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Thread: Ruby and Sapphire: The Next Chapter (Franticshipping/PG)

  1. #1
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    Default Ruby and Sapphire: The Next Chapter (Franticshipping/PG)

    Hey all! Hejin here. This is my first ever Pokemon fic. Ever! It is basically my take on the events after the Ruby and Sapphire Manga Arc, though I skipped Emerald, Firered, and Leafgreen and went straight to Diamond and Pearl. Well, I only got the first chappie up, but it should be able to feed your Franticshipping appietite for the time being. Please do read and review, and if you really like it, say if you want to be on the PM list. Enjoy!

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    Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Pokemon!

    Hejin57 and Griffin Comics presents.......

    Ruby and Sapphire: The Next Chapter

    A tall, gaunt man stood next to a window in a spacious room that overlooked the bustling Veilstone city. He had blue, spiky hair, and he wore a black and grey suit with a golden G embroiled on it. His expression was emotionless, like a slab of cold stone, as he watched the city with icy eyes. He watched these people, insignificant people, ruining his view of perfection, living in this cursed universe that existed. He knew soon though, it would all be his.

    Out of the shadows of the room, a tall, young girl emerged. She bore ruby-colored hair, and had a suit, similar to the man’s, but with a dress-like appearance. She cautiously approached him, his back facing her, and with uneasiness, she spoke.

    “Umm…excuse me….” she said, obvious uncertainty in her voice.

    The man did not turn around, but his voice was like ice. “What is the meaning of your disturbance, Mars?”

    “We seem to have a slight problem; it seems that the Pokemon Professor of this region…refuses to work with us.” She finished a hint of fear in her voice.

    Still not moving from his position, the man seemed to almost sigh, and his voice echoed with power. “I should have expected such. He could be persuaded…but it would be a waste of valuable time. Tell Saturn and Jupiter to abandon any attempts to convince him.” He said, his expression still the same.

    “I want no interruptions to our plan, Mars.” the man said, finally turning around, his stare causing Mars to almost flinch, “I have seen what happened to those failures in Kanto and Hoenn, and I intend to learn from their mistakes.

    “Of course, Cyrus”, Mars replied, before swiftly exiting the room, leaving the man alone once again.

    He continued to look toward the city of Veilstone from the large building that served as his headquarters. He watched as the people below him reveled in their lives with their Pokemon, and thinking about it angered him. He relived himself at thought that it was only a matter of time, and the cogs were beginning to come in place. In the end, people, Pokemon, none of it really mattered. Because soon, everything would be his.


    The digitized sound of a Loudreds’ cry could be heard blaring in Ruby’s room. The young boys’ covered form moved and stirred as the irritating sound continued. A hand emerged from underneath the covers, and it reached towards his dresser. When it finally found the Pokemon-shaped clock, it pounded down on it, ending the awful noise.

    Ruby stood up on his bed shortly after, rubbing his eyes and stretching. “Why did Dad have to buy me THAT alarm clock”, he said as he stood up from his bed. Sure enough, a cry could be heard as a Pokemon, Ruby’s Swampert, Zuzu, leaped out of his Pokeball, sending Ruby bouncing onto the bed from the impact of the large Pokemon. The blue Pokemon continually jumped on the floor of his room, excited his master was up, yet unaware he was irritating him with his jumping.

    “Okay, okay Zuzu.” Ruby said, putting his hand on the Pokemon's shoulder to calm it down, though it earned him a big hug. “I gotta eat some breakfast first. Then maybe we can go practice for contests.”, he said, struggling free from Zuzus' grip. Unfortunately, unknown to Ruby, Zuzu really wanted to go see Ruby’s friend, Sapphire.

    Ever since that fateful battle about 3 months ago, Ruby and Sapphire were treated akin to League champions in Hoenn. Their names were known by everyone, as they were the ones who helped stop the two legendary Pokemon, Groudon and Kyogre, from finishing their titanic world-ending battle. They came to Littleroot Town as heroes, and if it had not been for the time-traveling Pokemon Celebi, things would be much different than they were now. After about a month, things began to calm down a bit, and Ruby and Sapphire were less and less bothered with their fame. Eventually, their lives went back to normal, even though their 80-day bet that was made about 5 and ½ months before between the two had been settled. Ruby continued practicing for contests with his Pokemon, though he occasionally battled, and Sapphire was busy training hers’ to top fighting perfection, though she viewed contests now in a diffrent light.

    Ruby walked down the stairs down to the kitchen, where a nice bowl of rice porridge dutifully prepared by his mother was waiting for him. As he sat down and ate his food, he wondered what his plans were for the day. He remembered he was going to face his Dad, Norman, again today, as part of a training regime he was being put through. He thought about Sapphire, and possibly going to see her, when he remembered that she was in vacation in the Kanto region with her family, and was due back today. He dad, Professor Birch, had wanted to do more research on the Pokemon found in Kanto, and decided to bring the whole family along.

    Ruby finished his rice porridge, then got up and put the empty bowl in the sink. His mother was out in Veilstone City, wanting to pick something up in the large department store. As he ran upstairs, he saw Zuzu sitting on his bed when he got into his room, and Ruby quickly slipped on some of his usual day clothes.

    “Ok Zuzu”, he said while putting on his pack, “Let’s go out and do some one-on-one training before the other Pokemon wake up.” The big blue mudfish Pokemon happily jumped into his Poke ball, and Ruby picked it up and headed down the stairs and out the door.


    Sapphire looked out the window of her fathers’ car at the beautiful landscape of the Hoenn region. She had had a good time vacationing in Kanto with her father and mother, but she dearly missed home, her house, her room, and most of all, Ruby. As she looked out her window, while Professor Birch amusingly tried to check his research and drive at the same time, and her mom had dozed off, she thought about that boy. She knew she had feelings for him, and she even had told him before their departure from Mirage Island those many months ago. What made her wonder was why he had not even said a word of the subject matter since then. He had said he cared for her too, before pushing her into an air car and going off alone to face Groudon and Kyogre. He also revealed how he was that same boy that saved her from a wild Salamence all those years ago. That same boy that she still loved. Now she only wondered whether or not he still felt the same. She didn’t want to think of it too much, or it would bother her all day, so she put it out of her head.

    Looking to her side, she saw the large, human-like Blaze Pokemon, her Blazikien, Toro, asleep next to her in it's Pokeball. She smiled, holding the Pokeball gently in her hand. The car surprisingly rumbled to a stop as they arrived at their home. “Finally”, Profressor Birch said as he got out of the car, stretching himself. Sapphire’s mother also got up, rubbing her sleepy eyes. “It’s good to be home”, she said, going to the trunk to grab some luggage. “I’ll say”, Sapphire chimed, “I still can’t stop laughing since Dad got shocked by that sleeping Electebuzz.” “Hey, I didn’t know it would be mad at me for measuring it, it was huge!” Professor Birch replied as he brought out a heavy, brown briefcase with all his research from the trunk.

    “Hey Dad, I’m going to see if Ruby’s home, Okay!” the young girl said before running off towards his house. “Okay!” Professor Birch said as he lugged three bags into their house, “Kids…”

    Sapphire ran towards Ruby’s house, knowing the plan she had exactly in mind. During her vacation in Kanto, Professor Birch had visited Professor Oak in Pallet Town on the account they had research to discuss. She had overheard them talking about new discoveries made by Professor Rowan in the Sinnoh region, a place she had heard of but never been too. Thinking about it, she realized the perfect way to spend time with Ruby again. With a little persuasion, and the fact Ruby could never pass up a good challenge, she decided she would make a new bet with him, start a whole new Pokemon journey, this time in the Sinnoh region. They would both have 80 days, just like in the previous one and they would have to respectively complete their goal. For Sapphire, it would be to beat all the Gym Leaders of the region and earn their badges, and for Ruby, to win all the regional contests. Hopefully, during their journey, Ruby might once again admit his feelings for her, and she would be able to stop her constant doubts. And maybe she could beat his butt of course.

    Sapphire walked up to Ruby’s house, and wildly knocked the door. Ruby’s mother opened it and smiled as she greeted the young girl. “Sapphire! How nice to see you! How was your vacation in Kanto?”

    “It was fun.” Sapphire replied, obviously impatient. “Is Ruby home?”

    “I think so, though that boy can be like his father”, Ruby’s mother said, “He can never be home sometimes. I think he’s around the back.”

    “Thanks!” Sapphire said, waving as she ran around the side of Ruby’s house, running into his backyard. She saw Ruby training with Zuzu, showing the Pokemon how to do the moves just in the right way so to get the maximum appeal from the contest judges. As she ran towards him, she noticed he hadn’t seen her yet, his back facing her, too preoccupied with training Zuzu. She quietly crept up behind him, and though Zuzu soon saw her, she told him to say nothing, and he merely watched.

    “Zuzu! Why are you stopping? What are you looking at?” Ruby asked as the Pokemon watched Sapphire, who was directly behind Ruby. Like a pouncing tiger, she quickly got a neck hug on the helpless boy, who fell over via anime style.

    “Hi Ruby!” she said, a smile on her face, pinning her boy to the ground.

    “Hi Sapphire…” Ruby said, a blush creeping on his face while Zuzu merely chuckled.

    END CHAPTER 1(whew!)
    Last edited by Hejin57; 19th November 2008 at 1:23 AM.

  2. #2
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    Well your first attempt is a lot better than some others I've seen, in other words I think you're off to a good start. Now for the typo nit-picks.

    A tall, gaunt man stood next to a window in a spacious room that overlooked the bustling Veilstone city.
    City

    Because soon, everything would be his.


    The digitized sound of a Loudreds’ cry could be heard blaring in Ruby’s room.
    I think there should be a line break for a scene change there.

    The young boys’ covered form moved and stirred as the irritating sound continued.
    boy’s

    Eventually, their lives went back to normal, even though their 80-day bet that was made about 5 and ½ months before between the two had been settled.
    I don't think it's particularly bad here, but it is said to be better to write out the numbers instead. I think you could leave the 80-day thing, but maybe 5 and ½ should be in words.

    Ruby continued practicing for contests with his Pokemon, though he occasionally battled, and Sapphire was busy training hers’ to top fighting perfection, though she viewed contests now in a diffrent light.
    different

    He dad, Professor Birch, had wanted to do more research on the Pokemon found in Kanto, and decided to bring the whole family along.
    Her

    “Ok Zuzu”, he said while putting on his pack, “Let’s go out and do some one-on-one training before the other Pokemon wake up.”
    Forgot to spell out okay.

    The big blue mudfish Pokemon happily jumped into his Poke ball, and Ruby picked it up and headed down the stairs and out the door.


    Sapphire looked out the window of her fathers’ car at the beautiful landscape of the Hoenn region.
    Another possibly needed line break, but not as obvious as with the first one.

    Anyway I'd also like to say try not to use "said" a lot. You didn't really use it that much, but as a tip from now on. "he said" and "she said" can sometimes be replaced by better words to describe the sentence or to rewrite the sentence entirely to make it look nicer with different descriptions of things.

    And now I'm through with the constructive criticism (because everybody needs it at one point or another to become a better writer).

    Other than that this fic is starting off really well. There's description, which is always important, and it's not overflowing with only dialogue. The length is okay here but maybe a little short, and always remember that a chapter should be around three to four pages at minimum when you write future chapters.

    And now we wait to see Ruby and Sapphire starting off on another adventure. And the face-off with Team Galactic. In the next chapters if you decide to continue.
    Last edited by Yoshi-kun; 22nd April 2008 at 12:19 AM.

  3. #3
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    Oh do not worry, I will most certainly continue. Thankfully, I'm glad most of my mistakes were grammical ones. I will fix those immeaditely and start writing the next chapter.

  4. #4
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    I like it so far, but I was going to write a frantic fic too, so you might have some competition :P

    What can I say, I really like FranticShipping and reading so I'll be sticking around here. I also like how you describe the Loudred alarm clock. Very realistic to normal average eevryday clocks that annoy you till you crush him.
    Last edited by Lugia4ever; 22nd April 2008 at 4:09 PM.

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    Here's Chapter 2 all! It's longer than the last one, so I hope you guys like it. Once again R&R!

    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    “Hi Ruby!” The young azure-eyed girl, Sapphire Birch, exclaimed as she held both of her arms tightly around the neck of her crush. Luckily for Ruby, she could not spot the obvious blush that crept up his face as she held him in excitement.

    “Hi Sapphire…..” the young boy stated, his air supply being cut off from her hug. “If you don’t mind…” he added, his voice wheezing, “Could you let go of me?” His friend quickly realized the request, and with an anime sweat drop expression, released her hold on Ruby, letting the boy breathe again. Dusting himself off, he stood up, facing Sapphire as Zuzu watched in anticipation.

    “So Ruby, It’s been awhile…” Sapphire commented, her voice sounding uncertain. “Yeah it has…” Ruby replied, “So…how was Kanto?” “It was great! My dad got himself shocked by a sleeping Electebuzz. I still can’t stop laughing about how funny it was.” the girl chimed. “I imagine it probably was. Poor Electebuzz.” Ruby added. A silent second passed before the two burst into a bout of laughter, with Zuzu wondering what was so funny. After they had calmed down, Sapphire finally bucked up her courage.

    “So Ruby, do you still remember our bet that we made that while ago.” she said, her eyes looking almost too serious.

    “Yeah…” Ruby replied, his mind flashing back to the wild and crazy bet he and Sapphire had made that took them throughout the entire Hoenn region.

    “Well, officially, no one ever won that bet. It was a tie between me and you. I won all the gym badges, and you won all your contests, all by the deadline.” Sapphire pointed out.

    “And so….” Ruby asked, eagerly waiting for her next statement.

    “I’ve heard that there's been a lot of new Pokemon discoveries going on in the Sinnoh region from my dad, and I was thinking, why don’t we make a new bet, same 80 day deadline, same objective for both of us, but this time in Sinnoh. That way, I can rest easy knowing I would have easily beaten you.” The girl added on the last part, knowing it would set the spark of competition in Ruby.

    “So…your challenging me to that same bet again, only this time in Sinnoh, if I’m hearing right.” The boy commented, quizzically scratching the back of his head.

    “Uhhh…yeah. Yeah, pretty much.” Sapphire said with a grin.

    “Well in that case you’re on! I’m gonna totally beat you by a mile this time.” Ruby asserted with his hands up in a challenged pose. This is going to be fun, Ruby thought to himself, as he returned a surprised Zuzu to his Pokeball.

    YES! YES! IT WORKED, Sapphire said in her head with joy as Ruby returned Zuzu. She knew there was preparation at hand now, and they would probably have to get new starter Pokemon when they got to Sinnoh, but either way, the prospect of a new adventure with Ruby lightened her spirits enough.

    “So then…” the tomboy stated, “Let’s go inform my Dad so we can catch the next ship leaving for Route 201 in Sinnoh by the end of today. He also knows the Professor of the region personally, so hopefully he can tell him to save us a few Pokemon.”

    “Sounds like a plan to me; let’s go!” Ruby added before they both ran to the Professors lab, racing each other the entire way.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~

    Professor Birch smiled to himself as he, his wife, and Norman and his wife, stood by the Littleroot Dock, waiting with their respective kids for the ferry to arrive. Overall, everyone was enthusiastic about this journey to Sinnoh his daughter and Normans’ son were going on. Norman hoped that this journey would somehow make Ruby a better trainer, even though his son had clearly stated he was going for the contests. On the other hand, Professor Birch hoped Sapphire would come back with a Pokedex full of information on the Pokemon native to Sinnoh, and just thinking about it made him excited. Both Ruby and Sapphire had decided to leave their beloved partners of Hoenn with him, partly because they felt their Pokemon needed a break from all the adventure they had been through not so long ago. He had recently sent an email to Professor Rowan, telling him he had new trainers on their way, ready for new Pokedexes and Pokemon. As he watched the two kids playfully bicker on who was going to win the bet they had made, he smiled to himself.

    ”I can’t wait to see what cool and cute Pokemon there are in Sinnoh. I am so gonna blow everyone away in those contests.” Ruby stated as he sat on a bench next to Sapphire, waiting for the ferry. “Just as long as you also come back stronger than you are now, Ruby.” Norman, his father, replied. “Sinnoh is a large region, and there are many Pokemon and challenges that await you and Sapphire.”

    “Well I’m ready to take those trainers and Gym leaders head on! They’ve got no chance against me!” Sapphire announced, loud enough for the whole dock to hear. “That’s the spirit!” Professor Birch said a broad grin on his face. “Just as long as you come back with a full Pokedex!”

    As he finished his statement, the ferry pulled in to the dock, the sunset shining brightly in the sky behind it as it stopped. Eagerly, Sapphire and Ruby climbed aboard, making sure not to be trampled by the crowd of people that followed. They both ran to the side of the large ferry, holding the handrails and waving at their parents as the boat began to leave.

    “Bye!” said Ruby’s mom, waving as her son began leaving her view, “Don’t forget to call and write!”
    “Don’t worry! I will!” Ruby answered back as he waved. “Be careful, Sapphire!” the young girls’ mom shouted to her as she waved. “I will Mom!” she replied from the ferry before it began to pick up speed and their families and Littleroot all became a blur.

    When they were finally out in the sea, both Ruby and Sapphire began to feel tired as the darkness of night had finally set in. Both walked over to the set of bunks that were there for the guests of the long voyage to Sinnoh, and just looking at them made the two tired. Setting down their respective packs, they both climbed into their beds, still in their day clothes, although Ruby had taken the time to take off his hat and his shoes. Laying down, they both faced each other, and the sight of Sapphire’s azure eyes warmed Ruby’s heart.

    “Looks like our adventure starts tomorrow.” Ruby whispered to his friend, snuggling a little more into his bed.
    “Yeah, I can’t wait!” Sapphire answered from her bed, almost a little too loud, in excitement.

    “Just know that I’m not gonna go easy this time.” Ruby said in a competitive voice.
    “Me neither”, Sapphire replied with a same tone.

    “Well, good night Sapphire.” Ruby whispered, closing his heavy eyes.
    “Good night Ruby”, Sapphire also whispered, watching how cute Ruby looked trying to sleep before too closing her eyes and falling asleep.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~

    The noise of a loud horn could be heard as the large ferry began pulling in to a river that led to a small dock right on Route 201 of the Sinnoh Region. The large noise quickly woke up both Ruby and Sapphire, causing the two to bounce up like springs from their cots.

    “We’re here already! I didn’t get a very good beauty sleep.” said a drowsy Sapphire, while rubbing her eyes in fatigue.

    Ruby, who was a little ticked off after going through a night of snoring by her, added “What beauty….” under his breath. Unfortunately, she heard him, and in the next moment, he was on the ground with a large bump on his head, and a bout of him trying to explain how it was just a joke. In reality, he found Sapphire quite beautiful, probably one of the prettiest girls he ever laid eyes on, when she wanted to be that is.

    The sound of the ferry coming to a stop caused the two to quickly snatch up their things and run out towards the exit ramp. Pushing and shoving, they both finally stepped down of the ramp onto the ground of the Sinnoh Region. They both looked in excitement at the area around them. Ahead of them was a large, sandy path, which cut off in two directions, as said by a sign, one way was to Twinleaf Town, the other to Sandgem Town.

    “My dad said Professor Rowan’s lab is in Sandgem town, so that’s where we should be heading.” Sapphire stated, already beginning to walk along the road as Ruby reluctantly followed.
    “So I wonder what kind of new Pokemon there are in this region? I hope that Rowan guy has some cute, cool or smart Pokemon to give us.” Ruby said as he continued walking with Sapphire on the path, his shoes crunching the sandy dirt.
    “Hey look!” Sapphire said, pointing to something in the middle of a patch of tall grass ahead of them. Though it wasn’t all that visible at first, the wind had picked up to reveal that a suitcase had been left in the middle of the patch. It had a large symbol of a Pokeball in the middle of it.
    “A suitcase.” Ruby exclaimed as both he and Sapphire ran closer to it, “Whose do you think it is?” “I don’t know….but it looks important, so we should try to return it when we get to Sandgem Town. On the count of three, let’s run in, grab it, and run out, lest we accidentally disturb any wild Pokemon.” Sapphire commented.

    The two slowly approached the edge of the patch, and Sapphire began to count.
    “1…..2…..3!”, she said as both of them ran in the grass, pushing and kicking it out of their way, before Ruby grabbed the suitcase and they both ran out. “That was easy.” she stated while she wiped the sweat off her forehead. Suddenly, a loud cry could be heard as two, plump, black and white Pokemon flew from the tall grass and landed before Ruby and Sapphire. The two Starly had a very angry expression on their faces, as Ruby realized the suitcase that he had was what they were building their nest on. Without warning, one of the Starly tackled Ruby in the stomach, sending him falling back a few feet and causing the suitcase to fly open, revealing papers, pens and…three Pokeballs!

    “Ruby!” Sapphire said to the dazed boy lying on the ground next to the suitcase, as the two Starly were readying to attack him again. “The Pokeballs! We need to use them, throw one over, now!” she yelled to him as he grabbed a Pokeball randomly and threw it towards her. Sapphire quickly caught it, and as Ruby stood up, he grabbed one too. Acting quickly, both yelled “GO!” in unison as they threw their Pokeballs a few feet before the Starlys’ . Both their respective Pokeballs’ opened to reveal which each had chosen. Sapphire’s Pokeball opened up and spouted out a small, chimp-like Pokemon. Patches of its fur and tail had fiery properties, like a Charmander, and her Chimchar came out ready to fight. Out of Ruby’s Pokeball, a blue, penguin-like Pokemon emerged. It was small and plump, and the Piplup looked not so eager to fight.

    Though Ruby and Sapphire did not know what the names of these new Pokemon were, they did know what their most basic moves were as the fight began.

    “Okay, new Pokemon! Use a Pound attack on one of those black and white guys over there.” Sapphire commanded to her Chimchar, making sure she pointed to the Starlys’ and not Ruby’s Piplup. Her Chimchar quickly responded, and leaped towards one of the opposing Pokemon, hitting it across the beak with a powerful punch. Easily felled, the injured Starly fell to the ground and fainted from a one-hit KO. Its companion, seeing this, in anger flew towards Ruby’s Piplup, intending to tackle it.
    Seeing this, Ruby stated his command to his Pokemon quickly. “Ok blue Pokemon, use a Growl attack on him!” he said as his Piplup acted, letting out a loud chirping sound from its mouth. The enemy Starly became startled for a second, and stopped, letting its guard down. “Now, use Tackle!” Ruby added as his Pokemon charged headfirst towards the Starly, hitting it square in the stomach and sending the Pokemon tumbling into the tall grass. After a few moments, it came back, helping its injured companion before they both fled.

    “We won!” Sapphire said as she high-fived Ruby and patted her Chimchar on the head. “You did a great job, little guy. Too bad we have to return you to whoever owns you.” she added in reluctantly as she looked at the Chimchar.

    “That would be me.”, a voice said from behind them. As Ruby, Sapphire and their Pokemon turned around; they saw a tall man in view behind them. He was wearing a large, brown trench coat with a navy blue shirt underneath along with black pants. The stern expression on his face was complemented with a bushy, gray mustache as he approached Ruby and Sapphire. “My name is Professor Rowan, and judging by your clothing and the way you two battled, I presume you are Ruby and Sapphire Birch?, he asked the two.

    “Yeah, we are”, Sapphire said before realizing the Pokeball in her hand and Ruby holding the briefcase. “Ohh… we’re really sorry for using those Pokemon! It’s just we were attacked and-“, she was cut off by Professor Rowan as he spoke. “It’s fine, I saw the entire thing, and trust me, I would have done the same.”

    “So you’re Professor Rowan? I imagined you would be a lot young-“; Ruby was about to say before his mouth was covered by Sapphire’s quick moving hand. “What my friend was saying was he imagined you would be a lot more ….uhhhhh...” she tried to state as she struggled to say something to Rowan without getting him mad. Obviously getting impatient, the Professor merely said, “It doesn’t matter now; follow me, we have a few things to discuss at my lab in Sandgem town.” he exclaimed before turning around and walking towards the town. Not wanting to possibly upset the Professor, Ruby and Sapphire merely listened and followed.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Professor Rowan’s lab was very large compared to the small houses that sat peacefully in Sandgem Town. Ruby and Sapphire could smell a salty scent in the air as they followed Professor Rowan inside. They looked around as they entered the door, and various machines could be seen along with the aides working on them. Rowan stopped before a desk at the end of the large room, on it two red, rectangular devices.

    “Suitcase please.” he said to a flushed Ruby who had realized he still had it clutched in his hand. Ruby quickly handed over the suitcase to Professor Rowan, and Sapphire giggled as he almost dropped it. Putting it down on the other side of the desk, Rowan approached the two with a stern, serious expression, and began.

    “I am very glad to see you two. Professor Birch told me you would be coming, so those Pokemon that were in that suitcase were originally supposed to be for you. Thank you however, for returning it, as I had misplaced it by accident on my way back from Twinleaf Town. I heard from Professor Birch you are both here for different reasons am I correct?” he asked the two.

    “Yeah, I’m here to win all the contests with my perfect Pokemon.” Ruby said, starry eyed with Piplup mounted on his shoulder.
    “I’m here to beat all the gym leaders of this region”, Sapphire chimed, both her and her Chimchar in a fighting pose.
    “We made a bet to see who can complete their objective first in 80 days, to prove who the better one is!” they both finally exclaimed to the Professor.
    “I see…” he said, rubbing his chin. “You’ll need these then!”
    Professor Rowan reached over the desk to hand the two each a red rectangular device.
    “As you probably know, those are Pokedexes. They automatically record information on any Pokemon you’ve seen or caught, and they are a trainer’s most valuable tool. Why don’t you try them on your new Pokemon? Since they were originally for you, they are yours now.” he explained. Excitedly, Sapphire and Ruby scanned both their new Pokemon and waited for the Pokedexes to respond.

    “CHIMCHAR, THE CHIMP POKEMON.”, Sapphire’s Pokedex said in a digitized voice. “THIS POKEMON AGILELY SCALES SHEER CLIFFS TO LIVE ATOP CRAGGY MOUNTAINS. ITS FIRE IS PUT OUT WHEN IT SLEEPS.”
    “Chimchar is a nice name, but I think I’ll call him Char for short.” Sapphire said as when the Pokedex finished. Chimchar made a happy cry at the sound of its new nickname.
    “PIPLUP, THE PENGUIN POKEMON”, Ruby’s Pokedex said about his blue Pokemon.
    “BECAUSE IT IS PROUD, IT HATES ACCEPTING FOOD FROM PEOPLE. ITS THICK COAT GUARDS IT FROM COLD.”
    “Hmmm, Piplup. I think Pipo sounds better, don’t you think?” Ruby said to his Piplup as the proud little penguin nodded its head to him happily.

    “Well now that that’s settled.” Professor Rowan said to the two, “You should both probably head to Jubilife City. I hear that there are contests there for you to compete in Ruby, but be aware; they are a little different than the ones you’ve probably entered in Hoenn. It’s also along the way on the road to Oreburgh City, Sapphire, where Sinnohs’ first Gym Leader, Roark, waits for challengers. Oh and I almost forgot, take these for your travels. “Professor Rowan handed both Ruby and Sapphire five Pokeballs each. “As you know, you need those to catch wild Pokemon. There are many new Pokemon to catch in Sinnoh, and catching them adds more info in your Pokedex than seeing them. As a Pokemon Professor, I personally study how evolution links all Pokemon, so the more information you get, the better. Now go along, so you can still get to Jubilife before dark.” Rowan stated as he watched the two with eager eyes.

    Ruby and Sapphire returned their Pokemon and began walking towards the door as the Professor followed them out. They walked out on the sandy path that led out of Sandgem town. Professor Rowan waved goodbye to them as they began walking out of view.

    “Goodbye you two! And good luck!” He yelled out to them as he waved from the side of the path.

    “See you Professor! I’ll make sure to come back with a full Pokedex and all eight Gym badges.” Sapphire announced as she waved back.

    “When I’m back, I’ll have one of every 1st place contest ribbon in all of Sinnoh!” Ruby exclaimed as he too waved.
    “Not if I beat all the Gyms first!” Sapphire said, nudging Ruby and speeding ahead. “In your dreams, Sapphire!” Ruby replied, as the two raced down the path towards Jubilife City.

    ----------------------

    Woohoo! That took awhile to type. I hope no one gets mad at me for making Ruby and Sapphire leave their old Pokemon back in Hoenn.

    Last edited by Hejin57; 23rd April 2008 at 6:12 PM.

  6. #6
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    Well I'm definitely interested in this new chapter. But first the concrit. So I can get it over with and get back to the story.

    “I’ve heard that theirs been a lot of new Pokemon discoveries going on in the Sinnoh region from my dad, and I was thinking, why don’t we make a new bet, same 80 day deadline, same objective for both of us, but this time in Sinnoh.
    there’s

    Ahead of the was a large, sandy path, which cut off in two directions, as said by a sign, one way was to Twinleaf Town, the other to Sandgem Town.
    them

    “Ok blue Pokemon, use a Growl attack on him!” he said as his Piplup acted, letting out a loud chirping sound from its mouth.
    Okay

    “I’m here to beat all the gym leader of this region”, Sapphire chimed, both her and her Chimchar in a fighting pose.
    leaders

    “BECAUSE IT IS PROUD, IT HATES ACCEPTING FOOD FROM PEOPLE. IT’S THICK COAT GUARDS IT FROM COLD.”
    ITS



    And that's all I could spot right now. Just minor little typos that I make myself. For all the words in this chapter that's pretty darn good. This chapter was better than the last. I think you have one of the better manga fics out there since you got me interested, because this is coming from a mainly anime/game fan. :P

    “We’re here already! I didn’t get a very good beauty sleep.” said a drowsy Sapphire, while rubbing her eyes in fatigue.

    Ruby, who was a little ticked off after going through a night of snoring by her, added “What beauty….” under his breath. Unfortunately, she heard him, and in the next moment, he was on the ground with a large bump on his head, and a bout of him trying to explain how it was just a joke.
    That made me laugh.

    Anyway I enjoyed this more than the last, Ruby and Sapphire had decent interaction and things were set up for them in Shinou. Their Pokemon being left behind doesn't really bother me, but I'm also new to the manga so I don't know about anyone else. ^ ^; I'm glad you're continuing this, just now we wait for the next chapter.

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    Here's chapter 3 all. I hope I didn't do too bad on the contest descriptions. R&R and Enjoy.


    Ruby and Sapphire, the two previous heroes of the Hoenn Region, raced down Route 202 on their way to Jubilife City. Laughing along as they raced each other, they seemed almost completely unaware of the wild Pokemon that lurked in the tall grass and the various trainers that could challenge them. Finally, out of exhaustion, the two slowed down their running to a stop.

    “I think we should walk the rest of the way, if you don’t mind Sapphire”, Ruby wheezed as he tried to catch a breath. Sapphire, on the other hand, looked like she hadn’t broken a sweat, but had stopped along with Ruby anyway.
    “Oh, you’re just a lazy one, Ruby”, Sapphire replied as she trudged along with the tired boy. Looking at him in his fatigued form once again brought up thoughts of her feelings for him. Even though he could be a real jerk sometimes, Sapphire still immensely loved him, although she did try to hide it from time to time. As there was no tall grass in sight, and no trainers on this path, an idea popped in her head of how she could really tick Ruby off, and possibly get him to confess.

    “So Ruby”, Sapphire began to say, in an innocent tone, “Do you like girls?”

    The sound of those last words hit Ruby in the chest like a stray bullet. “What??? What kind of question is that? Are you, trying to say something about me?” The young boy exclaimed defensively, obviously offended.
    “No, no…I just wasn’t sure you know. You can never be too sure.” she stated, her emotions filling up with laughter as she saw how Ruby could so defensive.

    “Listen Sapphire! I am so not like that! I don’t play for THAT team. I in fact do like girls!” Ruby yelled back at her, the obvious blush creeping along his cheeks.
    “And this is coming from the boy who thinks his Pokemon are beautiful and elegant.” Sapphire added, shaking her head with fake doubt. “If you do like girls as you say, then how about naming one you like!” She asked him quickly putting her face up to his, hoping he would blurt out the truth without thought.
    “Well for one, moron, I like y-“, Ruby caught himself at the last word, and both him and Sapphire flushed with red. He rubbed the back of his head, unsure of what to say next, knowing he wouldn’t be able to avoid it this time.
    “What did you say Ruby?” Sapphire asked him with teary, anime eyes, finally catching the young boy in her trap.
    “Well, I, I...” he was able to choke out before two people ran onto the path towards them.
    It was a young boy with a backwards cap and a tall girl with a mini-skirt. They both stopped in front of Ruby and Sapphire, quickly bringing Poke balls to bear.

    “You guys look like rookie trainers.” the girl exclaimed with a snobbish voice, “If you are, me and this other trainer here are going to challenge you to your first Sinnoh battle!”

    “Fine with me, let’s go then!” Sapphire said excitedly and yet disappointed at the same time as she threw her Pokeball out, releasing Char. Ruby did the same with his Piplup, relieved a bit though he threw his Pokeball with much less eagerness.
    “Go Star!” the girl said as her thrown Pokeball released the same black and white Pokemon that had attacked Ruby earlier. “You too Bibo!” the boy with the cap stated as his Bidoof emerged, a Pokemon that looked like a cross between a beaver and a rat.

    Both Ruby and Sapphire fumbled to record the two new Pokemon with their Pokedexes before they began the fight. “Okay Char! Let’s try that new move out. Ember on that girl’s Pokemon!” a slightly angry Sapphire commanded to her Chimchar. The chimp-like Pokemon blew out a ball of fire from its small mouth that flew towards the girl trainer’s Starly.
    “Gahh! Star! Get out of the way!” she tried to tell her Pokemon, but it was too late as the fireball hit her Starly, sending it falling on its back, fainted. “Yeah! Nice hit Char!” Sapphire cheered as she high-fived her little Pokemon.
    “You did good Star.” the girl said as she returned her Pokemon. “Guess it’s up to you now, my friend.” she told the boy who was with her.

    “Don’t worry, Natalie. I can take these two.” He replied aggressively as he fixed his cap.
    “Let me handle this Sapphire.” Ruby told his companion, stepping forward with newfound interest. NOOOO! I almost had him! Well there’s always next time. At least he’s fighting for me now…, a very surprised and disappointed Sapphire said to herself as Ruby cut in front of her.
    “Okay Bibo! Use Tackle on his Pokemon!” the boy with the cap commanded his Pokemon. The little beaver-rat pounced towards Pipo as the little Pokemon waited for Ruby’s command.
    “Wait for it….wait….” he said to his Piplup as the opposing Pokemon got closer and closer. “Now! Use Bubble!” he quickly exclaimed as Pipo released a single, large bubble that hit the charging Bidoof head on, entrapping it in the confines of the large bubble.
    “We got him Pipo! Ruby announced to his proud Pokemon, “Finish him off with a Tackle!” Pipo responded quickly and charged at the trapped Bidoof. Hitting its body in the chest, the little Pokemon fell to the ground out of the popped bubble, and rolled out dazed on its side, beaten.
    “We won!” Ruby said as he and his little Piplup posed on his shoulder. The young boy merely fixed his cap in disappointment as he returned his Pokemon. .
    “Hey don’t worry”, Ruby assured the youngster, “With more and more battles your Pokemon will grow stronger” The boy looked up at him, his expression a slight grin.
    “Just a matter of more and more practice, okay?” Ruby told him with a smile.

    “Yeah, okay then. Thanks.” the boy replied before handing Ruby the prize money he earned.
    The girl Natalie had already walked over to Sapphire and handed out her prize money, before she asked what there names where.

    “Oh you wanna know, mine’s Sapphire and he’s Ruby”, she said before pointing at Ruby.
    “THAT’S RUBY! YOU MEAN THE FAMOUS RUBY FROM HOENN!” the girl suddenly screamed in delight. “Yeah that’s the one.” Sapphire replied in an annoyed voice to the awestruck girl. Natalie ran over to Ruby like a starving Pidgey. Sapphire merely grimaced angrily as she watched the girl ask Ruby for his autograph. It was bad enough she didn’t recognize Sapphire’s name, but the fact that this girl was trying to take her man, that was just going to far.
    “Alright that’s more than enough!” Sapphire yelled as she grabbed Ruby’s ear and began dragging him away from his newfound fan girl. “Let’s try to get to Jubilife in the next year!” a jealous Sapphire announced to a dazed and hurt Ruby as they headed towards Jubilife City.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Jubilife City was just as large and grand as Sapphire had imagined it to be. “Wow.”, the azure eyed girl said as they entered the large, bustling city, “It really is huge.” The large city’s streets were neatly paved, and large condominiums stood towering on its skyline. People walked about, bustling in their normal lives, paying no attention to the new arrival of Ruby and Sapphire.
    “It’s big alright. We should probably head to a Pokemon center and rest up a bit. Professor Rowan said that there is a contest being held here, so I’m probably going to stay here while you go ahead to Orebeurgh city.” Ruby replied to Sapphire, still nursing his ear that she had only let go of a few minutes ago.
    “You mean we’re separating?” Sapphire asked, obviously against the thought. “It’s what sounds the most efficient, for our bet at least.” Ruby answered to her, as Sapphire then suddenly remembered their bet.

    “Oh yeah! I forgot!” Sapphire said, trying to sound competitive instead of acting like she would miss Ruby, hoping it would tick him off. “Once I get Char healed, I’m going my own way to Orebeurgh, and I’m going to beat the Gym leader there.”

    “Excuse Me!” a voice said to Ruby and Sapphire as they turned their heads to see who it was. A tall, burly man in a suit walked towards them, in his hands two blue and red watch-like devices. “Excuse me! You two have won!” he said in a jubilant voice.

    “Won what?” Ruby and Sapphire said in unison, confused of what they had won.
    “You have won our new, state-of-the-art Poketechs!” the man said to them. He handed Ruby the blue Poketech and Sapphire the red Poketech. “ The giveaway is part of a new ad campaign by our boss. Those two devices are like mini-computers. They can have many useful applications on them, but for now there is only a digital watch and a built-in map of the Sinnoh Region. Enjoy them!” the man finished before disappearing into the cities crowds.

    “Well that was kinda weird”, Ruby said as he scratched the back of his head. “Yeah but at least we got these free Poketech thingys”, Sapphire replied as she fiddled around and inspected it.

    “ATTENTION TO ALL TRAINERS!” a loud intercom connected to a lamppost said in a digitized voice, “THE NORMAL RANK COOLNESS CONTEST WILL BE HELD AT THE MAIN FOYER OF THE POKETECH COMPANY BUILDING. ALL CONTESTANTS AND THEIR POKEMON PLEASE REPORT IMMEADILTY AS THE CONTEST WILL BEGIN SOON.”

    “Ahhh! The contest is going to start soon. I have to go and sign up!” Ruby stated as he rubbed his head in frustration. His expression changed to a solemn one as he looked at Sapphire, who looked almost sad. “I guess this is where we go our separate ways”, he said.

    “Yeah…..I guess it is.”, Sapphire said, a slight red appearing along her cheeks. She was going to miss him, and though he wouldn’t say it, he was going to miss her too. A few moments of silence passed between them, and although the sound of people and the city was almost deafening, it was all silent to Ruby and Sapphire.

    “But we’ll meet back here by the deadline!” Sapphire chimed in to break the silence, he face lighting up with a smile.
    “Yeah”, Ruby replied, also cheering up, “And chances are we’ll probably run into each other along the way.”
    “Yea…” Sapphire said, before completely shocking Ruby as she walked forward and embraced him in a warm hug. All the boy could do was turn as red as a tomato while he heard things like, ”Awwww..” and “How cute….” coming from the people walking past the two. Still very red when Sapphire released him, Ruby almost fell down from the strange feelings churning inside him.
    “Bye Ruby!” Sapphire said as she walked down the road towards the large Pokemon Center, while Ruby stood in the street, waving energetically as she did.
    “Bye Sapphire”, Ruby said quietly to himself as she walked out of sight, disappearing in the crowds, while the feeling of her warmth against him could still be felt in his heart.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Ruby walked into the large building that served as the Poketech companies’ headquarters. The vastness of the building easily filled up the large audience that had come for the Normal Rank Coolness Contest. Ruby felt a little nervous, as this was going to be his first contest in Hoenn and it wasn’t going to be with one of his familiar Pokemon like Zuzu or Coco, But with his new one, Pipo.
    “Will all contestants for the Normal Rank Coolness Contest please report to the judges, the contest is about to begin.” a gray-mustached judge on the Acting stage announced.

    Ruby walked over to the small area where the contests were all gathered. He was the last one there, so he quickly told the young receptionist his name and the Pokemon he was using. Getting behind the contestants already waiting, he was surprised to see there were only 3.
    “I guess the contests are small everywhere.” he said to himself as the Judge began to announce the names of the contestants.
    “So as I am reading….” the Judge stated, adjusting his glasses, “The contestants are…Maria and her Smeargle…..Justin and his Altaria……Jen and her Kricketune….and Ruby with his Piplup. Alright then, everyone report to the stage, the Visual Judgment is about to begin.”

    Everyone and their Pokemon got onto the stage as the Judge said, which was covered by a curtain. “So as you all know, this section of the contest is to dress up your Pokemon in the fanciest and most fashionable way you can. You have sixty seconds to do this. Your supplies are in the box next to your spot, and start…now!” the Judge exclaimed as he started his watch and caught all by surprise. Ruby rushed over to his spot, and began digging into the box for materials. Pipo waited impatiently as Ruby finally found what he was looking for. Carefully working with the red and black fabric he had scrounged up, he began to put it on Pipo’s blue, circular body. He barely took the time to watch Maria’s Smeargle ruin his own outfit by painting all over it with his tail.

    “BZZZZZ!!” went the Judges’ timer as their time was up. The curtains’ opened to reveal the new, dressed up Pokemon. Maria’s Smeargle got little praise due to the fact it ruined its outfit with its tail paint. Justin’s Altaria had a snazzy blue hat on it’s head along with some brightly colored feathers on its body, and it got cheers from a few. Jen’s Kricketune had on a brightly colored raincoat of her design, and it looked very good on the bug Pokemon, earning it a large amount of applause from the crowd. Ruby’s Piplup however, blew the audience away. In those sixty seconds, Ruby had managed to make a tiny replica of his outfit for the proud little penguin. Standing next to his Pokemon in triumph, he easily won Visual Judgement.

    Next was the Dance Judgement, but unfortunately for Ruby, his Piplup did not do well. His Piplup may have been good at looking proud and prim, but it was not a good dancer. As Ruby’s Pokemon tried to follow the steps of the leader during the segment, it constantly tripped and missed a step. Ruby’s face flushed with fear at the end of the segment, finding out he was in last place for it. Ruby made sure though to reassure his Piplup before the final segment, the Performance Judgement, began.

    “Okay Pipo, we can do this. We just got to focus, and keep our eye on the prize, which is winning that ribbon!” he told his Pokemon, who sternly nodded in understanding as it went onto the stage and the Performance Judgement began. In the Performance Judging, this time there were three judges, all eagerly waiting for the moves each of the Pokemon had. Just like in Hoenn, there were four rounds of appeals, and the Pokemon who got the crowd going got the most points in those rounds.

    Starting out as the first appeal, was Maria’s Smeargle. The pale Pokemon started out with Sketch, but due to the fact it copied other moves and it was first, it had no effect, and the poor Smeargle got no attention.
    Next was the Altaria, who used a Dragon Rage attack. The move was very successful, impressing one of the judges and causing the voltage to go up. Next up was Kricketune, who used a Bug Buzz to impress the same judge Altaria had. The moves’ effectiveness went down though, as the judge looked disinterested, but the voltage did go up.
    Although Pipo’s moveset was partially limited, he did succeed in impressing a judge with a Bubble attack, causing his voltage to go up a point.

    The next two appeal round were partially the same, Smeargle continually going first, doing nothing, while the other contestants Pokemon followed up with moves that made voltage go up, but no one had got the crowd going yet.

    Finally, in the last appeal round, Kricketune was first this time, and he used a Silver Wind attack, which got one of the Judge’s voltage to go just before a massive applaud from a crowd. Seeing an advantage finally,, Maria directed hers Smeargle to use Sketch on the same judge, but unfortunately for her, the Judge had already seen that move, and it made the voltage go down. On Altarias’ turn, it managed to make the voltage go up a point before breaking down into stage fright, losing some praise from the crowd. As Pipo’s turn came, Ruby knew this contest was in the bag. With one move, Piplup’s Bubble, the little penguin Pokemon managed to make the crowd go nuts over it after finally getting the voltage to max.

    When the crowd subsided, the Judge called the contestants up to announce the winner. “The winner is……Ruby and Piplup!” the judge exclaimed as the crowd applauded and Ruby and Piplup accepted their Ribbon.

    “Yes! We won our first ribbon in Sinnoh!” Ruby said to his Pokemon as they exited the Contest area. The little Pokemon chirped in delight at the fact it had the red ribbon on it, and Ruby felt good on the contest win. He knew though, Piplup wasn’t actually prepared for that contest, and he would have to catch new Pokemon who he could train for them, one for each category.

    Breaking Ruby’s thoughts however, was a noise of arguing down the street. From his position, Ruby could see two men, both clad in gray and green jumpsuits, circling a boy with a Pachirisu. They looked from a distance to be threatening him, taking no heed he was only a child.

    “That doesn’t look very right if you ask me, Pipo.” Ruby said as he approached the men. “Leave that kid alone.”

    “Looks like someone wants to challenge us.” said one of the men, turning to face Ruby, his green hair swaying a bit in the slight breeze. “Really?” said his companion, “Kid, you have to be a fool to challenge Team Galactic!” The criminal finished before pulling out a Pokeball as his companion did too.

    “Well I guess I’m a fool then!” Ruby said as he threw his Pokeball forward.

    -------------------------------------------------------

    Just a note, there are going to now be two seperate arcs. One will concern Ruby, the other Sapphire. A Sapphire Arc line break will look look like this @@@@@@@@@@@@, while a Ruby one will look like this, ^^^^^^^^^^. when the two are together, it will remain like this ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.
    Last edited by Hejin57; 24th April 2008 at 3:24 AM.

  8. #8
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    Wow, you update fast. O.O Do you already have this written or something?

    “I think we should walk the rest of the way, if you don’t mind Sapphire”, Ruby wheezed as he tried to catch a breath.
    mind, Sapphire?”

    “Oh, you’re just a lazy one, Ruby”, Sapphire replied as she trudged along with the tired boy.
    Ruby.”

    “So Ruby”, Sapphire began to say, in an innocent tone, “Do you like girls?”
    “So, Ruby,” Sapphire began to say, in an innocent tone, “do you like girls?”

    Basically just stuff like this with the quotes this time. Speaking of which I think it might be helpful to give more spacing between the dialogue of characters. Like this:

    “Listen Sapphire! I am so not like that! I don’t play for THAT team. I in fact do like girls!” Ruby yelled back at her, the obvious blush creeping along his cheeks.
    “And this is coming from the boy who thinks his Pokemon are beautiful and elegant.” Sapphire added, shaking her head with fake doubt. “If you do like girls as you say, then how about naming one you like!” She asked him quickly putting her face up to his, hoping he would blurt out the truth without thought.
    “Well for one, moron, I like y-“, Ruby caught himself at the last word, and both him and Sapphire flushed with red. He rubbed the back of his head, unsure of what to say next, knowing he wouldn’t be able to avoid it this time.
    “What did you say Ruby?” Sapphire asked him with teary, anime eyes, finally catching the young boy in her trap.
    “Well, I, I...” he was able to choke out before two people ran onto the path towards them.
    Maybe this would look better instead...

    “Listen Sapphire! I am so not like that! I don’t play for THAT team. I in fact do like girls!” Ruby yelled back at her, the obvious blush creeping along his cheeks.

    “And this is coming from the boy who thinks his Pokemon are beautiful and elegant.” Sapphire added, shaking her head with fake doubt. “If you do like girls as you say, then how about naming one you like!” She asked him quickly putting her face up to his, hoping he would blurt out the truth without thought.

    “Well for one, moron, I like y-“, Ruby caught himself at the last word, and both him and Sapphire flushed with red. He rubbed the back of his head, unsure of what to say next, knowing he wouldn’t be able to avoid it this time.

    “What did you say Ruby?” Sapphire asked him with teary, anime eyes, finally catching the young boy in her trap.

    “Well, I, I...” he was able to choke out before two people ran onto the path towards them.
    I only added one space in-between each of them there, but it looks a little less like a block of text doesn't it?



    Anyway I really love that scene too

    “Alright that’s more than enough!” Sapphire yelled as she grabbed Ruby’s ear and began dragging him away from his newfound fan girl. “Let’s try to get to Jubilife in the next year!” a jealous Sapphire announced to a dazed and hurt Ruby as they headed towards Jubilife City.
    I looovvvve jealousy.

    “Looks like someone wants to challenge us.” said one of the men, turning to face Ruby, his green hair swaying a bit in the slight breeze. “Really?” said his companion, “Kid, you have to be a fool to challenge Team Galactic!” The criminal finished before pulling out a Pokeball as his companion did too.

    “Well I guess I’m a fool then!” Ruby said as he threw his Pokeball forward.
    And now the confrontation.

    Well I enjoyed the chapter.

    And this going pretty well, but going back to the first question I asked, maybe you should wait another day or two in between updates? NOTE, I AM NOT SAYING TO STOP WRITING But I know you want reviews for this, and updating fast can sometimes overwhelm a potential reader. But by all means continue writing either way. Just a thought.

  9. #9
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    Yeah it's not all written beforehand. Although I have a plot set out, a lot of this is coming out of my head as I write. I was on a roll with chapter writing before, but it's gonna slow up a bit now. Thanks for the critique. I just wish more people would review, I mean, there are so many Frantic shippers. I just expected them to notice and review this.
    Last edited by Hejin57; 26th April 2008 at 2:26 AM.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hejin57 View Post
    Yeah it's not all written beforehand. Although I have a plot set out, a lot of this is coming out of my head as I write. I was on a roll with chapter writing before, but it's gonna slow up a bit now. Thanks for the critique. I just wish more people would review, I mean, there are so many Frantic shippers. I just expected them to notice and review this.
    I'm here! And I like your fic. Can you add me to the PM list, please?

    Yoshi-kun has picked out your tineist grammar mistakes...so I have not a lot to say, except that I think you did a good job with the characters and descriptions. Keep it up!

    &;; just waitin' for another day ...

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    Here's Chapter 4 everybody, it might be a little short though. The next one will be long. Just a thought, I hope you're all enjoying my story, cause if you weren't, I wouldn't be continuing it. Thanks! R&R and enjoy!

    @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

    Sapphire Birch, one of the two trainers who had recently saved all of Hoenn, walked along the large, wide path that was Route 203. The girl was a little saddened, as she had recently separated with her crush, Ruby. She had made a bet with him earlier a day before, a bet to see who could accomplish their given task by the eighty-day deadline. For Sapphire, it was to earn all the Gym badges in the Sinnoh. Ruby however, was entrusted to win a 1st place ribbon in all of the Pokemon Super Contests. Pushing away the tall grass that brushed her face, Sapphire waded through the large patch, wanting to get through it yet hoping she would run into new wild Pokemon at the same time. Her wish come true, she could hear the sound of a Pokemon near by. Inching a bit closer, her two azure eyes peaked out of the tall grass to see a wild Shinx snoring loudly in a small clearing. The blue and black Pokemon had obviously fallen asleep into a deep nap, unaware it was an easy catch in its sleeping state.

    Like a female tigress on the hunt, Sapphire crept silently, a Pokeball in hand, towards the sleeping Pokemon. The dozed off Shinx took no heed as Sapphire approached its dreaming form.

    “This better work...” Sapphire quietly said to herself as the Pokeball enlarged in her hand. Swiftly but surely, she threw the Pokeball at the creature, and it became a red light that coruscated into the red and white ball that hit it. The Pokeball rolled from side to side for a few seconds, and to Sapphire’s delight, a small ding could be heard signaling the Pokemon had been successfully caught.

    “Yes!” Sapphire announced to the entire field, raising her arms up triumphantly and causing a nearby flock of Pidgey to scatter in fear. The young girl looked down at the small Pokeball in her gloved hand, the Pokemon inside still, surprisingly, asleep. Standing up, Sapphire ran out of the grass and back onto the path to Oreburgh City.

    After a long walk and a few pushover trainer battles, Sapphire could see the large Oreburgh gate, and beyond it would be the bustling coal mining community, Oreburgh City. During her long walk, she had trained her Chimchar against the various newbie trainers that challenged her. She had come up with a name for her recently acquired Shinx; Inky. Char had also learned a new move from all the battling, Fury Swipes. All in all, she was starting off her journey pretty well. Looking up towards the sky, Sapphire could see that night had begun to fall over the city. Running towards the large red roofed Pokemon center after passing through the Oreburgh gate, Sapphire entered the door of the large building, knowing tomorrow, she would face her first Sinnoh Gym Leader.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    “Well I guess I’m a fool then!” Ruby said as he threw his Poke ball forward. The young trainer was in the middle of his first encounter with Team Galactic, a large criminal organization that had mysterious plans for Sinnoh. They had been responsible for several Pokemon thefts by their members, even though they always stated their reasons were that all the Pokemon they had acquired were all donated. Ruby had seen them trying to steal a Pachirisu from a little boy down the road from the contest hall in Jubilife City, and he wasn’t about to let them get away with it.

    Ruby’s Pokeball opened to reveal his Piplup, Pipo, a companion of his since he left Sandgem Town. The blue penguin Pokemon looked eager to battle as it stared down the Team Galactic members upon exiting its Pokeball.

    “A challenge eh?” one of the villainous men retorted as he and his companion pulled out Pokeballs, the devices quickly enlarging in their hands. “I like a challenge, but no kid can stand against Team Galactic!” he said before the two threw out their Pokeballs. One opened to reveal a purple, frog-like Pokemon, Croagunk. The other released another Pokemon, a bluish colored cat Pokemon, a Glameow.

    The two opposing Pokemon growled menacingly at Rubys’ Piplup. Ruby looked outnumbered, but then the young boy stood beside him, his Pachirisu also standing defiantly by Pipo.

    “I can’t let these bullies beat us!” the boy stated as he stood beside Ruby, his eyes gleaming and a triumphant look on his face.

    “Don’t worry, we won’t!” Ruby replied to his newfound buddy.

    “Enough talk! Let’s get this over with quick so we can bring these rare Pokemon to HQ! Croagunk use Faint Attack!” one of the Galactic members barked.

    “Glameow use Faint Attack as well!” the other Galactic member exclaimed as their two Pokemon acted in almost perfect unison. In a heartbeat, both the Croagunk and the Glameow moved with a shadowy speed, zooming towards Ruby and the boys’ Pokemon.

    “Pipo! Don’t fall for it! Use Bubble on them!” Ruby commanded to Pipo.

    “Pachy! Use your Spark attack!” the boy also stated as his and Ruby’s Pokemon acted.

    Pachys’ cheeks began to emit tiny sparks of electricity as it charged up, before releasing a large ball of electrical energy that zoomed towards the enemy Pokemon. One managed to hit the Croagunk dead on, causing the Pokemons’ attack to halt as the Croagunk reeled from the force that it had. Unfortunately, Ruby’s Piplup wasn’t fast enough to act before the Glameow, and the cat Pokemon zoomed forward slashed ferociously at the blue penguin, causing injury to the little Pokemon as it struggled to recover from the attack.

    “Haha! We got you now, kid!” one of the Team Galactic members snickered as Rubys Piplup struggled to stand, and his Glameow retreated, getting ready for its next attack.

    “Don’t give up yet Pipo!” Ruby said defiantly as his injured Pokemon stood back up. “Now use Bubble again!”

    “Croagunk! Get him with a Faint Attack again!” the Galactic member commanded to his frog Pokemon. While Rubys Piplup was having what looked like a hard time getting a Bubble attack out, Croagunk was already zooming like a shadow towards it. Ruby almost closed his eyes as the Croagunk got closer and closer, Piplup still unable to use Bubble, and then it happened. Pipo opened its yellow beak to let loose a beam of at least two dozen speeding Bubbles. The Bubblebeam hit the zooming Croagunk and the waiting Glameow with a force like a train. Ruby watched in amazement as his little Pokemon spouted out this torrent of Bubbles, and the two Galactic members Pokemon were engulfed by the swarm. When the Bubbles finally cleared, both the Croagunk and Glameow were on the ground, fainted.

    “We lost?” said the stunned Galactic member as he mourned over his Croagunk. “Beaten by a kid it seems.” his companion said as he returned his Glameow.

    “Alright!” Ruby said, high fiving his young teammate. Pipo happily jumped on Rubys shoulder while the boy embraced his Pachirisu.

    “This is only a minor setback for Team Galactic”, one of the criminals said as he put away his Pokeball. “Our plans will change the whole universe! Everything will be perfect, you are just a tiny speck in our way.” “Soon, none of this will matter. Team Galactics goal will be achieved, and neither you nor anyone else will stand in our way!” the members’ companion said before throwing down some sort of ball that caused a strange light to engulf him and his teammate. When the light disappeared, they were both gone.

    “Thanks for helping me beat those guys.” the boy said to Ruby after watching the criminals disappear. “By the way, the name’s Hiro, and this here is Patchy.” Hiro’s little Pokemon responded happily at the sound of its name.

    “Your are most welcome. I can’t just let those guys steal Pokemon when they want. The name’s Ruby.” Ruby replied to Hiro, shaking his hand.

    “Hey, you’re Ruby! That means you know Sapphire, the girl who saved Hoenn!” Hiro harped enthusiastically, while his Pachirisu copied his expression.

    “Yeah, I know her all right…” Ruby said, a little angry at the fact the boy didn’t mention him saving Hoenn too. Knowing the kid was young, he tried to just pass it off, but Ruby noticed the sun setting, and the realization of fatigue began to hit him.

    “It looks like its starting to get dark. I think I’m going to head to the Pokemon Center to get some rest. I just hope it’s not too crowded.” Ruby exclaimed, his expression giving the impression he wasn’t looking forward to sleeping in a crowded Poke Center.

    “Hey! Why don’t you sleep at my house tonight! After all you’ve done, saving my Pachy, I’m sure my parents won’t mind.” Hiro said to Ruby while beginning to tug the trainer towards the direction of his home down the streets of Jubilife City.

    “Thanks, I guess…” Ruby stated as Hiro dragged him towards his house. Ruby knew sleeping at Hiro’s building was a much better idea than sleeping in a crowded Pokemon Center, where some trainers would even wake you from your sleep to challenge you to a battle, but he was getting a strange feeling of wanting to sleep at one anyway. When he thought about it, he realized once again he missed Sapphire, and the Pokemon Center reminded him about her. He wondered what she was doing at the moment, if she had gotten to Oreburgh yet, if she had caught any new Pokemon. He also once again felt the strange feeling in his chest again every time he thought about her. Snapping back to reality again as Hiro’s condo came into view, and he could see that night had fallen, and the city was still in silence, though loud Hoothoots could be heard, he knew he might not get much sleep between Hiro, the night Pokemon, and his thoughts about Sapphire. It was going to be a long night.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  12. #12
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    Well, this is definetly one of the best Franticshipping fics I've seen. It's also one of my favorite ships, so it looks even better in my eyes.

    Plot may just be starting, but it's already good. Ruby and Sapphire in Sinnoh hasn't been done yet, to my knowledge. It's moving along at a nice rate, not too fast or slow.

    Description is also good. Perhaps you could describe the Pokemon a little more, though?

    Well, that's all for now, can't wait to see what the next chapter will look like.

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    Hey thats a pretty nice franticshipping fic....add me to the mailing list. Oh and dont you dare leave this one without an ending!

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    Meh, I'm sorry for not reviewing sooner. My computer program situation is messed up so it's harder to type out long posts. As in I type out the reviews outside the posting box because they have a tendency to get eaten by IE errors. But that situation is somewhat fixed now so I can give you a decent review, because you deserve that.

    I couldn't really find any major errors this time, even in the typos so that's good. The spacing you used really helped clarify things and I always knew what was going on. And over all this chapter is one of the best so far to me. Great job.

    As for the chapter itself it was pretty good. Sapphire caught Shinx, and Ruby and Hiro's battle with Team Galactic was easy to imagine. The grunts were slightly generic but that's what you probably expect in the beginning to build everything up. And I'm interested in Hiro and how he's going to turn out. Everything's looking great. Keep it up.
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    Hello Hejin...
    I finally had the time to read your fic...
    and let me tell you...
    its great!
    for a beginner...you seem experienced...
    the story so far is great...

    can you please add me to the list?
    keep up the great work!
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    Chapter 5 here for you all! R&R and enjoy!


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The sun shone brightly as it rose above the horizon that overshadowed the bustling Oreburgh City. A young, azure-eyed girl poked up from beneath the covers of one of the small, quaint beds that resided in the Oreburgh Pokemon Center. Sapphire stretched her arms after taking off the covers that lay on her body. Yawning as loud as a Slaking, the girl sat up on her bed, reaching down into her pack to pick out the Pokeball that contained her Chimchar.

    “Rise and shine, Char!” Sapphire said as red light coruscated from the Pokeball in her hand and formed itself into the Chimp Pokemon. The little Pokemon looked slightly dazed and drowsy, but nevertheless quickly shook it off and jumped happily on Sapphires’ lap.

    “Today’s our big fight with this towns’ Gym Leader, Char. Are you ready to win?” Sapphire exclaimed to her trusty companion.

    “Chimchar!” the little Pokemon said as it happily nodded to its trainer, a look of victory on its furry little face. She smiled in reaction to the little Pokemon’s response and gave it a nice scratch on its head.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~

    Sapphire walked out of the large Poke Center and walked out onto the large yellowish road that cut through most of Oreburgh City. Oreburgh was famous for being a coal-mining community, and just down the road from Sapphires’ location was a large coal mine, with a multitude of machines, men and women at work digging up coal. Although most of the coal is taken from the mine automatically through a mechanical system, many people from the town still enjoyed working down in the mine with their Pokemon. Sapphires’ heart began to beat with excitement as she walked down the road towards the Oreburgh City Pokemon Gym. This was her first Gym battle in Sinnoh, and she was ready to win on her first try. Although she only had two Pokemon, Inky and her Char, she was determined to beat the Gym Leader, because she did have that bet to hold to, and she only had seventy-eight days left. With enthusiasm, she ran towards the door to the large, imposing Gym. Stopping in front of the door, Sapphire saw to her horror that the Gym door had a large, steel colored padlock put onto it.

    “No!” Sapphire stated angrily as she attacked the door and tried tearing off the padlock with all her might, but the sturdy thing wouldn’t budge. “There goes my chance of fighting the Gym leader…” Sapphire said in defeat as she slumped down to the ground and laid her head on the door.

    “Well with that attitude, Roark certainly wouldn’t waste his time.” an old man who had been watching the entire thing announced to the young girl. Sapphire quickly stood up at the sound of the mans’ statement, a comical sweat drop expression on her face as she smiled with her hand on the back of her head.

    “You wouldn’t happen to know where he is would you?”, Sapphire asked him, twiddling her fingers nervously. The man gave a chuckle before answering her.

    “Ah, you young trainers. Roarks’ down at the coal mine. He’s always down there digging for fossils, but I’m sure if you find him there, he’ll want to battle you in no time. It’s been awhile since the boys’ had a good one.” he replied.

    “Gotcha…Thanks!” Sapphire replied to the old man as she sprinted with the speed of a Rapidash toward the coal mine. The man merely chuckled as he watched the young azure-eyed girl run towards the old mine.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Sapphire looked forward in eagerness at the large, dank shaft that led down into the Oreburgh mine. She was pumped to fight and beat this new Gym leader, Roark, and with Char on her side, there was no stopping them from ultimately getting all eight of the Sinnoh region badges. Just the thought of Ruby in awe as she thought of herself with her future badges made her laugh inside as she entered the mine.

    “Sure is dark in here.”, the young trainer stated as she hastily tried to walk over the various rocks and stalagmites that littered the floor of the cave. “I think Char can light things up.”, Sapphire said to herself in the near darkness as she released her little Pokemon from its’ ball. Char seemed happy to be out again, and the fire from his tail quickly provided some illumination in the dank cave. As the light spread, Sapphire could see another passageway at the end of the tunnel that she was currently in, and distantly could hear the sound of metal soundly breaking away at rock.

    “Lets’ go check it out Char.”, Sapphire told her companion. The Pokemon nodded in agreement, and the pair paced down to the end of the tunnel where the noise was originating from. When the two got there, they looked out of the entrance of the passageway to see a figure in the next cavern. He was a tall boy, seemingly around the age of 17 from his looks, and he wore grayish mining clothes and a trademark miners’ hat. He was contently chipping away at the rock on the cavern wall with his pick axe, but stopped to pick up an oddly shaped, sand-colored stone. The stone looked exactly like the fossil Roark had been looking for, but before he could further examine it, the boy felt a hand on his shoulder.

    “Excuse me……” Sapphire asked him in a nervous-sounding tone.

    “Whats up?”, said Roark as he turned around to face the girl.

    “Are you Roark…the leader of the Oreburgh City Gym?” Sapphire said, her voice eager for the answer she was looking for.

    “I sure am…..are you a trainer looking for a battle?”, Roark replied, now turning fully and standing up to reveal his height, which was at least a full foot above Sapphires’. He tipped up his miners’ hat, and his pickaxe lay firmly in his hand, along with the fossil in the other, as he waited for her answer.

    “Yeah I am!” the girl exclaimed, her fists going up triumphantly, “The names’ Sapphire and I’m here to challenge you and win your Gyms’ badge! Theres’ no stopping me and my buddy Char.”

    “Surely looks like it.”, Roark replied with a chuckle in his words. “Its’ been awhile since I have had a good battle in the Gym. I thought I would get bored digging up fossils all day.”

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

    Roarks’ gym was just as rocky and rugged as his own Pokemon. The entire arena was built specifically with Rock-type Pokemon in mind, filled with gray crags and rocky monuments towering over Sapphire as her shoes dug her ferociously into the sandy ground beneath. With Char by her side, she waited as Roark announced the terms of the gym battle.

    “This will be a two Pokemon match. Once one person loses their two, they lose and it’s over.” Roark stated as he pulled a Poke ball from his back pocket, his voice slightly echoing off the rocky walls of the gym.

    “Let the match…commence!” Roark said as he flung his Poke ball forward like a grenade, the familiar red light coruscating out of the ball as a form of a strange creature began to shape. The Pokemon looked like a gray, roughly shaped boulder with two, muscular arms on its side. Roarks’ Geodude floated in mid-air, and angry expression on its’ face as it stared down Char.

    “Rock type, huh.” Sapphire said as she sized up Roarks’ Pokemon. “Char! Use Ember on him!

    “Geodude, Defense Curl!”, Roark managed to relay to his Pokemon as Chars’ mouth opened wide and let forth a ball of searing fire. The explosive projectile smashed hard into his Geodude, and the Pokemon looked slightly injured, but it quickly put its’ arms up in defiance.

    “You’re good, but let’s see how you take this! Geodude, Rock Throw!” Roark shouted out to his opponent. The small rocks and boulders around the Pokemon seemed to coalesce together under its will and form into large rocky spheres. In one quick motion of the Geodude lashing out its hand, they flew like bullets toward Char. All the Pokemon could do was jump out of the way of a few, while one hit it dead on in the stomach. Sapphire watched with angst as her Pokemon struggled to take the blow, holding its injured stomach with one hand.

    “Char, come on, one hit is all it takes! Ember!” the young girl exclaimed to her partner, and he responded by letting loose a large, flaming ball of fire towards Geodude. This time, the ball hit the Rock Pokemon with such force it was sent crashing to the ground, swirl symbols in its eyes as it lie, fainted.

    “You did good, Geodude.” Roark told Geodude as he returned his defeated companion.

    “Good job Char. You deserve some rest.” Sapphire announced as she also did the same with her injured friend.

    “You’ve done well so far, but its’ not over yet! Go, Cranidos!” The young man yelled as he threw out a second Poke ball, which activated to reveal a blue-gray, dinosaur-like Pokemon. “I’ve only trained him a little bit, but my dad says fossil Pokemon are some of the strongest out there.”

    “Chars’ too weak, so….Inky! Go!” Sapphire replied as her thrown ball opened to reveal her recently caught Shinx. Inky looked happy to be awake, and his tail wagged eagerly as he took a stance against Roarks’ Cranidos.

    “Alright Inky! Hit him with a Bite Attack!” The blue Pokemon responded by pouncing at Cranidos with uncanny speed. As it grappled with the Pokemon, it let loose a powerful bit on the back of its head. Unfortunately, Inky yelped and jumped back as he broke a tooth against the back of Cranidos’ hard dome-head.

    “Nice try, but a Cranidos’ head is hard enough to bend steel. While he’s weak, Cranidos! Use Take Down!”

    Cranidos ran towards the hurt Inky like an oncoming freight train. Before he could react, he was hit with the powerful force of Cranidos' ramming head and was sent to the ground, almost immediately fainting.
    Sapphire watched in disbelief as she returned Inky. All that was left was Char, already injured enough. She was going to lose, she thought to herself, as Chars’ thrown Poke ball opened.

    Char was hurt and tired but willing to fight as he emerged. His eyes were in a glare and he was determined to win. Cranidos looked back at its’ owner, unsure of what to do. Without even a word, Roark solemnly nodded, and his Pokemon charged Sapphires’ Chimchar with a Take Down. Char closed his eyes as Cranidos bolted forward, and so did Sapphire, waiting for the sound of Char fainting. Instead, a rush of coursing energy was heard as Cranidos was abruptly stopped and Sapphire nervously opened her eyes.

    To her surprise, in place of her little Chimchar was twice as big Pokemon, similar in shape. Its’ tail was longer and flared hotter than its former, and it wore a blue markings on its’ face. Her Monferno held the Cranidos’ head back with two strong arms, as Roark looked in disbelief. Sapphire quickly checked her Pokedex, and it relayed information on Monferno, including that it had learned a new move, Mach Punch.

    “Mach Punch.”, Sapphire asked the device as Monferno continued to hold the struggling Cranidos with a powerful grip. “That’s Fighting type, so its super effective against Rock-type Pokemon!”

    “Char! Finish him off with a Mach Punch!” The girl told her partner with newfound strength.

    Char nodded, and as he held Cranidos’ head with one hand, he let out his attack. In that moment, Chars fist glowed bright as he released a punch with the speed of a jet, the powerful blow sending Cranidos spiraling out of Chars’ hand and onto the rocky ground. Completely beaten, Cranidos merely slumped down painfully as Roark returned him and sighed in defeat.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~

    “Well, that was one amazing battle.” Roark said to Sapphire outside of his Gym. He handed her a small medal-like object, in the shape of a black boulder.

    “Thanks, you were one tough opponent too.” Sapphire replied as she took the badge and shook his hand. She was thrilled with winning her first badge, and was dying to see the look on Rubys face if she met up with him again.

    “That’s the Coal Badge you got there. It allows the use of the HM move Rock Smash outside of battle, when you obtain it that is. If you’re looking to get the next badge, you’ll be wanting to head to Eterna City, east of here. Gardenia, the next leader and a friend of mine, will be waiting for you. Once again, great battle, Sapphire.” Roark stated to his former challenger.

    “Gotcha Roark, I’ll be heading there next morning. Thanks for the battle and badge!” She said after inspecting her new trophy. The sun looked as if about to set, and the young girl said her goodbye to the waving Gym Leader as she headed towards the cozy and warm light of the red roofed Poke Center.

  17. #17
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    wow you described the battle pretty well but the chapter was short an not much happened in it.....kinda disappointing. But I'm sure you can do much better, you showed me that with your first two chapters!!

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    a very good story..
    but as Light mentioned, the length of the story was suprisingly short
    but the battle was well-detailed...
    try making the story longer in the next chapter!
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    All I can say is that I am sorry for not reviewing sooner, and that I will give it my best now. ^ ^;;;

    Two things I noticed is that there seem to be comas after quite a few of the quotes like here:

    “Sure is dark in here.”, the young trainer stated as she hastily tried to walk over the various rocks and stalagmites that littered the floor of the cave.
    And that the possessive forms are a little off:

    Roarks’ gym was just as rocky and rugged as his own Pokemon.

    If you have ending punctuation inside the quotes (like periods, question marks, and exclamation points) then you don't need the coma after that. And like Roarks' should be Roark's, and its' should be only its.

    Also it the chapter was a little short, but actually that didn't bother me. It was straight and to the point. It was also needed to continue the story, and I like Roark as a character too.

    As for the battle, I really liked it. In fact it gave me Deja Vu, when I was playing Fire Red a few months ago I sent out my newly evolved Charmeleon and a Pikachu against Brock. (Because I really really bored and using the Bulbasuar/Squirtle line wouldn't have been enough of a challenge for me) and won by using Pikachu's Static for paralysis on Onix and a lot of Metal Claw attacks from Charmeleon So I got into the battle with Sapphire wondering how she was going to pull it out, and being even able to relate from the games as well.
    Last edited by Yoshi-kun; 7th July 2008 at 9:24 PM.
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    Hey y'all. Just so you know, I went on a brief hiatus for the summer. But fear not! I will have the next chapter up and running by the end of this month. Hejin out!

  21. #21
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    Default Hiatus Over.

    Hello All! It's been a long time since I posted. I had lots of Fan Art I was doing, so that was taking my attention away from this story. I hope you haven't abandoned me, but I plan to post a chapter or two a month. Anyway, I assume this story won't end for a year or so, so stay tuned. Enjoy the new chapter and R&R.

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    Ruby was standing in a large expanse. The air and ground were a dull gray, and there was a thick cloud of mist covering the ground. In the distance he heard his name being called by a familiar voice. “Ruby! Ruby!” the voice said, and quickly the boy realized it was the voice of Sapphire. He ran forward, trying to find her, but the mist became thick. His vision blurred, and soon he felt the mist wrapping around him, entrapping him. Suddenly, he saw two massive forms in front of him. One was like a tall, elegant dragon and the other, a glistening titanic lizard. Both stood towering over a figure of a man. As Ruby looked closer, he saw that the man was holding Sapphire in his arms, and he gave Ruby a look of cold stone.


    Ruby awoke to a loud noise that seemed oddly familiar. Unluckily for him, Hiro had the same exact Loudred alarm clock near his bunk bed. Disoriented and groggy, Ruby grasped around for the alarm clock that had awakened him from his slumber. He managed to grab it in his hand, and quickly pressed the snooze button. On top of him, Ruby could still hear Hiro’s snoring, and it made Ruby wonder of what he was dreaming. The other night, Hiro’s parents had let Ruby stay with them, as thanks for saving Hiro’s Pachirisu. Getting up from the bunk bed, Ruby rubbed his face with water, still in thought about the dream he had just had.

    “Hiro! Ruby! Time for breakfast”, Hiro’s mother said in her loudest voice. The cry had woken up Hiro, and before Ruby could react, the boy jumped down from the top bunk right on top of Ruby.

    “Owwwww!”, Ruby said in a weak voice as the young boy quickly got off of him.

    “Whoops. Sorry Ruby. Let’s go eat!” Hiro exclaimed as he ran out of the room and downstairs like a hungry Munchlax.

    Ruby merely sighed, and quickly making sure his spine wasn’t damaged, followed the boy downstairs.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~

    Ruby was sad, but grateful to be leaving Jubilife City. He had thanked Hiro and his parent’s for letting him stay at there house for the night, and Hiro almost didn’t let him go when he began to leave their apartment. Ruby thought that he’d come visit sometime.
    Walking down the final flight of stairs to the ground floor of the large condominium, Ruby saw what looked like a frail old woman hunched by the door. As he approached her, he began to walk through the door out of the condo. Suddenly, the old woman grabbed Ruby’s arm with a bony grip, and pulled him to her.

    “You! You must be Ruby from Hoenn!” the senior said in a gravely voice.

    “Uhh, yeah…that’s me.” Ruby replied in fear, due to the fact of how strong this woman was.

    “Then here. Take this”, she told the boy, putting in his hand what looked like a pale animal fang. “It’s a Quick Claw. It will increase the speed of your Pokemon in battle.” And before Ruby could even say thank you for the item, the old woman pushed him out of the door.

    “That was strange….but I got a Quick Claw…that I don’t need.”, a confused Ruby said as he paced his way towards Route 204, which would lead him to Floaroma Town. This was the location of the Normal Rank Beauty contest, and it was a beautiful town indeed. Hundreds of flowers grew all over the town, a perfect place for a Beauty contest, in which Ruby planned to win as part of his bet with Sapphire.

    “Sapphire….” Ruby said to himself as he pace along Route 204. She had been in his head for the longest time now. He didn’t want to admit it, but he truly did have the strongest of feelings for her; love. To him she was everything. She was intelligent, strong-willed, courageous, kind and most of all, beautiful. In the privacy of his own thoughts, Ruby had even remembered some of the strange dreams he had dreamt about her. When he told his mom about them, she would get all nervous and go on explaining things about “a man’s responsibility”, or “be careful what you get yourself into”. When he told his dad, Norman, he would merely chuckle and say, “Don't worry, Ruby. You’ll figure out what it all means eventually.”

    “Hey you!”, was what a young boy with a net and a safari hat said as Ruby was interrupted in his deep thoughts.

    “Challenging me to battle I’m guessing?” Ruby stated as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a Pokeball.

    “You betcha!” the bug catcher said as he threw forth his Pokeball.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~

    Ruby sighed lightly as he walked along more of Route 204. The trainers were really no challenge to him. In fact, the first bug trainer had caused his Pipo to learn a new move, Water Sport. His Pokedex had said this move causes Fire type moves to be weaker. As he paced, what lie ahead of him caused him to stop.

    In front of Ruby was the entrance to a dark cave. Though he had been in caves before, it had been awhile, and this one looked like a gaping maw. Next to the cave, there was a large sign that said, “RAVAGED PATH ENTRANCE TO FLOAROMA TOWN. NOTE THAT TRAINERS WILL REQUIRE HM ROCK SMASH TO TRAVEL THROUGH HERE.” That made Ruby’s mood plummet.

    “Rock Smash?!” he said to himself, “How am I supposed to get Rock Smash? I’m a coordinator for Mewtwo’s sake!”

    “Does somebody need Rock Smash?”, said a voice from behind Ruby. The boy turned around, and saw a tall male that looked about 17, and he wore a miner’s hat complete with the grayish miner’s garb. In his hand was what looked like a disc and some sort of strange device that looked like a syringe, but with a large compartment where the fluid would be, and no needle.

    “I do, but who are you supposed to be?” Ruby asked Roark in a questioning voice.
    “The name’s Roark. I’m the Leader of Oreburgh Gym, and the only person in the entire Sinnoh Region who holds the HM for Rock Smash.”

    “So are you giving it to me or what?” Ruby asked, while Roark had a sly smile and a gleam in his eye beneath his miner’s hat.

    “I’m not giving you anything.” Roark said to Ruby, whose face became a frown, “But I will let you use it on one condition.”, he continued, taking a Pokeball out as he finished.

    “A battle I’m guessing.” Ruby exclaimed as he pulled out Pipo’s Pokeball.

    “You guessed right. Now let’s see your stuff.”, Roark announced as he threw forth his Pokeball. It opened to reveal none other than his Cranidos, who looked stronger since fighting Sapphire’s Char. The rock Pokemon gave Ruby a glare as he threw forward Pipo’s ball, which opened to reveal the battle-ready Pokemon.

    “Alright. Let’s begin.” Roark told Ruby as he readied his Cranidos for Ruby’s attack.

    This should be easy. Water versus Rock. This isn’t a battle. Ruby thought in his head as he commanded his Piplup.

    “Pipo! Use Bubble!” The Piplup did as commanded and let loose a torrent of bubbles from its beak. Cranidos didn’t move at all, which was a surprise to Ruby, as the bubbles hit him head on. Surprisingly, the Rock Pokemon merely shook its head to the attack, and stood its ground.

    “What? It’s a rock type! You were supposed to faint right there!”, a flabbergasted Ruby exclaimed!

    “Well, there’s this thing you see. My Cranidos had lost yesterday to a trainer who had used it’s weakness against it. After that battle, I decided to train it to specifically be resistant to those moves, in a way that I can’t reveal, just revel in. Cranidos, use Take Down!”, Roark stated all while commanding his Pokemon.

    The Cranidos acknowledged, and with the force of a train, hit Ruby’s unprepared Piplup hard. The little Pokemon was flung to Ruby’s feet from the attack, and looked badly bruised. Ruby rushed to help his little Pokemon up.

    “Pipo! Don’t give up yet, we barely started.” He said as he helped his little Pokemon up. As Ruby helped Pipo stand up though, the little penguin Pokemon began to glow brightly. Ruby backed away as the glow glowed brighter and brighter, covering Pipo like a shroud. Roark merely looked in disbelief, a replay of events that had led to his defeat happening again.
    Then, the glow disappeared, and a new Pokemon was in Pipo’s place, it was much taller, and had two large yellow crests atop its head. Its wings were larger, and looked as if they could cut rock. Frantically, Ruby pulled out his Pokedex.

    “PRINPLUP, THE PENGUIN POKEMON. THIS POKEMON’S WINGS DELIVER WICKED BLOWS THAT SNAP EVEN THE THICKEST OF TREES. IT SEARCHES FOR PREY IN ICY SEAS.”, the Pokedex explained in a metallic voice. A large smile appeared on Ruby’s face as he also saw that his Prinplup had learned Metal Claw, a powerful move in which the user slices with the strength of steel.

    “Pipo.”, Ruby said to his companion, who looked at his opponent, the Cranidos, who no longer was glaring, but scared out of his wits. “Use Metal Claw!”

    The motion was fast, almost too fast, even for Ruby, but Pipo’s wings glowed white as he struck Cranidos with a powerful blow. In almost the same fashion as Sapphire’s battle, Cranidos spun out of control, right to Roark’s feet, fainted.

    “I need to stop underestimating my opponents”, Roark said wearily as he returned Cranidos.

    “I believe you owe me something.”, Ruby said as he approached Roark, and nodded towards the HM in his hand.
    “Oh, the HM. Sure here you go.”, Roark said as he gave it to Ruby. “The only thing is, it won’t work on your Pokemon.”

    Upon hearing this, Ruby fell over via anime style, and Roark chuckled as he said, “But don’t worry, I’ll take you through the Ravaged Path. Oh and by the way, you remind me so much of the trainer I fought yesterday, what was her name….Sapphire?”

    “Sapphire!” You fought her? And she won?, Ruby almost yelled when he heard her name.
    “Relax! You her lover or something”, Roark said innocently, but it made Ruby blush like a strawberry. The thoughts of his strange dreams about her began to enter his mind again.

    “No! I just wanted to know.” Ruby said, trying to hide the blush on his face.
    “Well…what’s you name by the way?” Roark asked.
    “It’s Ruby.”
    “Well, Ruby, I’ll explain the whole thing along the way.”

    With that, Ruby followed Roark into the Ravaged path, listening to his story, thoughts of Sapphire still swimming through his mind.
    Last edited by Hejin57; 23rd October 2008 at 10:14 PM.

  22. #22
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    Aug 2008
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    Yeeeeee! You updated! I really liked that chapter and your use of foreshadowing in the begining but I think you could've described the 2 pokemon better. I'm not even sure what pokemon you described but keep writing! (there are also some spelling mistakes but im too lazy to point them out)
    Last edited by @MeRoNo@; 18th October 2008 at 11:30 PM.

  23. #23
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    as I've said again in my previous post...
    the battle was well-written!
    but sadly...I'm kinda disappointed by the length of the story...
    nevertheless...good job!
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  24. #24
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
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    You updated! We'll still read it. As long as you still wtire it,

    The only thing with it this time is the quotes.

    “Hiro! Ruby! Time for breakfast”, Hiro’s mother said in her loudest voice.
    The coma goes inside the quote, instead coming after it.

    This chapter automatically wins just for having Roark in it. Why? Roark = WIN.

    Well Ruby got Rock Smash for no reason whatsoever. :P I kept thinking during the battle how is he going to use it. I wonder about that mysterious old woman too, and Quick Claw. And if Roark will be in the next chapter.
    Finally free til the 17th
    Now if my computer will cooperate...




    My fics


  25. #25
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    Aug 2008
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    Somewhere
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    56

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    Great story! I say even this isn't my favorite chapter it's pretty good. Having Ruby battle Rorak was something I would never expect. Um, so can I join the PM list.

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