Page 5 of 14 FirstFirst 123456789 ... LastLast
Results 101 to 125 of 334

Thread: The Saga of Team Supernova (rated PG 13)

  1. #101

    Default

    First of all, a lot of your descriptions are lacking luster, and you can obviously do better.

    Tiny golden coloured stars darted towards Tristan and his team.
    That couls easily be described better and in more detail.

    "In a short flash, hundreds upon hundereds of tiny shapes and polygons began to shoot rapidly through the cold air around the awe strucken team unable to fathom an idea to escape them. As the projectiles closened, they revealed themselves to be star-like, and they began to home in on Torichic and Totodile at an alariming rate."

    Done. Try not to type a sentence that is short whn it is describing something, becasue it wil often be too short for the reader to get an imaginative grasp on the situation. Just something to think about.

    Truly a spectacle for any eye to behold
    That's a fragment.

    were temporarily slowed. “NOW!” he shouted over to Torchic, giving her the cue for her part.
    If this is talking about Scary Face, then they wouldn't be slowed persay, but they would be scared stiff. Just a little clarification I'd use.

    “Hey!” Machop snapped, “Quit it!”

    “Just try stopping me!” Totodile called back.
    Lol

    Moments later, what seemed like all of the snow on the mountainside had sheered off, hurtling towards two teams.
    I'd use an "and began" before hurtling, otherwise the sentence reads kind of weird.

    Totodile quickly raised his claws defensively. “You wanna go?”
    Rofl
    “Ooh ooh, ah ah, I found her that way,” Aipom interrupted quickly, as he tried to explain
    Lol

    wierd dream
    You mispelled weird.

    Nobody on either Team Supreme or Team Supernova had seemed to have seen any sign of him.
    "Or" should be "nor"

    How could a little avalanche like that wouldn’t take him out?”
    Doesn't read right. =\

    Pretty good chapter overall, just needs some more description.

  2. #102
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Gaelthorn Valley
    Posts
    525

    Default

    Oh, awesome!! That was a very nice chapter. Just one thing I have to complain about:

    “Impossible! We’ll find him. How could a little avalanche like that wouldn’t take him out?”
    Verb tense. I think maybe what happened is that when you were writing the sentence, you maybe spaced out a bit and put wouldn't in where it wasn't needed. Maybe it could've been:

    "Impossible! We'll find him. How could a little avalanche like that take him out?"

    Yeah. Only mistake I could find. I must say, this fanfic is definitely better than when I first--
    Absol, Blaziken, and Dai: *in unison* --'started listening in at Nsider.' WE KNOW!!!
    Me: ......okay. That's just scary. 0.o

    Best wishes for the next chapter. (and that you don't get writer's block. Trust me, I'm having lots of it lately, so I didn't want someone else to be cursed with it.)
    Last edited by Koridojo_Blaziken; 29th February 2008 at 4:36 AM.


    Fantasy remains a human right: we make in our measure and in our derivative mode, because we are made: and not only made, but made in the image and likeness of a Maker.
    ~J.R.R. Tolkien

  3. #103
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Over there!
    Posts
    313

    Default

    @ .Bright Side.: Wow! You sure caught up quickly. Either way, I hope you enjoyed the story so far, and thank you for reading. Also, thanks for that review, it helps a lot. I thought I had smoothed out my problem with description, but apparently I still have some work to do.

    @ Koridojo_Blaziken: Ooooooh. That is the problem with editing. You change one part of a sentence and don't don't think to change to other part. Well its fixed now!

    Considering that I still have a lot of editing to do, I don't think I'll be scumming to writers block anytime soon.


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

  4. #104

    Default

    What do you use to type your chapters? MS Word?

    I'm glad you took the critique well. ^_^

    I need to get back to writing my own fic's next chapter. o,o

  5. #105
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    In the middle of nowhere
    Posts
    23

    Default

    I had gone off for the week so I am back on the computer.

    After a minute of various waking methods, Totodile had finally managed to wake Trochic. “What… happened?” she asked, sitting up.
    This was only a minor spelling mistake but other than that I think the others found them all. Cant wait for the next chapter.
    Quote Originally Posted by Gravy View Post
    Oh Pochama. Will you ever stop amusing your adoring fans with your uneeded presence and ability to attract more attention than moé in pink boots? I should say not.

  6. #106
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Over there!
    Posts
    313

    Default

    @ .Bright Side.:Yeah. I type my chapters on Microsoft Word. Apparently there is a limit to number of mispelled words you can have (that includes Pokemon names and other such things) After a while, it stops showing the red zigzag lines under the words. Pretty wierd huh?

    Well, such critiques help me open my eyes to my 'blind spots' when it comes to writing. And if I want to write a book one day I can't afford to have any.

    @ ultimate-trainer: hmmmmm... I think you're talking about the word "various." If this is the case it is correct spelling. There are subtle differences on how things are spelled in Canada and in the US, this being one of them. So though I appreciate the gesture, it is correct spelling.


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

  7. #107
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Over there!
    Posts
    313

    Default

    Chapter 14


    Unexpected Allies. Fighting a Legend!


    “Hey… Hey!” a faint and distant voice sounded. “He’s coming to!”

    “I’m… alive?” Tristan thought, dazed. It seemed like forever that he was drifting through empty space, without a sound to be heard or a sight to be seen. He couldn’t say he was relaxed, though, in fact he was in considerable pain. It was also cold. Colder than he remembered from when he was fighting. “What happened… where am I?” Being enveloped by the avalanche had been the last thing he remembered. He tried opening his eyes, only to feel the stinging pain from a bright white light. Squinting, he could only make out a couple vague shadows around him.

    “Hey guys!” the voice called again. It sounded closer now; “He’s waking up!”

    “Who’s that?” Tristan thought. He recognized the voice from somewhere, but he couldn’t pinpoint it. Perhaps because he was so out of it right now. “Totodile? No, it couldn’t be him… how about Torchic…”

    “It’s about time,” a second, similar sounding voice came. “He’s been out for almost an hour.”

    “No…” Tristan continued, “It couldn’t be Torchic. The voices are too young…”

    Now a third voice sounded. This one, however, was not familiar to Tristan. It was different, yet similar sounding at the same time. This was probably because this voice too was young. “So, this is Tristan?” it asked curiously.

    “Yup,” replied the first voice. Tristan couldn’t help but notice that the voice had a sense of pride to it. “And if there is anyone who can save us, it’d be him!” the voice continued confidently. “He’s the reason we started a rescue team!”

    “What the heck!?” Tristan had bolted upright that instant, fully awake, and fully alert. Had he just heard that right? No… it couldn’t be. How could he have inspired someone to start a rescue team? With his eyes adjusted, he was finally able to see his surroundings. His eyes fell to where the last voice had spoken, and was shocked when he saw the startled face looking back. “It’s you!” he exclaimed pointing at Minun. He turned to his other side, seeing another familiar face in Plusle. “And you!”

    “Huh?” Minun said, his look of surprise slowly turning into a look of sadness. “You mean… you mean… you don’t remember our names?” Tristan watched, as it seemed like small mouse’s heart was breaking right then and there. “But I was your… But you saved… But we were… But I thought… But-”

    “Maybe… he’s been on so many rescues he’s forgotten about us.” Plusle said, shrugging his shoulders pretending not to be disappointed. He did a poor job of hiding his unhappiness, however, showing a huge frown on his face.

    “Ah! No no no no no no no!” Tristan exclaimed, waving his hands hastily. He hadn’t meant to insult them, in fact it was the least of his intentions. He also couldn’t help but be annoyed with himself. Why did he always have to say things he’d regret? “I remember your names. Yeah! They were pretty good names too.”

    “What are they?” Plusle asked flatly.

    “Well, uh… What are they? Well… you see,” Tristan began. He took a big gulp of air as he looked up into the sky, as if the answer were somehow drifting among the snowflakes. His mouth began to play with the names as he tried to grasp them. “M… M… Min… Minin… Mini… Minnow… Minute… Minun? Yeah, Minun! And P… P… Pl… Plus… Plusplus… Plus what? Plus Plus… Plusle! That’s it! Minun and Plusle!”

    In what seemed like an instant, Minun had lost his frown, replacing it with an enormous smile that stretched from minus sign to minus sign and displayed almost every tooth in his mouth. It was as if the last minute hadn’t even existed. “Yay!” he cheered happily, jumping up and down, “You do remember us! I knew you wouldn’t forget!” A smile of relief also returned to Plusle’s face, as if he’d just finished with the worst moments of his life.

    “Barely…” Tristan thought; though he didn’t share this with the rest of them. He felt ashamed that he’d almost forgotten.

    Attempting to block this moment from his mind, Tristan turned his attention to whatever came into his mind first. “What are you doing here anyway?” He glanced around to look at the surrounding landscape. He was still surrounded by snow but there were many things that were different compared to before. There was not a single tree to be seen. Wasn’t he supposed to be in a forest? Maybe the avalanche had completely wiped it out. They were also surrounded by a strange thick, white fog that, when accompanied with the falling snow, made seeing far all but impossible. Despite this he still could see from place to place huge, sharp and jagged black rocks protruding out of the snow. “Where is here anyway?”

    “Well,” Minun began who had finally managed to calm down, “we came here on a mission.”

    “But while searching for our client,” Plusle continued, “we were captured by Articuno and he brought us here. He told us if we valued our lives, we wouldn’t move.”

    “We’re on the top of the mountain that centers this forest,” said a third voice. This one was the one Tristan couldn’t recognize. Tristan looked beside Plusle to see a small green caterpillar with a yellowish underbelly. “You were dropped here not long ago.”

    “Hold on, hold on, just a second!” Tristan shouted. It was as if his skull had deflected most of the information that had been given to him. If it was possible, there were even more questions flowing through his head, making him even more confused. “You were here on a rescue mission?” he asked dumbfounded, “But that would mean… would you by any chance be Team Charge-Net?”

    “He knows our team name…” Minun said blissfully, almost fainting out from happiness.

    “Yep, that’s us,” Plusle answered in Minun’s place. “Surprised? This was supposed to be our first mission. We screwed up, though.”

    “Yeah…” Tristan responded absentmindedly; glad to see he was getting somewhere with this. “And what is this all about with being captured? Who’s this Articuno? Why did it bring us here?”

    “Articuno is the legendary Pokemon who watches over the forest,” the caterpillar answered. Plusle was now busy as he tried to snap Minun out of his dreamy state. “Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of him.”

    “Nope,” Tristan answered bluntly, “but since our mission is to rescue you, and since this so called ‘legendary Pokemon’ doesn’t seem to be here, I don’t see the need to wait for him to come back.” He walked a bit away from the group, until he came to what seemed like the edge of a plateau. Looking down, he could see an enormous, steep slope of snow, with more of those jagged black rocks. He couldn’t see very far because of the fog, making it seem like a very long way down.

    “We’re on top of the mountain…” he mumbled to himself. “This fog must be cloud then…” He became increasingly satisfied as he began to make more sense of his situation. He turned back looking a little past Team Charge-Net to where he’d been lying. Beside his imprint on the snow was a small clear box that seemed to contain a series of discs. “My link box!” He ran over to pick it up, thankful to see that it wasn’t broken. Next to it was also a Revive Seed, which he also picked up for safekeeping. He turned back to Team Charge-Net, “That just leaves one more question.”

    “Yes?” asked Minun curiously.

    Tristan pointed at the caterpillar. “Who are you?”

    Both Minun and Plusle’s jaws dropped. They’d been preparing to answer a long complicated question. “… That was anticlimactic…” Plusle muttered.

    “Oh,” the caterpillar said in surprise. “I haven’t given you my name yet? Sorry, my name’s Caterpie.” He smiled shyly as he gazed up at Tristan. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

    “So it seems,” Tristan replied, glancing at Minun, whose eyes seemed to sparkle as he looked back. Apparently, even though it was hard for Tristan to believe, he had a fan. It wasn’t really a comforting thought, though. Why would anyone choose to admire him? He couldn’t think of any quality that would cause this. He was just Tristan. That was all, nothing more. Again he brushed the thought away, returning to the mission at hand. “So if you were captured, how did you send an S.O.S.?”

    Minun came back to his senses, looking confused, “S.O.S?” he asked.

    “We didn’t send an S.O.S.” Plusle answered, shrugging his shoulders as he glanced from Minun to Caterpie.

    “Well it said on the mission that it was from Team Charge-Net,” Tristan explained, “but if you didn’t send it, then who did?” A small gust of wind blew from behind, the sound of something-large landing in the snow behind him. Suddenly, the air became considerably colder, as if it wasn’t cold enough.

    “That,” a mysterious voice said, “would be me.”

    Tristan turned slowly, wondering what would meet his eyes. Towering over him was an enormous blue bird. On his forehead was a fairly simple crest, consisting of three dark blue, rhombus-shaped feathers. His long, streamer-like tail, which blew gracefully in the wind, was also a similar colour to the feathers on his head. His body was a sky-blue colour, which grew lighter on his chest and belly. His most distinctive feature was his large wings, which looked as if they were made of ice. He also had a small gray beak and similarly colored, thin legs. Tristan took a step back, awe-struck by the sheer size of this Pokemon. It was easily five times his height. In a way, this Pokemon also looked slightly familiar.

    “So,” Tristan said, masking his fear, “you must be this Articuno I’m hearing about.”

    “Tristan!” Minun whispered in his ear. “Be careful! That’s a legendary Pokemon you’re talking to!”

    “So?” Tristan replied indignantly. “That still doesn’t change the fact that he captured us.”

    “Hold on!” Plusle said to Articuno. “You sent the S.O.S. with our name on it? But why?”

    “Why did I send the S.O.S., you ask?” Articuno answered with a smirk. “It’s quite simple really. I used you as bait to lure a fellow by the name of Tristan. And you worked like a charm.”

    “Wait! What do you want with me?” demanded Tristan, taking another step back. “And where are my friends?”

    “Your friends?” Articuno asked. “You mean that filth that was tarnishing my forest? Most likely they died in the avalanche.”

    There was a moment of silence, as Tristan was taking in what he had just heard. No… that couldn’t be… He couldn’t believe it! Dead? “You…” Tristan began, his voice trembling as he tightly gripped his bone. “You… killed my friends!?”

    “Well, I couldn’t just let them desecrate my forest now could I?” replied Articuno arrogantly, “Dirt like you has no place here.”

    What fear he’d had before had now evaporated, allowing his anger to surface. “How… How could you!?” He thought a moment of his two friends, and how much they meant to him. He’d only known them for a short while, but he still felt a heave of sorrow when he thought of them being gone. They were, after all, his first friends in such a long time. “They… they were all I had!” he cried out in anger. “They… they were my only friends! They accepted me when no one else would! They meant so much to me! And you killed them! You killed them without a shred of remorse! I can’t forgive you! I won’t forgive you!!” With that, Tristan sprinted over the short distance that separated him from Articuno, putting all his force into a leap as he used Head Butt.

    Articuno gracefully lifted off into the air, smirking to see Tristan miss by inches below him and continue on his path until he crashed into the cold snow. “Touching, but there is no need to be so upset. You will join them soon enough.”

    “Come back you coward! I’m not through with you!!” Tristan hollered, whipping his bone up towards the ice bird with Bonemerang. The projectile spun through the air, heading directly for its target.

    Articuno began to beat his powerful wings, conjuring a strong gust of wind as the attack approached. The bone slowed gradually, losing its spin until it seemed to stop in midair all together. With another powerful stroke of his wings he sent the bone flying, landing in the snow a ways behind Tristan. “You want to die so soon?” he asked amused. “Very well, I shall fulfill your wish.” He landed in front of Tristan; wings outstretched preparing another gust attack.

    All Tristan could do was gaze up in horror as he saw the wings beat down. He’d never felt wind so strong. He was easily lifted off the ground and was flung through the air like a toy, until his back connected with one of the rough, jagged outcroppings of rock. He tumbled off the rock, landing with a thud face first in the snow.

    “No! Tristan!!” Minun shouted, running to Tristan’s side, along with Plusle and Caterpie. They gasped in horror at the sight of him.

    Tristan winced in pain as he slowly lifted himself from the ground. He was thankful that he had a protective skull, but every other place on his body suffered excruciating pain. Looking down, he saw that the snow was stained red. The rock had scratched and punctured his skin in places, and now blood began to trickle down his back. It stung in the searing cold, but in moments, the cuts and scrapes had already begun to freeze shut. He felt stiff all over, making it even harder to move. Despite this, he staggered forward, stubbornly trying to ignore the pain. “You… you won’t stop me that easily!”

    “As expected from a defiant human like yourself,” replied Articuno. “You know, I knew the avalanche wouldn’t kill you. Just like when I tried to blow you into the river during that storm. I learned that night that nature couldn’t always be reliable. Some things you just have to do yourself.”

    “You… You know I’m human?” His memory also shot back to the night of the storm. That’s where he’d seen Articuno! When he’d fallen off the bridge, he remembered seeing a large blue bird above him. But why was he doing this? What had Tristan ever done to him?

    “I don’t just know you’re human Tristan. I know so much more about yourself than probably even you do.” The bird of ice laughed cruelly at this, upon seeing the look of terror on Tristan’s face.

    “Hang on!” Minun interrupted, “Tristan’s a human?”

    “Just like Dave!” Caterpie exclaimed. “Now I know why he’s your hero!”

    “Don’t you dare mention that name in front of me!” Articuno’s voice boomed, as he turned on the small caterpillar, bracing his wings for yet another gust attack. If he were to attack, Caterpie would be blown off the mountain for sure.

    “I am your enemy!” Tristan shouted, finding the strength somewhere in him to jump up to whip his tail fiercely into Articuno’s face. This was followed immediately with the strongest Bone Club he could muster.

    Caught off guard, Articuno was struck hard in the wing causing him to fall back into the snow. He got up again, stretching his wings in anger, perhaps to try to intimidate Tristan and Team Charge-Net. This was accompanied by a gust of cold air that swept the mountaintop. “Gyaaaaaaaaaah! You dare strike me? I am the Warder of Ice! Nobody strikes the Warder of Ice!”

    “QUIT THE BIG TALK!” Tristan hollered back. “It’s people like you I hate! Acting all high and mighty as if you are the only thing that matters! You say I’m dirt do you? You say I’m filth? You won’t be saying that when I’m finished with you! And I will make you pay for killing my friends!”

    “ICE BEAM!!” Articuno shouted as a small orb of energy appeared in front of his beak. It shrunk in size, until it was almost too small to see, then suddenly, in a very pale blue stream of ice and mist, a beam shot from it, hitting the ground near Tristan. The beam kicked up the snow as it moved rapidly towards him, making him have to dive to avoid it. Even then he felt a small stinging pain on his tail where the beam had come too close. He landed back near Team Charge-Net, desperately trying to figure out what to do.

    “Now do you see my power?” the bird asked as he gazed over to the exhausted Tristan. “Do you finally see how hopeless this battle is?”

    “You’re no match for him, Tristan!” Plusle urged, from behind. “You’ll kill yourself if you keep fighting!”

    “He’ll kill me anyway…” replied Tristan angrily, “besides… he killed my friends!”

    “Then we’ll help!” a voice came behind.

    Tristan whirled around in surprise at this announcement. It was Minun who said it. By the looks of it, both of his teammates were surprised to hear this too.

    “This is my fight,” Tristan answered.

    “C’mon!” Minun urged, “we’re a rescue team too! We should help! Please, there’s just gotta be something we can do!” He looked to his teammates for support, both of them thought a moment, but nodded in agreement.

    Tristan thought a moment. He was reluctant to get them involved, but right now he was getting nowhere fast. Perhaps they could help somehow, even if it was just a little. “This Articuno is extremely fast,” he commented. “It’d be a help if we could slow him down somehow.” Thinking of this reminded him of Totodile, and his Scary Face attack. No, now wasn’t the time to be thinking such things. He’d first get even with Articuno, then try to figure out what to do then.

    “Well…” Caterpie spoke up nervously, “I have String Shot.”

    “And we have Thunder Wave,” said Plusle and Minun together.

    Tristan took another moment to quickly plan out a strategy. If Articuno is a bird Pokemon, then he would be weak against electricity, these three might be able to help after all. Coming up with a plan, he pointed at the members of Team Charge-Net, saying, “Okay, just do as I say.”

    With this, the four dispersed, Tristan having briefly directed in certain directions to go. He hoped dearly this would work and that he wouldn’t have to deal with anymore deaths on this forsaken mountain.

    “What foolishness,” Articuno muttered as he watched their approach.

    Tristan, who positioned himself a short distance in front of Articuno, started with Bonemerang. It was astonishingly powerful considering how much was against Tristan right now. Articuno almost couldn't believe his eyes as he jumped to the side, allowing the bone to pass by. “How is this filth still alive?” he thought to himself, partly in awe, and partly in aggravation. “What’s keeping him going? Any normal Cubone would be dead…”

    Suddenly, two of his little hostages came charging at him on either side, sparks flying out of their cheeks as they drew closer. Articuno chuckled slightly as he began to spread his wings out. They might have been brave, but they were definitely not intelligent. As he spread his wings, however, they became stuck, tangled in something. The bird looked down to see his third hostage already beginning to crawl away. Somehow, without realizing it, he had already covered him head to toe with long thin strings of silk. “That human had no intention of hitting me…” He thought quickly, “He wanted me to jump into a trap!”

    He looked on either side of him, just in time to see the two mice leaping towards him, landing on either wing. He struggled to get them off, but before he could do this, each of them unleashed a powerful Thunder Wave.

    Waves of electricity surged through Articuno’s body, causing his very nerves to short-circuit. Now paralyzed, Articuno could only watch as Tristan approached again from the front. With a clear shot this time, Tristan was able come down full force on the bird with his linked moves. He put all his might into his Bone Club, swinging it horizontally, hitting Articuno square in the head causing him to not only fall back, but also to crash into the snow.

    “NOW!!” he shouted over to Minun and Plusle, who both ran up to the fallen bird, following with up Spark. This was to ensure that Aritcuno would stay down.

    “We… we…” Minun struggled to speak, partly out of exhaustion, but partly out of disbelief. “We beat a legendary!”

    “Wow, Tristan…” Caterpie said, as his eyes sparkled with admiration as he rejoined his friends. “You’re just as awesome as Dave!”

    “It was nothing,” Tristan replied, waving it off. “Let’s get out of here.” The sun was beginning to set, and as they began to leave, the dread of what he would do now without Torchic and Totodile started to settle in. His attention was quickly distracted, though, when he heard a noise behind him from the place he least wanted to hear. He knew it seemed too easy. He just knew it.

    Looking back, they could see Articuno stagger back to his feet once more, a look of disgust on his face. “How dare you,” he growled, “HOW DARE YOU!!” He stretched out his icy wings, causing another squall of snow to blow across the mountain peak. “GYAAAAAAAAAAAH!! I’m through with playing games! Now feel my wrath!” He launched into the air, creating a blue sparkling trail behind him. In a moment he was directly above Tristan and Team Charge-Net. Suddenly, a terrible feeling came over Tristan, as if something huge was about to happen. “SHEER COLD!!” Articuno hollered!

    “Oh no!” cried Minun.

    “I’m freezing!” Plusle followed.

    “I… I can’t move!” exclaimed Caterpie.

    Tristan remained silent, as he gazed down at his feet. Solid ice had already began to creep up his body, as if the very air around him was freezing. Everything the ice touched stung like a thousand piercing knives, and became unbearable by the time it got to his back. Through his pain, he desperately tried to think of something to do, the ice was already up passed his waist, and climbing! No! It couldn’t end like this! He wouldn’t let it! He hadn’t even avenged his friends yet!

    A ways away, Articuno landed back on the ground with his back turned to his frozen opponents. He fanned out his wings once more, to remove the remaining silk, and to assess the damage. He had to admit they’d managed to put up a satisfactory fight. He hadn’t intended to fight his hostages, though. If they had just kept their noses out of this they’d have gone unscathed. Oh well.

    “Well…” he sighed, beginning to walk away, “That’s that. Just as instructed.”

    To be continued…


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

  8. #108
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Over there!
    Posts
    313

    Default

    So yeah... Sorry for missing a weak. Little bit of crunch time at school. It's over though, for now. Anyway, as you can see, this is when the PG-13 business begins to kick in. Because of the violence. I probably should have written it in the post before this shouldn't I. Oh well, just thought I'd let you know.

    I hope you found the chapter to your liking.


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

  9. #109
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Gaelthorn Valley
    Posts
    525

    Default

    (Wai! I got the first chapter review this time! )

    Wow...o.o that was...intense. I was working on a fight scene for my Destinies Merged fanfic...but after reading this, I can see I have a loooot of work to do.

    “Ah! No no no no no no no!” Tristan exclaimed, waving his hands hastily. He hadn’t meant to insult them, in fact it was the least of his intentions. He also couldn’t help but be annoyed with himself. Why did he always have to say things he’d regret? “I remember your names. Yeah! They were pretty good names too.”

    “What are they?” Plusle asked flatly.

    “Well, uh… What are they? Well… you see,” Tristan began. He took a big gulp of air as he looked up into the sky, as if the answer were somehow drifting among the snowflakes. His mouth began to play with the names as he tried to grasp them. “M… M… Min… Minin… Mini… Minnow… Minute… Minun? Yeah, Minun! And P… P… Pl… Plus… Plusplus… Plus what? Plus Plus… Plusle! That’s it! Minun and Plusle!”
    Heh. Very nice. I can just imagine this as an animated movie with moments like these.
    Absol: And that has to do with...?
    Me: Hush.

    “QUIT THE BIG TALK!” Tristan hollered back. “It’s people like you I hate! Acting all high and mighty as if you are the only thing that matters! You say I’m dirt do you? You say I’m filth? You won’t be saying that when I’m finished with you! And I will make you pay for killing my friends!”
    Wow. I have to admit, he is brave. A bit reckless, maybe, but brave.
    You know what? I've noticed that a lot of people are adding the conflict with more 'less-caring' characters. It really adds personality when there's a character or two introduced who, quite frankly, is just a flat out jerk. Otherwise the fanfic would seem a bit TOO perfect...you know what I call it when that happens? 'Theatre Musical Syndrome'. 'Cause when that happens, everybody just seems to go along with whatever's happening and not put up much of a fight. Glad to see you didn't do that.

    I also liked the fact that Snowcone Bluebirdy (hehe) kept referring to the 'lower life forms' as filth, dirt, etc. etc. Nice ego complex trait there.

    Okay, I am officially out of things to say about the chapter. I'm off!


    Fantasy remains a human right: we make in our measure and in our derivative mode, because we are made: and not only made, but made in the image and likeness of a Maker.
    ~J.R.R. Tolkien

  10. #110
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    In a maze of twisty passages
    Posts
    132

    Default

    Awesome chapter! Or chapters, I accidently missed reviewing chapter 13, so I'm going to put that into this review as well.

    There was some excellent character development in these two chapters. I give you a thumbs up for that. Especially on Tristan's part (which is what you want).

    That "Reviver Seed" episode back in Chapter 13 got me thinking that, how do you eat a Reviver Seed when you're unconscious? Since that is usually when you need it most...

    But I digress. I'm looking forward to future chapters.

    Click above to view
    Chapter 5 Up!
    Pleasedon'teatme...
    Banner made by me.

  11. #111
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Behind you
    Posts
    546

    Default

    This is a really good fic and I can't wait to see what is going to happen next.

    I like how you incorporate things from the real game into you're fic.

    EDIT: could you please put me on the PM list?
    Last edited by SamuraiDragon1; 2nd March 2008 at 4:44 PM.
    Einstein: If life is XYZ then X = having fun Y = working hard and Z = knowing when to keep your mouth shut

  12. #112
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    In the middle of nowhere
    Posts
    23

    Default

    This is the best chapter so far.I just felt like saying this but I have been playing Red Rescue Team and it seems that the Human World has pokemon but as trainers.
    Quote Originally Posted by Gravy View Post
    Oh Pochama. Will you ever stop amusing your adoring fans with your uneeded presence and ability to attract more attention than moé in pink boots? I should say not.

  13. #113
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Over there!
    Posts
    313

    Default

    @ Koridojo_Blaziken:

    1. Ah yes. If there's one thing that demands the most attention and care, its a battle scene. Its times like these that I sit in front of my computer, beating myself over the head, until I get it just right.

    2. Hehe, somebody on Nsider mentioned this once. I replied by saying that if I ever did have it animated, I'd want it to be in a series, not in a movie. Why else would I add killer cliff hangers? =P

    3. Well, if there's one thing he holds close to him, its his friendships. You can get between him and a bunch of others things, just don't mess with him when it comes to friendship. Or you're gonna regret it o_o.

    4. Snowcone Bluebirdy? Okay... Yeah, I wanted to make him come across as arrogant and thinking that he's so pretty amongst these dirty little creatures. Makes you want to slap him doesn't it?

    @ Glitch: Hehe... I too realized this (the reviver seed issue) while I was editing. Oh. OK. Torchic 'magically' eats the seed while unconscious. Yeah, like that's ever going to happen. I wanted to actually make it work this time... with adding a little edge to it too.

    @ SamuraiDragon1: I'm glad you're enjoying it. Thanks for reading. Yeah, I do like to try to make this fic sound like it could be an actual sequel to the game.

    Oh, one more thing. You've been added you to my PM list!

    @ ultimate-trainer: Hmm... Yes, I have considered this. And thought of a way around it. I don't think the human world necessarily has Pokemon in it. But hmm... how can I say this without spoiling anything... um... I assure you, humans and Pokemon have once coexisted.


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

  14. #114
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Who cares?I don't.
    Posts
    187

    Default

    Hey Focus,thanks for adding me to your PM list!Anyway,awesome chapter as usual.I'm not very good at reviewing,so i won't do it...but if you slack off,I'll tell to burn you with Flamethrower!*evil glint in eye*
    Click here to feed me a Rare Candy!
        Spoiler:- Important stuff::

  15. #115
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Right near you.
    Posts
    1,059

    Default

    lol pretty much its an awesome chapter :P
    since i'm not a reviewer but a reader (i'm not good at looking at it and analyze it well B average in English :O, just know that even though i'm not posting as often, i'll still be reading

    anyways i always look forward to reading your next installment (get the joke nah i'm just joking about the installment, you know what i mean :P)
    Last edited by Slipomatic; 4th March 2008 at 3:24 PM.

    Credit to MagicMochi for jolteon/leafeon banner.

  16. #116

    Default

    [Short Review up ahead]

    Nice chapter. Though I REALLY don't like how you don't name the Pokemon, how you tiep up a loose end in this chapter with Articuno really drew me in, as did the cliff hanger. Not much els eof interest happens in the chapter, so I'll wait for the next installation.

  17. #117
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Over there!
    Posts
    313

    Default

    Well, you did mention your concerns on the names before. Does it really ruin the story that much though?

        Spoiler:- They do have names,:


    Hehe... Yes, I do love torturing people with cliffhangers. Probably from all those years of my favourite TV shows ending in cliffhangers.


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

  18. #118
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Who cares?I don't.
    Posts
    187

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FocusPresenceEndurance View Post
    Well, you did mention your concerns on the names before. Does it really ruin the story that much though?

        Spoiler:- They do have names,:


    Hehe... Yes, I do love torturing people with cliffhangers. Probably from all those years of my favourite TV shows ending in cliffhangers.
    Will you reveal their pasts after the fight with....umm...well....i don't wanna spoil it for other people,but you know which creature I'm talking about right?Not even sure that it's a Pokemon XD
    Last edited by MudkipMagix; 11th March 2008 at 2:09 PM.
    Click here to feed me a Rare Candy!
        Spoiler:- Important stuff::

  19. #119
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Over there!
    Posts
    313

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MudkipMagix View Post
    Will you reveal their pasts after the fight with....umm...well....i don't wanna spoil it for other people,but you know which creature I'm talking about right?Not even sure that it's a Pokemon XD
    Well, if you've read as far as I think you have, then you should know a little about both of their history already. Um... how do I say this... their pasts will be fully explained in a possible sequel. If I can get around to finishing this story. And yes, it is a Pokemon.

    Which leads me to my next topic. Over the March break, I have (as many others have) gotten Super Smash Bros Brawl, and found myself distracted longer that I could have predicted. Now that school's back though, I have something restraining me from playing it and I can get back to writing. So look forward to another chapter this long weekend.


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

  20. #120
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Who cares?I don't.
    Posts
    187

    Default

    To be honest, I didn't check it for a while. When I tried to go to the page, the forums had closed. But I do know that they were fighting. -.-
    Click here to feed me a Rare Candy!
        Spoiler:- Important stuff::

  21. #121
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    with my fellow hell makers
    Posts
    730

    Default

    I really like this story, the charchter development is great on all the charchters.

    I especially like totodile the most ^^

    It was so good you kept me reading all 14 chapters in one sitting.

    just one little thing thats bugging me at the end of chapter 14 is that I think it would be better if articuno flew away rather than walked, they are on the top of a mountain aren't they, and articuno's generally fly rather than walk.

    but other than that this is Incredible.

    please do keep writing.

  22. #122
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Over there!
    Posts
    313

    Default

    @ MudkipMagix: I'll be honest myself. Closer to the closing of the forums, I wasn't running the chapters off very fast. Most likely the last chapter you read was the last chapter that many Nsider had read.

    @ Somorio: Well thank you for reading. Its always good to hear from new (or silent) readers. Glad you're enjoying it. I'm sure you'll soon see in the coming chapter why I haven't made Articuno fly away yet.


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

  23. #123
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Over there!
    Posts
    313

    Default

    Chapter 15


    Struggle to Survive! Into the Shadow of a Greater Threat.


    It was a silent few moments atop of the peak of the mountain centering Frosty Forest. The snow had ceased falling, and the wind had died down to only a gentle breeze. A break in the clouds revealed a beautiful view of the sky scape around the mountain and of the setting sun. The clouds, which blanketed everything below from view reflected a bright orange hue, almost blinding to the eyes. Finally, a moment of peace could be enjoyed. Or, perhaps it was just the eye of the storm.

    Articuno took a moment to revel it in. However, he couldn’t help but be annoyed with himself. Looking again at the damage he’d taken, he shouldn’t have received as much as he did. He had been bruised on his right wing, which would definitely impair his ability to fly. He also had another bruise on his cheek. Both of these places were where the human had struck him. If he’d known the battle was going to be tougher, he’d have used Sheer Cold earlier. He also was still having trouble moving, after being double hit by Thunder Wave by his two little hostages. “Grr…” he grunted, “how shameful.”

    Articuno spread his wings to take off, dispersing hundreds of tiny, shimmering, blue ice crystals around him. Before his feet could leave the ground, however, a strange sound from behind reached his ears.

    “Nah… it couldn’t be,” he thought, turning towards the sound, “Impossible…”

    Before him were the frozen figures of his hostages: Minun, Plusle and Caterpie. Just where he’d left them. But next to them… Was he seeing things? Before him stood the human Pokemon, unfrozen, and fully conscious.

    “IMPOSSIBLE!!” Articuno shrieked in shock.

    “Where do you think you’re going?” Tristan asked, as he glared at the legendary Pokemon with anger, and venom in his eye. In his mouth, the bitter after-taste of a Reviver Seed lingered. “I’m not finished with you yet!”

    “Hehe…” the legendary chuckled, “You would have been better off freezing to death, it’s more peaceful, I hear.” It was true Articuno had taken a beating from this human, but upon closer inspection, he saw that this human was in much worse shape, with many places on his skin suffering frost bite, and deep cuts all over his back. It would be no problem finishing off this weakling now.

    “If I did that,” Tristan replied, exhausted, “then I wouldn’t be able to pay you back for killing my friends.”

    “What is it about these… friends you fight for?” Articuno said curiously as if trying to find out how Tristan's little mind worked. “What is so special that you fight so hard for them?”

    “Like you’d ever know,” Tristan answered angrily, “You don’t have any!”

    “Why you little piece of… FILTH!!” Articuno roared with rage. With his anger, fierce wind returned to the mountaintop. With the peaceful calm now gone, snow and cold came in to fill its place.

    Tristan stood defiantly, holding his ground, refusing to back down. In reality, he could barely keep holding onto his bone, his hands being so numb from the cold. Other parts of his body were also beginning to become numb. The cold in the air leaked through the scratches on his back, causing him to become still weaker. His mind knew what it wanted, but how long would his body last? How much further could he push himself before he could push no more?

    Stepping towards Tristan, Articuno said with a sound of mocking, “Is moving your mouth the best you can do? Do you think petty insults will save you? Do you really think I’m going to let you live after saying a thing like that?” Now directly in front of Tristan, Articuno raised his large blue wings and smirked once more, “Say goodbye, you filthy human.”

    A fresh blast of wind swept across the mountain peak bringing what seemed to be all the snow in the forest with it. The wind met at the center of the plateau, where the wind swirled and spun. Seconds later, the wind and snow formed an enormous icy column that reached and disappeared into the clouds above. In the middle of this mammoth cyclone Tristan stood, trying to hold onto what little that he had left. Each individual snowflake felt like a miniature dagger piercing into his skin.

    Why did he have to die? What did he do wrong? These among other thoughts swirled in his mind like the snow in the wind. Why did it have to end this way?

    He remembered how Totodile and Torchic were the only ones willing to believe he was really a human. How he was welcomed into their team with open arms, when they so easily could have just left him behind to be lost and confused. He remembered the feeling of excitement, and accomplishment they all shared after completing their first mission. How he was able to support his friends in their time of need, and vice versa. They meant so much to him. What would he do without them? It was almost to the point that they were like family. Now, he felt alone. Again.

    “No!” he thought, drawing strength from his will, “I won’t let it end like this!”

    Another gust of air from the blizzard swept him back, pushing him out of the clutches of the blizzard. Beside him was the miniature toolbox of Team Charge-Net. It was open and inside was a familiar blue looking berry. Without thinking he grabbed the berry and shoved it in his mouth, chewing as quickly as possible to feel its effects. As the energy began to return to him he looked beside the toolbox, seeing another familiar item.

    The link box! Maybe it wasn’t so hopeless after all. “First things first…” Tristan thought, grabbing for his bone. With it, he flung it towards Articuno, who jumped aside once more to dodge it. This diversion finally caused the blizzard to cease, and gave Tristan the time he needed to use his link box. In desperation, he linked all four of his moves at once. No sooner had he done that had he began to charge directly for Articuno, ignoring any pain that tried to hold him back.

    “Oh please…” Articuno sighed, watching Tristan’s approach, “What surprise do you have for me this time… another head butt?”

    “I’ll show you!” Tristan shouted, moving to strike Articuno with his bone. Tristan couldn’t help but be impressed with the speed of this bird. How many times had he dodged his attacks? And this time was no exception. Now at Articuno’s side, Tristan was left fully exposed.

    “It’s as I thought,” mocked the legendary ice Pokemon, raising his wings again to whip up wind. “Another predictable attack. You’re strong, I’ll give you that, but this will be your downfa-”

    Wasting no time, Tristan initiated his actual attack. Every single move he had, with all his strength he unleashed on Articuno, aided by the fire of his inner fury. “BONEMERANG!” He shouted, sending the bone flying directly past Articuno’s head. Articuno flinched slightly, expecting the attack to hit. “HEAD-BUTT!” he continued, springing up into the air, finally managing to make a connection with his skull and Articuno’s. At the same time, Bonemerang was returning, and before Articuno could correct himself for a safe landing, he met face to face with the bone.

    “OH SHI-,” Articuno, thought in the only moment he had. The downward spin on the bone caused him to be whipped clean out of the air, landing back first in the snow, knocking the wind out of him.

    Tristan jumped high above the downed bird, catching the bone, and allowing gravity to bring him upon his opponent. “TAIL WHIP! BONE CLUB!” he finished, stomping down on Articuno’s chest, while striking hard with his bone on the side of his neck. He felt the bird’s entire body flinch beneath him at this, and causing Articuno to shriek in pain.

    “YOU HAVEN’T FELT THE HALF OF IT!!” Tristan roared, bringing his bone down upon the bird once more. He hit again and again and again. He kept hitting over and over again, his anger overpowering him, as if he could not control himself. “This is for Totodile!” he cried, tears streaming from his eyes; “This is for Torchic! This is for-!”

    “Enough!” Articuno finally choked, flailing wildly to get Tristan off. He staggered to his feet battered, bruised and practically pulverized. Tristan rolled to a stop and like Articuno, staggered to his feet. He just now realized he’d not only hurt the bird, he’d hurt himself in the process. All his thrashing about caused the cuts and scrapes on his shoulder to reopen. It was dusk now, and any trace of the sun had vanished, not that they would have seen it through the thick cloud and snow anyway. It was very dark now, and Tristan found it difficult to see far past Articuno.

    “No more!” the blue Pokemon said, gasping for air “Please. No more.”

    This sparked another flare of anger in Tristan. “Oh! And what would you have done if I said that?”

    “Ignorance… that’s one thing I hate about filth.” Articuno grumbled, looking down into the snow with a look of detestation and humiliation. “I’m not as heartless as you think. It’s not in my nature to kill mercilessly. My role in this world is to be the guardian of the forest, and its inhabitants. And it is a job I take seriously.”

    “You act pretty heartless to me! What with trying to kill me an-”

    “You!” Articuno interrupted, “Are different.”

    “What? Why me? What did I do?”

    “How should I know?” Articuno replied, “You must have done something, or nobody would have told me to kill you.”

    “Wh… What?” Tristan asked, slowly beginning to calm down. His anger, bit by bit, was replaced by confusion. “But, who?”

    Articuno glanced up over through the cloud to the edge of the plateau at something Tristan could not see. “You will know soon enough,” was his simple reply, “Whoever is doing this seems pretty desperate. You won’t be left alone for long.” Again, he looked over to the edge of the plateau. Something had caught his eye, Tristan just wished he knew what. He looked back down at Tristan, and for the first time, Tristan thought he saw a hint of sympathy in his eye. “Cherish what moments you have left.” On this final note, with great difficulty and pain, he spread his wings and lifted himself into the air, and being far from graceful, began to depart from the mountain peak.

    “Wait…” Tristan moaned, as the last of his energy drained out of him quickly. He was now able to fully realize the shape he was in. Frostbite covered him from head to toe, and he was beginning to slip in and out of consciousness. “Who… who wants to… kill me? Wh… what’s going… going… going…” But before he could finish, he finally fell into the depths of fatigue.

    The last things he saw were several shadowy figures approaching him through the fog. He thought he heard faint voices, but whatever they said, he did not know. He began to fall forward, but did not remain awake long enough to feel the landing.

    Strange… he thought he ought to know those voices...

    ***

    Tristan opened his eyes to see the bright light of the sun glinting in his eyes. It was strangely warm here, wherever “here” was.

    “Hmmm…” he thought, “Is this death?” as he sat up and scanned to see where he was. He was back in the comfort of the team base; the warm afternoon air seeping into the base made for a good contrast after the freezing night. At his side were Torchic and Totodile, who’d been having a quiet conversation up until now. Tototile looked pretty relieved to see Tristan up. Perhaps it was because Torchic was distracted from getting on his case. “Oh…” Tristan said, still half awake, “I must be dead.”

    “You’re not dead!” Torchic shouted, irritated “Is that the first thing you say after all that’s happened!?”

    “With what he’s been through,” Totodile said towards Torchic, “I don’t blame him.” He turned to Tristan, “Taking on a legendary, how on earth did you manage that?”

    “Hang on,” Tristan said holding out his hand to stop them. “What happened? I was told that you were all killed.”

    “Who told you that?” asked Totodile.

    He sighed. “That ‘oh so legendary Pokemon’ Articuno.”

    Torchic shook her head; “We’re fine, as you can see.”

    “That’s a relief,” Tristan said. Either Articuno underestimated his friends, or he didn’t try to kill them after all. He paused a moment to think. “So… what did happen?”

    Totodile, aided by Torchic, began their explanation of everything that had happened since the avalanche. How everyone, including Team Supreme, managed to survive, and how they joined forces to find him. Tristan found it hard to believe that they joined forces, it had been less than a day ago that they were at each other’s throats. They continued to explain that when they neared the peak they saw Articuno retreating from what seemed to be a battle, evidently injured severely.

    “When we arrived at the top of the cliff,” Totodile continued, “we were all shocked to find that it was you who had caused Articuno all that damage.”

    “How did you do it Tristan,” Torchic asked, “what happened?”

    This time it was Tristan’s turn to explain his side of the story that had unfolded on the peak of the mountain. He explained that he’d found Team Charge-Net there, and that Articuno had used the novice team as bait to bring Tristan there and how he had been told that both Totodile and Torchic had died. He also mentioned how Team Charge-Net tried to help him with his battle, but ended up becoming frozen as a consequence. Finally he explained how a Reviver Seed, an Oran Berry and a Link Box all saved his skin and helped him win the battle.

    “You’re amazing Tristan,” Totodile said in awe, “if only we could have helped in some way, though.”

    “Well, I’m really impressed,” Torchic added. “But what could have caused you to pick a fight with Articuno in the first place? He’s not supposed to attack innocent Pokemon, like that.”

    “Eh, uh…” Tristan answered nervously. Articuno had mentioned that someone else had wanted him dead. Should he tell them? What would happen if he did? Would they abandon him? Would they say that he was too dangerous to be around? He didn’t want to worry them either. Perhaps nothing would came of it anyway. “I… don’t know why.” Tristan began to feel uncomfortable when he said this, and quickly tried to change the subject. “Anyway, what happened to Team Charge-Net?”

    “They’re fine now, but you were much worse than they were,” Totodile said, “As soon as we got back we took you to Nurse Chansey to look after you guys.”

    “She said that if you had been exposed to the cold any little longer,” Torchic continued, “your frostbite would have been incurable. Your limbs were black when we found you, and your back was…” she shuddered at the thought. “Oh I can’t even imagine what happened to you. Thankfully, she said you’d make a full recovery. All you need is rest.”

    “Alright,” Tristan commented. He noticed for the first time that he was practically covered from head to toe with bandages. That nurse they were talking about sure must have worked hard if she’s done this much. One question, though, took priority over all the others. “When can we rescue again?”

    “Well…” Totodile said, “she recommended against rescue missions.” He then gave a broad grin and whispered into Tristan’s ear, as if Chansey were nearby, “I’m sure we can go on a few easy missions, though. As well, since you got to Team Charge-Net first, we got to keep our bronze rank. And we don’t have to worry about Team Supreme anymore, they promised to leave us alone.”

    “That’s good…” Tristan replied.

    As the day went on, the team continued their conversation, eventually deciding to prepare for a mission the next day. As the team visited the Pokemon Village, the warm weather felt comfortable to Tristan after his cold encounter, though he still didn’t appreciate how humid it was. Tristan de-linked his attacks at Gulpin’s link shop before helping Torchic and Totodile prepare for the mission. The team also caught word that Team Blue would be leaving early the next day for another long mission.

    With that, Tristan was left for the night at the team base, while Torchic and Totodile departed for their own friend zones. As Tristan watched the sunset, he decided on his plan of action the next day. He would wake up early, before Torchic or Totodile could arrive at the team base. He would then head for the Pokemon Village. His goal would be to encounter Dave alone, and try to talk with him. Just like Gardevoir had asked him to do. With that in mind, he went indoors and as night fell, he prepared for bed.

    “Dave,” he thought, “the first time I met you, you didn’t recognize me. But I’m sure that if I explain everything, you’ll remember. Please… remember…”

    Before long, he drifted into sleep. What would tomorrow bring?

    To be continued…


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

  24. #124
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Gaelthorn Valley
    Posts
    525

    Default

    *lets out a low whistle* Wow, Tristan. You really need to try and restrain yourself a bit in these battles....one of these days you'll end up k!lling yourself.

    Anyways, that was an EXCELLENT chapter. Maybe articuno isn't as much of a jerk after all....

    (OOOOOHHHH!!! ARTICUNO ALMOST SAID THE "S" WORD!!! Busted!! 8D )


    Fantasy remains a human right: we make in our measure and in our derivative mode, because we are made: and not only made, but made in the image and likeness of a Maker.
    ~J.R.R. Tolkien

  25. #125
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Behind you. *tackles*
    Posts
    35

    Default

    ..I'm late...for most of the chapters, actually. ^^;

    Anyways, I know I've missed a lot, so to save room I'll just review the most recent chapter. (I forgot most of what I was going to say about the other chapters, besides. _ _U)

    That fight scene was excellent, better than most that I've read so far in other fanfics. Interesting retaliation tactic you had Tristan use there. The fact that Articuno almost cursed, however, kinda makes me nervous...but that's not the point.

    I also found it interesting that you would include a mention of the Pokemon Chansey as a Nurse. Well, it was used as a Nurse's assistant in the anime, so I guess it fits.

    Overall rating of fanfic so far:
    9.95/10 (99 1/2 percent)
    Cute....but PSYCHO!!! XD Things even out.
    Iega Flyga Fleega Flyga Ishca Nishca Nyga Nyga Iega Flyga Fleega Flyga Biiiiiirdie. ^^
    Lopunny Lopunny Bo Bunny, Banana Fanna Fo Funny, Fee Fi Mo Munny....LOPUNNYYY!! ^.^
    <--Masha, my Raichu on Ruby

Page 5 of 14 FirstFirst 123456789 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •