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Thread: The Gems Of Sinnoh (Multishipping,PG-13)

  1. #1
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    Post The Gems Of Sinnoh (Multishipping,PG-13)

    Hey Er...well,this is my fanfic,Gems of Sinnoh.(You'll see why it's called that later.)
    Summary-Weeeeeelllllll,it's about Team Galactic coming back to power,and everyone must come together in order to defeat Cyrus. A lot....I mean a lot of character deaths, so you have been warned.

    These are the shippings:
    Ikarishipping, Contestshipping, Pokeshipping. Later might be Questshipping, GaryxOC
    Minor:Ash shippings(Pearl,Advance,Coma etc.)...and Yellowshipping If I give away any more, it will ruin the story, so yh.

    Here is the FF link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4047196/...Gems_of_Sinnoh

    Anyway this is my first time writing a fanfic here, so go easy and please don't kill me!! If you think I can make it better, please tell me what the problem is and I hope you enjoy reading.

    Prolouge~

    The fallen leaves rustled on the moonlit floor as a young man walked through the woods. He was about twenty years old, and his red hair was unusually long. He adjusted his reddish-brown hard hat, sat on a flat rock and let out a deep sigh.

    “It’s been a long time,” Roark muttered.

    Three years since Elite Four Aaron was shot dead.

    Three years since Maylene was permanently paralyzed.

    Three years since Team Galactic took over, only too fall to the hands of a rookie co-ordinator: Dawn.

    He could hardly believe it himself, that a beginning trainer could defeat Pokemon gods rumored to have created the universe. Then again, she had the help of the god of emotion, Mesprit.

    Roark stared up at the moon, full and bright, with the stars blinking around it. He remembered so many people…Ash…Dawn…Paul…Brock…Gardenia…and of course, Cynthia.

    Arg…Up to now, his father still treated him like a child. Riley was younger, but got treated better, even. And he was twenty years old and engaged, too!

    When Team Galactic conquered Sinnoh, everyone pitched in to help, even people from other regions: Misty, May, Max, Brock’s 9 siblings, Casey, Gary, Marina, Jimmy, even Team Rocket.

    He wondered what everyone was doing now. Ash had gone into the Pokemon League recently with Paul, Jimmy and Kohei, and Dawn was going to enter the Grand Festival. Along with Zoey, May and Marina.

    He looked at his surroundings one last time. He loved coming here when he was a child. It was so beautiful at night. The trees glowed silver and the grass glittered with dew. He knew nothing about poetry, but he was sure this was it.

    Somewhere in the distance, he heard a clock’s chime; it was eleven already? That was his curfew time, but his father must be worried by now (Again…why did his father treat him like a baby?)

    But as he got up to leave, two strong hands grabbed his neck and slipped a piece of rope around it!

    “What the-” The rope pulled, and his flailing body was lifted off the ground. He kicked his legs frantically and grasped the rope around his neck, but it was too late.

    “You!!” he screamed, “who are you?” He shouted at the figure standing below him. Suddenly he felt a burning sensation in his chest, as his lungs begged for air and intense pain engulfed his body.

    “Huh, funny you should ask, Roark,” the shadowy figure sneered,” I think we’ve met before.” The person pulled off the hood, and Roark’s eyes widened in surprise. Could it be? He thought this person was finished for good!

    The unknown grunt cut the rope, and the Oreburgh Gym Leader fell to the ground, dead.

    Hunter J walked away from the scene, smirking, her job done.

    __________________________________________

    Whadja think? And I say again...Please don't kill me!!!(especially Roark fans)I know it was short....I promise I'll make it longer next time if there is a next time....
    If I broke the rules I am so Ultra Mega Sorry!!!!
    Last edited by ~FireLeaf~; 30th July 2008 at 2:00 AM.


    ~You’ve stripped me down, the layers fall like rain...
    ~It’s over now, just Innocence and Instinct still remain...


    Take it all Away....


  2. #2
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    ...Quite frankly, I was surprised. As I began reading, I thought this was written by someone new to writing, someone with tons of dialogue and no description, where there was no tension and things 'just happened.' But for a prologue, this little piece of work was quite good, though I think you should explain more about the people Roark is mentioning, and keep out the parenthesis. I felt May's quote killed the mood, and it took me about a minute to figure out who she meant.

    He knew nothing about poetry, but he was sure this was it.
    This is probably my favorite part. I just smiled when I read it, and it's quite difficult to get an emotional response out of me, so good job on that. A suggestion, I felt it was a bit unclear as to where the rope came from. I mean, yeah, J, but it kind of felt like the rope was just hanging in mid-air suspending Roark, and not attached to a tree branch or whatever. Oh, here's something! 'The unknown grunt'!
    ...
    Was a Galactic grunt sitting on the branch, waiting for the signal to cut the rope? Again, you should work on clarity a bit more, and as a little note, 'floor', I think, should be 'ground'. To my knowledge there aren't any tiles in the woods. It is rare to see a fiction concerning Team Galactic, and I'm a big fan of them, so if you need any help with getting their characterizations from the games or whatever I can help. If you continue this story, I'll be sure to give my comments on every chapter.

  3. #3
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    :O that was good! You could've paragraphed a bit more. Umm....isn't the rating a bit low for deaths...correct me if I'm wrong. I will be back!!

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    Cool. Please, please, let Team Galactic win...
    I really hate those Signature Rules ;_;

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    Heh,thanks for the support.I really was expecting an angry mob yelling at me for bad,bad bad quality...but I guess you get that fear from a teacher who beats you with a big metal ruler for missing a comma

    Okay, here's the second chapter.Now no riots...




    ~CHAPTER 1~


    Cynthia’s eyes widened as she looked at the news on T.V. She was amazed, and couldn’t believe her eyes or her ears as she listened attentively to what the reporter had to say.

    “This is a breaking news story…a body has been found on Route #207…has a twisted neck and a rope around it…believed to have been suicide of hanging himself…identified as Roark, Leader of the Oreburgh Gym.”

    Her face paled as she stared at the screen, even when it went back to the cooking show she had been watching earlier. Suddenly she got up and started to pace. Why would Roark be so damn stupid to hang himself?

    Anger? Depression? Stress? Different thoughts raced through her mind as she tore through her blond hair. She knew, in her mind, that this was not suicide.

    “First Aaron, then Maylene, now Roark…what more can happen in three years?” she whispered, panicking. She pulled off one of her black gloves and examined the ugly scars stretched all over her left hand. A Team Galactic grunt had poured acid on it while she was trying to protect Maylene.

    Oh, no…she could only imagine what Byron would say upon hearing of his only son’s death. Volkner and Candice wouldn’t be too happy either. Gardenia…oh, poor, poor Gardenia was Roark’s new fiancé. She’d be heartbroken.

    Cynthia worried the most about Dawn. She knew Cyrus, and he was not the type of man who went down and stayed down.

    Wow…her mind meditated on all the deaths that had been taking place. Why so many? Was Team Galactic back and plotting revenge?

    Well, if that was the case, Dawn had better watch her back.
    _______________________________________

    “Man, I can’t wait to battle Macey!!” Ash hollered in a hyper Pikachu’s ear.

    Dawn watched in amusement as her friend Ash jumped up and down the battle field. It was finally here, what he had been waiting so long for: The Sinnoh League. Now it was the second-to-last round, and he had a tough battle with his old Hoenn friend, Morrison. All he needed to do was defeat Macey, a rival from Johto, and it was on to the finals for Ash.

    But they were waiting forever for her to turn up!

    “What a pathetic loser…” Paul muttered from next to her. Darkrai knows how anyone can put up with him and not go nuts. Apparently he thought the same of her, too.

    “Ha,” she teased, “you’re just grumpy because Conway beat you.”

    He faced her with fury clear in his eyes. He didn’t like Conway; not one bit.

    “Look,” he seethed, while she giggled, “you mention that demon one more time and I…”

    “Who wants popcorn?” Zoey interrupted. Misty, a born popcorn lover, pushed and shoved everyone out of their seats to get a handful.

    “Fo, ary firj o mufee ref?” Misty asked, popcorn spilling out of her mouth.

    “What?”

    Misty swallowed her popcorn. “I said,: any sign of Macey yet?”

    Dawn shook her head. “Not yet.”

    Gary groaned. “Oh, man, when is that feisty chick ever gonna show up? It’s been over two hours!” He put his empty popcorn bucket over his head and yelled his anger.

    Casey pointed over to the stands. “But hey, look! Someone’s coming!!”

    Casey was right. Macey was coming out at last.

    Only it wasn’t Macey.

    It was Morrison.

    Dawn suddenly felt Paul tense.

    “This doesn’t look good…” he whispered.

    Morrison patted the crying Vulpix on his shoulder. He then drew in a shaky breath and began to speak.

    “Macey cannot attend this battle, or this tournament. Not any tournament for that matter…not now, not ever…”

    Ash stood rigid and pale. All of a sudden, Officer Jenny spoke up. “Why not? What happened?” she demanded.

    “Because…because…” Morrison stammered.

    “Speak up!” someone from the crowd shouted angrily.

    “Because…” Morrison took a deep breath and shouted:

    “Macey is dead!”


    ______________________________

    Heh heh heh...*runs screaming bloody murder from Macey fans*
    I really tried my best to put in a lot of paragraghs.I just can't do that without putting a big load of junk fillers.
    See ya~
    Last edited by ~FireLeaf~; 22nd August 2008 at 11:30 PM.


    ~You’ve stripped me down, the layers fall like rain...
    ~It’s over now, just Innocence and Instinct still remain...


    Take it all Away....


  6. #6
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    Haha, I loved the transition between Cynthia and Ash. Such a blunt mood switch. I liked Misty's way of getting popcorn, just bowling everybody out of their seats, and Gary's way of dealing with impatience...but now it's starting to seem like you're trying to cram everyone into the story. I think you need to narrow down the number of characters, because it seems like they're popping up out of nowhere. I don't think Paul would willingly speak to or be near Dawn. I still think you should work on explaining more about the Sinnoh League and why everyone is there apparently in the same spot, but I could just be overlooking something. Not as impactful as your prologue, but the first chapter was...okay.

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    To tell you the truth, I came in here out of the usual "patroling", but your story actually hooked me in and I read both chapters. ^^; Good job on that! XD
    I must say, you have a knack for thought processes, especially Cynthia's at the beginning of the first chapter. Very engaging for the reader. =O I also like the amount of detail that you add in about the characters. I'm glad you're one of those writers who don't take into consideration that we know these characters already - it's just better reading when there are sufficient details. =) You know? lol @ my rant

    Anyway, though your writing is good, I must warn about your length. Just make sure your chapters are over a page long, as it's difficult to see the difference and I'd hate to infract for no reason. ^^; (And please, if there is more than 1 ship, list them in your first post! ;;!) Also, there were a few grammatical errors that you should become aware of so that you can spot them in the future, such as:
    a body has been found in Route #207
    found on
    It's just things like that that can be found with another revision.
    Afterward, I agree with Aaron fan - after Cynthia's thoughts, it seemed a bit rushed. Do not be afraid to make your chapters long. With an engaging mystery such as this, it won't be boring. =)
    Anyway, keep at it, you're doing a good job. ^^
    Encyclopika's Fic of the Moment:

    Status: Chaptered | R | Contestshipping | Finished

    Encyclopika:
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    Is on Fanfiction.net.
    Need a moveset for a specific Pokemon for a specific contest? PM me!
    Don't reply to my infractions. It's not gonna change anything.

    Random friend requests do nothing. Let's actually talk first. >_<

  8. #8
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    Encyclopika, you should delete one of your posts,(you probably have done so by the time you read this) but...

    This is fantastic! So much suspense and the Gym Leaders are going down one by one. <<screeches>> this is awesome. Have you got a PM List? If so, I request a place!!

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    Thanks I'll follow your advice, evryone.

    Here's the next chap enjoy

    ~CHAPTER 2~
    “Don’t worry ‘bout a thing, ‘cause every little thing is gonna be all right.” – Bob Marley

    “Macey is dead!”

    The crowd hushed, and the entire stadium was silent for a moment. Then shocked cries
    erupted from them as they whispered anxiously to each other.

    Dawn, Zoey and Paul exchanged frightened looks.

    Misty choked on her popcorn, and Gary took the bucket off his head with a blank but pale look on his face.

    Higher in the stands, Delia Ketchum let out a faint moan and fainted in Prof. Oak’s arms. He blushed and glanced from left to right, not knowing what to do with the unconscious woman. Casey took off her Electabuzz hat and slowly placed it to her chest.

    Ash felt dizzy. D-dead? No...not dead...not dead...

    Coming out of her shock, Officer Jenny spoke up above the crowd’s murmurs. “How did this happen?” she demanded.

    Morrison shivered slightly, and continued.

    “ W-well, I n-noticed that Macey wasn’t c-coming out to the field, s-so I went up to her room t-t-to see if she was okay, b-b-but Macey...” he was too scared of what he saw to continue.

    ________________________________________

    The police officers questioned Morrison and examined Macey’s room. Dawn caught a glimpse of them carrying out her body; it was chopped up and smeared with blood. She quickly turned her head away: no wonder Morrison was so scared.

    “H-hey! Dawn! Wait up!” Zoey called out, still shaky from the whole incident.

    Dawn’s mind was full. Who was the next to go down? Would it be Ash or Brock? Or could it be Zoey? What if...what if it was Paul? She shuddered at the thought of an evil-looking, red-eyed figure strutting away gleefully from his bloody, tattered body.

    “But Officer Jenny, what about the tournament?”

    “I’m sorry, Sara, but it will have to be cancelled until we get to the bottom of this.”

    Dawn turned her head swiftly toward a pleading voice at the stands.

    A girl about fifteen years age stood there with her hands on her hips. She wore an orange tube top with a Rayquaza design and decorated with flames. She also had on jeans with a starry design, a backwards red cap and spiky black gloves. The Espeon next to her wore a blue burette on its tail. The girl, Sara, shook her bushy brown hair in frustration.

    “But Jen...”

    “No, Sara. The show can’t go on this time.” Jenny walked away, ignoring whatever protests she had to say. Sara bowed her head, defeated.

    Dawn and Zoey exchanged glances and ran over to the girl.

    “Hey, what was that all about?”

    Sara turned to her with a distressed look. “I’m one of the finalists. I was supposed to be facing either Macey or that Ketchum dude, but now poor Macey’s gone and I wasted a year of working my butt off.” Sara’s face fell suddenly. “But I guess I shouldn’t be talking about Macey like that, should I?”

    “Yea,” Zoey said. “Poor Macey…”

    Dawn felt tears in her eyes at Macey’s mention. She remembered Aaron and Roark…

    “Dawn?” Zoey asked. “Are you okay?”

    She turned to her with her eyes pools of distress.

    “Why are these things happening?” she moaned.

    __________________________________________
    Dawn looked around in confusion. She had just awakened to find herself in the middle of Eterna Forest…wearing her contest dress.

    “Hello? Ash? Zoey? Anybody??” she called out as she dashed through the thick woods. Her feet were bare, and hurt badly from the hard pebbles, twigs and pieces of trash strewn across the ground. All of a sudden, a Murkrow cawed nearby, and she screamed in fear and surprise. A branch, wet from the rain, shook in the wind and a cascade of water droplets fell on the poor girl. She slipped and fell into a puddle of mud, and she let out a soft moan.

    “Uhhhhh…..” Rocks and sharp blades of grass cut her milky white skin. She was dirty and muddy, and her hair was now an ugly blue mop on her head. She stated to sob; she was all alone here.

    “Anybody…?”

    “Nobody’s here.”

    That voice…she thought she’d never hear that again.

    She whirled around in bewilderment, and her eyes became sapphire spheres of shock when she saw the starry figure standing on a mossy rock.

    “R-Roark?” she stammered. She couldn’t believe her eyes. He was dead!

    “Come closer, Dawn,” he whispered. “I have something to tell you.”

    Shivering with awe, Dawn came up close to the Moss Rock.

    “I’m listening.”

    “There’s going to be a lot of trouble.”

    She looked at him, fear in her eyes. “But…what trouble? What’s gonna happen?”

    He took a deep breath and spoke in a mystical voice:

    “Darkness and death will be forced to overcome the power of the full moon. Diamond and pearl must unite in battle when all gems become one and shine brighter than blood.”

    “WHAT???” Dawn screeched. “What is THAT supposed to mean?”

    “It will all be made clear in time,” he said, his voice strangely echoing as though he was in a wide cave. His shape began to fade, and the starlight around him began to grow dim.

    “W-wait! Don’t go!”

    “I have to go, I promised to help Ash train today. What do you want?”

    Dawn’s eyes shot open. Brock stood over her, with a puzzled expression on his face.

    “Is everything all right, Dawn?” he asked, bemused. “Do you want me to tell Ash that I can’t come?”

    “No…no, I’m all right, Brock,” she said, and he left, shaking his head.

    What did that prophecy mean? Darkness and death…that could be bad. Diamond and pearl must unite…Cynthia might know…all gems will become one? What did that mean?

    Whatever the prophecy meant, it was not good.


    _______________________________________

    Paul tossed and turned in his sleep, as his nightmare grew worse.

    ----Flashback----

    “Mom! Dad! Where are you?” A seven-year old Paul ran through the fleeing crowd, looking for his parents with only a baby Turtwig by his side. The ground in Veilstone City was red and blood-soaked now, and flames were everywhere from Team Galactic’s bomb. When that bomb hit, although his house was destroyed along with all possessions, he and his family were safe, but he got separated from them and got lost in the many people who were rushing about.

    “Turt! ” Turtwig struggled to keep up, and dodged the flurry of feet. It already had a few bruises from where it had been kicked.

    "Mom!" he cried out, "Dad..." He suddenly looked down and stopped dead in his tracks.

    Tears rolled down his cheeks. He’d been looking for an hour. Now the city was a rocky mess, he was completely lost, and now he was looking down on two bent bodies that were originally his parents. He was now an orphan.

    A firefighter saw him and took his hand. “Come on, you’d better come with me.”

    He instinctively tried to pull away, but common sense won when he realized that there was no hope for him if he stayed. Turtwig just walked obediently by his side.

    As the city burned, Paul threw one last look at his parents and with a burst of anger and hatred,he vowed to kill Cyrus one day.

    ----End of Flashback----


    Paul woke with a start. He shook a sweaty strand of lavender-gray hair out of his face and lay back in bed.

    His face, sheet and pillow were all wet, but not from sweat. Tears were still streaming down his face.

    He realized that for the first time in years, he was crying.




    I hope it's still not too short...Okay I brought in an OC,Sara,and revealed the prophecy which is going to change the Pokemon world as we know it....0_0 although it's kind of obvious to some fans.

    Oh yeah one more thing...in later chapters there's going to be a surprise shipping, but if I told you it would ruin the story.
    I know that Team Galactic never threw a bomb in Veilstone but hey,that's why it's called fiction.I just thought I'd be a little *ahem* creative.
    Last edited by ~FireLeaf~; 11th July 2008 at 1:28 AM.


    ~You’ve stripped me down, the layers fall like rain...
    ~It’s over now, just Innocence and Instinct still remain...


    Take it all Away....


  10. #10
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    I liked this chapter, though, assuming that in your story Team Galactic is still a public organization, I kind of fail to see what completely annihilating their credibility to the public would accomplish. I'm kind of wondering how Paul knows Cyrus, though. The ending of the chapter was kind of sweet, in a bizarre way. I kind of feel bad for Sara, all that hard work going to nothing...other then that, I don't have much to say. There weren't a whole lot of surprising things in this chapter - it was more of a getting-to-know-the-characters one, which is good and all.

    I don't see how blowing up an alternate town from the one in the games (the game-wise place of their own headquarters, no less) is creative, but it's your story.

  11. #11
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    Ummm...okay maybe not creative...just..er, letting ideas in without thinking that they are highly unrealistic? remember one word:fiction!!
    I think everyone in the story would know who leads Galactic( via the ADs on TV: in the games,if you remember), but the baby Paul was the only one who saw the big G logo on the side of the bomb? (Maybe I should put that so others would know.)


    ~You’ve stripped me down, the layers fall like rain...
    ~It’s over now, just Innocence and Instinct still remain...


    Take it all Away....


  12. #12
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    OK,here's another chap but it's just,like,filling a gap in the story and a new character.Nothing BIG big.

    CHAPTER 3~
    “I like fishy crackers!!”-Cheese

    Zoey's P.O.V.


    “Glameow, use Shadow Claw!”
    My Glameow landed on its curly tail with a satisfied purr. We had been training since five o’ clock in the morning, and now it was eight. Everyone was awake of course…but Dawn and Paul were still asleep. The lazy lumps.
    Suddenly I spotted them a little way away. They looked as if they both saw a ghost.
    “Hey!” I yelled, “What’s wrong?”
    “Bad dream,” they replied in unison, and they looked at each other in bewilderment.
    I ran a hand through my red hair. What had happened in that dream? They looked really shaken up.
    Brock called out to them from behind me. “I know what’ll cheer you guys up,” he said, wearing a frilly pink apron, “I’m making blueberry pancakes. Of course, I could always give them to Ash if you don’t want it.”
    The lively glimmer returned to Dawn’s crystal blue eyes as she shouted, “Ash, keep your grubby paws off my pancakes!!”
    Paul just smirked and muttered, “Troublesome girl,” and followed her.
    “Behold the power of the pancakes. They are thou selves again.” Casey teased.
    I didn’t really care about the stupid pancake comeback. What had Dawn been dreaming about?
    ~*~*~*~

    Misty Waterflower played around with Azurill, with a certain raven-haired boy on her mind. He was on her mind nearly all the time now.
    She had loved Ash since eight years ago, when he…er…stole her bike and deep fried it. Not the best beginning to a fluffy romance book, but it was the journey with him through Kanto and Johto that set her heart on fire.
    “Misty?!” a squeaky voice exclaimed, “Is that really you?”
    Misty turned around in confusion, and her aqua eyes widened in shock as they met a pair of blue ones.
    “Richie?”

    ~*~*~*~

    “NURSE JOY!!!” Brock Harrison began running as if in a dream towards a very scared, red haired nurse, whose permanent smile quickly dissolved. And Brock…
    Would have made it if it weren’t for his trusty Croagunk jabbing his side.
    “Croaoaoa….” Croagunk chuckled as it dragged away a depressed Brock, leaving six trainers sweat dropping nervously.
    “Er…does this happen often?” Paul asked.
    “Yes!” Ash sighed.
    Dawn suddenly spotted a stack of flyers on Nurse Joy’s counter. “Hm? What’s this?” Her eyes widened as she read the flyer.
    “Oh my Arceus, guys, look! It’s a contest!”
    “A contest?” Zoey asked, snatching the flyer away from her. “One month before the Grand Festival? Nuh-uh. No way we can manage this.”
    Dawn shrugged. “A contest is a contest, Zoey,” she took the flyer back and held it up. “Can you not resist?” she teased.
    Zoey put her hands on her hips. “Why enter? We already have five ribbons,” she pointed out, “and we have to train.”
    “And what better training than a real contest?” Dawn clasped her hands in a pleading gesture. “Please, Zoey? You can enter too. Please?”
    There was a flash of defiance in Zoey’s brown eyes, but also a hint of hunger too as she gazed at the flyer. Zoey wanted to enter, she couldn’t deny it.
    “Alright,” she finally said, “Let’s do it.”

    ~*~*~*~

    “Misty! It is you!” Richie said with delight.
    “Yeah but…what are you doing here?”
    “I came to see the contest. My sister’s entering.”
    Misty looked puzzled. “Contest? SISTER??”
    “Oh…” Richie dipped his head. “There’s a contest coming up tomorrow before the Grand Festival, and anyone can enter. My sister challenges the Gyms, but she’s trying out a contest, just for kicks.” He paused. “So where’s Ash?”
    Misty thought for a while. Ash and the others would be at the Pokemon center.
    “Just follow me,” she said, and made way toward the Pokemon center, Sparky the Pikachu trailing behind.



    Sorry it's so **** boring, but I had to fill up the gap for stuff somehow...


    ~You’ve stripped me down, the layers fall like rain...
    ~It’s over now, just Innocence and Instinct still remain...


    Take it all Away....


  13. #13
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    Smile Review!

    Now this is gonna be a good fic. I can sense it. Good plot, good description and a subtle tone of darkness in their daily lives! Put me on the PM list, please!

    This is getting added to my Hot Fics of the Moment!
    New pic coming soon.

    Quote Originally Posted by Red
    "You have an allergy to me too!"
    Shows that love in Pokemon (or anywhere) has ups, downs and pits.

    I've been away to think, and I've come back a more mature human being.(I think...)

    R.I.P Michael Jackson. It's one year on, and the world still misses you.

    .

  14. #14
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    CHAPTER 4~
    “Why walk when you can climb?”-Richie Hiroshi


    “No…help them…” Paul muttered in his sleep.

    He was in the middle of some sort of crushed arena. A dreadful noise burst out and he
    tensed…it was the terrified screams of many people and pokemon, along with several
    gunshots.

    Soon the smooth floor of the arena was splattered in blood, light gray against the red. He just stood rooted to the spot in sheer horror as he watched everyone die. Macey stood next to him, watching what was happening.

    Paul turned to her. “What’s happening? Why can’t you help them? Why can’t you save them?”

    Macey’s eyes were brimming with sorrow. “There is nothing we can do…I’m sorry,” she said. “It is all up to you.”

    He stood there, wondering what she meant by ‘It is all up to you’, when a cry of anger and agony rang through the air, setting his hair on end.

    Dawn!


    “Paul! Get up, you lazy butthead!”

    He blinked and found himself staring straight up at Dawn, but she wasn’t in fear like in his dream; more like annoyed.

    “You fell asleep,” she explained in a sharp tone. “Was my appeal that boring?”
    It all came back to him now. Dawn had dragged him out to judge her appeal for an upcoming contest, but he soon got drowsy from the heat and fell asleep.

    “Whatever,” he murmured, “can't you do it again?”

    Piplup and Buneary both grimaced; Paul suspected it was difficult to do the appeal perfectly.

    Dawn put on a tired look. “Fine,” she muttered, “but don’t take a nap this time.”

    Paul watched her appeal, and tried to think of that instead of the horrible vision he just had.

    …Vision?

    Did that mean that the gory moment was one from the future?

    _______________________________________________

    “Piplup use Whirlpool!”

    “Pip…lup!” Piplup glowed as it shot a twister of water out of its beak. Paul was strangely impressed; she had gotten a lot stronger.

    “Now Buneary, use Ice Beam!”

    A freezing blue ray hit the whirlpool and froze it to the ground, and the two skated around on the big ice cone, Piplup using Bubblebeam in the air and Buneary using Swift.

    “Yes! Yes!” Dawn cried, “That’s beautiful! Keep it up!”

    Suddenly a voice rang out from behind her, “Hmmm… guess I’ll have to work harder on my appeal, if I wanna beat you, Dawn.”

    Dawn turned swiftly around and Paul raised his head. Her eyes widened.

    “Sara!”

    “Yup, it’s me,” Sara strode over to her, with Espeon and a Furret. “So are you entering with a Piplup and a Buneary? They do look pretty strong.”

    “Eheheheh…” Dawn blushed, flattered. “Are you entering?”

    Sara looked down at her Espeon and Furret. “Jewel’s a good hand with Psychic, and Laura knows some moves that normal Furrets wouldn’t know, so I think we might have a chance.”

    “Jewel and Laura…nicknames…” Dawn pondered on them as she pulled out her Pokedex to look up Laura’s species:

    “Furret: The Long Body Pokemon and the evolved form of Sentret. The mother puts offspring to sleep by curling up around them. It corners foes with speed.”

    Dawn observed Laura’s long, slender body. She wondered, though, how it could be so fast on such short legs. “It’s so cute!”

    Sara’s eyes turned and gestured towards Paul. “Hey! You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend!”

    Paul, hearing this, coughed loudly. Boyfriend?

    Piplup and Buneary laughed so hard that it hurt. Paul? Dawn’s boyfriend? It was hilarious!

    Dawn’s blue eyes became large circles as her face turned a deep shade of red. “B-b-boyfriend?” she stammered. “No way! Paul is NOT my boyfriend!”

    Sara smirked. “Riiiight…”

    Paul narrowed his eyes at her, then turned to Dawn. “You know, we should be heading back now.”

    Dawn nodded. “Yeah. Hey, Sara, do you want to come with us?”


    ___________________________________________

    “Richie!”

    Ash proceeded to crush his friend from Kanto in a heartwarming hug.

    “Nice to *gak* see you too,” Richie managed to cough up a sentence, but Ash was practically squeezing the air out of him.

    “Ash! You’re crushing that boy to death!” Dawn said in mock despair.

    Dawn and Paul appeared through the door, Sara following. Gary’s mouth nearly dropped at Sara. Man, she was hot! No…don’t think that…a voice said in his head. DO NOT THINK BAD THINGS…

    “Oh, Dawn, Paul, this is Richie. Richie…” Ash trailed off, seeing that his attention was elsewhere.

    Richie’s eyes were glued on Sara, and Sara stared back at him.

    Suddenly she let out a high pitched squeal and embraced him affectionately as he hugged her back.
    For a heartbeat, Gary felt jealous fury sweep through him…when she actually kissed him on the cheek!

    Richie, sensing the shock in everyone, turned to them. “Everyone, this is my sister, Sara!”

    That made everyone even more shocked! Gary was suddenly feeling relieved…wait, why did it matter that Sara was his sister and not his girlfriend?

    “Wait…SHE’S your sister?” Misty exclaimed.

    “You have a sister?” Ash asked.

    “Yeah and yeah.” He let out an awkward chuckle, half amused, half embarrassed. “Hard to believe, isn’t it? After all, we look nothing alike.”


    Paul, being the anti-social type, stayed away and didn’t say a word when suddenly a menacing voice said in his head:

    “Darkness and death shall be forced to overcome the power of the full moon. Diamond and pearl must unite in battle when all gems become one and shine brighter than blood.”

    The voice ended, and Paul clutched his head as if he had a bad headache.

    What was that?


    Next chapter has the contest!!A lot of new characters there...
    Last edited by ~FireLeaf~; 11th July 2008 at 1:33 AM.


    ~You’ve stripped me down, the layers fall like rain...
    ~It’s over now, just Innocence and Instinct still remain...


    Take it all Away....


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    I liked this chapter quite a bit, but I still don't get if Sara is your character or a character from the anime or manga. Anyway, I thought Paul's daydream was short and graphic, which was good --- you didn't explain it, but it left enough of an impression to take note of and worry about. Nice transition out of the dream, by the way. I enjoyed Dawn's anger, but I can't exactly figure out why Paul would agree to watch her appeal. He doesn't seem like a Contest sort of guy, but the whole voice-in-his-head thing just about ruined the chapter for me, I'm sorry to say. I just find that too...stupid, elementary, almost a cliché. :\

    I didn't review chapter 3 simply because I had absolutely nothing to say about it. It was boring. Too much talk. Not a lot happened.

  16. #16
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    Smile

    Aaron fan, you haven't heard of Sara? She's in the Pokemon Chronicles ep where Misty makes those badges! She even makes some herself!

    Anyway, you're keeping up the good work, FireLeaf! I see some shipping... (GaryxSara, I can't remember the name.)
    New pic coming soon.

    Quote Originally Posted by Red
    "You have an allergy to me too!"
    Shows that love in Pokemon (or anywhere) has ups, downs and pits.

    I've been away to think, and I've come back a more mature human being.(I think...)

    R.I.P Michael Jackson. It's one year on, and the world still misses you.

    .

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by JB239874 View Post
    Aaron fan, you haven't heard of Sara? She's in the Pokemon Chronicles ep where Misty makes those badges! She even makes some herself!
    I don't watch the show that much, much less the specials.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aaron_fan View Post
    I don't watch the show that much, much less the specials.
    That makes two of us, actually.
    I really hate those Signature Rules ;_;

  19. #19
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    I saw that episode, but no mention of a character names Sara, unless you mean that Espeon girl Trainer that Ash, Misty and Brock met in Johto, but I know her name isn't Sara...

    Member of the Pokemon Adventures Fanclub!

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    Aaron fan, you haven't heard of Sara? She's in the Pokemon Chronicles ep where Misty makes those badges! She even makes some herself!
    ...No.That's Sakura,she doesn't nickname her pokemon and is definetely not Richie's sister and...
    but I still don't get if Sara is your character or a character from the anime or manga.
    Umm...okay,to tell the truth, Sara is based on the Fr/Lg girl character,except she has an extreme makeover.
    And I won't be posting any chaps for a while because of school projects,school concerts and other school stuff;so don't expect anything soon. In a few weeks, maybe.


    ~You’ve stripped me down, the layers fall like rain...
    ~It’s over now, just Innocence and Instinct still remain...


    Take it all Away....


  21. #21
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    Okay,here's the next chapter...now that school's starting back, I'm not on the internet as often and I'm...er...getting a bit lazy lol

    CHAPTER 5~
    “Sit and we will talk. But don’t try to leave, unless you want to lose your ears.”-Talon of Swooping Eagle

    “Wow, this place looks huge!” Dawn cried out.

    Everyone gazed in awe at the enormous size of the Ribbon Syndicate. Recently, they found out that the contest that Dawn and Sara wanted to enter was an annual contest held.

    “No wonder it was so close to the Grand Festival!” Zoey had said.

    “This is a pretty high class place,” Sara remarked once they were inside, and had already signed up. “For a normal contest, this place looks better than the Grand Festival arena!”

    “I know,” Dawn sighed. “It’s all about Ribbons! I could live here!”

    Zoey giggled. “You’ve got that right, Dawn.” Suddenly an annoyed voice rang out.

    “DREW!!! What do you mean, I look fat?”

    “Please…you look like a Snorlax who went to four buffets in a row.”

    Zoey, Dawn and Sara turned around and caught sight of a brunette, dressed entirely in red, yelling at a handsome green haired boy. Sara cocked her head in confusion.

    “Hey! I know those guys! They were on Coordinators Xtra magazine!”

    The brunette wore an angry face, as she glared angrily at the boy, who didn’t look like he cared one bit. It reminded Dawn of that time in Oreburgh City when Paul couldn’t remember her name. She wondered if he still remembered. Hmm…probably not.

    “MAY???!” Dawn jumped in surprise as a voice rang out behind her.

    Ash stood a distance away, gazing at the quarreling couple with wide eyes. The brunette froze.

    “Ash!” May cried out in surprise, and the green haired boy had a sour expression. She ran over to him in joy and hugged him tightly. “I haven’t seen you in such a long time!”

    She bent down and stroked Pikachu lovingly. “Hey, Pikachu.”

    “Hey, I thought I heard…” Brock came into the room, and stopped dead in surprise. “May! It was you!”

    “Brock! You’re here too?” May embraced him, a little more gently, with glowing eyes. “I missed you guys so much. What are you doing here?”

    Ash smiled. “We missed you too.” His eyes flashed, as though his words meant more than it seemed. “Some of our friends wanted to participate in the contest here. Come over here and meet May and Drew, guys!” he said to the three girls, who were as confused as ever.

    Dawn shook hands (she knew it was incredibly nerdy) with Drew and May shyly. Zoey just came out with a simple hello, and Sara didn’t speak at all; she just nodded curtly.

    “So,” May said mischievously, “have you guys heard about the contest ball?”

    “A ball? Like a basketball?” Ash asked, and Drew snorted impatiently.

    “No, idiot,” he smirked, knowing how clueless Ash was, “a ball as in a dance.”

    Dawn froze. A dance? Huh? The flyer didn’t say anything about a dance!

    “A dance? Well, that’s a waste of time, those people could be training or something! They can't get distracted like that!” Sara said.

    Zoey narrowed her eyes slyly. “What? Are you giving up a chance to dance with the boy of your dreams?”

    Sara glared at her. “I have no interest whatsoever in men. They’re all the same; all idiots.”

    “Hey!” Brock, Ash and Drew yelled in unison, while Sara smirked and Dawn and Zoey laughed.

    This was going to be a long, long time here.

    __________________________________________

    “Maylene?” Mira opened the hospital room door, and found the Veilstone Gym Leader lying there on the bed.

    “Oh…Mira? Is that you? Come here.”

    Mira stepped closer to the paralyzed, pink haired girl and trembled. She wondered what it was like to be stuck in a hospital room for 3 years straight, with nothing to do but read boring newspapers and listen to nothing but nurses’ childbirth stories.

    “Hey, Maylene, how are you?” she asked shyly.

    Maylene glanced at her Lucario, who was snoozing in a corner, and looked back at Mira, smiling. “Fine.”

    A huge grin swept over Mira’s face, anticipating the excitement of whatever she was about to say. “Guess what?”

    “What?”

    Mira stood on her toes. “I got into the Battle Tower finals!”

    The Gym Leader raised her eyebrows. “Wow, really?” she closed her eyes. “That’s great.”

    Maylene was incredibly weak after surgery after surgery; her family was nearly bankrupt after spending so much money to heal Maylene’s paralysis. Yet in the end, it was all in vain, and the poor girl got even weaker.

    Mira knew she was getting worse. Every time she looked at one of the nurses, they cast their heads down, not willing to meet her gaze. Maylene was closing her eyes for longer and longer moments now, and she noticed there were three more beeping monitors in the room today.

    “I mean…you will be able to come to the finals, right?”

    Maylene met her gaze with pink eyes filled with regret. “I’m sorry; I can’t.”

    “WHAT?!” Mira practically screeched, her eyes starting to fill with tears. “But…but…b-b-but you promised!”
    “I’m sorry…I can’t go anywhere. It’s…my time now. Tell Reiji I said bye.”

    Lucario was awake by now, from Mira’s cries, and just stood frozen there in shock.

    “No!” Mira’s eyes widened in horror. “Don’t say that!”

    “I’m so, so sorry…” Maylene stiffened all of a sudden, and looked up to the ceiling with a mystified expression. “…Mother? Is that you? I’m ready.”

    “No…No! Maylene!” Mira shouted, once she realized what was happening. “SISTER!! Don’t die!” It was too soon, all too soon!

    “I’ll see you in about 80 years, my dear sister.” The Fighting type Gym Leader shuddered once, and then she was still and did not move again.

    Mira murmured her name, but it was too late. Maylene was dead.

    Mira felt no pain, strangely, but her cheeks were wet, and taking a deep breath, she looked at Lucario, whose eyes became puffy, and she forced herself to turn away.

    She felt as if she was going to be sick, and she didn’t want to do it in the hospital.

    However,as soon as the automatic doors closed behind her, and she was outside, she burst into a fit of crying and gazed up at the sky.

    Oh, Giratina, why did you have to take her already?


    Eh, I'm pretty lazy,no?
    Last edited by ~FireLeaf~; 11th July 2008 at 1:40 AM.


    ~You’ve stripped me down, the layers fall like rain...
    ~It’s over now, just Innocence and Instinct still remain...


    Take it all Away....


  22. #22
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    This chapter was pretty good. Maylene's death was written well, though it seemed a little too abrupt (so we meet her in the story and she just dies?), and the whole last-words thing has become a bit...I dunno...contrived to me over the years. I still think you're trying to shove in as many anime characters as possible into the story, when really you should just be focusing on a few. It's still moving alone well, though. I really liked the "Maylene was closing her eyes for longer and longer moments now" part. That impacted me a bit.

  23. #23
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    Talking

    Thanx... actually,I wanted to say that I really appreciate you wasting your time looking at whatever junk I wrote. Thank you~




    CHAPTER 6~

    “Dawn! Wait up!” Zoey called out, trying to keep up with her, as well as May, Sara and Drew. Dawn gave no efforts to slow down, leaving poor Piplup struggling to keep up. She was so excited about the contest that she was basically bouncing up and down in the middle of the night (much to Paul’s annoyance) and now she was sprinting down the hallways, dodging everything in the way. She even nearly knocked down an old lady.

    “Sorry!” she panted, nearly flattening a coordinator and his Numel. She had to get down to the contest arena, but the Ribbon Syndicate had so many rooms that all looked the same, and the whole place was a maze of corridors.

    Dawn wore a pink frilly dress with a star design, May wore a siren red slip dress decorated with sapphire rhinestones, Zoey wore a silky olive green cargo skirt and black shirt, and Sara wore a white halter dress. They had spent hours in front of the mirror fixing their makeup and hair. As consequence, they were late.

    Very, very late.

    “Good morning, Resort Area! Welcome to the annual Belle Championnat contest of the Ribbon Syndicate!” Marian’s voice rang out from the loudspeakers.

    “We’re going to be late!” May whined like a child, causing Drew to smirk.

    “Re-lax, May,” Drew said, “there are a lot of coordinators ahead of us, so we wouldn’t have to rush. Even the most idiotic of people would have known that.”

    May growled angrily and looked as if she were about to say something, but snapped her mouth shut and just scowled in fury.

    “No time to fight, guys,” Sara called out, Jewel racing by her feet.

    Soon a crowded room came into sight; it was beautifully decorated all over with balloons, streamers, and large ribbons of all the colors of the rainbow, and the room was filled with about a hundred coordinators with their Pokemon, all watching the appeals on T.V.

    “Ohhh…look at how much people here! It’s going to take forever to get our turn of appeals!” Dawn complained, alarmed at the amount of trainers lined up.

    “You see; this is what happens when you take three hours to keep down a strand of your hair!” Sara yelled in annoyance.

    “Oh, please!” May frowned, “you would be looking like a tramp if we didn’t…”

    “Drag me to the bathroom, strip me down and nearly choke me trying to put on this dress?” Sara supplied, still annoyed.

    May kept quiet this time.

    “Oh, stop bickering, you two,” Zoey scowled, trying to watch the appeals on the television screen. “You know, you might as well watch and learn something, instead of fighting.”

    Dawn figured she was right. She tried to calm herself, paying close attention to a blue-haired trainer’s Feraligator…

    ~*~*~*~


    Cynthia ran as fast as her legs could carry her, ignoring all the usual “Hey, it’s Cynthias” she got. She needed to get to Resort Area. Fast.

    She needed to warn Dawn and Paul of the upcoming danger they were in. Team Galactic knew where they were now…and they were already on the way there. She was so foolish for misjudging Cyrus. She should have seen this coming.

    She only had time to take up her Garchomp and Milotic and rush out of her house, leaving a note saying where she had gone.

    She hastily brushed freezing crystals out of her eyes as she flew across the snow, hurrying to catch the boat at Snowpoint City. People scuttled out of her way, not willing to get knocked down. If she could only get there on time…

    The boat to Battle Area came into view, and she breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. She was going to make it.

    However, she was not happy for long.

    “What do you mean I can’t get on the boat?” she roared at the now frightened sailor, enraged.

    The sailor managed to keep a calm expression and said, “Sorry, ma’am, but the boat’s ready to leave. We’ll be back by sunset.”

    “SUNSET?! I need to get to the Resort Area NOW!!!!!”

    “Ma’am, the passengers are waiting to leave.”

    “LISTEN, YOU…”

    “What’s all this noise?” a cheerful voice said from behind her.

    Cynthia whirled around in surprise to meet the warm blue eyes of Candice, the Ice Gym Leader, who was standing there holding her pregnant stomach.

    Candice stepped up to the sailor. “Is something wrong, Sam?”

    Sam shook his head. “The boat’s about to leave, but this lady insists that she must get on the boat now.”

    Candice blinked at him. “I hope you have a safe trip, Cynthia,” she murmured, making sure that the sailor heard her. Sam the sailor looked bewildered at Candice’s response.

    “What?” he scratched his head, confused and surprised, before saluting to the two girls. “Of course…right this way, ma’am.”

    Before leaving, Cynthia whispered to Candice, “Thank you so much. And tell Volkner I said hi.”

    Staring out into the horizon, Cynthia thought of Dawn. She was the one Team Galactic was after…and she needed to protect her at all costs.


    ~*~*~*~

    “LEAFGREEN, SARA,” The monitor called out; it was Sara’s turn to appeal.
    “Guess I’m up!!” Sara said to the others, her eyes flashing. “See ya!”

    “Hey, look, there’s Sara!” Ash murmured to Richie.

    Richie’s teal eyes were glued to the stage. Knowing Sara, she would be attempting something unique and extraordinary, which made him all the more excited to see her appeal.

    “And now, here’s Sara Leafgreen from Pallet Town with her Espeon and Furret!” Marian called out as the audience clapped.

    Gary, hearing this, turned to Richie in surprise. “Huh? How come you two live in two different places and have different names if you’re both siblings?”

    Richie shrugged. “Our parents divorced, and our Sara lived with our mom. Then our mom got married.” Gary mouthed a silent “Oh” as he turned back to the stage.

    Richie felt himself smiling as he looked at his sister’s carefree expression. She was always a stronger trainer than he-or anybody-was, so why worry about
    her?

    “Trust me, Ash,” he whispered to his friend, “This will be good.”

    _____________________________________


    “I hope I can do this,” Sara whispered under her breath. “Alright; JEWEL, SWIFT! LAURA, THUNDERBOLT! You’re in charge, guys!”

    I got a lot to say to you
    Yeah, I got a lot to say


    The Espeon shot out of her Pokeball, in a shower of glowing pink hearts, plus the shining golden stars from the Swift; Laura burst out in a cyclone of bubbles, blue fire and crackling electric rays. The crowd roared as they took the stage.

    I noticed your eyes are always glued to me
    keeping them here;
    and it makes no sense at all


    “Laura, use Surf, now!” Sara called out, and two seconds later, Laura landed smack in the way of a bubbling wall of water. Jewel just stood there, waiting to come in the act.
    She’s crazy! Gary thought, seeing her put her Pokemon right in the way of danger…she couldn’t let them get hit by the Surf!


    They taped over your mouth,
    Scribbled out the truth with their lies
    You little spies….


    Sensing the shock, fear and disbelief in the spectators, Sara smirked knowingly.
    “Ice Beam,” she called, pointing calmly at the tidal wave.

    They taped over your mouth
    Scribbled out the truth with their lies
    You little spies


    “Furrrrr…ETTTT!!!!” Laura screamed as a freezing blue ray shot out of its mouth and froze the wave solid, leaving only a shimmering curve of ice. The crowd gasped in surprise, but Richie smiled proudly.

    Crush
    Crush
    Crush
    Crush, crush
    (Two, three, four!)


    Sara nodded to Jewel. “Your turn! Dig!”
    Jewel burrowed its way underground, coming out in various spots and leaving holes in the ground. This left the crowd slightly confused.
    What’s she up to now? Gary thought.


    Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
    Just the one two of us who's counting on
    that never happens
    I guess I'm dreaming again
    Let's be more than this


    “Let’s do this!” she yelled, thrusting her slender hands in the air, “PSYBEAM!!! DO IT!!!”
    All of a sudden, rainbow, gleaming rays burst out of the ground, adding a colorful light everywhere, and made the curve of crystallized water even more dazzling, making it blindingly bright in all kinds of colors.

    Oh hoooh, oh,
    Ooooohhhh, ooohh…..


    Laura slid down the top of the glittery wave, and landed on the left of Sara while Jewel landed on the right. They ended the appeal with a flip and a dainty bow, and it was over.

    As soon as Sara’s head rose from the bow, she nearly got deafened by the screams and shouts from everyone. Her amber eyes glowed as she bent down, brushed a strand of sweaty brown hair and hugged Jewel and Laura. “You guys sure earned your Poffins,” she whispered.

    Dawn was watching every move on the television screen and did not even blink as she felt a sinking feeling in her chest. How could she compete with that?



    I used a song for her appeal, It's called Crushcrushcrush by Paramore.

    NOTE:I cut the song short.
    And...Belle Championnat means beautiful championship in French...I think. I seriously couldn't find anything else to call it.

    Bye~
    Last edited by ~FireLeaf~; 11th July 2008 at 1:43 AM.


    ~You’ve stripped me down, the layers fall like rain...
    ~It’s over now, just Innocence and Instinct still remain...


    Take it all Away....


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    No problem. I don't see reading your story as a waste of time. In fact, it often gives me something to do during the ending hours of the day.

    Ah, I see you've added more description this time around, but at the same time, not too much description. Good job explaining things, why they were late, and all. It was simple and to-the-point, which is good - I tend to blabber on and over-explain things, so I'm glad you haven't fallen into that trap.

    Sweet! Team Galactic's coming! I've been waiting for that. I liked the "freezing crystals" part - it gave me a very good image of how 'snippy' the snow was. But that said...I don't know where Cynthia is rushing from. Yeah, there's snow, and it says she's going to Snowpoint City...eh, I don't know the region of Sinnoh that well, so I might just be missing somethinWHOAHOLDUP. Candice is pregnant, huh? That shocked me. A lot. I don't know why, though...so...Galactic's after Dawn, huh...? That'll be interesting.

    I liked the descriptions of Sara's appeal, but the lyrics seem a bit out-of-place. Perhaps if I know the song it would help me with the mood. The "you guys deserved your Poffins" made me feel warm inside. Overall I think this chapter was your best so far.

  25. #25
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    Awww...Thank you!
    I won't be posting for quite a while, because I'm grounded...


    ~You’ve stripped me down, the layers fall like rain...
    ~It’s over now, just Innocence and Instinct still remain...


    Take it all Away....


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