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Thread: Lost Evolution

  1. #276
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    Fine fine... I'll read your fic. Jeez, no need to spam my inbox.

    lol jk. disclaimer: no such spamming occured.

    Anyway, I was just posting here to say I am on my way to nearly getting part way through reading this. Now my exams are almost over, I have a lot more time on my hands than usual.

    Now, like Dalek Caan at the end of the 'Daleks In Manhattan' episode, I shall make myself scarce.
    Skogsrĺ

    Gardenia never liked the Old Chateau, but what if the Old Chateau liked her?

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  2. #277
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    And here I am to review at last.

    Carrie entered the Pokémon Centre to see Theo already at the front desk and handing his Poké Ball to the nurse, having apparently put the strange phenomenon of Carrie being nice to him out of mind for the time being.
    Mmm, I'm not sure how much I like calling it a "strange phenomenon". It seems rather over-the-top to refer to it as such - less so in Carrie's narration, which would probably somewhat exaggerate how much of a jerk she is to him normally, but still.

    She sidled wordlessly up beside him and passed five of her Poké Balls over the counter, watching them being placed with Theo’s in the machine.
    Grammatical nitpick - when you use watching here, you imply that she watches them being placed with Theo's in the machine while she is passing them over the counter, which obviously doesn't make sense. I've been very guilty of this too, but this example particularly jumped out at me, since it's essentially putting the Pokéballs in two places at once.

    The young man’s eyes widened in realisation beneath his silver fringe.
    Hmm, having his eyes widen seems a bit of an overreaction, don't you think? I mean, realizing Carrie is Brian's daughter isn't really significant or surprising enough to make any eyes start widening. Seeing that reaction makes him seem like he's hiding something - my first thought was that he was an undercover member of Bad Light who was just now realizing that she was the one who was after Archopy or something. Which I at least don't think is supposed to be the case. Then again, there is how he seems to have mysteriously replaced the former nurse for no apparent reason and how he reminded them of Sam while they still thought Sam had sold them out. HMMMM! Looks like I have found my silly theory for the day.

    “He had some pretty nasty battle wounds,” the nurse told her, “but he’d also suffered the effects of a Perish Song, probably his own. It looks like he managed to stay conscious under the influence of the song much longer than any Pokémon usually lasts, and while he’s going to be fine, he’s still pretty exhausted.” He paused and looked intently at Carrie. “Normally this is the part where it’s my job to lecture you on not pushing your Pokémon too hard,” he said, “but judging by where we found him, I doubt you had anything to do with this.”
    Heh, that sounds kinda familiar. :P

    Hmm, so they're leaving Raptola behind. The way the scene is set up gives me the feeling this will come back to bite them somehow, but maybe I'm just paranoid.

    Joy, perching on top of the laptop, was peering upside-down at a download screen, chirping a soft “Tic” every time the bar indicating its progress moved visibly closer to the end.
    Hee, that is adorable. :3

    I like Vanessa's software; it's rare for fanfiction to make creative use of computer programs. I have to wonder how the program does that, though - if there is some sort of positioning software in the balls, I'd think they would only send the data to official League servers, and how does the program then access the data? o.o

    “They’ve found us,” she managed to gasp between breaths, hoping Theo could hear her voice over the splashing of rain and the pounding of feet.

    The increased panic in his face told her that he had.
    I really think the paragraph break should be after that last sentence rather than before it, although then the next paragraph would begin with Theo already running - maybe insert a sentence or reword so that he starts running at the beginning of that paragraph.

    overgrown undergrowth


    She knew she was slowing, yet the hound still wasn’t upon her.
    "Yet the hound still wasn't upon her" seems... jarringly formal here. I think it's the combination of the words "yet", "hound" and "upon"; any of them would be fine by itself, but having them all there makes the clause feel sort of archaic and very odd in the middle of Carrie's narration.

    Silently thanking Foliano’s for weakening it,
    Extraneous 's.

    A smug cry from Velotus and pained whine from the Mightyena
    I'm not sure how much formal grammatical basis I have for this, but I really think it ought to be "...and a pained whine from the Mightyena". Omitting the article makes it seem like "smug cry from Velotus" and "pained whine from the Mightyena" are referring to the same sound; my feeling is that if you wrote, say, "A great explorer and loving father", it would mean the same person is both a great explorer and a loving father, while "a great explorer and a loving father" could also refer to two different men, one of whom is a great explorer and the other a loving father. As I said, I don't know if there is any formal rule to say I'm right, but it feels wrong this way to me.

    Then he was in front of her, darting from one tree to the next along with Ivyx, giving her a lead to follow without which she felt she wouldn’t be able to keep going.
    This also seems a bit awkward to me; I'm not sure precisely how to explain it, but "...without which she felt she wouldn't be able to keep going" feels somehow like they've been doing that for a while. I think it would work better to use "...that gave her the resolve to keep going" or something like that.

    breathing like she’d only just worked out how to
    I'm kind of torn on this phrasing. As phrasing, I like it, really, but when I think about it, it doesn't seem like the right image to evoke: surely, breathing like you've only just worked out how to would be slow and forced, not rapid and uncontrollable.

    Loved the action scene, by the way. You got across the sense of chaotic urgency pretty well and how Carrie didn't see most of what was going on.

    “Baton Pass,” he said simply. He made a circling motion with his finger at the Steelix, and Carrie suddenly found her path blocked by chunks of metal on all sides as the three snakes formed a ring around her and Velotus with their lower segments. They were trapped.
    Wait... how is that a Baton Pass? o.o

    Love the über!Steelix. Yay for scarily powerful opponents!

    Aaaand everybody gets caught. Damn you and your cliffhangers. D:

    Write chapter 26 soon because it will be awesome. ;_;

    As for an Ask the Characters thing, sure, it could be fun. I don't really think you should keep it to PMs, since most of the fun is reading other people's questions and how the characters answer them; at most you could accept questions by PM but put all questions and answers in a spoiler tag in the first post or something like that. But I don't think even that is necessary if you just note that people must make a relevant reply along with any questions they might ask.

    Chapter 64: Hide and Seek
    The story of an ordinary boy on an impossible quest in a world that isn't as black and white as he always thought it was.
    (rough draft of the remaining chapters finished for NaNoWriMo; to be edited and posted)

    Morphic
    (completed, plus silly extras)
    A few scientists get drunk and start fiddling with gene splicing. Ten years later, they're taking care of eight half-Pokémon kids, each freakier than the next, while a religious fanatic plots to murder them all.

    Lengthy fanfiction reviewing guide / A more condensed version
    Read and I will be very happy for a large number of reasons.

  3. #278
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    >_> I don't know if this is not proper replying edicate, but I want to say a couple things to Butterfree about her response.

    Quote Originally Posted by SlowCrow
    It's so good to have people from around the community who are willing to step in for nurses who seem to have mysteriously disappeared for no known reason or purpose just out of the pure goodness of their hearts! :'D

    Wait...
    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonfree
    HMMMM! Looks like I have found my silly theory for the day.
    It seems like we both have our suspicions about that nurse there.

    And elyvorg already gave a vague hint about the event in question:
    Quote Originally Posted by SlowCrow
    I still can't shake the feeling that the nurse and Sam are going to be mentioned again soon, as well as Cresent getting beat up again due to the wording you described those events.
    Yay, speculation. :3 I'm going to very unhelpfully tell you that part of this may be very, very slightly on the money.
    So lets try to see what epileptic tree we can get from that, shan't we? ;P

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonfree
    Hmm, so they're leaving Raptola behind. The way the scene is set up gives me the feeling this will come back to bite them somehow, but maybe I'm just paranoid.
    Well, elyvorg said it best when she said:

    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg
    In all seriousness, though, Raptola genuinely was becoming a burden from an author's perspective - leave him in Carrie's team and either she'd never let him out of his Poké Ball, or if she did, he'd just get kidnapped/threatened again and we've already gone through that once. I had to put him out of the way for the sake of keeping the story interesting.
    So there goes that train of thought and possible epileptic tree. >_>

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonfree
    I like Vanessa's software; it's rare for fanfiction to make creative use of computer programs. I have to wonder how the program does that, though - if there is some sort of positioning software in the balls, I'd think they would only send the data to official League servers, and how does the program then access the data? o.o
    >_> I gave elyvorg some flak over that piece of software, which bothered me very much, through a PM. Here's a quote to answer that question from said PM:
    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg
    The idea for the software, though, is that it isn't used by the government at all. It'd probably be made by some programmer/hacker type person who doesn't care where he gets his money from, as he'd sell it to criminal organisations who might have some kind of use for it. Admittedly I'm not sure as to these uses in question - it'd probably be a modified kind of GPS tracker to them, too, about which the person they're tracking wouldn't have a clue since they're unlikely to suspect someone is tracking one of their Poké Balls.
    <_> So, uh, there's the answer to that concern.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonfree
    Wait... how is that a Baton Pass? o.o
    Well, this line from the chapter should answer that question:
    Carrie noticed an oddly glowing stick pass under her feet as she caught up to Velotus, before there was a red flash of a Poké Ball recall beam followed by a white flash of another being thrown.

    So...yeah. I hope I didn't all of your material for your reply, elyvorg, but I felt like those things should be answered right way since they more or less were asked before. Don't kill me. o_o'


    -__________- Kaw.

  4. #279
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    <_> So, uh, there's the answer to that concern.
    Uh, no. o.o It doesn't answer how the heck the program accesses the records of where the Pok&#233;balls are. I mean, it's not as if the programmer who made the program can magically put his own GPS trackers into every Pok&#233;ball in the region. Only the government would have the ability to actually install a tracking system into Pok&#233;balls, and they would presumably keep their records to themselves.

    Well, this line from the chapter should answer that question:
    No, it doesn't. I noticed that line and figured it was Baton Pass, but that happened before he gave the command to use Baton Pa- oh, wait, he was explaining it, not giving an order. Then it makes sense. Never mind.
    Last edited by Dragonfree; 13th June 2009 at 10:50 PM.

    Chapter 64: Hide and Seek
    The story of an ordinary boy on an impossible quest in a world that isn't as black and white as he always thought it was.
    (rough draft of the remaining chapters finished for NaNoWriMo; to be edited and posted)

    Morphic
    (completed, plus silly extras)
    A few scientists get drunk and start fiddling with gene splicing. Ten years later, they're taking care of eight half-Pokémon kids, each freakier than the next, while a religious fanatic plots to murder them all.

    Lengthy fanfiction reviewing guide / A more condensed version
    Read and I will be very happy for a large number of reasons.

  5. #280
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    Diddy - On your way to nearly getting part way through sounds like some epic progress indeed. I look forward to you making even more.

    Anyway, thanks for deciding to read, even though I believe I've already said something along these lines elsewhere.

    Dragonfree - Thanks for reviewing once again. I've reworded everything you had issue with, I think.

    That bit with the nurse was indeed not intended to be seen that way, although you and SlowCrow can feel free to go nuts with epileptic trees, because epileptic trees are awesome. 8D

    SlowCrow also pretty much gave you my reasons for leaving Raptola behind, but I might see if I can do something with him later, simply because writing him out of the story for my own convenience feels lazy to me. :<

    SlowCrow also also gave you what is pretty much all the justification for that software that I have. I suppose the logical explanation would be something along the lines of the government putting the GPS trackers in the balls and keeping an eye on the data, and then the programmer/hacker type person managing to hack into the government system, thereby allowing Vanessa and anyone else with the software to see the same Pok&#233; Ball tracking data that the government has. Or something.

    But it is very true that I really didn't put much thought into where this software had actually come from or why it would actually be useful to anyone other than Vanessa before writing this chapter. So yeah. Lame justification is lame. >.<

    I am glad that you at least like the general idea of Vanessa tracking them with a computer program, however illogical that program's function may be.

    It's a shame how long you must have taken going into a fairly lengthy explanation for that line about Velotus and the Mightyena when the only reason there wasn't an extra "a" in the first place was simply because I somehow managed to accidentally leave it out. I didn't need telling that this eagle was an eagle. xP

    I changed the line about breathing to "breathing like it had only just been invented", which hopefully keeps the style of phrasing while actually evoking the right image this time.

    Yay for getting the chaotic urgency and the Carrie-only-seeing-certain-things across. That was the most difficult thing about this chapter, so it'd have been a shame if I didn't manage to pull it off after the effort I put in.

    As for the Baton Pass, SlowCrow seems to have helped you realise that he was explaining it, but I went and reworded the line where he did so anyway, to actually make it clear that he is explaining it. I can see how someone could easily get confused with the way it was originally.

    Fear not, Chapter 26 has been written for a while! It's just a case of getting 27 done, which I'm about halfway through now (you'll probably be able to tell from the random declaration of love for Velotus that I left on your MSN despite you being away that I wrote some more today), and it's just a little bit more Velotusy stuff, maybe some Theo stuff, and then a conversation which will be very tricky to make work, left. Unless I get really stuck on that conversation and so long as I don't get sucked back into Platinum (I've got the Giratina stuff over with now, at least), it shouldn't be too long.

    The reason I preferred that a character Q&A thing be in PM is simply because the original questions that Griff4815 asked me were very open-ended, and their answers ended up being really quite long. I was also worried that this thread would get flooded with questions and answers rather than being a place for the chapters, but I suppose since not that many people post here anyway, that shouldn't become much of a problem.

    Eh, I dunno. I'd quite like to discuss it with you on MSN the next time there's an opportunity when I'm not ordering you to fangirl over Velotus so I can get in the mood to write.

    SlowCrow - I actually don't have a problem at all with readers replying to other readers about stuff, just so long as what you say isn't wrong and doesn't necessarily need me to explain it. So what you said was fine. The prospect of readers talking amongst themselves is really quite an inviting one, actually, as it shows just how much interest you're taking in the fic.
    Last edited by elyvorg; 17th June 2009 at 10:09 PM.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  6. #281
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    *breathes deeply*

    Okay, first off, I would like to say that I have made such a big fool out of myself back then... As time went by, I've remembered that I don't do any of this for the sole purpose of gloating over every little mistake they've made; I do all that in order to help the authors polish off their work as much as humanly possible. Basically, the awards that you've earned made me arrogant & cocky, but after some precious moments, I'm now a much better person.

    You want a review from me? Here it is:

    I would like to say that everything in this work is new & original for the world of Pokemon. The plot of this story is very mysterious, as it follows an ancient Pokemon that used to be the first evolution to the Treecko family, & was brought back to life from the likes of the people of MemorCorp for their goal of reintroducing the said Pokemon into the wild in a quest of expanding the Pokemon biodiversity; the only problem? The Pokemon's recessive genes prevent it from reproducing with the species of its similar species, which is why that Pokemon has died out earlier. Also, during their research, the Pokemon escaped their facility & ran out, & worse still, a bunch of classified information has leaked out, which means that they have other people who will stand in their way. Will they succeed in bringing the Pokemon back into their custody, or will the Pokemon escape from the clutches of MemorCorp forever? Only time will tell...

    Now, let me tell you something about your MC, Carrie. She was a solitary person who likes nothing more than to hang out in the forest canopy, like her four Grovyle. In more ways than one, she resembles myself; she prefers to be alone, she has trouble socializing with her own kind, & she has a liking to anything that's colored green. What really interesets me is that her father is actually a Ranger, which means that she'll be more likely to go adventuring. As soon as she caught a glimpse of Archopy, she wanted to learn more about it, & eventually, she crossed paths with Theo, who also happens to be on a search for Archopy.

    This brings about this discussion to Theodore himself. He's basically one of those combinations of those Hikers & the Fossil Maniacs. He basically knows more about surviving in caves & other barren landscapes than Carrie. He also is on a mission to find out the wereabouts of the fossil that he gave to MemorCorp, who wound up keeping his fossil for their own purposes. He managed to get a lead from one of the Geneticists of MemorCorp, whose name somehow eludes my memory for now, & now he's on a quest to get back what is rightfully his.

    Now, I go about the discussion of MemorCorp & Bad Light. These two orginizations have already inquired my ire, & I would definitely be happy to point the broadside of my chaingun & fill them full of hot lead, because I personally think that evil organizations like these can only be effectively stopped with deadly force. Of course, your opinion may vary, as I'm a violent person. Now as for MemorCorp, they're a selfish scientific organization that go beyond moral & legal obligations to do whatever they please with the wilds. As for Bad Light, well, they're this bad%^$ gang of thugs who like nothing more than to make other people's lives miserable.

    Lastly, I was shocked & appaled by the fact that you have no idea how you got those awards, so after spending my entire day reading this, I came up with my own reasons as to how you've gotten both The Best Chaptered-fic Award & the Most Original Pokemon Species award.

    First off, I'll tell you about your Custom Pokemon, Archopy. It is a Pokemon that is shrouded in mystery, & just by looking & reading about it, there were questions popping inside my brain regarding Archopy. What are Archopy's capabilities, moveset, & abilities? What is its typing? How can it manage to fly? Why are its genes recessive, while Sceptile's genes are dominant? All this & possibly more are pounding my brain, thus leaving me to want to learn more about Archopy. It's the fact that your Pokemon is enigmatic is the explanation as to how you got that award, IMHO.

    As to how you've gotten the Best Chaptered-fic Award, I would like to tell you that most everything about this was all of your creation. The only thing that is taken from the actual franchise is the region that it takes place in, & even so, only god knows what the hell is going on in each & every place in Hoenn. Everything else, from the characters to the new gangs & organizations, are all from the making of your imagination. I'd also like to mention to you that the characters are perfectly balanced in a way that nobody is overpowered or underpowered, & the storyline itself has a wonderful mix of suspense, humor, drama, among other things. It's the thought that this story brings about a completely new experience in the Pokemon Universe is how, IMHO, you deserve that award.

    To wrap this up, I would definitely would like for you to become a real author, as you definitely have the talents to come up with anything that you would like & turn it into a wonderful reading experience.

    Now, even though I've been such a dip@%$^ to you in the past, do you still want me to thoroughly examine your work? Be advised that I will still go through your future work with utmost scrutiny, regardless of your decision.

    I'm hoping that this will motivate you to push on in your quest to bring about a complete work that will rival some of the best-known authors in this world. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going out to punish myself in ways that are unspeakable...

  7. #282
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    I was going to wait until later to post a review, but what the heck.

    Okay, so far I've read Chapters One through Five, and I'm highly impressed. The idea of this Fic is so wonderful that I wish I'd've thought of it sooner. The way you explained things in the scene where Milo told Carrie and Theo seems so simple and makes perfect sense if this were an actual, real-live thing. The only thing I'm confused on is the Prologue and whatever chapter it's in where Archopy (love the name by the way) evolves. Is Archopy the same character that was flying over the ocean in the Prologue? That just struck me as odd that it would evolve into a Pok&#233;mon that could fly and that it was already flying however many years the Prologue takes place before the current setting.

    Anyways, I'll continue to post my thoughts as I read more chapters (I can get through about one each night, considering I lay in my bed at one in the morning and read the next chapter on my iPod xD) and will notify you once I am all caught up.


    BA~~

  8. #283
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    *casket opens slowly*


    An old reviewer reappears x3 B

    *blows off cobwebs*


    I decided to post this before you send us another chapter and I'll have more catching up to do. Oh and hey, miraculously I haven't been scrapped from that Pm list =D

    And god damn, I know this isn't my fic (I so wish it was) but reading some of the reviews you receive is always quite amusing, especially the new which I can't remember the name of right now (and apologize wholeheartedly too because I payed more attention to his comments than his name (if it's even a he? =S). Anyways, God knows I love quoting stuff, so here we go (general comments will probably be at the end, as well as this new Character Q&Athing)


    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg View Post
    “You found my Absol this morning, didn’t you?” she asked the nurse while the healing device hummed away.
    Ding-Ding-Di-Di-ding

    The young man’s eyes flashed with realisation beneath his silver fringe. “Oh – you must be Brian’s daughter, then?”
    I know it's already been asked about, but does Brian have some sort of status? He has an Altaria, which tempts me to link him to Winona (and hey! Didn't her mother have purple hair, or did I read that wrong?)


    “He’s recovered fairly well,” the nurse said. “He should be okay to give back to you if you want him now – just don’t put him through anything too strenuous for a while, okay?”
    Ah, the new hype in your thread, and from my point of view, he's perfectly normal (barring the silver hair of course, but hey, this is Pokémon!) so I don't really see how people think he may be more sinister than he appears...

    “So… you did mean to be nice to me?”

    “Yes, I did,” Carrie said, still doing her best to look anywhere but at Theo.

    He must have noticed how awkward the conversation was making her feel as he changed the subject. “This is your hometown, right?” he said. “How come that nurse didn’t seem to know you?”
    Why do I see some sort of shipping in this moment and why do I not like it? :S

    “How long ago was that?”

    She paused. “I forget.”
    Somehow, I feel like she should've said "I forgot.", instead of 'forget'. Meh, it works anyways.

    “The nurse here. Reminds me of Sam,” Theo repeated. “It’s probably just because you don’t get many male Pokémon nurses around.”
    Sam! :3 Our favorite slightly-crispy-toast-male-nurse x33

    She knelt down and pulled out two Poké Balls, releasing Ivyx and Foliano onto the soft yellow carpet. They blinked and looked around, glancing up in puzzlement at the computers behind them.

    What…?” Ivyx asked vaguely.

    “We’ve worked out where Archopy is, and we’re going to find it,” Carrie told them. “I don’t have long – we need to get going as soon as possible.”

    So, why are you –

    “I don’t think I should bring Raptola along,” Carrie said simply.

    She waited a moment to let it sink in before continuing. “There’s probably going to be a lot more of those men where we’re going, and you know how much they scare him. I don’t want them using him as a hostage again – not just for his sake, but because it might stop us getting to Archopy.”

    Ivyx had been confused to begin with, but now she looked offended. “Are you saying our son is a burden?

    Carrie felt stung at the words, until she thought about it and realised they were largely true. “Well…”

    It’s okay, Ivyx,” Foliano said. “She’s right. If we want to find Archopy, we can’t bring Raptola. It would be better for everyone if we don’t.

    But… who’s going to take care of him if not us?” Ivyx looked at Carrie “Your father?

    Carrie shook her head. “He doesn’t really know my dad, and we don’t have time for drawn-out goodbyes. Plus, he’d miss us while we were gone.” She nodded towards the computers. “I’ll put him in the PC storage system. He won’t know a thing, and when this is all over, we can carry on like normal.”

    That…” Ivyx frowned at her trainer. “That doesn’t sound very nice, not letting him have a say.

    Carrie grimaced. “If he knows, he’ll be upset. That’s why I’m letting both of you have the say for him, right now. Are you okay with this?”

    Foliano nodded slowly. “It’s for the best.” He looked towards Ivyx, who seemed to be having trouble making up her mind.

    Eventually, she murmured, “I suppose it is.
    I don't know, but Ivyx seems to act a little different here, or she may have just broken a little out of the caring mother figure I saw her as xD
    And NOES!! No Raptola?! You deserve to be on the receiving end of a Sceptile's blade...


    From the window of an abandoned treehouse opposite, Vanessa watched the two trainers as they left the Pokémon Centre and made their way through the jumble of trees that called itself a city. They seemed to be in a quite a hurry. Vanessa couldn’t tell whether this meant that they had already captured Archopy and were trying to get it to a safe place as quickly as possible, or that they still hadn’t captured it and were rushing to find it before she did.
    Vanessa! My favorite villain of this story (barring Grace White, our quick-dot-connecting, evil mastermind!). God, it feels like forever since I read about her, and judging from her passive actions, I'm guessing she'll have less 'screen'time?

    Joy, perching on top of the laptop, was peering upside-down at a download screen, chirping a soft “Tic” every time the bar indicating its progress moved visibly closer to the end.
    And before the 'tic' part, I really thought we were talking about a nurse Joy here xD

    Thanks to that freak of a Skarmory destroying her bag, she’d had to leave everything else buried in the desert and would probably never get around to finding it again.
    And my favourite wild, shiny Pokémon receives a mention :3 Could he reappear in the story or is his part definitely over?

    Its completion was eventually heralded by Joy fluttering upwards from the laptop to squeak excitedly in her trainer’s face. Waving the Togetic out of her line of vision as gently as she could, Vanessa turned to the screen and began setting up the program she had downloaded.
    Of course, Trainer-to-Pokémon-relationships are pure sweetness, even with Vanessa. Oh, Joy! x3

    It was quite simple, in premise; all the software did was track down and locate every Poké Ball, empty or occupied, currently being carried by a trainer in the Hoenn region. The search could be set to find only certain kinds of ball, as well as narrowed down if one knew where or when a ball had been purchased. An orange dot indicated an empty ball; a white one meant there was a Pokémon inside.
    Wow, that sounds like some damn handy software O__O

    The software wasn’t actually legal,
    No surprise there, but still xD

    They’d probably be a long way from her hideout by the time they did, too. It didn’t worry Vanessa – she knew of someone in Fortree whom she was sure would give her a lift to anywhere she needed to be. All she had to do was follow the progress of the dot and wait for it to change.
    Oooh, I like this mention of allies. They'd better be as awesome as Vanessa though, or she must pwn them with her own stunning aura x3

    since Route 119-and-a-half was slap bang in the middle of the two official routes in Hoenn where it rained almost constantly
    And actually a splendid idea, who'd ever thought of something like route ... and-a-half =D

    Theo didn’t seem to be sharing her outlook. His usually bushy hair was plastered to his head, which hung low as he dragged his feet through the layer of squishy soil and rotten vegetation, leaving two deep troughs behind him where he had walked.
    Under my umbrella-ella-ella? xD

    Carrie reflected that it was no wonder Route 119-and-a-half was so rarely travelled on; while she herself loved all places green,
    Which is of course why this fic is posted on Serebii Forums x3

    Having fun, is he?” he said acidly.
    He must be relishing every bit of it xD

    “If all you came down to do was moan at our mistake, you can go back up there again,” she told him. “There’s no point dwelling on it now.”

    Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of what might have been slight appreciation on Theo’s face.
    :< More slight shippy vibes (well, I'm sure that all of these are non-intentional... I hope)

    Carrie stopped in her tracks. “What? We’re being followed, and you thought you’d start off by having a go at Theo?”
    Though you have a good point Carrie, please stop defending Theo :< I know friendship is something you really long for (not really, but I'm in a melodramatic mood x3) but please slow down a little (oh wait, that's not really a good idea in this situation xD)

    Her words brought Theo to a halt, too. “We’re being followed?”
    DOOOOOOMMM...

    Ivyx grabbed Carrie’s trouser leg and tugged urgently. “It’s more than a feeling now,” she said. “We were so high up we could see them – there’s a Manectric, a Mightyena and a man on a bird Pokémon I’ve never seen before.
    My mind went to Staraptor when she mentioned the unknown bird Pokémon, shame it wasn't one though, I bet its also better at flying long distance xD


    “Well, don’t just stand there,” she said. “Run!”
    "C'mon people! You waitin' to be devoured by rabid Squirtles?! Get a move on!" Sorry, but to have Carrie slap some sense in them like that is actually funny :3

    The men from Bad Light had tried to kill them the night before, and the only thing running through Carrie’s head was that these Pokémon were here to finish the job.
    Right, excuse me for somewhat dropping this halfway through, but what relationship does 'Bad Light' (hell of a name BTW :3) with Memorcorp, which I've sadly also forgotten about what their objective actually is =S

    Carrie knew that she was a faster sprinter than Theo but that he could keep up a pace for longer
    I don't really know at how fast of a pace this chase goes, but I'd say she still ran a fair distance, even for a sprinter.

    He thrust one hand into a pocket as he ran, with the words, “We’d better split up.”
    Lolz at the guy who made a fantastic comment on this one, but since I'm not that humorous, I'm wondering what logic Theo used to decide that it would be better to split up ("Better one captured than two."?)

    She could vaguely remember it being official Pokédex data that catching a fleeing Grovyle in a forest was an impossible feat, but when the Grovyle in question had a fleeing human to protect, it was another matter entirely. A snarl from behind her – was it closer than before? – drove her further on.
    Somehow, that last remark breaks the flow a bit, in my opinion. Meh, if others don't have trouble with this, feel free to ignore :3

    Caught by surprise, Carrie skidded to a halt. “Theo?” she gasped between pants of breath.

    Was she supposed to go and help him now? Was that what friends did? Surely she couldn’t just leave him – she hadn’t left him back in the caves, but that was because she’d needed him and he might still have woken up, whereas now…
    No shipping, but I really wish she would have helped him in this situation, despite it being unfavourable since she was definitely the main target (which actually brought me to something else. Vanessa is not connected to Memorcorp, right? If so, I hope she clashes sometimes with them x3)

    A smug cry from Velotus and a pained whine from the Mightyena told her that yet another strike had hit its mark. As she kept running, she heard a firm, almost calculated growl come from the canine, and the next thing she knew Velotus was roaring in furious indignation as the forest was bathed in an intense white light.
    The Mightyena called him a coward,” Foliano said darkly. “He won’t be coming back until he’s finished with her, I expect.
    She was gladly cut off from saying things she didn’t want to think about by a crashing of undergrowth as Velotus shot into the clearing, grinning to himself. “That’ll be the last time that bitch calls me a coward,” he muttered smugly.
    All of this is just so darn awesome Velotus action xD

    Ivyx seemed amused. “Don’t you ever recognise a deliberate Taunt when you hear one, Velotus?
    By then the enemy is already perfect for between two loafs of bread xD

    In that one moment, Carrie was reminded of life before she’d seen Archopy – back when Velotus took delight simply in battling for the sake of battling, when Ivyx was not plagued with worries about her son and could enjoy life as it came.
    Yeah, this actually made me want to see the ending after all the stuff with Archopy is over and she might have changed into a slightly more social person and live together with her Pokémon there, all happy, happy... Yeah, it's probably not gonna happen, but one can hope =)

    Then a searing stream of flames enveloped the forest to one side of her, and reality snapped back into place.
    I hate reality >__>

    Almost glad of another chance to catch her breath, Carrie looked down at Velotus and Ivyx, who had come to a halt on the ground beside her. Velotus looked as ready to fight as ever, but for some reason, Ivyx was also grinning.

    Catch me if you can,” she said, darting towards the Steelix on the left and leaping over its tail in what was clearly meant to be a move too speedy for something as cumbersome as a giant steel snake to react to.

    Except it wasn’t.

    The Steelix flicked its tail upwards the split-second Ivyx was above it, throwing her into the air. In a flash of silver, she was sent flying back as if shot from a cannon. Carrie watched in horror as Ivyx slammed into a tree behind her, clearly out cold. Even Velotus looked shocked.
    And even though she came across as slightly more cold, only jerks would really deserve such a strike with a metal tail. Poor Ivyx ;_;

    Steelix were not meant to move that fast.
    And neither do Bad Light guys deserve to rough up our protagonists so much! :<

    A green-and-yellow chameleon-like Pokémon materialised out of thin air on one end of the string, and Carrie grimaced as she realised that the Kecleon had caught her with its tongue of all things. She kicked and struggled, but no matter what she did, the tongue’s grip held fast. At this rate, she wouldn’t be going anywhere.
    You love getting her into more and more troubling situations, huh?

    And if she wasn’t going anywhere, she might as well fight. A quick fumble around in her pockets and Empathy and Crescent’s Poké Balls were in her hands.

    The moment they were, a giant orange-and-cream blur smacked into her arms; a moment later, the balls were lying several metres away from her and being picked up in the Arcanine’s jaws.
    Hey! They needed screentime *pouts*

    The man riding the Arcanine looked down at her, still seeming as though he thought the whole thing was some incredibly fun game. “Going to give up now?” he asked, grinning.
    Hah, now this is a guy that interests me, for some reason xD (crazy ideas are already popping up in my head, but I'll hope he'll be somewhat of an important character)


    And now I feel tired and not really in a mood to comment on the chapter in general, except that it made me want to write something but I can't because I still have exams and still need to study :<

    Meh, looking forward to the next chapter xD




    +Frosted Heavens+
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    Brumrha - Those nicely in-depth comments of yours have convinced me that you definitely don't only care about ripping apart my grammar. Thanks a lot for them. While most of what you said was basically telling me stuff I already know about my own characters/organisations, it was still interesting to hear how you see them, from a reader's point of view.

    It strikes me as odd that you think Archopy won her award is simply because her abilities and such were mysterious - I'd have thought that hiding the abilities of a Fakemon would mean the reader doesn't know enough about it to want to vote for it in an award. :/ Either way, I'd never intended to make Archopy as a species all that mysterious apart from before Chapter 5 when a lot of stuff was explained.

    As mystery isn't my intention, I can answer some of those for you: its typing is Grass/Flying, hence why it can fly, although it isn't too adept at it; a bit of a run-up is needed before it can take off, it mostly just glides, and it doesn't have the energy to stay airborne for more than a couple of hours on end. Its ability is presumably Overgrow as it's essentially a fully-evolved Grass starter, although I've never actually figured out its moveset and stats, and I doubt much of that will ever be shown in the fic. As for the recessiveness of its genes, that happened simply by chance, and from a writer's perspective, is mostly just there as a reason for Archopy to have died out in the first place.

    Sorry for ruining all this "mystery" for you, but I'm pretty sure that didn't have much to do with Archopy winning that award. :/

    None of your reasons for the Best Chaptered Pokémon Fic award seem implausible, though, and it pleases me quite a bit to hear that my characters are apparently all fairly balanced. Thanks.

    Since you've proven yourself capable of in-depth comments that have nothing to do with grammar, and since you're apparently going to rip apart my grammar whatever I say, I'm not going to complain one bit if you go ahead and start scouring for mistakes. I just hope you'll keep the more general plotty/charactery comments coming in too - and maybe try and make them less telling me stuff I already know and more simply your own thoughts on them in future?

    Buraddo_Aipom - Whee, new reader. It's always great to see that being twenty-five chapters in apparently doesn't make this fic seem too intimidatingly large for someone to start reading.

    Milo's explanation makes anything but perfect sense - I really effed up most of the genetics stuff, and it's ended up very unlike it is in real life. As for the thing you're confused on, it kinda worries me that you're confused simply because that might mean the first five chapters don't do as good a job of explaining it as I'd hoped and maybe other people will also be confused. D: But since understanding it is pretty important if you want to understand what's going on in the fic, I'll explain it here.

    The character from the prologue was an Archopy; she lived way back in prehistoric times and was the last of her species left alive. She died when she fell into the ocean, and her body was fossilised. Millions of years later, in the present day and only a month or so before the beginning of Chapter 1, Theo dug up her fossil and took it to MemorCorp to be revived. The creature from Chapter 2 that you saw evolve and escape was the Pokémon they revived from the fossil - she started as a Treecko but had already become a Grovyle before that scene began, and then the scene saw her evolve again into an Archopy (since her DNA comes from the fossil of the last Archopy from aeons ago) and escape. That's the Archopy that flew over Carrie's head.

    Hopefully it makes a bit more sense to you now. I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts as you read more. I also hope you manage to avoid spoilers before you're fully caught up; try not to read any of the more recent reviews from anyone else, because there's a few plot twists later on in the storyline and I'd hate for them to be spoiled to you before you get to them.

    On a slightly different note: I gather you're friends with Manaphyman. He revealed his closet reader status to me after the plagiarism incident and has said he'll get around to reviewing eventually - I don't suppose you could give him a poke on my behalf? ^^;


    Frosted Heavens - Whoo! I always hoped you hadn't disappeared for good. =D

    And god damn, I know this isn't my fic (I so wish it was) but reading some of the reviews you receive is always quite amusing, especially the new which I can't remember the name of right now (and apologize wholeheartedly too because I payed more attention to his comments than his name (if it's even a he? =S).
    Heh. That'd be SlowCrow. He is indeed awesome - it's quite good to think that he's providing entertainment not only to me but to other readers as well. xP

    I know it's already been asked about, but does Brian have some sort of status? He has an Altaria, which tempts me to link him to Winona (and hey! Didn't her mother have purple hair, or did I read that wrong?)
    Oh god. xD I never realised that randomly giving Carrie's mother purple hair would hint at her being Winona. *facepalm* But no, she's not. Brian's simply a ranger for the area in and around Fortree City. Altaria aren't that hard to get hold of if you have a Swablu and train it for long enough, and its Sing is probably useful for pacifying angry wild Pokémon that he might have to deal with as a ranger, or something.

    Ah, the new hype in your thread, and from my point of view, he's perfectly normal (barring the silver hair of course, but hey, this is Pokémon!) so I don't really see how people think he may be more sinister than he appears...
    Heh, I think that's just people going nuts with crazy speculation. I've pretty much stated through my vague hints that there is at least something to this guy that you don't know about, so feel free to go wild with speculation yourself.

    Why do I see some sort of shipping in this moment and why do I not like it? :S
    D: Now that I look at it, I realise that you can see shipping in there if you think about it from the right angle. And that's bad, because it's not supposed to be there. Carrie is simply awkward because actually being nice to Theo like she just was outside the Pokémon Centre was very unlike her and she doesn't know how she's meant to be acting now.

    There will be no CarriexTheo shipping. I promise.

    Somehow, I feel like she should've said "I forgot.", instead of 'forget'. Meh, it works anyways.
    "I forget" gives it a more general sense, as if she always forgets how long it is since she was last there, rather than just this once.

    Sam! :3 Our favorite slightly-crispy-toast-male-nurse x33
    YES. YES, HE IS. :3

    I don't know, but Ivyx seems to act a little different here, or she may have just broken a little out of the caring mother figure I saw her as xD
    And NOES!! No Raptola?! You deserve to be on the receiving end of a Sceptile's blade...
    Does she really? I was trying to bring out her protective-mother mindset there - she gets offended that Carrie sees him as a burden, for one thing. Could you perhaps elaborate as to why it seemed off?

    Yeah, no more Raptola. :/ While he is adorable, he's really not that complex a character, and I'd rather let myself focus on the more complex ones. Like Velotus, who I love to pieces. :3

    Vanessa! My favorite villain of this story (barring Grace White, our quick-dot-connecting, evil mastermind!). God, it feels like forever since I read about her, and judging from her passive actions, I'm guessing she'll have less 'screen'time?
    Yeah, I'm afraid she will. I didn't really want her physically following them any more, but this keeps her in the picture in a hopefully interesting way.

    And my favourite wild, shiny Pokémon receives a mention :3 Could he reappear in the story or is his part definitely over?
    He's my favourite wild shiny Pokémon too! 8D His actual part in the story is basically over now, but I love him so much that you might not have seen the last of him.

    Of course, Trainer-to-Pokémon-relationships are pure sweetness, even with Vanessa. Oh, Joy! x3
    Only with Joy, though - her relationships with her other Pokémon aren't exactly sweet. x3

    And actually a splendid idea, who'd ever thought of something like route ... and-a-half =D
    I like coming up with weird names for the non-canon places in Hoenn that they travel through. =P

    :< More slight shippy vibes (well, I'm sure that all of these are non-intentional... I hope)
    Though you have a good point Carrie, please stop defending Theo :< I know friendship is something you really long for (not really, but I'm in a melodramatic mood x3) but please slow down a little (oh wait, that's not really a good idea in this situation xD)
    D: Not again. Carrie's only defending Theo because after what went down in the caves, she's realised that he's actually a decent guy who didn't deserve all the harshness she gave him before, and as such, she's attempting to be nice to him now. The appreciation from Theo is simply because he's beginning to notice this and is wholly glad that she's no longer being a jerk.

    Right, excuse me for somewhat dropping this halfway through, but what relationship does 'Bad Light' (hell of a name BTW :3) with Memorcorp, which I've sadly also forgotten about what their objective actually is =S
    My gaps between chapters are clearly so long that everyone forgets everything in between. Noez. D:

    No matter - Bad Light is a group of hired thugs that work for MemorCorp, providing them with a security team, an Archopy-retrieval team and a Carrie-and-Theo-containment team, among other things. As for MemorCorp's actual goals, I'd tell you, but I'm paranoid that anyone who's only partway through the fic will see this and get spoiled - so if you can't remember, read the first half of Chapter 21 again.

    I don't really know at how fast of a pace this chase goes, but I'd say she still ran a fair distance, even for a sprinter.
    Hm, yeah. She had a brief chance to rest in the middle, and for a large amount of the latter part she was fuelled mainly by adrenaline and fright, but still. Let's just say that she was really, really out of breath by the end of it, even though I don't think I particularly gave that much of a mention in the narration. D: Shh.

    Somehow, that last remark breaks the flow a bit, in my opinion. Meh, if others don't have trouble with this, feel free to ignore :3
    Hmm... you're not necessarily wrong there. I put that in to show the panickedness of her thoughts, but maybe it was out of place with the flow of the previous sentence... Something to think about in the next fast-paced, actiony scene, perhaps.

    No shipping, but I really wish she would have helped him in this situation, despite it being unfavourable since she was definitely the main target (which actually brought me to something else. Vanessa is not connected to Memorcorp, right? If so, I hope she clashes sometimes with them x3)
    Carrie and Theo were actually completely equal targets - it's just that Theo got taken out earlier, leaving the rest of the Pokémon that the two men had brought along focusing their efforts on Carrie.

    And no, Vanessa has nothing to do with MemorCorp. I don't think she even knows they exist.

    All of this is just so darn awesome Velotus action xD
    By then the enemy is already perfect for between two loafs of bread xD
    I love Velotus. :3 And I can't help but feel sorry for that Mightyena, because I also love her despite her tiny amount of screentime and only one line.

    You love getting her into more and more troubling situations, huh?
    Of course I do. =P Like I said to... I forget who it was, it would be a waste of a long, complicated chase scene to just have Carrie escape after all. =D

    Hey! They needed screentime *pouts*
    You're right, they do. xP I'm writing Chapter 27 at the moment, and Crescent still hasn't had any screen time since his Perish Song scene in Chapter 22. :x

    Hah, now this is a guy that interests me, for some reason xD (crazy ideas are already popping up in my head, but I'll hope he'll be somewhat of an important character)
    Oh, don't worry. That guy may not be particularly significant to the overall plot, but you'll be seeing more of him - he plays a large part in Chapters 26 and 27.

    Tests? D: I pity you - mine have been over and done with for a while now. Still, thanks a lot for the quotey comments, because quotey comments are fun. :3
    Last edited by elyvorg; 20th June 2009 at 7:59 PM.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  10. #285
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    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg
    Milo's explanation makes anything but perfect sense - I really effed up most of the genetics stuff, and it's ended up very unlike it is in real life.
    Oh, well... I understood what he was saying... goes to show why I didn't do well in Biology this year xD

    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg
    The character from the prologue was an Archopy; she lived way back in prehistoric times and was the last of her species left alive. She died when she fell into the ocean, and her body was fossilised. Millions of years later, in the present day and only a month or so before the beginning of Chapter 1, Theo dug up her fossil and took it to MemorCorp to be revived. The creature from Chapter 2 that you saw evolve and escape was the Pok&#233;mon they revived from the fossil - she started as a Treecko but had already become a Grovyle before that scene began, and then the scene saw her evolve again into an Archopy (since her DNA comes from the fossil of the last Archopy from aeons ago) and escape. That's the Archopy that flew over Carrie's head.
    OOOOOOOH. Now I understand completely. I think the thing that made this confusing is the fact that if I wrote something like this, I wouldn't have the fossil be revived as it's first stage, it would be whatever stage it was when it died. So, eh, just a minor difference in writing styles that changed the view of something ^^; Nothing to be worried about.

    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg
    As for the thing you're confused on, it kinda worries me that you're confused simply because that might mean the first five chapters don't do as good a job of explaining it as I'd hoped and maybe other people will also be confused. D: But since understanding it is pretty important if you want to understand what's going on in the fic, I'll explain it here.
    I know you wrote this before the previous quote, but it made more sense for me to respond after what I said before this if that just made any sense at all. Anyway, you did an excellent job on making things clear, it was just the different view I had on fossilized Pok&#233;mon that made things weird while reading ><

    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg
    Hopefully it makes a bit more sense to you now. I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts as you read more. I also hope you manage to avoid spoilers before you're fully caught up; try not to read any of the more recent reviews from anyone else, because there's a few plot twists later on in the storyline and I'd hate for them to be spoiled to you before you get to them.
    Don't worry, the only comments I read are whatever you say that responds to me, sicne anything else I would read would be confusing. Plus, I like being surprised, so I wouldn't want to spoil anything for myself :)

    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg
    On a slightly different note: I gather you're friends with Manaphyman. He revealed his closet reader status to me after the plagiarism incident and has said he'll get around to reviewing eventually - I don't suppose you could give him a poke on my behalf? ^^;
    Haha, yeah, we're good friends on this site and I'll make sure to tell him to get in gear and post a review ^^; I know it's not on topic, but what plagiarism incident? Unless it doesn't concern me, then I really don't care if you tell me or not xP


    BA~~

  11. #286
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    Buraddo_Aipom - I see now why you would have been confused. Yeah, I find the idea of a newborn Pok&#233;mon that's already in an evolved form kinda odd, but I guess people can differ there. Good to hear that it's not actually confusing, then.

    The plagiarism incident: parts of my sentence structure from the prologue and the start of Chapter 2 were plagiarised. But it doesn't matter, because it's over with now.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

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    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg View Post
    Heh. That'd be SlowCrow. He is indeed awesome - it's quite good to think that he's providing entertainment not only to me but to other readers as well. xP
    Thanks, now I must go build a shrine for him, oh wait, I'll finish the post first.


    Oh god. xD I never realised that randomly giving Carrie's mother purple hair would hint at her being Winona. *facepalm* But no, she's not. Brian's simply a ranger for the area in and around Fortree City. Altaria aren't that hard to get hold of if you have a Swablu and train it for long enough, and its Sing is probably useful for pacifying angry wild Pok&#233;mon that he might have to deal with as a ranger, or something.
    Now that I think about it, that would have been a great plot twist (though perhaps one that hinted a bit at sue-ness) Oh well, she's one character (along with our evil guy at the end of the last one) that I want to be introduced to, well, actually get some scenes or something. Actually, I'm pretty interested in both of the parents' perspectives on how Carrie lives and such.


    D: Now that I look at it, I realise that you can see shipping in there if you think about it from the right angle. And that's bad, because it's not supposed to be there. Carrie is simply awkward because actually being nice to Theo like she just was outside the Pok&#233;mon Centre was very unlike her and she doesn't know how she's meant to be acting now.

    There will be no CarriexTheo shipping. I promise.
    Don't worry about it, I tend to overanalyse things like that anyway. Which I will have to anyway because sadly, you don't strike me as the romance writer, so perhaps once in a while I'll jump at some sort of slightly romancy stuff involving Carrie. Meh, it's one of her characteristics that blocks me reading from funny conversations (with friends, echanging retorts with Theo does not count) anyways, I'm ranting now, so next quote it is.

    Does she really? I was trying to bring out her protective-mother mindset there - she gets offended that Carrie sees him as a burden, for one thing. Could you perhaps elaborate as to why it seemed off?
    Hmm, perhaps it's just a different approach than how I would have thought of it, because I would have immediately gone with the 'knows-that-it's-for-the-best-but-will-feel-slightly-lonely-mother' type, while you portray Ivyx as hesitating, which I now see was meant to be interpreted as not wanting to be seperated from Raptola.
    Now that I figured out why Ivyx was portrayed like this, I seem to have forgotten how I interpreted her actions the first time I read it. =S

    Yeah, no more Raptola. :/ While he is adorable, he's really not that complex a character, and I'd rather let myself focus on the more complex ones. Like Velotus, who I love to pieces. :3
    Be careful not to end up in pieces yourself xD

    Yeah, I'm afraid she will. I didn't really want her physically following them any more, but this keeps her in the picture in a hopefully interesting way.
    Too bad, I hope she can be awesome evil in some different way though, while she remains on standby =D


    Only with Joy, though - her relationships with her other Pok&#233;mon aren't exactly sweet. x3
    Which only makes me more curious as to why she is so... normal towards Joy, and not to her other Pok&#233;mon. Tragic past? Saved by Joy? Other damn situation I want to know about x3


    My gaps between chapters are clearly so long that everyone forgets everything in between. Noez. D:
    It's my gaps in attention!


    Carrie and Theo were actually completely equal targets - it's just that Theo got taken out earlier,
    There went the hope of one survivor, unless I missed the part where it was mentioned he was captured (I know it was indicated, but well, a little bit too hopeful I guess)

    And no, Vanessa has nothing to do with MemorCorp. I don't think she even knows they exist.
    She must confront them one way or another :3 It'd just be a fight between three (actually four, if you count Memorcorp and Bad light separately, which would only happen if Bad Light somehow cuts off the agreement... Hey, that would be a nice situation xD Slight chance of it happening though) parties for Archopy.


    You're right, they do. xP I'm writing Chapter 27 at the moment, and Crescent still hasn't had any screen time since his Perish Song scene in Chapter 22. :x
    Sucks, but make sure Empathy does something then (Battle-wise or social-wise, I don't care xD) or get her a new Pok&#233;mon or something... Hey, that'd actually be interesting


    Tests? D: I pity you - mine have been over and done with for a while now.
    Meh, it's one exam left on monday and then I may confront the horrible thruth if I go to my next year or not (so I must make sure to write that one-shot before I get my results and may be depressed as a result)

    And I so wish I could still do the Q & A thing, but I'll spare that for another time (has anybody else done that BTW, I think not =S)... It feels good writing reviews again (next thing on my list fanfiction orone-shot)



    +Frosted Heavens+
    Searching for Inspiration...

  13. #288
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    Kaw! :V

    If memory serves me correctly, I think this is the first time where readers are responding to your responses of responses (not counting me, of course, but you know that very well elyvorg, don't you? :P). Anyway, I decided to say a couple things that happened to catch my eye as I was skimming this earlier.
    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg
    Heh. That'd be SlowCrow. He is indeed awesome - it's quite good to think that he's providing entertainment not only to me but to other readers as well. xP
    I've always thought somebody else must have been reading my reviews as much as you have, elyvorg. With enough luck, I might reel in a couple of closet readers if I try hard enough. :D

        Spoiler:- Compressed due to clutter concerns:



    That's all what I wanted to say right now. This fic will get even more comments once the new guys catch up on the reading, and a flood will ensue. In the mean time, I'll start building that arch. :D


    -______________- Kaw.
    Last edited by SlowCrow; 23rd June 2009 at 2:58 PM.

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    >_>

    <_<

    o_o Hoenn Endurance. *runs*
    From where did that phrase come from, exactly? I've seen it mentioned a few times before, but I'm not exactly sure what it references too (If I remember correctly, Johto routes are longer than Hoenn routes)

    Hey, I'm not that new, kaw! I was reading for a fair bit, just look at my comment on page 9 of this thread! >:V
    Well either it took me way too long to start reading her fic again or you weren't funny back then xD


    She speaks the truth, you should see some of the PMs we bounce off each other; they get quite long and silly. :P
    Ooh, show me! x3

    I should start a counter for how many times somebody says the exact same thing as I do in this topic. :P

    Thoughts Alike count: 7
    ... and going steady xD

    >:O elyvorg, why didn't you think of this first! Words alone cannot express your gratitude towards me, you must build me a structure dedicated to my very existence in order to do so, complete with offerings of food! </fake rant>

    Yay, I have fangirls now!
    *offers cookies*

    I agree completely. Although, I highly doubt we'll get that much insight because: one, they aren't exactly major characters to the plot, and two, its a Pokemon fic, parents are those just weird characters that reside in that one building of your home town that you'll never have to see more than once. But hey, there's a chance. :P
    Every character deserves a defining existence (hey, even the plot device guy way back in chapter 1 I want to see again, except that's probably the least possible on my list)

    Have you been paying any attention to Ivyx's and Foliano's relationship at all? o,o
    I do think I phrased involving Carrie and though I'm not exactly against shipping between pokémon, the love between Grovyle (which are still awesome, Elyvorg, no worries) doesn't perhaps strike me as heart-melting or the like x3 Meh, I'm hard to please on that subject...

    *Looks at chapters 13 and 14* @_@ Gee, that couldn't be related to any sort of recent emotional trauma, now could it?
    Hey, you're the one with 'slow' in your name, so why does it not fit?


    That's all what I wanted to say right now. This fic will get even more comments once the new guys catch up on the reading, and a flood will ensue. In the mean time, I'll start building that arch.
    Make sure to decorate Elyvorg's room in the arch with Grovyles!



    +Frosted Heavens+
    Searching for Inspiration...

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    Default

    Whoa, my readerbase is starting to look like an actual readerbase rather than a group of individual people who come in to comment on their own and then go away again. 8D As much as I'm somewhat against the idea of this thread being filled with too many non-chapter posts, this is kind of awesome, and so long as you have worthwhile things to say to each other I can't say I'm going to mind.

    Quote Originally Posted by Frosted Heavens
    Which I will have to anyway because sadly, you don't strike me as the romance writer, so perhaps once in a while I'll jump at some sort of slightly romancy stuff involving Carrie.
    It boggles me that Carrie is the kind of character that you'd actually want to see romance from. She's only the most unromantic person ever. o.o

    Quote Originally Posted by Frosted Heavens
    Which only makes me more curious as to why she is so... normal towards Joy, and not to her other Pokémon. Tragic past? Saved by Joy? Other damn situation I want to know about x3
    This is something that I've never mentioned or planned to mention in the story but always had a vague idea of in my mind, so I might as well tell you. I've always assumed that Vanessa was part of a fairly rich family, and when she was a child, her parents gave her a Togepi egg as a present. She really loved her Togepi, Joy, but something that always pleased her about the fact that she had a Togepi (and later a Togetic) was that no-one else she knew of did. This led her to decide that she'd spend her time searching for rare Pokémon so that she could own other species that no-one else had as well, but with these other Pokémon she caught, the only reason she liked them was because of their species, whereas with Joy, she'd always loved her from the start.

    Whee Vanessa backstory. \o/

    Quote Originally Posted by Frosted Heavens
    She must confront them one way or another :3 It'd just be a fight between three (actually four, if you count Memorcorp and Bad light separately, which would only happen if Bad Light somehow cuts off the agreement... Hey, that would be a nice situation xD Slight chance of it happening though) parties for Archopy.
    After reading an earlier chapter for no particular reason today, I've remembered that actually Vanessa does know about MemorCorp - she's had prior dealings with them and is pretty sure they're where Archopy came from. She doesn't, however, know of just how badly the company is trying to get Archopy back.

    Quote Originally Posted by Frosted Heavens
    Sucks, but make sure Empathy does something then (Battle-wise or social-wise, I don't care xD) or get her a new Pokémon or something... Hey, that'd actually be interesting
    I'm afraid there hasn't been any opportunity for Empathy, either - the next two chapters have kinda sorta been largely about Velotus. Even though I hadn't planned for them to be.

    ...if it's any consolation, all of Theo's Pokémon get a little bit of screentime in Chapter 27? D:

    Quote Originally Posted by SlowCrow
    Are you sure you can do nothing with all the probable angst Raptola has inside him from events past? Not even a little? :\
    I made him too much of a wimp for me to be able to do much of any particular interest. In hindsight, I wish I'd given him more of a backbone - then it could have been fun.

    You'll see what I can do with emotional trauma in interesting characters when you read Chapter 26.

    Quote Originally Posted by SlowCrow
    Yay, I have fangirls now!
    I still win, because I'm fangirled over by Dragonfree. =P

    Quote Originally Posted by SlowCrow
    I agree completely. Although, I highly doubt we'll get that much insight because: one, they aren't exactly major characters to the plot, and two, its a Pokemon fic, parents are those just weird characters that reside in that one building of your home town that you'll never have to see more than once.
    You speak the truth. D:

    Quote Originally Posted by SlowCrow
    And speaking of which, how many days was it from the first sighting of Archopy to where we are now, elyvorg? The pacing is getting really confusing at this point. <_>
    Let's see... Day 1 ended with Velotus' failed battle with the Sceptile, Day 2 ended just after Sam told Carrie to find an Everstone, the nighttime of Day 3 was when all the stuff in the caves took place, so that makes it currently sometime in the afternoon of Day 4.

    ...I know what you mean about the confusing pacing, don't worry. Chapter 26 has several hours pass in the space of three paragraphs simply because nothing happens during them. D:

    Quote Originally Posted by SlowCrow
    In the mean time, I'll start building that arch.
    Just make sure to call it the Arch of Opy.

    </really bad pun>


    Now, if you two could just stop being awesome for a bit until I post Chapter 26, that'd be very nice. Having managed to finish Chapter 27 today, I'm going to post 26 soon (probably tomorrow or possibly even later tonight) and don't want to have to do more long quotey replies in the chapter's post.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

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    Default Chapter 26: Wildest Fantasies

    So. Thanks to Dragonfree, this chapter has been rewritten from the original version that was posted here. People who were kindly waiting until I'd done so, you are free to read it now, and to those who've already read the old version, I invite you to reread this new one to see how you like the changes. Anyone who caught up with this chapter at a later date, this won't mean anything to you, but still. Enjoy.

    While the purpose of me putting it in this post in the first place has kind of been rendered moot, have a drawing of Carrie.

    A previous incarnation of this post has already said this, but it should be reiterated that I love Velotus to far tinier bits than Dragonfree does, and any attempts by her to claim otherwise are lies. :3

    Chapter 26: Wildest Fantasies

    Not long after submitting to her pursuers, Carrie had found herself bound expertly to a tree with a rope one of them had produced from a bag. Her jacket and Poké Balls, along with her own bag, had been thrown on the ground far out of reach to prevent her from trying anything. Just to be extra sure, the Kecleon was keeping watch on her; she could just about make out a red zigzag on the tree trunk overhead if she craned her neck. Clearly, these men had been planning this from the start and didn’t intend her to go anywhere.

    She sighed wearily and looked through the rain to where Velotus was trussed to another tree several metres away. The Arcanine stood by, its increasingly bored gaze not wavering from the Grovyle. Velotus wore the same look of disinterest on his face, clearly only letting himself be treated like this due to lack of enough energy to fight back.

    If Carrie knew him, he’d be biding his time. Sooner or later, he’d get fed up of being captive and slice his bonds, point-blank Flamethrower from the Arcanine be damned. For now, though, he was playing it safe, and Carrie was happy to do the same.

    The man who’d ridden the Arcanine was lounging lazily beside the pile of Carrie’s possessions, as though he did this kind of thing all the time. Which, thinking about it, Carrie realised was probably the case. That trick with Baton Passing to Steelix was rather too good to have been thought up on the spot. Chasing people down had to have been this guy’s job.

    He caught her eye and gave her a wild grin. Carrie glared back at him to prove she wasn’t intimidated by him – but then again, he wasn’t exactly trying to be intimidating, was he? He certainly made a change from the other Bad Light thugs: he was younger, for one thing – about the same age as Theo, if Carrie were to guess – and dressed more casually in jeans and a pale orange t-shirt. If the t-shirt hadn’t had the gang’s name emblazoned on it, Carrie would have wondered if the guy was really from Bad Light at all.

    By now, the young man was mock-frowning at her. “You know, no matter how much you stare at me like that, I’m not about to untie you,” he said conversationally. “And don’t expect talking me into it to work either, before you start trying that.”

    Carrie scowled and dropped her gaze from the man. Out of the corner of her vision, she saw Velotus eyeing him, almost as though he were sizing up a potential foe.

    As soon as the man noticed the Grovyle had him in his sights, he gave a disconcerting smile.

    Getting tired of the three-way staring contest, Carrie began to wish something would happen soon. While she was at least still alive, the ropes binding her were beginning to get uncomfortable, and the lack of any action was making her apprehensive.

    Barely a minute later, her wish was granted as the Honchkrow burst through the undergrowth behind her captor, giving a caw of exertion as it dragged something large and brown across the ground. A second Bad Light member, rather stocky and with spiky, dark purple hair – he’d been riding the Honchkrow during the chase, she realised – was close behind, but Carrie paid him little heed as she realised just what the Honchkrow had in its claws.

    “Theo?”

    He didn’t seem to be struggling. Carrie strained against her bonds for a closer look – was he unconscious? Dead…?

    To her relief, he was neither. His eyes were wide and darting around frantically as the Honchkrow dragged him by his arms towards a nearby tree.

    “Carrie!” he exclaimed as he caught sight of her. “Thank goodness… I thought…” He broke off, grimacing as though he was having trouble getting the words out.

    She gave him a quizzical look.

    “That Manectric… Thunder… Wave…” muttered Theo between gritted teeth as the man behind him pulled out a rope and began tying him up.

    Carrie remembered the electric canine that had taken off after Theo and winced. “Ouch,” she said, hoping she sounded sympathetic rather than condescending.

    The owner of the Honchkrow continued securing Theo to the tree in silence. After a while, he seemed satisfied with the bonds and pulled a bottle out of his pocket, spraying some of the contents in his captive’s face. Theo coughed and spluttered, but before long his features began to look less pained, and he relaxed slightly.

    “That’s better,” he breathed, moving his head as though ironing out stiffness.

    “Why’d he do that?” Carrie muttered. Theo turned to stare at her; she realised that must have come out as insensitive. “No,” she said, “I mean, why un-paralyse you when you’re a prisoner? Seems a bit... counter-productive.” She studied the spiky-haired man as he threw down Theo’s rucksack onto the pile of her things, trying to work him out. Did he really want his captive able to talk freely and escape more easily?

    Theo shrugged as best as anyone could while tied to a tree. “I’m not complaining.” He gave a heavy sigh. “So what happens now?”

    “Nothing,” said the man as he recalled his exhausted Honchkrow and sat down beside his colleague. “You two stay put. That’s all.”

    “That’s it?” she asked. “Isn’t anything going to happen? At all?”

    “Perhaps,” said the purple-haired man. “But if either of us told you, it wouldn’t be very professional, would it?”

    A grin was forming on his colleague’s face. “By the way, I’m Andrew, and he’s Zack,” he said, for all the world as if they were having a friendly conversation. “Not that you two need to introduce yourselves. We know all about you already.”

    Zack shot him an unamused glance; on catching it, Andrew’s grin only widened. Carrie was coming to realise just how difficult it would be to get anything useful out of their captors.

    “They’re trying to keep us from Archopy,” Theo muttered. “What are we meant to do if they already have it?”

    “They probably don’t,” Carrie muttered back. “I mean, if they had it, there wouldn’t be much point tying us up, would there?”

    “The rain isn’t that loud, you know,” said Andrew lazily, not even looking at them. “We can hear everything you’re saying.”

    Carrie scowled at him, then decided she didn’t care. If she wanted to talk to Theo, she’d talk to Theo, eavesdroppers or not.

    “The main thing is whether or not they know where it is,” she said to him, not bothering to keep her voice down any more. “If they do, we’re pretty screwed, and we need to get away from here as soon as possible. If not, we can afford to take a bit longer.”

    “But we still need to get away from here,” Theo said forcefully. “What’s wrong with you? You’re acting like you don’t even care that we’re stuck here while more people like these guys are tracking Archopy down.”

    “Of course I care!” snapped Carrie. “It’s just…”

    It’s just that I know Velotus is going to break us both out of this as soon as those men aren’t paying attention, she thought, but this at least was something she didn’t want Andrew to overhear. She glanced as surreptitiously as she could at her Grovyle. The Arcanine hadn’t taken its eyes off him, but judging by the subtly smug look on Velotus’ face, he was indeed still biding his time. It was simply a case of waiting.

    “I’m just tired, that’s all,” she said to Theo. “I was running for a lot longer than you.”

    “I saw that,” Andrew said, and this time he was looking straight at her.

    She stared back at him. “What?”

    “I saw you glance at your Grovyle just now.” He grinned. “You think he’s going to escape, don’t you? Just slice those ropes with a Leaf Blade when Arcanine’s looking the other way?”

    Damn it.

    The look on Carrie’s face must have told him that he’d got it spot on.

    Andrew’s grin became a cocky one, reminiscent of how Velotus had been just moments ago. “Well, I can promise you that, Arcanine or no Arcanine, that Grovyle of yours won’t be going anywhere tonight.”

    Carrie scowled. Velotus glared quietly at Andrew, daring the man to tell him what to do. Theo was looking at the Grovyle like he’d only just realised he was there. Andrew simply sat where he was, completely at ease, still grinning that grin of his.

    He was bluffing. He had to be. Carrie could think of nothing in the world capable of making Velotus stay put when he wanted to be somewhere else. Andrew must have just picked up on his intentions and said that in the hope of making him think twice.

    It wouldn’t work. Carrie knew Velotus, and she knew that such a threat wouldn’t bother him in the least. If anything, it’d make him even more determined, regardless of how much more vigilant his captors would be.

    Either way, Andrew had rather dampened the mood for any further conversation with Theo, and the afternoon passed in relative silence save for the patter of raindrops on leaves. Carrie, fidgety in her bonds with boredom and impatience, started glancing at Velotus every five minutes as though checking a watch. He kept the same smug, quietly confident air about him but showed no signs of being about to act any time soon. The two men had clearly noticed Carrie’s constant checks on her Grovyle and were keeping an even closer eye on him than before.

    It slowly moved into evening, but the only noticeable change was the gradual darkening of the forest around them as less and less light pushed its way through the double layer of rainclouds and canopies above them. Carrie’s stomach began to growl, but although the men had brought their own food, they weren’t sharing it with their captives. She wished Velotus would hurry up about waiting for the right opportunity – she didn’t fancy starving to death before they could escape.

    Evening turned into night as the forest became darker still. It was impossible to read Velotus now; Carrie could barely even make out his face any more. She tried listening instead, but the only sounds around her were the chirruping of nocturnal Bug-types and the splashing of the eternal rain. Her eyelids began to feel heavy, and it struck her that this was probably what Velotus was waiting for – the cover of darkness and his captors falling asleep. She let her eyes close, wondering vaguely if the two men were really incompetent enough to both doze off at the same time while on watch, but the thought trailed off into nothingness.

    The next thing she knew, a screech of noise had pierced the darkness, jerking her awake. Her eyes flew open and took in Velotus, lit by his own Leaf Blades, halfway towards the tree she was tied to. She grinned, expecting freedom, but soon saw that he wasn’t moving, struggling in some kind of pink rope, his arms pinned to his sides.

    It took Carrie a moment for it to click that he’d been caught by the Kecleon’s tongue and the earsplitting noise that had doubtless woken up everything for miles around – including her captors – had been its Screech. His blades rendered useless, the furious Velotus reached around to try and snap at the tongue with his teeth.

    A blast of rainbow-coloured energy shot out of Kecleon’s eyes, hitting him square in the face. Still lit by his blades, Velotus shook himself and stared ahead, eyes unfocused. The tongue holding him tugged, and he stumbled backwards, offering no resistance as the chameleon led him back towards his tree where the Arcanine sat patiently, having apparently decided not to intervene.

    “Confused, nice one,” said Andrew appreciatively as he stepped into the light coming from the Grovyle. To Carrie’s annoyance, he was holding another length of rope; the first one lay in pieces around the trunk that Velotus was now stood up against once more.

    Carrie held some small hope that the Grovyle was putting on an act – that the lack of resistance and the unfocused stare were all just a sham to lull his captors into a false sense of security. This hope faded as Velotus just stood there, letting Andrew wind the rope around the trunk again and again until he was securely fastened like before. Still, Carrie wasn’t unduly worried, even if the confusion was genuine. She’d just have to wait until he snapped out of it. The Arcanine was even padding away from the tree like it wasn’t needed any more – this was going to be easy.

    Andrew was grinning again, the same disconcertingly cocky grin she’d seen him use before. Her optimism disintegrated into horror as he pulled something out of his pocket and she saw what it was.

    A syringe.

    The same kind as the syringe she’d seen pointed at Raptola and then stabbed into Foliano, so nearly evolving him.

    Andrew laughed. “You see, I tried to warn you, but you didn’t take the hint, did you?”

    Carrie watched helplessly as he kneeled down beside Velotus and placed the tip of the needle up to the Grovyle’s neck. Velotus regarded it dully, clearly not registering what was inside.

    “I did say your Grovyle wouldn’t be going anywhere tonight.” Lit from underneath by leaf-light, Andrew’s grin looked particularly sinister. “If he tries anything, he’ll be going as a Sceptile.”

    The last thing Carrie saw was a flash of sheer panic in Velotus’ eyes before the light from the Leaf Blade fizzled out completely.

    * * *

    Damn it. He’d forgotten about that Kecleon. Now he was back where he’d started, the escape that he’d been waiting for all afternoon a failure. The Kecleon was probably sitting on the tree somewhere above him, quietly mocking him for being stopped in his tracks by such a tiny needle.

    But why was it holding him back? Velotus was far faster than the human with the syringe – it was seriously unlikely that he’d be…

    No. Unlikely didn’t mean impossible, and given the moment it would take for him to relight his blades and slice his new bonds, the human might well be alerted and have time to use the syringe. There was simply no reason for Velotus to take such a risk, as he could not afford to let the consequences happen to him. It was perfectly rational.

    So, in short, he had failed. He wasn’t about to set himself or his trainer free any time soon.

    Velotus could hear the human chuckling softly beside him. He wondered why but soon realised that he’d been unnecessarily craning his neck away from the syringe’s point like he was still worried it would stab into him even if he didn’t move. That was ridiculous, wasn’t it? The human had only said he would evolve if he tried anything, and he wasn’t going to.

    The thought of evolving sent a tingle down his spine, alerting him to the fact that he was shivering – he had been since the appearance of the syringe. But that could easily have been due to the fact that the night was cold, couldn’t it? Even though he was pretty sure he hadn’t been shivering before his escape attempt, and it had been just as cold then.

    He had to be mistaken. It had grown colder since. That was the only thing that made any sense.

    Then how much sense was there in the uncomfortable feeling that had been creeping around inside him ever since the increase in cold? It wasn’t something he’d ever felt before – it was new, unfamiliar, alien.

    But it had to be something ordinary. It was probably just frustration at his failure to escape. Yes, of course he’d be frustrated – failure was something that ashamed him very much. Yet that couldn’t have been right; he wasn’t a stranger to failure. He’d felt it before, only a few days ago, when he’d –

    No, Velotus didn’t want to think about that. Thoughts of the Sceptile that had defeated him reminded him all too clearly of just what this syringe would do to him if he let it inject its poison into his body. Foliano had described what it felt like: an overwhelming rush flowing uncontrollably through him, forcing him to change forever. He would have no choice. And that… Velotus took such pride in the control he had over his own life that the thought of losing it…

    It scared him so much.

    That wasn’t true, he insisted immediately. It wasn’t that he was afraid – he was only so desperate to avoid the syringe because of his determination to exact revenge against the Sceptile and its entire species. How would he prove that he could be stronger without needing evolution if he’d evolved? He knew how strong he was; that was precisely why the notion of him being frightened of something was inconceivable. He hadn’t been afraid since as long as he could remember, and he had no intention of starting now. Not in a situation like this. Not in a tiny moment of being held captive, insignificant against the importance of Archopy and Sceptile. It wasn’t right that something like this could break him.

    The way he shivered due to the cold, his neck leaning away from the needle out of shame at how it had made his escape fail – it was quite easy for someone, even himself, to draw the wrong conclusion. The Arcanine who had kept watch on him throughout the day, that Kecleon that had stopped his getaway, that human who held the syringe so close to his neck… They all thought he was scared, but how could they prove it, when it was too dark for them to see him? They were wrong, all of them.

    He let out an abrupt, shaky giggle, then broke off as he realised it wasn’t funny.

    A human snicker floated through the darkness as if in response. The malevolent glee in the voice told Velotus all too clearly just how much control the man had over him. The human could destroy his life in an instant if he so chose, leaving Velotus powerless to prevent his own fate.

    The feeling inside him rose up, compelling him to crane his neck away from the needle point, urging him to flee from the human beside him as fast as he could despite the obvious rationality in staying put. No matter how much he tried to convince himself, this could not have been any kind of frustration or shame.

    He was terrified.

    The undeniable fact threw his mind into panic, sending frantic thoughts whirling around. This couldn’t be happening to him. This wasn’t real. This had to be some kind of irrational nightmare, because he didn’t get frightened. He was Velotus; he was fearless.

    But empty thoughts like those did nothing to stop it. Fear – that terrible, alien concept he never thought he’d need to feel – coursed through him, shattering his confidence, leaving him powerless. Velotus tried desperately to tell himself it was all in his head, that he was strong enough to fight it, but he couldn’t believe his own words any more, not now the terror had taken over his mind. That Mightyena from what felt like so long ago, back when he’d blaze with indignation and exact revenge at the slightest question of his fearlessness – what she’d said was completely true. His inability to move, to fight back, to do anything, made him nothing short of a coward.

    Another human-like giggle echoed around his head, whether real or imagined he could no longer tell. Neither could he think clearly enough to identify where or who it had come from – was it really from the man beside him? Or was it his trainer, laughing at how pathetic he’d become?

    No, a tiny voice inside him protested feebly, she wouldn’t do that. She was supposed to care about him.

    But did she really? If she cared, wouldn’t she have saved him from this dreadful turmoil? It made more sense, surely; it was more rational to think that she was just sitting back and letting him suffer. She’d snapped and told him a couple of days ago that he might as well just evolve – what if she’d really meant it? She could have been watching right now, savouring it, just waiting for the other human to press the plunger and seal his fate.

    He felt the syringe tickling his skin and shuddered, craning his neck as far out as he could, desperate to pull away completely. Escape was hopeless without his blades, and if he lit them, it would be over. He was trapped, not only by his bonds, but by the sheer darkness that surrounded him, isolating him. With no-one to see how terrified he was, no-one could do anything to save him.

    The worst part was that he was to blame. He was the one who’d chosen to wait until nightfall to let this happen to him; he was the one who’d condemned himself to endless hours in the blackness, lost and alone with no hope of escape.

    Velotus felt his mind descend into frantic despair as he realised that, for all he knew, this was never going to end.

    * * *

    Torn from a dream about her coming to terms with Velotus being a Sceptile, Carrie jerked forward in her bonds, wide awake. She looked around at the forest: it was somewhat lit, making it early morning at a guess, and it was still raining. Not that she could remember if it’d been raining in the night – she’d been too focused on –

    Velotus!

    Her head snapped around to where he’d been last night – was he still there?

    He was. He hadn’t moved. And when Carrie looked at his face, she saw why.

    He was shivering, his mouth half-open in a silent cry for help, his eyes desperately reaching out to something only he could see. He looked so utterly broken that if Carrie hadn’t known which Grovyle had been bound there since yesterday, she’d have found it difficult to believe this was even Velotus at all. She knew the thought of evolving frightened him, whether he’d admit it or not, but this… this was something else.

    That syringe was still in place, hovering threateningly close to Velotus’ neck. Carrie glared at the man holding it but was surprised to find that it was Zack, not Andrew, who was lying several metres away next to the pile of her and Theo’s bags, apparently asleep. She wondered when they’d switched over – how had they managed to do so without Velotus making a break for it?

    It occurred to her that he might have been too scared to even have noticed the change, and she felt a fresh stab of pity for the Grovyle.

    Carrie opened her mouth to say something – anything – to try and help, but before she could begin, a familiar screech entered her hearing. She was sure she’d heard it somewhere before – not the Kecleon, no; it was raspier, more primal – Aerodactyl?

    Fury entered the shrieking noise as it grew louder, blotting out the sound of the morning rain. The racket was such that it woke both Andrew and Theo, who began glancing around through the forest, Theo looking hopeful, Andrew plain worried. Even Velotus’ eyes had moved to where the noise seemed to be coming from, though the rest of him remained frozen still.

    Sending tree branches swaying and water droplets flying everywhere, the pterodactyl crashed into view, his piercing cry growing to an almost deafening volume as he scanned the ground around the trees.

    “Over here!” Theo called, alerting Aerodactyl to his location. “Come and slash these ropes!”

    “Stop!” Andrew was yelling, somehow managing to make himself heard over the cacophonic screech. His face a mixture of worry and annoyance, he stalked across the ground towards Velotus’ tree, coming to stand above Zack, who was still knelt beside the Grovyle.

    Seeing what he was going to do, Carrie’s stomach twisted. “Aerodactyl, stop! Please!” she shrieked, hoping that the desperation in her voice would be enough to halt the pterosaur’s downwards swoop towards Theo.

    It did. The screech spluttered into silence, and Aerodactyl fell just short of Theo’s bonds, skidding messily across the ground beside him. Both Pokémon and trainer turned to look at Carrie, the same accusing glare on each of their faces.

    “Now that we can all hear each other, let’s make this obvious,” Andrew hissed, drawing their attention. His usual cocky grin had lost its cockiness and become a somewhat unsettling grimace. “If the Aerodactyl starts setting people free, the Grovyle starts evolving. That’s all there is to it.”

    The promise of imminent evolution seemed to send Velotus over the edge. He fixed his eyes desperately on the heavens, his breathing coming in ragged gasps as he mouthed something silently, over and over. Pressing himself into the tree behind him, he gripped the bark desperately with his claws like it could offer him some sort of comfort. The syringe at his neck remained unmoving, as steady as the rain that continued to fall, streaming down the sides of his face.

    “Theo,” said Carrie carefully, not taking her eyes off the Grovyle. “I know you want to get to Archopy as soon as possible. I know this isn’t the first time I’ve held you back. You probably hate me for it, and I don’t blame you. But I am begging you – do not let this happen to Velotus.”

    She could almost feel Theo’s frustration from beside her as he struggled with himself. Finally, after a long, defeated sigh, he muttered, “All right. Aerodactyl, stay where you are. Don’t do anything.”

    Carrie could barely hear the creature’s growl of annoyance through her relief. Opposite, Velotus closed his eyes and breathed heavily, sagging visibly in his bonds.

    “Thank you,” Carrie said sincerely, hoping Theo could hear how much she meant it.

    Something occurred to her, and she tore her gaze from Velotus to face Theo. “Hang on. What’s Aerodactyl even doing here? How come he wasn’t in his Poké Ball?”

    Theo grimaced. “You know how that Manectric paralysed me? Aerodactyl tried to avenge me, but, well, he’s weak to electricity. And I couldn’t recall him when I couldn’t even move my arms, so…” He looked regretfully at Aerodactyl, who had reluctantly settled beside him, and it struck Carrie how much Theo would have been worried about his Pokémon. “He must have woken up eventually on his own.”

    “Good thing he did, too,” came a voice, “’cause I was getting fed up of trying to find you in this damn forest. That Aerodactyl’s practically a screeching signpost.”

    Carrie frowned – she was sure she’d heard that voice before. Her suspicions were confirmed as a familiar leather-clad figure emerged from among the trees, rain dripping down his bald head. This was the man who had kidnapped Raptola. The man who had trapped her and Theo inside Northern Canyon’s caves. Him.

    “Savage,” Andrew said, nodding to the new arrival. “About time you showed up. Our guests were getting a bit fidgety.”

    Savage looked down at where Velotus was and smirked. “Looks like Zack has it under control, though.”

    Zack looked up, the syringe not moving from its place by the Grovyle’s neck. “Actually, that was Andrew’s idea,” he said. “Seems to be working, though.”

    Indignant at the men making light of Velotus’ terror, Carrie coughed loudly and stared up at the bald thug with as much disdain as someone tied to a tree could manage. “What are you doing here?”

    Savage grinned and swung a rucksack off his back, pulling out what seemed like a large, elaborate walkie-talkie with something close to a camera on top of it. Whatever it was for, it looked cumbersome enough that it would have slowed down Andrew or Zack’s Pokémon considerably had they brought it with them.

    “Someone wants to talk to you two,” Savage said. He frowned, looking at the transceiver-like device and then up at the treetops. “Damn rain. Still, should work.”

    Carrie shared a puzzled glance with Theo. Who would want to talk to them? More to the point, who would send a Bad Light member in order to be able to talk to them?

    Savage placed the device next to the pile of Carrie and Theo’s bags and flicked a switch. A crackle of static came from it. After a pause, it was followed by a voice.

    “Greetings. I have been looking forward to this.”

    No doubt due to the rain and the trees, the sound quality was poor enough that Carrie couldn’t discern anything about the speaker from it. Frowning, she asked, “Who are you?”

    “My name is Grace White. I am the Director of MemorCorp.”

    What?” Carrie’s mouth fell open. She shared another glance with Theo, this time one of astonishment. “Why do you want to talk to us?”

    “There’s no need to look so surprised, Miss Woods. Who else were you expecting to hear from?”

    The word “look” caught Carrie off guard, but then she realised what the camera on top of the device must have been for. Grace White could see their faces – she obviously didn’t want them communicating in any way without her knowing about it.

    “My men are currently searching Steel Hill for Archopy,” her voice continued. “I was hoping we could come to an agreement that would keep you from needing to get in their way.”

    “Whoa, there,” said Theo. “I’m not having you brainwash me into thinking I should just let you capture Archopy. What if we don’t want to hear what you have to say?”

    “How do you even know Archopy’s on Steel Hill?” Carrie put in. “What if you’re just saying that because that’s where we’re headed?” She wasn’t quite sure why she’d come out with that – she wanted to believe Archopy was on Steel Hill, after all – but she didn’t feel like trusting this person, especially if they really were the head of MemorCorp.

    “What do you think my scientists have been doing with the memories all this time?” said the Director. “They had more than enough information to figure out where Archopy used to live. She is somewhere on Steel Hill. I can guarantee you that.”

    She?

    Carrie had had no idea of Archopy’s gender and had always been vaguely assuming male; the discovery that she was female was quite unexpected.

    “Of course, you are at liberty to listen to me or not,” said the voice. “But know that if we can come to an agreement, you may be released. If not, you will be kept here for as long as it takes for Archopy to be recaptured, and probably for a good while afterwards as well.”

    A flash of alarm ran through Carrie, and she shot a glance towards Velotus. “We’re listening.”

    “Good. Then, let me ask a question to both of you: what do you think I am going to do with Archopy once she has been recaptured?”

    “What sort of a question is that?” Theo started before Carrie could even begin to say anything. “You’re going to lock it – her – into one of those tiny cells, pump her with goodness-knows-what, force her to relive memories that aren’t even hers. While I’m all for research on prehistoric eras, you take it too far.”

    Theo’s vehemence was surprising. Carrie seemed to remember him being wholly enthusiastic about MemorCorp’s memory research during their visit to Milo.

    “You’re quite right, Mr. Harcliffe. That’s exactly what’s going to be done to her. And I appreciate your acknowledgement that I take the research further than anyone has done before. But ask yourself another question: why? Why do I do this?”

    This seemed to throw Theo. “Because… because you want to know more. Isn’t that every researcher’s reason?” He paused, then continued more strongly. “It’s still wrong to do that to her. This isn’t going to make me change my mind about anything.”

    “What if I told you I was going to use that knowledge?” said the Director. “What if I told you that I plan to reintroduce prehistoric Pokémon into the wild, so that Hoenn becomes repopulated with the creatures that inhabited it aeons ago?”

    Aerodactyl let out a soft rasp of astonishment. Beside him, Theo’s hostility dropped away to leave him gaping at the transceiver, a mixture of wonder and disbelief on his face.

    “Would you change your mind then?”

    It took a moment, but then the realisation dawned on Carrie, too.

    “Wait a second,” she said. “You’re filling Hoenn with fossil Pokémon – including Archopy?”

    Despite the lack of sound quality, she could hear the quiet smugness in the one-word answer. “Yes.”

    The Director paused for it to sink in. Carrie stared around aimlessly in amazement, not quite able to believe it. She caught sight of Velotus – his eyes were gazing towards the transceiver despite the syringe at his neck. Even his fear – though it was still there in his eyes – had taken a backseat to the revelation.

    “…If we get her back,” White finished.

    With those words, it finally hit Carrie what Grace White was trying to achieve with this meeting. The Director wanted them to agree with her, to sit back and let Archopy be captured. It was a good strategy, Carrie had to give her that.

    But if she was telling the truth, wasn’t sitting back and letting Archopy be captured the right thing to do?

    “How do we know you mean it?” asked Theo. “How do we know you’re not just saying this so we’ll stop opposing you?”

    There was a mess of fuzz that sounded like a sigh. “You bring me back to the question I was asking earlier – why? Why else would I do this much research, go to such extreme lengths to learn more? Why else would my security team be such a… professional group of people if the work we do at MemorCorp wasn’t incredibly important – important enough to change the world?”

    Carrie had to admit, it did seem like she had a point.

    “Of course, you can choose not to believe me if you so wish. If that is the case, then my men will keep you there until wild Archopy fly freely over your heads.”

    Wild Archopy… the thought was really beginning to sink in for Carrie.

    “But if you choose to believe me and promise not to interfere with our plans, then you will be released. I might as well even allow you to capture Archopy yourself if you happen to find her first, provided you agree to give her to my staff as soon as you have done so.”

    Capture Archopy herself? Wasn’t that what she and Theo had been fighting desperately to prevent up until now? And yet, now the opportunity seemed so tempting to Carrie – her, having a part in the rebirth of the Archopy species.

    The world had gone mad.

    Despite the crazy, wondrous prospects whirling around Carrie’s head, something about this still didn’t seem fair to Archopy. She forced her brain to stop buzzing with excitement for a second so she could work out what it was – she didn’t like the idea of just charging in and throwing a ball at Archopy without talking to her first. That was it. She didn’t want Archopy not knowing what was happening to her.

    “What’s your answer?” came the voice from the transceiver.

    Theo cleared his throat. “I completely agree with and support what you’re doing,” he said, his tone filled with barely-suppressed enthusiasm, “but –”

    “But Archopy needs a choice,” Carrie said.

    Theo turned to look at her, but he didn’t disagree.

    “We can’t just go and capture her without letting her know what’s going on first,” she went on. “If we tell her about what you’re doing, she might well agree to come. I just don’t want her stuck in a cell being poked and prodded without knowing why.”

    “So what you are saying is that you will support my cause as long as you are allowed to talk with Archopy before capturing her?” said the Director. “That could be agreeable – but tell me: what do you plan on doing if she doesn’t want to come of her own free will?”

    “Er…”

    Of that, Carrie hadn’t a clue. The thought of facing a choice between betraying the one Archopy she’d been searching so long for, or losing the chance to have a world filled with the species… she didn’t know what she’d do.

    She did, however, know what would be most likely to keep her on Grace White’s good side.

    “We’d capture her anyway,” she said. “I just think it’s better to let her know what’s happening to her.”

    “I see,” said the Director. “And you agree, Mr. Harcliffe?”

    Theo gave a sideways glance towards Carrie before nodding. “That sounds fine.”

    “Very well. In that case, here are my terms. My men will let you go. The others on the search for Archopy will be informed to leave you alone. If you happen to find her first, you may talk to her before capturing her, and then you are to hand her over. However, if my men find her first, they will capture her without bothering to tell her anything; you will just have to accept that. And if at any point you show signs of intending to break this agreement and either capture Archopy for yourselves or prevent her from being captured at all, I will have my men take care of you, and you will not be let go again. Understood?”

    Carrie couldn’t help but think it sounded too good to be true – the head of MemorCorp was actually allowing them to find Archopy? – but she wasn’t about to complain. “Understood,” she said.

    “Understood,” Theo echoed.

    “Very good. You should be released shortly.”

    Suddenly aware of the thugs’ presence again, Carrie looked from Savage to Andrew to Zack, waiting for one of them to make a move. Andrew was the first, poking Zack in the shoulder and pointing at Velotus. Getting the message, Zack stood up and moved away from the Grovyle.

    Velotus’ gaze, still flashing with fear and uncertainty, followed the needle tip as it was handed to Andrew. Finally, he closed his eyes and let out a long, exhausted sigh, light flaring up briefly at his wrists as he cut the ropes binding him. Practically falling forwards out of them, Velotus landed on all fours, breathing heavily and staring at the ground.

    I’m not scared…” he was muttering shakily in what seemed like an effort to reassure himself. “I’m not scared…” he said again. “I’m not scared.” Each time he repeated it, a tiny bit more conviction managed to seep into his voice.

    Velotus…

    Carrie gazed desperately at the Grovyle, pulling against her bonds. A ripping sound came from behind her and suddenly she found herself stumbling forward – Aerodactyl must have released her after doing the same to his trainer. The remnants of the ropes fell at her feet and she managed to get tangled up in them, sprawling onto her hands and knees in front of Velotus.

    “Velotus,” she said unsurely, not knowing where to begin.

    His head snapped up and his eyes met hers. Carrie almost flinched; it was as if an invisible barrier had risen between them. Velotus was doing everything he could to keep his emotions locked away inside him, to prevent his trainer from seeing them. She felt she could still see a hint of fear behind his eyes – but was it residual fear of the syringe, or fear of what she would think of him?

    I am not scared,” Velotus said forcefully, and this time he was very much aiming it at his trainer.

    Having absolutely no idea what to say, Carrie realised that what Velotus needed right now was some time to himself, even if he’d never admit it. She wordlessly pulled out his Poké Ball and watched him disappear in a flash of red light.

    In the same moment, Carrie could hear the quiet satisfaction in the Director’s voice as she spoke one last time.

    “It has been a pleasure doing business with you today.”


    ~~~

    << Previous chapter
    Last edited by elyvorg; 4th October 2009 at 5:42 PM.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  17. #292
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    *tries to avoid bricks for commenting on chapters besides the one just posted*

    ><

    Okay, I'm about to start Chapter Ten, which surprises me; when I came here to read the chapter after the one I read earlier, I first clicked on Chapter Eight, becuase I thought that's the chapter I was on... yeah, turns out I had already read that chapter AND the one after it ><

    Anways, I seriously love this Fic. I think it's really well written and the mood of Hoenn you've set this in makes me wish I hadn't made my Fic set in the wintertime, because all I want to do is describe the weather like it's nice and warm. Eh, I'll get over it.

    Okay, so the Chapter where Velotus (I think it was him) faught Aiden's Sceptile was a nice one, and it really makes me want to raise some Grovyle on my Sapphire game xD I really wish he would've beaten Sceptile because I really like Grovyles a lot more, but I know it would've been a bit to Stu/Sue to have it that way. Plus, it makes a nice rivalry later on ^^;

    That's all I really have to say since I can't place certain events to specific chapters >< But the last thing I would like to say is that I wish Archopy was a real Pokémon, and Sceptile was the "lost evolution."


    BA~~

  18. #293
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    O_O?

    You've already have the latest chapter up?! That's pretty damn surprising, but it's good for me, as it'll keep me busy, if only for an hour or two...

    Before I go through the latest chapter, there are a few more things I'd like to say...

    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg View Post
    Those nicely in-depth comments of yours have convinced me that you definitely don't only care about ripping apart my grammar. Thanks a lot for them. While most of what you said was basically telling me stuff I already know about my own characters/organisations, it was still interesting to hear how you see them, from a reader's point of view.
    I should also tell you that this is all compiled within a single day, & TBH, I can go even deeper than that...

    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg View Post
    It strikes me as odd that you think Archopy won her award is simply because her abilities and such were mysterious - I'd have thought that hiding the abilities of a Fakemon would mean the reader doesn't know enough about it to want to vote for it in an award. :/ Either way, I'd never intended to make Archopy as a species all that mysterious apart from before Chapter 5 when a lot of stuff was explained.

    As mystery isn't my intention, I can answer some of those for you: its typing is Grass/Flying, hence why it can fly, although it isn't too adept at it; a bit of a run-up is needed before it can take off, it mostly just glides, and it doesn't have the energy to stay airborne for more than a couple of hours on end. Its ability is presumably Overgrow as it's essentially a fully-evolved Grass starter, although I've never actually figured out its moveset and stats, and I doubt much of that will ever be shown in the fic. As for the recessiveness of its genes, that happened simply by chance, and from a writer's perspective, is mostly just there as a reason for Archopy to have died out in the first place.

    Sorry for ruining all this "mystery" for you, but I'm pretty sure that didn't have much to do with Archopy winning that award. :/
    That's not how you got that? Dammit! There must be an explanation as to how you got that; nobody can have an award without one!
    Think, brain!!

    Eh, I don't mind spoilers... but the fact that Archopy is Grass/Flying is something that makes me want to shoot myself, as I thought that was blatantly obvious...

    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg View Post
    None of your reasons for the Best Chaptered Pok&#233;mon Fic award seem implausible, though, and it pleases me quite a bit to hear that my characters are apparently all fairly balanced. Thanks.
    At least I got that nailed. Yes!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg View Post
    Since you've proven yourself capable of in-depth comments that have nothing to do with grammar, and since you're apparently going to rip apart my grammar whatever I say, I'm not going to complain one bit if you go ahead and start scouring for mistakes. I just hope you'll keep the more general plotty/charactery comments coming in too - and maybe try and make them less telling me stuff I already know and more simply your own thoughts on them in future?
    That's why I thank the gods that I can easily show what I think online than in real life; otherwise, I would have kept it all to myself.

    Now, on to the latest chapter!

    Carrie actually got held captive by Bad Light, & with no Pokemon able to fight, the situation looked grim. This holds lots of drama, which I've taken a liking to, as it amuses me to no end to see other people in peril. As time goes by into nighttime, Velotus thought that it's a perfect time to try & escape. However, it was thwarted by a camouflaged Kecleon, which I thought was a smart idea on Bad Light's part, as having someone else with you without your prisoner's knowledge is just the thing to really shatter their hopes. Also, the part in which Bad Light threatens to force Velotus to evolve is definitely terrifying, & seeing people use terror to their advantage definitely tickles my fancy. With all hope lost, they wait until they get contacted by the director of MemorCorp. As soon as the director tells them what his intentions are for Archopy, they actually come to an agreement of sorts. I frankly find this surprising, as I don't think they know if that is what the director's true intentions for Archopy. Regardless, if they clash against MemorCorp again, chances are, it wouldn't be pretty, & we'll get to see some bloodshed! I hope...

    In any case, the chapter is masterfully done, at least by me; of course other people will think otherwise...

    Before I take my leave, Groovy Eli, I'd like for you to get acquainted with my bloodfrenzy, which is a part of my personality that thirsts for bloody, visceral violence. It has manifested as a result of my 10+ years of FPS-ing. If you do anything to attract its attention, trust me, you'll know it...
    Last edited by Brumrha; 22nd June 2009 at 6:22 PM.

  19. #294
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    I'm replying now based on the previous 2 chapters, because i've been getting so involved in the story and then i get the end and i can't think of what to say 0.o

    Now how many more times are Carrie and Theo going to be captured then miraculously escape safely? Not that its a bad thing at all, only that there could be some other way of creating big chapter events? Then again i can't really think of much else you could do.

    However i did very much love Velotus's fear scene. I wasn't always a very big fan of him but the emotional part back there just gave him a new fan

  20. #295
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    I'm baaaack *sing-song voice*

    Heh, general opinion will be first from now on (if I'm not in too quotey of a mood x3) so here we go.

    Unexpectedly, I found our two captors to be slightly one-dimensional :S Well, especially Zack since he didn't get that much screentime (hey, holding a syringe is not gonna be enough to get me to like him, girl =P) but Andrew, whil briefly showing a bit of confusion and (dare I say it?) uncertainty in the Aerodactyle scene, mainly had his cocky feeling going on, which I see nothing wrong with but since the end of the chapter indicates Carrie and Theo will be freed, they might not appear again.
    Now that I think about it, I can't really put a personality on Zack (and unless he's the one that declared Aerodactyle a "screeching signpost", which indicates that he may scoff at people once in a while, I've got nothing)

    Meh, in the end I feel like this didn't help you at all x| Perhaps they really don't come across as that one-dimensional to others, but I was hoping for something a bit more defined (well, I always am in terms of characters x3)

    Also, which seemed to be one of Dragonfree's remarks too, that Velotus' fear was perhaps over-described or 'spoonfed' you might say... Damn, I hate doing this you know! I feel like being so overly negative. Let's go to the comments and hope I can reestablish my positivity a bit =3

    Quote Originally Posted by elyvorg View Post
    So apparently I'm an impatient person, because I'm posting it tonight. It probably has something to do with how I love this chapter and know that a certain Dragonfree has also been awaiting it very, very eagerly...
    Plain jealousy tempts to me jab at this, tell me a bit more about next chapter too x33

    Before I do that, let me link you to a drawing of Carrie that I did a while ago and recently uploaded to deviantArt. There's absolutely no reason I couldn't have posted this earlier, except for the fact that dA has a view counter on its deviations, and I can get a rough idea of how many people have read this chapter from the amount the view count on the deviation has risen since I posted this. So yeah. Take a look, please. =P
    I actually saw that one already after I searched 'Archopy' on DeviantArt and got to your account. I mainly work in pixel, but since this isn't exactly the place to comment on art, I'll go on (I always imagined that Carrie wore a skirt though :S Meh, must be my subconscious trying to make her appear less tomboyish XD)


    Clearly, these men had been planning this from the start and didn’t intend her to go anywhere.
    After all the effort (and numerous back impacts x3) that would be a bit of a stupid thing to do, huh? :3


    If Carrie knew him, he’d be biding his time. Sooner or later, he’d get fed up of being captive and slice his bonds, point-blank Flamethrower from the Arcanine be damned.
    I just like how she/you put that x3


    The man in question caught her eye and gave her a cocky grin.
    Hmmm, though I will probably be discouraged, let's see how many times the adjective cocky is used for Andrew x3

    'Cocky' counter: 1(sorry, Slowcrow, you are too awesome to not imitate x3)


    If the t-shirt hadn’t had the gang’s name emblazoned on it, Carrie would have wondered if the guy was really from Bad Light at all.
    Nonsense, all evil Teams must have the symbol emblazoned on their chest. Such is the rule (is that correct English? x3)


    By now, the young man was mock-frowning at her. “You know, no matter how much you stare at me like that, I’m not about to untie you,” he said conversationally. “Don’t expect talking me into it to work either, before you start trying that.”
    Staaaaaaareee...

    Carrie scowled and dropped her gaze from the man. Out of the corner of her vision, she saw Velotus eyeing him, almost as though he were sizing up a potential foe.
    I so would have wanted her to have made a witty remark, though xD


    Before long, her wish was granted as the Honchkrow burst through the undergrowth behind her captor, giving a caw of exertion as it dragged something large and brown across the ground.
    "Something large and brown" - that's Theo all right x3

    A second Bad Light member – the one who had been riding the giant crow during the chase – was close behind, but Carrie paid him little heed
    Zack, even though having a much more attention-grabbing hairstyle does not receive attention from Carrie? Even if it's Pokémon, I'd still have stolen a glance at that hair, but if something large and brown is the cause of that, no problem x3



    To her relief, he was neither. His eyes were wide and darting around frantically as the Honchkrow dragged him by his arms towards a nearby tree.

    He has gotten a trauma over a Honchkrow =O

    Carrie remembered the electric canine that had taken off after Theo and winced. “Ouch,” she said, hoping she sounded sympathetic rather than condescending.
    Indeed, ouch :S

    After a while, he seemed satisfied with his bonds and pulled a bottle out of his pocket, spraying some of the contents in his captive’s face.
    So human Parlyz Heal's exist now too?

    “That’s better,” he breathed. “I can feel my body again.”
    This sounds a little too... thankful :S


    Theo sighed and gave her a withered look; Carrie realised her comment must have been insensitive. “So what happens now?” he asked her.
    Yes, antisocial, green sweetheart, stuff like that tends to make a jab at peoples hearts, make sure to read the instruction manual on normal conversation again :3


    He sat himself down next to his colleague, who seemed amused at being described as a professional.
    Not exactly cocky, but still along those lines >__>


    “They’re trying to keep us from getting to Archopy,” Theo muttered. “What are we meant to do if they already have it?”

    “They probably don’t,” Carrie muttered back. “I mean, if they had it, there wouldn’t be much point tying us up, would there?”

    “The rain isn’t that loud, you know,” said Andrew lazily, not even looking at them. “We can hear everything you’re saying.”
    Lol, I'm actually thinking about taking back my statement about Andrew, he just sounds so casual here x3


    “The main thing is whether or not they know where it is,” she said to him, not bothering to keep her voice down any more. “If they do, we’re pretty screwed, and we need to get away from here as soon as possible. If not, we can afford to take a bit longer.”
    Why not have some tea while you're at it? x3 There is water available... >__> Okay, moving on

    “I saw that,” Andrew said, and this time he was looking straight at her.

    She stared back at him. “What?”

    “I saw you glance at your Grovyle just now.” He grinned. “You think he’s going to escape, don’t you? Just slice those ropes with a Leaf Blade when Arcanine’s looking the other way?”
    Yes, I take it back, in fact, Andrew's awesome =D I feel really sloppy about my commentary though >_<

    Damn it.
    Exactly (I have to stop quoting each and every sentence or I'll end up with a post longer than your chapter xD)


    Andrew’s grin became a cocky one, reminiscent of how Velotus had been just moments ago.
    Oh oh!

    'Cocky' Counter: 2

    Andrew simply sat where he was, completely at ease, still grinning that cocky grin.
    Wow, that was fast o_O

    'Cocky' Counter: 3


    Either way, Andrew had rather dampened the mood
    Why does 'dampened' sound so nice here? Must be because of the relatively wet situation they are in...

    Carrie, fidgety in her bonds with boredom and impatience, started glancing at Velotus every five minutes as though checking a watch.
    Velotus and a watch, a strangely amusing analogy (I do hope I'm not using the wrong word here x3)


    It slowly melted into evening
    Hmm; this sounds like a less fitting word :/


    Evening turned into night as the forest became darker still. It was impossible to read Velotus now; Carrie could barely even make out his face any more. She tried listening instead, but the only sounds around her were the chirruping of nocturnal Bug-types and the splashing of the eternal rain.
    Actually, the mention of other Pokémon made me wonder what would've happened if some particularily heroic Pokémon decides to rescue the captives (way too convenient of course, but I would've like another battle with our captors)


    A blast of rainbow-coloured energy shot out of Kecleon’s eyes, hitting him square in the face. Still lit by his blades, Velotus shook himself and stared ahead, eyes unfocused
    I actually read this as confused at first so the sentence had me a bit confused x3 Lame puns are inevitable after finishing your last exam, sorry...

    disconcertingly cocky grin she’d seen him use before
    Yes, that will bethe last cause I'm gonna break off this review here >__< I'm too freakin' tired so I will just say this (does that sound overly dramatic)

    DO NOT TRUST PLUSHIES, YOUR BRAIN WILL DISOLVE....

    Like mine did :/ Anyways, in all (attempted) seriousness, the segment of Velotus in total fear of the syringe (which will cause yummy character development later x3) was a little dragged out and... you should reread Dragonfree's review for that instead of mine.

    However, the conversation with Grace White was of course, in my opinion, the highlight of the chapter since she is our main villain and therefore will always be awesome, until in some way confronted with tragedy and dissolve into a sobbing wreck... drifting off, sorry, I do like her, I just seem to wish the worst for a lot of villains. Anyways, things have taken an interesting turn with Grace White actually appearing benevolent ('nice' sounds unfitting for her general evil awesomeness) and letting them go.

    Which of course raises the question, What are Carrie and Theo gonna do now?

    Trying to find Archopy first is a given, but I wonder what will happen once Carrie and Theo have actually managed to communicate with Archopy (and what her reply will be, because it will determine in which direction the story will move)

    So with that, I will wait for the next chapter and awaiting your response o my review and Slowcrow's review =D



    +Frosted Heavens+

    In the same moment, Carrie could hear the quiet satisfaction in the Director’s voice as she spoke one last time.

    “It has been a pleasure doing business with you today.”

    Quoted for general evil awesomeness that is Grace White!
    Searching for Inspiration...

  21. #296
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    Thumbs up

    However, the conversation with Grace White was of course, in my opinion, the highlight of the chapter since she is our main villain and therefore will always be awesome, until in some way confronted with tragedy and dissolve into a sobbing wreck... drifting off, sorry, I do like her, I just seem to wish the worst for a lot of villains. Anyways, things have taken an interesting turn with Grace White actually appearing benevolent ('nice' sounds unfitting for her general evil awesomeness) and letting them go.
    Couldn't agree with you more. It seems that our resident antagonist has chosen to change tactics to a more mild form of competition.
    At least temporally.

    Anyway, Carrie and her grovyles issues against the evolved form of the latter are reaching the point of near insanity, and it is playing a really bad role in their quest for archopy, specially after this chapter, don't you think?

  22. #297
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    Kaw! This is an absolute outrage! >:V

    I thought that you were going to slack off with posting the chapter until today, but it turns out you posted it just two hours after you told the general public that vicious lie! Now I’m behind five other people in posting comments (three of which seemingly came out of nowhere), making me look like an unpunctual fool! On top of that, there’s a sea of comments out here that I had to sort though to even get to the chapter; I wouldn’t have found it if it wasn’t for the Arc of Opy! How am I expected to perform under these atrocious conditions?! >:(

    At this point I don’t think I quite have the composure nor the wit to go on with commenting on the chapter!



    And yet… :D

        Spoiler:- The Belated Perspective of a Bipolar Crow:



    Okay, I think that wraps up my review for this chapter. I'm off until I'm called upon again, but I want to leave with an important note:

    ANYBODY WHO HAS MADE A WALL OF TEXT ON THIS PAGE, PLEASE PUT IT IN A SPOILER TAG, THERE IS SIMPLY TOO MUCH CLUTTER!

    <_< Just wanted to reestablish that.

    -_________________- Kaw.
    Last edited by SlowCrow; 23rd June 2009 at 6:53 PM.

  23. #298
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    Nooooooooooo! *Sob* I wrote a lengthy review (as agreed ) for Chapter 25 which I endeavoured to make as useful as yours was to me, but in the confusion of me re-logging-in in another tag to find quotes with out constant scrolling up and down SEREBII ATE MY REVIEW!!! However, pretty much all I commented on was superficial stuff about the mechanics of forest-flying Pteranodons and Baton-Passing Double Team that had no real inpact on the general awesomeness of that chase scene. Everything I said that really would have been of help was said by one of the others that have reviewed since then anyway, so don't think you've missed out on too much.

    Now, new chapter, hey? Commence reviewing!

    It seemed to me as though it was a relatively short chapter (shortest so far?). I don't know whether it actually was significantly longer than, say, the last chapter, but maybe it was the surprising amount of pace for a chapter where every main character was tied up for its entirety and the scenery didn't differ at all from that one patch of forest. In actual fact, I find your ability to alter the pace quite fascinating. In the last chapter the actual occurrences were fast, dynamic and generally exciting; but you managed to keep the pace at a level that meant I wasn't skipping ahead of myself and managed to keep track of every pokemon, trainer, and move that happened throughout the whole thing. Whereas, in this chapter, the speedy pace kept me reading on even though nothing really happened at face value (of course, what did happen was rather significant, but I'll get to that later).

    So, onto the meat of the review; first off, was the title a reference to Velotus' tormented waking dream or was it the unbelievability(word?) of Grace's proposal that was the "Wildest Dream"? The last chapter's title's significance was obvious - after all, it was one giant chase-scene and (though it might be coincidence) Pursuit was the attack that was first aimed at Carrie - but I just think maybe that one needs a little more explanation.

    Speaking of Velotus' horrific night-terrors; terrifying or what? I could just see his lithe, reptilian face - normally so smug, even arrogant - contorting into fear and raw disgust at the thought of evolving into the beer-bellied abomination that is Sceptile. To be honest, before I read this fic, I rather liked Sceptile. I thought Grovyle's appearance was a bit odd when compared to the staunchy stature of Treecko and Sceptile but I thought nothing of it again until I saw Archopy and I read what is now the first half of the fic so far. It suddenly made so much sense to me then: Sceptile is evil and all must hail Archopy! Appeal to GameFreak, I said, boycott the green abomination! I bring all this up now, because it only really occurred to me that it ...urr... hadn't occurred to me before reading your fic whist reading that chapter and experiencing at first hand Velotus' fear as if it where my very own. What I'm trying to get across is that what Brumrha is futiley searching for; the thing that makes Archopy so special, is that it not only looks cool, has a cool name and fits into the story magnificently, but it makes its only rival look like cr@p at the same time! XDDDD

    On to the second main occurrence in that deceptively important chapter: Grace White's good grace, right? (teehee) But that is the question: is she really as gentile as she appears? We know from what she told her workers (unless she lied to them too >_<) that she really was telling the truth to Carrie about her plans at least, but will 'Savage' really comply with his mistress' deal and let Carrie talk to Archopy? And will Archopy first of trust Carrie, secondly, understand her and thirdly, agree to let herself be cloned over and over again?

    Actually, another important bit of information was revealed in that chapter that could easily have gone unnoticed: Archopy is female. In general pokemon terms that means that if she breeds the egg take her 'species', right? Or rather, the sub-species of Treecko with the Archopy gene. I don't know how that fits in with the whole recessive gene thing but either way, clone or reproduction, the whole Archopy population would be identical or very similar to the one that exists now. In genetic terms this is known as a 'population bottleneck' and it's what happened to the worlds Cheetah population and is why the whole species will be wiped out if one gets some disease. What I'm trying to say is, will MemorCorp bio-engineer the 'clones' to get some variation? Because if not then this new population of fossil pokemon isn't going to be much of a problem as it won't last long.

    So yeah, I think that covers everything I thought of as I read through. So I will see you next chapter.
    ~JammyU
    Last edited by Inconspicuosaurus; 23rd June 2009 at 5:20 PM.
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    Previously known as JammyU.

  24. #299
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    Everyone who has reviewed will probably like to know that, thanks to Dragonfree, whose rewriting-urge virus I appear to have caught, I am rewriting this chapter. The Velotus scene is being completely redone, and I'll be changing minor things in the rest of it while I'm at it. It is a shame that I let my fangirlism take over and therefore didn't do as good of a job at traumatising Velotus as I could have done - so I hereby resolve to do a much better job of it this time. :3


    Buraddo_Aipom - I really don't mind that you're commenting on other chapters; it's actually nice to have a running commentary from a new reader, since most just keep quiet and give me an overview of the whole thing once they've caught up. So thanks for your thoughts, as they're fun to read.

    Brumrha - Once again, you seem to have managed to do something along the lines of describing my own chapter to me, but eh, there are still some things I can comment on.

    The first is that Bad Light weren't particularly intending to use terror as a tactic - they had no idea that Velotus was so scared of evolving and only used the syringes because they've gathered that Carrie really doesn't want any of her Grovyle to evolve and the threat of one of them doing so is enough to keep her subdued.

    The other thing is that you're not about to get your fill of bloodshed here. While I don't mind reading that kind of thing so long as it's not too over the top, I'm not that fond of writing it myself and prefer the more slapsticky interpretation of Pok&#233;mon battles. The most blood there's been so far was a tiny amount from when Carrie got bitten by a random Trapinch, and it's probably going to stay that way.

    Still, thanks for reading - and don't expect chapters to come this quickly all of the time. You started reading in the middle of one of my huge inter-chapter gaps, meaning your wait for this one was a lot shorter than chapter waits usually are.

    Sinnohdragon - You have a very valid point about how Carrie and Theo keep getting captured a lot. xP Blame my urge to have dramatic stuff happen all the time, even if it really doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

    I am very pleased to hear that Velotus has a new fan and that you liked his scene. Since I'm not too proud of the scene in question any more and it is in the process of being improved greatly, I hope you can stick around to read the new version once it's done. It would be a shame for a Velotus fan not to. :3

    Frosted Heavens - You're probably right about Zack and Andrew. Zack, at least, was never really given much of a personality by me since I didn't feel he'd get much of a chance to show it even if he did have an interesting personality because I'd rather focus on Andrew. Pretty much all I had for Zack was that he takes his job seriously - not much, I know (and no, it wasn't him who called Aerodactyl a screeching signpost; that was Savage) - it was just a base I never bothered to expand on. Andrew, while not the most complex character around, I did at least give a personality which I find fun, hence me giving him more screentime. You'll be seeing him again soon, so hopefully you can get an even better idea of who he is then.

    You're completely right to agree with Dragonfree, and in the rewritten scene (which I've sent to her to look over) I've made it a lot more subtle and varied, so hopefully you'll enjoy it more if you decide to read the new version of the chapter once it's up.

        Spoiler:- Quotey comments remind me of SlowCrow, therefore the reply to said quotey comments be spoilered because I say so.:


    Ending by saying that Grace White would take offence at being called evil. As far as she's concerned, she's doing the world good. =P

    asperger1981 - Has it occurred to you that if Carrie and her Grovyle didn't have such an extreme view about Sceptile, then they probably wouldn't have cared enough about Archopy to start chasing it across Hoenn in the first place? Yes, I know it was exaggerated in earlier chapters, but it's still fundamental to the point of the fic.

    Also - how did it play a bad role in their quest for Archopy in this chapter, anyway? Sure, it stopped them escaping, but if they'd escaped they wouldn't have spoken with Grace White, and speaking with her didn't exactly hinder them, did it?

    Eh. :/ Thanks for reading, anyway.

    SlowCrow - What I find ironic is that there's such a huge sea of comments that came while I happened to be hiding under a rock thanks to Dragonfree. But hey.

        Spoiler:- the crow is bipolar now? D::


    <insert obligatory note that you are still awesome here>

    JammyU - D'aww, sucks that your promised review for Chapter 25 got eaten. Still, seeing as this one is such an adorably chunky wall-of-texty thing, I don't think I mind. (Seriously, when I knew you'd posted, I was expecting something about the size of... maybe just one of those paragraphs? So when I saw how long it really was, I actually squee'd.)

    It wasn't a short chapter at all, actually. o.o The shortest ones are still the earlier ones, which are all around eight pages - more recently they've been between twelve and fifteen, and I'm pretty sure this one fell somewhere in that interval too.

    I'm happy to hear I somehow managed to keep up a decent pace despite the chapter being a large amount of sitting around and talking, because... well, that seems like it'd probably be a difficult thing to do, and I didn't even consciously try. So yeah. :3

    This chapter's title is basically a reference to both Velotus's fear and Grace White's proposal. Before Velotus stole the chapter and it was going to be about nothing but talking to Grace, it was planned to be called "Negotiation", but after I realised that the chapter was basically going to be half about Velotus and half about Grace, I decided I needed something that could refer to both of them (that's also probably why the "fantasies" are plural). The title you see now just randomly popped into my head, and since I couldn't think of anything else that fitted both things and I kind of liked it despite how weird it was, it stuck.

    I'm surprised that people have started actually noticing my chapter titles now, though. xP A lot of previous ones have been (almost) equally weird and vague, but the only other time they've actually been talked about was when the chapter was called "Finish Line" and half the readers went and assumed it was the end of the fic. I'll have to stop using whatever the hell seems to make some vague kind of sense and put some more thought in now that people are noticing them, won't I? =P

    It gives me much fwee to hear that you really felt the terror from Velotus' scene even though it is currently inferior to what it could have been. I really hope you can come back and read the rewritten version when it's done. :3

    Also with regards to Velotus -

    I could just see his lithe, reptilian face - normally so smug, even arrogant
    You are absolutely right and you win for noticing this. =D I don't think I've ever described him as such - certainly he would never describe himself as such, as that's how his evolved form is supposed to be according to his prejudice, but yes, he very much is arrogant. :3

    At least, he used to be. Things might have changed now.

    It interests me that you think Savage might not go with Grace White's deal to let Carrie talk to Archopy. Why wouldn't he? He works for and is paid by the Director - the only reason he did all those things to Carrie previously like kidnapping Raptola and trapping them in the caves was because Grace told him to. If Grace tells him not to interfere with them now, then chances are, he won't.

    Whee, speculation about Archopy. :3

    ...how on earth did you manage to miss the fact that she's female until now? You've known that since the prologue, since all of Archopy's POV scenes have used nothing but "she" to refer to her.

    Your point about the population bottleneck is a valid one - but it also happens to be one that one of the MemorCorp geneticists noticed as well during the scene where Grace revealed her plans:

        Spoiler:- Lengthy quote that covers this:


    You have also been very awesome this chapter and you'd better keep up those nice, juicy, wall-of-texty reviews from now on. :3
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  25. #300
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    Yeah, I realised after I said that that it really wasn't that long after all, it was just so pacey and riveting that I'd finished before I even registered the length. o.o Which is good, BTW, it shows your skills (whether conscious or not ) are even more impressive than I made out. XD

    True, I don't know why I noticed the chapter title this time 0.o But now you've said that you can be sure I'm gonna notice them from now on. X] Maybe I should try the random mind-wandering approach, I have trouble with my chapter titles too sometimes.

    It's being re-written? How can it get any better?! 0.0 XD I certainly am looking forward to it though; if you can improve on that then I'd be frankly quite astounded.

    I guess there really is no reason why he'd disobey her (except maybe as revenge for calling him by his real name XD) I just don't think it's going to be as simple as it seems some how... And why should I? With the plot-twists this fic has had in the past! XD

    Gosh darn it (if you can use cowboy slang, so can I), you seem to have thought of everything already. Maybe I should re-read some stuff before I comment next time. >.< How did I not remember Archopy's gender or that big block of text explaining all my qualms about cloning?

    Anyway, I will certainly try to keep up the reviews, if only to repay you for the great one you're going to right for the next chapter of 'Equilibria.' *hint-hint*
    Last edited by Inconspicuosaurus; 29th June 2009 at 10:08 PM.
    3DS Name: James
    Friend Code: 4897-7143-5332
    Friend Safari: Poison (Gloom, Garbodor, Drapion)
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    Happy to help people find out what their safari is.
    Palaeontologist and proud.
    Previously known as JammyU.

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