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Thread: Comfort From A Different Sort Of Trainer <an ikarishipping fic rated G>

  1. #1
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    Default Comfort From A Different Sort Of Trainer <an ikarishipping fic rated G>

    My first fic hope it turns well

    Chapter 1: A Contest Loss


    "Now Piplup use Bubblebeam" a young female coordinator says. She had blue hair and sapphire blue eyes.

    "Pip lup lup lup" Piplup said and fired bubbles at the opposing pokemon which was a Pikachu.

    "Pikachu use Thunderbolt" the other female coordinator said.

    "Pika pi pikachuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" Pikachu said using the attack. It hit Piplup and caused it major damage and after Pikachu did an arial flip and landed to the ground.

    "Wow this one might have the upper edge Brock" a trainer in a red cap said. His name was Ash a trainer from Pallet Town aiming to be the best. He also had a Pikachu and it waws cheering for their friend Dawn.

    "Your right on type match ups Ash but who knows for sure" Brock replied. Brock was a gym leader from Pewter City and he's aiming to be a great pokemon breeder.

    "Pika pika pikachu pika pika pikachu" Pikachu cheered while waving it's paper fans. Pikachu is Ash's first pokemon ever and they are the two best friends ever and an outstanding duo in battle.

    "Piplup counter with Whirlpool" Dawn said. Dawn is a coordinator in training. She wants to be the greatest coordinator ever just like her mom.

    "Piplup" Piplup yeled firing the raging whirpool at Pikachu.

    "Counter with Thunder" the opponent yelled.

    "Pika pi pikachuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" her Pikachu yelled and released tons of electrcity at the attack. Thw Whirlpool disappeared and turned into sparkles but the Thunder attack hit Piplup directly after.

    "And Piplup's unable to battle and the winner of the Hearthome ribbon is Ally of Littleroot Town" Marian said happily.

    The two winners took a bow. Dawn was speechless as she held Piplup in her arms. "Wow she won" Brock said.

    "Yeah but she is a powerful trainer" Ash said but he was shocked a well. Soon the girl got her ribbon. Her Pikachu and Sceptile were pleased with the win.

    But soon Dawn left the contest hall with out Ash or Brock. Dawn was really sad and tried to push back the lump in her throat. She went to the route east of Hearthome City and sat by the water crying tears streaking down her face.

    "Hmph pathetic pokemon" a male trainer said to his Chimchar. This trainer's name is Paul who doesn't want his pokemon weak and if he thinks their weak he releases them. Rival of Ash and the complete opposite of him he secretly liked Dawn but was jealous of her being with Ash all the time.

    After training his Chimchar Paul went the same route Dawn went. Sadly though Dawn was still weeping but her tears weren't so bad but nobody not even her pokemon could comfort her. "That girl kept saying that she was going to win the contest and called me a loser and she was right I only have one ribbon and the others have more" Dawn said thinking of her other friends who were coordinators. Her friends were Kenny,Zoey, and Nando. Paul saw her crying.

    *I can't stand to see her cry maybe there's something I could do to help her* he thought. Dawn could see Paul but she didn't want him to see her crying. She secretly liked him but didn't want Ash or Brock to know about that but most importantly Ash. She tried to stop but she was having a hard time trying. Paul sat next to her.

    "What's wrong with you" Paul asks with a calmer tone of voice.

    "Nothing you would know" Dawn said trying to fight the tears.

    "Just tell me your problem Dawn it will make you feel better" Paul said.

    *He called me by my name* Dawn thought. "Well I entered the Hearthome Contest and I lost" Dawn said.

    "Well most people lose battles what makes that one any different" Paul asked.

    "The girl I battled her name was Ally and she was from Hoenn and she used her Sceptile and Pikachu and she kept saying she would win the contest but I thought she was over confident so I tried talking some sense into her but she said a loser like you wouldn't know much about me or my team" Dawn said with a bit of anger.

    "So you lost to a more powerful trainer that was over confident" Paul asked.

    "Yeah but I'm still sad over it" Dawn said.

    "Dawn don't take it personally nobody should call you a loser besides what pokemon did she have" Paul asked.

    "She did tell me the pokemon and they are Sceptile,Pikachu,Latias,Rayquaza,Kyogre, and Togetic" Dawn explained.

    "Wow no wonder she's powerful but no matter your still can be a great coordinator" Paul said to give her confidence. *I hope this works* he thought and hugged her.

    *He's hugging me I never seen this side of him before* Dawn thought. "Paul why are you gining me confidence" Dawn asks.

    Paul then let go of her. "It's er because I seem to really like you" Paul tried to say. *I have to say it it's now or never* he thought. "No not like it's love I love you Dawn I just was jealous of you traveling with Ash so I tried pretending to now like you" he whispered.

    "I love you too Paul I just only pretended to feel the opposite when I was with Ash" she whispered to Paul. Then Paul just pulled Dawn into a passionate kiss. Ash and Brock saw the whole thing.

    "Wow whoever knew the two were in love with one another" Brock said.

    "Yeah so we should wait for her down at the center" Ash asked.

    "Let's go Ash and leave those two alone" Brock said.

    "Pika pika" Pikachu said as they headed back.



    First chapter down I'm going to put a battle inside the 2nd one
    Last edited by allison2324; 7th June 2008 at 10:49 PM.

  2. #2
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    Please read the rules - your second chapter is much too short. =\ They need to exceed a page, at the very least, according to this section's rules.
    I've deleted it. Please try again.
    Encyclopika's Fic of the Moment:

    Status: Chaptered | R | Contestshipping | Finished

    Encyclopika:
    Made the banner
    Is a GIRL. >.>;;
    Has a deviantART account and a Tumblr
    Is on Fanfiction.net.
    Need a moveset for a specific Pokemon for a specific contest? PM me!
    Don't reply to my infractions. It's not gonna change anything.

    Random friend requests do nothing. Let's actually talk first. >_<

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    Chapter 2: A New Trainer With Powerful Pokemon


    "Boy Pikachu we managed to find some cool things in Amity Square" Ally said to her Pikachu on her shoulder.

    "Chu" Pikachu said.

    "Okay let's head to the Pokemon Cener and then do some pokemon training so people will know why we're powerful" Ally said with confidence.

    "Pika pikachu" Pikachu said.

    The trainer and pokemon went to the center and after getting the pokemon healed she let Pikachu and Sceptile out. "Scep sceptile" Sceptile asked.

    "Yeah it's about the contest you see I don't think I did very well" Ally said.

    "Pika pika" Pikachu asked.

    "No you battled with greatness but I think we should stick to battling okay" Ally said.

    "Pika" Pikachu said happily.

    "Sceptile" Sceptile said with enthusiasm.

    Just then they saw a man being dragged off by it's Croagunk. "Okay that's gotta sting" Ally said.

    "Ka" Pikachu sighed at the pun.

    "When is Brock going to stop doing that" Ash asked his Pikachu.

    "Pika pi" Pikachu replied.

    "Hey wait a minute isn't that the contest winner" Ash asked again.

    "Pika pikachu" his pikachu said.

    "Sceptile sceptile" Sceptile said.

    "It's okay Sceptile they probaly don't even know us" Ally said.

    "Chu chu pika" Pikachu said with a doubt.

    Then the boy's Pikachu ran up to my Pikachu. "Pika pika" it asked.

    "Chu pi" my Pikachu said.

    "Pikachu you didn't really have to ask her pokemon" the boy said and walked up to it.

    "Pika pikachu" Pikachu said and climbed up to it's shoulder.

    "Sceptile" Sceptile said showing it blades.

    "Woah what's with that pokemon" the boy said panickingly.

    "Oh Sceptile he gets that way because he's defending me" Ally replied.

    "Defending huh" the man with Croagunk said looking at it.

    "Okay this seems to be quite odd" Ally said to her Pikachu.

    "Pika" Pikachu said.

    "I don't think you know us do you" the boy asked.

    "Nope" Ally said.

    "I'm Ash from Pallet Town and this is my partner Pikachu" Ash said.

    "Pika pikachu" Pikachu said.

    "I'm brock from Pewter City" Brock said.

    "I'm Allison but I'm usually called Ally and I'm from LittleRoot Town" Ally said.

    "You're from Hoenn" Ash asked.

    "Yep and I chose Treeko for my first pokemon and it's a Sceptile now" Ally said.

    "Tile" Sceptile said.

    "Pika" my Pikachu asked.

    "Oh yeah we gotta go see ya" Ally asid and went outside.

    "Okay that's one odd trainer" Ash said.

    "Pika" his Pikachu said agreeing.

    Meanwhile.....

    "So what are we going to do now" Dawn asks Paul.

    "I'm going to get that girl back for calling you a loser" Paul said.

    "Well she may still be in Hearthome so we should check there" Dawn said.

    "No I'll check where she is you go find your friends" Paul said.

    "But-" Dawn said but was cut off by Paul.

    "No neither you or I don't want the others knowing about this" Paul said sternly.

    "Okay" Dawn said. Then they headed back only Dawn went back before Paul.

  4. #4
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    (doesn't anyone read this oh well at least I have something to do)

    Chapter 3: The Battle's Just Getting Started


    "Okay Pikachu we shouldn't have too many witnesses unlike back in Hoenn" Ally said to her Pikachu.

    "Pika pika" Pikachu said agreeing.

    "Now Latias I chosse you" Ally said throwing a poke ball.

    "Laaaaaaa" Latias said as it came out.

    "Okay Latias since we need to be the best we can be it's time to train" Ally said.

    "Pika" Pikachu said.

    "Scept" Sceptile said.

    "Pikachu use Thunderbolt Sceptile Leaf Blade and Latias Mist Ball" Allison said.

    "Pikachuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" Pikachu said firing lots of electrcity. The attack was noticable since it was done at Hearthome City. She doesn't really care about different people taking notice only if they start interviewing her.

    "Now Latias fire Mist Ball into the sky" Ally said

    "Latias" Latias said while firing the attack upward.

    "Sceptile use your Leaf Blade to slash the Mist ball" Ally said

    "Sceptile" Sceptile said and did a wicked high jump into the air and did as Ally said. Then Mist surronded all of them. As soon as it disappeared Dawn first saw the four of them.

    "What are you doing" Dawn asked.

    "Training that's what why do you care" Ally said.

    "Because someone's going to beat you in a pokemon battle by the way you wouldn't have seen Ash and Brock would you" Dawn asked again.

    "The two are at the center I met them a little while ago" Ally said.

    "Okay" Dawn said and headed for the Pokemon Center.

    "Well if that person is going to battle me let's see if he/she can beat my supered powerful pokemon" Ally said and pulled out an Ultra Ball. Then she and her pokemon started to laugh evilly. After they were done Pikachu pointed at someone looking at them.

    "Chuu" Pikachu said pointing at the purple haired trainer glaring at them. "Don't worry guys go back in your balls" Ally said. Then she took out the balls and called them inside.

    "What are you talking to them like they're people" the trainer asked.

    "Hmph not like I need advice on how to raise my pokemon they're strong just the way they are" Ally said.

    "Pika" Pikachu said.

    "Oh really that Pikachu doesn't look strong" the trainer said.

    "Pikachu" Pikacu said with anger.

    "Okay okay return Pikachu" Ally said and put it inside the ball.

    "Who are you anyways" Paul asked.

    "Allison but my friends call me Ally" Ally said.

    "The name's Paul and you were in that contest weren't you" Paul asked.

    "Yeah but I like battling better it helps with bonding with my pokemon" Ally said.

    "Then let's battle" Paul said.

    "You're on let's see if you can face up to my powerful pokemon" Ally said pulling out her Ultra Ball.

    "Stand by Electabuzz" Paul said.

    "Buzzzzz" Electabuzz yelled.

    "Rayquaza it's our time to shine" Ally said throwing her ball.

    "Rayyyyyyyyyyy" Rayquaza roared.

    "Rayquaza" Paul yelled.

    "Yep he's my strongest pokemon isn't that right buddy" Allison said.

    "Ray rayquaza" Rayquaza said.

    "Thunder Punch" Paul said.

    "Electa" Electabuzz said charging up it's attack.

    "Rayquaza Extreme Speed" Ally said.

    "Rayyyyyyyy rayyyyyy" Rayquaza said and slammed Electabuzz with full force.

    Back at the Center

    "Hey Ash did you get to do your gym battle" Dawn asked.

    "No the gym was closed so we have to head to Veilstone City" Ash said sadly.

    "Well I hear a battle going on outside want to watch" Dawn asked.

    "Alright let's go" Ash said and ran out the door.

  5. #5
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    It's...ah... fine. But for characters, we know each of them so you don't really have to specify their dreams. You also have too much dialogue. Try reducing them and take the time to describe their suroundings, atmosphere, feelings e.g tension, anger, vengeful and stuff like that. And also, I noticed that when you change the scene of POV, you tend to use normal words. Italicizing or bolding the words like 'Back in the Pokemon Center' or 'Back in the Pokemon Center' will separate the comments from the story.

    "Who are you anyways" Paul asked.

    "Allison but my friends call me Ally" Ally said.

    "The name's Paul and you were in that contest weren't you" Paul asked.

    "Yeah but I like battling better it helps with bonding with my pokemon" Ally said.

    "Then let's battle" Paul said.

    "You're on let's see if you can face up to my powerful pokemon" Ally said pulling out her Ultra Ball.

    "Stand by Electabuzz" Paul said.

    "Buzzzzz" Electabuzz yelled.
    The impression here is that they are talking casually. The impression you want to give is that Paul has a murderous intent, so maybe you can write something like '"The name's Paul and you were in that contest weren't you" Paul asked, masking his intention with casual words' tells the readers that Paul is trying not to lose his cool.

    *He called me by my name* Dawn thought. "Well I entered the Hearthome Contest and I lost" Dawn said.
    Instead of stars, you can use italics. But that works as well anyway.

    But soon Dawn left the contest hall with out Ash or Brock. Dawn was really sad and tried to push back the lump in her throat. She went to the route east of Hearthome City and sat by the water crying tears streaking down her face.

    "Hmph pathetic pokemon" a male trainer said to his Chimchar. This trainer's name is Paul who doesn't want his pokemon weak and if he thinks their weak he releases them. Rival of Ash and the complete opposite of him he secretly liked Dawn but was jealous of her being with Ash all the time.
    You need to add a line between the paragraphs to separate them like this:
    But soon Dawn left the contest hall with out Ash or Brock. Dawn was really sad and tried to push back the lump in her throat. She went to the route east of Hearthome City and sat by the water crying tears streaking down her face.
    __________________________________________________ ________
    "Hmph pathetic pokemon" a male trainer said to his Chimchar. This trainer's name is Paul who doesn't want his pokemon weak and if he thinks their weak he releases them. Rival of Ash and the complete opposite of him he secretly liked Dawn but was jealous of her being with Ash all the time.
    It doesn't matter how long it is.

    Also, I notice that you rush through the scenes. I'll rewrite them once for you to see what I mean. I'll use the same paragraphs as I used above.

    Dawn left the Contest Hall without Ash or Brock. She felt really upset that she lost the Contest this time. The lump in her throat grew worse and her tears started to flow. Wanting to be alone for a while, she changed back to her usual outfit and headed for Route *whatever it was* and sat down beside a river and cried hard.
    __________________________________________________ ______________
    On the same route, a male trainer had just defeated a wild Staravia.

    "Hmph, pathetic Pokemon," he commented to his Chimchar. The trainer was none other than Paul, Ash's Sinnoh rival who thought that weak Pokemon were not worth raising. He trekked back to Hearthome City's Pokemon Center and noticed Dawn crying by the river. Although his cool, hard exterior never showed it, he secretly liked Dawn and was jealous of Ash being with her all the time.
    *double checks for spelling errors*
    Alright, something like that. Rushing is never going to help you complete the story properly. It helps you get readers too

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    Oh thanks for the advice

    Chapter 4: A Pokemon To Remember


    And Electabuzz was still standing but wasn't doing so well. "This should prove why" Ally said. "Ray" Rayquaza said. "Thunder now" Paul commanded. "Electa" Electabuzz said while it was charging it's electric move. "Woah is that a Rayquaza" Ash asked as he came to the battlefield. "This should be a good match" Brock said. "Wait that Rayquaza isn't wild" Ash said as he saw Ally. Dawn saw too and got worried. "Oh no" Dawn said with a sad expression. "What's wrong Dawn" Ash asked. "Nothing nothing's wrong Ash hey maybe if you see this battle you'll find some ways on winning your next gym battle" Dawn said to get Ash off the subject. "Good idea hey Brock you mind if we stay and watch this battle" Ash asked. "I could use some action" Brock said. "Pika pi" Pikachu said and pointed at Ally. "Wait don't tell me that's Ally" Ash asked. "Buzzzz" Electabuzz said and fired it's attack at Rayquaza. "Rayquaza look out" Ally yelled. But too late Rayquaza got hit. "Rayyyyyyyyyyyy" Rayquaza screamed as the electricity hit it. But it looked like it's was hit by a weaker move than that. "Wow that's one strong pokemon" Ash said. "Well Ash it is a legendary so it's natural that it's strong" Ally said to Ash with a smile. "Yeah that's Ally" Brock said. "Hey you didn't tell me you had a Rayquaza" Ash said. "Well it would be best to not ruin a surprise" Ally said. "Ray" Rayquaza said in agreement.
    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __

    *Oh no he's here* Paul thought as he looked at the boy, then at Dawn. Dawn noticed "I didn't tell him any of this" she whispered. Paul nodded. "Hyper Beam" Ally said. "Rayyyyyy" Rayquaza said while preparing to fire. But what neither of the trainers knew was that a Meowth balloon was near and three people were watching the battle. "Hey Jessie look at the pokemon" a blue haired trainer in a white suit with a red R on the front. "Quiet James" a red haired girl snarled. "Are we going to steal Pikachu" a talking Meowth asked. "Meowth we are just going to watch this battle and see if that girl will beat that twerp" the girl said. They were team Rocket mostly famed in Kanto. Jessie James and Meowth are three members trying to steal Ash's Pikachu and were as you can see unsuccessful. "Oh yeah that is him" Meowth said pointing at Paul. "I heard the girl's a powerful trainer with powerful pokemon she even has some legendary pokemon" James stated. "Shut up and watch" Jessie said.
    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __

    "Rayquaza" Rayquaza said and fired the attack. "Woah that's some power" Dawn said. "Nobody actually gets it" Ally muttered. Then Electabuzz fainted and you know had dizzy eyes. "Good job Rayquaza" Ally said. "Ray" Rayquaza said with a smile
    Last edited by allison2324; 11th June 2008 at 12:16 AM.

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    Chapter 5: Sceptile's Turning Point


    "Rayquaza really does have that kind of power" Dawn said with awe. "Nobody actually gets it" Ally said. Then Pikachu comes out of it's ball. "Pika pika" it asks. "Okay you can stay" Ally said. "Electabuzz return" Paul said and Elctabuzz went inside. "You're going to need more power" he said harshly. "He doesn't know how to really raise them right" Ash said to Dawn. "I know Ash" Dawn said. "Chu" his Pikachu said. "Now Weavile go" Paul said and threw a poke ball. "Weavile" Weavile said. "Good job Rayquaza return" Ally said. Rayquaza went back into it's ball. "It's our kind of toughness that got us to the top" Ally said. "Pi" Pikachu said. "Now Sceptile it's your turn" Ally said and threw a poke ball. "Sceptile" Sceptile said as it came out. "A Sceptile" Dawn asked. She looked up the data on her pokedex. "I guess she's not from Sinnoh" Dawn said. "What was your first clue" Ally said. "Don't talk to her that way" both Ash and Paul said at the same time. "Just proving a point" Ally said. "Ka" Pikachu said.
    __________________________________________________ ______________

    "Ice Beam" Paul yelled. "Weavile" Weavile said firing a light blue beam at Sceptile. "Dodge Sceptile and use Fury Cutter" Ally said. "Tile" Sceptile said and dodged it. "Sceptile" Sceptile said and did the attack. "Vileeeeeeeee" Weavile yelled. It was super effective since Bug type moves do a lot of damage on Dark types. "Use Bite" Paul said. "Weavile" Weavile said and bit Sceptile's tail. "Scept" Sceptile said not feeling the pain. "It didn't feel it at all" Dawn said. "Course it didn't do much damage girly I've trained Sceptile a lot so when we battle we can take the rough attacks" Ally said. "What did you just call me" Dawn said with a rage mark on her forehead. "Well if you heard than you would've known what I said" Ally said completly focused on the battling. "You know she does do pretty good combacks" Ash said.
    __________________________________________________ ______________

    "Sceptile shake it off" Ally said. "Tile ile" Sceptile said and slammd Weavile to the ground with it's tail. "Excellent now use Leaf Blade" Ally said. "Blizzard" Paul said. "No" Ally said. But Weavile's attack hit Sceptile and it fainted. "Sceptile" Allison said and ran up to it. "Tile" it said. "Don't worry old friend you worked hard take a long rest" Ally said. "Scept" Sceptile said and went back inside. "Patheticyou going to send out a stronger one" Paul said not caring. "Come on that was my first pokemon I raised it since it was a Treeko" Ally said. "Pika pika pikachu" Pikachu said. "Yeah let's send it out" Ally replied.

  8. #8
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    Dialogue, or to be said dialogue in new paragraphs. Describe the stuff after or before. E.g:

    "..." said ____ as his (______) used *.......*. (______) began charging up power and fired the attack.

    "Dodge!" said ____ as her (_____) jumped right.

    ______ saw that his plan was working perfectly. The opponent was playing into his hands. "(_____)!! Jump and then use *.......*!!"

    _____'s (______) could only watch in horror as (________) knocked it out cold with it's *..........*

    __________________________________________________
    ______ is the name of the trainers.
    (______) is the name of the Pokemon
    *.........* is the attack used.
    "..." is whatever command that was used at first.

    Didn't wanna use real names, felt lazy *shot*

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    (Well it is going good though isn't it)

    Chapter 5: Togetic Is Out

    "Now Togetic I choose you" Ally said. "Toge togetic" Togetic said "Pika pika" Pikachu said. "You'll be in the battle don't worry" Ally said. "Togetic" Dawn said. Then she looked up the data. "I'm guessing that one's from Hoenn" Dawn asked. "No you fool it's from Jhoto and besides it's cute for an evolved pokemon" Ally said. "I told you not to call her names" Paul said. "I was going to say that" Ash said. "You need to work on your timing then" Ally replied. "Pikachu chu chu" Pikachu laughed. "Tic tic" Togetic laughed. "Hah you got a comback that time" Dawn said. Paul just rolled his eyes.
    __________________________________________________ ______________

    "Weavile Ice Beam" Paul said. "Weavile" Weavile yelled and fired another blue beam at Togetic. "Dodge Togetic and then use Ancient Power" Ally said. "Togetic" Togetic said. "Wea" Weavile said surprised at the pokemon's speed. "Tic toge" Togetic said raising some rocks. "great now fire them" Ally said. "Togetic" Togetic yelled and fired the rocks at Weavile. "Weavile" Weavile said as it was hit. But it was still standing. "Slash attack" Paul said. "Weavile" Weavile said. The move hit Togetic and it was critical. "Toge" Togetic said. "Time for one of my favorite moves Metronome go" Ally said. "Metronome" Dawn asked. "Yeah any move that any pokemon in the pokemon world knows can come out at random even ones that legends know" Ash said. "Guess you know your stuff" Ally said. "Toge toge toge toge" Togetic chanted as it waved its' fingers.
    __________________________________________________ ______________

    "Togetic" Togetic said and a move came out. The move was Sacred Fire! "Alright fire the move now" Ally commanded. "Togetic tic" Togetic said and a swarm a flames hit weavile at full force. "What was that" Dawn asked. "Sacred Fire and Ho Oh knows that move" Ash said. "Yeah that move comes out sometimes" Ally said. "Vile" weavile said and fainted. "Okay that was awesome Togetic" Ally said. "Tic toge" Togetic said proudly.

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    I'll say it one more time allison. New paragraphs for dialogue.

    Your battle's going on for too long. you may want to put the whole battle into a post or the mods will delete this. you have a back up don't you?

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    (Okay I'll put all three of the pokemon left in this)


    Chapter 6: Pokemon Pros


    "Chimchar go" Paul said and threw a poke ball. "Char" Chimchar said. "Okay return" Ally said. "Tic" Togetic said and went inside it's ball. "Fire is weak to water so I choose you Kyogre" Ally said and threw a Master Ball. Soon it started to rain heavily. "I don't think rain was going to start today" Ash said. "Kyogre" Kyogre yelled as it entered the field. "What the! Kyogre!" Paul yelled. "Chimchar" Chimchar said with a scare as it looked at Kyogre. "Yeah Kyogre's ability Drizzle will make it rain as it enters the battle and rain boosts water type moves' power, weakens fire types' moves power, plus for Pikachu anyways let's the move Thunder always hit" Ally said. "Chu pi" Pikachu said. "She has some powerful pokemon" Ash said. "Chimchar Dig" Paul said. "Char chim chim chim" Chimchar said as it dug a hole. "You're not getting away that easily Kyogre Earthquake!!!" Ally said. "Gre kyogre" Kyogre yelled as the earth trembled with a mighty shake. "Chimchar ar" Chimchar screamed as the earth cracked. Then it was blown out from the ground and fainted. "What just happened" Dawn asked. "Since Kyogre did the move Earthquake and ground type moves do a lot of damage on fire types like Chimchar plus the fact it was underground the power was doubled because Chimchar took more effect of the attack" Brock said. "Return" Paul said and Chimchar went inside it's ball. "Good job Kyogre" Ally said. "Kyo" Kyogre said. "Murkrow stand by" Paul said and threw a poke ball. "Murkrow" Murkrow said.
    __________________________________________________ ______________

    "Well guess we have to switch too" Ally said as Kyogre went inside. "Pikachu I choose you" Ally said. "Pika" Pikachu said. "Murkrow use Shadow Ball" Paul said. "Krow murkrow" Murkrow said and fired a black purplish ball at Pikachu. "Pikachu use Swift" Ally said. "Pika pi pi ka chu" Pikachu said and threw yellow stars at the attack. The attacks collided and exploded into sparkles. "Woah it's almost like a contest move" Dawn said. Paul just quickly smirked at her. "I'm in for the battle not observations Pikachu Thunderbolt" Ally said. "Pika pi pikachuuuuuuuuuu" Pikachu yelled and firde electrcity at Murkrow. "Dodge then use Haze" Paul said. "Murkrow" Murkrow said and covered the battle arena with black fog. "Pika" Pikachu said looking for Murkrow. "Pikachu calm down and do a Double Team" Ally said. "Chu pika pi pi pi" Pikachu asid while making false copies of itself. "This should work" Ally whispered.
    __________________________________________________ ______________

    "Okay Pikachu use your Thunder attack into the clouds" Ally said. "Pi pikachuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" the real Pikachu yelled and fired electricity into the sky. "Excellent the plan is going well" Ally said. "Murkrow use Shadow Ball on one of them" Paul said. "Murkrow" Murkrow said and fired it at a false Pikachu, then at another, until it beat all of them. "Uh oh Pikachu you know what to do" Ally asked. "Pika" Pikachu replied. "Krow" Murkrow said and fired the Shadow Ball. "Now" Ally said. "Chu pikaaaaaaaaaaa" Pikachu yelled as the Thunder attack came back down with tremendous force and hit Murkrow. "Oh no Paul's going to lose" Dawn yelled. "Why do you even care if he loses Dawn" Ash asked with a puzzled face. "Because I want you to beat him" Dawn said as an excuse. "You sure" Ash asked. "Yeah I'm sure" Dawn asid with a slight blush. "Murkrowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" Murkrow said as it was hit. Then it fainted as the black haze cleared. Pal put Murkrow inside it's ball without saying a thing. *It's for Dawn and I don't want to lose this* he thought. "Yes Pikachu we did it" Ally said. "Chu pika" Pikachu said with a triumphant look. "High five" Ally asid and held her hand up in the air. "Pika" Pikachu said and hit it with it's own.
    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __

    "Torterra go" Paul said and threw a poke ball. "Torterra" Torterra roared. "Okay Latias I choose you" Ally said and threw a poke ball. "Latias lat" Latias said. "Don't even try ground moves since Latias can Levitate or do you not know that" Ally said. "Don't insult him" Dawn said. "Huh" Ally,Ash, and Brock said. "Pika" Pikachu said sweatdropping. "Okay Dawn your defenetly hiding something" Ash said. "Ash you better stay out of this" Paul threatened. "Okay while their distracted Latias use Psychic" Ally commanded. "Latias" Latias asid and lifted Torterra off the ground using it's psychic powers. "Tor" Torterra asked. "Smash it to the ground" Ally said. "Latias" Latias yelled and smashed Torterra to the ground on it's shell. "Terrrra" Torterra yelled in pain. "Get up" Paul said. "Terra" Torterra said and got on it's feet. "Use Frenzy Plant" Paul said. "Torterrrrrrraaaaaaa" Torterra yelled and fired thick vines with thorns from underground at Latias. Latias took the hit but it didn't do much damage. "Ti" Latias said as if nothing happened. "Latias didn't take much damage because it's part Dragon and Part Psychic" Ally said. "Tias lat" Latias said. "Okay Latias use Mist Ball" Ally said. "Tias" Ltias said charging it's attack. "Fire" Ally said. "Lat" Latias said. and fired the Mist Ball at Torterra. "Torrrrrrrr" Torterra yelled. But it fainted and Ally was the winner of the battle. "Return" Paul said as Torterra went into it's ball. "Alright Latias we won we won" Ally said happily. "Latias latias latias" Latias said with joy. Paul just walked off really angered at the loss and how strong this trainer was. "Paul no wait" Dawn said and ran after him.
    Last edited by allison2324; 13th June 2008 at 9:34 PM.

  12. #12
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    Put dialogues into new paragraphs. And you made Paul lose. That sounded wrong... =p

    This is the start of a brand new journey...

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