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Thread: Pokemon: Ancient Disaster!

  1. #1
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    Default Pokemon: Ancient Disaster!

    Many, many years ago... the legends of the pokemon created all matter. But, what would happen if somehow, those pokemon were captured by an evil force? Would all matter be lost? Would all the universe be covered in chaos?
    *****************
    Prolouge

    Randy woke up from his long slumber. When his eyes opened the sun reflected and nearly blinded him. Randy let out a groan and rolled out of bed. He was never much of a morning person. "Honey!! Wake up!" Randy could hear his mother's yells from the kitchen. She served as Randy's alarm clock.

    Randy walked towards the door of his bedroom like a mummy. He took slow steps that made Randy feel as if he were sleep walking. The door leaded to a hallway that connected with all of the bedrooms. The carpet felt warm and comfortable under Randy's bare feet. "Randy! Come down for Breakfast!"

    Randy approached the stairs and continued to walk slow and steadily down the stairway. He turned imediately to the left into the large kitchen. Almost everything in the room was granite except for the tiles on the floor. It would've looked beautiful if Randy's eyes weren't half closed. He walked on the tiles and felt a sudden chill which completely woke him up.

    Randy's eyes opened wide and he let out a yelp. "Why are these so cold?!?!" He hoped up and down until he ran into the carpet living room to the right of the stairs. The warm carpet brought his feet back to life.

    "Did you forget to wear your slippers again, dear?" Randy's mother asked still concerned with her breakfast.

    "I guess..." Randy groaned. He lost his train of thought when he began to smell a waft of bacon and eggs. It was coming from the beautiful kitchen that nearly gave Randy frostbite. "I'll be right back!" Randy ran up the stairs and retrieved his slippers from the dumpster that he called a bedroom.

    When Randy finally entered the kitchen, he couldn't feel the freezing sensation anymore. "That's better!" Randy felt nice and cozy as he sat down at the table.

    Every morning, Randy would usually sleep the day through until about 1:00pm. But, today was special. Today, Randy would recieve his first ever pokemon from the Pokemon Professor Rowan.

    Randy looked up at the ceiling as he wondered what his first pokemon would be. Randy awaited this day all of his life but, he never gave it much thought. Would he like the fire type Chimchar? Or the cute Piplup? Would the brave Turtwig be better for him? Randy continued to ponder as his mother approached the table with Randy's breakfast.

    "Here you go!" The food looked even better that the smell! Eggs and bacon with a muffin, orange juice, and other delectibale goodies! "You have to eat well if you want to be the best!" Randy's mother smiled. Randy smiled back as he took a big bite out of a strip of bacon.

    After a few hours of getting ready, Randy was waiting eagerly for his mother to get to the front door. "Come on! We have to get there before all of the pokemon are taken!!"

    "Honey!" Randy's mom said as she ran towards the door. "I'm coming..." She approached him with a device in her hand. "This is a Poketch. It serves as a watch, map, there is even a new application that I instaled. It now serves as a phone! Plus, on your journey, you may get a few more applications!"

    "Thanks mom!" Randy smiled. Then, he looked outside. "Come on!" Randy and his mom jumped into the SUV and started to pull out of the driveway. Since Randy lives in Sandgem Town, there wasn't much time to think of a pokemon.

    After a few minutes, they already arrived at the giant building. "Call me when you get your pokemon!" Randy's mom yelled back as she drove away.

    Randy took in a deep breath and entered the lab. He was greeted by an old man. "Hello. I am Professor Rowan and you must be..."

    "Randy sir!" Randy finished his sentence. He was too eager to wait. "I have come by to pick up my pokemon!"

    "Of course you have!" Rowan smiled. "Follow me." The two continued on towards the back of the lab where an assistant had brought out a table with a Glameow.

    "Escuse me?" He inturupted. "I know this is a bad time but, I can't seem to find anything with this pokemon. It won't even listen to my commands!" He frowned. "How are we supposed to watch it evolve if it won't even try?!"

    The Glameow purred at Randy. "Uhh..." Randy said as he looked at the pokeballs that Professor Rowan had just openned.

    Out came 3 pokemon out of 3 pokeballs. "This is Chimchar, Piplup, and Turtwig." Rowan said pointing to each respective ones when he said their names. "They are as you probably already know a fire, water, and grass type." He then pointed to each respective one as he said their type. "Point to whatever pokemon you want!"

    Randy looked at the three and then around the room. He had no idea which one to choose. Then, he looked at the Glameow that was having trouble with the assistant. She looked back at Randy and they smiled at each other. "Umm... may I have..." Randy pointed to Glameow. "That one?"

    Rowan gasped. "Well... it is an experiment..." He then looked from Glameow to Randy. "It hasn't been cooperating and seems to have taken a liking to you..." The Glameow jumped from the table and layed her head on Randy's leg. He slowly patted the pokemon. "Why not?!" Rowan laughed. "It would be great if you trained her for me!"

    "Thank you sir! I appreciate your exception!" Randy yelled back as he walked out of the lab eagerly with his new pokemon. "Now! Let's go!!!"

    Credit to pokemonmaster21

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  2. #2
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    This is pretty good I liked it a Glameow as a starter hmm seems intresting. Got to love egg and bacon for breakfast anyways good Prologue
    7.5/10 good job!

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    Its good.Better than any long book story i made.I'll give it 8.9/10
    am adding this to my subcriptions so i can read more when it comes out.
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    Really? I didn't think that it was an 8.9/10!
    Also, I didn't think that a great Fan- Fictor like DanChimchar would appreciate it this much!

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    What the fudge is up with all these retarded and useless number ratings? You aren't even giving more of an insight, outside a single and skimpy line, as to why this prologue is so epic and deserves such a high rating.

    I mean mindless praise is bad enough but more ego boosting without helping the writer or pointing out why or what he or she did to deserve such a thing? And I mean the other end of the scale of just saying oh this could be better 2/10 does not help at all! If you can't actually review, please do not rate, I don't care about mindless praise as much as the flood of mindless praise with ratings! It helps even less!

    Now for the prologue; to be honest I didn't see any spark or flair about this. It was bland, with very little description or emotion, I mean it felt like cracking open the game pretty much and going to the professor and getting three blobs of pokemon. They have no actions, no reactions, no emotions and no detail. They are there in name and type only; what do they look like? How do they act when the professor showed them?

    Why would Rowan have a Glameow for an experiment? It's not rare; it's pretty common. What made Randy choose such a common pokemon, and a normal type at that, over three official starters; and why was Rowan so swift to allow him to have an experimental pokemon.

    The start was also pretty bland too; get up, get dressed, go to the professors to get a pokemon. I mean outside of the feel of this is just like the games, it also comes off just like the anime. No spark of originality, no hint of some future spark that this will be more then boy gets pokemon. Boy travels. Boy does stuff with pokemon.

    Go read the Advice for Aspiring Authors thread; and reading the rules won't hurt either as there is some advice about story writing there too I think. Put more time and effort into the first chapter; put more detail. More emotion. Better interaction, and try to make it something more than an episode of Ash and Pikachu.

  6. #6

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    O_o Brando, how long have you been lurking in these Fan Fiction forums? Because if it's been, oh, I dunno, six or seven months, it DANG WELL SHOWS.

    The description and emotion were spot on. I look forward to where this fic is going...

    Keep up the good work!
    Last edited by psyrose3; 12th October 2008 at 8:40 PM. Reason: HOLY SUBZERO...
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    I liked psyrose3's review better but, none the less:

    Now for the prologue; to be honest I didn't see any spark or flair about this. It was bland, with very little description or emotion, I mean it felt like cracking open the game pretty much and going to the professor and getting three blobs of pokemon. They have no actions, no reactions, no emotions and no detail. They are there in name and type only; what do they look like? How do they act when the professor showed them?
    That's true. But, it is only my first fic and also, it is going to become bigger and greater as the story continues. Just because the prolouge might not have much emotion, that doesn't mean anything. Pretty much all it is would be get up and get a pokemon. Think if you were Randy...

    Why would Rowan have a Glameow for an experiment? It's not rare; it's pretty common. What made Randy choose such a common pokemon, and a normal type at that, over three official starters; and why was Rowan so swift to allow him to have an experimental pokemon.
    Glameow evolves. Rowan is a professor that does evolution experiments. It would make more sense to have Eevee but, that wasn't expected right? Plus, Glameow wouldn't do anything that anyone told her to do. It seemed to like Randy so it would be better under his care.

    The start was also pretty bland too; get up, get dressed, go to the professors to get a pokemon. I mean outside of the feel of this is just like the games, it also comes off just like the anime. No spark of originality, no hint of some future spark that this will be more then boy gets pokemon. Boy travels. Boy does stuff with pokemon.
    You just have to wait until the story continues. It will get better and bigger... trust me...

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    First up;

    Quote Originally Posted by Brando95 View Post
    Pretty much all it is would be get up and get a pokemon. Think if you were Randy...
    If I was about to get a pokemon; I would be excited; I wouldn't be able to sleep and I would have set an alarm clock and not just relied on my mother to get me up. I wouldn't have been able to sleep and probably only passed out a quarter till dawn, and woke up in a tired heap of cranky pre-teeness.

    I would have then realised, after some time getting the fuzz out of my mind, what kept me up for so long and why I was wanting to get up at such a god awful early hour; and most likely would have barely waited around long enough to get even half a bagel before shooting out the door, and then most likely remembering I have to go get dressed atleast, shoot back in, do so, and run back out.

    Then, yes I would have gone over the pokemon; but I would have glanced at them more than absently, and not so absently that you didn't even have Randy deem them worthy enough to describe them or have them more as rocks; outside the Glameow.

    And like Harryheart, you have Randy with very little reason as to why he chose Glameow outside oh it was affectionate to him, and even for a prologue, the plot can be left out. But emotional choice can not. And I mean using a cat's finikiness for a plot point as to why Rowan allowed him to have the Glameow is a bit weak; I mean it's bad enough Rowan allowed two strangers to pretty much keep starter 1 & 2 in the games.

    And yes you can get better; but your prologue is at the moment what will catch readers. And I mean ones that post more than one liners and some numbers; and at the moment you've failed to do more than as I said, a bland introduction to what could be assumed will be an equally bland adventure.
    Last edited by Yami Ryu; 12th October 2008 at 8:58 PM.

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    This is a good start! Well done!

    First off you could try and use less RANDY, use The Young lad or just simple He. Try and vary that sort of context.

    It was an interesting start, which like Yami Ryu said was a little simple and to her boring. But thats what makes it interesting. It seems like it's going to be a normal adventure that will prove to be an exception and a great story.

    Overall this chapter will get 6.3/10! A little more description of the surroundings and Pokemon and that will shoot up.

    Quote Originally Posted by Yami Ryu View Post
    I would have then realised, after some time getting the fuzz out of my mind, what kept me up for so long and why I was wanting to get up at such a god awful early hour; and most likely would have barely waited around long enough to get even half a bagel before shooting out the door, and then most likely remembering I have to go get dressed atleast, shoot back in, do so, and run back out
    Firstly you even stated yourself that's what you would do. Everyone is different.

    Quote Originally Posted by Yami Ryu View Post
    And like Harryheart, you have Randy with very little reason as to why he chose Glameow outside out it was affectionate to him, and even for a prologue, the plot can be left out. But emotional choice can not. And I mean using a cat's finikiness for a plot point as to why Rowan allowed him to have the Glameow is a bit weak; I mean it's bad enough Rowan allowed two strangers to pretty much keep starter 1 & 2 in the games.
    And I don't see where I fit into this equation. Please elaborate and explain. I think it's about Charmander and it has been explained.
    Last edited by harryheart; 12th October 2008 at 9:04 PM.

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    Thank you Harryheart. Not so much Yami. But, I will think about what you said and hope that the next chapter will be to everyone's liking!

    I like that I made a not so good starting. It shows that a normal journey can turn into a grand adverture!

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    I think that as a new writer, you'll have to add much more description. Glameow, while unorthodox as a starter, and personally inferior to Nae-WHOA, Chimchar and Avian Flu, seems to follow the 'I see you, I choose you, servant!' phase.

    Cut this out and you have a potentially good fic, if you listen to Yami's views (even though she's as harsh as SpecsTran Overheat) and take them to heart.


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    Well... the Prolouge is set in stone...

    I hope that the next chapter, like I said, will be to everyone's liking...

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  13. #13

    Default Wow...

    Overall this chapter will get 6.3/10!
    Isn't that part of what Yami's ranting about? -_- *shoots above quote*

    And yes you can get better; but your prologue is at the moment what will catch readers.
    And this prologue got more readers in the first hour than a lot of other fics I've seen here...

    I like that I made a not so good starting. It shows that a normal journey can turn into a grand adverture!
    Having an enthusiastic attitude made this fic even better.

    if you listen to Yami's views
    Not just Yami. Everyone can help you make this fic even better. And I mean everyone. Take all crit to heart.

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    Vas-y, mon ami! (Go for it, my friend!)
    Uhh... thank you?

    And this prologue got more readers in the first hour than a lot of other fics I've seen here...
    That's true! Go me!

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    Great Prologue........

    Character Development does need a little work...but it is balanced out by your great scenery description....

    I give it a 8/10...........please continue on......

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    Thanks! I'll continue when I'm ready... be patient...

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    Question

    Quote Originally Posted by Brando95 View Post
    Thanks! I'll continue when I'm ready... be patient...
    see,i told you it was great,would the next chapter come out next week?[I think so but i still do not know so am asking]
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    I will put up the next one whenever... It could be tomorrow... It could be a month from now...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Brando95 View Post
    I will put up the next one whenever... It could be tomorrow... It could be a month from now...
    I could only check out serebii Saturdays and Sundays.When i get my own labtop i can log on anytime.So i'll check to see if you have the new chapter those days.
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    I can only go on during weekends anyway. So, probably whenever I have no school. I might put up the new one sometime tomorrow!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Brando95 View Post
    I can only go on during weekends anyway. So, probably whenever I have no school. I might put up the new one sometime tomorrow!
    OK!I would check this page next week.
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    You do that...

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    Hello there! I love seeing new writers take a stab at writing a successful fic, so I'm very happy to see you attempt so here. ^^ It's a tricky thing and not everyone will love it, but it's also great fun.

    I figured I'd give you a hand and review. Hopefully it'll be of assistance.

    -

    Prologue.

    Randy woke up from his long slumber. When his eyes opened the sun reflected and nearly blinded him. Randy let out a groan and rolled out of bed. He was never much of a morning person.
    ENTER
    "Honey!! Wake up!" Randy could hear his mother's yells coming from the kitchen. She served as Randy's alarm clock.
    Now, first of all - as other people have mentioned - you use Randy a bit too much. There's plenty of things you could say, such as 'he', 'the young boy', 'the kid', etc. Try mixing it up!

    Since it isn't Randy who's yelling, I'd press enter to start a new paragraph. It's clearer and neater that way. I also added 'coming', because otherwise it may seem as if Randy is in the kitchen hearing her yelling, not the other way around.

    Your writing is also a bit choppy. 'Randy woke up. Randy walked down the stairs. Randy was surprised.' Notice how that is choppy? Try combining sentences and making them longer. How about:

    Randy woke up from his slumber to find himself attacked by the early-morning sun. As he opened his eyes its rays nearly blinded him, forcing him to escape the attack and roll out of bed. Groggily staring about the room, he momentarily forgot where he was. He'd never been much of a morning person.

    Notice the difference?

    Randy walked towards the door of his bedroom like a mummy. He took slow steps,which made him feel as if he were sleep walking. The door led to a hallway that connected with all of the bedrooms. The carpet felt warm and comfortable under his bare feet.
    ENTER
    "Randy! Come down for breakfast!"
    No need to use that many 'Randy's' again. There's no one else physically there, so we're not going to confuse the two.

    Since his mother is talking again, start a new paragraph. Any time a new person speaks, you begin a new paragraph. Easy as that. ^^

    'To lead' is an irregular verb and its past tense is 'led', not the regular form 'leaded'.

    Randy approached the stairs and continued onto walk slow and steadily down the stairway. He turned immediately to the left into the large kitchen. Almost everything in the room was granite, except for the tiles on the floor. It would've looked beautiful if Randy's eyes hadn't been half closed. He walked on the tiles and felt a sudden chill, which completely woke him up.
    I'd say 'continued on', because continued implies he'd already been doing it.

    Use hadn't been, since you also said 'would have' earlier, plus it sounds better to me.

    Randy's eyes opened wide and he let out a yelp. "Why are these so cold?!?!" He hopped up and down until he ran into the carpet living room to the right of the stairs. The warm carpet brought his feet back to life.
    I'm surprised how easily his feet turn cold. He'd only been on those tiles for a couple of seconds, surely they're not made of ice?

    "Did you forget to wear your slippers again, dear?" Randy's mother asked, still concerned with her breakfast.
    "I guess..." Randy groaned. He lost his train of thought when he smelled a waft of bacon and eggs. It was coming from the beautiful kitchen that had nearly given Randy frostbite. "I'll be right back!"
    ENTER
    Randy ran up the stairs and retrieved his slippers from the dumpster that he called a bedroom.
    The food looked even better than it smelled! Eggs and bacon with a muffin, orange juice, and other delectable goodies!
    First of all 'than' to compare things. I'm assuming that was a typo. ^^ I also changed it around a bit, because you can't 'look at' a smell. Thus the way I wrote it now.

    After a few hours of getting ready, Randy was waiting eagerly for his mother to get to the front door.
    Ehm, wow. So, if pokémon - é by combining ALT and 130 on your numberpad, by the way - are open to be claimed early in the morning, how early did they wake up? 2AM?

    Also, a few hours seems a lot of time just to eat breakfast and shower. Assuming that every eager young trainer packed well in advance and they're not total slugs. I know I wouldn't have the patience to wait several hours, much like Yami Ryu has said before me.

    Since Randy lived in Sandgem Town, there wasn't much time to think of a pokémon.
    Even though he had just waited needlessly for several hours and any hopeful trainer would have been looking forward to it for years.

    Also, if you start in past tense don't suddenly use present.

    "Randy, sir!" Randy finished his sentence. He was too eager to wait. "I have come by to pick up my pokémon!"
    The comma is there because it's direct address. Name or titles get a comma before them when direct addressed, much like 'Hello, Kelly' or 'Thank you, Mum'.

    "Excuse me?" he interrupted. "I know this is a bad time but, I can't seem to find anything with this pokemon. It won't even listen to my commands!" He frowned. "How are we supposed to watch it evolve if it won't even try?!"
    Words after speech, when dealing with speech verbs, are lower case. In this case you used 'interrupted', which is a speech related verb, so you make it lower case.

    For instance:

    "Hello," she said.

    "Oh, hey," he answered.

    The Glameow purred at Randy. "Uhh..." Randy said as he looked at the pokeballs that Professor Rowan had just opened.
    It's unlikely that a proud and clearly difficult to handle glameow would take a liking to an inexperienced trainer like this. I have to agree with the others here and see it as an attempt to give yourself a pokémon you like, but unfortunately it's not working.

    Out came three pokemon out of 3 pokeballs. "These are Chimchar, Piplup, and Turtwig," Rowan said, pointing to each respective one when he said their names. "They are as you probably already know a fire, water, and grass type." He then pointed to each respective one as he said their type. "Point to whatever pokemon you want!"
    We tend to write out number under a hundred, especially with ones like 'three'.

    Randy looked at the three and then around the room. He had no idea which one to choose. Then, he looked at the Glameow that was having trouble with the assistant. She looked back at Randy and they smiled at each other. "Umm... may I have..." Randy pointed to Glameow. "That one?"
    So, the glameow having trouble with a trained professional suddenly likes a ten/eleven year old kid? Why? What is it about him that she likes?

    And why would Randy go against logic and choose the troublemaker as his first pokémon? I know you might think it cool, but in reality it would be an incredibly stupid choice.

    Rowan gasped. "Well... it is an experiment..." He then looked from Glameow to Randy. "It hasn't been cooperating and seems to have taken a liking to you..." The Glameow jumped from the table and put her head on Randy's leg. He slowly patted the pokemon. "Why not?!" Rowan laughed. "It would be great if you trained her for me!"
    So the professor recognizes the glameow is trouble, yet gives her to a beginner nonetheless? Another case of unrealistic behaviour. No one would be that cruel.

    Also, don't use to lie/lay unless you really know what you're doing. We don't want funny mistakes here. : P

    "Thank you, sir! I appreciate your exception!" Randy yelled back as he walked out of the lab eagerly with his new pokemon. "Now! Let's go!!!"
    So, how about those pokéballs and the pokédex he's supposed to get?

    -

    Okay, now, this was a cute little first chapter, but it needs a lot of work. The biggest areas you have problems with are the following:

    1. Description.

    There isn't enough. You describe things we have no interest in - the house - and leave out crucial bits such as what Randy looks like, what the area looks like, what Rowan or the pokémon look like, or even what the lab looks like. You're going way too fast and neglecting the feel of this story while doing so.

    Take your time. Relax and calmly start writing, don't rush into things. Imagine you're standing in front of us and speaking to us, instead of writing. What would you say to give us a good idea of what this is all about? Wouldn't you mention Randy and his mother? And the professor and his lab? Well, describe that! Don't focus on dialogue.

    2. Realism.

    Getting a special starter is iffy enough, but getting a troublemaker who - for some inexplicable reason - suddenly loves your main character is downright unlikely. Nor would any trained professionals just let their troubled research material leave with a ten/eleven year old boy. They're not that cruel and more professional than that.

    I'm guessing the glameow is going to love Randy and be completely pleasant while with him, or will this character streak actually have an effect on the story?

    Spelling and punctuation.

    You make a lot of mistakes that a bit of work could catch. A comma here, a typo there, it's not much but enough to be noticeable. I'd suggest you get yourself a beta, because they'd be very helpful for you.

    I can't give my thoughts on the plot yet, but that may come in upcoming chapters.

    -

    There, hope this helped you. It's certainly better than meaningless numbers, right?

    Good luck!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Brando95 View Post
    Many, many years ago... the legends of the pokemon created all matter. But, what would happen if somehow, those pokemon were captured by an evil force? Would all matter be lost? Would all the universe be covered in chaos?
    *****************
    Prolouge

    Randy woke up from his long slumber. When his eyes opened the sun reflected and nearly blinded him. Randy let out a groan and rolled out of bed. He was never much of a morning person. "Honey!! Wake up!" Randy could hear his mother's yells from the kitchen. She served as Randy's alarm clock.

    Randy walked towards the door of his bedroom like a mummy. He took slow steps that made Randy feel as if he were sleep walking. The door leaded to a hallway that connected with all of the bedrooms. The carpet felt warm and comfortable under Randy's bare feet. "Randy! Come down for Breakfast!"

    Randy approached the stairs and continued to walk slow and steadily down the stairway. He turned imediately to the left into the large kitchen. Almost everything in the room was granite except for the tiles on the floor. It would've looked beautiful if Randy's eyes weren't half closed. He walked on the tiles and felt a sudden chill which completely woke him up.

    Randy's eyes opened wide and he let out a yelp. "Why are these so cold?!?!" He hoped up and down until he ran into the carpet living room to the right of the stairs. The warm carpet brought his feet back to life.

    "Did you forget to wear your slippers again, dear?" Randy's mother asked still concerned with her breakfast.

    "I guess..." Randy groaned. He lost his train of thought when he began to smell a waft of bacon and eggs. It was coming from the beautiful kitchen that nearly gave Randy frostbite. "I'll be right back!" Randy ran up the stairs and retrieved his slippers from the dumpster that he called a bedroom.

    When Randy finally entered the kitchen, he couldn't feel the freezing sensation anymore. "That's better!" Randy felt nice and cozy as he sat down at the table.

    Every morning, Randy would usually sleep the day through until about 1:00pm. But, today was special. Today, Randy would recieve his first ever pokemon from the Pokemon Professor Rowan.

    Randy looked up at the ceiling as he wondered what his first pokemon would be. Randy awaited this day all of his life but, he never gave it much thought. Would he like the fire type Chimchar? Or the cute Piplup? Would the brave Turtwig be better for him? Randy continued to ponder as his mother approached the table with Randy's breakfast.

    "Here you go!" The food looked even better that the smell! Eggs and bacon with a muffin, orange juice, and other delectibale goodies! "You have to eat well if you want to be the best!" Randy's mother smiled. Randy smiled back as he took a big bite out of a strip of bacon.

    After a few hours of getting ready, Randy was waiting eagerly for his mother to get to the front door. "Come on! We have to get there before all of the pokemon are taken!!"

    "Honey!" Randy's mom said as she ran towards the door. "I'm coming..." She approached him with a device in her hand. "This is a Poketch. It serves as a watch, map, there is even a new application that I instaled. It now serves as a phone! Plus, on your journey, you may get a few more applications!"

    "Thanks mom!" Randy smiled. Then, he looked outside. "Come on!" Randy and his mom jumped into the SUV and started to pull out of the driveway. Since Randy lives in Sandgem Town, there wasn't much time to think of a pokemon.

    After a few minutes, they already arrived at the giant building. "Call me when you get your pokemon!" Randy's mom yelled back as she drove away.

    Randy took in a deep breath and entered the lab. He was greeted by an old man. "Hello. I am Professor Rowan and you must be..."

    "Randy sir!" Randy finished his sentence. He was too eager to wait. "I have come by to pick up my pokemon!"

    "Of course you have!" Rowan smiled. "Follow me." The two continued on towards the back of the lab where an assistant had brought out a table with a Glameow.

    "Escuse me?" He inturupted. "I know this is a bad time but, I can't seem to find anything with this pokemon. It won't even listen to my commands!" He frowned. "How are we supposed to watch it evolve if it won't even try?!"

    The Glameow purred at Randy. "Uhh..." Randy said as he looked at the pokeballs that Professor Rowan had just openned.

    Out came 3 pokemon out of 3 pokeballs. "This is Chimchar, Piplup, and Turtwig." Rowan said pointing to each respective ones when he said their names. "They are as you probably already know a fire, water, and grass type." He then pointed to each respective one as he said their type. "Point to whatever pokemon you want!"

    Randy looked at the three and then around the room. He had no idea which one to choose. Then, he looked at the Glameow that was having trouble with the assistant. She looked back at Randy and they smiled at each other. "Umm... may I have..." Randy pointed to Glameow. "That one?"

    Rowan gasped. "Well... it is an experiment..." He then looked from Glameow to Randy. "It hasn't been cooperating and seems to have taken a liking to you..." The Glameow jumped from the table and layed her head on Randy's leg. He slowly patted the pokemon. "Why not?!" Rowan laughed. "It would be great if you trained her for me!"

    "Thank you sir! I appreciate your exception!" Randy yelled back as he walked out of the lab eagerly with his new pokemon. "Now! Let's go!!!"
    This was great!9/10!!!Glameow as a starter i think I know where you got that from.I hope it doesn't evolve!What will his mother think?

    Ruby: LeafGreen (Nuzlocke):
    Emerald: Diamond:
    Pearl: Platinum:
    SoulSilver: White:
    White 2:
    Wii FC: 8945-6722-1722-6586 | Nintendo Network ID: Master_Zach
    3DS FC: 1289-8257-7574 | Xbox Gamertag: WaTeRChAmP97
    Claimed: Blastoise, Pokémon XY & Calem from Pokémon XY

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Verdanturf Town
    Posts
    930

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    Wow Silawen! You really know your stuff! Do you have a fan- fic?

    P.S. The first chapter is going to be up today!

    Credit to pokemonmaster21

    My Sppf Family

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