Well, I finally get to put this up! It's not too wonderful...but, it's my first. So I really didn't expect it to be. Here it is! Enjoy!!! ^^
PG-13 due to:
Survival of the Awake
Chapter 1: Targets-Courtesy of the Shadows
"There! All better!"
A girl wearing a yellow dress with her long blonde hair pulled back was holding
what was an injured Caterpie. The small caterpillar Pokemon looked up at her happily
and nodded to thank the girl. Normally, her Pikachu, named ChuChu, would be playing with
Caterpie, but the girl let ChuChu stay with her friend, Red, and his Pikachu, Pika. This girl
was none other than Yellow.
"Yellow, it's starting to get dark. We should be heading back."
A teenage boy with long red hair was leaning against a tree, his hands in the pockets
of his black jacket as he watched his friend set the Caterpie to the ground. His baggy purple pants gentley swayed in the soft breeze as he started walking towards her.
"You're right...," Yellow sighed and looked around at the lush Viridian Forest. "Thanks for
escorting me down to this part of the forest, Silver! I couldn't have gotten down here
to help Caterpie without you!" she said happily to her friend. She then sent out her Dodrio, named
Dodosk, for the pair to ride on as the would proceed to exit the forest. Dodosk was a large brown, wingless bird with three heads. One represented sorrow, one of joy, and the other for anger. His three heads gave a proud squak and he was released.
"Of course...", Silver muttered as the leaves on the surrounding trees starting to blow
in the wind.
Darkness was coming on at this time, but faster than normal. Silver took notice to this.
"Yellow, it got dark really quickly...", Silver said suspisciously.
"It's probably just because it's so dark back--",
A sudden rustle in the bushes put halt upon Yellow's sentence. Yellow looked around
"What was that?" she asked. Meanwhile, Silver was calmly reading his Feraligatr's
"If I can just listen for the sound...I'll know where it came from..." he thought
The rustling of the bushes stopped, but an eerie feel overcame this part of the forest.
"Silver, I can use my powers to see if any thoughts are coming from the bushes...", Yellow
said as she looked around counting the nearest bushes. "There's four bushes it could be
"Yellow, normal people know that bushes don't have thoughts!", Silver told her
Yellow glared at him. "No! A Pokemon could be in the bushes and I can check
for their thoughts!", Yellow scolded at Silver for his lack of common sense.
"Oh...", he muttered quietly, slightly blushing from embarassment.
Yellow approached the nearest bush and placed her hand over it. Yellow's powers were very mysterious.
It is said that every few years, a baby of the Viridian Forest is born with the power to heal Pokemon
and read their thoughts. Yellow, along with Lance, the Champion of the Pokemon League, and Giovanni,
Silver's father and former leader of the disbanded Team Rocket, have these powers.
Yellow had no response from the first bush, so she moved on the bush to directly behind it. Again, nothing,
leaving two bushes remaining.
"It's one of these two bushes...", Yellow said nervously as she stared at both bushes.
"There's only one way to find out.", Silver encouraged his friend, still with Feraligatr's Pokeball
at the ready.
"Right...", she gulped and she slowly placed her shaking hand over the bush on the left.
"Foolish humans...I'll kill you...ARRRRR!"
"Ahh!" Yellow shouted as she fell backwards onto the ground and gasped in horror as a dark, ghost-like
Pokemon floated overhead. It's body was shaped like an hourglass, it's arms were muscular with sharp claws.
A spiky red collar surround it's head, where a cape-like white substance emnated off the top of its head.
It stared at Yellow and Silver with it's cold, cyan blue eyes. It was none other than Darkrai.
"Holy crap." Silver muttered as he stared in fear and amazement.
The dark Pokemon continued to glare at the two friends as it prepared itself to fight...
Spoiler:- PM List:
Last edited by xxBlackyxx; 24th March 2008 at 10:57 PM.
Reason: Editing purposes
Well here's chapter 2 for those of you who got lost in the sauce in shapter 1. =/ Ha, I must be doing horrible. One person's in my PM list and that's only cause I put him there...cause he's meh boyfriend. xP So he kinda has to be...
Chapter 2: Narrow Escape
Darkrai hovered above the bush giving a nasty, evil look at Yellow and Silver. Dodosk's head of anger gave a loud squak at the shadow Pokemon, but Darkrai let out an omnious wind along with a loud roar causing all of Dodosk's three heads to cring in fear.
Silver shook out his fear and threw out his Pokeball."Fearaligtr! Hydro Pump!" he shouted as the large blue alligator was released. The large reptile had red spikes coming off the top of his head, upper back, and tail tip and a yellow zig-zag line on his stomach. He raised his sharp claws, ready to get into combat. Feraligatr aimed a massive amount of water from its enormous jaw that hit Darkrai head on.
"Yellow! Snap out of it!", Silver shouted to Yellow.
Yellow shook her head and got up from where she gell and jumped onto Dodosk. "Right..."
"Feraligatr, that's good! Lets go!", Silver shouted to his Pokemon. Feraligatr ran to the two trainers and Silver jumped onto its shoulders. Dodosk and Feraligatr started to run through the forest to escape Darkrai.
"Holy crap...what the hell?! What IS that?", Silver asked.
"It's...Darkrai...we have to be careful...", Yellow replied worriedly. She looked back and saw Darkrai freaking out about being wet.
"Oh...that thing...that thing that causes nightmares?! Wow...just my luck...wonderful...", Silver said sarcastically.
Yellow glared at him. "You know, you don't have to be so negative about this!"
"Well...lets see. I'm in a forest that I don't know hardly anything about and there's a big black gangster Pokemon chasing me around trying to kill me, and you're gonna tell me not to be negative!?" Silver retorted. Suddenly, the "big black gangster" Pokemon teleported infront of the duo and their Pokemon and started screaming horrendously at them.
"Damn!", Silver ahouted as he threw out his Sneasel's Pokeball. "Sneasel, hit that thing with Slash!"
The small, black weasel-like Pokemon sprang upward after being released, the large pink feather growing off his ear sawying in the oppostie direction while hid three pink feather tails twitched in excitment. Sneasel jumped onto Darkrais's back and dug its sharp claws into Darkrai's back. Darkrai let out a shrill, horrid shriek and swung its muscular arm at Sneasel to knock it off, but Sneasel quickly jumped onto Dodosk's back to ride alongside Yellow.
"C'mon, guys! Lets hurry!", Yellow shouted while Darkrai was still screaming in pain. Feraligatr and Dodosk started running once again.
"Silver, we've got to get out of here...", Yellow said worriedly.
"Yeah, I kn--ouch!", Silver felt something hit his head and then fell into his lap. Silver picked up a deep purple colored stone from his lap. "What the...?"
Suddenly, Silver's Murkrow released itself from its Pokeball and flew alongside Dodosk and Feraligatr. The large black hat on its head jiggled around on its small head while its beady red eyes stared greedily at the purple stone in Silver's hands. Murkrow then landed onto Silver's shoulder, still staring at the rock with envy twinkling in its eyes. Murkrow suddenly snatched the intriging stone from Silver's hand and once again flew alongside Dodosk and Feraligatr.
Yellow giggled, "Your Murkrow sure does like shiny things, Silver!"
"Clearly...", he replied as he looked at his Murkrow. Just then, the small black crow started to glow. Its little body got larger, as did its wings. Its hat took on a different shape, and a feathery, white fluff sprouted from its neck. Pink feathers were replacing the broomstick tail it had once had. Silver's Murkrow had evolved into Honchkrow.
"Wow...", Yellow and Silver said in astonishment.
The two trainers told the Pokemon they were riding to stop so that they could rest from all of their running.
"Yellow, Darkrai...it can cause endless nightmares...we can't afford to fall asleep...we might not even wake up." Silver said sternly.
Yellow nodded in agreement, but the a pair of black claws slowly creeped from behind her.
"Look out!", Silver shouted as he jumped at Yellow to move her from the claws grasp. The two lay on the ground as Darkrai approached, readying its Dark Void. Suddenly, the newly evolved Honchkrow jumped infront of the pair and started to emnate its ability, Insomnia, to protect the trainers. It then grabbed them with its large talons and flew into the air. Feraligatr and Dodosk, with Sneasel still riding, started following Honchkrow by land. Darkrai swung its muscular arm in defeat and disappeared...for now...
Last edited by xxBlackyxx; 15th March 2008 at 3:59 AM.
And here's chapter three...as if anyone's read chapter two. Eh, if these two chapters don't go over well, then there's no point in posting the rest. I'm still writing chapters 6-beyond. Don't know how far it's gonna go. Well, here it is...enjoy...
Chapter 3: Taking the Risk
Honchkrow set Yellow and Silver to the ground. They were both exhausted, and Yellow seemed as if she could collapse at any given moment.
"We have to get out...I don't know if we can...unhh...", Yellow panted as her knees started to give and began to fall, but Silver quickly caught her. "...last longer..." she finished weakly, starting to fall asleep in Silver's arms. He could see the exhaustion on her face. He was tired himself, but still pushed to stay strong. The pair's other Pokemon watched their trainers, also exhausted.
"Yellow, we're both tired, I know...but Darkrai can put us into a never-ending nightmare. I know you want to rest, but we can't afford it...", Silver said as he continued to look at Yellow, now struggling to stay awake. Silver took this time to check the surroundings. The trees seemed to be taller, and what he could see of the sky was somewhat darker. There were no sounds being made, except for Yellow and Silver's nearly silent breathing. As he continued to look around, he noticed a swirling, black hole levitating in the air. "What the...? What the heck is that thing?", he thought. Just then, a small Sableye jumped out, its claws in the air, waiting for a challenge. Its diamond eyes glinted in the moonlight as it waited to fight. "A portal?", Silver asked himself as he looked at the swirling black hole and then back at the small ghost Pokemon. He could tell the little ghost was not very strong. "This is just stupid...might as well put it out of its misery...", he sighed. "Honchkrow, Aerial Ace!". The large crow attacked the wild Sableye with its sharp beak. The Sableye jumped and dropped something as it fled in fear while the dark hole slowly cirled inward and dissolved from exisitance.
Yellow regained her strength and took herself from Silver's hold. She walked over to see the item Sableye had dropped and picked it up to examine it. It appeared to be a small claw of some sort. "A claw? Gee, what kinda Pokemon would want to carry around this razor sharp claw with'em?", she asked. Just then, Silver's Sneasel jumped off of Dodosk's back and snatched the claw from Yellow's hand. Sneasel jumped around happily with the claw as Yellow laughed, but suddenly Sneasel started to glow. Headress-like feathers came off the top of its head, with two other smaller feathers came off just below its ears. It grew an extra claw on each hand. "Silver! Sneasel evolved into Weavile!", she said happily as she smiled at Weavile. Silver looked at his newly evolved Weavile and then back at Yellow. "Little over-excited, aren't you?" he thought.
"Gee, aren't you happy, Silver?", Yellow asked while still smiling at Weavile.
"Yeah, I guess....", he replied while looking down.
Yellow looked up at him. "You could be a little more entusiastic about this, y'know!" she said sounding a little angry.
"Oh, okay then...let me try", he said sarcastically. He put on a creepy fake smile and started talking in a high pitched voice. "Oh my gosh! I have a Weacile now! O-M-G! I am sooooo awesome! I can't wait to tell all my friends! Yaaaaay!", he shouted, but immidiatley put on a frown when he finished. "Happy?" he asked, quite dully.
Yellow stared at him for a minute and started to laugh. "Heh! Oh wow....whooo! Th-that was....hah!" she continued to laugh. Silver stared at her as she laughed, with a 'you-re so weird, but that's why everyone loves you' look on his face.
"Well...now that that's over, I'm gonna go see if there's any food around here...", Silver said pointing towards a clearing.
"Okay! I'll be right here!", Yellow said, still giggling slightly, as she petted Weavile's headress feathers.
"Yeah...", Silver muttered as he beconed his Fearligatr to come with him. As they headed to the clearing, Silver started blushing slightly. Feraligatr took notice to this and started to smirk and elbow his trainder lightly. "What?! I don't know what your deal is. Sheesh...", Silver said, sharply as he turned away, blushing even more than before. He turned back around and took out Feraligatr's Pokeball to recall the big alligator. "You need a break anyway..." he said.
Meanwhile, Yellow was healing Dodosk, Weavile, and Honchkrow. "Hope that helps!", she said, smiling at the three Pokemon. "I hope Silver comes back with something...", she told them, blushing just slightly. Dodosk's head of joy poked her head gently a few times, quite mockingly. "What? Maybe I'm just hungry?", she said nervously as she shrugged and blushed a little more. "Really, if you think that...I mean, he's not really the person who would even want to be involved with me...", she said sadly while looking down at the ground.
"What was that?!" Yellow gasped and ran to the clearing Silver had went to. She saw Silver on the ground as if he were shoved onto it. Darkrai was hovering over him with its right arms high in the air, giving off a purple colored auora as it started gathering energy. It was preparing to use its Payback attack, powered by its fight with Feraligatr and Sneasel. Darkrai then started charging down at Silver with its claws infront. Silver was too weak to move, but prepared himself...but suddenly Yellow jumped out infront of Silver to take Darkrai's attack. Yellow took a hard fall to the ground. Silver forgot about his pain and rushed to Yellow's side. He lifted her into his arms and noticed her left arm had sustained heavy damage. There were large gash marks leaking her blood. She risked her life for me... Silver thought to himself. He then reached for Freesk's Pokeball. The butterfly Pokemon came out happily, but then noticed the situation and immidiatley spun a String Shot around Yellow's left arm without command. "Thanks, Freesk...", Silver said as he recalled it. "She left ChuChu with Red...so I've got to take this... he thought. Silver then threw out his Gyarados. It gave a mighty roar and gleamed in its odd red color as it hovered over the ground. The snake-like dragon's mouth was wide open, revealing several intimidating teeth. Yellow was still awake in Silver's arms, but very weak. She reached for her belt and sent out Omask, her Omastar. Omask's soft, blue srustacean body was armored by its dull, brown spiky shell. It waved its four tentacles around while showing off its sharp teeth while looking at the scenery with its creepy eyes. They looked as if someone had cut a plus sign into them.
"Silver...you don't have to take this fight alone...", she said weakly. Then, the other three Pokemon rushed into the clearing, glaring at Darkrai challengingly.
"Thank you...", Silver said quietly.
Darkrai glared at the trainers and their Pokemon and gave a loud shriek at them. Silver and Yellow withstood the horrible sound as they prepared themselves for the fight of their lives...
Last edited by xxBlackyxx; 15th March 2008 at 4:16 AM.
Reason: Editing purposes
Hmmm...Viridianshipping, eh? =/
Very interesting pairing, I might add. *nod*
I'm not really a fan but, well, this fan-fiction needs to be looked at.
Your grammar needs a little bit of work and, well, your chapters need to be longer in length. I'm sure that it fits the amount of one page but a good author knows that just one page isn't enough.
I can see a lot of errors in your writing but that's what I'm hear for. Here's just a few things I saw that need to be corrected:
Originally Posted by xxBlackyxx
"We have to get out...I don't know if we can...unhh...", Yellow's knees started to give in as she started to fall, but Silver quickly caught her. "...last longer...", she finished weakly, starting to fall asleep in Silver's arms.
You don't need to put a comma after someone says something. Commas aren't used after sentences unless your breaking in between the dialogue in sentences.
For example: "Silver," Yellow panted in exhaustion, "we have to get out of here..."
Originally Posted by xxBlackyxx
"Yellow, we're both tires, I know...but Darkrai can put us into an endless nightmare. I know you want to rest, but we can't afford it...", Silver said as he continued to look at Yellow, now struggling to stay awake.
It should be:
"Yellow, we're both tired, etc. etc.
The words an endless nightmare also doesn't make much sense to be. You need to work on fixing up your sentences so that they make more sense to the reader.
Originally Posted by xxBlackyxx
Just then, Silver Sneasel jumped off of Dodosk's back and snatched the claw from Yellow's hand.
It should be:
Just then, Silver's Sneasel jumped off of Dodosk's back and snatched the claw from Yellow's hand.
Since Sneasel belongs to Silver there needs to be a apostrophe s ('s) after the word Silver.
Originally Posted by xxBlackyxx
Yellow stared at him for a minute and started to laugh. "Heh!!! Oh wow....whooo!!!! Th-that was....hah!!" she continued to laugh.
You only need to use one explanation point. When you use too much it get too annoying to the reader, or at least, obnixious to look at.
Originally Posted by xxBlackyxx
She...risked her life...for...me... Silver thought.
You don't need all of the "..." when Silver's thinking. It could just be something like this: She risked her life for me, Silver thought to himself.
Please don't take all of this personally. I am just trying to help you improve on your writing skills. I'll give this a 3/10 and I hope to see improvement soon in these three areas:
2. Making your chapters longer
3. Add more details about the writing.*
* If I had no idea what Silver, Yellow or his/her Pokemon looked like, then I would like you to explain more of what his clothes look like and what he physically looks like.
Could you please add me to the PM list as well?
Last edited by Orenji-chan; 8th March 2008 at 12:08 AM.
@xxBlackyxx -- Oh, I see. You're not the only one who's trying to be original in what they write. I'm also writing a Jadeshipping (Blue x Yellow) fan-fiction. 8D
It's mostly that way because of the Pocket Monsters Special fandom which consists of mainly Specialshipping and OldRivalshipping.
And you're welcome, it's always good to help out another writer.
I prefer to write about the lonely shippings. =]
Well, chapter 4 was supposed to go up today...but I was too lazy...and I wasn't feeling well...X.x It's probably the best chapter thus far...considering 6-x hasn't been written yet. Oh yeah, know anyone who can make a banner for this puppy?
Spoiler:- Chapter 4:
Very nice shippy moment...;D
Last edited by xxBlackyxx; 9th March 2008 at 4:07 AM.
Reason: Banner Needed
Ok, I'm having a lot of problems around here right now, that and I'm writing another story(it's doing a heck of a lot better than this xD) and I'm revamping this'n. That and I only have so much time to get chapters typed and posted before my mom says something...but, I will try to put up chapter four soon.
Of course you can! That's great for me...someone actually wants to be in the PM list. xD Well, here's chapter four. I'll tell you, I am really nervous about this one. X.x I hope you like it...
Chapter 4: Tomorrow Still Waits
Darkrai glared at Omask and Gyarados. Then, Dodosk ran to the scene with Weavile and and Honchkrow on its back. Darkrai gave a horrid shriek at the five Pokemon. Honchkrow gave a loud croaking squak back at the evil Pokemon.
Omask turned to Yellow with a worried look. She smiled at the ancient Pokemon, calming its fears.
"Yellow, I've got a plan...we've got it set up perfect." Silver whispered to Yellow.
"What did you have in mind?" she asked, but at this time, Darkrai was gathering energy from the darkness around them and then sent out a Dark Pulse, hitting all five Pokemon.
Weavile, Honchkrow, and Omask withstood the attack easily, but Gyarados and Dodosk took heavy damage.
"Yellow, Dodosk and Honchkrow will use Whirlwind", Silver said, looking at the dark Pokemon above them, who was now screaming at everyone. "And then Gyrardos, Omask, and Weavile will use Ice Beam."
"Gotcha! You really are a smart one!" Yellow exclaimed.
"Ummm...yeah.", Silver said, starting to blush. "Okay, then. Honchkrow! Whirlwind!"
"Dodosk! Help Honchkrow and use your whirlwind, too!" Yellow declared.
Darkrai started charging for the two bird Pokemon, but then Honchkrow flapped up into the air and continued flapping its wings, but faster, pushing Darkrai back a little. Darkrai tried to resist by using all its energy to charge forward.
Dodosk swiveled his three heads in a circular motion and another Whirlwind came at Darkrai, continuing to push him further away as it tried to resist.
Darkrai struggled to move foward and attack, but came to a standstill with the two Whilrwinds and seemed to remain in place, despite the fact it was charging foward.
Yellow then realized she was still in Silver's arms and lifted herself out of his hold, blushing slightly.
"Ok, Gyarados, Weavile! Ice Beam!" Silver shouted as he got up, ignoring the fact Yellow had left his embrace.
"Omask, join in and use Ice Beam!" Yellow called out to her Omastar.
Gyarados, Weavile, and Omask all opened their mouths wide open and took in a deep breath and exhaled a powerful blast of ice straight into the Whirlwinds. The wind created by Dodosk and Honchkrow accelerated the icy beams from the other three, and they quickly hit Darkrai. Darkrai suddenly froze and the Whirlwinds continued to propel it in the air.
"Ok! That's enough wind!" Silver called out to the birds. Honchkrow stopped flapping and let itself onto the ground, while Dodosk stopped moving its heads and stood there, too dizzy to move.
Darkrai's frozen figure fell to the ground with a clunk. Yellow, Silver, and the Pokemon stared at its icy form nervously, anticipating what might happen if it defrosted. A few minutes later, a dark, swirling blob appeared and Darkrai was sucked into it.
"It's that...th-that dark portal..." Silver trailed off, watching the frozen Pokemon traverse deeper into the portal. The black hole then disappeared in the blink of an eye and light poured into the clearing.
The two trainers recalled all their Pokemon to their Pokeballs and gave a sigh of relief. They then simultaniously collapsed to the ground next to each other. When they hit the ground, they started to laugh at everything that had happened. Silver stopped laughing and watched Yellow as she continued to giggle.
I guess she forgot about the pain in her arm. Heh..., he thought.
Yellow looked at Silver and their eyes met for a few seconds, but they both looked away, blushing furiously.
What should I do!? She's...right here, infront of me. So..I guess I..., Silver asked himself in his mind.
Silver slowly moved closer to Yellow's face and kissed her. To his suprise, Yellow was kissing him back.
I didn't think you had the same feelings for me..., Yellow thought, still kissing Silver, more passionatley now.
Silver gently placed his hand around Yellow's waist while Yellow placed her hand on Silver's head and stroked his long, red hair.
Tomorrow...I have to tell her this feeling I have for her., Silver thought.
The two released themselves of their moment. Yellow smiled as her eyes closed and she gently drifted off to sleep.
Silver picked her up and walked over to a tree and sat back down. He rested Yellow's head against his chest and lay his head atop her's.