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Thread: Destiny of the Aura (Advance, T)

  1. #1
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    Default Destiny of the Aura (Advance, T)



    Hello everyone, and welcome to 'Destiny of the Aura'! This is going to be an AdvanceShipping fanfic primarily, and will be rated T to start out. I will let you guys know beforehand in a chapter if there will be descriptive or violent scenes that exceed that rating. Additionally, I will be editing this post with banners, a chapter list, and a PM list. This is a reboot of my previous iteration, which was under the same title, so please don't confuse the two. I will be posting this on FanFiction as well, and without further ado, I hope you enjoy!




    Chapter List:

    Chapter 1: A Fateful Encounter




    PM List:
    Last edited by Wuster; 18th September 2015 at 2:23 AM.
    What I'm Currently Working On:



    Creds to Astral Shadow for the outstanding banner!

  2. #2
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    Chapter 1: A Fateful Encounter

    It was a bright, sunny day in the Kalos region. A slight breeze swept across a grassy plain, where a trainer sat cross-legged, devouring a basket of multi-coloured macarons. His spiky, raven hair stuck out from underneath his red and white cap, which was bobbing almost as quickly as the boy was chewing. A small, furry, yellow mouse-like creature with a trademark lightning bolt tail sat beside him, happily munching on a smaller, yellow-coloured dessert.

    “Serena, these macarons are delicious!” he managed to mumble, in between mouthfuls of the sweet, delectable treats.

    “Pi-pika-chu!” his companion exclaimed in agreement, causing the air to fill with a cheerful electricity.

    “Glad you two like them!” she replied, chuckling to herself. She had shoulder length auburn hair, and wore a bright pink dress that hung just above her knees with a red waistcoat overtop. A small red fedora sat on the ground beside her.

    As she enjoyed the scene, she began to check her other Pokémon to ensure they were having a good time too. Braixen, a bipedal, orange fox-like Pokémon was finishing up her dessert, and Pancham, a mischievous baby panda Pokémon had already finished his meal, and was observing the clearing, likely trying to figure out who to prank next.

    “Brai?” the fox-Pokémon asked with a hint of worry, seemingly looking around for someone.

    “I’m sure Bonnie and Clemont will be back soon Braixen. They just went to look for some berries that we can use to make a nice stew for everyone!” Serena said happily, as she tried to ease her partners worry.

    As Serena ran her hands through Braixen’s soft, warm fur, she began to admire her surroundings. The long blades of grass were dancing in the gentle, warm ocean wind, and graceful flocks of Swanna were flying above. The sun was beaming down on the two teenagers, and when mixed with the breeze the ocean was generating, the young teenager couldn’t think of a more relaxing setting.

    ‘What a perfect day! I’m sitting here with my favourite Pokemon, Ash loves my macarons, and the weather is just lovely!’, She thought to herself, as she closed her eyes and let a grin sweep across her face.

    Almost oblivious to the fact his friend was relaxing, Ash asked, “Hey Serena, have you thought about your Showcase coming up?”

    “Yeah, Braixen and Pancham have really been training hard!” she responded, with a hint of doubt in her voice.

    “I know you’ll do great”, he exclaimed, “Plus you have Clemont, Bonnie and I rooting for you!” he said, pumping his first in the air.

    “Thanks!” she said, winking enthusiastically at the trainer, “We’ll definitely try our best!”

    Serena started to think about the last Pokémon Showcase she took part in. She began to replay the moment Fennekin tripped over her bow. Deep down, she knew that what happened was a random occurrence, something that neither her, nor Braixen could have controlled. She was determined to have a different outcome this time.

    As if her trusted companion had read her thoughts, Braixen came over to her and immediately gave her a determined look. “Brai-braix-en!” the fire-fox Pokémon exclaimed, as she performed an elegant pirouette.

    “Haha, thanks Braixen. I know we’ll do great!” Serena smiled, running her hands through the warm fur on Braixen’s head.

    “Hey guys, we’re back!” a familiar young voice shouted excitedly, causing Ash and Serena to turn around.

    An older voice beside her sighed, “Now Bonnie, there’s no need to yell so loudly!”

    “Well if you had said it, they wouldn’t have heard you till we were right next to them”, she muttered back, making a pouty face.

    Clemont rested his pack against the small tree that Ash was leaning against, and went to work. He took out a few medium-sized stones, and placed them in a small circle. He set up a small, portable lean-to, and went to work on the stew. In almost no time, all the berries, meats, and broth were in the pot, and an elegant aroma wafted through the air.

    “Clemont that smells sooo good…” Ash said, with a few drops of drool coming from his salivating mouth.

    Clemont chuckled, “Ash, this won’t be ready for a while, probably until sunset!”

    Obviously disappointed, the aspiring Pokémon Master slumped against the tree in defeat. He looked over at his small electric mouse Pokémon and brought up the one million dollar question, “So Pikachu, what should we do until then?”

    “Pi-pika-pi!” he exclaimed, pointing to Ash’s belt with his small, yellow paw.

    Ash grinned at Pikachu and tossed 4 Pokéballs into the air. Out came a tiny, furry bat Pokémon with large ears and huge, glossy eyes. Beside it, a colourful feathery bird-like Pokémon with a sharp beak and colourful mask struck a pose, elegantly pointing a fist in the air. In the tree, a blue frog with sticky cream-coloured bubbles was crouched, ready to attack. In the air, a fierce-looking, brightly coloured bird with a V-shaped tail and elegant orange feathers appeared, instantly warming the area around it.

    “You guys have fun, but stay outta trouble!” Ash exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air. Almost instantly, Hawlucha and Fletchinder started flying around the tree with Noibat, teaching it how to turn on a dime. Pikachu hopped over to Bonnie’s bag, where Dedenne, the small fairy-type mouse Pokémon greeted it with friendly sparks. Frogadier simply laid down on the branch he was on, and started napping.

    “Good idea Ash, I’ll let my Pokémon out too!” Clemont exclaimed, his voice full of excitement. As he began to pull Pokéballs from his belt, a bright flash of light blinded him and a small, brown mammalian Pokémon with triangular markings on its face, as well as small green spikes on its head popped out. The Pokémon was immediately drawn towards the pot the stew was cooking in, walking in an almost trance-like manner.

    “Chessppiiin”, it drooled, coming dangerously close to touching the extremely hot cast-iron pot.

    “CHESPIN DO NOT TOUCH THAT POT” Clemont exclaimed, racing over to pick up his gluttonous Pokémon. “It’s extremely hot and you’ll burn yourself if you touch it before it cools down!”

    Chespin pouted, and walked over to see what Pikachu and Dedenne were up to. Eventually, the three sat down and started to have a very animated conversation, with Pikachu imitating the various Pokémon on Ash’s team. Bonnie interrupted and asked if they wanted to play tag, to which Pikachu emphatically tagged her as “it” and sprinted off. Dedenne followed and Chespin, not knowing where to go made a beeline straight through Bonnie’s legs.

    Ash, Clemont and Serena burst out in laughter. “Bonnie, you better hurry or else you’ll never catch any of them!” Clemont said jokingly, unable to resist the opportunity to tease his little sister.

    “At least I won’t be out of breath halfway through catching them!” Bonnie exclaimed, sticking her tongue out at her the flabbergasted gym leader.

    Serena giggled at the offhanded remark and tried to stifle it with her hands. “Clemont, I think your sister got you good on that one,” she remarked, trying to keep herself together.

    Clemont chuckled and returned to stirring the stew. “That’s Bonnie for you. Always very rambunctious!” he exclaimed with a smile.

    Clemont refocused his attention on the boiling broth of stew. Small beads of perspiration began to form on Clemont’s face, causing his glasses to begin to slide. “I’m going to go wash up by the river Bonnie and I passed while we were getting the berries. I’ll be back in a flash! Make sure this stew doesn’t burn!”




    As the sun gradually began to descend from its peak in the sky, flocks of Fletchling began to roost among the trees. Their cheerful chirping died down to a near silent scene, as the tiny robin Pokémon settled down for the evening. There was however, one tree that they stayed far, far away from.

    “Riolu use Aura Sphere!” the trainer shouted, pointing at a massive tree.
    The small emanation Pokémon began to hold its furry blue paws back, and concentrated quite intently on the target ahead. Slowly but surely, an orb of bright, bluish energy appeared in the space between its two paws, which were swiftly brought forward. The ball shot from its possession with surprising velocity, and put a small crack in the aging bark of the tree.

    “Great job Ri!” the trainer said beaming ecstatically at his small companion.

    “You really have improved a ton since we started buddy!”

    ‘Thanks Brendan! It’s pretty fun, the Aura was hard to control when we started, but now it’s almost second nature!’

    The trainer nodded in agreement, “You know, ever since we started this training, I feel like your telepathy has also gotten a lot stronger. You basically sound like you are actually talking!”

    He took out a canteen and gave it to Riolu. “Drink up Ri, it’s important to stay hydrated.”

    Brendan set his blue and white mesh cap down, and ran his fingers through his jet-black hair. “Do you think we should let the others out to play?” he asked Riolu, watching in amusement as the fighting-type struggled to get the last drops of water out of the canteen.

    This caught the attention of the small Pokémon. ‘Sure! Can I take a break from training and play with them too?’

    As he pulled 4 Pokéballs from his belt he chuckled, “Of course Ri, you worked really hard today!”

    The balls opened and in a bright flash of white light, 3 Pokémon appeared. The first was a small puppy-like Pokémon with a light brown scruff of fur around its neck. Next to it was a medium-sized dragon-like creature with an intimidating glare, sharp teeth and jet-like protrusions coming from its head. It had a large dorsal fin with a small notch in on its back. Behind those two was a graceful ovoid shaped Pokémon with triangular wings and small red and blue triangular markings on its underside.

    The trainer smiled at the sight of his trustworthy companions, exclaiming, “Gabite, you’re up next for training! Eevee and Togekiss, you guys can play with Riolu but stay close.” Noticing the math was off, he looked quizzically at the three Pokémon in front of him.

    He started, “Hey, where is Fletch-OWWW”, he exclaimed as he was cut off by the sharp pain of a beak pecking his head. “Fletchinder, do you really have to do this EVERY time I let you out, outside of battle?” he sighed, obviously exasperated with the fire-type Pokémon’s antics. “You know, I’ll be balding by the time I hit 25 because of this!”

    “Fletch-Fletch-inder!” the bird happily squawked. He landed on Brendan’s shoulder, lowering his head so the trainer could pet him.
    He happily complied with the request, and started admiring the Pokémon’s unique plumage. Instead of the usual colouration, his Fletchinder had a beautiful cream-coloured underbelly, as well as browner wings instead of the usual black.

    “There you go Fletchinder. Isn’t this much nicer than pecking my head?” he said softly, grinning at the ember Pokémon. Fletchinder simply cooed in agreement and jumped off of his shoulder to the rest of the group and began to converse with the others.

    The fierce reptilian Pokémon approached the trainer, who was sniffing the air. “Ga-gabite?” it inquired, also picking up on the wonderful scent.

    “Yeah, I smell it too.” Brendan said, wondering what it was. “It smells like stew, but I didn’t see anyone else camped out near here, and we’ve been here for 3 days.”

    The trainer walked over to the small yellow tent he had, and unzipped the front flap. He found his bag and unlatched the buckle, pulling out a small can of beef soup and a much larger canister of Pokémon food. He sighed as he peered inside the now empty bag, lamenting the fact he didn’t stock up more beforehand.

    “This is the last of the food guys,” he stated as he tossed wood into his makeshift fire pit. “Unfortunately I think we’re going to have to get moving and find a PokéMart tomorrow.”

    As he started to light the fire, Riolu walked over to him with a questioning look on its face. ’When will our next gym battle be?’

    “I think the next gym is in Anistar City.” Brendan said, taking a moment to pull out his PokéNav. He fidget with the touchscreen for a few seconds until a resounding beep was heard from the device. “Aha! We’re actually decently close, so I think we should head there tomorrow.” He stated emphatically, looking at his trusted partner.

    A grin appeared on the Emanation Pokémon’s face. ‘Sounds good!’

    As he shot a smile back at Riolu, he gently opened the can of soup, placing it on some of the glowing-hot embers. The trainer then turned back to an impatient-looking Gabite, who had his arms crossed, and was tapping his sharp claws loudly on the ground. “I’m going to assume you are ready to train, eh Gabite?” he asked, laughing at the rough-skinned dragon.

    “GAA-GABITE!” it emphatically roared, baring its razor sharp teeth to the group of bemused Pokémon.

    “Haha alrighty then, use Dragon Claw on the tree to cut us some firewood!”
    The Cave Pokémon’s claw lit up a bright blue, and he began to swipe furiously at the branches of the tall oak. Soon enough, a pile of firewood began forming at the base of the tree, when a familiar voice was heard in their thoughts.

    ‘Someone is behind that tree!’




    As the young inventor approached the calm and serene stream, he was lost in his thoughts. ‘Bonnie is right,’ he began, ‘I’m not athletic and powerful like Ash, and I’m certainly not as good an athlete as Serena with her Rhyhorn racing skills.’ He sighed gloomily as he splashed the fresh, cooling water on his face.

    Clemont took in his surroundings. The peaceful movement of the water could be heard as the current was splashing gently against the shore. Above him, the stars and moon lit up the night sky, providing an almost immeasurable kaleidoscope of mystery. For once, the Earth seemed to stand still as Clemont collected himself. ‘I may not be as strong physically as those two, but mental strength has always been my forte!’, he convinced himself, smiling slightly. Unfortunately, just as he had started to think these happy thoughts, he heard a small crack behind him. Being the ever-curious teenager he was, he decided to go check it out.

    “Um hello?” Clemont started tentatively, walking with the utmost care, “Is anyone there?”

    At first, his calls went unanswered. Nothing except the slowly fading sound of the water could be heard, as he moved further and further away from the stream, and closer towards a very large tree.

    Seemingly distraught, Clemont tried again. “Is anybody there?” he asked, this time with more conviction.

    He gasped as a dark figure emerged from the shadows. As he ran a mental comparison against himself, the figure appeared to be slightly taller, and a bit more built. Clemont slowly backed towards the stream, not wanting to upset the mystery man.

    “I d-don’t mean a-any harm!” The blonde stuttered, holding his hands up as a sign of peace.

    As the figure began to be lit up by the moon, Clemont was startled to recognize his face. “W-what are you doing here?!” he said, obviously surprised.

    “Clemont is that you? Man, I didn’t even recognize you!” the figure exclaimed, sounding relieved.

    As the figure stepped closer to Clemont, more of his features could be distinguished. He had black hair, jet-black rectangular glasses and an athletic build. His clothes consisted of a blue, thinly layered hoodie, and black track pants with a blue stripe going through the side on each leg.

    “You beat me a little while ago, how on Earth did we catch up to you?” Clemont asked, scratching his head.

    The teenager simply shot Clemont a goofy grin, saying, “Well, why don’t you come to my campsite and you can see for yourself?”

    END
    What I'm Currently Working On:



    Creds to Astral Shadow for the outstanding banner!

  3. #3
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    Hello, Wuster! American--Pi here, and welcome to the Weekly Review! Here's how it works: Once every week, I pick a one-shot or a chaptered fic (a single chapter or multiple chapters) to review. I try to alternate between the Fan Fiction and Shipping Fics forums. My reviews are Review Game-style, which means that for Shipping Fics I pick three out of the nine Review Game criteria and comment on them as much as I want to (but at least one paragraph). Every time I try to pick three different criteria, but usually I just comment on whatever in the story catches my eye.

    This week, I ran into a bit of a dilemma: There weren't any more shipping fics from the past month to review. (Well, technically there was one, but it was a Digimon fic and I was reluctant to review that one because I'm not familiar with Digimon, so…) Therefore, I looked back in the archives for a few months and found your fic, Destiny of the Aura. Since it's been a while, I'm not sure if you're still writing this fic or checking for replies. I'm going to leave a review anyways however, because this is a pretty promising fic and I hope you continue with it. So here it is, a Review-Game style review of Chapter 1 of Destiny of the Aura!

    Characters
    You did a great job in writing Ash, Serena, Clemont, and Bonnie. The four characters are all really in character, and their thoughts, actions, and interactions were all very organic and believable. Brendan was well-written too - I loved his interactions with his Pokemon and with Clemont. However, at this point I have no idea who Brendan is. Is he the Brendan from Hoenn or a completely different character? Is there something I'm missing? If he is the Brendan from Hoenn, what is he doing in Kalos? In addition, who is the character Clemont bumped into in the end of the chapter? Is he Brendan, or someone else? These questions about character remain unanswered, and I hope later chapters will answer them.

    Writing
    I really like the style of your prose. You use a lot of nice writing techniques and descriptive words to make the prose and story flow smoothly. You have nice descriptions of the characters' appearances and their surroundings. Your grammar and usage are excellent, too - so excellent, in fact, that I didn't find a single grammatical or English usage error in the chapter! Great job.

    Plot
    The plot of this story is the main thing about this story that I'm iffy on. The reason being is that currently it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. I might be wrong, but from what I've read, Ash and his friends are just hanging out on their journey through Kalos. Brendan is also just hanging out with his Pokemon, and while there was a bit of mystery as to who exactly Clemont bumped into at the end, there isn't much in this chapter to drive the story forward. Don't get me wrong, it was still an enjoyable read, but I'm expecting the plot to thicken as the story progresses.

    Overall, this was a pretty good story, and you definitely show a lot of promise in writing. I hope you haven't abandoned this fic and will continue with it soon.

    - Pi

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