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Thread: The Beta House: Redux

  1. #1
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    Default The Beta House: Redux

    Hello, everyone! *waves*

    As you can see, this is a new betaing thread. The old one was getting a little spammy and EmberGryphon was having some trouble with being on regularly, so with her permission and authorisation from Psychic, I’m renewing it.

    For anyone new to the thread, the Beta House is a mentoring system for writers, new and advanced, who need help developing or finetuning their fics. So if you need help with something big like developing an idea, or just something small like making sure your grammar’s all ironed out, there are people here who would (we would hope! :P ) be able to help you.

    Since this is revamped, the lists have been completely wiped; that means that everyone has to reapply to be mentors/for mentors. ^.^;; Sorry!

    I also acknowledge that I’m probably a little tougher than EmberGryphon, so be warned that if you apply to be a mentor and I don’t think you qualify, you will be rejected, no matter if you were a mentor beforehand or not. Obviously, anyone who already has a mentor/mentoree can continue working with them, you just wouldn’t be ‘official’ until the mentor has applied and been accepted. But I’m not expecting that to happen, right?

    So, on to the boring (but still important, ‘cos if you don’t read these then I shall set Lance on joo :3 ) stuff. And if anyone has anything to add/issues to bring up, don’t hesitate to PM me.



    Rules:

    General:

    I could copy and paste the list of Authors’ Café rules here, but I’m going to assume you’re all more than intelligent enough to realize they all still apply.

    That said, there’s one big one:

    1. SPAM. The old thread got to have a problem with spam, so let’s try not to let that happen to this one. There are only four reasons why people should be posting in this thread:

    —to apply as a mentor
    —to apply as a mentoree
    —in the case of mentors, to inform me of their status
    —to make a statement or ask a question relating to the thread (the latter of which does not include ‘when do I get a mentor?’ ‘why hasn’t someone picked me yet?’ and any other variation on the same theme).

    Anything else will be considered spam. Although if anyone thinks of another good reason to be posting, I’m all ears.

    2. All contact between mentors and mentorees should be through PM and/or email, NOT in the thread. This includes mentorees asking for someone to be their mentor and vice versa.

    3. BOTH mentor and mentoree MUST have agreed to the mentorship before the mentor posts acceptance. I know mentors have final right to choose, but there was some issue in the previous thread about a mentor trying to pick up a mentoree who didn’t want to be mentored, so I wanted to make this clear from the beginning.

    4. Samples should have a minimum length of four decent-sized paragraphs.


    Mentorees:

    1. As EmberGryphon put it so well in the original thread: ‘Beta House is NOT the equivalent of spellcheck or grammarcheck.’ You heard her, peoples. Look over your stuff as best you can before handing it over to your mentor. The point here is development and refinement, not to have someone do the work for you. Teach a man to fish, and all that.

    2. Don’t apply unless you’re serious about the story. By ‘serious’ I mean you’ve thought about it, you know where it’s going and/or know you’re going to stick with it.

    3. Please post a sample when possible, even if it’s not a pokémon fic. An excerpt of the fic you want betaed would be ideal, but if not, a sample of your development would still be useful. I say this because in the old thread it was optional; I’m aware that some people might not have a sample at all, but I’d like for those who do to remember to post one.

    4. You may PM a mentor about accepting you, but be aware that they have the right to choose mentorees at their own discretion, so please respect their decision.

    4(b). If a mentor’s status says they already have three mentorees, please choose someone else. The exception is if a mentor has specifically stated they will accept more than that, in which case their name will be marked.

    5. This thread is about guidance, so if you disagree with your mentor you can bring it up with them. Just be polite about it; remember, they are just trying to help you.

    6. Be patient. They’re taking the time to help, so don’t pester them about when they’ll be done with your chapter. That said, if it’s been two weeks or something and you haven’t heard a word, then feel free to give them a poke.

    7. Mentors have the right to drop a story after two warnings to their mentorees if these rules aren’t respected.


    Mentors/Proofreaders:

    Just a little note beforehand: yes, I am going to check you guys out before I accept you, so fair warning. That said, if you’re applying just because you happen to have time or people have said you’re good at a particular part of writing, you might want to rethink. Willingness only goes so far; experience will go much further. Rules for the mentors and proofreaders are the same, with the exception of Rule 4.

    1. Please, don’t agree to beta a story if you know you won’t have time, motivation, or just don’t want to. It’s a waste of time for everyone involved, which can be better spent elsewhere.

    2. I know life can be busy, but if it’s been a few days, you’ve got a chapter lined up, and you haven’t had a chance to look at it yet or know you won’t get a chance for another couple of days, warn your mentoree it might take a while. If you’re going away or you’re losing your Internet access, then let them know. Your return courtesy for them not bugging the heck out of you.

    3. I’m setting the default number of mentorees you guys can have at three, but I don’t want to assume I know your limits better than you; this is just a precaution so some people don’t get flooded with requests. If you think you can handle more than that, make a note on your application and I’ll leave a note next to your name on the mentors’ list. This includes people you are proofreading too.

    4. You CAN apply to be a mentoree as well, as long as it’s not under the same category you’re a mentor in. Anyone who is a proofreader can apply for a proofreader, no matter what other categories you may be involved in.

    5. On the flipside of the rule for mentorees, yes, you are helping them, but they came to you for it. So be nice, especially if they disagree with you about something and you want to argue the point.

    6. Mentorees have the right to request a new mentor if the one they have doesn’t respect these rules. If the infraction is severe enough and is brought to my attention, you could be taken off the list. So don’t do it, guys.


    Penalties:

    So what happens if you break a rule and someone brings it to my attention? Well, mostly it will depend on how bad I judge the infraction to be. Accidentally spamming once or twice won’t bring me down on you like a horde of dragons, for instance. Continuously spamming, on the other hand, will.

    Most first offences will get you a warning, but if it’s bad enough it could earn you a temporary three-week ban, in which you’re removed from the list of active mentors and/or available mentorees.

    Continued offences, depending on severity, will get you either that temporary ban or a report to the mods.

    And if you continue to offend after two infractions, then you’re gone. Period. With the mods acting as bouncers.

    In all of these cases, if you’re already mentoring someone/being mentored and they don’t want to be reassigned, that mentorship may continue. It just might end up being 'unofficial'.

    I also reserve the right to place a mentor on probation/remove them from the list if someone (such as a reader of their mentoree’s fic) brings it to my attention that they aren’t betaing to standard. If you don’t have time to do it, then warn your mentoree you’re going on hiatus; don’t rush through the beta for the sake of getting it out, guys.



    Applications:

    Mentorees:

    Story title:
    Fandom (preferably pokémon):
    Plot summary:
    Genre:
    Rating:
    Mentor needed:
    Prior writing experience:
    Preferred mentor (optional):
    Writing sample (optional, but expected):

    IMPORTANT NOTE: Under the 'mentor needed' section, people have been saying what areas they're weak in, in terms of writing. To be honest, this isn't helpful; in fact, usually it ends up being so vague that I'm not sure what kind of mentor the applicant needs. The only thing you need to say to answer this section is 'comprehensive mentor' or 'character mentor' or whatever kind of mentor you want; I don't need a list of ways in which you need help, and really, it's probably harder for you to write that than three or four words. You should know better than I what kind of help you need, and you'll be able to discuss it in detail with your mentor later; please, don't rely on me to try and read your mind.


    Mentors:

    There are some new sections in the mentors’ application. Genre specialty is, well, kind of self-explanatory. If you specialise in certain fics, such as journeyfics, pokémorph fics, even romance or adventure fics, you can note it on your application and it will be included beside your name on the list. If you want to mentor in that particular genre (that is, help with the refinement of a genre-specific storyline), then there is a new category for genre-specific mentors.

    Method of contact is also self-explanatory. Specify if you want to be contacted through email or PM, and if the former, please leave an email address (which will be placed next to your name on the list, so if you don’t want it public, you might want to hold off until you know who you’re mentoring).

    Proofreader is a new duty. A proofreader is similar to a mentor, but is tailored towards more experienced writers who need a second opinion, as opposed to less experienced writers who need a teacher. Anyone who is a mentor can offer additional services as a proofreader, although comprehensive mentors will be automatically placed on the proofreader list unless otherwise stated by the mentor in question.

    Category (two maximum unless comprehensive):
    Genre specialty (if any):
    Method of contact:
    Proofreader (yes/no):
    Link to at least two samples of your writing, specific to whichever category you’re applying for. It doesn’t have to be on this forum; just wherever it’s accessible.



    Mentors:

    So here’s we are to the good stuff. The original thread only had five categories, but taking into account some comments made by a couple of people, I’ve chosen to add another two, which will hopefully broaden the scope a little.

    Comprehensive Mentors:
    [Mentors who are pretty good at all aspects of fiction. Best for very new writers or anyone in need of general help.]

    Act: kirbyrulz890@yahoo.com
    Prefers Pokemon or original stories.

    EmberGryphon: PM
    Specialises in romance. Prefers Pokemon or original stories.

    katiekitten: PM
    Specialises in tragedy. Prefers Pokemon or Naruto fics.
    Currently mentoring Forestrunner.
    Status: CLOSED.

    Saffire Persian: PM
    Preferably beta-reads on request.

    Ysavvryl: PM
    Specialises in fantasy and sci-fi.
    Currently mentoring Libie and pokeking325.


    Character Mentors:
    [Mentors skilled in character portrayal and development.]

    j_hunter: happyangrysad@hotmail.com
    Currently mentoring DarkPersian479 and Sacred Fire Blaziken.
    Status: CLOSED.

    Literate: ara.shi@yahoo.com
    Prefers Ouran High School Host Club, Pokemon and original stories.

    . IC Ghost .: PM
    Specialises in angst, horror, fantasy and action/adventure.


    Plot Mentors:
    [Mentors who can help with the development of plot twists, the story climax, and other problems with the storyline.]


    Language Mentors:
    [Mentors who can help with the fine-tuning of language, including things such as description and dialogue.]

    j_hunter: happyangrysad@hotmail.com
    Currently mentoring DarkPersian479 and Sacred Fire Blaziken.
    Status: CLOSED.

    SnoringFrog: PM
    Specialises in angst, horror and poetry.
    Currently mentoring Falsetta-Arias and Shiny Venusaur.


    Fluency Mentors:
    [Mentors who can help with chapter length, pacing, scene breaks, and so on.]

    . IC Ghost .: PM
    Specialises in angst, horror, fantasy and action/adventure.


    Genre-specific Mentors:
    [Mentors who offer help with a specific genre, such as journeyfics or romance fics.]


    Grammar Mentors:
    [Mentors who can help with ironing out those pesky grammatical errors.]

    SnoringFrog: PM
    Specialises in angst, horror and poetry.
    Currently mentoring Falsetta-Arias and Shiny Venusaur.


    Proofreaders:

    Proofreaders are exactly what they sound like: they proofread a work just before it gets published. Unlike mentors, they're not here specifically for the purpose of teaching; they're here for the more experienced writers as a second set of eyes and to offer a second opinion. A proofreader will usually aim to give a general overview of a work, although they may focus on aspects the author particularly wants an opinion on or which they specialise in.

    Act: kirbyrulz890@yahoo.com
    Prefers Pokemon or original stories.

    EmberGryphon: PM
    Specialises in Romance. Prefers Pokemon or original stories.

    katiekitten: PM
    Specialises in Tragedy. Prefers Pokemon or Naruto fics.
    Currently mentoring Forestrunner.
    Status: CLOSED.

    j_hunter: happyangrysad@hotmail.com
    Currently mentoring DarkPersian479 and Sacred Fire Blaziken.
    Status: CLOSED.

    . IC Ghost .: PM
    Specialises in angst, horror, fantasy and action/adventure.

    Saffire Persian: PM
    Peferably beta-reads on request.

    Ysavvryl: PM
    Specialises in fantasy and sci-fi.
    Currently mentoring Libie and pokeking325.



    In Search of Assistance:

    Aladar
    Untitled
    Adventure/Journey
    Rated PG-14
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Ampris
    Untitled
    General
    Rated G
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Asuran
    'Red Moon'
    Sci-fi
    Rated PG-13
    Original
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Aura Master
    'Trinity'
    Adventure
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    ben_pokemon
    'Pokemon Master Quest (Kanto) **Advanced Evolution**'
    Journey/Adventure
    Rated G
    Pokemon
    In need of grammar and language mentors

    Bent Helix
    'Pulse'
    Rated PG
    Pokemon
    In need of plot and character mentors

    Black Murder Heavangelon
    'To die in their name'
    Angst/Tragedy
    Rated PG-13/R
    Pikmin
    In need of proofreader

    Brainiac
    'Reality Check'
    Rated PG
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Brando95
    'The Phoenix King's Reign'
    Action/Adventure/Fantasy
    Rated PG
    Avatar the Last Airbender
    In need of proofreader or grammar mentor

    Cait_Sith
    'In the Dark of the Night'
    Bildungsroman/Drama
    Rated PG-13/R
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Chaos Rush
    Untitled
    Drama/Journey
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Crystal Hikara
    'Blazing Trail'
    Tragedy
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive or tragedy mentor

    CWisgood
    'Hoenn: No Man's Land'
    Action/Drama
    Rated PG-13/R
    Pokemon
    In need of language and fluency or comprehensive mentors

    DanChimchar
    'May's Johto Grand Festival'
    Adventure/Romance
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    dash142
    'The Crystal Tales'
    OT/Journeyfic
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    dragon_night
    'Tesseract'
    General
    Rated PG-14
    Pokemon
    In need of grammar mentor

    Eclipse
    'Keepers of Innocence'
    Tragedy/Journey
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of grammar and plot mentors

    Eclipse
    'Keepers of Innocence'
    Tragedy/Journey
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of grammar and plot mentors

    Ejunknown
    'Seventh Hour'
    Rated T
    Naruto
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Falsetta-Arias
    'Metamorphosis'
    Adventure/Romance/Humour
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of grammar mentor
    Currently being mentored by SnoringFrog.

    FireTrainer92
    'Renegade Ranger'
    Action/Drama
    PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    fishyfool
    'Messiah: Rejected'
    Comedy/Action
    Rated PG-15/R
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Flintlock
    'Striking Out'
    Adventure/Comedy
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Forestrunner
    'Hometown Hero'
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor
    Currently being mentored by katiekitten.

    GamerGod351
    'SSBB: A Clash from Another Dimension'
    Rating unknown
    Panfandom
    In need of grammar mentor

    Glajummy
    'Pokemon Shining Nightmare'
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of plot and language or comprehensive mentor

    greywolf123
    'Chains of Destiny Armageddon'
    Adventure
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Ibuberu
    'A Mere Projection'
    Rated PG
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    IJuggler
    'Steel'
    Adventure/Journey
    Rated PG-15
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Ism
    Untitled
    General
    Rated PG
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Its-Sandshrew!
    'Pokemon Tales'
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of grammar and plot mentors

    johnnyd2
    'Legacy of the Dawn'
    Adventure/Fantasy
    Rated PG-13/R
    Pokemon/multi-crossover
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Kazekage
    'Pokemon: Twilight Crack'
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of grammar mentor

    Knightblazer
    'Ballad of the Dragon'
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of grammar mentor

    Libie
    'Endgame'
    General/Adventure/Drama
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of language and plot mentors
    Currently being mentored by Ysavvryl.

    Lord of Music
    'Eclipsing the Moon'
    Drama/Action/Adventure
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor or proofreader

    Lucario7777777
    'Lucario and Lickilicky's Adventure--Blue Version'
    Adventure
    Rated G
    Pokemon/Panfandom
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    MasterCharizard15
    'A Trainer’s Path in Destiny'
    Action/Adventure/Journey
    Rated PG-15
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Me_Love_Eevee!
    'Double Trouble!'
    General/Adventure
    Rated PG-11
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor.

    mespritchaser
    'The Chime Of School Survival'
    Adventure
    Rated G
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor.

    MondoTR
    'Aura--Light of the Future'
    Sci-fi
    Rated PG-13
    Original (Starbolts)
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    mysteriousfossil
    'Wrath of Arceus'
    Action/Romance
    Rated PG
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    ~Neon~
    'Lionheart'
    Action/Adventure
    Rated T
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Normalize
    'Newmoon'
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Phantom Gardevoir
    'The Waltz of the Thorned Rose'
    Angst/Adventure
    Rated PG-15
    Pokemon
    In need of character and language mentors

    pokeking235
    'Pokemon Red, Green, and Blue.'
    Action/Adventure
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor
    Currently being mentored by Ysavvryl.

    pokey
    Untitled
    Action/Drama
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of language mentor

    Sacred Fire Blaziken
    'Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Sonata of Flames'
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of grammar and language mentors
    Currently being mentored by j_hunter.

    SaigoKarasu
    'The Good Left Undone'
    Drama
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive or grammar and fluency mentors

    Sapphire Phoenix
    'Through the Eyes of Time'
    Action/Adventure
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    SerenadeSP
    'Pokemon XD: Battle Revolution'
    Action/Drama
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of proofreader or fluency mentor

    seveguy
    'Twilight Tower'
    Horror/Adventure
    Rated PG-13 for now
    Pokemon
    In need of language and plot mentors

    ShiniyKecleon
    'The Mountain's Shepherd'
    Adventure/Tragedy
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive (preferred) or character mentor

    shon_taylor
    'Reaching for the Stars'
    Journeyfic
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Skillfulness
    'Universe 13'
    Sci-Fi
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of plot and language or comprehensive mentors

    Stabberz
    'Ritchie's Hoenn Adventure'
    Journey
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    storymasterb
    'The Legends of Hoenn'
    Adventure
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of character and language mentors

    The silver houndoom
    'Dogs of Murderill'
    Mystery/Horror
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of grammar and fluency mentors

    Torpoleon
    'Matt's Kanto Adventure!'
    Action/Adventure
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    TPJerematic
    'Cherish the Moments'
    Adventure
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of proofreader

    Wondrous Sableye
    'A Stone Thrown'
    Adventure
    Rated PG-13
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive or language and fluency mentors

    Yamikarasu
    'Strength in the Heart'
    General/Adventure
    Rated G
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor.

    Zazzy
    'The Life of a Champion'
    Tragedy/General
    Rated G
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor.

    Zincspider
    'Hand of Hands'
    Sci-fi/Action
    Rating varies on chapter.
    Pokemon
    In need of comprehensive mentor

    Zora
    'Ibi Fuit Bellum'
    Fantasy
    Rated PG-13
    Final Fantasy/Original
    In need of language and fluency mentors
    Last edited by purple_drake; 3rd January 2010 at 2:29 AM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    On a Mars bar. :)
    Posts
    1,583

    Default

    Woot! x3

    Re-applying as a mentor, in Comprehensive. 'Tis worth a shot. x3;

    Mentors:

    Category: Comprehensive - Overall Mentoring.

    Genre specialty (if any): ...Hmm. For the most part, tragedies. I've had a lot of experience with writing in that genre, and although I'm not alien to any of the others, I specialise in it. Unfortunately. Quite miserable. :x

    On Fandom, I'm fine with Pokemon or Naruto. Not too fond of original, although I will read them, and on other fandoms - check with me whether I know it or not. :3

    Method of contact: Drop me a PM and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

    ...

    Examples?

    Smile - This kinda emulates my writing style when it comes to tragedies. With a little fuzzy thrown in. :x

    Shiver - One of my more recent pieces...

    Release - I know you said only two, but I thought I should put a pokemon example in here. xD;


    Currently Mentoring:

    1. Torkoal. (No, I haven't forgotten. x3; Am working on it at the moment)
    2. PDL
    3. Forestrunner

    Mentor status?

    Closed - Sorry, can only handle three at the moment. >.<



    xD;; Woops, forgot to post. Sorry! I is mentoring Saphira_Thorn and Forestrunner from here, which makes three so I'm closed. :3 Can't take anymore anyway - Cursed tests coming up. >.<
    Last edited by Psychic; 3rd March 2008 at 5:56 AM.


    Floating over your rocky spine
    The glaciers made you and now you're mine


    Pair: duncan | Lyrics: Great Lake Swimmers

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Flooded Europa
    Posts
    391

    Default

    ...I've looked at the previous thread a lot, and I think I'd like to apply to be mentored by someone. I don't know if anyone can actually help me, especially since I don't really write pokemon anymore. XD; Where I post my stories never get any real critique or anything. But please don't be harsh with me. XD;

    Story title: Latest? Seventh Hour. But I have a few stories I'd like to have read and commented on, simple errors like grammar that I might have missed pointed out, just the ones I have written recently. XD;
    Fandom (preferably pokémon): Sorry, sorry, it's Naruto. XD;
    Plot summary: A theory of mine. Best if you read it yourself.
    Rating:
    Teen
    Mentor needed: Comprehensive, please.
    Prior experience: ? At what? o.o;; I write when I want to, mostly when I feel inspired, but lately I've hit a writing boom. 83 Look at my fanfiction.net profile here. I used to roleplay here, and I posted a few stories, but they never got many reviews.
    Preferred mentor (optional): Anyone who can help me. XD Except KK. (Katiekitten) The only reason why not her, is that she is my friend, and I believe she may not be being absolutely completely honest with me because of that. *pokes her in the eye -lovingly* XD
    Writing sample (optional, but expected):

    The patter of rain fell around her, sprinkling her face, seeping through the thin fabric of her clothes to her cold clammy skin. She shivered, a movement that was lost amongst the exhausted trembles of her muscles as she fought harder against the cold creeping along the edges of her consciousness. The sound of a battle continued raging in the distance, the swish of cloaks and the clatter of kunai as the remnants of Anbu team 11 fought a losing struggle after an unexpected ambush off the border of Waterfall. Hearing a scream of agony, she fought harder, scouring her body for any last shreds of chakra, any at all, to heal, heal damn it, wasn’t she supposed to be there, protecting her weakened comrades? Gathering up her strength and gritting her teeth against the pain, she focused her remaining energies and forced herself up, up off of her side, shaking arms lifting her up from the bloodied mud, and messily sliding her feet under herself. Tears sprouting up in her eyes, she managed to finally get herself on to her knees, glassy emeralds scrunched up in pain- before her last shreds of strength ran out and she fell, collapsing onto the cold hard ground. There was a strangled cry somewhere ahead of her, and the tears she had been refusing to let fall broke through her barriers as she heard the following resounding thud, before-

    Silence.

    The rain continued to fall.

    Gathered up her strength once again, she forced her eyes open, blinking desperately through the droplets of water that had started collecting on her eyelashes. Managing to get in focus and ignoring the dark blotches that danced along her vision, she surveyed the devastation hazily, her eyes’ travel around the area stunted at the site of the team leaders head only a foot away from her own, before a rustle brought her hazy attention abruptly back to the front- and she froze as she saw black sandaled feet in front of her. Fear flooding through her, she managed to drag her gaze upwards as they slid back, their owner kneeling, a pale face surrounded by fire drawing closer as strange ringed eyes pierced hers and an icy cold grip enclosed around her chin. There was a scuffle, and the man was now sitting in front of her, and then the eyes came closer as she felt herself being dragged inescapably towards him. Fingers slipped and scrabbled at the mud below her, attempting to tug back, but they stopped at the site of the never ending circles in the silver glare seeming to pulse, contracting and expanding lazily. She stared into the depths, unable to pull away, or do anything, heart rate slowing, as her eyes began to glaze, and she vaguely felt a hand prop against her shoulder as she began to fall forward. A movement, and then hot breath at her ear-

    “Why do you fear God?”

    -and then her world fell into darkness.
    The beginning of it. Came out four pages long in the end, the longest I've written in a while. It is already posted up on fanfiction.net, but if anyone knows the site, you don't really get indepth reviews. There are some people out there, probably, but they have never knocked on my door. XD

    I'm not really looking for completely rewriting the stories I have already written, (though I will change it and edit it, just not write it out all again, the plot is done, gone, dusted. XD) but any major advice will be used in the next one I write.
    Last edited by Ejunknown; 17th November 2007 at 3:05 PM.

    demise: the last remnants of the fallen

    chapter two complete: defective.


    meddling with time: where time lines collide
    a new fanfiction of twisted time and mistaken love chapter one complete: steps forward


    author's profile -review exchange profile - deviant [/COLOR]

  4. #4
    Join Date
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    Category (two maximum unless comprehensive): Comprehensive. Overall. Whoot.

    Genre specialty (if any): I have no preference... nor do I see myself associated with any specific genre. At the end of the day... aren't the rules and basic idea the same around the board for all genres?

    However, as far as fandom specialty, I would prefer only Pokemon or original. I have a pretty broad range of fandoms I know well if it's entirely necessary, but I know the Pokemon category better.

    Method of contact:

    E-mail is preferable: kirbyrulz890@yahoo.com
    You can also drop a message at the LJ: actonthat.livejournal.com

    I will answer PM's, but I check my e-mail every day and SPPf does not always load for me.

    Examples: Links to my fics are in my sig. For more, see: FFnet or fictionpress.com
    Last edited by Act; 14th November 2007 at 10:16 PM.

    reviewing rowling
    because harry potter sucks

    livejournal facebook fanfiction

    'Don't be so modest, you're not that great.'

  5. #5
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    Great, I just need someone to help me check on my latest chapter. I wrote that chapter for 2 months now, but trust me when I say this: it's still a lacklustre job compared to the ones many here had done within 1 or 2 weeks. I feel ashamed. -_-"

    Story title: Hometown Hero
    Fandom (preferably pokémon): Yes it is pokemon.
    Plot summary: A neighbourhood tough guy finds out that though the battling skills he posseses are great, there's much more he needs if he wants to survive the harsh outside world and the global cabal his going to face.
    Rating: PG 13. Pokemon violence and minor blood.
    Mentor needed: Comprehensive. I just have problems with... words.
    Prior experience: Eh, just wrote one Digimon prologue.
    Preferred mentor (optional): --
    Writing sample (optional, but expected): http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=273146.

    EDIT: Damn, I hyperlinked a blank page. Sorry bout that.
    Last edited by Forestrunner; 16th November 2007 at 5:39 AM.

  6. #6
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    Since there seems to b some confusion about the 'prior experience' thing, I've edited that a little ^.^;; hopefully it's easier to understand now.

    katiekitten: Shank joo, glad you like. :3 And it's okay that you gave me an extra sample, it doesn't have to be limited to just two... that's the minimum. ^.^;; I should probably say that.

    But let's get to what you really want to hear: accepted, although I would like to say that I noted quite a few grammatical errors in the fics you gave me, so that's something you might want to keep an eye on.

    Ejunknown: I'm going to list you as wanting a comprehensive mentor, since you haven't specified what you need help in, but it would be a good idea to decide where you really need help and edit your post; otherwise the mentors will have to start guessing at what they're trying to do for you, and that's not especially helpful, is it?

    Act: Accepted, and it's okay if you don't have a genre specialty.

    Forestrunner: Added, and good luck with that pesky chapter. ^^ Although you might want to specify that the link to your sample is in your sig, just to clarify matters.

  7. #7
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    I’m applying to be both a mentor and a mentoree.


    Category: Grammar
    Genre specialty: Kanto based journey fics/Chosen fics
    Method of contact: PM
    Link to TWO samples of your writing:

    Sample 1:

    As the stars were beginning to glitter in the night sky, Aaron Winslow would never forget the next few minutes. He recognized the terrifying sounds the instant they cracked through the night. His body went cold all over, because he couldn’t believe that someone was shooting a high-powered rifle in this neighborhood.

    K-pow! K-pow! K-pow! K-pow! K-pow! K-pow!

    The children he was looking after were just leaving the Harrow Street Swimming Pool complex. Twelve young girls streamed past him onto the sidewalk. They had just finished their final swimming lesson before the district competition, and they had been excellent.

    Then came the gunfire. Lots of it. Not just a single shot. A strafing. An attack.

    K-pow! K-pow! K-pow! K-pow! K-pow! K-pow!

    “Get down!” he screamed at the top of his lungs. “Everybody down on the ground! Cover your heads!” He almost couldn’t believe the words as they left his mouth.

    At first, no-one seemed to hear him. To the kids, in their white blouses and shirts, the shots must have seemed like firecrackers. Then a volley of shots rained through the building’s frosted glass window and the glass splintered everywhere, some of it falling on the heads of the children.

    “Someone’s shooting!” Winslow screamed. Maybe more than one person, he thought. He ran wildly through the children, screaming, waving his arms and pushed as many as he could down onto the ground.

    As the kids finally crouched low or dove for the ground, Winslow spotted two of the girls, Chantal and Tamara, frozen on the lawn as bullets streaked past them.

    “Chantal, Tamara! Get down!” he screamed, but they remained there, hugging one another, emitting frantic wails. They were best friends; he had known them since they were little kids, playing hopscotch on the pavement.

    There was never any doubt in his mind as he sprinted towards the two girls, grasping their arms firmly, tumbling them to the ground. Then he lay on top of them, pressing their bodies tightly.

    Bullets whined over his head, just inches away; his eardrums hurt. His body was trembling and so were those of the girls shielded beneath him. He was nearly sure he was about to die. “It’s alright, little ones,” he whispered.

    Then, as suddenly as it had begun, the firing stopped and a black blur with curved horns, dull-looking and cracked, sped past, snarling viciously. A hush of silence hung in the air; so strange and eerie, it was as if the whole world had stopped to listen.
    Sample 2:

    “How DARE you speak to me like that?! I’ll have you know that I graduated second in my class and I could thrash you any day, you noob!!” Having been insulted by the stranger, Josephine was really riled up.

    “Sandy, it is go time!”

    The small, yellow scaled shrew made its appearance, curling up into a ball, then uncurling and attempting to look stronger than what he was.

    Riley stepped up beside the male Sandshrew, with small sparks of electricity shooting from her azure fur and teeth bared.

    “You want battle, hey?” the man taunted Josephine, as he released the only two Pokčmon he possessed.

    A small, orange dog emerged from the first sphere on all fours, growling angrily. A mane of white hair covered the top of its head, while below its chin was a large beard of the same fur. Black stripes covered its body, giving it a feline look, but the fluffy white tail was stripe-less. Its small ears drooped slightly, and its tongue was currently dry, indicating its tiredness.

    A bipedal, tapir-shaped Pokčmon appeared from the second red and white orb, with a lazy face and appearance. It waved its four fingered hands around in a circular motion, making the air distort slightly. The bottom half of its body, other than its toes, was black and the rest of it was golden.

    “The name Jin, by the way,” the man finally revealed his name.

    “A pleasure, I’m sure,” Josephine replied sarcastically.

    “Get them!” Jin commanded to his two Pokčmon.

    “Riley, Sandy – Bite and Scratch!”

    <Take this, psychic weirdo!> Riley shouted at Drowzee.

    <…> Sandy had a serious look on his face as he looked at Riley, before focusing on Growlithe.

    The female Shinx ran towards the Drowzee and bit into its flesh firmly, while the male Sandshrew lunged at the Growlithe, scratching the Fire type canine several times before a small storm of fiery embers caused him to back away.

    Drowzee’s black eyes widened upon feeling Riley bite him and the Psychic type retaliated with a blue blast of mental energy that was the technique known as Confusion. The move sent the female Shinx flying backwards, but her hind paws dug into the soil, which slowed her movements and prevented her from crashing into an oak tree.

    “Tackle and Scratch! Keep it up, you two! You’re going great!” Josephine congratulated her partners.

    <Yeehah! This is FUN!> Riley yelled at the top of her voice.

    Sandy finally spoke. <Geez, Riley… You certainly love life, don’t you?>

    Josephine’s two Pokčmon changed tactics; in the beginning, Riley had targeted Drowzee and Sandy had gone for Growlithe. This time around, Riley would go for Growlithe and Sandy would attack Drowzee.

    As Riley rammed her head into Growlithe’s side, it caused the small canine to become winded, and he lay on all fours, trying to get his breath back.

    <You bet I do!> Riley responded.

    “Quick, Riley! Thunder Fang Growlithe!” Josephine instructed, not wanting to lose the advantage she had.

    The female Shinx wasn’t about to let that happen, and she bit into the thick reddish-orange fur, releasing electricity into the dog’s nervous system. A choked gasp came from Growlithe’s mouth as an electric shock flowed through his body. Having recovered from the earlier attack, Growlithe retaliated with an Ember firestorm. Riley tried to dodge it, but she ended up taking a glancing blow. She responded by unleashing another Thunder Fang on Growlithe, which proved to be the final straw for the Fire type puppy, as he fainted in front of Riley, his energy completely spent.

    Working as a team, Riley and Sandy now advanced on Drowzee, who was proving to be particularly difficult in defeating.

    Feinting to the left, Riley was able to trick Drowzee and she quickly lunged in from the right and used Bite on the Psychic type’s arm once again, while Sandy madly scratched his opponent until his eyes rolled backwards in his head and he collapsed onto his back.

    “WHOOHOO!” Josephine screamed happily.

    Put off by his trainer’s extreme excitement, Sandy curled up into a ball.

    “I won!” she declared proudly.

    After she recalled her Pokčmon and continued a little way down the path, she stopped and looked back at Jin, who was sitting on the side of the path, defeated. She called back to him, “Don’t ever underestimate a young Pokčmon trainer on a mission.”
    *****

    Story title: “Yearning for Freedom, take two”

    Fandom: Pokčmon

    Plot summary: Zapdos has been captured, and now the fight begins to free it. At the same time, five trainers – four from Kanto and the fifth from Johto – begin their journeys, completely unaware that they will eventually be chosen by some of the Legendaries in order to defeat not only Team Rocket, but a new Team as well. And with an obvious confrontation between the two teams looming, how will the Chosen and their legendary partners stop the mass destruction?

    Rating: PG 13

    Mentor needed: Fluency and Language Mentors.

    Prior experience: Well, I've been writing for a good number of years, but only just started writing Pokčmon stories late 2005.

    Preferred mentor: DarkPersian479.

    Writing sample:

    Sample:

    In the main office, the leader was sitting in a comfortable leather computer chair, waiting for all of the Admins to arrive. The woman was a tall, conceited individual with bright red hair. Covering her upper body was a military-style suit. A thin black belt was fixed in place on top of her leather trousers and her expensive black boots perfectly matched her suit. Around her neck was a beautiful, and very pricy, diamond necklace. While she waited for her subordinates to arrive, her fingers tapped the work desk and she proceeded to place one leg over the over.

    As a group, the Admins arrived, with Jin following by himself. Like Dave, the other Admins were wearing black shirts and trousers and long black boots. Belčn peered at each one and was surprised when her eyes came to rest on Jin.

    “WHAT is HE doing here?!” By the tone of her raised voice, it was clearly obvious she didn’t want him to participate in the meeting.

    The sound of a throat being cleared was heard, and Belčn whipped her head in the direction. “YOU?!”

    “It was me, your leadership. He asked me for a second chance…” Dave got no further.

    “SECOND chance?! Why?!”

    “…” Dave hesitated. “He failed to beat a Pokčmon trainer. In asking for a second chance, he desires revenge for his loss.”

    Belčn was silent as she considered this information. There was Jin, not even a member, but merely just a random person affiliated with her team, asking for a second chance. If she was to grant him the revenge he obviously needed as a morale booster, what would her subordinates think of her?

    But she would think about that later, because the meeting was to begin.

    She cleared her throat. “As you are all very much aware, I am Belčn Cassae Stalag, the leader of Team Eternity. Let me pose a few questions to all of you. Why does Team Eternity exist? What are our goals, our purposes?”

    Another Admin, by the name of Andrew, spoke up. “We have become increasingly aware of Team Rocket’s criminal activities; for example, the capture of the legendary bird of Thunder, Zapdos. We aim to free the bird, while undermining Team Rocket at the same time.”

    Folding her arms across her chest, Belčn appeared to be satisfied, but then something came to her. “And what if Team Rocket becomes aware of our activities before our plans are complete?”

    “Well,” Dave began, “we’ll just have to fight them to the bitter end.”

    “If that opportunity were to arise, has everyone got their Pokčmon on them at all times?” Belčn seemed to be hinting at a possible confrontation.

    “Yes, ma’m!” the Admins gave their leader an affirmative answer.

  8. #8
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    Jun 2005
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    Applying for help here. ><;

    Story title: Ballad of the Dragon
    Fandom: Pokémon
    Plot summary: A sort of prequel to my main fiction Midian: City of the Damned, this story mainly deals with the ever popluar Sneasel - Javas Galeon Windchester as he tells his own backstory, and just how he came to be. Spoilers for Midian are aplenty, so apply at your own risk. *coughs*
    Rating: PG-13
    Mentor needed: Grammar. My language needs help, as always. >>
    Prior writing experience: I've written several one-shots (majority of them in the Dark Romance gerne, and all dealing with dark themes), as well as writing my current on-going fiction, Midian. And while Midian itself is more of Horror *** Action/Adventure, BotD is more on... I dunno, drama? ><; In any case, help is greatly appreciated.
    Preferred mentor: -NiL-
    Writing sample: You can check out Midian by clicking here, but here's a few bits for you all to sample:

        Spoiler:- Writing Samples:


    I'll only be posting Ballad of the Dragon only in december, so the mentor who takes me will have to wait until after the 25th of November before I send the chapter over for him/her to go through. Just a note of caution. ^^;

    Knightblazer
    Last edited by Knightblazer; 16th November 2007 at 11:56 AM.

  9. #9
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    Saphira_Thorn: Your mentoree application has been added, but as for your mentorship... although your grammar is mostly pretty good, I still don't think you're qualified as a mentor.

    I've seen your reviews and they're not much more than summaries of what happened in the story; at the very least you could explain what was good and how it was good. A mentor should be able to be critical and focus on aspects other than the storyline; especially because you want to be a grammar mentor, you should be looking for those kinds of mistakes and mentioning them in your reviews.

    In addition, I know that you have been offered good advice for your own story by a number of people and ignored it. In my opinion, if you can't take advice from others seriously, then neither you nor I should expect a mentoree to listen and take what you say seriously either.

    So, I'm sorry, but rejected. Perhaps you could reapply later, after you've given yourself some time to improve as a critical reader.

    Knightblazer: Added, and I love the title of your new story, by the way.
    Last edited by purple_drake; 7th December 2007 at 9:08 AM.

  10. #10
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    Purple: Ah, I think what I am looking for is a comprehensive mentor, I'll edit my post, sorry, I completely answered that wrong. Thank you for adding me.

    demise: the last remnants of the fallen

    chapter two complete: defective.


    meddling with time: where time lines collide
    a new fanfiction of twisted time and mistaken love chapter one complete: steps forward


    author's profile -review exchange profile - deviant [/COLOR]

  11. #11
    Join Date
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    Thank you so much, Purple Drake. ^^() I'm really very proud of how far my little experiment went- and I'm so glad you and Psychic managed to save it from starving to death due to my negligence... (And make a much more streamlined thread to boot!)

    *coughs* But that's not the point. ^^ Managing the thing got over my head, but actually beta'ing people was never the problem, so if I manage to wiggle my way back into line I think I can handle a mentoree or two. The problem being trying to find something I've written semi-recently that I don't mind posting for the gawking eyes of people outside us crazies in the shipping section. =P

    Category: I'mma be bold and go for comprehensive.
    Genre specialty (if any): I'll go for any genre, though I'm drawn especially to romance... preferably in the Pokemon fandom or original.
    Method of contact: PM is dandy.

    Link to at least two samples of your writing, specific to whichever category you’re applying for. It doesn’t have to be on this forum; just wherever it’s accessible.

        Spoiler:- Sample 1:


    And this one's more'n two years old, but I spiffed it up a little so it works.

        Spoiler:- Sample 2:

    Art and banner by me | Click it to visit my Pokemon fanart gallery!

  12. #12
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    That's okay, Ejunknown. And thanks, I just wanted to be sure that's what kind of mentor you really wanted.

    EmberGryphon: Hi! ^.^ Thanks for letting me take it over, it'd be shame to let a good idea die. Accepted and added.

  13. #13
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    Well, I haven't really explored the fanfic section of this site quite as much as I would have liked, but I do have some writing experience and would like to help out aspiring writers.

    Category: I'm more of a Character and Language sort of person, so I hope that I could be of assistance in those areas.

    Genre specialty: I'm open to all kinds of writing, but I really enjoy reading and critiquing POVs and stories with innovative concepts.

    Method of contact: I don't really lurk often enough for PM to be of much use, so email is probably better: happyangrysad@hotmail.com

    Examples:     Spoiler:- Character Sample:


    This one's long, and it's actually an essay, but it does convey the mechanics of language.

        Spoiler:- Language Sample:


    I'm glad you brought this back!

  14. #14
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    j_hunter: Accepted, added, and welcome aboard. ^^ Sorry it took a little time to get back to you.
    Last edited by purple_drake; 27th November 2007 at 4:00 AM.

  15. #15
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    Story title: Pokemon Shining Nightmare

    Fandom (preferably pokémon): Pokemon

    Plot summary: All can be explained in the prologue (which will be my writing sample). The rest is explained at the beginning of Chapter Eight, which will also appear as a sample.

    Rating: PG-13; Blood, violence, and minor language

    Mentor needed: Plot and Language or Comprehensive

    Prior writing experience: I have an unfinished fic currently at Chapter 23 that I plan to rewrite.

        Spoiler:


        Spoiler:
    love me, hate me ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬&

  16. #16
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    Glajummy: Added to the list, and good luck.

    NOTE FOR EVERYONE: Well, there seems to be quite a few people signing up, but no one seems to have partnered each other yet. :P

    So consider this a nudge--mentors, you don't need to wait for a mentoree to request you, that's just if they had someone specific in mind--and mentorees, if you haven't been picked up and you need someone, don't be afraid to contact one of the mentors.

    EDIT: Okay, so I notice that katiekitten has updated her status. ^.^;; You can say that stuff in a new post, guys; otherwise if you just edit your first post I might miss it.
    Last edited by purple_drake; 29th November 2007 at 1:10 PM.

  17. #17
    Join Date
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    Story title:Pokemon:Twilight Cack

    Fandom (preferably pokémon): Pokemon
    Plot summary:Just your average journey/ political drama/fantasy war epic

    Rating: probably around PG-13

    Mentor needed: In desperate need of a grammar beta

    Prior writing experience:Well I've written incredibly horrible stories in the past but people actually like this one.

    Preferred mentor (optional):

    Writing sample (optional, but expected):

    “Bye mom” said Yoshi, looking up at his mother who was standing in front of his house beaming at him. Mood swing? He thought. She was waving at him; he waved at her a couple of time before he turned around. Mizuki was standing a couple of feet above him wearing a backpack similar to his; it was a single strap the bag itself was colored black, and had a large Pokeball design on the front.

    “Mood swing?” Asked Mizuki, echoing Yoshi’s thoughts.

    “I’m guessing,” said Yoshi.

    “You know Lily called us to the town limits” said Mizuki. Lily had asked them to meet up at the town’s gates, when they got their bags.

    “Yeah, I suppose we have little choice,” sighed Yoshi, “I guess we have to, I mean we can’t leave town if we don’t go to the town gates”. Yoshi Mizuki had started to walk up the hill. It seemed as if they had been walking for hours when the two finally made it over the hill. Yoshi sighed, and Mizuki looked up.

    “You know I think we ought to, let our pokemon out of their balls, just for a little bit” suggested Mizuki.

    “Out of their balls?” Yoshi asked as if Mizuki was crazy, “do you think they will obey us?”

    “Are you kidding?” Mizuki asked “you saw how happy they were when they got picked, and plus we’ll have to let them out sometime.”

    Yoshi nodded uncertainly, but nevertheless he agreed. Both of the two boys threw out the red and white balls in the air. Out of each of the balls a blinding white light emerged, each of the lights quickly took the shape of two different creatures. One of the lights materialized into a light brown fox-like creature, with a large dark white mane, large rabbit like ears, and a big bushy tail.

    “Vee!” it called wagging its tail fast, and moving its ears side to side. It ran towards Yoshi and circled him sniffing him like a puppy would its new master. It perked up its ears as the other light materialize.

    It took the shape of a small light green dinosaur-like creature, with many seeds around its neck, and its most noticeable feature, a large leaf sprouting out of the top of its head.

    “Chiko!” the thing yelled, in a more female voice. It ran towards the Eevee and nuzzled it with its nose. Then it turned to Mizuki and started to ram him affectionately.

    “Err, I think she likes you” Yoshi said, asking it more than stating it, while the Chikorita spun its leaf around quickly. She was a strange one, she was rough, and she rammed every thing in sight, a tree, a rock, and Yoshi’s Eevee, which happened to be a favorite of hers. “I’m thinking she’ll be pretty good in battle”.

    “Yeah, you know I’m not sure I’ll be able to contain her,” said Mizuki as she ran towards the town gates, which was quite far away. Mizuki then finally realized what was happening. “COME BACK!”

    Yoshi Mizuki, and Yoshi’s Eevee started towards the Chikorita. She took a left turn towards the gates. Finally Mizuki caught her with his bare hands. He grabbed her and started to tickle her down to the ground.

    “Run away from me will ya?” said Mizuki in a mocking voice. “Let me tell you something, no pokemon of mine will run away from me”. The Chikorita burst out laughing as Mizuki tickled her more and more. After a while Yoshi caught up, and the Eevee ran towards the Chikorita, and started to play with Mizuki and her too. What happened next was, that Mizuki got both of them in a little group, and tried as best he could to tickle them both.

    The Chikorita roared with laughter, along with the Eevee. Both of them tried there hardest to break free from Mizuki’s grip but as hard as they tried it didn’t work. After a while Mizuki started to get tired, then the two of them finally broke free from Mizuki’s clutches.

    Not for long.

    Yoshi took them from behind, seemingly trying to assault them, he did. Sort of, if you count tickling as assaulting, then yeah he nearly killed the two of them.

    After about five minutes, they stopped, and started to walk again. The two pokemon were trailing them, and playing with each other at the same time. Yoshi and Mizuki were looking at Eevee like he was crazy. Who would try to attack the Chikorita, get beat down by her and get up and try again, for the hundredth time?

    “I think I have a good name for her,” said Mizuki, still looking at Chikorita. “She looks like a Venus”.

    “Venus?” Yoshi asked looking a bit puzzled, “why Venus”. He couldn’t think of any other use of Venus besides the planet and the goddess of love.

    “Venus Flytraps, are one of the few plants that are alive”, answered Mizuki, gesturing towards Chikorita, “and she’s about as alive as they get”. It was an out-of-the-box type of way to name her, but it did work.

    Yoshi concentrated hard on a name for the Eevee. He wasn’t really a one-personality type of thing; he had multiple things going with him, he was scared of Chikorita, he was stubborn enough to play with her over and over again, even after being beat into a pulp. Yoshi looked at him and Venus playing, Venus kept on repeatedly tackling him to the ground. It was as if he didn’t know how to quit, he kept on getting up and trying to withstand her tackles, and her tackles were powerful, he was braver than a lion. Then Yoshi snapped his fingers in realization.

    “I’ve got it, he’s now going to be known as Leon” said Yoshi looking a bit proud that he came up with a name. Mizuki looked puzzled at first, but then realized what Yoshi meant. He started to laugh catching onto the joke.

    “Leon, he’s brave enough to play with Venus!” Mizuki roared with laughter. It wasn’t that funny, but Mizuki was the type of guy who could laugh easily. He patted Yoshi on the back. “Good one man, good one”.

    Leon and Venus started to tackle each other a lot more than before. It became clear, that like Yoshi and Mizuki they were best friends. Even though best friends don’t beat each other into a pulp. Ten minutes passed, they had arrived at the city gates, and found Lily beaming at them and waving enthusiastically. Yoshi and Mizuki started to wave back at her. Both of them surprised that she waited for all this time.

    “Hey guys what took you so long it’s been half-an-hour already,” said Lily scolding the two of them. “Reo and Jake left already”.

    “You didn’t”? Asked Yoshi. Lily wasn’t the type to wait for people; she liked to get a head start on things. It was a bit surprising that she stayed and waited for so long.
    Last edited by Kazekage; 1st December 2007 at 2:27 AM.

  18. #18
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    Just as an FYI, I'm mentoring Glajummy. ^^

    reviewing rowling
    because harry potter sucks

    livejournal facebook fanfiction

    'Don't be so modest, you're not that great.'

  19. #19
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    Jan 2007
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    Umm Hi, I wish to apply as a Metoree.
    I need both a Grammar mentor and a Description mentor.
    Story title: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Sonata of Flames
    Fandom (preferably pokémon): Pokemon Mystery Dungeon
    Plot summary: This is the story about Rhet, a 17 year old boy turned into a Combusken. It also basicly follows the plot of Mystery Dungeon, but with some forth Generation pokemon and plot twists.
    Rating: PG-13 (Raring may raise)
    Mentor needed: Grammer, description
    Prior writing experience: Several free writing peices at school.
    Preferred mentor (optional): None
    Writing sample (optional, but expected):
    Here's what I have so far for my story....
        Spoiler:- Fanfic:
    Last edited by Sacred Fire Blaziken; 13th December 2007 at 10:23 PM.
    "Listen close Simon, never forget. Believe in yourself. Not in the Simon that I believe in, nor the Kamina that you believe in. Have faith in the Simon that belives in you." -Kamina (Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann)
    "FINISHING... MOOVVVVVEEEE! GIGA... DRRRIIILLLLLLLLL... BREEEEAAAAAKKKKKK!!!!!"- a sign that sheer win is about too occur involving Giant Drills.

  20. #20
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    Okay, Sacred Fire Blaziken, you've been added to the list, and I'm assuming that by 'description mentor' you mean a 'language mentor'. Also, apologies to Kazekage; I hadn't realized that you'd edited your post to fix your application, but you're now added to the list too.

  21. #21
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    Sep 2007
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    Story title: Reality Check

    Fandom (preferably pokémon): Yes, pokemon, though it takes a while to actually get there…

    Plot summary: An exceptional young pokemon fan, Jim Evans, has devoted his entire life to creating a virtual pokemon world. One day, he accidentally creates, not the virtual world that he dreamed of, but a portal into another dimension. Unknowingly he sends himself and his best friend irreversibly into the world of pokemon, where everything that he has ever dreamed of exists. This is of course only the start of what I hope turns out to be a great adventure.

    Rating: I intend for this fic to remain PG if I can manage it, though it will never move higher than the PG-13 level.

    Mentor needed: Seeing as this is my first fic, I just want a comprehensive mentor to help me delve more deeply into the world of writing, realize my strength’s and weaknesses, and just generally improve.

    Prior writing experience: Slim next to nil. I go to school, so whatever I learned there is all I got.

    Preferred mentor (optional): No preference. I’ve been here so short a time that you’re all strangers to me…

    Writing sample (optional, but expected): Alright, this is the first bit of my prologue, so yeah...

        Spoiler:- spoiler:

  22. #22
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    You've been added, Brainiac. ^.^

    I think everything's been updated fine, but if I have missed anything, don't hesitate to tell me, people.

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    I'm applying to be a mentor.

    Category: I would say comprehensive, but since the other categories are lacking ATM, I'll say Grammar and Language.
    Genre Specialty: Depressing/Gore stuff is what I do most, but I can do anything
    Method of Contact: PM
    Some of my work:
    http://snoringfrog.deviantart.com/ar...ottle-63566147 http://snoringfrog.deviantart.com/ga...Depression-etc
    http://snoringfrog.deviantart.com/ar...-More-57874910
    I realize that most of the work I have there is poetry, but it's pretty much the only current work I have online. While I do specialize in poetry, I also write prose quite often, it's just handwritten for school and I haven't taken the time to type the majority of it.

    I remember when "The Authors' Cafe" was still "The Author's Cafe".
    Scrap, purple_drake, Ryano Ra, and Burnt Flower are my fanfic idols.


    --fics--
    NEW:Emory In Viridian- A more realistic spin on a new trainer trekking through Viridian Forest. [one-shot]
    NEW:Pallet Evening News [on DeviantArt and not Serebii due to short length] - A disturbing report from Pallet Town's evening news concerning three new trainers. [one-shot]
    Tómur -Dark contemplations of an undisclosed Pokemon about nothingness and the end. [one-shot]
    The Traveler - A lonely traveler encounters a malevolent pokemon during the night on Route 8. [one-shot]
    Redead - A Redead's perspective on its own life. [Legend of Zelda one-shot]

    More at my DeviantArt



  24. #24
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    Apr 2005
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    Sorry for the slight delay, folks, Christmas and all. ^.^;;

    SnoringFrog, you're accepted and added to the list. ^^ I put your specialties down as angst, horror and poetry, is that okay? Seeing as how they're the actual genres you seemed to be referring to. :P

    DarkPersian, you've also been added. G'luck!

  25. #25
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    Jan 2007
    Posts
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    I’m hereby re-applying to be a mentor.

    Category: Grammar
    Genre specialty: Kanto based journey fics
    Method of contact: PM
    Link to TWO samples of your writing:

    Sample 1:

    Chapter 2, part 2: Maggie’s Past Recalled

    After making sure that he was a fair distance away from Pallet Town, Paul stopped and placed his backpack on the ground as he pulled a bottle of Revive out. He then proceeded to spray the contents of the bottle on his fainted Pokémon partner, Maggie. Within a few moments, Maggie had been fully revived and as she looked up at Paul, tears streamed down her beautiful red, fox-like face.

    <I’m so sorry,> she moaned.

    Paul replied, “Maggie, why would you be sorry? You did the best you could. Even I wasn’t expecting that he’d use a technique you knew nothing of. Why apologize?”

    <Because I’m a clone!> Maggie wailed.

    <Clones are meant to be quite strong… and there I was, beaten by one attack. I hit him at least three times. I feel like filth… it’s unspeakable… beaten by a fellow clone… beaten by one attack…>

    Paul questioned his partner. “What gave you the impression you could beat Eevee? Keep in mind that he’s three months older than you.”

    Beginning to calm down, Maggie replied, <I don’t know… I just thought I could…>

    Paul sighed, placed Vulpix on the ground and asked the question that had been on his mind since he’d met Maggie five weeks earlier.

    “When we first met, I noticed some strange Pokémon standing next to a clump of trees, as if they were saying goodbye to you. Who were they?”

    Surprised, and having thought that her one-time friends had vanished when she went over to Paul; she turned away and mumbled something about fellow cloned Pokémon.

    “Maggie, are you hiding something from me? I distinctly remember saying ‘no secrets’,” Paul said.

    Maggie felt trapped, but knew she had to tell Paul the truth.

    <Yes, they were saying goodbye to me. They were clones, like myself and Eevee. They were Rapidash, Grovyle, Vaporeon and Arcanine. Rapidash had a horn made of crystal, deep violet-blue flames and a light gray body. Grovyle had a white head leaf and the rest of his body was bluish-silver in color. Vaporeon had a black body and her type had been changed from pure Water to Water/Poison. And finally, Arcanine had Suicune’s purple mane and two ribbon-like tails.>

    “And what led to you meeting them?” Paul asked, his curiosity aroused.

    <It’s a long story…> came the response.

    “That’s fine with me. We can continue onto Viridian City while you explain everything, because I’d like to know.” Paul said, picking up his backpack and putting it on his back.

    Maggie hesitated for a few seconds, but then started to explain everything that she could remember.

    <I remember nothing of hatching out of a Pokémon egg… what I do remember, though, is just being there… alive… and I was being licked by a Ninetales. I recall that it was very wet… and then, others of my kind… I found out later I was a Vulpix… looked at me. I remember that their eyes showed an emotion, called hatred – as I discovered from the Ninetales. I asked them why they were looking at me like that and one replied, <Even if you are a Vulpix, which you’re not, we don’t talk to freaks like you.> The voice sounded masculine, so it appeared that the Vulpix who had spoken to me was a male.

    As I only wanted to make friends, I became very upset and ran off, hearing the worried howls of the Ninetales behind me. After a while, I found some running water. Still very upset, I looked at the water… looking at my reflection. It was then that I realized why the male Vulpix had said what he’d said. I was so different… it was no wonder why those Vulpix had looked at me the way they did.

    I wasn’t the color Vulpix were meant to be… instead I was a reddish-purple color. Then I wondered why I couldn’t see out of my right eye. I looked at the water again and saw that my right eye was completely white. I later found out I was blind… unable to see out of that eye ever again.

    Night fell quickly and I found a hole in the bottom of a nearby tree that I was able to use for the night. As I slept, I was constantly disturbed by an image in my dreams. It was the image of a Ninetales, kept prisoner in a building with eleven other Pokémon. When I focused on the image of the Ninetales, I heard words… faint at first, but then they became clearer. <Grayhorn… take care of my dear Maggie… tell her about what we are… she needs to know…> The words faded into silence. I heard a high-pitched howl of pain… the image of the Ninetales vanished. The next thing I knew, I saw the body of Ninetales being carried off on a stretcher.

    I woke up, frightened by the dream… then I realized sweat was pouring off me. In an attempt to keep warm, I purposefully intensified the fire in my stomach. It worked, and as I recovered from the fright, I thought about the dream. <Who was this Grayhorn?> I asked myself. <Maggie? Is that my name? What we are? What am I?> I shook my head, feeling very confused. Looking upwards, I noticed that the night sky was changing color.

    I watched, in awe, as the sun rose… and as sunlight broke through the tree branches. Remembering the dream, I felt a desire to find this Grayhorn character and discover the truth. I got up, left the hole and raised my head, sniffing the air. I was looking for a scent that would lead me out of the forest. After about five minutes, I smelt the scent of a creature I couldn’t identify. I followed the scent trail and as it led me out of the forest, I wondered what Grayhorn would be able to tell me about the dream. Having left the forest for good, I came across an open meadow with strange Pokémon dotted all over the place.

    Suddenly, I lost the scent and stopped short, confused. As I stood there, a thundering noise could be heard in the distance. I sat down, feeling as though I would cry at any moment. The thundering noise seemed a lot closer and louder. A scream split the air and before I realized what was going on, a Pokémon stood over me, rearing and screaming defiance at the herd of brown bull Pokémon that were known as Tauros who were charging in my direction. The herd separated and went in two different directions. The Pokémon placed its hooves on the ground, moved to one side and looked at me.

    <You’re a very pretty Pokémon,> the stranger said.

    <Who are you?> I asked politely.

    <My name is Grayhorn. I’m a Rapidash,> the Pokémon replied.

    <Grayhorn?> I questioned.

    <I had a dream about you and a Ninetales…> I trailed off as I recognized pain in the Rapidash’s eyes.

    <A vision, hmm? It seems like I’ve got no choice but to tell you the truth,> Grayhorn answered.

    <I hope you’re ready for this… I am a clone, just like the Ninetales and, of course, you. Clones are Pokémon who have been genetically engineered. That means our genetic structure has been altered to change our normal body colors, add new DNA to the original DNA, give us new types, hinder our senses… even attempt to upgrade certain parts of our bodies. How do you think I ended up with this horn of crystal? Horn upgrade failure, that’s how.>

    <DNA? What’s that? Hinder our senses? Is that how I ended up blind in my right eye?> I asked, becoming confused.

    <DNA, or deoxyribonucleic acid, is the genetic makeup of one’s body – it determines who we are. Yes, sadly, it’s true. When your mother gave birth to you, she had no idea that, two weeks earlier, she’d been injected with something that would make you permanently blind in your right eye. As soon as you were born, the scientists removed you from the laboratory and placed you in the care of a normal Ninetales. Your mother was very distressed… she refused to eat and the scientists threatened to kill her if she continued that way. She had no other option but to start eating again,> Grayhorn explained, sadness evident in his voice.

    <What happened to my mother?> I asked, guessing that my mother was the Ninetales that had been in my dream.

    <That’s why we’re here,> Rapidash paused, threw up his head and whinnied. Moments later, three other Pokémon… I guessed that they, too, were clones… appeared.

    A slender bluish-silver reptilian creature jumped out of a nearby tree. Sleek and aerodynamic, its front limbs and backside were adorned with broad, thin leaves. An especially long white leaf, almost the length of its body, grew from the very top of its head and curved downward behind its back. Standing on its two rear feet, its steel-blue colored underside was clearly visible.

    A black colored creature emerged from the lake beside me, crouching on all fours. Two fins were on either side of its head, where a set of ears would normally be and were colored black. A third fin, similar in color to the first two, wiggled ever so slightly, mimicking the movements of its fluttery collar. Its slender body terminated in a mermaid-like tail fin that wagged back and forth in a steady rhythm.

    A tall, orange lionesque canine stood proudly as it slowly took steps forward, after jumping over a boulder. There were black stripes on most of its body and creamy, bushy fur sprouted from the legs and underside. However, the mane was a shining purple, and the normally fluffy tail was actually two small, ribbon-like tails, that swerved by movements known only to them.

    <This is Iron, the Grovyle – he had to endure a type changing experiment to become what he is now… say hello Iron.>

    The Grass/Steel Pokémon winked and waved a clawed hand.

    <This is Aurora, the Water/Poison Vaporeon. She’s very skilled at using both water and poison attacks.>

    Aurora shifted her tail in greeting… I nodded in response.

    <And finally, this is Inferno. I made sure I got him out because of the fact that he’s a failed Suicune clone.>

    Inferno nodded and the three Pokémon turned to Grayhorn. Iron asked the question that most concerned the four clones. <What if,> he began in a reedy voice, <the scientists come looking for us? I think we should move on. We’re still too close to the laboratory where we were created.>

    Aurora disagreed, saying in a soft, bubbly voice, <I don’t think they will. Why do you think we left at the darkest hour? It was so Persian, Houndoom, Charizard, Dragonite, Pidgeot, Scyther and Umbreon would be asleep and so that the scientists wouldn’t find out until much later.>

    I decided to remind Grayhorn about what he’d planned to tell me. <Excuse me, sorry to interrupt. Grayhorn, you were going to tell me about what happened to my mother?>

    Grayhorn looked slightly embarrassed. <Yes, I was. Sorry. Your mother was one of our friends… she was a Ninetales. Not even one minute after she’d finished talking to me, she was taken away and killed by one of the scientists. I’m sorry you never saw your mother.>

    I stared at Rapidash and felt very sad… seconds later, tears flowed freely down my face.

    Aurora shook her head in disbelief and rebuked Grayhorn. <Did you have to do that?! Look at her… she’s only a baby and you go and tell her that her mother’s dead?! You shouldn’t have mentioned anything about Rose.>

    Rapidash rolled his eyes. <Aurora, honestly! She wanted to know.>

    Inferno, the failed Suicune clone, interrupted the disagreement. <Aurora, Grayhorn… stop fighting. Now, look over there.>

    Vaporeon and Rapidash watched as a young male human exited a small wooden hut and sat on a chair in front of the hut.

    Grayhorn narrowed his eyes and then lowered his head to my level. <Maggie… yes, that is your name. Maggie, do you see that human? Go to him and he will take care of you.>

    I looked at the human and turned my attention back to Rapidash. <How do you know? What if I end up like my mother?>

    Rapidash shook his head, saying, <He won’t kill you. He’s too young – he doesn’t have an evil mind. Go now.>

    I left my friends and cautiously walked over to the human.

    A couple of minutes later, the human looked around and noticed me. The boy smiled and picked me up, saying, “You’re a beautiful Pokémon. What’s your name?”

    I felt a strange emotion… happiness… and I revealed my name. <I’m called Maggie.>

    “My name is Paul. I’ll look after you. In five weeks, I’ll be a Pokémon trainer. I’ll ask my grandfather if I’m able to keep you,” Paul said, as he carried me to a huge white building, which turned out be where he lived.

    <And that, Paul, is my story. Now you know what I had to endure before finding you,> Maggie concluded.

    As Paul and his partner checked into the Viridian City Pokémon Center, Paul said, “Wow. That’s… incredible. I’m sorry I even pestered you about this.”

    Maggie replied, <It’s okay. I understand that you needed to know.>


    Sample 2:

    This is an excerpt of chapter 3…

    A couple of minutes later, Josephine heard the approaching sound of canine baying, and before she could even wonder too much more about Jin, a pack of black-furred Pokémon came bounding up the trail, flanking a blue-uniformed policewoman on a motorcycle. Sunlight flashed off the long horns curving wickedly back from their slim heads, gleaming over the bony strips of armor arcing over their backs, and their arrow-tipped tails lashed behind them as they ran.

    The officer screeched to a halt in front of Josephine, kicking up a cloud of dust.

    “Good day to you. I’m Officer Jenny. I heard a suspicious person was in the area. Did you see which way they went?” the policewoman introduced herself as she dismounted her bike.

    Suspicious person?’ Josephine thought quickly. ‘The only person I’ve seen is that Jin guy…’

    “I’m just a beginner trainer, but I did see an Asian man. I defeated him in a Pokémon battle,” she replied, pointing behind her in the direction of Pallet. Hopping back onto her bike, Jenny paused and asked for the teenager’s name. Josephine readily gave her name to the policewoman, who thanked her and sped off, the Houndoom following close behind.

    Half an hour later, Jin was standing in a base hidden by thick undergrowth in a clearing; the base was just one of many owned by Eternity. It was an old, timeworn factory; its old red brick façade was crumbling, with poison ivy growing at least halfway up the walls. Parked off to the side was a green Holden Commodore Executive series two.

    Jin was facing a man who had his back turned to him. He hastily thought of an apology, and was about to speak when the figure turned towards him.

    The figure was a tall man, wearing a black shirt, with a white “E” imprinted on its left pocket, and black trousers. He had long, flowing blonde colored hair; two locks of which came down on either side of his face and the fringe just above his eyes, with the rest going down to around his waist. His eyes were kind of reddish-brown and he had on a pair of long black boots. His right hand fiddled with a Pokéball on his Pokébelt as he addressed Jin, glaring at him at the same time.

    “The leader will not be happy when she discovers that you have let the team down…”

    “Please give second chance, Dave. I need to be part of Eternity. I need revenge!!” Jin replied.

    Dave sighed, answering with, “You’re in luck. Belčn has called a meeting that is to take place very soon. And while you’re at it, I’m an Admin, remember? You will address me properly next time, won’t you?”

    “My apology,” Jin responded.

    “Fine, fine. Just go and get ready for the meeting,” Dave snapped.

    In the main office, the leader was sitting in a comfortable leather computer chair, waiting for all of the Admins to arrive. The woman was a tall individual, who had too high an opinion of herself, with bright red hair. Covering her upper body was a military-style suit, a thin black belt was fixed in place on top of her leather trousers and her expensive black boots perfectly matched her suit. Around her neck was a beautiful, and very pricy, diamond necklace. While she waited for her subordinates to arrive, her fingers tapped the work desk and she proceeded to place one leg over the other.

    As a group, the Admins arrived, with Jin following by himself. Like Dave, the other Admins were wearing black shirts and trousers and long black boots. Belčn peered at each one and was surprised when her eyes came to rest on Jin.

    “WHAT is HE doing here?!” By the tone of her raised voice, it was clearly obvious she didn’t want him to participate in the meeting.

    The sound of a throat being cleared was heard, and Belčn whipped her head in that direction. “YOU?!”

    “It was me, your leadership. He asked me for a second chance…” Dave got no further.

    “SECOND chance?! Why?!”

    “…” Dave hesitated. “He failed to beat a Pokémon trainer. In asking for a second chance, he desires revenge for his loss.”

    Belčn was silent as she considered this information. ‘Here’s Jin, not even a member, but merely just a random person affiliated with my team, asking for a second chance. If I were to grant him the revenge he obviously needs as a morale booster, what will my subordinates think of me?

    But she would have to think about that at another time, because the meeting was due to start.

    She cleared her throat. “As you are all very much aware, I am Belčn Cassae Stalag, the leader of Eternity. Let me pose a few questions to all of you. Why does Eternity exist? What are our goals, our purposes?”

    Another Admin, by the name of Andrew, spoke up. “We have become increasingly aware of Team Rocket’s criminal activities; for example, the ongoing illegal Pokémon cloning and the related kidnapping of a trainer’s father. We aim to stop the cloning and free the man, while undermining Team Rocket at the same time.”

    Folding her arms across her chest, Belčn appeared to be satisfied, but then a thought came to her. “And what if Team Rocket becomes aware of our activities before our plans are complete?”

    “Well,” Dave began, “we’ll just have to fight them to the bitter end.”

    “If that opportunity were to arise, has everyone got their Pokémon on them at all times?” Belčn seemed to be hinting at a possible confrontation.

    “Yes, boss!” the Admins gave their leader an affirmative answer.

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