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Thread: True Love & Foolish Denial (Oldrivalshipping)

  1. #1
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    Default True Love & Foolish Denial (Oldrivalshipping)

    The title should be enough. It's PG13 with a hint of a possible R, mostly due to mild violence and a little sexual content.


    Author's Notes: This is my first fanfic on serebii, and my first one in over a year. (Don't ask about my old work, I deleted it because it was a disgrace.) I enjoyed writing this, even if it was a pain to edit.

    I originally planned to post this a few days after Diamond and Pearl were released. But then I realized that no one but the mods (and a few newbs) would be on here that day. *

    A heads up for you. The length varies a little between chapters. I planned on posting one chapter a day over the course of the week. But now it really depends. I will promise that all the chapters will be posted before Apr.22. **

    The story is mainly about oldrivalshipping (BluexGreen). There is a bit of specialshipping (RedxYellow) thrown in.

    If you wanna be on the PM list, PM me and i'll add you.


    Enjoy!!




    Chapter 1

    It was another beautiful day in the tranquil town of Pallet. The sun was just rising above the perfectly dome-shaped hills, the Pidgey we busy looking for food, the Ratatta were beginning to awake from their burrows; all was peaceful. Not too far from Prof. Oak's, the famous Pokemon researcher, lab sat a somewhat large house. This house wasn't as big as a mansion, but not as small as the other houses in the town. There was a rather large pool in the backyard and a gorgeous crystal-lined staircase that lead straight to the front door of the 3-story house.

    Inside one of the upstairs rooms, an alarm clock shaped like a Whismur was ringing. A hand moved from the bed beside it and turned it off. That hand belonged to a girl. Her name was Blue. Blue was 16 years old, and had just recently returned from an epic journey.

    It had only been a month since she was reunited with her long lost parents after a lifetime of searching which took her through the Kanto and Johto regions, as well as the Sevii Islands.

    After turning off the alarm, she retracted her arm under the covers and tried to go back to sleep only for her attempt to be in vain. Before she could doze off for another ten minutes or so, she heard a knock at her door.

    “Blue dear, breakfast is ready,” Blue’s mother said.

    “Hmmm, okay I’ll be down in a minute,” said Blue quietly.

    Blue slowly raised her head from under the covers revealing her gorgeous blue eyes and somewhat messy brown hair. After a few moments of staring blankly at the ceiling, she began fixing her hair and changed into her light blue top and red skirt.

    When she came downstairs she was surprised to see her friend Yellow waiting for her at the door alongside her pokemon Chuchu.

    “Hi Blue, you’re looking as cheerful as always,” said Yellow happily.

    “Well we can’t all be morning people Yellow, some of us need to sleep,” said Blue.

    “Morning mom, what’s for breakfast?” asked Blue.

    “Umm, Blue you do know what today is right?” asked Yellow.

    “Lasted I checked it was Saturday,” said Blue.

    “Why do I even try, I’m going on ahead. When you’re finished with breakfast, meet me at Professor Oak’s lab, later,” said a somewhat annoyed Yellow, as she walked out the door.

    “Professor Oak’s?" Blue asked herself. "Why would I need to go there?”

    Blue suddenly remembered what was so important about today.

    “Oh crap! Gotta go mom! I love you! Bye!” said Blue, grabbing her hat as she rushed out the door.


    “I knew you would remember what was so important,” Yellow said while leaning against the side of Blue’s house.

    “Chu! Pika pi,” said Chuchu confidently.

    “Hey, I don’t criticize you when you mess up,” said Blue.

    “True, but my screw ups aren’t a big as yours,” said Yellow happily, as her long, blonde hair began blowing in the wind.

    “Pika!” laughed Chuchu.

    “You said it,” replied Yellow happily.

    “Okay, you guys can stop anytime now,” said Blue who was becoming rather annoyed with her two friends.

    “Couldn't help it," replied Yellow. "Anyway we should get going, we don’t want to keep our dates waiting."

    “For the last time, It’s only a date for you and Red!” Blue shouted.

    “Sure, whatever you say Blue,” smirked Yellow. “We should hurry before Red eats all the food,” she laughed as they hurried down a path that would take them to the lab.

    Ever since Blue returned from the Sevii Islands with her friends, everyone seemed to be under the impression that she had some kind of feelings for her friend Green.

    It was true that the two had shared moments together that could be considered somewhat awkward, but those moments were only due to extreme circumstances. Even her parents were under the impression that she liked Green, much to her annoyance.

    “Well here we are,” said Yellow as they arrived at Professor Oak’s lab.

    “Uh Yellow, there’s no one here,” said Blue.

    As Yellow looked around in disbelief, a Pidgeot with a note attached around its neck landed beside the group.

    “Hey, I think that Pidgeot belongs to Professor Oak,” stated Blue.

    Yellow removed the note from Pidgeot’s collar and began to read it.

    “Okay, we’ll see you there,” responded Yellow, as Pidgeot took to the sky.

    “What was that all about?” Blue asked.

    “Well, this note says that Professor Oak and the others are waiting for us in Viridian City,” she replied.

    “That’s just like them to tell us to meet them here and then decide to go off on their own once we arrive,” said a very annoyed Blue.

    “No point in wasting anymore time here, the boys are waiting for us,” said Yellow happily, as they began down a path that would take them to Viridian where their friends were waiting for them.

    Suddenly, Chuchu heard a noise in coming from behind the trees.

    “Pika?”

    “Chuchu, come on. You don’t wanna keep Pika waiting do you?” Yellow shouted from down the path.

    “Chu!” said Chuchu as she ran to catch up with the others.

    “Everything’s in place; now to set the trap,” said a voice from the behind the trees.





    * Nothing against the mods. I love you guys, except when it's April 1st.
    Edit: ** April Fools.
    Last edited by Ed Phoenix; 18th May 2007 at 6:35 PM.
    Pokémon Black FC: 1979-0221-1990

    *FT: (MYSTRY), Starters, Pokerus, Fossils, Stones (Leaf, Thunder and Sun)
    *LF: (DW female), , Power Items, Stones (Dusk, Dawn and Water)

  2. #2
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    Hello.

    Well, I like your grammar and spelling. but you have to work on the length. I don't even think it's a page long!

    Overall, 3/10 (The length spoils it). But don't be discouraged: you'll get WAY better!

    By the way, what's OldRivalShipping?
    Guilt is a feeling that plagues you.
    Anger is a feeling that controls you.
    Fear is a feeling that paralyzes you.
    Sadness is a feeling that hinders you.

    Secure is a feeling that collects you.
    And Joy is a feeling that lets you live.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jacob the Lugia Rider View Post
    Hello.

    Well, I like your grammar and spelling. but you have to work on the length. I don't even think it's a page long!
    It is, I just used a different font (arial).

    Quote Originally Posted by Jacob the Lugia Rider View Post
    Overall, 3/10 (The length spoils it). But don't be discouraged: you'll get WAY better!
    3/10!! That hurts.

    Psych!
    Don't worry, it gets better. I think.


    Quote Originally Posted by Jacob the Lugia Rider View Post
    By the way, what's OldRivalShipping?
    --__--

    Blue (girl) x Green (boy). Need more proof, look in my sig.
    Last edited by Ed Phoenix; 2nd April 2007 at 11:58 AM.
    Pokémon Black FC: 1979-0221-1990

    *FT: (MYSTRY), Starters, Pokerus, Fossils, Stones (Leaf, Thunder and Sun)
    *LF: (DW female), , Power Items, Stones (Dusk, Dawn and Water)

  4. #4
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    Hi, your details on places are quite good. Though it is a bit too short and dialogue could be done better. You're a beginner and I know you can improve since this fic has enough potential for a big success. I'm gonna rate this fic five stars because I know you can do it and I NEVER rate fics bad since it's their work. Bye! Count me in the PM List!

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ed Phoenix View Post
    “Why do I even try, i’m going on ahead.
    Just check on those minor typos. The hardest critics WILL bash you even for just one mistake.<Just saying...>

    But in overall, I really liked your story. Not bad. I think......4/5. Just make sure all of your sentences are correct, and no typos as well.

    Catch ya'll later!!


    renami ++ says:
    JULIAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    renami ++ says:
    WILL YOU MARRY ME
    on c l o u d nine ? says:
    UM KAY I'LL MARRY YOU
    Dynamite Shark Princess says:
    ILU
    on c l o u d nine ? says:
    WAIT WTF I HAVE A LOT OF ADMIRERS

  6. #6
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    I loved the first chapter of this fanfiction, even if it was a little short. But even so, you should try to make the next chapters longer! Don't worry, all of us *or atleast me* have a short first chapter.

    Anyways, I'd give with one a 7/10 because the grammar was wonderful, you seemed to have a good mood for the setting and other various things. Finally, I think OldRivalShipping is awesome, so yeah.

    Things in which you could improve on your length and maybe making the dialogue more detailed. (or something like that! xD)

    Anyways, I'll be off!

    Orenji-chan

    P.S. Can I be on the PM list?

  7. #7
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    YAY! <3 OldRivalshipping fic! (Thanks for the PM btw!)

    It's pretty good for your first fic, although a little short like others here have expressed already. Though I'm sure you can fix that in later chapters. =X Description and everything else was good imo (others have already pointed out the mistakes so meh), and I can't wait for the next chapters, especially the shippy ones.

    I also wonder why they're running off to Oak's lab... hmm. Well, guess I'll find out in the next chapter. XD; Also if I'm not on the PM list already, you can add me to it. ^^
    Currently a little busy. I'll respond to all messages when I can.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by honey_clover112 View Post
    Just check on those minor typos. The hardest critics WILL bash you even for just one mistake.<Just saying...>
    And so here I am, muahahahaha! No, I'll try to be nice here.

    Actually, I'm here because of hearing about this through the FR/LG Girl (Blue) Club. Otherwise, I wouldn't even be in this section of the forums. Nothing against y'all, shipping's just not my cup of tea. Anyway...

    Grammar check (my corrections are in bold.)
    Quote Originally Posted by Ed Phoenix View Post
    “Hi Blue, you’re looking as cheerful as always,” said Yellow happily.

    “Well we can’t all be morning people Yellow, some of us need to sleep,” said Blue.
    The 'ol Quotation/comma error again. The "Grammar Advice" link in my sig leads to a thread I made explaining how to handle it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ed Phoenix View Post
    “Why do I even try, I’m going on ahead. When you’re finished with breakfast, meet me at Professor Oak’s lab. Later,” said a somewhat annoyed Yellow, as she walked out the door.
    Missed capitalization and another comma/quote mistake.

    Now, as an unfortunate byproduct of not having access to the Pokemon Special manga, I only have a cursory idea of what Yellow and her Pokemon looks like, so you may want to elaborate a bit on their appearance. You do a wonderful job with Blue's house and Pallet Town, and a decent job with Blue herself, so I know that you're capable of churning out good description.

    And this is a bit short for a chapter; had you called it a prologue, it probably would have been okay, but a chapter is usually the 2-3 Word pages.

    Can't say too much else for right now as we've still got to get into the meat of the story. So, I'll be keeping an eye on this the best I can with all these school papers coming up... not to mention my own major project on here.

  9. #9
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    Just minor mistakes....

    Quote Originally Posted by Ed Phoenix View Post
    Uh Yellow, there’s no one here,” said Blue.

    Okay you guys can stop anytime now,” said Blue who was becoming rather annoyed with her two friends.

    Well we’re here,” said Yellow as they arrived at Professor Oak’s lab.

    Well this note says that Professor Oak and the others are waiting for us in Viridian City,” said Yellow.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    In the first sentence:"Uh, Yellow? There's no one here." I think that Blue was asking or questioning Yellow why weren't there any people.<But I think an interrogative sentence is better.>

    Second Sentence:
    Okay, you guys can stop anytime now. I think you shoud've added a comma between 'Okay' and 'You'.

    Third Sentence:
    Well, we're here. Puntuation marks......Oh, yes...you should've described Yellow's feelings when they were there. Like "Well, we're here! " or "Well, we're here." You should say that if she was excited or just saying it without enthusiasm.

    Fourth Sentence:
    Well, this note says that Professor Oak and the others are waiting for us in Viridian City. Puncuation Marks.....

    But over all, I think it was not too shabby! I would even say that it was better that your last chappie! Kudos to you, Ed Pheonix!

    Oh, yeah! Can I be in the PM list as well? Thanks!

    Catch ya'll later,

    honey_clover112~



    renami ++ says:
    JULIAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    renami ++ says:
    WILL YOU MARRY ME
    on c l o u d nine ? says:
    UM KAY I'LL MARRY YOU
    Dynamite Shark Princess says:
    ILU
    on c l o u d nine ? says:
    WAIT WTF I HAVE A LOT OF ADMIRERS

  10. #10
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    Oh, I was quite confused when I saw the rest of it. You should really edit the post and place Chapter 1 in the first post, otherwise, it looks VERY unoriginal. But onto the chapter, it was good. Next time, just improve your grammer and dialogue a bit. But this fic does have quite a bit of potential.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by honey_clover112 View Post
    Just minor mistakes....

    But over all, I think it was not too shabby! I would even say that it was better that your last chappie! Kudos to you, Ed Pheonix!

    Oh, yeah! Can I be in the PM list as well? Thanks!

    Catch ya'll later,

    honey_clover112~

    Thanks for pointing out the errors. I'll go back and fix them later.

    I added you to the PM list.


    Quote Originally Posted by MistyLover View Post
    Oh, I was quite confused when I saw the rest of it. You should really edit the post and place Chapter 1 in the first post, otherwise, it looks VERY unoriginal. But onto the chapter, it was good. Next time, just improve your grammer and dialogue a bit. But this fic does have quite a bit of potential.
    Sorry about that. I'll be more careful in the future.

    Now I present to you....



    Chapter 2


    In a grassy field located on a hill just above the Viridian city gym, food from a picnic basket had been spread out across a blanket large enough to seat four. Two boys were already sitting on the blanket; arguing over who the better pokemon trainer was.

    “How many times do I have to tell you!" Green shouted. "Just because you beat me in the Indigo League doesn’t mean that you can beat me now!”

    Green was a 17-year old boy who had spiky, brown hair and green eyes. He wore a black shirt with violet pants and wristbands.

    “Yeah right," replied Red. "I could take you no problem."

    Red was 16; he wore a black shirt with blue jeans. His hair was black; it was also spiky, but less so than Green’s.

    “Are you suggesting that my pokemon are weak?” said Green.

    “Of course not,” replied Red. “I’m just saying that mine are stronger,” he said confidently.

    “There’s no point in arguing with you," Green told him. "I know I’m just as good; if not better, than you are."

    “Yeah right," he replied. "Well at least I’m not afraid to say how I feel."

    “And just what do you mean by that? If this is about me supposedly liking Blue, then you’re way off Red,” he told him.

    “Well, you’re the one who said that you couldn’t stop thinking about her,” Red told him.

    “That isn’t what I said!” Green shouted. “I’ve just been thinking about what she must have been going through,” said Green as his mind began to wonder off.

    “Wait, what was she going through?” Red asked him.

    “Her parents were taken from her, remember?” replied Green.

    “Yeah, but Professor Oak has been captured a bunch of times; and you didn’t seem too worried,” he replied.

    “It’s just that she must have been so lonely," Green said while ignoring him. "I know she’s strong, but that doesn’t mean that strength can hide loneliness."

    “Don’t worry about it," replied Red. "Not only is she strong, but she’s also really smart. I mean she managed to trick me a bunch of times."

    “If you feel that strongly, just ask her about it,” he told Green. “That is, unless your afraid to talk to her."

    “Why would I be afraid to talk to her?” asked Green.

    “Well, she is beautiful. Too bad you won’t tell her how you feel,” Red told him.

    “Sorry, did you say something?” Green asked him.

    “Yeah it’s already three-thirty five,” said Red as he looked at his watch. “Where do you suppose they are? Maybe I should go look for them."

    “I’ll go,” Green said as he interrupted Red. “Those two have kept us waiting long enough. Just make sure there’s still food left when I get back,” declared Green.

    “Hey come on, I don’t eat that much. Do I Pika?” Red asked his pikachu.

    “Pika, pika pi,” replied the small mouse pokemon.

    With that, Green took two of his pokeballs from beside the picnic basket; and headed down the hill to look for his two friends.




    Blue, Yellow, and Chuchu decided to take a shortcut through a small, but rather dense forest.

    “Didn’t you said this was shortcut?” asked Blue.

    “Well if I recall, you’re the one who wanted us to take this route,” replied Yellow.

    “That’s just because I didn’t want to hear you talking about your date with Red from a few weeks ago,” Blue told her. “If you started talking about it, I could just look at the scenery.”

    “I’m sure that’s the reason you wanted us to come this way,” Yellow told her. “I’m sure it has nothing to do with us getting to Viridian to see Green.”

    “How many times to I have to tell you and everyone else, I don’t like Green!” Blue shouted.

    At that moment, a flock of Spearow flew overhead. The sheer number of them was enough to block out the sun, leaving the girls momentarily in darkness.

    “Ahh!” screamed Blue clenching her hat. She was surprised to see so many of them flying overhead.

    “Oh come on Blue. Please don’t tell me that you’re still afraid of birds,” Yellow said.

    “No, they just startled me,” Blue told her.

    Then, Yellow sensed strange pokemon coming from all around them.

    “Blue, we should probably get out of here” said Yellow, who was staring at the sky in fear.

    “What are you talking about? The spearow flew out of the trees because I yelled. It’s no big deal,” Blue remarked.

    “No, that’s not it,” said Yellow. “Something frightened them into flying away.”

    “I’m sorry, that was my fault,” said a voice.

    “Who’s there?” asked Yellow.

    “Show yourself!” shouted Blue.

    “What do you mean? I’m right here,” said the voice, which was coming from behind the trees.

    A man emerged from the shadow of the trees. He had violet hair that extended down to his shoulders. He also wore a long black coat with what looked to be a Team Rocket emblem on each shoulder.

    “I wonder, why would two young girls be out here in a dense little forest like this?” the man asked himself.

    “That’s none of your business, now leave us alone!” shouted Blue.

    “Sorry, I can’t do that. I’ve got a job to do, and you two have a role to play in that job. Now if you would be as kind as to hand over your pokedexs; and please come with me. I’d like to avoid violence if at all possible,” the man said kindly.

    “Well, since you asked so nicely… not a chance!” Blue shouted as she grabbed Yellow’s arm and ran in the opposite direction.




    Expect chapter 3 sometime before Monday.

    ~PM List~
    Chelc
    DarkPersian479
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    Last edited by Ed Phoenix; 11th May 2007 at 3:20 PM.
    Pokémon Black FC: 1979-0221-1990

    *FT: (MYSTRY), Starters, Pokerus, Fossils, Stones (Leaf, Thunder and Sun)
    *LF: (DW female), , Power Items, Stones (Dusk, Dawn and Water)

  12. #12
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    i've read this.
    Chapter 1 was great, good introduction of the characters and a good start of the fable.
    Chapter 2 made it more intresting.
    btw:
    “Yeah right. Well at least I’m not afraid to say how I feel,” remarked Red.
    it should be like this if I'm not wrong.
    Last edited by Kalosian; 6th April 2007 at 12:28 AM.
    We both break free if we make it on top
    If one should fall we both will drop

    We move together from here on out
    What you need is what I'm about

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    Wow, I hope Blue and Yellow get away from that creeper. Green should come and save Blue! And...Red should come rescue Yellow! Yeah! <<;

    Though anyway, yay! I love Red and Yellow accusing Blue and Green of liking each other. Especially here:

    “Well, you’re the one who said that you couldn’t stop thinking about her,” Red told him.

    “That isn’t what I said,” Green shouted. “I’ve just been thinking about what she must have been going through,” said Green as his mind began to wonder off.

    “Wait, what was she going through?” Red asked him.

    “Her parents were taken from her, remember,” replied Green.

    “Yeah, but Professor Oak has been captured a bunch of times; and you didn’t seem too worried,” Red told him.

    “It’s just that she must have been so lonely. I know she’s strong, but that doesn’t mean that strength can hide loneliness,” Green said, ignoring him.
    So sweet! <3 My favorite part so far.

    Description and detail has improved a lot since the last chapter. ^^ Only mistake I saw was here:

    “Yeah right. Well at least i’m not afraid to say how I feel,” remarked Red.
    So...yeah. Not much else that I wanna say, except that I can't wait for the next one!

    EDIT: Whoops, beaten. =< I mean, the mistake, lol.
    Last edited by Chelc; 6th April 2007 at 12:53 AM.
    Currently a little busy. I'll respond to all messages when I can.

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    I enjoyed this chapter Ed-san, it seemed to have more than the last chapter. (Which is a very good thing.) The problems I saw were already mention in past reviews, so I don't think that I have to repeat them.

    Anyways, I can't wait for chapter three and I personally thought it was really cute of how Yellow and Red were accusing Blue and Green of liking eachother.

    Until next time!

    ~Orenji-chan

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    Default Chapter 3

    Chapter 3



    “This way!” Blue shouted as she and her friends were running through the small forest; desperately trying to escape from their pursuer.

    As they neared the center of the forest, three pokemon appeared before them.

    “Shiftry!” roared the pokemon all at once.

    Shiftry was a grass-type pokemon that was also a dark-type. It looked somewhat like a tree that had been possessed. They appeared with menacing yellow eyes and long white hair.

    Blue and Yellow now found themselves back to back; and surrounded by Shiftry.

    “So, what’s the plan?” asked Yellow.

    “Well I was thinking we would take out every Shiftry in sight until there were none left,” Blue declared as she reached into her bag for a pokeball.

    “Go Ditty!” Blue shouted, as she threw her pokeball into the air.

    From the ball a pink, blob-like pokemon with no definite shape appeared. It was Blue’s ditto, known as Ditty.

    “Ditto,” said the pokemon.

    “Okay Ditty, use transform!” Blue commanded.

    Ditty’s body began to glow as it took on the shape and likeness of the opposing pokemon. It then appeared before the girls as a Shiftry.

    “Shiftry!” shouted Ditty.

    “Blue, Shiftry is using double team. There’s really only one; the others are fake,” Yellow told her.

    “Thanks Yellow,” said Blue. “Now Ditty, use brick break!”

    “The only way she could’ve known that is if she had read Shiftry’s mind,” said the man quietly as he slowly began to make his way towards the battle.

    “Shiftry!” said Ditty as it smashed its arm into the ground.

    The resulting impact was enough to make the double team fade, revealing the real Shiftry.

    “Now, use Hyper Beam!” commanded Blue.

    A yellowish beam of energy charged within Ditty’s mouth before it fired at the opposing pokemon.

    “Shiftry, double team; then follow up with hyper beam!” the man shouted.

    Shiftry separated into three images and managed to avoid Ditty’s hyper beam.

    “Shiftry,” said the worn out pokemon.

    The real Shiftry’s hyper beam fired; and hit the exhausted Ditty, causing it to revert back to its original form.

    “Ditty no!” Blue shouted before recalling her pokemon into its pokeball.

    “You can’t win this battle,” the man told them as he slowly emerged from behind the trees. “Now spare me the trouble of injuring anymore of your pokemon and come with me.”

    “Not a chance,” responded Blue who was beginning to reach for another pokeball.

    “You leave me no choice then. Shiftry, use leaf storm!” the man ordered.

    As Blue reached into her bag for another pokeball, she noticed a flurry of sharp leaves heading straight for her.

    “Chuchu, use thunder!” Yellow commanded to her pikachu.

    “Chu!” the little pokemon shouted before releasing a large quantity of electricity that had been stored in its body. The energy Chuchu released; clashed with the whirlwind of leaves that the man’s Shiftry had launched.

    “Hang in there Chuchu!” Yellow shouted as she tried to lend encouragement to her pokemon.

    “Now Shiftry, use Hyper Beam!” the man shouted.

    Shiftry charged another beam and fired it directly at Chuchu who was unable to respond because it was preoccupied with the leaves.

    “Chu!” cried Chuchu as it sailed through the air before being caught by Yellow.

    The resulting blast allowed the remnants of the leaf storm to hit Blue. This resulted in her hat being blown away by the wind, as well as caused cuts to appear on her right arm and on the side of her face.

    “Blue, are you okay?” Yellow asked as she held the injured Chuchu in her arms.

    “I’m fine. It’s just a few scratches,” declared Blue.

    “Pika,” said Chuchu weakly before closing its eyes.

    “You did great Chuchu,” Yellow told her pokemon.

    “Now then, I don’t believe we were properly introduced last time; my name is Seth,” declared the man.

    “I take it you worked for Team Rocket?” Blue asked him.

    “I still do actually,” Seth told her.

    “The only difference now is, I’m the one charge. I must thank you girls for helping bring down Giovanni for me,” he said. “I was going to do it myself, but you and your friends beat me to it.”

    “We may have helped bring down Team Rocket; but that…doesn’t mean what happened to Giovanni was our fault,” Blue said, as she began to remember the look on Silver’s face as his father laid injured before them.

    “I don’t care if it was your fault or not,” Seth told them. “All that matters now is that I’m the one in charge; and once I have your pokedexs, I’ll be able to track down some of the most powerful pokemon in the world!” he declared loudly.

    “I’ll say again, hand over your pokedexs and come with me. I’ll even promise not to harm your pokemon if you surrender this instant,” he said confidently. “You’ve seen what my Shiftry is capable of. I didn’t expect for its leaf storm to hit you that hard. You should be grateful that pikachu was there. Otherwise, you would have sustained much greater injuries than just a few scratches.”

    “There’s no way we’ll hand over the pokedexs; and we sure as hell aren’t going anywhere with a member of Team has been!” Blue shouted angrily as she began gripping her shoulder in pain.

    “Very well then, I shall take them by force. Shiftry, use leaf storm to finish this!” Seth commanded.

    As Shiftry’s hands began to glow bright green; a Scizor, a red mantis-like pokemon, appeared out of nowhere and hit Shiftry with a powerful metal claw attack.

    “What the!?” Seth asked as Shiftry was knocked backwards.

    “Is that? It is! It’s Green’s Scizor!” Yellow shouted as her gorgeous, golden eyes began to fill with hope again.


        Spoiler:- Chapter 4 Preview:



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  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Winter02 View Post
    i've read Chapter 3 now, i think it was good. It got even more intresting now.
    btw, when will the next chapter be up?

    Expect the next chapter to be posted sometime over the weekend.

    Maybe as early as tomorrow morning.
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    Grr, stupid Seth. x-x; Wish he'd leave Blue (and Yellow) alone. So awesome how Green came in at the end with his Scizor. I love the spoiler for Chapter 4, too. XD; Poor Blue, haha.

    The description of the battle was great! Don't see any mistakes, either. Good job! As always, I can't wait for the next chapter!
    Currently a little busy. I'll respond to all messages when I can.

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    Sorry for not posting!!!!!! I was away for a while and had to do something....so hectic, the schedule of mine....Anyways,

    It was quite good! Really better than before! But minor mistake, Pokedexs is a typo. It should've been Pokedexes. But nice work!


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    UM KAY I'LL MARRY YOU
    Dynamite Shark Princess says:
    ILU
    on c l o u d nine ? says:
    WAIT WTF I HAVE A LOT OF ADMIRERS

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    I liked this chapter as well, it seemed to be have better results than the last two. I also enjoyed of how you ended the chapter with Green's Scizor and the spoiler you put made me laugh!

    Anyways, I'd give this chapter a 10/10.

    See you guys around!

    ~Orenji-chan

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ed Phoenix View Post
    It is, I just used a different font (arial).



    3/10!! That hurts.

    Psych!
    Don't worry, it gets better. I think.




    --__--

    Blue (girl) x Green (boy). Need more proof, look in my sig.
    Actually, Blue is the Boy, And Green is the Girl! Just tellin' ya...

    Yayz!!!
    An OldRival Shipping Fic!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by sammy061338 View Post
    Actually, Blue is the Boy, And Green is the Girl! Just tellin' ya...

    Yayz!!!
    An OldRival Shipping Fic!!!
    Not in the Japanese version.

    They're switched here in US, due to Green never being released here.
    Currently a little busy. I'll respond to all messages when I can.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chelc View Post
    Not in the Japanese version.

    They're switched here in US, due to Green never being released here.
    Oh... I just Got Confused,`cause some people do Vice~Versa... AND U KNOW....

    Can I Be On The P.M. List?
    Last edited by sammy061338; 7th April 2007 at 10:43 PM.
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    Actually, Blue is the Boy, And Green is the Girl! Just tellin' ya...
    They're switched here in US, due to Green never being released here.
    I agree that the switcheroo is utterly confusing, especially when using Pokemon Search to hunt for fanart. All I know is that BluexGreen listings will get me both

    Anyway, onto the review: Sorry for not posting earlier, but yeah...

    I would recommend breaking up some of the dialogue with action, character thoughts, even setting description. Even in the heat of battle, it seemed like there was an awful lot of speech, one after another.

    Despite that, it is looking interesting to see what will happen next. Green steps in at the last minute to foil Seth's plans... for now... But, wow, Seth's now the boss, and apparently obtaining the Pokedexes is so important he's gonna get them himself. What's he got planned?

    I guess we're gonna find out later!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chelc View Post
    Not in the Japanese version.

    They're switched here in US, due to Green never being released here.
    You beat me too it.


    Quote Originally Posted by DarkPersian479 View Post
    Despite that, it is looking interesting to see what will happen next. Green steps in at the last minute to foil Seth's plans... for now... But, wow, Seth's now the boss, and apparently obtaining the Pokedexes is so important he's gonna get them himself. What's he got planned?
    Well everyone knows that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

    Now I give you:



    Chapter 4


    “Shiftry return,” Seth said as he recalled Shiftry into its pokeball.

    “If Scizor is here, then that must mean that Green is here too,” Blue said.

    “Sci Sciz. Scizor Sciz,” said Scizor.

    “I was wondering what was taking you two so long. Yellow left hours ago; and you guys still haven’t made it to town yet,” Green said who was now standing directly behind the girls.

    “Yellow, are you okay?” Green asked.

    “I’m fine Green,” she said.

    “Hey! I’m the one with all the cuts and bruises!” shouted Blue, who was now comically waving her fists at Green.

    “I was getting to you.” Green said. “You can be so irritating at times.”

    “I’m irritating?!” Blue shouted. “You’re the one who tries to act so superior to everyone else!” she remarked. “I bet you’re the one who suggested going to Viridian!”

    “Why should that matter?” Green asked her.

    “Because if you and Red would have stayed in Pallet town and waited for us; then I wouldn’t have gotten hurt just now!” she shouted angrily.

    “Well some of us actually have things to do besides stay in bed all morning!” Green shouted back in annoyance.

    “I was only in bed until ten this morning!” she yelled.

    “And just what were you two doing in this forest?” he asked. “If you recall, we had plans today. You should have stayed on the path, it would have lead directly to where we were!”

    “I thought it was a shortcut!” Blue said while gritting her teeth.

    “Watching those two argue is like watching a married couple,” declared Yellow.

    “Pika…” said Chuchu in agreement.

    “If you two lovebirds are done bickering, I’d like to continue with the ---.”

    “We’re not bickering! And we’re not in love!” Blue and Green shouted simultaneously.

    “Why try to revive Team Rocket?” he asked Seth. “Since you know our history with them; then you must know that this plan of yours is absolutely pointless. Just how did you find us anyway?”

    “I’m glad you asked,” Seth said. “Many years ago; I worked for the Mask of Ice. I even helped gather his ‘children’ for him. So I suppose you could say that I’m the one responsible for Ho-Oh kidnapping your girlfriend over there!” he declared loudly.

    “You aided that sickly old man in taking me away from my parents?!” Blue asked him loudly.

    “Correct; and now I’ll take you from them again,” he replied before tossing another pokeball into the air. “Go Combusken!”

    From the pokeball, a bird-like pokemon appeared beside Seth. The pokemon was a Combusken. It looked like an oversized chicken with extra sharp claws. Its upper body was covered with bright orange feathers.

    “Combusken, use Sky Uppercut!” commanded Seth.

    “Combusken!” shouted the pokemon before its claws began to glow.

    “Scizor use metal claw!” Green ordered.

    Scizor charged at Combusken with full force. Combusken’s claw met with Scizor’s pincer in what looked to be an even match; eventually, both combatants were forced backward.

    “Impressive,” declared Seth. “Now I can see how you managed to make it to the finals in the Indigo league.”

    “You haven’t seen anything yet,” Green said. “Scizor, use agility!”

    Scizor began to run in the direction of Combusken.

    “Combusken, use fire spin!” Seth shouted before his pokemon launched a powerful stream of fire at Scizor.

    Scizor managed to avoid the attack with ease. As it began to move closer to Combusken, it suddenly vanished.

    “Combusken, behind you!” Seth shouted. But it was too late; Scizor followed up with another powerful metal claw attack, striking it directly above the stomach. Combusken looked dazed, but then a smirk came over its face, almost as if it wasn’t impressed with the bug pokemon’s attack.

    Just then, a concerned look came over Blue’s face. She began to sense something coming from inside Combusken.

    “Blue, what’s wrong?” asked Green.

    “I think Combusken is about to evolve,” she said.

    “Did you say evolve?!” he asked with surprised look on his face.

    “No, I said it would go home and make us bluk berry pie!” Blue remarked angrily. “What else could it be?!”

    “Don’t start arguing with me again,” he told her.

    “I’m not arguing with you!” Blue shouted back.

    “Yes you are!” he remarked. “Are you sure it’s evolving?”

    “Well if you don’t believe me; then why don’t take a look for yourself!” she told him before gripping her shoulder.

    “See? Now you’re bleeding again,” he said. “Here, let me see.”

    “It’s nothing,” she remarked.

    “Well if it’s nothing, then why were you so eager for me to see if you were hurt earlier?” he asked her.

    “Because you should’ve been more considerate of my safety!” she shouted back.

    “Fine! Next time you and Yellow are in danger, I’ll leave Yellow here to die; and carry you back home in my arms!” he shouted back to her.

    “That isn’t what I meant! Stop trying to turn this around on me!” she yelled.

    “And I suppose it’s Yellow’s fault you were hurt, right?” he asked.

    “Just drop it already!” she remarked before falling to her knees in pain.

    ‘Blue, why won’t you let me help you?’ Green thought to himself.

    “So that’s her power, she can sense when a pokemon will evolve. Her abilities will be put to excellent use in my new Team Rocket,” said Seth.

    “You’re not taking Blue anywhere!” Green shouted as he stood in front of Blue.

    “What did you say?” Blue whispered.

    ‘Green doesn’t care about me; he’s already made that clear,’ she thought to herself.

    Just then Combusken’s body began to glow; and take on a new shape. When it was finished, the new pokemon that stood there was much taller than before. It appeared with long, white hair; its wrists were now surrounded by fire and bright red feathers covered most of its body. This new pokemon was Blaziken.

    “Blaziken!” roared the pokemon.

    “It looks really powerful,” said Yellow.

    “Be careful Scizor. Its much stronger now,” Green said with a concerned look. “As if it wasn’t strong before,” he whispered to himself.

    “I hope you don’t mind if your Scizor is my Blaziken’s first opponent Green. It could use a good warm-up,” laughed Seth.

    “You shouldn’t be so confident,” remarked Green. “Now Scizor use double team and then get in close and use metal claw!”

    Like Shiftry, Scizor split into 3 separate forms and began to circle around Blaziken.

    “Blaziken, use fire spin, then use blaze kick!” Seth commanded.

    Blaziken quickly launched a fire attack towards its feet. The flames began to create a small vortex around the pokemon while at the same time, its feet emerged from behind the wall of fire; and managed to strike Scizor and all of its images.

    “Scizor!” cried Scizor as it crashed through a tree next to Green.

    “Scizor!” Green shouted as he ran to check on his pokemon.

    “Now use brick break on the trainers!” Seth shouted.

    Yellow’s eyes filled with fear as Blaziken charged directly towards them. As it was about to smash its arm into the ground directly in front of Blue, Green suddenly stepped in the way.

    “Green, get out of the way!” Blue shouted.

    Green managed to avoid Blaziken’s attack; but it was still able to hit the ground, causing him to be shot backwards into the tree that his Scizor landed in earlier. The debris that resulted from the impact was strong enough to knock Yellow and Chuchu completely out of sight.

    Blaziken’s left arm came down, smashing another crater. The resulting shockwave caused Blue to be blown backwards as well. Green managed to catch her, but not before Blaziken followed up with another powerful blaze kick attack that sent both the tree and the two trainers hurtling into the distance. Their pokedexes had both been dropped onto the ground beside the two craters that the powerful fire pokemon had created seconds earlier.

    “So, all of that destruction wasn’t for nothing after all,” laughed Seth as he picked up the pokedexes from the ground.

    “Return Blaziken,” he said before recalling his pokemon.

    “This forest is much too large to search by myself,” he declared. “On top of that, the sun will be setting soon. Now matter; those two probably won’t be able to make it out either,” he said to himself before fading into the shadows of the trees.


        Spoiler:- Chapter 5 Preview:


    Chapter 5 will be posted on Monday.

    -- Ed.

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  25. #25
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    A great chapter. I enjoyed it quite much. I am glad you are taking so much of our advice. That's probably why you're improving well.

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