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Thread: The Saga of Team Supernova (rated PG 13)

  1. #251
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    Quote Originally Posted by FocusPresenceEndurance View Post
    @ SamuraiDragon1: Hehe, yeah. And to add to that, I do believe that Feraligatr and Blaziken become the tallest of all the final evos of the starters. I could be wrong though. Thanks for the Comment!

    @ Blademaster_Jale: Hey! It's great to see ya back! If at least for a little while. Needless to say I was surprised to see that you were the one who bumped this thread.

    Thanks for the review. It really motivates me to get the next chapter finished. BTW for anyone else, I plan on posting the next chapter before the end of January. Hopefully this will be a deadline that I will be able to meet.

    Also, you'll probably end up giving yourself a face-palm when I tell you how I came up with the name Ashley... You see, I first thought of something related to fire (ash) then realized that Ashley has that very same word in it. So there you have it.
    *facepalm* Why didn't I notice that before?

    Sciz: Idiot...

    Pach: Heyit'snotnicetotalklikethat!
    *Sciz glares at Pach hatefully*
    Sciz: It's also rather annoying to speak with all your sentences crammed into one word.

    Pach: *Gasp*Youjustsaidmorethantwowordsinonesentenceomig oshScizI'msohappyfory-
    *Sciz backhands Pach*
    Sciz: Never gets old...

    *sigh*... Well, getting back to normal conversation here... Glad to hear the next chapter'll be up soon.

    Sciz: 72 hours and he's dead.

    Well, uh yeah... I kinda promised Sciz he could pwnzor you if the chapter wasn't up by your deadline.

  2. #252
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    Chapter 23


    Horror Strikes Home! The Mission Out to Sea!


    With a small flash of light, a tiny Pokemon appeared in an immense and empty place. Gargantuan stone pillars circled the area, which supported a cavernous ceiling that rested at dizzying heights above her head. The horizon could be seen far beyond the pillars, appearing as one great inferno, burning brightly and viciously out into a black abyss. Every now and then, all one would be able to see beyond the pillars was nothing but intense yellowish white light.

    The floor was made of giant stone blocks which were arranged in a circular pattern around a hole in the center. Bright white light radiated up from the bottom of the hole, creating a beam of light that shot straight up toward the ceiling. Light also penetrated between the seams of the stone blocks, illuminating everything from beneath

    Scenery, however, was the last thing on Jirachi’s mind as she glanced around nervously. She was alone... for now at least. “Oooh... what will I tell him?” she asked herself fearfully as she began to glide in the direction of the hole. She always used to be the bearer of good news, being able to make wishes come true. Now all she ever seemed to have was bad news.

    “Jirachi...” a voice emanated from below as she drew near.

    “… yes M-M-Master?” she stuttered fearfully.

    “Am I correct in assuming that you are here to tell me that the legendary birds have failed?”

    She took a huge gulp before giving her report. “Y-yes, Master. So far, the three of them have not managed to eliminate either of the humans. They have all fallen in battle to either the targeted human or those who support him.”

    “Hmm...” the voice mumbled frustratedly. “Having been dormant for less time than I have, I had been expecting that you would be able to name a candidate suited to the job of killing off this human as soon as possible. Instead you end up naming these useless invalids who are disgraces to the name legendary. Jirachi, not only have they failed at killing the human, but you have failed at bringing a swift death to him. What do you have to say for yourself?”

    “I-I-I’m terribly sorry, Master,” Jirachi apologized in terror. Trying to conceal her fear, she closed her eyes and lowered her head. “I-I never thought that the human would survive an attack from the legendary birds let alone defeat them. Please, forgive me. I promise I will not make the same mistake twice.”

    There was a long pause where all was silent except for Jirachi’s heart pounding in her chest. Then, the voice spoke from directly in front of her. “Very well, I shall forgive you this one poorly-made decision.”

    “Th-thank you Master,” Jirachi said gratefully as she lowered her head even further. She could not say she was relieved, but at least she would get a second chance at proving herself worthy. As she looked up to face him, she quickly averted her eyes. She knew better than to look at him directly, for surrounding him was a bright, brilliant white aura that would blind the eye in an instant.

    “The birds can no longer be trusted,” Sanngot stated. “They know more than I’d like them to. They must also be punished for their failure. Your next task will be to find the legendary birds and bring them here. I trust this task will be manageable for you?”

    “Y-yes master,” Jirachi said, bowing her head again, feeling a sickening feeling in her heart. They had nothing to do with this, yet somehow, she had managed to drag them into it. Reluctantly, she turned around and headed toward the edge of the temple. And... what about the human? She had seen him on the mountain before she left. Had he seen the whole thing? Should she mention it to Sanngot? She brushed the thought from her mind. He might not have seen the whole thing... that fact and Sanngot would also probably be angry if she did tell him. For now, she would let this detail wait.

    “One last thing,” Sanngot said.

    “Y-yes?” Jirachi asked turning around.

    “Should you fail me this time, there will be no forgiveness. I am not one who was known for his mercy. Keep this in mind as you find them and be thankful that you are still able to carry out my orders.”

    “Yes, Master,” she said, bowing her head one last time before disappearing with a flash of light.

    ***

    “This is a dream, isn’t it?” Croconaw asked as he gazed out at the scene that spread out before him. “Please. Please tell me this is some messed up dream.”

    “I wish it was,” Torchic replied grimly.

    “You wouldn’t be asking if this was a dream in a real dream,” Tristan said. “This is real.”

    Before the team was the area where the village had once been. Now it was a vast expanse of empty space. Only a few steps from where they stood was the edge of an enormous cliff, which plummeted hundreds of feet below them. The remainder of the village rested at the bottom of the cliff like a large pile of debris that fanned out into the sea. It was almost as if an enormous bite had been taken out of the land and then spat back out in the water.

    Where Wiscash Pond once lay, a rush of cascading water splashed against the rocks to the bottom of the cliff, where it splashed amongst the wreckage until it reached the sea. But this wasn’t the only place where water was coming from. Scattered all over the cliff were places where water was streaming out.

    “There’s no time for staring!” Minun cried, snapping the team back to the situation at hand. “Persian’s in trouble! He’s gonna fall!”

    “Where is he?” Tristan asked, being the first to regain his composure.

    “He’s just this way!” Plusle stated as he broke into a run, leading the team members along the edge of the cliff.

    “He should be just up ahead!” Minun said. “Caterpie’s doing his best to help, but we can’t do it by ourselves!”

    With no time to think, Tristan, Torchic and Croconaw followed in the steps of the two small mice. Navigating past the trees proved difficult, and sometimes dangerous as some of the still unstable soil threatened to give way beneath them. Many trees were left dangling over the edge of the cliff in a struggle all their own as they barely managed to cling on.

    Not long after, they came upon the scene. Caterpie was standing on the edge of the cliff, almost in tears with frustration and despair. Only a couple meters below him, a large tan coloured cat with black trimmed ears and a small red crystal on his forehead struggled to keep his grip on the failing soil. Exhausted and injured, much of his once smooth fur was matted with dried blood and covered in dirt. Adding to this, a large black ring surrounded one of his eyes. The part of the cliff that Persian was gripping was covered in nets of silk which had managed to do a satisfactory job at keeping the soil from falling apart. But not even that seemed to help the stranded shopkeeper right now.

    “I’m sorry, kid,” Persian called up to him. “I just can’t hold on anymore.”

    “No! You’re so close! Don’t quit now!” Caterpie cried hopelessly. “Just hang on a little longer! My friends will find help! I swear!”

    “We’re here!” Minun shouted, as he and Plusle arrived on the scene. They were quickly joined by Team Supernova.

    “Team Supernova!” Caterpie cried out in excitement. “We’re saved!”

    “T-Team... Supernova?” Persian asked from below, looking up in shock. But the sudden movement cost him dearly, causing him to slip on a loose patch of soil. Everyone watched in horror as he slid down several feet and fell out of view behind an overhang where only a sheer drop awaited him.

    “NO!!” Caterpie screamed in anguish. “He was so close! But I still couldn’t save him!”

    “Hold on...” Tristan said, holding out a hand in front of the caterpillar.

    There was a moment where the only sound was the tumbling of rocks down the cliff. Then, to everyone’s amazement, two paws grasped over the edge of the overhang as Persian tried to claw himself back up. Clenched between his teeth was the fine yet tough silk from Caterpie’s net. But he was now at the point where all his strength had run out. With his arms trembling, he slowly began to slide back off.

    Without hesitating, Tristan dropped his bone and jumped over the cliff’s edge and onto the small ledge near the cat. He gathered the silk that Persian was hanging to, forming a makeshift rope. “Just hang on!” Tristan called to him as he began to pull. “See if you can pull yourself up now!”

    Persian nodded slightly, following Tristan’s advice. For the most part, this proved effective, but before he could pull himself up completely, an enormous chunk of earth suddenly crumbled beneath him. Tristan braced himself for the large cat’s weight, but the instant he felt the tug on the rope, he felt a tremendous jolt of pain shoot through his shoulder, causing him to be pulled down as well.

    “Tristan!” he could hear Torchic scream from above, among the other panicked cries.

    Now Tristan was the one hanging over the ledge, holding on only by his one good arm. He looked down to see that Persian had still somehow managed to keep a hold of the silk as well. The cat was clearly in pain, though, from the forces exerted on his jaws. Tristan tried to pull himself up, but with even the slightest motion his shoulder would act up to the point where it immobilized him. Looking at his battle wound, Tristan could see that it had reopened, with blood beginning to trickle out again.

    “Hang in there, Tristan!” Croconaw yelled down to him. “I’ll be right there!”

    “Oh this is so horrible!” Minun whimpered as he and Plusle covered their eyes. “This can’t be happening! Tristan can’t die! He’s Tristan!”

    “Just hold on a little longer!” Tristan called down to Persian in an attempt to calm him. “We’ll think of-” But just as he said it, he felt a jerk on the rope. Tristan looked up to see that a part of the rope had detached from the cliff. It may have been able to hold Persian, but the combined weight of both of them proved to be too much. “Hurry, Croconaw!” Tristan cried. There was another jerk on the rope, then another and another. Before he knew it the rope had detached from the cliff entirely.

    He could hear screams coming from above him as the first second of falling seemed like minutes. This was it. There was nothing he could do. After all he’d been through, in the end, his death was because of a simple accident. As if everything he had done meant nothing. This couldn’t be happening. It made no sense. Many thoughts were racing through Tristan’s head until, suddenly, there was another large jerk on the rope, bringing his fall to an abrupt end. He looked up to see Croconaw reaching over the edge with a firm grip on the rope and only inches to spare.

    “Phew!” Croconaw said, breathing a sigh of relief. “Another second and you would ha-”

    “JUST PULL US UP!” Tristan yelled.

    Croconaw took the hint, and began to pull both his team mate and the shop-owner up with all the strength his new body had to offer. The moment Tristan was up on the ledge he too helped with the pulling until Persian was back on solid ground.

    “... I’m sorry...” Tristan said after managing to catch his breath.

    “Sorry? For what?” Croconaw asked.

    “I thought I would be able to handle it, but I only made things worse.”

    “Hey, none of us could’ve seen that coming right?” Croconaw asked, putting his hand behind his head. “There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

    “Sounds quite... quite exciting... to say the least,” Persian interrupted through gasps of air as he tried to stand up straight. “But I’d rather... we continue... this lovely discussion... once we get off... off of this cliff.”

    “Oh... right,” Croconaw replied, slightly embarrassed. The three of them looked up from where they were to where the rest of the group waited. It wasn’t a very far climb, but it would definitely have felt like a mile to an injured Pokemon who had been climbing all day. “Well, the scary part’s over.” Croconaw said, looking back at Persian. “We shouldn’t have much of a problem anymore. We’ll get out of here before ya know it.”

    With this, both Tristan and Croconaw climbed back up over the cliff and proceeded to use the rope with the help of Torchic, Plusle and Minun to haul Persian up and over the edge of the cliff, finally putting an end to the whole ordeal. Persian collapsed on the ground. “Ah... I thought I’d never feel the grass again...” he mumbled happily.

    “That was awesome! You guys are the best!” Minun and Plusle cheered happily.

    “No, no!” Caterpie said, turning to them. “Team Blue is the best. But Team Supernova is a close second!”

    “I’m just glad that’s over. That was too close...” Torchic said, giving a sigh of relief as she turned towards her team-mates. “I just wish I could’ve helped somehow... it made me feel pretty useless watching you guys down there.”

    “You aren’t the only one,” Tristan mumbled aside to her. Briefly, he checked his shoulder to see how it was. It was still bleeding slightly. given several minutes it would probably close itself, but he knew he couldn’t keep going around like this. It had almost caused the death of him had it not been for Croconaw. He returned his gaze to Persian, who had struggled himself up into a sitting position.

    The shopkeeper wore a perplexed expression and was speechless a few moments as he looked between the three of them. “Team... Supernova?” he asked, still with a hint of distaste in his voice. “... You were exiled... Why are you… what are you doing here?”

    At this the cheering of Team Charge-Net went silent as everyone turned their attention to Persian.

    “We can talk about that later,” Croconaw stated, changing the subject. “What I’d like to know is, what happened here? We were only gone for about a week.”

    “We’d like to know too.” Minun added. “We were on a mission when this happened. And nobody back at the camp will tell us anything.”

    Persian thought a moment, as he tried to recall the events of the last few days. “Well... I guess all this happened because of all the rain we’ve been getting. In all my life I’ve never seen it rain so hard in this village. There was a particularly violent storm the night before the disaster, too, where the river actually rose above its boundaries and flooded the village. But it didn’t do much damage, so nobody thought much of it.

    “The day of the disaster started out like any other day. Rescue and exploration teams came and went. The only thing that was odd was the smell of dirt in the air. As the day progressed the smell grew progressively stronger until it was to the point where everyone was talking about it. The first sign that something was wrong was when I went into my vault to deposit some money. I heard screams from outside, so I went out to see what the commotion was. I had only moments to look behind me towards the pond to see an enormous wall of mud and debris hurtling towards me. Without thinking, I retreated back to my vault where I thought I could wait it out.”

    “So... it was a mudslide?” Torchic asked.

    “That is correct,” Persian answered. “Bu-”

    “It doesn’t look like just a mudslide happened here,” Croconaw interrupted, looking down at the wreckage of the village, “A mudslide would have been bad, but it wouldn’t have done this.”

    “I was getting to that,” Persian said in a patient yet annoyed tone, “My vault was underground, so it was safe from being hit by the slide. Above me I could hear buildings being swept away by the torrent of mud... and unfortunately... Pokemon, too. For a moment, I thought I was safe, until I heard loud cracking noises all around me and felt the entire vault begin to tremble. At first I thought it was an earthquake, but before I knew it, I was weightless. I know now that it was because the vault was falling, but at the time, it was had absolutely no idea what was happening. When the vault hit ground again, it began to tumble, thrashing me around inside. Anything inside with me became projectiles, including all the money.”

    “So... it was a landslide?” Croconaw asked.

    “And a massive one at that,” Torchic added. “But how could it have been so huge?”

    Tristan looked back down at the cliff. That was a good question. He’d heard that landslides could be dangerous, but never heard of one this big. His eyes were drawn to where the water was spilling out of the cliff. Now that he was able to get a better look, he could see that the water had carved out a cave for itself. There were many caves that dotted the face of the cliff. It could have been that all the extra water had been eroding the foundation of the village, bringing it to the brink of collapsing. All it needed was something to trigger it... like a mudslide!

    “Hey guys!” Tristan said, as the others pondered. He briefly described what he had just thought.

    “That could very well be...” Persian said tiredly. “I can’t confirm that one for you though, since I was inside the whole time. Anyway, I must have banged my head at some point, because the next thing I remembered was waking up into absolute darkness. By then, everything had seemed to settle and I could hear the muffled cries of the survivors coming from outside. Among the cries, I could also hear rescue teams trying to aid them. I tried to get out, but the door had been blocked by debris. I tried then to call for help, but my voice never reached outside. At that point I was certain I would die. I’m not sure what happened outside after that, but after a long time in my cell I tried again to open the door to find that the door was no longer blocked. It was only just recently that I managed to escape. By that time all those who could have been saved were saved, and there was nobody there but myself. It was only then that the scale of the disaster was apparent to me. I don’t know how long I stared, but I managed to get my senses back to me to try to climb out of this hole. And that was when you found me.”

    “That’s awful…” Torchic said in sympathy.

    Tristan shuddered as he tried to imagine what Persian had been through. To be trapped in such a small dark space, and to think that you were locked in, never to see the light of day. The thought was terrifying.

    “Well... I guess we shouldn’t stand around here anymore,” Croconaw began. “We should probably start heading towards the camp now. I don’t think you’ll last much longer if you don’t see a doctor.”

    Persian nodded in agreement, grimacing as he put weight on his front paw in an attempt to stand. “It should be on the coast just to the west of the Western Forest. That’s where the villagers planned to gather in case of a disaster, but… I never thought we would need to use it...” He looked out into the gap where his shop used to be and sighed sadly. “We’ll have to find a new home entirely... I hope everyone else made it out alright...” He turned cautiously, careful not to aggravate his injured leg as he began to head towards the path, limping heavily as he went.

    “Here! Let me help you!” Croconaw offered, allowing Persian to lean against him. “No need to put yourself through more pain.”

    “... Thank-you...” Persian said, closing his eyes in shame. Several rather difficult minutes of navigating through the thick brush passed until they had reached the path again. Up until then, everyone was silent, consumed by their own thoughts. “What made you decide to come back?” Persian asked curiously. “You know you’re hated in the village, don’t you?”

    “Yeah... we know,” Croconaw answered. “We uh... we came back because...”

    “Because we heard there was a disaster!” Torchic jumped in. “We wanted to help as soon as we heard.”

    “Huh?” Tristan asked, turning around. “That’s not wh-”

    “YES IT IS!” she shouted over Tristan’s voice. She pulled him aside and whispered in his ear. “We can’t exactly tell him we came back cause we wanted to! That’s not how being exiled works!”

    “I-I knew that!” Tristan answered defensively, returning to the group. He just didn’t feel comfortable telling an outright lie. However, he tried to reason that if they had known about the disaster, he probably would have wanted to come back. “Torchic’s right... we wanted to try to help...” he said finally.

    Persian eyed him thoughtfully for a moment before turning his head back towards the path. “I see,” answered. “I’m afraid I can’t pay you though, since I have no money.”

    “Money?” Croconaw asked. “Who’s thinking about money at a time like this?”

    “We didn’t do this to be paid,” Torchic added. “We did this because we wanted to save you.”

    “Even if you had money we wouldn’t have asked for it,” Tristan finished.

    “Oh...” Persian said, lowering his head in guilt. “I... must apologize. I thought you were the types who would take advantage of someone in need. I see that I have judged you wrongly, though.” To this, none of the Supernova members replied. The comment proved difficult to respond to. On the one hand, it felt good because it was the first good thing that had been said about them in a long while. On the other, they knew that there were many other villagers who still thought of them as villains.

    “I guess it’ll take a while before we’re accepted again...” Croconaw said sadly. “Looks like everything we did till now will mean nothing...”

    “C’mon Croconaw. I’m sure things will smooth out eventually,” Torchic said in an attempt to comfort him. “It may take a little work, but we can handle it. Right, Tristan?”

    “Yeah, sure,” he replied absentmindedly. To be honest he wasn’t really concerned with the team’s reputation at the moment. He was more concerned with finding the camp as soon as possible.

    “Tristan! You’re not really helping here!” Torchic snapped.

    Tristan was about to retort, but paused a moment, then grinned slightly. Choosing not to reply, he looked forward as though nothing had happened.

    “What...?” Torchic began, her anger being replaced with confusion.

    “Never mind. It’s nothing.” Tristan said, even though his grin remained on his face. It was just like before when they weren’t exiled. He was glad to see that nothing had changed. Both Torchic and Croconaw exchanged confused looks, but shrugged it off, deciding it was probably better left unknown.

    “Er... I’m not sure what happened between you just now... But I’d like to help out somehow.” Persian said, interrupting the awkward moment. “I’m not sure what influenced you to behave the way you did earlier. But seeing you three now, I don’t feel that you deserve the reputation you have. I’m a respected member of the village. Perhaps there is a way I can sway the way others think about you.”

    “That would be a great help,” Croconaw thanked. “At least then all the villagers won’t be against us.”

    ***

    It wasn’t long before they had passed through the cool moist air of the Western Forest. Upon stepping into the open fields of grass a fresh salty breeze swept up from the ocean to greet them. Spread out before them was a sea of white tents, each one with a flag above it, flapping in the wind. The site was buzzing with activity. As Persian had explained on their way there, not only was this a place where the refugees had escaped to, but with the village now decimated, this poorly planned establishment was to temporarily serve as the center for many of the rescue and exploration teams that the village had.

    “See there?” Persian said, pointing to a small tent that was slightly isolated from the others “The tent with the blue flag?”

    “Yeah?” Croconaw replied.

    “That’s the tent where we need to go to confirm our existence. It’s like an attendance sheet for the villagers, if you will. It’s also where a layout is kept in order to find our way around this mess of tents.”

    “This is were we’ll break off now,” Plusle said as he and his friends separated from the rest of the group. “They already know we’re fine.”

    “Yeah, that and we need to go tell Metapod the awesome things you guys did!” Caterpie added.

    “Thanks for saving Persian!” Minun said, looking up at the members of Team Supernova. “You guys really are the best!”

    “Now now...” Persian said, chuckling quietly. “I owe part of my thanks to you three.”

    “What?” Minun asked in surprise. “We did nothing! We couldn’t do anything even if we wanted to.”

    “Not true,” Persian replied. “Was it not you who found Team Supernova in the first place? Was it not you, Caterpie, who made that silk to stop my fall?”

    “Yeah,” Tristan agreed. “You really were a big help. You deserve just as much credit as we do.” A moment after he said this, Minun fell backwards, collapsing into a heap on the ground.

    “Minun!” Plusle cried, jumping next to him to try to shake him back to his senses. “Hey, you alright?”

    “Tristan...” Minun spoke feebly, a look of bliss on his face. “Tristan said I did a good job.”

    Tristan wasn’t sure what to think. Mainly he was confused. He was sure Minun had seen him completely mess up when trying to save Persian. Even without that major blunder, he still didn’t know what Minun saw in him.

    “Ehehe... well...” Caterpie said, looking embarrassed. “You can just ignore him. We’ll be leaving now.”

    With several quick goodbyes, Team Charge-Net departed and disappeared within the mass of tents. Without any further to do, Tristan, Torchic, Croconaw and Persian then headed towards the check-in tent, Croconaw holding the flap for everyone before entering himself.

    The tent’s interior looked exactly the same as the exterior in that it was completely devoid of any sort of decoration. On one side, a small colour coded map hung, and in the middle of the room was a large wooden table that had been covered with white cloth that was strewn with papers. Pouring over the papers was the green chameleon Pokemon, Kecleon. He was apparently so focused on his task that he didn’t even look up upon their entering.

    “That you, Kangaskhan?” he asked. “I told you I would take over your shift for you didn’t I? Please don’t make things harder on yourself.”

    “What’s that?” Persian asked. “Something wrong with Kangaskhan?”

    “Hm?” Kecleon grunted, looking up from his work. He gasped in shock as his gaze fell upon the injured banker. He quickly rushed around the table and right up to the cat’s side. “Persian! Is that really you? Wh-Where were you? Everyone thought you were dead! Oh, I can’t believe it! At least there’s some good news in light of all this horror!” He took a step back to look at the condition that he was in, until he noticed Tristan and the others standing behind him. “Oh... What are these guys doing here?”

    “I can explain everything later,” Persian said. “The important thing is is that I’m here now. But you were just saying something about Kangaskhan? What happened to her? And... mother of Mew what happened to your eye?” They had only now noticed that the green lizard was wearing a leather eyepatch over his left eye.

    “Oh, this?” Kecleon asked. Upon being reminded of it, his excitement seemed to deflate. “Oh... well all I can remember was that something hit it, and something rather sharp at that. It was probably the most painful thing in my entire life. One of the nurses saw to my recovery as best she could, but the damage already had been done. I fear I will never see anything out of this eye again.”

    “You can’t be serious!” Persian said in shock. “How dreadful... You’re far worse off than I am.”

    “Yeah well...” Kecleon replied in an attempt to overcome his sorrow. “Watcha gonna do right? Better than being dead. I’ll just have to deal with it, I guess. But what I wanna know is what happened to you. Search teams scoured the wreckage for survivors. How were you not found?”

    “I was trapped in my vault,” Persian explained. “I was beat up pretty bad in it too, as you can see.”

    “Oh my, now that does sound dreadful...” Kecleon sympathized. “How on earth did you manage to cling onto life in that tiny vault for three days?”

    “Hang on... It’s been three days since the disaster?”

    “Well yeah...” Kecleon replied. “I suppose you would lose track of time being in the dark all that time though. Still, I’m shocked. I can’t imagine how you must have felt.”

    “It did feel pretty hopeless at times...” Persian admitted. “But eventually, I made it out alright. Climbing the cliff proved difficult though. Without a doubt I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Team Charge-Net and Team Supernova here.”

    “Team Supernova saved you?” Kecleon asked, casting them a skeptical look through his one eye.

    “Yes,” Persian continued calmly. “They heard about the disaster and came back to see what they could do to help.”

    “They... they... they did?” Kecleon asked, turning back to Persian. His eye moved between the team and the banker several more times.

    “They did,” Persian confirmed. “Listen, Kecleon. We all saw what happened down at the square back when Tristan made that scene. But I’ve been thinking. Perhaps there was more to it than we originally thought. I look back, and I can’t say I was thinking rationally.”

    “I... well I can’t say that I can fully trust them yet...” Kecleon said reluctantly. He fixed his gaze upon Tristan, Croconaw and Torchic. “But I would like to thank you for saving Persian. He is a valuable asset to our village.”

    “H-Hey,” Croconaw said modestly. “We only did what anyone else would do.”

    “Yeah, it was nothing. Really,” Tristan added.

    “It was definitely far from nothing,” the chameleon said. “Oh my... what happened to your shoulder?” he asked, taking notice of Team Supernova’s conditions for the first time. “And... you actually look like a wreck all over. And... you two are covered in burns! What happened to you when you left?”

    “We... ran into a bit of trouble...” Tristan tried to explain. “It’s kinda complicated.”

    “Well whatever it was, you need to get some medical attention fast. All of you need it. I’ll direct you guys to the medical center in the camp right now.”

    “Wait,” Persian said, putting a paw out in front of him to stop him. “You still haven’t said what happened to Kangaskhan. You said something happened to her.”

    “Oh... right...” Kecleon said, giving a mournful look. “Well... You know her daughter right?”

    “You mean Khara right?” Persian asked. “Those two are never apart. Wait... don’t tell me...”

    Kecleon nodded grimly. “I’m afraid so. The two were separated in the mudslide. The next day, her body was found crushed under a rock. She was long dead by then. It was a huge loss for Kangaskhan. I can’t even begin to imagine her grief.”

    “If only we’d been there...” Croconaw moaned. “We might have been able to do something.”

    “I don’t think us being there would have made much of a difference...” Torchic said.

    “Well we could’ve tried at least.”

    While the others were talking, Tristan had begun to lose himself in his thoughts. He’d seen Khara before. But he didn’t really get the chance to know her. In fact, there were very few occasions where he had seen her. But those times that he did, he had seen the way the two had interacted. It was the kind of relationship a mother and child should have. He couldn’t say that about his own mother though...

    Out of the corner of his eye he noticed a small flicker of movement. Tristan looked under the table to see that a small Pokemon was there, watching the scene nervously from beneath the tablecloth. As soon as it saw Tristan staring at it though, it quickly hid back behind the cloth.

    “Um... There’s someone under the table...” Tristan mentioned.

    “Hm? Oh... yeah, that’s another refugee we found after the disaster.” Kecleon said as he went to the table to lift one side of the cloth. Upon being exposed by the light the small Pokemon gave a terrified yelp and backed into the one of the corners. It was a small cat-like Pokemon with yellow fur on most of its body and black fur under its torso. It had a long black tail with a gold four-pointed star on the end and on each of its forelegs it had a gold ring. It had large, oval ears with gold, star-like symbols on them as well as small tufts of hair grew out of the top and lower sides of its head.

    “No need to be afraid,” Kecleon said with his open arms. “Will you come out and say hi?” Slowly and cautiously the Pokemon crept from its little corner, until it was right in front of Kecleon. “There’s you go. Now up we go.” With this, Kecleon picked him up and into a piggyback position. From there the small Pokemon looked around nervously at all the strange creatures who were staring back at him through his large golden eyes.

    “A... Shinx?” Persian asked.

    “But I’ve never seen a Shinx with yellow fur before...” Torchic said with a puzzled look.

    “I know, it does seem weird,” Kecleon said, who seemed to be equally perplexed. “We found him amongst the wreckage, though.”

    “That’s odd...” Persian said. “I don’t remember seeing a Luxray or a Luxio in this village. What about the mother? Hasn’t someone come by to look for him yet?”

    “Well... that’s just it,” Kecleon replied. “No such person has come to claim responsibility for him. Sadly, I think he may be an orphan now.”

    “What’s going to happen to him?” Croconaw asked.

    “I’m hoping that his mother or father will come back to claim him. But if that doesn’t happen, I was hoping that Kangaskhan might be able to adopt him. I’m not saying that she should forget about Kara or anything. But I can’t think of anyone else who could take care of him.”

    “Does he have a name?” Tristan asked, suddenly remembering that Pokemon also had nicknames. Perhaps that would help in the search for his parents.

    “Actually, he only responds to his nickname,” Kecleon answered. “Eh?” he asked, nudging the lion cub gently. “Can you tell us your name is little guy?”

    “I... I...” the Shinx struggled, still very shy. “I... G-G-Geoffrey.”

    “Geoffrey?” Persian asked. “An odd name...”

    “I know. But it’s all he’ll respond to. Oh, but we shouldn’t be chatting at a time like this. I’ve kept you far too long. If you look at this map, you’ll see that there are a group of tents on the western most part of the camp. They will be marked by white flags when you see them. Please do be careful in the crowded alleyways, though.”

    “Yes, yes of course. Thank you for all your help. A rest would be good for me now to take in everything that I had just heard.” With that, Persian turned to leave the tent. “You coming?” he asked, looking back to Team Supernova.

    “We’ll be a minute,” Croconaw stated. “You go ahead.”

    “Very well,” the cat finished, exiting the tent a moment later.

    “What’re you thinking Croconaw?” Tristan asked.

    “Well I thought I’d just ask some quick questions while we were here,” he answered. “Persian wasn’t very helpful in telling us exactly what happened. But maybe Kecleon knows more.”

    “Good thinking.” Torchic stated. “Then let’s ask.”

    “Um... Mr. Kecleon?” Croconaw asked.

    Kecleon, who had returned to his work with Geoffrey at his side looked up curiously. “Oh, you haven’t gone yet? Yes, what is it?”

    “We were wondering if you guys have figured out what caused this whole disaster anyway.”

    “Actually, we think we have a pretty good idea of who is causing this now.” the chameleon answered. “We believe the rain might be being caused by Kyogre. We just sent a team to Stormy Sea verify this for us.”

    With this the three members exchanged odd looks. “Er... who was this team?” Torchic asked.

    “I highly doubt you’ll care about the team that has gone. From what I’ve heard you have caused them a good deal of trouble.” Kecleon said in a slightly cold voice. This was responded to by even more confused looks. “Oh, if you must know, it was a rescue squad by the name of Team Supreme who volunteered. Now, if you don’t mind, I have other important matters to attend to. Don’t you have somewhere to be going? Like the medical center?”

    With the sense that their presence was no longer wanted, Team Supernova left the tent and back into the daylight. From there they headed west to where the map directed.

    “So many horrible things...” Torchic said sadly.

    “I know,” Croconaw replied. “But what about what Kecleon said about what caused the disaster? It doesn’t make much sense. Especially with what we’ve been through. What do you think, Tristan?”

    “Well…” Tristan answered uncertainly, “I’m not sure exactly what to think really. Jirachi only told about who would solve the problem, not who was causing it. But I’m pretty sure this Kyogre guy has nothing to do with it.”

    “I still don’t understand why you you need to die before this Sanngot guy can save the world? I don’t understand how you could be involved in any of this,” Torchic said.

    Tristan scratched his head, thinking back to his time on Mount Blaze. “Apparently… Dave and I are the only ones who can cause his downfall, but I’ve no idea why we’d want to stop him if he’s saving the world. Something just doesn’t make any sense. We’re missing something... I’m sure of it.”

    By now, the three had reached the western region of the camp, and surely enough, standing before them were tents with white flags billowing in the wind.

    “So then, what’s the plan afterwards?” Croconaw asked, looking at the others. “I can’t say I enjoy the thought of seeing Team Supreme again. But I can’t help but feel worried for them.”

    “I think we should go after them,” Tristan answered without hesitation.

    “I suppose that would be the best thing to do, wouldn’t it?” Torchic asked, slightly reluctant. This was received by a disapproving look from Croconaw. “Hey c’mon! I didn’t say I wouldn’t! I’ll go! Sheesh...”

    “Alright then,” Croconaw stated. “Once we’ve been treated, we’ll go after Team Supreme.” Both Tristan and Torchic nodded in agreement before all three turned to head inside the main tent. For now, the best they could do was to work at getting better. But as soon as they were, they would waste no time in following after their rival team.

    To be continued…
    Last edited by FocusPresenceEndurance; 13th February 2009 at 10:39 PM.


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

  3. #253
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    Wow, isn't it just my luck that I come across the next chapter to another story tonight?

    Anyway, definintely an interesting chapter. Poor Jirachi, first off. Sounds like she really didn't volunteer herself for this whole operation. I fear for the Legendary Birds now. And Team Supernova comes back and saves Persian. It is interesting that Kecleon is still skeptical about them even after that. Oh man, that's harsh. Poor Kangaskhan. But hey, Geoffrey? Something tells me that we may have a new mystery afoot here. And great, now they have to go after Team Supreme. Well, they don't have to, but it is probably best that they do.

    The one thing that I am wondering about is Dave. I mean, we haven't seen him in a few chapters and you did foreshadow another appearance. Not that I am one to push this on you, but I'm just curious.

    I'm still not sure what I'm going to do about my story. If you have seen the Fic Ideas thread recently, I actually came up with an idea for another story. Now if I could only just go about finishing one...[/end lament]

    Oh yeah, once again, good chapter. Looking forward to what comes next.

    Now being reposted!


  4. #254
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    Now for some reviewing! Rosa, Oliver, look after Jenny, you know what she's like.

    *Both nods, Jenny threw a dirty look at sweet_piplup123*

    Spelling and grammar...only one I could see...
    “Am I correct in assuming that you are here to tell me that the legendary birds have failed?”
    I felt that there might be a word missing there...correct me if I am wrong.

    “Minun!” Plusle cried, jumping next to him to try to shake him back to his senses. “Hey, you alright?”

    “Tristan...” Minun spoke feebly, a look of bliss on his face. “Tristan said I did a good job.”
    LOL, Team Supernova's enthusiastic fan

    Poor Kecleon and Kangaskhan...I felt like running there and give them hot chocolate with marshmallows for comfort!

    Keep it up!
    sweet_piplup123

    Surfing through the waves, diving deep into the sea,
    playing along the beach, having fun all day long.

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    sort of reminds me of oblivion when you win the title of grand champion and have an adoring fan. :P not a bad thing, but amusing.

    Can't quite place my finger on it, but I don't know what it is that i'm missing here. Probably because I don't have an insight on stories much or for that matter at literature.

    Favorite moment was the part with minun though. Wish I could just faint with joy once in a while

    Credit to MagicMochi for jolteon/leafeon banner.

  6. #256
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    Damn...

    More disasters... I'm surprised that Armageddon hasn't come to this place. With a Kecleon losing an eye, a Shinx refugee, & the Kangaskhan losing her baby in all this, which I find to be heartbreaking, this place needs a savior.

    Otherwise, the end is nigh...

    BTW, do keep tabs on me in your PM list, FPE.

  7. #257
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    ...
    ......
    sheesh, I just don't know what to say here...

    Pach:NEEDMYHELP?!

    Sciz: No. And lay off the coffee.

    Me: ...Anyways, on to reviewing:
    I guess to start I'll speak on your grammar:
    There were multiple times where words were either left out or left in, like you had started writing a sentence like "He went to" then changed to "He was going to", but ended up with "He went was going to". you know what I mean here?

    Sciz: yes, we get it. Continue.

    Pach:PIE!

    Me: Also, some sentences of dialogue began with a double " mark. Example:

    “”That’s odd...” Persian said. “I don’t remember seeing a Luxray or a Luxio in this village. What about the mother? Hasn’t someone come by to look for him yet?”
    Likewise, you doubled up on letters occasionally, too.

    Pouring over the papers was the green chameleon Pokemon, Kecleon. He was apparently so focussed on his task that he didn’t even look up upon them entering.
    While you're at it, change "Them entering" to "Their entering."

    Sciz: Perfectionist...

    Pach:PASTEL!

    Sciz: Oh, God please tell me that wasn't-

    Pach:ME GUSTA PASTEL!

    Sciz: -Spanish...

    Me: ...Well, getting back to reviewing, it's on to the Plot of this chapter! You know; the part where I just chat about the plot without criticizing you.

    Pach: Oye, si se puede hablar español y sé lo que estoy diciendo a continuación, el mensaje de hoja!

    Sciz: Oh, for the love of God... Cállate, idiota!

    Pach: ...What?

    Sciz: It means shutup, idiot.

    Me: Yo, estupidas! No habla!
    Sheesh... anyway, Plot time!
    Now, the plot is really starting to get tense. Pokemon Square has been creamed, and so has everyone in it.... Kangaskhan's daughter's gone, Kecleon's eye and possibly his brother are gone, and who knows who/what else... I guess we'll just have to wait and see, won't we? At least this chapter was posted in good time.

    Sciz: Ah, but not before the end of the month!

    Me: Well, close enough.

    Sciz: Can I still-

    Me: No.

  8. #258
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    PokemonHero: Well, in Kecleon's defense, it did come kinda suddenly. So it will take some time for him to warm up to them again, as well as for the other villagers.

    As for Geoffry. Well, I'm not gonna say much. I'm just gonna tell you that you should remember his name. It will be a while before you hear from him again.

    As a matter of fact, we will be hearing from a certain electric type next chapter. Yes I have shunned him for quite sometime. He will get his time in the spotlight.

    sweet_piplup123: Oh yeah. That sentence did seem a little awkward. Thanks for that. Also, Minun is more of a Tristan fan than anything. He is a Supernova fan mostly because Tristan is in it. I guess there must have been something that Minun saw in Tristan way back when he saved him from that mean old Spearow.

    Slipomatic: Well, I think at first it was shock that caused him to faint. Shock that he was getting praise from his "hero", "idol", "role model", or another term that is probably more fitting for the explanation. Then the joy crept in. So... I guess the best course of action is to get rescued by someone, admire them to extreme levels, then work hard until they give you praise. That should do it ^^... maybe... Good luck!

    Brumrha: One thing I can assure you is that things are gonna get a whole lot worse before they get better. Hopefully our hero's will be able to solve this mystery in time so they can do something about it.

    Blademaster_Jale: Thanks for those corrections. Do you perhaps remember where my errors with the "He went was going to" were so I can be sure to get them all?

    Ah yes. The full extent of the casualties are still unknown. It all depends on how evil I am feeling, and how much mercy I have. Of course I will try to be as indifferent as humanly possible. As well, after looking at the next chapter, it looks like it won't be so hard to edit. Meaning I will be able to get it done quicker than the others! Unfortunately I have school too, so that will delay it a bit. But I'll try to post it within the month.

    Sciz: Ah, but not before the end of the month!

    Me: Well, close enough.

    Sciz: Can I still-

    Me: No.
    Phew... -_- I was worried there...

    ^^^^^Those who are mentioned above.^^^^^ Thank you for your positive comments and feedback. I'll be sure to implement the changes where needed, and I'll try to get to writing the next chapter reasonably soon. I'm glad you all enjoyed it!


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

  9. #259
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    Razor: Ohiya. As we promised, it's me. And, of course, the incredible Blazichicken...whom, need I mention, required me to knock him out before I could drag him here.

    Blaziken: *grunts in response* And not to mention our author...who is...not...in sight...where did she...?

    Razor: ...uh, Blaze. *coughs and points up to the ceiling, where KB is curled up sleeping on the rafters*

    Blaziken: What the...how did she get up there?! ...anyways. On with the review.

    Before the team was the area where the village had once been. Now it was a vast expanse of empty space. Only a few steps from where they stood was the edge of an enormous cliff, which plummeted hundreds of feet below them. The remainder of the village rested at the bottom of the cliff like a large pile of debris that fanned out into the sea. It was almost as if an enormous bite had been taken out of the land and then spat back out in the water.

    Where Wiscash Pond once lay, a rush of cascading water splashed against the rocks to the bottom of the cliff, where it splashed amongst the wreckage until it reached the sea. But this wasn’t the only place where water was coming from. Scattered all over the cliff were places where water was streaming out.
    Razor: Holy...okay, this made ME blanch. And I'm the only one of Kori's OC's who destroyed half a countryside.

    Blaziken: *twitch* Half a--?! There is no way you can be any normal Sceptile. O-o

    Scenery, however, was the last thing on Jirachi’s mind as she glanced around nervously. She was alone... for now at least. “Oooh... what will I tell him?” she asked herself fearfully as she began to glide towards the hole. She always used to be the bearer of good news, being able to make wishes come true. Now all she ever seemed to have was bad news.
    Blaziken: Would this be who I think it is...?

    He could hear screams coming from above him as the first second of falling seemed like minutes. This was it. There was nothing he could do. After all he’d been through, in the end, his death was because of a simple accident. As if everything he had done meant nothing. This couldn’t be happening. It made no sense. Many thoughts were racing through Tristan’s head until, suddenly, there was another large jerk on the rope, bringing his fall to an abrupt end. He looked up to see Croconaw reaching over the edge with a firm grip on the rope and only inches to spare.

    “Phew!” Croconaw said, breathing a sigh of relief. “Another second and you would ha-”

    “JUST PULL US UP!” Tristan yelled.
    Razor: Oh, thank Arceus, they lived...I swear, Focus, I could hug you from relief right now if it weren't for my aversion to physical contact.

    Blaziken: The last two paragraphs were pretty funny, though--

    *at this point Kori suddenly rolls over and falls off of ceiling rafter*

    Blaziken: KORI! *catches Kori and dumps her ungracefully onto the couch*

    Me: *snort* Hah-what?! ....NOOOOO!!!! I DIED!! ;_;

    Razor: ...I think she's still half-asleep...okay, as for grammar. *clears throat*

    Now Tristan was the one hanging over the ledge, holding on only by his one good arm. He looked down to see that Persian had still somehow managed to keep a hold of the silk as well. The cat was clearly in pain, though, from the forces exerted on his jaws.
    force

    Razor: ...actually, that was pretty much all I could find. Very well written, nice trauma.

    Blaziken: Then again, you do have that sick addiction to death and disaster...

    Razor: Oh, shatto goshujin kuchibashi, yu-baka ondori... *speaking in Japanese*

    Blaziken: WHAT DID YOU CALL--?!

    Me: *still partially asleep* Darn it! I'll just avenge myself! *assumes martial arts stance and materializes an Aura Sphere* WATCHAAAH!!

    Blaziken: O_O uh....yeah...I think I'll run before Kori goes completely cuckoo and beats us into a pulp...see ya, Focus.

    EDIT: The next critique aide is Absol.
    Last edited by Koridojo_Blaziken; 7th February 2009 at 1:33 AM.


    Fantasy remains a human right: we make in our measure and in our derivative mode, because we are made: and not only made, but made in the image and likeness of a Maker.
    ~J.R.R. Tolkien

  10. #260
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    Quote Originally Posted by FocusPresenceEndurance View Post
    Blademaster_Jale: Thanks for those corrections. Do you perhaps remember where my errors with the "He went was going to" were so I can be sure to get them all?

    Ah yes. The full extent of the casualties are still unknown. It all depends on how evil I am feeling, and how much mercy I have. Of course I will try to be as indifferent as humanly possible. As well, after looking at the next chapter, it looks like it won't be so hard to edit. Meaning I will be able to get it done quicker than the others! Unfortunately I have school too, so that will delay it a bit. But I'll try to post it within the month.



    Phew... -_- I was worried there...
    Sciz: No duh you were worried...

    Me: Yes, Sciz, we realize you are fully capable of creaming most of the authors around here. Now shut up.

    Sciz: *rolls eyes* Fine, whatever.

    Min: Yeah Sciz...
    Plus: ...we all know how...
    Min: ...ridiculously strong...
    Plus: ...you are!

    Me: Uh, yeah... Pach is on vacation, so his cousins Plus and Min are covering for him. However, this time I got everyone to sign a contract indicating they were not to make any interruptions longer than one or two lines of dialogue while I am reviewing.

    Sciz: Don't ask how many pens I snapped in half during the process.

    Me: Yeah, like that. either way; on to the extended part of my review, where I skim over the whole story and cut out quotes form where you need to make corrections.

    The floor was made of giant stone blocks which were arranged in a circular pattern around a hole in the center. Bright white light radiated from the bottom of the hole, creating a beam of light that shot straight up toward the ceiling. Light also penetrated between the seams of the stone blocks, illuminating everything from beneath.
    "shined up" would be better use for shining shoes or cars.

    Min: Wax on...
    Plus: ...wax off!

    Me: Change it to something else; I suggest "radiated." "Towards" should be "toward," and don't forget to add in the period at the end of the paragraph.

    “Oooh... what will I tell him?” she asked herself fearfully as she began to glide toward the hole.
    A habit we both share; replacing toward with towards. My Creative Writing teacher always gets on my case about that.

    Sciz: ...and her pickiness seems to have rubbed off on you.

    Me: yeah, well who cares?

    Sciz: Me.

    Me: ...No I don't.

    Sciz: Wait, wha-?

    Me: BACK TO THE REVIEW! *waves contract in Sciz's face*

    She took a huge gulp before giving her report. “Y-yes, Master. So far, the three of them have not managed to eliminate either of the humans. They have all fallen in battle to either the targeted human or those who support him.”
    "And" is continuing to the next thought. Simple saying "The three of them have not managed to eliminate either of the humans. They have all fallen in battle..." Flows better In my opinion; but that's just my opinion. Use it if you wish.

    “Y-yes master,” Jirachi said, bowing her head again, feeling a sickening feeling in her heart. They had nothing to do with this, yet somehow, she had managed to drag them into it. Reluctantly, she turned around and headed toward the edge of the temple.
    Aside from using the proper form of Toward, I'd also suggest you use it a bit less. "She turned and head to the edge of the temple" could work, too. "Headed for," "Headed in the direction of," etc. all work just as well and avoid repetition.

    “There’s no time for staring!” Minun cried, snapping the team back to the situation at hand. “Persian’s in trouble! He’s gonna fall!”
    Found a "went was going to." Original line was "'He's gonna to fall!'"

    Exhausted and injured, much of his once smooth fur was matted with dried blood and covered in dirt. On top of that, a large black ring surrounded one of his eyes.
    I split this sentence into two, since I didn't feel the previous version flowed very well. Again, this is simply my opinion.

    “NO!!” Caterpie screamed in anguish. “He was so close! Why couldn’t I save him?”
    Caterpie's line didn't seem all that believeable here. He skipped the shock of "losing" Persian and went straight to blaming himself. try this:

    "Persian!" Caterpie screamed in anguish. The small green pokemon sat rigid with shock. "Please, no..."
    Once again, that's just what I would do. I'm not trying to make you adapt to my writing style.

    Sciz: Quit apologizing, you sap!

    Me: Ah, put a cork in it.

    Sciz: *glancing down at non-existent mouth* ...In what?

    Me: Uh, nevermind.

    “I was getting to that,” Persian said in a patient yet annoyed tone, “My vault was underground, so it was safe from being hit by the slide. Above me I could hear buildings being swept away by the torrent of mud... and unfortunately Pokemon, too. For a moment, I thought I was safe, until I heard loud cracking noises all around me and felt the entire vault begin to tremble. At first I thought it was an earthquake, but before I knew it, I was weightless. I know now that it was because the vault was falling, but at the time I had absolutely no idea what was happening. When the vault hit ground again, it began to tumble, thrashing me around inside. Anything inside with me became projectiles, including all the money.”
    Some more He-went-was-going-to's, along with a few minor things.

    “”YES IT IS!” she shouted over Tristan’s voice.
    Double quotation mark.


    Well, that should do it for now. There were some more things here and there, but I'll spare you of them; I know I got a little critical with all the other little things. You should be able to find the other went-was-going-to's on your own, and if you make a quick skim-over you should find any other little details. Remember: Toward, not Towards!

    Min: And...
    Plus: ...don't forget...
    Min: ...to review...
    Plus: ...Blade's new chapter!
    Min: He's counting on you!
    Last edited by Blademaster_Jale; 10th February 2009 at 4:17 AM. Reason: finished review.

  11. #261
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    Koridojo_Blaziken: Wow Kori. I must say. Your reviews just keep getting crazier and crazier. O.O Very entertaining indeed. And you seem to be starting a fad too. Or at least it seems that way. I couldn't help but pick up on something though.

    Razor: Holy...okay, this made ME blanch. And I'm the only one of Kori's OC's who destroyed half a countryside.
    Hidden meaning perhaps? I wonder...

    I am pretty sure that the "force" thing you mentioned is grammatically acceptable, but I'll double check on it, just to make sure.

    Razor: Oh, thank Arceus, they lived...I swear, Focus, I could hug you from relief right now if it weren't for my aversion to physical contact.
    0_0... *inches away slowly...*

    Blademaster:

    Sciz: No duh you were worried...
    Heck yeah! Worried that I would have to KICK YUR BUTT!!!@!!~!one!2!! lol, jk. But seriously, I have ground fire and water Pokemon here with me. I'm not exactly defenseless.

    Anyway, thanks for the corrections. I'll be sure to implement them ASAP.

    Kori and Blade: Thank you both for these very interesting reviews.


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

  12. #262
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    Yet another closet reader shows themself.

    Anyways, excellent fic. Kudos to you.(And all those other writers out there)

    Can't wait to see Dave's team, Charizard, or Tyranitar see Team Supernova.

    Methinks Sanngot, not knowing of Tristan's exile, hired Kyogre(and maybe Groudon) after the bird's failure, and destroyed Pokemon Square in an attempt to kill him.
    98% of teens won't stand up for God.
    Be one of the 2% that will, put this in your signature.
    By putting this text in my signature, I pledge to submit hundreds of thousands of votes for Ditto when the Global Link popularity poll comes to the U.S. If you intend to do this as well, please add this to your signature. In bold text. Started by Missingno. Master.

  13. #263
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    @ Armored Zangoose: Ah yes. I've had a sneaking suspicion I'd be seeing you sooner or later. Thanks! I'm glad you've been enjoying the fic ^^.

    Also, an interesting theory you got there. I guess you'll just have to stick around and find out if its true or not.


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

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    Yay, for destruction! Loved the chapter, and my inner sadatist is throwing a party. Kepp writing, cause this was awesome!





    Zack and Evan, the most badass pokemon on the planet

    Credit to Queen_Lugia for the recolors and the pixel-over.

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    Interesting how the little underground caves detched the cliff. I've got a great idea of what this thing is leading too! good job!


    We have to keep running to the unseen end
    We may have never seen such restful days again
    Bury your despair deep in your heart
    Let your face show nothing but strength
    Ever onwards our tired wings carry us
    They'll never ever beat us down

    ~Credit to Lyniar for the amazing banner
    Lyrics from D. Gray Man Opening~

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    Hey there guys. Sorry for disappearing on you again like that. And sorry for making you wait so long for the next chapter. 4 months... that's just shameful. T_T And to think that when I started posting here I promised one chapter a weak... Oh well...

    Anyway, I'm pleased to say that I will have free time now for as long the summer lasts, so I will try not to disappear on you again.

    The chapter should be coming soon!


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

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    Chapter 24


    Questions Answered. The Punishment.


    A desolate and icebound wasteland, isolated from the outside world, seemingly frozen in time. Such words were used to describe the frigid sierra located in the north-eastern region of the known world. Few dared to venture out this far and far fewer made it back alive to to tell the tale.

    Even now, as the world found itself heading down the path of destruction, this place seemed relatively untouched, maintaining its pristine ice and snow. This held especially true for the tallest mountain in the world, appropriately named, Mount Freeze.

    Having spent days scaling its icy cliffs, Dave and Alakazam now rested near the top, allowing themselves to catch their breath before finishing their journey. The teleport gem had taken them as far as Frosty Forest, but shattered once they had tried to take it the rest of the way. From there, they had to walk to Mount Freeze.

    Dave panted heavily with puffs of vapour leaving his mouth as he tried to catch his breath. He knew, though, that it was a hopeless struggle. He’d experienced the difficulties of traveling in thin air before. With every breath he could never manage to draw in enough air, even when he took the most gargantuan of yawns. The cold didn’t make it much easier either, causing a burning sensation in his lungs with every breath he took. His paws stung painfully as the sweat he had worked up in the last climb began to freeze. It was a dreadful feeling to say the least, but one that was all too familiar.

    Dave took the last bite out of an apple as he gazed over the icy cliff and out at the world below. It was a scene much different the one he had seen roughly four years back. The first time he was here, he had been a convict, fleeing for his life with Treecko at his side. Cyndaquil hadn’t joined the team by then, instead, they were joined by a Pokemon by the name of Absol. Absol had joined them for no other reason than to help the disasters end. Once they had finished their mission in destroying the falling star, he had disappeared altogether. Dave sometimes wondered where he was now and what he was doing. Back then when they looked over the cliff the entire world stretched out before them as far as the eye could see. It was a breathtaking view, revealing the wonders that the world still had to offer. Dave could’ve sworn he had even seen the plume of smoke billowing up from the distant Mount Blaze.

    This time, however, he was confronted with an ocean of clouds, veiling everything besides the tallest of mountains beneath a thick white curtain of mist. Silently and gracefully the blanket of clouds flowed around the mountain peaks, being pushed ever onward by the relentless wind below. Dave gave a mournful sigh. In many ways, the clouds reflected the way he felt. His mind was clouded with thoughts of remorse, fear and uncertainty. He could not forget the look on Tristan’s face that day he left the village. His words still echoed in Dave’s mind.

    “You broke your promise!”

    “Tristan...” he moaned.

    “I think it’s time we continued, Dave. Are you ready?” came the low voice of Alakazam from behind.

    “Yeah...” Dave grumbled mindlessly, his gaze still fixed on the horizon.

    “Dave... Are you alright?”

    “No...”

    “I can understand how you feel,” Alakazam said, in an attempt to comfort him. “But you must realize this isn’t your fault. You came to this world with no memory. There was nothing you could’ve done.”

    “I know...” Dave answered. “But Tristan doesn’t know that. He thinks I actually forgot about him... and I was the only person he ever called a friend... Do you know how horrible I must’ve sounded to him? I need to find him. Tell him that this was all a big mistake. I just hope he can forgive me...”

    “I would very much like to find Tristan myself,” Alakazam agreed. “I have some apologies to make on behalf of my team after all. But one thing that I am sure of, it’s that if he’s anything like you, he will understand. Am I right?”

    “I suppose...”

    “Well, we can’t do anything about it by sitting here,” he stated, picking up their toolbox using his telekinetic powers. “The best thing we can do right now is try to get answers from Ninetales. Now that we’ve rested long enough, we should keep moving.”

    Reluctantly, Dave tore his eyes away from the endless horizon, and towards the peak of the mountain. The hard part of the journey was over, with all the difficult climbing behind them. After several more minutes of travel, they had reached their goal. The peak of Mount Freeze was quite different from the peaks surrounding it. The top of this mountain was flat, as though the actual peak had been broken off. The peak was completely empty, save the several snow drifts that had been carried up by the wind as well as several outcroppings of rock which protruded upward near the edge.

    The two walked out to the middle of the plateau, their eyes scanning for any hint of motion. Dave crossed his arms as he shivered in the cold when he realized something. What if Ninetales wasn’t here? Last time he was here, the elusive fox had taken some time before making his presence known. It wasn’t until he and Alakazam were about to rip each others throats out that he actually had intervened. He turned to that very same Pokemon, now as his ally, and was about to mention it.

    “I’ve been expecting you,” a voice spoke suddenly, breaking the silence. The voice had spoken to them telepathically, making the whereabouts of the speaker unknown, but only seconds later, a strange presence manifested itself behind them. Both Alakazam and Dave spun around to see the large, golden-white fox-like Pokemon standing behind them. The unmistakable crest of fur on the top of his head, and the nine orange tipped tails that swayed behind him confirmed who it was. For the first time in a while, Dave was able to give a sigh of relief, feeling some comfort in this Pokemon’s presence.

    For a moment, Ninetales was silent as he glanced between the two leaders with his gleaming red eyes. “Where is the other human?”

    Dave took a gulp before replying, “… he’s missing…”

    “Missing…” Ninetales uttered, a dissatisfied look on his face. “This wasn’t part of the plan... I gave Gardevoir direct orders to guide you both here…”

    “The villagers banished him from our town,” Dave answered regretfully. “They thought he was trying to steal my… apparent fame. Both he and his team were forced to leave. They haven’t returned since. I didn’t realize it was Tristan back then. Gardevoir told me about it the night after.”

    “Hmmm… this is unfortunate,” Ninetales said. “If something were to happen to him... our only hopes are lost...”

    “So you do know what’s going on!” Alakazam cut in, becoming suddenly excited. “Ninetales, please tell us what is happening to the world. Why was another human brought here when we already have Dave? What can we do to stop the disasters from continuing?”

    “I was hoping that both Tristan and Dave would be here to hear this,” Ninetales stated. “But with the given situation, I see that there is no other option.” He paused a second while glancing to the side of the plateau, towards one of the rocky outcrops. “I won’t be able to explain it alone. I have brought someone who would help me explain.” Having said this, he closed his eyes in concentration sending what Dave could only guess was another telepathic signal. Both Dave and Alakazam waited quietly, wondering who this other Pokemon was.

    “KWAAAAAAAAAH!!!”

    Dave practically jumped out of his fur at the sound of the shriek. He knew who this was. He had heard it before. That cry was unmistakable. In shock, he stared over at the other the side of the plateau where a figure emerged from behind from the rock.

    A tall green bird-like Pokemon approached them, with long white wings that covered most of the front of his body. The only part his wings didn’t cover was a small pattern on his chest that resembled eyes. Protruding from the back of his head were two long red crests, similar to the colour of his talons. A few other colours formed patterns on the rest of his body, like red and black stripes on the tips of his wings and green and gold striped on the lower part of his body. As well he featured a long sharp yellow beak.

    “Xatu!” Dave gasped in surprise.

    By now the elderly bird had was standing before them, gazing at the two leaders much the way Ninetales had with his wizened eyes. “Not here, Tristan is…” he said. “Very unfortunate.”

    “The circumstances are unfavorable,” Ninetales answered. “But time is growing short. We will only have these two to explain things to.” He then shot Dave a serious look. “But you will have to find and tell Tristan everything that has happened here.”

    Dave nodded quickly.

    “Then I will tell you what I know.” He turned to face Alakazam. “You asked why Tristan was brought here when we already have Dave. The answer is because the crisis we face now is much different from the time of the falling star. It is far greater than anything that has ever happened to our world before. Yes, greater than the battle between oceans and continents. Greater than the battle of space and time. It is far beyond the hands of one individual. This time, two humans are needed. I had asked Gardevoir to choose a human, one who would be suitable for this job, like I did for you, Dave. We chose Tristan partly because of the friendship that you both shared.”

    At this, Dave looked down to the ground in guilt.

    Ninetales snickered slightly once Dave had looked up again. “He also, according to Gardevoir, was a pretty interesting character the first time she met him. From what I heard, he had gotten himself into a fight. Only after the fight was over did he look at her and asked her what she was staring at. Apparently she was so surprised that she didn’t know what to say and ran off. But there was something about him that she liked. I suppose that’s another part of the reason she chose him.”

    “That does sound like Tristan...” Dave said, breaking a slight grin.

    “Okay,” Alakazam replied, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “But what’s happening to the world? I’ve heard of the monumental battles you spoke of. I cannot fathom anything greater than any of those.”

    “Firstly,” Ninetales said. “It must be known that unlike the falling star, which was a natural event, the threat this time is being caused by a Pokemon.”

    “Who is this Pokemon?” Alakazam continued the moment Ninetales had finished. “Where can we find it?”

    “Sanngot is his name,” Xatu spoke up, who had been silent until now. “Watching him, I have been. Day in and day out. Dormant he has been since the universe’s origin. But stirred he was by the falling star. Awake he is now, and tragedy he will cause.”

    “Tragedy, on a cosmic scale," Ninetales added.

    “Hang on…” Dave said, raising his hand. “Where is this Sanngot guy anyway? How exactly are we supposed to stop him?”

    “You said you’ve been watching him,” Alakazam commented. “But you couldn’t have been. Every day you’ve had your eyes transfixed on the sun? Or perhaps you watch him at night?”

    “Wrong,” Xatu answered calmly. “Both of them I have been watching. Both appear by day, and both are hidden at night.”

    Both Dave and Alakazam exchanged confused looks. “That doesn’t really help us,” Dave said shrugging. “Could you perhaps not speak in riddles?”

    “I know it may seem hard to believe,” Ninetales said, seeing their confusion. “But Sanngot… lives in the sun.”

    “WHAT!?” Dave and Alakazam shouted in unison.

    Dave must have been hearing things. It was impossible. The sun? No, it just couldn’t be true. It was impossible! “We’re talking the sun above our heads right now right? The one I see in the sky every day?” Dave cried. “How can a Pokemon live in the sun?”

    “Better yet,” Alakazam added. “How are we supposed to stop him if he’s that far away? It’s not like we could walk over there and dive in.”

    Ninetales closed his eyes again, becoming tired of the interruptions. “I was just about to answer that question.” He gave a brief pause to ensure the two were listening, then proceeded. “Do you know who the first Pokemon is?”

    “Oh oh wait! I know this one!” Dave shouted raising his paw in the air and waving it around. “Let me think... I know I remember this from somewhere... Oh yeah! I learned it back in Buried Relic! It’s Mew! Every Pokemon in this world has DNA that can be traced back to Mew.”

    “No, wait,” Alakazam replied as he turned to Dave. “Every Pokemon may be able to trace their DNA back to Mew, but she was not the first Pokemon to ever exist. The first Pokemon is actually Arceus. The legend tells that before there were planets or stars, she existed. She was the one who created the universe.”

    “Where did you learn that?” Dave asked curiously.

    “I read a lot,” Alakazam answered. “Surely you’ve seen the shelves of books in my team base. I don’t keep them for decoration you know.”

    “KWAAAAAH!!” Xatu cried suddenly, making Dave and Alakazam jump. “Again, wrong.”

    Dave glanced quickly at Ninetales before turning to Xatu. Ninetales hadn’t even blinked at Xatu’s sudden outburst. He probably knew what Xatu was about to do, which slightly irritated him. He could’ve at least given a little warning... He also wondered whether Ninetales enjoyed watching them jump all the time.

    “What?” Alakazam asked. “I know for a fact that Arceus is the first Pokemon! Never before have I come across any information indicating otherwise!”

    “Xatu is right,” Ninetales confirmed. “He would know, he can see great things with his eyes.”

    “The present and the past...” the bird chanted.

    “And...?” Dave asked.

    “And what,” Xatu asked, tilting his head slightly.

    “I dunno... I just thought you were going to say something else at the end. Actually I was kinda expecting you would say something along the lines of future.”

    “Confusing the future is,” Xatu answered. “Difficult it is to predict. When into the future I look, not just one future do I see, but many. See every possible future, I can. Fail you will in one future, but succeed you will in the other. Only one past there was that brought us here, and only one present there is that guides us now. That is why the past and the present I can see, but the future I cannot.”

    “Uh...” Dave grunted. “Alrighty then...” To be honest he didn’t have a clue about what he just said. But he thought he got the gist of it. He couldn’t tell the future.

    “I think I understand...” Alakazam said, rubbing his chin again.

    “Ahem!” Ninetales cleared his throat loudly, becoming increasingly irritated. “If you three are finished with the idle chatter, we can continue with what you have actually come for. Now back to the question about which Pokemon was the first. We do not know much beyond the fact that Sanngot is the first Pokemon to have existed. He created Arceus to help him build the universe. But his vision was much different from the universe we see today. He wanted to make subjects who would worship him and answer to his every wish. Essentially, he wanted a world of slaves at his command.

    “Arceus knew this, and tried to find a way to stop him. But she had only the fraction of the power that he had, and so could not do anything to oppose him. It was only by a fluke that she managed to catch him off-guard and put him into a deep sleep. But she knew that this sleep would not last forever, so before she could create the universe she dictated a prediction of what would happen should Sanngot awake.

    “A tyrant defeated, but not yet slain
    Trapped in slumber, but not eternally
    The day shall come when the slumber ends
    And on this day destruction shall follow, should none be there to oppose him
    Amidst the masses, two shall rise
    Two beings, strangers to our world
    They hold the key that shall bring an end to the terror
    The fate of the universe rests with them.

    “That two strangers. This is referring to you and Tristan. You are not Pokemon, you are humans. And it is you who holds the key to the survival of our universe. Once she finished the prophecy, history as we know it began.”

    “Th- The universe?” Dave asked, his breath taken away.

    “Yes. I did say that this was a different kind of disaster you would be facing,” Ninetales answered. “The scale of this disaster is on a different level entirely. This is all I can tell you for now. Before you can do anything else, you must go and find Tristan and tell him everything that we’ve told you. When you do, Xatu will instruct you further on what you must do. Now hurry, time is running out, the disasters that plague the world are becoming worse, and that is the least of our concerns. If our actions are not fast, Sanngot will bring about the end of the universe.”

    Dave and Alakazam both nodded in response, both turning to head back down the mountain from where they came, Alakazam picking up the toolbox as he went.

    “Wait,” Ninetales said, causing the to leaders to turn to face him again. “That will not do. You will take too long if you return to the village by foot. Xatu and I will teleport you there.”

    “Phew!” Dave sighed. “I was dreading hiking all the way back.”

    “Normally I would have let you walk,” Ninetales responded. “But I sense something strange. I sense danger in Tristan’s future. Because of this I need you to go meet with him as quickly as possible without delay is that clear?”

    “Yes,” Dave answered, startled by the urgency.

    “This is of utmost importance,” Ninetales said as he and Xatu positioned themselves on either side of the team members. Both of them closed their eyes in concentration. “Tristan must survive. Without him, there is no future.”

    ***

    Articuno gazed at his surroundings with a sense of awe. He, Moltres and Zapdos had arrived here a short time ago after teleporting with Jirachi to a strange place surrounded by giant pillars of stone. Above them, the ceiling seemed to rise for miles, and the horizon appeared as one enormous violent blaze of fire. Not too far away was a small hole in the floor that radiated a bright beam of light straight up into the air. It was a sight that none of them could ever have possibly imagined.

    “What is this place?” he asked quietly.

    “How should I know?” Zapdos snapped back. “Ask Jirachi when she comes back.”

    “She said that we were finally going to meet this Sanngot character,” Moltres said. “I’m not sure whether to be worried about this or not. She did say Sanngot doesn’t take kindly to failure.”

    “Well…” Zapdos replied. Just then a small flash appeared a short distance away. From that flash, Jirachi emerged. “We’ll soon see. Here she is now.”

    Jirachi at first looked disoriented, but then caught sight of the birds and glided over to them, her same stressed and troubled look etched on her face. “My master… says it is time to see you now. You do not have much longer to wai-…” She turned as everyone squinted at a bright light that had come from the hole in the center of the floor. What seemed to be a large bright ball began to approach the four legendary Pokemon.

    “I introduce to you,” she said with a trembling voice. “M-m-m-master… Sanngot.”

    “So…” Articuno said, squinting as he tried to get a look at the bright light, “This is the one who says he can end the disasters.”

    “Legendary Birds,” a voice spoke from the light. “Do you know why I have summoned you?”

    “Because we failed our mission,” Moltres answered. “We could not kill the human.”

    “Exactly. It is a shame that Pokemon with a title such as your own would fail such a seemingly easy task.”

    “HEY!” Moltres roared back. “I’d like to know why we had to kill that human in the first place! Why do you need him gone before you can save the world?”

    “And cut it out with that light!” Zapdos added. “Show us what you really look like!”

    “Oh…” the voice chuckled. “You wish to see my true form do you? Very well, I shall grant you the privilege.” The aura became suddenly dimmer, causing everything to become dark for a moment as everyone's eyes adjusted to the new darkness. A moment later, and they were able to set their eyes upon him.

    To the bird’s surprise, they saw that Sanngot was not much larger than his servant Jirachi. On his head was a downward facing moon shaped crescent, in the center of which was the shape of a radiating sun. His eyes were blood red, which contrasted drastically against his pale white skin. Encircling his shoulders were brace like configurations that looked to be of the same material on his head, ending with four points. These four points pointed to the center of his chest, where a small glowing orb was hovering. This must have been the cause of his intense brightness. Lastly, surrounding him, was what looked like a large ring, which had four points protruding at forty-five degree angles. Despite how small he was, however, this did not diminish the feeling of power that emanated from him.

    “As for the other question,” Sanngot said. “Who said I was going to save the world? Where did you hear this from?”

    “I remember this straight from Jirachi’s mouth!” Articuno insisted. “It wasn’t even that long ago when we all heard it!” He turned to the other birds, who nodded in agreement.

    “Master,” Jirachi spoke up. “I only relayed the message that you told me to tell them. I told them that you would end it all.”

    “You mean…” Moltres said slowly, upon recalling the night on Mount Blaze. “You weren’t planning on saving the world?”

    Sanngot grinned slightly. “On the contrary, I was planning to destroy it as well as so much more.”

    "You!” Zapdos shouted. “You were causing the disaster too, weren’t you! It was you who was the problem all along! Not this human that you sent us after! This is an outrage! You are fooling yourself if you think that you’re getting away with this!”

    “Yeah!” Articuno agreed, “As the Legendary Birds, we place it upon ourselves to end this here and now!”

    “This will put an end to all the needless suffering!” Moltres finished. With that said the three birds took off into the air, separating as each prepared to attack.

    “Jirachi,” Sanngot said calmly.

    “Y-yes, master?” she asked, trembling in fear.

    “You may leave for now. I have some flies to swat.”

    “Yes, master.” With this, she disappeared in a flash of light..

    By now the three birds were already advancing on Sanngot from three sides, each one preparing to attack. “All together!” Articuno shouted as a small blue orb materialized in front of his beak. With a loud shriek he unleashed a frigid beam of ice. Zapdos, with seemingly a cloak of static also gave out an ear piercing shriek as he stretched out his wings, bring down a mammoth bolt of lightning. Moltres attacked from head on, appearing as one bright inferno of flames. With a loud shriek he released a torrent of fire. All three attacks closed in on Sanngot, rendering escape impossible.

    Sanngot chuckled slightly. “Fools.”

    Suddenly, he released a pulse of energy around him, causing the beam of ice to slow, then dissipate until it evaporated completely. The bolt of lightning, instead of hitting Sanngot, hit the ring that circled him, which absorbed every last bit of the energy. The flamethrower attack, which was the only thing that was unaffected, hit Sanngot directly, but seemingly did nothing to damage him. As the smoke cleared, the extent of the damage of the tri-attack from the Legendary Birds was realized. Nothing.

    “No,” Articuno panted, landing near Moltres and Zapdos as he looked back to Sanngot. “No!”

    “What just...” Zapdos said, as he gasped for air. “All three of our strongest attacks...”

    “Impudence,” Sanngot snarled as he hovered towards the birds, “Do you know who you are dealing with? Did you honestly think you could harm me?” His right arm began to set on fire, extending in length as it turned into white-hot flames. “I have no use for weaklings like you. And now that you know too much, the only thing I have left to do with you is to dispose of you.”

    With a flash in his eye, he raised his flaming arm into the air, increasing it to at least twice his size. “SOLAR FLARE!!” he shouted as he swept his arm across the floor, engulfing the three Pokemon known as the Legendary Birds in a white hot inferno.

    To be continued…

    Here is a picture of how I imagine Sanngot to look like.
    Last edited by FocusPresenceEndurance; 30th April 2009 at 9:28 PM.


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

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    A few extra notes:

    If there is anyone who is supposed to be on my PM list who didn't recieve a PM, please contact me so I can add you as soon as possible. If anyone wishes to be added to my PM list, well... please PM me regarding that detail too.

    Be sure to check out the link I have provided at the end of the latest chapter in case any of you didn't notice it. It is a picture of Sanngot.


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

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    By now the elderly bird had was standing before them, gazing at the two leaders much the way Ninetales had with his wizened eyes. “Not here Tristan is…” he said. “Very unfortunate.”
    I dunno...but that sounds kinda awkward, I know it's how Xatu speaks but...yeah.

    That Sanngot reminded me very much like an alien sitting on a circular swing...*got shot*

    uh-oh...the legendary birds are in trouble, and the world will end in a few weeks as we know it. ^_^
    sweet_piplup123

    Surfing through the waves, diving deep into the sea,
    playing along the beach, having fun all day long.

  20. #270
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    Hey, you're back! It's been a while.

    Good new chapter. Unfortunately, I'm a little rusty on the original PMD storyline, having not played the game in a while (and it will probably be a little while before I can, as my DS was stolen ). So, nice to see Dave and Alakazam again. Although, I know they'll be highly disappointed to find Tristan has already moved on elsewhere. Sounds like they've got a helluva job ahead of them.

    As for the Legendary Birds...well, all I can say is that I hope that they have a good insurance plan. Man, they are gullible. *Hides in Bird-proof shelter*

    Anyway, nice to see you back here and updating. Hope to see you around other places as well.

    Now being reposted!


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    Oh, noez.
    I ate this entire delicious story up in an hour.
    I can't wait to see more, this is a great fic.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sweet_piplup123 View Post
    I dunno...but that sounds kinda awkward, I know it's how Xatu speaks but...yeah.
    Focus could eaisly remedy that by putting a comma there.
    "Not here, Tristan is..."

    Either way, I don't have time to fully review right now (considering it's 11:11 on a school night and I have three essays due tomorrow(my English teacher's psycho)) but when I can, I'm letting you know now that I spotted multiple little errors that snuck in, including the dreaded Went-Was-Going-To-of-Doom.

    The storm is coming, my dear Dib. Er, Focus. FPE. Whatever.
    ...
    I'm gonna go now.
    Author's Profile

    Some stories I reccomend reading:

    The Saga of Team Supernova By: FocusPresenceEndurance
    Lost Evolution By: elyvorg
    And my new story:
    Fading Tendrils

  23. #273
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    The judgment day is upon thee!!

    Honestly, I thought I saw a glimpse of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse in this...

    So this Sanggot thing is the one being that's supposed to bring about Armageddon in the Pokemon world, & by looking at the visual aid, I could tell that it's definitely going to bring about Armageddon. The thing that astonishes me is that Sanggot isn't much bigger than Jirachi, but as a whole, size doesn't matter if you've got enough power to light up the universe.

    Dave & Tristian both have their work cut out for them...

  24. #274
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    Nov 2007
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    Oh, geez...where does the time go? Sorry I couldn't reply sooner...stuff going on with school and family... T_T

    ANYWAYS! ON with the review!! *epic battle music* Oh! And "He" came too, of course.

    Absol: No, Kori. I am merely a figment of your imagination, shown here in a manifestation of the pitiful being you believe to be your OC Raid, when in truth I am a superpowered god of disaster and death plotting for the conquest of all life, beginning with this forum.

    O_O ...Wait, I don't remember you ever using your birth name before! Oh, well....Let us start!!

    Cyndaquil hadn’t joined the team by then, instead, they were joined by a Pokemon by the name of Absol. Absol had joined them for no other reason than to help the disasters end. Once they had finished their mission in destroying the falling star, he had disappeared altogether.
    Absol: *Blink* Wait, wait. This feels familiar. I think... *considers for a few seconds, then shrugs* Nah. Not hitting me. Sorry...

    “KWAAAAAAAAAH!!!”

    Dave practically jumped out of his fur at the sound of the shriek. He knew who this was. He had heard it before. That cry was unmistakable. In shock, he stared over at the other the side of the plateau where a figure emerged from behind from the rock.

    A tall green bird-like Pokemon approached them, with long white wings that covered most of the front of his body. The only part his wings didn’t cover was a small pattern on his chest that resembled eyes. Protruding from the back of his head were two long red crests, similar to the colour of his talons. A few other colours formed patterns on the rest of his body, like red and black stripes on the tips of his wings and green and gold striped on the lower part of his body. As well he featured a long sharp yellow beak.

    “Xatu!” Dave gasped in surprise.
    Ryrku (the Treecko from my fic) : HAH! Xatu! I knew it! Geez, how many times has he forseen worldwide destruction now...?

    ...HEY! What are you doing here? It's not your turn for rev...nevermind. I guess you can come if you want. -_-

    Ryrku: Nah, I was just getting an Apple. *strolls out*

    ...sigh...ok, so back to business.

    “Tragedy, on an cosmic scale," Ninetales added.
    This should be "a", not "an". "An" is mostly reserved when regarding words that start with a vowel.

    He gave a brief pause to ensure the two were listening. Then proceeded.
    Sentence fragment. It would probably be best to change the period into a comma and add the last two words into the previous sentence. Like this:

    He gave a brief pause to ensure the two were listening, then proceeded.

    Absol: Oh, come on. You know you've used sentence fragments before.
    Me: Yeah, but...no.
    Absol: Wha--
    Me: Review! REVIEW!!! *noogies Absol on head*
    Absol: OW OW OW! Okay, okay! Geez...women... *Rolls eyes and strutts over to computer* So it's my turn, I guess...

    “Oh oh wait! I know this one!” Dave shouted raising his paw in the air and waving it around.
    Absol: Heh...total Sierra moment...
    Me: ...okay, that's twice now you've used birth names! Why is that?
    Absol: *plainly, and a little condescendingly* To avoid confusing Dave with the Raichu from our fanfic. *as an afterthought* ...duh.
    Me: ...oh. And yes, Raichu's name is, in fact, Sierra...but that's not important! ONWARDS!!

    She turned as everyone squinted at a bright light that had come from the hole in the center of the floor.
    Absol: ...wasn't there already light coming from the floor?

    “Exactly. It is a shame that Pokemon with a title such as your own, would fail such a seemingly easy task.”
    The comma seems a little unneccesary here.

    Absol: Did you even spell that word right?
    Me: What, unneccessary? I dunno...
    Absol: Oi, vey...looks like somebody's going loOpy.
    Me: With a capital "O", you mean!

    With a flash in his eye, he raised his flaming arm into the air, increasing it to at least twice his size. “SOLAR FLARE!!” he shouted as he swept his arm across the floor, engulfing the three Pokemon known as the Legendary Birds in a white hot inferno.
    Absol: ...holy crap, man...If I were caught in that, I would be thinking, "I'm a freaking goner."
    Me: I know...I doubt even Razor could have survived that...and that pic of Sanngot is creepy. O_O; Well drawn, though. Nice! ^0^

    So yeah, hope you enjoyed the review and that it wasn't too crazy...

    Absol: What are you talking about? You yourself said that insanity is the spice of life.
    Me: Yeah-huh. It's also the stuff that gets you booted out of places if you overload on it. You would know.
    Absol: ...I'm going to pretend she didn't mention that.
    Last edited by Koridojo_Blaziken; 15th May 2009 at 6:10 PM.


    Fantasy remains a human right: we make in our measure and in our derivative mode, because we are made: and not only made, but made in the image and likeness of a Maker.
    ~J.R.R. Tolkien

  25. #275
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
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    Over there!
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    @ sweet_piplup123: lol. I'll tell Sanngot you said that about him. And I don't think he'll be very pleased. Just don't be surprised if your city explodes tomorrow ok? He doesn't mind killing the masses to get to one specific target.

    @ PokemonHero: I'll be sure to tell the Legendary Birds you said that about them. And I don't expect the would be very pleased if they heard it. However, don't expect to be hearing from them any time soon, if ever. They're in a bit of a circumstance right now that renders them unable to do anything. So... yeah. That was a pretty lame threat. Oh well...

    @ BynineB: Welcome reader! I'm glad you enjoyed the fic so far! ^^ If you want, I can add you to my PM list so you can receive a PM whenever a new chapter is posted.

    @ Blademaster_Jale: And I tried so hard to get at everything this time ='(. How is it that mistakes manage to slip by even after checking over it, like, six times? Oh well... So tell me, how much of the things you noticed did Kori address?

    @ Brumrha: Thanks! Glad you liked the picture! One thing I liked to do when I designed this Pokemon is that you don't have to be huge to be intimidating. Be sure to wish Tristan and Dave luck. Well I don't have to since I am the one who determines their fates! *Evil laugh* >=D

    @ Kori and Absol: Wow that's a lot of corrections. Well better get at it. Thanks for catching them. Oddly they manage to slip by me... =/

    Absol: *Blink* Wait, wait. This feels familiar. I think... *considers for a few seconds, then shrugs* Nah. Not hitting me. Sorry...
    You may not remember. But I do! You were so young back then. Only an adolescent. You grew up so quickly... *sniff*

    Absol: ...wasn't there already light coming from the floor?
    Well yeah... but... now it's even brighter...

    Glad you liked the pic! And I think if anyone were in that inferno they would be thinking exactly what Absol said. Well... (except perhaps the villain that I will have in the sequel...) oops! You didn't hear that!

    Thanks for the comments everyone!


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

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