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Thread: Conflicted Heart(Advanceshipping)

  1. #1
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    Default Conflicted Heart(Advanceshipping)

    Hi, I'm new to this site, and was recently just re-introduced to Pokemon. I think AdvanceShipping is a cute couple, so I decided to write this. This was co-authored with my boyfriend, though he insisted that I get all the credit. This is my first attempt at a fanfic, so please read and review...
    I think this will be a G rating, when I looked up the rules. Also, Pokemon belongs to Nintendo, not me.

    Conflicted Heart

    "She's probably going out with that other guy now, and you're completely hapless to the world when it comes to the matter. That can never change now that it's too late."

    Ash Ketchum kept telling this to himself over and over. But no matter how many times it rang in his head, the thought kept coming back. Or is it that it's because that's the only thing on his mind right now?

    Turning to his only "experienced" friend wasn't quite a good solution. Brock, more experienced in the field than Ash like mentioned, wasn't really an expert at all.

    "Always follow your heart, and not any other person's advice. It's best that you make your own decisions that way, especially on THAT sort of matter."

    So, the solution that the tanned Pewter City gym leader may not be good advice. Or could it? No one knows for sure at the moment. All Ash has to do is try the suggestion or not to prove otherwise.

    As Ash walked through the grass lawn outside the Pokemon Center, he mulled his thoughts. Ten minutes from now, his friend May, who came from Johto all the way north to Sinnoh just to meet them, will now be boarding the ship back. Ash's Pokemon were all lined up nearby, watching their trainer trudge around.

    'What do I tell her? That I like her? That's absurd to say out loud, isn't it?'

    'Maybe if I could ask her to stay around for a little longer- No, that won't work. She has to go back to Johto soon, and I hear the Grand Festival there is starting soon.'

    "What if she really looks like this Drew guy? And then I come to her, telling about my feelings. Man, that would really be- And, not to mention, what will it do to our friendship? UGH!"

    Ash scratched his hair with both hands furiously. He walked backwards to a park bench, and fell back first there. "What do I do; what do I have to say? She will be out any minute now..."

    Putting a hand in his pocket, Ash searched it, and found what he was looking for. Taking it out, we saw what it was: a pink-laced half of a ribbon. Last time he took it out, Ash and May(who held the other half) held them together against the light of the moon.

    "I don't even now what this thing means!" Ash shouted out loud. "Why did I even have Sceptile cut it in half anyway?"

    (At a certain, yet distant, lab, the Forest Pokemon sneezed loudly,)

    At that very moment, three people stepped out of the Pokemon Center. The one in the middle is May, the girl he's been arguing with himself over. Flanked on left and right of her are Dawn, another friend and Coordinator like May, and Brock, respectively.

    Dawn and May were talking animatedly about their exploits in the Wallace Cup. Brock, however, easily took notice of Ash, and suddenly and quickly pulled Dawn away. May, left behind, was perplexed by Brock's actions.

    "Hey! What are you doing?" Dawn asked, a little miffed as Brock continued to pull her away from May and Ash.

    "You'll see in a moment. And, no, Croagunk, I'm not stooping to THAT level!" Brock said out loud when his poison-type appeared. The Pokemon, however, was still suspicious, and so instead followed the two, until they hid behind a tree.

    Meanwhile, Ash, still lying on the bench, was so absentminded that he didn't notice May until she softly called his name. Ash nearly fell off the bench right after.

    "What's wrong with you?" May asked, eyeing Ash's composition. From the "more ruffled than usual" hair to his position on the ground, it's nothing to miss.

    "To tell the truth," Ash replied, as he stood up, "I have no idea." Of course, that was a lie.

    Ash and May stood there for what seemed like eternity. They both avoided looking each other in the eyes, however for different reasons. Ash trained his eyes on May's stuffed fanny, which hung to one side of her hip. "So, you're leaving now?"

    "Yes." Again, pure silence, minus the breeze around them. May saw the ribbon Ash was holding tightly in his right hand. She rummaged in her fanny with one hand, and took out her half of the ribbon.

    "Ash, here. I want you to have my half of the ribbon," she said, holding out her hand to Ash. The latter was caught by surprise.

    "Wha- Why?" Ash quickly shook his head. "No, wait." Ash pushed May's hand back to her, and extended his own. "You take my half."

    This time it was May who was caught by surprise. It was then followed by another embarrassed silence. "Are you sure?" she asked. This time she tried looking into Ash's eyes, while he kept avoiding them. "But why?"

    "Yeah," Ash said slowly. He scratched his head again, only this was gentler than last time, out of more embarrassment. "Well, you are going back to Johto, right? Back to Drew, Harley, everyone?"

    May nodded wordlessly. Ash breathed a deep sigh. 'What next?' Brock's words echoed in his head again. Another deep sigh. "So you can't, er, forget me while you're there." Ash prayed, hoping that those were the right words.

    May shook her head ruefully, and then repeated Ash's gesture earlier by handing the ribbon back to him. "Ash, you silly," she said teasingly. "What makes you think I'm going to forget someone like you?"

    Ash grinned sheepishly. However, it was like a balloon burst deep inside of him. "Ash," May continued, "I will never forget someone like you. Ever."

    "Oh." For reasons Ash couldn't explain, the balloon inside of him inflated again, making him soar inwardly. Sort of...

    Both Dawn and Brock grinned. "Hey, you think Ash maybe tried following my advice?" the latter thought out loud, grinning even more broadly.

    "Oh, brother," Dawn said, shaking her head, and rolling her eyes. "I highly doubt it," she retorted, pulling Brock out of the tree to rejoin Ash and May so they can all say farewell to the latter.

    End
    I hope you like it.

  2. #2
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    On description standpoints, it was pretty lacking. What if I didn't know what Ash, May, Dawn, or Brock looked like? Or Croagunk? The only person who was really described was Brock...and all you hit was his skin...sooo...kinda weird.

    Also, instead of using ' for though, why not italics? At first, I thought you had switched from " to ' for speaking, which wouldn't have been good. It's just easier to have it in italics.

    Also, I must applaud you for not having a Great Wall of Texta. Heh. But, anyway, I could see Ash being a little confused at how to express any feelings of that sort. Good job, just work on grammar and description.

    "You'll see in a moment. And, no, Croagunk, I'm not stooping to THAT level!" Brock said out loud when his poison-type appeared. The Pokemon, however, was still suspicious, and so instead followed the two, until they hid behind a tree.
    Ha. Nice.

    The story itself was alright. I'm not really an AdvanceShipper, but even still, I can look past the couple to get into the story.

    -Blacky


    Shadow Victini

  3. #3
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    i think your story is good for your first fan-fic. if you keep wirte fan-fics you will get better at them. I'm on my second fan-fic and its still crap. Anyway good fan-fic and keep writing

  4. #4
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    I read this on FF.net not long ago You have a very good story her.
    I will say that you are as good as your boyfriend Master_in_Training (Dryuu on FF.net) Keep writing and you can probebly get better then what he is (no offens to you Dryuu, your storys are really great)
    Without soccer and girls life is wasted!!
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  5. #5
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    Thank you for the reviews everyone. And, Paul always names himself after fictional characters he idolizes(Ryu from Breath of Fire, Zero from Megaman) but I don't know where he got that name and didn't know it was him.

    I'll also try to improve my writing, and I hope that more people come to review.

  6. #6
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    Well that was a cute story

  7. #7
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    Posted twice again
    Last edited by allison2324; 9th June 2008 at 9:24 PM.

  8. #8
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    Well that was a cute story

  9. #9
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    Well that was a cute story

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