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Thread: Pokemon Suprme (AshXMUC)(Made up Character) Rated um...K

  1. #1
    jetixon's Avatar
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    Unhappy Pokemon Suprme (AshXMUC)(Made up Character) Rated um...K

    I'm going to try my best at a story. Just remember one thing, my fate is in your hands... (P.S. I am not Joking)

    Episode 1: A Good Ending Makes A Good Beginning

    Episode 1

    Ash stood one the red side of the field, his eyes burning with confidence, his fists clenched in curiosity of what his opponent’s next move would be. He looked down at his little, yellow friend who stood on the field having to support itself with both its hands and feet and panted heavily as though it could be over any second. There were many bruises and injury marks all over the little rodent and it also had electricity surrounding it and preventing it from moving normally making it impossible for anyone not to feel sorry for it; it definitely didn’t look like it was in a good condition, especially to battle. However, at the other side, it was a totally different story, for there stood a powerful, bulky and high-levelled Electivire. The Electivire simply glared at its opponent taking every opportunity once in a while to smirk at how pathetic Pikachu was compared to him. The Electivire’s antennae crackled with energy as Paul glared at Ash, almost trying to implant fear into Ash.

    “Come ‘on Pikachu! I know you can do it! We’ve gotta beat Paul, we’ve just gotta, I’m sure we didn’t come all this way just to lose to him again, It’s time we showed him what we’re really made of!” Ash hollered confidently to his little rodent friend. Pikachu turned with much difficulty, pain and hurt in his eyes, he managed to smile though he was also trying to cover up the awful pain that surged through his body.

    “Hmph…You know Ash, I actually respected you once, but only because of that Pikachu, to be honest, the reason why I ever wanted to battle you in the first place is because I thought you might have been half the decent trainer seeing as though your Pikachu knew Volt Tackle, but I guess you just didn’t have any brains to go with that now did you,” Paul said, in a manner that made you think that he was looking down on Ash and making fun of him, though he kept a straight face, or rather the intimidating glare he had on Ash the whole way through.

    “I’m as good a trainer as anyone Paul! That’s not about to change! Pikachu use Quick Attack!” Ash blurted out in anger, he seemed to be quite annoyed at what Paul was implying, though all his actions now were fuelled on anger and frustration.

    -Sidelines-
    “This isn’t good, Ash is losing his cool, if he doesn’t stay focused he could lose the match,” Brock said, deep in thought and watching the battle ever so intently, you might have seen him as some kind of critic.

    “Don’t worry Brock, I’m sure Ash’ll pull through, He’s not gonna let Paul get to him,” Dawn cheerfully reassured Brock, her eyes sparkling with hope. It was clear that she had her heart set on Ash winning. The only problem was that she failed to see that the odds were against him…

    “I hope you’re right Dawn, because now I am really not sure…” Brock said quietly to himself, shaking his head on whether or not he was sure Ash was going to win.

    -Field-

    “I fail to see how you actually even made it to the finals Ash, you clearly had luck on your side, since with moves like that you are obviously predictable, Electivire, use Protect and then use Giga Impact,” Paul stated before confidently commanding his pokemon to attack.

    Pikachu conjured up some energy out of desperation and darted forward closing in on Electivire at a break-neck pace. Pikachu, though it obeyed the commands of its trainer, was feeling unsure of whether Ash knew what he was doing or not and started to lose hope. Electivire could see the look on Pikachu’s face and simply grinned before emitting a golden-like, see-through force field around him, causing Pikachu to ram into it and lose a fair bit of energy and HP the perfect welcoming gift followed by a not-so-friendly, parting gift as Electivire smashed into Pikachu with what looked like a double-powered double-edge, sending the poor rodent packing. Pikachu flew through the air hoping Ash would come up with something quick, before it was too late.

    “Pikachu!” Ash cried out to his best friend, wanting an answer for assurance. ‘This isn’t good, Pikachu flying like a Pidgeot in the air and I don’t know what to do…I…I have to…Wait! That’s it! Pikachu needs to stay up right, and it’s paralyzed from earlier on in the battle!’ “Pikachu! Use your Agility to land safely and then go at Electivire at full power with Façade!” Ash cried out to his Pikachu, hoping for his plan to work.

    -Sidelines-

    “Wow, Ash is actually thinking, it’s all well and good knowing how to battle, but I guess he pulled that move off at the right time!” Brock exclaimed, suddenly full of hope and excite at what will happen next.

    “See, I told ‘ya so, wait, hang on a second, what kind of move is Façade?” Dawn asked, with a somewhat puzzled expression over her face. She pulled out her Pokedex and looked it up. “Façade is a normal type move that’s power increases if the pokemon has a status condition,” The pokedex buzzed in a recognisably feminine yet robotic voice.

    “Ash really prepared himself; he got the idea of learning that move from Norman, a gym leader in the Hoenn region, he used that move in their battle and Ash has been trying to teach it to his pokemon ever since,” Brock explained to Dawn.

    -Field-

    ‘I knew teaching that move to my pokemon was a good idea! But I’ve still got to keep my guard up; Paul may have a few surprises of his own’ Ash thought, feeling a sudden outburst of confidence and hope.

    ‘Huh, well I didn’t see that coming, I still fail to see how he could beat me with such a weak pokemon’ Paul thought, smirking.

    “Electivire, that pokemon is too weak to do any damage, retaliate with your Brick Break and Thunderpunch combo!” Paul shouted, demanding the full attention of his pokemon.

    “Pikachu! Don’t let that pokemon scare you; remember when you beat Raichu all that time ago! I still rely on you Pikachu, You’re my best friend and I know you can do it!” Ash cried, trying to motivate Pikachu. “Now let’s give him what he wants, Show ‘em a full power Façade and Volt Tackle combo!”Ash bellowed to his Pikachu.

    Pikachu, with amazing speed, lands quickly yet gracefully, and summons strength from it’s energy as well as it’s paralysis before dashing towards Electivire at what seemed like sonic speed, engulfing himself in electricity with even more power, while the Electivire simply readies itself, lowering and pulling back its right arm, its right fist glowing with power as well as being engrossed in electricity and crackling with power. It then thrusts itself forward with its thin yet powerful tails with immense speed. The two ‘combo’ attacks collide in the middle of the field, a pulsation of static energy rippling over the whole stadium before an ear piercing explosion is heard. Shortly after, the entire stadium is cloaked in thick smoke. Ash stood in the red corner, sweating with doubt and anxiety, hoping and praying that his friend was alright. It was only a matter of time before the winner, would be declared…
    Last edited by jetixon; 18th January 2008 at 8:22 PM.

  2. #2
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    The title of the fic caught my attention, and I'm glad I ended up reading it. This is a really well-written fic - you obviously have a lot of skill in writing fast paced, epic Pokemon battles. The Facade strategy was totally unexpected (and made sense in both an anime and game perspective) and I'm very curious to see who the winner is, because it seems it could go either way.

    You kept all the characters and Pokemon in-character, too, which is a feat that is rarely met in most fics (particularly shippy ones) - Paul is still arrogant, yet likeable (and I like how you made use of the anime's history by his mentioning of Volt Tackle and explaining why he always followed Ash during the anime, always good to see an author's take on those aspects of a character) and Ash is confident yet scared. I think you really captured Ash and Pikachu's relationship well in this first chapter.

    My only complaints? Number one - from a writing perspective, try not to "label" scene changes, such as "-Field-" and "-Sidelines-"; a simple line such as "meanwhile, up in the crowded stands, Dawn and Brock watched eagerly" would make the fic flow a lot better and sounds a lot more professional, too.

    Number two? It's too short! Heh, no it's a perfect size. But I want to know what's happened in the battle! Please make sure you update. I wouldn't expect a lot of attention from many people due to the pairing with an original character (those stories always seem to be hated, for some reason) but I am very interested in where you are taking this story and would love to read more - great job!
    Good Love Charm
    *COMPLETE*

  3. #3
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    Ooo... nicely done! Tis a very well written chapter but Shipping Fics have to include a note of shippyness in every chapter(correct me if I'm wrong) so thats what you need to include.

    (You might have included it, and being the dumb --- I am I might have missed it) lol. Anywayz, I cant wait to read more!!!

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