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Thread: Lost Forever

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    180

    Default Lost Forever

    Lost Forever

    A chill breeze tickled the specks of sands, sending them dancing across the dusty plain. Water crashed against the shore in the grayness of a January day while a woman sifted through the granular surface with her bare toes. She knelt softly, smoothing out her skirt and raised a small thin stick. In the sand she found an easel as her mind was filled with thoughts of artistry.

    But, no, she thought. It was too familiar, too painful. Still though, the young lady tied her brunette locks behind her eyes with her mother’s satin ribbon while standing and began to draw a picture within the sand. Her works, innocent as they were, depicted something deeper, something within. As she sketched her face, the picture seemed to burst alive with color. She saw her hazel eyes hiding a wistful expression behind the pale shell of the image. Then, she portrayed a quiet hand on her shoulder. It led to a face so painful to her now.

    She could hear his voice, floating on the wind, whispering words of kindness. Words she’d never hear again. The girl had closed in upon herself that day; she became a door locked from the inside. No way in, and she didn’t want to come out. The stick fell from her hand and landed with a soft thud as waves rose over her artwork. She gasped, contemplating the parallels with her life. Everything erased. Her family was no comfort, her friends had left her. She was alone.

    Reaching up to touch the bruise upon her tanned cheek, she wondered if things would ever be the same. Ever be happy. Her attempts at comfort were futile and she wept gently in resignation. Tears fell to the water around her ankles, mingling with the brine.

    Beads of rain began falling from the shady clouds as she threw her hands to the air and howled in frustration. The water washed away her teardrops and her doubts. She fumbled for a ring with her right hand and swiftly plucked the diamond encrusted band from her finger. She gazed long at the circle in her palm, thinking how it symbolized a full life, a blissful life. And now, at the very shores where she acquired the ring, she knew, her life wouldn’t come full circle without her moving on. Her slender fingers closed around it and she raised her arm high to the sky. With one final yell, she tossed the ring into the salty depths.

    It sunk slowly and hit the bottom, lost forever.

    fin

    [The story is finally out! 6/2/08]

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Violet Hill
    Posts
    268

    Default

    This is a very interesting story. Lots of description, which is good. It really does paint a picture on the sceen you're atempted to create. I'm not quite sure what message your trying to get across but either way it was good.

    Just a couple of things. It says it the rules that chapters, prologues etc. must be a least one page in length. Though this probally isn't a chapter fic and I'm not sure on the rules for one-shots or drabbles.

    Sorry if I seem a bit vague but it's just a readers point of view and not a reveiwers. In conclusion a brilliant, descriptive story!


    Coming Soon...

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    180

    Default

    Thank you. Also, about the rules, it allows any length for one-shots. And you are allowed any length for chapters if they are well written. Thank you for the comments. If you like this, you should check out the preview of my newest fic. Click my banner.

    [The story is finally out! 6/2/08]

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