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Thread: Lost Evolution

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    Default Chapter 15: Hope

    Whoo. New chapter. Not particularly amazing plot-wise, but it does have a character I'm rather fond of, as well as several lines I like.

    Chapter 15: Hope

    Raptola shivered in Carrie’s arms. Trying not to think about him too much, she scanned the scenery around her. On one side, the terrain rose with a familiar bumpy rockiness; to the other, far in the distance, she could see the reassuring green of trees. Somewhere between the two, she knew, was the desert – and more importantly, the Pokémon Centre at its outskirts. She fixed her eyes straight ahead and started walking, knowing that her destination was far away.

    Once they reached it, they would be safe. The traumatised Raptola needed a new Poké Ball and some proper rest, and the hurt Pokémon – particularly Ivyx – needed healing. More than anything, Carrie was deeply worried about Foliano. She had no idea if he was going to evolve or not, but she convinced herself that he would be fine as long as she got him to the Pokémon Centre quickly. It was the only consolation she had.

    She was drawn out of her deepening anguish by the sound of Theo’s footsteps behind her. She almost envied him; the only troubles his Pokémon had were minor, everyday battle wounds. He had it easy.

    He came into sight at the edge of her vision, a good few metres off to her left. Carrie had the distinct feeling he was deliberately keeping away from her. Then she realised that unlike her, he probably knew exactly which direction the Pokémon Centre was in. Grudgingly, she fell into line beside him, albeit a few paces away; resentment seemed to radiate from him like heat. She tried catching his eye, but he remained staring determinedly ahead, his jaw clenched in apparent anger.

    Absent-mindedly stroking Raptola, she kept her distance and let him sulk. Velotus drew level with her, casting Theo a glance out of the corner of his eye. Carrie saw the darkened patches on the Grovyle’s body and reflected on how he should really get them sorted, whether he agreed with it or not. For a moment, an image of herself mildly offering a Burn Heal to Velotus popped into her mind. The thought almost made her laugh.

    Theo continued to ignore her. Carrie wouldn’t have minded, but it annoyed her to be treated as though she didn’t exist. Her attempts to walk with him in stubborn silence eventually gave way to mounting frustration. “What is your problem?” she burst out.

    “You told them where Archopy is,” he said, his voice infuriatingly calm.

    “And?”

    “And now we have even more people to race to N – no, I’m not even going to say it,” Theo said, anger starting to creep into his voice. “With our luck, there’ll be someone else hiding behind a rock, listening to everything we’re saying.”

    “They had Raptola,” spat Carrie. The young Grovyle whimpered; she held him closer to her protectively.

    “They’d had Raptola for ages, and you’d managed to keep it in you until I came,” Theo retorted, still not looking at her.

    “Yes!” Carrie said emphatically. She steered the conversation away from a topic she didn’t want to think about: the fact that she could have given in earlier, and a certain event wouldn’t have happened. “Until you came! And you did a great job of rescuing me so I wouldn’t tell them anything, didn’t you?”

    He huffed. “I didn’t come for you. I came for Archopy. Only you had to go and make it a waste of my time.”

    Carrie frowned. “How did you know they wanted Archopy, anyway?”

    Theo’s voice reverted back to relative calmness. “Milo phoned me and told me about how the guards have left MemorCorp. Apparently they’re after both Archopy and us.”

    “I’d worked that out myself, thanks,” she muttered.

    Theo didn’t bother replying, so the conversation dissipated into nothing. More minutes dragged by; more stretches of bare ground passed underfoot. Carrie tried to occupy herself by rhythmically stroking Raptola’s crest leaf. As the little Grovyle began humming softly in content, she found herself riled at the thought that there could be anything wrong with wanting to protect such an innocent, harmless creature.

    Now seemed a good enough time to break the silence again. “Would you have kept quiet if it was one of your Pokémon they were threatening?” Carrie asked with a hint of menace. “Omanyte? Your precious, brainless Anorith?”

    “Don’t call him that!” Theo suddenly exploded, rounding on her and glowering. His gaze burned into hers for a moment, then it dropped and clouded, and he turned back around.

    Carrie raised her eyebrows in amusement; it seemed that she wasn’t the only one who felt the need to protect her Pokémon.

    In silence once more, they walked on over the mountainside. High in the sky, the sun was beginning to descend.

    * * *

    “I’m stopping for the night,” Theo said.

    Carrie shot him a sideways glance. They had been walking constantly through the afternoon and into the early evening. Her arms felt stiff from holding Raptola for so long, but she hadn’t the heart to move him now that he’d finally fallen asleep. His eyes were closed, and he was breathing peacefully, though he stirred and fidgeted occasionally as if from a nightmare. Velotus was still going strong, but Carrie could tell from the strained look in his eyes that his burns were taking their toll.

    She cast her gaze towards the horizon, looking at the expanse of sand which now seemed almost within reach. At the foot of a mountain beside the desert, she could even make out the tiny shape of a wooden building with a painted red roof. The sky may have been darkening, but Carrie felt sure that they could reach the Pokémon Centre before night truly fell if they pressed on.

    “It can’t be that far,” she insisted.

    “An hour’s walking, at the least,” Theo told her. “Look at the sky. It’s getting dark.”

    Carrie snorted. “Noticed that without your help today, thanks.”

    He sighed. “And this is as good a place as any to stop and camp.”

    She looked around her. They’d finally ended up on a marked route more commonly travelled on by trainers – Route 112, if she remembered correctly – and the path was smoother and more worn. Patches of grass had started to spring up again, as if making a last-ditch attempt to appeal to travellers before they reached the desert. It was to one of these, rimmed with rocks, that Theo indicated they should set up camp.

    “It’s not as good as the Pokémon Centre would be,” said Carrie, refusing to be swayed.

    Theo sat down on the grassy ground as if the decision had already been made. “When we get there tonight – if we were to get there – it really would be dark, and we’d be exhausted.” He swung his bag off his back and began taking things out. “Besides, I’m starving.”

    She stayed where she was, not joining him. “I can eat while I walk. It’s called multitasking. Males should try it sometime, it’s not that hard.” She gave him a searching stare. “I thought you were the one desperate to get to Archopy, anyway?”

    He stopped his unpacking and looked up at her. “Either we rest here and get to the desert a little later tomorrow, or we carry on to the Centre, oversleep due to tiredness, and get delayed because of that,” he said matter-of-factly. “We’ll be late either way.”

    “Fine,” Carrie said as she turned away from him. “I’ll be late my way. Some of my Pokémon need healing as soon as possible,” she added, putting subtle emphasis on the “my”. With that, she set off towards the distant building. Theo didn’t even bother to protest.

    Velotus caught up to her with a soft growl. She could tell what he was thinking; his current pride would never admit needing to be healed. “No, Velotus, I wasn’t talking about you,” she said.

    Good.

    “Although you could go back into your Poké Ball if you –”

    No.

    Carrie sighed. That would be the fifth time he had refused to do so since they’d started heading towards the Pokémon Centre. Or the sixth. She’d lost count.

    “Enduring a few burns isn’t going to help you, you know,” she told him, exasperated.

    Help me with what?” asked Velotus, as though he didn’t know the answer.

    Carrie rolled her eyes. “Nothing.”

    They continued in silence for some minutes. A rumble of complaint started up from Carrie’s stomach, reminding her that she was famished. Raptola was still sleeping soundly in her arms; she’d have to wake him up to reach her food.

    She reluctantly gave the Grovyle a gentle shake. He stirred, so she shook him again. Abruptly, he snapped into wakefulness, gripping her with his sharp claws and staring wide-eyed up into her face. “Don’t!” he squeaked, before realising who he was looking at and softening.

    Carrie stroked him soothingly. “Rappy, it’s me,” she murmured. “It was just a bad dream.” Raptola nodded and released his claws slightly as he took deep breaths. “I just need you to climb onto my back like you normally do so I can get at some food,” she told him.

    He mumbled something meaningless and drowsily clambered over her shoulder to hang from his usual position. His face didn’t even peer out from beside hers; he was probably too exhausted to lift himself up. Carrie twisted to root through the bag at her waist for some food without dislodging him.

    Are you sure?” came Raptola’s faraway voice.

    “Huh?” she said, preoccupied with finding something edible in her bag. “Sure about what?”

    Are you sure Daddy won’t evolve?” The Grovyle sounded quietly terrified.

    Carrie’s walking came to an abrupt halt. She abandoned her search for food and fumbled instead through her mind for reassuring words. None came. Fear gripped her – a fear which was the very reason she had been trying desperately not to think about this all afternoon.

    What if Foliano did evolve? What would she do? How could she live with him? He’d still be himself inside, hopefully, but outside… She had no idea how she’d cope, how he’d cope.

    Trying to push the thoughts aside, she looked forward and saw that Velotus had come to stand in front of her and was fixing her with a piercing glare. “What did he say?” he growled as soon as she’d met his eye.

    She definitely didn’t know how Velotus would cope.

    Please be sure…” Her youngest Grovyle seemed close to tears.

    Or Raptola.

    Carrie’s legs suddenly decided to go on strike. They buckled underneath her, and she collapsed to the ground, landing awkwardly on her backside. She gazed up at Velotus who now towered slightly over her, thinking oddly that this must be what the prey that he occasionally hunted felt like.

    What is he talking about?” Velotus hissed fervently.

    She stared at him, her mouth hanging open stupidly, but no words seemed to want to come out. Raptola, who had let go of her when she’d fallen, crawled around to her front. She reached for him and held him, more for her own comfort than his.

    “I… He…” Carrie swallowed. “Foliano might evolve.”

    Velotus took a step back and hissed almost impulsively. “Why?” he spat with a mixture of bewilderment and disgust. “What the hell is he thinking?

    “It’s not his fault,” she said hurriedly. “It’s forced.” She took a shuddering breath. “You know MemorCorp? How Ivyx told you about that Grovyle that evolved? Those men had some of the stuff that forces it. They… they threatened to use it on Rappy.” Raptola squealed in fright at the memory, and she rubbed him comfortingly. “But Foli… he got in the way. And they used it on him.”

    Velotus had been listening with increasing horror. “The bastards!” Then he suddenly stopped seething with anger, and his mouth fell open. “Wait. Didn’t he…

    “No. I recalled him before he could…” Carrie broke off, almost choking on her own words. Her Grovyle nodded, his face grim.

    She pulled out Foliano’s Poké Ball and stared at it. “If I sent him out now, that could be it for him,” she murmured.

    Velotus pointed forcefully at the ball, almost physically trembling. “Don’t,” he ordered. “Whatever you do, don’t let him out of there.

    Shaking, Carrie replaced the ball in her pocket. “I won’t. Not here.” With Raptola snugly in the crook of one arm, she pulled herself to her feet and convinced her legs to walk again. “That’s why we need to get to the Pokémon Centre, fast,” she said, forcing more speed into her strides. “And Raptola needs a new Poké Ball,” she added. “I kind of… broke his.” The Grovyle whimpered in acknowledgement.

    Velotus smirked. “That was clever of you,” he commented drily.

    Carrie huffed. “I know it was.”

    She noticed the flap of her bag hanging open and remembered that she was meant to be hungry. This time, she had one arm free to root around while Raptola clung to the other one. After a while, she found a packet of cold meat and some bread that would do for a meal.

    She bit into her makeshift dinner, her eyes fixed stubbornly on the ground in front of her as a means of distracting herself. She couldn’t afford more discouraging thoughts about Foliano – not yet. The Pokémon Centre was only a small shape on the horizon. They still had a long way to go.

    * * *

    Carrie burst through the Pokémon Centre door, panting. In a spurt of urgency, she’d run the last stretch of the way, and now she took a moment to catch her breath. The room she found herself in was as dark as it was outside; apparently, lighting in this place was optional.

    She held the door open for Velotus, who was in less of a hurry than her. As soon as he was in, she slammed it shut and felt around for a chair. The only one she could find was small and hard, but she slumped into it gratefully, waking Raptola up with a jolt. Theo had been right – she was exhausted. Part of her wanted nothing more than to lie down and sleep in one of the Centre’s beds – if the place even had human-sized beds. If not, she’d happily settle for the floor and her warm, comfortable sleeping bag…

    But she had priorities. Pulling herself up from the chair to avoid falling asleep in it, she scanned the room for anything useful as her eyes became accustomed to the gloom. All she could make out was a healing machine which appeared to be rusty standing against the far wall. Apart from that and another pathetic excuse for a chair, the room seemed to be empty. Where was the counter with the bell on it that you whacked manically when you wanted service?

    “Hello?” Carrie called into the darkness. “Anyone there?”

    At the sound of her voice, a thumping started up above her as if someone was moving around upstairs – she was surprised the building even had another floor. She blinked as a dim, bare light bulb hanging from the ceiling spluttered into life, revealing the room to be every bit as empty and shabby as she’d imagined it to be in the darkness. There were only two doors leading off from it – beds were probably out of the question, then.

    One of these doors suddenly opened and out stepped a smiling young man. His sandy hair and brown eyes seemed fitting for a place so close to the desert, and the t-shirt and jeans on his skinny form went well with the all-round haphazardness of the place. He caught Carrie’s look of disdain and grinned sheepishly.

    “Sorry,” he said. “I’d turned in for the night – didn’t think anyone would come.”

    She stared at him, blinking. “And you are?”

    “I’m Nurse Johnson. Call me Sam. I’m the only nurse here.” He indicated the whole building with a wave of his hand. “I know, I know, this place is rubbish,” he said. “But it’s in the middle of nowhere, so the authorities don’t give a damn. Haven’t given me any money to do it up for years. Anyway.” He stepped forward and brightened. “What can I do for you?”

    Carrie was momentarily taken aback, then decided that at least this man made a change from the frustrating, overly-formal nurse she had encountered in Verdanturf Town. She only hoped Sam actually knew what he was doing.

    “Okay,” she said, pulling three Poké Balls out of her pocket and dumping them in the nurse’s hands for lack of a counter to place them on. “They need healing. And him.” She turned and pointed another ball at Velotus. He didn’t protest, but he did shoot the rusting healing machine a rather apprehensive glance as he dissolved into red light. His ball was thrust at Sam as well.

    Undaunted by suddenly holding four Poké Balls in his hands, the nurse darted over to the machine and placed them into the semicircular holes. “Don’t worry,” he assured Carrie. “It’s rusty, but it works fine.” Not encouragingly, he thumped the contraption, making it whirr softly. “Anything else?” he asked while it warmed up.

    “Um.” Carrie felt awkward in having to admit her stupidity to a complete stranger. “I broke his Poké Ball,” she said, indicating Raptola, who still clung onto her arm. “He needs a new one.”

    “No problem,” Sam replied, smiling at the Grovyle. “I can sort that. I think,” he added, not filling Carrie with confidence. But at least he’d skimmed over how foolish she’d been.

    She suddenly realised that he was kneeling in front of Raptola, his face level with the Pokémon. Carrie flinched and held her Grovyle with her other hand protectively. Sam surprised her by reaching out and gently stroking his crest leaf. A flicker of a smile passed across her face; it seemed the nurse did know what he was doing.

    “Why so gloomy, little one?” he asked kindly. Raptola whimpered and clung tighter to Carrie’s arm. Sam looked up at her, concerned. “What’s wrong with him?”

    Carrie’s face tightened. She didn’t want to share details. “Bad day,” she muttered.

    Sam nodded as if he understood. “I’ll get him a new ball, then he can rest,” he said, giving Raptola’s leaf a final stroke before jumping up. “Just let me find –”

    A bleep from the healing machine cut him off. He bounded towards it and peered at its tiny screen on which something was flashing. Carrie watched, worried.

    “I’m afraid your female Grovyle is badly hurt,” said Sam with a note of apology in his voice, as though it was his own fault. “I’ll have to treat her myself. But the others are fine,” he added more brightly. “Here you go.” He took out Velotus, Empathy and Crescent’s balls, and Carrie suddenly found herself loaded with more spheres than she could hold in one hand. Fumbling, she forced them back into her pocket.

    Foliano’s ball was still in there. Slowly, she pulled it out and coughed to gain Sam’s attention; he was headed towards the door that he hadn’t come out of, Ivyx’s Poké Ball in his hand.

    He spun on his heel to look at her. “Another one?”

    She nodded. “It’s complicated.”

    If anything, Sam’s face lit up. “Complicated’s more fun. Waiting around for someone to turn up and then only putting their Pokémon through the healing machine when they do gets boring after a while. What’s the problem?”

    Carrie took a deep breath. “Okay. He’s a Grovyle, and there’s this chemical in him that forces Pokémon to evolve. But I don’t want him to evolve.” She had planned to stress the not evolving part more, but something about Sam’s manner seemed to indicate that he’d understand.

    “Mmm,” he said. “Interesting.” Once again, Sam chose not to ask any awkward questions. He tossed Ivyx’s Poké Ball from his right hand to his left and reached out for Foliano’s. “Can I…?”

    Realising she was clutching it protectively, Carrie loosened her hold on the ball, allowing Sam to take it and place it on the machine. “Stopping evolution,” he murmured as he pressed a few buttons. “Have you ever heard of Everstones?”

    Carrie’s mouth fell open. She felt a sudden urge to bash her head repeatedly against something hard, but a shred of self-consciousness and the fact that there was barely anything in the room to bash it against held her back.

    Sam turned to her with innocently wide eyes. “You have, haven’t you?”

    She said nothing. She knew what an Everstone was supposed to do. It was so obvious – why hadn’t she thought of it?

    He glanced back to the screen and grinned. “Well, your Grovyle’s still a Grovyle. The stuff in him’s pumping him full of energy, so much that he’d have no choice but to evolve if he was out. But he’s okay as long as he stays in the stasis of a Poké Ball.”

    Carrie remained gaping at him. “Everstone,” she mumbled, the only word which seemed to want to come out.

    “Yes – he needs one. Everstones give out an odd kind of radiation which forces everything nearby to stay in the same state. If he’s near to or holding one, he physically won’t be able to evolve. Then we can just wait until the stuff goes out of his system.”

    She could feel her insides beginning to fill up with relief – and hope. “Do you have one?”

    Sam turned to her again and pulled a face. “Nope. That’s the only problem.” He must have caught her look of despair, and he stepped towards her with an encouraging grin. “Don’t worry. If needs be, we can leave him in there until you do find one.”

    Carrie nodded slowly. She was still kicking herself inside. If only she hadn’t been too busy distracting herself from Foliano, she might have worked it out, and then… then what? It wouldn’t mean she’d suddenly have the Everstone she needed.

    “Okay,” she said. “Where do you find them?”

    “Oh, caves and stuff, mostly,” said Sam with a wave of his hand. “People dig ‘em up.”

    The flicker of hope suddenly switched back on like a torch. “Digging? You mean, like digging for fossils?”

    He nodded. “I think it’s pretty much the same thing, yeah.”

    Carrie rushed to the door and yanked it open. “I’ve got to go. I know someone who might have one…”

    Sam chuckled, raising the Poké Ball that was still in his left hand. “I believe both you and I are still holding one of your Grovyle,” he grinned, indicating Raptola.

    She turned in the doorway, feeling awkward. She couldn’t just go haring off with Raptola still clinging onto her. He really did need rest. After a moment’s reluctance, she disentangled the Grovyle from her arm and placed him gently on one of the chairs. He tilted his head to look at her questioningly.

    She knelt to his level. “I’m going to leave you here with Sam,” she said softly. “He’ll get you a Poké Ball, then you can sleep.” After a long pause, Raptola nodded, his eyes still clouded with prolonged fear.

    She stood up to see Sam gesturing back and forth between himself and Carrie with Ivyx’s ball. “Do you want to take her, or shall I…?”

    Carrie thought for a moment, then said, “You take her. Get her healed.” She darted over to the healing machine and plucked Foliano’s Poké Ball from it. “I’ll take him.” She didn’t even know why she was trusting the nurse with Ivyx and Raptola but not with Foliano, but it hardly mattered.

    Within moments, she was at the open door again, the ball safe in her pocket. She shot a final glance at Sam, who smiled encouragingly.

    “I’ll be back. With an Everstone. Hopefully,” she said, before racing off into the night.

    * * *

    A half-moon, silver like a Skarmory’s armour, hung high in the deep blue sky. The stars around it twinkled, reminding the bird Pokémon of himself. If he stared up there with his eyes half-shut, it almost seemed as if there was nothing stopping him from flying out to greet them with just a flap of his miscoloured wings.

    Then the Skarmory opened his eyes properly, and back into focus came the mesh separating him from the world.

    Being a captured Pokémon wasn’t like he’d hoped.

    For one thing, he hadn’t realised how painful it was to be caught. He vaguely recalled the stories mentioning battles, and so he’d attacked the humans’ Pokémon rather than run away, thinking it was what he was supposed to do. But it had hurt a lot – he was sure there must have been a better way to do it.

    And once he’d finally found a human to capture him, he had only caught a brief glimpse of his new companion. It had been talking to another of its kind – about him. He’d glanced quickly around the place he had found himself in, taking in his exotic, human-made surroundings and the contraption in the corner which had gleamed silver like his former flockmates.

    Then the world had disappeared again, like it had done when he was captured.

    The next time he became aware of himself, his armour no longer ached from the battles. That was good, he assumed; this new human, the shorter one in black which had stood in front of him, was going to care for him like humans were supposed to. He’d listened to what it had to say: apparently this was to be his new home; he was going to enjoy it here; and most importantly, he was special.

    While exploring his “home” he’d realised much to his dismay that his freedom was limited. It wasn’t too bad, he supposed; the area inside the mesh keeping him in was still fairly large. It had trees, some water, and a small outcrop of rock – he found the similarity to his old life oddly comforting. There was also an entrance into a cave-like space, but he preferred it outside. Inside, it was too regular and humanish. It unsettled him.

    The others liked it, though. The other freaks.

    The human kept many Pokémon in this “home”, he’d found out. All seemed happy with the life they led. And all of them, including him, had one thing in common: they were the wrong colour. None were normal. As he had asked them about their life with this human, he had begun to realise that there was something wrong about it. Something off. Something forced.

    The food was good, that was undeniable – but in fact, it was just a little bit too good. The area outside with its rocks and trees felt familiar, but it was nothing like the rest of the human’s home inside the cave-space. It was like the real world had been taken and put within the mesh wall for his comfort.

    And the human itself had stressed that he was special – but he had never been special before in his life. Only different.

    No, there was something wrong about this. It wasn’t what being with a human was meant to be like. They were supposed to care about him enough to let him savour the freedom of soaring through the skies whenever he liked, not to prevent him from doing just that. They were meant to give him attention, friendship, even. This human had retreated back into its square cave after telling him he was special, and he hadn’t seen it since. Above all, he had longed simply to be treated like any other Skarmory – but would a normal Pokémon be kept with other freaks?

    He gave the mesh blocking off the sky another rueful glare, wishing it was gone. Then it hit him that this might have been possible. He hadn’t tried to break through – what if he could?

    Feeling hopeful, he took off from the rock he’d been perched on and rose into the air as high as the mesh would allow him to. Focusing glowing white energy into his green wings, he slammed into the barrier, swiping with his bladed feathers. He could feel them weaken, so he slashed again and again. The mesh tore apart with a painful screech of metal that made him wince, but he was through. He was free. Joyfully, he swooped through the opening and out into the night sky.

    For a moment he hovered, unsure where to go. His flock would be long gone by now, and they would hardly have welcomed him back even if they weren’t. He considered trying to find another, better human before deciding against it; he wasn’t that naďve any more.

    The build up of resentment which had led to his escape came back to him, filling him with a sudden purpose. He knew what he wanted to do. Find the human who had captured him – the one who had made it all go wrong.

    Twinkling like the stars above, he gave a flap of his miscoloured wings, turned a somersault in midair and shot off into the night.

    * * *

    With a clumsy mixture of power walking, scrambling and stumbling, Carrie urged herself on towards where she had left Theo. Her aching legs were protesting angrily, and her eyes needed persuasion to keep themselves open. But she pressed on. She was only about halfway, she reckoned – she needed to keep going.

    She kept cursing herself for not bringing up Foliano’s situation earlier. Theo might have put two and two together and offered her an Everstone, and then she wouldn’t have been in this mess. But she’d kept quiet. She hadn’t wanted Velotus to know, and she simply hadn’t considered Theo important enough to be told.

    Ironic that this apparently unimportant person was the one Carrie was desperately rushing towards in the dead of night.

    Her legs buckled underneath her in a moment of exhaustion, and she crashed to the ground, smacking her grazed palms against the dusty path for the umpteenth time. She stayed crouched for a moment, catching her breath. Her eyelids drooped. The dark of night pressed in on her, enticing her to give in and rest.

    She forced her eyes open stubbornly, fixing them on the path she couldn’t even see. She tried to push herself up, to keep going, but the strength she needed refused to come. Reason was beginning to seep back into her thoughts, and her sleep-starved brain egged it on. Foliano would be fine in his Poké Ball until the morning, it told her – why the rush? She didn’t even know if Theo had an Everstone, so why was she wasting so much energy?

    Carrie tried to protest, but the stubborn part of her mind fixed on saving Foliano didn’t seem to be thinking in a straight line any more. The thoughts blurred into black – black that she vaguely realised was not just the dark of night but the emptiness of closed eyes. The notion of opening them again flitted across her mind, then disappeared.

    She was lying down on something – something hard, but her exhausted body didn’t care. As the darkness swirled into her thoughts, she wondered fuzzily why she could ever have wanted to do anything other than lie here and sleep. Something about Foliano? What was wrong with him, anyway?

    Everything ceased to matter as sleep overwhelmed her.

    ~~~

    << Previous chapter
    Last edited by elyvorg; 24th July 2008 at 9:54 PM.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 32: Direction is finally posted!


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  2. #142
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    Apr 2005
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    An Everstone. Duh. Why didn't anyone think of that before? Guess it's because we all use Everstones for their other purpose - passing along natures in breeding. It's an interesting development - if it turns out Theo doesn't have one, is she going to want to stop and hunt for one? I can almost picture the two of them arguing over whether to take another field trip to hunt for the Everstone...

    “Would you have kept quiet if it was one of your Pokémon they were threatening?” Carrie asked with a hint of menace. “Omanyte? Your precious, brainless Anorith?”

    “Don’t call him that!” Theo suddenly exploded, rounding on her and glowering.
    Looks like Carrie hit a nerve with Theo here. Maybe now he'll have a chance to think about where his priorities are.

    “I know, I know, this place is rubbish,” he said. “But it’s in the middle of nowhere, so the authorities don’t give a damn. Haven’t given me any money to do it up for years.
    [RandomPokeCenter/HotelDiscussion] I've always wondered how Pokemon Centers can offer free services and stay in business. It's one of the things about canon that continues to baffle me. And yours is only the second fic I've seen (mine being the first) that depicts a Pokemon Center in less-than-pristine condition. It's why I prefer including hotels; it's more obvious where the maintenance funds come from.

    And, something that applies equally to Pokemon Centers and hotels is this: No two are created equal. Each location has its own manager and staff, and that causes the quality of the facility to vary greatly. Some don't get the money (as you referenced), others are kept up nicely, and others have owners with the money but who choose to squander it and let the facility slip into disrepair. And I'll end this (IMO) interesting but only somewhat on-topic with this: IMO more authors need to portray Pokemon Centers as less-than-perfect facilities. Good work here.

    And the shiny Skarmory makes his return! It wasn't really clear to me whether Vanessa still owned him or if she had already sold him off to another collector, but his newfound distaste for humans was crystal clear.
    He knew what he wanted to do. Find the human who had started it – the one who had made it all go wrong.
    Now it seems like Velotus' little fit of rage and aggressive training will once again come back and bite Carrie, as now there's an angry shiny Skarmory on the warpath, with her in his gun-sights.

    I don't really have too much more to say, though you've set up two very interesting plot scenarios with the Everstone and escaped shiny Skarmory, and I'll be looking forward to seeing how all that develops.

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    I have two points I wanted to bring up. First: how does she keep meat and bread good in her backpack? Some sort of thermal backpack compartment for keeping food cold? The reason I wondered is that if I remember right they've been out and about for at least a little while, so food doesn't stay cold and fresh automatically.

    The second is how much the sleep deprivation affects the characters. A single day, and maybe even a few days isn't enough to cause as much impairment as she has. Just thought I'd let you know how it really is.

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    Thank you, both of you. I was beginning to think this chapter would slip under the radar.

    DarkPersian479 - Heh, it even took me a while to come up with an Everstone as I frantically thought up ways of not copping out on the Foliano situation.

    Carrie hitting Theo's nerve spot on was one of my favourite moments in the chapter to write.

    It amuses me how you seem to be saying how this fic is trying to set a prime example for realism in fics. xP It's not - just look at Apotheosis' post. The run-down Centre was just a minor decision, really, because it seemed odd to have a large, hi-tech building out in the middle of nowhere. Plus it made it more fun to write. ^^;

    It wasn't really clear to me whether Vanessa still owned him or if she had already sold him off to another collector,
    *head hits desk*

    Vanessa did sell the Skarmory off to a collector. In the original draft, I wrote an entire scene about it. And yet I went and deleted that scene from the chapter's final draft. I mainly got rid of it because it was pretty boring, dragged the chapter on too much and basically told readers nothing they couldn't already have worked out from Vanessa's plans at the end of Chapter 11 and the Skarmory's account of his new life. So yeah, I'm annoyed with myself that you happened to be unclear about exactly what was in that deleted scene. >.<

    Also,
    Now it seems like Velotus' little fit of rage and aggressive training will once again come back and bite Carrie, as now there's an angry shiny Skarmory on the warpath, with her in his gun-sights.
    I should mention that I think the wording gave you the wrong impression here. The Skarmory has nothing in particular against Carrie as she never really did anything to him; he means to go after Vanessa. Seeing as that's such a big misunderstanding, I'll change the wording to hopefully not give others the wrong impression, too. I'm glad you mentioned this.

    Apotheosis - Both interesting points. For the first, it is vaguely implied that they bought "supplies" in Verdanturf Town before setting off, which is presumably where they got the food from, and presumably there is something in their bags to preserve it, considering they're in a world with technology that can cram living creatures into tiny spheres. I say "presumably" as I actually don't really have much of an idea myself, and I prefer to gloss over it to avoid filling my plot with insignificant details such as how food is kept fresh.

    For the second, I made a rough guess that with sleeping badly due to nightmares the night before, waking up extremely early thanks to Velotus and having spent pretty much the whole day walking would add up to Carrie being that tired at the end of the day. But seeing as you advised it, I'll try to go a little easier on the fatigue in the future.

    I apologise if either of the above paragraphs sound infuriatingly "I'm right, you're wrong". I don't mean for them to.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 32: Direction is finally posted!


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  5. #145
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    Hi, and sorry for the late review.

    “You told them where Archopy is,” he said, his voice infuriatingly calm.

    “And?”

    “And now we have even more people to race to N – no, I’m not even going to say it,” Theo said, anger starting to creep into his voice. “With our luck, there’ll be someone else hiding behind a rock, listening to everything we’re saying.”
    I love this bit of conversation. The Theo-Carrie interactions in this fic can get really great.

    “Would you have kept quiet if it was one of your Pokémon they were threatening?” Carrie asked with a hint of menace. “Omanyte? Your precious, brainless Anorith?”

    “Don’t call him that!” Theo suddenly exploded, rounding on her and glowering.
    I really liked this part. Maybe it's just my thing for mental anguish.

    I also really liked the scene where Raptola brings up Foliano's possible evolution (too long to quote), especially Velotus' reaction. And you got it all a lot more centered on their own views of Sceptile instead of the pseudo-facts about Sceptile that were bothering me in the first part of the fic, which I'm naturally very happy about.

    She gazed up at Velotus who now towered slightly over her, thinking oddly that this must be what the prey that he occasionally hunted felt like.
    I loved this line to bits. I can just picture it.

    “The b*stards!”
    I can't help thinking this line looks a lot siller than it ought to with the asterisk in it. Generally I actually think the message gets across better in a fic when the entire word is asterisked than when only one letter is. Of course, that's just me and I can well understand if that doesn't sound appealing to you, but then you really might want to consider just evading the censoring. The line already being italicized even means you can simply format it as [i]“The bas[/i][i]tards!”[/i] and the word will appear in its entirety uncensored with all the formatting intact.

    Velotus had been listening with increasing horror. “The b*stards!” Then he suddenly stopped seething with anger, and his mouth fell open. “Wait. Didn’t he…”
    This line in general, though, I don't really like. The first sentence makes it sound like Velotus is more scared than angry, which I can't really picture him as being in the situation; "The *******s!" looks a bit odd being in the middle of a paragraph on its own without a dialogue tag (although that may just be me; somehow I can't help thinking it would work better with a dialogue tag); and then you suddenly go to saying that he was "seething with anger" all along, and saying he "suddenly stopped" doing so seems mighty odd. And his mouth falling open and the last line just seem a bit... out of character, really, the way they are right now. You're making him seem a lot more scared and concerned than you've been portraying him up until this exact moment. I mean, he'd be concerned about Foliano evolving, but I can't help thinking he'd sound... more urgent and angry about it. Eh, you know the characters better than I do.

    Shaking, Carrie replaced the ball in her pocket. “I won’t. Not here.” With Raptola snugly in the crook of one arm, she pulled herself to her feet and convinced her legs to walk again. “That’s why we need to get to the Pokémon Centre, fast,” she said, forcing more speed into her strides.

    “And Raptola needs a new Poké Ball,” she added. “I kind of… broke his.” The Grovyle whimpered in acknowledgement.
    The paragraph break here makes me expect somebody else to be talking in the latter paragraph. You should just keep it in one paragraph.

    Where was the counter with the bell on it that you whacked manically when you wanted service?
    Heehee. I liked that.

    “I’m Nurse Johnson. Call me Sam. I’m the only nurse here.” He indicated the whole building with a wave of his hand. “I know, I know, this place is rubbish,” he said. “But it’s in the middle of nowhere, so the authorities don’t give a damn. Haven’t given me any money to do it up for years. Anyway.” He stepped forward and brightened. “What can I do for you?”
    Haha, I love this guy already. XD

    Love for Sam Johnson the nurse steadily rising for the rest of the Pokémon Center scene.

    Ah, Everstone. Somehow I hadn't thought of it until Nurse Sam mentioned it, but obviously it makes a lot of sense.

    OOH. Digging for Everstones. I'm thinking Theo doesn't have one and they'll have to go dig one up. Sinnoh Underground flashbacks. Either way it would require Carrie to make friends with Theo again. Whoo. This will be fun.

    So. For some reason my paranoid side gets the feeling as Carrie leaves Ivyx and Raptola with Sam that he's going to turn out to be a MemorCorp worker and steal them or something. But I really hope not. Nurse Sam is too awesome.

    More Skarmory. FREAKING YES. <3

    And Carrie's fallen asleep in the middle of nowhere. Oh, dear. Although I do agree with Apotheosis that she's unnaturally sleepy here. I've had some nights of little sleep in my days and never once felt the need to go to sleep the moment I was lying down. I'd stop being able to concentrate for extended periods of time while sitting or lying in a warm and comfortable environment and find myself dozing off instead while trying to do so (and I can well picture her being worried about falling asleep in the chair in the Pokémon Center), but falling onto harsh ground in the middle of a cold night would be very unlikely to make me fall asleep. In fact, when I was reading it, I thought there had to be some Pokémon nearby that was using Hypnosis or otherwise affecting her for her mind to go so hazy the moment she's fallen down. Especially because it happened so very suddenly.

    It was a nice chapter. I loved Nurse Sam, as I've gushed enough about already, and the solution with the Everstone was the spark of hope it was meant to be rather than the anticlimax it could have been. And more Skarmory is win. I love that Skarmory. His descriptions of things are great.

    By the way:

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkPersian479
    I've always wondered how Pokemon Centers can offer free services and stay in business.
    You may live in America, but an awful lot of other countries have this thing called "free public health care". Including Japan, from what I've heard. It's perfectly natural that the Pokémon world government would run Pokémon Centers.

    Chapter 63: Recovery
    The story of an ordinary boy on an impossible quest in a world that isn't as black and white as he always thought it was.
    (rough draft of the remaining chapters finished for NaNoWriMo; to be edited and posted)

    Morphic
    (completed, plus silly extras)
    A few scientists get drunk and start fiddling with gene splicing. Ten years later, they're taking care of eight half-Pokémon kids, each freakier than the next, while a religious fanatic plots to murder them all.

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    Dragonfree - Thanks for your review. I really like the type of reviews that pick out lines they liked. Incidentally, the counter-bell sentence was probably my favourite in the entire chapter.

    And yay. Sam is loved. I'm seriously pleased with him as a character.

    Also yay at the Skarmory's return being well recieved. I deliberately didn't mention anything at all about him to Darkfall a few chapters back because I reckoned his return would be more enjoyable if you weren't already expecting him to come back at some point.

    Understood that Carrie should have taken longer to fall asleep. I think I might have been rushing that final scene a bit. :<

    I can't help thinking this line looks a lot siller than it ought to with the asterisk in it. Generally I actually think the message gets across better in a fic when the entire word is asterisked than when only one letter is.
    Personally, I prefer to asterisk just one of the vowels so you still get the consonants that make it sound all harsh and swear-y, whereas with the whole thing asterisked I find myself staring at it for a second trying to work out which word it's meant to be. Of course, that's just my preference, and it doesn't matter in this case because I've gone and done the formatting thing you recommended.

    As for that whole line of Velotus-y stuff, I've looked at it more closely and I'm pretty confident that what he said was in character in my mind; the only problem was that I didn't do a particularly good job of showing exactly what his emotions were. He is indeed supposed to start off angry, then shock hits him as he realises that Foliano should be evolved by now - shock and complete uncertainity at what he'd do if there was suddenly a Sceptile on the team with him.

    So, um, yeah.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 32: Direction is finally posted!


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

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    Default Chapter 16: Rest and Recuperation

    So here's Chapter 16. Due to various things, the next one after this may take considerably longer to be posted.

    Chapter 16: Rest and Recuperation

    “Carrie? Carrie!”

    Drawn from her sleep by something big and hard nudging her, Carrie groggily opened her eyes to see who was calling her name. Theo stood framed against the stubbornly cloudless sky, looking down at her. As Carrie’s mind dragged itself into full consciousness, she came to the conclusion that the thing prodding her had been his boot, though it had thankfully now stopped.

    She screwed her eyes shut, opened them again and saw Theo’s face swim into proper focus. He was giving her an incredulous look, the sort usually reserved for when someone did something as stupid as… lying on a path? Sitting up with a jolt, Carrie realised where she had been sleeping – slap bang in the middle of Route 112. She only hoped that nobody else before Theo had noticed her there.

    “So you didn’t reach the Pokémon Centre, then?” he asked conversationally.

    Carrie pushed away his proffered arm and got stiffly to her feet herself as the implication of his words slowly sank in. The events of the previous night began to piece themselves together in her mind – she had reached the Centre, but had left in search of –

    “Theo!” She jumped and rounded on him with a wild gaze.

    “What?” he said, taken aback.

    Carrie paused, trying to remember exactly why she had run through the night to find him. Then it hit her. “I need an Everstone!” she exclaimed.

    “Huh?”

    She composed herself and gave Theo a look of less insanity and more urgency. Thoughts of Foliano were beginning to push back into her mind, and she didn’t like the knot of anticipation they twisted her stomach into. “Do you have an Everstone?”

    Theo frowned for a moment, considering. “I think so,” he said uncertainly.

    “Think so is not good enough,” Carrie snapped. “Look in your bag.”

    Theo’s hands moved as if he was about to start looking, then he seemed to stop himself. “Why do you want one?” he asked with a frown.

    “To add to my collection. Why do you think?” She watched his face and after a moment saw a flash of understanding in his eyes as he worked it out. “Look, then,” she ordered.

    The man heaved a large sigh and swung his bag off his back, dropping it to the floor with an encouragingly heavy thud. “Can’t promise you anything,” he muttered wearily as he thrust his hand in and began rooting around.

    “I’m not asking you to,” Carrie retorted, her eyes fixed on the bag.

    Moments later, Theo’s face lit up with a triumphant “Yes!” He pulled his hand out, fingers closed around a small object. “Dug this up in the same place I found Omanyte’s fossil.”

    Carrie stared eagerly at the Everstone in Theo’s palm. It didn’t look like much – it resembled a fairly ordinary, oval-shaped pebble – but this small, unremarkable stone held the power to save Foliano’s life. Well, she thought, not exactly his life. But save him it would.

    She reached out for it, but Theo’s fingers tightened around the stone. “You’re forgetting,” he said. “This Everstone is mine. Why should I be expected to just give it to you?”

    Carrie scowled. “I need it more than you do.”

    He shrugged. “It’s still mine.”

    “I just want to borrow it,” she said impatiently. “You’ll get it back.” After a moment without any response from Theo, she added, “Please.”

    He lifted his rucksack onto his back and slipped the stone casually into his pocket. “What makes you so desperate? Your Grovyle weren’t having problems holding back their evolution last time I saw them.”

    Carrie held out a hand insistently. “That was then, this is now.”

    “In that case, what happened?” asked Theo with genuine curiosity. “Has one of them changed their mind?” He frowned. “Forcing a Pokémon not to evolve is just as cruel as forcing it to do so, you know,” he told her with the air of imparting information she didn’t already have.

    Her hand flopped to her side as she blinked and gaped at him, feeling as though she’d been stabbed. “What? As if I’d… As if any of them would…” she spluttered, shoving aside the notion of what she’d do if one of her Grovyle ever did change their mind on evolution before the seed of thought could germinate.

    Theo used her moment of sheer incredulity to turn and head in the direction of the Pokémon Centre, not saying a word. Carrie strode to keep up with him, fuming. “Fine!” she exclaimed. Her urge to keep him in the dark gave up its fight; having him think such things of her and her Pokémon was out of the question. “If you must know, Foliano got injected with that stuff that makes Grovyle evolve. I returned him before he could. But he needs that Everstone.”

    Theo gave her a sideways glance. “How come you didn’t tell me earlier? I could have found it then.”

    Carrie gave herself another mental slap for having not done exactly that. “Because I didn’t see the point,” she said, her voice laced with bitter regret. Her eyes travelled to Theo’s pocket, still with his hand in it – she appeared to have swayed him.

    As expected, he took the Everstone out and passed it to her. “All right,” he sighed. “You can have it. I do want it back, though.”

    Smiling to herself, Carrie snatched the smooth stone out of his hand.

    * * *

    On reaching the Pokémon Centre, Carrie flung open the door and strode inside. With natural light streaming in through the windows, the front room seemed a lot more welcoming than it had the night before, though it was still as ridiculously bare. The nurse was nowhere to be seen.

    “Sam!” she called out as Theo made his way past her into the building. The man headed straight for the healing machine and started placing his Poké Balls on it. “What are you doing?” hissed Carrie out of the side of her mouth. Helping yourself wasn’t usually the way things were done in Pokémon Centres.

    “I’ve been here a few times before,” Theo told her simply. “Sam won’t mind. He’ll be busy with you, anyway.”

    As if on cue, the right-hand of the two doors burst open to reveal the nurse, his sandy hair sticking up all over the place. He caught sight of Carrie and grinned. “Thought it’d be you. Your female Grovyle’s sorted, and the little one’s fine,” Sam said, waggling a hand that contained a Poké Ball. “Found that Everstone?” he asked.

    A thump from the direction of the healing machine alerted him to the other man in the room. The appliance started to whirr quietly – Theo had obviously been here enough times to know how to get it working. Sam turned, his eyes lighting up. “Hey, it’s Theo, isn’t it?”

    Theo nodded, still focused on the machine readout. “Good to see you, Sam. You haven’t changed.” The corner of his mouth twitched in a slight smile.

    Sam chuckled and twisted to look at Carrie. “Your friend with the Everstone? I should’ve guessed.”

    She pulled a face. “Not my friend, but yes.” Carrie took her hands out of her pockets, one holding Foliano’s Poké Ball, the other with the stone. “What do I do with it?”

    The Poké Ball that Sam had been holding was suddenly tossed towards her, and more by luck than judgement, she caught it between the palms of her already full hands. The nurse prized Foliano’s ball and the Everstone from her fingers and held them up for her to see.

    “There’s a little trick,” he explained, “for giving things to a Pokémon inside its ball.” He pressed the two items together so that the stone pushed the button which was normally used for returning a Pokémon. A red glow surrounded the Everstone and sucked it in. Carrie blinked; it was like the object had been recalled.

    Sam grinned. “Good, isn’t it? Of course, most of the time it’s pointless, but it has its uses.” Carrie nodded appreciatively; she had been imagining scenarios roughly equating to sending Foliano out and then frantically shoving the Everstone in his face before anything happened.

    The healing machine against the wall bleeped, and Theo began unloading the Poké Balls back into his pocket. He stepped away, watching with mild interest as Sam crossed to it and dropped the ball containing both Foliano and the Everstone into one of the dents.

    “Just a quick scan ‘cause it’s been a while since the last one,” said Sam by way of explanation as he stabbed buttons seemingly at random. The display flashed lines of text at him, and he studied them, looking more satisfied by the second. He nodded encouragingly. “The chemical’s mostly gone. It’s a stasis inside a Poké Ball, but not a complete stasis, so his body’s been working to get rid of it overnight. It should be out of his system by, ooh, around this afternoon-ish.”

    Sam turned to look at Carrie. Anticipating her unspoken question, he went on. “But he still needs the Everstone. The energy that’s been building up won’t just disappear. There’ll be a big splurge of it as soon as he’s sent out.” He gestured dramatically with his hands, splaying the fingers wide. “Which would normally force him to evolve, but not with that handy little stone next to him.” Giving an encouraging grin, he plucked the Poké Ball from the machine and bounded over to the door, which was still ajar.

    “So he’ll be okay?” Carrie walked hesitantly towards the doorway; she assumed it led to some kind of recuperation room with Pokémon-sized beds.

    The nurse poked his head around the door frame and gave her a reassuring smile. “I’ll make sure of it. Oh, and Theo,” he added, addressing the man who loitered in the room, glancing around unsurely. “Stick around. Once I’m done, I’ll make some breakfast.”

    * * *

    Foliano became suddenly and acutely aware of every part of his body being pumped full of energy, stirring it into a frenzy. Power flowed through him, invigorating him, urging him to move, to run, to leap about, to do anything other than stay still. Urging him to change. It was a restless, exhilarating feeling – but at the same time, Foliano knew what it meant.

    It was his body that wanted to change; he did not. No, he insisted to it, you’re not doing what I don’t want you to. I’m fine how I am. He pushed the words through his mind again and again, fighting against the desire to burst into action, begging his body to take heed. It didn’t listen – it couldn’t listen. The energy pulsing through him was too strong; it was overwhelming him. He had no choice.

    And yet… something was preventing Foliano from changing.

    He forced open an eye, lifting a shaking arm into his blurred vision and studying it. The skin was still a soft, forest green rather than a brighter lime colour; he still had two claws, not three; his leaves were still bluish and flexible. He was still a Grovyle.

    Realising he was lying down, he struggled into a sitting position. What was stopping it?

    As he sat up, he felt something smooth and round slide off his stomach onto the soft surface beneath him. The mass of energy in him flared up again with renewed vigour, but he forced himself to ignore it and reached out for the object. It looked and felt like a large, grey pebble, and as he touched it the battle inside him subsided a little.

    He stared at the stone blankly for a moment before he realised what it was. Gripping it suddenly with both hands, he felt the restlessness begin to ebb away, as though the worst of the storm inside him had passed. His trainer had mentioned something a long time ago about a stone that prevented evolution – this must have been it.

    His trainer. Where was she? For that matter, where were Ivyx and Raptola – were they safe?

    With a burst of energy entirely his own, Foliano jerked his head around wildly, taking in his surroundings. He was in a large wooden room, sitting on a soft bed – obviously in a Pokémon Centre of some sort. Carrie gazed down at him, looking worried; beside her was a kind-faced male human he hadn’t seen before. Foliano looked to his left and saw Ivyx facing him on an identical bed, her loving eyes filled with concern.

    On seeing that he was okay, she smiled, and the room seemed to light up. Foliano felt warmer inside as he returned her smile, but he couldn’t relax completely. He glanced around again, scanning the row of empty beds. Raptola was nowhere to be seen. Foliano’s eyes fell on his trainer and the strange human; each had a Poké Ball in their hand. If one of them was his, he only hoped the other was…

    Don’t worry,” whispered Ivyx softly, noticing his agitation. “Rappy’s safe.

    The news sent a wave of calm washing over Foliano, and he sighed in relief. Finally allowing himself to worry about his own wellbeing, he gripped the stone a little tighter. Carrie came to perch on the edge of Ivyx’s bed; as the female Grovyle turned to look at her trainer, Foliano noticed a bandage wrapped around part of her crest leaf. He gazed sorrowfully at it for a moment, wondering if she was still in pain.

    The human he didn’t know walked forward and crouched so that he was on Foliano’s eye level. “Hi,” he said casually. “I’m Sam. You feeling okay?”

    Foliano shot another look at the stone in his hands and nodded. The surge of energy had almost completely left him. “Thank you,” he told the man sincerely, sensing that Sam was the one responsible for his and his mate’s recovery.

    The human couldn’t have understood him, but he nodded and smiled all the same. “Keep that for a day or so,” he said, pointing at the stone. “Until the stuff leaves you. You should know when it does.” Suddenly, he jumped to his feet. “Right then! I’ll leave you three –” his eyes fell on the Poké Ball in Carrie’s hands – “four – here while I see about that breakfast.” With that, he swept out of the room.

    During the pause that followed, Foliano’s gaze lingered on the ball. “Is Raptola all right?” he asked eventually, unable to hide the note of worry in his voice.

    Carrie nodded slowly, turning the sphere over and over in her hands. “I think so,” she said. “He was still freaked out yesterday, but now…”

    The human said the rest would help,” Ivyx murmured. “He said it was best to leave him in there for the night.

    Foliano shot a quick glance at one of the room’s windows; judging by the pale blue sky visible from it, it was morning. “What about now?” he asked.

    His trainer stared at the ball for another moment. “Well, he didn’t say I couldn’t,” she muttered eventually, and she opened the Poké Ball onto Foliano’s bed. The burst of light materialised into the sleeping form of Raptola, his head resting comfortably between his claws, his breathing soft and calm. He seemed so much more content than the terrified youngster Foliano had risked everything to save.

    He looks fine,” Foliano said through a sigh of relief. “So… peaceful.” He almost wanted to reach out and hold his son, but fear of waking him held him back – and neither did he want to risk dropping the stone in his hands and causing the energy to flare up again.

    Ivyx smiled at Raptola, her eyes filled with motherly affection. Carrie, however, seemed to be studying him intently, and there was something slightly sad in her look. “He wasn’t like that before,” she muttered, half to herself. “He slept a bit, but I think he was having nightmares.”

    Ivyx’s face fell. “Poor thing.

    Her trainer nodded. “And I had to leave him with Sam so I could get Foli his Everstone. I had no choice. Still, at least he’s okay now.” Her optimism sounded almost strained.

    Foliano stared at her, alarmed. “You left him with a stranger just for me? But I was fine in my ball – you could have waited with him.

    Carrie looked into his eyes and shook her head. “No, I couldn’t.”

    It’s okay,” Ivyx put in. “That human – he’s good. He healed my leaf, then he sat by my bed all night, just talking to me. Telling me it would be fine. He told me Raptola was safe and just needed rest, and he told me…” She broke off, giving Foliano a tender gaze. “He told me what happened to you. He said not to worry,” she added quickly, “but I couldn’t help it. I knew what the stuff was, I’d seen it in the place and I…” A look passed between Ivyx and Carrie. “I couldn’t…” She didn’t seem able to find the words.

    Don’t worry,” Foliano told her emphatically. “I’m fine. They would have used it on Raptola, and, well…” He looked down at his bed, not wanting to meet his mate’s gaze. “I’d rather me than him.

    “I think what Ivyx was probably trying to mention,” Carrie began abruptly in an odd voice, sounding as though she was struggling with something, “was that it was me who made that Grovyle in MemorCorp evolve.”

    Foliano stared incredulously at his trainer as her hollow gaze fixed itself on the wooden floor. He didn’t believe her. She wouldn’t. Why was she telling him this? He waited for Ivyx to say it wasn’t true, but the way she was looking at the human only confirmed it.

    Carrie sighed. “There was a drip in it,” she said in the same empty tone, “pumping it with that stuff that would eventually force its evolution.” Her head snapped upwards to look at Foliano. “And I pulled it out. I made its body go into shock, or something. I pulled it out, and that made it evolve,” she spat, her voice dripping with the irony of it.

    Foliano took this in slowly. “Well,” he said after a pause, “you were trying to save it –

    “I know,” she cut in. “But it evolved when it did because of me.” She let out a long breath and leaned backwards on Ivyx’s bed, now staring at a point some way above Foliano. “And you know what?” she added in a strangely cheery voice. “After what nearly happened yesterday, it hardly bothers me at all. Funny what a sense of perspective does to guilt.”

    His eyes widened appreciatively. He hadn’t quite understood the last sentence, but he didn’t need to. “You should tell Velotus that, too,” he said.

    Carrie’s mouth thinned. “Maybe later.”

    He deserves to know,” Foliano pressed.

    She scowled. “Yes, I will.”

    A “Shhh,” from Ivyx cut her off. The Grovyle pointed at her son. “Raptola’s waking up.

    The small raptor was yawning and stretching, leaving scratch marks in the fabric beneath him. He shuffled a little on the bed, raised his head sleepily, and opened his eyes to look straight at Foliano. Raptola blinked.

    Daddy?” he mumbled as if he could hardly believe it. “Not a S… a S… a thingy?” His face suddenly lit up as reality sunk in. “Daddy!” He threw himself forwards and flung his arms around his father. Foliano closed his eyes in sheer joy and accepted the tight embrace, unable to return it because of the stone in his hands. He silently thanked the inanimate object for keeping his family together.

    How are you, sweetie?” asked Ivyx kindly.

    Raptola pulled away from Foliano and stared down at the bed, frowning. “Don’t know,” he mumbled. “Yesterday was… yesterday was…” His eyes started to fill with tears.

    Foliano risked taking one hand off the stone to stroke his son reassuringly. “Don’t think about yesterday,” he told Raptola firmly. “It’s over now.” The young Grovyle nodded, gulping.

    “Actually,” Carrie broke in awkwardly, “there is something about yesterday you should probably know. I told them where Archopy is.” She smirked slightly. “Theo was a bit p*ssed off.” Her eyes widened in realisation. “Yeah, you should also probably know that he came back, and he’s here now.”

    Foliano frowned, wondering if his trainer would ever stop taking other humans for granted. He didn’t share the male’s annoyance, though – after all, he himself had risked far more to save his son.

    We should get going soon, then,” Ivyx muttered after a short pause without much conviction in her voice.

    “Yeah,” Carrie agreed. Foliano nodded, but he couldn’t help thinking that he didn’t feel the enthusiasm he’d had only a day ago for finding Archopy. After almost having his family torn apart, the ancient creature just wasn’t as important any more.

    * * *

    “Toast?” Sam offered a rack of buttered toast to Theo, grinning.

    He took a slice, mumbling thanks. Still carrying the breakfast, the nurse darted through the door to the room where Carrie was. Theo sat down on one of the uncomfortable chairs, taking a bite out of his toast. It was slightly burnt, but it was food all the same.

    And yet he had food of his own; he could set off and eat it on the way. Why was he staying? He frowned and delved through his mind for an answer to why he was actually still there, wasting time.

    He’d met Sam a few times before, for one thing; the man was good company, always able to find the bright side in everything. And the damage done yesterday simply couldn’t be helped – both Vanessa and MemorCorp’s goons knew about Archopy and would be on their way to it, and there was nothing he could do about it. A few more minutes hardly mattered.

    Then there was the fact that, no matter how hard he tried, Theo simply could not bring himself to hate Carrie for what she had told the men. He had never been any good at holding a grudge against someone, and the realisation that he would have done the same for his own Pokémon had stamped on any possibility there was of him feeling more than just mild resentment. What was done was done, and they’d have to manage. There was no point complaining about it now.

    He finished the last mouthful of toast and looked up as Sam appeared at the door again, brandishing two more slices. The nurse offered one to Theo, who was too polite to refuse, and then plonked himself in the other chair, chomping down on his own piece.

    “So,” said Sam indistinctly through a mouthful of toast, “an Everstone, eh? I’d heard those things were quite hard to come by.” His eyes gleamed with eager curiosity. “Where’d you find it?”

    Theo smiled and gazed unseeingly at the wooden wall opposite. “Back in Mount Moon, in Kanto,” he said. “I was on a fossil dig – that’s where I found the Helix Fossil that became my Omanyte – but I also found the Everstone while I was there. Kept it, as a reminder mostly.”

    Sam nodded, then frowned as if trying to remember something. He leaned forward in his seat. “You come from Pewter City, right?”

    “Yup.” Theo took another bite of toast before continuing, allowing the other man to butt in.

    “Don’t tell me – fascinated by the museum as a kid?” Sam grinned. “I’ve met a few people like you,” he added with a chuckle. “Comes from being so close to the desert.”

    Finishing his mouthful, Theo was finally able to speak. “That is about the size of it, yeah…” He thought back to the days out at the museum with his parents. Himself, as a young boy, gazing in awe at all the strange creatures the place had to offer. “I remember my first fossil,” he murmured, more to himself than to Sam. “That was in Mount Moon, too – it became my Kabu –”

    He cut himself short as the door opened again and Carrie wandered through with the now empty toast rack. For lack of anywhere else, she placed it atop the idle healing machine with a clang. Three of her Grovyle walked in after her, the young Raptola sticking close to his mother. Foliano was holding Theo’s Everstone in his claws.

    “Are we going, then?” Carrie asked, filling the silence that had ensued.

    Sam jumped up from his chair, cramming the rest of his toast into his mouth. He chewed furiously and then swallowed. “Actually,” he said, sounding a little sheepish, “there is something we need to sort.” He pointed at Raptola.

    Carrie pulled a “What?” face.

    “You see, when a Poké Ball breaks, the Pokémon inside no longer counts as owned. It’s like it’s wild again.” Sam’s quick speech took on a more awkward tone. “And I kinda sorta had to catch your Grovyle with one of my spare Poké Balls. It’s okay,” he added hurriedly on seeing Carrie’s look. “I’ll release him, just give me the ball…”

    Carrie, cottoning on, was already pulling the Poké Ball out of her pocket. She passed it to Sam, who held it in a strange way and pointed it at Raptola, firing a pulse of bluish light at the Grovyle. The glow surrounded him like an ordinary red Poké Ball beam for a moment, before breaking off. Raptola blinked and clutched his mother even tighter.

    “There you go.” Sam threw the ball back to Carrie. “Go on – catch him.”

    The girl stared at the Poké Ball in her hands as if she’d never seen one before. “And that’ll make everything okay?” She sounded sceptical.

    Sam nodded. “It registers the one who threw the ball as the trainer. Could lead to some awkward lawsuits involving thefts of balls that haven’t been used yet, but for the most part people who’ve had their Poké Balls stolen don’t bother trying to claim a Pokémon they didn’t catch. There’s not much point stealing an empty ball at all, come to that.”

    Carrie apparently hadn’t listened to the latter part of the explanation; she was crouching beside Raptola. Gently, she tapped the Grovyle with the Poké Ball, turning him into shapeless light and drawing him in. The ball vibrated in her hand briefly, then stilled with a quiet ping.

    Having finished his toast, Theo stood up, eager not to wait around any longer. “It’s time we were off.”

    ~~~

    << Previous chapter
    Last edited by elyvorg; 14th April 2012 at 1:21 AM.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 32: Direction is finally posted!


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  8. #148
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    and more by luck than judgment, she caught it between the palms of her already full hands. The nurse pried Foliano’s ball and the Everstone from her fingers
    Two grammar mistakes I spotted, and conveniently they were in consecutive sentences.

    Well, at least one major burden is (almost) off their backs; the Everstone did the trick for halting Foliano' evolution. I say "almost" because of the small amount of chemical still in his system, and if Grovyle and mystical rock should be separated... I'm not sure if you intended this to be the end of the whole "Foliano evolution" arc, but with the chemical still lingering in his body, you do leave the opportunity to develop/stretch it out a bit farther.

    On the other hand, I'm also looking forward to getting back to the race to Archopy. With MemorCorp's hired help tipped off to its location and Vanessa likely not too far behind, Carrie and Theo will have a lot of catching up to do. I'm quite interested in seeing what they do to try to gain some ground.

    I'm not going to bother quoting the whole thing, but I felt you did an excellent job (as usual) with characterizations, especially during the scene with the energy flowing through Foliano and the Everstone suppressing it. Also, I thought this scene was full of "Aww, how sweet!"
    “Daddy?” he mumbled as if he could hardly believe it. “Not a S… a S… a thingy?” His face suddenly lit up as reality sunk in. “Daddy!” He threw himself forwards and flung his arms around his father. Foliano closed his eyes in sheer joy and accepted the tight embrace, unable to return it because of the stone in his hands. He silently thanked the inanimate object for keeping his family together.

    “How are you, sweetie?” asked Ivyx kindly.

    Raptola pulled away from Foliano and stared down at the bed, frowning. “Don’t know,” he mumbled. “Yesterday was… yesterday was…” His eyes started to fill with tears.
    I was also glad to see this:
    Then there was the fact that, no matter how hard he tried, Theo simply could not bring himself to hate Carrie for what she had told the men. He had never been any good at holding a grudge against someone, and the realisation that he would have done the same for his own Pokémon had stamped on any possibility there was of him feeling more than just mild resentment.
    Well, now I can stop thinking of Theo as a heartless SOB who puts Archopy over his own Pokemon.

    I wonder how Velotus will take to the news that Carrie inadvertently triggered the Grovyle's evolution back at MemorCorp HQ. Ivyx and Floiano took it well, but Velotus could be another matter altogether - especially judging by Carrie's hesitation when Foliano told her to tell.

    Yeah, I've finding it hard to find things to crit, so I'm basically reduced to speculation, pointing out highlights, and the occasional (as you're excellent at weeding them out) grammar mistake. I'm finding this to be well written and interesting, especially since I prefer the technology/chemistry aspect of the antagonists as opposed to the fantasy element in other fics I'm reading.

  9. #149
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    DarkPersian479 - Thanks for the review.

    I looked up both those grammar issues seeing as I wasn't convinced by either, and it turns out that "judgement" is the British spelling, and "prise" means the same thing as "pry".

    I can assure you that the next chapter will shed at least some light on the status of the race to Archopy.

    And keep speculating, by all means. It amuses me. xP
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 32: Direction is finally posted!


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  10. #150
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    i love this story

    im still new to the forums and this is one of the first i read and i loved it cant wait for chapter 17

    i also agree on the sceptile thing it completely ruined grovyle it was pointless it completely changed

  11. #151
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    Urgh.


    Like you, elyvorg, I am still alive but very distracted. So distracted that I've allowed all these chapters to pile up to where it would take forever to make a full-fledged review.

    I'm terribly sorry for my laziness, and I just want to let you know that I just might write up my opinion of the whole fic when you're done, as a sort of reconciliation.


    PS: I read your oneshot- very creepy, but very well done, too.
    I'f I'm being a n00b, please don't hesitate to tell me.

  12. #152
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    All I can say is.
    Skarmory.
    Oh.
    Hell.
    Yeah.

    Banner credit: Jakotsu.
    Quote Originally Posted by MSN
    Profesco says:
    You were an admirable baby.
    Quote Originally Posted by L0L View Post
    They named a game after me?

  13. #153
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    Review at last!

    By the way, I had another dream about this fic. It was about me finally getting around to reading this chapter and then finding out when I got here that it was only about a page long. o.O

    I love a lot of those lines in the beginning. Particularly this one:

    She composed herself and gave Theo a look of less insanity, more urgency.
    In general it's all very nicely worded. Good job on that.

    “In that case, what happened?” asked Theo with genuine curiosity. “Has one of them changed their mind?” He frowned. “Forcing a Pokémon not to evolve is just as cruel as forcing it to do so, you know,” he told her with the air of imparting information she didn’t already have.
    Oh, I love this. So much. Theo and Carrie have the best interactions ever. <3

    Ohgodcarrieandtheoandsamalltogetherinasceneandiamd yingoffangirliness. Stop being so awesome, damn it. ;_;

    Sam grinned. “Good, isn’t it? Of course, most of the time it’s pointless, but it has its uses.” Carrie nodded appreciatively; she had been imagining scenarios roughly equating to sending Foliano out and then frantically shoving the Everstone in his face before anything happened.
    Haha, me too. Although I also figured a scenario like this could be possible within the universe of the fic. I wasn't sure.

    The healing machine against the wall bleeped, and Theo began unloading the Poké Balls back into his pocket.
    Hmm, the use of the word "unloading" here somehow made me think of Theo sending the Pokémon out from the balls and then stuffing them into his pocket, which was weird to say the least. I'm not sure whether it's just me.

    “But he still needs the Everstone. The energy that’s been building up won’t just disappear. There’ll be a big splurge of it as soon as he’s sent out.” He gestured dramatically with his hands, splaying the fingers wide.
    Ahaha, I love Sam so much. <3

    Foliano noticed a bandage wrapped around part of her crest leaf. He gazed sorrowfully at it for a moment, wondering if she was still in pain.
    Aww. They have such a cute relationship. :3 As I've probably told you way too many times already, but hey.

    Suddenly, he jumped to his feet. “Right then! I’ll leave you three –” his eyes fell on the Poké Ball in Carrie’s hands – “four – here while I see about that breakfast.” With that, he swept out of the room.
    I love your choice of words here to bits. Especially "he swept out of the room" for some weird reason.

    “It’s okay,” Ivyx put in. “That human – he’s good. He healed my leaf, then he sat by my bed all night, just talking to me. Telling me it would be fine. He told me Raptola was safe and just needed rest, and he told me…” She broke off, giving Foliano a tender gaze. “He told me what happened to you. He said not to worry,” she added quickly, “but I couldn’t help it. I knew what the stuff was, I’d seen it in the place and I…”
    Nurse Sam is so awesome. ;-; Seriously. I want to hug him and give him birthday presents.

    “And you know what?” she added in a strangely cheery voice. “After what nearly happened yesterday, it hardly bothers me at all. Funny what a sense of perspective does to guilt.”
    Heh, I really liked this for some reason. Nice and abrupt.

    “Daddy?” he mumbled as if he could hardly believe it. “Not a S… a S… a thingy?”
    Okay, that was cute.

    “Toast?” Sam offered a rack of buttered toast to Theo, grinning.
    <3 Love.

    “You see, when a Poké Ball breaks, the Pokémon inside no longer counts as owned. It’s like it’s wild again.” Sam’s quick speech took on a more awkward tone. “And I kinda sorta had to catch your Grovyle with one of my spare Poké Balls. It’s okay,” he added hurriedly on seeing Carrie’s look. “I’ll release him, just give me the ball…”
    Heh, I was wondering where Raptola's new Pokéball came from.

    Sam nodded. “It registers the one who threw the ball as the trainer. Could lead to some awkward lawsuits involving thefts of balls that haven’t been used yet, but for the most part people who’ve had their Poké Balls stolen don’t bother trying to claim a Pokémon they didn’t catch. There’s not much point stealing an empty ball at all, come to that.”
    Hmm, I can't help wondering how it knows who threw the ball. o.o

    It was a nice chapter character-wise, but I can't help thinking it was rather on the boring side storyline-wise - Carrie got the Everstone right at the beginning, and after that there were no real surprises. It's not that it actually bored me, which it didn't because I love watching interesting characters interact with one another, but rather that nothing much really seemed to happen in it storyline-wise. It was just "Theo wakes Carrie up, he gives her the Everstone, they go to the Pokémon Center, Sam gives it to Foliano, and they get ready to leave." There was no real conflict in it except for that brief scene where Theo didn't want to give Carrie the stone, and it was quickly resolved. It was enjoyable nonetheless, but it didn't really seem to fit together as a chapter, somehow. (See, this review isn't quite all gushing praise! I'm not going soft and turning into a fangirl, really!)

    Chapter 63: Recovery
    The story of an ordinary boy on an impossible quest in a world that isn't as black and white as he always thought it was.
    (rough draft of the remaining chapters finished for NaNoWriMo; to be edited and posted)

    Morphic
    (completed, plus silly extras)
    A few scientists get drunk and start fiddling with gene splicing. Ten years later, they're taking care of eight half-Pokémon kids, each freakier than the next, while a religious fanatic plots to murder them all.

    Lengthy fanfiction reviewing guide / A more condensed version
    Read and I will be very happy for a large number of reasons.

  14. #154
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    Default Chapter 17: Stalkers

    Okay, first to reply to everything I never bothered replying to over the weeks/months of not writing this.

    metalmosh - Nice to see a new reader, and I'm glad you like the fic. Do you want to be added to the PM list?

    InsaneTyranitar - It's okay, I understand. I can't really complain when I've been procrastinating on this thing for almost two months myself. Whatever you can manage to get done review-wise will still be appreciated, however little of it there is.

    And nice to see you read Taming Evil, too. =D

    Darkfall - Yes. Skarmory. 8D I've already said this, but I deliberately didn't mention it to you when you said about him not coming back so that it'd be more of a surprise when he did. If that makes any sense at all.

    Dragonfree - Whoo! Seriously, keep up the random fangirling; I love it (then again, who wouldn't?)

    I suppose you do have a point with what you said about it being not much of a chapter plot-wise, but there wasn't much I could do; everything in it pretty much needed covering, and it's too separate from this coming chapter for me to combine the two into one longer one.

    Yes, that's right. I HAVE got the next chapter ready to post. I apologise profusely for the long wait; the distractions were bigger than I thought they'd be. I'm pretty much back in business now - the waits between each might be a bit longer than normal, but I don't think I'm about to go back into another two-month deadness.

    So here we go.

    Chapter 17: Stalkers

    “Miss Swift?”

    Vanessa recognised the voice as that of Mr. Lee, the collector in Mauville City whom she had sold the unique Skarmory to the previous day. She frowned, wondering what more he could want from her.

    “This is her. What is it?” she said into the sleek PokéNav held to her ear.

    “I have a problem with the Skarmory,” Mr. Lee said. “First you give it to me injured –”

    Vanessa sighed impatiently. “I’ve already told you, I was delivering it to you as quickly as poss –”

    “And now it’s gone!” he exclaimed angrily, cutting her off.

    Vanessa smirked. “That may be a problem, Mr. Lee, but it is hardly mine.”

    “You gave it to me,” protested the collector.

    “Indeed I did,” she replied smoothly. “The money was paid, the transaction was completed – you even went to the trouble of doing so officially with that machine of yours. That Skarmory now legally belongs to you. If it is lost, that makes it your responsibility to find it.”

    Mr. Lee seemed to be fuming. “None of them have ever escaped before! I demand you find and recapture it, Miss Swift, or…”

    “Or what?”

    “Or I want my money back,” he finished with the air of an impudent child.

    Vanessa laughed. “You’re in no position to make demands of me. And you speak as though you assume I still have the money, which I don’t.” Her eyes flickered briefly towards a gleaming motorcycle which stood beside her, her Togetic sitting happily on the saddle.

    She could hear the man getting desperate. “Please, the Skarmory –”

    “You should have done a better job in confining it,” said Vanessa. “If you want it back so badly, then you need to find it.”

    “But –”

    “I have no further business with you. Goodbye.” Sliding the PokéNav shut, she dropped it into the pocket of her white jacket. She eyed the black trousers and leather boots she wore below it, still unsure if they suited her. A change from her usual outfit had been undesirable but necessary – a dress would have been a nightmare on a motorcycle.

    Joy chirped from the seat of the bike and rose into the air, encouraging her trainer back into the saddle with a cheery smile. As Vanessa sat, clipped on her helmet and revved up the motorcycle, Joy settled down into her backpack.

    For a moment, Vanessa wondered if leaving the bag wide open just so that her Togetic could ride comfortably was a wise decision. The ball she had bought with most of Mr. Lee’s money – the motorbike had just been an afterthought – lay inside, barely protected and yet worth a fortune. She sighed and shrugged off the feeling of paranoia, trusting Joy to look after the item for her.

    The bike roared into action, churning up the dusty path of Route 111. Vanessa gripped the handlebars tighter as it shot forward, surveying the landscape of mountains laid out before her. Though her visor darkened her vision, she could still make out a small, wooden, red-roofed building sitting in the foothills not far away.

    With any luck, the two trainers she had been following would have passed by that Pokémon Centre on their way to Vanessa’s prize.

    * * *

    Joy darted around in midair with even more energy than usual as her trainer stepped back out from the small building and pulled the wooden door closed. Vanessa could understand her Togetic’s excitement. The nurse of the shamefully run-down Pokémon Centre had been all too happy to answer her questions. He hadn’t even been suspicious of the fact that Vanessa was visiting without the need to heal any Pokémon; he had, it seemed, simply been eager to please anyone who passed by.

    It suited Vanessa just fine. Because now she knew that the two trainers she sought had been there that very morning and had headed off into the desert barely an hour ago.

    Joy flitted into her backpack as she clipped on her helmet and climbed into the saddle of the motorbike, and within moments they were off. The low rumble of the engine filled her ears as she swerved the vehicle around towards the looming expanse of sand ahead. The bike raced forwards, digging its tyres into the increasingly soft and gritty ground, throwing up clouds of dust – but then Vanessa realised that she wasn’t going anywhere.

    She swore under her breath and looked down at the wheels, which spun fruitlessly as they gouged into the sand. With a sigh, she cut the engine and clambered off the stranded motorcycle, throwing her helmet to the ground beside it.

    Joy fluttered out of Vanessa’s backpack and into view, a question on her face.

    Vanessa shot the bike a severe look. “It isn’t going to work here,” she said. “I should have known. We’ll have to continue on foot.” She sighed and stared out over the barren wilderness, seeing almost nothing – no discernible landmarks, no people.

    “Tic?” chirped Joy, pointing at something that lay in the sand a few metres away: two sets of footprints. They led off to Vanessa’s right, all the way towards the horizon and beyond.

    A smile passed across her face. “Well spotted, Joy. They shouldn’t be too far away.”

    With her Togetic now perched comfortably on her shoulder, Vanessa set off along the trail of prints in the soft sand underfoot.

    * * *

    “I’m boiling,” Carrie complained. “Remind me why I’m not supposed to take my jacket off again.”

    She and Theo had been walking for around an hour, and already the heat was beginning to take its toll. Aided by the frustratingly clear sky, the sun was beating down on them without mercy. Its rays baked the sand beneath, making Carrie feel almost as though she was being cooked from both above and below.

    “Sunburn,” Theo replied. “Your jacket’s protecting you better than sun cream would.”

    Carrie huffed. “Hardly feels like it.” She walked on in sweltering silence for a few moments before coming out with, “Why is it so hot, anyway? I mean, it was this sunny yesterday, but…”

    “It’s the moisture,” Theo told her without even pausing to think. “Or lack of it. It’s hotter because it’s drier.” He turned to face her. “Look, are you going to stop complaining any time soon?”

    She shot him a sideways glance and caught the unfamiliar sight of the brown hat on his head. “You look ridiculous in that.”

    He faced ahead again, his irritated features hidden by the shadow of his wide brim. “So you’ve told me. Several times, actually,” Theo said. “It’s not here to look good, it’s here to keep me cool. You should really have taken the one Sam offered you.”

    Carrie snorted. “No thanks,” she muttered drily, although she couldn’t help thinking what it might feel like with a hat of her own – cool shade on her face, freedom from the relentless glare of the desert sun. She scowled. Sam had generously loaned her several items she hadn’t got that she might have needed in the desert – loaned being a rather loose term, as Carrie hardly expected to be able to return them – but her self-respect had prevented her from wearing a hat. She did not do hats.

    Sighing, she trudged on across the flat, empty plain of sand. In a vague hope of seeing the cooler, shadier rocky ground that Theo had said they would reach within a few hours, Carrie kept her eyes fixed firmly on the horizon. The line between yellowish brown and pale blue shimmered in the heat that hung all around, but nothing could be seen. No rocks. No shade. Just…

    Carrie blinked, wondering if what she could see was some kind of optical illusion. In the distance was what looked to be the figure of a man – but a man standing still and wearing black in the middle of a desert. The thought of black clothes instantly put her in mind of the thugs from the previous day. She tensed, trying to reassure herself that Raptola was safe in his Poké Ball, and that the men had no reason to want him again.

    Either Theo hadn’t noticed the man or it wasn’t bothering him. Carrie kept quiet about it, waiting for a closer look to confirm or deny her fears. A few more minutes of traipsing through the sand and their approach had brought into view a second black-clad figure on the edge of the horizon. Both men hadn’t moved, as if they were guarding a position. Through the heat haze, Carrie was able to convince herself that the closer of the two was looking in her direction.

    She froze. “Stop,” she ordered Theo, who had continued walking, oblivious.

    He turned. “What’s the matter? They’re only people,” he said, gesturing towards the strangers on the horizon.

    “They’re wearing black and standing still in a desert,” Carrie pointed out. “Who does that?”

    “It isn’t a good idea to wear black, yes, but –”

    “Oh, come on.” She cut him off irritably. “They’re those people from yesterday, got to be. That gang or whatever it is that works for MemorCorp.”

    Theo frowned at her. “What would they be doing here? Just standing around?”

    Carrie shrugged. “For all I know, they could be waiting to delay us, stop us getting past. If there’s a lot of them –” she saw Theo give a worried nod of acknowledgement – “then they could easily send one lot to find Archopy and another lot to concentrate on us.”

    Theo stared past her, suddenly deep in thought.

    “I’m not going near them,” Carrie continued adamantly. “Yesterday was bad enough. We can take a detour, go round.” She looked at Theo, who seemed not to have heard a word she’d said. “Can’t we?”

    “How did they know where we’re going?” he murmured.

    “Because, as you pointed out yesterday, I told them,” said Carrie bluntly.

    He shook his head. “No, not that. If we’re going to Northern Canyon, the most direct route is north-east, straight through the middle of the desert – diagonally, so to speak. We’re going a different way: due east and then due north once we hit the rocky ground, so we’re not in the desert as long – hopefully we can make faster progress across the easier terrain. But how did they know?”

    She shrugged again. “Lucky guess? Does it matter?”

    Theo was now pacing the sand in front of her, barely paying her any attention. “I mentioned our route to you yesterday morning –”

    Carrie blinked. “You did?”

    “You probably weren’t listening,” he said shortly. “Point is, I mentioned it out loud, and I think we were still in the forest. Could anyone have been eavesdropping?”

    She shook her head. “I doubt it. If the thugs were around, they could have threatened Raptola then instead of later. Why bother stalking us through a forest just for some tiny bit of information, anyway?”

    Theo nodded, his eyes fixed on the ground as he continued to pace. “Exactly. And the only other time I mentioned it was this morning as we were getting ready. I told Sam.”

    Carrie gaped. “Sam? He wouldn’t.”

    “That’s what I thought,” Theo said, and finally she realised what was agitating him – disbelief. “But if we weren’t overheard yesterday, then who told them?” He stabbed a finger at the two distant men, who still hadn’t moved.

    Carrie found herself sharing his refusal to believe Sam had done anything wrong. The nurse had been friendly, kind to her Pokémon – she’d even reluctantly trusted him with the care of Ivyx and Raptola for a whole night, which she couldn’t say about most people. Could he really have betrayed them?

    There was a long pause as she eyed the men in the distance.

    “Let’s just go round them,” she said eventually.

    * * *

    After a drastic change of direction, they were, according to Theo, back on the more obvious and direct route which cut diagonally through the desert. Carrie had no idea if this was the case herself – apart from the very occasional wild Cacnea or Sandshrew, which could hardly be considered landmarks, one stretch of desert looked much the same as another. As far as she was concerned, the navigating could be left to the one who seemed to know what he was doing. She was more bothered by the increasing heat as the sun rose higher into the sky; the urge to just ditch her jacket and deal with the sunburn when it came was getting harder to ignore. It didn’t help that the detour apparently meant they’d be in the desert for a few extra hours before finally finding themselves on the other side.

    Theo’s eyes were scanning the distant horizon from beneath his hat. “I don’t like this,” he muttered.

    “Neither do I. Glad you agree,” retorted Carrie, happy with the opportunity to vent some of her frustration caused by the constant heat.

    “There’s no men here,” he went on, ignoring her jibe. “I thought maybe they’d be all over the desert, cutting us off whichever way we went, but no. They’re just to the east. They knew.” He stamped a foot into the sand more forcefully than normal and pivoted on it to look Carrie in the eye. “Are you sure there couldn’t have been anyone in the forest yesterday, eavesdropping?”

    She shrugged, less concerned than he seemed to be. “It’s either that or Sam told them,” she said. “Both unlikely. Take your pick.” She gestured in a vague easterly direction. “Why didn’t those two follow us, anyway?”

    “Maybe they didn’t see us,” Theo said as he continued walking. “We could barely see them, and let’s face it, green and brown are a lot less conspicuous in a desert than black.”

    Carrie was suddenly struck by the bizarre idea that the men could have thought her and Theo to be just a Cacnea and a Sandshrew. It was, after all, incredibly difficult to judge distance and shape in the shimmering heat that hung all around. She wondered briefly if she could have done the same for the men, but as much as she racked her brains, no black desert-dwelling Pokémon native to Hoenn came to mind.

    Taking her completely by surprise, the ground near Carrie’s feet seemed to erupt in a spray of sand. Something small yet vicious clamped onto her right leg, digging in painfully. She yelped and waved her foot madly as the dust settled, allowing her a proper look at the orange creature which clung to her with a mouth of jagged teeth. Stubby legs on a tiny, round body flailed in the air as Carrie hopped and kicked like a maniac.

    Having noticed the commotion, Theo turned and took in the scene. “It’s only a Trapinch,” he said quickly, coming over to her. “I can help…”

    “I know it’s only a Trapinch, but it bloody hurts,” Carrie snapped, now standing on the leg the Pokémon clung to and trying to loosen it with her left foot. She hurriedly gave up that approach on realising that kicking the Trapinch only made its teeth clamp down harder. “And I can manage,” she insisted stubbornly, hopping away from Theo to prove she didn’t need his help while simultaneously fumbling through her pocket for a Poké Ball. “Velotus, get it!” she snarled.

    A ball flew into the air and opened in a burst of light, revealing Velotus to be already looking around, searching for the “it” in question. On seeing the Grovyle, the Trapinch’s beady black eyes widened, and it released Carrie’s leg, scuttling away to a safe distance. She and Velotus watched as it burrowed hastily into the sand until it was completely out of sight.

    “Oh,” Carrie muttered, not sure what else to say. She looked down at her trouser leg, seeing the green material in tatters and stained with a hint of blood. “Great.”

    Before she could start busying herself with bandaging it, she noticed something strange happening to the ground near where the Trapinch had retreated. The sand was moving, sliding towards a hollow in the centre, creating a growing funnel of tumbling, cascading grains. It was almost as if a plug had been pulled where the Trapinch was hidden, and everything around it was falling in.

    Carrie stared in amazement; she had never realised such a small Pokémon was capable of moving so much sand. Behind her, Theo had seen the danger and was retreating to a safe distance. She did her best to follow him while trying to keep the grit out of her wound, but hopping backwards – she felt some insane need to keep an eye on Velotus in case he did something rash – was not easy.

    Her Grovyle didn’t bother resisting as he was caught by the encroaching slope of sand. He just glared at the bottom of the pit he was being dragged inexorably towards as though daring the Trapinch to come out and face him. His leaves smoothly morphed into glowing blades as he grinned with confidence.

    Still retreating from the growing trap, Carrie misjudged one of her frantic hops and skidded on the loose grains at the edge of the funnel, crashing down on her back in an impressive spray of sand. Standing up would risk getting even more dirt in her wound; thinking quickly, she pulled out a second Poké Ball and threw it behind her, calling, “Foli, Grass Knot!”

    Foliano materialised next to Theo as Carrie craned her neck around to look at him. He was still clutching the Everstone in both hands, but was quick to size up the situation and closed his eyes to focus. Carrie could feel herself beginning to slip towards the centre of the sand-trap just as a vine – dry and yellowish, almost like straw – slithered out of the ground above her. She reached up and gripped it tightly, hoping it would hold despite the apparent lack of its usual strength. It gave a little, but it was enough to keep her from falling further down the slope.

    Foliano and Theo stood on safe ground, looking down at her. The trap had stopped growing – either it was all the Trapinch could manage, or Velotus, who now stood directly in the centre of the pit, yelling threats into the sand below, was putting it off. Suddenly the ground beneath the Grovyle rose up, and the small Pokémon hurled itself at him, its jagged mouth open wide.

    Velotus was ready; without even pausing to aim, he slashed at the Trapinch with a glowing blade, sending it skidding into the sandy wall behind it. It recovered quickly, using the slope for extra speed as it scuttled towards Velotus and clamped its jaws onto his arm.

    The Grovyle let out a loud “Vyle!” of pain and frustration as the arm’s blade fizzled back into harmless leaves. He tried stubbornly to attack the Trapinch with his other, left-hand blade, but the Pokémon’s positioning was awkward – he simply couldn’t reach around for a forceful enough blow.

    Growling, Velotus changed tack and concentrated on something only he could see. Within moments, a tornado of leaves had manifested around the Grovyle – but they were brownish, dry leaves, much like the vine Carrie clung to as she watched the battle. The Trapinch looked to be in some pain as the withered foliage battered its body, but it evidently wasn’t enough for it to release its grip on Velotus’ arm.

    Through the swirl of leaves, Carrie thought she could see Velotus’ eyes dart towards Foliano and the Everstone still in his hands. A fierce white glow erupted from within the Leaf Storm – and it burst into flames. She watched in horror as burning foliage swirled around her Pokémon, unable to see any of what was going on inside. The cyclone grew, expanding upwards and outwards in a breathtaking display of twisting, crackling fire.

    Then it was over. The leaves had been utterly burnt bar a few tiny fragments which fluttered harmlessly to the ground. Standing in the centre, covered in scorch marks for the second time in two days and with an incredibly smug grin on his face, was Velotus.

    The Trapinch lay at his feet, upside-down, its legs waving feebly in the air. A single Leaf Blade promptly slid into existence and slammed into its head. It rolled over and did not move again.

    Show off,” Carrie heard Foliano mutter with some amusement as he summoned a second vine for Velotus and pulled them both out of the pit. She scrambled to a safe distance while still attempting to keep the sand out of her stinging leg, then sat down with her foot in the air and opened her bag to look for bandages. Her two Grovyle could be heard conversing in low voices a short distance away.

    As she began wrapping her leg in a bandage, Carrie became aware of Theo standing near her. She looked up to see that he was holding a pair of binoculars to his eyes and staring into the distance, back the way they had come. From what she could tell, he looked worried. Again.

    “What is it now?” she asked. Having finished the bandage, she jumped to her feet and instantly regretted it, wincing. “More of those men?”

    Theo shook his head and lowered the binoculars, his face grim. “It’s Vanessa.”

    “Her?” said Carrie, surprised. “I thought she’d be way ahead of us by now.”

    “Well, she isn’t.” He pointed into the distance, indicating a figure in white and black. “She’s wearing something different, but the hair’s unmistakeable. It’s her,” he said in a flat voice.

    Velotus had finished talking to Foliano and was now staring in the same direction. “That woman with the Togetic?” he asked, spitting out the last word.

    Carrie nodded. “But why’s she behind us?”

    Theo shook his head again. “I don’t know. But now we know she’s after Archopy, too. We need to move.” He set off again, and Carrie and her two Grovyle trailed after him.

    While Foliano hung back, Velotus came to walk by his trainer’s side – something which usually indicated he wanted to talk with her. “Foliano says you have something to tell me,” he said without preamble.

    Carrie frowned, then remembered what she and Foliano had talked about that morning. She shot the Grovyle behind her a look, mildly annoyed at being set up with a conversation she couldn’t weasel out of. “Yes, I do,” she admitted at last.

    Well?” prompted Velotus.

    Something accusing in his tone put Carrie on the defensive from the start. “Okay, look. That Grovyle back in MemorCorp that Ivyx told you about –” she noticed his eyes narrow in interest – “had this drip in it that would make it evolve. All I did was pull it out.”

    And?” Velotus asked impatiently.

    “And that was what made it evolve,” she finished. “I mean, it would have evolved eventually anyway, but I made it evolve when it did. It was me.”

    She looked down at her Grovyle nervously, half expecting some kind of explosion from him.

    He stared unseeingly at the ground in front of him as he walked. “You tried to save it,” Velotus said; there was poison in his voice, but it didn’t seem to be directed at his trainer. “But it couldn’t be saved. The cheats!” He growled fiercely, then his fire calmed slightly as he looked up at Carrie. “I’d have thought you’d be more bothered by it. I know I would.

    She shook her head sadly. “Not after yesterday.”

    That ended fine, didn’t it?” Velotus said with what Carrie saw as a severe lack of sensitivity. “Apart from him –” he nodded in Foliano’s direction – “but he says he’s not going to keep that stone forever, so there’s no lasting damage there either…

    Carrie forced the topic in a different direction. “Nice move back there with the Trapinch, by the way. But if you’re going to make a habit of this, I’m healing your burns whether you want me to or not.”

    Velotus smirked. “Believe me, I plan to make a habit of it.

    “Fine.” She rummaged in her bag for a Burn Heal, then on realising she never bothered with Burn Heals any more, found a Full Heal instead. Her Grovyle didn’t try to resist as the golden liquid was sprayed onto his skin, dousing the scorch marks. As soon as she was done, Velotus sped up his walking until he was a short way ahead of her – his not-so-subtle method of telling her he had no more incentive to continue talking.

    Almost immediately, Foliano drew level with Carrie from behind. “I think he took it quite well, don’t you?” he said conversationally.

    She looked down at him and couldn’t help mirroring the smile she saw. “I guess it wasn’t so bad,” she admitted.

    They walked on in silence for a few moments, before Foliano spoke again. “I don’t suppose you’d mind recalling me?” he asked. “I don’t like this heat much, and I keep worrying I’ll drop this.” He indicated the Everstone in his hands, then glanced forward at Velotus and lowered his voice. “And I don’t think Velotus will mind an excuse to be recalled without having to admit it himself,” he added. “Full Heals don’t do bite wounds, after all.

    “All right, then.” Carrie pulled out both Grovyle’s Poké Balls and pointed them at their occupants, making it seem like she had simply decided to recall the two of them at the same time. As they dissolved and disappeared, she couldn’t help thinking that her Pokémon had it easy; she had the heat and a bite wound of her own to put up with. Carrie sighed to herself and continued walking, now with only Theo to keep her company.

    He kept looking over his shoulder, she noticed; actually, he’d been doing it a few times in the corner of her eye while she’d been talking to her Pokémon. Carrie glanced behind her as well, seeing Vanessa’s distant figure just as she had done before.

    She sighed, bored of Theo’s constant agitation. “What’s the matter?” she asked wearily.

    “She’s getting closer,” Theo murmured, almost to himself. “I’m sure of it. She’s catching us up.”

    ~~~

    << Previous chapter
    Last edited by elyvorg; 15th June 2008 at 1:31 PM.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 32: Direction is finally posted!


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  15. #155
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    Haha, I find it funny you post chapter 17 the day after I dream about reading chapter 16 and figure, "Okay, I really need to read that now." My subconscious mind apparently didn't want me to fall two chapters behind. :P

    Vanessa laughed. “You’re in no position to make demands of me. And you speak as though you assume I still have the money, which I don’t.” Her eyes flickered briefly towards a gleaming motorcycle which stood beside her, her Togetic sitting happily on the saddle.
    Nice way to bring out what she'd done with the money.

    A change from her usual outfit had been undesirable but necessary – a dress would have been a nightmare on a motorcycle.
    And that's a nice bit of realism.

    Joy darted around in midair with even more energy than usual as her trainer stepped back out from the small building and pulled the wooden door closed. Vanessa could understand her Togetic’s excitement. The nurse of the shamefully run-down Pokémon Centre had been all too happy to answer her questions. He hadn’t even been suspicious of the fact that Vanessa was visiting without the need to heal any Pokémon; he had, it seemed, simply been eager to please anyone who passed by.
    Aww, poor Sam. x3 Of course, he had no reason to think Theo and Carrie's journey was a secret and is too innocent to suspect a random person who walks in and wants to know about the journeys of a couple of other trainers of having any malicious intent.

    The bike raced forwards, digging its tyres into the increasingly soft and gritty ground, throwing up clouds of dust – but soon, Vanessa realised that she wasn’t going anywhere.
    This seemed a bit clunky to me. I think it's the "but soon". "Soon" is such a vague word that I have no idea how much time is supposed to be passing there and it gives me problems picturing it properly.

    Can't help wondering if Vanessa just left her expensive motorbike there, though. Anybody could steal it if it's just lying around...

    She shot him a sideways glance and caught the unfamiliar sight of the brown hat on his head. “You look ridiculous in that.”
    It seems a bit odd to call it "unfamiliar", seeing as you later make it clear he's had the hat on for quite a while and Carrie has been commenting on it. "Unfamiliar" implies she hasn't seen it before at all.

    Sam had generously loaned her several items she hadn’t got that she might have needed in the desert – loaned being a rather loose term, as Carrie hardly expected to be able to return them – but her self-respect had prevented her from wearing a hat. She did not do hats.
    I love lines like these.

    “It isn’t a good idea to wear black, yes, but –”
    Actually, supposedly it doesn't make any difference what color clothes you're wearing in a desert (according to the show QI, anyway). Not that Carrie would know that, but Theo probably would.

    Oh, don't tell me I was right in my original paranoid theories about Sam. ;; I don't want him to be working for MemorCorp!

    Well, then again, if you're bringing it up now, odds are they'll turn out to be wrong, as it's anticlimatic when the characters figure out who the traitor is long before the final confrontation with him and I don't really see you doing that.

    Carrie had no idea if this was the case herself – apart from the very occasional wild Cacnea or Sandshrew, which could hardly be considered landmarks, one stretch of desert looked much the same as another.
    I love this sentence so much.

    Carrie was suddenly struck by the bizarre idea that the men could have thought her and Theo to be just a Cacnea and a Sandshrew.
    Ahaha, AWESOME. XD

    Taking her completely by surprise, the ground near Carrie’s feet seemed to erupt in a spray of sand. Something small yet vicious clamped onto her right leg, digging in painfully. She yelped and waved her foot madly as the dust settled, allowing her a proper look at the orange creature which clung to her with a mouth of jagged teeth. Stubby legs on a tiny, round body flailed in the air as Carrie hopped and kicked like a maniac.

    Having noticed the commotion, Theo turned and took in the scene. “It’s only a Trapinch,” he said quickly, coming over to her. “I can help…”

    “I know it’s only a Trapinch, but it bloody hurts,” Carrie snapped, now standing on the leg the Pokémon clung to and trying to loosen it with her left foot. She hurriedly gave up that approach on realising that kicking the Trapinch only made its teeth clamp down harder. “And I can manage,” she insisted stubbornly, hopping away from Theo to prove she didn’t need his help while simultaneously fumbling through her pocket for a Poké Ball. “Velotus, get it!” she snarled.
    Heh, I couldn't help being reminded of the Trapinch scene from The Quest for the Legends...

    The part with the Trapinch was a nice bit of action to stir things up a little. Overall it was a nice chapter with some more good lines. Not much to complain about.

    Chapter 63: Recovery
    The story of an ordinary boy on an impossible quest in a world that isn't as black and white as he always thought it was.
    (rough draft of the remaining chapters finished for NaNoWriMo; to be edited and posted)

    Morphic
    (completed, plus silly extras)
    A few scientists get drunk and start fiddling with gene splicing. Ten years later, they're taking care of eight half-Pokémon kids, each freakier than the next, while a religious fanatic plots to murder them all.

    Lengthy fanfiction reviewing guide / A more condensed version
    Read and I will be very happy for a large number of reasons.

  16. #156
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    Hi elyvorg, this is my first time posting in your thread, but after reading your last few chapters, I've been seriously impressed, and inspired to post SOMETHING so that you know I've been reading, as I've seriously failed as a friend these past few months when it comes to reading your fic.

    “Or I want my money back,” he finished with the air of an impudent child.
    I love this phrase. The word "impudent" really brings out the fact that this man is a wimp and is fragile too.

    Sliding the PokéNav shut, she dropped it into the pocket of her white jacket.
    This woman is smooth. She does everything so effortlessly, and yet seems to do it so elegantly. I find that this is partly what makes her so sinister to me. I also love the way that her new jacket is white, as it matches Joy the Togetic more, so it gives them a much more vivid image.

    Vanessa gripped the handlebars tighter as it shot forward, surveying the landscape of mountains laid out before her.
    The description of "laid out before her" alost makesit seem like the mountais were put there for her because she wanted them there. The word "shot" also adds a sense of villainy to her. It's a short, fast word which adds impact to her character. The way that you use words with certain sounds for different characters really makes them come alive.

    With any luck, the two trainers she had been following would have passed by that Pokémon Centre on their way to Vanessa’s prize.
    "Vanessa's prize" implies that she knows in her head that it's already her prize, and that no-one else can have it. It also adds a sense of arrogance and self-importance to herself. She must have a high opinion of her abilities to disregard the fact that Theo and Carrie are willing to try to stop her. She must think that she can effortlessly brush them aside.

    “Look, are you going to stop complaining any time soon?”

    She shot him a sideways glance and caught the unfamiliar sight of the brown hat on his head. “You look ridiculous in that.”

    He faced ahead again, his irritated features hidden by the shadow of his wide brim. “So you’ve told me. Several times, actually,” Theo said.
    I always get the feel of a parent-child relationship between Theo and Carrie in their convorsations. The way that they're always nagging at each other really emphasizes this, especially as many teenage girls nowaday find fashion and how the look important so this hat thing really brings this bond out.

    Sighing, she trudged on across the flat, empty plain of sand. In a vague hope of seeing the cooler, shadier rocky ground that Theo had said they would reach within a few hours, Carrie kept her eyes fixed firmly on the horizon. The line between yellowish brown and pale blue shimmered in the heat that hung all around, but nothing could be seen.
    Trudged... I adore that word. <3
    The way that you describe things is so beautiful... I get clear images of what things should looks like.

    Carrie gaped. “Sam? He wouldn’t.”
    I really like Sam as a character. Hopefully he can come back later in the fic...

    There was a long pause as she eyed the men in the distance.
    Again, the language you use around each character; immense. While Carrie would have "eyed" these people, Vanessa would have perhaps "glared", or given them some sort of non-verbal threat through looking. Someone like Theo may have "scanned" or "searched" them carefully, or anything similar. Also, who are these people? I'm quite curious to know now.

    Having noticed the commotion, Theo turned and took in the scene. “It’s only a Trapinch,” he said quickly, coming over to her. “I can help…”

    “I know it’s only a Trapinch, but it bloody hurts,”
    The parent-child bond returns! Was the parent-child bond intentional? It's excellent anyway.

    he looked up to see that he was holding a pair of binoculars to his eyes and staring into the distance, back the way they had come.
    This image REALLY makes me think of "Hiker Theo", the trainer in Pokémon Diamond and Pearl.

    He stared unseeingly at the ground in front of him as he walked. “You tried to save it,” Velotus said; there was poison in his voice, but it didn’t seem to be directed at his trainer. “But it couldn’t be saved. The cheats!” He growled fiercely, then his fire calmed slightly as he looked up at Carrie. “I’d have thought you’d be more bothered by it. I know I would.”
    Her Grovyle are all taking it really well. I was expecting something a little... more from Velotus. He seems so much more calm than before.

    She looked down at him and couldn’t help mirroring the smile she saw. “I guess it wasn’t so bad,” she admitted.
    Again, language that suits the character: "Admitted".

    “She’s getting closer,” Theo murmured, almost to himself. “I’m sure of it. She’s catching us up.”
    You always seem to be able to produce such big tention out of something so simple as "There's a woman behind me who wants something I want too". I want the next chapter. You've been completely on the ball with the last few chapters.

    I beg of you, keep it up.

    Lunar Espeon.

  17. #157
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    Dragonfree -
    This seemed a bit clunky to me. I think it's the "but soon". "Soon" is such a vague word that I have no idea how much time is supposed to be passing there and it gives me problems picturing it properly.
    Aha, thanks. That bit always struck me as clunky during proofreading but I was unsure why. Changed it to "but then" in the hope that it'll be smoother. And yes, Vanessa did just leave her expensive motorbike lying in the sand. It's not important to her - just a way to catch up with Carrie and Theo quickly.

    It seems a bit odd to call it "unfamiliar", seeing as you later make it clear he's had the hat on for quite a while and Carrie has been commenting on it. "Unfamiliar" implies she hasn't seen it before at all.
    The idea was that "unfamiliar" meant not that she hasn't seen it before but just that she's not used to Theo in a hat yet. I presume she's been staring ahead not looking at him for a while since the last time she spoke about it, so as she looks at him she's once again caught by the "whoa, hat, weird," feeling.

    Oh, you're probably right about the black thing. I think I've actually seen that episode of QI, but it never crossed my mind while writing or proofreading. My excuses are that the knowledge on QI is usually very obscure so Theo might still not have known - and that from personal experiences of wearing black school trousers and sitting out in the sun, black may not actually be hotter in terms of overall body temperature, but it certainly feels hotter.

    Teehee, I liked the Cacnea/Sandshrew line. It came into existence rather unintentionally; in the earlier bit I wrote about Cacnea and Sandshrew just because, then when I was mentioning Carrie and Theo being green and brown I was just like, "waaaaait a second... 8D"

    And yeah, the Trapinch scene also reminded me of TQftL as I was writing it. Glad it felt like a good addition; I was worried it would seem glaringly like a random filler event with no relevance to the overall plot except being a device to get Foliano and Velotus out of their Poké Balls for the following conversations. Which is pretty much is, but still.

    lunar_espeon - I've already scared you/made you grin like a loon with my outburst on MSN, so you know what I think of your review. =D

    The thing is that with a lot of what you said, I don't even try to put it in - most of it comes naturally and/or is completely unintentional. In fact, I think the only thing you mentioned which was deliberate was the "Vanessa's prize" to basically imply - well, everything you said about it, really. xP And I guess the "impudent" one was sort of intentional, but it's mostly because the line, "I want my money back," when you're not actually entitled to your money back is impudent.

    No, the parent child bond was not intentional. xD Carrie and Theo were created as separate entities in my mind, and their relationship simply stems from what happens when I put them together and let their personalities clash. I can see where you're coming from with the parent-child thing, though; Carrie is the moody teenage daughter and Theo is the exasperated father, amirite? The term did kinda make me laugh a bit (read: a lot) though, because it also implies love, of which there is none whatsoever. xP

    Her Grovyle are all taking it really well. I was expecting something a little... more from Velotus. He seems so much more calm than before.
    Nah, they just understand that she was trying to save it and that they'd probably have done the same in her situation. Velotus is furious with the people in MemorCorp for it, but with no-one to direct his anger at close to hand, he can't really do much about it. It's not like he wants to go nearly killing Carrie again, after all. =P

    Also, who are these people? I'm quite curious to know now.
    That information was pretty much there in the chapter. o.o

    I beg of you, keep it up.
    I could say the same to you. Incidentally, have you been doing a lot of revision for an English reading exam or something? It kinda comes across in the review. xP That said, I love it, I really do.
    .: Evolution is a battle .:. Something has to lose :.
    LOST EVOLUTION
    Chapter 32: Direction is finally posted!


    Foregone Conclusion
    Spinoff/prequel/backstory/thingy to Lost Evolution, written for NaNoWriMo 2010

    Three Heads Are Better Than One

  18. #158
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    killing Carrie again
    Not the burning tree! D:

    About the people in the desert: It WAS 11PM when I posted that, I was a bit tired so I probably missed out the "these people" titbits.

    Also:
    because it also implies love, of which there is none whatsoever. xP
    I actually think there is. I really do. Not in the kind of: "Daddyyyy~" way, but more of a way way way deep down, they do care for each other a lot because of what they've been through together.

  19. #159
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    Hmm...reading this fic was one of my few ventures into the Fan-Fiction section of SPPF, so I'm not very good at all at reviewing fics. But it was great; I'll say that at least! Keep it up.

  20. #160
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    Ok, i only just found this fic recently, and have spent my last few days carefully reading every chapter. Not often does a fic keep me so entranced that i will read hours on end, literally. Elyvorg, this is a really good story. The plot is so different yet so interesting. Mostly its just normal pok'emon journey fics on this site but by basing your story around only certain pokemon - grovyle - makes it so unique.

    Your writing is very descriptive and gripping. The shiny skarmory especially attacked my emotions, i have a soft spot for birds. I do hope skarmory gets a happy ending.

    I'm mainly posting to say how good your fic is so i hope you don't consider this as spam. I'll be keeping an eye on your thread from now on, and if you wouldn't mind could you add me to your pm list so i know when the next chapters are coming?

    Sinnohdragon

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