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Thread: Lost Evolution

  1. #151
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    Urgh.


    Like you, elyvorg, I am still alive but very distracted. So distracted that I've allowed all these chapters to pile up to where it would take forever to make a full-fledged review.

    I'm terribly sorry for my laziness, and I just want to let you know that I just might write up my opinion of the whole fic when you're done, as a sort of reconciliation.


    PS: I read your oneshot- very creepy, but very well done, too.
    Author's Profile

    Want your fic reviewed? Send me a PM asking! I'll see if I can make time.

    (Keep in mind I'm not usually partial to really dark fics, so I may take longer to get to those.)

  2. #152
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    All I can say is.
    Skarmory.
    Oh.
    Hell.
    Yeah.

    Banner credit: Jakotsu.
    Quote Originally Posted by MSN
    Profesco says:
    You were an admirable baby.
    Quote Originally Posted by L0L View Post
    They named a game after me?

  3. #153
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    Jan 2004
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    Review at last!

    By the way, I had another dream about this fic. It was about me finally getting around to reading this chapter and then finding out when I got here that it was only about a page long. o.O

    I love a lot of those lines in the beginning. Particularly this one:

    She composed herself and gave Theo a look of less insanity, more urgency.
    In general it's all very nicely worded. Good job on that.

    “In that case, what happened?” asked Theo with genuine curiosity. “Has one of them changed their mind?” He frowned. “Forcing a Pokémon not to evolve is just as cruel as forcing it to do so, you know,” he told her with the air of imparting information she didn’t already have.
    Oh, I love this. So much. Theo and Carrie have the best interactions ever. <3

    Ohgodcarrieandtheoandsamalltogetherinasceneandiamd yingoffangirliness. Stop being so awesome, damn it. ;_;

    Sam grinned. “Good, isn’t it? Of course, most of the time it’s pointless, but it has its uses.” Carrie nodded appreciatively; she had been imagining scenarios roughly equating to sending Foliano out and then frantically shoving the Everstone in his face before anything happened.
    Haha, me too. Although I also figured a scenario like this could be possible within the universe of the fic. I wasn't sure.

    The healing machine against the wall bleeped, and Theo began unloading the Poké Balls back into his pocket.
    Hmm, the use of the word "unloading" here somehow made me think of Theo sending the Pokémon out from the balls and then stuffing them into his pocket, which was weird to say the least. I'm not sure whether it's just me.

    “But he still needs the Everstone. The energy that’s been building up won’t just disappear. There’ll be a big splurge of it as soon as he’s sent out.” He gestured dramatically with his hands, splaying the fingers wide.
    Ahaha, I love Sam so much. <3

    Foliano noticed a bandage wrapped around part of her crest leaf. He gazed sorrowfully at it for a moment, wondering if she was still in pain.
    Aww. They have such a cute relationship. :3 As I've probably told you way too many times already, but hey.

    Suddenly, he jumped to his feet. “Right then! I’ll leave you three –” his eyes fell on the Poké Ball in Carrie’s hands – “four – here while I see about that breakfast.” With that, he swept out of the room.
    I love your choice of words here to bits. Especially "he swept out of the room" for some weird reason.

    “It’s okay,” Ivyx put in. “That human – he’s good. He healed my leaf, then he sat by my bed all night, just talking to me. Telling me it would be fine. He told me Raptola was safe and just needed rest, and he told me…” She broke off, giving Foliano a tender gaze. “He told me what happened to you. He said not to worry,” she added quickly, “but I couldn’t help it. I knew what the stuff was, I’d seen it in the place and I…”
    Nurse Sam is so awesome. ;-; Seriously. I want to hug him and give him birthday presents.

    “And you know what?” she added in a strangely cheery voice. “After what nearly happened yesterday, it hardly bothers me at all. Funny what a sense of perspective does to guilt.”
    Heh, I really liked this for some reason. Nice and abrupt.

    “Daddy?” he mumbled as if he could hardly believe it. “Not a S… a S… a thingy?”
    Okay, that was cute.

    “Toast?” Sam offered a rack of buttered toast to Theo, grinning.
    <3 Love.

    “You see, when a Poké Ball breaks, the Pokémon inside no longer counts as owned. It’s like it’s wild again.” Sam’s quick speech took on a more awkward tone. “And I kinda sorta had to catch your Grovyle with one of my spare Poké Balls. It’s okay,” he added hurriedly on seeing Carrie’s look. “I’ll release him, just give me the ball…”
    Heh, I was wondering where Raptola's new Pokéball came from.

    Sam nodded. “It registers the one who threw the ball as the trainer. Could lead to some awkward lawsuits involving thefts of balls that haven’t been used yet, but for the most part people who’ve had their Poké Balls stolen don’t bother trying to claim a Pokémon they didn’t catch. There’s not much point stealing an empty ball at all, come to that.”
    Hmm, I can't help wondering how it knows who threw the ball. o.o

    It was a nice chapter character-wise, but I can't help thinking it was rather on the boring side storyline-wise - Carrie got the Everstone right at the beginning, and after that there were no real surprises. It's not that it actually bored me, which it didn't because I love watching interesting characters interact with one another, but rather that nothing much really seemed to happen in it storyline-wise. It was just "Theo wakes Carrie up, he gives her the Everstone, they go to the Pokémon Center, Sam gives it to Foliano, and they get ready to leave." There was no real conflict in it except for that brief scene where Theo didn't want to give Carrie the stone, and it was quickly resolved. It was enjoyable nonetheless, but it didn't really seem to fit together as a chapter, somehow. (See, this review isn't quite all gushing praise! I'm not going soft and turning into a fangirl, really!)

    Chapter 64: Hide and Seek
    The story of an ordinary boy on an impossible quest in a world that isn't as black and white as he always thought it was.
    (rough draft of the remaining chapters finished for NaNoWriMo; to be edited and posted)

    Morphic
    (completed, plus silly extras)
    A few scientists get drunk and start fiddling with gene splicing. Ten years later, they're taking care of eight half-Pokémon kids, each freakier than the next, while a religious fanatic plots to murder them all.

    Lengthy fanfiction reviewing guide / A more condensed version
    Read and I will be very happy for a large number of reasons.

  4. #154
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    Default Chapter 17: Stalkers

    Okay, first to reply to everything I never bothered replying to over the weeks/months of not writing this.

    metalmosh - Nice to see a new reader, and I'm glad you like the fic. Do you want to be added to the PM list?

    InsaneTyranitar - It's okay, I understand. I can't really complain when I've been procrastinating on this thing for almost two months myself. Whatever you can manage to get done review-wise will still be appreciated, however little of it there is.

    And nice to see you read Taming Evil, too. =D

    Darkfall - Yes. Skarmory. 8D I've already said this, but I deliberately didn't mention it to you when you said about him not coming back so that it'd be more of a surprise when he did. If that makes any sense at all.

    Dragonfree - Whoo! Seriously, keep up the random fangirling; I love it (then again, who wouldn't?)

    I suppose you do have a point with what you said about it being not much of a chapter plot-wise, but there wasn't much I could do; everything in it pretty much needed covering, and it's too separate from this coming chapter for me to combine the two into one longer one.

    Yes, that's right. I HAVE got the next chapter ready to post. I apologise profusely for the long wait; the distractions were bigger than I thought they'd be. I'm pretty much back in business now - the waits between each might be a bit longer than normal, but I don't think I'm about to go back into another two-month deadness.

    So here we go.

    Chapter 17: Stalkers

    “Miss Swift?”

    Vanessa recognised the voice as that of Mr. Lee, the collector in Mauville City whom she had sold the unique Skarmory to the previous day. She frowned, wondering what more he could want from her.

    “This is her. What is it?” she said into the sleek PokéNav held to her ear.

    “I have a problem with the Skarmory,” Mr. Lee said. “First you give it to me injured –”

    Vanessa sighed impatiently. “I’ve already told you, I was delivering it to you as quickly as poss –”

    “And now it’s gone!” he exclaimed angrily, cutting her off.

    Vanessa smirked. “That may be a problem, Mr. Lee, but it is hardly mine.”

    “You gave it to me,” protested the collector.

    “Indeed I did,” she replied smoothly. “The money was paid, the transaction was completed – you even went to the trouble of doing so officially with that machine of yours. That Skarmory now legally belongs to you. If it is lost, that makes it your responsibility to find it.”

    Mr. Lee seemed to be fuming. “None of them have ever escaped before! I demand you find and recapture it, Miss Swift, or…”

    “Or what?”

    “Or I want my money back,” he finished with the air of an impudent child.

    Vanessa laughed. “You’re in no position to make demands of me. And you speak as though you assume I still have the money, which I don’t.” Her eyes flickered briefly towards a gleaming motorcycle which stood beside her, her Togetic sitting happily on the saddle.

    She could hear the man getting desperate. “Please, the Skarmory –”

    “You should have done a better job in confining it,” said Vanessa. “If you want it back so badly, then you need to find it.”

    “But –”

    “I have no further business with you. Goodbye.” Sliding the PokéNav shut, she dropped it into the pocket of her white jacket. She eyed the black trousers and leather boots she wore below it, still unsure if they suited her. A change from her usual outfit had been undesirable but necessary – a dress would have been a nightmare on a motorcycle.

    Joy chirped from the seat of the bike and rose into the air, encouraging her trainer back into the saddle with a cheery smile. As Vanessa sat, clipped on her helmet and revved up the motorcycle, Joy settled down into her backpack.

    For a moment, Vanessa wondered if leaving the bag wide open just so that her Togetic could ride comfortably was a wise decision. The ball she had bought with most of Mr. Lee’s money – the motorbike had just been an afterthought – lay inside, barely protected and yet worth a fortune. She sighed and shrugged off the feeling of paranoia, trusting Joy to look after the item for her.

    The bike roared into action, churning up the dusty path of Route 111. Vanessa gripped the handlebars tighter as it shot forward, surveying the landscape of mountains laid out before her. Though her visor darkened her vision, she could still make out a small, wooden, red-roofed building sitting in the foothills not far away.

    With any luck, the two trainers she had been following would have passed by that Pokémon Centre on their way to Vanessa’s prize.

    * * *

    Joy darted around in midair with even more energy than usual as her trainer stepped back out from the small building and pulled the wooden door closed. Vanessa could understand her Togetic’s excitement. The nurse of the shamefully run-down Pokémon Centre had been all too happy to answer her questions. He hadn’t even been suspicious of the fact that Vanessa was visiting without the need to heal any Pokémon; he had, it seemed, simply been eager to please anyone who passed by.

    It suited Vanessa just fine. Because now she knew that the two trainers she sought had been there that very morning and had headed off into the desert barely an hour ago.

    Joy flitted into her backpack as she clipped on her helmet and climbed into the saddle of the motorbike, and within moments they were off. The low rumble of the engine filled her ears as she swerved the vehicle around towards the looming expanse of sand ahead. The bike raced forwards, digging its tyres into the increasingly soft and gritty ground, throwing up clouds of dust – but then Vanessa realised that she wasn’t going anywhere.

    She swore under her breath and looked down at the wheels, which spun fruitlessly as they gouged into the sand. With a sigh, she cut the engine and clambered off the stranded motorcycle, throwing her helmet to the ground beside it.

    Joy fluttered out of Vanessa’s backpack and into view, a question on her face.

    Vanessa shot the bike a severe look. “It isn’t going to work here,” she said. “I should have known. We’ll have to continue on foot.” She sighed and stared out over the barren wilderness, seeing almost nothing – no discernible landmarks, no people.

    “Tic?” chirped Joy, pointing at something that lay in the sand a few metres away: two sets of footprints. They led off to Vanessa’s right, all the way towards the horizon and beyond.

    A smile passed across her face. “Well spotted, Joy. They shouldn’t be too far away.”

    With her Togetic now perched comfortably on her shoulder, Vanessa set off along the trail of prints in the soft sand underfoot.

    * * *

    “I’m boiling,” Carrie complained. “Remind me why I’m not supposed to take my jacket off again.”

    She and Theo had been walking for around an hour, and already the heat was beginning to take its toll. Aided by the frustratingly clear sky, the sun was beating down on them without mercy. Its rays baked the sand beneath, making Carrie feel almost as though she was being cooked from both above and below.

    “Sunburn,” Theo replied. “Your jacket’s protecting you better than sun cream would.”

    Carrie huffed. “Hardly feels like it.” She walked on in sweltering silence for a few moments before coming out with, “Why is it so hot, anyway? I mean, it was this sunny yesterday, but…”

    “It’s the moisture,” Theo told her without even pausing to think. “Or lack of it. It’s hotter because it’s drier.” He turned to face her. “Look, are you going to stop complaining any time soon?”

    She shot him a sideways glance and caught the unfamiliar sight of the brown hat on his head. “You look ridiculous in that.”

    He faced ahead again, his irritated features hidden by the shadow of his wide brim. “So you’ve told me. Several times, actually,” Theo said. “It’s not here to look good, it’s here to keep me cool. You should really have taken the one Sam offered you.”

    Carrie snorted. “No thanks,” she muttered drily, although she couldn’t help thinking what it might feel like with a hat of her own – cool shade on her face, freedom from the relentless glare of the desert sun. She scowled. Sam had generously loaned her several items she hadn’t got that she might have needed in the desert – loaned being a rather loose term, as Carrie hardly expected to be able to return them – but her self-respect had prevented her from wearing a hat. She did not do hats.

    Sighing, she trudged on across the flat, empty plain of sand. In a vague hope of seeing the cooler, shadier rocky ground that Theo had said they would reach within a few hours, Carrie kept her eyes fixed firmly on the horizon. The line between yellowish brown and pale blue shimmered in the heat that hung all around, but nothing could be seen. No rocks. No shade. Just…

    Carrie blinked, wondering if what she could see was some kind of optical illusion. In the distance was what looked to be the figure of a man – but a man standing still and wearing black in the middle of a desert. The thought of black clothes instantly put her in mind of the thugs from the previous day. She tensed, trying to reassure herself that Raptola was safe in his Poké Ball, and that the men had no reason to want him again.

    Either Theo hadn’t noticed the man or it wasn’t bothering him. Carrie kept quiet about it, waiting for a closer look to confirm or deny her fears. A few more minutes of traipsing through the sand and their approach had brought into view a second black-clad figure on the edge of the horizon. Both men hadn’t moved, as if they were guarding a position. Through the heat haze, Carrie was able to convince herself that the closer of the two was looking in her direction.

    She froze. “Stop,” she ordered Theo, who had continued walking, oblivious.

    He turned. “What’s the matter? They’re only people,” he said, gesturing towards the strangers on the horizon.

    “They’re wearing black and standing still in a desert,” Carrie pointed out. “Who does that?”

    “It isn’t a good idea to wear black, yes, but –”

    “Oh, come on.” She cut him off irritably. “They’re those people from yesterday, got to be. That gang or whatever it is that works for MemorCorp.”

    Theo frowned at her. “What would they be doing here? Just standing around?”

    Carrie shrugged. “For all I know, they could be waiting to delay us, stop us getting past. If there’s a lot of them –” she saw Theo give a worried nod of acknowledgement – “then they could easily send one lot to find Archopy and another lot to concentrate on us.”

    Theo stared past her, suddenly deep in thought.

    “I’m not going near them,” Carrie continued adamantly. “Yesterday was bad enough. We can take a detour, go round.” She looked at Theo, who seemed not to have heard a word she’d said. “Can’t we?”

    “How did they know where we’re going?” he murmured.

    “Because, as you pointed out yesterday, I told them,” said Carrie bluntly.

    He shook his head. “No, not that. If we’re going to Northern Canyon, the most direct route is north-east, straight through the middle of the desert – diagonally, so to speak. We’re going a different way: due east and then due north once we hit the rocky ground, so we’re not in the desert as long – hopefully we can make faster progress across the easier terrain. But how did they know?”

    She shrugged again. “Lucky guess? Does it matter?”

    Theo was now pacing the sand in front of her, barely paying her any attention. “I mentioned our route to you yesterday morning –”

    Carrie blinked. “You did?”

    “You probably weren’t listening,” he said shortly. “Point is, I mentioned it out loud, and I think we were still in the forest. Could anyone have been eavesdropping?”

    She shook her head. “I doubt it. If the thugs were around, they could have threatened Raptola then instead of later. Why bother stalking us through a forest just for some tiny bit of information, anyway?”

    Theo nodded, his eyes fixed on the ground as he continued to pace. “Exactly. And the only other time I mentioned it was this morning as we were getting ready. I told Sam.”

    Carrie gaped. “Sam? He wouldn’t.”

    “That’s what I thought,” Theo said, and finally she realised what was agitating him – disbelief. “But if we weren’t overheard yesterday, then who told them?” He stabbed a finger at the two distant men, who still hadn’t moved.

    Carrie found herself sharing his refusal to believe Sam had done anything wrong. The nurse had been friendly, kind to her Pokémon – she’d even reluctantly trusted him with the care of Ivyx and Raptola for a whole night, which she couldn’t say about most people. Could he really have betrayed them?

    There was a long pause as she eyed the men in the distance.

    “Let’s just go round them,” she said eventually.

    * * *

    After a drastic change of direction, they were, according to Theo, back on the more obvious and direct route which cut diagonally through the desert. Carrie had no idea if this was the case herself – apart from the very occasional wild Cacnea or Sandshrew, which could hardly be considered landmarks, one stretch of desert looked much the same as another. As far as she was concerned, the navigating could be left to the one who seemed to know what he was doing. She was more bothered by the increasing heat as the sun rose higher into the sky; the urge to just ditch her jacket and deal with the sunburn when it came was getting harder to ignore. It didn’t help that the detour apparently meant they’d be in the desert for a few extra hours before finally finding themselves on the other side.

    Theo’s eyes were scanning the distant horizon from beneath his hat. “I don’t like this,” he muttered.

    “Neither do I. Glad you agree,” retorted Carrie, happy with the opportunity to vent some of her frustration caused by the constant heat.

    “There’s no men here,” he went on, ignoring her jibe. “I thought maybe they’d be all over the desert, cutting us off whichever way we went, but no. They’re just to the east. They knew.” He stamped a foot into the sand more forcefully than normal and pivoted on it to look Carrie in the eye. “Are you sure there couldn’t have been anyone in the forest yesterday, eavesdropping?”

    She shrugged, less concerned than he seemed to be. “It’s either that or Sam told them,” she said. “Both unlikely. Take your pick.” She gestured in a vague easterly direction. “Why didn’t those two follow us, anyway?”

    “Maybe they didn’t see us,” Theo said as he continued walking. “We could barely see them, and let’s face it, green and brown are a lot less conspicuous in a desert than black.”

    Carrie was suddenly struck by the bizarre idea that the men could have thought her and Theo to be just a Cacnea and a Sandshrew. It was, after all, incredibly difficult to judge distance and shape in the shimmering heat that hung all around. She wondered briefly if she could have done the same for the men, but as much as she racked her brains, no black desert-dwelling Pokémon native to Hoenn came to mind.

    Taking her completely by surprise, the ground near Carrie’s feet seemed to erupt in a spray of sand. Something small yet vicious clamped onto her right leg, digging in painfully. She yelped and waved her foot madly as the dust settled, allowing her a proper look at the orange creature which clung to her with a mouth of jagged teeth. Stubby legs on a tiny, round body flailed in the air as Carrie hopped and kicked like a maniac.

    Having noticed the commotion, Theo turned and took in the scene. “It’s only a Trapinch,” he said quickly, coming over to her. “I can help…”

    “I know it’s only a Trapinch, but it bloody hurts,” Carrie snapped, now standing on the leg the Pokémon clung to and trying to loosen it with her left foot. She hurriedly gave up that approach on realising that kicking the Trapinch only made its teeth clamp down harder. “And I can manage,” she insisted stubbornly, hopping away from Theo to prove she didn’t need his help while simultaneously fumbling through her pocket for a Poké Ball. “Velotus, get it!” she snarled.

    A ball flew into the air and opened in a burst of light, revealing Velotus to be already looking around, searching for the “it” in question. On seeing the Grovyle, the Trapinch’s beady black eyes widened, and it released Carrie’s leg, scuttling away to a safe distance. She and Velotus watched as it burrowed hastily into the sand until it was completely out of sight.

    “Oh,” Carrie muttered, not sure what else to say. She looked down at her trouser leg, seeing the green material in tatters and stained with a hint of blood. “Great.”

    Before she could start busying herself with bandaging it, she noticed something strange happening to the ground near where the Trapinch had retreated. The sand was moving, sliding towards a hollow in the centre, creating a growing funnel of tumbling, cascading grains. It was almost as if a plug had been pulled where the Trapinch was hidden, and everything around it was falling in.

    Carrie stared in amazement; she had never realised such a small Pokémon was capable of moving so much sand. Behind her, Theo had seen the danger and was retreating to a safe distance. She did her best to follow him while trying to keep the grit out of her wound, but hopping backwards – she felt some insane need to keep an eye on Velotus in case he did something rash – was not easy.

    Her Grovyle didn’t bother resisting as he was caught by the encroaching slope of sand. He just glared at the bottom of the pit he was being dragged inexorably towards as though daring the Trapinch to come out and face him. His leaves smoothly morphed into glowing blades as he grinned with confidence.

    Still retreating from the growing trap, Carrie misjudged one of her frantic hops and skidded on the loose grains at the edge of the funnel, crashing down on her back in an impressive spray of sand. Standing up would risk getting even more dirt in her wound; thinking quickly, she pulled out a second Poké Ball and threw it behind her, calling, “Foli, Grass Knot!”

    Foliano materialised next to Theo as Carrie craned her neck around to look at him. He was still clutching the Everstone in both hands, but was quick to size up the situation and closed his eyes to focus. Carrie could feel herself beginning to slip towards the centre of the sand-trap just as a vine – dry and yellowish, almost like straw – slithered out of the ground above her. She reached up and gripped it tightly, hoping it would hold despite the apparent lack of its usual strength. It gave a little, but it was enough to keep her from falling further down the slope.

    Foliano and Theo stood on safe ground, looking down at her. The trap had stopped growing – either it was all the Trapinch could manage, or Velotus, who now stood directly in the centre of the pit, yelling threats into the sand below, was putting it off. Suddenly the ground beneath the Grovyle rose up, and the small Pokémon hurled itself at him, its jagged mouth open wide.

    Velotus was ready; without even pausing to aim, he slashed at the Trapinch with a glowing blade, sending it skidding into the sandy wall behind it. It recovered quickly, using the slope for extra speed as it scuttled towards Velotus and clamped its jaws onto his arm.

    The Grovyle let out a loud “Vyle!” of pain and frustration as the arm’s blade fizzled back into harmless leaves. He tried stubbornly to attack the Trapinch with his other, left-hand blade, but the Pokémon’s positioning was awkward – he simply couldn’t reach around for a forceful enough blow.

    Growling, Velotus changed tack and concentrated on something only he could see. Within moments, a tornado of leaves had manifested around the Grovyle – but they were brownish, dry leaves, much like the vine Carrie clung to as she watched the battle. The Trapinch looked to be in some pain as the withered foliage battered its body, but it evidently wasn’t enough for it to release its grip on Velotus’ arm.

    Through the swirl of leaves, Carrie thought she could see Velotus’ eyes dart towards Foliano and the Everstone still in his hands. A fierce white glow erupted from within the Leaf Storm – and it burst into flames. She watched in horror as burning foliage swirled around her Pokémon, unable to see any of what was going on inside. The cyclone grew, expanding upwards and outwards in a breathtaking display of twisting, crackling fire.

    Then it was over. The leaves had been utterly burnt bar a few tiny fragments which fluttered harmlessly to the ground. Standing in the centre, covered in scorch marks for the second time in two days and with an incredibly smug grin on his face, was Velotus.

    The Trapinch lay at his feet, upside-down, its legs waving feebly in the air. A single Leaf Blade promptly slid into existence and slammed into its head. It rolled over and did not move again.

    Show off,” Carrie heard Foliano mutter with some amusement as he summoned a second vine for Velotus and pulled them both out of the pit. She scrambled to a safe distance while still attempting to keep the sand out of her stinging leg, then sat down with her foot in the air and opened her bag to look for bandages. Her two Grovyle could be heard conversing in low voices a short distance away.

    As she began wrapping her leg in a bandage, Carrie became aware of Theo standing near her. She looked up to see that he was holding a pair of binoculars to his eyes and staring into the distance, back the way they had come. From what she could tell, he looked worried. Again.

    “What is it now?” she asked. Having finished the bandage, she jumped to her feet and instantly regretted it, wincing. “More of those men?”

    Theo shook his head and lowered the binoculars, his face grim. “It’s Vanessa.”

    “Her?” said Carrie, surprised. “I thought she’d be way ahead of us by now.”

    “Well, she isn’t.” He pointed into the distance, indicating a figure in white and black. “She’s wearing something different, but the hair’s unmistakeable. It’s her,” he said in a flat voice.

    Velotus had finished talking to Foliano and was now staring in the same direction. “That woman with the Togetic?” he asked, spitting out the last word.

    Carrie nodded. “But why’s she behind us?”

    Theo shook his head again. “I don’t know. But now we know she’s after Archopy, too. We need to move.” He set off again, and Carrie and her two Grovyle trailed after him.

    While Foliano hung back, Velotus came to walk by his trainer’s side – something which usually indicated he wanted to talk with her. “Foliano says you have something to tell me,” he said without preamble.

    Carrie frowned, then remembered what she and Foliano had talked about that morning. She shot the Grovyle behind her a look, mildly annoyed at being set up with a conversation she couldn’t weasel out of. “Yes, I do,” she admitted at last.

    Well?” prompted Velotus.

    Something accusing in his tone put Carrie on the defensive from the start. “Okay, look. That Grovyle back in MemorCorp that Ivyx told you about –” she noticed his eyes narrow in interest – “had this drip in it that would make it evolve. All I did was pull it out.”

    And?” Velotus asked impatiently.

    “And that was what made it evolve,” she finished. “I mean, it would have evolved eventually anyway, but I made it evolve when it did. It was me.”

    She looked down at her Grovyle nervously, half expecting some kind of explosion from him.

    He stared unseeingly at the ground in front of him as he walked. “You tried to save it,” Velotus said; there was poison in his voice, but it didn’t seem to be directed at his trainer. “But it couldn’t be saved. The cheats!” He growled fiercely, then his fire calmed slightly as he looked up at Carrie. “I’d have thought you’d be more bothered by it. I know I would.

    She shook her head sadly. “Not after yesterday.”

    That ended fine, didn’t it?” Velotus said with what Carrie saw as a severe lack of sensitivity. “Apart from him –” he nodded in Foliano’s direction – “but he says he’s not going to keep that stone forever, so there’s no lasting damage there either…

    Carrie forced the topic in a different direction. “Nice move back there with the Trapinch, by the way. But if you’re going to make a habit of this, I’m healing your burns whether you want me to or not.”

    Velotus smirked. “Believe me, I plan to make a habit of it.

    “Fine.” She rummaged in her bag for a Burn Heal, then on realising she never bothered with Burn Heals any more, found a Full Heal instead. Her Grovyle didn’t try to resist as the golden liquid was sprayed onto his skin, dousing the scorch marks. As soon as she was done, Velotus sped up his walking until he was a short way ahead of her – his not-so-subtle method of telling her he had no more incentive to continue talking.

    Almost immediately, Foliano drew level with Carrie from behind. “I think he took it quite well, don’t you?” he said conversationally.

    She looked down at him and couldn’t help mirroring the smile she saw. “I guess it wasn’t so bad,” she admitted.

    They walked on in silence for a few moments, before Foliano spoke again. “I don’t suppose you’d mind recalling me?” he asked. “I don’t like this heat much, and I keep worrying I’ll drop this.” He indicated the Everstone in his hands, then glanced forward at Velotus and lowered his voice. “And I don’t think Velotus will mind an excuse to be recalled without having to admit it himself,” he added. “Full Heals don’t do bite wounds, after all.

    “All right, then.” Carrie pulled out both Grovyle’s Poké Balls and pointed them at their occupants, making it seem like she had simply decided to recall the two of them at the same time. As they dissolved and disappeared, she couldn’t help thinking that her Pokémon had it easy; she had the heat and a bite wound of her own to put up with. Carrie sighed to herself and continued walking, now with only Theo to keep her company.

    He kept looking over his shoulder, she noticed; actually, he’d been doing it a few times in the corner of her eye while she’d been talking to her Pokémon. Carrie glanced behind her as well, seeing Vanessa’s distant figure just as she had done before.

    She sighed, bored of Theo’s constant agitation. “What’s the matter?” she asked wearily.

    “She’s getting closer,” Theo murmured, almost to himself. “I’m sure of it. She’s catching us up.”

    ~~~

    << Previous chapter
    Last edited by elyvorg; 15th June 2008 at 1:31 PM.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  5. #155
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    Haha, I find it funny you post chapter 17 the day after I dream about reading chapter 16 and figure, "Okay, I really need to read that now." My subconscious mind apparently didn't want me to fall two chapters behind. :P

    Vanessa laughed. “You’re in no position to make demands of me. And you speak as though you assume I still have the money, which I don’t.” Her eyes flickered briefly towards a gleaming motorcycle which stood beside her, her Togetic sitting happily on the saddle.
    Nice way to bring out what she'd done with the money.

    A change from her usual outfit had been undesirable but necessary – a dress would have been a nightmare on a motorcycle.
    And that's a nice bit of realism.

    Joy darted around in midair with even more energy than usual as her trainer stepped back out from the small building and pulled the wooden door closed. Vanessa could understand her Togetic’s excitement. The nurse of the shamefully run-down Pokémon Centre had been all too happy to answer her questions. He hadn’t even been suspicious of the fact that Vanessa was visiting without the need to heal any Pokémon; he had, it seemed, simply been eager to please anyone who passed by.
    Aww, poor Sam. x3 Of course, he had no reason to think Theo and Carrie's journey was a secret and is too innocent to suspect a random person who walks in and wants to know about the journeys of a couple of other trainers of having any malicious intent.

    The bike raced forwards, digging its tyres into the increasingly soft and gritty ground, throwing up clouds of dust – but soon, Vanessa realised that she wasn’t going anywhere.
    This seemed a bit clunky to me. I think it's the "but soon". "Soon" is such a vague word that I have no idea how much time is supposed to be passing there and it gives me problems picturing it properly.

    Can't help wondering if Vanessa just left her expensive motorbike there, though. Anybody could steal it if it's just lying around...

    She shot him a sideways glance and caught the unfamiliar sight of the brown hat on his head. “You look ridiculous in that.”
    It seems a bit odd to call it "unfamiliar", seeing as you later make it clear he's had the hat on for quite a while and Carrie has been commenting on it. "Unfamiliar" implies she hasn't seen it before at all.

    Sam had generously loaned her several items she hadn’t got that she might have needed in the desert – loaned being a rather loose term, as Carrie hardly expected to be able to return them – but her self-respect had prevented her from wearing a hat. She did not do hats.
    I love lines like these.

    “It isn’t a good idea to wear black, yes, but –”
    Actually, supposedly it doesn't make any difference what color clothes you're wearing in a desert (according to the show QI, anyway). Not that Carrie would know that, but Theo probably would.

    Oh, don't tell me I was right in my original paranoid theories about Sam. ;; I don't want him to be working for MemorCorp!

    Well, then again, if you're bringing it up now, odds are they'll turn out to be wrong, as it's anticlimatic when the characters figure out who the traitor is long before the final confrontation with him and I don't really see you doing that.

    Carrie had no idea if this was the case herself – apart from the very occasional wild Cacnea or Sandshrew, which could hardly be considered landmarks, one stretch of desert looked much the same as another.
    I love this sentence so much.

    Carrie was suddenly struck by the bizarre idea that the men could have thought her and Theo to be just a Cacnea and a Sandshrew.
    Ahaha, AWESOME. XD

    Taking her completely by surprise, the ground near Carrie’s feet seemed to erupt in a spray of sand. Something small yet vicious clamped onto her right leg, digging in painfully. She yelped and waved her foot madly as the dust settled, allowing her a proper look at the orange creature which clung to her with a mouth of jagged teeth. Stubby legs on a tiny, round body flailed in the air as Carrie hopped and kicked like a maniac.

    Having noticed the commotion, Theo turned and took in the scene. “It’s only a Trapinch,” he said quickly, coming over to her. “I can help…”

    “I know it’s only a Trapinch, but it bloody hurts,” Carrie snapped, now standing on the leg the Pokémon clung to and trying to loosen it with her left foot. She hurriedly gave up that approach on realising that kicking the Trapinch only made its teeth clamp down harder. “And I can manage,” she insisted stubbornly, hopping away from Theo to prove she didn’t need his help while simultaneously fumbling through her pocket for a Poké Ball. “Velotus, get it!” she snarled.
    Heh, I couldn't help being reminded of the Trapinch scene from The Quest for the Legends...

    The part with the Trapinch was a nice bit of action to stir things up a little. Overall it was a nice chapter with some more good lines. Not much to complain about.

    Chapter 64: Hide and Seek
    The story of an ordinary boy on an impossible quest in a world that isn't as black and white as he always thought it was.
    (rough draft of the remaining chapters finished for NaNoWriMo; to be edited and posted)

    Morphic
    (completed, plus silly extras)
    A few scientists get drunk and start fiddling with gene splicing. Ten years later, they're taking care of eight half-Pokémon kids, each freakier than the next, while a religious fanatic plots to murder them all.

    Lengthy fanfiction reviewing guide / A more condensed version
    Read and I will be very happy for a large number of reasons.

  6. #156
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    Hi elyvorg, this is my first time posting in your thread, but after reading your last few chapters, I've been seriously impressed, and inspired to post SOMETHING so that you know I've been reading, as I've seriously failed as a friend these past few months when it comes to reading your fic.

    “Or I want my money back,” he finished with the air of an impudent child.
    I love this phrase. The word "impudent" really brings out the fact that this man is a wimp and is fragile too.

    Sliding the PokéNav shut, she dropped it into the pocket of her white jacket.
    This woman is smooth. She does everything so effortlessly, and yet seems to do it so elegantly. I find that this is partly what makes her so sinister to me. I also love the way that her new jacket is white, as it matches Joy the Togetic more, so it gives them a much more vivid image.

    Vanessa gripped the handlebars tighter as it shot forward, surveying the landscape of mountains laid out before her.
    The description of "laid out before her" alost makesit seem like the mountais were put there for her because she wanted them there. The word "shot" also adds a sense of villainy to her. It's a short, fast word which adds impact to her character. The way that you use words with certain sounds for different characters really makes them come alive.

    With any luck, the two trainers she had been following would have passed by that Pokémon Centre on their way to Vanessa’s prize.
    "Vanessa's prize" implies that she knows in her head that it's already her prize, and that no-one else can have it. It also adds a sense of arrogance and self-importance to herself. She must have a high opinion of her abilities to disregard the fact that Theo and Carrie are willing to try to stop her. She must think that she can effortlessly brush them aside.

    “Look, are you going to stop complaining any time soon?”

    She shot him a sideways glance and caught the unfamiliar sight of the brown hat on his head. “You look ridiculous in that.”

    He faced ahead again, his irritated features hidden by the shadow of his wide brim. “So you’ve told me. Several times, actually,” Theo said.
    I always get the feel of a parent-child relationship between Theo and Carrie in their convorsations. The way that they're always nagging at each other really emphasizes this, especially as many teenage girls nowaday find fashion and how the look important so this hat thing really brings this bond out.

    Sighing, she trudged on across the flat, empty plain of sand. In a vague hope of seeing the cooler, shadier rocky ground that Theo had said they would reach within a few hours, Carrie kept her eyes fixed firmly on the horizon. The line between yellowish brown and pale blue shimmered in the heat that hung all around, but nothing could be seen.
    Trudged... I adore that word. <3
    The way that you describe things is so beautiful... I get clear images of what things should looks like.

    Carrie gaped. “Sam? He wouldn’t.”
    I really like Sam as a character. Hopefully he can come back later in the fic...

    There was a long pause as she eyed the men in the distance.
    Again, the language you use around each character; immense. While Carrie would have "eyed" these people, Vanessa would have perhaps "glared", or given them some sort of non-verbal threat through looking. Someone like Theo may have "scanned" or "searched" them carefully, or anything similar. Also, who are these people? I'm quite curious to know now.

    Having noticed the commotion, Theo turned and took in the scene. “It’s only a Trapinch,” he said quickly, coming over to her. “I can help…”

    “I know it’s only a Trapinch, but it bloody hurts,”
    The parent-child bond returns! Was the parent-child bond intentional? It's excellent anyway.

    he looked up to see that he was holding a pair of binoculars to his eyes and staring into the distance, back the way they had come.
    This image REALLY makes me think of "Hiker Theo", the trainer in Pokémon Diamond and Pearl.

    He stared unseeingly at the ground in front of him as he walked. “You tried to save it,” Velotus said; there was poison in his voice, but it didn’t seem to be directed at his trainer. “But it couldn’t be saved. The cheats!” He growled fiercely, then his fire calmed slightly as he looked up at Carrie. “I’d have thought you’d be more bothered by it. I know I would.”
    Her Grovyle are all taking it really well. I was expecting something a little... more from Velotus. He seems so much more calm than before.

    She looked down at him and couldn’t help mirroring the smile she saw. “I guess it wasn’t so bad,” she admitted.
    Again, language that suits the character: "Admitted".

    “She’s getting closer,” Theo murmured, almost to himself. “I’m sure of it. She’s catching us up.”
    You always seem to be able to produce such big tention out of something so simple as "There's a woman behind me who wants something I want too". I want the next chapter. You've been completely on the ball with the last few chapters.

    I beg of you, keep it up.

    Lunar Espeon.

  7. #157
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    Dragonfree -
    This seemed a bit clunky to me. I think it's the "but soon". "Soon" is such a vague word that I have no idea how much time is supposed to be passing there and it gives me problems picturing it properly.
    Aha, thanks. That bit always struck me as clunky during proofreading but I was unsure why. Changed it to "but then" in the hope that it'll be smoother. And yes, Vanessa did just leave her expensive motorbike lying in the sand. It's not important to her - just a way to catch up with Carrie and Theo quickly.

    It seems a bit odd to call it "unfamiliar", seeing as you later make it clear he's had the hat on for quite a while and Carrie has been commenting on it. "Unfamiliar" implies she hasn't seen it before at all.
    The idea was that "unfamiliar" meant not that she hasn't seen it before but just that she's not used to Theo in a hat yet. I presume she's been staring ahead not looking at him for a while since the last time she spoke about it, so as she looks at him she's once again caught by the "whoa, hat, weird," feeling.

    Oh, you're probably right about the black thing. I think I've actually seen that episode of QI, but it never crossed my mind while writing or proofreading. My excuses are that the knowledge on QI is usually very obscure so Theo might still not have known - and that from personal experiences of wearing black school trousers and sitting out in the sun, black may not actually be hotter in terms of overall body temperature, but it certainly feels hotter.

    Teehee, I liked the Cacnea/Sandshrew line. It came into existence rather unintentionally; in the earlier bit I wrote about Cacnea and Sandshrew just because, then when I was mentioning Carrie and Theo being green and brown I was just like, "waaaaait a second... 8D"

    And yeah, the Trapinch scene also reminded me of TQftL as I was writing it. Glad it felt like a good addition; I was worried it would seem glaringly like a random filler event with no relevance to the overall plot except being a device to get Foliano and Velotus out of their Poké Balls for the following conversations. Which is pretty much is, but still.

    lunar_espeon - I've already scared you/made you grin like a loon with my outburst on MSN, so you know what I think of your review. =D

    The thing is that with a lot of what you said, I don't even try to put it in - most of it comes naturally and/or is completely unintentional. In fact, I think the only thing you mentioned which was deliberate was the "Vanessa's prize" to basically imply - well, everything you said about it, really. xP And I guess the "impudent" one was sort of intentional, but it's mostly because the line, "I want my money back," when you're not actually entitled to your money back is impudent.

    No, the parent child bond was not intentional. xD Carrie and Theo were created as separate entities in my mind, and their relationship simply stems from what happens when I put them together and let their personalities clash. I can see where you're coming from with the parent-child thing, though; Carrie is the moody teenage daughter and Theo is the exasperated father, amirite? The term did kinda make me laugh a bit (read: a lot) though, because it also implies love, of which there is none whatsoever. xP

    Her Grovyle are all taking it really well. I was expecting something a little... more from Velotus. He seems so much more calm than before.
    Nah, they just understand that she was trying to save it and that they'd probably have done the same in her situation. Velotus is furious with the people in MemorCorp for it, but with no-one to direct his anger at close to hand, he can't really do much about it. It's not like he wants to go nearly killing Carrie again, after all. =P

    Also, who are these people? I'm quite curious to know now.
    That information was pretty much there in the chapter. o.o

    I beg of you, keep it up.
    I could say the same to you. Incidentally, have you been doing a lot of revision for an English reading exam or something? It kinda comes across in the review. xP That said, I love it, I really do.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  8. #158
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    killing Carrie again
    Not the burning tree! D:

    About the people in the desert: It WAS 11PM when I posted that, I was a bit tired so I probably missed out the "these people" titbits.

    Also:
    because it also implies love, of which there is none whatsoever. xP
    I actually think there is. I really do. Not in the kind of: "Daddyyyy~" way, but more of a way way way deep down, they do care for each other a lot because of what they've been through together.

  9. #159
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    Hmm...reading this fic was one of my few ventures into the Fan-Fiction section of SPPF, so I'm not very good at all at reviewing fics. But it was great; I'll say that at least! Keep it up.

  10. #160
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    Ok, i only just found this fic recently, and have spent my last few days carefully reading every chapter. Not often does a fic keep me so entranced that i will read hours on end, literally. Elyvorg, this is a really good story. The plot is so different yet so interesting. Mostly its just normal pok'emon journey fics on this site but by basing your story around only certain pokemon - grovyle - makes it so unique.

    Your writing is very descriptive and gripping. The shiny skarmory especially attacked my emotions, i have a soft spot for birds. I do hope skarmory gets a happy ending.

    I'm mainly posting to say how good your fic is so i hope you don't consider this as spam. I'll be keeping an eye on your thread from now on, and if you wouldn't mind could you add me to your pm list so i know when the next chapters are coming?

    Sinnohdragon

  11. #161
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    Now then, I suppose I also have to review don't I? Note, that my fic has a also a new chapter and it's been more than a week since it's been posted. Consider this somewhat of a wake-up call. Anyways, I'll get to reviewing, though it feels a little insignificant with all your other reviewers.


    This will be about Chapter 16, obviously, since I was waiting for a new chapter here, before reviewing.



    Enough about trivial stuff, I'll start of with Vanesse, our elegant, masterful thief of the pokemon. The intro was very much unexpected to start with Vanesse, but it works the same. However, the way you portrayed each of her actions, even one as minor as putting her Pokenav away, always adds power to her emotions and personality. The appearance of 'Joy' also made me put on a smile, even though she's on a somewhat antagonistic side, her innocence shines above all. This tiny part was also very memorable:


    For a moment, Vanessa wondered if leaving the bag wide open just so that her Togetic could ride comfortably was a wise decision. The ball she had bought with most of Mr. Lee’s money – the motorbike had just been an afterthought – lay inside, barely protected and yet worth a fortune. She sighed and shrugged off the feeling of paranoia, trusting Joy to look after the item for her.

    This shows that Vanessa does care about pokemon, even if it's only one of her own. I like the input of the word 'trusted' by the way, which gives off that certain feeling.


    Carrie and Theo's interaction is as lovely as always, and it makes me want to meet them in real life, even though that's impossible. Theo is being a bit of a berating, serious adult, while Carrie is your typical, stubborn teenager, they just fit for hilarious character interaction. Here is one of my favorite bits:


    “Look, are you going to stop complaining any time soon?”

    She shot him a sideways glance and caught the unfamiliar sight of the brown hat on his head. “You look ridiculous in that.”

    He faced ahead again, his irritated features hidden by the shadow of his wide brim. “So you’ve told me. Several times, actually,” Theo said. “It’s not here to look good, it’s here to keep me cool. You should really have taken the one Sam offered you.”

    Carrie snorted. “No thanks,” she muttered drily, although she couldn’t help thinking what it might feel like with a hat of her own – cool shade on her face, freedom from the relentless glare of the desert sun. She scowled. Sam had generously loaned her several items she hadn’t got that she might have needed in the desert – loaned being a rather loose term, as Carrie hardly expected to be able to return them – but her self-respect had prevented her from wearing a hat. She did not do hats.

    The argueing, as well as a new awareness that Carry does not like hats makes this dialogue all the more memorable. Theo also stated the previous things so matter-of-factly, as if it's common knowledge. I wonder if it frustrates him, being with someone who's rather clueless in what she does sometimes.


    One last bit, before I'm off, and my absolute favorite of this chapter:


    Carrie was suddenly struck by the bizarre idea that the men could have thought her and Theo to be just a Cacnea and a Sandshrew.

    It's a hilarious thought and it so sudden that it only intensifies funnyness of the this little thought. Something so minor can be so funny sometimes. One last thing. Even though the fight between Velotus and a Trapinch was a nice piece of action, and most probably included for variety, it seemed a little out of place. Oh well, I'm off. I expect a review soon.




    +Frosted Heavens
    Searching for Inspiration...

  12. #162
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    Yay, new readers!

    Armored Dragon - Welcome to the fic, so to speak. Would you like to be added to the PM list?

    Sinnohdragon - Also welcome, and I don't see your post as spam. You took the time to explain why you like the fic, which shows that you've read and thought about it. And it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling to know that my writing can entertain people for hours on end - thanks! ^^

    Aimi Hanako - Thanks for the review! I don't consider you an insignificant reviewer at all. And yeah, I know I'm being really late with your fic ^^; but I'll try to get a review done at the weekend because I have nothing going on then.

    This shows that Vanessa does care about pokemon, even if it's only one of her own.
    Aha, someone's starting to understand how Vanessa feels towards Pokémon, even if it's something I tried to indicate right from when she first appeared.

    I wonder if it frustrates him, being with someone who's rather clueless in what she does sometimes.
    She's not clueless exactly - not that many people can be expected to know much about desert travel unless they've done it a lot like Theo has. But yeah, he IS rather frustrated by her constant complaining and her stubbornness - as you said, the teenager-ness. xP

    Yay for another person liking the Cacnea and Sandshrew line. 8D

    I also agree that the Trapinch battle was sort of just "there". Any ideas how to integrate things like that better in the future?
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  13. #163
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    Grr...I should stop reading from that closet, I have back pain that hurts like a mother--

    O_o Oh, hi. I've been reading this fic for about two weeks now and I was a closet reader. Now I'm impressed by your writing, mostly by the style, length, and feel of it. I can't give you a lengthy review on what I do like and what I don't like, which burns a hole right through the "writer's sympathy" part of my mind. @_@ Although there's no way I could go back and point things out now, I'll review properly when you get the next chapter up. By the way, I found this fic when Butterfree linked me from TQftL boards.
    Last edited by SlowCrow; 7th April 2010 at 9:08 PM.

  14. #164
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    Ah, wonderful. I should have known that your apparent flair for correct grammar and character creativity would make you a commendable writer of fics. I really enjoyed reading this, and there weren't any major mistakes that I could find.

    I think that there was a typo of 'thank' instead of 'think' somewhere in one of the chapters, but I was too caught up in the story to make a note of where, so... I guess I can't be helpful in that department. I mean, I read all nineteen chapters in pretty much one sitting, so it's not like my memory fails or anything.

    Having a rather vivid imagination, I can see scenes in books quite clearly in my head; every blade of grass, every grain of sand, and leaf in the trees. I can even hear the characters' individual voices and almost smell the scents in the air. That said, when combined with your writing style, it was akin to watching a high-quality Pokemon movie. I'm loving the story and characters (as you know, I smiled when Foliano was mentioned and had a feeling who'd be following... ;p).

    I ate up the idea of natural evolutionary chains being rec- and dom- traits, and it opened up a few possibilties for me. I was a little sad at the Sceptile bias (yeah, I know you righted that) as I like both Grovyle and Sceptile. I was like:

    "Um, wow. Little harsh... and the Sceptiles in this are really mean."

    ...

    *shrugs*
    "Then again, it is elyvorg...." XD


    Exxthus likey the PM list and would love to be added. Loved it. Keep up the good work.
    FC: 0946 8704 7201 | Serebii Quotes by Serpentsounds


    "(...) Serebii Joe created Tangela's evolution, Tangrowth. Is that true?!?" - d.aisuke
    "but for password all i see are stars :-(" - Angeon
    "yeah aren't you like, korean or something" - Misty
    "Please don't kick me, if you do.... you will be in pain" - ANNG12
    "!gsearch idiot" - pokemon1571
    "Exxthus killed a guy by looking at him. That's how tough Exxthus is." - blazevoir

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    “I’m sure of it. She’s catching us up.”
    For whatever reason, I felt this could be worded as "She's catching up to us."

    Okay, in this chapter Carrie is complaining about desert travel like a certain other fanfic character complains about doing ANYTHING outside (and you have one guess who that is ) Same with her insistence against better judg(e)ment not to wear certain pices of clothing (hats in Carrie's case)

    Yayz for Vanessa, though her "motorcycle in the desert" scenario shows she isn't too smart about spending money (and that she really doesn't care). Too bad she couldn't have had it converted into a hover-cycle like Michael did in XD lolz

    But really, she's just taking Pokemon from the wild (not even stealing them, as that usually assumes ownership) as part of her business. Why wouldn't she care deeply for one she actually owned? It's like a pet shop owner - they don't have any connection to the pets they sell, but they would with a pet they actually owned themselves.

    Really though, I don't see why Pokemon Poaching in general is looked down upon. Unless it's of Pokemon in a protected nature preserve, how's it any different than lobbing a Pokeball at them?

    Anyway, I also enjoyed the Theo/Carrie bickering during their desert excursion. Still wondering if Carrie needed a jacket though- wouldn't a lightweight long-sleeve shirt also protect against sunburn?

    One more thing- the Trapinch using Sand Tomb brought back some memories, as I described the attack much the same way you did- a tornado of sand draws the victim into its center. For some reason I found that attack much more useful in my fic than I ever did while playing the games.

    Well, not much else to say since I'm dreadfully late to the party, but it looks like the chase to Archopy is now in full swing with all three groups pretty much deadlocked in the desert.

  16. #166
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    SlowCrow - Thanks for reading and enjoying. I had a feeling I might be seeing you when I noticed Butterfree linking to the fic. I've actually seen some of your reviews over at TQftL forums, so I look forward to receiving one from you next chapter. Would you like to be added to the PM list?

    Exxthus - Also thanks for reading, especially after I advertised this rather blatantly to you. ^^; I actually went on a Ctrl+F spree through every page of this thread, and nowhere did I see a "thank" out of place - perhaps you imagined it? But anyway, I'm glad you like the fic and have an imagination capable of enjoying it to its full. I am rather sheepish about the whole bias thing now, and I'm dreading the chapters where those elements come back into play... meh, I'll sort it out somehow.

    DarkPersian479 - Don't worry about the lateness; I wasn't expecting a particularly early review as I knew about your Internet access.

    I'm keeping the wording for that line as it is, because that's how Theo said it.

    Carrie's complaining was indeed fun to write in this chapter. A long-sleeved shirt would also work for her; I guess it's just to be assumed that she doesn't actually have one.

    You're right, there's nothing illegal at all in Vanessa's ventures. All she's doing is being a bit more driven than most people would be to catch certain wild Pokémon, which is perfectly allowed. Incidentally, she keeps most of the Pokémon she captures for herself - she only sold the Skarmory because its shininess made it worth an awful lot of money which she happened to need.

    Actually, the Trapinch wasn't using a Sand Tomb, it was its Arena Trap coming into effect as soon as it realised it was in a battle. Amounts to pretty much the same thing though: big pit of sand stopping the opponent from going anywhere.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

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    Default Chapter 18: Confrontation

    Happy Saturday, people. 8D

    I have nothing more to say. On with the chapter!

    Chapter 18: Confrontation

    In the end, Carrie and Theo decided to wait and let Vanessa catch up to them. With her injured leg, there was no way Carrie could have walked any faster than she had already been doing, and Theo seemed to have convinced himself that talking – or “negotiating”, as he put it – with Vanessa would help the situation. Apparently, finding out how much she knew about Archopy would be useful; if her knowledge was patchy, they might have been able to fill in the gaps with false information to throw her off the scent.

    “And since when did we manage to give anyone false information so far?” said Carrie, interrupting Theo’s optimistic musing.

    “What do you mean?” he asked.

    “Telling Vanessa about Archopy, telling the thugs about Northern Canyon – okay, that one was my fault, but I had no choice – but Vanessa following us is your fault, and you told Sam or whoever it was that blabbed about our change of route.” Carrie folded her arms and looked at Theo. “So tell me, do you really think we can get out of this one without letting anything else slip?”

    “Shh,” he hissed as Vanessa drew ever closer. “She might be able to hear us.”

    Carrie couldn’t help but think that was an excuse to end the conversation because Theo had no answer.

    Vanessa came to a halt a short distance away – close enough for Carrie to make out the sly smile of someone who knew they held all the cards. The Togetic, Joy, was perched comfortably on her trainer’s shoulder, seemingly enjoying the confrontation immensely.

    For a long moment, nobody spoke.

    “Well,” Vanessa said eventually to break the silence, “I gather I was expected. What is it you want from me?”

    “You to stop stalking us, for one thing,” Carrie spat.

    The woman laughed. “If you were to tell me where you’re headed, I would happily reach it by my own route.” She gave them a condescending look. “But I doubt you’re that foolish. Are you?”

    Carrie could feel Theo glaring at her from under his hat. She glared back as a reminder that Vanessa wouldn’t have been there at all if it hadn’t been for him. Neither of them said anything.

    “I thought not,” said Vanessa. “I’m afraid I cannot leave you alone, then.”

    “Why are you following us, anyway?” asked Theo through gritted teeth. Carrie mentally face-palmed at his lack of subtlety.

    Vanessa smirked. “You must have figured it out by now, surely? And I thought you had to be clever to track down such a rare Pokémon. Archopy, I believe you called it.”

    Carrie felt Theo tense beside her.

    The woman smiled coldly in Carrie’s direction. “Magnificent creature. Related to Grovyle, perhaps? Or just a coincidental resemblance?”

    She shot Vanessa a burning glare to hide her shock at how much the woman knew.

    “Wait – you’ve seen it?” Theo exclaimed with undisguised jealousy.

    Vanessa gave him a withering look. “Somebody with a camera has,” she said simply.

    “So, what happens now?” Carrie asked. “You just keep following us? We’ll get to it first, you know.”

    Vanessa seemed disturbingly unfazed by the thought. “Perhaps you deserve a sporting chance. A little head start in which to battle and weaken it. After all, if it did indeed evolve from a Grovyle, your own Grovyle are going to need all the help they can get.”

    Incredulous, Carrie still somehow managed to heed her own warning of not letting anything slip and bite back the retort that she was going to do no such thing. Finally there seemed to be a brick missing in Vanessa’s wall of knowledge.

    “Oh, we’ve got a battle plan,” said Theo with faked confidence. Carrie resisted the urge to raise her eyebrows at how cocksure he sounded; she didn’t want to ruin the false information he’d been talking about.

    “You had better hope it’s a good one,” said Vanessa, a hint of menace appearing in her voice. “The moment Archopy is in my sight, it will be mine.”

    “What, got an even better battle plan?” Carrie said fiercely.

    The woman seemed to find this highly amusing. “I have no need of one,” she said. “Not when I have a Master Ball.”

    She paused, almost savouring the scandalised looks on their faces.

    “You’re bluffing,” said Theo eventually.

    “Oh, really?” Vanessa flicked her gaze sideways to the Togetic on her shoulder. “Show them, Joy.”

    Joy chirped smugly and took off, zooming into the half-open bag on Vanessa’s back. Seconds later, she returned with a purple and white sphere bearing two pink blobs and a small white “M”. She passed it to her trainer, who opened it to reveal mirrored panels inside like any other kind of Poké Ball. It was either a true Master Ball or a very authentic fake.

    “Okay,” Theo conceded numbly. “You’re not bluffing.”

    Vanessa smiled coolly and returned the ball to Joy, who dropped it back in her bag. “Is that all, then?” she said to Carrie and Theo as they struggled to find something to say. “I won’t bother you any longer. After all, you have a Pokémon to find.” As she turned to leave, she added, “Don’t delay any more, will you? I’d hate for Archopy to be mine any later than it needs to be.”

    Carrie glowered at her as she walked away, hoping Vanessa could feel the burning heat of her gaze. “Cheat” was the one word that kept coming to mind. She’s cheating. Using a Master Ball was not fair. How were they meant to have a chance to warn Archopy? Even if they could, it still wouldn’t have any choice in the matter once Vanessa confronted it.

    How had she managed to get hold of a Master Ball anyway? They cost a fortune.

    Cheat.

    * * *

    Carrie rolled her eyes as she saw Theo glance over his shoulder for what must have been the twentieth time since their confrontation with Vanessa. The woman had retreated to a distance, close enough to keep the two of them in sight, but far enough away not to be an immediate annoyance. Not to Carrie, at least.

    “You know, however many times you look at her, she’s not going to go away,” Carrie pointed out.

    “Well, what are we meant to do about her, then?” protested Theo.

    “Something other than just letting her stalk us, for starters. Something like, I don’t know, stealing her Master Ball.”

    He stopped and stared incredulously at Carrie. “You’ve been thinking this over, haven’t you?”

    She glanced at him, then walked on. “Yes, why not?” she said shortly. “And don’t stop, she might think we’re up to something.”

    Theo hurried to catch her up. “But... we can’t just...”

    “Oh, come on. What’s she going to do, call the police to the middle of a desert?” Carrie snorted. “She probably stole it herself, anyway.”

    “Okay, okay. Assuming we do somehow steal her Master Ball, is she really going to just give up?”

    “Well, no, but at least Archopy will have a chance. I don’t see you coming up with a better idea.” Carrie looked at Theo, who was obviously trying to come up with a reply. “No?” she said before he could find one. “It’s settled, then.”

    Wearily, Theo gave in. “Okay, fine, but I don’t see how we’re going to manage it.”

    “Well,” Carrie began, reaching into her pocket. “There’s always the trick that’s worked twice before.” She pulled out Empathy and Foliano’s Poké Balls, which glinted in the sun.

    * * *

    The problem with the Psychic and Grass Knot strategy, Carrie came to realise as she approached Vanessa over the sand, was that the only reason it had worked twice before was because the victims hadn’t been expecting it. Here, in the middle of a vast, open desert without so much as a rock to hide behind, it was all too obvious that their current target could see them coming, which rather defeated the element of surprise. Carrie hoped to dispel some of the suspicion by keeping her Pokémon hidden inside their balls and having Theo with her to make it seem like another negotiation attempt, but she still couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that Vanessa knew exactly what they were about to try.

    The woman stood and waited for them as they covered the last stretch of ground, Joy in her backpack, hands in her pocket, smiling coolly despite the heat of the overhead sun. Refusing to be daunted, Carrie wordlessly flung the two Poké Balls towards her the moment she was within range. As the spheres burst open to reveal their occupants, Vanessa took her hand from her pocket and sent a ball of her own flying through the air. A hovering serpentine form emerged; no sooner had it done so than its trainer called out, “Dragonair, Dragon Rush!”

    Almost as if heated by the air around it, Dragonair glowed red as it shot at the nearest target – Empathy. Any concentration the Espeon had managed to gather was immediately lost as the dragon rammed into him repeatedly, forcing him backwards. From the relative safety of Carrie’s side, Foliano looked on worriedly, unable to intervene due to the Everstone still in his hands.

    “What were you thinking?” scoffed Vanessa. “That I would happily leave were you to defeat me in a battle?” She seemed slightly amused. “Life doesn’t work like that. No, do not stop attacking unless I tell you to!” she added to her Dragonair, who had paused momentarily in its assault.

    With a grunt of exertion, the serpentine Pokémon regained its angry red aura and flung itself at its foe again. Empathy was prepared for it and countered with a pulse of purple energy, driving the squirming Dragonair back.

    “I can still try, can’t I?” Carrie retorted. If Vanessa thought she wanted a battle, then she was all too happy to maintain that illusion to keep her off guard. “Another Psychic – hold it in place,” she called to her Pokémon.

    Dutifully, Empathy’s eyes glowed blue, halting Dragonair in its tracks as it tried to advance again. The dragon screeched and strained, its red glow almost doubling in size as it mingled with the psychic blue aura, but nothing it did could break the Espeon’s hold.

    Vanessa frowned as though trying to work Carrie out. “Dragon Rage,” she said, the order dashing any hope Empathy had of extending his psychic control to include her as well.

    Dragonair forced its mouth open against the blue glow surrounding it and began to form an orb of fierce crimson flames. With a whoosh, the fireball flew towards Empathy, who only just managed to jump out of the way as the attack hit the ground and threw up a spray of sand.

    Dodging had broken the Espeon’s concentration on his psychic hold. Dragonair shot forward like a cork from a bottle before wheeling around in midair as it realised it was free. The serpent promptly made use of its newfound mobility by smacking Empathy with tail orbs that were still infused with Dragon energy.

    Carrie gritted her teeth; the more damage Empathy took, the harder he’d find it to hold one target still, let alone potentially two. “Psybeam!” she blurted out, wanting something to knock Dragonair out of the way quickly even though she doubted it would be enough.

    Empathy quickly fired off a blast of rainbow energy as his foe came in for another attack, catching it in the middle of its long body and sending it reeling back. Quick to take advantage, he planted his feet as firmly as he could on the sandy ground and shot a more focused beam straight at Dragonair’s face. The dragon let out a pained whine and shook its head before staring up at the sky curiously as though it could see its enemy there.

    Gotcha, thought Carrie. Confused.

    She watched with amusement as the frustrated Vanessa barked out orders to Dragonair, who currently seemed more interested with chasing its own tail through the air. With both trainer and Pokémon suitably distracted, Carrie shot Empathy a meaningful glance telling him to go for it, but before the Espeon could muster concentration he was distracted by a the sound of clapping from Vanessa’s shoulder – Joy was applauding.

    Empathy stopped and stared at the Togetic, who was squeaking away with enthusiasm, clapping her tiny arms. After a few moments enraptured by the attention, the Espeon turned back to Dragonair and fired off another Psybeam at it, almost in a trance. The attack hit its mark and brought the tail-chasing to a halt; suddenly remembering what it was meant to be doing, Dragonair reared up, regained its reddish hue and flung itself at Empathy.

    “Damn it!” spat Carrie. Vanessa stared. It occurred to Carrie that being Encored into an offensive move usually didn’t warrant such a frustrated outburst; she had just given Vanessa a glaring clue that something was up. The woman would probably have worked it out by the time the Encore effect wore off – and Empathy would be too exhausted by then to carry out the plan.

    Carrie hurled an Ultra Ball towards Vanessa as hard as she could and called out, “Crescent, Plan B!”

    Thanks to the extra long throw, the Absol emerged on the opposite side of the battling pair and was quick to have Vanessa in his sights. His black claws dug into the soft sand as he raced towards her, snarling. She brought up her arms in instinctive panic to protect herself, but Crescent had faded from view. Seconds later, he reappeared behind her and instantly twisted to throw himself at her backpack, tearing at it with teeth and claws.

    With an indignant shriek, Vanessa wheeled around to face her attacker. The movement sent items flying from her ripped bag and scattering over the sand: a laptop, a collapsible tent, and many other small but expensive-looking items, including a round purple object which rolled away further than the rest.

    Joy launched herself at Crescent, squeaking fit to bust, but a quick slash from his darkness-infused claws made her think twice about coming too close again. The Absol quickly scanned the ground and pounced on the Master Ball before Vanessa could reach it. Opening his mouth deceptively wide, he clamped down on the ball with small, vicious teeth and bounded back towards his trainer.

    Carrie grabbed it from him the moment he was at her side, barely caring that it was covered in Absol saliva. “Run!” she yelled to Theo and her Pokémon, and they pelted away across the sand at full speed.

    There was no time to recall anyone; Vanessa had already realised the situation with a shriek of “No!” and was tearing after them, Joy and Dragonair zooming and slithering through the air beside her. It hit Carrie fairly quickly that this part of Plan B had not been thought out particularly well, either – where were they meant to hide in a desert this size? Given her injured leg and how hot it was, she didn’t even think she could keep running for much longer.

    A call of “Get it, Joy!” from behind made her spirits sink even further – could the Togetic fly faster than she could run? Carrie shot a quick glance over her shoulder and saw that Vanessa wasn’t pointing at her at all; she was pointing at Foliano. The Grovyle was running much more slowly than normal, too concentrated on holding the Everstone tightly with both hands as though he feared he might drop it. Realising with a jolt what Vanessa’s Pokémon was about to do, Carrie reached frantically for Foliano’s Poké Ball.

    Joy was suddenly at his side in a surprising display of midair speed. With a small, cheeky grin, she tackled Foliano in the shoulder, sending the Everstone flying from his grip and skidding across the sand just before the Poké Ball beam made contact. The Grovyle was returned safely to his ball, but the stone remained where it was to be picked up by a triumphant Joy.

    Carrie felt the last dregs of her sprinting energy – and her will to keep running – leave her, and she ground to a halt. “Stop,” she panted to her Pokémon and Theo before they ran too far ahead. Battered and exhausted, Empathy gladly ceased running and all but collapsed onto the sand, breathing heavily. Carrie returned him to his ball and shot a quick glance at Crescent, but the Absol seemed none the worse.

    Theo turned and gave her a questioning look. Mutely, Carrie pointed behind her to where Joy was dropping the Everstone into Vanessa’s palm. His face fell. “Oh.”

    Having caught her breath, Carrie turned in time to see Dragonair being recalled, leaving only Joy and her trainer, the former smiling cheerily, the latter looking more serious.

    “Return the Master Ball,” Vanessa said slowly, sounding unusually on edge, “and I shall return this.”

    Carrie gritted her teeth, thinking furiously. What had Sam said? The chemical in Foliano’s system would still be there until sometime in the afternoon, she seemed to remember. Judging by the height of the sun and the smothering heat all around, it was roughly midday. Could she wait a few hours before letting Foliano out again? Did she want to risk the possibility that he might still evolve without the Everstone there?

    “Don’t,” Theo said quietly to her. He wasn’t trying to approach her, at least; he seemed to have recognised that as the one with the ball in her hand, Carrie was the one making the decision. “It might be my Everstone, but Archopy’s worth a lot more.”

    Thank you for that contribution, Theo, Carrie muttered inwardly. Archopy’s freedom was naturally important to her, but giving Vanessa back the Master Ball wouldn’t be the be all and end all. It could be reversed, unlike evolution. The image of Foliano glowing with a searing white light was refusing to disappear from Carrie’s mind.

    She stepped towards Vanessa but kept the ball held tightly in her fist. “Everstone first,” she said.

    Like a switch had been flicked, something of the woman’s usual confidence returned to her face. She almost laughed. “Do I honestly look that gullible to you?” Vanessa held out the hand that didn’t contain the stone. “The Master Ball, if you please.”

    Carrie hesitated, but she couldn’t see any reason Vanessa might have had for keeping the Everstone, so she grudgingly slapped the ball into the woman’s palm. Vanessa snatched it away and slipped it inside a buttoned jacket pocket. She tossed the stone to Carrie almost as an afterthought and then seemed to dismiss her entirely, turning back towards the strewn chaos that was her possessions lying in the sand several metres away.

    The moment she had the Everstone, Carrie transferred it back into Foliano’s Poké Ball using the trick Sam had shown her. She relaxed a little once it was inside, trying to assure herself that her Grovyle’s safety was worth this one chance to take the Master Ball, and that other chances would come sooner or later.

    With a long sigh, she turned around and trudged back through the sand towards the edge of the desert and the distant Northern Canyon. Crescent trotted by her side, apparently unfazed by the stifling heat.

    Theo fell in line next to her, not looking too pleased either. “We’ll try again later, then,” he muttered dully.

    Carrie shrugged. “Looks like it.”

    He gave another one of his over-the-shoulder glances at Vanessa which were beginning to irritate Carrie – even she wasn’t that paranoid. “She’ll be expecting it from now on,” Theo said. He frowned, still looking behind him. “Not right now, though,” he added thoughtfully. “She’s busy with the mess Crescent made of her bag.” His voice rose to a more hopeful tone. “We could catch her off guard…”

    “Oh, come on,” Carrie scoffed. “What exactly are you planning to do?”

    Theo had turned around completely by now and was reaching into his pockets. “I don’t really know,” he admitted, “but this is too good a chance to waste.” With that, he set off at a jog towards Vanessa, pulling out Poké Balls and throwing them as he went. “Everyone!” he cried as his Pokémon emerged in flashes of light. “Grab that woman – don’t let her go!”

    “He has got to be kidding,” Carrie muttered to no-one in particular.

    Beside her, Crescent tilted his head to one side and watched curiously with a soft, “Abs?”

    Vanessa looked up from her attempts at repacking her bag to see Theo’s Pokémon swooping, running, scuttling, rolling and being dragged by their trainer towards her. Brief incredulity was soon replaced with anger, and she hurled a Poké Ball at the oncoming assault with an infuriated screech of, “Tyranitar! Use Earthquake!”

    Carrie had a short moment to reflect on how much trouble Theo was in before her attention was completely stolen by a towering reptilian shape bursting out of the ball, roaring loudly enough to put Aerodactyl to shame. She caught a brief glimpse of chunky limbs and a spiked, greenish hide before a wind sprung up out of nowhere, ripping the sand from the ground and tossing it through the air to all but shroud the Tyranitar’s form. Theo and his Pokémon stopped dead in their tracks as the sandstorm whipped past them, dropping just short of surrounding Carrie as well.

    Expecting an Earthquake, Carrie braced herself for the imminent tremors, but they never came. Confused, she squinted into the storm and managed to make out a bright amber glow coming from what might have been Tyranitar’s mouth. The light shot towards something in midair, and an earsplitting screech followed by Theo’s anguished cry of “Aerodactyl!” confirmed that the Flying-type had been hit. A brief flash of red showed as he was recalled.

    Indistinctly through the sandstorm, Vanessa could be heard shouting, “No, I said Earthquake!” The only response was a grumpy roar.

    “Water Gun!” Theo called out desperately, and for a short while the rush of water was mixed in with the howling of the winds. In the midst of the swirling sand, it was impossible to tell if the attacks had hit their mark or indeed had any effect at all, but seconds later Carrie caught sight of another mass of amber energy being formed by the dinosaurian target.

    “Protect!” yelled Theo. Two patches of murky green aura formed near the ground as the Hyper Beam shot towards one of them. It dissipated entirely without, Carrie assumed, any damage to whichever Pokémon had been inside the protective sphere.

    Squinting into the sandstorm for any signs of a counterattack – or of Theo coming to his senses and getting out – she was surprised to see bright light emanating from where the beam had been targeted. At first, she thought it was some kind of aftershock of the attack until she recognised the sheer whiteness of it; one of Theo’s Pokémon was evolving.

    Evolution as a positive thing was a concept Carrie was rather unfamiliar with, so she had to remind herself that there wasn’t usually anything wrong with it as she watched the indistinct, glowing shape slowly grow in size. The light faded from the newly-evolved form, and Theo’s triumphant shout of “Yes!” resounded from within the sandstorm.

    “Armaldo, use Metal Claw!” he cried with a newfound confidence. “The rest of you – Water Gun, Ancientpower!”

    “Tyranitar, Hyper Beam on all of them!” came Vanessa’s furious order from the other side.

    If it was reverse psychology, it worked. With a growl from Tyranitar, the beginnings of another beam that had been forming dissipated and were soon replaced by rippling shockwaves coursing through the sand. Assorted cries of pain went up from Theo’s Pokémon, but through the storm it was impossible to hear which came from whom. Carrie placed a reassuring hand on Crescent’s head as he whined from the spreading tremors.

    “Theo!” she yelled into the sandstorm, hoping he could hear. “You done in there yet?”

    “What?” came the shouted reply.

    “You’re screwed! Now that she’s worked out how to get it to use Earthquake, you don’t stand a chance!”

    There was no reply, but after a long pause, four red bursts of light flared up briefly. Having admitted defeat, Theo emerged from the sandstorm with his hat in his hand rather than on his head. Despite having failed miserably, he was smiling.

    There was another flash of red, and the winds suddenly died down, dropping the sand they had been carrying unceremoniously back onto the desert floor. Her Tyranitar now nowhere to be seen, Vanessa gave the pair a murderous glare across the gap separating them before stopping to continue clearing up the mess of her possessions.

    Ignoring her, Carrie turned around and started walking again the moment Theo caught up with her. “Well, that was fun,” she commented drily. “But as much as I highly enjoyed watching that, it didn’t exactly do much, did it?”

    “Of course it did!” Theo slipped his hat back on his head with an unusual spring in his step. “Anorith evolved. That’s something.”

    Carrie shrugged, barely interested. “Yeah, but something useful.”

    Apparently Theo had no answer to that. Carrie gazed towards the horizon as they walked silently on, seeing a lone bird Pokémon fly past in the distance.

    ~~~

    << Previous chapter
    Last edited by elyvorg; 26th June 2008 at 7:47 PM.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  18. #168
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    This is one of the best fics I have ever read. A mysterious Grovyle evo, numerous bad guys after it and two heros trying to save it. Archopy rocks. I wonder who will get it in the end. Or will it fly free? Fingers crossed for Carrie getting Archopy somehow. The banner is really good as well along with the words.

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    [This is one of the best fics I have ever read. A mysterious Grovyle evo, numerous bad guys after it and two heros trying to save it. Archopy rocks. I wonder who will get it in the end. Or will it fly free? Fingers crossed for Carrie getting Archopy somehow. The banner is really good as well along with the words]

    Either that or at least our 'heroine' manage to overcome her SCEPTILE-BYAS.

  20. #170
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    Angry

    [This is one of the best fics I have ever read. A mysterious Grovyle evo, numerous bad guys after it and two heros trying to save it. Archopy rocks. I wonder who will get it in the end. Or will it fly free? Fingers crossed for Carrie getting Archopy somehow. The banner is really good as well along with the words]

    Either that or at least our 'heroine' manage to overcome her SCEPTILE-BYAS.

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    storymasterb - Welcome; it's always good to see a new reader who likes the fic. Remember, though, that Carrie isn't actually trying to catch Archopy - this was mentioned in the most recent chapter as well as once or twice previously.

    The banner wasn't made by me, and at least half of the credit for it goes to Scenice. I just created the pixelart and envisioned how it should look; she was the one working the magic on it.

    As I ask all new readers who show enthusiasm for the story, do you want to be added to the PM list?

    asperger1981 - o.O

    I can't work out your post. I really can't. Is it meant to be some kind of pointing out of a flaw shrouded in dripping sarcasm? If so, could you at least make it clear what you're actually trying to say so that I can respond properly to it? (Really, I'd like to, but I can't if I don't know what you're getting at.)

    And if you've been a closet reader, which is what seems likely, surely there's a better way to come out of the closet than a post containing nothing but a snarky comment on one of the fic's flaws (yes, I know it's a flaw)?
    Last edited by elyvorg; 1st June 2008 at 4:54 PM.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  22. #172
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    I would like to be added to the list. And its fingers crossed becuase Carrie isn't trying to catch Archopy. Anyway Asperger, I never liked that Grovyle, that lovely elegant lizard, evolves into a slow lumbering brute like Sceptile. Elyvorg has made the true evolution of Grovyle in my opinion. Curse you dominant genes!
    [CENTER]

    Credit for the banner goes to Kamotz

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    Ah, the battle for the Master Ball, and right now it's 2-0 in Vanessa's favor.

    I must say, however, that I feel Carrie's plan might have gone a bit better if she changed it around slightly - Namely, if she had used, say, Crescent to keep Dragonair busy in the first place, it would have allowed Empathy to focus all his mental energies on Vanessa. Also, I honestly can't recall if Foliano's the only one who has Grass Knot, but if she's not, then it would make more sense for another of her Grovyle - one not weighted down by an Everstone - to pull off the move, just in anticipation of the need for a fast getaway. Well, I suppose I can chalk that one up to "spur of the moment rash decision-making" - heaven knows I have had enough of that happen in my own writings, lol

    Theo's plan, on the other hand, I was all WTF? Surely he realizes that all his Pokemon save Aerodactyl are rather slow, and Vanessa would have had plenty of time to unleash one of her own Pokemon - which she did and proceeded to promptly mop the desert floor with them.

    Brute strength and a plan used previously failed - now they're going to have to come up with a very clever and cunning plan to get that Master Ball. Then again...
    seeing a lone bird Pokémon fly past in the distance.
    If this is the certain shiny Pokemon that I think it is, Vanessa could be having some unnecessary difficulties in her trek in the near future - and Carrie and Theo just might able to take advantage of that.

    Once again, I don't have anything against Vanessa. in fact, seeing it through her viewpoint, these two people are trying to hurt her business of trading rare Pokemon - not even ones captured illegally. Furthermore, they're actually sending out Pokemon to attack her and steal something in her possession.

    To finish up, the battles were well-done and intense, especially with Tyranitar's clever use of Sand Stream as a veil to gain the upper hand. I'm still wondering why Tyranitar would use Hyper Beam when Vanessa commanded Earthquake, and vice versa. Was it simply Tyranitar and reverse psychology, or was their some outside interference affecting its thinking?

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    Ah, the battle for the Master Ball, and right now it's 2-0 in Vanessa's favor.

    I must say, however, that I feel Carrie's plan might have gone a bit better if she changed it around slightly - Namely, if she had used, say, Crescent to keep Dragonair busy in the first place, it would have allowed Empathy to focus all his mental energies on Vanessa. Also, I honestly can't recall if Foliano's the only one who has Grass Knot, but if she's not, then it would make more sense for another of her Grovyle - one not weighted down by an Everstone - to pull off the move, just in anticipation of the need for a fast getaway. Well, I suppose I can chalk that one up to "spur of the moment rash decision-making" - heaven knows I have had enough of that happen in my own writings, lol

    Theo's plan, on the other hand, I was all WTF? Surely he realizes that all his Pokemon save Aerodactyl are rather slow, and Vanessa would have had plenty of time to unleash one of her own Pokemon - which she did and proceeded to promptly mop the desert floor with them.

    Brute strength and a plan used previously failed - now they're going to have to come up with a very clever and cunning plan to get that Master Ball. Then again...
    seeing a lone bird Pokémon fly past in the distance.
    If this is the certain shiny Pokemon that I think it is, Vanessa could be having some unnecessary difficulties in her trek in the near future - and Carrie and Theo just might able to take advantage of that.

    Once again, I don't have anything against Vanessa. in fact, seeing it through her viewpoint, these two people are trying to hurt her business of trading rare Pokemon - not even ones captured illegally. Furthermore, they're actually sending out Pokemon to attack her and steal something in her possession.

    To finish up, the battles were well-done and intense, especially with Tyranitar's clever use of Sand Stream as a veil to gain the upper hand. I'm still wondering why Tyranitar would use Hyper Beam when Vanessa commanded Earthquake, and vice versa. Was it simply Tyranitar and reverse psychology, or was their some outside interference affecting its thinking?

  25. #175
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Santiago de Chile
    Posts
    135

    Default

    forgive if my comments were kinda rude

    I was just making a point

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