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Thread: The anti-lugia

  1. #1
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    Default The anti-lugia

    Chapter 1

    It was a dark stormy night deep inside whirl islands were the legendary Pokemon lugia rested.As always team rocket came looking for legendaries but that night Giovanni had something special for Jessie and James the new plan named anti-lugia a special potion they had been preparing for months.

    Giovanni: Jessie and James i have a new promotion for you both i want you to catch me Lugia.

    James:But master hes a legendary we cant catch him easily.

    Giovanni:That's why i will lend you both the team rockets helicopter and this.

    Jessie:Is that a master ball?!?

    Giovanni:Indeed he lives at whirl islands now here are the keys and the master ball don't fail me or else...

    Both grunts:yes sir!

    Now leave!

    Come on Jessie we gotta get going so we wont be late

    Jessie:Wow first time we get to drive a helicopter its so cool!

    James:Ugh let me drive your wasting our time

    Jessie:Fine

    BEEP BEEP BEEP

    James:whats going on

    Jessie:WERE ABOUT TO CRASH!!!

    BOOM

    James:cough cough

    Jessie:Hey James whats that white Pokemon?

    James:It...it...it's lugia there he is we accomplish it!

    hurry give me the master ball.Here you go hurry hurry!

    Lugia is asleep its the perfect time,okay here it goes.

    James threw the master ball

    On lugia's head it bounced then lugia went inside a roar happened inside after the third shake

    James:yes! we made it we got him.

    Jessie: Oh no we got 20 minutes left to head back to the HQ.

    Then lets run back hurry!!!

    20 minutes later

    Giovanni:Ah i see your back did you both brought lugia.

    both grunts:yes sir!

    Giovanni:hand me the master ball

    James:here you go

    Giovanni:lugia i choose you!

    Lugia leaves the master ball and uses hydro pump to Giovanni

    Giovanni:GRUNTS!!!TAKE LUGIA AWAY AND INJECT HIM THE ANTI POTION!

    Grunts:yes master

    lugia screeches and cry's for help of Pokemon.No one will listen to you lugia to sad we have to put you to sleep first.

    lugia felled asleep now for the injection to control him squirt there you go

    Lugia:ROARRRR

    lugia turned purple with red eyes and more powerful than ever

    Giovanni:finally we got him as anti-lugia with him we will be able to get all the Pokemon and then control all of em as ours muahahahahaha!!!

    To be continued...
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  2. #2
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    please put if you like or not so i can continue chapter 2
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  3. #3
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    chapter 2

    Finally we have him on our power screamed Giovanni.Lets take him outside sir so lugia can start controlling the Pokemon in the wild then will move on to trainers Pokemon.But Giovanni didn't care all he cared about was stealing and controlling everyone.

    Now bring lugia outside come on while its still dark said Giovanni.

    Um sir im sorry he said in a terrified voice but lugia wont go inside his master ball again i think hes got too much power on him we cant control him.

    Well then get the Mewth tractor and stick him in there he wont be able to escape.

    As you order master but James and Jessie got the keys to that one

    That reminds me bring them over here for a new special promotion muahahahahaha!

    Right on it sir ill be back with them two

    Jessie and James Come In well i want you to do this plan i have written for you you've got 24 hours to accomplish it or your both dead.

    yes sir!

    Okay this time i will drive the vehicle you understand James!

    But don't drive to slow we gotta go all over Johto today said James

    the Mewth tractor was huge enough lugia it was gold color and had 2 seats with water proof metal so it would'nt rust at all.

    Ok so lets get this motor starting said Jessie ROAM then it turned off again ROAM and it turned off one last time okay it should work ROAM and it started the motor

    well what do you expect we haven't used it in months said James

    Why are you driving slow screamed James!

    Jessie responded well because we got lugia its like having 10 miltanks on our backs!

    Ugh just drive said James.

    After they had passed trough all the region except goldenrod and new bark town all the Pokemon would follow them but they all started attacking the tractor

    AHHHHH! screamed James lets call for back up now

    Um yes master please send us some back up now before we end up destroyed and loose our lugia

    Ugh fine grunts send the helicopter and 10 recruits

    the helicopter started perfectly and they started on there way towards lugia but suddenly they passed through the tower of ho-oh which woke him up and ho-oh started following them then he used ancient power on them so they would fall down then with his long peck he scratched all on the side of the helicopter and right through the "R" suddenly they fell down to the lake of rage and exploded fainting all the Magikarps there also all the Gyarados fainted.

    all the Pokemon center ladies and poke-mart people scurried there way towards the lake to revive all the Pokemon inside.

    after Jessie and James were done all over Johto they took proffesor from new bark town and blindfolded him

    James said ok lets head back to the HQ we got very little time and the helicopter never got here then on that moment the proffesor had a Pokemon starter on his pocket then he let it out it was cyndaquil then cyndaquil told the other Pokemon to tackle the tractor down and they did. but lugia let out a power that fainted them all
    then Jessie and James took em to the HQ

    Ho-oh from the skies shot fire but couldnt shoot them looked like they had a small helicopter in the back of their huge tractor then they let out a smoke ball that didn't let Ho-oh see Ho-oh cried for help but all the Pokemon were gone he was the last one and the injured magikarps and gyarados but the helicopter sucked them in with a huge vacuum and all the water too.

    Jessie and James headed back to the HQ and Ho-oh lost their track Ho-oh had nothing else to do but to fly to kanto and bring back legendaries for help.

    To be continued...
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  4. #4
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    I see the same problem in both chapters. Except, chapter 2 is even harder to understand.

    Also, there needs to be periods. There are long run-on sentences that dont make sense.

    There are no quotations to figure out who is talking, you can't tell where the characters are, what they're doing, where they're going, and what they look like.

    There is no character development, and overall, it's a very confusing fiction which has left many questions in my head.

    There is still hope!

    I suggest you read other people's fics and understand how they write, and how they express the setting. Reading other peoples fic helps you get better, trust me.

    Hope i helped!

  5. #5
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    Well first u said to much quotations now that u want quotations then u cant understand it after i put there names before there speaking then u don't like that then u don't like the new one and AHHHHHHHHH i might just quit it there if u don't enjoy it!
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  6. #6
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    Pokefan is likely confused because scripted fics, like yours, can be hard to read. For that reason, scripts are not allowed on this site unless they are written very well. An example of what I mean is in the Fan Fiction Rules.

    While your second chapter is not a script, it is still hard to follow because it is full of basic mistakes in spelling and grammar This makes your story harder and messier to read. As the Rules say, you should be writing on Microsoft Word or a similar program that will help you fix your basic mistakes.

    If you want your story to be good and taken seriously, you need it to look good: it has to follow the basic rules of grammar. Remember to capitalize the first word in every sentence, and the names of people, places and Pokemon. Every time someone speaks, you need to have quotation makes around their words so we know that they're speaking. Otherwise we may get confused if someone is saying something or thinking it.

    I know it all seems annoying, but it's even more annoying trying to read a story that doesn't have these things. Here are also the ways to use punctuation.

        Spoiler:- SPOILER! Very helpful info under here! :D:



    I know it's a lot of information, but the more you use it the better you'll be, and it will even help you in school. Your stories will look a hundred times better this way, and readers will prefer writing like this than if it's full of mistakes.

    Since this still breaks multiple rules, I'm closing this, but I do hope you read what I said carefully. We would love to read your fics here, and you could do great if you put in the time and effort.

    I hope we'll get to see more of your stuff. Good luck!

    ~Psychic

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