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Thread: The Sinnoh Chronicles

  1. #1
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    Default The Sinnoh Chronicles

    Hi. This is my first posting and story.

    Join Rixec, a boy aspiring to be the Pokemon Champion with many secrets, Hikari, a girl who wants to learn everything about Pokemon, and Elvis, a boy with street smarts aiming to surpass his father. Join all three as they battle evil, catch Pokemon and learn more about each other.

    Rated PG-13 for violence, cursing, and blood.

    Chapter List

    Prologue
    Chapter 1: The Meeting
    Chapter 2: The Attack and Pokemon of the Lake
    Chapter 3: The Choosing
    Chapter 4: Three Way Fight? The Battle in Hell
    Chapter 5: Sayonara
    Chapter 6: Friendship
    Chapter 7: Twins! Double Battle!
    Chapter 8: Three vs. Three, the Battle for Rixec
    Chapter 9: Jubilife City, Get the Poketch! A Dark Day for Rixec.
    Chapter 10: Siege of Jubilife
    Chapter 11: Memory Road

    The Story Begins...





    Tonight was the night. Volkner was working on his traps at the gym, it was the middle of the night, and the best guards were on vacation. It had to be tonight. Just a few more seconds. All of a sudden the lights went out everywhere in the city and the boy ran. “It’s now or never!” A Pokemon suddenly jumped out of nowhere and the two headed toward the gates. The alarm rang and the Houndoom were unleashed.

    These Houndoom were trained to catch the anything from the fastest Rapidash to the sneakiest Kecleon, but they weren’t trained for the two of them. The boy thought to himself, Yes, they’ve hidden themselves quite well. Let’s see now… “Old friend, there are two Houndoom five meters behind us, three three meters to the left, and one a mile ahead. Take them all out with Close Combat.”

    Yes, Master. The Pokemon took off and returned five minutes later. Just as you said.

    “All right, now comes the hard part.” The guards started rushing out to catch the boy, if they didn’t, they might be asked to go into “retirement”. Ten minutes later everything was smoothed until… “Gah! Psycho Cut at that tree now!” The Pokemon did so and a well hidden Kecleon fainted.

    I am sorry Master, I didn’t expect...

    “No, the one at fault was me; I didn’t expect this to happen. I guess this means there are still some good guards here.” If Kecleon was here then that means…

    Master! We must go back now!

    “NO! This is my only chance in a lifetime to escape, I trust you enough to get me out.”

    Can’t we use Teleport?

    “What time is it?”

    Uh, 11:45 p.m.

    “It’s no good; the Alakazam will be out around the city with a psychic barrier to prevent any means of escape.”

    But then, why are we still going?

    “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner old friend, but that a surprise that will have to wait until midnight.”

    You mean… Ugh! At that moment the Pokemon was frozen from the inside out. The boy knew what this meant, this icy feeling of death surrounding him like the dementors in Harry Potter. Froslass and its trainer, the head of the guard, had found them.

    “You put on quite a show, you and your slave, but it’s over now.”

    “Bill, Bill, Bill. First of all, he’s not my slave, he’s my best friend. And second, I’ve already won.”

    Bill just smirked and said “Kid, despite your faults you’re pretty amazing. But with your Pokemon frozen, possibly dead, you can’t escape.”

    “Look again.” Bill turned around and saw the Pokemon inside disappear; Substitute.

    “Froslass, above us!” Bill had shouted and the two of them dodge the Psycho Cut in time. Damn, the kid expected this and had a decoy lying in wait, I’ve should’ve expected this from a ***** boy and a psychic Pokemon. “Froslass, use Ominous Wind! Aim at its $#@%%$# heart!” The Froslass took aim but it never got the chance to attack, for the green Pokemon was faster and used Psycho Cut on its back, fainting it. “Ahh!”

    “Bill, my friend is faster, so a better move would have been Ice Shard, which always strikes first. If you survive “retirement”, I hope you remember that. Close Combat, send him back 100 feet,” the boy said smoothly. The Pokemon obeyed and after he landed, Bill didn’t wake up for a long time. “Ahh, time, now!”

    11:59 p.m. Master

    “One more minute.” One more minute until his escape from Hell, and to his 13th birthday. When the clock struck twelve it happened. The barrier disappeared.

    Master…

    “I put Wiki berries in the Alakazam’s food today. So when the clock struck twelve the barrier fell when the fell under the confused status,” the boy said quite pleased with himself. His Pokemon chuckled at this, to have thought of such a plan, maybe he would be a great Pokemon Trainer. “Now then, Teleport if you please.” His Pokemon then teleported them to a new beginning.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    A young woman paced in her office waiting for news. The door suddenly opened and Bill entered. “Well.” It was a statement, not a question.

    “I’m sorry Madam, but he has escaped,” he said to her dreading what would happen.

    “Well then, it’s time I got serious.” She started walking toward her desk when Bill spoke up.

    “Does this mean I’m free to go?” She turned, looked at him and smiled.

    “Oh my. I almost forgot. I think… it is time you went into “retirement” Bill.” She looked quite happy now.

    “N-No!” Bill screamed turning ghostly white. Suddenly, a trap door opened underneath and he fell in, and then a crunching sound could be heard.

    The woman sighed. If the boy has escaped this could mean problems. Should she contact Team Galactic? No, they were too busy, so she would have to send her toughest body guards. “Mack, Tammy, Ronald!” she called out. Suddenly, two boys and a girl around seventeen appeared.

    “You rang?” Mack asked. The woman looked at them. Mack, an athletic young boy with blood red hair, Tammy, a young girl with blond hair and a poisonous smile, and Ronald, a muscle body-builder with long black hair.

    “I want you to capture the boy. Bring him back alive and go unnoticed.” she told the three of them. “Take one Pokemon each, your strongest. Am I clear?”

    “Loud and clear,” Tammy answered. The three took off. While walking down the hall Ronald asked a question, “Where did the kid even go?”

    “Heh, I’m sure his plan will tell us,” Mack said with a sly smile.

    “Plan? But he can’t-,” Tammy started to stay.

    “It’s so that Pokemon of his will get it,” Mack replied. They went down to the furnace and met up with Mack’s Pokemon, Magmortor. “Do you have it?” Magmortor handed a piece of paper to them. “Because Magmortor controls all the fire here, he doesn’t burn important things.” They all looked at the plan.

    PART 1
    Find night Volkner works on traps and good guards are on vacation.

    PART 2
    Put wiki berries in Alakazam’s food.

    PART 3
    Escape.

    PART 4

    The three of them looked at the last part carefully and smiled. The boy was going to the place they knew best, the town they started their journeys seven years ago.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    The boy and his Pokemon looked at the town below them. In the morning they would head over to the lab and start the journey of a life time. “Twinleaf Town looks beautiful, doesn’t it Gallade?” the boy asked his Pokemon.

    Yes Master Gallade replied.

    “Um, Gallade?”

    Yes Master?

    “Don’t call me ‘Master’, call me by my name. Kay?”

    END


    This is the prologue to my story. Tell me what you think and any advice to make it better.
    Last edited by Rixec; 4th October 2009 at 3:39 AM.

  2. #2
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    Default

    I don't feel like reading right now, as I am about to fall asleep, but I'll just let you know that you accidently made duplicates of this.

  3. #3
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    Default

    Dang. Sorry, I'm new here and getting use to things.

  4. #4
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    I liked it but it could use more detail. It took my quite a while to realize what pokemon it even was! And I still have no idea what the main character or Bill...or any other person looks like. And what exactly does Volkner have to do with the prologue? I'm looking forward to the next chapter, but in my opinion, the first chapter needs to be redone. With more detail and less of a script form. Other than that it was good.
    Pokemon Black team:

  5. #5
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    That was the point. i didn'y want people to know what pokemon it was at first for mystery and kept descriptions to myself. And that thing with Volkner will be explained later on. But thanks for the tip.

  6. #6
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    Here's Chapter 1

    Chapter 1: The Meeting

    Dawn was the first thing she saw when she woke up. It was the first thing she saw everyday; maybe it had to do with her name. Well, Hikari Diamond intended to get her first Pokemon before that idiot showed up. She was a twelve year old girl with long pink hair and sapphire eyes. She got up and dressed into a white t-shirt and gold shorts and put her hair into a ponytail and left.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    7:00 a.m.

    “Hey Hikari!”

    Hikari looked as she ran and saw old man Jenkins (poor guy’s hair was thinning) in his apron in front of his bakery. “Mr. J., how you doing?” she had asked him.

    “Just fine,” he told her, “but how ‘bout you? You seem to be in quite a hurry.”

    She replied happily, “I am. Today’s the day at last!” Old man Jenkins was confused for a moment then it hit him.

    “Of course!” he said remembering like a forgotten memory, “You can become a Pokemon Trainer after two years. I remember, you were forbidden from becoming a trainer for two years because of El-“.

    “DO… NOT… MENTION… HIS… NAME!” she yelled. Her words were like ice daggers stabbing into his body but unable to die. He nodded and her mood lightened. But only for a moment.

    “Yo! Hikari!” a voice called out to her. To Hikari, it was Satan’s voice. She turned and saw Elvis Pearl. He was a scrawny looking boy with ruby eyes who was the mayor’s son but spends most of his time on the streets fighting and stuff. Today, he was wearing a black jacket and gray pants and his blond hair was cut short and spiky.

    “Hello Elvis,” she said with disgust, “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

    “Come on. How can we not become trainers together after all we’ve been through?” he said to her.

    “You mean like blowing up a building, hospitalizing two trainers, seven Pokemon and getting us banned from our trainer licenses for two years?,” Hikari answered,” All when you were ten years old.”

    “You need to learn to move on Hi-, “Elvis started to say before Hikari punched him in the face and kicked him in the balls. He squinted on the ground in pain and Hikari looked triumphant.

    “Here’s some advice. Don’t do anything stupid until I have my license and am free from you.” Hikari walked off and it took ten minutes for Elvis to stand up again.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    They had made it downtown and everyone stared in their direction. Hikari thought Great. After two years they still expect trouble to come because of us, because of him. She looked to her left and stopped, the construction crew was doing a good job on repairing the skyscraper blown up two years previously.

    “Oy, Hikari. Are we gonna stand here or what?” Elvis asked her. She snapped back to reality and agreed they should move on. Just then, an explosion happened and the crane crashed into the skyscraper Chunks of the building started falling and everyone ran for cover. Hikari and Elvis ran back to avoid it wondering what had happened. Then a woman screamed, terrified.

    “My baby! My baby’s up there!” she had screamed. Everyone looked up and saw a small boy of five or six clinging to life. “I told him not to go there and now…” she whimpered fearing his life. Hikari and Elvis knew they had to do something, but what?

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Five minutes earlier down the street.

    Everyone was staring at the strange sight: a boy with brown hair in red shirt and blue jeans wearing green sunglasses was walking alongside a Gallade, a rare Pokemon even for Sinnoh. The Gallade looked at its trainer and communicated, without anyone knowing, with the boy. Master, everyone’s staring.

    Are they? The boy thought. Wonder why? And I thought I told you to call me by my name.

    Forgive me Mas-, I mean Ri- Gallade started to say until the explosion came.

    Rixec knew something was wrong. That explosion came from five, no, six Electrodes. “Gallade, now!” he commanded. Everyone was so preoccupied by the explosion that they didn’t notice Gallade’s eyes turn bright green. The boy looked up and saw a skyscraper blown up at the top and a crane falling; and a small boy clinging for life.

    “Gallade!” The boy didn’t need to say anything else, Gallade’s eyes went back to normal and teleported.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Everyone knew the boy couldn’t hang on any longer and the rescue teams were too far away. They boy lost his grip and fell to his death. People screamed, others closed their eyes. Then a most unusual thing happened: a Gallade appeared right next to him, grab him, and teleported. Then the Gallade reappeared and the boy was safe. His mother ran forward to receive her child. She hugged and kissed him like crazy.

    “Thank you brave Pokemon for saving my child,” she said with kind eyes. Elvis and Hikari looked at the scene and were glad the boy was safe; and were surprised by the Gallade. Their thoughts were interrupted by people shouting at them.

    “You!”

    ‘Those devils caused this, like two years ago!”

    “We ought a banish those two *******s from trainer licenses for life!”

    “Forget banishment, jail for them!”

    “The Chair! The Chair!”

    Elvis and Hikari were scared, they hadn’t done anything and this was happening to them. They feared the worst: Elvis looked at Hikari and saw her sobbing. Their lives would’ve been ruined if not for a hero.

    “Stop!” a voice had shouted. Everyone turned and saw a boy with brown hair in expensive looking clothes running at them. Hikari stopped sobbing and looked toward his eyes: he was wearing green sunglasses, but his eyes camouflaged in so they must’ve been green.

    One of the men there looked angry, “What do you mean ‘stop’? These two kids did this!”

    The boy looked in his direction and smiled. “No, they did not.” Elvis and Hikari were shocked, somebody was defending them. The man picked up a rock and threw it at the boy.

    “Look out!” Hikari had shouted but she didn’t need to. The Gallade teleported and caught the rock before it made contact and crushed it, and it looked very angry; it extended its blades.

    “Calm yourself Gallade,” the boy said to him. The Gallade looked at him and it retracted its blades. The woman whose child was saved by Gallade went toward the boy.

    “Is this your Pokemon?” she asked him.

    The boy looked toward her and a kind smile, “Yes, he has been my best friend since I was little.”

    “Then I owe you my son’s life,” she said to him.

    “No need. One life is enough for me.” The man who threw the rock at him couldn’t control his patience any longer.

    “HOLD ON! What did you mean by these two didn’t do anything?!” he shouted.

    The boy sighed and said, “They couldn’t have done anything because they were down here.” Everyone looked confused after hearing this. “Look, the explosion was caused by six Electrodes; those two don’t have any means of telling the Electrode to Explode or Self-destruct.”

    A girl of about fifteen asked him, “How do you know there are Electrode up there?”

    “If you don’t believe me, check,” he said ignoring her question. When a rescue team arrived they went up to check. They came down six minutes later.

    “He’s right. There are six Electrode up there.” With Elvis and Hikari’s names cleared, people left them alone. The mother still wasn’t done with the boy.

    “What is your name and is there anything I can do for you?”

    “Rixec,” he answered. “And can you tell me where Prof. Rowan’s lab is?” She looked at him confused.

    “Prof. Rowan moved to Sandgem five years ago,” she told him.

    Sandgem, a miscalculation on my part. “Thank you.” He and Gallade left. Elvis and Hikari decided to follow him; they did owe him.

    “Wait!” Hikari called out to him. Rixec turned around instinctively as did Gallade. Hikari and Elvis stopped to catch their breath.

    “Yes?” Rixec said to them. Hikari looked straight into his eyes as if attempting to see them through the glasses.

    “Uh, thank you for helping us back there. You must be an incredibly experienced trainer to save the boy and get everyone off our backs,” Hikari said to him. She then saw he looked hurt.

    “Is something wrong?” Elvis asked him.

    “I’m no trainer. But that’s why I’m heading to Prof. Rowans lab,” Rixec told the two of them.

    “Oh, sorry. Um, Rex, no Rec-“she attempted to say.

    “’Rixec’,” he told her.

    “Yes, Rixec, how old are you?” she asked him expecting him to explode with rage.

    “I’m thirteen years old as of today,” he said proudly.

    Elvis looked at him and asked, “What happened? Did you get banned from your license like us?” Hikari threw her fist and punched him in the stomach. Rixec looked at them confused.

    “Banned? What do you mean?” he asked them. Hikari turned towards him and smiled humorously.

    “See, two years ago this guy pulled a prank and I got involved and we were banned from our trainer licenses for two years, making us twelve year old beginning trainers.”

    Rixec thought to himself I thought I had it bad.

    Elvis had recovered and asked, “How come it took you so long to get your license?” readying himself for another punch, kick, or something.

    “I was ill for the past few years, preventing me from traveling,” he told them smoothly. Hikari looked at him sympathetically, but something bothered Elvis.

    I’ve lived on the streets my whole life, I can tell the difference between a lie and truth, and he is lying. But very well I admit.

    Hikari came up with an idea. “How ‘bout we travel together?”

    “All three of us?” he had asked her. Hikari started to say no, just the two of them, but thought Elvis might get in trouble, and with Rixec here he could be a good influence.

    “Sure, the three of us.” Elvis was shocked by this. And so together they all headed out to Sandgem Town. Gallade looked at the two of them apprehensively and used his psychic powers to communicate with Rixec.

    R-Rixec, are you sure we can trust them?

    Yes old friend, their hearts are pure, he replied.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    At that moment Mack, Tammy, and Ronald made it to Twinleaf. Luckily Rixec hadn’t known about the Prof. moving and just had to lie in wait for him. Their Magmortor, Rhyperior, and Tangrowth looked eager for battle, and to killing Gallade.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Rixec and Gallade had gotten ahead waiting for Elvis and Hikari to catch up. The two of them were talking while catching up.

    “Hey, Elvis,” Hikari called.

    “Yes?” he answered

    “That Rixec fellow, I think… he’s just my type.”

    “What!?”

    What?! Rixec thought to himself. Gallade looked at him and chuckled. What?

    You’re blushing he said to Rixec.

    Am not!

    It’s okay to be embarrassed. To think you were able to develop romantic feelings.

    Gallade… Rixec complained. He looked toward the others and thought maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to go along with them, maybe.

    END


    Hope you like it. Advice is still wanted.
    Last edited by Rixec; 17th January 2009 at 10:23 PM.

  7. #7
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    Here's Chapter 2

    Chapter 2: The Attack and Pokemon of the Lake


    The Pokemon in the lake sensed them. Humans. Good or bad? It didn’t know, so it would be best to remain hidden. Yes, its power must not be used for wrongdoing. If they somehow found it though, it would show no mercy. It must be protected for the sake of Sinnoh… for the sake of the universe.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Hikari eyed Rixec. He hadn’t spoken to her after they had caught up to him and Gallade. She wondered why. She saw that he and Elvis were having a conversation, but she couldn’t make out the words.

    Well, hopefully he’s telling Elvis how to be mature like him. To be brave, cool, and mysterious. Ugh. What am I saying? Elvis could never be truly like Rixec, but he could become more mature.

    She was so focused on her thoughts she didn’t noticed they were heading in the wrong direction.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Elvis was surprised when Rixec asked to speak to him, in whisper no doubt. He thought he would tell him why he lied about being ill but was in for a shock.

    Rixec had asked him, “What’s your relationship with Hikari?”

    “Uh, ugh, um,” Elvis stammered. This was not what he was expecting. “Well… we were good friends, just friends, I mean, I’d never fall for her, she’s more like a sister, until a few years ago.”

    “That prank Hikari talks about yes?” Rixec asked as if it was a natural conversation. Elvis stared at Rixec and wondered why he talking about such topics.

    “Well, Hikari wouldn’t like this but, do you want to hear it?” he asked Rixec hoping his plan would work.

    “Yes.”

    Elvis brightened. “All right, but first answer my question: Why did you really wait three years to become a trainer?”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Gallade was a few feet a head to watch for danger. The Master was still in danger even in the west side of Sinnoh. He eyed Elvis and Rixec wondering what they were talking about. Though he could not hear their words he could hear their thoughts.

    Elvis was thinking He was lying about that illness earlier. If he asks the right question, I can trade my info in exchange for his.

    Gallade couldn’t believe this. This boy was trying to find out about the Master. For all Gallade knew, he could be a spy sent by them. Against his best judgment, Gallade read Rixec’s mind.

    This guy knows how to get what he wants. I wonder how he found out about my little white lie. I may regret this but…

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    “So it’s settled,” Rixec said a few minutes later after talking with Elvis. “You keep your stories to yourself and I’ll keep mine.”

    Elvis was disappointed about this, but also intrigued. If he didn’t want to talk this might be a good story. But it would have to wait for now. After a few minutes of silence they all ended up at the entrance to the lake. Elvis and Hikari were shocked. Their faces said it all.

    “I don’t believe it! We headed in the wrong direction!” Hikari shouted.

    “Hey, why didn’t you notice this?!” Elvis asked Hikari angrily.

    Hikari looked stunned about this. “Me? What about you?”

    “I was in deep conversation with Rixec,” What’s your excuse?” he said to her, triumphant.

    “I-, I was-,” Hikari stammered. I can’t say I was looking at him and Rixec talking about God knows what.

    Rixec just looked at the two of them confused. “Where are we anyway?” The two of them looked back at him.

    “It’s Lake Verity,” Hikari answered. “A legendary lake said to contain a mysterious Pokemon.”

    “Mysterious Pokemon you say?” Rixec said saying the words like one would enjoy each bite of their first ice cream cone. “Let’s go in.”

    “Huh?” Elvis and Hikari said simultaneously.

    “I’m interested in what this lake holds,” Rixec told them. Before they could say anything else Rixec and Gallade rushed in thinking the same thing.

    Maybe this Pokemon could grant the “wish”. Hikari and Elvis ran after them.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Mack, Tammy, and Ronald were waiting a long time for Rixec to show up. “Where is he?!” Mack yelled violently.

    Ronald answered, “Maybe he expected us to show up.”

    “No,” Mack said calmly. “You know nothing, not even God or Satan would stop him from coming.” Just then, a couple walked by and was talking about that day’s events.

    “Can you believe the skyscraper exploded?”

    “I know. That boy almost got killed; luckily that boy and his Gallade were here.”

    “I wonder how he knew there were six Electrodes up there.”

    Mack, Tammy, and Ronald listened knowing who they were talking about. “Magmortor!”

    “Rhyperior!”

    “Tangrowth!”

    The three looked at their Pokemon and gave directions.

    Mack told Magmortor to go to northern part of town. Ronald told Rhyperior to check downtown and Tammy told Tangrowth to check the lake. The three took off.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rixec panted hard, he had never run so fast, not even when escaping. Gallade saw that Elvis and Hikari were still far away and then his eyes turned bright green. Rixec stood up and looked at the lake.

    “It’s beautiful. I hope this Pokemon exists,” Rixec said tired and happy. Hikari and Elvis finally caught up and Gallades eyes went back to normal.

    “Wow Rixec,” Hikari said impressed. “I didn’t know you were so fast.”

    Elvis said loudly, “Yeah, pretty impressive for a guy ill for three years.” Hikari was caught up in the moment and didn’t hear.

    Rixec was worried. His lie was on thin ice. Damn, I’m in trouble, but they’ll be in even more trouble if they find out the truth.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Tangrowth was pleased. It had found the boy and would have the chance to kill Gallade. But there were two other humans. It would have to put them to sleep to avoid being seen. It drew in its breath, prepare to unleashed Sleep Powder.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rixec stopped. So did Gallade. Gallade sensed a presence and Rixec could hear and feel the steady breath drawing in for Sleep Powder. “Guys, look out!”

    Elvis and Hikari looked as the Sleep Powder was unleashed. They dodged in the nick of time by jumping into the lake. Tangrowth was disappointed; its Sleep Powder was useless in water. It stretched its arms so fast and slashed at Hikari with Cut and blood started pouring out of her like water from a faucet. Rixec and Gallade stared in horror. Rixec clenched his fist. They weren’t supposed to get hurt.

    “GALLADE!” Rixec yelled so loud a flock of Starly fled the scene. Gallade extended its blades and went to do battle with Tangrowth while Rixec went to tend to Hikari. With the Help of Elvis they managed to pull her out of the water.

    Elvis stared at Rixec worried about Hikari. “What’s happening? Why is a Tangrowth attacking us? How can we help Hikari?”

    Rixec needed to act fast. He could tell Gallade was taking on Tangrowth’s Power Whip with Leaf Blade. Gallade…

    No need to say anymore. Gallade’s eyes turned bright green and continued attacking but differently this time: Leaf Blade with his left blade and Psycho Cut with the other.

    Rixec brought out his bag he bought in town and looked through it. He grabbed some Oran and Sitrus berries and put them in a bowl with some other stuff and mixed them together. Elvis stared at him in anger.

    “How can you be making a snack when Hikari’s dy-” he started to say.

    “Shut up and help me!!” Rixec yelled at him. Elvis was a taken back. “Look in my bag and get out the bandages,” Rixec said apologetically while still mixing the berries. Elvis dug in and found them.

    “What are you going to do?” he asked.

    “Watch and learn,” Rixec said as he stopped stirring.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Gallade was having a tough time battling and concentrating. Tangrowth was a high level Pokemon, and for Gallade to use his talents made this his most difficult battle. Tangrowth stopped using Power Whip and stretched its arms so Gallade would crash to the ground. It happened. Gallade lost his balance and hit hard. Tangrowth was on him like a Mightyena on a slab of meat. It then unleashed Poison Powder and Gallade breathed in quite a bit. Gallade started coughing like mad and Tangrowth took advantage by cutting rapidly; small traces of blood started coming out of Gallade.

    If this doesn’t stop soon, I’ll… I’ll…

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rixec poured the stuff from the mixed berries on the bandages and wrapped it around Hikari’s arm. After it was done, Elvis noticed the blood started lessening. “What…?” he had asked.

    Rixec looked at him and smiled. “By mixing Oran and Sitrus berries, along with trace amounts of other ingredients it makes a substance that works well on wounds done to humans by attacks.” Elvis had gained a new respect for Rixec.

    “Thank you,” he said to Rixec.
    Rixec looked down at the sleeping Hikari and thought she looked so beautiful. Rixec turned in Gallade’s direction and said telepathically, Gallade, it’s good.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Gallade was never happier to hear the Master’s Voice. It let go of his concentration, caught Tangrowth’s arm and use Leaf Blade to cut off some of the vines. Tangrowth screamed in pain, it was a fine sound for Gallade and Rixec to hear. Tangrowth was tired of these games. It aimed carefully to strike a deathblow to the boy with blond hair to distract them long enough to kill Gallade; with it being poisoned a distraction would be its sentence to death. Before it could strike a mysterious force spread throughout the area and Hikari had woken up. She and Elvis stared in awe.

    Though it was invisible, they could just see an outline of a Pokemon. “The Pokemon of the lake,” they said as if they were meeting a deity. Gallade noticed this and concentrated, its eyes turning green. Tangrowth noticed this and attacked. The Pokemon, however, unleashed a special power blowing Tangrowth away.

    Rixec and the others still couldn’t believe what happened. Rixec went forward to the Pokemon. “Um…,” he said, Elvis and Hikari wondering what he would do. Everyone was silent for a few moments and then the Pokemon disappeared.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Everyone was walking toward Sandgem after they rested; Gallade had been given a Pecha berry for its poison. Hikari went up to start a conversation with Rixec. “Thank you, for helping me when I was hurt.”

    “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to stop the attack,” Rixec said looking gloomy. Hikari looked appalled by this.

    “It wasn’t your fault; it was that Tangrowth’s, and whoever sent it.”

    Elvis had been thinking a lot about this. “We better watch out for things like this.” They all found a good place to camp and Elvis put on some fresh bandages with some of that stuff made by Rixec; he was surprised to see how much had the cut had healed. The two of them fell asleep an hour later.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rixec and Gallade were up late thinking about what the Pokemon said to them.

    Young Rixec and brave Gallade, I know why you are here. For a wish of yours. Eric and Gallade couldn’t believe it knew.

    Can you grant it? Rixec asked.

    Not at the moment, but someday, with a slim chance, it can be done, the Pokemon told him. Gallade looked at it confused.

    Why tell him this, were you not expecting us to come and prepared to attack?

    The Pokemon looked towards Gallade and told him, Because you risked your life to defend him and his friends and he did everything in his power to save the girl’s life. So he is worthy of being known by us. And your wish is a great one, even if it’s for yourself, your greatest dream. The Pokemon then went to its home in the lake.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rixec looked at his sleeping friends and then at Gallade. He pulled out a berry from his bag and gave it to Gallade. “Here’s a Sitrus berry for your wounds,” Rixec told him. Gallade took and ate it. Then he looked at Rixec.

    You know Rixec... I think you did make some good friends now that I think about it. Rixec smiled at this.

    “Gallade, do you think my dream will come true?”

    You heard the Pokemon of the lake, a slim chance. There’s hope.

    Rixec thought of the Tangrowth and said, “You know this means Mack, Tammy, and Ronald are here.” Gallade nodded gravely and after a nice chat of what to do, the two headed to sleep.

    END


    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Next Time: Chapter 3: The Choosing


    If anyone knows how to make a banner, please let me know.
    Last edited by Rixec; 21st March 2008 at 3:17 PM.

  8. #8
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    For the first few installments, all I can say is that it gets better each time. The latest chapter was the best so far, but it wasn't exactly mind-blowingly exciting either, so I'm hoping the suspense starts soon.
    ;[


    what happened.

  9. #9
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    I liked it. It had a lot more detail than the last one I read. Can't wait for the next one. lol
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    Chapter 3: The Choosing


    It was a dark night and Hikari Diamond walked towards the lake. She did not know why she was going. When she arrived she saw a huge group of shadowy figures all around a girl; and the girl was covered in blood and standing in a pool of it. The shadowy figures drew closer to her.

    Hikari rushed forward screaming, “Stop! Stop! Leave her alone!!” Hikari made her way through and made it to the girl. When she turned around Hikari screamed. It was her, and blood pouring out of her breasts with claw marks on them. Suddenly, a light came out of the lake and was then enveloped by darkness.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Hikari woke up thinking she lost thirty years off her life. She thought to herself, It was all a dream. But what did it mean? She stood up and looked at herself, she was wet all over. Great, I’m a sweaty mess. Imagine what Rixec would say if he saw me now. Hikari stood up to get dressed when Elvis appeared.

    “Gooood morning Hikari!” he said to her happily. He looked at her and said, “Hey, did you wet yourself last night?” Hikari didn’t do anything for a few moments, and then she turned around smiling.

    “Yes Elvis,” she said still smiling. “Here’s your reward.”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rixec had woken up to the smell of chocolate chip pancakes. It smelled so relaxing that he could have sworn he gone to heaven. He turned toward the smell and realized that Gallade had woken up early. “Morning.”

    Gallade looked at him and told him I decided to make something special for you today. Gallade was pleased with himself that the Master’s morning would be enjoyable before he became a trainer. Rixec then realized that Hikari and Elvis weren’t around.

    “Um… where are Elvis and Hikari?” he asked Gallade confused. Did they not eat breakfast?

    They’ll be here shortly, Gallade told Rixec, Hikari’s down by the river washing herself and Elvis’s in his tent covered in bandages. Rixec was alarmed by that.

    “Were we attacked in the middle of the night?!” he asked prepared for battle. Gallade chuckled at this.

    No, apparently Elvis did something and Hikari beat him up for it. He then explained that the wounds were minor by their standards, and that he healed him up. They should heal up by the time we arrive at Prof. Rowan’s lab.

    Hikari came down a few minutes later and Elvis had woken up. The two of them were in love with Gallade’s pancakes.
    “Where did your Gallade learn to cook like this?” Elvis asked Rixec.

    Rixec smiled at told him, “Gallade spied a few master chefs over the years and picked up a few things.” Rixec looked at Hikari and saw, though she was pleased by the pancakes, she had looked a little pale. “Everything alright Hikari?”

    Hikari was surprised by this sudden comment. She had thought of telling him the dream, but decided against it. “Yeah, I just slept funny, that's all.” Elvis looked at Hikari. She was lying, the fact that she was pale made it blend in easier; otherwise it would have been caught.

    Should I say something? The image of Hikari beating him up came in mind and he decided against it. They cleared camp and left for Sandgem.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    “Where are they?” Mack asked Tammy and Ronald. Tangrowth and Rhyperior had not returned.

    “How should I know?” Ronald demanded and Mack backed down. Though Ronald wasn’t the smartest of people, he did not want to mess with his brute force. Tammy then screamed and the boys turned their heads. There was Rhyperior carrying an unconscious, and badly injured Tangrowth. Tammy looked at Tangrowth and took it to the P.C.

    “Ronald,” Mack said to him. “I’m going to Sandgem to see if I can spot Rixec. Wait here for Tammy and meet me there.” Mack then left for Sandgem wondering how Tangrowth was injured that badly.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    While Elvis and Hikari got the address to the lab, Rixec admired Sandgem; it was a nice looking town. He turned toward Gallade and saw his eyes turn a bright green. Gallade’s powers are amazing, but it’s not the same.

    Elvis came back ahead of Hikari and saw Gallade’s eyes bright green, but only for a moment. “Yo! Rixec!” he yelled out to him. Rixec turned around ant was glad Elvis had returned.

    “Where’s Hikari?” he asked.

    “Already heading toward the lab, c’mon and we’ll catch up.” The two of them and Gallade rushed down the hill to trainer hood.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    10 minutes later.

    The others caught up with Hikari and were now standing outside the lab. Rixec could tell Hikari was so pleased that she would get her first Pokemon. Hikari walked toward the door and Rixec suddenly pulled her back.

    “Ahh!” she yelled. The move was very sudden. Why did he pull be back like that? She was about to complain when the door sprung open as if it had the motor of a racecar. Hikari stared; if she had been there she would’ve been out cold for hours, maybe even days.

    “So… you’ve come,” a voice said. Hikari and Elvis looked and saw in the door a man in his thirties, Adolf Diamond, Hikari’s father. “Well, come in,” he said grumpily. Hikari Elvis and Gallade went into the next room but Rixec stayed. Mr. Diamond looked at him. “What, too nervous to get your Pokemon?”

    Rixec looked up and said, “You knew Hikari was there.”

    “What?”

    “You knew. You intended to hurt her, why?” Rixec demanded. Mr. Diamond looked at his eyes as if determines to see them. Must run in the family...

    “Because she’s my daughter,” he said smoothly.

    “What!?”

    “Correction, she was. I disowned her two years ago, me and her mother,” he told Rixec.

    “Disowned her?” Rixec said confused.

    “Because of a prank she and Satan did.”

    Rixec was building with anger. “His name is Elvis. And what excuse is that to toss her aside?”

    “Do you even know what they did?” Mr. Diamond asked.

    “I-,” Rixec started to say. “I don’t actually,” he confessed. Mr. Diamond looked please.

    “Then it’s not too late for you to get away from her, join me while you can,” he said, convincing as the serpent from the tale of Adam and Eve Rixec thought.

    “NO. Hikari is my friend and I’ll stand by her,” Rixec said proudly. He started to walk into the next room and stopped. “What is you name, sir,” Rixec said disgusted.

    “Adolf Diamond,” he answered.

    Rixec whispered to himself, “And he called Elvis Devil.” He left the room in case he was heard. When he entered a voice spoke up.

    “Ah good, you’re all here,” it said. Rixec was startled by it, it sounded intimidating. I guess this is Prof. Rowan. The professor walked over to a table. Elvis and Hikari saw three pokeballs on it. “Inside these pokeballs are the starter Pokemon, I assume you know what they are?” he asked. Hikari and Elvis answered yes, but Rixec answered no. Everyone was shocked by this.
    “Well, ahem, here we have Turtwig,” he said as a Pokemon came out of the pokeball. “And Chimchar and Piplup.” Mr. Diamond had just entered the room. Hikari was nervous, the starter Pokemon said a lot about the trainer, so she had to choose carefully. She looked at the three Pokemon and chose the blue penguin, Piplup. Piplup jumped happily into her arms and Hikari started laughing.

    Elvis stepped up next and was didn’t even think about his next Pokemon. “I choose Chimchar so we can become the ultimate fighters!” he said with pride in his voice. The red/orange monkey Pokemon, Chimchar, went to him knowing this trainer could make him strong.

    Mr. Diamond just said,” Or the best duo of Hell.”

    Elvis just shrugged at him and held his middle finger to him. He turned around to see Chimchar and didn’t notice Mr. Diamond pulling his fist back. Gallade’s eyes turned bright green, which Prof. Rowan noticed and Rixec ran forward and caught the punch with his hand. Rixec looked up and saw Adolf Diamond for what he really was. A tall middle-aged man whose red hair was thinning and had a nasty scar across his left eye; they were sapphire, like Hikari’s.

    Mr. Diamond knew he had made a mistake and left the room. The little green turtle, Turtwig, couldn’t believe the boy with brown air threw himself in front of the punch to save his friend. Friend. That was what Turtwig wanted. It walked toward the boy and Rixec turned to him. Then he gestured it to jump into his arms, which Turtwig did. In fact, he was so happy he pushed Rixec to the floor. Turtwig was startled but Rixec had a blank look in his face then started laughing. Gallade let go of his concentration and his eyes went back to normal, Prof. Rowan noticed this, the Master had never laughed in his life, yet here he was, doing it so naturally.

    Rixec stopped laughing and said, “Turtwig… I choose you!” Turtwig was pleased.

    Prof. Rowan gave the usual speech to beginning trainers and gave them all pokeballs and pokedexes; a black one for Rixec, pink for Hikari, and red for Elvis. Elvis wanted to say “Thank you” for stopping the punch, but before he could Prof. Rowan started talking to Rixec.

    “Rixec, can you and your Gallade come into the next room with me for a minute?’ he asked. They went in and to kill time, Elvis and Hikari went outside.

    Elvis decided to find some trainers for battles and left. Hikari was alone. She had Piplup in its pokeball, should she let it out? Before she could do any thing, a girl of about sixteen showed up. Hikari looked at her. She was about 5’6 ft and had gray eyes and neck short black hair. Hikari decided to start a conversation. “Hello.”

    The girl looked at Hikari then smiled. “Hi there cutie. You a new trainer?” Hikari nodded at this and the girl went on. “My name is Linda. You want to be friends?” Hikari was stunned by this. She could actually make a girl friend.

    “Y-yes!” she said. Linda was pleased to hear this.

    “Great! As your friend, I should help you with stuff. Hey! Do you have someone special in your life?” she asked. Hikari blushed at this and Linda knew. “Hmmm. Do you want to know a way to make him like you?”

    Hikari said she did and Linda told her that boys like girls who are knowledgeable trainers. Hikari thought she could kill two birds with one stone; she could get Rixec to like her and learn about Pokemon.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rixec couldn’t believe the conversation he just had with Prof. Rowan, he knew a lot by just a few glances. Luckily, he promised to keep them secret. Gallade was worried at first, but was fine now. When they went to check on Hikari and Elvis, they found out that they were gone. “What the…?” Rixec said, lost for words. Elvis came back a moment later.

    “Yo! Rixec, what kind of talk you and the professor have?” he asked with anticipation.

    “Just stuff on how to be a trainer,” Rixec answered. Elvis thought Another lie. He then noticed Hikari was gone.

    “Where’s Hikari?” Elvis asked.

    “I was hoping you would know,” Rixec answered. They all split up in three different directions to find her.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Mack was bored. He was in Sandgem for an hour and didn’t see Rixec. He did see a girl of twelve with pink hair walking towards the warehouses with a girl of sixteen and black hair, but nothing interesting. Just then a boy with spiky blond hair came up to him to ask him a question. “Hey, have you seen my friend, she’s about my age and pink hair and saph-“he was saying before Mack interrupted him.

    “Yes I did,” he answered. “I saw her walking towards the warehouses with another girl with black hair.” The boy with blond hair thanked him and set off. Just then, Mack received a call from Ronald and Tammy.

    “Mack, Tangrowth’s started to recover,” Tammy said.

    “But there’s more,” Ronald said. “It did encounter Rixec and lost. He’s also traveling with two other kids, Tangrowth can’t remember one of them, but we did manage to get the image of a twelve year old boy with spiky blond hair.” Mack couldn’t believe what he just heard. He knew how to capture Rixec. He made his way to the warehouses laughing manically.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Hikari and Linda came to a warehouse. Hikari was confused by this. “Um, how will this help me become a knowledgeable trainer?” she asked. Linda smiled and said, “Just go in.” Hikari walked in, and then two sets of hands grabbed her and another took her pokeball.

    “What the…?” Hikari yelled confused. A big hulking man with no hair then came towards Linda. “Linda, run!” But the man didn’t do anything except take out a wad of cash and give it to Linda.
    “That’s a Piplup she has, so it’s gonna cost extra.” He gave her a bit more.

    “You… you sold my Pokemon?” she said angrily.

    “Yep, but not just that,” Linda said happily. Hikari understood everything then.

    “You sold my Pokemon… and my body?” she said weakly.

    “Bingo,” Linda said. “I give them the girls and Pokemon and they give me the cash. Thirteen hundred dollars. Don’t worry; I’ll share half with you when they’re done. You should consider yourself lucky, I don’t normally do that.” The hulking man and his goons went into the other room.

    “NO! NO!” Hikari yelled, though she knew no one could hear her.

    END


    Next Time: Chapter 4: Three Way Fight? The Battle in Hell
    Last edited by Rixec; 31st March 2008 at 11:41 PM.

  11. #11
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    In terms of content, I really liked the prologue. Action packed, unusual and interesting. That said, while I understand you wanted to withhold information for suspence et cetera I still feel description was a little too sparse - I really had no idea of what the environment was like other than dark, which made it all pretty much impossible to visualise. You tended to tell rather than show - instead of saying that your character laid a trap perhaps try describing the actions he carried out to finish it off. Pulling a rope tight and standing back to observe it, or similar. It'd help to flesh out your narrative and give a sense of immediacy, which being too vague can detract from. The "retirement" of Bill would benefit especially from that, I think - while the drop and the crunch made me grin with understanding the way you described it was still a lil... bland.

    Nevertheless, 'twas an enjoyable read. I' being harried at the mo because I need to drive my mum to the shops, but I'll definitely read the other chapters and leave a better review when I'm done.

    Loveleh work,

    ~Sidian

    .:Touch my food, feel my fork:.

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  12. #12
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    ...I am surprised...you managed to put trafficking into your story. I hope they die...the ones who bought her..and the girl that sold her...grrr....but a good chapter and looking forward to the next one.
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    Here's chapter 4. Hope you like it.

    Chapter 4: Three Way Fight? The Battle in Hell

    This, Rixec decided, was the worst day of his life. He was trapped inside of a burning warehouse, battling Mack and his Magmortar while Elvis went to save Hikari. What's worse, Rixec only had Turtwig to battle with.

    “Magmortar, Lava Plume!” Mack commanded. Rixec and Turtwig had to dodge efficiently in order to not get burned.

    “Turtwig, Withdraw!” Rixec panted. The heat of the fire was starting to get to him. Mack noticed the Turtwig hardening its defenses so he had to attack without fighting now.
    “Magmortar, use Smokescreen across the entire room except where we’re standing,” Mack demanded of his Pokemon. Magmortar raised its gun-like arm and smoke came rushing out of it. Rixec heard the command but it was too late to do anything; the smoke started to overcome him and Turtwig. Rixec was coughing, desperate for air and water as the smoke choked his lungs. If he didn’t act fast, the smoke would knock him out and he’d be in the hands of the enemy. Rixec just sat on the ground and started thinking about how all this happened...

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Earlier that day.

    Rixec and Elvis were running as fast as their legs would go, desperate to save Hikari. Elvis had found out where Hikari had gone and told Rixec, but a woman overheard them and was worried because she heard rumors that the other girl, Linda, was involved in some bad stuff.

    Rixec and Elvis started running while the woman went to call the cops. Rixec gave a mental command to Gallade to meet them at the warehouses. While running, Elvis asked Rixec a question. “Hey, your Gallade can Teleport, right?”

    Rixec turned his head to him and said, “Yes.”

    “Then why don’t we just call Gallade here and Teleport to the warehouses?” Elvis asked.

    “It’s a good theory, but it won’t work,” Rixec said, frustrated with himself.

    “Why?”

    “Because Gallade did a big teleport recently so his mental power for them has worn down,” Rixec told him. “He can’t teleport right now.”

    Elvis just stared blankly. “But he did it three times in Twinleaf.”

    “That was all the energy he had left,” Rixec said, “three, short-distanced, teleports. It’s gonna take a while for Gallade to do another.” The boys looked at each other, and then started running faster. After a few minutes, they found the warehouses.

    “Ahh! Which one’s Hikari’s?” Elvis said, angrier then he ever had been. Rixec was worried, Hikari could be being… no, he didn’t want to think about it. Just then, Rixec heard something.

    “No! No!” a voice called out. It was faint, but it was Hikari’s voice, where did it come from? It called out again and Rixec found the warehouse.

    “Over there!” he had shouted before running. Elvis joined him and came crashing through the doors. Everyone in the warehouse was surprised to see the two of them enter, except Hikari.

    “Rixec! Elvis!” she yelled, never happier. The hulking man and his goons started to go the next floor, along with Linda. Rixec ran to them, but was interrupted by a Fire Blast erupting out of nowhere. Rixec knew Mack had found him.

    Elvis looked where the blast came from and saw the man who directed him to the warehouse. “You!?” Everyone took advantage of this and went through the door. Mack came down to where Rixec and Elvis were.

    “Rixec… be a good boy and come with me,” Mack said to him.

    “Like any way in Hell! Get out of the way, or suffer!” Rixec demanded. He couldn’t believe this was happening when Hikari was in trouble.

    “’Like any way in Hell’?” Mack repeated. He then smiled and snapped his fingers. Fire erupted out of nowhere covering the entire room. Elvis was surprised by this so much he almost fell into it, luckily, Rixec pulled him back.

    Rixec knew what this was, the Hell Room field, made by Mack and Magmortar; it wouldn’t spread, but was dangerous. He had to stop Mack before something happened to his friends. “Elvis, go up and save Hikari, I’ll hold him up.” As long as I can he added silently.

    If Elvis had objections, he didn’t say, he just ran up those stairs. He thought he’d be stopped by the pyromaniac but he didn’t do anything. Mack watched as the blond hair boy ran by. He let him because he was saddened to see the girl in trouble, but he couldn’t do anything without being revealed.

    He was so lost in thought he never saw Turtwig come tackle him. He grunted, but only for a second. Mack knew Rixec wouldn’t go without a fight. Luckily Gallade wasn’t here to stop him. The two of them looked at each other and the battle began.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    And Rixec was losing. Turtwig wasn’t strong enough for Magmortar; he only hoped Elvis would hurry. Magmortar fired fire balls from his gun-arm and Rixec and Turtwig barely dodged. Gallade, where are you?

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Gallade had run but a few minutes when he ran into Tammy, Ronald, and Rhyperior. Rhyperior instantly unleashed Earthquake to knock Gallade off his feet then delivered Rock Wrecker. A normal Pokemon wouldn’t get up, but Gallade had been specially trained for this. He got and ran toward Rhyperior using Leaf Blade with his left arm and Psycho Cut with the other. Both were successful hits but Rhyperior just shrugged them off.

    Damn, Rhyperior may be weak to both attacks, but its rock abs gave it an almost impenetrable armor.

    “Give it up Gallade,” Ronald said. “You can’t win, and if you’re cooperative, the Madam might let you see your master once every few years.” Gallade had to get away, Mack had to be fighting Rixec, only reason he wasn’t here now.

    It’s time for the warrior to take over Gallade thought. Gallade ran forward fighting not like the psychic Pokemon which planned ahead, but as the fighter which fought on instinct.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Elvis busted through the doors to save Hikari. There they were: Linda, the hulking man, his goons, and Hikari. Elvis called out Chimchar and said, “Let her go or suffer!” Everyone laughed, not what Elvis wanted. I guess I need to be more intimidating.

    The two goons chained Hikari to the wall and came forward; they were twins, Elvis just noticed, long and lanky with short silver hair and a skull tattoo on their foreheads. They called out their Pokemon, Koffing and Ekans, for battle. Elvis knew he was outnumbered, but he couldn’t lose. “Chimchar Scratch Ekans in the eyes,” he commanded. Chimchar jumped at Ekans, claws extended, but Koffing got in the way.

    “Koffing,” one of the goons shouted, “use Explosion!” Koffing did so and Chimchar got caught in the blast.

    “You 3@#$%,” Elvis swore. Well, Chimchar had survived and surely Ekans fainted, being closer to Koffing. But when the smoke cleared Ekans was gone. “What the hell!?” Elvis was too distracted to notice the hole in the ground and Ekans reappeared from underground and bit Chimchar.

    “Charrrr!” it yelled in pain. Elvis couldn’t believe this was happening. He had no choice; he would have to call upon the skills of battling taught to him by the man he hated most. By his father.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rixec and Turtwig were at the limit. The heat and smoke were overtaking them. “Rixec, it’s over,” Mack told him. Rixec was about to concede defeat when he heard a Pokemon. It was a Buizel that was sleeping in the warehouse at the time and had just woken up. It was in a frenzy wondering what to do. Rixec had to help it, so he threw a ball and caught it.

    Better check the pokedex Rixec thought. He took out the black device and found his info.

    Buizel
    It swims by rotating its two tails like a screw. When it dives, its flotation sac collapses.

    It has a flotation sac that is like an inflatable collar. It floats on water with its head out.


    Let’s see, attacks, attacks….

    Sonicboom
    Water Sport
    Quick Attack
    Water Gun

    Perfect, Rixec thought, not knowing Turtwig was sending a mysterious force over to Buizel.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Tammy and Ronald noticed the change in Gallade’s attack pattern. It no longer fought with intelligence, but rather on instinct.

    “Looks like it’s getting out of hand,” Tammy said.

    “That it is,” Ronald answered. He noticed Gallade was now using Close Combat, a powerful fighting move that lowered the user’s defense and special defense. It was time to end this. “Rhyperior, Megahorn.” Rhyperior lifted its head back and unleashed his horn on Gallade. Gallade was hit hard and thrown back 6 meters. Dust blew everywhere. When it settled down, they saw Gallade on its back, fainted.

    Tammy’s smile must’ve been contagious because Ronald was smiling that poisonous smile. “Do it,” he told Rhyperior. Rhyperior’s horn started spinning. Horn Drill, a one-hit KO move, if done on a fainted Pokemon in the right place, its heart to be precise, the Pokemon would die. Rhyperior walked toward Gallade, it was going to end this battle once and for all…

    END

    Next Time, Chapter 5: Sayonara

  14. #14
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    Hey, sorry its been a while. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

    Chapter 5: Sayonara

    Linda couldn’t believe the kid and his Chimchar took out the goons in less than a minute. She couldn’t afford to lose Hikari – she still hadn’t received her money. Linda turned to the hulking man. “Wolfgang, take him out,” she said calmly. Wolfgang just shrugged and called out his pokemon, Gabite. The blue land shark came out and roared.

    Anyone would be intimidated by a dragon type pokemon, but Elvis couldn’t afford to lose. “Chimchar, charge forward, do three summersaults in the air, and attack with ember when you’re hit,” Elvis instructed. Chimchar did just that, and when it started its third summersault, Wolfgang went on the offensive.

    “Gabite, Dragon Rush!” he commanded. Gabite rushed into the air, and as soon as it hit Chimchar, it was thrown back to the ground by ember. “What?!” Wolfgang ran to Gabite and saw that the inside of its mouth was burned. Gabite started to get back up, but Elvis was prepaired; the pokedex told him all he needed to know abut Chimchar.

    “Chimchar, Heat Wave!” he yelled. Wolfgang was shocked and Chimchar knew that. Gabite never got the chance to be shocked because it was knocked out before it realized what happened. Chimchar then ran up to Wolfgang and used Fury Swipes on his face, scarring him and knocking him out in a few seconds. Wolfgang was unconscious.

    Elvis turned to Linda. “Let Hikari go now, or you’ll end up worse than him,” Elvis said and pointed at Wolfgang. Hikari couldn’t believe what Elvis was capable of. Surely Linda would give up, but all she did was laugh.

    “My turn,” she said while smiling evilly. “Go!” And the worst Pokemon any trainer could face came out of her Master Ball. She had a Mewtwo.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rhyperior had almost made it to Gallade, everything was going smoothly. He stopped in front of Gallade’s unconscious body. Ronald gave the command, “Do it.” Rhyperior bought down its horn on Gallade and dust blew everywhere from the impact. Ronald and Tammy were smiling, their mission a success. When the dust blew away their smiles turned to horror, Gallade’s body disappeared. Rhyperior was so shocked it didn’t notice the hole in front of it, or the figure coming out.

    Gallade rose from the hole and use Close Combat on Rhyperior, the force of the punch thrown back onto Tammy and Ronald. Gallade didn’t wait around for them to recover. Gallade couldn’t believe his plan worked, hiding in a hole, using a Substitute clone to make it look defeated and rise out with the finishing move.

    I have to get to the Master before Mack captures him. Gallade stopped running and realized the truth; he wouldn’t make it in time, especially in his condition. Gallade found an abandoned alley and got into a meditating state and his eyes turned bright green.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rixec sent out Buizel ready for a fight. Mack knew Buizel couldn’t be a threat, even with the boy with an IQ of 204. “Magmortar, Fire Blast!” Magmortar fired in three different directions. Rixec was prepared however,

    “Buizel, Watersport!” Buizel unleashed water all over the room and attacks weakening the fire, and easier for Buizel’s reflexes to dodge. “Now, get up close and use Sonicboom!” Buizel rushed forward and unleashed a series of waves from its tail. Magmortar was being pushed back, and Mack was running out of ideas because he underestimated Rixec.

    “Magmortar, Hyperbeam!” Before Buizel could do anything a beam of energy came from Magmortars gun-arm and shot Buizel where Rixec was. Rixec had to act fast while Magmortar couldn’t move from the attack.

    “Alright, Buizel, close range now...” he said and Buizel rocketed forward faster than ever, surprising everybody. When Buizel was in front of Magmortar it unleashed Water Gun blowing Magmortar back. Rixec could practically feel the speed and power Buizel had and reached for the pokedex and looked up both his pokemon.

    The electronic voice spoke out:
    Buizel
    Status: Pokerus

    Turtwig
    Status: Pokerus


    Rixec couldn’t believe the Pokemon Virus was in both of them. Turtwig must’ve had it from the beginning and sent it over to Buizel. So from now on when they leveled up they would become even more powerful. Just what he needed to fight Mack.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    “I hope you don’t mind being crushed by Mewtwo’s Psychic and Light Screen,” Linda said cheerfully. Elvis and Chimchar were suspended in the air and being crushed by the light walls, which were getting smaller.

    Elvis had to figure something out from his father’s techniques. “You’re quite the little sadist ain’t ‘cha?” he asked.

    “Have to do what I can to make money.”

    Hikari was crying now. Elvis, and possibly Rixec, were dying, all because of her. She had to help, but how. She looked at the ground and stopped crying, her Piplup’s pokeball was on Wolfgang’s belt. She started to stick her foot out toward the button. Elvis saw what she was doing and remembered a plan for this situation.

    Linda knew it was time to end this, she snapped her fingers and Mewtwo started to decrease the Light Screen even more. Hikari finally hit the button and Piplup popped out, surprising Linda and Mewtwo, and releasing its psychic powers. Elvis and Chimchar fell to the ground and Elvis gave the command. “Chimchar, Ember! Piplup, Bubble!” The two attacks collided in the air creating a mist around the room. Linda struggled to see and never saw Elvis and Chimchar get in front of her until it was too late. Chimchar destroyed the Master Ball and Elvis delivered a series of punches right below Linda’s breast, knocking the wind out of her. Elvis and Chimchar turned toward Mewtwo and were shocked by what they saw. Mewtwo was melting; it was a bad clone tied to the Master Ball.

    Elvis ran to Hikari. “You all right?” he asked.

    “I’ve had better days.” They ran out of the room to help Rixec.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rixec felt Gallade’s power kick in. He saw the doors on the floor above open and Elvis and Hikari were okay, if a bit shaken up. He needed to get them out before Mack noticed. He looked up and saw barrels hanging in a parachute. They were filled with gasoline. His mind formed a plan and he typed a message to the others via pokedex.

    Elvis’s pokedex rang and saw a message from Rixec: GET OUT NOW! He showed it to Hikari and she was shocked he wanted to go alone in all this. She looked straight to him and, though she couldn’t see his eyes, understood he needed them to get out. They ran down the fire escape praying to God to save Rixec.

    “Well Rixec, it’s time you gave up,” Mack said.

    “Mack, you think your little trick is hell, but I’ll show you what Hell really is, and one or both of us may be going there. Buizel, Sonic boom!” Rixec commanded. Buizel fired and before it hit, he recalled Buizel and got ready. Mack was too late to do anything, the gasoline hit the ground and the warehouse exploded.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Elvis and Hikari made it out and went to call the police, but stopped when they heard the explosion. Elvis and Hikari looked at the warehouse as debris blew everywhere. The police and fire department showed up just them and ran toward the warehouse. Hikari ran forward, but Elvis pulled her back.

    “Elvis what are you doing?!” she asked furiously.

    “Hikari, think for once today! What good would it do if you went in there? Rixec’s sacrifice would be for nothing!” he yelled at her. She knew what he said was true, but she didn’t want to believe it. Hikari fell to the ground and started crying. But only for a moment. The firemen and policemen came carrying Wolfgang, his goons, and, most importantly, Rixec. Elvis and Hikari ran forward to see him. An ambulance showed up a few minutes later and drove them to the hospital.

    Hours later, Gallade managed to find them and was treated by Nurse Joy. Rixec, Elvis, and Hikari were in special treatment at the hospital. Rixec had been unconscious most of this time but woke up around 6 p.m. Hikari hugged him hard when he did, nearly suffocating him.

    Elvis was pretty calm however. “If you ever do that again, I’ll kill you, bring you back to life, and kill you again.” Hikari glared at him, but Rixec smiled. So this is what it was like to have friends that worried about you. Rixec got up and saw some new clothes by his bed to replace the ones destroyed in the explosion: a silver shirt, fancy blue jeans, and a black leather jacket. He was glad his glasses survived and were still on his face, no doubt Gallade made sure of that.

    Turtwig and Buizel were also okay. Rixec got up and started moving toward the door.

    “Where are you going Rixec?” Hikari asked worriedly.

    “I’m going to see Gallade,” he replied. Elvis knew he was telling the truth, but there was something wrong, not everything was said.

    Rixec walked to the bathroom and changed. As he walked down the hall he heard some nurses talking. “That horrible man and his goons were arrested, but the girl wasn’t found.”

    “Was her body obliterated in the explosion?”

    “No, there’s no evidence of that.”

    Rixec kept walking and knew what he had to do. When he found Gallade, after asking a doctor, he said something had to be done.

    What do you mean Rixec?

    “Gallade, she won’t stop until I’m back in her clutches, Elvis and Hikari will be in danger all the time,” he said.

    Master? Gallade knew he was serious because he didn’t tell him not to call him “master”.

    “Gallade, it’s time to leave.”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Linda trudged through the streets in agony. She couldn’t believe what happened. She made her way to Route 219 and saw the man who would pay her 5 grand to sell that girl to Wolfgang. Under the moonlight stood Adolf Diamond.

    “Listen old man, you didn’t say your daughter had some devils for friends.”

    “Who ‘da thought they’d be tough,” he said casually.

    “You owe me 3 times what you said for my injuries,” Linda said warningly.

    Adolf just snapped his fingers and the last thing Linda saw was a Scyther using X-Scissor on her, splitting her into four pieces. Scyther knocked her remains into the water and was recalled.

    “It seems I’ll have to deal with all three of them,” Adolf whispered. As he walked away, he knew what he had to do. He made a call to an old friend in Sunnyshore, but the line was down. So the power still had not returned there. He’d have to send a letter then. Adolf knew she could help him; after all, she kept her son locked up for thirteen years.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rixec had gotten everything packed and Gallade found that the closest gym is in Oreburgh City. Turtwig, Gallade, and Buizel were in good shape.

    Are you sure, Rixec? Gallade asked.

    “It’s for the best,” he answered. Rixec looked up at Elvis and Hikari’s room and Gallade heard him whisper, “Sayonara.” Rixec and Gallade ran north, not looking back.

    End

    Next Time, Chapter 6: Friendship
    After Rixec leaves Hikari and Elvis chase after him. Rixec's connection with Mack revealed!
    Last edited by Rixec; 23rd May 2008 at 5:42 PM.

  15. #15
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    Hey everyone, I've been posting for a while now without any comments. So could you please?

    Chapter 6: Friendship


    11:00 p.m.

    Hikari was walking towards the lake; the dream again. She wanted to turn back but her body just wanted to go forward. There they were the shadowy figures, but something was different this time, Hikari saw herself, but she wasn’t bloody, but she was battling one of the dark figures. She couldn’t make out the Pokemon of the dark figure, but the Hikari she saw there was using Empoleon, the final form of Piplup.

    The Pokemon kept clashing repeatedly, but Empoleon fell at the hands of its opponents. Before the other Hikari could do anything, the shadowy Pokemon rushed forward and was attacking her. Her blood was pouring out of her everywhere and turning into a pool beneath her. The Pokemon made one last attack and scratched her breasts, doing the most damage. The light came out of the lake again and was enveloped by darkness.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Hikari woke up and saw it was a little past 11. She looked over at Elvis and saw him sleeping. She looked over toward Rixec, only there was one problem: he wasn’t there.

    “Elvis!” Hikari whispered. Elvis woke up with a start and noticed what Hikari also didn’t see.

    “Where’s Rixec?”

    “That’s why I woke you up. Do you think he may still be with Gallade?” she asked, not convinced of it herself.

    “What are you two doing at this time of night?” a new voiced asked. Hikari and Elvis saw that Nurse Joy’s daughter, a teenage version of the nurse, had entered to check up on them.

    “Sorry,” Hikari said, “but a friend of ours isn’t here.” Joy looked at the two of them and told them about Rixec.

    “I saw him and his Gallade leaving town earlier, about five hours ago.”

    “WHAT?!” Hikari and Elvis yelled. Their scream woke up a lot of patients and Joy quickly closed the door. She looked at them sternly.

    “Are you trying to get us in trouble?” she asked harshly. They apologized and asked Joy to tell them more about Rixec. “Well, I was over by the vending machines getting some tomato juice for a patient when I noticed him staring at your window. I heard him whisper something, and then he left with his Gallade to the north.”

    Joy saw Hikari and Elvis get dressed in a moment and headed toward the door, faster then she had ever seen anyone do. Joy beat them to it. “Where are you going?”

    “After Rixec of course!” Hikari said, determination in her eyes.

    “In your condition?” Joy asked.

    “You didn’t mind about Rixec leaving when he went through an explosion,” Elvis replied.

    “That’s-,” she started to say.

    “Please let us through. He’s our friend,” Elvis asked. Joy looked at him and sighed; she stood aside.

    “Thank you,” the two of them said. They ran out of the hospital and went north.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Ronald and Tammy made their way to the remains of the warehouse and looked around for Mack. They stopped when they heard a voice. “Mag…” it said weakly.

    They ran toward it and saw Magmortar, badly injured; it’s resistance to flame keeping it alive from the explosion. They used their items to help it recover and asked it about Mack and Rixec. Magmortar remained silent, meaning it didn’t know what happened after the gasoline hit the flames.

    “Do you think Mack is dead?” Tammy asked.

    “No, but he’s sure to be on his way if we don’t find him,” Ronald replied.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rixec and Gallade ran forward, they would have to find a place to stop for the night soon. Gallade looked and Rixec and he didn’t have to be a psychic Pokemon to know Rixec was upset about leaving. Rixec stopped all of a sudden and Gallade almost left him.

    What is it R-Rixec?

    I thought I heard a faint voice,” he said.

    “H-help…” Rixec heard. Gallade couldn’t hear, but knew the Master would be able to find the holder. Rixec made his way over to the voice and stopped when got in front and recognized it now.

    “You…” Mack said weakly. Gallade found them and was ready to attack if Mack did anything.

    “Put your blades away Gallade, I’m in no shape to do anything after what Rixec did at the warehouse,” Mack said.

    Rixec, we should leave. Gallade turned around and saw Rixec wasn’t moving. Rixec had the faintest memory of being hurt once, and only one person helped. Rixec got out his medical supplies and started treating to the wounds of that same person.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Elvis and Hikari had to run back to get their Pokemon from the PC secretly and continued north. With a five hour head start catching up to he and Gallade would be tough. They were asking themselves the same question since they left: Why did Rixec leave them?

    Hikari looked at Elvis and asked, “Do you think… he doesn’t like us anymore?”

    “No, maybe he thinks he’s trouble to us and left,” he replied.

    “Trouble? Rixec? You I understand, but Rixec?”

    Elvis looked annoyed by the last sentence but didn’t say anything fearing what she do if he did. “We’ll know for sure when we catch him. When, not if.”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Mack couldn’t believe Rixec, who nearly killed the both of them earlier, was treating his wounds. “Why?”

    Rixec looked at him and said, “Remember when I was nine and I made a wrong turn and fell down the stairs back in Sunnyshore? Some of the servants just passed me but you immediately took me to the infirmary and patched me up.”

    “Oh yeah, Gallade was at the PC and couldn’t do anything for you. ’Cept he was a Ralts then.” Mack said. Gallade couldn’t believe that happened and Rixec never told him.

    “Are you only helping me just because you think you owe me?” he asked.

    “No, when you, Tammy, and Ronald showed up when I was seven, I thought of you like an older brother after you told me of the Pokemon world and battles and all that. In fact you were the only human in that prison I liked,” Rixec explained.

    “Ah yes, we were only eleven at the time and we were asked to be bodyguards for her and you. Who’d a thought we’d be trying to hunt you down,” Mack said. They were silent for a few moments until Mack broke it.

    “I guess it’s my fault we’ve had such trouble since I helped you bring Gallade from a Ralts, with the practice battles and then the Dawn Stone to evolve it after it became Kirlia.”

    Gallade remained silent after hearing all that. After all, it was the truth; Mack did help both of them. Rixec finished treating him and stood up. “Mack, can you have that ***** stop hunting me?” he asked.

    “No, she won’t stop, but I can give you a few day head start when I meet up with Tammy and Ronald,” he said.

    “A few days? I was hoping for more.”

    “Well you did almost kill me,” he said.
    “You’re not mad about that are you? I didn’t know you could do vengeance that way,” Rixec said.

    “You know what they say Rixec, payback’s a *****,” Mack said with a laugh. Mack got up and started to leave. He stopped to say one last thing. “Rixec, you may have some skills to back up your fault, but I recommend you stay close to your friends, friends are all you have in a world like this.” With that he turned away and left.

    Rixec thought about what he said and asked Gallade for the time. Almost midnight Rixec.

    “Then we should turn back and meet up with them before they wake up,” he said.

    “Damn you, you jerk,” a voice said. Rixec recognized it as Elvis’s and turned around, as Gallade turned in the opposite direction and its eyes turned green. Elvis and Hikari had caught up to him.

    “How did you…?”

    “Catch up to you with a five hour head start?” Elvis finished angrily. “To kill you of course, that gave us the speed we needed.” Hikari ran forward and hugged Rixec.

    “Why did you leave?” she asked starting to cry. Rixec looked at her and decided to tell them.

    “Because I’ve been nothing but trouble to you two,” he told them. “First the Tangrowth, then you were kidnapped, the Magmortar. It was all my fault,” he explained to them.

    “You’re forgetting something,” Elvis said. Hikari glared and Rixec gave him a questioning look. “You saved us back in Twinleaf when we were blamed for the explosion,” he said surprising both of them. With everything cleared, they continued onward, after Gallade‘s eyes went back to normal. When they found a good place to camp, they could go to sleep with the sound of the night going peacefully through their ears.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Mack found Tammy and Ronald, and when they asked about his treatment he said he was like that when he woke up. “Let’s try looking for Rixec to the south,” he suggested. On the way he thought the same thing. Run Rixec, run.

    END


    Next Time: Chapter 7 Twins! Double Battle! After Elvis captures a new Pokemon, he tests it out alongside Rixec's Buizel in a double battle against a pair of twins. Can they work together to win?

  16. #16
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    So far I'm liking the way this story is going, however I've got a few questions:

    Where did Linda get a Mewtwo from? Even though it was 'bad clone'

    How did Mack get five hours worth of travelling done after he had been half blown up in an explosion?

    Also I noticed a mistake in Chapter 5:

    Gabite started to get back up, but Elvis was repaired; the pokedex told him all he needed to know abut Chimchar.
    Surely that repaired should be prepared.

    One bit of advice, don't make legendaries start popping up like that Mewtwo, that bugged me a bit that this 16 year old girl had a Mewtwo clone. I also thought it was a bit strange that the Mewtwo was beaten by a Piplup and a Chimchar, both of which had only just been recieved by their trainers.

    Anyway keep up with the fic. It looks to be more interesting than the standard journey fanfic. Would you mind PM'ing me when the next chapter is up?

    Pedro


        Spoiler:- Credit:

  17. #17
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    Thanks for noticeing that mistake; I think somehow typos happen when I post them. As for your questions, they'll be explained in future chapters. And how Piplup and Chimchar won was b/c the Master Ball was destroyed. Without it, Mewtwo coudn't hold its form. Thanks for reading and posting.

  18. #18
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    Hope you enjoy my chapter

    Chapter 7: Twins! Double Battle!

    Hikari watched as the sun came up; she was glad that her mysterious dream hadn’t occurred. She stretched and went to wake the guys up. “Rixec, Elvis… Good morning!” Hikari said loud and cheerfully.

    “Gah!!” the two of them yelled. Rixec and Elvis straightened themselves up after Hikari left.

    “Darn that Hikari, waking us up suddenly”, Elvis grumbled. Rixec himself had been hoping for more sleep.

    “Is Hikari usually like this?” he asked.

    “Yeah,” Elvis replied, “she always wakes up to see the sunrise. Heck, she IS the sunrise.” Elvis noticed Rixec looking around. “Lose something?”

    “Yeah, my comb,” Rixec replied.

    “Oh, sorry, I grabbed it to use on my hair,” Elvis said giving it back.

    “Ask before you take my stuff,” Rixec told him, annoyed.

    “Sorry, I thought you knew since I grabbed it in front of you… why didn’t you see?” Elvis asked intrigued.

    “I-I, I’m still tired from when Hikari woke us up,” Rixec replied. Elvis knew he was lying but didn’t say anything about it. When they were done they gathered around the campfire with Hikari and Gallade; he was making French toast today.

    “It smells so good,” Hikari said dreamily. Everyone called out their Pokemon and the Poke food. Everyone ate their breakfast, except Piplup.

    “Why won’t it eat?” Elvis asked.

    “Piplup’s a proud Pokemon and won’t take food,” Hikari answered. As she said this Piplup went to the lake and dived in to find some fish.

    “You sure know quite a bit about Pokemon, Hikari,” Rixec said.

    “’Course she does, it’s her dream to know everything about Pokemon,” Elvis explained.

    “Elvis don’t answer for me!” Hikari yelled.

    “Fine!” Elvis put down his food and got up.

    “Where are you going?” Rixec asked.

    “For a walk,” he replied and left. Hikari went back to her eating but Gallade communicated with Rixec.

    They really don’t seem to get along.

    Well, the “prank” pulled off seems to have damaged their friendship, I still want to know about it, Rixec thought.

    Well, we can’t know because Elvis wants to figure you out.

    Should I tell them? I can’t keep it secret forever.

    You’ll have to, Gallade replied.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Sunnyshore City

    A young woman sat at her desk in the dark office illuminated only by candles.

    “God, I wish they would fix the power,” she said. She was worried, the boy still hadn’t been returned.

    “Worried much?” a voice called through the darkness. The woman looked up and saw a twenty year old man with short white hair with a Spiritomb.

    “Bobby,” she said with disgust.

    “Glad you remember me, how ‘bout them?” A light illuminated the room and there were two others, a twenty-five year old man with neck long silver hair with a Bronzong. Beside him stood a nineteen year old girl with short blue hair with her pokeball in her fingers.

    “Ted, April,” she said disgusted. “Why are you here? No, don’t tell, revenge right?”

    “Revenge?” April said and laughed horribly.

    “’Course not,” Ted told her. “We just want our jobs back as bodyguards. Obviously those kids aren’t doing well getting him back.”

    “How did you…” she started to say.

    “Know?” Bobby finished. “Only thing that makes sense, the power outage at the same time your bodyguards aren’t here, Rixec has escaped and you don’t want your name ruined.”

    The woman scowled. Then fear took over. “You wouldn’t…!”

    “We will,” April replied, “unless you let us capture him and when we do, give us our jobs back.”

    The woman grunted, these three had done well as bodyguards, too well, which was why she replaced them. But now they held all the cards. “Fine, you’ll get them back if you bring Rixec here first,” she told them.

    “Don’t worry Madam Platinum, he’ll be back soon,” Bobby told her and the Flash from Bronzong ended and they were gone.

    Madam Platinum banged her fist on the desk. “Damn them! Damn them all to Hell!”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Elvis had been walking a while. He always did this when he had a lot on his mind. Another thought came into his mind – Rixec. Who was he? Who were the people after him? Why all the lies? Elvis was so distracted he failed to notice the two people in front of him and bumped into them.

    “Hey! Watch where…”

    “You’re going!”

    Elvis looked up and saw two identical boys with gray eyes and sandy hair. Great, twins. “Sorry about that, my mind was elsewhere,” he said.

    “You mean to say…”

    “You have a brain?”

    “What?! ‘Course I do, I’ll battle you right now to show you!” Elvis yelled angrily. The twins smirked and called out their Pokemon, Larvitar and Gloom.

    “You’re on,” they said at the same time.

    “Wait, I only have one Pokemon,” Elvis said. The twins looked at him and laughed.

    “This guy’s just…”

    “Some loser newbie!”

    Elvis was too embarrassed to be angry. The twins said to come back when he had more and left.

    They want another Pokemon, I’ll show them one.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rixec, Gallade, and Hikari were worried, Elvis hadn’t returned. “We should go look for him,” Rixec suggested. Gallade nodded his head but Hikari went against it.

    “I disagree, if he wants to be alone, then good riddance.”

    “Hikari!” Rixec said shocked. “I know you might have trouble since that prank but…”

    “WHAT! He told you?! I’ll kill that two-face b*****d!” Hikari yelled.

    “He didn’t… tell me anything,” Rixec said slowly. Hikari just stopped right there and looked down, ashamed of herself. “I’ll go look for Elvis alone, why don’t you two take care of the stuff,” Rixec said, and then he left.

    Great, Hikari thought, now I’m taking my anger out on Rixec. She went to the lake to get Piplup.

    Gallade was worried about Rixec being alone. He was far different from most humans, but he had brought Turtwig and Buizel with him so everything should be fine.

    Hikari found Piplup and told it to come along, but instead it just pecked her and ran off. “Piplup wait!” Hikari said and recalled it. “What was that about?”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Elvis had seen plenty of Pokemon, but none that suited him. “There has to be one,” he said to himself. He heard some rustling in the bushes. “Chimchar, ember!” he commanded. Chimchar shot the fire but didn’t make it; a jet of water came out and extinguished it.

    “Watch it, I went through hell once this week,” a voice called out.

    “Rixec, that you?” Elvis called out and Rixec came out of the bushes with Buizel.

    “I’m glad I had Buizel out instead of Turtwig,” Rixec said.

    “Sorry, I’m just looking for a Pokemon to catch,” Elvis said.

    “I know it’s what we do but, why now?” Rixec asked. Elvis explained his situation. Rixec understood and agreed to help. Let’s see… “There!” he yelled as he pointed into a cave. Elvis looked in and saw a Shinx come out.

    “How’d you know there was one there?” Elvis asked. Rixec didn’t reply. Oh well.
    “Chimchar go!” Chimchar ran forward and Shinx ran at it. Shinx was using bite.

    “Chimchar, Scratch attack!” Chimchar made first contact and knocked Shinx to the side. It got back up and used Charge. “Chimchar, Ember!”

    Chimchar shot out the flames but Shinx fired Charge Beam, surprising everyone. The attacks collided but Charge Beam broke through. Chimchar got knocked to the ground. Shinx ran forward using Spark.

    “Look out!” Rixec warned, but everything changed.

    “Chimchar, jump and dive,” he commanded. Chimchar did just that. Before they collided, Elvis yelled out Leer, startling Shinx and Chimchar knocked Shinx down hard. Shinx ran away into the bushes. “No!” Elvis yelled.

    “Elvis, throw the ball there!” Rixec told him.

    “Why? That’s nowhere near Shinx,” Elvis said.

    “Just do it!”

    Elvis threw the ball and there was a flash of light followed by a ding sound. They ran forward and there was the ball, with Shinx inside.

    “How…”

    “A Trainer must recognize a Pokemon’s pattern while battling and think of its escape routes and speed,” Rixec replied.

    “O.K., no need to rub it in!” Elvis yelled while healing Shinx. Rixec was stunned, those twins must’ve p****d Elvis off bad.

    “Well, what do you know…”

    “You got one.”

    Rixec and Elvis looked up and saw the twins.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Mack, Tammy, and Ronald had searched the whole route, but there was no sign of Rixec.

    “Great,” Tammy said, “he’s probably at the next town by now.”

    “Yeah, maybe,” Mack said, and then fell to the ground. Tammy and Ronald rushed over.

    “Those wounds still hurting?” Ronald asked.

    “A bit,” Mack replied.

    “Tsk, tsk. Falling on the job, Madam Platinum should fire you now,” a familiar voice called out. They looked up and saw Ted, April, and Bobby.

    “Why are you here?!” Tammy yelled.

    “We just want to talk,” Ted said smoothly.

    What are they up to? Mack thought.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    The twins, Rixec, and Elvis stared down.

    “I, Colin…”

    “And I, Marion…”

    “Hereby challenge you two to a double battle!” they finished together.

    “What, scared to fight me yourself?” Elvis asked.

    “Colin smirked and said, “No, this is just…”

    “…More interesting,” Marion finished.

    “That is really annoying,” Rixec said to them.

    “I know you are but what am I?” they said at the same time.

    How immature, thought Elvis.

    “Touché,” Rixec replied.

    “What! Rixec their reply is so old,” Elvis said.

    “Really?” Rixec replied, “First I’ve heard.”

    “Enough talk!”

    “Let’s battle!”

    They called out Larvitar and Gloom, while Rixec sent in Buizel and Elvis chose Shinx.

    “Buizel, Water Gun on Larvitar!” Rixec commanded. Buizel fired a powerful blast.

    Marion was ready. “Gloom, get in the way, then Absorb!” Gloom did just that.

    “Shinx, Charge Beam,” Elvis told him.

    “Larvitar block it,” Colin said. The attack hit dead on, but did no damage.

    “Damn,” Elvis swore.

    “Buizel, Sonicboom” Rixec commanded. The sonic waves came out but unfortunately Elvis was impatient.

    “Shinx, Bite!” Shinx ran forward but got hit by the Sonicboom. “Hey, watch it!”

    “What?! You ran in front, moron!” Rixec exclaimed.

    “You should’ve seen Shinx running and redirected it, what are you, blind!?” Elvis yelled. Rixec was silent for a few moments and returned to the battle.

    “Buizel, Quick Attack,” Rixec said quietly. Buizel finally got a decent hit on Gloom.

    “Enough,” Colin said, “Sandstorm!” Larvitar whipped up a sandstorm that blinded everyone, except one.

    “Buizel, Water Gun,” Rixec commanded and the attack took Larvitar down.

    “No! How’d he…”

    “Allow me. Gloom, Mega Drain,” Marion commanded. The attack was draining Buizel fast. Elvis had a perfect shot; all he had to do was aim carefully. The sandstorm kept blinding him, so it was hard.

    “All right Shinx, use Charge Be-,” Elvis said but stopped abruptly. In this storm he would surely hit Buizel. They were supposed to be a team, but here they were fighting separately.

    A team, Rixec thought, but all we do is fight, maybe I should try to understand Elvis more.

    Gloom had charged in after Buizel. After we win of course.

    “Hey Elvis, got any plans?” Rixec asked. Elvis looked startled but regained composure.

    “If I can get a clear shot I can take out Gloom, but this f*****g storm won’t let me get in a clear shot.”

    “Fire away,” Rixec said.

    “What?”

    “Fire.”

    “But I’ll hit Buizel,” Elvis said.

    “Don’t worry,” Rixec said smiling.

    “All right, Charge Beam!” Shinx fired and then the storm ended, and the blast was heading to Buizel.

    “Yes!” Colin said.

    “We’ll win,” Marion said.

    I trust you Rixec, Elvis thought.

    “Water Gun,” Rixec commanded and the attack shot toward Gloom. The Charge Beam then went into the water and followed it toward Gloom.

    “No, Gloom, watch out!” Marion yelled but was too late; the attacks took Gloom out in a flash. Marion called back Gloom and the twins left swiftly without saying a word. Rixec and Elvis called back their Pokemon and looked at each other.

    “I’m sorry,” they said at the same time and laughed afterwards.

    “I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you,” Elvis said.

    “And I shouldn’t have sounded so smart,” Rixec told him. They made up and went back to camp. On the way back Elvis asked a question.

    “What’s your full name?”

    Rixec thought and decided he could share this, Elvis was trustworthy enough.

    “Rixec, Rixec Platinum,” he told Elvis.

    When they got back to camp they saw everything packed and Hikari had bandages on her hand.

    “What happened?” they asked.

    “Piplup just pecked me for no reason,” she replied.

    “Why’d it do that?” Elvis asked, but Rixec figured it out.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Mack, Tammy and Ronald stared down Bobby, Ted and April on the beach. “Why are you here?” Mack asked.

    “We’re here to tell you Rixec is our mission now,” Bobby replied.

    END


    Next Time: Chapter 8: Three vs. Three, the Battle for Rixec. When Bobby, Ted, and April want to find Rixec, Mack, Tammy, and Ronald fight them for a head start in the search. Can they win, better yet, who do we want to win?
    Last edited by Rixec; 19th December 2008 at 11:41 PM.

  19. #19
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    Sorry it's been a while. School has kept me busy. Hope you enjoy the new installment.

    Chapter 8: Three vs. Three, the Battle for Rixec

    “What is that suppose to mean?!” Tammy shrieked. Mack was worried, Bobby, Ted and April showing up were not good, but to stay Rixec was their priority now…

    “You heard us,” April smirked, “we had a nice chat with the Madam and now we’re on the hunt.

    “More likely you got involved because you b*stards are using a family secret to blackmail the Madam,” Ronald hypothesized.

    “And if it is?” Bobby mocked. All six of them were locked in a stare down, no one wanting to back down.

    “We could settle this the old fashion way,” Ted suggested. Mack turned his gaze from Bobby to Ted; he knew what he meant but the risk was great for Rixec, was he ready to risk him for that. He turned to Tammy and Ronald. They didn’t do anything for a moment but then nodded their heads.

    “We’ll play your game.”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    …And that’s why Piplup pecked you,” Rixec explained for the third time. Elvis and Hikari looked at him confused. Gallade…

    They don’t understand, try something even simpler.
    Rixec sighed; he had tried to make it simpler, but how could he make them understand. Unless…

    Rixec knew this was gonna hurt hard, either Hikari or himself, or maybe even both. “O.K., I’ll say it straight, Piplup thinks you’re weak and wants a new trainer.”

    “Weak? How could it think that, it hasn’t even battled with her yet,” Elvis questioned. He turned toward her and was shocked what he saw: Hikari in the fetal position.

    “He’s right. I totally got my self captured by Linda and Piplup battled great with you against that Mewtwo,” she said. Hikari sighed, Piplup was the one with pride, and now hers had been hurt. Piplup deserved a better trainer, like Rixec or even Elvis.

    “Don’t be hard on yourself,” Rixec said quickly, “just win a major battle with Piplup somehow and its pride may go back to you.” In theory.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Ronald faced April, starting round one of their showdown. All three faced each other one at a time; whoever won two rounds first would get a three day head start in the search for Rixec. Ronald called out Rhyperior and April just stood there. “Call out you Pokemon!” Ronald called. April smiled and brought the ball from her belt and released it.

    It was a Gyarados. “Like it?” she asked smugly. She knew it would be over in one move; Rhyperior didn’t stand a chance. Ronald hadn’t lost his composure, but seeing a Gyarados did make him nervous.

    “You can do it Ronald!” Tammy called from the sidelines.

    “All right,” Mack said, “battle start!”

    “Gyarados, Surf attack!” April commanded. Gyarados summoned a wave from the water and it went toward Rhyperior.”

    “Not so fast! Rhyperior Dig!” Rhyperior quickly dug underground and the wave barely missed.

    “Nice, but a ground attack won’t even touch a water/flying type like Gyarados.”

    Not what I had in mind, Ronald thought. A few moments passed and Rhyperior still hadn’t risen. Growing impatient, April commanded Gyarados to go down the hole and drag Rhyperior up. If she had been looking at Ronald, she would’ve seen him smirk at this. Gyarados dove in and was shocked at what was underground: a maze; the tunnels had to stretch for miles.

    “Now Rhyperior, Earthquake!” Ronald roared, and the earth started shaking.

    “Th-that won’t work! Even underground Gyarados is still a flying subtype,” April said, shocked.

    “Not what I intended…,” Ronald said and then April knew what he meant: the ground on top suddenly collapsed and hit right on top of Gyarados. A moment later Rhyperior rose from the rubble and roared. It had won.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    “Hold it Piplup!” Hikari yelled. She had tried to get Piplup to do a battle with her, but it just keeps running away, and pecking her when she does catch it. Elvis and Gallade watched what was happening.

    “Uh,” Elvis said, “shouldn’t we try to help her?”

    “Imagine what would happen if you tried to help Hikari when she is trying to get on Piplup’s good side,” Rixec said not looking at Elvis. Elvis had the sudden image of him as the victim in a horror movie and thought Rixec was right. Still, there had to be a way to help, but how? An idea pooped into his head and quickly explained it to Rixec.

    Rixec pondered on it and said, “It’ll have to look convincing.”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Rhyperior had started plodding to its master, pleased with itself that it had won against a water type Pokemon. Ronald looked toward April, expecting shock or anger, or something... What he saw terrified him: she was smiling. The only reason for that could be…

    “Rhyperior!” he shouted, but it was futile. Gyarados ascended from underground and wrapped itself around Rhyperior. Despite being made of stone, Rhyperior could feel its breath being cut off. Ronald looked helplessly, he couldn’t give up, and he had to win so they could fulfill their mission. And then a sudden image came into his mind: a ten year old boy with short black hair with a Piplup, fighting vigorously in a battle.

    “NO!”

    Everyone stopped and looked at him, he pleaded “I give up! Let Rhyperior go!” and like that Gyarados let go and Ronald ran to his Pokemon. “Gomenasai, Rhyperior.”

    And with that the first round went to Bobby, Ted and April. April pranced to her team happily while Ronald skulked to his friends. Friends. He hadn’t thought of that word in a long time. “I’m sorry guys.”

    “It’s alright Ronald,” Mack said. Ronald was surprised by this; he had expected Mack to be furious. What had happened when he was separated from them?

    “My turn,” Tammy whispered. She walked onto the field in synch with Ted. They stood facing each other for ten minutes before they made a move. In synch they called out Bronzong and Tangrowth. Two more minutes passed before the first move was made.

    “Bronzong use Flash!” Ted shouted, and Bronzong turned sideways and it started to glow from within its hollow chambers.

    “Tangrowth use Power Whip!” Tammy retaliated, and Tangrowth’s arm stretched heading for Bronzong.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    “Piplup please!” Hikari begged. She had put a few bandages on her hands already and Piplup was still running from her.

    “Hey, Hikari,” Rixec said. Hikari and even Piplup turned to see what he had to stay. Rixec let it sink in a few moments before speaking again. “Gallade and I challenge you and Piplup to a battle.”

    “What?!”

    “Pip?” Piplup said intrigued.

    “You heard me, a battle.” Hikari thought about this, a battle against Rixec and Gallade would be suicide. Yet, Rixec was a nice guy, so he may be planning on losing on purpose.

    She smiled and said, “You’re on.” She looked at Piplup and it walked next to her. It didn’t care for her, but it was going to defeat Gallade with its own power. “Battle on! Piplup Peck!”

    Piplup started running but Rixec was ready. “Gallade, Leaf Blade!” Gallade extended his blade, which started glowing green, and struck, barely hitting Piplup’s side and it was flown into a tree. Hikari gaped at it and was worried; Rixec was not going easy on her.

    Rixec was planning to lose, but the battle had to look convincing for Piplup. So Gallade be attacking at full power, just barely hitting or missing Piplup.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Tammy couldn’t see. In fact, no one could. Bronzong’s Flash was so bright it blinded everyone in its range. Even Mack and Ronald had been blinded. “Tangrowth, Sleep Powder.” Tangrowth tried to find Bronzong and unleashed a purple-blue powder from its vines, but it missed by a long shot.

    “Ha! You can’t win. A deaf trainer doesn’t know what his opponent will use. A mute trainer can’t give commands to his Pokemon. And a blind trainer can’t even see his target. This battle was over before it started,” Ted gloated.

    He’s right, Tammy thought, I can’t win. No one could in this situation. A no-win situation, just like…

    Tammy suddenly saw a girl with blond hair, crying, holding a Chimchar in her arms. A trainer and a dark Pokemon she couldn’t see clearly stood over her, smugly. That girl was herself.

    NO! Tammy thought. Not again. I have to give up!

    “TED!” she shrieked. Ted looked over to her smiling. Tammy was crying, this was too good to be true. “I-I… I give…”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    “Maybe we should give up,” Hikari said to Piplup. Piplup stood up vigorously. It was not going to lose. Especially with a weak trainer like her. Rixec and Gallade stood watching. Piplup had yet to accept Hikari as a partner.

    Elvis stood on the sidelines watching nervously. It was his idea and it wasn’t going well. Gallade, can you… Rixec thought.

    Yes Master, um, Rixec, Gallade stumbled. Rixec then directed his thoughts at Elvis.

    Elvis…

    Elvis jumped at this. “Wh-”

    Don’t talk, just think, Rixec instructed. I had Gallade set up a telepathic link between us. So we can communicate with each other.

    Freaky, Elvis thought. So what’s up?

    We need another strategy.

    No, we don’t, Elvis shot back. Just need to improvise… Elvis was quiet for a few moments and then sent his idea to Rixec. Rixec thought it was too dangerous but Elvis said he could be there if something went wrong.

    Well… Rixec sent. Wait. You don’t need to do anything. I can do this. I know how to work it. Gallade is strong enough to do it. But this had better work. Because if it doesn’t, I’m telling Hikari it was all your idea.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Tammy had bitten down on her tongue and now it was bleeding. Why had she done that? If she didn’t give up…

    Another thought came into her mind. It was only two or three years after they had met Rixec, which was six years ago. She saw him playing with his Kirlia and the wild Pokemon in the yard. They were playing hide and seek and Rixec was finding them all in a matter of seconds. She saw Kirlia with his eyes glowing green. She asked Rixec about it and he smirked and said “Kirlia’s special talent.” He then went on to explain it and she was taken aback by it.

    “But wait, how do you find them when his eyes are normal?” she asked. “Those wild ones aren’t easy to find.”

    “Oh, you just have to know how to listen. All Pokemon make sound, whether they are standing still, flying or levitating.”

    “Levitating makes sound?”

    “Yeah, it sounds like a …”

    Hum! Tammy thought excited. She just had to be quiet herself to trace it. She listened while Ted shouted “Gyro Ball!”

    “Dodge to the left!” Tammy ordered and Tangrowth dodged the silver energy ball. Ted was surprised they made it, though they had been blinded. Oh well, they would never be able to find Bronzong.

    “Natural Gift 67 degrees to the right,” Tammy commanded. Tangrowth threw a berry it was holding and it started glowing brown. The attack hit. Ted couldn’t believe the b*tch knew where it was and how did Natural Gift do so much damage?

    “Oh no,” he whispered.

    “That’s right,” Tammy said smiling, and she knew it was different from her usual evil smile. “Tangrowth is holding a Persim Berry, and Natural Gift’s type becomes ground because of it. Now Tangrowth, Focus Blast 93 degrees to the left!” Tangrowth put its hands together and a ball of energy started forming until a beam came from it heading for Bronzong at super speed.

    “Bronzong!” Ted shouted but it was too late. The attack hit and Bronzong was flung right into April. Tammy, Mack, and Ronald had regained their sight and were pleased by this, Ronald especially.

    “Winner,” Mack shouted, “Tammy!”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    “Pippippip!” Piplup screeched running at Gallade.

    “Psycho Cut!” Rixec commanded, hoping this would work. Gallade’s blade was starting to glow pink and Piplup was hit and flown into the air, heading for a tree.

    “Piplup no!” Hikari shouted. She flew herself behind Piplup and caught it, but she fell back into the tree. “Ow.”

    Rixec hoped she was o.k., he had Gallade go easy on the attack. Piplup meanwhile looked up at Hikari, stunned she had saved itself. “You o.k. Piplup?” she asked. Piplup nodded and then stood up and got into a fighting stance, looking at Hikari.

    Hikari was confused at first but then realized it. “”All right! Piplup use Bubble,” she commanded and Piplup obeyed, releasing a half dozen bubbles from its beak. She had gained its trust.

    All right Gallade, Rixec ordered smiling. Gallade let it self get hit and them stumbled back and didn’t get up. “Gallade can no longer battle. The winner is Piplup,” Elvis said. Piplup started cheering but Hikari understood almost everything.

    Rixec lost on purpose. Gallade had taken worse and survived so Rixec must have come up with this plan to get Piplup to work with her. Oh Rixec, she thought, I love you! She started blushing when she realized what she thought. She was glad she hadn’t said it aloud.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Tammy and Tangrowth trudged themselves to their friends. They had tied the score up, so Mack had to finish it. Ronald and Tammy thought it’d be easy; he was the strongest of them. Ted and April, now recovering, stood, watching furiously.

    “Damn them,” Ted whispered. “We’re about to lose and…”

    Bobby came up to Ted and punched him. Ted spat out a bit of blood and asked, “What the hell was that for?!”

    “You said we were about to lose,” Bobby whispered. “Why do you think that, I, the ex-Pokemon Champion will lose?”

    Ted and April were speechless. Of course Bobby would win. His only ever lost was to that freakin’ witch currently holding the crown. Bobby walked to the field and called out Spiritomb.

    Mack brought out Magmortar and then he fell to the ground clutching his chest. Ronald and Tammy were worried. Mack still hadn’t recovered from his injuries. And Bobby had figured it out. “Hurt eh? I did hear something about an explosion at a warehouse in Sandgem. Guess that was you… and Rixec.”

    He was silent a few more moments before saying, “Tell me. How did you get out alive? Not that I’m accusing you of anything.” He was practically drooling for the info, and Mack knew if he didn’t come up with a story Rixec would…

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    “Twilight,” Hikari said exhausted. It had been a tough day for everyone, but the results were worth it. Gallade was leaning on a tree eating a berry, while Rixec and Elvis were discussing the best route to take. Hikari stretched her arms and yawned. “Hey guys,” she called out, “I’m heading to bed early.” They said their goodnights and Hikari walked into her tent and fell into dreamland, with Piplup at her side.

    Elvis said, “If we want to face the Champion, we’ll have to get the eight badges, the closest would be in Oreburgh.”

    “So we’ll have to cross through Jubilife City,” Rixec continued, “and head east from there.” Twilight had turned into night and Rixec and Elvis enjoyed a nice dinner, courtesy of Gallade. Elvis looked at Rixec and noticed he was just randomly eating his food. People usually eat in a pattern, eating least favorite to favorite food or vice versa. And there was something bothering his for a while.

    “Hey Rixec,” he called. Rixec turned and answered, “Yeah?”

    “Why do you wear sunglasses?”

    “To keep the sun out of my eyes,” he said as a matter-of-factly.

    “I mean at night. You know, when it gets all dark out.” Elvis waited for an answer, expecting it to be a random answer. No one could get a good lie like this.

    “Its cooler that way,” Rixec said proudly.

    Damn, he did it, Elvis thought. With dinner done, they decided to head to bed and make an early start in the morning. Rixec was up a little late though, thinking how Mack was doing.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    “An Escape Rope got me out of there alive, good enough for you?” Mack said, remembering using at the same moment as the explosion.

    “Not quite,” Bobby replied. “An Escape Rope puts you outside of where you are and brings your Pokemon with you.”

    “The explosion hit me at the same time, damaging it. And a damaged item could do anything uncanny. Like say bring only me hours away from my location.” Although, Mack wished, he had been teleported a little closer. He had to endure pain for hours before Rixec showed up.

    “Well, since you’re in so much pain… let’s start right away,” Bobby said enthusiastic.

    “Battle start!” Ted yelled. Magmortar and Spiritomb started running in a circle, not letting their guard down. Mack and Bobby were waiting for each other to make the first move.

    Mack got fed up after a few minutes and called out, “Flamethrower!” Magmortar unleashed fire from its gun-arm and it started wrapping around Spiritomb.

    “You got him!” Ronald bellowed.

    Ted was prepared however. “Psychic attack Spiritomb. Let’s see if we can relive the explosion. And by ‘we’, I mean Mack and Magmortar.” Spiritomb scattered the fire and then reformed it, flinging at Magmortar and some getting close to Mack.

    “Foul! I call foul!” Tammy shrieked.

    “It’s legal you wh*re,” April smirked.

    Mack was getting hot and nervous. He was on thin ice. Ironic thing to think when fire is being flown at you. “Magmortar, Lava Plume! On the ground!” Mack improvised. Magmortar did so and rock and fire flew into the air.

    “Spiritomb, use Sucker Punch!” Spiritomb shot out its tongue and stuck most of the flaming rocks, except for the last few which hit Spiritomb and burned it. Magmortar started shooting fire balls derived from Flamethrower at Spiritomb. If it could keep it at bay long enough for the burn to wear it down.

    “Spiritomb, Dark Pulse!” and dark energy was released from its body in a chain of purplish-black links.

    What?! Mack thought. Spiritomb unleashed its attack and Magmortar fell back in pain.

    “Pursuit,” Bobby ordered, “and then Torment.” Magmortar was knocked to the ground by Pursuit and started writhing in pain from Torment, stopping any attack it would have done.

    “He isn’t!” Tammy whispered, terrified.

    “He is,” Ronald said, derived of hope. They all knew this combo, the dark memories haunting them throughout their battles. Mack was starting to remember. He saw himself as a ten year old boy; Ronald and Tammy were there too. Piplup was for Ronald, Chimchar for Tammy... and Turtwig for him. Just days after their journey began they ran into a trainer with an unusual black Pokemon. This combo was done on them and they still forced their Pokemon to fight, not realizing how evil the trainer was.

    Eventually their starters dropped, dead. They held their small bodies in their arms while the trainer laughed. The only satisfaction was that a Magby came and destroyed the Pokeball of the black Pokemon, releasing it. Furious the trainer ran after it. Mack and the others never found out who it was, but they knew it was still their fault.

    And now the same thing was happening again, to that same Pokemon that Mack took in seven years ago.

    “NO!” Mack howled. Suddenly the whole field alit with fire, burning Bobby’s foot, for it sprang up where he was standing. The Hell Room field had made a comeback. Spiritomb tried to avoid the fire, but Magmortar started shooting Fire Blasts, already knowing it’s what Mack wanted.

    “Flare Blitz,” Mack said softly. Fire erupted from Magmortar’s body and the field and consumed Spiritomb and it fainted. It was over, they had won.

    “Fine. You win,” Bobby said. “You’ll be getting a week ahead of us. After that, Rixec’s ours for the taking.” There was a sudden light and Bobby, Ted, and April were gone.

    “How do they do that?” Tammy said exhausted. They all looked at the fire in the night. It seemed much brighter, and beautiful. It died after a few more seconds.

    “Let’s go,” Mack said and started walking north. Now he had to capture Rixec, no matter what. He had to protect him from Bobby and company. Throughout the night, the pain of seven years past stayed in them, knowing it would never be extinguished.

    END


    Next Time: Chapter 9: Jubilife City, Get the Poketch!
    The gang makes it to Jubilife City and hears about a campaign for free Poketches! They have one hour to find one of three clowns for a Poketch. Will they all make it in time?
    Last edited by Rixec; 22nd December 2008 at 3:46 AM.

  20. #20
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    Here is the new chapter; one of my more serious ones. And I changed the title a bit. Oh, please reply to my story please

    Chapter 9: Jubilife City, Get the Poketch! A Dark Day for Rixec.

    Sunlight poured into Hikari’s tent. She woke up immediately and stretched. Just to be sure yesterday actually happened, Hikari said, “Piplup?”

    Piplup stirred and snuggled up with Hikari, which pleased her that Piplup was okay with her. Hikari put on her clothes and went to give a wake-up call to Rixec and Elvis. When she left the tent, she saw Rixec, Gallade, and Elvis already packing up, both looking dead tired.

    How much sleep did they get last night? Hikari thought.

    “M-m-morning,” Elvis said, failing to hold a yawn.

    “Morning,” Rixec said unenthusiastic. Hikari skipped over to them and started helping.

    “Judging by the fact you’re packing I take it we have a destination?” Hikari asked.

    “Yeah,” Elvis said not looking up. “Since we want to challenge gym leaders, we’re going to Oreburgh…”

    “But we’ll have to cut through Jubilife City to get there,” Rixec finished.

    Elvis pulled out an old map and showed their location. “We’re here, on Route 202. We need to cut through Route…gah! I can’t read this, there’s a coffee stain on it.”

    Elvis showed them and Hikari asked, “How old is that map?”

    “’Bout, 25 years or so. My dad used it on his journey,” Elvis said.

    “Guess we’ll need a new map then,” Rixec said. “Maybe we can find one in a shop in Jubilife.”

    Gallade walked over to the fire and started cooking. “But before that, let’s eat!” Elvis said excited.

    They finished their French toast half an hour later and were on the move again. Elvis was thinking about what Rixec told him recently. Platinum. He knew that name sounded familiar, but he couldn’t place where. He didn’t even want to try anymore prying into Rixec’s life. He knew it would be futile. Maybe Hikari would know, but first he would have to talk to her away from Rixec.

    The way to Jubilife was not without difficulty. Many trainers waited along the way, challenging any trainer that passed by. And no one ever passed through saying no to a challenge…

    “N, O. No,” Rixec said to a bug catcher.
    “Impossible!” he exclaimed. “No trainer should be able to say no to a challenge!”

    “Do you think this is some video game?” Rixec queried. “I can walk away if I want to.” And Rixec turned his back on him and continued on.

    “I won’t let you humiliate me! Burmy, String Shot!” the bug catcher exclaimed. A mass of sticky string was shot at Rixec but he only sighed.

    “Damn,” Rixec said calling out Buizel. “Aqua Jet.” Buizel went into a spin surrounding itself with water and shot itself at Burmy, fainting it in a single move.

    “NO!” the bug catcher cried.

    “Wow Rixec, you showed him,” Hikari said impressed.

    “And now you got 500 Pokedollars added to your account,” Elvis said, pointing at the credit card with a picture of a Pokeball on it. “Why didn’t you want to fight him?”

    “He wasn’t worth it. Waste of a good attack,” Rixec explained.

    “To you maybe,” Hikari said proudly, “but Elvis and I are still weak, so it be good for us to fight.”

    “Be my guest,” Rixec offered. After a few minutes they saw a fisherman on the shore of a body of water and Hikari asked for a battle.

    “Okay, how ‘bout a bet of 4,000 Pokedollars?” he said.

    “I don’t have…” Hikari started to say.

    “Here’s 4,000 Pokedollars,” Rixec said plainly. Elvis and Hikari jumped at this.

    “Let’s brawl!” the fisherman exclaimed. “Go… Magikarp!” A flopping fish appeared and was trying to move on the ground.

    “Karp-karp Magikarp!” Everyone sweat dropped at this and Magikarp finally got into the water.

    “Then a water battle it is! Piplup go!” Hikari said and Piplup dived into the water. Piplup and Magikarp swam in a circle and the fisherman started the battle.

    “Magikarp, Splash!” he bellowed. Magikarp started splashing rapidly and water flew everywhere, yet doing nothing.

    “What the hell kind of move is Splash anyway?” Elvis asked rhetorically.

    “Um-mm,” Rixec shrugged. Hikari knew that Magikarp was the weakest Pokemon there was, knowing only Tackle, Splash, and, if chosen not to evolve into Gyarados, Flail later on. So there was not going to be much exp from this battle.

    “All right Piplup,” Hikari commanded, “Use an underwater Peck!” Piplup started swimming toward Magikarp, its beak glowing and extending for Peck.

    “Magikarp, Tackle,” the fisherman ordered. Magikarp started swimming, if slowly, toward Piplup. They met dead on, but Piplup was stronger and Magikarp was thrown into the sky.

    “Now Piplup, use Pound!”

    Piplup rose from the water and hit Magikarp on the forehead and it fell back into the water, only to ascend a few seconds later, fainted.

    “Magikarp cannot battle,” Elvis said, “Piplup wins.” Though only a Magikarp, Piplup and Hikari started cheering. She got 4,000 Pokedollars out of it.

    “You know Rixec,” Hikari said a little while later, “you didn’t have to risk your money for me.”

    “You wanted a battle, and I have enough money to spare,” Rixec replied.

    “By the way Hikari, when do you plan on getting a second Pokemon?” Elvis asked. “I have Chimchar and Shinx, and Rixec has Gallade, Turtwig, and Buizel.”

    Hikari hated to admit it, especially to Elvis, but he was right. She needed another Pokemon. “All right! I’ll capture the next Pokemon I see then.”

    Hikari went into the tall grass expecting Pokemon, but alas. “Where are they?” Hikari asked forty-three minutes later.

    “Try saying, ‘I’m not looking for Pokemon’,” Elvis suggested.

    “That’s ridiculous,” Rixec mumbled. “This is real life, not a game or comic book.”

    However, Hikari tried it and then a small red cricket Pokemon appeared; a Kricketot.

    Elvis looked at Rixec. “Bite me,” Rixec said, irritably.

    “O.K. Piplup, let’s do this!” Hikari exclaimed. Piplup came out and got into a ready position. Kricketot’s expression grew fierce and it unleashed a Growl attack.

    “All right,” Hikari said, “if it lowers our attack, let’s try special attack! Piplup, Bubble!” Half a dozen bubbles were sent toward Kricketot and knocked it to the ground.

    “Pokeball, go!” Hikari yelled as she threw the ball at Kricketot. It landed on its forehead and it went in. The ball shook once, twice, thrice…

    And the ball came open and broke in half. “Kricketot was back out and jumping merrily. “Damn,” Hikari whispered.

    “You’re gonna have to weaken it a bit more Hikari,” Elvis said. Hikari gave Elvis an icy stare and he backed away.

    “Piplup, use Peck!” Hikari howled. Piplup’s beak started glowing and extended. Piplup ran straight at Kricketot but it never moved, though it did look like it was glowing. The attack hit dead on and Kricketot was knocked backwards. “Piplup, use Pound!”

    Piplup ran and hit Kricketot in the stomach. Kricketot was panting now. Hikari knew it was time to try again. She grabbed a Pokeball but before she could throw it, Kricketot’s body was glowing brighter. Hikari knew what it was.

    “Piplup dodge! It’s Bide!” Hikari yelled. She couldn’t believe it; how could she not recognize Kricketot storing up the energy of her attacks? Kricketot unleashed a white beam heading straight for Piplup. Piplup jumped to the left, but got smoked on its side a little.

    “Pokeball, go!” Hikari yelled as she threw another ball. The ball hit and started shaking. After a bit it finally beeped and Kricketot was caught. Hikari cheered and picked up its ball. “I caught a Kricketot!”

    “Good job Hikari,” Rixec said. Hikari blushed at this.

    “Well, we better continue on to Jubilife so we can our Pokemon at the Pokemon Center,” Rixec continued. They continued walking for about another hour and made it to Jubilife City. It looked amazing to them.

    “Jubilife,” Hikari said.

    “Jubilife,” Elvis said.

    “It’s only a model,” Rixec said. Elvis and Hikari turned to him, recognizing the line.

    “Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” Elvis said approvingly. Rixec nodded. They started walking into town and found the PC.

    “Hello, may I take your Pokemon?” Nurse Joy asked. They all handed over their Pokemon, Gallade staying behind, to her. Nurse Joy went into the back and the gang sat down.

    Hikari looked at Gallade and then at Rixec and asked, “Why isn’t Gallade being treated?”

    “Because he’s perfectly fine,” Rixec replied.

    “That is true,” Hikari said, “not many Pokemon can compete with him.”

    Tell her I said thanks for the complement, Gallade thought to Rixec. Rixec repeated this and Elvis and Hikari were surprised.

    “Huh. I knew Gallade could allow us to communicate, but you didn’t say anything about him being strong enough to use telepathy,” Elvis said, impressed.

    “He’s been able to do it since I was a small child,” Rixec answered.

    “How come Gallade told you to say it instead of saying it into our minds?” Hikari asked.

    Rixec hesitated at this. “Gallade’s a little… well, hesitant, communicating with people he doesn’t know too much about.”

    “Will he ever trust us enough to do so?” Elvis asked. Rixec shrugged. The door to the PC opened and a fourteen year old girl with pink/red hair entered. Hikari and Elvis recognized her immediately.

    “Joy!” they exclaimed. Joy saw them and went over to where they were sitting.

    “Hi! Haven’t seen you since you ran off to chase after your friend. I guess you succeeded,” she said.

    “What are you doing here?” Elvis asked.

    “Didn’t you hear? There’s a campaign for three free Poketches today.”

    “Are you serious!?” Hikari shrieked. “Free Poketches; they cost, like, 200,000 Pokedollars!”

    I know, but only three,” Joy said. “It starts at 2:00 and ends at 6:00. There are three clowns. Find one, and answer its question correctly, you get the Poketch”

    “And the catch is?” Rixec asked.

    “Other trainers can delay others with their Pokemon,” Joy replied.

    That would be a problem for beginning trainers,” Hikari said.

    “Luckily,” Elvis smirked, “we have a good friend with a powerful Gallade!” He turned to point at Rixec and Gallade but they were gone. “Huh?”

    Hikari tapped him on the shoulder and he turned and saw Rixec and Gallade by the desk, picking Turtwig and Buizel. “Thank you,” Rixec said to Nurse Joy.

    “Thank you for visiting our Pokemon Center,” Nurse Joy said. “We hope to see you again.”

    “That sounds very much rehearsed,” Rixec said lamely. Rixec turned and started walking out of the PC until Elvis grabbed him by the shoulder.

    “Rixec,” Elvis said strongly, “it’s better if we stay together if we’re gonna win those Poketches.”

    “Not interested,” Rixec said solemnly. Elvis gaped at him.

    “What about the…”

    “I’m not interested in the Poketch,” Rixec sighed. “And do you really intend to rely on me for everything?” Elvis was stunned by this.

    “All right,” he said and let Rixec walk out the door. Joy and Hikari came up to him.

    “Couldn’t you have convinced him?” Joy asked.

    “No. Even if I could he’s right,” Elvis said, “we can’t rely on him forever; not fair to him. So we’ll get those Poketches with our own sweat and blood!” Hikari and Joy cheered with him. They grabbed their Pokemon and set off into town.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Rixec and Gallade were walking through town, Rixec admiring how different it was from other cities and towns. “Busier then Sunnyshore, yet, easier to navigate then people would through Sunnyshore,” Rixec noted. He looked at Gallade, tall and proud, with his eyes glowing green. Rixec looked at the clock, it said 1:46 p.m. Not much time until the game starts, Rixec thought.

    Yes, Gallade agreed, but why did you separate from them?

    ‘Trainers have to rely on their own skill; you can’t expect to be helped in every situation’. That’s what Ronald said when I asked for his help in a practice battle against Mack. Besides…

    So you also sense them, Gallade thought.

    Yes. We’ve been followed since we arrived in Jubilife. But it doesn’t feel like Mack, Tammy and Ronald, Rixec replied.

    Yet just as dangerous, Gallade thought anxiously.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    1:57, three more minutes until the game started, Hikari saw. There had to be about five hundred trainers here. No surprises, Hikari thought.

    1:58. Oh, I’m so nervous, Joy thought. She had never been in a battle; she was training to be a nurse, different then from the rest of her family.

    1:59. Time to show my strength, Elvis thought. A Poketch will be helpful in my journey. I shall become stronger than him.

    They all watched as the last few seconds passed, like sand through an hourglass. A horn was blown and they all started running off. Two trainers were already in combat with their Cacturne and Hitmonlee. Three others just went into a fist fight and a couple dozen trainers were blown away by planted Voltorbs.

    Elvis, Hikari, and Joy managed to break through and broke off in opposite directions. Elvis had only gone about two blocks when he saw his target. One of the three clowns was jumping away merrily.

    “Hey wait!” Elvis exclaimed but he was grabbed from behind and thrown into a wall. He recovered quickly and saw his attacker. A 22 year old woman with a cigarette in her mouth. She was practically almost naked, in some tight shorts, shoes, and a small bra, which was over her huge breasts.

    “Listen kid,” she spat, “I go through a lot, so if you don’t want to get hurt, stay out of my way.” She started walking away when she suddenly ducked to avoid an Ember attack from Elvis’s Chimchar.

    “I not that easy to get rid of lady,” he said, “and by the way, wear some decent clothes in public. And those breasts are way too big…”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Hikari was by Jubilife TV when she fell into a trap. She was running straight and got caught in a web made by an Ariados. She struggled to tear free, but she could barely move; she couldn’t even reach her Pokeballs. Her captor appeared and walked next to his Ariados. It was some 10 year old brat who was smiling at his prey.

    “I hope you are not thinking of taking my precious Poketch, little girl,” he laughed. Hikari was growing frustrated; this kid was calling her a little girl.

    He so dies for this, Hikari thought.

    “Hey Aniki!” he yelled. “I managed to slow down a trainer. She might do well on your collection!”

    Collection?

    A 16 year old boy appeared and looked at Hikari. “Good job Henry, I can take a photo for my collection, hahaha!”

    I AM NO OBJECT! Hikari thought, angrier then she’d ever been in her life. Then she remembered her time when she was captured and snapped. NOT AGAIN!

    Hikari tore the web with all her strength and punched the Ariados so hard it flew away. The two bys suddenly started hugging each other scared silly.

    Hikari faced them turning red and said, “Screw the Poketch, you two b*stards need to die!”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Rixec and Gallade made their way over to Route 218 and were standing on the bridge connecting the main shore to a small isle in the middle of the water. Gallade’s eyes turned green and Rixec yelled, “Come out!”

    Two identical boys appeared simultaneously looking fierce.

    “It’s been a while…”

    “You ‘effing turd.”

    Colin and Marion had returned.

    “A while? Return?” Rixec scoffed. “I battled you yesterday.”

    “Joke…,” Colin said, bringing out a Masterball.

    “…while you can,” Marion finished, also bringing out a Masterball.

    They unleashed their Pokemon and Rixec jumped back. Elvis had told him what happened at the warehouse, that Linda had a fake Mewtwo, though tough as a real one. Colin and Marion had ones of their own.

    “Where the hell are they coming from?”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Joy went down the street with her Chansey, scared that someone bad would show up. She wasn’t far from the TV station and to her amazement, she saw a clown on a bench drinking cola. My lucky break.

    “Hey!” she called and the clown turned to her.

    “Hi,” he said exhausted. “Let’s get this over with, ‘Can a Pokemon hold an item?”

    “Yes!” she yelled and the clown gave her a coupon. With this, Joy could get a Poketch. Joy started skipping west wanting to show Hikari but what she saw scared her, yet was surprisingly satisfying. There were two boys beat up badly, stripped to their underwear, and hung by their ankles by some sticky stuff from a streetlight. And Hikari panting heavily looking proud as a lioness.

    Joy came up to her and asked, “Do I want to know?”

    “Not really,” Hikari answered. She saw a coupon in Joy’s hand and started screaming. “Oh my gosh! You got it!”

    “Yep!” Joy said cheerfully. Hikari started running south, hoping to find a clown. Joy giggled a bit until she heard an explosion from the west.

    “What the heck?” she said and started running. She came to Route 218 and some of the dock looked totaled. There must have been some major battle. Joy turned and saw Rixec and his Gallade, eyes glowing green, Turtwig, and Buizel, all panting hard. A pair of twins entered the scene with Mewtwos at hand.

    Rixec turned and saw Joy, about to be caught in the middle of the crossfire. Gallade…

    I’ll set it up, he answered.

    Joy was staring in shock; Mewtwo was a one of a kind legendary Pokemon. How did these two have one each?

    RUN!! A voice yelled into her head. Joy screamed and Colin and Marion started turning but Turtwig and Buizel ran at them in order to distract them.

    “Mewtwo!” they both shouted. “Double Aura Sphere!” The two Mewtwos cupped their hands and a blue ball of energy formed and they fired at Turtwig and Buizel and they were blown into the water. Joy was shocked by what was happening, but the voice came into her head again. This time she recognized it as Rixec’s.

    Joy, get out of here; these two mean business. GO!

    But…, she said, hoping he could hear her.

    RUN DAMNIT! Rixec roared. Joy ran back into the city as fast as she could. Rixec turned to Gallade and told him to cut his connection. Gallade’s eyes turned back to normal and started sprinting to the boys. From Elvis’s description, the Mewtwos’s connections to the world were the Masterballs. Destroy them, the Psycho Pokemon…

    Would ‘die’ be the right word? Gallade questioned. One of the Mewtwos summoned a giant spoon and battered Gallade with it into the water. The other one used Me First; its speed surpassing all of Rixec’s other Pokemon and hit him straight in the face. Rixec’s glasses fell from his face and broke when they hit the ground. Rixec brought his face straight up and Colin and Marion looked straight at him.

    They noticed him and were stunned by what they saw. Rixec wondered what they would do now. Colin raised his hand and brought it down. His Mewtwo hit his spoon on a rock and it shattered, creating a fork. It headed straight for Rixec. He was too tired to move and just closed his eyes, welcoming death.

    He heard a splash and then a piercing sound. He opened his eyes and saw Gallade in front of him, eyes green, and was stabbed by the fork.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Hikari was running south; no way was she going to lose her Poketch now. She realized how tired she was feeling and stopped by the mart. When she went inside she saw a clown buying some candy at the register.

    “That’ll be 700 Pokedollars,” the clerk said. He grabbed his bag and started to leave until Hikari came up and asked for a coupon.

    “All right. ‘Does a Pokemon grow by battling and gaining exp.?”

    “Of course! Yes!” Hikari said. The clown gave her the coupon and walked out. Hikari was so happy; nothing could go wrong now.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    “That wh*re,” Elvis swore. The woman he was battling had a full arsenal while he only had Chimchar and Shinx. He was facing Dragonite, Tyranitar, Metagross, Snorlax, Magnezone, and Feraligatr. No normal trainer could win with this situation at hand. However, he wasn’t a normal trainer.

    Remember your training, he thought. Yes, it can be done. “Chimchar, run in!”

    Chimchar charged forward, and all the Pokemon were heading towards it. Perfect. Elvis noticed a streetlight and said, “Shinx, Charge Beam!” Shinx fired a beam of electrical energy at it and it started glowing and then electricity came pouring out and into Magnezone.

    “What the hell are you…?” the woman screamed. Suddenly all of her Pokemon started to rise and rise and rise, and then fell to the ground hard, and fainted on impact.

    “Magnet Rise,” Elvis said. “A move a Magnezone’s which changes the ability to Levitate. But when supercharged it becomes strong enough, maybe too strong, for all the Pokemon for a short amount of time.”

    “YOU SON OF A—” the woman cries out as she jumps at Elvis. He dodges and then punches her in the stomach. She falls down to the ground.

    “Later, b*tch,” he spat.

    Elvis was limping down the street, his Pokemon by him in case he fell. He saw the clown he was looking for and went right up to him. He jumped when he saw Elvis but said his question. “Just like Pokemon types, the moves of Pokemon also have types?’” he asked.

    “Yes,” Elvis whispered. The clown gave him a coupon and helped him back to the start.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Hikari had received a pink Poketch when she arrived back at the start. It was smaller then the others, meaning she just didn’t win a Poketch. She won the new model, not being released for months. Hikari liked how it felt on her wrist, it was natural.

    “Yo!!” she heard and saw Elvis being helped over by a clown.

    “You had it rough too eh?” she asked.

    “More or less. You?”

    “Everything went just fine,” Hikari stated sweetly. Elvis decided not to ask what happened. Hikari gave him that face before she beat the crap out of him. The man in charge came over, took Elvis’s coupon and gave him a blue Poketch. Elvis strapped it on and took an instant liking to it.

    “Hikari, does the name ‘Platinum’ mean anything to you?” Elvis rose.

    “Well, yeah,” she stated. “It you mean by Platinum Enterprises in Sunnyshore, run by Mary Louise Platinum. Why?”

    “Because Rixec once told me his last name was Platinum when I asked.”

    Hikari stared and started laughing, surprising Elvis. “Serves you right Elvis!”

    “Huh?” he asked with a confused face.


    “Rixec must have fibbed since you keep pestering about him. I mean,” she said, “Ms. Platinum is only 27 year olds, no children, blood, or adopted.”

    “But 27 would still be old enough for a child of Rixec’s age to be the son of,” Elvis protested. Hikari went on to stay why would she never show him then and that shut Elvis up. A few more minutes passed before the talking started again.

    “By the way,” Elvis asked, “where’s Joy?”

    “I don’t know. She got her coupon before me.”

    “GUYS!” Joy screamed running up.

    “Speak of the devil,” Elvis whispered. Joy got in front of them and fell to her knees, panting harder then she ever had. Her coupon was taken from her hand and a red Poketch was put on her wrist for her.

    “Congrats Joy,” Elvis said smiling. He looked at her eyes and knew something was wrong immediately.

    “Rixec… trouble… 218,” she panted.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Rixec was in shock of the sight, Gallade pierced by a blade and bleeding badly. Gallade’s eyes went back to normal and Rixec’s head started hurting, and everything seemed dark now. Of course… Rixec thought.

    Gallade looked at Rixec, battered. He had never felt so angry in his life. They had tried to hurt his master. His trainer. His…

    My best friend! Gallade fumed. Gallade slashed the Mewtwo away with a Fury Cutter and then grabbed the fork and pulled it out. Gallade flinched at the pain, which was all the better. Colin and Marion were ready when Gallade suddenly disappeared.

    “Teleport?” Colin asked.

    Suddenly, a Mewtwo was cut in half and there stood Gallade, his blades glowing pitch black. Night Slash. The Mewtwo started to reform and Gallade knew for certain then only the destruction of their Masterballs would end this. Gallade disappeared again and Marion understood.

    “No,” he said, “not Teleport. Steadfast.” Gallade’s special ability. Every time it flinched, its speed rose.

    “Mewtwo!” They both yelled, but it was futile. Gallade appeared in front of them and used Night Slash on them, destroying the Masterballs and their hands. The boys groped them as scarlet blood started pouring out. Suddenly, Gallade’s eyes glowed pink and they were lifted into the air by Psychic. Die, Gallade stated. Before he could attack Rixec came up and held him.

    “Don’t,” he said. Gallade understood and let them go. Then he fell backwards from exhaustion. Colin and Marion reached for their balls and called out a Gloom and Larvitar appeared and sent Solarbeam and Hyperbeam at Rixec and Gallade. A Kricketot jumped right in front, got hit by the attacks and fired a Bide back at them, fainting them.

    Colin and Marion were stunned but then Elvis appeared and engaged in a fist fight, taking them down easily. “Take that you sons of a b*tch,” Elvis said to them.

    Hikari and Joy arrived and dashed over to Rixec and Gallade. Elvis went and helped Turtwig and Buizel. He looked over his shoulder and yelled. There were two Mewtwos melting.

    I really hoped Joy had been lying about that, Elvis thought, though he knew she wasn’t. First Sandgem, now here. Elvis walked over and shook them awake. “You had better tell me where you got those Mewtwos or so help me…”

    “A man gave them to us,” they shouted scared. “He heard us talking about our problem and said he give us these if we got rid of you three. He told us to call him either Charon or Pluto…” The police and ambulances arrived just seconds after that.

    END



    Next time: Chapter 10: Siege of Jubilife.
    Weakened, broken, unconscious. That is the state Rixec and Gallade now lie in, and at the worst time. Mack, Tammy, and Ronald have now arrived in Jubilife and are going to capture Rixec no matter what. Even if they have to destroy all of Jubilife to do so.

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    Alabama
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    Cool

    Hope you enjot the new chapter.

    Chapter 10: Siege of Jubilife

    Mack, Tammy, and Ronald had made their way through Sandgem and were heading through Route 202. Their confrontation with Bobby and company was three days ago. Meaning they only had four precious days left to find Rixec. Tammy and Ronald had gotten more serious about their mission, but Mack seemed devoted.

    “Perhaps it’s time for a short rest,” Ronald suggested.

    “NO TIME!” Mack snarled, making Ronald and Tammy jump. “We spent two days recovering and another during our traveling. We should have found Rixec the moment we won!”

    Tammy was scared; she had never seen Mack like this. Normally he was calm, cool, and …

    Wait. And… and…, she thought. She was thinking back to their time with Rixec when she was interrupted.

    “Tammy!” Mack barked. “We have to keep moving!” Tammy understood and continued.

    They continued on for another half hour when Ronald noticed something, a secret base in a tree. Wow, people haven’t used those kinds in years. They’re normally underground now. Ronald stopped and then ran inside.

    Mack noticed and yelled for Mack to get out here. He waited and Mack ran in after him. “Ronald, we don’t have time for… for…,” he was saying. Tammy came in and saw what they saw. Ronald had turned on the TV and there was a breaking news story.

    “Breaking news,” the newscaster said, “we have been informed that a boy, name and age to be withheld, and his Gallade have not yet awakened from their battle. A pair of twins, with cloned Mewtwos engaged him and lost to him, but not without harm. These clones have been examined, of what’s left of them anyway, by the police.

    “They are said to be stronger than one found in Sandgem so the police are now looking into this conspiracy. The twins are now being interrogated about an unknown man called Charon or Pluto. More news when the boy awakens.”

    Mack and the others knew where Rixec was. In a hospital of all places. That was a dangerous move; if he was examined…

    “He couldn’t have been,” Ronald said, “if he was in that bad a condition they’d be more concerned with his injuries. We still have a chance.”

    “How? We have to be discreet, remember? We can’t just walk in…”

    “We’ll blast in,” Mack interrupted. When Mack and Tammy looked at him, he explained his final, private instructions from Madam Platinum.

    “So it’s come to this?” Ronald whispered.

    “There’s no choice now,” Mack said bitterly, “we must get Rixec.”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Hikari hadn’t left Rixec’s side as of yesterday. She was not going to separate from him and wouldn’t even leave the room, until he awakened. So the hospital provided a bed for her. Elvis brought her food everyday to comfort her. Joy (teenage) had also been encouraging her with words of comfort.

    Gallade had also yet to awaken and was in intensive care at the PC. He was in more critical condition and was being worked on continuously since he arrived.

    Hikari looked at Rixec, lying peacefully in his bed. This was the first time she saw his eyes, even if closed. He had never taken off his glasses.

    “Hey,” a voice said. Hikari turned and saw Elvis and Joy, with some food.

    “Hey,” she said bitterly. Elvis put the food on a table and sat by Hikari.

    “He’ll live; he survived an explosion, he’ll get through this,” Elvis assured. Hikari started crying. It wasn’t what Elvis said that did it. It was that she was afraid that he might be wrong.

    “B-but what if,” she said through the tears. Joy walked up and slapped her. Elvis looked stunned and Hikari stopped crying.

    “Just believe,” Joy said kindly. “Your friendship is some of the strongest I’ve seen. Believe and he’ll recover.” Hikari looked at her and smiled.

    Thanks Joy, she thought.

    “…And you too Elvis,” she whispered aloud. Elvis brought out two Pokeballs and released the Pokemon inside: Turtwig and Buizel had recovered. Elvis and Joy left the room and Hikari was alone with Rixec, Turtwig, and Buizel. Hikari brushed some hair out of Rixec’s eyes; his bangs were getting long. Turtwig and Buizel looked worried.

    “Believe,” Hikari repeated. She gave a reassuring smile and Turtwig and Buizel lightened up a bit. Hikari decided to distract herself by thinking about Elvis and Joy. Those two seem to be getting real close; when they weren’t with her they were with each other. She thought about what they might be doing, but when she did Rixec and herself took their places.

    Hikari blushed redder than she’d ever done. She remembered when she first saw Rixec. She and Elvis had been blamed by the bombing, still no idea who’d done it, and he showed up and saved them. He had looked like a knight in shining armor, yet at the same time a hero who concealed his identity beneath his sunglasses. He’d agreed to travel with them and had treated her when she was injured by that Tangrowth.

    She remembered him laughing when Turtwig jumped on him, and how he battled that pyromaniac so Elvis could get to her. Hikari wondered how painful it was for him when he left because he thought he was trouble. Piplup had hated her and Rixec-And Elvis too I think- took a fall so she would gain its respect.

    Throughout everything she grew closer to Rixec and she wondered how he felt about her.

    Hikari leaned over Rixec and whispered, “Rixec, I love you.” And she kissed him on the lips, never wanting it to end. But it did when the earth shook beneath her and she fell on top of Rixec. There were explosions and crashes and Hikari opened the window to see what was happening.

    “WHAT THE F*CKING CRAP?!” she yelled.

    Jubilife buildings were wrapped by thorny vines; others and the streets were on fire. The earth was cracked and rubble was rising as more earthquakes continued. It was only noon, but the sky had turned blood red and smoke was wasting over the town.

    Hikari saw Elvis and Joy running out to see what was happening. Normally, she would have gone too, but she didn’t want to leave Rixec alone with all this happening. She walked to Rixec and held his hand and whispered, terrified, “Rixec! Wake up!”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Mack, Tammy and Ronald watched at the work their Pokemon did. Magmortar, Tangrowth, and Rhyperior waste the city, taking their powers beyond their limits. It would serve as a distraction while they retrieved Rixec. Trainers and the police were busy dealing with the disasters, no one would notice them. And they descended into the city, grim looks on their faces.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Sunnyshore City

    Mary Louise Platinum had finally gotten her battery powered TV. “How long does it take to restore the power?” she whispered. Volkner had always liked tinkering with devices, even when they were little kids. She hadn’t seen him in years despite living in the same city. She flipped on the TV and saw the news.

    A reporter was in Jubilife avoiding earth, vines, and fire. “This is Jamie Simons from Jubilife. The city is facing natural disasters and half of it is gone! It is unknown what is causing this, but the city is being evacuated…”

    She flipped it off and sighed. Rixec was there. “‘If there comes a time when the secret is in danger, use violence, screw discrepancy’,” she remembered telling Mack. She had hoped it wouldn’t come to this.

    “Mack, bring my son back,” she said through tears.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Elvis and Joy were helping people out of the city; they would be heading east to Canalave City. “Come on now,” Elvis said to a little girl, “we’re gonna get you out of here.”

    “I want my mommy and daddy!” she cried.

    “June!” a voice cried. Elvis turned and saw a man in his thirties come running over.

    “Daddy!” she screamed and ran into his arms. The two ran away after that. Elvis and Joy continued on through the city, looking for stragglers. They could not believe these were natural; someone had to be causing this.

    Another earthquake arose and Joy lost her footing. Elvis grabbed her hand and they both fell to the ground. Elvis maneuvered himself so Joy would be on top of him instead of the concrete. Unfortunately he hit the concrete face first. He spat out some blood.

    “I’m sorry,” Joy said. Elvis turned his face to her.

    “It’s nothing”, he said. Their faces were close together and they immediately stood up blushing. Suddenly, the ground cracked again and a huge hole appeared. Out of it, climb a Tangrowth, a Rhyperior, and a Magmortar. They were surprised when they saw Elvis and Joy; they were expecting everyone to have run away.

    Elvis and Joy were thinking the same thing: these Pokemon were what were causing the trouble in town And Elvis recognized two of them. The Tangrowth that attacked them at the lake and the Magmortar that was with some red hair kid back at Sandgem. Elvis had never met Rhyperior, but Gallade look like he had been hit by a truck when he came back in Sandgem.

    “So that’s the truck,” Elvis whispered.

    Joy ran forward and demanded, “Why are you doing this?!”

    Magmortar raised its gun-arm at her. Mack’s orders were clear: Avoid killing, but do what you have to to make people leave. It was hoping she would get scared and back off. A sudden jolt of electricity charged through Magmortar and it saw a Shinx cackling with electricity. Magmortar fired a blast if fire at Shinx, but a Chimchar jumped in front and took the blast.

    “Joy, get back to the hospital,” Elvis whispered. “Leave them to me. You make sure Hikari and Rixec are alright.” She nodded and ran off.

    “All right,” Elvis said, stretching his arms in front of him. “Let’s see what you can do…”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Mack, Tammy, and Ronald were walking at a steady pace through the streets. This was their only chance to get Rixec; failure meant…

    The terrified people ran past them; it was hysteria. Some people were getting hurt because they were too frenzied to see a clear path to safety.

    “All this destruction,” Tammy said, “it has sheer beauty and yet…”

    “It bears pain, just as our souls bear our sins,” Ronald finished.

    Mack didn’t like it just as much as they did. They didn’t want to do this to the most populated city in Sinnoh, but Rixec was far too important. They had gone down a few more blocks without realizing it.

    A man and his son were running and tripped. The man was about mid twenties. His son looked about six. He was about the size of a six year old, but a bit thinner. He had purple hair and hazel eyes. They were standing up when some rubble fell from a building above. The boy tried to stand, but had gotten his foot stuck in a hole.

    “Dad!” he yelled but his father was running, abandoning his son. Ronald ran first over the boy and caught the rubble. He held it long enough for Tammy to come over and help the boy out. Mack went to meet his father.

    “What were you doing?” Mack asked furious.

    “Running for my life,” he panted, “I didn’t want to die!”

    “Yet you’re fine with you son dying?”

    “He’s just a kid; no one will miss him…”

    Mack grabbed him and hurled him into a building. “Despicable. A father’s bond with his son should be strong, and yet you toss him aside at a moment’s notice! You don’t deserve this life.” Mack snapped his fingers.

    Even far away, Magmortar knew his Masters snap and he flung the Chimchar aside and fired a Fire Blast from hid gun-arm.

    The blast traveled to a building above and a whole bunch of rubble fell and the man screamed at the flaming pieces fell on him, killing him instantly. Mack turned to see the boy they had saved but he was running northwest; no doubt heading to Canalave. Mack, Tammy, and Ronald kept walking and made it to their destination: the hospital.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Elvis had been backed into a corner. Rhyperior took Shinx out instantly and Chimchar was struggling against the three Pokemon. A fissure laid right behind them, so it was either break through or fall.

    “Chimchar!” Elvis yelled. “Use…”

    Tangrowth unleashed a Stun Spore and Elvis and Chimchar leapt back and fell into the fissure. The Pokemon ran forward but there was no sight. They hadn’t meant to kill him, but they left to rejoin their trainers. Tangrowth stayed behind longest. It had seen the boy before and knew he had gotten stronger. He had a Chimchar, as its mistress did once. The boy was dead, and Tangrowth had tried to kill him before so it shouldn’t have mattered.

    But it did. It left wondering what had made it want to kill him before. All of them wanted to kill Gallade when they started, but now…nothing.

    Elvis opened his eyes, surprised he wasn’t dead. Something was holding onto him and onto a broken pipe in the side. He looked up and saw Chimchar…no. It looked similar but it wasn’t. It was bigger and its arms were more capable of combat now. It had blue over its eyes and a flame at the end of a long tail.

    “Monferno!” it cried. Chimchar had evolved.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Joy and Hikari were packing everything that would be of use; they had no idea what would happen so they had to be prepared. “Do you think we’ll need watermelon?” Hikari asked.

    “Too heavy,” Joy replied, “we need light food.”

    Another earthquake shook and they fell to the floor. “Ow,” Hikari moaned. She looked at Rixec and really wished he’d wake up. This was the worst time for him to be out. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Gallade was farther away from them in an even worse condition. Plus there were three Pokemon here causing the damage, two of which sounded all too familiar, Hikari knew while looking at her arm, a faint scar on it.

    “O.K., let’s go!” Joy screeched. They put Rixec into a wheelchair and started pushing it out. As soon they came out the door the elevator opened up at the end of the hall. Three figures exited it and walked into the hallway. They all called out their Pokemon. They were Magmortar, Tangrowth, and Rhyperior. Hikari unconsciously reached for her Pokeballs.

    Mack, Tammy, and Ronald faced down the two girls in the hall. “Hello,” Mack said politely, “I am Mack. These are my friends Tammy and Ronald.”

    The girls were silent so Ronald said, “It is polite to introduce yourselves.”

    “This is Joy, and I’m Hikari,” Hikari replied, she grabbed her Pokeball and released what was inside. “And this is my partner, Piplup!”

    Piplup popped out and stood in between everyone. Joy called out her Chansey and Hikari decided to bring out Kricketot because she thought these guys wouldn’t fight fair.

    Everyone was silent for a few minutes until Hikari broke the silence. “Why are you doing this? What’s the point of attacking Jubilife?”

    “A distraction,” Tammy said. Hikari thought she saw a glimmer of sadness in her eyes but disregarded it.

    “A distraction?” Hikari repeated dumbstruck. “For what?”

    “For Rixec,” Mack said. Hikari and Joy glanced back at Rixec, unconscious in his wheelchair.

    So this is why Rixec said he was trouble, Hikari thought. Those weren’t random attacks, these people were after Rixec.

    “Piplup, Bubble,” Hikari commanded. Piplup shot bubbles at them.

    “Rhyperior, Rock Blast!” Ronald ordered. Rhyperior fired a bunch of rocks and obliterated the bubbles. “Don’t try it. I know all of Piplup’s attacks, and how to counter them.”

    Hikari growled at this. Joy stepped up now. “Chansey, Egg Bomb!” Chansey took out its egg and hurled it at the enemy. Tangrowth threw itself in front and met the attack. The egg exploded on impact. Tangrowth was hurt, but not down.

    “Kricketot, Bide,” Hikari said. Kricketot glowed slightly but Mack stepped up.

    “Magmortar, Fire Blast,” Mack commanded. Magmortar fired fire from it gun-arm and it went down the hall into Kricketot, fainting it.

    “No!” Hikari yelled, or whispered. She didn’t know.

    “Power Whip,” Tammy said. Tangrowth’s arm stretched and knocked Piplup to the ground.

    “Rhyperior, use Rock Wrecker.” Rhyperior roared and banged the walls and it came tumbling down.

    “Chansey, Healing Wish,” Joy said. Chansey ran out and pushed Piplup aside, getting knocked out by the attack.

    “Joy, your Pokemon,” Hikari cried but Joy held up her hand.

    “Healing Wish Hikari,” she said recalling Chansey. Hikari was appalled for a moment but then remembered; Healing Wish recovers a Pokemon completely, that is, when the Pokemon who used the attack fainted. Hikari turned to Piplup and it was fully healed.

    “I’m not letting you touch Rixec,” Hikari told them.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Elvis and Monferno ran down the street, making their way to the hospital. He had to make sure his friends were O.K. It was hard to navigate though, with fire, rock, and plant tearing the city apart. Flaming rocks fell from above and Monferno jumped and punched it at an incredible speed.

    “Mach Punch,” Elvis said approvingly. Monferno gaining a sub-fighting type was gonna be useful. Elvis made it to the hospital and made his way to the elevator. But then the cable snapped and it came tumbling down. Elvis and Monferno stared dumbfounded.

    “The stairs are better for exercise,” Elvis mumbled, and started running.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Though Piplup had recovered, Hikari was still having a hard time. These three were skilled, and playing with her, she knew. She’s seen what they can do, against Gallade and Rixec; she knew they were going easy. “Piplup,” she said.

    “Hammer Arm,” Ronald said. Rhyperior brought its arm down on Piplup and fainted it. They were out of Pokemon. Rixec was theirs. Hikari ran forward swinging her fist. Ronald grabbed her when she got close enough and held her still. Joy ran forward but the Pokemon glancing at her froze her in place.

    “You know,” Mack said, “I don’t want to harm you.”

    “Why not?” Hikari asked furious.

    “I can tell, you’re special to Rixec,” Mack explained. “In the two times I met him in the last week I could tell he held you dear in his heart. Why do you think he nearly killed himself at the warehouse?”

    Tammy and Ronald took note of what Mack said. ‘Two times’. He had met Rixec at another time then the warehouse?

    “And as for the blond boy, he’s the best human friend Rixec has.

    “Hell yeah!” a voice screamed. Right behind them was Elvis with a butt kicking Monferno. “Mach Punch!”

    Monferno ran up to Ronald and punched him in the leg, releasing his grip on Hikari. Hikari and Elvis jumped back to Joy and were facing down again.

    “Elvis, how many Pokemon are good?” Joy asked.

    “Just Monferno; you?”

    “All ours are fainted,” Hikari replied. Three vs. one, not good.

    Elvis remained silent for a few moments and then said, “What about those two?”

    “Huh?” the girls questioned.

    “Turtwig and Buizel, Rixec’s other Pokemon,” Elvis said irritably. Hikari and Joy gasped. They had put them back in their balls and on Rixec’s belt. They ran to Rixec and called them out. Turtwig and Buizel looked ready for a smack down.

    “Lava Plume!” Mack commanded.

    “Rock Blast!” Ronald roared.

    “Power Whip!” Tammy shrieked.

    “Monferno, Ember!” Elvis shouted. “Turtwig, Razor Leaf! Buizel, Water Gun!”

    The attacks collided in midair. Water Gun extinguishing Lava Plume, Razor Leaf slashed the Rock Blast in half, and Ember burn, Tangrowth’s Power Whip.

    “This kid knows how to strategize,” Mack noted, seeing the shadow of someone behind the boy, “but at the same time hates it.” Mack couldn’t afford to hold back anymore.

    “Get into position,” he whispered to Tammy and Ronald. “Fire Blast!”

    “Rock Wrecker!”

    The attacks started to destroy the room as they came toward them. Elvis checked the Pokedex real fast. Turtwig knew a new attack, how, he didn’t know, or care. “Buizel, Aqua Jet! Turtwig, Earth Power!”

    Buizel shot toward the Fire Blast, covering itself in water while Turtwig summoned its energy and canceled out the Rock Wrecker with the earth.

    “Now!” Mack shouted. Tangrowth got right in front of them.

    “Sleep Powder!” Tammy yelled. A blue powder came over them and they all started conking out. The Pokemon fell first, then Joy and Elvis. Hikari tried to stay awake. She could not lose Rixec.

    She tried standing up, but she could only do it halfway. Mack started walking over and then hugged her. “It’s for his own good,” he whispered. “And I wasn’t lying; I can tell he loves you.”

    And with those words in mind Hikari was succumbed by sleep. Mack laid her down and picked Rixec up. He looked so peaceful.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    “NO!” Hikari yelled. She was in a bed, Joy and Elvis next to her. Hikari put her face in her hands; Rixec was gone.

    “Oh my, you’re awake!”

    Hikari looked up, tears streaming, and saw Nurse Joy. “I found you asleep on the floor of the hospital after the disasters stopped. Oh! You’re in the PC and your Pokemon are recovering.” Nurse Joy closed the door and walked downstairs.

    “Not one of our best days,” Elvis said. Hikari turned and saw him and Joy waking up.

    “They took Rixec, Elvis. They took him,” Hikari cried.

    “I know,” he said with a serious face, “and we’re gonna get him back.” He got up and started for the door but Joy beat him there like before. “Joy…”

    “Are you nuts?” she whispered. “They’ll kill you.”

    “They could’ve easily done it already. I’ve seen what they can do, so we’ll go after Rixec. Joy, please.”

    They looked each other in the eye for five minutes straight. Then Joy stood aside.

    “I can’t say no to that face,” she said.

    Elvis opened the door and asked, “Coming?” Hikari jumped out of bed and made her way downstairs with Elvis. Nurse Joy wasn’t around so they grabbed their Pokemon and Rixec’s from the machine that heals them. Before they got to the door a voice rang in their heads.

    Hikari. Elvis.

    They jumped at this, wondering what was happening.

    Hikari, Elvis, it’s me…

    They didn’t’ know how to respond at first but then Hikari figured it out. Gallade?

    Yes, he thought to her.

    “Elvis, we need to think what we want to say so Gallade will hear us.”

    What’s up G? Elvis asked.

    Don’t call me that, Gallade warned. Just come to my room so I can use less energy to communicate with you.

    Hikari and Elvis made their way to the back room and saw Gallade, unconscious, and bandaged. Gallade?

    I know Rixec has been captured and you intend to go after him…

    Of course! Elvis thought. We’re gonna leave now so…

    NO YOU WILL NOT! Gallade bellowed through their minds. Hikari and Elvis were shocked he wouldn’t want them to leave right away. What I mean is, he continued, is that you can’t rescue Rixec without knowing the truth.

    Suddenly, the room around them disappeared, it became dark, then there was a bright light and they were in a hospital room. They saw a girl a little older then them in a bed and looked in pain She had beautiful skin, short brown hair, and emerald green eyes. There was a Ralts yawning next to her.

    Where are we? Elvis thought.

    In my memories, Gallade’s voice boomed. Hikari and Elvis jumped at this.

    Then that Ralts is…? Hikari thought.

    It is me. I am going to show you all that is important, Gallade sent to them. So don’t talk, just watch. Like a day at the movies.

    The girl gave a scream and Elvis and Hikari saw a baby come out. The doctor helped take it out. “It’s a boy,” he said.

    “Rixec,” she said. “His name will be Rixec Platinum.” The doctor gave her Rixec and she held him in her arms, smiling happily. It became dark again, a new memory forming.

    Was that...? Hikari and Elvis asked.

    Yes, it is Rixec, and that cute little Ralts was me, like I said before. I was born the same day, just seconds before.

    The room reformed and the girl was in the bed sleeping. This took place later that day, Gallade told them. They saw Ralts waiting next to the girl, Rixec’s mother. The doctor came back in holding Rixec. Hikari walked over and saw his eyes, emerald green, like his mother. But there was something else in them.

    Rixec’s mother woke up and asked, “How’s my baby?”

    “Healthy, but…”

    “But?”

    But? Hikari and Elvis thought.

    “Ms. Platinum, your baby is completely healthy. But he’s been born blind.”

    END

    Next Time: Chapter 11: Memory Road!
    Hikari and Elvis go through Gallade’s memories to learn more about Rixec. Meanwhile, Mack and the others reminisce on their past as they take Rixec back to Sunnyshore.


    Hoped you liked my little twist. What do you think?
    Last edited by Rixec; 16th January 2009 at 4:04 AM.

  22. #22
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    Mar 2008
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    Alabama
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    I have returned.

    Chapter 11: Memory Road

    Mack, Tammy, and Ronald rushed through Route 203, being careful to cover their tracks as they ran. They knew it would only be a matter of time until the feds figured out where to start looking. The day they attacked Jubilife would be marked down in history forever, and as such if they found out the identities of the attackers it would be a world manhunt.

    Mack glanced at the sleeping Rixec in Magmortar’s arms. His time of freedom was over, so what would he do when he was home? Would be try to escape again, or would he realize it was futile without Gallade?

    “Ironic, isn’t it?” Ronald laughed.

    “What do you mean?” Tammy asked.

    Mack was also wondering what he meant. What could possibly be ironic about this situation?

    “What I mean is Rixec has become a pretty good battler, so that made it hard to capture him. And we’re the ones who taught him everything.”

    Mack smiled slightly at this. It was true, they had taught Rixec everything, and he could’ve been the champ by now if he had a normal childhood. But Mack knew that was impossible. After all, from what they had been informed, Rixec had been sentenced to death at birth.

    “Bad news,” Tammy called dreadfully and pointed to the east. Mack and Ronald looked and saw dark clouds forming over Mt. Coronet.

    “From the looks of it, it will head toward the west,” Mack said.

    “And right at us,” Ronald finished.

    “You know we can’t go back,” Tammy sighed. “But neither can we go into the storm.”

    “Then we’ll have to wait for it to pass,” Mack said, “in Oreburgh Gate.”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Hikari and Elvis were gaping. Rixec. Blind.

    They stared at the paused image of Rixec’s mother with a worried look on her face and the doctor looking grave as well. Blind? Hikari thought softly.

    He can’t be, Elvis thought, he’s battled and has looked at things before.

    Elvis suddenly remembered what he said to Rixec when they battled the twins. ‘What are you, blind?’ He lowered his head in shame.

    That was because of me, Gallade explained. Do you two remember the few times my eyes have turned bright green?

    Elvis and Hikari did remember, but they didn’t know what to think of it. What does that have to do with…? Elvis asked.

    Psi Bond, Hikari suddenly thought.

    Elvis looked right at her with a confused look on his face. Psi Bond?

    A psychic bond; it’s rare but some psychic Pokémon can develop a psychic relationship with their trainers. The Pokémon can develop new abilities and the trainer is also affected by it. But I’ve never heard of someone using it to see.

    Rixec can’t see really, I’m just sharing part of my sight with him. But that makes it difficult for me to battle because I have to focus and my sight is clouded, Gallade explained.

    I got all that more or less, Elvis sighed. But there are still things I don’t understand. And I didn’t question some things before this all started.

    Then I shall continue my memory and you shall.

    The vision started again and Rixec’s mother was whimpering. She looked down on Rixec who was looking around, unable to see anything with emerald-gray eyes. The door opened again and two adults entered.

    One was male, mid-fortyish with graying black hair and deep emerald eyes. He was looking at Rixec and his mother, and looked appalled by the sight. The other, a female, was fortyish and had soft blue eyes and wavy brown hair. She looked ready to barf at the sight. They were Rixec’s grandparents.

    “Mary,” his grandfather said, “I am very disappointed.”

    “Papa,” she cried.

    “You have to let us do it Mary,” her mother said. “Not only did you have sex with some street rat, you had a baby that was blind.”

    “He is not a street rat,” Mary whispered violently. “He’s a great trainer and says he’s gonna be a gym leader some day! And as for Rixec…!”

    “Consider it lucky you never told that ****head he has a baby. We won’t do anything to him because of the fact he doesn’t know!” her father roared.

    Elvis and Hikari were thinking the same thing: ‘We won’t do anything to him.’

    “Honey,” her mother said, “the baby must die.”

    Gallade paused the memory again and Hikari swore. “What the crap?! Why would they even consider doing that! He’s their grandson, and why was this all so important?!”

    The Platinum family is suppose to be perfect, Gallade explained, Rixec was born blind and thus a disgrace. Now watch what happens next…

    The memory started again and Mary was holding onto Rixec tightly. The doctor was coming over to take the baby from her but hen he gasped and couldn’t move. Mary looked over and saw Ralts using Disable.

    “Annoying little pest,” her father growled. “Porygon-Z!”

    A curved blue and pink Pokémon with three limbs and dizzy yellow eyes appeared. “Dark Pulse,” he commanded. Porygon-Z unleashed a pulse of darkness and it knocked Ralts out and the scene went dark too.

    What happened? Hikari asked.

    I was unconscious for the remainder of the incident. I don’t know what exactly but I think I know the drift.

    Gallade’s next memory formed and the sight was gruesome. In the room, they saw Mary holding Rixec, looking relieved and scared, and a Gardevoir stood by her side. Ralts’s mother.

    But on the floor lie the bodies of Rixec’s grandparents and Porygon-Z. Blood was splattered against the walls and floor, some of which was on Gardevoir.

    As I guarded Rixec, his mother was protected by mine.

    Hikari and Elvis now knew what had happened. Mary realized it had to be her baby or her parents. She chose to be a mother over a daughter.

    “Gardevoir,” she gasped, “get us out of here.”

    Gardevoir teleported them away and they were now in a beautiful bedroom with a chandelier. “What to do, what to do?” Mary bawled.

    The only people who know about Rixec are us, the doctor, and your parents. We’re the only ones left, so you’ll have to decide what guards can be trusted to protect him.

    “What do you mean Gardevoir?”

    Gardevoir smiled and said, The police will wonder about the bodies. I have to do this.

    “No,” Mary murmured, scared.

    Be good to him son, Gardevoir said to Ralts. He needs you. Goodbye.

    And Gardevoir teleported away.

    That was the first and last time I saw my mother, Gallade explained.

    A new memory formed and they saw a five year old Rixec sitting in a sandbox with Ralts by his side. Rixec tuned over the bucket and a sandcastle he made looked like it was about to crumble. “How does it look Walts?”

    ’Walts’? Elvis and Hikari asked.

    He was five, Gallade defended.

    “Walts?” Rixec asked again. But Ralts was looking at the approaching group. Elis and Hikari looked and saw three kids coming, Mack, Tammy and Ronald, they presumed, but it wasn’t.

    One boy looked about twelve and had white hair and purple eyes with a Spiritomb by his side. He gave Hikari and Elvis the jitters because there seemed something… malicious about him. There was also a teenaged boy around seventeen they guessed with short silver hair and black eyes; he had a Bronzong. Lastly was an eleven year old girl with long blue hair and pink eyes. She had a Pokeball connected to a bracelet around her wrist.

    The original bodyguards, Gallade explained.

    Original bodyguards? Elvis asked. Who are the new ones?

    Gallade paused the memory and everything went quiet.

    Hikari was thinking about everything they had gone through in the last week. The Tangrowth, the warehouse, Jubilife…

    You’re not saying those three trainers that attacked us are Rixec’s bodyguards? Hikari asked.

    Keep watching, Gallade explained, and we must not talk again until you have seen all I have to show. We can’t afford to give Mack, Tammy, and Ronald more time.

    The memory started again and the white haired kid walked up to Rixec. “How ya doin’ Rixec?”

    Rixec reacted to his voice and said, “Bobby, April, Ted. I’m fine; just don’t know if my castle is good.”

    “It’s sh*t,” April said.

    “You should probably go back inside. It’ll be much safer for you.”

    “And a lot less fun for us,” Bobby mumbled. April and Ted smiled at him, thinking the same thing.

    Bobby glanced up and saw something he didn’t want here. “Spiritomb,” he commanded and it flew away. What happened next horrified Elvis and Hikari.

    Rixec heard strange sounds and cries, and they scared him. “What’s going on?” he asked.

    Bobby patted his head and said, “Nothing you need to worry about.”

    He, April, and ted walked away to do their usual ‘routine’ and Rixec and Ralts were left alone. “What just happened Walts?”

    Nothing you need to worry about Master, Ralts replied, but Rixec wasn’t so sure. He hugged Ralts for comfort because he was scared. He was always in the dark in every sense of the word. Ralt’s horn started glowing and Ralts knew Rixec wanted comfort. It hugged Rixec to let him know everything was going to be alright. That day, was the first time it happened.

    Rixec gave a yelp and looked around. Then he realized he could see. He saw how beautiful the yellow sun was and the green grass. He saw his castle was falling apart but he was glad, because he could see it falling to pieces.

    Rixec looked at Ralts and saw his eyes were glowing green. “Ralts,” he said correctly for the first time.

    Master? Ralts called out. My vision, it’s clouded up, I can see partially, but it’s like humans without glasses.

    Rixec understood what was happening. “You’re sharing your vision with me. I can see better with your partial version because human eyes are different from a Pokémon’s,” he said and broke into a grin and started jumping around. “I can see I can see I can seeeee!”

    Rixec slipped and landed on the ground with a thud. He sat up and looked at his shoe, which had blood on it. He looked to the side ns saw the grass was stained with fresh blood. He also saw a mutilated body of a Chatot. The parrot Pokémon’s blue and yellow feathers had been pulled off and the musical note on its head was ripped off and next to one of its feet.

    ‘Ralts,” Rixec managed to say, his face turning white. “How did this… why?”

    Then he remembered the sounds he had heard. Bobby had done this, and April and Ted had watched. Why? He thought. Why did they do this?

    Rixec started crying and his mother rushed out to see what was happening. By the time she appeared, the bond between Rixec and Ralts had broken and Ralts could see clearly. Rixec’s mother was appalled by the sight and picked Rixec up. “It’s ok, it’s ok,” she soothed.

    She told Ralts to take Rixec back upstairs and Ralts led him to his room and Rixec immediately fell asleep. Ralts looked out the window and saw Bobby, ted, and April had come back and Rixec’s mother seemed to be shouting at them, but Ralts couldn’t hear clearly with the window closed. He pushed it open and heard Bobby say “Very well” and told Spiritomb to blast her with Torment.

    Rixec’s mother was suddenly on the ground holding her head, grunting in pain. Bobby bent down and whispered something and Ralts jumped down to stop him. But Spiritomb used Flash and they disappeared.

    Rixec’s mother got up and said, “They sure didn’t take being fired well, but their antics scared Rixec, and I can’t have that. He needs to be strong, despite his damn fault.”

    Ralts was surprised; he had never heard Rixec’s mother speak like this before. “I’ll need more guards around, and I’ll need to find three new bodyguards for Rixec. Yes, I’ll inform servants not to help him unless I say. He must be strong…”

    And as she walked away, Ralts knew something bad was happening. But he didn’t know what.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Mack, Tammy, and Ronald decided to rest in the deepest part of Oreburgh Gate; few trainers would make it that far. They had Rixec tied up with vines from Tangrowth in case he awakened.

    Ronald sighed and walked away toward the water. Tammy got up and followed him. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Tammy spoke up.
    “I guess,” Ronald mumbled.

    “What’s bothering you?” Tammy asked.

    “Everything,” Ronald replied. “Nothing. I don’t know anymore. And you wouldn’t understand.”

    “Maybe I would,” Tammy said. “I’ve also felt like things were different since we started this hunt. And they’ve kept changing since we started. When did this start?”


    “The day we started our journeys,” Mack declared walking up to them.


    7 years ago

    A lively ten year old Mack was just leaving his house and heading over to Prof. Rowan’s lab when it was still in Twinleaf. He was finally going to become a trainer, along with two others.

    “Tammy! Ronald!” he called out.

    Ronald had spiky black hair and lacked the muscles he would later get. He high fived Mack who just basically looked like a smaller version of himself. Tammy, meanwhile, was a bubbly young girl with curly blond hair and a sweet smile. They were all going to become trainers together.

    They made their way to the lab and saw Prof. Rowan waiting with three Pokeballs. “Welcome,” he said in a gruff voice.

    He went on to explain the fundamentals of being a trainer, and of other paths they could choose with Pokémon. He then showed his starter Pokémon: Turtwig, the grass turtle Pokémon, Chimchar, the fire chimp Pokémon, and Piplup, the water penguin Pokémon.

    Mack had taken Turtwig while Ronald took Piplup and Chimchar for Tammy. They were all hugging their new Pokémon (with Piplup trying to get out due to its pride). Prof. Rowan proceeded to give them all Pokedexes and Pokeballs. These would be essential for their journey.

    They thanked Prof. Rowan again and they departed. Their hopes were rising at the thought of becoming strong trainers. Sinnoh had the best there were currently, in the land closest to the heavens.

    “God,” Mack said all of sudden as they proceeded down Route 201.

    “What?” Tammy and Ronald asked.

    “Someday, I’d like to challenge a god to a battle. Like the ones in the legends.”

    Ronald wolf whistled. “That would be an amazing feat, if they exist.”

    “They might,” Tammy spoke up, “the Pokémon had to come from somewhere. And they said things like Mew and Ho-oh were real.”

    “If you actually beat one of these gods,” Ronald said, “you’ll be considered one n the eyes of humans.”

    The three of them kept talking about this as they continued. Then they noticed a particular sight. A tall man with black hair and a suit, with a strange black Pokémon with a red circle around its neck and smoke-like hair.

    Mack started walking but Tammy grabbed him and whispered, “What are you doing?”

    “He has an interesting Pokémon,” Mack replied, “and I want to see what it can do in battle.”

    “Hey,” I wouldn’t mind seeing it in action as well,” Ronald declared.

    Tammy pouted and then sighed. “Let’s go up then.”

    They strode up to him and he was surprised to see them come up to him. “What can I do for you?” he asked rudely.

    “That’s an extraordinary Pokémon you have,” Mack said. “So I was wondering if you could battle me with it.”

    A wicked smile came across the man’s face and he said, “You can all battle against my Pokémon of Nightmares. It’s only fair.”

    “You talk big,” Ronald said, “but can you back it up?”

    “Watch me,” he said and his Pokémon got into position.

    Mack, Tammy, and Ronald called out their Pokémon and the fight began. Mack had Turtwig use Tackle while Tammy and Ronald had Chimchar and Piplup use Leer and Growl to weaken the dark Pokémon’s attack and defense. But the dark Pokémon shrugged it all off.

    “Tackle again!” Mack yelled and Turtwig ran forward and hit the dark Pokémon in the chest but it practically did nothing.

    “Piplup, Pound!”

    “Chimchar use Scratch!”

    The two of them ganged up on the dark Pokémon but then its trainer said, “Disable.”

    Piplup and Chimchar were frozen in place from the attack. But Turtwig ran forward and hit the dark Pokémon upon command from Mack.

    “Ahh to be young,” the man said, “and so naïve.”

    “What do you mean?” Mack asked.

    “There are good trainers…,” he said and all of a sudden his dark Pokémon used Faint Attack and Turtwig was propelled backwards. “And there are bad trainers.”

    His dark Pokémon glided forward and started brutally beating Turtwig with darkness. Mack was horrified by it and Ronald and Tammy sent Piplup and Chimchar up to help. The man saw them coming though and commanded, “Dark Void.”

    Suddenly, black spheres appeared and were thrown at Piplup and Chimchar. As soon as they hit they fell into a deep slumber. Mack knew they had to do something but before he could do anything one of the black spheres came around and hit Turtwig, pulling it into slumber land.

    “Dream Eater,” the man commanded and Turtwig, Chimchar, and Piplup were stirring in their sleep with pained looks on their faces. The dark Pokémon was recovering from the dreams it ate and its trainer was smiling like a mad man.

    Eventually, Turtwig, Chimchar, and Piplup woke up and faced the dark Pokémon. They were not pleased with what had happened and wanted payback. As did their trainers. “How dare he take it this seriously?” Tammy asked.

    “Let’s make him pay,” Ronald said.

    “Hell yeah,” Mack agreed.

    They all commanded an all out team-up and the three Pokémon went running forward using attacks Mack, Tammy and Ronald didn’t know they could do yet but they knew what they were. Absorb, Ember, and Bubble.

    “Sucker Punch!” the man commanded and the dark Pokémon ran and pulverized all their attacks. “Now Dark Pulse!”

    Dark energy in the form of chains of purplish-black links. The chains were sent forward and hit the three Pokémon, drawing blood from them. Mack, Tammy, and Ronald were startled by this; they had never seen a Pokémon bleed in battle.

    “Pursuit,” the man said, “and then Torment.”

    His dark Pokémon ran after Turtwig, Chimchar, and Piplup and struck, and they fell to the ground and closed their eyes. “Get up!” they urged but it was no good.

    The dark Pokémon use Torment and the Pokémon couldn’t attack even if they wanted too. Eventually, the dark Pokémon stopped and Turtwig, Chimchar, and Piplup were left on the ground, unmoving.

    “Get up,” Mack whispered.

    “Please,” Tammy cried.

    “No,” Ronald said horrified.

    They ran up to their Pokémon and cradled them; they were dead. They looked up to the man, anger and sadness rushing into their eyes. Then the man started laughing, amused by this. Then a dark look came into his eyes and he said,” Get them.”

    The dark Pokémon came up slowly, wanting to increase the fear in the young trainers. But it never got the chance. Right then and there, a Pokémon not native to this part of Sinnoh attacked the man. It was a Magby, a tiny red Pokémon that was the pre-evolved form of Magmar. It grabbed onto the man’s arm but he swung it off. But just as it hit the ground Magby unleashed Ember right at him and it hit a Pokeball.

    The dark Pokémon’s ball. The ball melted into a glob and as it did, a confused look came over the dark Pokémon. It wondered what was happening and then it saw the young trainers and fled. “NO! Come back! He’ll kill me!” the man roared in fury and terror as he chased after the dark Pokémon.

    Mack, Tammy, and Ronald gazed at their dead starters. “This isn’t just his fault,” Mack said. “It’s mine. Maybe even more than him.”

    “I’m at fault too,” Ronald said.

    “And I as well,” Tammy sniffled.

    They were overconfident and foolish. They had forced their Pokémon to fight and they had paid with their lives.

    The Magby came up to Mack with a worried look in its eyes. “Thanks for your help little guy,” Mack said. He, Tammy, and Ronald then dug graves for their Pokémon and buried them, their still faces haunting them. They didn’t know if they would ever recover from this, but they would always carry it with them. Their worst mistake ever and it turned out to be their first.

    Night eventually fell and Mack, Tammy, and Ronald still hadn’t left. They were still praying for their Pokémons’ souls and forgiveness. Mack felt a tug at his pants and saw the Magby. He bent down to see it and then the Magby touched a Pokeball on his belt. Magby went inside and soon the ding was heard. Magby had been captured.

    Mack swore he would never let what happened to Turtwig happen to Magby. The journey they had started that day was over, and a new one had begun. But they didn’t know what it was. All they could do for now was move on.

    That night, while sleeping, Mack remembered everything that happened during the battle. It pained him to see it happen again, but then it was gone. And a new pain had started. He awoke with a start, sweat beading down him. “Dream Eater,” he whispered. But how? The dark Pokémon was gone. What could have done it?

    Present

    “Bobby,” Mack said.

    “What?” Tammy and Ronald asked.

    “Seven years ago a Dream eater was used on me. I didn’t understand but I do now. Bobby used it on me and that is how he knew what attacks to use in our battle.”

    “Why do it though?” Ronald asked. “What was the point?”

    “Because they’re insane,” Tammy answered.

    “Damn,” Mack whispered.

    “I never knew that,” a new voice arose. Mack, Tammy, and Ronald turned around and saw that Rixec had awakened. “Sorry, but I heard the whole thing.”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    “These are the new bodyguards,” Rixec’s mom said.

    Is that really them? Hikari asked.

    Yes, those are indeed Mack, Tammy, and Ronald, Gallade answered.

    They can’t be any older than eleven! Elvis declared.

    But it was true. Mack, with his Magmar beside him was a serious looking eleven year old boy in a dark red sleeveless shirt and torn jeans. Tammy had poise and an unusual smile and short straight blonde hair wearing shorts and a green turtleneck; she was holding a Tangela in her arms. Ronald looked bored but had some muscles coming on which showed through his tight black shirt and tight pants and his hair had been growing by the looks of things; he had a Rhydon with him and it seemed confident.

    The seven year old Rixec, who couldn’t see, didn’t know what to think. Although he did seem a little nervous. “Hey,” Mack said.

    “’Lo,” Rixec answered back. “You’re not going to tear Pokémon apart are you?”

    The three of them seemed surprised by this question, but it was Tammy who answered. “No no,” she crooned, “we’ll do nothing of the sort.”

    “Can that Ralts of yours battle?” Ronald asked.

    “Well…” Rixec started to say.

    “Enough,” his mother said, “Rixec, you should go get ready for dinner.”

    Ralts led Rixec away but turned his head and read Ms. Platinum’s lips. She told Mack, Tammy, and Ronald this: “Don’t spoil him.”

    The vision flashed forward and Gallade had sent them a few months into the future. Hikari and Elvis saw Mack and Rixec talking.

    “…and once you have eight badges you can enter the Pokémon League and face the Elite Four and the Champion,” Mack said.

    “Wow,” Rixec said. “All of that, outside these walls. I wish I could participate.”

    “Well, your mom worries about you so…” Mack answered.

    “I’m not so sure,” Rixec explained. “Things have been different since I was five. There are times she seems to care, but there are times she’s–I don’t know–different. I know Ralts likes me though.”

    And he patted Ralts on the head. Mack looked down on them and came up with an idea. “I got it,” he said, “I’ll teach you how to battle and we can make Ralts stronger.”

    “Really?!” Rixec asked enthusiastic.

    “Sure,” Mack replied. “And Tammy ad Ronald too.”

    A strange look came over Rixec and Mack noticed it. “What?”

    “Well,” Rixec said, “I know I like you, but I’m not sure about Tammy and Ronald. I don’t hate them, I’m just neutral.”

    “Give it time,” Mack told him. “They’re good people. But things have been tough.”

    “What?” Rixec asked.

    “Nothing,” Mack reacted quickly. “Now let’s start training!”


    Another flash forward and they saw Ralts fighting Magmar, who was going easy on them. “Look for all possible openings!” Mack yelled. “But don’t do anything that will put your Pokémon in jeopardy.

    Magmar used Ember but Rixec was ready. “Double Team!”

    Ralts split into three and Magmar didn’t know which was real. Mack looked impressed. “If he wasn’t blind he could join Sinnoh top trainers in time. But not today. Magmar use Fire Spin!”

    Magmar unleashed a tornado of fire which hit all three Ralts. Rixec ran up to Ralts to check on him. “You okay?”

    Yes Master, just a little hot that’s all.

    “I think that’s enough for today,” Mack said.


    Another flash forward, about a year they guessed, and they saw Rixec walking over to Mack and Ralts. “Did you get lost?” Mack asked.

    “No, I was talking with Ronald,” Rixec answered. And in a lower voice he said, “’Trainers have to rely on their own skill; you can’t expect to be helped in every situation’.”

    “Ready?” Mack asked.

    “Always,” Rixec replied.


    The void went white now. What’s up? Elvis asked.

    When Rixec was nine I was sent to the P.C. because I had gotten sick. During this time Rixec had gotten hurt and fell down the stairs.
    Hikari and Elvis looked shocked. But Gallade reassured them it was alright. Mack came around and bandaged him up apparently. I only found out about this from Rixec recently; same night you found us after we left.


    The vision started again and they saw Rixec putting up a pretty good battle against Magmortar. Magmar had evolved in this time period. Ralts had been on even footing, though it was given a handicap.

    Suddenly, Ralts started to glow and evolved into Kirlia. Kirlia used Confusion and knocked Magmortar to the ground. “Nice!” Mack yelled.

    Rixec ran up to Kirlia and started to hug him. Kirlia activated its power and Rixec saw what Kirlia looked like for the first time. “You look like a ballerina,” he said, causing Kirlia to blush.

    Hikari and Elvis started laughing at this. It was too good for words. Rixec and Gallade had always been a strong combo, but for Rixec to say he looked like a ballerina, priceless.

    This is why I wanted to evolve into a Gallade, Gallade answered. Don’t mean to sound sexist but Gardevoir is better off for females. Come on, would I look good in a gown?

    This only caused them to laugh louder and Gallade sent them forward into his memories. They saw Rixec, Kirlia, and Tammy in the backyard. Rixec and Kirlia were playing hide and seek with the Pokémon. She kept wolf whistling as he found them all in seconds. Then she turned over to Kirlia and noticed his eyes.

    “Yo Rixec! Can I ask why Kirlia’s eyes are glowing?” she pondered.

    Rixec wondered if he should tell, but he remembered Mack-niisan say he should try to trust them so he told her. “Kirlia’s ‘special ability’. When his eyes are glowing green he sends part of his sight to me. Basically I can see perfectly.”

    Tammy was shocked; Rixec could see and they never knew. But she regained a calm face, remembering it was when Kirlia’s eyes are glowing.

    “But wait, how do you find them when his eyes are normal?” she asked. “Those wild ones aren’t easy to find.”

    “Oh, you just have to know how to listen. All Pokemon make sound, whether they are standing still, flying or levitating.”

    “Levitating makes sound?”

    “Yeah, it sounds like a hum.”

    “Interesting.”

    Hikari and Elvis noticed a strange look come over her face, and then they were sent forward again.

    Rixec was eleven and using a strange stone in a shade of blue on Kirlia. Suddenly, Kirlia started glowing and evolved into the Gallade they all knew and loved.

    Gallade’s eyes turned green and Rixec was amazed by Gallade. “Wow. You don’t look like a ballerina anymore.”

    Don’t you dare…, Gallade warned Hikari and Elvis.

    “Hey Gallade,” Rixec said, “would you mind looking around the house? I’ve always wondered about what happens when I’m not around.”

    Yes Master, but are you sure you want to know?

    “Yeah. Thanks Gallade,” Rixec said and Gallade teleported away.

    Hikari and Elvis watched as Gallade went throughout the house, keeping track of everything he saw. Eventually he saw Mack and Ronald dragging one of the guards. He was yelling and his face was filled with fear.

    Gallade pursued and eventually came to the office of Rixec’s mother. Mack and Ronald threw the guard onto the floor and backed away. He was shaking and Rixec’s mother had a stern look on her face.

    “Well,” she said. It wasn’t a question.

    “I-I-I don’t know,” he stammered. “I don’t know how the kid got out.”

    Hikari and Elvis were confused and Gallade said, The day before Rixec had wandered off the grounds and walked around Sunnyshore. I don’t know what happened exactly but I provided sight. Rixec said he found the Dawn Stone while he was out, but he never mentioned how he got it.

    “You almost ruined everything,” Rixec’s mother said. “I’m sorry, but I have to do this.”

    “NO!” the guard roared. “Not ‘retirement’ please! I beg you for forgiveness!”

    Rixec’s mother pressed a button and the floor opened up and the guard fell down. A splash emitted up and then a crunching sound. Rixec’s mother, Mack, and Ronald all had appeased looks on their faces. Gallade was horrified by this and left.

    Gallade also noticed the looks on Mack and Ronald. Gallade had known them for years but something had changed. It was like they had been indoctrinated. And this ‘retirement’ that they did…

    Gallade wondered if he should tell his Master. He didn’t know how he would react. Or if it would be healthy for him. Gallade decided he would tell his Master, he made a promise.

    Gallade returned and told Rixec everything. No emotion came across his face as Gallade spoke. He was surprisingly calm. When Gallade was finished, Rixec said, “Damn that b*tch has issues.”

    Rixec stood up and walked over to the door and grabbed the knob. He tried to turn it but it was futile; it had been locked. “It’s never been locked!” Rixec swore. “Something’s changing around here.”

    Yes, Gallade agreed.


    Everything went white again and Gallade started speaking to them. We spent more than a year preparing and training. I learned all that I could about my attacks and Rixec remembered all that he learned. No surprise since he has an IQ of over 200.

    Damn, Elvis said.

    What about Mack, Tammy, and Ronald? Hikari asked.

    The changes got worse all the time, and because of that Rixec felt alone among humans. I and other Pokémon were there, but he had become a lone wolf really. Until we met you two.

    Hikari and Elvis just realized how important they were in Rixec’s life. They also realized that they’ve been terrible to him. Hikari had yelled at him and Elvis remembered when he called Rixec ‘blind’ during their double battle against the twins.

    Finally, half an hour before Rixec’s thirteenth birthday, we made our move. A lot of the best guards were away and the gym leader was doing a little electrical work.

    Memories swirled up and they saw the grounds of their Platinum household. They never realized how big they were. They saw Rixec, in his old red shirt and blue jeans, with his all too familiar green sunglasses. Gallade was off in the trees, gazing at Rixec. It was late at night, 11:30 they guessed, and all of a sudden, the lights went out. All over the city. “It’s now or never!”

    They saw Rixec and Gallade run through the darkness, Houndoom on their trail. “Old friend,” Rixec said, “there are two Houndoom five meters behind us, three three meters to the left, and one a mile ahead. Take them all out with Close Combat.”

    Yes Master, Gallade said and took off. They saw Gallade running through the trees and found the first five Houndoom. Gallade ran up to them and the fight began. Gallade took one out immediately but two more jumped for Gallade’s neck. Gallade ducked and they crashed into each other and Gallade finished them off. Two more came up with the same results.

    Gallade proceeded to the three on the left and the dog fight began. One jumped over Gallade while the other two went for his legs. Gallade jumped up but the Houndoom in the air knocked him to the ground. Gallade jumped back up and just barely missed the fangs of the Houndoom and finished them off with Close Combat. Using Close Combat so many times was lowering his defense and special defense, but there was only one left.

    Gallade ran up a mile and confronted the last one. Gallade ran up and participated in a one on one battle. The Houndoom skidded under his knees and Gallade missed it. The Houndoom ran into the trees and appeared a minute later and bit Gallade. Gallade grunted; normally this wouldn’t hurt much but his defenses had been lowered greatly. Gallade struck and Houndoom and it flew into a tree. Gallade ran up and finished it, destroying the tree while at it.

    Gallade then focused and used Substitute. The copy ran off to rejoin Rixec while Gallade kept an eye out. The copy had made it back to Rixec, who knew it was a copy, and they continued running. Just as you said. Gallade was still speaking to Rixec telepathically.

    “All right, now comes the hard part.”

    Ten minutes later, a startled look came across Rixec’s face and he yelled, “Gah! Psycho Cut at that tree now!”

    Gallade controlled its copy and had it use the move on the still tree. A Kecleon came into view and fainted.

    I am sorry Master, I didn’t expect... Gallade said to Rixec.

    “No, the one at fault was me; I didn’t expect this to happen. I guess this means there are still some good guards here.”

    A grim look came across Rixec’s face, because he knew who owned the Kecleon. And so did Gallade.

    Aster! We must go back now!

    “NO!” Rixec yelled. “This is my only chance in a lifetime to escape, I trust you enough to get me out.”

    Can’t we use Teleport? Gallade asked.

    “What time is it?”

    Gallade thought a moment before he answered. Uh, 11:45 p.m.

    “It’s no good; the Alakazam will be out around the city with a psychic barrier to prevent any means of escape.”

    But then, why are we still going?

    “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner old friend, but that a surprise that will have to wait until midnight.”

    You mean…Ugh! Gallade cried. Something was happening to the copy, and Gallade felt it through the bond he had with it. It did have a quarter of his HP.

    The Gallade copy was frozen from the inside out. Elvis and Hikari watched Rixec put his guard up, and they saw he was starting to shiver, and ice was starting to appear on the surrounding trees and leaves. A Froslass came out of the frozen Gallade and a middle-aged man with thinning green hair and a mustache appeared from the trees. His black eyes seemed amused.

    “You put on quite a show, you and your slave, but it’s over now,” he said.

    “Bill, Bill, Bill. First of all, he’s not my slave, he’s my best friend,” Rixec said and snapped his fingers. “And second, I’ve already won.”

    Bill just smirked and said, “Kid, despite your faults you’re pretty amazing. But with your Pokemon frozen, possibly dead, you can’t escape.”

    “Look again.” Bill turned around and saw the Pokemon inside disappear; The Substitute had died.

    “Froslass, above us!” Bill had shouted and the two of them dodge the Psycho Cut in time. “Froslass, use Ominous Wind! Aim at its $#@%%$# heart!” The Froslass took aim but it never got the chance to attack, for Gallade was faster and used Psycho Cut on its back, fainting it. “Ahh!”

    “Bill, my friend is faster, so a better move would have been Ice Shard, which always strikes first. If you survive “retirement”, I hope you remember that. Close Combat, send him back 100 feet,” Rixec said smoothly. Gallade obeyed and ran up and punched Bill a lot and then got in one more punch which threw Bill back. And Elvis and Hikari were positive it was 100 feet.

    “Ahh, time, now!” Rixec exclaimed.

    11:59 p.m. Master

    “One more minute.” One more minute until Rixec’s escape from Hell, and to his 13th birthday. When the clock struck twelve it happened. The barrier disappeared.

    Master…

    “I put Wiki berries in the Alakazam’s food today. So when the clock struck twelve the barrier fell when the fell under the confused status,” Rixec said quite pleased with himself. Gallade chuckled at this, to have thought of such a plan, maybe he would be a great Pokemon Trainer. “Now then, Teleport if you please.” Gallade focused all his power into it and teleported them to a new beginning.

    The next sight was Twinleaf Town. It seemed so peaceful at night. “Twinleaf Town looks beautiful, doesn’t it Gallade?” Rixec asked Gallade, whose eyes were glowing green.

    Yes Master, Gallade replied.

    “Um, Gallade?”

    Yes Master?

    “Don’t call me ‘Master’, call me by my name. Kay?”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Mack, Tammy, and Ronald gazed at Rixec. “You heard it all?” Tammy asked.

    “Yep.”

    “I’m going to bed,” she said and walked off, followed by Ronald.

    A clap of thunder was heard and Mack said, “Looks like the storm has arrived.”

    “Good,” Rixec said.

    Mack gave him a confuse look and Rixec explained. “It will give my friends time to catch up to me.”

    “After what happened in Jubilife, and with this storm, I doubt it,” Mack said.

    “Don’t underestimate them,” Rixec said. “And I am sorry about what happened to you.”

    “It’s nothing you need to worry about,” Mack mumbled. “What matters is getting you home.”

    “I don’t want to go back,” Rixec declared and Mack shook his head.

    “Bobby, Ted, and April are back.”

    A look of surprise came over Rixec and he looked down. “Then I’ll just have to face them when they find me.”

    “I don’t want them to find you,” Mack said. “That’s why you’re here now.”

    “Not for long,” Rixec said.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Elvis and Hikari were back in the real world and looking at the unconscious Gallade. They had learned so much about him and Rixec. “We have to get him back,” Hikari said.

    “Immediately,” Elvis agreed.

    I’ll join you when I can. For now, I must rest. Good luck my friends.

    Elvis and Hikari left and walked over to the Pokemart. It was one of the buildings still standing after the siege of Jubilife.

    They dug through the wreckage and found what they needed. A Town map. And made by Platinum Industries at that. Elvis activated it and a holographic image appeared of Sinnoh.

    “Let’s see,” Elvis examined, “I guess they’ll have to go through Oreburgh gate and continue east on. And it looks like there’s a storm over that way.”

    Hikari looked out the window and saw the dark clouds. “Then it should slow them down then,” she said. “They wouldn’t dare run through with Rixec.”

    “Yeah,” Elvis said. “But we will.”

    “All the way,” Hikari said. “Either we bring Rixec back or we don’t come back.”

    END

    Next time: Chapter 12: The Retrieval. Hikari and Elvis rush to save Rixec, but can they succeed? Especially when they are being followed?
    The Sinnoh Chronicles

    A New Kind of Pokemon Fanfiction.

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    The goddess realm
    Posts
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    Luv the fic Keep up the good work
    I am the pokemon goddess. Wanna be friends? My site is http://lugia9897.webs.com/
    I support ColosseumShippping - Wes & Rui and Specialshipping (Red x Yellow), and Pokeshipping (Ash x Misty)

    I claim:


    and Absol (and alot more)

    and the songs "Still waiting", "Every time we touch", "Animal I become" , "Breaking the Habit", "My Immortal" and "Bring me to Life".

    Milina's PokePet

    Lina the level 99 Milotic!

    Millina's PokePet

    Blade the level 98 Absol!






    "are you with us now or what?"

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    3,038

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    Well, like I said, I can't review the entire story just yet, so I'll review the first couple of chapters and build up from there.

    Prologue review:

    From the very first paragraph, we already have some problems:
    Tonight was the night. Volkner was working on his traps at the gym[,] it was the middle of the night, and the best guards were on vacation. It had to be tonight. Just a few more seconds. All of a sudden the lights went out everywhere in the city and the boy ran. “It’s now or never!” A Pokemon suddenly jumped out of nowhere and the two headed toward the gates. The alarm rang and the Houndoom were unleashed.
    The bracketed comma is what we call a comma splice error. This means that you're using a comma to connect two complete sentences. You see, a comma isn't strong enough to do this (I.e. you need something stronger to connect, like a period or a semicolon).

    Volkner was working on his traps at the gym. It was the middle of the night, and the best guards were on vacation.

    That being said, WHY is Volker working on his gym in the middle of the night? Why is there italicized thought? Why are you suddenly jumping to a random boy running? Why is everything just RANDOM and coming seemingly from nowhere? Seriously, this is ridiculously rushed; there's just too much going on for what purpose I don't know.

    These Houndoom were trained to catch the anything from the fastest Rapidash to the sneakiest Kecleon, but they weren’t trained for the two of them. The boy thought to himself, Yes, they’ve hidden themselves quite well. Let’s see now… “Old friend, there are two Houndoom five meters behind us, three three meters to the left, and one a mile ahead. Take them all out with Close Combat.”

    Yes, Master. The Pokemon took off and returned five minutes later. Just as you said.
    Why are you mixing units? Stick to either miles or meters so you don't confuse readers. You also didn't really explain that this pokemon attacked the houndoom either. Just said it left and came back. Some sort of sign, like the houndoom collapsed, or something to show that the dirty deed was done would be nice. I'm also pretty skeptical on this entire “they couldn't catch us!” thing as the metaphor you're using to describe the houndoom are pretty high standards. Rapidash are fast, yet you're saying the houndoom are faster, and the houndoom are able to sniff out nearly invisible kecleon, yet the houndoom, with their good hearing and sense of smell being canines, couldn't smell out some clumsy human?

    “All right, now comes the hard part.” The guards started rushing out to catch the boy, if they didn’t, they might be asked to go into “retirement”. Ten minutes later everything was smoothed until… “Gah! Psycho Cut at that tree now!” The Pokemon did so and a well hidden Kecleon fainted.
    You can't get away with just saying “It happened!” to explain what happened. >_> Describe it. What happened to the guards? “Everything was smooth” doesn't explain what happened to the guards. I have no idea what psycho cut looks like. Where did random pokemon come from? Does random pokemon have claws – no you don't have to outright SAY what it is if you're trying to hide its identity, but that doesn't mean you can skimp out on detail either.

    You mean… Ugh! At that moment the Pokemon was frozen from the inside out. The boy knew what this meant, this icy feeling of death surrounding him like the dementors in Harry Potter.
    ...Er, was the mention of Harry Potter needed? Believe it or not, a lot of people have not read Harry Potter and would have no idea what you're talking about. Plus it's a snap back to reality – you're trying to submerge your reader into the world you created, and using real-world analogies for no purpose is just ... silly.

    “I put Wiki berries in the Alakazam’s food today. So when the clock struck twelve the barrier fell when the fell under the confused status,” the boy said quite pleased with himself. His Pokemon chuckled at this, to have thought of such a plan, maybe he would be a great Pokemon Trainer. “Now then, Teleport if you please.” His Pokemon then teleported them to a new beginning.
    ”...fell when the fell under ...” ...?

    So epic battle with barely any description was for what? Couldn't they just wait until midnight until the barriers fell and teleport then? o_O And why would the barrier end at twelve? It seems to be that the barrier would be up after twelve to prevent people from escaping.

    And wait. Slave? How does this boy have a pokemon, and a powerful one from what I'm assuming, if he's been enslaved? How did he have time to train it, let alone keep it? The guards would have taken it away so something like this wouldn't happen.

    Why is there no emotion from your characters? Bill had no fear when he had to tell his boss that he failed to capture the boy. The boy himself wasn't scared, cocky. He just ... was ... nothing. There was no adrenaline, no energy, for an escape scene.

    Chapter 1 review:

    Dawn was the first thing she saw when she woke up. It was the first thing she saw everyday; maybe it had to do with her name. Well, Hikari Diamond intended to get her first Pokemon before that idiot showed up. She was a twelve year old girl with long pink hair and sapphire eyes. She got up and dressed into a white t-shirt and gold shorts and put her hair into a ponytail and left.
    Er, do you mean Hikari instead of Dawn in the first sentence? And how is she the first thing she saw when she woke up (not unless she sleeps in front of a mirror)? There is just random information thrown here, too. Why not mention it in an appropriate place, like when she's getting ready? I mean, you could have at least put her description after the “getting ready” sentence so it would make some sort of sense.

    “You mean like blowing up a building, hospitalizing two trainers, seven Pokemon and getting us banned from our trainer licenses for two years?,” Hikari answered,” All when you were ten years old.”
    Excuse me? o_O After doing HEAVY DAMAGE to people and pokemon, all these two get is suspensions? You've got to be kidding me lol. Hell, logically, if you seriously injured someone and blew up a building, I'm pretty sure these two wouldn't allowed to be become trainers period.

    Just then, an explosion happened and the crane crashed into the skyscraper Chunks of the building started falling and everyone ran for cover. Hikari and Elvis ran back to avoid it wondering what had happened. Then a woman screamed, terrified.

    “My baby! My baby’s up there!” she had screamed. Everyone looked up and saw a small boy of five or six clinging to life. “I told him not to go there and now…” she whimpered fearing his life. Hikari and Elvis knew they had to do something, but what?
    More randomness for no reason (plus you're missing a period here). If the building “exploded” then how is a kid still hanging there? Shouldn't the building should have collapsed or be in shambles or something? And if the mom knows the kid is there, why didn't she go there? Five and six year olds are still too young to wander around by themselves. They're also not that strong; they probably wouldn't be able to hang on at all.

    There's a lot of things you need to work on.

    Pacing: You write events as, literally, “this happened, causing that to happen.” You want to extend upon it so the reader can properly visualize it. After all, we can't see inside your head. Taking an example I quoted:

    Tonight was the night. Volkner was working on his traps at the gym[,] it was the middle of the night, and the best guards were on vacation. It had to be tonight. Just a few more seconds. All of a sudden the lights went out everywhere in the city and the boy ran. “It’s now or never!” A Pokemon suddenly jumped out of nowhere and the two headed toward the gates. The alarm rang and the Houndoom were unleashed.
    Like I said earlier, too much with little room to breathe. Simply adding a little more detail slows it down a bit:

    Ex) Tonight was the night. All the best guards were on vacation. He was in prime shape. It was close to midnight. And, most importantly of all, Volkner decided to spend the night working on his gym. And him, being a gym leader, not an electrician–

    There was a loud crackle, and the all the lights in the city went out with a fizzle.

    “It's now or never,” he whispered, standing up, his heart racing. He stepped out the shrubbery he was hiding in and stepped on a twig, making it snap loudly, but it didn't matter. He had bigger issues to worry about, and the shrill sound of the alarm overpowered the snapping twig anyway.

    “C'mon,” he said, turning his slightly toward more shrubbery, eyes slightly crinkled at the sides. “I need you.”

    There was a ruffling noise as a blur of green jumped out of the bushes and landed next to him. They both nodded at each other before running toward the gates, the boy stamping the grass flat while the pokemon next to him ran on nimble feet, almost like he was levitating instead.

    The alarms rung louder as the two came closer to their destination. So close ...

    Then the beasts were let out. Snarling beasts with sharp horns, fiery eyes ... Oh, he was ready.


    Next would be description. Again, you're skimping out on detail by just using the word. You really can't do that, especially if it's semi-important to the plot:
    “All right, now comes the hard part.” The guards started rushing out to catch the boy, if they didn’t, they might be asked to go into “retirement”. Ten minutes later everything was smoothed until… “Gah! Psycho Cut at that tree now!” The Pokemon did so and a well hidden Kecleon fainted.
    You need to build on the actual detail:

    “All right. Now comes the hard part,” he muttered.

    Guards – weak ones, but guards nonetheless – rushed out, waving batons and flashlights at him, some of them grabbing at pokeballs on his belt. Catching him was important to the guards, and the boy knew that; if they didn't, the guards would be forced into “retirement.”

    How unlucky for them, then.

    [whatever happens to the guards goes here, but since you were vague about it, I can't really elaborate on what happened to them. However, you should write WHAT happened to them as you just seem to skip over them.]

    “Cake,” he said with a smirk, not looking back at the fallen guards. “We're almost there, bud–”

    There was nothing more embarrassing, especially during an epic escape, then running into a wall and falling flat on your butt. Wait, wall?

    Still flat on his bottom, the wet grass soaking through his pants, the boy, with tentative fingers, reached in front of him. His fingers pressed up against something cold and scaly.

    “Dammit. Psycho Cut!”

    The pokemon was quick to oblige, swinging its blade-like arm in the air. There was a loud ripping noise even though the pokemon didn't actually rip through anything as black energy in crescent shapes spiraled toward the supposed wall that blocked the boy's way to freedom. The familiar screech of a kecleon run through his ears as the kecleon dropped its guard and scurried toward the closest tree.


    Next would be believability. While you are in a world filled with magical creatures that can breathe fire, you also should try to use common sense and think logically about events. I pointed a few in my nitpick section. Blowing up a building would probably have a worse punishment then just being suspended for two years. Would five year olds be able to explore skyscrapers by themselves? I doubt it. Etc.

    Your characters could also use more emotion. The boy in the prologue had no emotion during his escaping scene. You would think he would be fidgety or energetic with all that adrenaline pumping through his veins because of his attempt to escape. Elvis had potential considering he's the mayor's son; perhaps he feels entitled to everything, in almost a snobbish way. Hikari could also have a bad temper. Try giving your characters set personalities first and then apply it to your story.

    You need to work on the basics. =\ Unfortunately, all the things I listed here are the foundations of a good story. Without them, your story could easily fall apart or make no sense.
    Last edited by Breezy; 21st October 2009 at 11:37 AM.

  25. #25
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    Thanks for the review and I hope you can do the rest soon. If I get the time I'll try to redo those parts. I think you will like the later chapters better. I improved greatly on my writing after taking a creative writing class. And as for the 'slave' comment, that's just the guard's opinion. And how he trained it will be revealed in later chapters when you get there. Oh! And in chapter 1 by 'Dawn' I mean the time of day. Dawn, dusk, twilight, etc.
    Last edited by Rixec; 21st October 2009 at 2:49 PM.
    The Sinnoh Chronicles

    A New Kind of Pokemon Fanfiction.

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