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Thread: Letters From Home

  1. #1
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    Default Letters From Home

    Hey, some might know me and others may have forgotten me but, yeah. I'm currently enlisted in the US Navy and thought it would be cool to put my own spin on the Military and the Pokemon world. So, yeah, here goes!

    Letter 1 - Rated E


    PROLOGUE - BEFORE THE UNIFORM


    Ever wonder what would happen on a wide scale basis if catastrophe ran rampant? You hear word of the Rangers and the Police within every region...but what about the Military? Did you think they didn't exist? Ha! You're in for a treat! Upon the breathtaking age of 19, after a seasoned lifestyle of training, collecting, or battling, trainers have a shot to don a NEW title: Cadet. Here, they take their Pokémon beyond the service of just personal leisures, but to defend their homes and represent the TRUE nature of these gentle giants. How is this possible, you ask? Why is it necessary? You hear of the marveled stories of Ash Ketchum and his frivolous tales from country to country, but do you ever hear the darker sides to the Pokémon World?

    Well, then allow me to fill you in!

    My name is Militia Recruit Felix J Bailey, United Pokémon Military. Following me through is my team of friends I have grown and trained since I was but the age of 12. Steelix, the iron giant of my crew, Yanmega, the bullet-quick fighter, Arcanine, the loyal companion, Venusaur, the nature-loving protector, and the twins Umbreon and Espeon, my catch-and-release duo. I joined the UPM after having my with training donning all the badges I wanted, so I am putting my technical and training skills to work with my team to defend whatever Country is in need of assistance.

    Within this job lies the gruesome stories of Pokémon who can lay waste to towns, villages, and almost complete human populations. But not all of who I stop are Pokémon. We have those who take Pokémon to malicious extents, training them to fight, kill, rob, and destroy any and all that are in their paths. Every trainer has a good night on the forest floor because we, the United Pokémon Military, stand guard to make sure they sleep well at night.

    I'll let you in on a few of my personal tales through letters I sent to my Mother, along with a tale or two of my own personal experiences on the job. So sit back, relax, and enjoy as this old seasoned soldier reads you some of his past experiences!


    Boot Camp - Snowpoint District 0545 HRS

    Reveille woke me up in a startling manner. I'll never get used to that dang trumpet. Had my uniform shipped in last night, amazing digi-camo job from the workers in Goldenrod. Spit-shined boots, check, medals and name tag, check, measurements, check. I'm ready to go see the higher ups!


    0830 HRS - BARRACKS


    Visit with the higher ups, not as good. Me and the gang didn't seem to meet quota with the "boss" and got to run the mile. No biggie though, me and Steelix will get into the rhythm soon. Lt. Jerimiah cant be THAT stern ALL the time. He did seem to take a keen eye to my Arcanine and Umbreon working together on the infliction course, and little Espeon did an amazing job at the Blockade with Venusaur. Yanmega and Steelix were a little, ehh, what's the phrase? "Off tempo", per say? Either one ran too fast or the other walked into it, there will need to be some mandatory coordination.


    1200 HRS - MESS HALL


    Ah the chow hall, the food there ceases to amaze me. How they can afford a good meal for THIS motley crew still leaves me dumbfounded. Some unruly Recruit decided to smart off the the Commander and got us ALL running the strip, the mile-and-a-half road from us to Mt. Coronet that was blanketed in only HALF a foot of snow for this time of year, as punishment for calling the Mr. Sumter "Ma'am." Gosh, my legs ache, my team is freezing, but heck, this burger is almost too good to put down, so I'll jot a bit more later this evening.


    1400 HRS on to 1900 HRS - VARIOUS LOCATIONS


    I'll have to write this segment out in a scripted manner for you to really comprehend what went on in those five hours. Upon the time frame of us leaving the Mess and heading back to our Barracks to get our supplies I was approached by a good friend of mine, a Combat Specialist-to-be for the Police Squad, Militia-Recruit Michaels. He was a somewhat petty rival that I developed to tolerate and trust when I was helping him with his PC. Michaels had one of his "lovable but so freaking dangerous" ideas, yet again.

    "Hey, Bailey, wanna head down to the combat range and settle who has the better breed? My Houndoom against your Arcanine?"

    I scoffed.

    "Your Houndoom doesn't hold a match to my Arcanine. Maybe my Espeon or Umbreon, but never my Arcanine."

    He reached for one of the digi-camo pokeballs on his belt and stuffed it in my face. I pushed it out of my face and proceeded to walk off when the usual hecklers, the mechanics, decided to put their obscene 2 cents in about my Arcanine. And of course, you expect a disciplined military man to just walk off and do the right thing, right? Well here I am walking with Michaels to the combat range, knuckles whitened as the mechanics kept on step with us.

    And there it was...one quarter of a millions poke-bucks to make a reinforced concrete bucket for Pokémon to push each other to wits end.

    "Alright Bailey, put your money where your mouth is!" Michaels cast his pokeball, beaming a bright light and a Houndoom who decided to boast with a mighty howl and flames streaking from its maw.

    "Show off all you want Michaels, I'm about to put you in your place!" I cast my digital camo ball, releasing not my Arcanine, but my Espeon instead.

    Michaels lost his balance and the mechanics keeled over in laughter, making chants of forgetfulness or lack of coordination. The Espeon laid there, curled up and slumbering peacefully, just as I had trained her to appear. Michaels decided to make the first move and launch a Crunch. Cleaver, but Espeon aren't THAT undermined. My reply: Reflect. Her eyes snapped open as the Houndoom, maw-wide for the bite, ran face-first into a translucent wall with no more than inches between her and him. He recoiled, whimpering heavily as he tried moving around the wall, unsure of another trick. He took Michaels cry of a special attack into thought and launched a scarlet ball of fire, better known as Will-o-Wisp. Two steps ahead, and well over-expected of being headstrong.

    "Espeon, Light Screen!" The walls then had a tint of yellow added to the transparency, reflecting the scarlet balls of fire back at the Houndoom and testing his reflexes to dodge his own attacks. The skull-decked hound looked pretty peeved now, and his trainer wasn't too farfetched. The Houndoom began to ram the walls with his head, an obvious Headbutt attack. The lavender mass pulled herself to her feet and stretched in a feline-like motion before watching the angry dog ram the wall pointlessly.

    "Ok Espeon, you've had your fun, wrap it up now girl." The Espeon sighed as her eyes hued white, several flashes flickered around the Houndoom as he finally found out he was boxed in. He sat down and began to howl at his trainer, who became barely audible through the tinted-yellow walls. My Espeon decided her fun had become boredom, so she decided to pass the baton to her partner in crime, my Umbreon. Her body flickered red as she returned herself, and exchanged her position with Umbreon who was looking at the trapped pooch with a wide, toothy grin.

    "Umbreon, discipline this Houndoom. You know the drill."

    Umbreon shot the Houndoom a glare, making it grimace more than usual. A dead-on Mean Look attack, perfect. Then ol' Umbreon decided to pick the fight with Taunt, making the Houndoom lunge and bite at him as he blew raspberries and shoot his haunches at the Houndoom. Then he landed the checkmate, upon ramming the wall one more time the Houndoom recoiled, a sickening feeling overcoming his facial expression and body. Toxic, and a nice dose too.

    "Give in Michaels, I didn't make my Umbreon and Espeon my containers for nothing."

    Michaels gritted his teeth and withdrew his prized hound. We heard a loud series of claps come from behind us that DIDN'T come from the mechanics. Our instructor, Lt. Commander Steele liked our little show, but didn't seem to approve of us using this facility during the study hours. All I can say now is, my arms hurt from the push-ups now.

    Well, I'm gonna head up to the Mess Hall now, surf and turf tonight. All you can eat Tauros-sized steaks and Kingler-legs boiled to perfection. I think I'm going to send more of these home now.

    Militia-Apprentice Felix J. Bailey, UPM
    P.S. - I got my rank up today! Woo!


    Well, what'ya think? Post & Comment please.
    Last edited by Hahlin; 16th April 2010 at 6:18 PM.

    "Cause I'm not alone, with a touch of your hand I am whole again." - All That Remains, Not Alone.
    {FELIX (SoulSilver: 4039 8212 8342)}
    {CJ (Pearl : 4254 4203 8074)}

  2. #2
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    This is different... not sure if it's a good different or not though ^^;;

    I think a big thing was the beginning. I'm not used to many things starting with the main character speaking directly to me. It was a little list-ish in explaining the new type of trainer you've introduced... I think you should've explained what a Cadet Trainer is without coming right out and saying "we do this, 'kay?"

    Maybe try a different technique to explain it. For example, your main character could have a flashback of sorts where maybe he's explaining to his mom (or another figure that doesn't want him to be a Cadet) what exactly he'll be doing, or maybe when he gets to this place where he's supposed to train to become one having a lieutenant explaining to him and other in-training Cadets what they'll be required to do. It's fine if neither of these are appealing to you, I just want to let you know there are creative ways to explain the background on your character instead of outright telling your readers (:

    Same thing with the Pokémon though; don't just list them. If this story is going to involve him sending letters home I think you should incorporate him giving someone an update on his team through one of the letters.

    You definitely have a good characterization though. I like the somewhat laid-back personality, so good job there! It made me smile at some parts since he's so cheery ^^

    Grammar-wise, this isn't the worst I've seen. My only complaint is that you say 'country' - I think a better and more common term would be 'region'. Other than that there weren't enough things wrong with grammar to make me go into detail :D

    I'm not sure if I'll stick around to read much more you've written, but I still wish you luck either way and I hope my advice helped in any way possible ;)


    BA~

  3. #3
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    First of all, I just want to say thank you for your service. I'm actually a freshman in college going through Air Force ROTC so I have a bit of military knowledge. I think this story is new, original, clever, and well-written. I love the use of Bailey's Pokemon in his different missions (like Umbreon and Espeon in catch-and release.) You have also already given us a good idea of Bailey's character.

    The only thing I would say is that because of the way you describe some of the action scenes, I forgot I was reading a letter. At times it sounded more like an autobiography than a letter to someone's mom. I also found one grammatical error:

    Ah the chow hall, the food there ceases to amaze me.
    There should be a comma after "Ah". Also, Bailey talks about how good the food is, so it would make more sense to say the food never ceases to amaze me.

    This is interesting and really good so far. Keep it up!

    New Chapter: Chapter 4- Unova

    Pirates of the Caribbean: The Creature of Storms
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    "Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."
    Ephesians 6:17

  4. #4
    Join Date
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    Ok, in order:

    BA: *snicker* Sorry. This entire story deal is kinda new to me, so this format is in the experimental stage in my head. I cant say I've had too much practice with this, so your criticism is greatly accepted.

    ESPNFan: This letter honestly was the only one I didnt really re-read and correct. Like I previously mentioned I'm new to the story-writing deal. The scenes that kick in are kind of a POV "tell it like I REALLY saw it" scene instead of just a bland "Well, I got into a battle with another person today" deal, like the letters in movies that turn into a story that becomes witnessed as if you were right in the picture. As for typos, eh, this laptop doesnt have MS Word, I've been doing it on notepad.

    Ok, well, Letter 2 for those who like it
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Letter 2 RATED PG FOR BLOOD AND VIOLENCE

    Military Vehicle en route to Base Site - Solaceon District 2100 HRS


    Home, home on the [indistinct scribble and pen marks] I'm finding the back of a creaky military truck to be the single most HARDEST place to write a letter. Well, this day went a little, eh, off the wall. You see, it went something like this...

    0800 HRS - SOLACEON TOWN


    "Good Arceus, do these people own anything OTHER than a TV?" Michaels' eyes rolled down to me as I laid a small set of pliers next to my leg. I had been working on TV repairs all day today and had YET to see a computer except in the Pokemon Center.

    "This is the rural district of Sinnoh Bailey, what do you expect? They dont need the frivolties that some high maintenance young ladies like you are accustomed to." That remark was followed by an "accidental" arc of electricity to his nice metal belt buckle.

    The farmers we were assisting, Mr. and Mrs. Neilson, had called in the nearest troops to, one: fix their electronics, and two: patrol. These two were World Renoun Berry farmers and Tauros breeders. They've had some complaints of trainers, pokemon, whatever it was, coming in and either slaughtering their prize meats and berries or just taking the whole animal! Michaels, and his juvenile attitude, thought it was 'a load of bull' and found himself the only one laughing at his joke. They had mentioned of a few Rangers who were stationed around, and that ever since they came about there has been trouble all around town. So, since we were the only 'police' for miles around at the time, we decided to put a MP and a Techno Geek to the test of playing cop. After hearing word of my Espeon's condition after being left alone in the pens overnight, she had undergone some 'changes' and was required to be sent home on maternity leave. Thankfully my hometown teacher Elm managed to hold on to her sibling, the older, more stubborn Espeon trained the same way as mine was. Those first few days were a 'blast' getting back in touch with that old Espeon, and I have the bite marks to prove it all.

    The afternoon moved in well, Solaceon's many irrogated smells began to settle. The Miltank nestled down for the night, the Murkrow cawed and the Noctowl watched from the fencepost, the town turned quiet and peaceful. Well, that was until me and Michaels had some unexpected company. Two cocky looking Rangers, belt weighed down by pokeballs, approached us as we were watching the fields.

    "The heck're you weekend warriors doing here?" The taller, lankier male ranger snarled as his shorter adversary sat behind and chuckled idiotically. "This is Official Ranger turn, I'ma gonna have to ask you both to get'cha butts lost."

    "We were personally asked by the Neilson's to stand guard of their lot." Calm and collected, yeah, that's what I wanted.

    "So you guys need to get YOUR butts lost before I kick them myself!" Michaels. Please stop before you get yourself hurt. The Rangers thought he was kidding until he reached for his digi-camo ball, then all hell broke loose. Or so I assumed.

    "Look, you two Miltank-pies need to feck off. There are some crazy strong trainers that come through here and I promise you, if they get a hold of you and your sissified buddy there, they'll rip you to SHREADS." Huh, that almost sounded like a threat. Note to self, dont get in a bar fight with THOSE goons.

    The night went through as planned, no noise, no disturbance, nothing until about 3 AM that night.

    0300 HRS - The next day.


    Miltank and Tauros clogging the air with cries and moans of fear followed by the drum of hoofbeats all around. In the pen were three large Linoone and they were gaining on the heard fast. Reaction kicked in pretty quick as me and Michaels managed to vault the fence and catch up to what looked like bikers on pokemon. One managed to skate his way by on a Metagross, one teetering up above on a Fearow, and the last member towering over the field on a Garchomp. I reached for my belt and grabbed the two I would have hoped to work together a little better than before.

    "By orders of the Military, I order you three to cease and desist!" It caught their attention, but it also looked like it may have peeved them off. The black haired biker chick mounted on her Garchomp strode up with a chuckle on her lips as the others, both seemingly male, came to her sides and halted.

    "Isnt that cute, you think you can take us three all on your own?" The guys and their pokemon snarled, letting themselves be known in their own manner. I looked over my shoulder and saw Michaels running up and stopping at my side, his eyes locking with mine and a grin crossing our faces.

    "Michaels, deal with these three for a second, I'll be right back." I managed to bolt off, leaving Michaels behind with his pokemon strapped to his belt. I cleared the field and got out of sight, releasing both my Steelix and Yanmega. Yanmega in his moment of sweet ecstasy, decided to cling to my face like he did as a Yanma and flap his wings profusely. Steelix craned over and drug his cat-like tongue from my feet up to my cap, taking Yanmega and almost swallowing him by accident. The poor bug pulled himself out of Steelix' mouth and buzzed angrily, forcing a short huff of dust from the ironclad giant's nostrils.

    "Ok you two, listen up and listen carefully." The two pokemon formed a silent truce and moved in. "Now look, I understand that you two dont have a lot of training time together, but I'm not going to let that stand in our way. You two are my best resorts, my dynamic duo. You can do it, I trust you both." Yanmega buzzed sadly as Steelix let a tear drop from the side of his muzzle. I rubbed their heads gently before hopping up on Steelix's forehead and allowing him to crane me above the housetops. Down in the field Michaels was putting on a show for the perpatrators. His Houndoom danced about, dodging attack after attack from the Garchomp and Fearow while bashing the Metagross with countless Will-o-Wisps. I thought all was well until a loud yelp struck our ears followed by a blood curdling crunch. I quickly looked in as close as I could, only to find the Houndoom's leg clamped into the mouth of the Metagross. My heart sank as crunch after crunch the Houndoom was pulled in more and more, Michaels being pinned back by a Dragon and a Bird. I wasnt going to stand for this. Not now, not EVER.

    "Steelix! Stealth Rock! Yanmega! Bug Buzz! NOW!" My commands echoed throughout the valley, forcing the metallic beast to stop it's chewing and focus on the enraged steel serpent throw itself over the fence and charge at the Metagross, bringing with him several large pointed boulders. At the split second focus out ears became deafened by a high pitched shreak that forced everyone to cover their ears from the pain. By the time the discord had stopped the instigators were surrounded, spiked stones floating around them, freely gravitating around the path that Steelix had scratched into the landscape. I hopped down from Steelix' head and landed boot-first into the Metagross' rider, knocking him off of his mount and taking control, somewhat.

    "Yanmega! Get Michaels and his Houndoom out of here! Steelix! Whip up a Sandstorm!" Steelix inhaled as Yanmega zipped in, grabbing Michaels by the collar of his shirt and allowing him enough time to withdraw his injured pokemon. With a breathtaking gust, sand whirled into a spiraling pillar that looked as if it went on for miles. The moment I now stood in made me feel like the most hardcore fighter in the world. There I was, standing before three trainers and their enraged pokemon. The man on the ground, just as I thought, was the tubby sidekick of the Ranger from earlier. The Rangers were present, but who was this woman working with them?

    "Enough of your childs play! Garchomp! Dragon Rush!" The hued beast drew its head back and shouted to the heavens before charging at breakneck speed. I was literally stuck between a rock and a hard place, so I used what got me into this mess to get me out!

    "Yanmega! Air Slash with Protect!" A green blur flew through the wall of sand effortlessly and nailed the Garchomp at its ankles, tripping it up and throwing the rider into the column of sand. When the Fearow tried to take wing, Yanmega shot through again, tackling it with the Protect field up and throwing it into one of the jagged rocks and knocking it out pretty quick.

    "Time to end this fight, Steelix! Mirage combo!" The ground shook. The earth seemed to tremble beneath my step. I advanced toward the perpatrators as I slowly began to rise, the wind roaring and the rocks spinning faster, the world seemed to buckle beneath my step. I started to free float, ten, fifteen, twenty feet high, arms outstretched as if I was going to catch something. I focused my eyes on the two Ranger wannabes and chuckled.

    "I will give you one last choice. Turn yourself in, or fall to my merciless power!" The air reverberated with my voice. The two started squealing and crying, begging for me not to kill them. With arms outstretched they stayed there, hoping I would reconsider. I merely chuckled in reply.

    "Michaels, get these two idiots. Yanmega, Steelix, you two can stop now." No sooner than I had issued the command, the noises began to cease along with the column of sand. The two looked at my pokemon and then me, both with a baffled expression on my face. "What? You never would ahve guessed that if you combined Magnet Rise, Roar, and Bug Buzz you could make yourself seem as strong as Arceus?"

    That morning went by pretty early and the town seemed to be up in arms ready to kick butt. The Linoone were contained along with the Garchomp, Metagross, Fearow, and the two idiotic "trainers." Thankfully one of the Solaceon citizens had a PokeGear and managed to call Officer Jenny and her crack squad to apprehend and take care of the disturbance. Too 'em freakin' long enough too. The woman wasnt apprehended, from the amount of blood found we had assumed that she may have been ground up in the Sandstorm attack, but because we hae no reasonable proof, it cant be confirmed.

    After all of that recently, it brings me up to where I am now. In the back of a truck being rushed to a Military Pokemon Center. Michaels' Houndoom may have lost all mobility in his front legs, but with high hopes and prayers he'll pull through. The Metagross was deemed uncannily hostile so it was destroyed. The Doctors there also mentioned something about an injection of some sort that may have been used to agrivate the pokemon into hostility. Stuff like this always seems to make me wonder why would someone want to do something like this to something this peaceful? Ah well. You cant save them all, ya know? You can only do what you can, and that's why I'm here.

    With love and concern,

    Militia-Apprentice Felix J Bailey, UPM.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Moar comments and critiques please?

    "Cause I'm not alone, with a touch of your hand I am whole again." - All That Remains, Not Alone.
    {FELIX (SoulSilver: 4039 8212 8342)}
    {CJ (Pearl : 4254 4203 8074)}

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