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Thread: Lost Evolution

  1. #201
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    Yay, posts. Thanks all of you for taking the time to comment.

    JammyU - Heh, it seems that the title has ended up (slightly unintentionally, though I do like the effect it had on some readers) to be a red herring. "Finish" was meant not in terms of the fic, but in terms of Carrie and Theo reaching Northern Canyon and therefore finishing the race for Archopy.

    More on lack of ending in reply to storymasterb.

    Quote Originally Posted by JammyU View Post
    I loved the inginuity of the Secret Power bag thing - so that's the Doctor's secret !
    Nonono, quite the opposite; the Secret Power TM was actually designed on Gallif- *shot*

    I did wonder how many people would notice where I rather glaringly got the whole bigger-on-the-inside concept from, though. xP

    storymasterb - What made me do this to you? Well, the fact that continuing on from the cliffhanger would have led to the chapter being abnormally long, for one thing. Besides, it can be more effective leaving off just as the action rises, instead of having the action rise and fall so that it's all but over before you have time to stop and think on it. At least, that was my mindset when I wrote it.

    But what I really don't get is how on earth people were suddenly expecting the very last chapter of the fic just because it's titled Finish Line. There's so many plot strands that are nowhere near being resolved yet - you've got Vanessa, who if the story ended right now would be left heading towards some town to regroup but still with the intention of catching Archopy some day. There's the whole deal with the Bad Light thugs, and another one with Velotus' grudge against Aiden's Sceptile - both of which are going to take more than a chapter to resolve. Aiden isn't even meant to be anywhere near Northern Canyon, so how's that meant to work out, eh?

    And what of Grace White, the mysterious Director of MemorCorp who apparently intends to "change the world"? We haven't heard from her in a while, have we?

    This is not the end of the fic. This is merely the point where things start getting interesting. Oh yes.

    Apotheosis - It's good to have the occasional point from you; it lets me know you're still reading, and they can be pretty nice points.

    I didn't realise I used random little explanations like that all too often - the only other one that springs to mind is Sam explaining how Poké Balls work with regards to ownership of the Pokémon inside, and that felt a lot more natural because it was explained in speech. Here, despite the fact that I've often assumed, half jokingly, half seriously, that trainers' bags are bigger on the inside because of the sheer volume of things they fit in there, the only reason I actually mentioned it is because it may become vaguely important to the fic later on. Having established it now, if I used it again later would seem less pulled-out-of-thin-air than if I hadn't brought it up before. Otherwise, I could easily carry on with my personal assumption that their bags have the extra space without ever actually needing to mention it because it's irrelevant to the overall story.

    Also, I think perhaps the reason this one seemed to fit well was because it was during a fairly light, comedic scene in itself - the smacking around of the impervious Master Ball - and so a random, vaguely amusing explanation didn't suddenly jar the mood. I did wonder if it would, though, so it's good to see that everything went well there.

    Armored Dragon - Whee for a two chapter review. And a highlight-y one at that. I like highlights. :3
    Quote Originally Posted by Armored Dragon View Post
    Skarmory's terrified of this gigantic green monster, and that's the first thing it says.
    Turns out this gigantic green monster isn't as terrifying as the Skarmory thought.

    Quote Originally Posted by Armored Dragon View Post
    That is really cool.
    We-ell, the concept of something being bigger on the inside definitely isn't mine, but the idea that trainers' bags are bigger on the inside (although that I'm sure a lot of other people will have come up with the same thing independently to me) is.

    Quote Originally Posted by Armored Dragon View Post
    Staring contest! Who won, anyway?
    The Geodude, seeing as Carrie walked off and broke eye contact first. xD

    Quote Originally Posted by Armored Dragon View Post
    Is Armaldo going to have a major part in the plot at some point?
    We'll see. I'm not exactly going to tell you, am I? =P

    Good point on the Master Ball thing, actually. I suppose she just didn't think of it due to being in too much of a "destroy it!" kind of mindset and not thinking much outside the box. But if she had considered it, she'd probably have not deemed it a good move, seeing as Vanessa might well then be inclined to steal the Master Ball anyway, but with one of Carrie's Pokémon inside it, too.

    Nice catch on that plothole, though. Please, do continue to do this more for me in future. =D
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  2. #202
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    Like everyone else, the title made me think that this was the last chapter, and i am glad that this wasn't the case, as i am thoroughly enjoying reading this story. It will be sad when it ends, but an excellent story nevertheless.

    Ok, onto the chapter...
    There was one bit which could have possibly be written better as it slightly confused me.
    Where it said: ''It won’t be able to withstand anything, though,”
    Maybe you should have put: ''It won’t be able to withstand everything, though,” because you have already said that Carrie had thrown it against the rock, meaning that has already withstood something. If you see what i mean ^^

    And on a more positive note, i think the confrontation with Aggron was very well done, as was the surprise linking it to the cliffhanger.

    And, as mentioned already, i hope to see Armaldo play a greater part in this story as you have already built into its character quite deeply.

    I think i'm finished now. So, umm, keep up the good work.

  3. #203
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    Okay, I read chapter 18 a while ago, but lost my chapter review somehow. x.x So sorry for not giving you anything detailed on it. To summarize, I basically really enjoyed the "cheat" part and Vanessa's disobedient Tyranitar; Anorith's evolution would have been surprising if Lunar Espeon hadn't spoiled it for me. :< I also kind of liked the very fact that you spent an entire chapter having Carrie and Theo make not one but two unsuccessful attempts to get the Master Ball - the very antithesis of the main characters who always succeed. x3 Nice. Although this did, of course, render the chapter a bit pointless.


    Chapter 19

    His long search had led him into the desert that his flock had often skirted around but never flown directly over.
    It feels a bit odd to me that you're using "the desert" here as opposed to "a desert"; of course, I realize that there is only one desert in Hoenn so it does make sense, but the fact you're using "the desert that..." makes this wording seem even more like there are more deserts, as if you're trying to distinguish this particular desert from the others. It might be better reworded entirely, like "His long search had led him into the desert; his flock had often skirted around it but never flown directly over it" or something like that.

    I like the Skarmory's suspicious feelings; he's thinking it way too far, isn't he? Hasn't even crossed his mind that the human has entirely forgotten about his existence and couldn't care less. Oh, dear.

    I couldn't help finding the action scene with the Skarmory attacking Vanessa not as clearly written as usual, probably because of the Skarmory's confusing terminology for everything that left me a bit confused about what was happening. It also seemed odd that you didn't describe Vanessa as making any sound at all (or really doing much) during the assault, which made her seem awfully detached and not really like a living person but more of a ragdoll that the Skarmory could tear into at will while the Togetic attempted some defense.

    He hoped it wasn’t the giant green monster, he really didn’t want to be attacked by the giant green monster…
    That comma is technically not grammatically correct, but it works better than any replacement, so meh. At least I liked this sentence.

    Aww, poor Tyranitar. :< I hope we get to see more of her, at least; now that you've given her a story, it needs to be resolved.

    ...*had this really random, crazy thought about the Tyranitar in some bizarre way having been Theo's long ago*

    Aaaaand Skarmory is on his way to Carrie and Theo with the Master Ball. Oh, dear, oh, dear. It seems a bit convenient, but of course, it all makes sense from the Skarmory's point of view too, so there's not much reason to complain. Well, except that having the Skarmory decide to go after these particular humans isn't the first reaction I would have. After all, Velotus beat him up, which I'd think would make him want to seek a good trainer elsewhere.

    Theo joined her, tossing his hat onto the floor.
    It seemed a bit odd to me to call it a "floor" here, since they're just on open ground, but eh.

    Oh, I loved the scene where Theo tried to talk to Armaldo. It was just fantastically done, every sentence just right to emphasize the others and get across that bitter, painful feeling of the scene. You can really do that sort of thing. (Dragonfreeenvy ensues.)

    The Breloom in the forest two days ago had been the same. Crescent had only asked him what he was frightened of; “You, among other things,” had been the reply.
    Haha, I didn't think you would ever bring that up again. Nice.

    That being said, I can't say I liked the conversation between the Skarmory and Crescent very much - I'm not sure I can pinpoint precisely what it was that bothered me, but somehow the overall outcome was that they felt too human (Crescent more so, but the Skarmory's explicit worries about being thought of as a freak also struck me as unnatural). As I said, I'm not sure exactly what it is that makes it feel that way to me; perhaps it's just how concerned they are about humans in general, with Crescent seemingly obsessing over what consequences his presence has for humans instead of caring about his own life and survival (spending a long time following one particular human around to see if it brought disasters upon her while apparently leaving his herd behind and not thinking about the fact he has to hunt and take care of himself?) and the Skarmory's greatest concern, when confined in a cage, being that the human thinks of him as a freak (rather than being unhappy with the lack of freedom and exercise or feeling generally neglected, which would be far more sensible than worrying about whether a member of a different species thinks he's a freak). Well, I'm rambling. It just struck me as a bit wrong.

    I still enjoy Vanessa's relationship with her Togetic; they're genuine partners despite Vanessa being a villain who cares more about the rarity of Pokémon than making friends with them, and I really like that.

    It was the girl’s Absol, the creature that had attacked Vanessa
    Hmm, in this context of Vanessa's POV, it somehow sounds odd to use her name here, as if it were a different character than the POV one.

    It seems weird that they've almost reached Northern Canyon already. The journey was shorter than it seemed like it would be.


    Chapter 20

    “So, what are you going to do with that, anyway?” Theo asked her as she tossed the ball from one hand to the other, barely looking where she was going.

    She caught it one last time and snapped into the present. “What?”

    “The Master Ball. What do we do with it now?”

    “Get rid of it,” Carrie said immediately. “We’ve got to get rid of it somehow. Can’t have Vanessa stealing it back.”
    Haha, for a moment there I envisioned Carrie going all Frodo on him. "I have come, but I do not choose to do now what I have come to do! Let's capture that Archopy and TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Mwahaha! >D"

    ...but that would have been rather OOC. :P Not that it wouldn't be an interesting twist if Carrie actually got greedy and ended up wanting to use the Master Ball on something.

    The bag was a lot deeper than it looked; the company that made them had hit on the idea of using the move Secret Power, which could create a fairly spacious cavern from a small clump of grass, to expand their bags and make them somehow bigger on the inside. They’d been an instant hit with trainers everywhere.
    Ahaha, awesome. XD Never seen the idea of Secret Power used like that before.

    Raptola gave a “Do I have to?” sort of moan
    If he didn't actually say "Do I have to", that really shouldn't be italicized.

    For a moment, Carrie panicked. What if this meant MemorCorp had beaten them to it? What if their journey had all been for nothing?
    I really don't like this sentence - less for anything about the sentence itself but more for how abrupt it is in the context. The whole paragraph before it is perfectly calm, and then you've got a calm paragraph break that lets the reader take a little pause, okay, Archopy isn't there... and then Carrie suddenly panics? It's like there is a pause before it happens, and it makes it seem really weird.

    Raptola stared into space and seemed to think hard for a moment. “The pretty flying thing?”

    His trainer nodded encouragingly. “Yes, the pretty flying thing.”
    Oh, dear, I love Carrie's line there, particularly the "nodded encouragingly" part.

    The little scene with Velotus's grudge made me suddenly make up an absurd theory of how when you had Velotus "hiss" something "fiercely" about Archopy in chapter two you really did intend to imply that Velotus wasn't all that happy about it and in reality he was a ZOMG TRAITOR who was going to kill Archopy all along! ...except that makes no sense. My brain likes to go off on wild ideas like that.

    Aaaaand they were outsmarted. Nice. The cliffhanger is frustratingly exciting; after all, Archopy is presumably somewhere nearby but we don't know if the guys from Bad Light have captured it already or what they are planning in the first place. Argh.

    Nice couple of chapters; I presume the story will really get going now that they're at Northern Canyon. Do you know how much is left of it?

    Chapter 64: Hide and Seek
    The story of an ordinary boy on an impossible quest in a world that isn't as black and white as he always thought it was.
    (rough draft of the remaining chapters finished for NaNoWriMo; to be edited and posted)

    Morphic
    (completed, plus silly extras)
    A few scientists get drunk and start fiddling with gene splicing. Ten years later, they're taking care of eight half-Pokémon kids, each freakier than the next, while a religious fanatic plots to murder them all.

    Lengthy fanfiction reviewing guide / A more condensed version
    Read and I will be very happy for a large number of reasons.

  4. #204
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    Indestructible Master Ball ftw. It was comical how Carrie's Pokemon kept trying - and failing - to break it. Hey, they don't call the thing a Master Ball for nothing. Anyway, I'd want to hang onto that Master Ball anyway... even though it won't be used to catch Archopy, Carrie and/or Theo could find use for it later on...

    Well, it figures that the one time Velotus holds back is the one time he shouldn't have... I thought from the start that that Aggron wasn't just a wild Pokemon. It just seemed like it was a bit too aggressive to be merely protecting its territory. Well, that and the fact that MemorCorp's agents had been strangely absent during the desert trek. And I KNOW you haven't forgotten about them XD

    Having pulled several cliffhangers in recent chapters of my own I can't really yell at you for pulling one of your own XD But of course, it wouldn't be all that interesting if they had reached Archopy without further resistance. But actually, I love how the cliffhanger setup you have leaves open a whole bunch of possibilities. Carrie and Theo might be sealed in the cave blocked off from Archopy. Or they might have been sealed in WITH Archopy. Or MemorCorp might have it captured already. Vanessa might show up out of the blue completing our little "Archopy Capture Triangle." Or the "pretty flying thing" (cute line BTW) might have already left Northern Canyon, flying toward another destination. Right now, every one of those scenarios is a distinct possibility.

    Nice chapter, and it's clearly leading into something that will be full of excitement. Oh, and full of win, too.

  5. #205
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    New reader!

    Just got done reading Chapters 1-20, and I didn't see any grammar errors. You're a great writer ( I'm sure loads of others told you that. ), and I can't wait 'till 21.

    P.S.: I'm not really a reviewer kind a guy... maybe groupie...ish.


    Just one question though... do you favor Skarmory as well as Grovyle? Having a shiny Skarmory in the plotline's kinda random, imo.

    Nevertheless, you can think of amazing plot-twists. Keep it up.
    Last edited by Noheart; 28th July 2008 at 12:27 AM.

  6. #206
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    Hiho!



    God, what a lame begin >__< Yeah, I finally decided to review, better late than never I guess. But we all know we like early better I'm afraid this'll be short since everyone has already reviewed (including Dragonfree and Psychic who both can review so much better than me) and the points have already been adressed. Actually, I don't see much of a reason for me to review now...


    Whatever! I'll review anyway, and it'd be kind of cold since you always review my work too. But, I'm blabbering (as we all know by now) so I'll need to get on with that damn review.


    Let's see, the title almost suceeded in me convincing that this was the last chapter, but I couldn't believe that you could sum this all up in one chapter (especially since your chapters aren't that long) so I thought, 'whee, the story's not done' when I finished your chapter, and boy you've got us again with a nasty cliff-hanger, don'tcha?!


    Actually, I think it'd be very interesting what's gonna happen in that cave, now, since there are many possibilities, like DarkPersian already mentioned, so it's no use summing them up >__< I really should have done this earlier.


    I'm glad we got to see the Grovyles again, Raptola is still as huggable as ever, 'the pretty flying thing' just was too cute for words, it really really really was adorable. I found the remark of 'Will daddy stay daddy now?' very cute.


    The short staring contest with the Geodude was funny too x3


    And now, I wonder which direction the story's gonna take. Also, you mentioned a Grace White or something. Who is that? I don't think she's appeared in the fic yet, though I recall someone mentioning her too, so my memory probably has gone bad. I'll look forward to the next chapter.


    (Seems like I'm getting more active again )





    +Frosted Heavens+
    Searching for Inspiration...

  7. #207
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    Sinnohdragon - Whee, nice to hear that you don't want this fic to end any time soon. ^^

    You're right about that little nitpick. For some reason when I wrote it I thought it made sense, but on looking back at it I realise that she's actually implying that everything will be able to break it. ^^; I'll fix that up, thanks.

    I've built into Armaldo's lack of character, you mean? xP As I said to Armored Dragon with regards to him being important later, we'll see. In all honesty, I'm really not sure how much of a part he'll play as of now.

    Dragonfree - Thanks for summarising your thoughts on Chapter 18, at least. I do see what you mean with the chapter being a little pointless; it did have some developments such as Vanessa insisting she's just going to follow them whether they like it or not, and of course, Anorith's evolution, but... yeah. Joining Chapter 19 onto it would have made it rather long, though - this felt like the best place to cut off.

    I'll fix up those little wording things for Chapter 19. Except the giant green monster one - that was an intentional run-on to show his panic, as it looks like you've gathered.

    I felt there was something a bit off about the Skarmory's attack myself, so thanks for noticing that. I'll try and make things a bit less confusing next time I do an action scene with him (if I ever do, for that matter), or indeed, with any other Pokémon who has confusing terminology for human things.

    *had this really random, crazy thought about the Tyranitar in some bizarre way having been Theo's long ago*
    Aww, that is such an awesome notion. xD But if Theo once had a Tyranitar, I can't help thiking he'd be a better trainer than he is.

    The Skarmory didn't head towards Carrie and Theo particularly because he wanted to be caught by them; he just wanted more information. And given that he was in the desert, there weren't any other humans around for miles.

    ...oh, crap, except for the MemorCorp thugs. But let's just pretend the Skarmory didn't see them or something, yes? ^^;;

    Oh, thank you so much for your compliments on the Theo scene. :3 I'd really hoped while writing it that it would be something you'd enjoy.

    I decided to bring up the Breloom thing specifically because you'd made me feel stupid for not translating it earlier, so there you go. The fact that I wanted to mention it sometime helped towards inspiring the entire scene with the Skarmory and Crescent, as well.

    I see your point about those two's attitude to humans, and I shall now attempt some excuses justification. For Crescent, I've always seen wild Absol as very solitary creatures and as such he wouldn't have had a herd, so following around some random human isn't quite as off as you say. And as an entire town died because of what he thought might have been his own doing, he was rather more bothered about humans at that point than he might usually have been.

    For the Skarmory, it's simply because his flock had practically ignored him all his life for being different and he just wanted a human who would treat him normally (I think he went on about this enough in his thoughts during the Tyranitar scene, at least), so the shiny collector thinking him to be "special" when he'd hoped for something very different really got to him. I guess he should have focused a little more on the lack of freedom (but it was at least a pretty large cage) and neglect as well, though, yeah.

    I also thought that the journey to Northern Canyon would last a little longer when planning this fic, but I guess it's just my tendency to skip the long periods where nothing much happens. :/

    The Secret Power bag idea came from an attempt to actually justify the notion I've always had of the bags in the games being bigger on the inside (particularly the D/P one - unlimited space? Yeah). The company that makes them must make looooaaads of money from it.

    Thanks for the pointer on the Carrie panicking thing and how I handled that wrongly; I'll try to do it better next time.

    Whoo, wild theories. Though you're right, the implication back in Chapter 2 was not intended and was just slightly wonky writing.

    But I do love theories and speculation. They've recently started making me break out in evil snickering, and the words "You have no idea" are quickly becoming the most common ones to spring to mind whenever I read reviews. It's fun. =D

    Yes, I do know roughly how many chapters this fic will be. Unfortunately I can't tell you right now as it might lead you to conclusions that I don't want you to come to quite yet.

    DarkPersian479 - Really didn't realise how amusing the break-the-Master-Ball scene was going to end up, as a lot of reviews have been saying it did. But hey, I'm not about to complain.

    Nice to hear that you guessed there was something up with the Aggron. I'm not annoyed with myself, because I don't think I made it too obvious, but it's good to see readers guessing stuff before it happens.

    I love you for the long list of speculatory possibilities you gave. Of course, I can't tell you which of those is on the money. That would be no fun. =P

    Piekid11 - Wheenewreader. *flings a cookie your way* It is good to know that this thing is still attracting interest despite being twenty chapters in.

    You don't have to be a reviewer kind of person; just make sure you flesh out your comments by mentioning what you liked or didn't like and why, and that'll be fine.

    I kind of like Skarmory, but it's not among my favourites. I chose a shiny Skarmory to be part of the plot because there was a role I needed a wild Flying Pokémon to fill, and he was one of the most fitting species that came to mind. Though it has to be said, my love for Skarmory has been steadily increasing as I've been writing him. He's just so naive and insecure. :3

    As you seem to like the fic, do you want to be on the PM list?

    Frosted Heavens - Heh, you posted while I was typing up this post. It takes me wayyyy too long to do my posts, I swear.

    Psychic has reviewed? Nah, haven't seen her since chapter three, actually. (If you are reading this, Psychic, all I have to say is... hi there. *waves*)

    But I don't mind how late you are because I always like new reviews. :3 And I should probably get around to reading your new chapter so that I'm not inexcusably late with it myself.

    Oh, the red-herring-ness of this chapter title doesn't half amuse me. And yes, I like nasty cliffhangers. *nods* I like them a lot. You'll probably hate me for it by the end of the fic.

    Whee, pretty flying thing. Actually, I put that line in less to be cute and more to show how, with the trauma of recent days and his young age, Raptola had almost forgotten about Archopy. But if it's cute, that's just an added bonus.

    The Geodude staring contest was my way of saying, "Look! A random wild Pokémon! I haven't forgotten that random wild Pokémon exist at all, honest!"

    Grace White: see the final scene of Chapter 5. It was tiny and a long time ago, though, so I do understand why you might have forgotten her.


    Ending this post by saying that I love speculation and will always want more. :3
    Last edited by elyvorg; 31st July 2008 at 9:23 AM.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  8. #208
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    I had a sudden urge to read all of this today. I really like it, especially the suspense and the characters. How do you pronounce Ivyx? Is it pronounced ivy-x or i-vix? Since you want speculation, I'll speculate that everyone gets stuck in the cave and has a huge battle or that Carrie's father somehow ends up in the cave. Also, please add me to the pm list.

  9. #209
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    greategret - Yay, another new reader! *tosses cookie* It never fails to please me that twenty chapters aren't too daunting to attract new people. Thanks for reading and enjoying; I've added you to the PM list.

    Ivyx pronunciation: EYE-vicks.

    Thank you also for the speculation. 'Tis fun to read, as always.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  10. #210
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    Wow, you really have a nack for writing, I myself only just started and I manage even to tie myself around my story.

    I only just got halfway through chapter 2, and I need to get off soon but Im copying and pasting all the chapters I can so I'll read until 5am tommorrow.

    Good work from what I've read so far and I must properly introduce my status as a fan.

    I absolutely love Treeckos and Grovyles, at one stage I thought I was quite alone with this preference, but now I know that theres someone else out there just as nuts about them as me

    Keep the good work up, and Ill post once more when I get further into this work of art

  11. #211
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    Thumbs up wow.

    *moves mouth slightly as if trying to speak*

    ...wow. how in the world have i gone so long without reading this? I've been seeing this thread and your signature multiple times, and always thought it looked interesting, yet somehow I never got around to reading it...
    until now, that is. i'm currently only three chapters in and i've already fallen in love with this story. the characters and pokemon all have such great description, especially personality-wise.

    and also... ever since i first got my Ruby version, I've loved Sceptile. i thought it was the third-awesomest pokemon ever (the first- and second-awesomest being Scizor and Charizard, respectively) and yet... you described it with such hatred and created an alternative as amazing as Archopy, you've pretty much convinced me that Sceptile is "teh evilness"

    great job, and i hope i can get my worthless computer to work well enough so i can continue reading.


    ps: i have a guess as to how that Archopy got the memories of the dead one: the fossil it was resurrected from was that of the one from the prologue, right? or something similar, I would guess. if you explain it later on in the story, i'll just find out then. if, that is, the aforementioned worthless computer decides to quit being annoying...
    Author's Profile

    Some stories I reccomend reading:

    The Saga of Team Supernova By: FocusPresenceEndurance
    Lost Evolution By: elyvorg
    And my new story:
    Fading Tendrils

  12. #212
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    Default Chapter 21: Revelations

    Whoo, more new people. Welcome to both of you! Once you've caught up, don't forget to tell me if you want to be put on the PM list.

    Rexhunter99 - Heh, you think I have a knack for writing from just the prologue and the first one and a half chapters? I've improved quite a bit since then, so I don't consider the start of this fic to be all that great any more. But hey, if you're enjoying it, I'm not going to complain.

    Oh, and you're never as alone as you might think with your preferences. =D

    Blademaster_Jale - Same thing as with Rexhunter99: it does surprise me how much you like it so early on. ^^;

    ...*cringes* The Sceptile-hate of the earlier chapters is the thing I've been most ashamed with about this fic ever since Dragonfree slapped some sense into me. In the later chapters I've tried to keep it simply to the characters opinions; I kind of don't particularly want you giving up on a Pokémon you used to like because of this fic's initial biased-ness. :/ It is good to see that you like Archopy, though.

    Yes, the deal with Archopy's memories is explained only a couple of chapters after the point you're at.


    ...So it's time for the next chapter. =D I've had such fun reading all your speculation on this cliffhanger; now you'll get to see which bits of it were right.

    I solemnly hope that this time around, the chapter title does not disappoint.


    Chapter 21: Revelations

    Milo trudged along the clinically white main corridor of the Genetics department, bringing up the rear of a line of geneticists who were all as confused as he was. They’d been summoned unexpectedly to the Memory department of all places, right at the end of their shifts when they were supposed to be allowed home.

    Not that Milo minded staying late as much as he would have done the previous day when he’d had a private night in; the guards were back. Two of them flanked the door joining the separate departments, giving out dominating stares to anyone who happened to make eye contact with them. Milo didn’t even try, keeping his head down as he passed through, but all the same he felt their cold gazes on his back. They had been eyeing him all day.

    In Milo's mind, the Memory department was practically a different planet to his own; only on entering it was he reminded that it was really just as boring and white as any other part of the building. It was also completely empty of its usual scientists, with a couple of guards and the visiting geneticists being the only people in sight in the corridors. Milo wondered why for a moment until he figured that the Memory scientists – and he thought of them as scientists in the loosest sense of the word – had probably been called into the same room as he had: Viewing Theatre 1.

    It was only when he entered this room that Milo realised how accurate his bitter comment about the other side watching memories in some kind of cinema actually was. A screen, small by big-screen standards but big by small-screen standards, dominated one wall, and the rest of the space was taken up by rows of seats split by an aisle down the middle. The near side of the aisle was slowly being filled by lab-coated geneticists; on the far side sat a group of people in more casual clothes. The other side had literally been placed on the other side of the room.

    Milo sat himself down in the front row, knowing he’d have a hard job seeing over anyone’s head otherwise. He waited, listening to the hushed whispers of the people behind him who apparently knew no more of what was going on than he did. He’d heard about being summoned here only through word of mouth; he had no idea why or by whom.

    A door at the front of the theatre opened, and one of Milo’s questions was immediately answered as the Director walked in.

    Milo could only recall having seen her in person once before, but he could still remember her confident gaze and the way she moved so swiftly and purposefully, commanding attention wherever she went. Already the eyes of everyone in the theatre were on her – whether out of respect, fear or a mixture of the two Milo couldn’t tell.

    The Director came to stand in the middle of the screen, sweeping her pale eyes over the scientists before her. Her gaze rested on Milo for a moment, then darted quickly away. She cleared her throat, and the silence from the rest of the room doubled.

    “I have called you all here,” she began, her voice filling the space without needing a microphone, “because it is time for me to tell you what you have been working towards.”

    Milo frowned. A few mutterings started up from some of the geneticists behind him, but they were swiftly hushed by a stare from the Director.

    “As you undoubtedly know,” she continued, “there have been some incidents here recently. The first: the escape of the unique specimen – this facility’s only unique specimen, and therefore the most valuable one them all. I am pleased to inform you that our –” she paused almost imperceptibly – “staff… have located it, and its recapture will take place very shortly.”

    Milo winced inwardly, hoping that Theo and the girl with him wouldn’t be stupid enough to get in the way of MemorCorp’s “staff”. If the guards had found Archopy, there would be no stopping them from reclaiming it.

    “The second incident,” the Director said, “is that of the break in. Luckily nothing major transpired from that, and indeed our staff are also dealing with the loose ends that are the two intruders.” As she said this, she stared directly at Milo again. He started noticeably and looked away so she wouldn’t see just how worried he was.

    “But it opened my eyes to the fact that we need to act quickly, before they or any others like them can intervene,” the Director went on. “And so, ladies and gentlemen, memory experts and geneticists…”

    They’re experts now? thought Milo as quietly as he could.

    “…it is my great pleasure to inform you that we are going to change the world.” She smiled and looked around at her audience as if expecting them to break into applause.

    Everyone stared. No-one said a word; indeed, no-one seemed sure quite what to make of it.

    Not put off by the lack of a positive reaction, the Director continued as fluently as ever. “Geneticists,” she said, addressing the group on Milo’s side of the theatre, “I’m sure you have wondered over recent weeks why you have been asked to prepare so much DNA when we never give any Pokémon out to trainers – indeed, when the only Pokémon we even give life to are merely test subjects.”

    Milo nodded; yes, he had wondered.

    The Director turned to address the other side. “Memory experts –” Milo cringed inwardly at the term – “I have no doubt that you too have wondered why you have researched the lives of these ancient Pokémon but not been allowed to publish your findings beyond this facility.”

    There were nods and murmurs of agreement from the far side of the room.

    “Well, the reason is quite simple.” The Director smiled again. “You are going to take the DNA you have prepared, bring it to life and, using your exclusive research, introduce these species of Pokémon into the wild. Within a few generations, Hoenn will be a changed place, repopulated with the Pokémon that used to inhabit it aeons ago.”

    A hushed silence filled the theatre. Some of the scientists looked impressed, others were staring at the Director as if she’d gone mad.

    Milo’s mind was awhirl. He’d had no idea that her plans would be anything like this. It was almost a relief to hear it; he’d been guessing at something more along the lines of building an army and taking over the world. Perhaps that was the result of one too many comic books in his childhood. But this – this was on a similar scale, yet at the complete other end of the spectrum. Milo didn’t know what to think.

    “Excuse me,” came a voice from the other side.

    The speaker waited until the Director’s unflappable gaze was on him before continuing. “With all due respect, we can’t just go releasing fossil Pokémon into the wild left, right and centre. They won’t know how to survive!”

    The Director raised one thin eyebrow. “Really, Mr. Fraser? Why do you think you’ve spent all your time here researching their memories? You know more about how these Pokémon lived than any other scientists in the world. You are going to use that knowledge to find habitats in Hoenn for each species, and you will make changes to these habitats if they are not suitable enough.”

    The last sentence was an order, not a statement. The man who had spoken nodded and duly fell silent.

    “It won’t work,” piped up a woman among the geneticists.

    The Director’s head snapped around to look at her. “Hm?”

    “You said within a few generations – meaning you expect the Pokémon to breed. But the problem is, most of the DNA we have for each species was taken from one individual. They’re basically clones of each other.” She paused to look around; the rest of the geneticists were nodding along with her. “So the gene pool won’t be large enough for them to breed. They’ll all just die from disease or abnormalities.”

    The Director nodded. “You’re quite right, Miss Carter. I had realised this myself. And that is why your jobs –” she indicated all of the geneticists with a sweep of her eyes – “are by no means finished yet. You are to take each piece of prepared DNA and alter the individual traits so that each one has its own unique genes. Essentially, you are to create an artificially diverse gene pool for the population to breed with.”

    A few groans started up from behind Milo, but they quickly died down as the groaners realised just whose orders they were groaning at. Milo shared their sentiments; altering DNA was one of the most fiddly things possible in Pokémon genetics, and to do it for every single piece of DNA they had extracted would take a tediously long time.

    “Does anyone have any more questions?” the Director asked, looking expectantly at her audience. A few of them fidgeted in their seats, but none of them spoke. She smiled. “In that case, that is all. You may all go home and get some rest, because tomorrow you start your work.”

    Her eyes fell on Milo, and he had to suppress a shiver. “Mr. Walsh, could you stay behind for a minute, please?”

    Milo froze in his seat, unable to move as the rest of the geneticists got up and filed out around him. Stupidly, the one thing he kept wondering about as he waited for them to leave was how the Director knew his name when she had never spoken to him before. He was almost glad; at least it took his mind off more frightening questions such as why she had chosen to pick on him.

    The last of the other side slipped through a separate door and closed it, leaving Milo alone with the Director. He got up out of his seat and walked towards her, feeling increasingly like a disgraced schoolchild – something he hadn’t even been too familiar with in his youth. “Yes, ma’am?” he asked, trying and failing to make his voice sound confident.

    The Director looked down at him with what felt like an ice cold gaze. “I understand you wrote up a report on the unusual genetics of the unique specimen?”

    An audible sigh of relief forced its way out of Milo without asking his permission first. Was that really all he’d been kept in for?

    “Yes, ma’am. Yes, I did.”

    “Well, I’d like to see it from you before you leave tonight. I hear it contains information that I need to know if Archopy is to become a successful part of this project.”

    Milo nodded. “I’ll go and get it for you. Ma’am,” he added hastily, before scuttling out of the room, feeling like he’d had a very narrow escape.

    * * *

    Carrie could only watch in horror as more rocks cascaded from the cave roof, building up to the growing barricade that already cut off the outside almost completely. Getting out while there was still a chance was out of the question; the remaining hole was far too small and anyone going near the rock fall was asking to be struck by one of the tumbling boulders. As a final rock closed off the top of the gap, the last vestiges of light were blotted out completely, plunging everyone into total darkness.

    The shaking and clattering came to a stop, but Raptola’s cries of fear still echoed throughout the cavern. Carrie felt for his Poké Ball and pulled it out; she needed to recall him, if only she could see where he was…

    “Lights, anyone?” she called to her Pokémon. “Come on, most of you know a glowy move or two.”

    A blue shimmer duly illuminated the cave, picking out in sharp detail the rough walls and the pointy ceiling. Carrie looked around for Raptola and found him clutching onto his mother, sobbing. She quickly returned him to his ball, taking a considerable weight from her mind with him. The voice that had ordered the Rock Slide was familiar to her, and she was sure Raptola had recognised it, too.

    The sound of rock scraping on rock came from the mouth of the cave, and Carrie suddenly registered that blue light had to be from a Psychic attack. She turned around to see that Empathy had already started on the barricade, lifting the boulders away to allow a sliver of natural light back in. Her other Pokémon quickly cottoned on and joined in, the Grovyle slicing away with shining blades that further lit the cavern and Crescent smashing rocks with powerful blows from his darkened claws.

    Looking across at Theo, Carrie could see that he was as apprehensive as she was about breaking back out of the cave when it was clear that those who had trapped them inside wanted them to stay trapped. This didn’t bode at all well for their search for Archopy – who would seal someone inside a cave containing exactly what they were looking for?

    Despite this, Carrie was still willing her Pokémon on, simply because she wanted to get a look at her enemy in an effort to gain more of an idea as to what exactly was going on. And to be sure of what had happened to Archopy; while the evidence all pointed towards its capture, she refused to accept it until she had solid proof. Their journey just couldn’t all have been for nothing, not now.

    The wall of rocks sealing them in crumbled further, allowing Carrie a proper look at who stood outside. The bald man from Raptola’s kidnapping leered back at her, sending a chill down her spine. The Aggron that she now knew belonged to the thug stood beside him; his Houndoom lay at his feet.

    Refusing to show her fear, Carrie stepped past her Pokémon, clambered over the remaining pile of rocks and looked around outside the cave. She swore.

    The group of three from the previous day had apparently brought in reinforcements. At least ten men in leather jackets or similarly rough-looking clothes stood around the side of the canyon. With them were hordes of Pokémon, almost all in their final forms but invariably intimidating whether they had finished evolving or not. Carrie couldn’t even begin to count them, but she assumed that each of the ten thugs would have carried five or six Pokémon with them.

    That made almost sixty guard dogs, covering each and every one of the cave mouths in the wall of the canyon. The gang must have known as well as Theo did that the caverns were interlinked. There was no escape, whichever path they might choose to take.

    Carrie swore again and withdrew her head from the gap. With only the bald thug and two of his Pokémon in sight, their situation didn’t seem quite so daunting.

    Looking again at the leader’s triumphant face, she reminded herself that she still wanted answers. “What have you done with Archopy?” she demanded.

    The thug only gave a smug smile. Carrie thought at first that this couldn’t be good news, but then she recalled that the man had had a tendency to gloat during the kidnapping. Surely if they’d caught Archopy by now, he’d be rubbing it in her face?

    She was distracted from pressing him any further by her Pokémon edging forward and freezing as they too caught sight of the sheer number of foes outside. The closer threat that was Houndoom fixed each of them in turn with its eerie, solemn gaze.

    Foliano and Ivyx shrank back together. Neither of them had been around to see the Pokémon during Raptola’s kidnapping; they wouldn’t have known that it – hopefully – shouldn’t attack them unless ordered to. Empathy gave the hellhound a wary glance and backed off too. Carrie suspected he was remembering the Crunch used on him the previous day without much desire to repeat the ordeal. Velotus merely scanned the array of foes outside and opted to stay where he was. He didn’t seem intimidated – rather, it was as if he just didn’t feel like leaving at that point in time.

    That left Crescent. The Absol crept forward slowly, hesitantly, giving quick glances to both the Aggron and the Houndoom but not letting the sight of them put him off. His muscles tensed, and Carrie realised what he was about to do.

    “Don’t,” she told him firmly.

    Her Absol looked back at her almost apologetically, shook his mane and shot out of the cave, dodging past the Aggron in a flash and disappearing into the half-light.

    “No!” Carrie called after him desperately. “Crescent, come back! They’ll slaughter you!”

    He didn’t turn; he probably didn’t even hear her. The bald thug watched the Absol’s progress as he fled, then nodded to his Houndoom and barked, “After it.” The dog immediately leapt up, spun around and pursued Crescent into the dusk.

    Carrie almost started to chase after the Absol herself, but a Pokémon running out into the horde of enemy creatures had been mad enough – a human doing so would be suicide. She stepped back bitterly as the man ordered another Rock Slide from his Aggron, sealing them in for a second time. The rocks cascaded again, blocking the view, but Carrie stayed glaring at the bald man with a look that would have made Velotus proud until the very last boulder had plunged them into darkness once more.

    She turned to where she knew Theo was standing. The complete darkness disoriented her, and she couldn’t help worrying if she was going to crash into an unseen wall.

    “Lights, please,” she muttered.

    For what seemed a long time, nothing happened.

    “Now?” she added, becoming impatient.

    After a pause, a green-tinged whiteness overtook the cavern. Carrie looked down; it was coming from Foliano’s Leaf Blades.

    “What took you so long?”

    Foliano looked affronted and pointed at Velotus. “I expected him to.

    Velotus shot a disgruntled look back at the stockier Grovyle and then glanced up at his trainer, who was waiting for an explanation. “I’m not wasting my energy,” he said simply. “Not now.

    Carrie rolled her eyes. “At this rate, we’ll be in here for a while, so you’ll probably have to at some point.”

    Velotus grunted and said no more on the subject.

    Carrie looked around at her three Grovyle and Empathy, each bathed in white leaf-light. “All of you know a glowing attack, so you can all take it in turns to light the place up.” She turned to the man standing further back in the cave. “Theo, any of yours know anything… glowy?”

    “No, I don’t think so,” he replied. “But I do have a torch.”

    Carrie felt like slapping herself for not having thought of torches, but she didn’t because Theo was there. “And I’ve got my PokéNav’s backlight,” she said. “The batteries won’t last forever, though.”

    “Neither will the torch’s.”

    Carrie sighed as the realisation of just how lost they would be if they stayed trapped in the cave for too long properly dawned on her.

    “We’ll just have to manage,” Theo told her, noticing her defeated look.

    She nodded dismissively and moved away from the blocked entrance, beckoning Foliano with her so that his light picked out the shape of two separating tunnels leading off from the one they stood in. “So, you’re the cave expert around here,” she said to Theo. “Which one?”

    “Which one to what?”

    “The place you found Archopy,” Carrie said, just restraining herself from adding a “duh” on the end of it.

    Theo frowned. “Is there any point? If the Bad Light members have caught it, we’re better off trying to escape and go after them.”

    She raised an eyebrow. “Did you see how many of them there were out there?”

    “No, but I gathered from your swearing that it’s pretty bad.”

    “Pretty bad doesn’t even come close,” said Carrie bitterly. “They’ve covered every single f*cking exit.” She sighed and continued more reasonably. “Besides, I think they might not have caught Archopy yet. I’m pretty sure the bald guy would have rubbed it in if they had, but he didn’t.”

    You mean they’re still in here, looking for it?” came Velotus’ hissing voice. He darted around Foliano and landed at Theo’s feet, glaring up at the man. “You. Direction. Now,” he spat.

    Theo glanced worriedly down at the Grovyle and then looked to Carrie. “Erm, what did he say?”

    “Velotus would like to know which direction to go, too,” she said innocently. Carrie wasn’t sure why it still amused her that Theo was scared of Velotus, but it did.

    “Okay…” he said hesitantly, turning around to size up the two tunnels before pointing to the rightmost one. “This way.”

    Velotus needed no further encouragement and leapt into it, moving so quickly that he disappeared into the darkness in seconds.

    “Whoa!” Carrie called after him. “Slow down a bit, will you?”

    The Grovyle came back so that he was just visible in the leaf light. He gave her one of his looks. “Why?

    “We need to stay close,” she told him, indicating Foliano pointedly, “or someone’ll get lost. This isn’t a forest, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

    Oh, really? That must have escaped me,” Velotus snapped back irritably.

    Carrie glared at him for a moment, irked by his sarcasm. Then she realised that she’d been on edge enough to start the potential argument in the first place, so she let it drop.

    “Let’s just go,” she sighed.

    Ivyx stayed close to her mate and Empathy stayed close to his trainer as they set off through the darkness. With Theo guiding Velotus, who insisted on leading, the six of them cautiously made their way towards Archopy’s cavern.

    * * *

    It took longer to reach their destination than Theo had hoped it would, given that moving any faster than walking pace was risky in such dark tunnels. Foliano had soon become tired from keeping his Leaf Blade formed for so long, so Theo had nominated his torch to take the next shift in lighting the cave. This kept him at the back of the group, pointing the beam forward to illuminate the way for everybody else.

    Even though he never usually felt uneasy inside caves, the knowledge of being trapped was making Theo increasingly anxious. For the sake of some company of his own, he’d let Kabutops out of his Poké Ball; the fossil Pokémon was now walking beside Foliano, deep in conversation with the Grovyle. From the amount of listening his Pokémon was doing, Theo guessed that Kabutops was being filled in on the progress of the past day.

    He’d told Carrie that Kabutops had been let out due to knowing the cave better than he himself did, having expected a total lack of sympathy had he told her the real and far more insecure reason: that he'd just wanted a friend. It was at least true that as a Rock-type, Kabutops probably could remember the layout more accurately than his trainer since he had accompanied Theo on his last visit to this cave.

    He thought back to that visit of barely more than a month ago, filled as he always was with the excitement of exploration and the possibility of discovering something new. Well, he’d certainly done that, at least. And yet here Theo was again, traversing the same set of tunnels, any enthusiasm he might have had dampened by the dire situation they were in. If Archopy wasn’t in the place he’d found it, he wasn’t sure where he’d turn next – but he told himself firmly that he’d only think about that problem if it arose.

    Theo suddenly realised he was inches away from smacking his head on one of the longer stalactites jutting down from the ceiling and dodged just in time. He mentally shook himself, asserting that he was supposed to be the leader of this expedition and shouldn’t be spacing out. Angling his drooping torch upwards slightly so that it picked out more of the rocks ahead in its beam, Theo noticed a familiar junction in the distance. The left turning led directly into Archopy’s cave.

    Partly because he didn’t want to be blamed for Velotus suddenly dashing off down it and partly because Kabutops was supposed to be navigating now, Theo said nothing and waited for it to come within reach. The only sounds filling the tunnel now were the thud of human footsteps and the click of claws on stone. Foliano and Kabutops had finished talking. Either they’d run out of things to say, or Kabutops had recognised the place as well and ended the conversation.

    They neared the turning at last, and the fossil Pokémon pointed a scythe to the left. “Tops.”

    Still in front, Velotus checked where Kabutops was indicating with a quick glance back and headed towards the tunnel with no noticeable change in his demeanour.

    “Kabutops,” the Pokémon added.

    The effect on the Grovyle was electric. Vivid white light flooded the cave as his arm leaves slid into blades, outshining Theo’s dull yellow torch beam by far. Velotus dropped to all fours and shot across the ground, grabbing at any and every bump in the rock floor to propel him into the cavern faster. Almost as quickly as the bright whiteness had appeared, it had all but gone, leaving only a faint glow from further in where Velotus had stopped.

    From the look on her face, Carrie had obviously put two and two together, and she began running in the same direction as fast as her own legs could carry her. Her other three Pokémon followed suit, the Grovyle easily outpacing their trainer. Theo shared a shrug with Kabutops and jogged up the short tunnel, keeping level with his comparatively slow Pokémon. He would have been quite happy to walk, but something in him didn’t want to lay eyes on Archopy too much later than Carrie did.

    Theo made sure to shine the light in her direction as she entered the cavern; he didn’t want her knocking herself out on an unseen rock, and neither did he savour the thought of being snapped at for it when she came round. He crossed the threshold of the cave himself and aimed his torch beam around at the walls as a sharp “Vyle” from Velotus heralded the fading of his white light.

    The cavern was comfortably large enough to fit both trainers and all five Pokémon in it with plenty of room to spare. Theo knew at once that it was the right one; he’d spent a good few hours in here last time uncovering and excavating Archopy’s fossil and he’d come to be familiar with the crinkled contours of the walls. If that hadn’t been enough, there was always the rather noticeable hole in the rock where he’d hewn the fossil out and the pile of rubble beneath it that he’d been too excited at his discovery to bother clearing up.

    Exactly as Theo had left it, then. Which was promising.

    Less promising was the fact that Archopy was not there.

    “Where is it?” said Carrie slowly, looking around the cave as if she expected the creature to suddenly walk in through one of the walls.

    “Not here,” Theo answered, his brain having momentarily forgotten how to do anything more than state the obvious.

    “I know it’s not here.” Carrie turned on the spot and gave him an accusing glare. “You said it would be.”

    “No, I didn’t, actually,” Theo told her, forcing his mind back into co-operation with him. “I said it might be here, and that we should come here first and work from there.” He approached the wall from which the fossil had been dug and crouched down beside it, frowning.

    “So what do you suggest, O Wise One?”

    “Shh!” hissed Theo. “For once, just be quiet, would you?”

    He was quite pleased with himself when no scathing retort was forthcoming.

    Free from distraction, he began to think. This was the place where Archopy’s body had been fossilised – the place it was most likely to come to given that the only guidance it had was the memories implanted in it. Wasn’t it? Perhaps it had come here, found nothing and wandered on through the caves, meaning it could be anywhere within Northern Canyon’s complex of tunnels by now.

    There was something not quite right about Archopy coming into a maze of caverns, though. If it was a Grass-type, wouldn’t it have preferred to stay in the nearest forest, which was probably directly above them by now? It wouldn’t quite be exactly where it had died, but that place was gone now, flattened and re-carved into these caves by the passage of time.

    Further connections of facts made their way around Theo’s mind. And smacked him in the face.

    “Oh, no,” he said, standing up.

    “What?” asked Carrie.

    “Oh…” Theo let out a heavy breath. “I am such an idiot.”

    “Why?” she said, still confused.

    He turned to face her. “We spent so much time telling each other, discussing it, arguing about Archopy being found here,” he said. “I’d almost forgotten – this place used to be an ocean.”

    “So?”

    “So Archopy would have lived on the nearest landmass at the time. It would have, I don’t know, died near the shore and got washed out, or something.”

    “So where is the nearest landmass?” Carrie hissed, beginning to sound impatient. “Or was, or whatever?”

    “I don’t know,” said Theo, “but it the area around here looks pretty flat, so it would all have been underwater back then.” He made no attempt to hide the horror of realisation in his voice. “The nearest landmass is probably halfway across Hoenn.”

    “No…” Carrie stared at him, comprehension dawning on her face. Theo nodded grimly.

    “We’ve come all this way for nothing. Archopy was never here at all.”

    ~~~

    << Previous chapter
    Last edited by elyvorg; 15th April 2012 at 3:18 AM.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  13. #213
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    Ok, I'm going to not follow up my threat just becuase this was so good. Memorcorp is going to put fossil Pokemon back into the wild, which is nuts. Although, they do have it pretty thought out. They are missing Archopy though. But what makes Archopy so special? It is one of a kind, but wouldn't they have DNA samples?

    The fact that they've gone all the way to Northern Canyon for nothing was quite annoying, seeing as it took them most of the fic to get there and now they have to go back. You did this to add more chapters, didn't you? In fact I'd completely forgotten about the ocean bit.

    So from now on I'm not complaining about you writing more chapters. Write away, becuase I'm going to enjoy reading it.
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  14. #214
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    Ok, I'm going to not follow up my threat just becuase this was so good. Memorcorp is going to put fossil Pokemon back into the wild, which is nuts. Although, they do have it pretty thought out. They are missing Archopy though. But what makes Archopy so special? It is one of a kind, but wouldn't they have DNA samples?

    The fact that they've gone all the way to Northern Canyon for nothing was quite annoying, seeing as it took them most of the fic to get there and now they have to go back. You did this to add more chapters, didn't you? In fact I'd completely forgotten about the ocean bit.

    So from now on I'm not complaining about you writing more chapters. Write away, becuase I'm going to enjoy reading it.
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    Credit for the banner goes to Kamotz

  15. #215
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    Wow, that was... unexpected, they're not really going to go all the way across Hoenn are they? Something else must happen. I don't think you would have done all this to "add more chapters" as SMb said.

    I was surprised that the Director wasn't all take-over-the-world-psycho, but she is mental to think that you could ever successfully re-introduce long-extinct pokemon. For a start, if the pokemon world is anything like the real world, the atmosphere would have been completely different in their time; and as is discussed in an anime episode with Armaldo in it, their food sources will have died out too.

    Anyway, I'm glad that wasn't the last chapter as I enjoy reading it so much, I just hope this isn't going to become a tedious journey across Hoenn...
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  16. #216
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    and i thought this story was soon going to end... there could be lots left! yay!

    I'm really interested to find out just how exactly Carrie and co are going to get out of this mess, plus i liked the revelation of memor corps ambition. But somehow i think it sounds too good to be true - guess i'll have to wait and see.

  17. #217
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    Hahaha... another unexpected turn. Awesome. Looks like Bad Light is going to have a rough time. And, I wonder what the hell Absol/Crescent was doing? Sensing a disaster or something?

    So many questions that'll all soon be answered, right?

    Thank's for the new chapter.

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    Another great chapter. An interesting fact is word choice reveals a little of where you are/were raised. Torch isn't a common word where I'm from, but for you it probably seems natural. I also love the tension at the end of the chapter, where you don't know if their enemies realized what they just did quite yet.

    Link to my fanfic.
    I was Superkeeleybro on Nsider
    Another great fanfic is The Saga of Team Supernova by FPE

  19. #219
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    Another great chapter. An interesting fact is word choice reveals a little of where you are/were raised. Torch isn't a common word where I'm from, but for you it probably seems natural. I also love the tension at the end of the chapter, where you don't know if their enemies realized what they just did quite yet.

    Link to my fanfic.
    I was Superkeeleybro on Nsider
    Another great fanfic is The Saga of Team Supernova by FPE

  20. #220
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    Thanks all of you for your comments. Just remember that while I do like hearing your thoughts on the plot developments, it would also be nice to be told which parts you liked and why, or to have anything negative pointed out to me.

    storymasterb - Archopy being one of a kind, the Director is particularly keen to reintroduce its species as it doesn't even exist in the ownership of some trainers like all the other fossil Pokémon do. While they might already have enough DNA already from previously (although a lot of that will have been rendered unusable by Milo's testing on it) and if not, they can probably get it from the fossil which they still have, they could still need a live specimen - and at that, the one with the memories - for testing at a later stage. Or something.

    Eh, slight plothole there, but I don't think it will matter too much; either way, the Director doesn't really want a loose end flying around Hoenn. Thanks for pointing that out to me anyway.

    No, I did not do this to write more chapters. What do you think I did, think, "Oh no, I don't want the fic to end yet... I KNOW!"? I had been planning this right from the start, and there are even several small hints towards it along the way which no-one picked up.

    *nods* You see, Theo had forgotten about the ocean thing too. My intention had always been to deceive the readers in the same way that he was deceived by putting a lot of focus on his assumption to make everyone forget it was a guess and think of it as fact.

    ...and I'm still trying to be vague about it because it still feels wrong for me to be mentioning it outright. xP

    Glad you're no longer complaining. ^^ After all, it's not very encouraging if your readers are complaining about getting to read more.

    JammyU - Whee, unexpected; exactly what I was aiming for.

    It is good to see that you don't believe I did this just to add more chapters. I got slightly irked when storymasterb assumed I did. :/

    They might not actually be going "halfway across Hoenn" - Theo just said that to emphasise how badly he'd got it wrong. We'll see where they're headed in a bit once they sit down and think about it some more. Right now, they've got the more pressing problem of possibly being stuck in the cave forever to deal with.

    Besides, they've already been quite literally halfway across Hoenn to get from Petalburg Woods to Northern Canyon, and I really hope that didn't bore you, did it? I'm aiming to make the next leg of their journey as eventful as the first part was or more, so if that bored you in any way, by all means tell me so I can avoid it happening again.

    I don't think the Pokémon world can be anything like the real world in the sense you mentioned, because if it was, Theo's Pokémon and any fossil Pokémon belonging to anyone else wouldn't be able to survive at all. It's got to be possible for them to survive in the Pokémon world because of what we already know about the place, and it's only a small step to go from revived fossil Pokémon taken care of by humans to revived fossil Pokémon fending for themselves in the wild. You'll also notice that the Director specifically mentioned to the other side (damn, still thinking of this setup in Milo's terms xP) that they were to make changes to the habitats if they weren't quite suitable. How drastic a change remains to be seen.

    Sinnohdragon - Yep, there's quite a bit left (see the bottom of this post). And yes, you'll just have to wait and see. =D

    Piekid11 - Yay again for the unexpectedness. :3 Bad Light having a rough time? How so? They're not doing anything except standing there, guarding the entrances to those caves...

    As for Crescent: if you escaped a cave leaving a bunch of your friends trapped inside it, what would be the first thing on your mind? We'll see how his escape goes next chapter - after all, there's already that Houndoom on his tail.

    Apotheosis - Yep, I'm from the UK, so I use British terms for everything. We don't call them "flashlights" over here.

    Yay for the tension at the end of the chapter. I deliberately set it up so that you're not quite sure whether Bad Light have worked it out yet - allows for more speculation and more revelations a little later on. =D


    And I can now happily inform you all that I estimate this fic will total around 40 chapters in all. It's more likely to be on the lower side than the higher side of that number, but still, right now, we're only around halfway through.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  21. #221
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    Besides, they've already been quite literally halfway across Hoenn to get from Petalburg Woods to Northern Canyon, and I really hope that didn't bore you, did it? I'm aiming to make the next leg of their journey as eventful as the first part was or more, so if that bored you in any way, by all means tell me so I can avoid it happening again.
    I din't mean to say I was bored, far fro it, I'm sure if you did decide that they were going to go travel the rest of Hoenn it would be just as exciting as the first half of the story.

    I don't think the Pokémon world can be anything like the real world in the sense you mentioned, because if it was, Theo's Pokémon and any fossil Pokémon belonging to anyone else wouldn't be able to survive at all. It's got to be possible for them to survive in the Pokémon world because of what we already know about the place, and it's only a small step to go from revived fossil Pokémon taken care of by humans to revived fossil Pokémon fending for themselves in the wild. You'll also notice that the Director specifically mentioned to the other side (damn, still thinking of this setup in Milo's terms xP) that they were to make changes to the habitats if they weren't quite suitable. How drastic a change remains to be seen.
    I realised that the thing I'd said about the atmosphere was rubbish after i'd said it ^_^; But the thing about the food still stands, the "other side" will have to regenerate some prehistoric trees and such.


    And I can now happily inform you all that I estimate this fic will total around 40 chapters in all. It's more likely to be on the lower side than the higher side of that number, but still, right now, we're only around halfway through.
    I just wanted to say: Hooray!!!
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    Soon to become Inconspicuosaurus.

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    Despite Milo’s wild conceptions of the Memory department as practically a different planet to his own, it was as boring and white as his actual memories had known it to be from the few visits to it he’d made.
    This sentence is a little confusing because of how it's structured. Because you use "Despite", you lead me to believe that Milo's thinking of the Memory department as a different planet directly contradicts the fact it's boring and white, i.e. you imply that Milo had thought it looked different, which caused me to be very confused when the sentence then reveals that he had been there before and remembered that it looked the same. It took me a few rereads and a number of seconds to realize that you just meant it was an alien place in his mind even though it looked the same.

    “Well, the reason is quite simple.” The Director smiled again. “You are going to take the DNA you have prepared, bring it to life and, using your exclusive research, introduce these species of Pokémon into the wild. Within a few generations, Hoenn will be a changed place, repopulated with the Pokémon that used to inhabit it aeons ago.”
    Ahaha, awesome. MemorCorp wanted to repopulate the Earth with Archopy & co. all along? Genius. I love you now. Not that I didn't before. Eagerly waiting for Carrie and Theo to find out. xP

    Despite this, part of Carrie was willing her Pokémon on, simply because she wanted to get a look at her enemy in an effort to gain more of an idea as to what exactly was going on.
    Huh? Right now this sentence means that only part of Carrie is willing her Pokémon on and that because Bad Light wants them to stay trapped, she ordinarily wouldn't want to get out, which doesn't make a lot of sense. o_O

    Wait, the whole deal with Raptola's kidnapping was yesterday? o_O

    Ivyx stayed close to her mate and Empathy stayed close to his trainer
    The repetition of "stayed close" seems to alternate between working and not working each time I read this sentence.

    He’d told Carrie that Kabutops had been let out due to knowing the cave better than he himself did, having expected a total lack of sympathy had he told her the real and far more insecure reason.
    Huh. Is this real and far more insecure reason meant to be a mystery or did I just miss something? The way you proceed doesn't seem like this is supposed to be something for us to wonder about, but you never know.

    Ahaha, so they've come all that way for nothing. Nice. At least that means Bad Light is nowhere near Archopy either.

    Chapter 64: Hide and Seek
    The story of an ordinary boy on an impossible quest in a world that isn't as black and white as he always thought it was.
    (rough draft of the remaining chapters finished for NaNoWriMo; to be edited and posted)

    Morphic
    (completed, plus silly extras)
    A few scientists get drunk and start fiddling with gene splicing. Ten years later, they're taking care of eight half-Pokémon kids, each freakier than the next, while a religious fanatic plots to murder them all.

    Lengthy fanfiction reviewing guide / A more condensed version
    Read and I will be very happy for a large number of reasons.

  23. #223
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    Well I have finally reached Chapter 13 *phew what a blast* and you were right, you kept improving more and more!
    Wow halfway across Hoenn for nothing? sounds like the games to me.

    so far from what I've read Im standing by what I said before, this is absolutely gold, If I could I would print this off as a proper book and read it as much as I could.

    If you have time, could you perhaps read Chapter 1 of my Fiction? Its what Im basing my game off now, and I want it to be damned good.
    >-Pokemon: Midnight Black Fiction.
    10/10 so far, Im gonna read 2 more chapters tonight.

  24. #224
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    Dragonfree - Thanks for pointing out all those wording things to me. It seems that as I try to express more and more complicated feelings, I sometimes stumble over wording them properly. I'll try to watch out for that in later chapters.

    I've fixed them up. Had to completely redo Milo's sentence, which took a good deal of thought to come up with something clearer but with the same meaning. Carrie's one I just got rid of the "part of", because you're right; all of her would have been willing them on regardless. For Theo's, it was referring to the mention of how he'd done it for the sake of some company, which was in the previous paragraph. I realise now that there wasn't much attention drawn to that there, so I changed it to make it clearer. And I've left the "stayed close" one as it is.

    Yes, Raptola's kidnapping was only a day ago. ^^; If it helps, right now it's very late into the evening, while the kidnapping happened at around midday yesterday.

    Whee, really happy to see that you liked both "revelations". 'Specially the second one - I was all paranoid that in a similar way to how you said Chapter 18 was a little pointless because they didn't succeed, you'd find this a great big disappointment because the entire first half of the fic could now be argued as being pointless.

    Rexhunter99 - Gaaah! *headdesks* You're not supposed to know that yet! D:

    This is what I worried about with releasing Chapter 21 - with such a big and quickly summed up plot twist, some people might end up knowing about it before they get to that point in the story. There's not much that can be done about it, really, except me being as vague as I can in my review replies.

    But meh. :/

    Glad to hear as always that you liked it. Nothing's stopping you from printing it off or reading repeatedly if you really want to. =D

    10/10 so far
    I'm not fond of number ratings, though, as they don't really tell me anything. If you want to help while still being all-positive, try picking out bits you liked and telling me why.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 33: Inside has been posted.


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  25. #225
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    Well i would have to re-read the entire story for my 2 cents, then probably skim over them a 3rd time.

    Still only up to chapter 14... I have to push my self!

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