9th March 2008, 9:16 PM
Industrialshipping fic: Rated G thus far
Industrialshipping - Chapter 1 - Lovey Dovey Gym Leader
Volkner sat in his gym, feeling lonely. He had nothing to do. He hadn’t had a challenger for 6 months. He decided to write a letter to his friend, Roark. Roark was always up for a battle, and he posed a bit of a challenge with his Cranidos, too:
How are you? I’m all right, but I’m kind of bored. Would you like to battle? I could come down there, so you don’t have to leave the gym. I know I don’t have to worry about running mine. I haven’t had a challenger for 6 months. Is it all right if I come down?
He dropped this in the outgoing mail and went to bed. The next morning, he awoke to a pleasant surprise. Roark had already responded:
I’m fine too. A kid named Ash just beat me, so I need training too. Sure, come on down! I love battling you; it gives my Cranidos a challenge. Oh, I forgot to tell you! Cranidos evolved! It’s a Rampardos now! But please, do come. The sooner the better!
Volkner stared at the last two words. Love? Perhaps it was just because they were very close friends, but he didn’t think so. Oh well. That didn’t matter now! He had a battle to fight! He caught a plane to Oreburgh as soon as he could. When he got there, Roark was already waiting at the Oreburgh airport.
“Hey! Volkner, good to see you!” said Roark.
“Same to you,” said Volkner.
“So, let’s head back to the gym, shall we?” asked Roark.
They got in Roark’s car and drove to the gym. Volkner walked in first.
“Whoa! What have you done with the place?” he shouted.
“Oh, nothing, nothing,” said Roark, a flush creeping up his cheeks.
The gym no longer had a rocky floor, as it had when Volkner had last visited. Instead, it was filled with scented candles, and the lights had been dimmed. Volkner’s thoughts drifted back to the letter. Love, Roark, he thought to himself. Just how serious was he?
I did put thought into this, and typed up the first chapter in Word, and copied and pasted it here.
11th March 2008, 11:57 PM
The grammar is ok. A very intersting pairing. I would like to see more of this. However, it seems sorta rushed in my opinion, I would prefere it to be more lengthy.
12th March 2008, 3:02 AM
Don't worry. It goes slower than you might think.