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Thread: She returned (advanceshipping NC-17)

  1. #1
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    Default She returned (advanceshipping NC-17)

    Her sapphire eyes had stared into his dark eyes eliminating all thoughts of anything else but her. She was taller than the last time he saw her. Taller in more ways. Even her personality seemed to have altered too. But the one thing that did not change was her face and the shine of the sunset reflected that same adorable face. If only she was smiling.

    "H-Haru-ka..." Satoshi stumbled, words were stuck in his throat. "Welcome back." He stepped towards Haruka. Haruka was stepping towards him too. She then lost her right foot, slipped on her left then slowly closed her eyes; she was falling head on.

    "HARUKA!" The raven-haired boy cried making his footpaces faster. He clinched the brunette's left hand, pulled her right arm around his shoulder then allowed her head to drop on his left shoulder. Satoshi heard her breathing heavily followed by violent coughing. "Haruka," Satoshi whispered sliding his arms on her back. "Are you OK?"

    "Yeah," Haruka whispered, although the tone of her voice suggested otherwise. "Thanks Satoshi," She lifted her head up trying to face Satoshi. She then nodded. Her body felt light against his whilst hearing her sweet voice cough.

    "Haruka," Satoshi breathed. His hand then touched her hot pale forehead. "You have a fever," Satoshi confirmed "You're sweating and you're pale."

    "Believe me Satoshi," Haruka breathed. "I'm OK."

    "No!" Satoshi was having none of it. He was going to help her. Any logical friend would do that. "I'll take you to my place," He decided "My mom will now what to do." He grabbed Haruka by her torso helping her stand up. The brunette fainted on Satoshi's chest. Satoshi grabbed on to Haruka's thigh and swung them near his shoulder. His arms perfectly placed on her back. As Satoshi forced her head to sleep on his shoulder. His jaw bent down to the Haruka's ear. "Don't worry Haruka, I'll take care of you."

    As he carried Haruka in his arms, he wondered what he had been doing for the pats months. He had really missed her; at times he wished that she had stayed with her. He had many good friends, but Haruka was something more, he had no idea how to explain it. He heard her sweet grunts; she was falling asleep on him. Not that he didn't mind, infact he didn't care at all. He just wanted Haruka to be safe.

    Why was Haruka so light? What has she been doing to herself? She sure has changed since the last time I saw her. I am glad to see her again but this is far different to the Haruka I used to know. How could Shuu and Harley allow this to happen to her? Where the hell is Masato? Surely she would have at least brought her brother with her.

    Satoshi saw his friends hanging around his house. It was good to have a reunion. Hikari and Shigeru were practically flirting with each other, messing around like little children. That was definitely not Shigeru's usual behavior. He was glad that Shigeru was there; one of his old best friends. Even through Hikari was dating Kengo she was still flirting with other boys. Kenji, Kasumi, Iris and Dento were walking around peacefully when they saw Satoshi carry Haruka in his arms.

    "Satoshi!"

    "Haruka!"

    They all dashed over to Satoshi.

    "Who's she?" Hikari squeaked. "I'm sure I recognize her from somewhere before."

    "Haruka," Satoshi replied. "One of my friends. You've met her once."

    "Oh my, she looks unwell," Kasumi stated. "She looks like she needs some rest."

    "Is my Mom at home?" Satoshi asked.

    "Yeah, she's home," Kenji added followed by a nod.

    "OK thanks," Satoshi responded. He pushed Haruka's head closer to his neck and stormed off. "See you guys later!" He continued to carry the brunette in his arms. He marched to the door of his house. He kicked the door open giving out a bang noise.

    "MOM!" Satoshi called.

    Hanako marched across to the living room. She stopped and crossed her arms. "Satoshi!" She barked. "Ever heard of knocking?"

    "Sorry Mom, Haruka needs a place to stay." He laid his eyes on the vulnerable brunette. "She's not very well."

    "I think she has a fever," Hanako thought. "I'll go and buy some medicine. Take her to your room! You can sleep on the floor tonight. There's some spare bedding in the attic."

    "OK Mom, thanks."

    Satoshi rushed Haruka up the stairs as if some kind of emergency. The minute he was in his bedroom, the very first thing he did was place Haruka on the bed. Her head fainting on the pillow. You're safe Haruka don't worry, he thought to himself.

    Three hours later Haruka woke up. She felt a fan on her face, cloaks around her and softness on her head.

    Where am I? How did I get here? Oh yeah stupid me, I'm at Satoshi's house. Why did he have to do that? I told him he didn't have to and that I was ok. I'm just thirsty...

    Haruka saw a glass of water near the bedside table. Was that for her? Not that she cared; she was just plain thirsty. Grabbing the glass she gulfed the water. The water felted fresh, cool and refreshing. After gulping the water she inhaled then exhaled heavily.

    "Haruka!"

    Haruka fell off the bed and landed on the floor. "Haruka!" Satoshi dashed over to Haruka, then helping her get back on the bed. "Are you OK Haruka?"

    "Yeah I'm OK," Haruka stated. She gazed at the floor feeling to ashamed to look at him. "I'm just making a fool of myself." She began to smile. Finally the old Haruka was coming back.

    "You didn't," Satoshi stated "You were just ill."

    "You didn't have to do this for me Satoshi," Haruka told Satoshi.

    "It's OK I'd do anything for a friend like you," Satoshi stated. "So anyway, how are you? Did you meet any new friends?"

    Haruka dropped her head down. "No one particular," Haruka replied.

    "Got any new pokemon?" Satoshi asked.

    "No I didn't catch any?"

    "So how was it overall with you Shuu and Harley?"

    "I didn't travel with them!" Haruka answered. "I travelled Alone..."

    "Alone... Haruka why alone?"

    "I thought it would make me stronger. Anyway sorry I didn't contact you or anything."

    "That's OK," Satoshi added.

    "I was wondering; if you could do me a favour?" Haruka asked. She was in a serious tone. Even more serious then Satoshi had ever seen her before.

    "Haruka, I've just told you that I would do anything for you."

    "I wanted to say this a long time ago, but I didn't want to freak you out. Cause you were like the best friend I've ever had. I always wanted to hang around with such a kind person like you. I have to say if it wasn't for you Satoshi, I would have been half as strong as I am today. Whenever I fell you would catch me. I didn't like seeing you get hurt. You were always there for me; and I tried to be there for you. Whenever I was in a battle all I had to do was think of you to keep me going. Your spirit lingered in my soul and has not departed and never will.

    This might be a stupid question but would you sleep with me?"

    Satoshi cupped Haruka's face. Leaned forward opened his arms to Haruka in a hug then brushed his lips against Haruka's. One blissful kiss. They both had their eyes closed and could both feel the passion running in eachother's veins. A sweet passionate kiss which allowed the tongues to connect and great each other for the first time. Their bodies were stuck to one another as the tongues continued to twist, turn, wrestle and dance. Satoshi and Haruka paused. Silently stared at eachother. Then they continued an open kiss. Satoshi pulled on Haruka's bottom lip and reluctantly slipped away. Haruka enjoyed that moment and wish it lasted longer. She saw the grin on the raven-haired boy's face

    "Does that answer your question Haruka?"

    Haruka smiled. He felt the same way too. He wants to sleep with her too. Make love and finally be a couple. Making love was something that she had always wanted to do.

    In delight Haruka and Satoshi's lips kissed again with even more passion and delight. Satoshi jumped on to Haruka whilst taking his shirt off. This gave Haruka more time to caress his toned chest and to admire it. Satoshi grabbed onto Haruka's shirt.

    "Now take these off!" Satoshi grinned.

    "What ever you say," Haruka replied.

    Both of their lips met again. Their shoulders constantly moved backwards and forwards. Satoshi removed Haruka's red top revealing a pink bra. Their lips had departed each other; Satoshi's hand crawled onto Haruka's waist then pulled down everything that was on her lower body. He had done it slowly in order to prolong the moments with eachother. Haruka moaned. In her mind was Satoshi's name. She felt his tongue slide all over her body and her legs were wrapped around his waist. Haruka's breath became heavy. Satoshi's tongue returned in his mouth and he gently pulled Haruka to his level. His arms crawled to Haruka's back and he unclipped her bra. He then tossed it away carelessly.

    This was something she always wanted to do but still at the heat of the momement she was too shy. Her cheeks had started to glow rose pink, she had no explanation for it.

    The two continued to stare at eachother. As Haruka couldn't think of anything else to do she grabbed onto Satoshi's butt. Satoshi planted kisses on her neck as Haruka undid his belt and made his denim jeans slide down to his thighs. He shrugged them off, leaving him in his boxers. The two started to kiss again. Skins started to rub against eachother. Her skin was soft, his muscles were strong. A perfect pairing. The lips greeted again. Switching positions and fighting for their place. Haruka could feel Satoshi's boner rubbing against her core. Together they both tried to remove the boxers.

    Now they were both naked. They wrapped the sheets against each other. They both moaned and groaned each other's names. Satoshi forced Haruka to the mattress on the bed and placed his mouth around her left breast. He closed his eyes dreamily. Haruka's pitching became high. She tugged onto to Satoshi's black hair hearing his grunts and feeling his breathing. She felt the lumps and butterflies in her stomach about to dance around and explode.

    "SATOSHI!" Haruka breathed clenching onto his buttocks, they both had a tight grip against eachother. Meanwhile Haruka's hand claimed an erected penis, which she played with a state a pleasure.

    "Where's your mother?" Haruka asked him.

    Satoshi removed his face from the brunette's chest.

    "She and everyone else went clubbing," Satoshi had replied in a sort of embarrassed way.

    "She's still clubbing at her age?"

    "Well at least no-one can hear us,"

    "That's OK,"

    Satoshi's mouth engulfed Haruka's. Haruka's hand still stuck onto the raven-boy's head. Things now were starting to get painful for Haruka. She felt fingers grinding in her core; and tickling her clit. Haruka continued to moan. Their skin was beginning to rub hard against each other. She could feel his man hood rub on the side of her neck. As everything was getting harder to deal with, this Eventually they both lost control of their own bodies.

    Haruka was in a state of bliss but why did it have to be painful is well. Inside she wondered how Satoshi felt. Did he feel the same as her or was he enjoying it without any pain whatsoever. Haruka bit her lips trying to hold back her tears. She squeezed Satoshi's shoulders tightly for support but he didn't seem to mind at all. Her groans were louder as she felt juices departing her body.

    "Sato-Kun," Haruka squealed. Her eyes were uncontrollable. Her eyes drowned in tears. She threw her own body against Satoshi's chest grabbing onto him harder and gasping on the side on of his neck.

    "Haruka!" Satoshi grumbled. He cupped her face delicately. "Why are you crying?"

    "I don't know," Haruka complained as she tried to hide the tears away. "I just feel so emotional right now."

    "We can stop this if this is getting too painful. I don't want to hurt you."

    "No!" Haruka snapped shaking her head. "Just get on with it"

    Satoshi gripped on to Haruka's waist. Haruka rested her forehead on Satoshi's nose.

    "Are you ready?" Satoshi asked.

    "As I'll ever be," Haruka admitted.

    Three, two, one. A shattering of the hymen, Haruka let put a huge scream as droplets of tears departed her eyes and splattered on Satoshi's cheek. Haruka felt herself getting wetter. He was inside of her just as she wanted him to be. She loved this momement but hated the pain. She grabbed onto Satoshi's back, continuing to moan and groan. He thrusted in and out of her. She tilted her head back. Yelling out his name but was in fear that the neighbours would hear.

    A wave of pleasure hit Haruka suddenly. The pain was slowly going away. "The pain is going," Haruka whispered. "...Slowly,"

    "You want me to stop?" Satoshi asked.

    "No," Haruka announced whilst biting her lip trying to ignore the pain. Satoshi continued to thrust in and out of Haruka. She had no control but she knew that she had died and gone to heaven. The pain ceased. They were both hot and wet. They continued making out like rabbits. Haruka was out of breath she needed oxygen. Satoshi covered her lips with his mouth she retrieved her oxygen. Waves of the orgasm made it difficult to hold still. Haruka collapsed on the pillows. All good things had to come at an end. She was content. Satoshi plunged himself out of Haruka he knew she had enough and she needed to sleep. Satoshi said nothing. He didn't know how all of this happened so quickly, but it felt like bliss.

    Things were never going to be the same again.
    Last edited by ChloboShoka; 15th August 2012 at 10:34 PM. Reason: Update


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  2. #2
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    WOW JUST WOW!
    Bloody brilliant!
    For once a truly well written NC-17 fanfic.... There was this thread in the author's cafe in which me and some others discussed the intricacies of such fics.... I apologize that when I saw your thread in the Author's Cafe I did not pay much heed to it, oh well....

    Now for the criticisms:

    1) I generally don't like the use of Japanese names and phrases in fanfiction because it feels out of place, it is misused and most of the time author's use it just to make themselves look cool.... but I guess there are exceptions

    2)
    had been doing for the pats months
    Past not past .... gotcha!! and it will be past month or past FEW months

    3)
    was praticly flirting with each other
    lol! Were Practicly ... on second thought... just "were", the "practicly" feels out of place

    4)
    oh yeah Baka-me
    Baka??? What is that? Isn't that slang?

    5)
    You were alwys there for me;
    Always

    6)
    This might be a stupid question but would you sleep with me?"
    Preeteen ****s FTW! I mean WOW! I thought she would say "I Love You" or something....

    7)
    allowed the tounges to connect and great each other for the first time
    Greet... not great

    8)
    Thier bodies were stuck to one another
    Their

    9)
    Haruka enjoyed that moment and wished it lasted longer.
    10)
    Dose that awnser your question Haru-chan?"
    Does.... I think you were enjoying this too much

    11)
    Making love was something that she had always wanted to do
    WOW!! Little May: When I grow up... I wanna make love!!

    12)
    Thier skin was begining to rub hard against each other.
    OH YEAH!!! ... I mean... "Their".... sorry!

    Finally, I hope you got permission for this as we don't really allow NC-17 fics unless they are REALLY well written, other wise good job!
    If the Pokemon Black & White anime turns out to be an ABSOLUTELY brand new story with new characters and plot then I will lick the sole of my mud covered shoe and post it on YouTube for everyone to see

  3. #3
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    Hey, wait a sec... I read this on fanfiction.net a while ago! =P I'm not so sure how I uh, stumbled onto an NC-17 fic though...

    Well, anyway to ensure that this isn't spam, I'm required to say a thing or two about the fic, which I am more than happy to. (Though I really just wanted to pop in to say I read this fic on fanfiction.net)

    The idea of teenage sex (I assume they are teenagers now) is something I'm generally against, being Christian and whatnot, but it was still a pretty well written fic that would appeal to the, older generation of readers. (And to be honest, including me) Anyway, this is writing, fiction to be more specific, so we all can go way out of our way and write the impossible if we wanted to. I really did enjoy this fic (Not in... that way.) and hopefully, you'll write another Ash/May fic one day. (I don't mind if it's NC-17 again either. =P)

    For mechanics, I'm sure the other reader caught most if not all of them. I'm way too lazy to read over carefully and check anyway.

    Anyway, good stuff.

    (I sure use parentheses a lot)

  4. #4
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    wow pretty good for an nc-17 i always go around to see if any nc-17 fanfic are any good and thats saying something since i usaly only look at abilityshipping and contestshiping

  5. #5
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    I just wanted to say to all those who reviewed, thankyou very much. I've re-read the fic and fixed the majority of the stupid errors, so that's the update. Hopefully the fic is much better. I removed the chans and kuns to make it less annoying.


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  6. #6
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    my thing is growing lol that was detailed somethin may would do i guss
    Last edited by pokemonmasterhustler; 16th February 2008 at 4:14 PM.
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  7. #7
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    Hey Chloe, I've read this fan fiction so many times, I know I should review this as I know you but I think you know what I'mgoing to say.

    I don't come on Serebi much because I'm busy. Well, I never really liked advanceshipping at all until I read your fic. What can I say, you are good at this stuff; much better than other writers on AFF.net and others simply can't pull of NC-17 at all.

    I'm happy that you can pull this off well. I love the innocent feeling, ok they may have been a little OOC, but I kinda expect that in NC-17 stories. I also see that you've been working on the grammar and puntuation since it's on ff.net. Also, you've mentioned that you wanted to add some more chapters to this oneshot. Well I would definatley go for it!

  8. #8
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    Thanks, G.Choly. It was fun to see an advanceshipping lemon, you don't see these much. The theme (coming back after traveling apart) was good too, I enjoyed it.

    "So how was it overall with you Shuu and Harley?"
    Why do you give all characters their original Japanes name, but not Harley?
    And I though it was pretty obvious she wanted to travel alone, so Ash could've known that ^^

    This might be a stupid question but would you sleep with me?"
    lol, this came a bit quick and unexpected imo. I usually prefer May to be a bit more shy, first trying to tell him she likes him more then just a friend, and then slowly from a gentle touch/kiss to this moment. Ash could've been a bit dense too, but no big deal. It worked and the scene afterwards was great, so it makes up for it anyway.

    "Where's your mother?" Haruka asked him.
    Satoshi removed his face from the brunette's chest.

    "She and everyone else went clubbing," Satoshi had replied in a sort of embarrassed way.
    "She's still clubbing at her age?"
    "Well at least no-one can hear us,"
    "That's OK,"
    Lol again, I think this really get's you out of your horny mood, if you are Ash. Though he should easily get back into it with a naked Haruka in his chamber screamin' to get it hard xD

    I like how you showed that ash cared about May not gettin' hurt, though he got on quick easily when Haruka said it was okay. Must be hard for a girl to lose her virginity like that. Overall nice one-shot!
    Bring Back The Golden Age


  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hunter_RuLe View Post
    Thanks, G.Choly. It was fun to see an advanceshipping lemon, you don't see these much. The theme (coming back after traveling apart) was good too, I enjoyed it.
    Hiya Hunter rule thanks for reviewing. I love the theme too.

    Why do you give all characters their original Japanes name, but not Harley?And I though it was pretty obvious she wanted to travel alone, so Ash could've known that ^^
    I don't know Harley's japanese name, so I just left it as Harley. Ash/Satoshi, I can imagine him a bit dense and forgetful at times.

    About Delia going out clubbing, that was meant for some humour. I glad you liked it Hunter rule.

    @buffydawn101
    Hey Dawn, great to see you round here, also thanks for nominating this for a shipping fic oscar. Believe me I had no idea I would get nominated at all. Maybe I should continue with this like you said Buffy, but I'm also quite busy too.


    ☆ Maya Fey: Ace Pokemon Trainer
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