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Thread: Fifteen(AaMayL)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Laguna, Philippines
    Posts
    270

    Default Fifteen(AaMayL)

    DISCLAIMER: Don't own Pokemon.
    Rating: G
    NOTES:


    -AU, but has little to do with my other AU series.

    -This is a "generic" birthday fic.

    -Probably my last work on this place, since no one seems to notice.

    ----------------------------------------

    A young, raven-haired boy stood at the bank of a river, near a road bridge bypassing the river. The town could be seen in the distance, at the opposite side of the bridge, and the sunset farther behind it.

    Today is his birthday, but he had little to celebrate. Both his parents were out of town on work, and all his relatives are overseas. None of his friends even came to his house earlier to greet him. It was a sad day.

    The boy vented his anger by skipping stones in the river. The angrier and moodier he got, the further were his rock throws. One throw even got the stone into the farther bank.

    "There you are," a girl's voice called out. The boy recognized the voice of the speaker, but he only ignored it. "We've been looking all over for you." The girl stopped right behind the boy.

    Our hero stopped throwing stones, and turned around. "You have?" he asked, his expression changing for a little. "What for?"

    The new arrival, a girl with light-brown hair, put a hand to her hips. "Of course, we're looking for you. Our group project, it's due tomorrow, on the sixteenth. Or have you forgotten?"

    "Oh." The expression on his face darkened. "No, I haven't forgotten."

    "Then, what are you waiting for? Brock and Misty are waiting for us, and we-" She tried to grab his hand, but the latter whisked it away from her.

    the girl looked at the boy sternly. "We can't complete the project without you, Ash, you know that, don't you? If we don't finish in time, the professor will give all of us a bad grade."

    "Okay, fine. Whatever you say, May." Ash tossed the last of his stones into the river. He then followed May out of the riverbank, and crossed the bridge back into town.

    Ash's house was not far from the bridge, so it was quite a short walk. May led the way. Being a childhood friend of Ash's, she knows very well the location. Ash trailed far behind, still sulking on the fact that not even his childhood friend, of all people, would remember his birthday today.

    May didn't bother to call out to Ash to catch up, and she quickly disappeared upon the stairs leading to Ash' house. Ash went up the stairs, and into the narrow walkway leading to his house at the far end of the hall. He opened it, half-expecting to Brock and, most probably Misty, to round on him and reprimand him.

    Ash did hear noise, but it was quite in contrast from the noise he had anticipated. "SURPRISE!" Confetti exploded from either side of him, and a large crowd was gathered in front of Ash, comprised of all his friends from school. In the middle of the crowd is May, smiling, and holding en emerald-green package with a yellow-and-pink ribbon.

    "Happy birthday, Ash," May said happily, walking up to him, and handing him the present. "Thought I have forgotten, have you?" she added, grinning. She stood on her tiptoes, and planted a small kiss on Ash's cheek. The gesture received a cheerful response from everyone in the room.

    Ash completely forgot that he was standing on the middle of the room, and that he had a present on his hand. Brock had to playfully slap him back to senses after a while, before joining in the festivities.

    END

    -Aptly named so, because:

    1)
    December 15 (1987) is my birthday. When I posted a "special" chapter of my efic(see "War of Legends", EFM41: Four Stars) that day, only a handful were able to greet me.

    2) 15 is my lucky number; in fact, when I was at that age, I had a loooong lucky streak.

    3) This is fic #15 of my profile now.
    -My wacky, Advanceshipping eFics:
    Trials of the Elite Four
    War of Legends
    Dream or Future?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    The land of Hope and Glory
    Posts
    56

    Default

    Since what you said on the forums, I decided to leave a review here for you.

    It was a nicely done one- shot. There was good flow throughout and the whole surprise. Nice touch.

    I'm not used to lighthearted fics, but it didn't really matter.

    Ash venting his anger was also a nice original thought. So good one with that.
    My Advanceshipping Fanfic on Serbii HERE

    and now I vanish...

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Laguna, Philippines
    Posts
    270

    Default

    Thanks Xaotl. All I want is for people to read and review my fics, and all I get is SPLAT.
    -My wacky, Advanceshipping eFics:
    Trials of the Elite Four
    War of Legends
    Dream or Future?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    The mothership
    Posts
    1,212

    Default

    man this is one great oneshot
    this mean's manhunt will never see the light of day just when i was starting to like it

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    567

    Default

    Your works don't get the appreciation they deserve sometimes.

    Despite the length, you could, in a way, feel Ash's emotions and the loneliness he felt. The way your fics can display emotion even in a short work like this.

    Though it was kind of generic, it still got me. =D

    Good job once more, and hope you stay.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    52

    Default

    I like it. It really is well-written, and besides possibly being a tiny bit longer, I don't have much criticism. It is not generic at all by the way. Like said, it's good, keep writing.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    385

    Default

    well at least your story is better than mine. anyway good story and try to make it longer.

  8. #8

    Default

    Once again nice job! I've read your trials and war of lengends as a guest and enjoyed them! You my friend have a natural talent!

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