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Thread: Reflections (Pokeshipping)

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    Default Reflections (Pokeshipping)

    I do not own Pokémon in any way, shape, or form.

    Okay, so this is a one-shot and it's rated PG-13 just to be safe. Because we know subjects involving the facts of life would corrupt the minds of the children. :P

    This fic is the result of a challenge by ~Mist~ to create fics inspired by fanart. The fanart by Miyabi Akasaka can be seen here.

    http://i28.*******.com/2qd50ll.jpg

    Credit to Miyabic's Room

    Hopefully the links work. >>

    Thanks are given to Water Spirit and Eeveebeth Fejvu whose stories inspired me to try writing my own fanfiction in the first place, and to ~Mist~ and Megaranger for the their kind comments when I recommended fanfictions. Thanks guys, if you're reading this.

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    Reflections


    Spring. It is known as a time of rebirth. When the cold sleeping darkness of winter is finally forced to relinquish its grip during a long struggle. One that eventually leads to the lighter living vibrance of summer.


    But spring is special, in that it does not sleep or excite. No it is the awakening. The symbol of all that is new, and new life is the most inspiring of all. Life that has just begun with its own awakening. Innocence and freshness radiating from within, livening all that it is around.


    This seemed to be the perfect representation of the mother Pidgey that was tenderly caring for her newly hatched chicks. The small brownish and cream colored bird, with the black around its eyes, sat dotingly among them in their well-built nest. They resembled miniature versions of her, only with more down than regular feathers.


    She was ever careful in grooming their fluffy plumage so as not to hurt them in any way. But at the same time she managed to keep a watchful eye out for any threat that might put her babies in harms way. The loving care and devotion showed vividly through her eyes. They were hers and hers alone. Thus she would not be sharing something so important to her with the dangers of the world.


    A young woman stared at the sight taking it all in. She had never fully understood what it meant before to feel like that. And now that she did, it filled her with warmth.


    Gentle breezes stared to wave her fiery red locks the way it did with the leaves on the trees. She lightly crossed her arms from the cooling wind, as they were unprotected in the simple white sleeveless shirt. Yet she was comfortable, since her lower extremities were covered with blue jeans and sneakers, so she continued to watch the small family with interest.


    Suddenly another bird Pokémon arrived and entered the intricate nest. Rather than rushing to protect her offspring against the new intruder; instead the mother greeted it with joy. It gave her something in its beak, and the chicks began to chirp excitedly. Soon both Pokémon were feeding their hungry children, sating their needs for the time being.


    The woman named Misty smiled at the family. She was reminded about her own experiences in life. Reflecting on how she had felt when she too was thrown into the wonderful and yet one once scary situation.

    ~~~

    For years Misty grew up with thoughts of meeting and falling in love with a Prince Charming. Or at least her idea of what the perfect guy should be like. She would settle for no less. But love has a pretty good way of throwing a wrench into such ideas.


    Not that she knew exactly what true love at first sight was way back then. When she fished that boy out of the river all those years ago, she did not see him as a future lover, but more as something that resembled a drowned out Rattata with an injured Pokémon in his arms.


    And then when he “borrowed” her bike and trashed it, he became someone who she vowed to get payment out of even if she had to follow him to the ends of the earth. That and though how much she hated to admit it, she was intrigued by him. She had never met anyone like him, and had to know more.


    Slowly her perceptions changed. He went from bike wrecker, acquaintance, friend, best friend, crush, to finally someone she was forced to admit to herself that she was in love with.


    How did this happen? Why him? Out of all the people she could have fallen in love with... Why was it the dense, annoying, reckless, and stubborn Ash Ketchum? He did not match her idea of the perfect guy at all, and yet she loved him anyway.


    There were good traits about him however, and she supposed that is what helped draw her to him. He had to be one of the kindest, bravest, and most selfless persons she ever met. An aura seemed to float about him drawing in others along with herself. And she could say one thing, there certainly was never a dull moment around him that’s for sure.


    But sadly there had always been one major hurdle to her feelings. Ash had always been oblivious to love, simply too immature and focused on Pokémon to love anyone. She would wait and wonder if Ash could feel the same way. Though even if he didn’t, being around him as his best friend did provide some comfort.


    She never expected him to confess his feelings for her, well she had hoped in her wildest dreams, but that was a fantasy, not reality. It just was not going to happen, but yet it did. Even if it had taken him several years to realize how he felt. Naturally her fantasies never included stuttering, nervous sixteen-year-olds attempting to cover up some comment made accidentally, and after failing miserably mutter the barely audible truth. Instead her imagination had been much more romantic and a lot less awkward.


    Either way the truth was... she would not trade it for anything. For it had come from him, and was not only in her fantasies anymore. She would rather it be from the heart, than to be fake.


    Years more passed and they had to be some of the best years of her life. They were together for the most part, except for a few bumps along the way, and she got the chance to travel and experience so many new things. She wished for the bliss in her life to last forever.


    Then somehow, a surprisingly conflictive topic sneaked its way into their relationship.


    They went out together one night near a lake, close to where they were staying. One thing lead to another and they almost lost themselves in the atmosphere, but even more troubling beyond that now needed discussion, was what he said because of that.


    “I guess everything would be okay right now if we were married, huh?”


    It was more a sigh caused by the continuing awkwardness than a proposal actually. They had not been ready that night, in more ways than one, as she concluded now blushing from embarrassment. So while they’d saved themselves from any possible surprises, what he said still lingered.


    Marriage was a topic that should have been so easy. That is how it was with other couples she had seen, but somehow they always had to be different. What was surprising to her about this whole mess was how scared of such a simple thing she was. It was either yea or nay and they, as she knew very well later, blew it all out of proportion.


    The real issue as it turned out was not the commitment, but the actual marriage event. That is the ceremony itself. They had not been afraid so much of the vows, as they were of the big extravaganza where nerves were on edge from everything that could go wrong.


    Sometimes she honestly thought Ash was jinxed. Cursed by clumsiness wasn’t enough unless something also went awry at the most inopportune time.


    They did eventually get married, though after the sequence of her nearly throwing up before the wedding, and him passing out during the vows. Their second attempt at a wedding was so much nicer and relaxed. The nerves issue having been solved beforehand, unknowingly for the guests, by eloping.


    Once again they traveled together, except now even closer and more intimately than before. Because that is what they were at heart, travelers. Ash was never one to sit still for very long; missing out on what could be his next adventure. She too enjoyed it, when they were not in danger. Then however is when she learned that love can throw more than one wrench at you.


    What started simply as a bug she had caught, progressed towards almost constant misery for her. Not to mention she also became irregular missing two of her monthlies in a row.


    Yet she refused to believe it, she was only twenty-four. Too young to be a mother, and she still had so many things to do. Not to have it all ripped away by having to deal with constant responsibility now. She should be at least thirty, yes thirty sounded like a good age.


    Since she wasn’t thirty however, she had to deal with this now. So begrudgingly she went out and bought a test... Naturally her results had to be wrong since it did have a small margin of error.


    It was kind of odd she figured others would think, that she, who had so lovingly tended to Togepi would be afraid now. That was it, taking care of a baby Pokémon didn’t feel nearly as overwhelming. Human babies were a lot harder and so much more complicated.


    Plus she was, in her mind, a wuss when it came to her body. She supposed it could be called selfish, but what else could she say? This was one of those times she wished those stories about the Pelipper were really true, as she would most definitely prefer her newborn to simply be handed to her without all the agony. But these reservations she would not admit to anybody, not even him, lest it show what a weakling she could be. And she refused for anyone to think of her as a weak coward.


    This would mean not only more responsibility for them and a future day of anguish for her, but also the end of their journey. They could not travel anymore with a baby; well she certainly wasn’t going to risk her child on some perilous adventure.


    What was she going to tell him then? How would he react? Even though most of her refused to believe it, a small fear existed saying that he would want to continue to travel without her. To leave her alone as a housewife. No, she would never let herself fall to such a fate, to be alone with everything, and she planned to make that quite clear if it should ever arise.


    In the end though, she may have concluded that she might have let her imagination dictate too much to her on too many things.


    These worries followed her everywhere, and she wondered how long she could last without knowing the answers. How long could she go with it building up inside? Yet it still felt like the release from the pressure came all too soon


    She passed out cold right in the middle of the sidewalk in the town where she happened to be, and in the process as she learned later, given him a fit. Upon waking up at the local hospital it was luckily revealed that there was nothing wrong with her, but it was only somewhat a surprise when he revealed what else they found.


    That had led to another long discussion in their relationship, as the result had not stunned her as much as it did him. He wanted to know why she had not told him if she considered the possibility herself, because he was not relaxed yet from the stunt she pulled. She figured he was right, most women probably said something before they were over three months pregnant.


    They talked about a lot of things, and she was thoroughly relieved to put any of her misconceptions to rest. Not that... she tried very hard not to let on that she may have had any misconceptions in the first place. After all that would be admitting fault, and she did not like being wrong, or worse, him knowing she was.


    He was happy, and had no intentions of dragging their offspring through the countryside, or of leaving her alone to deal with a child. And she was berating her mind as well, that it had forgotten his past while it was taking the trip through hormone crazed panic. His father walked out on him and his mother before he was even born. How much of an affect this had on his psyche was something he liked to keep to himself. But it was now obvious he had long planned to take a different path from that of his parent, to give his child what he never had, and grudgingly may have wanted.


    As for her, she understood in some ways all too well. Her sisters while she loved them, had to be among the worst responsible role models in the world, yet it is not like they had any choice after their parents were killed in a car accident.


    Ash and she, they were determined give their baby the best possible parental effort they could give it. No one could say they failed if they tried their best right? Actually they could, but that was something they refused to think about.


    Most imagine lovely homes with nice yards, and white picket fences when they think of a family. On such short notice with a lack of noticeable monetary funds; however, emergency moves to the house of ones mother-in-law can take some of the splendor out of certain ideas.


    As time passed it was such a comfort to have him there, for once the hormones kicked in full force, she thought him to be the only one brave enough to meet her eyes. Also it was found that under the influence of mood swings she was more talkative-whether for better or worse-and open with how she felt. That was how he eventually found out about her cowardice concerning her body.


    It meant a lot to know he understood her fears, even if she hated the fact that she had lost complete control of her mouth. Helping her conquer some things as she dealt with them relaxed her apprehensions, despite knowing even he could not save her from her eventual fate.


    And fate was not always nice either. Hers included trips to two different hospitals, almost two days of sheer agony, and in the end a cesarean section when she could not deliver. Except for the wonderful gift she got out of that, the experience was something she would rather forget.


    A gift was the best description for her daughter, for she knew the first time she looked into those wide curious orbs of the joy she felt. She could feel it even without having to hold her; she knew what she felt at sight alone. That convinced her firmly in that very moment that it had all been worth it.


    Ash had never looked so emotional to her as he held the little girl in his arms. He blinked back the mist in his eyes and gazed at her, his face too displayed bliss and happiness.


    Being a parent turned out to be one of the greatest things she had experienced, and she knew he shared that sentiment too. To be honest she thought he coddled over her more than she did.


    Everything was not sunshine and roses however, especially when their Precious decided to announce upon arriving home that she preferred to sleep with the lights on. Naturally that slightly complicated matters since all of them were staying in the same room. But as they eventually figured out, Hospitals did not have the darkest nurseries, and so they finally started to recover from the insomnia with the purchase of night-lights.


    All they really could do was try, as they kept telling themselves.


    About a year had passed since then. They now lived in an apartment in Viridian City, since they wanted to stand on their own and no longer feel like a burden. And as much as they loved Delia, living there had put a bit of a damper on some of the more exciting parts of their relationship.


    So in the end it had all worked out she would say, it had not been perfect in the least, but the most important thing was they were together. She would not change anything about that. Their family was something they would never give up.

    ~~~

    She continued smiling as she watched the Pidgey, and relating back to her life.


    A cry went out in the air startling her and the Pokémon, prompting them to quickly cover their young with their wings for protection.


    Misty reacted quickly too, though for very different reasons. Bringing her attention down to the blue stroller next to her, she tried desperately to soothe the waking child’s cries.


    “Shh... it’ll be okay. I know what you want, and I promise it’ll be here soon.” she provided the toddler in a calming tone. But muttered under her breath, “At least it be better be.”


    However the tot did not take her words as seriously as she would have hoped, and thus continued to whimper. Hoping to come up with a quick solution before they further disturbed the peace in the park; she searched frantically with her eyes for the answer to their problem.


    “Hey!”


    And then miraculously it appeared.


    A young man with messy raven hair stopped before her, panting heavily from running all the way there. He was dressed similarly to her with a black tee shirt being the main visual difference. Grayer pants and brown loafers completed the ensemble. Standing to face her he stated, “I found it.”


    “What took you so long? It’s been fifteen minutes.”


    “I know, but somehow... it was hidden under the sofa.” he muttered back at her.


    Another cry brought their attention back to the situation at hand, and Ash turned to the stroller, “Hey there, Andrea, look Daddy’s got your buddy.” With that he placed the small Pikachu plushie he had been holding in her waiting arms.


    Andrea’s crystal blue eyes lit up upon sight of her companion. Her dark brown hair, which was the perfect contrast to her eyes and fair skin, stopped shaking along with her pleas. Quickly cuddling it in her arms she sighed happily with contentment. It blended together quite well with her yellow one-piece outfit.


    Misty went to the back of the stroller, preparing to start the walk that was originally planned before Andrea’s friend had been forgotten. She called out in a sing song voice, “Come on out, Pikachu, it’s safe now.”


    The yellow electric rodent reappeared in a tree near them, after scampering away as soon as Andrea woke up. He was very weary of her with the clinging stage she was in. There was no telling when she would try to grab and hold him captive in her clutches of doom. For he knew that he had no real defense that could be used except to call for help, which happened on more than one occasion. And not catching him when he was in her view sight meant painfully loud sulking afterwards. Thus, that was the reason for the stuffed Pokémon in the first place. To spare him from having his poor ears and tail nearly ripped out of their sockets, along with calming her wants. Deciding it was okay; he finally climbed down and wandered over to the nearby pond, taking interest in watching the swimming Goldeen.


    Returning to her earlier musings Misty pointed to another particular tree and asked, “Hey, Ash, what do you think about those Pidgey up there?”


    He stared at them for awhile before replying, “Um, they’re... doing... Pidgey stuff?” Knowing already it was not what she was looking for. She had a bad tendency to ask questions like this, questions that he no idea how exactly she wanted him to answer.


    She also knew not to be surprised or as frustrated from his answers by now either. So she simply sighed and started, “No, I meant that they’re a family like us.” And also managed to finish smiling.


    “Oh, yeah. You’re right.” Now getting it he took a little more interest in their activities.


    They simply stood there taking everything in for awhile. The sounds, the sights, and the smells of the park around them were all new, fresh, and enticing. But even better in Misty’s opinion, was the sight of Ash now leaning over the stroller playing with Andrea who was squealing with delight. She would not trade this life for anything.


    And so she reflected, that spring was a good representation of them as well.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    AN: Whew, that's done. THANK GOD! I finally finished a fic! After all this time of writing too, yeeessssh. Once I saw that fanart a few days ago I got inspired and wrote the rough draft in two days, which is insanely fast for me. oO And I've been editing and rewriting it every time I've looked at it since then, until by now it just resembles a blur of messy black lines that run together, so I decided to post it.

    This is the first thing I thought was worth posting too. >> Because I have a bad tendency to look at my own writing as being cruddy. So I hope that some of you might think it's worth reading and reviewing.

    Yoshi
    Last edited by Yoshi-kun; 12th July 2009 at 5:12 AM.

  2. #2
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    I have to say, that sure is one fine piece of work. Very well-written, deep and serious in the actual writing as well. I like how you used Pokemon as a sort of object of reflection. I really am not just saying this, but you really are a talented writer. Once again, 10 out of 10 on this if you ask me.

  3. #3
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    Wow, you really think so? Woah, thanks a lot! And you think it's a ten out of ten? Well, that boosts my lowly confidence for writing.

    Yeah, I wanted to do analogies because I love them and I think they help describe things better sometimes. Spring is normally when you think of babies being born because of nature, and I used to live near a bird's nest at my old house. And I like using Pokemon because, hey it's the Pokemon world isn't it? So I'm glad it worked out.

    Thanks for your review!

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    Wow, awesome Yoshi-kun, you finally got around to writing something! (unless I'm like, totally wrong and you wrote something before that I never got to read ) I love that you followed the fanart Miyabi made of the family pic (that is soooo adorable!) and the description was just awesome. And, I don't know... I don't know what else to say except it was totally a pleasure to read. Hope to get more from you Yoshi-chan (sorry, couldn't resist XP)
    ~*Uza-chan's Good bye*~

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    Thanks for reviewing Uza-chan, and no you haven't missed anything. :P Except for maybe some of my other earlier stuff that that I haven't posted anywhere, thank goodness, until lots of rewriting.

    I'm really glad you liked the fic and yeah, I put a lot of effort into description. And Yoshi-chan? That's wrong, even if it's true! XD Yeah, I have other plot ideas, maybe I'll get inspired and write them as fast too.
    Last edited by Yoshi-kun; 26th April 2008 at 4:19 AM.

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    Well written, Yoshi-kun! Serious, but kinda sweet too. And there's no denying that Pokéshipping's the best couple ever. 10/10!

  7. #7
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    Er...you write as well ?
    lol, I'm glad, cause, I know you're a serious shipper, PokéShipper especially, and I can't wait to see how you write

    Quote Originally Posted by Yoshi-kun View Post
    Spring. It is known as a time of rebirth. When the cold sleeping darkness of winter is finally forced to relinquish its grip during a long struggle. One that eventually leads to the lighter living vibrance of summer.


    But spring is special, in that it does not sleep or excite. No it is the awakening. The symbol of all that is new, and new life is the most inspiring of all. Life that has just begun with its own awakening. Innocence and freshness radiating from within, livening all that it is around.
    Very nice description, very sought out
    The bolded should be 'nor' and I believe you could have used a comma before it instead of a full stop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Yoshi-kun View Post
    How did this happen? Why him? Out of all the people she could have fallen in love with... Why was it the dense, annoying, reckless, and stubborn Ash Ketchum?
    That's a question each and every one of us has asked ^^'
    ...I've got nothing besides love xD

    Quote Originally Posted by Yoshi-kun View Post
    They did eventually get married, though after the sequence of her nearly throwing up before the wedding, and him passing out during the vows.
    LOL !!

    Quote Originally Posted by Yoshi-kun View Post
    Since she wasn’t thirty however, she had to deal with this now. So begrudgingly she went out and bought a test... Naturally her results had to be wrong since it did have a small margin of error.


    It was kind of odd she figured others would think, that she, who had so lovingly tended to Togepi would be afraid now. That was it, taking care of a baby Pokémon didn’t feel nearly as overwhelming. Human babies were a lot harder and so much more complicated.


    Plus she was, in her mind, a wuss when it came to her body. She supposed it could be called selfish, but what else could she say? This was one of those times she wished those stories about the Pelipper were really true, as she would most definitely prefer her newborn to simply be handed to her without all the agony. But these reservations she would not admit to anybody, not even him, lest it show what a weakling she could be. And she refused for anyone to think of her as a weak coward.
    Let me get this straight : the baby was an accident ?! They didn't want a baby now ?
    Wow...what drama ^^'


    The end was cute ! Very cute indeed
    The only thing I could pint out in this fic : the lack of dialogue...you can easily think that the abundance of description could saturate a bit...

    Nevertheless, very good piece of work ! Writing was good, grammar as well, so nothing to say there. Even the presentation was good, you spaced the text well...but yeah, I think you could have spent a bit more time either on dialogue, or describing a bit more their relationship. 4 stars ^^
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    @HikariTajiri: I'm very glad you think so! Yeah, Pokeshipping totally rocks. Thanks for your review!

    @shadow_shipper: Yep, I can get pretty serious at times with ships. ^^ And oh well, I guess I messed up there, but I'm glad that's the only typo you could find after all the time I spent I proofreading this.

    Who hasn't asked that question? So I had to include it. :P And I've always thought of their wedding being a disaster in one way or another.

    Let me get this straight : the baby was an accident ?! They didn't want a baby now ?
    Wow...what drama ^^'
    To answer your questions, I was trying to go for a something a bit different than what you normally might see in other fics. Yep, they wanted to wait, and it was a total accident (coughletsjustsayprotectionfailedcough). Yeah, and Misty also wanted to enjoy her youth and once she figured it out, the hormone's had already begun to take over her mind. Yes, it definitely made for good drama.

    The end was cute ! Very cute indeed
    The only thing I could pint out in this fic : the lack of dialogue...you can easily think that the abundance of description could saturate a bit...
    I'm relieved that ending turned out so well for everyone, it took me awhile to know what exactly to do with it.

    And that's probably true, though normally you hear the opposite about there being too much dialogue and too little description, so I tried to avoid that. So I went a little too far in the opposite direction I guess. I can see I what you mean.

    Nevertheless, very good piece of work ! Writing was good, grammar as well, so nothing to say there. Even the presentation was good, you spaced the text well...but yeah, I think you could have spent a bit more time either on dialogue, or describing a bit more their relationship. 4 stars ^^
    That's great, thanks! And I think maybe I should have done some more with relationship now too. But, oh well. ^ ^; I can say that the next thing I write will probably have more dialogue than this. Yeah.

    Thanks for reviewing!
    Last edited by Yoshi-kun; 27th April 2008 at 4:03 AM.

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    Yay! I'm so glad someone else decided to do the fanart challenge. Anyway, Yoshi-kun, I think this is quite good. There are some grammatical errors (mostly run-on sentences and fragments as well as a few other things), something I feel like I always have an obligation to mention; please don't kill me for being an English major! It's nothing awful or glaring, though, so don't worry about it too much. I do have to agree with shadow_shipper when he/she says that it's kind of overly descriptive; it's nice to be descriptive, of course, but sometimes an author can try a bit too hard and the language can end up being overly flowery or chiched. (I suppose I shouldn't talk, though, since I tend to do the opposite in my fics, which, really, is just as bad.) I do, however, like how you describe Ash upon his meeting with Misty as a drowned Rattata.

    Apart from those things I liked the story. I'm usually not a fan of stories about Ash and Misty as adults, but I enjoyed this one for some reason. I thought it was interesting that you made the baby an accident of sorts, which actually seems pretty realistic if you think about it. Somehow I can't imagine Ash and Misty wanting to settle down in their early or even mid twenties; they're too into traveling and adventure for that. I admittedly laughed at your use of the word "monthies," but I actually think it fits with the mature and poetic nature of the piece; the word "period" would seem silly and out of place. I liked how you use the mother Pidgey and her babies to sort of mirror Misty's family situation. The idea of the stuffed Pikachu was adorable! Comparing Pelipper to the stork was genius!

    Anyway, you should write more often. Try to have a little more confidence in yourself as a writer (like I'm one to talk, considering I always doubt my writing abilities); you're not bad at all!

  10. #10
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    Wow that was a great and refreshing read!

    Seeing Pokeshipping fics these days on these forums is like a needle in a haystack now which is why I read the story in the first place since I wasn't really familiar with your writing. But now that I took the time out to read the story, I've got to say that I really enjoyed it. You have a very mature outlook on life and it shows in your writing by how you detail everything so carefree yet with a serious tone.

    To be honest I prefer reading serious fics and there's nothing wrong with writing them! You have great style and I would definitely enjoy reading more of your future entries if you happen to decide to become a full fledged author.

    The story I felt was wonderful and straight to the point. Nothing felt like it needed detail and the major events that needed more detail were handled appropriately (loved the fact that they had eloped before having their second wedding just so they could calm their nerves! )

    In my opinion, this was the perfect one-shot. It was concise and never strayed off of the path of the mainplot. The length was definitely managable (something I feel my stories are yearning for) and the story was entertaining to read. It was the ideal Pokeshippers fantasy and there would be details in this story that would make me smile and get that feeling of nostalgia.

    You should definitely keep writing Yoshi-kun, I'll definitely be there to read any future stories! (Also feel free to stop by the Pokeshipping Author's Club, we could use some more members! )
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  11. #11
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    That was really good, Yoshi-kun! By the way, there was no way you could've known I gave my fic the same title since I never told anyone. Anyway...

    So yeah, I like how everything in Ash and Misty's life wasn't perfect. I liked how you had Misty worry about whether Ash would take off again after the baby was born, that seems realistic. Oh, and I liked the part where it talked about Ash's confession, how it wasn't perfect, but was better that way. So, yeah, nice job!
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    Sorry for going AWOL, but thank you for your wonderful reviews everyone!

    Quote Originally Posted by Milotic17
    Yay! I'm so glad someone else decided to do the fanart challenge. Anyway, Yoshi-kun, I think this is quite good. There are some grammatical errors (mostly run-on sentences and fragments as well as a few other things), something I feel like I always have an obligation to mention; please don't kill me for being an English major! It's nothing awful or glaring, though, so don't worry about it too much. I do have to agree with shadow_shipper when he/she says that it's kind of overly descriptive; it's nice to be descriptive, of course, but sometimes an author can try a bit too hard and the language can end up being overly flowery or chiched. (I suppose I shouldn't talk, though, since I tend to do the opposite in my fics, which, really, is just as bad.)
    I'm glad you liked it. :0 Yeah, I know tried to proofread it and get everything but there are still some things I missed, and I that I went overboard with the description when I was avoiding dialogue as much as possible. I'll work on that next time. And no don't worry I won't kill you or anyone for concrit. :P

    I do, however, like how you describe Ash upon his meeting with Misty as a drowned Rattata.

    Apart from those things I liked the story. I'm usually not a fan of stories about Ash and Misty as adults, but I enjoyed this one for some reason. I thought it was interesting that you made the baby an accident of sorts, which actually seems pretty realistic if you think about it. Somehow I can't imagine Ash and Misty wanting to settle down in their early or even mid twenties; they're too into traveling and adventure for that. I admittedly laughed at your use of the word "monthies," but I actually think it fits with the mature and poetic nature of the piece; the word "period" would seem silly and out of place. I liked how you use the mother Pidgey and her babies to sort of mirror Misty's family situation. The idea of the stuffed Pikachu was adorable! Comparing Pelipper to the stork was genius!

    Yep, I put thought into what they were going to do and how they would act to keep them as much in character as possible. I also love analogies and so the Pokemon comparison felt natural to me. Yeah, periods didn't sound right to me when I choose to use monthlies instead. And to be honest the whole cute scene with Pikachu was kind off the top of my head trying to use him in the fic and showing his relationship with Andrea. I'm happy it turned out so well.

    Anyway, you should write more often. Try to have a little more confidence in yourself as a writer (like I'm one to talk, considering I always doubt my writing abilities); you're not bad at all!
    Thanks, all theses wonderful reviews I've gotten definitely have given me a boost and some confidence for writing.

    Quote Originally Posted by el_toro
    Wow that was a great and refreshing read!

    Seeing Pokeshipping fics these days on these forums is like a needle in a haystack now which is why I read the story in the first place since I wasn't really familiar with your writing. But now that I took the time out to read the story, I've got to say that I really enjoyed it. You have a very mature outlook on life and it shows in your writing by how you detail everything so carefree yet with a serious tone.

    To be honest I prefer reading serious fics and there's nothing wrong with writing them! You have great style and I would definitely enjoy reading more of your future entries if you happen to decide to become a full fledged author.

    The story I felt was wonderful and straight to the point. Nothing felt like it needed detail and the major events that needed more detail were handled appropriately (loved the fact that they had eloped before having their second wedding just so they could calm their nerves! )

    In my opinion, this was the perfect one-shot. It was concise and never strayed off of the path of the mainplot. The length was definitely managable (something I feel my stories are yearning for) and the story was entertaining to read. It was the ideal Pokeshippers fantasy and there would be details in this story that would make me smile and get that feeling of nostalgia.

    You should definitely keep writing Yoshi-kun, I'll definitely be there to read any future stories! (Also feel free to stop by the Pokeshipping Author's Club, we could use some more members! )
    Wow, thank you very much for your kind words el_toro. When I read your review it made the smile on my face even wider.

    I agree there aren't a lot of Pokeshipping stories on the forum right now which is another reason I decided try writing the ship.

    The way the tone turned out is something I am happy about with this because I felt I was able to keep from straying off topic, and it's so great that everyone else seems to think so too.

    I would like to become a full fledged author, but the down side has been that I'm normally a slow writer and my low confidence. Hopefully now though with some more experience and confidence I can combat that.

    The fact that you think it's the perfect one-shot is some thing I as author am grateful for.

    I'll try hard not to let anyone down in comparison to this when I write another fic. And the Pokeshipping Author's Club? I'll have to check it out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hakajin
    That was really good, Yoshi-kun! By the way, there was no way you could've known I gave my fic the same title since I never told anyone. Anyway...
    Thank you Hakajin, and well you know what they say: great minds think alike. I know how you write, your fic will probably be great.

    So yeah, I like how everything in Ash and Misty's life wasn't perfect. I liked how you had Misty worry about whether Ash would take off again after the baby was born, that seems realistic. Oh, and I liked the part where it talked about Ash's confession, how it wasn't perfect, but was better that way. So, yeah, nice job!
    Yep, one of the main themes was that everything's not perfect. I hate when the characters lives are perfect in fics, so I made that one of the concepts in the writing. And it's part of the way I think of them.

    It's also nice to know that liked this because I know how much thought you put into the characters.



    Anyway thanks a lot for the reviews everybody!

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
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    You alright there Yoshi-kun ^^

    Well I really love the description and the easy structure. I liked the mention of Andrea, and the fact that she had a pikachu plushie. Also it was very funny about the mentioning of Delia living with them.

    The mood was very peaceful and I love the Spring setting.

    Here are some of my other favorite parts
    Spring. It is known as a time of rebirth. When the cold sleeping darkness of winter is finally forced to relinquish its grip during a long struggle. One that eventually leads to the lighter living vibrance of summer.


    But spring is special, in that it does not sleep or excite. No it is the awakening. The symbol of all that is new, and new life is the most inspiring of all. Life that has just begun with its own awakening. Innocence and freshness radiating from within, livening all that it is around.
    Slowly her perceptions changed. He went from bike wrecker, acquaintance, friend, best friend, crush, to finally someone she was forced to admit to herself that she was in love with.


    How did this happen? Why him? Out of all the people she could have fallen in love with... Why was it the dense, annoying, reckless, and stubborn Ash Ketchum? He did not match her idea of the perfect guy at all, and yet she loved him anyway.
    Ash had never looked so emotional to her as he held the little girl in his arms. He blinked back the mist in his eyes and gazed at her, his face too displayed bliss and happiness.


    Being a parent turned out to be one of the greatest things she had experienced, and she knew he shared that sentiment too. To be honest she thought he coddled over her more than she did.
    I like it a lot Yoshi-kun, it reminded me of this scene where Misty was older and here was another girl matching Andrea's description.


    ☆ Maya Fey: Ace Pokemon Trainer
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  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
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    Yeah, I'm okay. It's just insanely hard to get on the site right now. ^ ^; I'm glad you like the fic. I put a lot into the description, and the flow of everything, so hearing praise like yours and others makes it all worth it. Those scenes you quoted reminded me of how much I enjoyed writing this. And... *blinks* You're so right, this whole I time I never thought about the teenage/adult Misty from that trailer thing, but it reminds me of that too now. I had forgotten all about that, hmm... now it's even easier to picture all of this in my head. ^ ^ Thank you so much for your review! I like hearing the thoughts of others on my work
    Finally free til the 17th
    Now if my computer will cooperate...




    My fics


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