Absol ab?!” the Pokémon yelled desperately, his voice muffled.

    The Breloom winced from the pain and stopped, unable to drag such a large weight. Glaring down at its hanger-on, the creature muttered bitterly, “Loom, breloom.”

    Crescent’s eyes widened, looking hurt, and he slowly released his hold. The Breloom raised its tail and smacked the Absol across the face with the weighted balls on the end. He growled at the impact, but it seemed to be more of a payback for being bitten than adding injury to insult. Without another word, the mushroom Pokémon hopped speedily away into the woods, continuing its flight.

    Carrie realised that the approaching rustling was louder than ever. It seemed to be coming from several creatures only just out of sight beyond the trees. She had only a worried moment to think that it was probably the pursuers before they crashed through the undergrowth towards her.

    “They” turned out to be small, round and the same colour as the Breloom with a matching frill. Carrie almost laughed. The Shroomish’s tiny faces looked so alarmed, so unthreatening that she could barely believe she’d been worried. She watched the mass of spotted mushrooms as it flowed around the feet of those present – minus Velotus, who remained perched in the tree. The other Grovyle and Empathy stared down, bemused, at the Pokémon rushing past on their miniature green feet. Crescent’s narrowed eyes followed their progress, but he didn’t attempt a question.

    After about a minute, there wasn’t a single Shroomish in the vicinity; all had fled past in the direction of their evolved form. As Crescent turned to gaze once more through the trees that had yielded the crowd, Theo reiterated his earlier question with more eloquence. “What was that all about?”

    Carrie was facing the same direction as her Absol. “Something scared those Shroomish and Breloom, and whatever it is, we don’t know where it is,” she said with a worried edge to her voice.

    Ivyx glanced at her trainer, one arm still around Raptola. “I could –

    “No, Ivyx,” replied Carrie quickly. “Whatever it is might be dangerous, and I don’t want you getting hurt.”

    I could have been hurt in the human’s building.

    “We had no choice back then. Look, I don’t want to send you out there unless there’s no alternative,” she told her Grovyle. Turning to Theo, Carrie asked, “I don’t suppose you might have a Pokémon for –”

    “As a matter of fact, I do,” said Theo, who was already pulling out a Poké Ball. “Aerodactyl, go!”

    The burst of light emerged from the sphere in midair and stayed there as the Pokémon released flapped its large, leathery wings. The creature’s grey body with a ridged back and bony, clawed feet hung airborne, its long, pointed tail waving recklessly.

    Aerodactyl threw back its horned, reptilian head and opened its elongated snout, revealing a hungry red tongue and an impressive set of ferocious teeth. The primeval roar that erupted from its mouth seemed to shake the forest. Raptola squealed and clutched Ivyx in fright; even the older Pokémon were alarmed. Carrie jumped impulsively, Crescent ceased his distant stare, and from his tree, Velotus regarded the pterodactyl with interest.

    The ancient Pokémon’s roar subsided, and it looked around at the reactions with small red irises. Theo, who had not flinched, noticed the others’ shock and explained, “Sorry about that. It’s what he does with new people. He likes to show he’s in control.”

    Carrie couldn’t help raising her eyebrows at his offhandedness.

    “Aerodactyl,” Theo suddenly said in a firmer voice. The pterosaur turned to his trainer, his eyes suddenly seeming slightly calmer. “Fly in that direction, above the trees but low enough to see into the forest. If you find anything suspicious, come back and show us where. Don’t attack it, understood?”

    Aerodactyl growled slightly but nodded. His wings powered him upwards, brushing against several trees as he ascended through the canopy. Carrie caught a glimpse of their purple undersides as the Pokémon glided out of sight.

    His distraction gone, Crescent resumed his searching gaze into the forest, as if he alone could unmask the threat simply by staring. Carrie had a hunch that it was linked to Archopy – but then again, could it be something else entirely?

    ~~~

    << Previous chapter
    Last edited by elyvorg; 14th June 2008 at 6:44 PM.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  13. #63
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    Let's all pretend I have reviewed your other chapters as well and we can get on with our lifes (I liked these chapters seriously, I just don't feel like rereading them all and post my commentary, plus, I don't know how to quote several posts, so, I'll just review this one and satisfy you Elyvorg )


    So, nice portraying of the emotions here, I liked them. Carrie's guilt as well as her fear of disapproval from her Grovyle was nicely done, and it really showed how Carrie can react. Theo, to a lesser extent, was also described beautifully, though his emotions didn't shone through like Carrie's. Grovyle's were also done good, especially Raptola and Velotus.


    Description, as always, was done beautifully, It was like I was there with the whole bunch. Breloom, Shroomish and Aerodactyl were shown for the first time and it was very clear that they were indeed, those pokemon. Also, I liked the fact that Theo possesses an Aerodactyl (I wonder, does he have more pokemon?)


    Highlights:

    Carrie suddenly realised she was staring right into the brightest part of the Leaf Blade. The light was like the blinding whiteness that had spilled from the Grovyle when it…
    This is a part that shows that Carrie was indeed scared by the sudden evolution and that she feels guilty about it. Truly done well.

    She noticed Crescent’s mild interest and concern, but more important to her were the looks of shock and anger on the older Grovyle’s faces, and the disbelief in the eyes of the little Raptola. The young creature simply couldn’t comprehend why any human would do such a thing – what would he think of his trainer if he knew what she’d done?
    Oh, that's cute, actually, I can already imagine Raptola looking in disbelief, tears in his eyes.

    The bad people won’t make me evolve, will they? I don’t want to evolve,” he moaned, looking up at his trainer with young, scared eyes like a child afraid of the monster under the bed. Except that in Raptola’s case, the danger was real.

    “No, they won’t,” she assured him. “I won’t let them.” Satisfied, the raptor gave Carrie a quick hug back, then scampered off to Foliano and Ivyx, who had been watching with a mixture of affection and concern. While Velotus remained in the tree, Empathy and Crescent both rose to join their trainer. The Absol nudged his head against Carrie’s hand. She stroked the silky white fur below his scythe absent-mindedly.
    Another cute part of Raptola. Fear.

    +++++

    Yeah, not many things I could comment on. It was a more serious chapter anyway, see ya Ely, and good luck with writing.


    +Aimi Hanako+
    Searching for Inspiration...

  14. #64
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    First of all, a big well done to you. It's not easy going off from something along the lines of where chapter 5 left off, yet you managed it, and it went very well.

    I honestly cannot find anything bad about this chapter.

    Now then, the best bits, like ^^^ pointed out, the Carrie staring at the Leaf-light and it reminding her of the evolution was very useful and powerful imagery, linking Grovyle's signiture attack with Carrie's guilt can be an extremely powerful tool. For example, if she chose never to use the LB attack again because she's too guilty. (Though i'm not saying that is/what should happen, but it's merely an example of the power you now have with that).
    I also love that any holes created in Carrie's character were rapidly fixed, but in a way that wasn't an obvious attempt TO fix them. I also like that she retains her edgy self, cutting Theo off mid babble for example.
    Though i'd like to know what the signal for "Keep him held down" is.. XD

    Raptola was SERIOUSLY cute in this chapter, you really describe him so well. The iconic imagery of the "monster under the bed" I feel certainly captures Raptola's reaction perfectly, and makes it very easy to imagine and sympathise.

    However, my favourite part of this chapter, was not the appearence of one of my favourite Grass types (Hey Breloom buddeh!) but the appearance, and description, of Aerodactyl.

    You seriously did it extremely well. REALLY well. I mean, sure people could make it seem powerful, but you did it in such a way that made it seem like it should be RESPECTED, not feared. The way you did it, made the Aerodactyl much more then just a powerful Pokemon, but a Pokemon that indeed, intimidating, with a presence that cannot be ignored.
    I especially love the "Primevil roar", I just find that to be a perfect way of decribing this Pokemon... I dunno, maybe i'm overdoing it, but the description of the Aerodactyl and it's effects on the surroundings, and the group, was REALLY REALLY REALLY well done. I could write an essay on it.. Well, maybe not THAT far, but near enough. Seriously, I cannot say enough about that.
    Which is strange because it was just description... O.o

    Storyline wise...

    Great! An original plot that shows Carrie's character nicely. She doesn't want to capture Archopy, much as she'd maybe like to, she wants to warn it, to help it.
    It's a refreshing change from some fanfics, in which the trainer would've caught it, and become rich and famous and been the most powerful trainer in TEH W0RLDZ0RZ!!!!

    Speaking of which...

    The rustling in the trees... Whatever could it be? I doubt it's Archopy, since I would assume Archy is long gone by now, and if Carrie kept bumping into it, I feel some of this fic's credibility maaaaaay be lost, but who knows?
    I'll predict something I WOULD like to see in this fic, though I don't fully feel it will be this...
    A trainer, a re-occuring one at that, who acts as a rival to Carrie, in that, he evolves his Pokemon ASAP to make them as strong as possible, with zero regard to it's well-being or feelings. Maybe this trainer would be after Archopy, to see how powerful it is. Who knows? I just think that would be cool :3 And would provide a little more human interaction.

    Which brings me to a point i'll round off with, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the way the Grovyle use language. Truely I do.. namely, calling a roof "The sky" or "A human-made thorn" XD, stuff like that, just little touches like that, are what make fanfics like this work.

    So there's an extra long reveiw, by my standards at least ^_^'', to make up for the lack of other ones.

    Keep up the great work! I look forwards to reading more~

    Banner credit: Jakotsu.
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  15. #65
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    Uggg, I'm supposed to follow THAT great review?!

    Wonderfully described chapter. Definately your best quality. *Tries to stop being jealous*

    I'm happy that we finally found out the guard storyline ending. I was very pleased with it

    I like that Crescent and Empathy finally got some more screen time, although their personalities are still a bit of a haze to me.

    I like how Theo's team is mostly fossil pokemon.

    Like mentioned above, Carrie had a very great and very real reaction to the mistake evolution. Very powerful.

    This is one of the only fics where I'll read one sentence and BOOM I'm sucked in until the chapter ends. Seriously, these fries that I got 20 minutes ago are now cold thanks to this chapter >:O Awesome work.

    I'm sorry that my review sucked, I couldn't find very much to nit-pick about this time around.


    PS: this chapter makes me can't wait until my Treeck evo.... *shuts mouth* NOTHING I SAID NOTHING!
    Claimed: Grovyle - November 10th, 2013
    Chapter 19 is up.

  16. #66
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    I'm not one to say much in my reviews (although my creative writing professor is really good at such things). I'll just say that it was enjoyable and continued the story well.

    Edit: Sorry this was so pathetically short. I'll try to take more time in the future for longer comments, but sometimes I am short on time (or it's very late at night).
    Last edited by Apotheosis; 25th October 2007 at 2:43 AM.

    Link to my fanfic.
    I was Superkeeleybro on Nsider
    Another great fanfic is The Saga of Team Supernova by FPE

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    I feel I should crit something, even if two grammar errors were all I could find...

    got around to finding an answer.
    The point is, Northern Canyon would have had to have been a lake or sea when Archopy died.
    Your description of Aerodactyl- wonderful. As another reviewer already said, you do an excellent job at bringing out its imposing, powerful stance with its description.

    One slight problem I had with Breloom was this:
    The kangaroo-like Pokémon ignored it
    Aside from its unexplained habit of hopping and bouncing up and down in Colosseum/XD, Breloom just doesn't come off as kangaroo-like IMO. Small thing really, but one that did catch my attention.

    Carrie suddenly realised she was staring right into the brightest part of the Leaf Blade. The light was like the blinding whiteness that had spilled from the Grovyle when it…
    Very nice job here showing that Carrie is still very much troubled by forcing evolution in the lab. And, from the bit of foreshadowing I noticed, it appears that Carrie will NOT be able to return to her old routine after what transpired in the lab. Nice job as well, showing that she didn't want Ivyx to reveal to the others that she had triggered the "incident"- and her fear that the secret would come out. Fortunately, it didn't- personally, I felt that if Carrie was to reveal that fact to her Grovyle, it should happen later in the story. But I have the feeling she'll end up having to confess sooner or later...

    One thing about the plan to return the captured guards to their posts- the plan is rather contingent on the fact that Empathy is able to outrun her pursuers after dropping off the shipment of guards- now, if MemorCorp happened to have some sort of truck or SUV with which to chase down escaped specimens, that plan would have gone out the window.

    Then again, I'm probably picking a little bit too much at minor things, because (once again) you have done a wonderful job with this chapter. Carrie's indecision about her future, Raptola's cute demeanor, the descriptions- everything was handled well.
    Last edited by DarkPersian479; 23rd October 2007 at 9:00 PM.

  18. #68
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    Whoo! Reviews!

    Aimi Hanako - Don't worry about not reviewing the others, I don't really mind.

    I'm really pleased to see that I did well with Carrie's emotions, and that Raptola's "monster under the bed" moment went down well. Theo was likely less clear because A, he wasn't as bothered as Carrie, and B, the chapter was from Carrie's perspective and she doesn't care that much about what he thinks.

    ...Must I always make excuses like this?

    Moving on, Theo does have more Pokémon, which I might reveal all in one go in the next chapter, though I'm currently undecided.

    And one last thing:
    see ya Ely
    *stabs with the vorg in her name* >:O

    Darkfall - Fwee, an Altaria-scented review which isn't late! *shot*

    linking Grovyle's signiture attack with Carrie's guilt can be an extremely powerful tool.
    And I love how my reviewers point out little things that I might like to do later on, but that I would never have thought of otherwise. Something along those lines may pop up.

    Wow, Aerodactyl also went down well. o.o I guess deciding that this particular Aero likes to intimidate things paid off.

    The rustling in the trees was the group of Shroomish. Carrie originally thought the noise was whatever the Breloom was running from but it was actually the Shroomish, ALSO running from something. Anyway, I assume you just mean the unidentified "threat" - you're just going to have to wait for Chapter 7 to find out.

    And yay for Ivyx's dialect. I actually called it a thorn as a reference to in Chapter 2 when the Grovyle/Archopy was in her cell with "discs" on her head and a "thorn" in her arm.

    Griff4815 - Theo's team is ALL fossil Pokémon, he mentions that fact in Chapter 3.

    This is one of the only fics where I'll read one sentence and BOOM I'm sucked in until the chapter ends.
    And you have no idea how big a compliment I consider this. Unputdownability is one of the most important factors in a good book, IMO, so I'm honestly flattered to hear that my fic has that, too.

    And methinks you should stop eating while you read fics. xD Remember being put off your cookie by ankokuryu's disturbingly good description?

    I too cannot wait until *says two words which are bleeped out by the spoiler police* in your fic. =D

    Apotheosis - *shrugs* I guess I've seen worse one-line reviews. Good to know that you're still reading and enjoying.

    DarkPersian479 - Fixed up the "around". However, the second one was something I noticed during a proofread, got thoroughly confused with, then decided to leave as is due to it being dialogue. Theo would probably not have got the tenses right while speaking spontaneously, either.

    Meh, I've always considered Breloom to be something of a cross between a kangaroo and a mushroom.

    And if MemorCorp DID have an SUV or similar vehicle to chase Empathy and the others down with, they'd have had a hard job driving it through Petalburg Woods.


    Many thanks for the reviews, everyone.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

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    Since I never got around to reviewing chapter five (I’m a horrible procrastinator sometimes. >_<) I'll be reviewing it along with chapter six.

    Chap. 5- Not much action in this one aside from the evolution scene, but it's still great. I loved the whole genetics discussion, since it’s one of my major interests, science-wise, and you managed to explain it all in an interesting way, even for those not so enthusiastic about that sort of stuff. And of course there was the scene where Carrie accidentally makes the lab's Grovyle evolve- the "Horrible thing weighing on her conscience" thing is probably gonna be useful later on, plot wise(the cliché, "OMG I created a monster" comes to mind. But in a good way, tho.). Heck, you're already showing it in chapter six. Despite the apparent detraction from the seriousness of it all, I liked the whole thing where the non-horrified part of Carrie's brain thought the You-know-what's tail would sprout ornaments.
    About Grace White- It's great seeing who's behind all this, but some of the others noted that she responded rather unrealistically to the intruders. Even if she was frantically tracking down Archopy, you would expect her to respond to any intruders that could potentially interfere with her goals. Maybe you could have had her not notice the intruders until quite some time later.

    Chap. 6- The action definitely goes back up here, from the fleeing from the lab up to the mysterious Shroomish stampede. The conscience thing I mentioned earlier is definitely starting to show up, what with Carrie's fear of Ivyx telling the other Grovyles, and seeing the evolutionary glow in the leaf blade... there's definitely gonna be something with this in the future, but exactly what escapes me.
    As Darkfall said, the Grovyle's use of words when describing the lab infiltration was great, as was the description of Areodactyl. Though I like Kabutops better than any of the other Kanto fossils, Dactyl is still awesome, and you portrayed this one excellently. I can't wait to see all of Theo's other Pokemon, as well as what caused the Shroomish and Breloom to stampede. This chapter is actually much guiltier than the last of being a cliffhanger. Otherwise, though, no complaints.
    Oh, and Raptola was adorable as usual.

    As for your response to my last review- Thanks for clearing up the lack of Fourth Gen Pokemon thing- I actually considered that explanation, but dismissed it because of Empathy.(Probably got her when traveling or as a gift or something.) I'm glad to see I alleviated your worries about Carrie possibly being a Mary Sue a little bit. Oh, and I probably shouldn't have used those chatspeak elements in the whole Ratatta-Raticate thing- I was just saying I like Ratatta better, that's all.

    Hope Chapter 7 is up soon!
    Last edited by InsaneTyranitar; 27th October 2007 at 10:50 PM. Reason: spelling and grammar errors.
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    (Keep in mind I'm not usually partial to really dark fics, so I may take longer to get to those.)

  20. #70
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    This is awsome. Everything from the characters distinct and defined personalities to the plot itself to your writing skills. It all comes together wonderfully.

    Sorry if this review seems a little rushed. I wrote a longer and more detailed one, but my internet crashed. sooooo... I didn't feel like writing it all over again... o.o; Either way, it's a delight to read, and I'll be checking up every once and a while for the latest installment!

    Good Fortune!

    Now up in the Fanfiction Forum!


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    InsaneTyranitar - Thankyou for your double review, people don't always catch up on chapters they missed reviewing.

    After reading your note about Grace, I was encouraged to think a little more about that plothole and I believe I have an acceptable explanation which fits. Can't divulge it now, though, for the sake of the plot's secrecy.

    A lot of my chapters seem to sort of end on tiny, minor cliffhangers simply because I want to link them in to the next one. But I do try to use big, deliberate cliffhangers sparingly. Chapter 7 incidentally does not have the slightest hint of a cliffy for once. And it's going to take a little longer because I want both 7 and 8 finished before I post it, due to them being quite closely linked. Chapter 7 is finished now, but I've only just started Chapter 8, so... I have no idea when it'll be done.

    Sireath - Yay! New reader! *gives cookies*

    And damn, I know how annoying it can be to type out something loooong then have the forums die on you. At least I know you're capable of nice long reviews, right?

    Unless you protest, I'll add you to the PM list, so you won't need to check up every once in a while.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

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    Sireath - Yay! New reader! *gives cookies*

    And damn, I know how annoying it can be to type out something loooong then have the forums die on you. At least I know you're capable of nice long reviews, right?

    Unless you protest, I'll add you to the PM list, so you won't need to check up every once in a while.
    Sounds good to me. *eats his cookies*

    Yeah, Serebii can get really clogged up sometimes (well, actually, every evening usually). It can take me a good thirty minutes to get to a thread, and then another fifteen (plus the time it takes to write the post) to reply after seven my time.

    Good Fortune!

    Now up in the Fanfiction Forum!


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  23. #73
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    They burned through her mind like an awful chain reaction; one memory would trigger the next, which would in turn cause her to recall something else. Few of them were moments worth remembering. Most were simply filled with fear and grief and loss. Like her parents – she had found them dead one morning, killed by… Them? Who exactly were They? Despite the vividness of the memories, They remained obscure, almost hidden, as if she was seeing Them out of the corners of her eyes. Tall, threatening figures that seemed to exude evil and hate. And it wasn’t just her parents They had murdered. Others just like her mother and father, slaughtered without a second thought. The children, always spared, because they looked exactly like…

    This is totally more than a fan fic! Make it a book or something!

    I love it! Could you please put me o the PM list so i can keep track of it?
    Du, har stĺtt vid horisonten
    Du, har tittat mot havet om jorden var rund
    Men allt som du sĺg va en bĺt som försvann
    I dimman som rullade fram

    Jag, är inte rädd att flyga
    Jag, för ovanför molnen stĺr himlen pĺ glänt
    Som jorden och mĺnen vi dras till varann
    Men hĺll mig sĺ hĺrt som du kan


    ---Nicco --- Loved Twin --- Ricario --- Catale --- Wajas ---

  24. #74
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    Default Chapter 7: Fiery Passion

    Zessibelle - Yay! Another new reader! *throws cookies around*

    I've added you to the PM list, and I kinda can't publish fanfiction. Copyright infringement, anyone?

    As a heads up, if you comment on a chapter, try to pick out specific things you liked/disliked, and tell me why.

    So yeah. Chapter 7 is here! Enthusiastic exclamation marks because I particularly like this chapter, and the next.

    Chapter 7: Fiery Passion

    The foliage shook wildly, leaves scattering everywhere as the ancient pterosaur crashed through the canopy above with little regard for stealth. Aerodactyl roared eagerly, though less violently than before, his eyes filled with the satisfaction of a successful hunt.

    “So, you found something,” Theo said to the imposing creature who hovered overhead with large beats of his wings. Aerodactyl nodded with a guttural growl.

    Carrie stared at the man and his Pokémon apprehensively, wondering just how Theo could trust him not to rip his head off. She glanced down at the frightened Raptola, still clutching Ivyx, and crouched to stroke him soothingly. A sound somewhere between a hiss and a purr emanated from his mouth as she ran his crest leaf through her fingers.

    “Can you show us where, then?” Theo was asking. Aerodactyl responded with a long, screeching cry and ascended through the foliage once again, sending further swarms of leaves fluttering down. The pterodactyl’s striking form could only just be seen through gaps in the canopy – but it could certainly be heard. The ear-splitting call it made did not peter out; it appeared this was the creature’s way of directing them to their goal.

    Great. Brilliant stealth for sneaking up on whatever it is, Carrie thought ruefully. Raptola, now calm, clambered into his usual position on her back as she stood up. Crescent had already begun following Aerodactyl’s call, no doubt eager to find the cause of the upset. Theo had started walking, too; Carrie, determined to keep up, set off alongside him. Velotus darted from tree to tree in true Grovyle fashion. Last came Foliano, Ivyx and Empathy, evidently not as curious about the potential threat.

    The group quickly sped up as Aerodactyl got into his stride, screeching and roaring to indicate his position. Carrie remained convinced that this was not the best way to approach danger, but it was either that or have the pterosaur fly silently but in sight under the canopy and shred half the forest’s foliage.

    Though certainly not quietly due to the racket overhead, most of the journey passed predictably without conversation. Raptola was the only one having an easy time of it as Carrie half jogged, half ran in an attempt to keep up with the Pokémon above. The young raptor peered over her shoulder, innocently treating the whole thing like an adventure. The older Grovyle pair and Empathy had long since stopped bringing up the rear out of impatience, and now dashed alongside the rushing figure of Crescent.

    Abruptly, Carrie became aware that something was missing. The forest was suddenly silent apart from the thumps of footfalls and the swish of Velotus’ leaves through the air; Aerodactyl had stopped roaring. That meant two things: that they were nearing their destination, and that the creature did have a sense of stealth after all.

    Without pausing in his run, Theo pulled out Aerodactyl’s Poké Ball and fired the red beam at the forest canopy. Most of the light found its way through gaps in the leaves, and enough glanced off the Flying type to recall him into his holding device.

    “It shouldn’t be too far,” muttered Theo. The Pokémon ahead acknowledged this by slowing their pace, allowing the two humans to draw level and continue on beside them. Before long, an unidentified shape loomed in the distance.

    As Carrie drew nearer, realised what they had been headed towards all along, everything seemed to grind to a halt.

    A small, green, fairylike Pokémon lay limply in a mess of undergrowth, weak but still conscious. Its usually vibrant red and blue roses hung forlornly from its arms, dull and battered. A ragged leaf fell across its chest, though it offered no protection from the assailant which towered over it. The Roselia’s terrified, feminine eyes gazed up in pitiful fear, the thorns crowning its head seeming like mere pins.

    The fairy’s plight didn’t overly bother Carrie. Not compared to the identity of the monster pinning it down with skinny, bright green arms, staring coldly with leering yellow eyes. She felt a malevolent cocktail of burning emotions spring into existence and fizz around her body, each one competing for attention.

    Sceptile, the one thing she never wanted to see again in her life, and she had blithely walked up to one.

    A loud, violent hiss from Velotus brought Carrie – somewhat – back to her senses. She felt Raptola dig his claws painfully into her tense shoulders as he squealed and ducked his head behind hers, trembling in fear. Theo shot them both a worried glance, unsure how Carrie would react.

    She herself didn’t know. It had started with a blast of hatred for the creature which was such a disgrace to her beloved Grovyle, strengthened by the fact that she now knew it hadn’t always been this way. Next came the rush of anger that a Grovyle could possibly have wanted to evolve into this thing – what did it gain, other than sheer, mindless power? Carrie was no stranger to this mix of emotions; it felt almost familiar as adrenalin pumped through her body. But this time it was tainted with the guilt of what she had caused.

    After a numb moment of vain attempts to convince herself once again that the evolution in the lab had not been her fault, she was thankfully distracted from her thoughts by a pained cry of, “Esssp!” At her feet, Empathy looked in extreme discomfort, his eyes shut and his ears flat to his head. Carrie forced her almost paralysed arm to pull out his Poké Ball and recall him; this was not a good situation for a Pokémon sensitive to emotions to find himself in.

    As the Espeon’s form shone red and retreated into the sphere, Velotus darted to the ground in front of Carrie like a green shooting star. He hissed menacingly once more, his leaves already formed into deadly blades like it was a reflex action from seeing his evolved form. She looked determinedly away from the glow of the scythes and into his eyes; they blazed with pure loathing. Every muscle on the Grovyle’s body was tensed to fight.

    It was Velotus’ hisses that alerted the Sceptile to their presence. It looked up from its victim, glanced briefly at the Grovyle as if he was unimportant then moved its gaze onto Carrie, giving her a distasteful look. Forcing aside the guilt which had just flared up once more, she defiantly matched the glare. Her furious blue eyes made it clear to the Sceptile that its very existence caused her great displeasure.

    The staring match was abruptly cut off by a shrill cry of “Roooose!” from the trapped fairy Pokémon. Its attacker glared down at it once more and slashed its face violently with bony green claws. The Roselia fell silent, sobbing softly. Crescent, who had been watching the spectacle with outrage, roared with fury at the Pokémon’s plight. The Sceptile acted as if it hadn’t heard.

    Somehow, a trickling of pity for the Roselia managed to fight its way through Carrie’s raging emotions, but it was soon washed away with a fresh flood of anger. Why was the Sceptile species always so intent on causing pain? She couldn’t even see any reason this time, it wasn’t even like the one in her home forest all those years ago…

    At that moment, the explanation for the Pokémon’s actions walked into sight from a cluster of trees. A man.

    “Sceptile? What’re you starin’ at?” The low growl of a voice emanated from the man who stood in clear view beside his beast. A rough leather jacket clothed his bulky figure, accompanied by worn denim jeans and a grey shirt emblazoned with the meaningless words, “BAD LIGHT” in a messy font. His head was almost entirely shaven save a small, dull brown Mohican, looking as pointless as the round yellow appendages on his Pokémon’s back.

    “Tile,” the evolved Pokémon told him in a leering, nasally voice. It turned to stare at Carrie once again, but she directed her glare at its trainer this time. Who did he think he was, swaggering around forests, bullying wild Pokémon… evolving his Grovyle? From the way the man looked and spoke, she doubted that the Pokémon had had much say in its evolution. Then she faltered; she herself had caused much the same.

    “And who’re you?” the man barked in an attempt to be intimidating.

    “We’re –” Theo began.

    “– None of your business,” Carrie interrupted before Theo could finish. “We’re not the ones bullying innocent Pokémon. So who are you?” she spat, shoving aside the guilt once more for the easier task of venting her hatred at the man.

    “The name’s Aiden,” the thug grunted aloofly. “And I can do what I like. There’s no rule against it –”

    “– Except basic morality –” interjected Theo, who was beginning to get riled himself.

    “– and I’m battling wild Pokémon, like any trainer does,” the man called Aiden finished, spitting out the word “trainer” with distaste. He gave Carrie’s Grovyle a patronising look, ignoring the furious stares from Foliano and Ivyx, the furnace of loathing from Velotus. “What trainer doesn’t evolve their Pokémon?”

    The silence that ensued could have been cut with a Leaf Blade.

    Velotus was crouched as if ready to spring, blades brighter than ever. His eyes were fixed on the ground as he took several deep breaths.

    Foliano glowered defiantly at the offending man. “My trainer,” he said passionately. Ivyx growled softly and placed her arm protectively around her mate.

    Raptola clung tightly to Carrie’s shoulders, his face still hidden, trembling. “Don’t evolve me, please, don’t evolve me,” he whispered, terrified. She wanted desperately to comfort him, to tell him she’d never do such a thing, but Aiden mercifully hadn’t caught sight of the little raptor yet. And she didn’t want Raptola to be subject to his taunts.

    The Sceptile, who had been watching its pre-evolved forms with a superior expression, spoke. “Scep sceptile.” The words had a mocking, arrogant tone to them.

    They caused Velotus to erupt. “What did you call us?” the Grovyle seethed, boiling with fury as he recklessly leapt towards his evolved form, scythes slicing the air.

    “Velotus, don’t!” shouted Carrie desperately. He wanted a battle with the Sceptile; that much was painfully clear. But that was one thing not on her agenda right now.

    The raptor skidded to a halt, halfway towards his potential foe. He was so tensed that his foot claws left long gouges in the soil below. Velotus twisted his head, directing his glare at his trainer. “Give me one reason why not,” he hissed, his voice dangerously low. “Just one.

    Carrie almost flinched with the intensity of her Pokémon’s gaze. You won’t win; you’ll get hurt, was the reason in her panicked mind, but she knew Velotus would find it deeply insulting. “You’re better than it,” she said out loud after a moment’s thought. “You’re not the one bullying Roselia. But if you attack it, you’ll be just as bad.”

    Velotus considered for a moment, then accepted Carrie’s point. “Fine.” He retreated slowly, blades still formed, eyes still glaring threateningly at the Sceptile, who seemed to be finding the whole thing rather amusing.

    “Good choice,” Aiden told Carrie patronisingly. “You know your little pet can’t win.”

    Velotus let rip a howling roar of fury, though somehow miraculously managed to restrain himself from attacking again. Carrie suddenly understood how he felt, as she had to force herself not to punch the man, which would have clearly been suicidal.

    In an effort not to look at Aiden or his beastly servant, Carrie turned around to see how Theo was reacting to this. She noticed that both he and Crescent stood some way behind her, separate from the evolutionary war. Theo was staring worriedly at Velotus. Carrie could see his point. The Grovyle scared her too sometimes.

    “Oh, look! You’ve got a baby, too!” roared Aiden, sounding infuriatingly like he was holding back laughter. “How cute!”

    Carrie whipped around to face him, then realised. He’d caught sight of Raptola as she’d turned. The young Grovyle pressed himself against her back in fright, as if the end had come.

    “Cute is exactly the word. Now get out,” Carrie spat, knowing that she couldn’t force him away but hoping he would take the hint.

    “Yes, I think you’d better leave,” Theo said firmly. “And leave that Roselia here, too.”

    Everyone turned to look at the fairylike Pokémon on the ground. It had long since passed out, presumably from shock.

    “Whatever.” Aiden shrugged, giving the Roselia a disdainful look. “Damn worthless thing didn’t know anything anyway. Sceptile, we’re moving.” With that, he swaggered away. His Pokémon followed beside him, its bulbous yellow seeds contrasting violently with the dark green of the surrounding foliage.

    Didn’t know anything? thought Carrie, feeling herself slowly, gradually calm down as they disappeared into the distance. Perhaps this really was linked to Archopy, in more ways than one.

    The tense Raptola relinquished his grip on Carrie’s shoulders and dropped to the leaf-littered floor. Foliano and Ivyx moved to hug the young Grovyle, who was beginning to stop shaking. Beside them, Velotus’ blades retreated into ordinary clusters of leaves. The raptor remained staring into the distance where Aiden and his Sceptile had left. He was unlikely to forget their insolence in a hurry.

    Carrie felt a rush of air as Crescent dashed past her towards the fallen Roselia. He nudged it with his nose and the fairy weakly opened its eyes. Theo walked slowly towards it too, having produced a pink and white spray bottle from his bag. Carrie approached, less concerned.

    Theo sprayed the magenta coloured Hyper Potion onto the injured Pokémon. The liquid soaked into the Roselia’s skin, seemingly revitalising the plant. Its dull roses brightened up, small nicks and scratches in the petals being healed. The leaf across its chest suddenly seemed smoother and glossier as the fairy sat up. It glanced around, confused, before noticing Theo holding the now empty potion bottle. Giving a small “Rose” of thanks, the Pokémon stood up and staggered away, still slightly hurt but gradually improving.

    There followed a short, awkward pause as Carrie regained the rest of her composure. She tried not to think about the recent encounter as the mere thought riled her. Instead, she turned her mind once more to the future. Northern Canyon. Archopy.

    She rooted around in the bag at her waist for her green Pokénav. Carrie flipped it open and pressed the button for the map function; she was presented with a zoomed-in view of the forest they currently stood in. It was a high-tech device – every time she changed the direction she faced, the map on the screen would rotate to fit. Carrie pointed the Pokénav at what it said was north and zoomed out to a view of the entire Hoenn region.

    Theo was watching her curiously; her Pokémon were not, as they had never been able to make any sense of the man-made contraption. “So,” Carrie announced, breaking the silence herself for once. “Northern Canyon is…” She raised her right arm and pointed almost due north-east.

    “That way.” Theo had spoken at the exact moment Carrie had. His arm was out at the same angle as hers. “I could have told you that, if you’d asked.”

    “Yeah, but sometimes I like to be sure,” she shot back, still looking at her screen. “And it says here that on the way to Northern Canyon, just outside the forest is –”

    “Verdanturf Town,” Theo finished, once again speaking in unison. “And I could have told you that, too,” he said in exasperation. “There’s something else I can also tell you.”

    Carrie lowered her Pokénav and turned to face him. “What?” she spat, annoyed.

    Theo’s finger now pointed directly upwards, indicating something she had been too busy to notice gradually happening for the past hour or so. “It’s getting dark.”

    Carrie followed his digit and looked up. The sky had indeed turned a much duller shade of blue. Her eyes widened in surprise.

    “I knew that.”

    * * *

    It didn’t take long for the colour between the canopy’s foliage to turn as dark as the leaves themselves. At night, the forest seemed far less welcoming as sight was limited beyond more than a few metres, and the trees seemed to reach infinitely high. Filled with the sounds of light rustling and padding of feet during the day, the night time woods were home to a number of humming, hissing and scratching noises as the nocturnal creatures came to life.

    Not being the type to make a habit of camping in a forest at night, Theo was slightly unnerved as he sat in the half-lit clearing. The same couldn’t be said for the girl who now kneeled in the centre, carefully arranging a pile of dead wood for a fire. Carrie had insisted that she alone made the trek into the forest for firewood, to avoid Theo pulling living branches off trees. She’d also claimed to have experience in laying out fires so that the surrounding forest didn’t catch light. Theo had eventually given up offering to help and left her to it.

    Satisfied with her wood pile, Carrie stood back. Theo wondered if she carried a box of matches in her bag, as none of her Pokémon were of the Fire type.

    She surprised him by turning around and calling, “Velotus?” into the tree behind her. Theo had seen all four of her Grovyle retreat into it previously, though they were impossible to spot now.

    “Gro?” came a voice from within the boughs, clearly Velotus’ from its intonation. The man had been around that Grovyle for less than a day, yet his intense personality was already imprinted on Theo’s mind.

    “I know you’re not happy, but I need you to light a fire,” Carrie told him, sounding less than pleased herself. Velotus dropped silently and obediently from the tree, facing the firewood. Theo looked on, apprehensive. In his knowledge, Grovyle couldn’t use Fire moves, but he doubted Carrie would order such a thing without knowing more than he did on the subject.

    She deliberately looked away as Velotus began glowing with a bright white light. It seemed he was beginning to evolve, but even someone like Theo who had only just met the trainer knew this was clearly not the case. He watched as the white glare formed into several small, bright orbs which circled the Grovyle’s head slowly.

    With a roar from Velotus that sounded close to a battle cry, the spots of light shot as one towards the firewood, and a tongue of orange flame sprang up. Soon, the pile of timber was impossibly ablaze with crackling fire, giving a warm, friendly glow to the surrounding forest.

    Theo stared in astonishment. “What was that?”

    “Hidden Power,” Carrie informed him with a grin. “Matching Velotus’ fiery personality.” The Grovyle looked less bothered, as if he did this all the time. Which was probably the case.

    “Grovyle grovyle?” asked Velotus, a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

    Carrie rolled her eyes. “Yes, you can,” she said with a similar intonation. Without another word, the Grovyle latched onto the trunk of the tree behind him and scaled it, concealing himself in the boughs.

    Theo had noticed through the day, without comment, that Carrie was able to understand her Pokémon. He didn’t think it particularly special; it was logical that, with enough exposure to a language, a person would slowly pick it up.

    Perhaps he should socialise more with his Pokémon? It wasn’t as if Theo was the sort of trainer to treat them as tools for battle. But most of the time they were let out, it was to help him navigate difficult terrain or excavate fossils. They didn’t get much chance to talk.

    He glanced at Carrie again, and saw that her other three Grovyle had joined her beside the fire as she roasted food of some kind on a long stick. The smallest one – Raptola – was snuggled between the larger forms of the other two, whose names escaped him for the moment. It wasn’t hard to tell from their behaviour that they were a mother-father-son group; the affection between them was as clear as the firelight that lit up their faces.

    For all intents and purposes, Theo was his Pokémon’s father. He had extruded the remnants of ancient species from the earth; it was down to him that the old DNA had been taken and cloned into living, breathing creatures. He felt his hand inside his pocket and realised that he had been subconsciously reaching for his two Pokémon who hadn’t tasted fresh air that day. His conscious mind gave in. It couldn’t hurt.

    “Carrie,” Theo announced over the crackling fire. “I’d like you to meet my other two Pokémon.” And with that, he pulled out the two red and white orbs and tossed them into the air.

    The first burst of light materialised into a bizarre looking creature. Her weighted, stumpy base remained stationary on the forest floor, while her bulbous, tentacled head waved wildly around on a skinny neck. Though usually the same shade as Carrie’s Grovyle, she appeared orange in the firelight, with sets of yellow rings accentuating various parts of her body. Those atop her round head appeared to be eyes, but the Cradily’s true sight came from within a long dark cavity across her face.

    “Craaaaaay!” The Pokémon, always pleased to see her trainer, strained towards him, dragging her anchoring bottom half across the ground with juddering hops. Cradily’s writhing tentacles, orange with reddish tips, madly lunged and wrapped around Theo’s arm in what he had always supposed was the creature’s way of showing affection. He grinned and accepted her unorthodox embrace.

    The second creature emerging from his ball was doing nothing of the sort to greet his trainer. The Pokémon’s flat, elliptical body was armoured with black plates and tipped with two short tail spikes. Featherlike appendages resembling something off an Indian headdress fluttered rhythmically on either side, and his arms were nothing more than two powerful grey claws which scraped idly at a few fallen leaves in front of him. Like Cradily, the Anorith had deceptive markings on his smooth head, while his true eyes extended sideways on stalks.

    Theo watched Carrie’s reaction as he felt Cradily’s hyperactive tentacles finally slipping off his arm. Anorith remained still, staring dully into the fire.

    Carrie, who was halfway through some kind of roasted meat, raised her eyebrows in apparent interest. “Is there something wrong with your Anorith?” she asked. “It… hasn’t moved.”

    Theo glanced again at his emotionless trilobite and sighed. “No. Well, yes. Um, sort of.” He pulled a face and started again. “Something went wrong with Anorith’s revival process. It’s like they forgot to put in his soul. He battles for me, he does what I tell him to… but he never shows any feelings about it.” He gazed at his Pokémon sadly. “I could abuse him and he wouldn’t care.”

    “Wow,” Carrie said, surprised. “That’s… bad.”

    Her attempted show of sympathy was rather off the mark, Theo thought. Then again, the girl had evidently been through a day of emotional battering, so perhaps that was no surprise. Theo had always considered Pokémon evolution to be a positive thing, but the Grovyle in the lab evolving seemed to have greatly upset her, much as she tried to hide it. And Aiden’s Sceptile was clearly another hard blow to her feelings.

    He pushed these thoughts out of his head as he turned to see his Cradily motioning enthusiastically towards his bag with her rapidly flexing tentacles. Theo pulled the rucksack towards him and rooted around inside it for something to eat, his features illuminated by the dancing flames in front of him.

    ~~~

    << Previous chapter

    A/N: Darkfall, you seriously need to stop reading my mind. D: You too, Neji, you know me too well. :<
    Last edited by elyvorg; 25th July 2008 at 11:59 AM.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  25. #75
    Join Date
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    Chapter up.

    Sireath comes to see.

    This was another well written, chapter even though not much continuation happens. That is not to demote the scene with the Sceptile and his trainer in any way. I hated that *********** (yay for random asterisk bleeping!) **************** almost as much as Carrie did. It was mainly uneventful in comparison to the other chapters which had characters being introduced, invasions of labs, etc.

    Theo's new Pokemon are very nicely personalized, even the soul-less one. You've also helped with his character growth by showing stuff on about his trainer-pokemon relationships.

    “There’s something else I can also tell you.”

    Carrie lowered her Pokénav and turned to face him. “What?” she spat, annoyed.

    Theo’s finger now pointed directly upwards, indicating something she had been too busy to notice gradually happening for the past hour or so. “It’s getting dark.”

    Carrie followed his digit and looked up. The sky had indeed turned a much duller shade of blue. Her eyes widened in surprise.

    “I knew that.”
    This part made me snicker, which is a big deal in fanfics. I hardly ever do that unless I make something up that doesn't happen in the story. Hehe!


    Descriptions were vivid, emotions brought across... everything about this was well written. Just very little going on. I'll be back next time!

    Good Fortune!

    Now up in the Fanfiction Forum!


    banner a collaboration between Warlord-Pickle and myself

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