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Thread: My Name Is Fuega

  1. #1
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    Default My Name Is Fuega

    Hey all! I'm Aqua059, but you can call me Aqua. I'm no stranger to the world of fanfiction, but this is my first time posting a story on Serebii. The main reason I'm doing this is because of the utterly noobish reviews I get on ff.net - you all know the type. I'd like some REAL constructive criticism.

    The 'first chapter' I'm posting here is actually the first two chapters from ff.net put together.

    NOTES:
    -This story has absolutely zilch to do with PokeSpecial. Freesk is just a very cool name for a Caterpie.
    -Yes, the Bayleef mentioned is Ash's Bayleef. Technically, this story takes place in the anime world, but it really doesn't have anything to do with the canon characters.

    SUMMARY: Fuega isn't too pleased when she is suddenly whisked away from her nice, cozy home at Professor Oak's lab and given to what is, in her opinion, an utterly NOOBISH Trainer. Just as things are beginning to calm down for the unsettled Charmander girl and her new teammates, she is kidnapped by a Hunter to be sold on the Pokemon black market - and her life as a feral creature begins. Fuega will be the one to walk the border between close, yet completely seperate worlds...this is her story.

    ~------------------~
    ~------------------~

    “Charmander, use Ember attack now!”

    Chaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

    Sparks of fire rained down on a green bug, causing it to squirm in pain. A young boy stood about seven feet away from it, looking smug and confident.

    “All right, Charmander, step back!” The boy held up a red-and-white sphere, preparing to throw it. “Pokéball, go!” With a swing of his arm, the sphere was sent flying through the air. It struck the dazed insect and swallowed it up in a flash of light, then fell to the ground, where it jerked and rolled for a few seconds. There was a small click and the ball stopped moving.

    The boy ran over to the motionless capsule and picked it up, striking a pose. “I caught a Caterpie!” he cheered.

    Nearby, a small orange lizard watched its Trainer as its flame-tipped tail twitched back and forth. “Big deal, Kevin. You caught a bug. I baked the thing with Ember. Why does it matter?” The creature sighed and sat down heavily. She didn’t expect her Trainer to understand her – no human could. But she felt more than a bit of irritation at this nitwit who had chosen her as his Pokémon. She would much rather be back at the Professor’s home with her two best friends than with this dingbat human who couldn’t tell a Wurmple from a Weedle.

    The Charmander, whose name was Fuega (though her Trainer was unaware of this), sighed as she remembered them. Her two best friends, Daffodil and Blue. She had spent her entire childhood playing with them, learning with them, growing alongside them. She had thought nothing could separate them.

    Heh…This must be nothing, then.
    ________________________________________

    Daffodil was a calm, modest, and kind Bulbasaur. She hated arguments, but loved to settle them. Fuega always figured that it was because she spent so much time with the two older Bulbasaur that helped the Professor.

    Blue, on the other hand, was loud, boisterous, and loved to play tricks. So far in his troublemaking career, the crazy Squirtle had managed to start a Tauros stampede, short out nearly every electrical appliance in the lab with some well-placed Water Guns, unleash a very mad Jigglypuff on the Professor and his assistant, let a lot of Bug Pokémon into the lab, paint on every wall at least once, and cause Bayleef to ground him over sixty times.

    Fuega herself was somewhere in between. She loved a good practical joke every now and then, but she wasn’t a total goof like Blue. The three were inseparable. Until three days ago.

    Fuega remembered that morning so vividly; it felt as though it only happened a few hours ago. She had been lifting herself gently out of the fog that was sleep, when suddenly…

    BAM!!

    The Charmander was jolted suddenly into the real world with a high-pitched shriek as she jumped five feet into the air. Upon landing, she glanced around frantically and saw Blue, standing next to her with a pin in one hand, a burst balloon in the other, and a huge grin across his face. When he saw Fuega’s panicked expression, he burst into laughter.

    “Oh man, that was hilarious!” he howled. “You – you shoulda seen your face!” He rolled on the floor, laughing crazily.

    Having recovered from the shock, Fuega gave him a death glare and raised her clawed hand to smack him upside the head. Daffodil got there first, though.

    WHACK!!

    “Owwww!” Blue moaned, holding his head.

    Daffodil gave a little hrmph and retracted her vine. “Then you shouldn’t have been mean to Fuega.”

    Blue gave his aching head a little shake. “Party pooper,” he grumbled. “C’mon, Bayleef and the Prof’s assistant have our breakfast.” The three headed into another room, completely unaware of what would happen that day…
    ________________________________________

    And here she was now, barbecuing worms. How wonderful.
    ________________________________________

    As she munched on a piece of Pokémon food, Fuega cast a glance at the green insect Pokémon that was her new teammate. The Caterpie saw her looking his way, and tried to start a conversation.

    “Hi! I’m Freesk, a Caterpie!” he squeaked.

    Fuega looked coldly at the bug. “I can see you’re a Caterpie,” she replied in an icy voice.

    A tiny sweatdrop appeared on Freesk’s head. “Eh…What’s your name?”

    Fuega glared. “Fuega. Do you need to know anything else?”
    The sweatdrop increased slightly in size. “Um…no.”

    “I’m going to keep eating, if you don’t mind.”

    Huge sweatdrop. “…Okay…”

    Kevin was apparently finished eating, because he stood up and addressed the two Pokémon. “Good to see you two are getting to know each other,” he said with a smile on his face. Fuega gritted her teeth. “We’ll reach Pewter City within the next week,” he continued. “There’s a place there called a Pokémon Gym, where Trainers battle a Gym Leader for an official League Badge. So if we’re gonna win, we have to get stronger. Tomorrow, we’ll face off against some of the Trainers in this forest.”

    Fuega felt a sense of impending doom. Oh, no…
    ________________________________________

    Training began very early the next morning, and consisted mainly of beating the living Mew out of small wild Pokemon. Fuega had to admit, Freesk wasn’t as weak as he looked. In one short battle, he defeated a Pidgey with only two Tackles. He worked pretty well with Kevin, too, following commands while creatively expanding on his Trainer’s loose instruction.

    Fuega decided to give the kid a slightly harder time. Her first battle of the day was with a Spinarak, and an angry one.

    “You’re going down!” the spider hissed. It shot a few poisonous spines from its clicking mandibles for good measure.

    “Charmander, dodge!”

    No such luck, idiot, Fuega growled mentally. She blasted the Poison Sting away with a few blasts of weak fire and leaped at the Spinarak, flashing her claws. It scuttled away and spat some shiny silk at Fuega’s feet, which connected with a sticky thwap!

    “Mew!” she cursed, stumbling and crashing to the ground.

    Kevin looked a bit flustered at his Pokemon’s disobedience. “Charmander, you need to get that stuff off! Use your claws to Scratch yourself free!”

    As much as Fuega hated to admit it, he was right. She slashed at the substance binding her legs, growling in satisfaction as her claws sliced through the layers of fine silk.

    Her Trainer smiled. “Great job, Charmander! We’re back in action! Now hit that Spinarak with a nice strong Ember!”

    This time, Fuega obeyed, spitting hot cinders at her enemy. The Spinarak screeched and fled, bearing several small burns on its body.

    Kevin looked jubilant. “That was awesome!” Fuega smiled at the compliment, feeling…proud? And undeniably…content.
    ________________________________________

    The next few battles went smoothly, with only the occasional bout of mischievous rebellion on Fuega’s part. Freesk looked quite pleased at her change of heart, cheering her on during particularly tricky matches.

    The trio continued on through the forest, avoiding the occasional Pinsir that crossed their path. “Man,” whined Kevin after thirty minutes, “not one Trainer has challenged me. Not one. And we’re almost out of the forest!”

    “Ha!” a young voice laughed. “Looks like that’s about to change!” A short kid with a wide-brimmed hat jumped out of the forest to our right, brandishing a large net of the kind used to catch bugs. He waved it around wildly – Kevin only just ducked in time – and held up a Pokeball. “I challenge you!” he shouted again. “One-on-one!”

    “All right! Charmander, you ready?” Kevin asked. Fuega nodded. The kid didn’t look like much – probably only had a Weedle or something. She had almost forgotten why she disliked Kevin in the first place – he wasn’t as bad a Trainer as she thought. The lizard Pokemon jumped forward, letting out a battle cry that was heard by the humans as “Chaaaaaaaaaa!!”

    The bug catcher threw a Pokeball into the air, and Fuega’s opponent materialized.

    “Ah,” Kevin choked.

    “Eep!” Freesk squeaked.

    Fuega stared, gulped, swore, gaped, and whistled, in that order. “That is a big Beedrill.”
    Spsee!”

    “You gonna make the first move?” the Beedrill’s trainer chuckled.
    Kevin gulped, looking petrified. “A-ah, sure,” he managed to stammer. “Charmander, use – ah – Ember!”

    “Take this, big guy,” Fuega snarled. “Pfaa!” She spat glowing cinders at the Beedrill, who winced a bit as the attack hit its mark. For the most part, however, it took no damage, and raised its arm-stingers menacingly after Fuega’s attack had ceased.

    “No such luck, lizard brat,” the bee Pokemon hissed. Its Trainer commanded an Acid attack, and Beedrill rose into the air. “I apologize for your inevitable loss,” it said, in a way that suggested it wasn’t sorry at all. Toxic sludge began to seep from pores in its stingers, and it swooped towards Fuega aggressively.

    “Gah!” The Beedrill was fast – Fuega had trouble dodging the splashes of corrosive liquid that flew her way. One jet hit the ground right near her legs, and droplets of the Acid landed on her scaly hide, causing a painful burning. Fuega hissed, clamping her hand over the injured side, and listened for instruction from Kevin. When she heard it, she immediately jumped up to follow his orders. She clamped down hard on the Beedrill’s legs with her teeth, hanging on as it rose in the air and spluttered with rage. With sharp claws and nimble footwork, Fuega clambered up to a position right on top of her opponent’s head, just as her Trainer had told her to.

    “Scratch, now!” came Kevin’s command.

    Fuega raised her clawed hand, preparing for the blow that might just win them the battle. But this time, an unfamiliar sensation came – her claws were stiffening, sharpening, as though they were becoming a different substance. Because they were.

    “I think you mean Metal Claw, Kevin,” Fuega growled smugly, and brought the attack crashing down.

    Everything happened very fast – a second later, she was back on the ground, looking at a fallen Beedrill and feeling slightly dizzy from the sudden change in vertical position. The insect twitched, flicked its wings a few times – and started to get back up.

    Kevin gaped. “No way.”

    “Yes way!” the bug catcher crowed. “One Metal Claw isn’t enough to keep Beedrill down! Twineedle, now!”

    A thoroughly ticked-off Beedrill fired two shots from its stingers, both of which hit Fuega square-on. She screeched in pain as the impact hurled her backwards, flipping her a few times in the air before she landed heavily on the ground. Everything was a bit cloudy, and Fuega could only make out Kevin’s dismayed cries and Freesk’s encouraging shouts. With her last ounce of strength, Fuega spat a final Ember; Beedrill, too dazed from a Metal Claw to the head to dodge, received the attack and fell, spent.

    Its Trainer hurriedly recalled it and took off running.

    “Hey!” Kevin shouted angrily. “He didn’t even give us the prize money! That’s part of League rules! The little cheater… But you were awesome, Charmander!” There was no response. “…Charmander?”

    Fuega swayed uneasily on her feet. She was exhausted from the battle of course, but also felt faintly nauseous. Unusual… The world lurched sickeningly, and she fell to one knee.

    “…Charmander!”

    Everything spun away and faded to black…
    ________________________________________

    “…bit of rest, and she’ll be fine.”

    Fuega forced her eyes open, and instantly closed them again. Shafts of bright light stubbornly squeezed between her closed eyelids, stabbing at her eyes and sparking a momentous headache. It took her a while to get used to the lighting conditions, but eventually she opened her eyes fully, taking in her clean, white surroundings. The air had a sanitized tang to it, and it didn’t take Fuega long to figure out that she was in a Pokemon Center.

    “What the heck happened?” she mumbled, squirming a bit.

    “You passed out,” came Freesk’s squeaky reply. “Kevin freaked and carried you to the Pewter City Pokemon Center. Turns out you were poisoned – must have been that Twineedle. How do you feel now?”

    Fuega pulled herself to a sitting position experimentally, winced, and fell back onto the bed. “Like I’ve been in the center of a Tauros stampede.”

    “Ouch.”

    Fuega smiled a bit, listening to the background chatter between Kevin and the local Nurse Joy. Maybe Bayleef was right, and this journey thing wouldn’t be so bad. It was probably too early to tell, but hey – might as well make the best of the situation, right?

    Kevin walked over. “You were awesome against that Beedrill, Charmander. Once you recover, I think we’re ready to take on the Pewter Gym.”

  2. #2
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    Wow. This is really good. I like how different it is from most fictions with trainers starting on journies. Y'know, the main character is a Charmander rather than a trainer. I honestly like it a lot!

    I've got nothing better to put in my sig, so I decided to put a bunch of Pikachu! Pikachu rocks!

  3. #3
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    @Hooray4Homestar - Thank you! If there's one thing I hate, it's overused plots and characters. I try to make my stories as original as possible.

    NOTES:
    -This chapter is comprised of the third ff.net chapter, with some revision.
    -Forrest is cool.


    ~------------------~
    ~------------------~
    The Gym’s interior was quiet and eerie, bathed in the dim glow of a single flickering light. Inside her Pokeball, Fuega could feel Kevin’s apprehension towards their upcoming battle.

    I should probably take a moment here to describe the experience of being contained in a Pokeball. As the Pokemon is transmuted into pure energy upon entrance, all physical boundaries disappear. No longer can the Pokemon differentiate between ‘head’, ‘foot’ and ‘tail’ – they are, in essence, a bundle of pure consciousness. The nature of the energy depends entirely upon its emotions – an angry Pokemon will dissolve into an aggressive energy and feel restrained by the Pokeball, while a calm Pokemon will feel as though it has curled up and gone to sleep. While in this state, Pokemon remain semi-conscious of their surroundings, picking up on emotions, noise, and movement.

    Confused? Good. I really didn’t expect you to taken any of that in, so I will return to our original story.

    A few seconds later, Fuega felt a wave of drowsiness – a kind of ‘pre-exit lull’ that signaled her release from the Pokeball. When she had solidified, she saw Kevin looking down at her.

    “Charmander, can you go sit up there and cheer Caterpie on?” he asked, gesturing towards the bleachers. Glancing that way, Fuega saw many humans looking out towards the battlefield. They all had the same narrow eyes and tan skin – did that mean they were related? One could never really tell with humans. Now that she looked at the soon-to-be-opponent, he had the same eyes and skin as the onlookers. A young boy, maybe a few years older than Kevin – was this really the Gym Leader?

    Fuega ran to the bleachers on all fours, leaping up onto the first row in what she thought was a dignified manner. One of the human children – a female – giggled and said something about the cute Charmander, to which Fuega glanced back and bared her teeth.

    The Leader-boy grinned and said to Kevin, “You can make the first move. Once you see my Pokemon, you’re going to want to! Go, Marshtomp!” He threw out a Pokeball, which emitted a fish-like Pokemon. It was mainly blue, with varying shades on its stomach, tail-fins, and head-fin, and brown feelers on its cheeks. With a happy cry of “Marsh! I’m ready!” it put on a determined face.

    Kevin’s eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. “I thought this was a Rock-type Gym. That doesn’t look like a Rock-type to me.”

    “It isn’t,” the Leader-boy said. “But a Gym is supposed to test your ability to adapt to different kinds of situations. This Marshtomp belongs to my big brother – he’d be the Gym Leader right now if he wasn’t in Sinnoh. You’re lucky he isn’t, ‘cause he’s even stronger than me.”

    Fuega felt slightly nervous for her teammate, watching him materialize to fight the land-fish. Freesk was only a Caterpie…if he had evolved by now, this fight would be a lot easier.

    Freesk, too, looked uncertain, shifting from side to side nervously. He had never fought a Pokemon this strong before, and as such had a good reason to be nervous. At Kevin’s command, he spat out a string of silk, meant to trip up Marshtomp. The land-fish simply side-stepped the String Shot and laughed, “This is gonna be easy!”

    “Marshtomp, Water Gun!”

    The jet of water knocked Freesk back a few feet, roughing him up a bit in the process. A despairing look had come into the Caterpie’s eyes, and he glanced beseechingly at Fuega…

    As their eyes met, they both realized what was about to happen.

    Freesk turned back towards his opponent, a faint gleam emitting from both his eyes and his skin. Body still glowing, he did a kind of odd dance in which he coated himself with sticky silk of a grass-green color, then jerked himself into a slightly curved position. Throughout this, Marshtomp did not attack – it knew as well as Freesk that this process was something ancient and sacred; a desperate wish for perfection that rang in the heart of almost every Pokemon and urged them on to something better, urged them to change…

    “Wow…” Freesk rasped – but to the humans, the sound came out as “Pod…”

    “Yes!!” Fuega crowed, jumping to her feet. “You can do it, Freesk! Go!” Something came to her mind as she cheered her teammate on – this was the first time she had done so. And it felt…good.

    (AN: I’m going to write what the Pokemon do, ‘kay? Just assume that they’re following their Trainer’s orders unless I specifically say that they’re disobeying.)

    The next Water Gun left no mark whatsoever on Freesk the Metapod, and he closed his eyes in a smug upward curve. “Oh dear, it seems as though I’ve gotten wet,” he droned – his voice was much more mature than it had been during his Caterpie-hood. “Now let’s see…String Shot?” More threads of silk shot through the air towards Marshtomp, who sidestepped them again – and failed to see the second attack coming towards it. The threads connected with a sticky thwack and effectively bound the land-fish’s legs together.

    Freesk bounced towards the disabled Pokemon and rammed into him a few times. After a while, he stopped, looked up, and sighed. “Well, this is a drag,” he muttered, and closed his eyes. The hardened shell bulged, cracked, and split in two –

    And Freesk the Butterfree emerged.

    One of the kids in the bleachers stood up, shocked. “Hey!” he shouted. “Two evolutions? How?"

    Fuega remembered some of the things that the Professor had droned on about. One in particular was evolution, which Blue had been quite interested in. Bugs apparently evolved more quickly than most Pokemon, due to having such weak larval and pupal stages. This process became even quicker during a battle, when mobility was desperately needed.

    It took Kevin a moment to regroup and remember what moves Butterfree were supposed to learn, and the battle resumed with a new energy. Freesk swooped over Marshtomp with his new wings, dusting the Water-type with Stun Spore.

    “Whee!” he squeaked, doing cartwheels in the air as Marshtomp was immobilized by the powder. With a few blasts of Confusion, Freesk dispatched the paralyzed Mud Fish.

    Fuega sighed in relief. Good thing Freesk evolved – without Stun Spore, that battle would have been way tougher than it was… She watched the Gym Leader remove a Pokeball from his belt and throw it into the air.

    Out came a huge Pokemon.

    “Steel…” it rumbled, opening one huge eye.

    Freesk made a little choking noise. “Ohhh…be careful, Fuega…”

    Not again. Wasn’t the Beedrill enough?

    The huge, serpentine Pokemon reared its head and let out an ear-shattering roar.

    “STEEEEEEELLLLLLIIIIX!!”

    …apparently not…

    Fuega tried a roar of her own, but it came out more like a drawn-out squeak.

    Pathetic.

    Steelix grinned and lunged forward. Fuega stumbled out of the way just in time – her opponent’s head pulverized the rock directly behind where she had been standing. Taking a deep breath and praying to Arceus that this would go well, Fuega spread her claws and leapt into the toughest battle she would experience for a very long time.

  4. #4
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    A very interesting concept, having a Charmander of all things as a main character. I hate reading Trainer fics with whiny, overly cheerful trainers that say 'liek omfg imma get mi pogeymans omggg!!!11'. You're actually putting it in a good perspective.

    And you're not alone, I posted my latest fanfiction on Serebii because I wanted concrit myself. ^^

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    Once again the exhilaration of battle washed over Fuega, lending her a vigor that was comparable to that of Raikou, the Beast of Speed itself. Instincts awoke in her, distant genetic memories from when her Charizard ancestors fought monsters like the one in front of her now. Size mattered not – somehow, Fuega knew that this was a fight that spirit would decide. And by Mew, she was going to win it.

    “Iron Tail!”

    “Dodge!”

    It was as though a pillar of light was crashing to the ground. Fuega scrambled to the side, narrowly escaping the monstrous attack – she could feel the Iron Tail strike the ground, as a wave of displaced air. It dawned upon the Charmander that this opponent could not be defeated by a few measly Embers. This was truly a beast from prehistory, a creature through which the battle urge flowed naturally as blood.

    “Metal Claw!”

    Fuega struck at the now open tail with hardened claws, but the attack bounced harmlessly off of the Steelix’s iron skin. She would have to strike somewhere else, somewhere that wasn’t protected…

    Fuega scrambled up the Steelix’s long body, clambering over long spines and craggy ridges. The snake roared and lunged at her, but ended up slamming itself in the attempt, bellowing with the indignity. It seemed like the size difference was in Fuega’s favor after all.

    About midway up the creature’s length, Fuega crawled to a position that gave her a clear shot at the space between two segments – an area of flesh that was unarmored. Raising her claws again, she prepared for another Metal Claw.

    Steelix thundered with fury when it realized that the pest was between its armored plates. Ignoring all instruction from its Trainer, the serpent thrashed and twisted, delving into a blind rage…

    And Fuega struck.

    The noise was horrific – everyone, Fuega included, clasped hands over their ears to shield out the din. Steelix’s bellow was like an explosion, filled with pain and indescribable anger. Fuega inhaled deeply, preparing for an Ember that would feel like a Fire Blast to its recipient.

    Flame…

    The surface to which Fuega clung rippled and pulled away from her, throwing the lizard into the air. The world spun, and there was the ground, rushing…
    ________________________________________

    “Charmander…Charmander, wake up…”

    Fuega’s eyes opened slowly. Well, what do you know. A Pokemon Center. Again.

    “…Charmander?”

    Kevin hovered above her, looking worried and jubilant at the same time.

    Gritting her teeth in a weak smile, Fuega let out a raspy reply. “Ouch…”

    “You’re awake!” She was suddenly scooped up into her Trainer’s arms and given a long hug. Her head throbbed painfully, permeating her entire body with dizziness.

    “Charmander, that was the most incredible battle! You climbed up and attacked that Steelix between the armor plates – it was roaring like mad – and then there was this little explosion from where you were, like a miniature mushroom cloud! You used Ember, didn’t you? And then the thing just screamed, and went down! You went flying, and hit the ground hard, and brought you to the Center, and we got the Boulder Badge!!” He held up a small tin emblem.

    Fuega stared at the Badge for a long time. “Ohhh, Mew. I cannot believe this,” she hissed quietly. For a moment, she felt absolutely livid – but then paused and reconsidered the situation.

    That piece of metal…wasn’t just a piece of metal. It was a symbol that they had triumphed, a symbol that they had won the fight. Like battle scars – those angry red lines weren’t just remnants of deep gashes, but symbols that their recipients had survived against the odds. Perhaps this badge meant the same thing.

    A symbol of victory.
    ________________________________________

    Mount Moon loomed on the horizon, blocking out a huge chunk of sky. The path had slowly become rockier, and small cliffs rose on both sides of the small group. Freesk fluttered above Kevin’s head, occasionally descending to cling to the boy’s head. Fuega scampered alongside him on all fours, leaping from rock to rock when the path became narrow.

    As she bounded down to her Trainer’s side from a cliff, Freesk swooped towards her. “That was a really great battle,” he squeaked. “Getting in between the Steelix’s plates like that…I could never do that. You were really brave.”

    Fuega definitely didn’t feel brave when she had done it. In fact, she had been terrified. She had wanted to win, so she did what she had to. But…

    Why had she wanted to win? Had it been to save her own skin, or to better her own reputation? Had it been to make Freesk’s work worth the while? Or had she done it for Kevin?

    With a shake of the head, Fuega decided she didn’t want to think about that right now. It was too complex, and it didn’t really matter at this point anyway. Looking up, she realized that Kevin had stopped. The reason was about five feet in front of him.

    A Spearow was standing there, looking ready to fight. Its wings were slightly angled, in a position that would let the bird open them in under a second if he needed to.

    “Rawk.”

    Kevin and Fuega met each others eyes and nodded. They both knew what the other was about to do – no words were exchanged. None were needed.

    Fuega walked forward and took on a battle stance. “My Trainer wishes to challenge you,” she began in the customary speech, “and I will represent him in this fight. Fellow kin, if you are respectfully defeated, then my Trainer, my human brother, will gain the right to give you instruction – if you feel he is unworthy, then you need not comply. Do you understand and accept, my kin?”

    The Spearow chuckled softly, but not malevolently. “It’s been a while since I heard the Challenge of the Trained. Aye, I understand and accept.” He spread his wings slowly, looking a bit like a martial artist shifting into a new position.

    Fuega didn’t have the patience for a refined battle. She leapt forward and struck at the bird with her claws, and ended up slashing at thin air – he had moved out of the way at the last second. Something hard and sharp struck Fuega’s back, throwing her forward. She swiveled around to see the Spearow, beak still outstretched from a Peck attack.

    The two danced around each other nimbly, Fuega having learned that she couldn’t stay in one spot for very long. The Spearow was fast and agile, moving more like a graceful Pidgeot than anything else.

    “So,” he croaked, having just dodged a Metal Claw, “what is your name, Charmander?”

    “Fuega,” she spat, lunging again.

    “Ah.” He darted to the side and responded with a Peck, which Fuega avoided. “A beautiful name, and very fitting for a creature of fire. You may call me Zan.”

    “Why,” – Fuega slashed wildly – “does it matter?!”

    “Common courtesy, youngling.”

    Suddenly there were a thousand Zans, and they were all coming for Fuega. Just before the Fury Attack landed, she felt a wave of drowsiness wash over her…

    The last thing she saw before her senses faded away was a blurred image of Kevin, holding up a red-and-white sphere.

    ________________________________________

    How on earth did I nearly lose?

    “Tackle!”

    I beat a Steelix, for Mew’s sake! And this Spearow comes along and nearly whups me…

    “My name’s Freesk, but I don’t think this is the time to ask…”

    But the Steelix couldn’t avoid my attack, I guess. It’s all a matter of circumstance…

    “Sleep Powder!”

    Freesk isn’t as bad as I thought he was. He’s nice, strong, kind of childish, but doesn’t give up.

    “Awk!”

    I’ve been a jerk. I’ll admit it, this whole situation is kind of fun, but I’ve been making a big stink out of it…

    “That was great, Butterfree!”

    And Kevin, too. I’m as much of a kid as he is. I acted all snooty…but I didn’t have any right to be like that.

    I owe them both an apology…

    ________________________________________

    Zan looked around the Pokemon Center curiously, eyes wide with interest. “I’ve seen this place from the outside every day for three years,” he cawed, “but this is the first time in my life I’ve been inside.”

    “So how does it feel to belong to a Trainer?” Freesk chirped.

    The Spearow pondered this for a moment. “Different.”

    Fuega stood off to the side, feeling a bit awkward. “Um,” she began, then stopped. “Freesk?”

    “What is it, Fuega?”

    “I…eh…” Fuega felt supremely embarrassed. “Look, I’m sorry. I was kinda nasty to you before Pewter City, and I realized that I didn’t have any right to be like that. I’m sorry.” She stared at the floor intently.

    “It’s okay. You were grumpy. I understand that.” Freesk extended a small purple hand. “But we’re gonna put that behind us, right? Friends?”

    Fuega looked up, beaming. “Friends.” The two shook hands, grinning all the while.
    ________________________________________

    In a dark, dank house on the outskirts of Cerulean City, a man snored loudly, stretched out on a tattered couch. The building was decrepit, and the pattering of Rattata feet was evident. The man himself was no cleaner than the house.

    The noise of a phone ringing jerked the man awake. His small, bloodshot eyes snapped open and he lunged for the source of the sound.

    “Hello?”

    “Hello, sir. How is your Pidgey? Eating well?”

    A password of some kind – nobody listening in would know what it meant, but the man holding the phone was perfectly aware. His mouth stretched into a yellowed grin.

    “Oh yeah, she’s eatin’ fine. Just learned Whirlwind yesterday.”

    A return code – whoever was on the other end knew that they had called the right number.

    “Good, good… I’m calling about a Pokemon that I’m going to drop off. It’s a Charmander. And I’ll be back to pick it up on Monday. Is that clear?”

    “Yeah. Anything I should know?”

    “No, just a normal Charmander.”

    “Your number’s 45. That’s how I’ll know it’s you when you come to pick up your Charmander.”

    “Thank you, sir. Good day.”

    The man hung up, looking pleased. This catch would snag him…oh, maybe 40 dollars. Any amount was good.

    He lumbered through the cluttered and filthy house, pulling open a door that led to the basement. A few cages lined the walls of the large room – some were occupied. A few thin wails rose, but a bellow from the man silenced them all.

    “Geddup,” he growled at a Zangoose sitting in the corner. It was just as filthy as him.

    “We’ve got a job, Zangoose. A man just called in. Says he wants a Charmander, any Charmander. C’mon.”

    After the two left, there were some frightened murmurs from Pokemon in the cages. A Vulpix was softly calling out comforting words to the more distressed captives. He looked up to the cage above him. “Song, you think this could be it?”

    An Eevee stared down at him, a rebellious gleam in her eyes. “I know this is it. This Charmander comes, and we’re getting out of here. All of us.”

    A young Absol nodded in the cage next to hers. “All of us.”

  6. #6
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    Cool Hey there!

    First Apprentice to the sacred art of Serebii Review Ryu, Air Dragon, enters the fray... fair and square!

    GRAMMAR:

    Well, for once, no major spelling errors to rectify! You do need to watch how you spell sweat drop (two separate words) amongst some others, but that's about it.

    A+, ma man!

    CAST:

    Fuega: The high-falutin protagonist seems to have recently recieved a humbling downgrade. Her outlook on life is humourous and her persona as Freesk's wet blanket and the team's pessimist makes her quite a intriguing joy to read. She also seems to have quite the perfectionist streak. Characteristics that when put together produce the finest of characters.

    Freesk: The 'joy and the laughter' of the posse, hunh? Freesk's optimism clashes frequently with Fuega's formerly angsty view of her life with comical results. Freesk's fun to read about in a refreshing way, unlike the dark humour one can expect from Fuega.

    Kevin: Well, i'm guessing he's pretty much a human Freesk. Add to whom a freakishly long determination streak with an edge of uncertainty. Fuega's right to be occasionally exasperated with the guy. But i suppose she could (and might) get things a lot worse from here on out.

    Zan: The samurai Spearow adds a sense of loyalty to the team. His mannerisms are old fashioned and that sets him apart from the others. A nice addition to the two-way relationship between the brooding Fuega and the helplessly happy Freesk.

    With this crew, so many angles for discussion and exploitation open that the fic's future looks brighter. All i can say is... good job, chief.

    A.

    DESCRIPTION:

    OK, this was your weakest area. Also, Kevin, minor character though he may be, deserves an adequate description. Other characters require some description too. Assume that your raders have no idea what a Zangoose, Vulpix etc or even a warehouse look like and show them.

    Give more detail to every thing in the scenes in future chapters, 'mkay? There's no substitute for a colourful description.

    B.

    PLOT:

    For once, a journeyfic that doesn't centre on the trainer! For such a new approach, you sure do do this well, don't you?

    A score for originality: A.

    LENGTH:

    This seemed a little short... thirteen pages for about three chapters? In my eyes it could do with a little sprucing up, though, before it would meet a decent quota for such a 'journeyfic'. Try edging it up to five-six MS Word pages.

    Score: B

    OVERALL:

    You've got an interesting ly new concept going on here. Don't neglect other areas in the description field in future chapters, okie?

    Here's what i think so far:

    Oh, and sorry about the earlier mix-up.

    L@er!
    Last edited by Air Dragon; 15th July 2008 at 3:15 PM.
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  7. #7
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    Thankies much, Air Dragon! I guess I do need to describe some more...I have problems with visual description, tend to get a bit repetitive...but I'll work on that. The mix-up weirded me out at first, but it's okay...coincidentally, I just found the fic you were reviewing on Pokecommunity. Strange, huh?

    The truth about Kevin...I never really decided what he looked like. ^^; I guess he was kind of like the adults in the Peanuts cartoons; always there, but never really acknowledged by Fuega. I need to think of something for him.

    And it won't be a journeyfic for long...


    ~------------------~
    ~------------------~

    Within a minute of entering Mount Moon, Fuega decided she didn’t like caves. The darkness felt as though it was pressing down upon her, eliminating every shred of happiness and saturating her heart with despair and terror.

    Well, whaddya know? I’m claustrophobic.

    Every noise, whether the magnified rustling of a Zubat’s wings or the faint shouts of a faraway battle, made Fuega jump and snarl, as though they were the footsteps of a hungry predator. For the first time, she felt herself wishing that she were in her Pokeball rather than out here in the open.

    Freesk and Zan were in safe confinement…lucky Psyducks. The fire on the tip of Fuega’s tail had been the deciding factor; she would stay with Kevin and light the way through the mountain. The duo was nearly halfway through the direct route, which was a good thing – the sooner this mental torture ended, the better.

    “Hang on, Charmander. I think I heard something.”

    Heard something?! I’ve been hearing things for the past twenty minutes, and you didn’t notice!? Mew! And I was just getting to like you, too!

    A Zubat swooped down into Fuega’s face – she screeched and ran, scrambling away on all four legs.

    “Charmander, it’s just a Zubat! Come back! Charmander-!”

    But she was already gone, fleeing in terror from the noise and the darkness.
    ________________________________________

    No…no… Mew, she was so scared

    Fuega’s heart was pounding against her ribs, thumping the rhythm that her legs beat against the cold stone. When finally she slowed down and stopped, panting, behind a boulder, the realization of how far away she was from Kevin hit her.

    Oh, Mew, I can’t believe this. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

    She crawled to the top of the boulder and clung despairingly to it, letting out a thin wail. “Freesk…? Zan…? Kevin…? Where are you?”

    So alone…
    ________________________________________

    Kevin kicked a rock in frustration, stubbing a toe. “Aagh…darn it, where is she…?” he grunted, holding his foot in pain. He had been searching desperately for Charmander over the past five minutes, but had found nothing – not even a footprint.

    “Charmander?!” he called out, feeling panic settle in the pit of his stomach. What if he never found her? Charmander was his first Pokemon, and it was his duty to care for her. But he hadn’t even thought that she might be scared or uncomfortable in a cave…

    This is all my fault… Stupid, stupid, stupid!

    Kevin rounded a bend, and spotted a shadowy shape at the end of the tunnel. “Charmander!” he called out joyously, without even checking for a tail flame.

    “What Charmander?” a girl’s voice asked. The speaker came into view, holding a flashlight – in the glow, he could see that what he thought was his Charmander was actually a Wartortle. Its Trainer's white shirt and light blue skirt stood out against the dark rock behind her.

    “Oh,” he sighed glumly. “Never mind.”

    “Are you looking for a Charmander?” the girl asked.

    “Yeah. She ran away from me because a Zubat spooked her…” Kevin felt guilty for pausing in his search. “I really, really need to find her.”

    “I’ll help,” the girl offered, extending a hand. “The name’s Clara.”
    ________________________________________

    “Kevin…”

    Fuega’s calling had diminished drastically in volume, ebbing to a low whine. She felt as though she would go insane from the confinement, the low ceiling pressing down on her…

    A raspy chuckle met her ears. “Wh-who’s there?” she gasped, whirling around in fear.

    “Well well well, what do we have here? Just the Charmander that Zangoose was looking for…” A ragged Zangoose slinked into the light of Fuega’s tail flame. Its white fur was matted and streaked with dirt, the slashing red patterns across its chest and face like blood on old snow.

    Fuega nearly choked on thin air. If she was scared before, it was nothing compared to the blind terror that fogged her mind now.

    “I didn’t think the job would get done, but it turns out master was right. A Charmander? 'Come to Mount Moon', he said. 'Snatch one from a beginning Trainer', he said. And what do you know, he was right…but of course the master is always right…” The Zangoose seemed to be talking to himself more than anything now, the lunatic ravings of a truly insane Pokemon. “And you, little Charmander, are just what the master is looking for now. Zangoose catches, the master sells. That’s the way the game is played. Isn’t it a fun game?” Fuega heard the whirring noise of an attack being charged and screamed loudly in terror, fleeing as fast as her four short limbs could take her. But the Zangoose caught up easily, and a Focus Punch to the back of the head sent her spinning into unconsciousness…
    ________________________________________

    “Chaaaaaaaaaa!!”

    Kevin whirled on the spot. “Charmander!” he called out in a panic.

    Clara's face became worried. “That was a Charmander, all right – probably yours. Let’s get moving.” The two hurtled down tunnel after tunnel, heading towards the source of the scream.

    A Pokeball on Kevin’s belt burst open, and Freesk joined the running humans. “Freeeee?” he chattered questioningly.

    “Butterfree, Charmander ran away! We just heard her scream – I think she’s in trouble!”

    “Free! Eee, eeree!” Freesk shot off down the passageway, thin wings taking him as fast as they could.

    Fuega, I’ll help you. Because that’s what friends do.
    ________________________________________

    Zangoose giggled insanely to itself as it dropped the Charmander into a fireproof sack. “Master wants a Charmander, and Zangoose brings him one. It’s like a scavenger hunt. Except Zangoose is looking for something that runs away.” It looked up and leered at the wall. “That makes the game more fun, Zangoose thinks.”

    “Let go of her!”

    The Cat Ferret Pokemon turned around just in time to see a very angry Butterfree charging straight for him. Freesk swooped upwards and shed shimmering purple dust over the crazy mongoose, yelling with fury. He turned around in midair to face Zangoose. “How do ya like that, freak?”

    But Zangoose breathed in the powder easily, suffering no ill effects. “Zangoose knows what you’re trying to do,” he cackled. “But Zangoose and all his family are born with an Immunity, so they can kill the Seviper and not be poisoned by their fangs and tail…” His claws began to make a whirring noise, glowing with energy. “So Poisonpowder doesn’t hurt Zangoose! Isn’t this a fun game?” He slashed at the air, sending white blades of wind towards Freesk – the Butterfree was too slow to dodge them, and fell through the air as if in slow motion, wailing at the pain in his fragile wings.

    The last thing he heard before passing out was, “Yes, that is what Zangoose thinks…”
    ________________________________________

    “Hsst. New kid. Charmander. Wake up.”

    Fuega opened her eyes groggily, head still throbbing from the Zangoose’s powerful blow.

    “Ugh…wha…?” The world was still spinning a bit, but Fuega could make out light and dark slats in her line of vision. She was in…a cage?

    “Oy. Over here.”

    The voice came from a cage to her right – looking over, she saw that it was a Vulpix, his rust-brown fur dirty and unkempt.

    “Hey, new kid. You feeling okay?”

    “Umm…yeah,” Fuega said hesitantly. “Where am I? Why am I in a cage? How did I get here?” Her questions became more frantic as she continued.

    “Whoa, slow down,” the Vulpix said, grinning. “You’re in the basement of a Pokemon Hunter’s house. You’re in a cage so you won’t get away. The Hunter and his Zangoose brought you here. Any more questions?”

    “Uh…Freesk! Where’s Freesk?”

    “The Butterfree you came in with? Over there.” The Vulpix gestured with one of his tails, and Fuega’s eyes traveled in that direction. Freesk was still unconscious, lying limp in a cage across the room.

    “Freesk!” Fuega hissed. “Freesk, wake up!”

    The Butterfree didn’t move.

    “Looks like he got hit pretty hard,” the Vulpix commented with mild concern. “I’m guessing a Razor Wind. The name's Kit, by the way.” He extended one paw through the bars.

    Fuega eyed him cautiously before accepting the front-leg-shake. “I’m Fuega. Is Freesk going to be all right?”

    “Yeah, he’ll be fine.” Kit’s eyes took on a hard glint. “We’re no use to the Hunter injured.”

    “The Hunter…you mentioned him before. Who is he?”

    “A human, and that Zangoose’s master.” Fuega shivered, remembering the psychopathic mongoose. “He catches Pokemon that his clients want, then sells us for money. Lots of it. Sometimes he catches a novelty Pokemon to sell. Like me – I was born knowing moves that most Vulpix don’t know. Or Song up there – not only is she an Eevee, but her power is off the charts.”

    Fuega looked up. In the cages above hers and Kit’s, two Pokemon slept. One was an Eevee, small but strong-looking, and the other was an Absol, who still managed to look sleek and graceful despite his unclean fur.

    “That’s Song and Liyin,” Kit explained. “The other Pokemon that are trapped here consider them leaders, and I’m like their deputy. We’ve been here the longest of anyone. The guy who wanted a Charmander will be coming to buy you in three days. According to Song, that’s the day we’re all going to escape.” He grinned at Fuega before leaping up on his hind legs and prodding Song through the bars. She gave a short squeal and jumped up, fur on end, glaring at the fox.

    “Kit! Don’t do that!”

    “The Charmander’s here. Her name’s Fuega.”

    Song relaxed and looked down at Fuega. “Hey, Fuega. I’m assuming Kit told you everything he knows. Never trust him with secrets, take it from someone who would know.”

    “Hey!”

    “And – he’ll have said this already – your coming here is what’s going to get us all out of this mess. We’ve been preparing for our escape for a while now, and all we need now is a tough battler – that’s you – who can distract the crazy Zangoose and his Trainer for a while. Listen up, ‘cause here’s what we’re gonna do…”

    ________________________________________

    The days passed slowly. When she wasn't eating, sleeping, or missing her Trainer (something she'd never imagined doing), Fuega spent her time talking to Kit and learning about the various captives.

    “You see that Ekans over there? Well yeah, it’s kinda obvious why he’s here… Olive-green scales, yeah. That’s the one. He hates that Zangoose’s fluffy butt, but don’t we all? And over there is Totodile…”

    Song was nowhere near as talkative as Kit, but she still liked to chat. Mainly about battle strategies.

    “You say you took down a Steelix? Whoa, that’s pretty cool. Going between its armor segments was a really good idea. I once beat an Onix by combining Dig and Quick Attack so it couldn’t tell where I was coming from…”

    Fuega had only ever heard Liyin speak once. She had asked him whether or not he thought Song’s plan would work, and he had been silent for several seconds before answering.

    “…If Song says it will work…then it will.”

  8. #8
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    Dayum... sincerest apologies for leaving this bloody review so late!

    I really thought i had reviewed this ages ago... oh well, on to the reply...

    I gotta say, the psychotic Zangoose is fast becoming my favourite Pokemon character in this fic... and as the time draws near for the escape, one question remains: Will Song's plan succeed?

    I did find some grammar errors but I'm feeling too damned lazy to find them again... XP

    Consider thouself lucky, peon... XD

    Gotta go, work is hectic...

    L@er!
    The Corei Quest's latest chapter: Chapter Forty Seven: Tricks of the Trade (24 April 2014)
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  9. #9
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    I'm liking this. Quite original to have a fic from the Pokemon's point of view, especially one which belongs (belonged?) to a trainer. And a Pokemon Black Market... Oohh... Makes for an interesting storyline. I'll be reading and commenting, keep it up.

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