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Thread: Blazing Dreams: The Eternal Night

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    Well well. Somehow here we are with the third saga of Blazing Dreams. Seems like a long time ago when I posted the first chapter of The Journey To Be The Best.

    But here we are, and first of all let me welcome you to this third saga of Blazing Dreams. To newcomers, please don't skip this by, just because you haven't read the other two sagas of Blazing Dreams. I have, on request, a brief summary of what happened in the first saga (because no one wants to read this that bad. XD), as well as for the second saga. Or, of course, you could read this without any prior knowledge of Blazing Dreams whatsoever. I have tried to insert as much backstory and recaps as I can to keep new readers informed, and not to get old readers bored.

    To my older reviewers (that doesn't quite sound right...), welcome and I hope you enjoy!

    A few more boring Author's Notes and we'll be on our way. During the two month wait inbetween sagas, I wrote Blazing Dreams: The Phantom Overlord (One-Shot). It is in no way required reading, but I dropped many clues in it that will prove important.

    Lastly, I plan for this to be much longer than any of the previous Blazing Dreams sagas. Current plans point toward somewhere in the neighborhood of 40-50 chapters, so expect this to be around for a while.

    And of course the prerequisite volume list...



    blazing dreams: official site

    prologue

    volume one: the awakening | writer's commentary 1 | 2

    volume two: the broken dream | writer's commentary 1

    volume three: pieces

    volume four: the resistance

    volume five: a hero to die for

    volume six: the guardian of eternity

    volume seven: the final act

    volume eight: snake [venom]

    volume nine: it is always darkest before dawn

    volume ten: the game redefined

    volume eleven: he who treads on sacred ground

    volume twelve: the hunter and the hunted

    volume thirteen: sixth sense

    volume fourteen: redemption

    apocalypse rising: part one

    apocalypse rising: part two

    volume fifteen: what was and what never should have been

    volume sixteen: the [only] one

    volume seventeen: sins of the father

    volume eighteen: supernova




    Well, that's just about all I can think of for now. Enjoy!






    blazing dreams: the eternal night
    by duncan



    this fiction is rated pg-13 for elements of violence and profanity



    volume one: the awakening






    Nothing belonged, yet nothing was out of place.


    Bump.


    It was a small thing, the beat of a heart. The small sound spilled out of his chest, dissipating into the silence around him.


    Bump.


    Another beat filled the air. Life slowly began circulating through his body, and he began to come back to life.


    Bump.


    A gentle feeling settled down over his eyelids, releasing the powerful feeling of nothingness that was plaguing him.


    Bump.


    His lungs expanded, slowly inhaling life-giving air. Each breath felt like an eternity, yet was gone before he was aware of its presence.


    Bump.


    His eyelids opened slowly, pulling up the shutters on the darkness. His dark blue eyes merely stared upward, still unseeing.


    Bump.


    Slowly blood reached his extremities, and he was fully awake. Everything was dark, and no sound could be heard.


    His mind was numb, and couldn't register what his newly working senses were telling it. He just laid down, eyes gazing up at the depths of darkness.


    Many seconds passed. His heart continued to beat dutifully and his lungs continued to exchange air. But his mind was completely and utterly blank.


    The slow seconds melted into minutes, yet nothing changed. The darkness was impenetrable, and the silence resolute.


    Slowly, his mind began to awake. One image floated by his mind's eye, but it was obscured by a deep fog that dulled his senses.


    A second image drifted by, and the darkness and silence began to give way. White noise reached his ears, and jumbles of color flashed by his eyes. It was all meaningless.


    What...is this?


    The thought came to him. It grasped his mind, but no answer came.


    Who am I?


    The second question entered his mind, yet still no answers came. The noise began to calm, and the images began to fade.


    Why...


    Slowly, the white noise morphed into words. The words melded into sentences, and the sentences turned into memories. The pictures became less of blurred color, and more of actual memories. They mixed with the noise, and everything began to make some small sense.


    Without any warning, his muscles began to lift him upward. He became aware of acute cold that penetrated his very bones, and this was motivation enough for him to stand up.


    All was dark, yet he seemed to know the way. His legs took slow, tottering steps at first. Yet they quickly grew stronger, walking down a path that his mind was not yet aware of.


    Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the darkness began to fade. A soft corona of light was ahead, and with every step forward it brightened. He had no control over his movements, but the small part of his mind that was functioning noticed the light.


    I wonder what that is...


    Several minutes passed until he finally reached the dull light. It was coming from a small opening in the darkness, a prick of light in the darkness.


    His legs stopped, leaving him staring at the light. He wondered dully about what he should do next. The biting cold was still assaulting his flesh, but he could think of no way to stop it.


    Besides, what was the cold? It was detached from him, as was the rest of the surreal scene. He was watching from afar, as he had always been.


    His arms reached upward, subconsciously tearing at the small hole.


    A strange sensation tingled up his fingertips. What is this?


    The small prick of light began growing with each tear of the earth. It grew steadily larger, until it was big enough to walk through. He frowned slightly, wondering what he should do next.


    So far, everything had come naturally. All of his movements had happened almost without his influence. But now, he paused.


    Go out.


    The voice rang out, clearly, inside his head. He was inwardly grateful of the voice, grateful not to have to think on his own.


    Go out. Into the world.


    He seized on this thought. He took a step out of the newly dug hole, and entered the world of the living.


    ~-~-~


    The soft sounds of the breeze gently awoke her from her sleep. Slowly, her eyelids fluttered open. A dull pallet of grays and blacks filled her vision. Nothing new here, then.

    She slowly drew a breath. How luxurious it seemed, lying in bed with absolutely nothing to do. The illusion was oh so comforting.

    The breeze picked up, and the cool wind blew gently across her face. She stretched her arms out underneath the bed sheet, smiling to herself.

    Did she really have to get up? The warm comfort of the bed seemed infinite, but she knew that Hell laid just outside the confines of her illusion. Steeling herself, she cast the blanket off and opened her eyes.

    She was in nothing more than a hollow shell of a building. Naked steel girders lay exposed over head, slowly being eaten away by rust. A harsh wind whistled through the building, making all kinds of eerie noises. Above the girders lay the sky, a light gray that was much brighter than it should be.

    She took a deep breath and looked down from the bleak scene overhead. A sea of humanity surrounded her on all sides. Thousands of waking bodies were shuffling around her, some on rusting cots, most sleeping on the hard, cracking concrete.

    This was life, now. Dejected faces filled her vision, tired beyond belief. They had endured nearly forty years of this harsh torture. There was no possible way to escape it, no easy way out. The loving hands of Death could not take them away from this place.

    Michelle McNeil stared out at the people with pitying eyes. Her heart had not hardened to the suffering, and yet she was threatened to be overwhelmed by it everyday.

    The woman, though she should be nearing seventy years old by now, still remained in her thirty year old form. Her long, brown hair was rattier and her clothes consisted of torn gray rags, but besides that she looked just like she had when the world had been plunged into Hell.

    One thing, however, was vastly different. Her eyes. At one time, they twinkled with a sort of life that distinguished her from most everyone else. Now, however, they were a dull gray. They were soulless, as if they had seen so much that her spirit had been sapped away. It wasn't far from the truth.

    The woman stepped out of her cot, trembling as she walked by the mass of people. Many lay against the support beams, simply staring forward. They had no will to live. Some had not moved in years.

    The woman shuddered. More and more people preferred this to the horror that lay outside. She continued to wade through the people, occasionally stepping on them. They didn't flinch, but merely continued to stare blankly ahead.

    After a few minutes of this, she finally reached the end of the building. She paused for a moment, before finally walking across the threshold and out into the world.


    ~-~-~


    A curious feeling of warmth enveloped his body. His tensed muscles relaxed, and he looked up.

    Everything was a different shade of gray. Clouds roiled by, occasionally dropping a bolt of lightning. A round black object hung in the sky, seemingly absorbing the surrounding light. It was a pure black, something his newborn mind had never seen before.

    Then again, everything was new to him. The monochromatic world was much bigger and older than him. His curious eyes rolled over his new surroundings. Dull gray trees stood in front of him, not moving at all. It was in stark contrast to the very warm wind that was blowing all around him.

    If the wind is blowing, why are the trees not moving?

    The thought entered his mind, foreign in all ways. How could he answer any of these questions?

    Crunch.

    He looked sideways, curious as to what had made the sound. A group of bushes shivered, standing out in contrast to the rest of the still trees and foliage.

    He frowned, silently examining the phenomenon. The bushes rustled again, and a piercing sound followed.

    It was rather unpleasant, so he cringed and looked away. Behind him, he could see a sheer rock face. It, like the rest of this dreary world, was colorless. A large hole was directly behind him, and it occurred to him that he must have come from it.

    Another rustle from behind him sounded, and he turned to it again.

    “What are you?”

    The voice spilled from his lips. It sounded light and soft, and was unique among the sounds around him.

    Another loud cry came from the bushes, and they were flung out of the way. A creature rushed at him.

    He frowned once more, examining the creature that was approaching. It looked to be the same height as he, but was covered in patches of dark skin over most of its body. It had two arms and legs, and long hair coming from the top of its head.

    “DUNCAN!”

    The sound, somewhat similar to the sound that had come from him, assaulted his ears. The creature continued coming toward him, liquid pouring out of its eyes.

    “What are you?”

    The question came easier this time, as he knew what would happen now. The words, however, had a different effect than what he had expected. It stopped, its eyes bigger than they were a moment ago. It frowned, looking at him in confusion.

    This prompted him to look down as well. He was pale, and also somewhat gray. He was different from the other creature in a few places, however. His body was uncluttered with the dark patches of skin, and was a single, uninterrupted sheet of pale gray. He had two arms and legs as well, though they were quite thin and lanky.

    “D-Duncan...”

    He looked up again. The creature was beginning to sob. A strange feeling was spreading through his chest. He looked down curiously, but no indication was on the outside of his chest. He looked back up again at the sobbing creature.

    “Why are you crying?”

    The creature jumped and looked back at him. “Duncan...is it you?”

    He frowned. “Duncan? Is that my name?”

    The creature walked closer. “I think so...tell me. Do you remember me...?”

    “Perhaps.” he said. He closed his eyes and thought about it. Vague memories were just waiting to come back. They were buzzing on the edges of his consciousness, waiting to be released.

    The creature looked up hopefully. “You do? But...I believed it would...”

    “Do you want me to leave?”

    “No!” cried the creature. It rushed up to him and grabbed his shoulders roughly. “What is going on? Are you back? For real?”

    He blinked, not replying.

    The creature released him, falling on the ground. It began making loud sounds. Crying.

    “You...” A sudden memory flashed by his eyes. “You're Michelle?”

    The creature jumped up. “DUNCAN!” she screamed, embracing him. At first, he was unsure of how he felt about this. Another flood of memories began to fill his mind, and his knees weakened.

    He fell to the cold, hard ground and all went black.


    ~-~-~



    Michelle fell to the floor, panting. Damn, she thought. He's heavy.

    She turned her head to the silent teenager beside her. He was haphazardly lying on the floor, completely naked. She smiled slightly. Okay, so the trip back wasn't that bad.

    The woman chuckled softly. It still seemed surreal, having Duncan back. How it had happened...she had given up many years ago. Yet here he was, in the flesh. She chuckled again, tearing her watering eyes away from the unconscious Duncan.

    They were in a sparse, one room cabin. What should have been warm, inviting browns were cold, hard grays, which made the place seem much more intimidating than it needed to be. A roughly hewn wooden door stood behind her, and a pile of blankets sat in the corner opposite the door. A window was the only source of light, it's dulled and scratched surface letting precious little light into the cabin.

    Sighing, the woman stood up and walked over to the blankets. She picked two up and walked back to Duncan. She paused, taking in his appearance once again. He was exactly the same as she remembered him, and yet something was different.

    He was still the same on the outside, however. When standing, she guessed he was about 5'9". Something like that, anyway. His long, untidy brown hair fell across his now closed dark blue eyes, in a way she knew he hated. His normally cut physique was still there as well, she was happy to note. But still, something felt off.

    She frowned, kneeling down and tenderly tucked one of the ragged blankets around the teenager. She laid down beside Duncan and threw the second blanket over herself.

    How had she gotten to this point? She relaxed her head, allowing a wave of memories to wash over her...


    ~-~-~


    “Ouch!”

    A thumbtack and a splatter of blood fell to the floor.

    Cursing, Michelle withdrew her hand from a cabinet. A stream of blood was issuing from her index finger.

    She looked around the cramped kitchen, looking for a bandage. Nothing was in it, besides a small refrigerator, oven, sink and the small cabinet that she currently was standing in front of. “Duncan! I need some help here!”

    The sound of footsteps filled the girl's ears, and a moment later Duncan walked in. “What did you do?”

    “That damn tack got my finger...”

    He smiled, walking over to the girl. “Here, let me see.”

    Michelle offered her finger to Duncan, who took it gently. “Let's get this cleaned up.” he said quietly.

    The pair walked over to the sink, and Duncan turned on the water. He pulled her hand underneath it, chuckling.

    “What?” she asked defensively.

    “Oh, nothing.” he said, grinning at the girl.

    Michelle opened her mouth, then closed it and smiled. “Thanks.”

    He nodded, still grinning. He reached forward and turned off the water. “There, that should help. I'll go find you a bandage.”

    She nodded, watching as Duncan left the room. “Thanks...”



    ~-~-~


    “Michelle!”

    The woman smiled, turning around to face the newcomer. A tall man sat down on the small bench beside her. He looked to be nearly six feet tall and in his early twenties. An untrimmed mustache and beard covered much of his face, and long, slicked back brown hair sat atop his head. A black traveling coat covered the rest of his body.

    “Tay.” said the woman, smiling and hugging the man. He chuckled, gently pulling away and looking around at the scene. It was mid-winter in Rustboro, and their surroundings showed it. The trees were bare and snow-covered, the ground was hidden under several thick inches of snow. A walkway had been cleared inside the park, and they were alone.

    “It's been a while. How is Junior?”

    Michelle smiled. “He is a handful, let me tell you. He's about to turn four, actually.”

    “I'm glad to hear it. I really do apologize for not being around to help you out. It can't be easy, without...him.”

    The woman shook her head slowly, looking away. “It's fine. We've been managing.”

    Tay nodded, patting the woman's hand gently. “Well, I have a lot to talk to you about. I'm sorry I haven't been able to talk to you lately, but I've been...busy.”

    The brown haired woman laughed softly. “I would say so. I haven't seen you since what? Duncan's first birthday?”

    “It's been about that long. Well, the real reason I came was that I need your help. I've spent the past couple years looking for something, and I've finally found it. The thing is...what I need to do with it is dangerous. If I fail...I need you to get it back for me.”

    Michelle remained silent for a moment, still contemplating the snow that surrounded them. “What are you saying, Tay?”

    The man sighed deeply. “I...don't want to get into the details. Look, I won't be going for another week. If...I end up needing your help, then it will be a simple deal. I'm not entirely sure where to go right now, but soon enough I will be able to tell you. Once you get to...the spot, look around. There will be two scrolls of paper and a katana. Take them, and guard them with your life.”

    The wind picked up considerably, and a stony silence fell over the pair. “We're not kids anymore.” said Michelle quietly after a moment.

    “Hmm?”

    “We're not kids. Not like...back then, when we were busting up Team Rocket and flying around Sinnoh like lunatics. Things are different now. Look...what happened to Duncan,”

    Tay flinched, looking away from the woman and remaining silent.

    “If he hadn't been so...gung ho, I suppose, do you think that he wouldn't still be here with me? He always liked the dangerous life, and so do you. Have you ever paused, just for a second, to think about how your actions impact other people?” She broke off, taking a deep, shuddering breath.

    Once again, the pair fell silent. Nothing but the whistle of the wind filled their ears. After a few moments of this, Tay stood up.

    “Well...I'm sorry you feel that way. Goodbye, Michelle.” He paused for a moment, but the woman did not look up at him. He sighed, then turned and walked away.



    ~-~-~


    Slowly he opened his eyes. A sleeping Michelle lay in front of him, carefully wrapped in a blanket. He smiled contentedly, pulling his own blanket closer to him. It had been so long since he had been able to do this...

    His eyes flashed open. “What the hell?!” Duncan yelled, leaping to his feet. He was in a small, dark cabin. One grimy window was all that let light in, and what it illuminated was far from what one might describe as nice.

    The woman woke up abruptly, looking up at the teenager. A small smile appeared on her face. “Hi.”

    He fell down on the ground, panting heavily. “What,” he started. “The hell is going on?”

    She sighed softly. “I...wish I could tell you. I really do.”

    Duncan looked down at his shaking hands. He was more scared now that he had ever been in his life. “Why...is everything...gray?”

    She blinked.

    “Why...is everything gray? A good question...”

    He took a deep breath. Something clicked, in that moment. The whole moment had seemed so...dreamlike. In that moment, he felt like he had woken up. A sad smile curled his lips as the realization hit him.

    “Things are different now, huh?”

    Michelle softly looked up at the teenager. “They are," she agreed. "Duncan...I missed you.”

    He smiled at the woman. “I wish I could say the same, but the last thing I remember was...seeing you. Then I fell through that...portal," he said softly. "But this...this scares the living shit out of me.”

    Softly, the woman laughed. It penetrated the deep silence that surrounded the pair. “I can't even begin to explain...” she said sadly.

    “Try.”

    “Well...I don't really know. But...Giratina did this. He must have cracked your...tombstone. Then everything turned...gray.”

    “You aren't making sense.”

    “It's the Eternal Night, Duncan. It...no one can die. People have been here for years, but no one can die...”

    He blinked. “Giratina did this? But...”

    “Get out here! Now!”

    The voice penetrated Duncan's head. It was loud and harsh, and it brought him back to his senses. “What's that?”

    The woman started. “Oh my God,” she breathed. “They've found us!”

    “What?” exclaimed Duncan, jumping to his feet. “Who?”

    “Th-them! Just run!” cried Michelle. She leapt to her feet and looked out the grimy window. “There's ten of them!”

    Duncan shook his head. The mystery of who these people were could wait. Without pausing to think, he grabbed Michelle's hand and slammed open the door. He pulled her outside.

    It was like entering a new world. The monochromatic setting was much louder than he was expecting. The wind blew furiously, and the gray and black trees slowly creaked as the wind blew them to their limits.

    Ten heavily armored men stood in front of the cabin. They were dressed in black armor, similar to something like ancient Chinese armor. Tall spikes rose from their shoulders, and grooved masks covered their faces. Long, sharp swords sat in hilts in their waists.

    Instantly Duncan knew he had done the wrong thing. Three of the men moved forward, grabbing both Duncan and Michelle. Two grabbed Duncan, pulling his arms behind his back without a word. He didn't resist, as the pair were much larger than he. A soft grunt told him that Michelle had been grabbed as well.

    Roughly, the men pushed the pair to their knees. It was amazing. These men were ruthlessly efficient. It had taken less than ten seconds for them to capture and subdue the pair.

    One walked forward, chuckling softly. “Plotting against Our Lord is not wise, my friends...”

    Duncan felt his head being jerked downward, forcing him to speak to the ground. He had to be careful with his words, because he doubted these men would hesitate to kill them.

    “Of course we weren't plotting against Our Lord.”

    Big mistake. Instantly, he felt a foot collide with his chest. He fell backward, collapsing onto the ground.

    “How dare you speak to me like that?” came an angered reply. “I should kill you both right now!”

    “We-we are sorry!” came Michelle's frightened reply from beside Duncan.

    “It is too late for such apologies! Kill the woman!”

    Duncan's heart stopped. All rational thought was extinguished from his mind. His training kicked in, and he leapt into action. He pulled his arms forward, but the guards held him fast. He then pushed upward with his feet, causing the guards to lose their strong hold on him.

    With one swift motion, the teenager pulled the guards off their feet and sent them crashing to the ground. He pulled his fist back, starting toward the man in front of him. He looked up with a roar, and locked eyes with the man in front of him.

    He had neglected to notice before, but this man was nothing like the others. He wore no visible armor, only a loose fitting black robe with a sword in a scabbard on his waist.

    Time seemed to slow. The man slowly looked upward, his face looking full on at Duncan. His first thought was that the man looked incredibly tired. Long, pale bags surrounded his sunken eyes. He had short, black hair and striking gray eyes. When he saw these eyes, he knew he had made a fatal mistake.

    “I daresay it's been a while, Duncan.”

    The scene froze entirely. The trees stopped blowing, the wind stopped howling and all the guards froze, along with Michelle. It was as if time had stopped.

    “You...”

    The man smiled widely, opening his arms in a gesture of peace. “How...boring it has been without you...I am glad to see you.”

    He attempted to look away from the man's gaunt face, but to his horror he found that he couldn't move a muscle.

    “I can't exactly say the same.”

    The man dropped the smile. “But of course. Our last meeting...was not my finest hour. However, I have been busy...”

    “What do you want, Dusek?”

    “Only to say hello, of course. I missed our games, my son...but this...is no game...”

    Suddenly the world fell back into motion. Duncan fell to the ground at the man's feet, and he was quickly forced back to his feet by another pair of guards. He was thrown backward onto the ground.

    “Now, my son. I have waited fifty long years to do this...” The man pulled the sword from it's sheath, slowly walking over to where Michelle laid.

    It all happened in a split second. The woman looked up in horror, watching as the sword arced downward at her.


    She slowly turned to Duncan.


    A tear dropped from her face, taking an eternity to fall to the ground.


    Then a sound, a terrible sound, filled Duncan's ears.


    The tear hit the ground, and was quickly covered by a splatter of blood.


    Michelle slowly began falling to the ground, her graceful body coming to earth with the smallest of noises.


    “At the dawn...the death will come...”


    The words uttered from her mouth spilled out just as the blood had, cascading over Duncan like a river of water.


    Her mouth curled into a smile.


    Then her eyes closed, and she fell silent.









    |||end|||
    Last edited by duncan; 26th April 2009 at 12:27 AM.

  2. #2
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    FIRST POST! WHEEE!!!

    : And so TEN finally comes, though I ponder where One to Nine went. Clearly this is gripping indeed, what with life turning around the chaos of the fact nobody is dying. Interesting concept, really, what with Dusek running reaper, choosing who and what dies when, and his Genji-like armies making an interesting focus onto Duncan. Excellent fic, my friend, and excellent first chapter. Heep us hooked.

    : My thoughts are that this could possibly be the Duncan from LoS, though it may be his son. My queries are upheld by the fact that Dusek referred to him as 'son'. Right now I am unsure of this whole plot, as it is still early on.


    I reject your Nyancats and replace it with my own.
    FB

  3. #3
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    Oh, oh, oh, it's starting, it's starting, it's starting! *scampers around in glee* And second post! It's a personal, if not a thread, record.

    I'm sorry, I just haven't had a chance to do that nowadays. And I was a part of this for longer than I have been a part of things for in a while.

    What a journey you've taken, duncan. All the way from the first saga, and now we have what can be safely put into in the assembly of SPPF legends. Legends of the new era, so to speak. Imagery, drama, some very interesting concepts and positions for the characters, and masterful use of flashbacks and such devices. I could expect this experience to be almost mystic to a new reader. After your usual action/adventure theme has been tempered with description and detail, the result is quite complete and satisfying.

    The plot, the plot! Michelle is DEAD. Given the twisted borders of life and death in this fiction, perhaps this isn't so gigantic, but it's undeniable that if such a main character is killed off so early, you don't plan on leaving many scruples for the characters. I have a feeling this will be very darkfic, unless the Barrier aforemented in the preview is actually a barrier to protect a single region from the Eternal Night and there is a 'haven', of sorts, out there in Sinnoh. In fact... that makes a lot of sense. I hadn't noticed, stupidly, that when Dusek and his friend were talking about a barrier, it was for protecting a minority against a majority and not the other way round. It's just that the haven doesn't seem to mean all that much, now that Michelle, a choice person for protecting i a haven, is dead.

    Wait a minute: can people really die in the Eternal Night? Death would not take them, as you said. Unless the Phantom Overlord's men somehow have a bypass around this imoortality problem, perhaps Michelle is not dead but merely very injured. Of course, it could go both ways; how inventive. It is, as most of your other chapters, a cliffhanger.

    Oh, and I nearly forgot: the sole error:

    His lungs contracted, slowly inhaling life-giving air. Each breath felt like an eternity, yet was gone before he was aware of its presence.
    Lungs expand when they inhale; the diaphragm contracts during inspiration.
    Last edited by Praxiteles; 1st February 2008 at 5:34 PM.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by fishyfool View Post
    FIRST POST! WHEEE!!!
    Congratulations. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by fishyfool View Post
    : And so TEN finally comes, though I ponder where One to Nine went. Clearly this is gripping indeed, what with life turning around the chaos of the fact nobody is dying. Interesting concept, really, what with Dusek running reaper, choosing who and what dies when, and his Genji-like armies making an interesting focus onto Duncan. Excellent fic, my friend, and excellent first chapter. Heep us hooked.
    Haha, TEN is short for The Eternal Night. I'm glad you liked it, and I'll do my best.

    Quote Originally Posted by fishyfool View Post
    : My thoughts are that this could possibly be the Duncan from LoS, though it may be his son. My queries are upheld by the fact that Dusek referred to him as 'son'. Right now I am unsure of this whole plot, as it is still early on.
    Yes, it is Duncan Sr. And the plot...well, I'm not saying anything. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by Luphinid Silnaek View Post
    Oh, oh, oh, it's starting, it's starting, it's starting! *scampers around in glee* And second post! It's a personal, if not a thread, record.
    Haha, I'm glad you got second then. I wasn't expecting to be reviewed so fast, actually.

    Quote Originally Posted by Luphinid Silnaek View Post
    I'm sorry, I just haven't had a chance to do that nowadays. And I was a part of this for longer than I have been a part of things for in a while.

    What a journey you've taken, duncan. All the way from the first saga, and now we have what can be safely put into in the assembly of SPPF legends. Legends of the new era, so to speak. Imagery, drama, some very interesting concepts and positions for the characters, and masterful use of flashbacks and such devices. I could expect this experience to be almost mystic to a new reader. After your usual action/adventure theme has been tempered with description and detail, the result is quite complete and satisfying.
    ...Are you serious? And I was worried about the chapter not working out well. You don't know how happy I am right now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Luphinid Silnaek View Post
    The plot, the plot! Michelle is DEAD. Given the twisted borders of life and death in this fiction, perhaps this isn't so gigantic, but it's undeniable that if such a main character is killed off so early, you don't plan on leaving many scruples for the characters. I have a feeling this will be very darkfic, unless the Barrier aforemented in the preview is actually a barrier to protect a single region from the Eternal Night and there is a 'haven', of sorts, out there in Sinnoh. In fact... that makes a lot of sense. I hadn't noticed, stupidly, that when Dusek and his friend were talking about a barrier, it was for protecting a minority against a majority and not the other way round. It's just that the haven doesn't seem to mean all that much, now that Michelle, a choice person for protecting i a haven, is dead.
    Haha. Now, I have to choose what I say carefully here. The Barrier and the "haven" will be explained fairly shortly here, so don't worry. Excellent theory.

    Quote Originally Posted by Luphinid Silnaek View Post
    Wait a minute: can people really die in the Eternal Night? Death would not take them, as you said. Unless the Phantom Overlord's men somehow have a bypass around this imoortality problem, perhaps Michelle is not dead but merely very injured. Of course, it could go both ways; how inventive. It is, as most of your other chapters, a cliffhanger.

    Oh, and I nearly forgot: the sole error:



    Lungs expand when they inhale; the diaphragm contracts during inspiration.
    Well...the finer details of The Eternal Night wil be explained later, but yes, people can "die". Just not in the traditional sense. You'll see.

    Ah, I knew I must have missed something. I'll go fix it. Thanks for the review, Luphinid. Same to you, fishyfool.

  5. #5
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    Haha, Luphinid's review really makes you as happy as when Michelle met with Duncan again, huh? XD Also, I giggled when thinking of older Michelle and younger Duncan (assuming he's still his seventeen year old self after gone for fifty years) together in one room...sorry, the image of that is just too funny to me. XD

    Anyways, to the review. I was looking forward to this and I'm glad it started out quite nicely. =D Yeah, like Luphinid said, you have improved A LOT. If you keep up this improvement this turn out to be a great fic at the end. My favorite part is defeintly at the end. It's dramatic and it worked out effectively. Hm...I too wonder if Michelle is dead or just really injured. =O

    There are a couple of things that I want to point out though.

        Spoiler:- it's actually something unrelated to this fic, sort of:


    Another thing is so everything is gray, black, and white? I don't know, there are parts where you described everything is of those colors but there are times you describe people, things, etc. in different colors, like Michelle's brown hair.

    Well, nothing else to say but the story started off with a bang. And forty to fifty chapters? Dang, sweet! XD


    Tumblr | FFnet | Author's Profile| Archive of Our Own | Banner: Umi Mizuno
    I'm still writing, but probably not much Pokemon stuff at the moment. HAM!


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    Quote Originally Posted by Bay View Post
    Haha, Luphinid's review really makes you as happy as when Michelle met with Duncan again, huh? XD Also, I giggled when thinking of older Michelle and younger Duncan (assuming he's still his seventeen year old self after gone for fifty years) together in one room...sorry, the image of that is just too funny to me. XD
    Did I say that? And yeah, there was an irony in there somewhere. I'll find it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bay View Post
    Anyways, to the review. I was looking forward to this and I'm glad it started out quite nicely. =D Yeah, like Luphinid said, you have improved A LOT. If you keep up this improvement this turn out to be a great fic at the end. My favorite part is defeintly at the end. It's dramatic and it worked out effectively. Hm...I too wonder if Michelle is dead or just really injured. =O
    Thanks! And about Michelle...like I'm saying. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by Bay View Post
    There are a couple of things that I want to point out though.

        Spoiler:- it's actually something unrelated to this fic, sort of:
        Spoiler:- Really?:


    Quote Originally Posted by Bay View Post
    Another thing is so everything is gray, black, and white? I don't know, there are parts where you described everything is of those colors but there are times you describe people, things, etc. in different colors, like Michelle's brown hair.

    Well, nothing else to say but the story started off with a bang. And forty to fifty chapters? Dang, sweet! XD
    Gah. Writing everything without color is really a challenge. Have to shift your entire is a major pain, believe me. I'll try to be more careful in the future.

    Thanks for the review, Bay! I'm planning forty to fifty, but it's still way early. We'll see.

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    What a coincidence, I visit this site after almost a week's absence, and I find another great fiction staring at me. I shouldn't run. I can't.

    You used a new style with Eternal Night, didn't you? It is more vague...and kind of...persuitive. Don't ask what that should mean, it is kind of a persuit-like thing. Persuit...I like the word.

    A lot is left uncovered, and -believe or not- I may read the two before! I mean the one before...sadly, I ruined it on myself...

    (Yes, I jumped to the last chapter and read the end. Sorry.)

    Ancient armor? Swords?! I love swords, did I tell you that? It seems either gunpower doesn't function here, which reminds me of Roger Zelany's fantasy works, or that gunpower just sucks. I like the second. Down with guns!! Those noisy fools!

    :"Noisy fools?"

    About the fiction, colors are really a challange to think of...it's kind of like characters in War and Peace. (I needed a notepad to remember everyone's names and nicknames, family names and co-worker names. Don't ask.)
    Easy to forget in short, subtle words.

    Down with description! *Weilds a pitchfork and a torch*

    It sounds epic though...    Spoiler:- Speculation:

    Now with those horribly inaccurate and ill-informed speculations, I have to agree with millions (Or three) people who saw a drastic improvement from LoS.

    I was afraid I won't be able to catch up, and eventually forget...but you PMed me for something and it was just *Ping* and I remembered.

    Strange, I am feeling a truckload of fantasy/mystery/adventure themes on your first chapter. This is a very good start, and you got me hooked.

    Not in a bad way.



    ...After the summeries come out, I could decide which chapter to read...two fictions on a would-be reading list is horrifying, don't you agree?

    I hope you don't take this personally, but everyone has some obligations.
    Even though reading would-be masterpieces like these are surly tempting.

    ~Aspire to inspire before you expire~
    Your unstable reviewer, Psyblade.
    I'm back.

    No, no more stories, I'm still recovering from the horror that was Forgotten Paths. I'll just drop by your thread, post a cruel mocking review or two and be on my way.
    (*Innocent grin*)

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Psyblade View Post
    What a coincidence, I visit this site after almost a week's absence, and I find another great fiction staring at me. I shouldn't run. I can't.

    You used a new style with Eternal Night, didn't you? It is more vague...and kind of...persuitive. Don't ask what that should mean, it is kind of a persuit-like thing. Persuit...I like the word.
    I was wondering where everyone went. XD

    Yes, thanks for noticing! I had to, actually. If I was going to make a clean break from LoS, then I had to redo EVERYTHING.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psyblade View Post
    A lot is left uncovered, and -believe or not- I may read the two before! I mean the one before...sadly, I ruined it on myself...

    (Yes, I jumped to the last chapter and read the end. Sorry.)
    XD No problem. I don't blame you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psyblade View Post
    Ancient armor? Swords?! I love swords, did I tell you that? It seems either gunpower doesn't function here, which reminds me of Roger Zelany's fantasy works, or that gunpower just sucks. I like the second. Down with guns!! Those noisy fools!

    :"Noisy fools?"
    Excellent point. Yes, there are guns in the Night. But...they don't really need them. The only people who are armed is Dusek, and a few other Uber villains, which will be introduced later in the fic.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psyblade View Post
    About the fiction, colors are really a challange to think of...it's kind of like characters in War and Peace. (I needed a notepad to remember everyone's names and nicknames, family names and co-worker names. Don't ask.)
    Easy to forget in short, subtle words.

    Down with description! *Weilds a pitchfork and a torch*
    Yes, it is. Unfortunately I don't have it down yet (as Bay rightfully pointed out).

    Quote Originally Posted by Psyblade View Post
    It sounds epic though...    Spoiler:- Speculation:

    Now with those horribly inaccurate and ill-informed speculations, I have to agree with millions (Or three) people who saw a drastic improvement from LoS.
        Spoiler:- Anti-Speculation:


    And thank you very much. It means a lot.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psyblade View Post
    I was afraid I won't be able to catch up, and eventually forget...but you PMed me for something and it was just *Ping* and I remembered.

    Strange, I am feeling a truckload of fantasy/mystery/adventure themes on your first chapter. This is a very good start, and you got me hooked.

    Not in a bad way.
    Haha, yeah. Don't worry about catching up, TEN chapters will come MUCH slower than LoS, so I can spend more time getting them right.

    :O Already I have someone hooked?


    Quote Originally Posted by Psyblade View Post
    ...After the summeries come out, I could decide which chapter to read...two fictions on a would-be reading list is horrifying, don't you agree?

    I hope you don't take this personally, but everyone has some obligations.
    Even though reading would-be masterpieces like these are surly tempting.

    ~Aspire to inspire before you expire~
    Your unstable reviewer, Psyblade.
    Ah. No problem, though I'm not really sure when and if I'm doing summaries. Thanks for the review, Psyblade!

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    Frell, and frell. o.o Cool stuff right from the start--now that's something I definitely like to see.

    First of all, what a way to kick off a story: a chapter that begins with (what I assume to be) a major character's return to life and ends with (what appears to be) a major character's death--but just what is death, anyway, in a world where no one dies? o.o I get a pretty darned strong feeling that there is way in the frell more to what happened to Michelle there at the end that what's readily apparent. When someone is "killed" in the world as it's become, are they perhaps not dead but something else... maybe something worse? o.o Brrr...

    The world under the Eternal Night makes for an awesome setting, I'd say. It's bleak as frell, and creepy as frell, too. A world where no one can die... not a comforting thought if you ask me. Mortality exists for darned good reasons... o.o; I loved the surreal imagery that setting has provided, too. I thought the coolest thing of all was the... well, I keep calling it an "antisun". Specifically, I'm referring to this:

    A round black object hung in the sky, seemingly absorbing the surrounding light. It was a pure black, something his newborn mind had never seen before.
    Yeah, that was cool.

    I also liked the very beginning of the chapter, and particularly what I like to refer to as the "bump" section. X3 The way that part was handled gave that scene this nice, suspenseful air about it as he slowly came back to life. I really liked that. ^^

    Another really cool part: when Duncan and Michelle first reunited. The way he saw this strange "creature" coming up to him, screaming his name and crying--and then that "creature" turned out to be Michelle. I thought that was great, the way you chose to do that part. ^^

    Now, back to the matter of no one being able to die in this... I've got two questions regarding that. One, are people still being born? Two, is it only humans who have become unable to die, or are any other creatures being affected in this way?

    This story already looks interesting as frell. I think I'm going to like the heck out of this.
    DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK
    (Or do. I don't actually mind.)
    The Origin of Storms | Communication

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sike Saner View Post
    Frell, and frell. o.o Cool stuff right from the start--now that's something I definitely like to see.

    First of all, what a way to kick off a story: a chapter that begins with (what I assume to be) a major character's return to life and ends with (what appears to be) a major character's death--but just what is death, anyway, in a world where no one dies? o.o I get a pretty darned strong feeling that there is way in the frell more to what happened to Michelle there at the end that what's readily apparent. When someone is "killed" in the world as it's become, are they perhaps not dead but something else... maybe something worse? o.o Brrr...
    Thanks for the review, Sike. Nice timing, too. And really excellent theory there. Really can't say anything else, though. You guys figure out the smallest clue I give you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sike Saner View Post
    The world under the Eternal Night makes for an awesome setting, I'd say. It's bleak as frell, and creepy as frell, too. A world where no one can die... not a comforting thought if you ask me. Mortality exists for darned good reasons... o.o; I loved the surreal imagery that setting has provided, too. I thought the coolest thing of all was the... well, I keep calling it an "antisun". Specifically, I'm referring to this:



    Yeah, that was cool.
    Exactly. And yeah, I'm glad you liked that. A nice touch, I thought.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sike Saner View Post
    I also liked the very beginning of the chapter, and particularly what I like to refer to as the "bump" section. X3 The way that part was handled gave that scene this nice, suspenseful air about it as he slowly came back to life. I really liked that. ^^
    Thanks. The thing about that part is, I wrote it well before LoS ended. I just had that idea, and Voila!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sike Saner View Post
    Another really cool part: when Duncan and Michelle first reunited. The way he saw this strange "creature" coming up to him, screaming his name and crying--and then that "creature" turned out to be Michelle. I thought that was great, the way you chose to do that part. ^^
    Heh. I had a lot of fun with that one.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sike Saner View Post
    Now, back to the matter of no one being able to die in this... I've got two questions regarding that. One, are people still being born? Two, is it only humans who have become unable to die, or are any other creatures being affected in this way?

    This story already looks interesting as frell. I think I'm going to like the heck out of this.
    Ah. Okay, well for one, no people are being born. And two...well, I really can't answer that. There are no Pokemon in the Eternal Night. *shuts up*

    Thanks for your review, Sike. Yours always make me grin like crazy.

    Anyway...after a nearly two week wait, I've got...a new chapter! XD Enjoy:







    blazing dreams: the eternal night
    by duncan



    this fiction is rated pg-13 for elements of violence and profanity



    volume two: the broken dream




    Rage laid waste to his heart.


    An inferno blazed in his soul.


    Fury overwhelmed his mind.


    He fell to his knees, his eyes unseeing.


    ~-~-~


    A beast raised its drowsing head.


    Something...new was here.


    With a sudden flash, a figure stepped out of the darkness. It paused, looking around for a moment. Then it tossed something down onto the ground, and the figure melted into the darkness.


    Curiously, the beast approached the place where the figure had appeared.


    A small, gray key sat on the black floor, looking totally unremarkable.


    It slowly reached down for the key, picking it up with its underdeveloped arms.


    It looked at it for a few moments, then closed its hand over the small key.


    Instantly the key turned jet black, and the beast opened its hand again.


    Satisfied, the beast raised the key to its chest, where a dull black gem laid dormant.


    It instantly came to life, glowing a vivid blue.


    The key shuddered as the beast pushed it toward the gem.


    After a moments struggle, the key touched the gem and lit up with a flash.


    It disappeared, and the beast closed its hand, satisfied.



    ~-~-~


    Duncan's glowing blue eyes flew open. An unbelievable power was coursing through his veins. With each new beat of his heart, more and more of the power spread.


    Gently, he rose up off the ground. His entire body was bathed in blue light, contrasting sharply with the dull pallet of grays that surrounded him.


    Fury dictated his thoughts, leaving nothing left other than the death of those who had killed her.


    The energy enveloped his arm, extending down beyond his fingers. With one broad, slicing motion of his arm, the energy ripped through the awestruck guards.


    With a soft whisper, they fell into dust.


    "Now...we shall play."


    Dusek looked up from the graceful body of Michelle silently. "About time." he said curtly.


    Duncan didn't flinch. The power was crashing through his body. It felt...good. It was if he had lost something a long time ago, and had now finally found it. Without pausing to think, he inhaled deeply and opened his mouth. With a roar, a coarsing blue beam shot out of his mouth, straight at Dusek's slight frame.


    It happened so fast that he didn't know what hit him. A shimmering pink shield appeared in front of Dusek, absorbing the blast as if it wasn't even there.


    "No. This is not a game. This..."


    Dusek raised his gaunt face up, staring Duncan full in the eye.


    "Is a slaughter."


    ~-~-~



    The skies will burn


    With firm, powerful step, a man turned down a corridor. He wore long, black robes that covered his entire body.


    The Deity shall try in vain to end what he started


    He reached into his pocket, fingering a pair of stones in his hand.


    The Overlord shall take the Eternal barrier


    A large door brought the corridor to an abrupt halt. It was large, standing at over fifteen feet tall. Two spheres rested on the door. One, a vibrant blue. It was cut like a diamond, with the small amount of light glimmering off of it's many faucets. The other, a vivid pink. It was perfectly round, and bore a resemblance to a pearl.


    And smash it to his whim


    The man raised his arms without a word. He rested his hands on each of the spheres. Instantly, his left hand was enveloped in a blue light. His right lit up in a pink light. The spheres responded, and slid into the door.


    The Great Phoenix will try again to be the Savior


    "Far too simple...It's almost as if you wanted me to enter..." The man pushed the door open and walked inside.


    And fail miserably


    The room was totally empty. Nothing but a fist sized hunk of crystal was in the room. The man approached it, kneeling down in front of it. He looked at it closely. It was a single piece of crystal, looking totally unremarkable.


    The second Eternity will come to an end


    Except one thing.


    Just as the Deity had planned


    It, unlike the rest of the monochromatic world, was filled with vibrant color. "Now...it is my turn."


    All will be lost


    He chuckled softly to himself, pocketing the crystal and leaving the room.


    All but one


    ~-~-~


    He opened his eyes, only to find darkness staring back at him. "DUSEK!" he roared.


    Anger was surging through his veins, clouding his judgement. Nothing else mattered, not the infinite darkness that surrounded him on all sides nor the absence of the blue energy that had, only moments before, engulfed him.


    "If I knew killing Michelle would make you this furious, I would have done it years ago."


    Without pausing a second, the teenager spun around and flew at the calm voice. But nothing but the impenetrable darkness was there.


    "Where are you, you bastard?!"


    "Get a hold of yourself."


    He spun around again, but it was futile. He was alone.


    "You have no idea where you are, do you?"


    Duncan inhaled deeply, trying to calm his rage. Dusek's sneering voice washed over him from all sides, yet he was nowhere to be seen. No matter what he did, the darkness did not lift.


    "I see you are calming down. But don't bother. All you think about is fighting. Here...it is different."


    "I'm sure it is. Come out and show me, then..."


    A mocking laugh filled his ears. "You...amuse me. More than before. You used to be an almost worthy aversary. But now...now you are nothing more than a shell. An angry shell, I might add."


    Rage built up in Duncan again. He clenched his shaking fists, doing his best to stay calm. "What the hell is going on?!"


    "Something you will never be able to comprehend, my son."


    "Where is Michelle?!"


    "She is dead."


    "NO! People can't die here! She said that!"


    "You will never see her again."


    The darkness began descending on him. He began gasping for air, clinging to his last strands of sanity. "No..."


    "How...I enjoy seeing you lose it, one last time. I was right. You are weak."


    "No..." he mumbled. His eyes began darting around erratically, his entire body trembling. "No..."


    "I believe that is enough. Goodbye, Duncan..."


    "I...won't..." The world continued spinning at a feverish pace, and every gasp of air cost a terrible effort. The suffocating darkness closed in on him, attempting to strip him from the very life he clung to.


    "I...WON'T!"



    Instantly the darkness lifted and the spinning stopped. His feet slammed down on the hard ground, and all was quiet. He looked up to see the scene as he had left it, with the silent body of Michelle lying at Dusek's feet.


    "Welcome...back."


    ~-~-~


    The sharp sounds of shoes walking on hard stone echoed around the corridor. It was large, much larger than it needed to be. Dark gray stones covered the ceiling, walls and floor. It gave the corridor a very eerie feel, something that wouldn't go unnoticed to the casual passerby. A tall man, dressed in an even larger black robe, ignored it completely.

    He walked to the end of the corridor, stopping in front of an immense black door. It swung in easily at his approach.

    He stepped forward into the room, and was plunged into semi-darkness. The door closed behind him, cutting off the remaining light.

    "Yes?"

    The man cleared his throat. "My Lord. I have...interesting news."

    "Which would be...?"

    "Duncan...is out and about. He...has met up with the Mortal Michelle McNeil." said the man quietly.

    "Michelle...yes. Continue."

    "Of course, My Lord," continued the man. "They were confronted by some of the Shadow Corps. Dusek just...happened to be with them,"

    The man fell silent, waiting for a reply. After several seconds, he continued.

    "He did something to Michelle. I...don't entirely understand it, but she is dead." said the man, in a voice that barely rose above a whisper.

    "I see...You do not understand this, of course?"

    "No..."

    "You do not need to. I shall deal with Dusek later. What of Duncan?"

    "That is the interesting part. He was engulfed by a...blue energy," said the man. He had to choose his words very carefully.

    "Do not play me as a fool. You are, though you may be ignorant of them, in possession of the Powers of Time and Space. Even you would recognize them."

    "I did, My Lord. My apologies. He activated his powers of Time, and proceeded to attack Dusek."

    "Which, of course, failed miserably. What did the scum do to Duncan?"

    "He...froze matter. They are still fighting at this moment."

    The man fell silent. He had been very convincing, and nothing about his performance had been overdone. Everything happened just as he had planned.

    "Very well. Leave."

    "Of course, My Lord." With a swift nod, the man turned on his heel and exited the room.


    ~-~-~


    "How I underestimate you, time and time again..." said Dusek quietly. He sighed deeply, looking down upon Michelle.

    Duncan fell to his knees, panting heavily. "What...was that...?"

    "It is of little matter, now," said Dusek quietly. "Now...I shall have to resort to something a little...different." With that, he took his foot and kicked Michelle's body, pushing it out of the way.

    "You!" cried Duncan. He clenched his fists again, as his anger overwhelmed him again. Dusek smiled sadly as the blue energy engulfed Duncan once more, blazing around his slight figure.

    "Enough of this," said Dusek. He clenched his fist, and it became enveloped in a vivid pink energy. His fingers seemed to melt together, and his arm ignited with the energy. "Enough of your meddling. Just...DIE!"

    With a scream, the man thrust his arm forward toward Duncan. The pink energy rushed toward the teenager, an instant from obliterating him.

    With a flash, the leading edge of the energy exploding, sending Duncan flying backward. He slammed to the ground several feet back, blazing energy receded.

    "What?" hissed Dusek, turning his head around.

    "Back away, slowly."

    Dusek turned his head around to see a man walking out from the trees beside the cabin. He was tall, with a broad gray plate over his chest. Black shoes, pants and helmet covered the rest of his body. His face was covered with a beveled white mask.

    Dusek froze, glaring at the newcomer. "Who are you?"

    The man slowly and purposefully walked over to Duncan, keeping his face to Dusek. "It is none of your concern."

    Without another word, the man picked up the injured Duncan and slung him over his back. "Do not attempt to follow us, or the Resistance will kill you without mercy. Got it?"

    "I asked, who are you? Surely no common soldier?"

    The man stopped, staring at Dusek for another moment. Then, he started backing up toward the treeline. "Remember, do not try to follow us."

    Dusek launched toward the retreating man, but he leapt backward into the trees and was quickly enveloped by the greenery.

    "No!" snarled Dusek, scanning the trees for the man, but to no avail. The Resistance had Duncan, now. There was no turning back for either of them.


    "To the end, Duncan...to the end..."








    |||end|||





        Spoiler:- Random Notes:
    Last edited by duncan; 11th August 2008 at 5:54 AM.

  11. #11
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    Hm, I quite like this chapter because there are a couple of clues that you left here. Let me analyze that first
        Spoiler:- Deals with connections to your earlier works:


    Now, I actually thought you did Duncan's emotions of Michelle dead really well. Also, I was shock that Duesk just kick her body like that. Shame on him! >.> However, I felt he was being mad a little too soon. True, Duncan and Michelle been through a lot together...but he did came back fifty years later with almost all of his memory wiped out (or at least that is what I assume) and he just met Michelle again for a few hours.

    As for their powers...I was hoping Duncan turns to Dialga and Duesk turns to Palkia! XD In all serious though, I thought you did the fights pretty well and you did good on showing their emotions on when they were using it. However, there was one part I was confused:

    "Enough of this," said Dusek. He clenched his fist, and it became enveloped in a vivid pink energy. His fingers seemed to melt together, and his arm ignited with the energy. "Enough of your meddling. Just...DIE!"

    With a scream, the man thrust his arm forward toward Duncan. The pink energy rushed toward the teenager, an instant from obliterating him.

    With a flash, the leading edge of the energy exploding, sending Duncan flying backward. He slammed to the ground several feet back, blazing energy receded.

    "What?" hissed Dusek, turning his head around.

    "Back away, slowly."

    Dusek turned his head around to see a man walking out from the trees beside the cabin. He was tall, with a broad gray plate over his chest. Black shoes, pants and helmet covered the rest of his body. His face was covered with a beveled white mask.
    I'm confused. So I guess Dusek's attack hit Duncan but he was saved by that mysterious man in the mask?

    All in all, quite a good chapter. More things are bringing up (for instance, The Resistance) and also you're getting better with emotions and descriptions. Hehe, can't wait for the next chappie!

    PS- Happy Valentines Day! Haha, decided to have some sort of a tragic romance post on that day, huh? XD


    Tumblr | FFnet | Author's Profile| Archive of Our Own | Banner: Umi Mizuno
    I'm still writing, but probably not much Pokemon stuff at the moment. HAM!


  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bay View Post
    Hm, I quite like this chapter because there are a couple of clues that you left here. Let me analyze that first
        Spoiler:- Deals with connections to your earlier works:
    Thanks. Yeah, lots of clues dropped here. Let's see what you caught...

        Spoiler:- :):


    Quote Originally Posted by Bay View Post
    Now, I actually thought you did Duncan's emotions of Michelle dead really well. Also, I was shock that Duesk just kick her body like that. Shame on him! >.> However, I felt he was being mad a little too soon. True, Duncan and Michelle been through a lot together...but he did came back fifty years later with almost all of his memory wiped out (or at least that is what I assume) and he just met Michelle again for a few hours.
    Thank you. Yeah, there will be a lot more of Duncan mourning over Michelle in the future.

    Oh. No no, Duncan got his memory back when he woke up in the cabin. I'm sorry if I wan't clear on that, but yeah. He remembers everything, now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bay View Post
    As for their powers...I was hoping Duncan turns to Dialga and Duesk turns to Palkia! XD In all serious though, I thought you did the fights pretty well and you did good on showing their emotions on when they were using it. However, there was one part I was confused:

    Enough of this," said Dusek. He clenched his fist, and it became enveloped in a vivid pink energy. His fingers seemed to melt together, and his arm ignited with the energy. "Enough of your meddling. Just...DIE!"

    With a scream, the man thrust his arm forward toward Duncan. The pink energy rushed toward the teenager, an instant from obliterating him.

    With a flash, the leading edge of the energy exploding, sending Duncan flying backward. He slammed to the ground several feet back, blazing energy receded.

    "What?" hissed Dusek, turning his head around.

    "Back away, slowly."

    Dusek turned his head around to see a man walking out from the trees beside the cabin. He was tall, with a broad gray plate over his chest. Black shoes, pants and helmet covered the rest of his body. His face was covered with a beveled white mask.
    I'm confused. So I guess Dusek's attack hit Duncan but he was saved by that mysterious man in the mask?
    Ah. Yes, I knew I had botched the description somehow. Dusek blasted an "energy beam" at Duncan, but the Mystery Man threw something in the way and it blew up in front of Duncan, tossing him backward. Sorry about that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bay View Post
    All in all, quite a good chapter. More things are bringing up (for instance, The Resistance) and also you're getting better with emotions and descriptions. Hehe, can't wait for the next chappie!

    PS- Happy Valentines Day! Haha, decided to have some sort of a tragic romance post on that day, huh? XD
    Thanks for the review, Bay. Yes, the Resistance will finally be explained next chapter, as will many other questions that I've brought up so far.

    And Happy Valentine's Day to you as well. XD I didn't plan on this chapter to be posted today, but I suppose it worked out well enough, didn't it? Thanks again.

  13. #13
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    Muwhahahaa...
    What do I see...I see a Resistance...
    Rebels PWN! Truthfully, they give a flavor to any kind of story.

    Um, I had a couple of speculations too, but the Bay's second was probably it.
    The Phionex was a bit obvious..
        Spoiler:- Spec:

    Other then those pretty far-fetched speculations, I was thinking... "Don't prophicies have any regard to grammar? No periods or anything.

    :"Talk about ruining the atmosphere."

    The sharp sounds of shoes walking on hard stone echoed around the corridor. It was large, much larger than it needed to be. Dark gray stones covered the ceiling, walls and floor. It gave the corridor a very eerie feel, something that wouldn't go unnoticed to the casual passerby. A tall man, dressed in an even larger black robe, ignored it completely.

    He walked to the end of the corridor, stopping in front of an immense black door. It swung in easily at his approach.

    He stepped forward into the room, and was plunged into semi-darkness. The door closed behind him, cutting off the remaining light.
    Don't get me wrong, but I was strongly reminded by those cheap white&Black colored gang movies. :P
    In places, colorless...ness is cool, in others it is sort of unneeded and dull.

    As in...colorless eyes always trump a dark room, don't they?
    A silver rose is colder then a blade.

    Late Emo warning.

    Um...one thing worth editing:
    Dusek turned his head around to see a man walking out from the trees beside the cabin. He was tall, with a broad gray plate over his chest. Black shoes, pants and helmet covered the rest of his body. His face was covered with a beveled white mask.
    What sort of helmet? If medival, that goes with the grey plate...or at least, I think it does. If motorcycleistic (<- not a word), it would go with a black/gray jacket.
    Off-topic: Is the color written Gray or Grey?

    Dusek launched toward the retreating man, but he leapt backward into the trees and was quickly enveloped by the greenery.
    Greenery? I understand colored energy, but did I miss something here? I thought it be black and white...unless I missed something (And I always do...having reading a chapter only one time.)

    Um...note about emotions, sometimes actions suffice for emotions better then repeatitive mentions of "Blind rage" and "Anger", choked breath, disbelivingly wide eyes, frequent grits of teeth and gripping hands (A favorate of mine) do much better to project the feelings of a character.
    Sometimes, unconnected words and sentences work even better.
    E.G.

    Quote Originally Posted by example of disconnected words due to anger or grief.
    "Dusek! You--No!"
    Cutting off actions or trailing off with words give a feeling of disregard or carelessness.
    Quote Originally Posted by example of trailing words, giving a sense of carelessness
    "Alright..." He mused coldly, shrugging at the disbeliving teenager, ignoring his wide, tear-trimmed eyes.
    Even with the crappy, 1-second planned sentence...I think you get what I mean.

    Quote Originally Posted by cutted out action, meant for desperate thoughts/actions
    He gripped his hair, opened his mouth and closed it miserably before lashing out something pink. :P.
    Um, again the color proves a wall.
    The chapters prove well-written, and vague. Just as I like it, but...I hate to be the one to bother you with this, but describing...
    I hate it myself, but...at least where we need it. We don't really need to know how a dude's jacket has ninety zippers, we would like to know...how...
    Argh...I can't explain what I mean...just that somethings that seem trival give more life.

    A breeze of air just takes three words to mention, and a sigh/cough/tear are very powerful for things so small.

    ~Y0Ur WaK0 R3v1w3R, P5y8!@d3.~
    I'm back.

    No, no more stories, I'm still recovering from the horror that was Forgotten Paths. I'll just drop by your thread, post a cruel mocking review or two and be on my way.
    (*Innocent grin*)

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Psyblade View Post
    Muwhahahaa...
    What do I see...I see a Resistance...
    Rebels PWN! Truthfully, they give a flavor to any kind of story.

    Um, I had a couple of speculations too, but the Bay's second was probably it.
    The Phionex was a bit obvious..
        Spoiler:- Spec:

    Other then those pretty far-fetched speculations, I was thinking... "Don't prophicies have any regard to grammar? No periods or anything.
    Hey, thanks for the review. And yes, it's always much more fun rooting for a resistance, or something of the like, in a fic.

        Spoiler:- Hmm:


    Haha, I know. But I really don't think ancient prophicies had all that great grammer, actually.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psyblade View Post
    :"Talk about ruining the atmosphere."


    Don't get me wrong, but I was strongly reminded by those cheap white&Black colored gang movies. :P
    In places, colorless...ness is cool, in others it is sort of unneeded and dull.

    As in...colorless eyes always trump a dark room, don't they?
    A silver rose is colder then a blade.

    Late Emo warning.
    Yes, I know. Unfortunately everywhere in the Eternal Night (barring a few special items and powers) is monochromatic (I love that word).

    Quote Originally Posted by Psyblade View Post
    Um...one thing worth editing:


    What sort of helmet? If medival, that goes with the grey plate...or at least, I think it does. If motorcycleistic (<- not a word), it would go with a black/gray jacket.
    Off-topic: Is the color written Gray or Grey?
    Oh yeah. I must have missed that in the last edit. For reference, the mysterious man looked somewhat like an ANBU, from the Naruto fame. Somewhat, of course.

    And it depends on where you live. Americans use gray, and the British use grey, I believe.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psyblade View Post
    Greenery? I understand colored energy, but did I miss something here? I thought it be black and white...unless I missed something (And I always do...having reading a chapter only one time.)
    Nice eye. Yes, nothing has color in it really. I just interchange greenery and shrubbery a lot.

    Quote Originally Posted by Psyblade View Post
    Um...note about emotions, sometimes actions suffice for emotions better then repeatitive mentions of "Blind rage" and "Anger", choked breath, disbelivingly wide eyes, frequent grits of teeth and gripping hands (A favorate of mine) do much better to project the feelings of a character.
    Sometimes, unconnected words and sentences work even better.
    E.G.


    Cutting off actions or trailing off with words give a feeling of disregard or carelessness.

    Even with the crappy, 1-second planned sentence...I think you get what I mean.
    Very nice advice. Thanks. I'll see if I can implement some of that for the next chapter, make it work better (because there are lots of emotions in that one).

    Quote Originally Posted by Psyblade View Post
    The chapters prove well-written, and vague. Just as I like it, but...I hate to be the one to bother you with this, but describing...
    I hate it myself, but...at least where we need it. We don't really need to know how a dude's jacket has ninety zippers, we would like to know...how...
    Argh...I can't explain what I mean...just that somethings that seem trival give more life.

    A breeze of air just takes three words to mention, and a sigh/cough/tear are very powerful for things so small.

    ~Y0Ur WaK0 R3v1w3R, P5y8!@d3.~
    Thanks again for the review, Psyblade. Much of this chapter, I neglected to mention, was supposed to be rather vague. The next chapter, once things calm down a bit, shall have much better description. Thanks again!

  15. #15
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    Each chapter, it seems, something new comes up. What I wish to know is whether the prophecy is an actual depiction of the future, but merely an apocalyptic consequence that the Hero will try and avert. It was said in LoS that the second eternity was ending, and that there would be no third, but that never came out to be. There was that HUMONGOUS muddle with a lot of deathly things happening that you will resolve in this saga.

    I suppose the major reason for all the plotty goodness is the sheer number of different actors we have here. There is the divine Deity, Overlord and Phoenix, each with their own parts to play and complicated motives, and then we have all the treacherous agents of Giratina which steal things here and there, and act ar more boldly than their master tells them to (though, of course, this is entirely according to his plan); there is this Resistance, there are the two Duncans, which have something important to do but no one knows. Giratina knows how much out of that I misinterpreted from the chapters.

        Spoiler:- As for the first scene:


    Well, well. A review based entirely on plot. I never knew it oculd happen.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luphinid Silnaek View Post
    Each chapter, it seems, something new comes up. What I wish to know is whether the prophecy is an actual depiction of the future, but merely an apocalyptic consequence that the Hero will try and avert. It was said in LoS that the second eternity was ending, and that there would be no third, but that never came out to be. There was that HUMONGOUS muddle with a lot of deathly things happening that you will resolve in this saga.
    Yes, always new things are going on. Can't get stale, can we?

    About the prophecy...not saying there. Let's just say what/who made these prochecies knew what they were talking about.

    And in LoS, it didn't specifically say WHEN the second eternity would end. It all came/will come true. Eventually. Perhaps. *shuts up*

    So yes. Now you see why I plan for this to be forty-fifty chapters, then.

    Quote Originally Posted by Luphinid Silnaek View Post
    I suppose the major reason for all the plotty goodness is the sheer number of different actors we have here. There is the divine Deity, Overlord and Phoenix, each with their own parts to play and complicated motives, and then we have all the treacherous agents of Giratina which steal things here and there, and act ar more boldly than their master tells them to (though, of course, this is entirely according to his plan); there is this Resistance, there are the two Duncans, which have something important to do but no one knows. Giratina knows how much out of that I misinterpreted from the chapters.
    XD I like that last part. Yes, actually everything that you said was true.

    Quote Originally Posted by Luphinid Silnaek View Post
        Spoiler:- As for the first scene:


    Well, well. A review based entirely on plot. I never knew it oculd happen.
        Spoiler:- Ah:


    Wow. Lately it seems all I do is explain all the plot. XD But hey, why mess with something if it works? Thanks for the review, Luphinid. And...(very tentative here) the next chapter should be up before the weekend.

  17. #17
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    *sighs* Well, got it done. And just in time, too. I'll be away from internet access for the next week (I believe), so I hurried this one up to post it. So...don't murder me, okay? (I don't know why I'm telling this, but whatever) The main focus of this chapter was to improve my awful emotions and description. The emotions...were better. Not great, but it's an improvement. Description...I'm on the fence about that. Any suggestions on how to improve would, as always, be welcome. This one, if you'll notice, was also somewhat longer than my normal short chapters.

    And, if you noticed, I got a (finally) new banner. A huge thanks goes out to Michii, and to Glajummy as well. Oh, and thanks again for that quote, Luphinid! Thanks, guys!

    Anyway, on to the chapter.



    blazing dreams: the eternal night
    by duncan



    this fiction is rated pg-13 for elements of violence and profanity



    volume three: pieces





    My Lord...I beg for your forgiveness..."

    "Silence, scum! You attempted to kill Duncan! Do not lie to me..."

    Dusek looked up from the floor, panting with fear. The room was totally pitch black, as before. In his mind, he knew he had no escape. "I...did, My Lord..."

    "You traitorous scum! Do you not realize the consequences of your actions? And you did kill the other Mortal!"

    "I...apologize, My Lord. Let me be the first to tell you that it shall never happen again-"

    "No, Dusek. It won't. Have you any idea what you have set in motion? By showing Duncan your final weapon in the first place was beyond foolish. Then to let him live, so that he can learn it himself? The Resistance will have him trained to bring us down in mere months now."

    "Please, I beg you My Lord!" cried Dusek. "I did not mean for it to happen! Duncan was a liability! You had to release him, and I tried to take care of him myself!"

    "You underestimate me. If I did not wish to release Duncan, then would I have? Of course not."

    "Then...why did you do it?"

    "It is not of your concern. Thanks to your actions, many people saw your final weapon today, three of which survived to tell about it. No...I find that you are no longer required..."

    "NO!" screamed Dusek. He leapt to his feet, raising his hands in a fighting stance. "I will not go there!"

    A cold laugh filled the room. "You may be strong, Dusek. But you are a mere peon to me. Enjoy Hell, won't you?"

    "NO!" screamed the man. "No...no..."

    With a final soft noise, the man fell silent and said no more.


    ~-~-~


    The sword dropped.


    A sound, a terrible sound filled the air.


    Blood splattered onto him.


    He raised a trembling hand that was soaked in blood.


    Her blood...


    "NOOOOOOOO!"


    He flew upward, his scream carrying over from his dream to real life. Panting, he began swiveling his head around to see what was going on.

    He was lying in a small cave, with nothing but a small fire to keep him warm. It crackled merrily, casting a warm orange glow all around the area. A small shelf of brown rock kept him off the ground, but raised him up so that his head was brushing the rough ceiling.

    He took a deep breath. It was only a dream...

    Then the harsh reality crashed into him like a physical blow. It wasn't a dream. It was real. All of it.

    Trembling, he eased his head against the rock wall. How...did this happen?

    He closed his eyes, thinking back. He hadn't had a second to breathe since arriving in this hellish place. Many thoughts drifted to the front of his mind, but only one really, truly mattered.

    Michelle...she was always there. Through good and bad. No matter how horrible things had gotten, she always brushed herself off, put on a smile and kept going.

    But now...she was gone. The truth was threatening to set in at any moment.

    A single tear dropped to the hard stone that lay below the teenager. Then another, and another.

    As quickly as the tears had started, they stopped. Wiping his eyes, the teenager took a deep, shuddering breath.

    As many bad times as there was, surely just as many good times were there too. Smiling, he sat back and thought back on the past.


    ~-~-~


    The Pewter City sign gleamed in the bright sunlight. A teenager, looking to be around fourteen, blasted down the narrow dirt road that led away from the city.

    The teenager looked to his shoulder, panting. A diminutive Pokemon sat there, looking distinctly sick due to the jostling around. It's yellow feathers stuck out against it's orange fur that covered it's entire body, giving it the appearance of a small chick. It gazed forward with huge black eyes.

    "They should be over there..."

    "Torchic Torchic!"

    "I know," panted Duncan. "I'm running as fast-"

    He broke off in mid-sentence, looking forward at the small field that laid in front of him. A pair of figures sat in the tall grass, embracing each other.

    The teenager came to an abrupt halt, nearly causing Torchic to fall forward off his shoulder. His face grew dark as he stared forward at the pair.

    "Is that...?"

    Leaving the question hanging in the air, he rushed forward again much to the displeasure of Torchic.

    Only a few steps later, however, he stopped again. The figures, on closer inspection, were kissing. One was a tall boy with a bowl shaped haircut. His white T-shirt and blue jeans looked distinctly out of place in the tall, green grass. The girl, however, was somewhat shorter and had long brown hair. Both seemed to be quite enjoying themselves.

    "Tor?"

    The teenager remained silent for a moment. "It's Allen and Michelle...come on. Let's get back."

    With a last dark look at the pair, Duncan turned back and headed back.



    ~-~-~


    "No time to explain, just help me look!" exclaimed Duncan. He was several years older now, and looked very raggard. His once white T-shirt was stained with blood and dirt.

    Another teenager nodded. He was older still than Duncan, looking to be in his late teens. A camouflage ghillie suit covered his body, and dark green paint coated his face.

    The pair bolted out of the small, dark holding room and out into the hallway. It was little better, covered with grime and lit with a flickering bulb. Dark stains were splattered across the walls, and echoes of screams could be heard in the distance.

    Without slowing, Duncan rushed forward and grabbed the handle of the nearest door he found. He slammed it open and entered.

    A woman was lying, motionless, on the floor. Her arm was covered in blood, and the liquid was pooled all over the floor around her.

    The teenager walked up to her and raised her head off the ground, his eyes huge. The woman stirred and looked up at Duncan.

    "Mom, I'm here..."

    She squinted at Duncan, then shivered. "Cold..."

    "I'm sorry Mom..." he said, his voice cracking. "Here, let me get you out of here."

    He made a movement to pick her up, but she weakly pushed his arm out of the way. "Leave me alone."

    He froze. "What?"

    "I don't...know...who you are...go...away..." And with that, her eyes closed and she spoke no more.



    ~-~-~


    A gentle pressure released from his eyelids as he pulled up the shutters on the darkness. The brightly lit cave wall stared him in the face, just as it had a moment ago.

    With a deep sigh, the teenager pushed himself into a proper sitting position and began looking around. How had he gotten here?

    Dusek. They had fought, and he had won. Again. He clenched his fists tightly, his knuckles showing white. He had gotten the best of him...this time for real.

    An overwhelming sense of anger overtook him. "I'll get you...that is a promise..."

    "Excuse me?"

    Duncan jumped, whipping his head around to where the voice came from. A tall man stood at the entrance of the cave. He wore all black, with the exception of a broad armor plate that covered his chest and a round white mask that was beveled around the edges. Two black holes served as eye holes, and a horizontal slash ran across the bottom for an opening for the mouth.

    "Who are you?" asked Duncan, glaring down the newcomer. He jumped down off the ledge and brought himself up to his full height.

    The man chuckled and pulled off his mask. He had short black hair and a huge smiling face. "I'm a friend. So calm down, and please don't kick my ass."

    Duncan continued glaring at the man, ready for a fight. "How do I know that?"

    The man bit his lip, thinking over he question. "Well," he said after a moment. "You really don't. However, seeing as I helped you out back there I really don't think I mean you any harm. Please, sit."

    Duncan stood silently for a moment, then nodded stiffly and sat down, not taking his eyes off the man. "What is going on?"

    The man chuckled, sitting down against the wall. "I must admit, this is very strange for me. You...are Duncan, right?"

    Duncan blinked. "Of course I am. What I want to know is, who the hell are you?"

    The man laughed. "River is my name. So...you really don't know anything?"

    Duncan ground his teeth. The time for being polite was long gone by now, and continuously being out of the loop was not helping matters. "No, I don't."

    "I suppose I should start from the beginning, then..."

    "You should."

    River chuckled again. "Well okay then. How much do you know about the Eternal Night?"

    "Everything is gray, people can't die and apparently I've been gone for about fifty years. That sum it up?"

    River shrugged, running a gloved hand across his face. "That's the basics of it, I suppose. Left some important little bitties out, but no big deal. I can fill you in from there.

    "Well, about forty years ago Giratina decided, in all his infinite wisdom, to take over the world. Something like that I'm told. I wasn't around back then, so I couldn't tell you."

    "Wait," interrupted Duncan. "You weren't around back then? I thought that no one could die or anything?"

    A knowing smile found it's way onto River's face. "Yes, well...things are different where I come from."

    The fire cracked audibly, and the man paused. He stared into the warm flame, clearly thinking back. Duncan, in all his impatience, continued asking questions.

    "And where would that be? In fact...where the hell is this?"

    "This? We are on the edge of Johto, right now. You battled that demon near Rustboro City, I believe," said the man, pausing. He looked Duncan up and down for a moment. "Interesting..."

    "Would you quit that!" exclaimed Duncan. "I'm damn tired of being out of it. You didn't answer my question. Where are you from?"

    River shifted uncomfortably, looking intimidated. "I'm from the Resistance. It's in what you call Johto."

    Duncan smiled. The sight of the man slightly cowering in front of him felt very good, giving him a small measure of control for once. "What is the Resistance?"

    The man shot him a look as if he had just announced he was a space alien. "It is a group of people who knew of the Eternal Night before it happened. They erected a barrier to protect Johto from the Eternal Night. But...I thought you knew about the Resistance?"

    Duncan glared at the man. "Haven't I already told you? I don't know a damn thing about the Eternal Night, or anything like that."

    River frowned, as if that was not the answer he wanted to hear. "But...you're a part of the Resistance..."

    This made Duncan pause. "What?" he asked sharply. "I am?"

    "Yes, of course. It started a few years before your birth, of course, but you entered soon after."

    "What the hell are you talking about?"

    "Your mother was the head of it, Duncan. I...Johto...the world owes her a great deal. As we owe you."

    The teenager's eyes grew huge, and he slightly backed away. "No...way..."

    River smiled. "Yes," he said, amused. "Team Knight was the beginning of the Resistance."


    ~-~-~


    "Are you fucking kidding me?"

    "I assure you, I speak the truth," said River, chuckling at the teenager's reaction. "I guess it's safe to say you didn't know."

    "But...what?" he said, shaking his head adamantly. "No one ever told me anything like that."

    "Well," said River. "It's safe to say that it's true. If not, I wouldn't be here to talk about it, would I?"

    Duncan's mind was reeling. The idea that his entire life had actually been spent trying to protect a country, fifty years in the future, from an attack by the Overlord of Death...was a bit out there. Then again, what was going on couldn't exactly be call "normal". "How could that be? We cloned Mewtwo, after all. What was that about, then?"

    River chuckled once more. He was really getting sick of that. "Mewtwo was the last piece of the puzzle, of course. You see, it was not easy to create a barrier so large and encompassing. I am not aware of all the details, but somehow they used Mewtwo's power to create the barrier. I am not the right person to ask, in that regard."

    He shook his head. It all seemed so fantastic. Yet...the more he thought about it, the more the pieces fit. So much of what he did was shrouded in mystery, and he merely followed orders. Many times he was left wondering why he was told to do such, in his mind, crazy tasks. Before he could unravel his train of thought, River spoke.

    "And your friend Tay was an instrumental part of things, as well."

    He snapped a look at the man. "What?"

    "Again, I do not know the details. You'll have to look it up when we get to the Council."

    Duncan buried his face in his hands. It was a lot to digest at once. "I...need a minute."

    "Of course," came River's cool reply. "As soon as you're ready, we'll meet with the Council. They have been waiting for you for quite some time now."

    "Okay..."

    I feel like I'm going to explode...so many things are going on at one time...

    Then a flicker of light flashed by on the other side of his fingers. It seemed normal enough, but something about it didn't seem right. Frowning, he pulled his hands back and looked forward.

    It was the fire, burning up the last bits of wood on the fire. Something about it seemed off, however. He continued looking at it for a few moments, as the orange flame licked the last burnt log.

    What was it? Something about the fire seemed very odd, but he couldn't place it.

    Then it hit him, and the shock was so great that he jumped backward and yelped.

    The fire had color, unlike the rest of the world so far. Startled, he looked around. The rest of the cave was gray. How could that be? He leaned in and squinted at the rock.

    On closer inspection, the stone was light brown in color. That could only mean...

    He was out of the Eternal Night.

    Oh yeah. I'm going to explode.


    ~-~-~


    "Quite a nice place, compared to the Night, isn't it?"

    Duncan stepped out of the cave, looking around. The outdoors was, like the cave, fully colored. The first thing that hit him was the color of the trees. They were absurdly green, and trees were absolutely everywhere.

    The smell of bark wafted across his nose, making him smile. She would have liked this.

    Suddenly, his eyes began to water. Taking a deep breath, he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and looked back out at the vista.

    River stood, only a few feet in front of him, staring out at the trees as well. Duncan joined him, looking out at the expansive forest. The trees were quite thick here, so it was difficult to see very far at all.

    After marveling silently for a moment, he looked up. A brilliant blue sky sat over their heads, with a single lazy white cloud passing over. The vivid yellow sun was almost directly above them, and even though it's brightness burned his eyes, he stared at it like he hadn't seen it in fifty years.

    "Yes..." said Duncan quietly after several minutes of staring out at the scene. "It is beautiful..."

    The man sighed, turning to the teenager. "I-I saw the woman...was she a friend of yours...?"

    Duncan didn't reply, merely staring up at the sky. A calm breeze blew through the area, causing a single leaf to fall from the nearest tree.

    The brown haired teenager watched the green leaf spiral slowly down to the ground, before finally touching the ground. "Yes," he whispered a few moments later. "As close a friend as I've ever had..."

    River nodded slowly. "I'm sorry. Truly. If she was a friend of you, then she was a friend of mine."

    The teenager nodded slowly. "She would have liked this, you know. Days like this...she would be out in the sun...it was nice, you know?"

    "Yeah. You know, people take the sun and sky for granted. Take it away, and..."

    The pair remained silent for a few more moments, enjoying the last few moments of sunlight.

    "Okay," said Duncan, swallowing and taking a deep breath. It was bittersweet moment, but he knew it was time to move on and get going. "Let's meet this Council, shall we?"


    ~-~-~


    A large landscape of shimmering white buildings lay at their feet. It was at the bottom of a valley, with a small mountain range that lay to the south and made for some quite spectacular views of snow capped mountains in the distance. Many thousands of houses filled the area, along with several skyscrapers at the other end of the town and, what looked to be from Duncan's view, a tall radio tower.

    A long, winding train track ran through the heart of the city, winding out into the surrounding hills. No, it looked just like a normal city, save for one small detail. Everything was a reflective silver. All the buildings were coated in some silvery coating, making it look quite futuristic.

    "...Wow."

    River laughed, clapping the awestruck Duncan on the back. The pair stood on top of a large green meadow that overlooked the large city. "A bit of an understatement, but I'll take it you like it?"

    The teenager swallowed, nodding. "This...is amazing. Where is it?"

    "Goldenrod City, my friend. I suppose it's a bit different than what you remember?"

    "Hell yeah. I remember...it being a lot different. Is that the radio tower over there?" he asked.

    "Not quite. Yes, it's the radio tower, but it no longer transmits radio waves. It is the most important piece of equipment in the city," said River. He seemed to be quite enjoying himself, and quickly continued his story. "You see, there are a number of these towers throughout Johto. They...well I don't have an idea how they do it. But somehow they project the barrier against the Eternal Night. Again, I'm not a good person to ask about that. Better left to those brains in the control room."

    Duncan nodded silently, then frowned. A slightly disturbing thought ran through his head. "Normally this would sound odd, but not a whole lot does anymore so what the hell? Please tell me you're talking about people, and not brains here."

    Immediately River laughed, which made Duncan feel better. Slightly. "So...I want to get to this Council. I can admire the city more later. Where is the Council, anyway?"

    The man's laughter slowly faded away. Still grinning, he pointed down. "Near as I can tell, we're standing on it, pal."

    "Here?"

    "Yeah. The back entrance is over here. The Council is waiting for you. Hopefully they can answer all your questions," said River. He reached back into his bag and removed his mask. Winking at Duncan, he made a shushing sound before putting it on. "I didn't take this off, by the way."

    Duncan nodded. "Yeah. Well, they better. If I don't figure out what is going on soon, I will explode."

    The man didn't laugh, but merely stayed silent. "Let's get you some answers, then. And please...try to keep your temper, will you? Don't want you killing anyone, do we?"

    With that, the man strode off toward the edge of the meadow, leaving a very conflicted Duncan behind.


    ~-~-~


    "This...is quiet, actually."

    The man nodded silently, watching Duncan examine the elevator. It was, like the rest of the city, covered with a shimmering silver coating. It was all very tech looking, with a sloping arch where you walked in and out and with a pair of TVs inside the doors. A commercial was playing at that moment, advertising Fisker's brand-new used cars, which Duncan was relieved to see looked very much like normal used cars. So not everything had changed, then.

    "You'll see things are quite a bit more advanced now," said the man. "You'll be able to get used to it, though."

    The teenager nodded slowly, looking away from the screen. With a soft whooshing sound, the elevator came to a stop and the doors retracted.

    The pair stepped out, only to find themselves standing in a small room. It was not much bigger than the elevator that they had just stepped out of, and it was completely bare save for a large door that sat in front of them. It was tall, reaching up to the ceiling and was decorated ornately with gold leaf and red rubies.

    A large picture of a massive Phoenix sat front and center, carved deeply into the door. It's rainbow plumage stuck out against the gold of the door, and it almost seemed to be flying at you. It's long, golden beak contrasted sharply with it's red face and black eyes. It was flying over a smiling child, who was waving happily up at it.

    Duncan froze, staring at the ornate picture on the door. "That's Ho-Oh..."

    The man chuckled softly. "Yes, good eye," Duncan shot him a glance, then turned back to the door. The picture had to be eight feet high. How could he have missed it?

    "Well, the Council is right behind this door. Are you ready?"

    Duncan paused, giving the question some serious thought. "No, I'm not. Let's go."


    ~-~-~


    "You called, My Lord?"


    "I did. I have good news...for you, at any rate."


    "You do? What is it, My Lord?"


    "I have taken care of Dusek. He will no longer bother us. Now...I have to tell you something life changing."


    "...Yes?"


    "With him gone, you shall be heir to the throne of the Second Eternity. Within a very short time period, the Eternal Night shall spread to the last reaches of the Earth, and everything will be mine. Everything..."









    |||end|||
    Last edited by duncan; 11th August 2008 at 6:04 AM.

  18. #18
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    Duesk died? =O Shoot, so much for a big showdown between Duncan and Duesk again... ^.^; Also, looks like Duncan will face a new enemy. Hm...

    All right, now more developments coming. So wait, the Resistance is actually trying to save the world from this Eternal Night? However, Johto is the only region being saved? Hm...reading the first two sagas and the one shot (yes, I read the first saga but only because I wanted to do something while waiting for Eternal Night...XD ), I don't remember Team Knight/Resistance doing that. Yes, I felt like exploding too. XD

    I agree your emotions are getting better, like how we the readers get to go deep in Duncan's mind. You should more like that. ^^ There were a few times though you divided the scenes when you could have put it together. For instance:

    "Your mother was the head of it, Duncan. I...Johto...the world owes her a great deal. As we owe you."

    The teenager's eyes grew huge, and he slightly backed away. "No...way..."

    River smiled. "Yes," he said, amused. "Team Knight was the beginning of the Resistance."



    ~-~-~


    "Are you f****** kidding me?"

    "I assure you, I speak the truth," said River, chuckling at the teenager's reaction. "I guess it's safe to say you didn't know."

    "But...what?" he said, shaking his head adamantly. "No one ever told me anything like that."
    You could have put those two scenes together instead of leaving a scene divider as Ducan is stil lin the same place. Also, from that gap you could have put more emotions on how Duncan feels when he found out that Team Knight is the beginning of the Resistance. Maybe put both his thoughts and physical indicators like his breath deeper and such.

    Well, nothing else much to say as not much is happen although there are a lot more developments. Can't wait to finally see what is this council and who will be Duesk's successor. Good work! =)


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    Quote Originally Posted by Bay View Post
    Duesk died? =O Shoot, so much for a big showdown between Duncan and Duesk again... ^.^; Also, looks like Duncan will face a new enemy. Hm...
    It looks that way, doesn't it?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bay View Post
    All right, now more developments coming. So wait, the Resistance is actually trying to save the world from this Eternal Night? However, Johto is the only region being saved? Hm...reading the first two sagas and the one shot (yes, I read the first saga but only because I wanted to do something while waiting for Eternal Night...XD ), I don't remember Team Knight/Resistance doing that. Yes, I felt like exploding too. XD
    Oh yeah. That's what the Resistance is doing, in a nutshell. But they're also trying to preserve their way of life, as things are quite normal inside the barrier.

    You read the first saga? *hides head* Well, props to you for getting through it. BD has come a long way in what? Eight months? XD

    And about Team Knight/Resistance...well, you wouldn't know that, would you? Me and my crazy plot...oh, and the link will be explained more indepth next chapter. Maybe with a few surprises, in the council as well. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by Bay View Post
    I agree your emotions are getting better, like how we the readers get to go deep in Duncan's mind. You should more like that. ^^ There were a few times though you divided the scenes when you could have put it together. For instance:

    "Your mother was the head of it, Duncan. I...Johto...the world owes her a great deal. As we owe you."

    The teenager's eyes grew huge, and he slightly backed away. "No...way..."

    River smiled. "Yes," he said, amused. "Team Knight was the beginning of the Resistance."



    ~-~-~


    "Are you f****** kidding me?"

    "I assure you, I speak the truth," said River, chuckling at the teenager's reaction. "I guess it's safe to say you didn't know."

    "But...what?" he said, shaking his head adamantly. "No one ever told me anything like that."

    You could have put those two scenes together instead of leaving a scene divider as Ducan is stil lin the same place. Also, from that gap you could have put more emotions on how Duncan feels when he found out that Team Knight is the beginning of the Resistance. Maybe put both his thoughts and physical indicators like his breath deeper and such.
    Yes, good point. But I was worried about that scene going on too long, and that cliffhanger was too good to pass up.

    And thanks about the emotions. You're the one who keeps pointing out how they don't work very well, after all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bay View Post
    Well, nothing else much to say as not much is happen although there are a lot more developments. Can't wait to finally see what is this council and who will be Duesk's successor. Good work! =)
    Thanks for the review! Yeah, like every chapter, there will be a lot of revelations in the next chapter. And about Dusek's succesor...I thought it would be kind of obvious, but the more I think about it that scene was too vague for it's own good. XD

        Spoiler:- A little something:

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    Oh man. Too good. I have a lot of theories towards the council.... But I think I'll keep them towards myself. I love how you put cliffhangers every now and then. Top!

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    Ah. Well, unfortunately my lack-of-internet-access has been extended (a lot), but I should be back pretty soon. More about that in a second, however.

    Quote Originally Posted by DiggorysGremlin View Post
    Oh man. Too good. I have a lot of theories towards the council.... But I think I'll keep them towards myself. I love how you put cliffhangers every now and then. Top!
    Heh, thanks. Yeah, the Council will (mostly) be explained in the next chapter, which I've just started on. Anyway, thanks for the review!

    Sorry for the wait for this next chapter, as it's looking to be one, maybe two more weeks before I can get it done. Life is really hectic right now, so yeah. Thanks again for the review, DG (your name is too long for my impatient self to type out everytime. XD), and hopefully you guys will stick around for the next chapter.

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    So, now Dusek's (apparently) dead. I still wonder just how many meanings "dead" might have in the context of this story; just as I wonder about what might or might not have actually happened to Michelle, I wonder the same way about Dusek. Although... the fact that it was Giratina who (apparently) killed him does for some reason give me the sense that maybe Dusek is really dead, as in dead. Of course, there is that aforementioned "apparently" in the mix to bear in mind, so hmm.

    At any rate, I guess the moral of that event is, "Don't **** off your boss." Especially if your boss happens to be Giratina.

    The Resistance that has entered the picture is quite interesting--especially due to this:

    "Your mother was the head of it, Duncan. I...Johto...the world owes her a great deal. As we owe you."

    The teenager's eyes grew huge, and he slightly backed away. "No...way..."

    River smiled. "Yes," he said, amused. "Team Knight was the beginning of the Resistance."
    Yeah. That was quite the surprise. o_o

    I thought it was cool to see Duncan and Dusek unleashing those powers. One of my favorite moments with regards to that was this:

    Duncan's glowing blue eyes flew open. An unbelievable power was coursing through his veins. With each new beat of his heart, more and more of the power spread.


    Gently, he rose up off the ground. His entire body was bathed in blue light, contrasting sharply with the dull pallet of grays that surrounded him.


    Fury dictated his thoughts, leaving nothing left other than the death of those who had killed her.


    The energy enveloped his arm, extending down beyond his fingers. With one broad, slicing motion of his arm, the energy ripped through the awestruck guards.


    With a soft whisper, they fell into dust.
    Yep, that was frelling cool. o.o

    Oh, and I also really liked the very beginning of chapter 2:

    Rage laid waste to his heart.


    An inferno blazed in his soul.


    Fury overwhelmed his mind.


    He fell to his knees, his eyes unseeing.
    Very cool. ^^


    Other highlights:

    The teenager nodded slowly. "She would have liked this, you know. Days like this...she would be out in the sun...it was nice, you know?"

    "Yeah. You know, people take the sun and sky for granted. Take it away, and..."

    The pair remained silent for a few more moments, enjoying the last few moments of sunlight.
    I liked how River just let his sentence trail off and hang there like that. ^^

    Again, I'm not a good person to ask about that. Better left to those brains in the control room."

    Duncan nodded silently, then frowned. A slightly disturbing thought ran through his head. "Normally this would sound odd, but not a whole lot does anymore so what the hell? Please tell me you're talking about people, and not brains here."

    Immediately River laughed, which made Duncan feel better. Slightly.
    XD


    Oh, and on a random note, when I first read this:

    The smell of bark wafted across his nose, making him smile.
    My brain jumped to conclusions when my eyes landed on "bark", and thus initially misread it as:

    Quote Originally Posted by My brain, being silly
    The smell of barf wafted across his nose, making him smile.
    O.o Yeah. XD
    Last edited by Sike Saner; 2nd April 2008 at 4:25 AM.
    DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK
    (Or do. I don't actually mind.)
    The Origin of Storms | Communication

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sike Saner View Post
    So, now Dusek's (apparently) dead. I still wonder just how many meanings "dead" might have in the context of this story; just as I wonder about what might or might not have actually happened to Michelle, I wonder the same way about Dusek. Although... the fact that it was Giratina who (apparently) killed him does for some reason give me the sense that maybe Dusek is really dead, as in dead. Of course, there is that aforementioned "apparently" in the mix to bear in mind, so hmm.

    At any rate, I guess the moral of that event is, "Don't **** off your boss." Especially if your boss happens to be Giratina.
    Well look here. I thought this was asleep until I (eventually) post a new chapter. XD

    Ah, our dear friend Dusek. Actually, next chapter (finally) the whole thing about what being dead is revealed. Of course, it won't make anything clearer. Just...more twisted. XD

    And absolutely. That's advice I live by. XDDDD

    Quote Originally Posted by Sike Saner View Post
    The Resistance that has entered the picture is quite interesting--especially due to this:



    Yeah. That was quite the surprise. o_o

    I thought it was cool to see Duncan and Dusek unleashing those powers. One of my favorite moments with regards to that was this:



    Yep, that was frelling cool. o.o
    Haha, I loved that part. Thanks!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sike Saner View Post
    , and I also really liked the very beginning of chapter 2:



    Very cool. ^^


    Other highlights:



    I liked how River just let his sentence trail off and hang there like that. ^^



    XD


    Oh, and on a random note, when I first read this:



    My brain jumped to conclusions when my eyes landed on "bark", and thus initially misread it as:



    O.o Yeah. XD
    Thanks so much for the review, Sike! Your reviews always make me grin. And I love your reaction to that last part. XD

    Anyway...well, unfortunately the next chapter is still delayed. A lot. It's been what? A month or so since the last chapter? Right now I'm going to be away from internet again for a bit, but hopefully all this hectic stuff will calm down and I can finally try and iron all the (big) kinks in the next chapter.

    Also...a bit off-topic, but I'm dividing my extremely limited writing time between TEN and my new Naruto fic, Fate's Creed. I'll do my best to keep pace with the new chapters of each, so no need (hopefully) to worry. BTW, if anyone's interested, Fate's Creed should be posted here in a week or so. Just finishing some of the editing on that, right now. See you guys, then.

  24. #24
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    Is it possible? Could the next chapter really be done? Yes, and I thank everyone for their patience. Just a quick note and then you can enjoy. This chapter has given me a LOT of trouble. I wrote it out entirely, didn't like it, then practically rewrote it from scratch (save for one scene). I'm still not a huge fan of it, but I'll be glad when I see the back of this one...so on that note, enjoy the big plot revelations.


    blazing dreams: the eternal night
    by duncan



    this fiction is rated pg-13 for elements of violence and profanity



    volume four: the resistance



    His dark blue eyes looked up, taking in four people sitting on a raised platform directly in front of him. Each were dressed in long, dark robes, and were all looking down at Duncan with a kind of fervor, as if they weren't believing their eyes.

    "Hello." he said sarcastically.

    "Duncan, this is the Council," said River, ignoring the sarcastic tone in Duncan's voice. "On the far left is Murdock Whitney, chief builder of the New Johto Alliance."

    The teenager's eyes found the man sitting in the far left chair. He was a stout old man, in his sixties. He wore large glasses, with thin white hair covering much of his head. He gave a small smile to Duncan, who nodded curtly.

    "Next is Bertha Greenwich, who is our esteemed Council co-chairwoman."

    A woman in her forties nodded at Duncan. She had short blond hair with a kind, gentle face, and was dressed in the same black robes, apart from a red collar.

    "Next would have been the Council head, but he is absent at the moment, so..." said River, motioning at the empty middle seat. "Next is Timothy-"

    "Look, I don't care about their names!" snarled Duncan, clinching his fists and glaring at the taken aback members of the Council. "Just...get on with the reason why I'm here."

    Several looks and whispers were exchanged in the Council, but River didn't miss a beat. "Yes, that might be prudent...Ms. Greenwich, if you please...?"

    The woman nodded sharply at River, then turned her gaze on the teenager. "Duncan, you do not understand what is going on, so I do not blame you for your outburst. Let me explain.

    "About thirty years before the Eternal Night, your mother was...a thief, if I should put it so bluntly. One day, so it goes, she stole a prochecy made by none other than the divine Deity. It told of the Overlord's plot to take over the world, and so she created this Council. Two others that knew of the plot joined her, and together they created Team Knight. Lily knew little about the prochecy or it's implications, but she knew how to do what needed to be done.

    "Which was simple. One man was to be chosen by Palkia. With him, the Overlord could take over the world with the Eternal Night. All that was...required, was for this person to be killed, something she was only too eager to do. The other two looked down on Lily with disdain for... her lust for killing. So, they split along their seperate ways. Lily took control of the new organization, and the other two fell into the shadows, giving her instructions on how to deal with the plot as she went along."

    A palpable silence fell over the room as all eyes fixed onto Duncan. His face remained impassive, but inside the words were creating havoc.

    A prophecy made by none other than the divine Deity...but she knew what needed to be done...one man was to be chosen by Palkia...with disdain for...her lust for killing...

    "I see."

    The words came, quieter than the grave. A chill ran across the room, and a wave of apprehension washed over the Council. "Where does Tay come into this?"

    The Council remained silent, all visibly nervous save for Greenwich. She cleared her throat and spoke.

    "He was in it from the beginning. We, that is to say the previous Council, paired him with another from our order, Hanaka Shinoku. They went looking for the Shadow Blade, a katana with frightening powers. You see, it posesses the power to banish whatever it slices into a shadow realm. It was originally made by Giratina, actually."

    Again, the room fell silent. "Okay. What happened then?"

    As if they all didn't know.

    Greenwich nodded. "They were sent to dispatch Giratina, once they had found it. Then...they failed."

    A surge of fury, deep in the pit of his stomach, flared. The teenager clenched his fists, trying to keep his mind away from the truth that had been looming. "He...failed?"

    River stepped forward, setting a calming hand on Duncan's shoulder. "It's okay," he said quietly. "Perhaps we should finish this later...?"

    Heavily lidded eyes looked up, staring Greenwich straight in the eye. "Tell me," he said quietly, his tone colder than ice. "What happened to Tay?"

    "He died, Duncan."


    ~-~-~


    Suffocating darkness descended upon her.


    Help me...


    Shards of death ripped into her body, prizing flesh from bone.


    Make it STOP!


    Blood spilled from her body, falling into the depths of Hell.


    I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!


    Slowly her screams petered away and with a final whisper of shadow, the woman fell silent.


    "Now...to have some real fun..."


    ~-~-~


    "We need your help."


    It wasn't happening.


    "To avenge your friend."


    It couldn't be happening.


    "Without you, Giratina will have won!"


    Everyone...


    "What we need of you..."


    Is gone...


    "Is to go into the Eternal Night, and find Tay's journal."


    Tay...


    "Without the katana, we can't survive. The barrier that protects us from the Eternal Night is crumbling!"


    Allen...


    "Will you let it happen, Duncan?"


    Mom...


    "Will you avenge them?"


    Michelle...


    Everything was liquid, or perhaps he was liquid. Nothing made sense, and yet the universe seemed at his fingertips. All he had to do was reach out, cast aside the shattered threads that held him firm to the world, and it would all be his. All.


    Will you avenge them?


    The call of revenge filled him up and emptied him out, and made it all the easier to choose. Of course he could leave, destroy the last feeble vestiges of bonds he had left...


    Avenge them...


    It was what he had to do...perhaps this way he could even meet up with them again...the Beast of Time roared its approval... yes...that is the way it will be done...


    "Yes."


    ~-~-~


    The sound of a thousand jackhammers awoke him. Cringing in pain, he reached out to block the wretched noise from his tender ears.

    After a moment, however, the sound softened enough for him to open his eyes. A gray ceiling lay over his head, and for a moment fear overtook him. Was he in the Eternal Night again?

    "Good morning, Duncan."

    The teenager furrowed his brow, raising his head to look at the source of the new noise. River sat on a chair beside his bed, a book in one hand and a glass of water in the other. The rest of the small room was dark and empty, save for a table with a lamp on it beside the man.

    "Not really..." he groaned, forcing himself into a sitting position. "What's going on? How long was I out?"

    River chuckled. "You...fell over. And not all that long. A few hours, or so."

    Duncan fell silent for a moment, knowing full well he had done more than fall over. "I imagine the Council is pissed at me, no?"

    "Actually, not really. They sympathize with you, and understand what you've been through," He paused, looking thoughtfully at Duncan. "Although I feel you've been through considerably more than they know."

    The teenager nodded, running a hand through his hair. "So...what exactly am I going to be doing?"

    River sighed, looking over Duncan. "Let me say something to you, off the record. Personally, I feel that the Council could send any number of other people to go and retrieve Tay's journals, wherever they might be. But I trust them. If they think you should go, then you should. Even if they don't share all their reasons with me..."

    Duncan chuckled, shaking his head at River. "Poor neglected you. So...care to enlighten me?"

    "Sure. Well, we'll go and take a look at some of the old spots where Tay might have hidden his journal-"

    "Wait a minute. We?"

    River smiled. "Yes. Apparantly the Council is too pissed at you to leave you alone...or something like that."

    Duncan laughed. It felt good, like he hadn't done it in a long time. "Okay, sounds great. Honestly, I'm only a little bit away from insanity, you know?"

    "Yeah, somehow I can believe you there," said River, chuckling. "Duncan...I'm sorry about Tay. Honestly, I didn't know."

    The smile slid off Duncan's face. "Yeah...I know..."

    "Here, I brought something to cheer you up, though." said River, reaching down and handing him an aged yellow folder.

    Duncan frowned. "What's that?"

    "One of Tay's old journals. Go ahead, enjoy. We're going to be up to our necks in it come tomorrow, so relax, okay?"

    "Yeah..."

    With a smile, River stood up and left the room, leaving something in Duncan's hands that was more valuable than he could have imagined.

    His heart racing, he thumbed open the folder and slid out the first page.



    Tay's Journal
    Entry # 3084893244444

    Okay, so the entry name is wrong. Sue me, why don't you? This is my first journal since I joined the Council, so you better be ready to be amazed. Earlier, the Council paired me up with this hot chick, Shinoku something something. We're going on a mission to find some sword, I think? I was too busy looking at the girl's ass to pay much attention...







    |||end|||
    Last edited by duncan; 11th August 2008 at 6:13 AM.

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    Hehe, you're right, this chapter has new plot developments.

    I say, you're really getting better and better at emotions. Case in point, after Duncan found out Tay died. I love how you connect his death and also his love ones, thus leading his to avenging everyone he has lost. Not only that, nice style you used too. ^^

    Here's one other thing I love:

    Tay's Journal
    Entry # 3084893244444

    Okay, so the entry name is wrong. Sue me, why don't you? This is my first journal since I joined the Council, so you better be ready to be amazed. Earlier, the Council paired me up with this hot chick, Shinoku something something. We're going on a mission to find some sword, I think? I was too busy looking at the girl's a** to pay much attention...
    XD Love that entry. Can't wait to see what other entries Tay has written. Should be both fun and educational.

    Hm, so I guess Duncan must find both the entries and the blade, huh? However, I'm confused: since Tay and Hanaka found the sword and failed, how is Tay's journal going to help Duncan retreive it? Retrace steps, probably? Sorry if I missed something crucial there. ^^;

    Again, great chapter. New developments are coming and also great improvement on the emotions there. Can't wait for the next chapter! ^^


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