Lost Evolution

[Dragonfree]

D: But elyvoooorg! I'm supposed to be your new best friend! Betrayal, I say!

So I figured I'd reread the chapter and see how you changed it. The improvements are all better; Grace White's conclusion from the broken ball and missing Sceptile is still very quick-witted as DP479 and SlowCrow noted, but that could be passed off as just her being intelligent (unlike the previous version, where she clearly had latent psychic powers). I also suspected Milo's display of his epic whistleblower powers were just him not thinking it through, so I don't mind that remaining; in fact I kind of really love that. :P (Sush, I have a thing for characters I like showing their own weakness.)

I also neglected to mention in the beta that I really love how you wrote Carrie's father. You had all these little details of his body language making him all concerned and it made me squee. Like in this part:

Brian’s fingers tightened on the steering wheel. “Then it all started making sense when we found Carrie’s Absol, also unconscious, near the edge of the forest. I told the nurse to have his Alakazam teleport them both back to the Pokémon Centre, since he had some fairly severe battle wounds, but I stayed to look for Carrie. Eventually spotted her as she was dragging you out of the Northern Canyon caves. There was someone waiting for her who didn’t seem too friendly, so I had my Altaria use Sing.” He paused. “She looked so… I don’t know. What happened in those caves, Theo?”

Theo was surprised to find that Carrie’s father had taken his eyes off the bumpy path and was looking directly at him. “I don’t know either. They…” He hesitated, not wanting to tell Brian that someone had been trying to kill his daughter. “We got into some trouble, but she was still being her usual self, if a bit more jumpy than normal. I don’t know what happened after I got knocked out.” He caught sight of the worry in the man’s eyes as he turned back towards the road and felt almost guilty. “Sorry.”

All in all there are quite a few parts in the chapter where I really like the way you word things. I also agree on Fortree being quite nicely portrayed.

I actually think I liked Carrie's scene better as the end of the chapter, but that might just be because I read it that way first.

[Sireath]

All right. Time to try a return to my full-length review style! Here goes...


You mentioned that the chapter wasn't very eventful. This much is true, but I honestly don't feel as though it lagged because of it. In fact, I believe this chapter was far more enjoyable because it didn't have much going on. Your past few chapters have all been intense and action-packed. Thus, your reading audience needed a breather (and sure, you could say you gave us one anyway since it took you a while to write this, but my point stands).

The major pitfall that writers fall into during these "slow" chapters is to just try and rush past it to get to the next action sequence. This generally causes them to lose focus on the characters, but that's ridiculous! The story isn't about actions that characters do, it's about characters that do actions.

You, I am happy to say, had no problem with this that I could see. You took your characters and focused on them: namely through the continuation of her Theo-dilemma which started in the caves after he was knocked out (I absolutely love this whole realization/thing btw, as I think I've said before).

I like how you handled Carrie's side of things this chapter, as you seemed to focus on her this time around. I liked all the things you did with Theo in terms of how he reacts to Carrie's changing attitude.

One thing that I would have liked to see improved upon is the interaction between Carrie and her father. I'm talking about the short little back and forth after Theo left the room. You did a fine job getting the right kind of mood as far as what they were actually saying is concerned, but it was still a little vague when it came to how they were saying it. What I really wanted more of was the level of caring that you wanted to show from the father and the level of discomfort from Carrie. The only reason I'm getting picky on this point is because I've had to do a lot of thinking myself on parent-child scenes, and you really need to bring the feelings across well, something I know you're fully capable of!

Just to clarify, it works fine as it is, but I think you missed an opportunity here to make it much deeper.

Moving on. I really love the character you're building up for Grace White. It's easy to make her kind of character bland, but you've given a life to her that I - well, not to be redundant, but - really love! In fact, she had one line in particular that just made me smile:

The Director looked disdainfully at the mess of cracked plastic splinters. “There was no need for that,” she muttered.

haha! lol at the Milo-phail.

He almost expected to see shards of it clattering to the floor as he stared back down at his shoes.

I very much liked this, btw.

I thought you did a fine job with the attempted-blackmail scene. Nice and believable. I could really feel Milo's discomfort and anxiety, and -let's face it- it's just fun to see the smug antagonist!

And now, it's time for...

    Spoiler:- Teh Grammar Nazi!:

Show Spoiler

 

“Bernard,” said Grace, full in the knowledge that the man hated his name, “your assignment is over. You and your men are to return to the facility and continue guarding the scientists as normal. Is that understood?”

Alright. To be honest with you, I'm not entirely sure that this first one is a mistake. I've never heard this phrase used myself, but I have heard a few alternatives: "knowing full well" and "fully aware" are the ones that come to mind. If you know for a fact that this is an actual saying (is it an English thing?), then just ignore this one.

She shook her head. It didn’t matter, either way. Archopy would be hers again as soon as Aiden woke up and reached the nearest Poké Ball transfer machine. Until then, she could wait.

This should be written as either "It didn't matter either way." or "It didn't matter. Either way, Archopy would..." depending on which you were trying to say.

Aiden made a slight effort to calm himself visibly before speaking. “I went to sleep after catchin’ it, like I said. Sceptile was sleepin’ outside his ball as well. Then I woke up and he was gone, and so was with the Ultra Ball I caught Archopy in.”

Since this is in quotes, it could just be that he's talking very strangely here. However, I'm not thinking so. Take out the "with" for a quick fix. It's not grammatically perfect that way, but since it's a person talking, that doesn't matter. You could also change the sentence to "Then I woke up, and he was gone along with the Ultra Ball I caught Archopy in." for one that's more grammatically sound. It all depends on what you think your character would say.

He bit his tongue for a moment, but then gave in.

This comma isn't necessary, and I'll tell you why. A comma would only be needed here if you had a compound sentence (Subject-Verb, Subject-Verb). But all you have is a compound verb (Subject-Verb Verb). I think I went into more detail in an earlier review, so I'll leave it at that.
An alternative to removing the comma would be to insert the word "he" between "then" and "gave."

“’Course they are,” replied Aiden. “Gotta be aggressive in this line of work. He wouldn’t have felt sorry for it, I know that much.”

This is pretty much the opposite of the last one. You do have a compound sentence. However, when you have a compound sentence but don't have a contraction (and, but, or, nor, for, and yet are examples of contractions), then you use a semicolon ";". So, just switch that in for the comma.

“****,” muttered Aiden as realisation hit him. “What am I meant to do if it’s dead?”

I believe it's commonly said as "the realisation." If you're prefer the way you have it now, then there's nothing technically wrong with it. You're just saying that the bigger idea of "realisation" is hitting him as opposed to the specific realisation of his mistake.

“I don’t care, just find her,” Grace hissed.

To tell you the truth, I almost didn't notice this one. It's another compound sentence. The Subject of the action "find" is "(you)." For imperative sentences (commands), the subject is assumed even though it is not said. Just switch out your comma for a semicolon.

The Director gritted her teeth. “Mr. Savage,” she said. “There’s been a change of plan.”

This one is purely up to you, since there's no grammar issue. Pretty much every time this line is ever used (TV, movies, and such), its "a change of plans."

Sitting up had however given him a clearer view of his situation; over the sides of the metal box, a mass of trees and vegetation and general greenness rolled past, and beside him lay Carrie, three of her Grovyle and Empathy, apparently all asleep.

There are two things in this selection, so I'll start with the one I highlighted. When you have items in a series (item, item, and item), you are supposed to have a comma before the conjunction: in this case between "Grovyle" and "and." There are some schools of thought that do not require this comma, but most do, so it's always safest to leave it in. I think you usually do though, so I've probably rambled for no reason.

The second thing is the fact that you have a run-on sentence. In this case that means you have three subject-verb pairs (sitting-had given; mass-rolled, and Carrie, three, and Empathy-lay) when you can only have a maximum of two. I would suggest changing the semicolon after "situation" to a period and capitalizing "over."

One thing was certain. Having got it wrong once, Theo wasn’t about to let Archopy slip out of his reach again.

Change "got" to "gotten." It might be correct in the vernacular, but I'm fairly positive that it is an error in formal writing.

A clump of the tree’s leaves started moving towards her, until her still-sleepy eyesight worked out that they weren’t leaves but a Grovyle, climbing across a branch thinner than her arm.

Take out the comma; you don't need it.

Carrie nodded and moved across to her door, where her jacket was hanging on a peg.

Take out the comma.

“Talk to it? Is that all?” Brian sounded rather sceptical, and Carrie couldn’t blame him.

It's "skeptical." I think someone else caught that though. EDIT: just read through your other reviews and saw what you said about this one. That's really weird. Never in my life have I seen it written that way. huh...

That conversation had gone a lot less awkwardly that it should have done.

Change "that" to "than" and remove "done."

He’d been called there by the Director, and he felt sure that this time, she really was going to bring up the fact that he’d helped the intruders.

Remove the comma.

As he stepped inside, he found himself scrutinised by two pairs of eyes – one belonging to the Director, another belonging to a huge guard whom she had in the room with her.

I'd like you to look at the word "whom." The thing I want you to notice is - you used it perfectly. I'm serious, this one isn't actually an error. I'm just so impressed that I want to congratulate you! I absolutely hate "who" and "whom" usage, and I most likely would have done this sentence incorrectly. So, I applaud you. You get rainbows, flowers, sunshine, and a cookie!

Helping Theo and the girl was meant to be him fighting back against this whole organisation.

This isn't grammatically wrong, but you used the same phrase ("fighting back") earlier when using White's perspective and a third time shortly after this excerpt. Generally, you don't want to reuse phrases like that when possible. There are some exceptions, but I don't think you wrote this with any of them in mind. Honestly, this wasn't something a lot of people would notice, but the fact is that I did notice - and on my initial read-through, not just my grammar scourge. It's usually just better to use different wordings when possible.

He’d been desperate to feel like he was doing something, at least.

Remove the comma. Don't need it.

------------------------------
And that does it for grammar! As per usual, there wasn't really anything big. In fact, I think I see you making improvement! Congrats!!!

If it seems as though I'm explaining things to you sometimes that you already know, I apologize. It's just that I seem to remember assuming you did knows some things once before and caused you a load of unnecessary confusion.

And just so I can get this out of my system... GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
kay, I'm good. I'm an American, and as such, I do a double take every time I see s's substituted for z's. For instance: organisation as opposed to organization. By all means, continue with the UK spellings. It's probably good for me to get used to seeing things written that way. I'm only writing this because... well... ummmmm... ... I don't remember... OH YEAH! I'm doing this to get it out of my system. GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

 

So, anyway, I loved the chapter. It's great to see you're still writing.
I very much look forward to the next chapter and the continuing search for Archopy!

Good Fortune!

[Sinnohdragon]

And it all comes back to me... I'd forgotten how good this fic was

So, they finaly escape the deep dark scary depths of the cave and enter...tree heaven!
No, i am not mad.

I did like the interaction between Empathy and Carrie a lot, and my suspicion was correct, it was Aiden who stole Archopy! Booo

Milo is a wimp. Yes, i'd like to see him put a bit of acive effort into stopping MemorCorp, but i suppose its too much for him. awww well.

Maybe if you offer its of cake and chocolate Velotus may be more willing to have his portrait done?

[fishyfool]

Blame that Dusknoir for dragging me here, he said his pal wanted me to give a quick review.

As it is, MemorCorp's head is indeed one of those classic villains who retains their calm composure and simply prefers to squash their incompetents by breaking their spirits, which was well described in terms of Milo. I also smell some CarriexTheo shipping there, although the pokemon side of this isn't as massive as I thought.

Good chapter.

[StarlightMew]

I'm really enjoying this story! Definately original and I like stories that portrays things from a pokemons point of view.

I have to say I happen to really like Sceptile . I appreciated how they weren't all ruthless monsters ("Them") in prehistoric times. Carrie's snappy character was started to annoy me a bit so I'm glad you had her show some remorse for being so mean to Theo. She reminds me of some people I know . Anyway your story has excellent character development .

Is is just me or are there no 4th generation pokemon in your story? I don't think there has been..makes sense since they are in Hoenn. Just a random detail I noticed.

I look forward to the next chapters!

[elyvorg]

Whoa. I didn't realise quite how long I'd been procrastinating from review replies. D:

Rawr.

Dragonfree - Don't worry, you're still my best friend, it's just that SlowCrow is now my other, newest best friend. See?

Yay for Milo's epic weakness whistleblower powers! And yay for Brian's concern being liked. I don't mind that you didn't mention it in the beta - a beta's not the place for positivity and squeeing, after all.

I now officially have no idea which scene would be best as the end of the chapter, so I'm just going to be lazy and leave it like it is now.

Sireath - You are awesome. Really. Don't you dare disappear again. :3

I'm glad to hear I didn't just rush through this chapter to get to the next action sequence, as you put it, especially because there really is a long action sequence in Chapter 25 which I was quite eager to get to.

Duly noted that the Carrie/Brian scene could have been more fleshed out. That's probably a case of something I did rush a little bit, because there was so much charactery stuff I had to cram into this chapter before the action starts again, and since Carrie's dad isn't a big part of the fic I guess I didn't see this as being one of the important bits of charactery stuff. But at least it was acceptable as it was; that's good to hear.

Much, much yay for Grace shaping up to be popular as an antagonist. She'll be showing up more and more often as we get further towards the end of the fic, and she is indeed very fun to write, so it's good that she's liked by readers too. Thanks also for your comments on Milo's epic-failed-blackmail - that line about shards of bravery clattering to the ground was one of my favourites in the chapter. =D

    Spoiler:- Sireath's Inner Grammar Nazi:

Show Spoiler

 
...I still don't think I ever got around to making those grammar changes, even though I first read this review ages ago. I shall do so while typing this up.

"full in the knowledge" sounded right at the time, but I don't know whether it really is a valid phrase. Since the ones you suggested sound better, I'll change it.

The "was with" issue in Aiden's speech was simply a case of an unwanted word getting left in when I changed the phrasing of his line. Thanks for spotting it.

Bah, the whole comma in compound sentences rule. xP I do remember it, honest, it's just not often at the front of my mind when I write.

For the "realisation" one, I did indeed intend that to be referring to a general sense of realisation.

As far as I'm aware, the phrase in movies has always been "a change of plan", singular. :/ Even if I'm wrong, I'm leaving it how it is.

I believe that "had got" is essentially the British version of "had gotten". At least, the only place I ever see the word "gotten" used is on the Internet, presumably by users of American English.

Gah, I managed to type "that" instead of "than". Those kinds of mistakes often slip under the radar.

Yay for correct who/whom usage? xD I remember reading somewhere that "who" is used in place of he or she, whereas "whom" is used instead of him or her, and that's how I remember it. It still feels annoyingly formal when I use "whom", though, sometimes. Scratch that, all the time.

You have a point about the "fighting back" repetition. I'd change one of them, except... I can't actually think of a different phrase to use. :x So for now, I'll just say that I did it on purpose for a deliberate parallel between Grace and Milo's thoughts? even though it was completely unintentional D:

I want to keep the comma between "something" and "at least" in there for that last one - it puts more emphasis on the "something" by creating a pause after it.

Oh yes. I've been doing a lot of waffling about the deliberate usage of commas in English Lit recently.

Thanks a lot for going through the trouble to explain all these things. It must be really annoying to type all that out, but if you didn't I'd probably end up disagreeing about half of them on the grounds that it "sounds right" my way. 8D;
 

Sinnohdragon - Whoo, thanks for not giving up on me despite the long wait and having forgotten how much you like the fic.

Go easy on Milo now - at least he was trying to be active about stopping MemorCorp. x3

I'm afraid that despite my best attempts, Velotus refused to join Foliano and Ivyx in my sig. And there's no point me trying again because he currently hates me thanks to Chapter 26, which I've been writing. D:

fishyfool - Yay for calm, collected, spirit-crushing antagonists.

Carrie x Theo shipping? Heck no. I don't see how Carrie actually attempting to be nice to Theo after the realisation of having been a jerk towards him for the first twenty-three chapters of the fic could possibly imply any romantic feelings whatsoever. I can tell you categorically, right now, that there will be no Carrie x Theo shipping in this fic. There won't even be any other human shippings since I suck at writing romance. :/

You're right that this chapter was more focused on the human characters, but that's just the way it happens sometimes.

StarlightMew - Yay for a new reader! I believe you get cookies.

I have to apologise for the unfairly negative view on Sceptile during the earler chapters. While I still dislike it, I've realised that that was going too far.

Carrie, however, was fully intended to be a snappy jerk - that's just her personality. ^^; After her metaphorical slap in the face back in the caves, she should hopefully start being a bit of a nicer person now. "A bit" being the operative term.

You're right, this fic hasn't had any fourth-gen Pokémon so far due to being set in Hoenn. The only way I could feasibly include one would be if it belonged to a trainer, which might happen sometime in the future. I just pick whatever Pokémon seems to fit; I don't actually have anything against Sinnoh.

Anyway, thanks for reading!


And now: good news! I finished writing Chapter 26 this morning, so all I need to do before I post the next chapter is a whole pile of proofreading, which should take a couple of days or so. After that, well, I don't really know. I have a week off this week, but I should technically be spending it revising since once I go back I have a week full of exams followed by another week half-full of exams. I will try and do as much writing as I can during this week, though. And after my exams are finished, school is over for the rest of summer. So yeah. =D

Did I ever mention here how I really love Velotus? Because I do.

[elyvorg]

A brief thought/idea: I was re-reading through my PMs and was reminded of something I could do here which might be quite fun. You see, my friend Griff4815 and I were discussing the fic a while ago, and I mentioned how I'd seen a kind of "Character Q&A" type thing done for other fics (specifically, Dragonfree's) and that I'd quite like to do the same with my characters. Griff thought it a good idea, so he sent me a PM with a bunch of questions for some of my characters which I then responded to in-character. And it was seriously fun.

So it occurred to me just now that I could open this up to all readers of the fic. Have any questions you'd like to ask the characters? PM them to me, and I'll have the characters answer them for you. Just bear in mind that they'll only know as much as they know in the actual fic (they won't be aware that they're fictional, either), and will only be willing to talk about what they'd be willing to talk about in the fic. This isn't for getting spoilers, this is for a bit of extra, and hopefully fun, insight into the characters.

also, try not to ask too many questions at once. I don't want to be swamped. D:

</endrandomthought>

---

That proofreading went much more quickly/efficiently than I'd expected. It's taken a while, but here's the new chapter - I hope you enjoy it. =D

Chapter 25: Pursuit

Carrie entered the Pokémon Centre to see Theo already at the front desk and handing his Poké Ball to the nurse, having apparently put the strangeness of Carrie being nice to him out of mind for the time being. She sidled wordlessly up beside him, passing five of her Poké Balls over the counter, and watched them being placed with Theo’s in the machine.

“You found my Absol this morning, didn’t you?” she asked the nurse while the healing device hummed away.

The young man’s eyes flashed with realisation beneath his silver fringe. “Oh – you must be Brian’s daughter, then?”

Carrie nodded. “How is he? Crescent, I mean, not my dad.”

“He’s recovered fairly well,” the nurse said. “He should be okay to give back to you if you want him now – just don’t put him through anything too strenuous for a while, okay?”

“Huh?” Carrie frowned, worried. She’d barely been awake when her father had told her about Crescent and couldn’t remember the details. “What’s wrong with him?”

“He had some pretty nasty battle wounds,” the nurse told her, “but he’d also suffered the effects of a Perish Song, probably his own. It looks like he managed to stay conscious under the influence of the song much longer than any Pokémon usually lasts, and while he’s going to be fine, he’s still pretty exhausted.” He paused and looked intently at Carrie. “Normally this is the part where it’s my job to lecture you on not pushing your Pokémon too hard,” he said, “but judging by where we found him, I doubt you had anything to do with this.”

Carrie shook her head slowly. “I didn’t even know he knew Perish Song. He’s never used it before.”

The concern lifted from the nurse’s face. “Well, if you give me his ball, I can go and get him for you.”

She passed Crescent’s Ultra Ball to the young man and watched him disappear through the door behind him. Theo, who had been waiting patiently next to her the whole time, took the opportunity to speak.

“What exactly happened to you outside just now?”

Carrie fixed her eyes on a point somewhere near the ceiling. “I don’t have a clue,” she muttered. “I did mean what I said, though, just in case you think I was momentarily possessed by someone else and the real me is back now.”

“So… you did mean to be nice to me?”

“Yes, I did,” Carrie said, still doing her best to look anywhere but at Theo.

He must have noticed how awkward the conversation was making her feel as he changed the subject. “This is your hometown, right?” he said. “How come that nurse didn’t seem to know you?”

Carrie lowered her gaze from the ceiling and shrugged. “Because he doesn’t? I’ve never seen him before. Must be new – new since I was last here, anyway.”

“How long ago was that?”

She paused. “I forget.”

There was a short silence as neither of them had anything else to say and the nurse still hadn’t returned yet. Eventually, Theo filled it by muttering, “He kinda reminds me of Sam.”

“Huh?” said Carrie, caught off guard.

“The nurse here. Reminds me of Sam,” Theo repeated. “It’s probably just because you don’t get many male Pokémon nurses around.”

“Yeah,” Carrie mumbled by way of response, remembering the tiny, run-down Pokémon Centre near the desert and its sole member of staff. “Hold on – didn’t we decide that Sam must have sold us out to Bad Light? Something to do with them knowing our route through the desert and Sam being the only person we told about it?”

“That’s true, but I’m still sure Sam wouldn’t…” Theo’s eyes widened. “No! He didn’t!” His face lit up as he turned to look at Carrie. “Those men we saw – if you think about where they were in the desert, and where Steel Hill is – they probably didn’t know about our route at all!”

“Wait, you mean…” The name Steel Hill had a new significance to Carrie now. “They were actually blocking the way to Archopy?”

Theo nodded eagerly. “They could have been waiting to the east of the desert in case we worked out we were wrong and headed off to where Archopy really was. Well, perhaps. But this means Sam’s innocent!”

“Yeah,” agreed Carrie, who was by now thinking on a less Sam-centric note than Theo seemed to be. “You know what this also means? They know where Archopy is. Must’ve known all along and just set up a trap at Northern Canyon to keep us away from it.”

“Oh.” Theo’s face fell. “That’s… that’s not good.”

They were kept from deliberating on this any further by the nurse returning with Crescent’s Ultra Ball in hand. “Remember,” he said as he handed it over. “Go easy on him for a day or so. He’s still tired.” Carrie nodded as the man gave back their other Poké Balls from the healing machine.

The moment Theo received Kabutops’ ball from the nurse, he turned to leave the Pokémon Centre. Carrie grabbed his backpack and tugged on it, holding him back. “I know we seriously need to get going soon,” she said, “but could you just give me one moment? There’s something I need to do. It won’t take long.”

Theo tried to pull away from her at first, but then he relaxed. “If you really must.”

Carrie released him and moved over to the corner of the Pokémon Centre lobby, where a row of PCs stood against the wall. She knelt down and pulled out two Poké Balls, releasing Ivyx and Foliano onto the soft yellow carpet. They blinked and looked around, glancing up in puzzlement at the computers behind them.

“What…?” Ivyx asked vaguely.

“We’ve worked out where Archopy is, and we’re going to find it,” Carrie told them. “I don’t have long – we need to get going as soon as possible.”

“So, why are you –”

“I don’t think I should bring Raptola along,” Carrie said simply.

She waited a moment to let it sink in before continuing. “There’s probably going to be a lot more of those men where we’re going, and you know how much they scare him. I don’t want them using him as a hostage again – not just for his sake, but because it might stop us getting to Archopy.”

Ivyx had been confused to begin with, but now she looked offended. “Are you saying our son is a burden?”

Carrie felt stung at the words, until she thought about it and realised they were largely true. “Well…”

“It’s okay, Ivyx,” Foliano said. “She’s right. If we want to find Archopy, we can’t bring Raptola. It would be better for everyone if we don’t.”

“But… who’s going to take care of him if not us?” Ivyx looked at Carrie “Your father?”

Carrie shook her head. “He doesn’t really know my dad, and we don’t have time for drawn-out goodbyes. Plus, he’d miss us while we were gone.” She nodded towards the computers. “I’ll put him in the PC storage system. He won’t know a thing, and when this is all over, we can carry on like normal.”

“That…” Ivyx frowned at her trainer. “That doesn’t sound very nice, not letting him have a say.”

Carrie grimaced. “If he knows, he’ll be upset. That’s why I’m letting both of you have the say for him, right now. Are you okay with this?”

Foliano nodded slowly. “It’s for the best.” He looked towards Ivyx, who seemed to be having trouble making up her mind.

Eventually, she murmured, “I suppose it is.”

“Great,” Carrie said, jumping up from her kneeling position to log onto one of the computers. Raptola’s Poké Ball was placed into the transporter, and within a few moments, it had vanished in a flash of light.

* * *

From the window of an abandoned treehouse opposite, Vanessa watched the two trainers as they left the Pokémon Centre and made their way through the jumble of trees that called itself a city. They seemed to be in a quite a hurry. Vanessa couldn’t tell whether this meant that they had already captured Archopy and were trying to get it to a safe place as quickly as possible, or that they still hadn’t captured it and were rushing to find it before she did.

Still, she’d soon find out which was the case. She turned away from the window as the trainers disappeared from view and moved her gaze to the laptop sitting on her knee. It was a good thing she’d been able to find an empty house close enough to the Pokémon Centre to receive internet connection. Joy, perching on top of the laptop, was peering upside-down at a download screen, chirping a soft “Tic” every time the bar indicating its progress moved visibly closer to the end.

It was taking some time. Her attention wandering, Vanessa’s gaze was drawn to the pile of her Pokénav and Poké Balls on the wooden floor beside her. She narrowed her eyes. Thanks to that freak of a Skarmory destroying her bag, she’d had to leave everything else buried in the desert and would probably never get around to finding it again.

Vanessa sighed. That wasn’t something to worry about now, she told herself; she could easily buy replacements anyway if she needed them. More important was this download – why was it taking so long?

Its completion was eventually heralded by Joy fluttering upwards from the laptop to squeak excitedly in her trainer’s face. Waving the Togetic out of her line of vision as gently as she could, Vanessa turned to the screen and began setting up the program she had downloaded.

It was quite simple, in premise; all the software did was track down and locate every Poké Ball, empty or occupied, currently being carried by a trainer in the Hoenn region. The search could be set to find only certain kinds of ball, as well as narrowed down if one knew where or when a ball had been purchased. An orange dot indicated an empty ball; a white one meant there was a Pokémon inside.

The software wasn’t actually legal, but the authorities usually had a lot more to worry about with the kinds of people who used it than a simple invasion of privacy.

Vanessa set the program to search for Master Balls bought in Mauville City two days ago and let it run. Before long, it had returned one result: one single orange dot flashing against the green background of a map of Hoenn. It was in Fortree City.

So the trainers still had her Master Ball – but they hadn’t captured Archopy for her yet.

They’d probably be a long way from her hideout by the time they did, too. It didn’t worry Vanessa – she knew of someone in Fortree whom she was sure would give her a lift to anywhere she needed to be. All she had to do was follow the progress of the dot and wait for it to change.

* * *

As Carrie and Theo had made their way out of Fortree City, the low, open forest had given way to a far more crowded mass of trees, with tall trunks and canopies so dense that barely any light found its way through to the soggy mess of dead wood and bushy undergrowth that made up the forest floor. Not that the sun would have been visible even without such cover; Carrie could tell from the pitter-patter high above that it was raining. Hard, judging by the huge drips that slid their way down the maze of leaves to plop annoyingly on her face. It wasn’t much of a surprise, since Route 119-and-a-half was slap bang in the middle of the two official routes in Hoenn where it rained almost constantly. But after the heat and stubbornly cloudless skies of the past few days, Carrie felt that the rain made for a refreshing change.

Theo didn’t seem to be sharing her outlook. His usually bushy hair was plastered to his head, which hung low as he dragged his feet through the layer of squishy soil and rotten vegetation, leaving two deep troughs behind him where he had walked. Carrie reflected that it was no wonder Route 119-and-a-half was so rarely travelled on; while she herself loved all places green, this particular kind of forest was not the most pleasant of terrains for most people.

A rustling from high above could be heard over the raindrops as the three Grovyle travelled through the canopies, gliding from treetop to treetop. Carrie gazed upwards to see if she could catch sight of any of them and found Velotus descending towards her, latching onto a bare trunk just above her head. Just as soon as he had landed, he propelled himself off it, brushing the branches of a shrub as he did so and flicking droplets of water into Carrie’s face.

He alighted on a further tree trunk and waited for her to draw level with him before nodding pointedly at the bedraggled Theo. “Having fun, is he?” he said acidly. Without waiting for Carrie to answer, he leapt off and glided towards the next tree, leaves outstretched to catch the air.

Carrie frowned at Velotus and quickened her pace to reach him again. “Don’t be like that,” she said, feeling slightly odd that she was defending Theo. “He’s the only reason we’re here now.”

“Exactly,” Velotus said in a low hiss just loud enough for her to catch as she walked by his tree.

Of course. Velotus was still annoyed about him getting Archopy’s location wrong.

Carrie glanced at Theo, who, having cottoned on to the fact that he was being talked about, was looking at them apprehensively. She sighed and watched Velotus glide forwards again. “If all you came down to do was moan at our mistake, you can go back up there again,” she told him. “There’s no point dwelling on it now.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of what might have been slight appreciation on Theo’s face.

Velotus shook his head, sending raindrops flying from his crest leaf. “I actually came down to warn you. Foliano and Ivyx have a feeling we’re being followed, and they’re getting worried.”

Carrie stopped in her tracks. “What? We’re being followed, and you thought you’d start off by having a go at Theo?”

Her words brought Theo to a halt, too. “We’re being followed?”

The three of them stared at each other for a moment before increasing rustling from above brought them to their senses. Ivyx shot towards the ground in front of Carrie, landing with an ungainly skid. Foliano was not far behind.

Ivyx grabbed Carrie’s trouser leg and tugged urgently. “It’s more than a feeling now,” she said. “We were so high up we could see them – there’s a Manectric, a Mightyena and a man on a bird Pokémon I’ve never seen before.”

“A man?” muttered Carrie. “Is he…?”

“Yes,” Foliano told her. “They’re coming towards us. Fast.”

Carrie shot a look of horror at the two Grovyle. She could see them growing jumpy, their expressions matched by Theo, who was looking increasingly confused and panicked.

“Well, don’t just stand there,” she said. “Run!”

They took off through the trees, ducking and darting wildly between trunks and branches with no thought in mind except putting as much distance as possible between them and their pursuers. The men from Bad Light had tried to kill them the night before, and the only thing running through Carrie’s head was that these Pokémon were here to finish the job. She stumbled on the uneven ground but regained her footing and urged herself onwards, slowing only slightly to keep level with Theo, who was in danger of dropping behind.

Carrie knew that she was a faster sprinter than Theo but that he could keep up a pace for longer – she only hoped that their early warning and madcap dash would shake off the pursuers quickly before she became too tired to continue. A brief glance forward at Foliano as he grasped a tree trunk and Carrie caught sight of his fleeting panicked look behind her before he shot off again.

Fearing the worst, Carrie looked back and saw two shapes rushing towards her – one black and shaggy, the other blue with flashes of yellow in the half-light of the forest.

“They’ve found us,” she managed to gasp between breaths, hoping Theo could hear her voice over the splashing of rain and the pounding of feet. The increased panic in his face told her that he had.

He thrust one hand into a pocket as he ran, with the words, “We’d better split up.” A Poké Ball was flung haphazardly out of his coat, rebounding off a tree before bursting open with a flash of light and a rasping screech from the Pokémon inside. “Aerodactyl, cover me!” he called, veering off to the left.

Carrie caught a glimpse of leathery wings flapping after him before he was gone, leaving her desperately trying to keep up the pace with her Grovyle darting around her. She could vaguely remember it being official Pokédex data that catching a fleeing Grovyle in a forest was an impossible feat, but when the Grovyle in question had a fleeing human to protect, it was another matter entirely. A snarl from behind her – was it closer than before? – drove her further on.

Something black whizzed past her ear and slammed into the ground in front of her, exploding in a spray of soggy earth and dark matter. Carrie yelped and leapt wildly to the side, her back slamming against a thick tree trunk.

In the brief moment she was winded, she caught sight of a green streak flying towards the Mightyena, striking its back with a flash of white and shooting off again before the dog’s snapping jaws could retaliate. Angry at missing its target, the Mightyena whipped its head around and fixed its sharp yellow eyes on Carrie.

Her own eyes widened as she threw herself back into action again.

Further furious snarls erupted from behind as one of her Grovyle kept up the assault; she silently thanked whichever one it was and focused on the running, propelling herself aimlessly between trunks of trees and overgrown undergrowth that rose up in front of her. Her legs were tiring, but she urged them on regardless, frantically wiping her wet fringe out of her eyes as she ran.

Something slammed into Carrie’s back, sharp claws digging into her shoulders, and for one terrifying moment she thought the Mightyena was upon her until Foliano’s voice hissed “Down!” into her ear. Already knocked off-balance by his weight, she dropped to the floor without stopping to wonder why. Crouching amongst soggy rotten leaves, she felt the world above her suddenly turn dark as a shape rushed past over her head, spraying her with droplets of rain.

Carrie looked up to see a huge bird with blue-black feathers and a puff of white plumage on its chest wheeling around to face her. A man who had to be from Bad Light looked down at her from its back. She had just enough time to register that she’d narrowly dodged a Honchkrow’s Pursuit before Foliano leapt off her back at something behind her with a frantic battle cry.

She was about to turn around when the Honchkrow dove at her again. Only Velotus leaping at it, his fist crackling with electric sparks, made it veer upwards as it passed over Carrie to dodge his attack. Behind, Foliano was engaged fiercely with the Mightyena. One of his Leaf Blades was clamped between the canine’s jaws, while the Grovyle focused his concentration on the thick green tendrils that flailed wildly underneath the Mightyena in an attempt to ensnare its legs.

Carrie scrambled frantically up from the ground, breaking into a stumbling run before she was even fully upright. She had to keep moving; the man surely had a whole host of powerful Pokémon that could take hers in a stationary battle, but while she was in such dense forest, there was a chance of escape. Ivyx zigzagged from tree to tree in front of her, keeping watch over her trainer while her teammates held the pursuers off behind them.

A man’s cry of pain came through the forest from somewhere off to her left. Following it almost immediately was a panicked, furious screech that had to be Aerodactyl’s.

Caught by surprise, Carrie skidded to a halt. “Theo?” she gasped between pants of breath.

Was she supposed to go and help him now? Was that what friends did? Surely she couldn’t just leave him – she hadn’t left him back in the caves, but that was because she’d needed him and he might still have woken up, whereas now…

Ivyx had come back towards her, snapping her out of her crazy, jumbled thoughts. “We’ve got to keep moving,” she said, panic evident in her voice. “You can’t just stop here.”

Carrie waved vaguely towards her left. “Theo,” she panted, “in trouble… shouldn’t I?”

Ivyx’s gaze was suddenly fixed on a point behind her, and she grabbed her trainer’s arm frantically before shooting forwards again. Carrie looked around to see the Mightyena, free of the Grass Knot, rushing towards her through the undergrowth. She turned and ran; despite having glimpsed one or both of her Grovyle in hot pursuit of the Mightyena, she knew they wouldn’t catch it in time if she just stood still. Saving Theo was hopeless – right now Carrie had to save herself.

She knew she was slowing, but the Dark-type still wasn’t upon her. Silently thanking Foliano for weakening it, she half ran, half stumbled onwards, her breathing heavy in her ears.

A smug cry from Velotus and a pained whine from the Mightyena told her that yet another strike had hit its mark. As she kept running, she heard a firm, almost calculated growl come from the canine, and the next thing she knew Velotus was roaring in furious indignation as the forest was bathed in an intense white light.

The whiteness soon fell behind as Carrie ran on. With great relief, she realised that the Mightyena was no longer following – whatever Velotus was doing, he was keeping it at bay. She almost stopped running then and there, but suddenly Foliano’s voice was right next to her ear, urging her on just a little further. Then he was in front of her, darting from one tree to the next along with Ivyx, giving her just enough resolve to keep going.

He must have noticed the exhaustion in his trainer’s face, because before long he and Ivyx came to a halt by a tree that had fallen across Carrie’s path. She took the hint and gladly stopped running, all but collapsing onto the tree trunk without even caring that it was already half rotten. More light found its way down to the floor due to the fallen tree having cleared a space in the canopy above, and the raindrops were dropping freely onto Carrie’s head, but she barely noticed. She was slumped on the tree trunk, bent double with exhaustion, breathing like it had only just been invented.

Ivyx came to stand next to her and placed a claw on her shoulder. “Are you okay?” she asked, concerned.

“I will be,” Carrie managed to splutter between gasps for breath. There was a long pause as she panted some more before she managed to ask, “What happened with Velotus?”

“The Mightyena called him a coward,” Foliano said darkly. “He won’t be coming back until he’s finished with her, I expect.”

Carrie smirked. “And the Honchkrow?”

“Is that the bird’s name? Velotus didn’t hit it much, but it looked kind of… tired, like it had come a long way. It fell behind, and I don’t think it’ll be catching up any time soon.”

“Come a long way?” she mused as her strength slowly seeped back to her. “You mean it came all the way from Northern Canyon?”

“They came from that direction, so…” Foliano shrugged. Carrie reflected that it really didn’t matter where the Pokémon had come from. What mattered was that she and Theo were being chased by people who wanted them – what? Dead? Captured? Hauled back to Northern Canyon to be shoved back inside those caves and crushed under another rock slide?

She shuddered.

Whatever they wanted with her, Carrie knew she would have run again soon; this moment of calm wouldn’t last. Foliano, Ivyx and Velotus were the only Pokémon who would be any help to her fleeing through a forest, as well – Empathy would be too busy running to concentrate on his attacks and Crescent needed rest. She only hoped the three Grovyle would be enough.

Ivyx was staring off into the distance between the trees. “What about your friend?” she said. “You heard him cry out. Do you want to go and help?”

Carrie’s gaze followed Ivyx’s, but she shook her head. As much as part of her was telling her to, she knew it would be impossible. “We’d just be getting ourselves into an even bigger mess. I just hope he hasn’t been –”

She was gladly cut off from saying things she didn’t want to think about by a crashing of undergrowth as Velotus shot into the clearing, grinning to himself. “That’ll be the last time that bitch calls me a coward,” he muttered smugly.

Ivyx seemed amused. “Don’t you ever recognise a deliberate Taunt when you hear one, Velotus?”

In that one moment, Carrie was reminded of life before she’d seen Archopy – back when Velotus took delight simply in battling for the sake of battling, when Ivyx was not plagued with worries about her son and could enjoy life as it came.

Then a searing stream of flames enveloped the forest to one side of her, and reality snapped back into place.

Carrie leapt off the trunk so suddenly she almost tripped over it, letting out a strangled yelp of surprise and panic. Her previous exhaustion completely forgotten, she turned and pelted away from the clearing as the flames dissipated; thankfully, the forest was soaked through too much for the fire to catch hold. The three Grovyle were moving with her again – at least none of them had been caught by the blaze, although Foliano and Ivyx’s eyes were wide with shock.

Only just making itself heard over Carrie’s panicked breathing and frantic footsteps, something was crashing through the undergrowth towards her. Spurred on by adrenaline and fright, she kept running, too focused on going forward to think about looking back. All she could do was stay as far ahead as possible in the hope that the dense forest would hide her.

A line of glowing seeds from high above cannoned into the ground right in front of her, and she skidded madly to a halt before she could hit them. Above, a Shiftry was clinging to a tree trunk; Velotus was already on his way up to confront it, but before he could strike, the Shiftry had disappeared in a haze of darkness.

The next thing Carrie knew, a mass of white hair was jumping out of a black hole into her face as the Pokémon slammed her with its wooden body, knocking her onto her back. The Shiftry darted off onto a tree where Foliano met it with a Leaf Blade, but it held its ground and glared back with sinister eyes. Taking a deep breath, the Pokémon exhaled a hugely powerful gust of air that, with a wave of its fan-like hands, twisted into a whirlwind and whipped fiercely around the forest.

Remembering something about the eye of a whirlwind being safe, Carrie stayed as low to the ground as she could and crawled forward against the winds. Above her, her Grovyle and even the Shiftry itself clung tightly to the trees as they swayed, their branches fluttering wildly. Before long, the winds pushing against Carrie disappeared, but she stayed low, afraid to stand up as the chaos continued to whirl past beyond the eye of the storm.

The next thing she knew, another Flamethrower ripped through the forest, trapping her in a tornado of fire. The flames swirled around her, carried on the twisting winds, hissing as they turned raindrops to steam. The spinning inferno sent a wave of searing heat through her, and she curled up as small as she could, screwing her eyes shut from the intense orange glow. Tense with fear, she could only desperately hope she was wet enough that she wouldn’t become a blaze herself.

Then it was over. Carrie numbly took in her surroundings, head still spinning, blinking from the sudden lack of bright light. The scorched, unconscious forms of Foliano and the Shiftry lay on the ground among blackened vegetation which mercifully hadn’t caught on fire due to the damp. The whole area was hazy with steam as the rain continued to fall, hissing as it met the ground.

As Carrie recalled Foliano, Ivyx appeared beside her, having somehow managed to escape the blaze. She was pulling frantically at her trainer’s arm in an attempt to get her moving again while muttering something about an Arcanine with a man on its back. It took the sight of the flame-orange hound approaching, snarling even as its cream fur was drenched with rain to snap Carrie back into action.

She leapt up and stumbled into a run, focusing on the shape of Ivyx darting among the trees in front of her. Part of her wondered why she was even still fleeing; the men pursuing her clearly weren’t about to give up. Her legs were burning, and it wasn’t from the flames. She desperately wanted to just lie down and rest – if she was lucky, they wouldn’t kill her, just stop her from reaching Archopy. She hoped.

But Archopy was the very reason she was running, she told herself, watching Ivyx fly between trees ahead of her. Velotus had appeared beside her, and the Arcanine chasing her down had still not caught up – perhaps it had come a long way, just like the Honchkrow? And as long as there was the slightest chance of her escaping this and finding Archopy, Carrie knew she’d never forgive herself later if she gave up now.

Two bursts of white Poké Ball light flashed up, one on either side of her. A moment later they faded, and a faint buzzing sound filled the forest. Velotus, seeing a target, launched himself towards a spot somewhere behind Carrie, but his growl of frustration told her he’d missed.

She ran on, following Ivyx’s lead, attempting to pace herself since the Arcanine was still showing no signs of catching up or of breathing more fire at her for the time being. A pair of Ninjask suddenly zoomed into the space in front of Carrie. She would have ducked, but Velotus came flying towards them, blades primed, and they zipped away again. He landed some way ahead of her and looked around for his foes.

The next moment there were four of them surrounding Velotus. He snarled as one of them made a swipe at him and instinctively tried to counter the blow with his blades; the Ninjask vanished into thin air like it had never existed. Furious, he locked onto another of the insects and darted towards it, but as he did, all three of them disappeared from view.

Carrie noticed an oddly glowing stick pass under her feet as she caught up to Velotus, before there was a red flash of a Poké Ball recall beam followed by a white flash of another being thrown. The brightness grew to almost blinding proportions, stopping Carrie in her tracks as she shielded her eyes.

When it faded, three Steelix had appeared in front of her.

Carrie stared transfixed at the one in the centre as it rose up to its full height, slamming its huge head against the tree trunks on either side of it. With a strained cracking of wood, they crashed to the ground.

Almost glad of another chance to catch her breath, Carrie looked down at Velotus and Ivyx, who had come to a halt on the ground beside her. Velotus looked as ready to fight as ever, but for some reason, Ivyx was also grinning.

“Catch me if you can,” she said, darting towards the Steelix on the left and leaping over its tail in what was clearly meant to be a move too speedy for something as cumbersome as a giant steel snake to react to.

Except it wasn’t.

The Steelix flicked its tail upwards the split-second Ivyx was above it, throwing her into the air. In a flash of silver, she was sent flying back as if shot from a cannon. Carrie watched in horror as Ivyx slammed into a tree behind her, clearly out cold. Even Velotus looked shocked.

Steelix were not meant to move that fast.

Carrie looked up from recalling Ivyx and found herself facing the Arcanine. The man on its back was grinning, for all the world as if this were a friendly Pokémon battle and he’d just got one up on her. She stared.

“Baton Pass,” he said by way of explanation. He made a circling motion with his finger at the Steelix, and Carrie suddenly found her path blocked by chunks of metal on all sides as the three snakes formed a ring around her and Velotus with their lower segments. They were trapped.

“Give up yet?” said the man outside the circle, still grinning.

Carrie couldn’t deny that it looked bleak. Even if she and Velotus somehow managed to get past those tails despite Ivyx’s failed attempt, the prospect of being chased through the forest by a trio of Steelix with the speed of a Ninjask wasn’t a happy one at all.

Velotus had other ideas. He’d climbed up onto Carrie’s back, and before she could ask him what on earth he was doing, a swirling tornado of leaves had whipped up around them. She felt Velotus’s claws digging into her shoulder from the effort of controlling what was easily the biggest Leaf Storm he’d ever produced. The foliage whirled around, smacking against the Steelix’s armour, but they didn’t seem particularly deterred.

Then there was a bright light and an intense heat against Carrie’s back, and she found herself trapped inside a whirlwind of fire once again as the leaves caught alight. She winced from the heat and Velotus’ claws digging in even harder, hearing the Steelix roar in pain as the burning shreds whipped past their metal skin.

It was over quickly, the rain extinguishing the flames as Velotus dropped from her back. But it had been enough – only one Steelix stood before them now, its Double Team clones having been eliminated.

Carrie looked down at the Grovyle, surprised to see him panting. He looked her momentarily in the eye and hissed, “Go,” before turning to face the Steelix, resolute despite the odds stacked against him.

She stayed where she was, unwilling to leave her friend as he threw himself into an almost-hopeless battle on her behalf.

“Go!” Velotus insisted as he launched himself towards his foe.

Whether it was the extra force in his voice or the fact that the Arcanine was on the move again, Carrie gave in and ran. Having had a chance to rest, she was faster than before, but the same could be said for the canine. Once again she could hear it crashing through the forest behind her, and she knew she couldn’t outrun it for long.

A Flamethrower shot by to her right, sending her veering to the left to escape the excess heat. She sped up, but something seemed off – it was almost as though the attack had missed her deliberately. Something else was off, too, she realised: she could no longer hear the Arcanine’s footfalls in the undergrowth. It had stopped chasing her, but why?

Before she had time to wonder, an orange glow coupled with a wave of heat from behind her told her the Fire-type wasn’t aiming to miss this time. Desperately, she forced her aching legs to carry her faster, urging herself on, feeling the fire close in.

Something snagged on her foot, and she flew face-first into the ground. The flames roared past overhead.

Counting herself lucky, Carrie made to get up, only to find that she couldn’t. Her legs were tangled in something – the same thing that had tripped her up. Looking back at her feet, she saw that it was some kind of sticky pink string, winding its way further around her even as she watched. She frowned.

A green-and-yellow chameleon-like Pokémon materialised out of thin air on one end of the string, and Carrie grimaced as she realised that the Kecleon had caught her with its tongue of all things. She kicked and struggled, but no matter what she did, the tongue’s grip held fast. At this rate, she wouldn’t be going anywhere.

And if she wasn’t going anywhere, she might as well fight. A quick fumble around in her pockets and Empathy and Crescent’s Poké Balls were in her hands.

The moment they were, a giant orange-and-cream blur smacked into her arms; a moment later, the balls were lying several metres away from her and being picked up in the Arcanine’s jaws.

“Dammit!” Carrie hissed, kicking a few more times with her tangled legs, but to no avail.

The man riding the Arcanine looked down at her, still seeming as though he thought the whole thing was some incredibly fun game. “Going to give up now?” he asked, grinning.

Velotus! Carrie thought desperately. Where was he? Had he escaped the Steelix? So long as he was still conscious, he could find her and get the Kecleon off her – there was still a chance…

A sudden gust of air blew a faceful of raindrops at her as something large and dark flew into her vision. She squinted up at it, seeing the Honchkrow from earlier, still with a man on its back but now with something in its claws as well.

Carrie’s heart sank. Hanging from the Honchkrow’s grip was a very battered Velotus, still conscious but with a look of frustrated submission on his face.

She gave the man on the Arcanine one last rueful glance before closing her eyes and slumping in defeat.

~~~

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[SlowCrow]

^_^ Told you that the next time you'll see me is when you post a new chapter, and here I am as promised. :P

But, I have to warn you, I really think I don't have much wit left in me since my schoolwork has been eating away at all my energy and time for the past month. I mean, just look at how short this intro is; it's pathetic compared to my other ones!

However still, this crow will still give it a shot, but no guarantees. Or refunds. Or cash backs. >_>'

    Spoiler:- So I heard u liek cawmentz:

Show Spoiler

 

The young man’s eyes widened in realisation beneath his silver fringe. “Oh – you must be Brian’s daughter, then?”

I was half expecting the stock Nurse Joy to be there for some reason; mostly due to the fact that it said nurse.

It just hit me that it doesn't really take much to be a nurse at a Pokemon Center, really. All you need to qualify is a nice demeanor, the ability to press a button all day long, and an extreme tolerance for travelers who's language doesn't stretch beyond the domain of "Yes" and "No". :P

“He’s recovered fairly well,” the nurse said. “He should be okay to give back to you if you want him now – just don’t put him through anything too strenuous for a while, okay?”

FORESHADOWING-FORESHADOWING-FORESHADOWING-FORESHADOWING-FORESHADOWING--erm.

<_< Or maybe a fair warning. You never could be too sure with ominous statements such as those, right?

“What exactly happened to you outside just now?”

The appropriate question would be: "What did you do to my body in that cave that'll explain why I have pebbles lodged into my back?"

“Yes, I did,” Carrie said, still doing her best to look anywhere but at Theo.

Aww, the anti-social jerk is shy to reveal her inner feelings to a hiker twice her size that has been following her around for weeks. Isn't that adorable? <:D

Carrie lowered her gaze from the ceiling and shrugged. “Because he doesn’t? I’ve never seen him before. Must be new – new since I was last here, anyway.”

It's so good to have people from around the community who are willing to step in for nurses who seem to have mysteriously disappeared for no known reason or purpose just out of the pure goodness of their hearts! :'D

Wait...

Fudger! >_<

“Hold on – didn’t we decide that Sam must have sold us out to Bad Light? Something to do with them knowing our route through the desert and Sam being the only person we told about it?”

And you think he runs a shack in the middle of a desert why...?

Theo nodded eagerly. “They could have been waiting to the east of the desert in case we worked out we were wrong and headed off to where Archopy really was. Well, perhaps. But this means Sam’s innocent!”

Curse you Awkward Silence of Retrospective-Thinking©! Why are you never there when we need you?! >o<

“Yeah,” agreed Carrie, who was by now thinking on a less Sam-centric note than Theo seemed to be.

</Carrie's attention span>

Ivyx had been confused to begin with, but now she looked offended. “Are you saying our son is a burden?”

Of course not! All that she's saying is that bringing a moderately large bag of bricks would slow her down less and be more useful in battle! See? That's a BIG difference! :D

“But… who’s going to take care of him if not us?” Ivyx looked at Carrie “Your father?”

The BOX system is offended at this statement and will like an apology...or some really nice wallpaper. Whichever works. >_>

“That…” Ivyx frowned at her trainer. “That doesn’t sound very nice, not letting him have a say.”

-___-

>[Fight][Bag]
[PKMN][Run]

[Leaf Blade Grass Knot]
[Slam >SHUT IT]

IVYX used SHUT IT!

Eventually, she murmured, “I suppose it is.”

See? Everybody has a say in doing what he/she pleases; especially Pokemon! >:D

“Great,” Carrie said, jumping up from her kneeling position to log onto one of the computers.

Carrie, your words said that doing this wasn't the easiest choice, but now your body language is saying that it IS. Are you trying to be a two-faced jerk? Think of Ivyx and what she's going through...doesn't it make you the SLIGHTEST bit guilty? :(

From the window of an abandoned treehouse opposite, Vanessa watched the two trainers as they left the Pokémon Centre and made their way through the jumble of trees that called itself a city.

How come its painfully easy to see her with monoculars (Binoculars are for amateur stalkers) and with somewhat mysterious background music right now? D:

Joy, perching on top of the laptop, was peering upside-down at a download screen, chirping a soft “Tic” every time the bar indicating its progress moved visibly closer to the end.

This would be so much cuter if it wasn't for the fact that it would get very annoying very fast (nevermind that the screen would collapse since a whole seven pounds is sitting on it).

From the window of an abandoned treehouse opposite,

It was a good thing she’d been able to find an empty house close enough to the Pokémon Centre to receive internet connection.

The software wasn’t actually legal, but the authorities usually had a lot more to worry about with the kinds of people who used it than a simple invasion of privacy.

It didn’t worry Vanessa – she knew of someone in Fortree whom she was sure would give her a lift to anywhere she needed to be.

And this method (let alone this whole scene) isn't exactly fair by ANY counts either. e_e

Theo didn’t seem to be sharing her outlook.

TROPISPHERE used RAIN!

His usually bushy hair was plastered to his head, which hung low as he dragged his feet through the layer of squishy soil and rotten vegetation, leaving two deep troughs behind him where he had walked.

It was super-effective! :D

. . .while she herself loved all places green. . .

i.e: This board.

“Having fun, is he?” he said acidly.

Well, I would like to tell you that it's not very nice to--

Without waiting for Carrie to answer, he leapt off and glided towards the next tree, leaves outstretched to catch the air.

You over-the-top-entrancing-dry-humored jerk! >:O

“I actually came down to warn you. Foliano and Ivyx have a feeling we’re being followed, and they’re getting worried.”

It would be nice if they got that info sooner rather than being made fun of, you know; considering the last person who followed you guys almost KILLED you. >_>

“What? We’re being followed, and you thought you’d start off by having a go at Theo?”

What?! You're being followed by a stranger and announcing the fact that you're aware of that to everybody in the immidiate area, including said stranger?!

Do you have any common sense, girl? O_o

“Yes,” Foliano told her. “They’re coming towards us. Fast.”

You have three options:
1.) Set up an ambush for your pursuer.
2.) Get a nice, comfy chair and wait for the stranger to arrive. Then you should have a rousing talk with him about how you feel about being chased and how easy it would be if you could go your seperate ways because nobody really wants to fight or get hurt. Considering the emotions of those involved is a crucial part of human interaction and everybody should show respect to each other to make the world a better place. Isn't that nice? <:D
3.) o_o' May I also suggest that you run like hell!

“Well, don’t just stand there,” she said. “Run!”

Keep in mind that its raining...and there a Manetric...with Thunder...which now has 100% accuracy. Good luck.

. . .“We’d better split up.”

Read: let me go off-screen and get myself captured. XP

Angry at missing its target, the Mightyena whipped its head around and fixed its sharp yellow eyes on Carrie.

Prof. Birch has a proven strategy of escaping this type of situation specific situation: climb a tree and hope for the best.

Carrie yelped and leapt wildly to the side, her back slamming against a thick tree trunk.

Back impact count: 1

Her legs were tiring, but she urged them on regardless, frantically wiping her wet fringe out of her eyes as she ran.

LIES! Hoenn trainers cannot tire nor blink, its a proven fact! >:O

Something slammed into Carrie’s back, sharp claws digging into her shoulders, and for one terrifying moment she thought the Mightyena was upon her until Foliano’s voice hissed “Down!” into her ear.

Back impact count: 2

Carrie looked up to see a huge bird with blue-black feathers and a puff of white plumage on its chest wheeling around to face her.

I wonder what THAT could possibly be. :P

She had just enough time to register that she’d narrowly dodged a Honchkrow’s Pursuit before before Foliano leapt off her back at something behind her with a frantic battle cry.

Two things:
1.) I see what you did there. :P
2.) Foliano seems to be very into this, seeing now that he needs a battle cry. I mean, isn't his regular static cry intimidating enough? :P

Carrie scrambled frantically up from the ground, breaking into a stumbling run before she was even fully upright.

Stumble run count: 1

Was she supposed to go and help him now? Was that what friends did? Surely she couldn’t just leave him – she hadn’t left him back in the caves, but that was because she’d needed him and he might still have woken up, whereas now…

These moral dilemmas can cause you so much sorrow and pain you know. At least Theo will find a nice, frozen over Hell to meet him thanks to your uncharacteristic display of kindness. v_v

Silently thanking Foliano’s for weakening it, she half ran, half stumbled onwards, her breathing heavy in her ears.

Stumble run count: 2

As she kept running, she heard a firm, almost calculated growl come from the canine, and the next thing she knew Velotus was roaring in furious indignation as the forest was bathed in an intense white light.

Well, it looks like Velotus has somehow tapped into the full potential of his Secret Power and has finally defeated that Mightyena with a firmer belief in his own abilities when the chips are down...

Wait a second...

FUDGER! >_<

She was slumped on the tree trunk, bent double with exhaustion, breathing like she’d only just worked out how to.

C'mon, Carrie, shape up! Show me some of that Hoenn Endurance! >:(

“I will be,” Carrie managed to splutter between gasps for breath.

'Atta girl! :D

There was a long pause as she panted some more before she managed to ask, “What happened with Velotus?”

Awkward Silence of Retrospective-Thinking© strikes again; conveniently timed this time! :D

“The Mightyena called him a coward,” Foliano said darkly. “He won’t be coming back until he’s finished with her, I expect.”

;__; Poor soon to be degutted Mighyena, we knew ye well.

“Is that the bird’s name? Velotus didn’t hit it much, but it looked kind of… tired, like it had come a long way. It fell behind, and I don’t think it’ll be catching up any time soon.

I was out for a month, its not my fault this isn't shaping up like I want it to! Now stop covertly making fun of me! D':

What mattered was that she and Theo were being chased by people who wanted them – what? Dead? Captured? Hauled back to Northern Canyon to be shoved back inside those caves and crushed under another rock slide?

No, I'm pretty sure they're going to charge him for jaywalking. >_>

“That’ll be the last time that ***** calls me a coward,” he muttered smugly.

-___- Huuuuurg...I guess it's called for this time. *Rimshot*

In that one moment, Carrie was reminded of life before she’d seen Archopy – back when Velotus took delight simply in battling for the sake of battling, when Ivyx was not plagued with worries about her son and could enjoy life as it came.

<Fridge logic>

The next thing Carrie knew, a mass of white hair was jumping out of a black hole into her face as the Pokémon slammed her with its wooden body, knocking her onto her back.

Back impact count: 3

Remembering something about the eye of a whirlwind being safe, Carrie stayed as low to the ground as she could and crawled forward against the winds.

You know that would be a good idea if it wasn't for the fact that there isn't any air in the eye of a twister. -_-'

The next thing she knew, another Flamethrower ripped through the forest, trapping her in a tornado of fire.

No air = no blaze, remember that the next time you're in a tornado and need to avoid fire kids. :D

The spinning inferno sent a wave of searing heat through her, and she curled up as small as she could, screwing her eyes shut from the intense orange glow.

Caasi's been there, done that. :P

The scorched, unconscious forms of Foliano and the Shiftry lay on the ground among blackened vegetation which mercifully hadn’t caught on fire due to the damp. The whole area was hazy with steam as the rain continued to fall, hissing as it met the ground.

Smokey the bear would like to see you now.

She was pulling frantically at her trainer’s arm in an attempt to get her moving again while muttering something about an Arcanine with a man on its back.

Ivyx seriously needs to learn that humans aren't machines that are expected to perform when you pull on them (i.e slot machine).

<_> Now I'm getting a stronger feeling that this scene seems awfully familiar...

[quote]She leapt up and stumbled into a run, focusing on the shape of Ivyx darting among the trees in front of her.quote]
Stumble runs: 3

When it faded, three Steelix had appeared in front of her.

Wait...his team consists of:
-Honchkrow
-Mightyena
-Manectric
-Arcanine
-Shedninja
-Steelix

Five of which went after Carrie. And you're telling me that all it took for Theo to be defeated was ONE Manectric? @_@

Except it wasn’t.

ROCK POLISH! WHY?!

“Baton Pass,” he said simply.

“Give up yet?” said the man outside the circle, still grinning.

>_< Stop being a cocky jerk!

She felt Velotus’s claws digging into her shoulder from the effort of controlling what was easily the biggest Leaf Storm he’d ever produced.

I hate it when you put these guys into impossible situations and bringing them back in a plausible manner, it makes me jealous...

Having had a chance to rest, she was faster than before, but the same could be said for the canine.

This is still sounding faintly familiar to me...

Looking back at her feet, she saw that it was some kind of sticky pink string, winding its way further around her even as she watched. She frowned.

I see no potential for this to be interpreted in ANY perverse manner whatsoever. :I

And if she wasn’t going anywhere, she might as well fight. A quick fumble around in her pockets and Empathy and Crescent’s Poké Balls were in her hands.

IT'S GO TIME! >o<

The moment they were, a giant orange-and-cream blur smacked into her arms; a moment later, the balls were lying several metres away from her and being picked up in the Arcanine’s jaws.

I love how you get Carrie and crew out of trouble in a plausible way, but this time you don't quite pull them ALL the way back. >_<

Carrie’s heart sank. Hanging from the Honchkrow’s grip was a very battered Velotus, still conscious but with a look of frustrated submission on his face.

Well, at least ONE is still okay, right? <:D

She gave the man on the Arcanine one last rueful glance before closing her eyes and slumping in defeat.

Trainer Carrie blacked out...


Well, looks like it's time for the chapter in review. While the beginning made the chapter seem like it was going to be another slow one, the middle and end said otherwise. I still can't shake the feeling that the nurse and Sam are going to be mentioned again soon, as well as Cresent getting beat up again due to the wording you described those events. As for the whole chase itself, I didn't expect it to be THAT grueling since Foliano didn't quite come off to foreshadow so (nevermind that the title was pursuit). I mean, that has got to be the worst beating Carrie and crew have ever had so far in this fic and I didn't even see it coming. It still kind of irks me that while Foliano got burnt, Ivyx got slammed by a gain steel appendage and slamming onto a tree trunk, Velotus was badly beaten up, and the worst injury Carrie has from all of this are some scratches and back pain; I mean c'mon, she has to take some significant injury. Well, either way, the end is pretty suspenseful and rather hopeless for our protagonists (I was half expecting Theo to show up any second, though).

As for the new Ask the Characters, I think its a smart idea to keep it off the thread, seeing that it allows you and other readers to skip the clutter. Although, it might be a good idea to put the most frequently questions in a Spolier tag in one of your comment replies, which would reduce the chances that you'll get the same question more than once.

Anyway, keep on writing. :P
 

-___________- Kaw.

[mew_nani]

Wow... and now for my opinions:

1.

Waving the Togetic out of her line of vision as gently as she could, Vanessa turned to the screen and began setting up the program she had downloaded.

It was quite simple, in premise; all the software did was track down and locate every Pok&#233; Ball, empty or occupied, currently being carried by a trainer in the Hoenn region. The search could be set to find only certain kinds of ball, as well as narrowed down if one knew where or when a ball had been purchased. An orange dot indicated an empty ball; a white one meant there was a Pok&#233;mon inside.

The software wasn’t actually legal, but the authorities usually had a lot more to worry about with the kinds of people who used it than a simple invasion of privacy.

uh-oh... cheater alert....

2.

Velotus shook his head, sending raindrops flying from his crest leaf. “I actually came down to warn you. Foliano and Ivyx have a feeling we’re being followed, and they’re getting worried.”

oh crap. This can't be good...


3.

A sudden gust of air blew a faceful of raindrops at her as something large and dark flew into her vision. She squinted up at it, seeing the Honchkrow from earlier, still with a man on its back but now with something in its claws as well.

Carrie’s heart sank. Hanging from the Honchkrow’s grip was a very battered Velotus, still conscious but with a look of frustrated submission on his face.

She gave the man on the Arcanine one last rueful glance before closing her eyes and slumping in defeat.

~~~

NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! It can't be!

it was good... poor Carrie....

[mew_nani]

Wow... and now for my opinions:

1.

Waving the Togetic out of her line of vision as gently as she could, Vanessa turned to the screen and began setting up the program she had downloaded.

It was quite simple, in premise; all the software did was track down and locate every Poké Ball, empty or occupied, currently being carried by a trainer in the Hoenn region. The search could be set to find only certain kinds of ball, as well as narrowed down if one knew where or when a ball had been purchased. An orange dot indicated an empty ball; a white one meant there was a Pokémon inside.

The software wasn’t actually legal, but the authorities usually had a lot more to worry about with the kinds of people who used it than a simple invasion of privacy.

uh-oh... cheater alert....

2.

Velotus shook his head, sending raindrops flying from his crest leaf. “I actually came down to warn you. Foliano and Ivyx have a feeling we’re being followed, and they’re getting worried.”

oh crap. This can't be good...


3.

A sudden gust of air blew a faceful of raindrops at her as something large and dark flew into her vision. She squinted up at it, seeing the Honchkrow from earlier, still with a man on its back but now with something in its claws as well.

Carrie’s heart sank. Hanging from the Honchkrow’s grip was a very battered Velotus, still conscious but with a look of frustrated submission on his face.

She gave the man on the Arcanine one last rueful glance before closing her eyes and slumping in defeat.

~~~

NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! It can't be!

it was good... poor Carrie....

I was folowing your supercool fan-fic, I just didn't feel like tlaking. Haha....

[elyvorg]

I love this fic.

I've just been starting to plan some of the stuff that's going to happen in the climax, and... I really love this fic. :3

SlowCrow - Your review was, as ever, greatly amusing; I believe I'd started laughing out loud about halfway down it. One thing I do want to say about your reviewing style, though - while your snarky comments are very entertaining, there are a few times where I get the feeling you're trying to make a valid criticism, but as it's the same kind of snark as the rest, I don't know whether it's that or just you joking around as usual. If you do actually have some criticism with the more snarky points, I'd love to hear you clarify on which bits you were trying to criticise (I think I particularly got the impression that something about the Vanessa scene seemed a bit too convenient to you) in either a follow-up reply or a PM. Because god knows this fic doesn't get enough criticism. x_x

That said, I'll assume you're going to mention any intended criticisms to me later and will, for now, reply in as much seriousness as you seem to have commented. :3

    Spoiler:- WORDS.:

Show Spoiler

 

I was half expecting the stock Nurse Joy to be there for some reason; mostly due to the fact that it said nurse.

Oh, no, not at all. I decided not to use stock Nurse Joys in the LE-verse; Sam wasn't one either, and even the nurse in Verdanturf was some random, overly-stern black-haired woman.

All you need to qualify is a nice demeanor, the ability to press a button all day long, and an extreme tolerance for travelers who's language doesn't stretch beyond the domain of "Yes" and "No". :P

You also, if your Centre happens to be near the desert, need to be able to make slightly-burnt toast for your visitors. 8D

FORESHADOWING-FORESHADOWING-FORESHADOWING-FORESHADOWING-FORESHADOWING--erm.

<_< Or maybe a fair warning. You never could be too sure with ominous statements such as those, right?

That was ominous? Well, if you want to think that way, go ahead. I'm not going to discourage wild speculation. :3

Aww, the anti-social jerk is shy to reveal her inner feelings to a hiker twice her size that has been following her around for weeks. Isn't that adorable? <

Not shy, just awkward and totally unused to being anything other than a jerk. And go easier on Theo; he's not that huge.

But yes. It's like, totally adorable. :B

It's so good to have people from around the community who are willing to step in for nurses who seem to have mysteriously disappeared for no known reason or purpose just out of the pure goodness of their hearts! :'D

Wait...

Fudger! >_<

Oh, no no no. This guy actually is a qualified nurse, not a stand in; it's just that he's fairly new to the job.

And you think he runs a shack in the middle of a desert why...?

Because he's awesome enough to take on the incredibly boring Pokémon Centre location that nobody else wants. That's why. 8D

Of course not! All that she's saying is that bringing a moderately large bag of bricks would slow her down less and be more useful in battle! See? That's a BIG difference!

xD

In all seriousness, though, Raptola genuinely was becoming a burden from an author's perspective - leave him in Carrie's team and either she'd never let him out of his Poké Ball, or if she did, he'd just get kidnapped/threatened again and we've already gone through that once. I had to put him out of the way for the sake of keeping the story interesting.

-___-

>[Fight][Bag]
[PKMN][Run]

[Leaf Blade Grass Knot]
[Slam >SHUT IT]

IVYX used SHUT IT!

Personally, I think Ivyx is perfectly justified in standing up for Raptola here, since no-one else was. Not even the author. D:

Carrie, your words said that doing this wasn't the easiest choice, but now your body language is saying that it IS. Are you trying to be a two-faced jerk? Think of Ivyx and what she's going through...doesn't it make you the SLIGHTEST bit guilty?

I have to admit, that moment did strike me as being a typical example of Carrie!insensitivity, but somehow it didn't seem off to me. I think it's because Carrie was being shamed/made to feel awkward by the whole conversation and was glad to have her way in the end and get it over with.

This would be so much cuter if it wasn't for the fact that it would get very annoying very fast (nevermind that the screen would collapse since a whole seven pounds is sitting on it).

Vanessa's used to the very annoying stuff. She puts up with it, since she likes Joy.

As for the weight issue, well, dammit, I've never imaged Togetic to be particularly heavy at all. If it's percieved as being an issue, then I'll handwave it by saying that Joy was floating slightly, therefore reducing her weight on the laptop, or something. :/

And this method (let alone this whole scene) isn't exactly fair by ANY counts either. e_e

How is it at all unfair? It's not like Carrie actually intends to capture Archopy like Vanessa is assuming.

(but seriously, if you do have an issue with the believability of this or something, like you might possibly have been implying, please do elaborate.)

TROPISPHERE used RAIN!

ELYVORG used Hey-I've-Studied-Rainforests-In-Geography,-These-Look-Like-Fun-To-Write-About!

There's probably going to be so many glaring flaws with the geography of my portrayal of Hoenn by the time I'm finished with it. D:

It was super-effective!

Well, Theo's a Rock/Ground type. Of course he wouldn't like rain. =D

Well, I would like to tell you that it's not very nice to--

You over-the-top-entrancing-dry-humored jerk! >:O

Nah, that's just Velotus being himself while also still being ****** off at Theo for his mistake.

It would be nice if they got that info sooner rather than being made fun of, you know; considering the last person who followed you guys almost KILLED you. >_>

Hm? The only person who's actually followed them as such has been Vanessa. :/

And, while Foliano and Ivyx might have been, Velotus himself wasn't worried in the slightest about being followed. As far as he was concerned, he could easily take them in a battle if it came to it.

What?! You're being followed by a stranger and announcing the fact that you're aware of that to everybody in the immidiate area, including said stranger?!

Do you have any common sense, girl? O_o

...you do have a point that that is a bit of a stupid thing to do. Still, Carrie doesn't always think things through that well; additionally, Foliano and Ivyx were really high up in the canopy and were able to see people coming from a fair distance, so they were probably still out of earshot at that point.

2.) Get a nice, comfy chair and wait for the stranger to arrive. Then you should have a rousing talk with him about how you feel about being chased and how easy it would be if you could go your seperate ways because nobody really wants to fight or get hurt. Considering the emotions of those involved is a crucial part of human interaction and everybody should show respect to each other to make the world a better place. Isn't that nice? <

Just so long as said comfy chair is a swivel chair, thereby granting you enough evilness-power to win the ensuing confrontation. Yes? 8D

Inside jokes used: 1

Keep in mind that its raining...and there a Manetric...with Thunder...which now has 100% accuracy. Good luck.

That completely failed to cross my mind while I was planning/writing this. >.<

Read: let me go off-screen and get myself captured. XP

...something like that, yes. xP

Prof. Birch has a proven strategy of escaping this type of situation specific situation: climb a tree and hope for the best.

xD Oh, yes, of course. Though that method has only been proven to work for Poochyena.

Back impact count: 1

These counters you kept amused me. Particularly the stumble runs one, since I was already vaguely aware that I seem to be unusually fond of having Carrie stumble around while running.

LIES! Hoenn trainers cannot tire nor blink, its a proven fact! >:O

Yay for Hoenn Endurance! I did say I may have to justify some of this chapter with it.

Inside jokes used: 2

I wonder what THAT could possibly be. :P

You'll be happy to know I planned this chapter long before you became my newest best friend, so this wasn't in any way a shout-out to you. =P

Two things:
1.) I see what you did there. :P
2.) Foliano seems to be very into this, seeing now that he needs a battle cry. I mean, isn't his regular static cry intimidating enough? :P

1) That was a coincidence, actually. It's not my fault if the best-sounding title for a chapter which is mostly chase scene is the same as the name of an attack which was practically made for chase scenes.

2) Well, of course not. xP "battle cry" totally makes it more dramatic, or something. I dunno what the heck I was thinking when I wrote it but hey, it sounded good.

These moral dilemmas can cause you so much sorrow and pain you know. At least Theo will find a nice, frozen over Hell to meet him thanks to your uncharacteristic display of kindness. v_v

Oi. Moral dilemmas are fun.

And Carrie isn't exactly being particularly kind when she's not even sure if going back to save him is the "right" thing to do. Instinct for kind acts towards Theo = clearly not there.

Well, it looks like Velotus has somehow tapped into the full potential of his Secret Power and has finally defeated that Mightyena with a firmer belief in his own abilities when the chips are down...

Hm? This sounds like you're saying something interesting about Velotus, but I'm not sure what you mean. Do elaborate, because I like hearing interesting things about Velotus.

Awkward Silence of Retrospective-Thinking© strikes again; conveniently timed this time!

Yay for the Let's-Stop-And-Have-A-Conversation-To-Clarify-Some-Things moment!

;__; Poor soon to be degutted Mighyena, we knew ye well.

I liked that Mightyena. Despite that she only had one line, which had to be translated by Foliano so that the readers could hear what she said, I liked her a lot. :3

I was out for a month, its not my fault this isn't shaping up like I want it to! Now stop covertly making fun of me! D':

xD Poor little Honchkrow, not used to long-distance flying. *pats*

-___- Huuuuurg...I guess it's called for this time. *Rimshot*

You mean the swear? Heh, I quite liked being able to use that one there. It made a lot of sense. xP

<Fridge logic>

I'm curious. How does fridge logic have anything to do with this?

You know that would be a good idea if it wasn't for the fact that there isn't any air in the eye of a twister. -_-'

Really? I wasn't aware of this. Do you have a link so that I can read up on it and not potentially make the same mistake again?

Caasi's been there, done that. :P

All I can really remember from Bug III is that it involved a Charmeleon, an angry Arcanine and lots of burning stuff. Not specifics. =P

Ivyx seriously needs to learn that humans aren't machines that are expected to perform when you pull on them (i.e slot machine).

Nah, Ivyx isn't likely to think that; she barely knows what a machine is.

Wait...his team consists of:
-Honchkrow
-Mightyena
-Manectric
-Arcanine
-Shedninja
-Steelix

Five of which went after Carrie. And you're telling me that all it took for Theo to be defeated was ONE Manectric? @_@

Nonono, there are two men - one on the Honchkrow, one on the Arcanine - and all the Pokémon used are split between them. Also, though I totally didn't make any effort to try and inform readers of this, the Shiftry which attacked Carrie had originally been chasing Theo before he got... hit.

Still, it was a much easier job taking out Theo because he only had one Pokémon for protection - one weak to Electric, I might add. Exactly how he went down will be addressed later.

>_< Stop being a cocky jerk!

Oh, but I like this character. :3 Being a cocky jerk makes him incredibly fun to write.

You'll be seeing more of him, you can count on that.

I hate it when you put these guys into impossible situations and bringing them back in a plausible manner, it makes me jealous...

Thanks. :3 Planning this kind of thing is a lot of fun, and it's good to hear I do it well.

I see no potential for this to be interpreted in ANY perverse manner whatsoever. :I

xD Not at all.

I love how you get Carrie and crew out of trouble in a plausible way, but this time you don't quite pull them ALL the way back. >_<

Well, of course. It would be a waste of a very long-winded chase scene if they totally escaped, right? :3

Well, at least ONE is still okay, right? <

Perhaps. For now, at least.

While the beginning made the chapter seem like it was going to be another slow one, the middle and end said otherwise.

Yeah, unfortunately I had a couple of things I had to get out of the way before I could get to the chase. :/ Couldn't really be helped.

I still can't shake the feeling that the nurse and Sam are going to be mentioned again soon, as well as Cresent getting beat up again due to the wording you described those events.

Yay, speculation. :3 I'm going to very unhelpfully tell you that part of this may be very, very slightly on the money.

As for the whole chase itself, I didn't expect it to be THAT grueling since Foliano didn't quite come off to foreshadow so (nevermind that the title was pursuit).

Eh, I didn't particularly intend to foreshadow the magnitude of the chase with his words. To be honest, I don't see much point in foreshadowing events that will happen later in the chapter, since the reader's going to get there soon enough anyway.

That said, in my current draft of Chapter 26, the Totally-Not-Meant-To-Be-The-Main-Event-But-Has-Completely-Stolen-The-Chapter event has been deliberately foreshadowed earlier on in the chapter. But I think that was because I felt like being ominous.

I dunno. </ramble>

I mean, that has got to be the worst beating Carrie and crew have ever had so far in this fic and I didn't even see it coming. It still kind of irks me that while Foliano got burnt, Ivyx got slammed by a gain steel appendage and slamming onto a tree trunk, Velotus was badly beaten up, and the worst injury Carrie has from all of this are some scratches and back pain; I mean c'mon, she has to take some significant injury.

I guess this is a bit of a point you have here. I do have excuses, though.

1, Her Grovyle were defending her while she was simply running; therefore, it makes sense that they'd get more injured than her.
2, The men chasing her may not have been aiming to injure her particularly much - after all, the man on the Arcanine chose to drive her into the Kecleon-trap rather than roast her alive.
3, Since humans are nowhere near as resilient as Pokémon, having Carrie injured as much as Foliano or Ivyx were would be essentially crippling the main character - not convenient at all from a writer's perspective.
4, Hoenn Endurance.

But yeah. :/

Still, yay for suspenseful endings. :3
 

Once again, thanks much for being awesome. 8D

mew_nani - Thanks for responding; even though your comments weren't much, it's still good to hear from my readers.

(incidentally, I can tell it was accidental, but you seem to have double-posted. Could you possibly delete one of them to stop it cluttering up the thread?)

uh-oh... cheater alert....

As I said to SlowCrow - why is this worrying? Vanessa's assumptions are wrong; Carrie doesn't intend to capture Archopy at all.

oh crap. This can't be good...

Sure it is. It means I get to spend the rest of the chapter writing a nice long chase scene. :3

NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! It can't be!

Nah. This fic would be no fun if bad things never happened to the main characters. :3

I was folowing your supercool fan-fic, I just didn't feel like tlaking. Haha....

I'm glad you did in fact decide to talk after all, since it lets me know you're still reading. There are a whole bunch of people who posted once in this thread to say they've read the fic and will be reading more, but then I haven't heard anything from them since. Where are you all? I want to hear from you - I want to know you're reading. I honestly don't mind if you don't have much to say, just so long as it's something. Because saying something is better than saying nothing at all.

[TurtwigFan1]

I've currently read up to Chapter 2 and WOW! I'm loving your fic, and the concept around it is great. I like Carrie, and her four Grovyle. My favourite's gotta be Raptola, he is so adorable and reminds me of my cousin! So I'm going to keep reading, and sorry for the not-very-good review!

[StarlightMew]

Yay cookies!
Great chapter. You including a forth gen pokemon ^_^ I just noticed the lack of them thats all. It would make sense to not have any in Hoenn.
I don't really think you were too harse on Sceptile. I just kinda like them although I prefer Archopy as an evolution. Sounds like Archaeopteryx the prehistoric reptile-bird creature, must be where you got the name from.

I found one mistake no big deal though

Velotus had other ideas. He’d climbed up onto Carrie’s back, and before she could ask him what on earth he was doing, a swirling tornado of leaves had whipped up around them.

AS you can tell I like Flygon! I think you should have a flygon in your story!! haha just kidding. Anyway I look forward to the next chapter

[Brumrha]

Hmmm... this piece has been awarded the best chaptered-fic, has the best original Pokemon Species, & is a joint winner for the best plot...

Looks like the perfect piece with which I can challenge my Nazi-ing abilities!

I have noticed that you're a professional when it comes to writing, especially since this is all done by yourself for the most part. Winning three awards is absolutely no small task, & so, I've come here in order to challenge myself: what I would like to do is to see if I can find anything wrong, grammar-wise, inside this.

You might think that your piece is Picture Perfect, but I'm a firm believer in the fact that there is no such thing as a perfect written work, & as such, there can be something that neither you nor anyone else have found, so I might surprise you. I've been known to find things that are very subtle & are very easily missed from those who don't have a sharp eyesight. Lastly, I have checked several other written works before yours, including Mr. Griffin's (Griff4815)

I haven't read your entire work just yet, but I'm pretty damn bored & my comp is prone to overheating if I play any games on it, so expect a huge review from me soon...

I've also noticed that another person has plagiarized your work, & I would like to say that whoever has done this, I would like him to burn in the fiery depths of hell!

Other than that, I'm just making myself known here... for now...

[elyvorg]

TurtwigFan1 - Thanks for reading! I hope I can start seeing your comments each chapter once you've caught up - just say as much as you can about various bits that caught your eye and I really won't mind if it's not that much.

StarlightMew - Thanks for commenting. Even if you don't, I still think I was too harsh on Sceptile, so... :/

You're absolutely right, Archopy's name comes from Archaeopteryx - that and the word "canopy".

Thanks for the catch on that mistake, as well.

Brumrha - Um.

While I appreciate that you're going to point out any grammar mistakes that I may have been unaware of, I can't help wondering if you're really doing this for the right reasons.

Firstly, and this is something you said that irked me a lot: I do not think my fic is perfect. Nowhere have I ever said that my fic is perfect. It is far from it, and I know this. Anyone who did think their fic was "perfect" would have to be incredibly arrogant, and I'm offended to see that you apparently think I have this kind of arrogance just because I somehow managed to win some awards.

Let me make it clear that I have absolutely no idea how I won those awards. There are several better fics than mine on this forum, and as far as I was aware, those fics were more popular than mine as well. The only reason I'm mentioning the awards in my sig is because it could attract new readers, who I always like to see - not because I want popularity and an ego boost, but because I love my fic to pieces, and it always gives me a good feeling to know that other people have taken the time to read it.

So, I ask you: are you doing this because you want to take the time to read my story? Or are you just doing it for the pleasure of tearing apart a highly-regarded fic? From your post, it seems like the latter is most likely the case. While I won't mind if you pick holes in my grammar, I can't help but think you'll be missing the point. People who read fics do so because they want to enjoy the story. People who review fics do so because they want to help the writer improve. Are you really here to do either of those? Or do you just want to boost your own ego by picking apart the work of a writer who is - in your words - a "professional"?

Aside from all of this, you seem to be missing one very big point - one which was stated several times in the Authors' Café thread you created not so long ago. Grammar is really not the make-or-break factor of a fic. I mean, it's not as if I won those awards because my grammar is good, is it? What really matters is the real meat of the story such as the plot, the characters, the writing style. It's those kinds of things that I assume won me the awards, and it's those kinds of things that you appear to be ready to completely ignore in favour of pulling apart my grammar. If you really do want to do this just for the sake of tearing down a well-regarded fic, surely pulling apart my plot and characters (which do have several flaws; I can assure you of that) would be the most appropriate way to go about it?

Eh. The bottom line is, while I never thought I would ever want to say this to a potential reader, I ask that you reconsider your plans to read this fic. I can't help but get the overwhelming impression that you're doing it for all the wrong reasons and are really missing the point.

[Diddy]

Fine fine... I'll read your fic. Jeez, no need to spam my inbox.

lol jk. disclaimer: no such spamming occured.

Anyway, I was just posting here to say I am on my way to nearly getting part way through reading this. Now my exams are almost over, I have a lot more time on my hands than usual.

Now, like Dalek Caan at the end of the 'Daleks In Manhattan' episode, I shall make myself scarce.

[Dragonfree]

And here I am to review at last.

Carrie entered the Pok&#233;mon Centre to see Theo already at the front desk and handing his Pok&#233; Ball to the nurse, having apparently put the strange phenomenon of Carrie being nice to him out of mind for the time being.

Mmm, I'm not sure how much I like calling it a "strange phenomenon". It seems rather over-the-top to refer to it as such - less so in Carrie's narration, which would probably somewhat exaggerate how much of a jerk she is to him normally, but still.

She sidled wordlessly up beside him and passed five of her Pok&#233; Balls over the counter, watching them being placed with Theo’s in the machine.

Grammatical nitpick - when you use watching here, you imply that she watches them being placed with Theo's in the machine while she is passing them over the counter, which obviously doesn't make sense. I've been very guilty of this too, but this example particularly jumped out at me, since it's essentially putting the Pok&#233;balls in two places at once.

The young man’s eyes widened in realisation beneath his silver fringe.

Hmm, having his eyes widen seems a bit of an overreaction, don't you think? I mean, realizing Carrie is Brian's daughter isn't really significant or surprising enough to make any eyes start widening. Seeing that reaction makes him seem like he's hiding something - my first thought was that he was an undercover member of Bad Light who was just now realizing that she was the one who was after Archopy or something. Which I at least don't think is supposed to be the case. Then again, there is how he seems to have mysteriously replaced the former nurse for no apparent reason and how he reminded them of Sam while they still thought Sam had sold them out. HMMMM! Looks like I have found my silly theory for the day.

“He had some pretty nasty battle wounds,” the nurse told her, “but he’d also suffered the effects of a Perish Song, probably his own. It looks like he managed to stay conscious under the influence of the song much longer than any Pok&#233;mon usually lasts, and while he’s going to be fine, he’s still pretty exhausted.” He paused and looked intently at Carrie. “Normally this is the part where it’s my job to lecture you on not pushing your Pok&#233;mon too hard,” he said, “but judging by where we found him, I doubt you had anything to do with this.”

Heh, that sounds kinda familiar. :P

Hmm, so they're leaving Raptola behind. The way the scene is set up gives me the feeling this will come back to bite them somehow, but maybe I'm just paranoid.

Joy, perching on top of the laptop, was peering upside-down at a download screen, chirping a soft “Tic” every time the bar indicating its progress moved visibly closer to the end.

Hee, that is adorable. :3

I like Vanessa's software; it's rare for fanfiction to make creative use of computer programs. I have to wonder how the program does that, though - if there is some sort of positioning software in the balls, I'd think they would only send the data to official League servers, and how does the program then access the data? o.o

“They’ve found us,” she managed to gasp between breaths, hoping Theo could hear her voice over the splashing of rain and the pounding of feet.

The increased panic in his face told her that he had.

I really think the paragraph break should be after that last sentence rather than before it, although then the next paragraph would begin with Theo already running - maybe insert a sentence or reword so that he starts running at the beginning of that paragraph.

overgrown undergrowth

She knew she was slowing, yet the hound still wasn’t upon her.

"Yet the hound still wasn't upon her" seems... jarringly formal here. I think it's the combination of the words "yet", "hound" and "upon"; any of them would be fine by itself, but having them all there makes the clause feel sort of archaic and very odd in the middle of Carrie's narration.

Silently thanking Foliano’s for weakening it,

Extraneous 's.

A smug cry from Velotus and pained whine from the Mightyena

I'm not sure how much formal grammatical basis I have for this, but I really think it ought to be "...and a pained whine from the Mightyena". Omitting the article makes it seem like "smug cry from Velotus" and "pained whine from the Mightyena" are referring to the same sound; my feeling is that if you wrote, say, "A great explorer and loving father", it would mean the same person is both a great explorer and a loving father, while "a great explorer and a loving father" could also refer to two different men, one of whom is a great explorer and the other a loving father. As I said, I don't know if there is any formal rule to say I'm right, but it feels wrong this way to me.

Then he was in front of her, darting from one tree to the next along with Ivyx, giving her a lead to follow without which she felt she wouldn’t be able to keep going.

This also seems a bit awkward to me; I'm not sure precisely how to explain it, but "...without which she felt she wouldn't be able to keep going" feels somehow like they've been doing that for a while. I think it would work better to use "...that gave her the resolve to keep going" or something like that.

breathing like she’d only just worked out how to

I'm kind of torn on this phrasing. As phrasing, I like it, really, but when I think about it, it doesn't seem like the right image to evoke: surely, breathing like you've only just worked out how to would be slow and forced, not rapid and uncontrollable.

Loved the action scene, by the way. You got across the sense of chaotic urgency pretty well and how Carrie didn't see most of what was going on.

“Baton Pass,” he said simply. He made a circling motion with his finger at the Steelix, and Carrie suddenly found her path blocked by chunks of metal on all sides as the three snakes formed a ring around her and Velotus with their lower segments. They were trapped.

Wait... how is that a Baton Pass? o.o

Love the &#252;ber!Steelix. Yay for scarily powerful opponents!

Aaaand everybody gets caught. Damn you and your cliffhangers. D:

Write chapter 26 soon because it will be awesome. ;_;

As for an Ask the Characters thing, sure, it could be fun. I don't really think you should keep it to PMs, since most of the fun is reading other people's questions and how the characters answer them; at most you could accept questions by PM but put all questions and answers in a spoiler tag in the first post or something like that. But I don't think even that is necessary if you just note that people must make a relevant reply along with any questions they might ask.

[SlowCrow]

>_> I don't know if this is not proper replying edicate, but I want to say a couple things to Butterfree about her response.

It's so good to have people from around the community who are willing to step in for nurses who seem to have mysteriously disappeared for no known reason or purpose just out of the pure goodness of their hearts! :'D

Wait...

HMMMM! Looks like I have found my silly theory for the day.

It seems like we both have our suspicions about that nurse there.

And elyvorg already gave a vague hint about the event in question:

I still can't shake the feeling that the nurse and Sam are going to be mentioned again soon, as well as Cresent getting beat up again due to the wording you described those events.

Yay, speculation. :3 I'm going to very unhelpfully tell you that part of this may be very, very slightly on the money.

So lets try to see what epileptic tree we can get from that, shan't we? ;P

Hmm, so they're leaving Raptola behind. The way the scene is set up gives me the feeling this will come back to bite them somehow, but maybe I'm just paranoid.

Well, elyvorg said it best when she said:

In all seriousness, though, Raptola genuinely was becoming a burden from an author's perspective - leave him in Carrie's team and either she'd never let him out of his Poké Ball, or if she did, he'd just get kidnapped/threatened again and we've already gone through that once. I had to put him out of the way for the sake of keeping the story interesting.

So there goes that train of thought and possible epileptic tree. >_>

I like Vanessa's software; it's rare for fanfiction to make creative use of computer programs. I have to wonder how the program does that, though - if there is some sort of positioning software in the balls, I'd think they would only send the data to official League servers, and how does the program then access the data? o.o

>_> I gave elyvorg some flak over that piece of software, which bothered me very much, through a PM. Here's a quote to answer that question from said PM:

The idea for the software, though, is that it isn't used by the government at all. It'd probably be made by some programmer/hacker type person who doesn't care where he gets his money from, as he'd sell it to criminal organisations who might have some kind of use for it. Admittedly I'm not sure as to these uses in question - it'd probably be a modified kind of GPS tracker to them, too, about which the person they're tracking wouldn't have a clue since they're unlikely to suspect someone is tracking one of their Poké Balls.

<_> So, uh, there's the answer to that concern.

Wait... how is that a Baton Pass? o.o

Well, this line from the chapter should answer that question:

Carrie noticed an oddly glowing stick pass under her feet as she caught up to Velotus, before there was a red flash of a Poké Ball recall beam followed by a white flash of another being thrown.

So...yeah. I hope I didn't all of your material for your reply, elyvorg, but I felt like those things should be answered right way since they more or less were asked before. Don't kill me. o_o'


-__________- Kaw.

[Dragonfree]

<_> So, uh, there's the answer to that concern.

Uh, no. o.o It doesn't answer how the heck the program accesses the records of where the Pok&#233;balls are. I mean, it's not as if the programmer who made the program can magically put his own GPS trackers into every Pok&#233;ball in the region. Only the government would have the ability to actually install a tracking system into Pok&#233;balls, and they would presumably keep their records to themselves.

Well, this line from the chapter should answer that question:

No, it doesn't. I noticed that line and figured it was Baton Pass, but that happened before he gave the command to use Baton Pa- oh, wait, he was explaining it, not giving an order. Then it makes sense. Never mind.

[elyvorg]

Diddy - On your way to nearly getting part way through sounds like some epic progress indeed. I look forward to you making even more.

Anyway, thanks for deciding to read, even though I believe I've already said something along these lines elsewhere.

Dragonfree - Thanks for reviewing once again. I've reworded everything you had issue with, I think.

That bit with the nurse was indeed not intended to be seen that way, although you and SlowCrow can feel free to go nuts with epileptic trees, because epileptic trees are awesome. 8D

SlowCrow also pretty much gave you my reasons for leaving Raptola behind, but I might see if I can do something with him later, simply because writing him out of the story for my own convenience feels lazy to me. :<

SlowCrow also also gave you what is pretty much all the justification for that software that I have. I suppose the logical explanation would be something along the lines of the government putting the GPS trackers in the balls and keeping an eye on the data, and then the programmer/hacker type person managing to hack into the government system, thereby allowing Vanessa and anyone else with the software to see the same Pok&#233; Ball tracking data that the government has. Or something.

But it is very true that I really didn't put much thought into where this software had actually come from or why it would actually be useful to anyone other than Vanessa before writing this chapter. So yeah. Lame justification is lame. >.<

I am glad that you at least like the general idea of Vanessa tracking them with a computer program, however illogical that program's function may be.

It's a shame how long you must have taken going into a fairly lengthy explanation for that line about Velotus and the Mightyena when the only reason there wasn't an extra "a" in the first place was simply because I somehow managed to accidentally leave it out. I didn't need telling that this eagle was an eagle. xP

I changed the line about breathing to "breathing like it had only just been invented", which hopefully keeps the style of phrasing while actually evoking the right image this time.

Yay for getting the chaotic urgency and the Carrie-only-seeing-certain-things across. That was the most difficult thing about this chapter, so it'd have been a shame if I didn't manage to pull it off after the effort I put in.

As for the Baton Pass, SlowCrow seems to have helped you realise that he was explaining it, but I went and reworded the line where he did so anyway, to actually make it clear that he is explaining it. I can see how someone could easily get confused with the way it was originally.

Fear not, Chapter 26 has been written for a while! It's just a case of getting 27 done, which I'm about halfway through now (you'll probably be able to tell from the random declaration of love for Velotus that I left on your MSN despite you being away that I wrote some more today), and it's just a little bit more Velotusy stuff, maybe some Theo stuff, and then a conversation which will be very tricky to make work, left. Unless I get really stuck on that conversation and so long as I don't get sucked back into Platinum (I've got the Giratina stuff over with now, at least), it shouldn't be too long.

The reason I preferred that a character Q&A thing be in PM is simply because the original questions that Griff4815 asked me were very open-ended, and their answers ended up being really quite long. I was also worried that this thread would get flooded with questions and answers rather than being a place for the chapters, but I suppose since not that many people post here anyway, that shouldn't become much of a problem.

Eh, I dunno. I'd quite like to discuss it with you on MSN the next time there's an opportunity when I'm not ordering you to fangirl over Velotus so I can get in the mood to write.

SlowCrow - I actually don't have a problem at all with readers replying to other readers about stuff, just so long as what you say isn't wrong and doesn't necessarily need me to explain it. So what you said was fine. The prospect of readers talking amongst themselves is really quite an inviting one, actually, as it shows just how much interest you're taking in the fic.