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Thread: Tears in Heaven 2 In Destiny's hands (advanceshipping rating PG)

  1. #1
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    Post Tears in Heaven 2 In Destiny's hands (advanceshipping rating PG)

    Ummm hi. does anyone remeber me? actually does anyone remeber my story "Tears in Heaven". This is part two. Yes i know i already posted another part two of Tears in Heaven called my girl. yes it was very bad but i modifide it and this is it. so i have no idea how i will go. Here is "Tears in Heaven 2 In destiny's hands". If you haven't read "Tears in Heaven" here is the link http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=8104982 .By the way plz don't mind the bads words. ^_^

    This is a advanceshipping story. (rating PG)


    Tears in heaven 2
    In Destiny’s hands

    Chapter One
    “Flowers and candles”

    It was four years since Misty’s death and there was a black raven haired boy at Misty’s grave. Ash was now twenty. Ash was on his knees near Misty’s grave. The boy named Ash put a bunch of flowers on her gravestone. Next to Ash was a little yellow mouse. It was Pikachu. Ash lit the candle.

    “I wonder what our lives would be like if you didn’t die Misty”

    Ash gave a sigh.

    “Maybe we wouldn’t be very happy. I guess it was better this way”

    The wind blew the candle out. Ash knew that Misty was here. Pikachu got scared and his behind Ash’s legs.

    “There’s nothing to be afraid of Pikachu”
    “Pika?”
    “Of course I’m sure”

    Ash looked and Misty’s gravestone. Ash read the date Misty was born.

    June 17 1981 - October 29 2008

    Ash touched Misty’s gravestone and started to cry. Ash wasn’t crying because he didn’t loved her anymore. Ash was crying because he remember all the good times they had in his journeys in Kanto and Johto. Misty taught him how to catch Pokemon and how to raise them. Misty was an important person to everyone, not just Ash. Ash wiped his eyes and got up.

    “Well Misty I got some good news today. I’m going to ask May to marry me”

    Another cold breeze blew. nearly blowing the flowers away. Again Pikachu hid behind Ash’s legs. Ash just smiled and looked up to the sky. Ash knew that Misty would be very happy for him and May.

    “How should I ask May to marry me Misty? Should it be romantic?”

    It was weird for Ash to talk to a dead person. He knew that he will never get a reply. So Ash asked Pikachu.

    “Well should it be romantic Pikachu?”

    The little yellow mouse nodded. Ash looked at Misty’s grave. Ash smiled.

    “Well Misty I might come back here tomorrow”

    Ash and Pikachu started to leave Misty’s grave when Ash saw Misty’s three older sisters. Lily, Violet and Daisy. The three sister were heading towards them. Soon Lily, Violet and Daisy reached Misty’s grave. Lily and Ash’s faces were face to face. Ash and Lily hated each other very much. Lily never forgive Ash since the accident.

    “What are you doing you little b*****d?”
    “Well I was going to ask the same b***h”
    “After four years you still piss me off”
    “I do?”
    “Yes you do!”
    “Well here is a suggestion. Don’t show your f**king face in front of me again? Okay b***h?”

    By now Lily’s head was bright red and steam was coming out of her ears. She couldn’t take it anymore. Lily raised her fist and was about to give a nasty punch at Ash when Violet caught Lily's hand.


    “Please Lily. I’m sure Misty doesn’t want this”
    “Oh I bet she does. Not what after Ash did to her”

    Then Ash interrupter.

    “Shut up b***h!”
    “You shut up b*****d”

    Lily and Ash’s faces were closer than ever. Daisy and Violet were holding Lily back and Pikachu doing the same to Ash.

    “Look Lily, Misty was different to us. Yes she may not have our beauty but she did have feelings like us. She loved Ash”
    “Bulldust Daisy”
    “Daisy is right Lily. Misty was different to us. She was a good little sister. Even we fought with her we still loved each other. It’s the same when Ash and Misty fought four years ago”

    Lily stopped and so did Ash. They were both dead silent, like Misty’s grave. Then a soft light breeze blew. Soon Lily and Ash sook hands with the ‘ I still hate you’ expression. Ash and Pikachu left the three sister alone until Violet came up to them.

    “Violet? What are you doing here?
    “I came here to say sorry about my sister’s reaction. I’m sure Misty doesn’t want you guys to fight like this”
    “Yeah me too. It’s just when Misty was still alive me and Lily never got along”
    “Yeah I know. I just hope one day you guys forgive each other”
    “Look Violet. Not even God can help your sister to forgive me”
    “Yeah I know”

    Lily notice that Violet and Ash were talking and this made Lily frustrated and Lily came walking up to them with fire in her eyes. When Lily got there she pushed Violet aside.

    “So your flittering with me sister now huh?”
    “I’m not flittering with your f**king sister! Beside I already have a girlfriend”
    “Well I feel sorry that she has a f**king boyfriend like you!”
    “Shut up b***h!”

    Daisy came running towards the group and when Daisy got there she saw Lily and Ash ready to fight again. Daisy gave a sigh and pulled Lily away from Ash (with Violet’s help of course). While Violet and Daisy were pulling Lily away from Ash, Lily kept yelling at Ash. Swearing her head off like she never did before. Ash just smiled and waved like a innocent little boy. When Lily was no where to be seen Ash gave a relief sigh.

    “Well that take cares of that. Well Pikachu let’s head into town get a ring”
    “Pikachu!”

    Then Pikachu hop onto Ash’s shoulder and headed into town. Getting a ring for May. Meanwhile back at small town of Pallet town. Inside a small house was a browned haired girl with a green bandana. Her name was May. She was now eighteen. She was at the kitchen with Ash’s mom, Delia. Delia was washing the dishes and May was drying the dishes. Delia thought to start a conversation.

    “It’s amazing that it has been four years since you and Ash got together”
    “Yeah, I find it hard to believe it myself”
    “And you also know there is a very special day tomorrow?”
    “Yeah, I know. It’s Misty’s death anniversary”
    “It’s hard to believe that she’s gone”
    “Yeah, I might not know Misty much but I know Ash does. I’m here to help Ash no matter what”
    “You are a such a nice sweet caring girl May”

    May started to blush bright red.

    “Oh Ms. Ketchum, I don’t know about the sweet and caring part”
    “But it’s true. You put yourself before others”
    “Well thanks for the complement Ms. Ketchum”

    Suddenly May’s cell phone started to ring. May picked up her red phone and looked who was calling.

    Ash Ketchum

    It was Ash calling. May answered the call.

    “Hi babe, How are you?”
    “Great thanks. Anyway get ready. We are going out to a expensive restaurant tonight”
    “Tonight?”
    “Yeah, got a problem with that?”
    “Well of course. I don’t have much time to look good!”
    “But you look already beautiful. You don’t have to look any more beautiful”
    “Aww Ash you are such a flirter”
    “I am?”
    “Yes you are. Well dropped the phone so I can get ready”
    “You want me to go already?”
    “Well we are going to see each other later on anyway”
    “Okay see you there”
    “Okay, bye love you”
    “Love you too”

    May dropped the call and headed upstairs. Delia notice that May was heading upstairs very quickly.

    “Why in such a rush May?”
    “I have a date with Ash in a couple of hours”
    “Well have a great time okay?”
    “Of course Ms. Ketchum”

    Then May headed upstairs to get ready for her date with Ash.

    End of Chapter One

  2. #2
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    Chapter Two
    “Diamond ring”

    Ash and Pikachu were at a jeweler shop. Ash was having a hard time to choose a ring for May. There were many to choose from. There were rubies in necklaces and sapphires as center piece for a bracelet. It took a long time but Ash and Pikachu decided on a gold ring and a diamond as a center piece. Ash ask for the counter lady to have a look. The counter lady took it out and Ash held it and the diamond ring shone against the sun’s rays. It was very beautiful.

    “I know May is going to love this”
    “Pikachu”

    Soon Ash bought the ring and headed to the restaurant where he will meet and May and ask May to marry him.

    Meanwhile May was at the restaurant. Waiting for Ash to arrive. May was in a rich red silk dress with matching red silk ribbons. May also had diamond necklace and bracelet and May also had black high heels. May was getting impatiently for waiting for Ash. May got out her red cell phone out of her handbag. She text Ash a message. Meanwhile Ash was in his car and was about to start the car when he heard a noise. It was a text message. Ash got out his blue cell phone and read the message.

    Where are you?
    Do you know how long I have been waiting?
    I’m going to leave VERY soon if you don’t move your a*s over here
    You better hurry. I’m not joking.
    See you here (hopefully)

    Love May

    “Gee, by this message we better get there now Pikachu”
    “Pika pi”

    Ash text May a message back.

    I will be there, don’t worry
    Remember I’M paying the bill not you
    I had to get something. That is why I’m late
    I’ll be there in less them ten minutes.
    Just wait a little longer okay?
    Okay better go there now
    See you there

    Love Ash

    Ash put down his cell phone and started the car and headed to the restaurant.

    Meanwhile May was at the restaurant reading Ash’s text message and was going to reply when Ash came in. Ash was in a gray suit with black polished shoes. Next to Ash was Pikachu. Pikachu was also in a suit. Nearly like Ash’s suit in fact. Ash sat down opposite to May.

    “It was about time you came here!”
    “Sorry, I had to get something”
    “What was it?”
    “I will so you later. Now let’s order”
    “Okay”

    Ash signal the waiter to come to their table. The waiter was holding a menu. The waiter gave Ash and May the menu and Ash and May looked at all the food there was. Soon the waiter came back and ask for what they wanted to eat.

    “What do you want Sir?”
    “Well I will like the pasta please”
    “Very well Sir. What about you Maim?
    “Well the Salmon with lemon sounds really nice”
    “Very well then. I will give your orders to the head chef”

    The waiter left and headed to the kitchen. Soon the waiter came back with Ash and May’s orders. Pikachu was eating garlic bread. When they finished Ash signal the waiter and whispered something in his ear. The waiter left. May was confused. Soon the waiter came back with one glass of white wine. The waiter gave the glass to May.

    “Ash you know I can’t drink yet. You know that!”
    “Look inside the glass”

    May looked inside the glass. There was a ring in inside the glass. It was the diamond ring Ash bought before. May dipped her hands inside the glass and took the ring out. Ash got out of his seat and ask May for the ring. With so much confusion, May gave the ring to Ash. Ash knelt down on one of his legs, showing the ring to May. Ash started to blush. He never did this before. May also blushed. Everyone was staring at them.

    “May?”
    “Yes Ash?”
    “Will you marry me?”

    May went silent. Ash was praying in his head that May will say yes and so did the crowd. Then May answered Ash question.
    “Yes”
    “Yes?”
    “Yes Ash, I will marry you”

    Ash got up with excitement.

    “Yes!”

    The crowd applause at Ash and May.

    “Ash?”
    “Yeah”
    “Aren’t you suppose to put the ring on my finger now?”
    “Oh yeah”

    Ash put the diamond ring on May’s ring finger. They looked at each other. May got up and kissed Ash on the lips.

    “I love you so much Ash”
    “I love you so much as well May”

    Then the happy couple headed to the counter and paid for what they ate. Ash and May left the restaurant, holding hands. They both got into Ash’s sliver BMW. May was looking at her engagement ring.

    “Soon I will be called Mrs. May Ketchum”
    “Yeah”
    “So when will we tell the others?”
    “Well first thing first. We tell Mom”
    “Yeah good idea.

    Ash got out his car keys and started the keys. Soon the car started up and they were on their way to Ash’s home. Ready to tell the good news.

    It was evening when Ash and May got home. Ash got the keys and opened the door. Delia was watching TV with Mr. Mine. They were watching Dawn in the grand festival in Hoenn.

    “Hey isn’t that Dawn?”
    “Oh course Ash. Don’t tell me your going blind?”

    Ash kissed May on the lips.

    “If I was I wouldn’t have kissed you just then”

    May didn’t replied. She sat next to Delia. Dawn was using Empoleon and Lopunny. Dawn was fighting with her current boyfriend Drew. Dawn and Drew were travelling together, entering contests in Hoenn. Drew had Absol and Roserade.

    “Lopunny and Empoleon use ice beam now!”
    “Absol and Roserade dodge them now!”

    A chilling ice beam came out of Lopunny and Empoleon. Absol dodge the attack but Roserade got a direct hit. Roserade fainted.. Drew returned Roserade.

    “Now Lopunny use mega kick”
    “Dodge using agility and use slash!”

    Absol dodge Lopunny’s powerful mega kick and did a horrible slash behind Lopunny. Lopunny slammed right into the ground.

    “Now Absol, use night slash!”

    Absol was running right towards Lopunny.

    “Lopunny get up!”

    Time was running out for Lopunny because Absol was closing in fast. Absol was right behind Lopunny.

    “Now Lopunny use mega kick!”

    Lopunny got up and kicked Absol right into a wall. A cloud of dust surround Absol. When the dust faded Absol was already fainted.

    “And here you have it guys! The winner of our Lilycove ribbon of Dawn!”

    The crowd applauded Dawn for her achievement.

    “Well Dawn has improved a lot in four years”
    “Anyone can Ash”
    “Oh yeah mom, me and May have something to tell you”
    “Oh what is it dear?”
    “Well… May and I are getting married”

    Delia was surprised.

    “Well congrats. When is the wedding?”
    “We haven’t decide on that yet”
    “Well when Ash’s father ask me to marry him he did it in a fancy restaurant back in Shinno”
    “You use to live in Shinno Ash?”
    “Yeah when I was little”
    “Wow, how come you never told me?”

    Ash stayed silent for a while but then answered May’s question.

    “It never occurred to me to talk about it”
    “Well it’s not important”
    “Yeah”
    “Well aren’t you guys going to tell your friends?”
    “Yeah. We are going to invite everyone here next week”
    “That sound great. Have you invited Dawn and Drew yet?”
    “Oh! So that what we forgot to invite”
    “Well I purposely forgot about Drew”
    “Ash when will you forget about the accident. That was four years ago”
    “Yeah but that could of killed you”

    May gave a big kiss on Ash’s lips.

    “We are going to invite them you like or not!”
    “Whatever!”

    Ash headed to the kitchen to get a drink. May got out her cell phone and dial Dawn’s number.

    Meanwhile Drew and Drew were still at the grand festival. Dawn finally got out of the huge crowd wanting photos.

    “It’s was about time you got out of that huge crowd”
    “Well you go and run away from people that want photos of you”

    Then Dawn’s cell phone rang. Dawn got out her pink cell phone out and answered the call.

    “Elo? Who is this?”
    “May?”
    “Yeah”
    “What makes you call after four years?”
    “Well Ash and I want you guys to come here next week”
    “Why?”
    “Ash and I are getting married”
    “Wow that’s a surprise! Well congrats!”
    “Thankyou. See you here next week?”
    “Oh course. My best friend is getting married!”
    “Okay see you here next week”

    Dawn dropped the call.

    “So who called?”
    “May”
    “May?”
    “Yeah she’s getting married to Ash”

    Drew went silent for a while.

    “Aren’t you happy for them?”
    “Umm… yeah”
    “Well lets get some stuff for them”
    “Yeah”

    Dawn grabbed Drew’s hand, walking home holding hands.

    End of Chapter two.

  3. #3

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    of course Drew's not happy about it, kinda obvious in most fic.
    there are a few errors it there, but i dont have time now to point them out.

    besides that, im loving it so far. UPDATE SOON!!
    Forever an Advanceshipper and Eeveelution Lover

  4. #4
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    of course Drew's not happy about it, kinda obvious in most fic.
    there are a few errors it there, but i dont have time now to point them out.

    besides that, im loving it so far. UPDATE SOON!!
    I'm so happy that you like it. it took my foreva towrite these chapters. i will soon post chapter 3 asap.

  5. #5
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    hi. you might find this chapter werid because i did. anyway i hope you like this chapter.

    Chapter three
    “A call from the past”

    The next morning Ash and May headed to Misty’s grave. It was very cold and there were tiny bits of frost on the grass. There was light fog surrounding Ash and May .Next to Misty’s gravestone was a candle. Ash got out his lighter and lit the candle. The wind was making it hard to light the candle but Ash manage to light the candle. May had a water lily in her hands. She putted the flower right next to the candle. Ash got up and stand next to May.

    “Misty guess what?”

    There was no reply. Ash and May could only hear the wind.

    “Well May and I are getting married”

    Then a strong gust of wind blew. Again May and Ash could smell Misty’s perfume in the air.

    “I think she heard you Ash”
    “Yeah”
    “Well we better head back. Everyone is going to be at your place soon”
    “Yeah, let’s go”

    Ash and May walked away from Misty’s grave holding hands in the cold foggy morning. By noon everyone was at Ash’s place, celebrating and having a good time. Everyone was there. First came was Professor Oak and Tracey. Then Norman, Catherine and Max. then last of all was Drew and Dawn. May greeted them with hugging arms.

    “Dawn, It’s nice to see you again”
    “It’s nice to see you again too May!”

    The two best friends talked about their life in four years. Ash and Drew greeted each other.

    “Hey”
    “Hi”
    “Congrats for your wedding”
    “Thanks Drew. When are you and Dawn going to get married?”
    “Not yet”
    “Well don’t forget to invite us”
    “Sure”

    Dawn and May approached Ash and Drew.

    “It’s seems you too are getting along”
    “Yeah”
    “Well shall we join the others?”
    “Yeah, lets do that!”
    “Okay lets go”

    Dawn, May and Drew headed to the others. Ash walked to the front door and stand outside. Ash looked like he was waiting for someone. Delia saw Ash outside and approached him.

    “His not coming is he?”
    “Maybe his busy”
    “His always busy. Like always. He can’t even find time for his own son’s wedding”
    “I promise he will come Ash”
    “Well start praying Mom”

    Ash left his mother and headed to join the group. Delia looked at the sky.

    “Maybe Ash is right. Your just too busy”

    After this Delia headed to join the group.

    **************

    In the team rocket Shinno base, Jessie, James and Meouth were heading to their boss. After their long journey trying to catch Pikachu. They have failed again and again and after their journey they haven’t caught a single Pokemon.

    “Why do you think the boss called us?”
    “Maybe his giving us a promotion!”
    “For free? Keep dreaming James”
    “Yeah, your right Jessie”

    Son the three got to their boss. They opened the door slowly. Inside they saw a man with a Persian right next to him. He turned around to face Jessie, James and Meouth. His name was Giovanni.

    “Boss, why have you call us?”
    “I’ve called you because I cannot accept failure from you guys again”
    “What do you mean?”
    “What I mean is that I have wasted too much money on fools like you”
    “Sorry boss”
    “Sorry isn’t going to get your jobs back!”
    “You mean that we are…”
    “Your all fired!”
    “WHAT?!”
    “I’ve demoted you guys to be janitors”
    “But why boss?”
    “I cannot have failures in this business, Now leave!”
    “Yes boss”

    Jessie, James and Meouth left the boss’s room and got started on their new jobs. Meanwhile Giovanni was looking outside his window. He turned around to his desk and listen to his messages. He was deleting the messages until he heard a familiar voice.

    Hey dad
    How is it over there?
    I was wonder if you can visit us over here
    You see, something very important is happening over
    here and I want you to be a part of it.
    I mean you are my father
    wish you can come visit me
    Please call if you can come or not
    Cya Dad

    “Well I haven’t heard that voice for a very long time, I wonder if he still remember what I look like”
    “Persian”
    “His sister will be glad to see him again”
    “Per sain”

    Giovanni looked outside again. Smiling once again. Giovanni picked up the phone and called someone.

    **************

    “Left foot red!”
    “Ahh get off me Ash”
    “Move Dawn!”
    “F**k no, you move”
    “Okay now right hand green”
    “F**k that’s too far”

    Ash landed face first on the twister mat. Dawn got up and started to jump around the room.

    “Ha! I won!”
    “Shut up, you were just lucky”
    “Very lucky Ash”
    “Well it was only a game guys”
    “Yeah and I want a rematch!”
    “Bring it on loser”
    “Well you are going to eat dose words little lady!”
    “I doubt that”
    “Bring it on”

    Everyone was having so much fun. Tracey was about to start the game when Delia came into the room.

    “Ash?”
    “Yeah mom?”
    “Someone is on the phone”
    “Who is it?”
    “Come over here and you will know”

    Ash got up and came to the phone. Who would want to call him?. All his friends were here. Who could be on the phone?

    “Hello, Ash Ketchum here. Whose this?”
    “Don’t you know your own father voice?”
    “Dad!”

    There was a giggle at the end of the phone. Ash was still shocked that his own father would call. Words found it hard to come out of his mouth.

    “Wow dad. What makes you call?”
    “Can’t I call my own son?”
    “Well how little sister?”
    “Very well. Well why did you call?”
    “I’m getting married dad and I wanted you to come”
    “Well I will come”
    “Really dad?”
    “Of course and you little sister will come too”
    “Thanks dad”
    “Anything for my own son”
    “Okay bye dad”
    “Bye”

    Ash dropped the phone. The Ash ran to his mom who was in the living room talking to Professor Oak.

    “Mom, why didn’t you tell me that dad was on the phone?”
    “Well I thought to surprise you”
    “Well you did I good job of that”

    May was going to the living when she heard the conversation. She enter the room.

    “Your dad Ash?”

    Ash turned around and saw it was May all confused. Like a little girl that got lost in a shopping mall. May came closer to Ash and ask the same question.


    “Your dad Ash?”
    “Yeah my dad is coming for our wedding”
    “How come you never talk about you dad?”

    Ash went dead quite. Ash looked at his mother.

    “Well Ash?”
    “Guess it’s time for you to know the truth”
    “The truth?”
    “Yes May. The truth about my past”

    End of chapter three
    Last edited by midnightmoon; 30th June 2008 at 1:31 PM. Reason: Fix mistakes

  6. #6

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    in-teresting.
    well... i know most pokemon fans believe that Giovanni is Ash's father, but i dont really support that.

    either way, i hope his past this his father is... well... - good.
    UPDATE SOON!!

    and May's mother's name is Caroline, not Catherine.
    Forever an Advanceshipper and Eeveelution Lover

  7. #7
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    sorry to say, but after the first chapter this story didn't draw me in. Keep up the good work though.

    Don't forget to follow me on twitter: twitter.com/tsubasa1 and follow my blog: This Week in Pokemon.

  8. #8
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    Woah Giovanni was Satoshi's dad in this fanfic and Team Rocket are janitors now that's hilarious

  9. #9
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    i know. my bro and my friend thought it would be very interesting if Giovanni was Ash's dad. if this story turns out bad i will blame it on them. the story might be a bit boring for the nest two capter but after that the main good bit will come and i might add team rocket again .okay here is chapter four and btw Amelia is actullat the girl from the game firered and leafgreen. this chapter went for nine pages. i got carried away writeing. okay now i must edit chapter five.

    Chapter Four
    “Ash’s childhood past”


    Ash and May sat down in the living room. Ash took in a big breath and started to talk.

    “Okay May I’m going to tell you my past that I have never told anyone else”

    May just nodded and let Ash continue talking.

    “I’ll start when it was before my tenth birthday…”

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Flashback
    “Mom! Dad’s home!”

    The ten year old Ash and his younger sister, Amelia came racing to the door. Looking forward to see their father come back from another long Pokémon journey. Amelia was Ash’s younger sister. They were two years apart. Amelia had brown hair with a teal top with a red skirt. Amelia also had a white hat. She had teal socks with red and white shoes.

    “Dad how was your journey?”
    “It was fine”

    Ash and his sister lived in a rich mansion in Sinnoh. With white walls in every room with photos of the family in the guest room. Maids and drivers at their power. Ash and Amelia had everything they wanted except their own Pokémon.

    “Dad?”
    “Yes Ash?”
    “When can Amelia and I have our own Pokémon?”
    “Ash, you and your sister are too young to have your very own Pokémon”
    “But I want to go on my very own journey”
    “Ash, you are still nine years old just wait till your ten okay and I will give you this Pokémon okay?”
    “Sure Dad!”

    Ash gave a huge around his dad. Ash was finally going to get his very own Pokémon. Amelia was tugging on his father’s coat.

    “When can I get my Pokémon Daddy?”
    “Not until your ten Amelia”
    “Aww Daddy you’re so mean”
    “Hey Amelia we both don’t have our own Pokémon yet”
    “I know”

    The two siblings just smiled at each other. Soon their father knelt down to Amelia.

    “Why don’t you and you brother go and play outside?”
    “Okay, Ash you want to come?”
    “Sure!”
    Soon Ash and Amelia headed to the backyard. Then Delia approached her husband.

    “When are you going to tell them?”
    “About what?”
    “You know”
    “In wished I never enter into this business”
    “I know dear”
    Delia and her husband looked out the window and saw their children playing in the back garden, all happy with no problem.

    “One day they will know the truth about us”

    Soon it was dinner and everyone was at the table. The chefs came out handing out their dinner.

    “Yay chicken!”
    “Amelia, It’s pork”
    “Whatever Ash! It’s still food”

    Amelia picked up her fork and was about to stab the pork when her mother stopped her.

    “Amelia please let me cut the pork”
    “Okay mom”

    Delia cut the pork into many slices. Everyone enjoyed the dinner. Soon it was dark and it was time to head to bed. Amelia and Ash shared the same room. Ash was looking at the glow in the dark stars stuck on the ceiling. Amelia couldn’t sleep. She kept turning around but she still couldn’t sleep.

    “Ash?”
    “Yeah?”
    “Are you still awake?”
    “What do you think?”
    “Yes?”

    Ash just sighed at her little sister.

    “Ash?”
    “What now?”
    “Why do you keep looking at does glow in the dark stars?”
    “Well I just do, one day I will become a pokemon master like father and be as rich as him”
    “Well it’s going to take a long time”
    “I know but it’s going to be worth it”

    Amelia got out of her bed and jumped on Ash’s bed.

    “What the f**k Amelia?”
    “Lets go to dad and mom!”
    “Why?”
    “I dunno”

    Ash sighed again.

    “Why do I have a sister that doesn’t know what she’s doing?”

    Amelia grab her older brother’s hand and drag him out of bed. Ash fell off and hit his head on the carpet.

    “Ouch!”
    “Don’t complain Ash. Carpet doesn’t hurt”
    “Well what’s under the carpet hurts idiot”
    “Whatever! Now lets go”

    Ash was getting up when her sister grab his hand again. Soon they were walking down the hallway holding hands. Amelia was scared because there was no lights.

    “Can we go back now?”
    “First you want to go to dad and mom and now you want to go back?”
    “Yes! I mean no!”
    “Make up your mind!”
    “Okay lets go in”

    Ash knocked on their parent’s bedroom door. They could hear someone talking. It was their dad.

    “So when can you get the stolen pokemon here?”
    “Tomorrow”
    “Tomorrow? That’s my son’s birthday”
    “That’s the only time we have sir”
    “Shit, that’s really bad timing”
    “Sorry sir but that is the only time we have available”
    “I can hear you know”
    “Sorry sir”
    “Fine tomorrow it is”
    “Very well sir. We are glad we have a boss like you for team rocket”
    “Thank you”

    Giovanni dropped the phone. On the other side, Ash and Amelia heard everything.

    “Wasn’t team rocket on the news a few nights ago?”
    “Yeah”
    “So you mean that we are the son and daughter of team rocket?”
    “Yeah”
    “And one day you have to..”
    “Take over”
    “Ash”

    Ash ran all away to his bedroom. He landed face first on his pillow. He couldn’t accept that his own father is part of a criminal origination. Amelia came running after her older brother. She also couldn’t accept that she was part of this to. Amelia sat down next to her brother and softly patted his back to make him feel better.

    “Ash, are you okay?”
    “What do you think?”

    Amelia didn’t reply. She knew the answer.

    “You still going on your pokemon journey big bro?”

    Ash sat up and sat next to his younger sister.

    “Yeah”
    “Really?”
    “Yeah but not here”
    “What do you mean?”
    “I’m going to go with mom”
    “You mean your going to Pallet town with mom?”
    “Yeah, what about you?”
    “I have to stay here. I’m going to finish school until I’m ten and start my own pokemon journey”
    “So one day we will meet each other”
    “Yeah and we are going to fight each other!”
    “I can’t wait for that day!”
    “Same”
    “Well we better get some sleep”
    “Yeah”
    “Goodnight”
    “Goodnight bro”

    Ash and Amelia got into bed and slept. That same night Ash had a dream. Ash woke up in a small bedroom. It wasn’t his room in Sinnoh. It was different. Ash got out of bed and went downstairs.

    “Mom?, Dad, Amelia?”

    Nobody replied. Ash looked around the mysterious house. Nobody was in. Ash saw a group of photos. He was in them. There was photos of many people he didn’t know. He was surprised that Dad or Amelia wasn’t in the pictures. Instead there was pictures of a girl with orange hair that master water pokemon. There was also a girl with a red bandana with a torchic in her hands. Also there was a girl with navy blue hair with a small light blue pilpup with her. There was a older boy with dark brown spike hair. There was so many more. But what got Ash’s attention was a yellow small Pikachu. Every picture had a Pikachu and with does pictures had him with Pikachu.

    “What is this place?”

    Ash turned around and saw that he was suddenly outside. Ash heard a laughter. Ash looked up at the sky and saw a Meouth balloon on top of him. Next to them was a Pikachu inside a net. The Pikachu was calling out his name. Ash could tell. Soon all the people from the picture appeared in front of him. They were getting out their pokeballs and pokemon got out of their pokeballs. The girl with the green bandana looked back and called out his name.

    “Ash, call out your pokemon! We need to save Pikachu!”
    “Pikachu?”
    “Yes!”

    Ash looked down and saw he had six pokeballs. Ash grabbed one and threw it but a small dragon type came out. It was blue and very small. In fact it was about the size of the Pikachu he was about to save. Ash didn’t say a word and the small pokemon start using moves that he didn’t even know. A girl with red hair send out a big light blue pokemon. It kept saying ‘ Wobaffat!” The small dragon type used a yellow beam heading straight towards the balloon.

    “Okay Wobaffat use mirror coat now!”
    “Wobaffat!”

    The pokemon glowed orange and when the bean hit the pokemon it went straight back. But instead hitting the pokemon, it hit Ash. Then Ash woke up. Ash was puffing. Ash looked around and saw he was in his room in Sinnoh.

    “What a very weird dream”

    Ash felt his forehead sweating and Ash was still puffing. Soon Amelia came into the room. Amelia was in a teal and red dress. Amelia saw his brother still in his pj’s.

    “What are you still doing in bed?”
    “I just woke up Amelia”
    “Well hurry up! You don’t want to be late to your own birthday party do you?”
    “Of course not!”
    “Well get up”

    Ash got up and got dressed. Soon Ash was all dressed and was ready for his own birthday. Today was the day he was turning ten and was going to get his own pokemon. When Ash thought about that pokemon he wonder if that pokemon was stolen .Then he thought if all his other pokemon was stolen. Ash still couldn’t forget what he heard last night. Amelia was outside and saw her brother miserable. She ran to her brother.

    “Ash?”
    “What?”
    “Forget what you heard last night and enjoy the party!”

    Ash looked up to his sister.

    “Yeah your right”
    “I’m always right Ash”
    “Well your wrong about you being right”
    “Your lucky it’s your birthday today cause if it wasn’t you will be dead by now!”
    “I’ll like to see you try!”
    “Okay then!”

    Then Delia came out of the house and saw the two arguing.

    “Hey you two! Stop fighting and enjoy the party“

    The two stopped and joined the rest of the people. Soon it was time for Ash to open his birthday gift. Ash opened every single one. Most of them were clothes for his journey. Some were books on how to raise pokemon. Giovanni was last to give his gift to Ash. Giovanni got out a pokemon from his pocket. Giovanni gave the Pokeball into Ash’s hands.

    “Happy birthday Ash”
    “Thanks dad”

    Giovanni patted Ash’s head. Ash looked on the Pokeball. It had “GK” on it. It stand for “Giovanni Ketchum”. Ash knew that this wasn’t stolen. Ash threw the Pokeball and a pokemon came out. A small light blue pokemon came out. The Pokemon looked exactly like the one in his dream.

    “Ash, this Pokemon is a bagon. It’s a dragon type. They are very hard to find. I especially caught this one for you”

    Ash didn’t say anything. He was to busy looking at his first new pokemon. Ash knelt down to his bagon.

    “Hi I’m Ash Ketchum”
    “Bagon?”
    “Yeah I’m your new trainer”
    “Bagon!”

    The bagon leapt into Ash’s arms. Ash was very surprised.

    “Looks like it already likes you Ash”
    “Yeah”

    Ash was happy that finally he got his own pokemon. Soon a few days after Ash’s tenth birthday, Delia and Ash packed their bags to Pallet town. Ash was in his room when Amelia entered.

    “Ash?”
    “Yeah?”
    “Are you sure you want to go?”
    “Of course. I got bagon with me”
    “Yeah I know but it’s going to be really quite without you and mom”
    “Yeah it’s going to be the same at Pallet”

    Tears started to go down Amelia’s face. Amelia ran to her older brother’s arms.

    “I’m going to really miss you!”

    Ash put his arms around Amelia.

    “I’m going to miss you too Amelia”

    Amelia stopped hugging her brother and wiped her tears.

    “Ash promise me something?”
    “What?”
    “Promise me that one day we will fight each other!”
    “Okay”

    Ash and Amelia did their secret promise handshake.

    “Well I better get going now”
    “Yeah”
    “Promise you will call when you get there okay?”
    “Promise!”

    Ash left his bedroom and headed outside where his mom was waiting for him.

    “You ready Ash?”
    “Yep”
    “Have you said goodbye to your father?”
    “No”
    “Go say goodbye to your father then we can go”
    “Okay”

    Giovanni was waiting at the front door. Next to him was Amelia.

    “Well your pokemon journey is about to start”
    “Yeah”
    “Promise you will call!”
    “Yeah I already know that Amelia”
    “Ash?”
    “Yeah dad”
    “I have something to tell you and Amelia”
    “We already know”
    “You mean?”
    “We know about you and team rocket”
    “But how?”
    “We heard you talk with someone a few nights ago”
    “Please not be angry with me”
    “We not angry dad. We know you don’t like stealing pokemon”
    “I’m so glad I have children as understand as you two”

    Delia approached Ash, Amelia and Giovanni. A limousine was waiting at the front gate.

    “Ash it’s time to go”
    “Okay”

    Ash and Delia were heading towards the gates when Amelia called out Ash’s name.

    “ASH!”

    Ash turned around. Ash yelled back.

    “WHAT?”
    “I CAN’T WAIT UNTILL THE DAY WE FIGHT EACH OTHER!”
    “SAME”

    After this Delia and Ash headed towards the gate.

    End of Flashback
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    End of chapter four
    Last edited by midnightmoon; 1st July 2008 at 2:45 PM. Reason: fix mistakes

  10. #10

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    quite interesting. not as bad as i thought it would be.
    now i want to find out May reaction to the story.

    UPDATE SOON!!

    still a few typo errors in there though.
    Forever an Advanceshipper and Eeveelution Lover

  11. #11
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    Wow that was a cool flashback and maybe Satoshi was seeing his future in his dream

  12. #12
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    Wow i thought nobody would like chapter 4. anyway I'm happy you guys like it. Well i finally edit and finsih chapter five. please enjoy this chapter.

    Chapter 5
    “Back home”

    “And that’s about my past”

    May didn’t say anything. May could still tell something was wrong with Ash. Ash pulled out a Pokeball from his pocket. It had “GK” on it.

    “Is this the Pokeball you told me?”
    “Yeah”

    Ash gripped the ball like Ash was about to crush the Pokeball. May could see that after these years Ash hasn’t accept the fact that one day he will be the owner of team rocket. May put her hand on top of Ash’s hand.

    “It must be hard for you to tell me about your past”
    “Yeah”
    “But how come you were so happy when your dad called?”
    “Maybe because my little sister Amelia I guess”
    “Oh Ash”

    The two stayed in silent. Ash was still gripping the Pokeball. It was nearly about to break. Then May got a idea.

    “I know!”
    “What is it May?”
    “We haven’t got your father’s blessing for our wedding”
    “We haven’t?”
    “Don’t act dumb Ash. We can all have dinner at your dad’s place before we get married”
    “Well I guess”

    May sighed and grabbed Ash’s hand.

    “Please?”
    “Well…”
    “Please Ash”
    “Well I don’t know...”

    May gave a big kiss on Ash’s lips.

    “Now will you go with me?”
    “Okay okay I will go”
    “Yay!”

    May jumped around like a little girl. Ash just smiled. Soon the party was over and everyone left. Ash and May went to Delia who was in the kitchen cleaning the dishes.

    “Mom?”
    “Yes dear?”
    “Well before May and I get married we want to go to dad’s place”

    Delia dropped the dishes. The dishes smashed and went everywhere.

    “You want to go where?”
    “Home in Sinnoh”
    “Well dear”
    “Mom, May knows”

    Delia looked into May’s eyes. Like if Delia was telling May “Please don’t tell anyone”. May nodded and Delia smiled.

    “Well you better get packing”
    “Yes we should, right Ash?”
    “Yeah”
    “You want to come Ms. Delia?”
    “No. I think I will stay here”
    “Very well then, Come on Ash let’s get packing”
    “Okay”

    Ash and May ran out of the kitchen and into Ash’s bedroom to start packing for their trip.

    The next day Ash and May were ready for the trip. Ash and May were walking to the port when May notice that Ash was looking at the concert floor. May was wondering if Ash was really looking forward to the trip or he was only going because of her.

    “Ash?”
    “What is it May?”
    “Are you only going because of me? Because if you don’t want to we don’t have to go”

    Ash stopped walking and lifts his head looking at May.

    “I want to go May. I haven’t seen dad or Amelia for a long time”
    “Really?”
    “Yes”
    “Well I’ll race you to the port!”
    “Okay”
    “Ready set…”

    May ran in front of Ash before saying go.
    “Hey that’s not fair!”

    But May was a head of Ash and didn’t hear what Ash said. Soon Ash decide to run after May. By midday Ash and May were at the port. Before Ash and May got onboard the ship Ash flashed the ticket and was allowed to get into the ship. Ash and May were at the end of the ship when Professor Oak, Tracey and Delia hopped out of Professor Oak’s car. The boat’s horn blew and the boat was leaving. Professor Oak, Tracey and Delia waved goodbye. Ash and May did the same. They stopped waving when Ash and May could see Professor Oak, Tracey and Delia anymore. Soon it was dark and the stars were starting to come out when May noticed that Ash was outside. looking at the region, Sinnoh.

    “Ash, What are you doing here?”
    “Me?”
    “Well who else is Ash on this boat?”
    “Well I’m just looking at Sinnoh”
    “Oh, well get in. It starting to get cold”
    “Yeah you’re right”

    Ash went in following May. Soon May was in the bathroom brushing her teeth. Ash was already lying on the bed. Thinking of what dad and Amelia reaction would be. May finish brushing her teeth and came out of the bathroom and lay next to her fiancé. She put her hand on his chest and snuggled closer to Ash. May could see Ash was thinking of something. May gave a peck on Ash’s lips.

    “What’s the matter this time Ash?”
    “Nothing”
    “You’re lying”
    “I am?”

    May gave a bad look at Ash.

    “Well I’m just thinking of what dad and Amelia’s reaction would be when I come home tomorrow”
    “I bet they will be very happy”
    “Yeah your right May”

    Ash gave a kiss back to May.

    “I love you”
    “I love you too”

    Soon Ash and May fell asleep hugging each other. Soon it was morning. Pikachu was trying to wake Ash and May. Pikachu was shacking Ash.

    “Pikachu”
    “Just five more minutes Pikachu”

    Pikachu rolled his eyes and thought to thunderbolt them.

    “Pikachu!”

    The thunderbolt had a direct hit on Ash and May and woke up immediately. Ash and May were all black.

    “What was that for Pikachu?”

    Pikachu just laugh at Ash and May.

    “Some Pokémon trainer you are”
    “Shut up”
    “Well now we are awake we better get ready”
    “Yeah”

    Soon May and Ash got dressed and headed out of the boat. Ash and May got out and saw they were at Sunyshore City. May could already see that the town was huge. The city buildings were as high as the sky. The traffic was longer then the Great Wall of China. There were multiple poke centers. The city park was bigger than she had seen on her journeys. May never thought there was a city as big as this. Soon Ash and May were at a huge mansion with white walls and a blue roof. Ash and May approached the huge black gate and pressed a button which actives a speaker. Nobody replied. Then May asked a question.

    “Wow Ash you live here?”
    “Yep”

    May’s mouth dropped to the ground. She didn’t know that her own fiancé was this rich. May rubbed her eyes again to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. May wasn’t dreaming. Ash pressed the button again. This time a old man answered the call.

    “Hello this is the Ketchum residence. Who is this?”
    “Ash Ketchum”
    “The ASH Ketchum?”
    “Who else?”
    “Well welcome back sir”
    “Thank you. Now can you please open the gate?”
    “Yes sir”

    Then the huge black gates open in front of their eyes. Ash walk in and look behind him. He saw May was still looking at the huge mansion. Ash rolled his eyes and grabbed May’s hand and they both walked in. Ash and May walked to the front door. A old man opened the door for them.

    “Welcome back sir”
    “Thanks Geeves”
    “You’re welcome sir”

    Then Ash and May heard a sound coming from upstairs.

    “Big brother!”

    Oh crap was the first words that came into Ash’s head. Soon a girl with long brown hair with teal top and a red skirt came down the stairs. The girl tripped over the last step and hit her nose on and marble floor.

    “Ouch” said Ash and May together

    The girl got up and rubbed her nose. She looked towards Ash and a smiled grew on her face. She got up quickly and ran to Ash.

    “Oh crap”

    Ash was about to run until the girl caught him. The girl hugged Ash. She didn’t know that she was already chocking Ash. Ash was trying to get free from the girl’s grasp.

    “Amelia let go!”
    “Oh sorry big brother!”

    Ash was coughing after the hug that his younger sister gave him. Amelia eyes went to May. Amelia got up and looked straight into May’s eyes. They were face to face.

    “Hmm so your May?”
    “Yes that’s me”
    “You look really pretty”

    May blushed.

    “Oh thank you”

    Ash finally stopped coughing and got up and join the conversation.

    “Gees Amelia you sure haven’t changed you hugging style”
    “Yep”

    Ash just sighed and looked around the house. Ash was looking at the photos. Ash realized that not much photos were taken in ten years.

    “Well not much has happened around here”
    “Yeah. I was on my journey”
    “Hey by the way, what did dad give you for your tenth birthday?”
    “Come outside and I will show you”

    Ash, May and Amelia all headed to the backyard. Everything was all green and alive. Pokemon ran wild and were enjoying themselves.

    “So this is what dad does with the stolen Pokemon”
    “Yeah”
    “I wish dad would just give up his job”
    “Yeah dad has been trying to do that”
    “Really?”
    “Yeah”

    The two smiled at each other. Then Amelia remembers something.

    “Ash do you remember our promise?”

    Ash thought for awhile and replied to Amelia’s question.

    “Yeah why?”
    “Let’s have a one on one battle”
    “Sure, I have been waiting for this battle for ten years”
    “Same”

    The two had fire in their eyes. It showed the eager to fight. Ash and Amelia went to the practice field were Amelia dose her training. May was watching and holding Pikachu in her arms.

    “Remember big bro, It’s a one on one battle!”
    “I know!”

    Amelia threw a Pokeball onto the battle field. The Pokeball opened and out came a huge orange dragon pokemon. It was a Dragonite.

    “Whoa a Dragonite!”
    “What’s the matter big bro? scared of my Dragonite?”
    “Not one bit!”

    Ash threw out a Pokeball onto the battle field as well Out came out a huge blue dragon type Pokemon. It was a Salamence which intimidated Dragonite.

    “Well let’s start this battle”
    “Let’s do it!”

    End of chapter five.
    Last edited by midnightmoon; 2nd July 2008 at 4:05 AM. Reason: add more words

  13. #13
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    Midnightmoon - you can't post twice in a row (unless CHAPTERS are separated by a day). Please, in the future, refrain from double posting. Thank you.
    Encyclopika's Fic of the Moment:

    Status: Chaptered | R | Contestshipping | Finished

    Encyclopika:
    Made the banner
    Is a GIRL. >.>;;
    Has a deviantART account and a Tumblr
    Is on Fanfiction.net.
    Need a moveset for a specific Pokemon for a specific contest? PM me!
    Don't reply to my infractions. It's not gonna change anything.

    Random friend requests do nothing. Let's actually talk first. >_<

  14. #14
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    Well, I've decided to come look at your fic and have a few things to add ^^

    It was four years since Misty’s death and there was a black raven haired boy at Misty’s grave. Ash was now twenty. Ash was on his knees near Misty’s grave. The boy named Ash put a bunch of flowers on her gravestone. Next to Ash was a little yellow mouse. It was Pikachu. Ash lit the candle.
    First off, your writing needs a bit more practice. Use more pronouns instead of simply saying "Ash did this and then Ash did that." And the sentences are too short, you can add them together in order to make them longer. Like, for example, if you were to use pronouns, it would look like this:

    It had been four years since Misty's death, and sitting there before her grave was a single raven haired boy.
    Okay, so that's the first sentence, see how it changed from "It was four years since Misty’s death and there was a black raven haired boy at Misty’s grave"? It makes more sense and is easier to read this way, I think.

    The young boy simply sat before the grave on his knees, not being able to say a word. He was Ash Ketchum, Pokemon Master, sitting in front of his best friend's grave.

    "Pika..." Ash shifted his gaze from the cold, gray cement before him to the small yellow mouse beside him.

    It was time.

    Slowly, Ash gathered up the flowers that lay idly in his lap and set it down on to the floor. Then with the help of Pikachi, he lit a candle.
    Instead of writing it like this: "Ash was now twenty. Ash was on his knees near Misty’s grave. The boy named Ash put a bunch of flowers on her gravestone. Next to Ash was a little yellow mouse. It was Pikachu. Ash lit the candle." Where each sentence is small and there seems to be little to no description, I think it would be better to add more life to your writing. At this point, you don't get the sad feeling you're supposed to.

    “What are you doing you little b*****d?”
    “Well I was going to ask the same b***h”
    “After four years you still piss me off”
    “I do?”
    “Yes you do!”
    “Well here is a suggestion. Don’t show your f**king face in front of me again? Okay b***h?”
    Very OOC, twenty or not, Ash's character doesn't seem like the type to hold grudges or use this type of language. Sometimes OOC is okay, and sometimes it's not. But it would be better if you gave readers a fair warning that the characters would be OOC-ish

    Then Ash interrupter.

    “Shut up b***h!”
    “You shut up b*****d”
    Interrupted And again, OOC ^^;

    “It’s amazing that it has been four years since you and Ash got together”
    “Yeah, I find it hard to believe it myself”
    “And you also know there is a very special day tomorrow?”
    “Yeah, I know. It’s Misty’s death anniversary”
    “It’s hard to believe that she’s gone”
    “Yeah, I might not know Misty much but I know Ash does. I’m here to help Ash no matter what”
    “You are a such a nice sweet caring girl May”
    Their discussion feels almost dead to me, it would be better to add more to them. Such as:

    “It’s amazing, isn't it? That it's been four years since you and Ash got together” Delia said, excitedly

    “Yeah, I find it hard to believe it myself.” May replied as she smiled.
    Something like that maybe ^^

    “Hi babe, How are you?”
    “Great thanks. Anyway get ready. We are going out to a expensive restaurant tonight”
    “Tonight?”
    “Yeah, got a problem with that?”
    “Well of course. I don’t have much time to look good!”
    “But you look already beautiful. You don’t have to look any more beautiful”
    “Aww Ash you are such a flirter”
    “I am?”
    “Yes you are. Well dropped the phone so I can get ready”
    “You want me to go already?”
    “Well we are going to see each other later on anyway”
    “Okay see you there”
    “Okay, bye love you”
    “Love you too”
    OOC again ^^;; And, like I said before, it would be nice to add a bit more to their discussion.

    “Oh yeah mom, me and May have something to tell you”
    "Oh yeah mom, May and I have something to tell you"

    Just grammar

    Um, with that said, I also feel like you're rushing through your chapters. You have a decent story going on so don't rush it too much. Adding description gives your writing more... color? I guess. And, umm, I guess that's all I have to say. ^^;;

    Sorry, though, if I'm sounding mean here, I bet your writing will bet much better as it goes along. And you don't have to take everything I say, after all, it is your story =D

    EDIT: My revisions aren't even written that well xD;;
    Last edited by Uzamaki Hinata; 2nd July 2008 at 8:57 AM.
    ~*Uza-chan's Good bye*~

    IS SUPAH FIIIINE

  15. #15
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    Man you are sounding like my english teacher. anyway thanks for helping. i just started writing not to long ago and this writeing stuff is all new to me. i'm not that imaginetive when it comes to writeing storys. i rather go draw advanceshipping pictures. anyway thanks for the help. here's chapter six. enjoy.

    Chapter six
    “The long a waited battle”

    “Okay Dragonite use ice beam now!”
    “Salamence dodge using fly”

    A huge light blue beam came out of Dragonite’s mouth but missed.

    “Now attack Salamence!”
    “Try and dodge it Dragonite!”

    Dragonite tried to dodge Salamence’s fly attack but it had a direct hit on Dragonite.

    “Dragonite!”
    “Okay Salamence use dragon breath!”

    A red and orange beam came out of Salamence mouth and hit Dragonite. The attack caused a massive explosion. When the smoke cleared Ash saw Dragonite was still in good condition.

    “But how?”
    “Before dragon breath hit Dragonite I told it to use protect”
    “What?”
    “Now Dragonite use ice beam!”
    “Try and dodge it Salamence!”


    The ice beam hit Salamence’s wings and made Salamence fall from the sky. Salamence hit the ground badly.

    “Salamence!”
    “Now fly up Dragonite and use dragon breath!”

    Dragonite flew up and used dragon breath. It was headed towards Salamence.

    “Salamence maximum power of dragon breath!”

    The blue dragon type Pokémon released a powerful attack. The two moves collide and made a huge explosion. When the smoke cleared away, Ash and Amelia saw Salamence and Dragonite was still able to battle. Both Pokémon were weak and were puffing. They used all their energy in the last move.

    “Salamence dragon breath again”
    “Do the same Dragonite!”

    The two dragon type Pokémon were about to use their moves when they heard a clapping noise. They looked and saw it was their father, clapping at their achievement.

    “You have raised your Pokémon well Ash and Amelia”

    The two trainers blushed.

    “Thanks dad”
    “Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to get ready for your wedding Ash?”
    “May wanted to come here”
    “May?”
    “May is my fiancé”
    “Where is she?”
    “She coming over here right now”

    May was running towards Ash. May was also holding Pikachu. Soon May was with Ash, Amelia and Giovanni.

    “Hello sir”
    “So you are May?”
    “Yes sir”
    “Nice to meet you May”
    “Nice to meet you too sir”
    “Well let’s all head inside and talk more there”

    All of them enter the house. Meanwhile team rocket was doing their old same thing. Chasing Pikachu and trying to give it to their boss. Meouth was using a pair of binoculars. Meouth saw May was holding Pikachu and they were heading into a rich mansion.

    “Hmm interesting”
    “Meouth I don’t see a point doing this. I mean we are janitors! There is no point doing this shit”
    “Shut up James. If we get Pikachu we will get promoted”
    “But we have been trying to catch Pikachu like for about ten years”
    “For once Meouth, James is right. I rather go back cleaning”
    “What do you mean for once I’m right?”
    “Well I’m just telling the truth”

    Meouth was getting annoyed of Jessie and James voice’s and got his claws out and slashed their faces. Red marks appeared on Jessie and James’s faces.

    “Will you both shut up and listen!”

    Jessie and James didn’t say anything.

    “Good, now here is my plan...”
    “Your plan is not to scratch my face again!” Jessie yelled
    “Yes Meouth! How will you feel if we scratch your face?” James yelled
    “Well if you guys listen and stop complaining we might catch Pikachu”
    “Very well then continue Meouth”
    “Well here’s the plan…”

    Meanwhile Ash, May, Amelia and Giovanni was in the living room talking.

    “So how’s your mother Ash?”
    “She’s okay”
    “How come she didn’t come big brother?”
    “Guess she’s helping with the wedding”
    “When is the wedding Ash?”
    “Next month”

    Amelia sat next to May.

    “Do I get to be the flower girl?”
    “Of course!”
    “Well who is going to be the ring bearer?”
    “Well I thought maybe Pikachu”
    “A Pokémon?”
    “Why not dad? I mean Pikachu is important to me”
    “I guess it’s okay to have a Pokémon in the wedding”

    Giovanni looked at his watch. It was 6:30pm.

    “Well time does fly when you talking”
    “What do you mean dad?”
    “It’s time to have dinner”
    “Oh boy!” what are we going to have dad?” Amelia said as she cried out in happiness
    “Maybe some roast”
    “Yeah!”
    “Amelia your eighteen and you act like an eight year old”
    “Well big bro I’m younger then you so shut up”
    “Fine”
    “Well it’s time to eat so let’s continue this conversation on the table”
    “Whatever” Ash and Amelia said at the same time

    May just sighed and headed to the table ready to eat. Soon everyone was at the table waiting for the chef to hand out the food. Soon the kitchen doors flew wide open and countless chefs came out, putting food on the table. The chef’s took off the lids off the tray. Hot cooked food came out. Steam was flying out of the hot food. There was roast, Mashed potato and many more. May’s mouth was drooling. She didn’t know where to start. Ash noticed this and whisper to May.

    “May you’re drooling”
    “I am?”
    “Yes. Can you stop it?”
    “I’ll try. You see there are many to choose from”
    “Just choose and eat”
    “Very well then”

    Soon everyone was eating until they heard a doorbell.

    “Who would want to come at this time?”
    “I don’t know”
    “I’ll go get it”
    “Very well Ash”

    Ash got up and headed to the front door with Pikachu on his shoulder. Ash finally made it to the front door and opens it. Ash looked around and saw no one. Ash looked down and saw team rocket on their knees begging for their jobs back.

    “Please boss. Let us have your old jobs back!”
    “Team rocket?”

    Team rocket looked up and saw Ash with Pikachu on his shoulder.

    “Ahh it’s the twerp!”
    “You know Meouth that’s not my name”
    “And he has Pikachu let’s get it!”

    Meouth, James and Meouth all dived forward to get Pikachu. Before Team rocket could get Pikachu, Ash slammed the door in front their faces. Meouth, James and Jessie hit the wooden door and fell to the cold concert floor.

    “Ouch my nose!” Meouth said as he cried in pain
    “Meouth you don’t have a nose”

    Meouth touched his ‘nose’ and felt he didn’t have a nose.

    “Well for once James your right!”

    Then the front door opened again. Team rocket looked up and saw Ash, May, Amelia and Giovanni looking straight down at them.

    “What is the twerp doing with the boss?”
    “Well your boss is my father”
    “WHAT?!”
    “Yeah and your boss is going to be my father in law” May said as she joined the conversation.
    “So that means that the twerp is going to be our boss for team rocket one day?”
    “Bingo!”
    “So there was no point getting Pikachu because it will end up with the twerp”

    Ash, May and Amelia just laughed at Meouth, Jessie and James’s stupidity. Giovanni asked a question to team rocket.

    “So you want your job right?”
    “Yes boss!”
    “Let me think about it”

    Giovanni thought about it for a while.

    “Well boss?”
    “What do you think guys?”
    “Well…”

    Team rocket was now using the puppy eyes trick at Ash, Amelia and May. Ash broke the news to team rocket.

    “Well….”
    “Please twerp?
    “No”
    “WHAT!”
    “Yep, now go back and clean the base”

    Amelia and May gave a mop and bucket to Meouth, James and Jessie.

    “Enjoy!” Amelia and may said at the same time

    Ash slammed the door in front of the three, laughing at their faces. Jessie threw the bucket at the door with frustration.

    “Why I’ll show that twerp a piece of my mind!”
    “Don’t do it Jessie. The boss will kill you!”
    “I don’t care!”
    “Jessie there is another way to do this”

    Jessie stopped hitting the door and a light bulb appeared on top of Jessie’s head

    “I got an idea!”
    “An idea?”
    “Yes”
    “Well what is it?” James asked
    “Well are going to do something bad to the twerp”
    “Bad?” James asked again
    “Yes”
    “How Jessie?” Meouth asked
    “Well we strike the twerp’s heart”

    End of chapter six
    Last edited by midnightmoon; 2nd July 2008 at 10:19 AM. Reason: add more words

  16. #16
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    Elo again. this chapter is short so i hope you guys will still like it.

    Chapter seven
    “Mysterious black people”

    It was a sunny morning in the Ketchum resident. Ash and May were packing their bags ready to leave Sinnoh and head back to Kanto. Ash and May were in the guest room when Amelia enter the room.


    “So you’re really going now big brother?”
    “Yeah”
    “When can you come back?”
    “Ash and I will let you know Amelia”
    “Okay May”

    Ash and May were now finished packing their bag. When Ash and May left the room and headed outside. Then Amelia notice something May’s luggage back pocket. Amelia bended down and picked up the item and saw it was a white feather. Amelia looked out the window and saw Ash and May were already outside. Amelia ran out of the room and straight outside.

    “May!” Amelia yelled

    Ash and May were outside ready to hopped into the limousine. May heard Amelia’s voice and turned around and saw Amelia was running towards them. Amelia was also holding a white feather.

    “May... I found..... This in... Your room…” Amelia said as she was puffing after chasing her big brother and May.
    “Thanks Amelia”
    “What is… That anyway?” Amelia said as she was still puffing
    “Well this is a very important to me. I’m glad you gave it back to me”
    “But May it’s just a white feather. Why is it so important to you?” Amelia asked
    “This was the last thing an old friend gave me”
    “What happen to your friend?”
    “She’s in heaven”
    “Oh”
    “May?” Ash asked
    “What?”
    “It’s time to go”
    “Oh yeah”

    Ash and May waved goodbye to Amelia and Giovanni as they were going to enter the limousine. When May was about to come in Amelia ran to May and Ash.

    “What is it now Amelia?” Ash asked
    “I want to drop you guys at the port” Amelia replied
    “Well I guess there is no harm for Amelia to join right Ash?” May asked
    “Yeah why not. Come on in Amelia, you can sit next to me”
    “Yay!”

    So the three enter the limousine and the three waved good bye at Giovanni. Then the limousine left the mansion and headed to the port. They were half way to the port when a black van drove right in front of them. Then people dressed in black clothing came out of the van. Ash, Amelia and May all cuddled together.

    “Big brother. What’s going to happen?” Amelia asked
    “I don’t know Amelia” replied Ash

    Soon the mysterious black people got to the limousine and broke all the windows. The mysterious black people knocked out the driver as well. Then they were going to get Ash, Amelia and May. Ash was both hugging his younger sister and his fiancé. Amelia and May were hugging Ash as tight as they can

    “Pikachu use thunder now!”

    Pikachu used thunder but had no effect. Their clothing were electric proof. They mysterious black people opened the lock and tried to pull Amelia and May away from Ash. The two girls were hugging Ash as tight as they can but the mysterious pulled Amelia and May away from Ash. The mysterious people carry May and Amelia on theit shoulder.

    “Ash!” May and Amelia yelled
    “May!” Ash yelled back

    Ash was about to get out of the car when two mysterious people and a small cat came to Ash and nearly knocked him out. Ash saw was May and Amelia getting into a black van by force.

    “Let go of me!” Amelia said as she tried to get out
    “Let go of me you b*****d” May yelled as she was punching the mans back.
    “Shut up” One of them yelled back

    But Amelia and May didn’t shut up so a cat dressed on black clothing put tape on their mouths.

    “Get them in the van and let’s go!” said the cat dressed in black
    “Yes sir” The men replied

    Ash was still able to get out of the limousine. He was crawling out of the limousine. The people that nearly knocked him out did some serious damage. One of the mysterious people saw this and hit Ash again. Ash was hit again and it hurt more The three people thought he was knocked out so they left him. Ash tried to open his eyes. Ash was so much in pain that doing something simply become hard. The last thing Ash saw was the black van driving off.

    “May, Amelia, I promise I will come and get you” Ash mumbled

    After this Ash closed his eyes.

    End of chapter seven
    Last edited by midnightmoon; 3rd July 2008 at 4:52 PM. Reason: fix mistakes

  17. #17
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    Well i seemed to forgot to post my chapters here. lol. I was in the middle fof writing my mew fan fic when suddenly . poof. i person from fan-fiction. net ask me to finsih posting my chapters here. so here it is. chapter eight of TIH2.

    Chapter eight

    “Janitors to kidnappers”

    “Ash can you hear me?”

    “Hmm who’s that?”

    “Ash its mom here”

    “Mom?” Ash asked again

    Ash opened his eyes slowly. Ash’s vision was blurry for a while. When Ash got his vision back he saw it was his mother and father was next to him.

    “Ash!” Delia said was she cuddled her son

    “Yeah, it’s me mom”

    Tears of joy ran down Delia’s cheeks. She couldn’t believe Ash was alive.

    “Mom can you let me go. My back hurts”

    “Oh sorry dear”

    Delia stopped hugging her son.

    “Ash?” Giovanni asked

    “What is it dad?”

    “What happen to Amelia and May?”

    

    Ash stayed silent for a while. Ash took in a breath and answered his father’s question.

    “They were kidnapped”

    “WHAT?!”

    “There were many people dressed in black. They took Amelia and May away from me. When they did they bashed me until I was knocked out cold”

    “Do you know who they looked like?” Delia asked

    “I remember seeing two people with a cat who was also dressed completely in black”

    “But why would they kidnap Amelia and May but not you?” Giovanni asked

    “I really don’t know dad”

    “Well we will let you rest. We will call the police”

    “Yeah, sure thing mom”

    Giovanni and Delia headed out of Ash’s room. Ash laid down on his pillow. Ash looked at the ceiling. Ash couldn’t believe that his glow in the dark stars were still on the ceiling. Ash then remember something before he closed he eyes. “May, Amelia, I promise I will come and get you”. Ash tried to get up but he couldn’t. his legs were dead. He couldn’t fell them. Ash felt like a doll that only sit there and wait for someone to play with him. Useless was the first words that came into Ash’s head. Damn useless. Suddenly Ash’s cell phone rang. Ash tried to reach the phone but it just fell down to the floor. Ash tired to his phone off the floor but instead he fell on the floor.

    “Ouch” Ash yell out in pain

    Ash tired to get up but yet again he was useless. he couldn’t even get himself up. Giovanni, Delia and Pikachu heard a sound coming from upstairs. They rushed all upstairs and saw Ash on the floor. Ash had his legs on the bed but his body was on the floor. Ash looked at his parents and Pikachu.

    “A little help please?”

    

    Meanwhile Amelia and May were inside the black van. Jagged and blindfolded. They felt they were going across a bumpy road. May tried to reach for her phone but her hands were tied in in front of her. She couldn’t even reach for her pokeballs. Soon the black van stopped. The back door flew wide open. The mysterious people carried Amelia and May on their shoulders. May and Amelia wanted to yell out “Help” but they couldn’t. Soon the people that were carry Amelia and May were dropped in a old factory. They were tried up onto a old rusted pole and back to back. When they finished tying them up they quickly took off the tape of their mouths.

    “Ouch!” The girls yelled out in pain

    But the two mysterious people ignore their pain and left them alone in the factory.

    “Come back here you son of a *****!” May yell out in angered.

    But the two people were too far away to here May’s words. On the other hand Amelia started to cry.

    “Amelia don’t cry” May said in a comforting way.

    “Why do they want to kidnap us for May? What did we do wrong?” Amelia asked

    “We did nothing wrong Amelia” May replied

    “Actually you did”

    “Who said that?” May asked

    “Us”

    Then three familiar faces came out of the rubble of out rusted machines. They were Jessie, James and Meouth.

    

    “Team rocket?” May said surprise

    “Yes it’s us. Got a problem?”

    “Well it’s just I thought you were janitors not kidnappers” May replied

    “And they could use a better hideout as well” Amelia said as she joined the conversation

    “You have no right to tell us about our hideout” Jessie yelled back.

    “Jessie clam down” James said

    “Yes your right James. We have the power over them”

    “So why did you kidnap us?” Amelia asked

    “To get our jobs back and get Pikachu for our self’s” Meouth replied

    “Well Ash will come here and save us” Amelia said in a proud way

    “Well keep praying little girl because he will have to get though our defenses” Jessie replied

    “What defenses?” May asked

    Team rocket just laugh at Amelia and May.

    “You just have to wait and see”

    Team rocket just stood there laughing. Fear was written all over May’s and Amelia’s faces. They both prayed that nothing happened to Ash.

    Back at the Ketchum residents. Ash was back in bed. He could now move his legs just a little. Giovanni and Delia were talking to the doctor.

    “How is he?” Delia asked

    “He has very bad bruises all on his body but by tomorrow he can walk” the doctor replied

    “Thank god” Delia relived

    

    “Thank you doctor for your help” Giovanni said

    “It is a pleasure” The doctor replied

    The doctor got his equipment and headed out of Ash’s room. Giovanni and Delia went to Ash who was still in his room. Ash was trying to get out of his bed.

    “Pikachu” said in a caring way

    “Let me go Pikachu! I need to find May and Amelia!”

    “Ash please rest dear” Delia said in a caring way

    “No mom I need to find May and Amelia”

    “The police is doing their best” Delia replied

    “Their best isn’t good enough!” Ash replied back to his mother

    “You think you’re the only one that worry about May and your sister? Well think again Ash because everyone is worrying about your sister and May” Giovanni said

    Ash finally gave up and was laid back into bed. Delia tucked in Ash into bed. Delia kissed her son on the forehead.

    “We can all go looking for May and Amelia tomorrow but now you have to rest”

    “We are all worried about Amelia and May Ash”

    “I know dad”

    Giovanni and Delia left Ash alone in his room. Ash was looking at his glow in the dark stars stuck on the ceiling on his room. Ash was thinking if Amelia and May were dead. Ash closed his eyes and prayed that that will never happen. Then he remembered what his father said. “You think you’re the only one that worry about May and your sister? Well think again Ash because everyone is worrying about Amelia and May” Then

    Ash got an idea and asked Pikachu to get his cell phone. Ash scrolled down the contacts in his cell phone and called who was available. Brock was too busy looking after his brothers and sisters. 

    Tracey was looking after the lab while Professor Oak was away. Paul didn’t answer his phone. Richie was in Hoenn. The only one were left Drew and Dawn. Ash pressed the enter key on his cell phone. The phone started to ring. Ash was praying that Dawn would answer her phone.

    Meanwhile Drew and Dawn were having a make-out session in Drew’s hotel until Dawn’s phone started to ring. Dawn got off of Dew and went to her phone. Dawn looked at the small screen and saw it was Ash calling. Dawn answered the call.

    “Hello? Who is this?” Dawn asked

    “It’s me Ash” Ash replied

    “Ash, why are you calling me?” Dawn asked again

    “I need you and Drew to help me” Ash replied

    “Why?” Dawn asked again

    “Amelia and May got kidnapped”

    “WHAT!” Dawn said in surprised way

    Drew was buttoning his shirt when he heard Dawn loud voice. Drew went to Dawn. Dawn was shacking. Her best friend just got kidnapped and she could be dead right now. Ash was still on the other end of the phone.

    “Dawn, you still there?” Ash asked

    “Yeah…” Dawn was still shocked

    “Dawn I know it’s still hard to believe but you and Drew are the only ones that can help me right now”

    “I know”

    “So where are you guys anyway?” Ash asked

    “In Sinnoh”

    “But I thought you guys were in Hoenn?”

    “Well we kinda just got here”

    

    “Well what town are you guys in?” Ash asked

    “Sunyshore” Dawn replied

    “Sunyshore?” Ash said in a surprised way

    “What’s the matter?” Dawn asked

    “Well I’m at Sunyshore as well”

    “Well that’s good, where are you right now?” Dawn asked

    “I’m in a big white mansion with a blue roof”

    “A mansion?”

    “I will explain this later. Right now I need you and Drew to come here now”

    “Okay see you there”

    Dawn ended the call. Drew wrapped his arms around his girlfriend and gave a quick kiss on her cheek.

    “What’s the matter?” Drew asked in a caring way

    “May and this girl called Amelia got kidnapped” Dawn replied

    Drew unwrapped his arms around Dawn. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard. May got kidnapped. His ex-girlfriend could be dead.

    “Who was on the phone?” Drew asked

    “Ash” Dawn replied

    “Ash? How come they didn’t get him?”

    “I really don’t know. But let’s go”

    “Where?” Drew asked

    “Ash said his here in Sunyshore and his in this big mansion” Dawn replied

    

    “Well let’s go” Drew said as he grabbed Dawn’s hands and rushed out of Drew’s hotel room

    Drew had angry flowing though his veins. Why didn’t Ash save May and this girl called Amelia? Drew just wanted to get to Ash ask this question. Dawn, begin drag by her boyfriend had a very bad feeling. She knew something bad was going to happen.

    End of chapter eight.

  18. #18
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    Australia
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    Well i seemed to forgot to post my chapters here. lol. I was in the middle fof writing my mew fan fic when suddenly . poof. i person from fan-fiction. net ask me to finsih posting my chapters here. so here it is. chapter eight of TIH2.

    Chapter eight

    “Janitors to kidnappers”

    “Ash can you hear me?”

    “Hmm who’s that?”

    “Ash its mom here”

    “Mom?” Ash asked again

    Ash opened his eyes slowly. Ash’s vision was blurry for a while. When Ash got his vision back he saw it was his mother and father was next to him.

    “Ash!” Delia said was she cuddled her son

    “Yeah, it’s me mom”

    Tears of joy ran down Delia’s cheeks. She couldn’t believe Ash was alive.

    “Mom can you let me go. My back hurts”

    “Oh sorry dear”

    Delia stopped hugging her son.

    “Ash?” Giovanni asked

    “What is it dad?”

    “What happen to Amelia and May?”

    

    Ash stayed silent for a while. Ash took in a breath and answered his father’s question.

    “They were kidnapped”

    “WHAT?!”

    “There were many people dressed in black. They took Amelia and May away from me. When they did they bashed me until I was knocked out cold”

    “Do you know who they looked like?” Delia asked

    “I remember seeing two people with a cat who was also dressed completely in black”

    “But why would they kidnap Amelia and May but not you?” Giovanni asked

    “I really don’t know dad”

    “Well we will let you rest. We will call the police”

    “Yeah, sure thing mom”

    Giovanni and Delia headed out of Ash’s room. Ash laid down on his pillow. Ash looked at the ceiling. Ash couldn’t believe that his glow in the dark stars were still on the ceiling. Ash then remember something before he closed he eyes. “May, Amelia, I promise I will come and get you”. Ash tried to get up but he couldn’t. his legs were dead. He couldn’t fell them. Ash felt like a doll that only sit there and wait for someone to play with him. Useless was the first words that came into Ash’s head. Damn useless. Suddenly Ash’s cell phone rang. Ash tried to reach the phone but it just fell down to the floor. Ash tired to his phone off the floor but instead he fell on the floor.

    “Ouch” Ash yell out in pain

    Ash tired to get up but yet again he was useless. he couldn’t even get himself up. Giovanni, Delia and Pikachu heard a sound coming from upstairs. They rushed all upstairs and saw Ash on the floor. Ash had his legs on the bed but his body was on the floor. Ash looked at his parents and Pikachu.

    “A little help please?”

    

    Meanwhile Amelia and May were inside the black van. Jagged and blindfolded. They felt they were going across a bumpy road. May tried to reach for her phone but her hands were tied in in front of her. She couldn’t even reach for her pokeballs. Soon the black van stopped. The back door flew wide open. The mysterious people carried Amelia and May on their shoulders. May and Amelia wanted to yell out “Help” but they couldn’t. Soon the people that were carry Amelia and May were dropped in a old factory. They were tried up onto a old rusted pole and back to back. When they finished tying them up they quickly took off the tape of their mouths.

    “Ouch!” The girls yelled out in pain

    But the two mysterious people ignore their pain and left them alone in the factory.

    “Come back here you son of a *****!” May yell out in angered.

    But the two people were too far away to here May’s words. On the other hand Amelia started to cry.

    “Amelia don’t cry” May said in a comforting way.

    “Why do they want to kidnap us for May? What did we do wrong?” Amelia asked

    “We did nothing wrong Amelia” May replied

    “Actually you did”

    “Who said that?” May asked

    “Us”

    Then three familiar faces came out of the rubble of out rusted machines. They were Jessie, James and Meouth.

    

    “Team rocket?” May said surprise

    “Yes it’s us. Got a problem?”

    “Well it’s just I thought you were janitors not kidnappers” May replied

    “And they could use a better hideout as well” Amelia said as she joined the conversation

    “You have no right to tell us about our hideout” Jessie yelled back.

    “Jessie clam down” James said

    “Yes your right James. We have the power over them”

    “So why did you kidnap us?” Amelia asked

    “To get our jobs back and get Pikachu for our self’s” Meouth replied

    “Well Ash will come here and save us” Amelia said in a proud way

    “Well keep praying little girl because he will have to get though our defenses” Jessie replied

    “What defenses?” May asked

    Team rocket just laugh at Amelia and May.

    “You just have to wait and see”

    Team rocket just stood there laughing. Fear was written all over May’s and Amelia’s faces. They both prayed that nothing happened to Ash.

    Back at the Ketchum residents. Ash was back in bed. He could now move his legs just a little. Giovanni and Delia were talking to the doctor.

    “How is he?” Delia asked

    “He has very bad bruises all on his body but by tomorrow he can walk” the doctor replied

    “Thank god” Delia relived

    

    “Thank you doctor for your help” Giovanni said

    “It is a pleasure” The doctor replied

    The doctor got his equipment and headed out of Ash’s room. Giovanni and Delia went to Ash who was still in his room. Ash was trying to get out of his bed.

    “Pikachu” said in a caring way

    “Let me go Pikachu! I need to find May and Amelia!”

    “Ash please rest dear” Delia said in a caring way

    “No mom I need to find May and Amelia”

    “The police is doing their best” Delia replied

    “Their best isn’t good enough!” Ash replied back to his mother

    “You think you’re the only one that worry about May and your sister? Well think again Ash because everyone is worrying about your sister and May” Giovanni said

    Ash finally gave up and was laid back into bed. Delia tucked in Ash into bed. Delia kissed her son on the forehead.

    “We can all go looking for May and Amelia tomorrow but now you have to rest”

    “We are all worried about Amelia and May Ash”

    “I know dad”

    Giovanni and Delia left Ash alone in his room. Ash was looking at his glow in the dark stars stuck on the ceiling on his room. Ash was thinking if Amelia and May were dead. Ash closed his eyes and prayed that that will never happen. Then he remembered what his father said. “You think you’re the only one that worry about May and your sister? Well think again Ash because everyone is worrying about Amelia and May” Then

    Ash got an idea and asked Pikachu to get his cell phone. Ash scrolled down the contacts in his cell phone and called who was available. Brock was too busy looking after his brothers and sisters. 

    Tracey was looking after the lab while Professor Oak was away. Paul didn’t answer his phone. Richie was in Hoenn. The only one were left Drew and Dawn. Ash pressed the enter key on his cell phone. The phone started to ring. Ash was praying that Dawn would answer her phone.

    Meanwhile Drew and Dawn were having a make-out session in Drew’s hotel until Dawn’s phone started to ring. Dawn got off of Dew and went to her phone. Dawn looked at the small screen and saw it was Ash calling. Dawn answered the call.

    “Hello? Who is this?” Dawn asked

    “It’s me Ash” Ash replied

    “Ash, why are you calling me?” Dawn asked again

    “I need you and Drew to help me” Ash replied

    “Why?” Dawn asked again

    “Amelia and May got kidnapped”

    “WHAT!” Dawn said in surprised way

    Drew was buttoning his shirt when he heard Dawn loud voice. Drew went to Dawn. Dawn was shacking. Her best friend just got kidnapped and she could be dead right now. Ash was still on the other end of the phone.

    “Dawn, you still there?” Ash asked

    “Yeah…” Dawn was still shocked

    “Dawn I know it’s still hard to believe but you and Drew are the only ones that can help me right now”

    “I know”

    “So where are you guys anyway?” Ash asked

    “In Sinnoh”

    “But I thought you guys were in Hoenn?”

    “Well we kinda just got here”

    

    “Well what town are you guys in?” Ash asked

    “Sunyshore” Dawn replied

    “Sunyshore?” Ash said in a surprised way

    “What’s the matter?” Dawn asked

    “Well I’m at Sunyshore as well”

    “Well that’s good, where are you right now?” Dawn asked

    “I’m in a big white mansion with a blue roof”

    “A mansion?”

    “I will explain this later. Right now I need you and Drew to come here now”

    “Okay see you there”

    Dawn ended the call. Drew wrapped his arms around his girlfriend and gave a quick kiss on her cheek.

    “What’s the matter?” Drew asked in a caring way

    “May and this girl called Amelia got kidnapped” Dawn replied

    Drew unwrapped his arms around Dawn. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard. May got kidnapped. His ex-girlfriend could be dead.

    “Who was on the phone?” Drew asked

    “Ash” Dawn replied

    “Ash? How come they didn’t get him?”

    “I really don’t know. But let’s go”

    “Where?” Drew asked

    “Ash said his here in Sunyshore and his in this big mansion” Dawn replied

    

    “Well let’s go” Drew said as he grabbed Dawn’s hands and rushed out of Drew’s hotel room

    Drew had angry flowing though his veins. Why didn’t Ash save May and this girl called Amelia? Drew just wanted to get to Ash ask this question. Dawn, begin drag by her boyfriend had a very bad feeling. She knew something bad was going to happen.

    End of chapter eight.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    Singapore
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    First of all, punctuation, there's no comma or full stop.

    “Shut up b***h!”
    “You shut up b*****d”
    Secondly, OOC. I don't think Ash would scold vuglar.

    “It’s amazing that it has been four years since you and Ash got together”
    “Yeah, I find it hard to believe it myself”
    “And you also know there is a very special day tomorrow?”
    “Yeah, I know. It’s Misty’s death anniversary”
    “It’s hard to believe that she’s gone”
    “Yeah, I might not know Misty much but I know Ash does. I’m here to help Ash no matter what”
    “You are a such a nice sweet caring girl May”
    Thirdly, no paragraphing and no punctuation. Reading this conversation, I totally couldn't figure out who's talking. Try to give action to the person talking.

    Then Pikachu hop onto Ash’s shoulder and headed into town. Getting a ring for May. Meanwhile back at small town of Pallet town. Inside a small house was a browned haired girl with a green bandana. Her name was May. She was now eighteen. She was at the kitchen with Ash’s mom, Delia. Delia was washing the dishes and May was drying the dishes. Delia thought to start a conversation.
    Fourthly, no description. Maybe, you could write something like this.

    Pikachu hopped onto Ash's shoulder and started yawning. Ash turned around so that he could take a last look at Misty's grave but instead, he saw something which nearly made his blood boiled. One of the Sensational Sisters was throwing away the flower that he had brought for Misty and was stomping on it angrily. He knew that he shouldn't be angry about it, since he was the one who caused Misty's death. But still, deep in his heart, he was still angry about it. He was the one who brought the flower for her but why couldn't they respect him? Why did they have to throw it away?

    "Pika?" Pikachu asked, as if sensing the anger in him.

    "Don't worry, Pikachu. I'm fine," Ash reassured his partner and began to walk towards the direction of the town where he would buy a ring for May. What ring should I get for her? I wonder which type of ring she would probably like... Diamond ring? Ash thought to himself and he seemed to forget about the previous argument.

    Meanwhile, at a semi-ghost town called Pallet Town, a brunette girl was tying her usual green bandana onto her head. The eighteen years old girl, known as May, was currently in the kitchen with her boyfriend's mother, Delia. Delia was busy washing the dishes and a few drops of sweats could be found on her forehead. May noticed this and decided to help her with the job of drying the dishes. May carefully took the dishes from Delia and wiped it with a cloth until it shrine like it was a brand new one. Delia decided to start a conversation with May.
    See, I managed to make your 3 lines paragraph into a few paragraphs.
    Talk about the aftermath of the their argument and how Ash feel and also put in some of Ash's thoughts.

    If you're not going to take in other people's comment seriously, you would never improve.

  20. #20
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    Australia
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    I'm a slow learner. I'll get this stuff into my head soon. My new stories are better than this btw.

  21. #21
    Join Date
    May 2008
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    Australia
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    Gee i really have to finsih posting this fan-fic. anyway im going to finsih it. it might lack description coz this isn't my new story. it's one of my ols ones.

    Chapter nine
    “A Promise”


    Drew and Dawn finally made it to the mansion Ash has described to Dawn. The mansion had whit walls with a blue roof. The garden was full of life. Pokémon was everywhere. Even Drew couldn’t believe Ash was in this building.

    “You sure Ash is in this building?” Drew asked
    “I know what I heard Drew” Dawn replied
    “Okay okay, I was just asking” Drew replied back

    Drew pressed the button on a speaker and a old man replied back.

    “Hello this is the Ketchum resident, who is this?” the old man voice came out of the speakers
    “This is Drew and Dawn. We were invited by Ash Ketchum” Drew replied into the speaker
    “Very well then. I will open the gates for you” The old man replied

    The huge black gates opened and soon the gates were completely open for Drew and Dawn to walk in. The two lovers hold hands and walked to the front door. Soon an old man opened the door for them. When they entered the huge house they saw photos everywhere and they saw Ash as in some of them. The old man walked them into the living room and then they were greeted by Delia..

    “Drew, Dawn, what are you doing here?” Delia asked
    “Ash asked us to come here. By the way where is Ash?” Dawn asked
    “Come follow me” Delia replied

    Delia lead Drew and Dawn upstairs. They walked down a long hallway until they reached Ash’s room. Delia slowly opened the door. Soon the door was fully opened and Drew and Dawn saw Ash all bandage up with bruises on his arms and legs. Ash was sitting down on his bed. Delia left the three in Ash’s room. Ash got up and greeted Drew and Dawn.

    “Hey guys”
    “What the **** happened to you Ash?!” Dawn asked
    “Long story” Ash said as he scratch his head
    “Is it true?” Drew asked
    “About what?” Ash replied
    “About May getting kidnapped”
    “Yeah why do you ask?”

    Drew got Ash and pushed into his bed.

    “How could you let that happen to May!” Drew yelled
    “You wasn’t there to tell me that!”
    “Yes you right. I wasn’t there but if I was May wouldn’t be kidnapped!”

    Ash got up and shove Drew into the wall.

    “I love May just like you use to do Drew. How would you feel if Dawn got kidnapped?”

    Drew got up and grabbed Ash’s shirt and pulled Ash towards him.

    “Don’t you ever mention Dawn like that. I love Dawn just you love May!”
    “Well I’m glad we know who we are loving then?”

    Dawn went up to the two and broke up the fight.

    “Stop this. This isn’t helping to finding May”

    The boys stopped like Dawn asked.

    “So who is this Amelia you are talking about Ash?” Drew ask as he lifted a eyebrow
    “Amelia is my younger sister and she also got kidnapped with May” Ash replied
    “You have a younger sister Ash?” Dawn asked
    “Yeah and May and I were going to head back to Pallet but someone kidnapped Amelia and May and injured me pretty badly” Ash replied
    “Are you able to go looking for your sister and May?” Drew asked
    “Yeah”
    “And that’s why you asked Drew and I to help you?” Dawn asked
    “Yeah. My dad told me that we need all the help we can have”
    “Well we are going to help you Ash” Drew said as he was offering his hand to Ash

    Ash got out his hand and Drew and Ash shook hands. Dawn was happy that her best friend and boyfriend were friends again.

    “Well what are we doing here? Lets go find May and Amelia” Dawn insisted
    “Dawn?” Drew asked
    “What is it?” Dawn replied back
    “Ash needs to dress first”
    “Oh yeah, I forgot” Dawn smiled

    Soon when Ash finished dressing up the three headed downstairs and ran to the front door until Ash’s name was called by his father.

    “Ash Ketchum, where are you going?”

    The three turned around and saw it was Ash’s dad Giovanni.

    “Dad, we are going to find Amelia and May”
    “Well you will need this then”

    Giovanni threw a Pokeball to Ash. Ash looked at the Pokeball and it had “GK” on it.

    “Is this Amelia’s Pokeball?” Ash asked
    “Yes” Giovanni replied
    “But why doesn’t Amelia have it?”
    “She left it here on the same day she was kidnapped”

    Delia went up to her son and hugged him. Tears were starting to run down her face.

    “Please come back home safe” Delia cried
    “I will Mom and I will have Amelia and May with me”

    Drew put his hand on Ash’s shoulder.

    “It’s time to go Ash”
    “Yeah I know”

    Ash wrapped his arms around his mother.

    “I promise I’ll come back Mom” Ash whispered
    “I know you will” Delia whispered back

    Delia stopped hugging her son and Ash did the same. Delia rubbed her tears away.

    “Well you better go now. May and Amelia are waiting for you”
    “Yeah”

    Ash, Dawn and Drew all headed out the front door. Delia saw all of them head out the front door. Delia wonder if she will ever see her son again. Delia started to cry again. Giovanni hugged his wife. Trying to make her feel comfortable.

    “I don’t want to see one day to know that our son is dead Giovanni”
    “I know. I don’t want to see the day as well”

    Meanwhile Ash, Drew and Dawn were now outside the gates. Ash was looking at the huge white mansion.

    “Promise Mom, I will come back” Ash thought to himself
    “Oi!” Dawn said which made Ash jump
    “Don’t ever scare me like that ever again Dawn”
    “Sorry Ash. It’s just, it’s time to go”
    “Well let’s go then”

    Ash and Dawn ran up to Drew who was waiting for them.

    “You had to take you time didn’t you Ash?” Drew asked
    “Well I kinda did” Ash smiled
    “Well let’s go! May and Amelia needs us!” Dawn said in a loud voice
    “Yeah let’s go!” Ash and Drew replied at the same time

    So the three walked away from the mansion. Walking to find Amelia and May who needed their help. Ash was now relief that now they were going to find Amelia and May.

    “May, Amelia just wait a little longer. I’m coming to save you” Ash thought to himself


    End of chapter nine.

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