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Thread: Survive (One-Shot)

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    Default Survive (One-Shot)

    Well, how about a nice, cheery, happy one-shot guys? I didn't think so either. This here is more than anything just a little something to keep me sharp and have a little fun with. Plot is always my favorite element of a fic, which explains a lot of what I write is completely stuffed with it.

    Other times, like here, I like to keep things a bit simpler. Make it streamlined a bit so you don't have to strain to catch every bit of foreshadowing and every hint to fully enjoy. I won't lie, if you read carefully you may just catch on to the real plot before the end, but I think I buried everything nicely.

    This is rated PG-13 for violence.

    Anyway...enjoy.





    survive




    Dark eyes gleamed out of the shadows. "It is almost time."

    "So it is...so it is..."

    For the shortest second, the drive, the determination, the excitement in the dark eyes flickered. "We are so close...have we really made the right choice?"

    I paused, allowing myself to think over the question. "...It is the only choice. The people do not know how wrong their way of life truly is...what it will lead to..."

    Immediately the eyes nodded in agreement. "Of course."

    I breathed a sigh of relief in my mind. However questionable my tactics were, I had to keep my mind on the final result. Everything else on the way was...unimportant, in the long run.

    The figure stepped forward into the dim light given off by the black streetlamp. The dark street was deserted, with nothing near us but the shimmering moon overhead. He was cloaked in a long black robe, embroidered with a scarlet crescent. The sign of the Revolution.

    The man brushed his long silver hair aside nervously and smiled feebly at me. I merely nodded, understanding his apprehension. We were, after all, about to kill the very leaders he had worked with for years. Murder them in cold blood in the name of the Revolution.

    Who ever said surviving was easy?



    x/X\x/X\x




    We began forward along the moonlit path. A storm was coming; I could smell it in the air. Turmoil was approaching, and there was no stopping it. The true meaning was not lost on me.

    All was silent, save for the gentle breeze at our backs. The winding trail led straight to a large, imposing castle that sat at the top of a hill that overlooked the entire area. Already, I was sure, sentries in the highest tower would be aware of our approach. The final signal.

    I ran over the plan one last time in my mind, the very plan that was being acted out at that moment. Over half of the soldiers in the castle had been pulled into the Revolution in the last months. They had been told, as had all the Believers, that the prosperous times of late were the last gasp of a dying empire. Soon, very soon, the fragile peace between the neighboring countries would come to an end and that they would be embroiled in war once more.

    Ever mistrustful, the Revolution quickly grew under my careful...structuring. There was no room for the weak in the glorious new world I was about to enter. Only the strong survive, as I well knew.

    Once the numbers had swelled to the point of including General Afrenon here, I felt it was time to begin the final plan.

    The Coup d' Etat would be swift and harsh.



    x/X\x/X\x




    Immediately the success of the plan was apparent. Two slain guards lay at their posts, one with a sword wound through the chest, the other bludgeoned in the face by a mace. Both lay behind the gate that lead into the castle. Two soldiers stood dressed in the same shining silver armor but with the scarlet crescent sign affixed to their chestplates. They saluted us as we approached.

    The General cringed at the sight of the bodies and turned to the two soldiers. "Very good...very good...is all progressing as planned?"

    One of the soldiers nodded, still panting slightly. "Yes General. At your approach, we all rose up and took the castle. The last remnants of resistance are being dealt with as we speak..."

    "Good. The King?" I asked quietly.

    The soldier turned to me slowly. "He has been secured, sir. He is...awaiting your decision as to his fate."

    "Very well," I said coldly. "Soldier, tell the men to leave the last survivors alone. They are clearly strong in will and nature. Offer them the chance to join the Resistance. If they refuse, kill them."

    The soldier paused, then nodded stiffly. "Yes sir..." He turned on his heel and sprinted for the castle.

    I cast my glance sideways at the General, who was looking at the dead soldiers with a look of deep remorse. I wasted no time reassuring him of our goals.

    "General. Surely you realize what needs to be done? They were weak, so they were killed. It is no different than what would have happened soon anyway."

    The man tore his eyes away from the dead men. "Of course. Forgive me, seeing my soldiers dead is just..."

    "Absolutely. Shall we?"

    He sighed deeply, nodding. "Yes. Let us walk into the Revolution with our heads held high."

    I smiled. "Good. Let us begin."



    x/X\x/X\x




    The carnage was clear as we entered the castle. It appeared that most of the resistance was taken out immediately without fighting back, but a group of rebel fighters had made their way to the grand hall, where they had been slaughtered. Blood splattered the floor and corpses of soldiers lay were they had fallen.

    Many were still alive, though barely. The Resistance soldiers were now finishing off the near death enemy with their swords. As we walked through the remnants of the battle, one dying man had summoned enough strength to grab the hem of my robe.

    "Where is the King?" he shouted hoarsely.

    Several of my new soldiers turned toward the shout, frozen. My cool gaze fell down to the wounded man. "Your King...will be dead and gone soon, as will you."

    "NO!" he screamed, trying and failing to stand.

    In one, smooth motion, I withdrew my own sword from underneath my robe and slashed it across his throat. His eyes widened, but almost immediately his head slumped to the ground and he moved no more.

    "Continue slaying the last of the weak." I said lazily, wiping the blood off my sword on the man's back.

    I turned to the General, who was still looking distinctly sick. "The King is...awaiting our company. I think it rude to refuse, don't you?"

    The man nodded slowly. "Yes. Let us be done with this bloodshed."

    I sheathed my sword as a distant rumble of thunder was heard. "I'm afraid the bloodshed has just begun..."



    x/X\x/X\x




    I stepped forward slowly, intent upon savoring this moment forever. The vast plains of Johto stretched out far below, the faintest orange hue coloring the horizon. Four Revolution soldiers flanked a trembling man who was forced into a kneeling position as I arrived.

    "My...King."

    The man's wretched face rose, his eyes meeting mine. He had been stripped of his crown and royal robes, left to kneel before me in nothing but his white underclothes. His black hair and beard looked distinctly ragged, and his eyes were wide with terror.

    It couldn't have been clearer that he was far too weak to live.

    "Who...are you?" he asked in a small voice.

    I smiled widely. "Me? I am but the humble servant of the people of Johto. I am their savior."

    His eyes flared, and he quickly rose to his feet, incensed. "Lies!" he spat. Immediately the soldiers reached to restrain him, but I waved them away.

    "No no, leave him be...it is easy to see how he is one of the weak...he would never understand that we are doing what needs to be done...no, not at all..."

    The soldiers roughly nodded in agreement, all seemingly approving of what they knew I was about to do. The King looked around at them all angrily.

    "Can't you see he's manipulating you?!" he cried. "Johto is finally safe! All is well with the world! What possibly could you gain from slaying your own King?"

    My cold eyes fell onto his, and he fell silent. "Johto is far from safe," I said quietly. "Perhaps today...but tomorrow...that is why I must ready the sword of the empire."

    With a macabre scraping sound, I withdrew my sword and raised it above the King's head. "Any dramatic last words?"

    The man took a deep breath to steady himself, then affixed a scorching gaze upon me. "Whatever logic you may have used to convince my soldiers to follow you, know this. However bleak the future may look, remember that it is always darkest before dawn. Remember that, however you may try to tear the people down, if you operate on the principal that you rule them, you will never succeed. The people are the true leaders, and woe to you if you think otherwise!"

    I chuckled softly. "Very...quaint. However, you'll find that I am the true ruler of much more than just the people. Actually, I rather think you won't..."

    My sword swung down across the mans' neck, splattering his blood all over the top of the highest tower. His body fell limp and collapsed at my feet.

    "The end of an era...and the beginning of so much more..." I cast my eyes upward at the stormy skies, aware of the consequences of what I had just done.

    "The storm is finally upon us...the end is nigh...let us reap the rewards of our actions here today...leave me in peace..."

    The soldiers frowned, but nevertheless left as I had commanded. I stepped over the body of the fallen King, staring up into the limitless depths of the sky. A misty figure was unfurling itself in the churning storm, seemingly growing with every second.

    "Lugia..." I breathed, staring in awe at the creature that would end it all.

    Immediately, a blast of white energy exploded from the figure, blasting apart a huge section of the castle. Chunks of debris were flown high into the sky and bodies were hurled out into the forest below. I was thrown to my feet, slammed to the floor of the tower.

    Throughout life, I was always sure of one thing. The weak perish, never to be seen or heard again. If you proved yourself strong beyond doubt, however, you would be rewarded with eternity.

    I smiled morosely as the harbinger of Death readied the final blast. It turned out like after all, I could survive.







    |||end|||
    Last edited by duncan; 2nd July 2008 at 6:10 AM.

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    =o

    Why hasn't anyone posted on this yet. It's delightfully gruesome and gruesomely delightful.

    Before I say anything else, is this anything to do with TEN or maybe the blazing dreams saga in general?

    Because if it isn't then, it was a really fun scene, a mysterious cult known only as the revolution, bring down the king of Johto from the inside using not very much guile, a mace to the face. I mean really. And the ending, which really was fairly unexpected, the bringer-down getting brought down.

    Power never lasts.

    The circle of life.

    What you wrought in life will be wrought back tenfold at death.

    The weak, the strong, the even stronger.

    Various phrases could be attributed to this... this whatever it is.

    It was a sentiment that tuned well and was a fun two minute read. well done sir. *gives second clap of the day.*
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    Quote Originally Posted by Diddy View Post
    =o

    Why hasn't anyone posted on this yet. It's delightfully gruesome and gruesomely delightful.

    Before I say anything else, is this anything to do with TEN or maybe the blazing dreams saga in general?

    Because if it isn't then, it was a really fun scene, a mysterious cult known only as the revolution, bring down the king of Johto from the inside using not very much guile, a mace to the face. I mean really. And the ending, which really was fairly unexpected, the bringer-down getting brought down.

    Power never lasts.

    The circle of life.

    What you wrought in life will be wrought back tenfold at death.

    The weak, the strong, the even stronger.

    Various phrases could be attributed to this... this whatever it is.

    It was a sentiment that tuned well and was a fun two minute read. well done sir. *gives second clap of the day.*
    Thanks for the review, Diddy. Yeah, I just had randomly thought about how a fic about a coup would be fun, so I sat down and started writing it. Adding a cult was a given, of course. Not to mention a nice twist at the end.

    And no, this has nothing to do with Blazing Dreams. Rare of me to write something not BD related, isn't it? XD

    Absolutely. At any rate, I had some fun writing it. I've been experimenting with my first person for a while now, and this turned out much like a less dark version of my Tragedy One-Shot (in writing style, anyway). I'm getting closer for sure to where I want to be, although definitely not there.

    Thanks again for the review.

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    It was definitely a cold, delightful read, but I wish I'd known more about this "revolution" and what the premise of the one-shot was. What brought about this anarchy, anyway?

    The Lugia bit painted a nice image in my head. 8D Very cool stuff, duncan.

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    Your one of the few people on this forum who can write really good dark stuff. So mysterious, well detailed, and always a pleasure to read your stuff when I get the chance.
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    Quote Originally Posted by CHeSHiRe-CaT View Post
    It was definitely a cold, delightful read, but I wish I'd known more about this "revolution" and what the premise of the one-shot was. What brought about this anarchy, anyway?

    The Lugia bit painted a nice image in my head. 8D Very cool stuff, duncan.
    Thanks. To be honest, I really didn't flesh out the Revolution that much. I probably should have, but just explaining what I did about them started drawing away from the pacing I thought.

    And what started the whole thing...I guess how any coup happens. Somebody wants more power, and turns everything upside down to get it. XD

    Thanks for the review. Glad you liked it.

    Quote Originally Posted by LinksOcarina View Post
    Your one of the few people on this forum who can write really good dark stuff. So mysterious, well detailed, and always a pleasure to read your stuff when I get the chance.
    Well hey there. I've come a long way since The Journey To Be The Best, huh? XD I'm really glad you liked it, and thanks for dropping by to give me a review.

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    Cults have our souls...=O

    Anyways, quite like this. Very dark and also like a couple of reviewers, a twist in the end. Like the narrator, seems like he's really passoinate about the cult and you protrayed it well.

    There's a couple of things I want to say though. Like Chesh, I would like to know a bit more about the Revolution, as it's kind of hard to figure out what's their cause really. You could've mention bits about them every once in a while in the one-shot, but then again you did say you don't want to ruin the flow. Also, I'm confused: did Lugia came or is it the Revolution's doing somehow? Sorry to ask, but maybe I missed something there. ^^;

    In short, quite like this. Cult stories are always fun to read. ^^


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    Oh, damn, I finally got to review you.

    =D

    Anyway...


    We were, after all, about to kill the very leaders he had worked with for years. Murder them in cold blood in the name of the Revolution.
    Unless there's some invisible rule I don't know in epic fiction, the bolded bit is a fragment. If the first period was a semicolon it would be better, but who am I to say anything? =P


    A storm was coming, I could smell it in the air.
    It would've been better if that was a semi-colon, since it's sort-of a comma splice.


    "General. Of course you realize what needs to be done? They were weak, so they were killed. It is no different than what would have happened soon anyway."

    The man tore his eyes away from the dead men, nodding. "Of course. Forgive me, seeing my soldiers dead is just..."

    I nodded slowly. "Of course. Shall we?"

    He sighed deeply, nodding. "Yes. Let us walk into the Revolution with our heads held high."
    There were three uses of "of course" here, also three uses of "nodded". I remember you criticized me about repetition of words in Stars...


    With that out of the way, this was EFFIN' AWESOME. You had really good description, a nice, well-rounded and ominous plot, as well as a real cool main character!

    I sighed when I read it wasn't related to BD, 'cause this would've forced me to read TEN. =))

    Great one-shot dude. =D


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    Quote Originally Posted by Bay View Post
    Cults have our souls...=O

    Anyways, quite like this. Very dark and also like a couple of reviewers, a twist in the end. Like the narrator, seems like he's really passoinate about the cult and you protrayed it well.

    There's a couple of things I want to say though. Like Chesh, I would like to know a bit more about the Revolution, as it's kind of hard to figure out what's their cause really. You could've mention bits about them every once in a while in the one-shot, but then again you did say you don't want to ruin the flow. Also, I'm confused: did Lugia came or is it the Revolution's doing somehow? Sorry to ask, but maybe I missed something there. ^^;

    In short, quite like this. Cult stories are always fun to read. ^^
    Of course they do.

    Thank you. Heh, I had considered this less dark the my Tragedy One-Shot (which, like I said, was written with a similar style that I'm working on). Yeah...

    You guys have a very good point. I had thought about it, but decided that I was liking the pacing as is, so decided against it. As I think about it, though, it probably wasn't my greatest idea...

    And that's entirely up to you to decide. He did seem to realize that slaying the King would bring Lugia, didn't he? Or maybe not...

    Big thanks, Bay. I needed something to do to keep me sharp until the next chapter of TEN...

    Quote Originally Posted by Dramatic Melody View Post
    Oh, damn, I finally got to review you.

    =D

    Anyway...




    Unless there's some invisible rule I don't know in epic fiction, the bolded bit is a fragment. If the first period was a semicolon it would be better, but who am I to say anything? =P
    And I really, really need to review you. If SPPf wouldn't randomly explode on me so often, I'd have it done by now. Honestly. XD

    You're right, technically it is a fragment, but often times I use fragments for dramatic effect in my fics. I guess it's just one of those rules I like to break. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by Dramatic Melody View Post
    It would've been better if that was a semi-colon, since it's sort-of a comma splice.




    There were three uses of "of course" here, also three uses of "nodded". I remember you criticized me about repetition of words in Stars...


    With that out of the way, this was EFFIN' AWESOME. You had really good description, a nice, well-rounded and ominous plot, as well as a real cool main character!

    I sighed when I read it wasn't related to BD, 'cause this would've forced me to read TEN. =))

    Great one-shot dude. =D
    You are completely right there, I'll go fix that.

    XD Sure thing, need to fix that as well. Sometimes I go into generic dialog and forget to fix it afterward. -_-

    And thanks very much! Definitely glad you enjoyed it, I know I sure did.

    Oh, I'll rope you into BD eventually...you'll see...XD

    Thanks for the review, DM.

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    Long way indeed, and I still feel like an inferior writer on here.
    The Journey (Rated R)

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    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

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    Since a couple of people grilled you on various typos and such, I just have this to say:

    This was a deliciously dark way to spend a few spare minutes


    Well done!
    lord freeza i really need to use the space skype

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    Quote Originally Posted by LinksOcarina View Post
    Long way indeed, and I still feel like an inferior writer on here.
    Oh, you're not. You're one of my first real reviewers that got me started. I doubt I would have improved half as much without somebody's reviews back then.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tadashi View Post
    Since a couple of people grilled you on various typos and such, I just have this to say:

    This was a deliciously dark way to spend a few spare minutes


    Well done!
    Thanks. I'm glad you liked it, as I surely did. Thanks for your review.

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    First of all, nice work on the main character—what a vicious creature he was. And I enjoyed the sort of contrast there was between his belief that the “weak” should not survive and the remorse and moral struggles of the other General.

    Second, there was a decent amount of nice, gruesome imagery present in this story—enough to make me smile, at any rate. X3

    Now for a couple of other highlights:

    With a macabre scraping sound, I withdrew my sword and raised it above the King's head.
    A nice detail, there.

    Throughout life, I was always sure of one thing. The weak perish, never to be seen or heard again. If you proved yourself strong beyond doubt, however, you would be rewarded with eternity.

    I smiled morosely as the harbinger of Death readied the final blast. It turned out like after all, I could survive.
    “Rewarded with eternity”, indeed. X3 I wonder if the obliterated-by-Aeroblast (or something like it) sort of of eternity was the sort he had been expecting. Whether it was or wasn’t, that’s what he got. X3 At any rate, I really liked that ending.

    And on a randomish note, I rather liked the little dividers you made with the “x”s and all. I thought they looked nice. :3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sike Saner View Post
    First of all, nice work on the main character—what a vicious creature he was. And I enjoyed the sort of contrast there was between his belief that the “weak” should not survive and the remorse and moral struggles of the other General.
    Thanks Sike. I don't know what it is with me and twisted characters. They're just so much fun to write. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by Sike Saner View Post
    Second, there was a decent amount of nice, gruesome imagery present in this story—enough to make me smile, at any rate. X3

    Now for a couple of other highlights:

    With a macabre scraping sound, I withdrew my sword and raised it above the King's head.
    A nice detail, there.
    If there was enough gruesome imagery to make you smile, I know I did good. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by Sike Saner View Post
    Throughout life, I was always sure of one thing. The weak perish, never to be seen or heard again. If you proved yourself strong beyond doubt, however, you would be rewarded with eternity.

    I smiled morosely as the harbinger of Death readied the final blast. It turned out like after all, I could survive.
    “Rewarded with eternity”, indeed. X3 I wonder if the obliterated-by-Aeroblast (or something like it) sort of of eternity was the sort he had been expecting. Whether it was or wasn’t, that’s what he got. X3 At any rate, I really liked that ending.

    And on a randomish note, I rather liked the little dividers you made with the “x”s and all. I thought they looked nice. :3
    Heh, thanks. Yeah...he got what he deserved. XD

    And thanks. I figured I should try something new, and ended up with that. Thanks for your review, Sike.

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    I'm definitely late to the party, but I had to throw my congrats in too. This was a well-paced one shot with some very good bleak imagery (the bloodshed, the dead soldiers, the cold eyes of the narrator). The survival of the fittest was a well-used theme here, even though I think knowing a bit more about the revolution would've helped. Overall, a nice quick read. Oh yeah, I'm back!
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    "When you're in your final moment and your life flashes before your eyes, it isn't for your entertainment, it's your subconscious hurling every relevant and pseudo-relevant experience you've ever had up into consciousness. It's saying 'try this! or this! or this! does what we learned here help?! ****!!'. So don't sit back and relax, take your last stand. Take your brain's emergency alarm and do something.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maze View Post
    I'm definitely late to the party, but I had to throw my congrats in too. This was a well-paced one shot with some very good bleak imagery (the bloodshed, the dead soldiers, the cold eyes of the narrator). The survival of the fittest was a well-used theme here, even though I think knowing a bit more about the revolution would've helped. Overall, a nice quick read. Oh yeah, I'm back!
    Well look who it is. XD Nice to see you again, it's been a while. Wow, two people I haven't seen in forever come back in two days. Who would have figured?

    Thanks a lot. I know I enjoyed writing it, and I'm glad you liked it. Someday I'll redo this with more emphasis on the Revolution, I promise. XD Great to see you around again.

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