Lost Evolution

[Frosted Heavens]

*mumbles about stupid computer not working*

I tried to review yesterday, but my computer suddenly decided to be annoying and I couldn't post. Anyway, here I am once more, looking at a gorgeous chapter with the needed (splendid) description, the (superb) emotions and the (super) grammar.

First of all, whee! I knew it was Archopy, I figured it out the day before you posted the last chapter, and boy Archopy looks even better if an Grovyle fan describes it, everything elegant and agile, that's Archopy. Anyway, I'm glad I was right and that the descriptions were super good!!

Of course, it was bound to happen that Sceptile was going to be described and you did that just perfectly, using negative-sounding words for describing the CHRISTMAS TREE CREATURE OF DOOM!!!

I'm curious to see what's gonna happen next, although I hope that Carrie's not just gonna follow Archopy, the dialogue between her father was also nice and it was a good idea to introduce a family member of her as well. The reason for Carrie's loathing of SCeptile was also good, although a bit rushed, but anyway, You once more produced a wonderful chapter, and you have me filled with jealousy

as always, Highlights:

It worked. She could feel herself lifting from the ground, supported by the full spread of her leafy wingspan. Screeching with joy, the sun on her back, she rose up into the clear blue sky. Her soul mate from the past had lived in fear and misery her entire life; it was time for this Pokémon to start making the most of what she had.

Still screeching, she soared over the forest, gazing down upon the dark green sea of trees below.

beautiful wording, and a quite touching moment, this Archopy is once more... FREE!!!

Over the years she’d grasped the basics of their language and could understand the gist of their speech.

so that is your excuse

Raptola jumped, startled by his trainer’s show of emotions

Cute little Raptola, hugs the little baby (woops, little)

“Grooooo,” Raptola moaned from her shoulder. He was young and not as articulate as the other Grovyle, but Carrie knew it meant something along the lines of “Quiiiiick.”

Raptola, you're so damn cute and you know it x3

Immense wings, large pastel green leaves instead of feathers whooshed through the air, spread out to catch the wind on a downbeat as it soared over. The body, similar to a Grovyle’s but longer and darker, rushed past, allowing Carrie only a glimpse of a diamond shape on its underside. The tail flexed elegantly, the five or so leaves on its tip rustling as it did so. Twisting around to see it fly away, Carrie stared at the creature with awe and complete respect.

Taddaaaa! Archopy makes its entrance, and boy how gorgeously you described that creature, it's beyond words O___O

A large, upright lizard with a squat, triangular head and leering, bloodshot eyes. A skinny upper body atop a wide lower body that looked almost fat in comparison, the whole of it a bright, unnatural green. None of the featherlike leaves of Grovyle, this Pokémon’s two arm leaves jutted from its wrists at pointless angles. Its back was studded with six bulbous, yellow seeds, and the tail was long and dark green with spiked “branches” coming off in all directions. Some people found its tail cool. Carrie thought it looked like a Christmas tree.

Nice description! in the ugly way BTW, I just had to bold Carrie's comment, it's so hilarious!

she finished sceptically.

This just sounded so much like Sceptile that I had to highlight it

++++++

See ya

This is ~Aimi Hanako~ signing off

[elyvorg]

Griff4815 - I thought that the POV would have been clear from the way the character is referred to simply as a "she" with no name, or it'd have at least become apparent upon mention of "Them." Interesting to see that it apparently wasn't that obvious...

How was the dialogue good? I'm having quite a lot of dialogue in upcoming chapters (heck, in the rest of the fic) and I reckon I could use all the tips I can get - what in particular was good about it?

kingferret53 - That doesn't help. There's no need to say you'll come back later; I already have a prologue and two chapters, that's EASILY enough for you to comment on properly, say what you liked, what you thought I could improve on. By all means keep reading, but please don't post again unless you have something more useful to say.

Aimi Hanako - I have Psychic to thank for the way that description turned out; it was originally a slightly dull list of facts. And as for the description of the ugly green thing (no, I will not type that name except in a chapter of the fic), well, let's just say that I've had practice in describing it like that.

so that is your excuse

Indeed it is - if someone lives long enough in another country where everyone speaks a foreign language, they're going to eventually pick up the gist of it even if no one specifically gives them lessons. Similar thing happened with Carrie because she spends so much time with her Grovyle - particularly because it's the same four individuals. If another Grovyle were to come then perhaps she would have slight difficulty understanding it.

Oh, and I read Chapter 2 of your fic just now - will review when I stop being as lazy as I'm feeling at the moment.

To all frequent readers: I've decided upon a PM list in the hope of getting reviews in faster. If you'd like to be added so I can PM you when each chapter is up, just PM me.

[Darkfall]

Tried this YESTERDAY. But Yesterday failed so I pasted my review on my DevART XD.
Anyways here it be:

"It was as if she had spent her entire life crawling to get around, not knowing there was any better way, and just now she had seen someone walk past her on two legs."

I'm liking your description of Carrie's feelings here, they clarify something which I feel was delivered well, summing it up nicely. The above extract is one of my favourites.
However...
Is it just me or did some of the Grovyle's personalities drip away in this chapter? I mean, not totally, but somehow it felt they were less individual. Maybe use different words to describe their actions, for example we had a lot of Ivyx being graceful and lithe, which is good, so maybe when she speaks she could be "soft" or "calm"? And Velotus, I imagine could be a little impatient at times. So he should be "Spitting" his statements out, and use a few more exclamation marks maybe?
However i'm not ignoring the scene, so taking into account what;s just happened, I can understand some of the dimming down, but maybe it was a bit much?

Also, at the beginning, it wasn't overly clear who that Pokemon was, it could've been the Archopy from the prologue (Because let's face it, I was so damned right about that :3) or someone entirely different. It wasn't untill later on we realise it's different, and whilst this may have been the intention, to confuse, it wasn't made clear enough till after a lot of straglling around. And no one likes straggle.
What I mean was, describing the dreams took an age, but it was good and I liked it, however the description seems to flick from clear as day to far off and hazey FAR too much. Didn't help matters. Perhaps when describing memories in this fashio you should combine both, of how it FELT the memories were clear as day, yet they were shrouded by a far off haze that suggested they never even happened to her.

Consturctive stuff aside however, I really enjoyed this chapter a lot, and i'm guessing the Grovyle/Archopy was in... That place you named? (No further comments)

Also, Sceptile thinks it's protector of the forest? Pifffff that's Shiftry's job you stupid fugly green demon!

Which reminds me I have a few things to discuss with you on msn, if you're online.

Keep up the great work, the next chapter I can see going a couple of ways... Here's hoping ^^


Another quick note: Carrie understanding her Grovyle is in no way dissimmilar to the way Ash "Talks" to Pikachu right? I mean that she gets the gist of what they're saying be being near them so much and sensing what they're trying to say. At least, that's how I took that ^^.

PM system could be good, but i'm pretty sure you'll tell me on msn or something XD so... -shrug-

[Griff4815]

The dialogue was good in the sense that it was simple, smoothly written, and more or less (usually more) entertaining.

Oh, i have a question, is 'Archopy' a mix of 'Archeopterx' (the flying dinosaur) and 'Canopy'?

[elyvorg]

Darkfall - Damn at the hazy/vivid thing. I swear I facepalmed when I read that. Though I don't think I said that the memories were hazy, just unreal. Meh, either way I could have done it better, and I thank you for pointing that out. I have also tried to put in more Grovyle personality but this chapter doesn't focus on them as much.

Griff4815 - spot on with the name. Except you spelt Archaeopteryx wrong, but I'll let you off on that one. xP *has Archaeopteryx as her MSN name*

Aaaaanyway, Chapter 3 is here.

Chapter 3: Friend or Foe?

Ivyx remembered hearing once from a human’s Pokédex that in a forest, no one could hope to outrun a Grovyle, no matter how fast they may be. She couldn’t help thinking how true this was as she glided swiftly from one tree to the next, seeming a blur to anyone below who may have glanced up. There was simply nothing else that could travel this fast with so many obstacles in their way. Ivyx, however, used the trees to her advantage, as platforms to look out from that ensured she never needed to touch the ground.

Though she was marvelling at her species’ adeptness, her trainer’s task was still at the front of her mind. To search for humans who may know something about the mysterious creature. The evolution. Ivyx prided herself in her beauty, and never until now had she known of a Pokémon with more grace and elegance than a Grovyle. She was good at hiding it, but she was easily as amazed at its existence as her trainer had been, if not more so.

Dashing along a branch, Ivyx stopped for a second, completely silent, listening. If there were indeed humans here, she would be able to hear them. Pokémon native to forests could generally stay fairly quiet. People on the other hand were ridiculously noisy, always blundering about with their large feet, caring little about what they disturbed.

She could hear a human now. Not too far off, but walking quite quickly away from her current spot in the trees. It was male, judging by the fact that it made far more noise than her trainer always did. Carefully, silently, she leapt from her branch and glided in his direction, her body foliage catching the air and slowing her descent considerably. Latching onto another smooth tree, she effortlessly scaled it and launched herself into space again.

Within minutes she was waiting in a spot which the human would soon walk past. Hidden almost entirely from view, her light leaves acting as camouflage and making her look as one with her surroundings, she watched silently. With her sharp yellow eyes, she peered out from between a gap in the branches as the human passed by below.

He was quite bulky for a human – though Ivyx saw all humans as bulky, this one was particularly so. She wasn’t a very good judge of human age, but he looked to be a few years older than her trainer. On his head was a ruffled brown patch of fur – no wait, what did they call that again? – hair. He was wearing clothes of varying shades of brown too, and was carrying on his back a large – very large, big enough to fit two Grovyle in with room to spare – beige rucksack.

Ivyx narrowed her eyes and scrutinised the human. He had a rough, natural kind of aura about him, though it was more rugged than the one Carrie had. Still, he seemed to be someone, if anyone, who might know what he was doing here. He was on a mission, that much was certain; Ivyx could tell by the way he walked quickly, unerringly, brown eyes fixed on the sky. That clinched it. He was staring into the sky between the canopy – he was surely who Ivyx was looking for.

Silently withdrawing from her vantage point in the tree, Ivyx made her way back, gliding across the open spaces. She knew exactly where the others were; her natural navigation was telling her which way to head in.

Her trainer would be happy with the news of the human. It would give Carrie a purpose, something she rarely had. Foliano would be pleased to hear it too. Ivyx smiled at the thought. And her adorable little Raptola – he’d be more excited than ever. It’d probably cheer up Velotus too, though it was impossible to predict his outlook on the whole thing.

Realising she was close to the clearing, Ivyx dropped to the ground and started dashing along the forest floor.

* * *

Carrie was drawn from her reverie of the flying creature by the rustling of Raptola leaving his bush. She looked up to see Ivyx coming to a stop in the middle of the clearing, attracting the attention of her other Grovyle.

“Find anyone?” Carrie asked.

“Yes,” came Ivyx’s soft reply. “A man, reminds me a bit of you, but different. He was staring at the sky.”

“Sounds good. Did he look dangerous?”

“Not really. But I think we should be careful.”

Foliano thought about this for a second before suggesting: “Perhaps you could challenge him to a battle. Nothing major, just a little one on one to get a feel for what he’s like, before you go asking him about flying creatures.”

He had a point, like always. Carrie hadn’t really given it much thought. She guessed that she’d been subconsciously planning an introduction along the lines of “Hi, my name’s Carrie, tell me everything you know about the creature that just flew past”. This clearly was not the way to go now she was presented with a much more sensible option, she realised sheepishly.

“Good point, Foli,” Carrie admitted. “Anyone want to battle him? Velotus?”

“I’m not in the mood,” Velotus muttered darkly. He wandered over to his trainer, reaching into one of her jacket pockets with his claws. Carrie stared at him. He pulled out his own Poké Ball moodily as he said, “Release me when he starts telling you everything.” With that, Velotus pressed the button on the small sphere and was sucked into it in a flash of red light.

Foliano and Ivyx’s eyes lingered on the spot where Velotus had been. Carrie caught the Poké Ball as it dropped, her eyebrows raised. “Well, obviously not him, then. Anyone?”

She stood up. Before she knew what was happening, Raptola had bounded into his usual position on her back and was bouncing excitedly, squeaking something that approximated to, “I wanna battle! I wanna battle! I wanna battle!”

Carrie couldn’t help laughing. “All right then, Rappy, you get a battle. Just so long as he doesn’t use anything too strong for you.” The little raptor wriggled with glee. “Right then, Ivyx, you’d better lead the way.” She picked up her bag again and made to follow her Grovyle. Before she had gone too far, she felt Foliano tugging gently against her leg.

“I’ll go back in my ball too if you want,” he told her. “Just so long as I get let out to hear… you know. We don’t want to startle him now, do we?”

Carrie grinned, thinking back to Roy’s reaction to four Grovyle jumping out of a tree at him. “Okay. In you go.” She pulled out another Poké Ball from her pocket and fired the red beam at him. He had just enough time to raise a hand in goodbye to Ivyx before he became formless red light which was pulled into the ball.

Ivyx watched him go. As soon as he disappeared, she seemed to remember she had a job to do, and dashed a short way into the maze of trees surrounding them. Carrie jogged after her, the large eyes of Raptola peeking out eagerly over her shoulder.

* * *

Theo Harcliffe stopped the walking he had been doing for the past hour or so. He lowered his eyes from the sky. Why had he even been looking up there? There was no use expecting the Pokémon to appear here; it had escaped a while ago – and creatures that escaped from places tended not to head back towards them. He sighed and dropped to the ground, sitting for a moment, catching his breath.

Looking around at his surroundings, Theo saw the path that his large boots had trodden through the undergrowth. He wasn’t a great fan of forests - not that he disliked them, just that he preferred places where he could enjoy nature without feeling like an intruder. At least the woods were void of Pokémon that might resent his intrusion for now – he could hear a few rustlings and the occasional call, but they were all far off.

Then again, maybe not, he thought, noticing a shape dashing towards him. As it neared, he saw it was a pale-skinned Grovyle. Funny. That Pokémon had been on his mind a lot recently. The Grovyle stopped a few metres away from him, as if waiting for something. Or someone – a girl was following the Pokémon some way behind. She was clad in green like the leaves around her, and her clothes matched the colour of the face peering over her shoulder – another Grovyle. Unlike Theo, she seemed totally at home in the wilderness that surrounded her.

The girl pulled a Poké Ball out of a pocket and recalled the first Grovyle into it. She looked at Theo for a moment, seemingly sizing him up, before speaking.

“Hi, I’m Carrie,” she announced.

“I’m Theo,” he replied slowly, taken aback by the abrupt introduction. “Anything you want from me or something?”

“Well, Raptola here really wants a battle.” She indicated the Grovyle on her shoulder, who grinned and nodded eagerly. “You’re the first person I’ve seen – I don’t suppose you have Pokémon?”

“Uh… yes, I do,” Theo replied, wondering what the first Grovyle had to do with any of this. “I guess I could battle for a break from walking, I’ve been at it the past hour.” He fished into one of his many pockets for a Poké Ball and threw it out in front of him. White light gushed out and formed a small creature, most of its body hidden within a beige spiral shell. Several short, wriggling tentacles poked out of it along with two round eyes, looking at the surroundings in alarm. With a frightened “Oma!”, the Pokémon’s blue body retreated inside the shell, leaving it motionless on the ground.

Theo sighed. “She always does this,” he told the bewildered Carrie. “I’d hoped that more battles would get her used to the world, but every little thing gets her hiding in that shell. Omanyte, it’s only a battle, come out of there until it starts.”

Omanyte’s shell vibrated, her eyes once more peeping out of the opening timidly. The Grovyle – Carrie had called it Raptola – had jumped off its trainer’s back and was facing the fossil Pokémon with a friendly smile.

“Go on then, Rappy, Leaf Blade!” Carrie called. Raptola’s smile turned to a mischievous grin as the leaves on its arms glowed and formed two neon green scythes. Omanyte almost jumped in her haste to withdraw herself, the hard shell protecting her once more. Raptola ran over to her, slashing her armour with one blade. The shell shuddered, a squeaking cry of alarm coming from within, but it remained smooth, not a scratch on it. Raptola scowled and began to swipe madly at Omanyte, achieving nothing more than knocking her shell onto its side. Eventually realising the futility of its attacks, the Grovyle shrugged and retreated a few steps.

“Rollout,” Theo ordered. Omanyte righted herself and began to roll, slowly at first but picking up speed. Raptola leapt out of the way as she approached, and her momentum caused her to continue careering onwards.

“Grass Knot!” came the order from Carrie.

Raptola closed its eyes, concentrating for a moment. A large vine erupted out of the earth and snaked towards Omanyte’s path. She jerked as she passed over it, all control lost. Her shell wobbled from side to side as it rolled on, trying desperately to keep a straight course. Another flick from the long vine and it was lying flat on the ground, knocked over.

“Water Gun, quickly!” yelled Theo as the vine retreated into the earth.

“Giga Drain!” Carrie called. Omanyte fearfully drew her body out of hiding, a small hole opening up between the tentacles that shot a jet of water at Raptola. The Grovyle dug in its foot claws and stood its ground, taking the hit but not seeming all that affected. Just as Omanyte finished the attack, Raptola swiftly ran forward and grabbed hold of her shell. Before she could retreat into it, both Pokémon were shrouded in a glowing green aura, light pulsing around them and seemingly being absorbed by the Grovyle. The glow subsided, and Raptola dropped Omanyte onto the ground. She lay motionless, her vulnerable body still exposed.

Theo let out a long breath. “Oh well, Omanyte, you did your best,” he said gloomily, recalling the ancient Pokémon into her ball. Across from him, Carrie’s Grovyle was squealing excitedly, celebrating its win. Theo walked across to her and shook hands. “Good battle.”

“Yeah,” Carrie agreed, though her mind seemed to be on something else now. She gazed up at the clear sky, almost longingly. Theo was taken aback. Could this girl be thinking about what he thought she was? Was it a coincidence that she glanced at the sky, or had she seen the flying Pokémon? He hadn’t taken other people into account – he’d been too busy searching – but now that he thought about it, surely the creature would have been noticed.

“Seen anything up there recently?” he asked her.

“Yes, actually,” Carrie replied instantly, as if she had been expecting the question, “a flying Pokémon. Big, leafy wings. Did you see it too?”

“No,” Theo admitted, “but I know what it is and where it came from. I was walking through here in the hope of seeing it. Never did, though,” he added pointlessly.

“Great!” Carrie’s face lit up. It seemed this was exactly what she’d been hoping for. “Could you… tell me everything you know about it?”

Theo stared for a moment, wrong-footed by her forwardness. Then he figured that he might as well; he had nothing better to do and it might relieve some of his frustration. “Okay then. It’s –”

“Wait a moment,” she interrupted him, “I have some friends that want to hear this too.” She pulled a hand out of her pocket, revealing three Poké Balls.

* * *

After introducing Theo to her Grovyle, and vice versa, Carrie was sitting cross-legged on the forest floor. Her four Pokémon sat around her, Theo sitting opposite, looking slightly put off by the sudden large audience. She’d also had to sheepishly explain that she was hoping for something like this from the moment she saw him – and that Ivyx had spied on him as he was searching for the creature. On finding this out, Theo seemed less eager to provide information than he had earlier, though he still obliged. Something about it was clearly bothering the man.

“Well,” he began, “that creature you saw – it’s an ancient Pokémon, just like my Omanyte. It technically shouldn’t exist at this point in history, but it was revived from a fossil. At least I think it was revived from a fossil – that is, I know it was a fossil, but I don’t know for sure how it was revived.”

“How come you know it was a fossil if you didn’t see it revived?”

“Because I dug up the fossil,” Theo said miserably. “It’s my life, basically, searching for fossils. The ones I really like, I take to a lab and get them revived into Pokémon. All of my Pokémon are from fossils I dug up.”

“Wow.” Carrie thought of how odd a team consisting entirely of ancient Pokémon was. Then she felt a pang of envy as she realised what this meant. “So why don’t you have that flying Pokémon on your team now, if you dug up its fossil?”

“Archopy. It’s called Archopy. And the reason I don’t have it… well, simply put, the lab I intended to get it revived from stole it.”

Archopy, Carrie thought. So that’s its name. She turned the word over and over in her head, testing the sound of it. It was a good name – it seemed to suit its bearer. Glancing quickly at her Grovyle, she saw that all of them, even Raptola, were listening intently. Then she did a mental double take as Theo’s words clicked in her mind. “Stole it?”

“Yeah. Kind of. I gave them the fossil and asked them to revive it; they took it, and didn’t contact me for ages. Eventually I figured to ask for it back, and they refused. Said I’d never actually stated that I wanted the Pokémon, that I’d just asked them to revive it, which is what they’d done.” He stared into the distance sadly. “It was such a good fossil, too.”

Carrie decided to ignore the last sentence. “So how come they didn’t give you that one back if they gave you your Omanyte and the other ones you have?”

“This was a new laboratory, one I hadn’t been to before. Most of my other revivals were done at Devon for me by a friend who worked there. Soon after I dug up the Archopy fossil, I called him, he told me that he’d moved jobs to a new lab specialising in fossils and that I should take it there instead. MemorCorp, it’s called. Anyway, there was nothing he could do to get me my Pokémon once they had their hands on it, so he turned whistleblower. He’s been phoning me in secret occasionally. Apparently they keep the Pokémon and run tests on them – from what I can gather, these tests aren’t nice either.”

Carrie nodded, regretting the fact that the Archopy had, if Theo was right, had to go through the “not nice” tests. Especially as it had once been a Grovyle. Which, now she thought about it, was something she wanted to confirm. “And is it true that Archopy,” she paused for a moment, savouring the word, “evolved from a Grovyle?”

Velotus shot her a look, as if to say “Don’t you trust me?” A pang of guilt hit Carrie. She did trust him. She just wanted to be sure.

“Yeah, it did,” Theo replied. “Milo – that’s my friend’s name – told me in one of his phone calls. It started as a Treecko, which evolved into a Grovyle like normal, then became an Archopy. How did you know? Who told you about it?”

“Um.” Carrie didn’t want to admit to knowing her Grovyle’s language in front of a stranger. He’d probably think her weird – it wasn’t as if she didn’t get that vibe already. “I could just tell from the way it looked, I suppose.” She winced with these words, knowing they would offend Velotus even more. Theo nodded, looking frustrated that she had seen the creature.

“And now for the big question,” Carrie said. “If MotherCorp or whatever it was kept all their Pokémon and did tests on them, what was Archopy doing flying over this forest earlier?”

“MemorCorp,” Theo corrected her. “And that’s the whole reason I’m here. I’d given up hope of ever getting my Pokémon, then out of the blue Milo calls me saying that Archopy had escaped and flown towards Petalburg Woods, that I might still catch it if I was quick. So… here I am,” he finished, somewhat lamely.

“Right,” Carrie muttered, thinking through all she had been told. “This friend of yours – Milo. I’m guessing he knows even more about Archopy than you do?”

“Oh yeah. Absolutely. Really great with genetics, he is – that’s why MemorCorp wanted him. He could tell you a lot more; most of the genetic stuff he’s told me went right over my head. But.”

“But?”

“But, because he works for them, he’s under heavy surveillance. They keep an eye on anyone their workers meet up with, in case they spill company secrets or something. Talking to him would be difficult.”

“I see – that’s exactly what he’s been doing, isn’t it? So can’t we… I dunno, sneak into the lab? Do they keep watch of him there too?”

A grin passed across Ivyx’s face at the words “sneak in”. “Finally, something interesting,” she muttered. Foliano raised his eyebrows and poked her playfully. She poked back.

“I don’t think they do – that’s the only time he’s been able to phone me with information, while he’s at work,” Theo said.

“So we can sneak in?”

“Well, MemorCorp isn’t too far from here. It’s on the outskirts of Petalburg City, quite close to the forest. But it’s heavily guarded. Just as they don’t want information getting out, they don’t want outsiders getting in. It’ll be difficult,” he paused, “and you do realise that it will also be illegal?”

Carrie froze. She hadn’t realised that. “Well… it isn’t very legal what they’re doing either,” she said defensively.

“You’re right,” Theo admitted. “And I suppose I’ll come too, seeing as they stole from me. You’ll need help, and I haven’t actually seen Milo in ages.”

“Right then!” Carrie announced, jumping up. “What are we waiting for?” She grabbed her bag, waited for Raptola to jump onto her back and marched off into the forest, her other Grovyle following in her wake. “Come on!” she called to Theo.

He was pointing resolutely in the other direction. “Nice of you to show such enthusiasm, but Petalburg City is that way.”

~~~

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This is the first chapter to include a human character other than Carrie who is more than a mere plot device, and I really have no idea how well I did, so please do tell me what you think.

I'd also like to mention that I'll be out of my country from Saturday 22nd September to Sunday 30th September, and as such I won't be able to write or review at all during that time, so the next chapter will take a while to be done. Hopefully though I'll have a load more ideas fizzing around in my head when I get back. Please do continue to review while I'm gone, though.

[Frosted Heavens]

I'll be the one to start off the reviewing!

So, we've got a new person, somewhat on the mysterious side, but he seems nice enough. However, I can't shake the thought that he's up to no good. His aura is mysterious with sinister hints, and that worries me. I'm also kinda worried about that Milo, what if he turns against Carrie? Anyway, there are heaps of possibilities for you to take so I'll await the next chapter with impatience.


Personality of the Grovyles seemed to lack somewhat. I'm not saying it was bad, just could be a little more fleshed out. Previous chapter Foliano and Ivyx were fairly ignored and had no defining charasteristics, and now, while Ivyx was shown to be a rather thoughtful Grovyle, with hints of snobbishness, lucky she conceals those parts. You mentioned that yourself. Raptola was once more the little cutie, but I missed our cool Velotus here. Foliano also needs more defining characteristics.


Now, my review aside, here are the highlights:

He was quite bulky for a human – though Ivyx saw all humans as bulky, this one was particularly so. She wasn’t a very good judge of human age, but he looked to be a few years older than her trainer. On his head was a ruffled brown patch of fur – no wait, what did they call that again? – hair. He was wearing clothes of varying shades of brown too, and was carrying on his back a large – very large, big enough to fit two Grovyle in with room to spare – beige rucksack.

This is a beautiful way to describe a human, done by a Grovyle x3 It was funny, and it really made clear how pokemon would think of a human, instead of a human of a pokemon.

He had a point, like always. Carrie hadn’t really given it much thought. She guessed that she’d been subconsciously planning an introduction along the lines of “Hi, my name’s Carrie, tell me everything you know about the creature that just flew past”. This clearly was not the way to go now she was presented with a much more sensible option, she realised sheepishly.

Indeed a brilliant way Carrie *sarcasm*

She stood up. Before she knew what was happening, Raptola had bounded into his usual position on her back and was bouncing excitedly, squeaking something that approximated to “I wanna battle! I wanna battle! I wanna battle!”

Raptola, you damn little cutie x3

*firmly grips the little baby*

I'd also like to mention that I'll be out of my country from Saturday 22nd September to Sunday 30th September, and as such I won't be able to write or review at all during that time, so the next chapter will take a while to be done.

****! I'm gonna space out my updates a little more so that a friend of mine can read the other chapters. This will probably mean that the next chapter may be in the period that you're away.

Anyway, once more, keep up the great work

~Aimi Hanako~

[Griff4815]

spot on with the name. Except you spelt Archaeopteryx wrong, but I'll let you off on that one. xP *has Archaeopteryx as her MSN name*

Damn, and I call myself a dinosaur expert :P

The thing I liked about this chapter was that I was just going to look at just the first part of the chapter and then read and review it later. But I ended up reading more and more; unable to stop.

Velotus- he seems rather pessimistic, into himself, and frankly a LITTLE bitter. He's still my favorite, though.

Something confused/surprised me.

And her adorable little Raptola – he’d be more excited than ever.

Does this imply that Raptola is Ivyx's and Foliano's child? Because I know, from your old Trainer card, that Ivyx and Foliano have "a thing" (which is cute). Oh and speaking of cute, Raptola is still equally so.


A pretty good battle scene. One thing bothered me though (and this is just me). The grass knot. To me, Grovyle's are pretty much flesh and bone pokemon, they don't have any place for vine whips to come out, like Bulbasaur and Bayleef. (I know that grass knot was used in a different way but I'm just using vine whip to prove my point) It really bothers me when I'm reading a fic and I see a Treecko using Vine whip, because....how does it work? I just can't really picture it. Thats just a pet peeve of mine so don't let it bother/ change any future plans.

Nice chapter, keep up the good work. I can't wait to come back for more.

[elyvorg]

Aimi Hanako - MY Rappy! *hugs* The paragraph of Theo's description from Ivyx's point of view was incredibly fun to write, I'm glad someone noticed it. And don't worry about me being away when you post your next chapter - I'll just give you a really late review.

Griff4815 - That summary of Velotus is pretty accurate, although the pessimism wasn't really intended - he's just been rather brooding since Archopy's appearance. Yes, Raptola is their child, I was hoping that hint would be picked up on.

I don't quite get what you meant about the vine thing, seeing as Raptola's Grass Knot came out of the earth, and Grovyle can't learn Vine Whip at all.

Thanks for reviewing both of you. More reviews would be gratefully accepted.

[Griff4815]

Aimi Hanako - MY Rappy! *hugs* The paragraph of Theo's description from Ivyx's point of view was incredibly fun to write, I'm glad someone noticed it. And don't worry about me being away when you post your next chapter - I'll just give you a really late review.

Griff4815 - That summary of Velotus is pretty accurate, although the pessimism wasn't really intended - he's just been rather brooding since Archopy's appearance. Yes, Raptola is their child, I was hoping that hint would be picked up on.

I don't quite get what you meant about the vine thing, seeing as Raptola's Grass Knot came out of the earth, and Grovyle can't learn Vine Whip at all.

Thanks for reviewing both of you. More reviews would be gratefully accepted.

Well in some other fic, I saw a Treecko use vinewhip, which bothered me. I was just a bit confused by how the Grass knot was pulled off.

[elyvorg]

A large vine erupted out of the earth and snaked towards Omanyte’s path.

Like that. That's pretty much always how I've imagined it working - the vine trips up the foe, hence the whole "more damage on a heavier opponent" deal.

[Griff4815]

I kinda meant how Raptola got the vine to do so. Was it a connection with the earth? did he somehow create it?

*edit* thanks, your PM cleared that up.

[ankokuryu]

Hey elyvorg!
*hugs* *hugs some more* *transforms into Raptola and clings on*

Sorry it took so long, but finally, here is my review of the three chapters which sadly couldn't review because of my hectic situation. However, over here I'm nearing the end of term so I should be able to review much quicker. Anyway, forget that, and onto the (very late) review! I won't be reviewing each chapter individually, but rather the three chapters as a whole.

First of all, I think I'd just like to start off with a few quotes.

She cried out in alarm, but could already feel herself growing, stretching, becoming stronger. A tickling sensation ran down her still glowing arm as she saw leaves sprout from it, joining and growing with the three that were there already. The back of her neck itched; the same was happening there. She stood up in surprise as she felt a tail force itself out from her rear. Oddly enough, none of it hurt; rather it filled her with a rush of power and newfound strength. Watching as the tip of her tail sprouted leaves too, she stopped glowing.

Wow. Just... wow. I've read plenty of evolution scenes before, but never before have I seen it beautifully written as this. I could actually feel what evolution from a Grovyle to an Archopy would be like. The tickling sensation, the sprouting of "wings", and the sensation of power, I could feel them all. Simply amazing. I guess this fic lives up to its title, the Lost Evolution.

Archopy. It’s called Archopy.

Wheeeee! Archopy! I went to your sprite thread, saw Archopy, and fell in love with it at once. Well, Archopy had to be in it, didn't it? After all, it is (by far) the better of the Grovyle evos. And as far as the story is concerned, I'm sure that this magnificent creation of yours plays a very big role. Oh, and just a guess but...
    Spoiler:- just my speculation:

Show Spoiler

 
Is Archopy the Lost Evolution? Because, well if "evolution is a battle", Sceptile would have been the "winning" evolution, and Archopy the Lost Evolution, right?
 

He was pointing resolutely in the other direction. “Nice of you to show such enthusiasm, but Petalburg City is that way.”

lol. Carrie needs to use her PokeNav a bit more, me thinks. XD

Okay now onto the more technical stuff.

My general opinion is that *don't shoot me* while you seem to be very good at describing and expressing Pokemon (especially Archopy and the Grovyles), you seem relatively lacking in the human aspect of the fic. Let me elaborate this a bit further:

Pokemon - Like I said before, you are really good with describing Pokemon, especially the Treecko line. This can be seen in multiple scenes, such as:

Immense wings, large pastel green leaves instead of feathers whooshed through the air, spread out to catch the wind on a downbeat as it soared over. The body, similar to a Grovyle’s but longer and darker, rushed past, allowing Carrie only a glimpse of a diamond shape on its underside. The tail flexed elegantly, the five or so leaves on its tip rustling as it did so. Twisting around to see it fly away, Carrie stared at the creature with awe and complete respect.

Absofreakinglutely lovely, even though I think some one already quoted on this one.

Following her out of the tree, darting like bullets and landing equally effortlessly were no less than four Pokémon, all slightly different in looks but all clearly the same species. Their bodies were shaped like that of a raptor, green all over except for a red throat and belly, broken by a strip of green. A long, blue-green leaf extended like a crest from the head of each, clusters of three smaller leaves from the wrists, and two more from their rears.

I see your love for Grovyles really shine here. They're beautifully described. Really.

A large, upright lizard with a squat, triangular head and leering, bloodshot eyes. A skinny upper body atop a wide lower body that looked almost fat in comparison, the whole of it a bright, unnatural green. None of the featherlike leaves of Grovyle, this Pokémon’s two arm leaves jutted from its wrists at pointless angles. Its back was studded with six bulbous, yellow seeds, and the tail was long and dark green with spiked “branches” coming off in all directions. Some people found its tail cool. Carrie thought it looked like a Christmas tree.

Again, I think this has been quoted on already but I just gotta say... this is SO FREAKING FUNNY! Seriously, I was laughing for like five minutes!

Even then though, you I thought you could do a bit better with some of the other Pokemon descriptions, like the Nidino one:

White light spurted from it and materialised into a stocky, four legged creature covered in spikes. He was purple all over except for green inside his large ears, and had a horn on his dinosaur-like face.

It's a bit short, I think you could elaborate a bit more. Also, it sounded a bit like a list, so maybe you could have put a bit more action into it to describe it more fluently.

Well, over all though, I don't think it takes a genius to work out that you're very good at describing Pokemon. Every single Pokemon that has popped up so far has been described, most of them beautifully.

However, what really impressed me wasn't your descriptions(that too, of course), but how you expressed the Pokemon as individuals, rather than emotionless drones - which, sadly tends to happen in a lot of fics (including mine... *sighs). This factor is especially notable in how you manage to individualize FOUR Pokemons of the same species, which is by no means an easy feat. It was to the point that I could distinguish them even before their names popped up. Foliano, the wise leader; Ivyx, the kind-hearted motherly one; Velotus, the cool hot-headed one; and my favorite, the unbelievably cute and adorable Raptola! Other than that, Archopy's feelings were conveyed really effectively, as was Theo's Omanyte's personality, whose shyness and timidness seemed all too natural for a Pokemon just revived from a fossil. I seriously think that this is one of the best fic I've seen so far in these terms. (other than Pokemon POV fics, of course, but thats a completely different matter.)

Humans - However, with humans, I've gotta say that you seem to be... struggling. First of all they are under-described, whether it be Carrie, Roy, or Theo. For example, lets just take a look at Carrie's description:

High up in the boughs of a tree sat a girl in her mid teens. Her back rested against the trunk, her legs lazily supported by an outreaching branch. The tree was smooth-barked and quite young; just big enough to take her weight comfortably. It was part of a forest; hundreds of similar trees all standing dotted around in a haphazard group. The brown earth at their roots was littered with bushy vegetation as well as a scattering of small, dark green leaves.

The girl looked out over the forest with her dark blue eyes. Trees were one of the most peaceful resting places, in her opinion. Few could climb them and disturb her, and those that could were Pokémon that generally left her to her own devices. From this high she could see far into the maze of trees surrounding her, and could watch anyone – or anything – that approached. Right now her eyes were following the path of a brown-haired boy she guessed to be a couple of years younger than her. Judging by his practical clothes, his large rucksack and the red and white balls on his belt, he was a Pokémon trainer. And he happened to be heading straight towards her tree. The girl wasn’t all that bothered. With her leaf green jacket and matching trousers, coupled with the fact that her messily ponytailed hair was dark green, she was practically camouflaged amongst the foliage. There was no way he would be able to see –

Well, yeah, it's good that she's green and all, but all you really described of her was age, her eye and hair color, and what she was wearing. Perhaps you could include a bit more, like her body posture, how she speaks, how long her hair is, etc. The same can go to the other two human characters as well. I know you've got it in you, because I've seen it with the Pokemon descriptions. Now all that really needs to happen is for that to be used on the human characters as well.

Apart from descriptions, after reading through, I somewhat felt that the human characters seemed rather... dull, compared to the likes of Carrie's Grovyles. I think that Carrie and Theo's (Roy is a mere plot device, it seems) personalities could have been more apparent and expressive in the chapters. Like for instance, all I could really grasp of Carrie was that she was independent, hated Sceptiles and loved Grovyles. As for Theo, I could hardly grasp his personality at all. Personally I think the base for these characters are there, but it just needs a bit more brushing up on to make it shine.

The fic as a whole though, is looking really promising. Keep up on the Pokemon, work a bit more on the humans, and you should have a really good fic, because as far as the plot and settings go, you have no problem. Anyway, all I can say now is keep up the good work, and I'll be reviewing again.

[InsaneTyranitar]

Okay... my first non-PM fic review and second review overall. Though that PM wasn't so much of a review as it was praise. Trust me, that was one darn good fic.

Yours, however, is also very good, especialy for your first one.

You're obviously writing about something you're passionate about, (stares at sig+avatar for a few seconds, then continues) your characters have personality (esp. little baby Raptola ), and to top it off, your descriptions of emotion, battle, and scenery are excelent.

I'm glad you gave a legitimate reason for Carrie hating you-know what (and yes, I shall be appeasing you by not saying its name.) rather than just saying she thinks it's fugly. I personaly don't share your loathing of you-know what, (Not that it's my favorite Hoenn starter- I loves me some Swampert.) but that destription of the tail as a "Christmas tree" is great. Due to your hatred, I'm now pretty sure who "They" are.

ankokuryu said that you aren't quite as good a fleshing out humans, but Ill let you slide for now, since it's only the third chapter. I also think I spotted some grammatical/spelling errors, but I'm not certain.
So anyways, I'm sad that you'll be gone and won't be able to post any more chapters. Hopefuly you'll be able to do so soon after you get back. Keep on writing!
(P.S.-I'm not sure if i should really be critiquing, if that's how you spell it- I haven't even written any fics of my own! Not yet anyway...)

[Griff4815]

One question: If Raptola is a baby (or is he?) shouldn't he technically be a Treecko (unless I'm wrong).

[Apotheosis]

Of the entire story so far, everything seems to be going well. No very noticeable mistakes. Imagery and characterizations are good. I think as long as you keep up current trends, this story will be great. Just remember to give each character enough time to let their unique personality show.

[blaziken33]

I've read up to chapter two and I decided to take a break. I really like how you stuck to the anime style, but you gave it a twist with adding a new pokemon. Your descriptions are second to none and the way you build up your main character is awesome. Well, I'm going back to read chapter 3, and P.S., I hope you'll read/ review my fanfic. Just click on my banner to go to it.

[HommeDor]

i am absolutely in love with your story!
it is original, interesting and about one of my fave pokémon, grovyle.... ROCK ON MAN!!! and the whole grass/flying fossil thing? ROCKS HARDCORE MAN!!!! i love the whole idea... and the sad ness, the joy, everything!

please pm me when you make a new chapter
by the way, what does the word "Aura" mean? (forgive my lack of english)

[DarkPersian479]

Yeah, figured I should get around and review this before you get 23 chapters in and catching up becomes a daunting task...

tell me everything you know about the creature that just flew past.”

Usually the punctuation goes inside the quotation marks.

“Well, obviously not him, then. Anyone?”

Missing comma.

approximated to, “I wanna battle! I wanna battle! I wanna battle!”

See previous comment.

taking the hit but not seeming all that affected by the hit.

Optional revision, but I thought the original version sounded a bit awkward.

And that does it for grammar.

On his head was a ruffled brown patch of fur – no wait, what did they call that again? – hair. He was wearing clothes of varying shades of brown too, and was carrying on his back a large – very large, big enough to fit two Grovyle in with room to spare – beige rucksack.

You do need to be commended with making Ivyx's interpretation of a human very Pokemon-like, but it does seem odd to me that she'd know a work like "rucksack" but not know what "hair" was right off the bat.

A large, upright lizard with a squat, triangular head and leering, bloodshot eyes. A skinny upper body atop a wide lower body that looked almost fat in comparison, the whole of it a bright, unnatural green. None of the featherlike leaves of Grovyle, this Pokémon’s two arm leaves jutted from its wrists at pointless angles. Its back was studded with six bulbous, yellow seeds, and the tail was long and dark green with spiked “branches” coming off in all directions. Some people found its tail cool. Carrie thought it looked like a Christmas tree.

I'll bring the chaser Christmas lights if you bring the Santa ornament that plays "Deck the Halls" and we can decorate... "the evolved one's" tail XD

and never until now had she known of a Pokémon with more grace and elegance than a Grovyle.

Persian and I would like to have a little chat with her XD

I was going to bring up your Pokemon descriptions from the first couple of chapters up but you improved on them greatly since then. Heck, it took me at least ten chapters to bring my descriptions up to par...

You do a great job with giving each major Pokemon in the fic (right now Omanyte and the four Grovyle) their own distinct personalities, which remains one of my biggest weaknesses.

Archopy intrigues me, and I'm eager to find out more about it when Theo and Carrie go and invade this laboratory. Overall, this is a really solid fic so far and I'm looking forward to more. You've got an interesting plot involving both ancient Pokemon and modern technology, and I love a good lab infiltration mission

[elyvorg]

ankokuryu - Thankies for teh awesome review. Your speculation is just about right; the title of this fic isn't really referring specifically to that Archopy, it's more of a general thing. You might see more links to the title as it gets further in.

Thanks for pointing out that my humans need some work. Others have mentioned that the Grovyle's personalities aren't glaringly apparent either, so I'm going to work hard on all of them for now.

InsaneTyranitar - Nothing wrong with critiquing without having a fic of your own, so long as you do it well. Thanks, and just a heads up, I'd actally prefer you typed the name than showed the smilie ^^;

Griff4815 - Raptola evolved very early, and is still young at heart. He's not exactly a baby, more like a child.

Apotheosis - Thanks, I am going to keep in mind my characterisations.

blaziken33 - Anime style? I'm not specifically following that, I'm just taking the Pokemon franchise and interpreting it however I want, sometimes taking reference from the anime.

I would normally try to read yours out of courtesy, but with the sudden inrush of reviewers I probably won't get round to it, at least not until after my trip.

HommeDor - Whee, a Grovyle fan. Anyway, an aura is the feeling someone gives off. Sort of... I suck at being a dictionary.

DarkPersian479 - Added the commas and the word "all" (though not the "by the hit" as that would be redundant wording which I like to keep away from). I'm not so sure about the full stop in the quotation marks though - I glanced through your punctuation thread and the impression I got from some of the repliers was that with a quotation, putting punctuation outside the quotation marks is either A, the British way (I'm British), or B, it doesn't matter which you do. Carrie's sentence was only in her head so it would count as a quotation rather than direct speech in this case.

I hope you enjoy the lab infiltration, especially as I'm still not quite sure how it's going to pan out. :S


Thankyou to everyone who just reviewed, you'll all be added to my PM list unless you say otherwise. I may try to get round and read some of your fics in return after my trip, but don't count on it.

[Forestrunner]

Poor Sceptile, pains me to see it getting condemned around this parts. Well, at least it wasn't Shiftry who got the hate, or else I'd kill somebody.

It seemed like most of the glaring issues, which are really not that glaring, had been addressed and the thing you did well had been praised, so I really don't know what to say.

The outlook you gave to Sceptile in your story convinced me that Archopy was the true evolution for Grovyle, which is awesome. Now I can't seem to shake off the idea that Sceptile are such arrogant *******s, thanks to you. Oh, and I've never thought of Grovyle as being elegant until I got aquainted with Ivyx. Always thought it was a Milotoc thing.

So there's this girl of the forest and boy of the caves/mountains. Can't wait to see if there's anymore trainers with their own terrain alignment.