Since I never got around to reviewing chapter five (I’m a horrible procrastinator sometimes. >_<) I'll be reviewing it along with chapter six.
Chap. 5- Not much action in this one aside from the evolution scene, but it's still great. I loved the whole genetics discussion, since it’s one of my major interests, science-wise, and you managed to explain it all in an interesting way, even for those not so enthusiastic about that sort of stuff. And of course there was the scene where Carrie accidentally makes the lab's Grovyle evolve- the "Horrible thing weighing on her conscience" thing is probably gonna be useful later on, plot wise(the cliché, "OMG I created a monster" comes to mind. But in a good way, tho.). Heck, you're already showing it in chapter six. Despite the apparent detraction from the seriousness of it all, I liked the whole thing where the non-horrified part of Carrie's brain thought the You-know-what's tail would sprout ornaments.
About Grace White- It's great seeing who's behind all this, but some of the others noted that she responded rather unrealistically to the intruders. Even if she was frantically tracking down Archopy, you would expect her to respond to any intruders that could potentially interfere with her goals. Maybe you could have had her not notice the intruders until quite some time later.
Chap. 6- The action definitely goes back up here, from the fleeing from the lab up to the mysterious Shroomish stampede. The conscience thing I mentioned earlier is definitely starting to show up, what with Carrie's fear of Ivyx telling the other Grovyles, and seeing the evolutionary glow in the leaf blade... there's definitely gonna be something with this in the future, but exactly what escapes me.
As Darkfall said, the Grovyle's use of words when describing the lab infiltration was great, as was the description of Areodactyl. Though I like Kabutops better than any of the other Kanto fossils, Dactyl is still awesome, and you portrayed this one excellently. I can't wait to see all of Theo's other Pokemon, as well as what caused the Shroomish and Breloom to stampede. This chapter is actually much guiltier than the last of being a cliffhanger. Otherwise, though, no complaints.
Oh, and Raptola was adorable as usual.
As for your response to my last review- Thanks for clearing up the lack of Fourth Gen Pokemon thing- I actually considered that explanation, but dismissed it because of Empathy.(Probably got her when traveling or as a gift or something.) I'm glad to see I alleviated your worries about Carrie possibly being a Mary Sue a little bit. Oh, and I probably shouldn't have used those chatspeak elements in the whole Ratatta-Raticate thing- I was just saying I like Ratatta better, that's all.
Hope Chapter 7 is up soon!
Last edited by InsaneTyranitar; 27th October 2007 at 9:50 PM.
Reason: spelling and grammar errors.
I'f I'm being a n00b, please don't hesitate to tell me.