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Thread: Guardian: The Beginning (PG-13)

  1. #1
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    Default Guardian: The Beginning (PG-13)

    Well, I've been talking about it for a little while. I was debating when I would start posting this story, but I feel as though the time has come. I'm hoping that this story will become as popular as the current PMD fic I'm writing.

    This is the first of a trilogy of stories I am planning based off of the Aura Guardians. This is also my first time working on this type of story. The rating is currently PG-13, but there is the possibility of some R-rated moments in the future. There is some language and violence that may not be suitable for younger readers.

    Table of Contents
    Prologue: Discovery
    Chapter 1: The Light of Morning
    Chapter 2: Revalation

    As I always say, all comments and criticism are welcome. Now I present:

    Prologue: Discovery

    All he could do was run.

    A tall, lanky teenage boy was weaving his way through the dark alleys of Goldenrod City at night. As he ran along, he would knock over a trash can, in hopes of slowing down any pursuers. He had no clue if he was still being chased; he hadn’t looked back for the past few blocks. I guess I should. He turned to look over his shoulder…

    He stopped. He was alone. I guess I lost them, he thought hopefully as he bent over behind a nearby dumpster to catch his breath. A painful stitch ran up his left side and his blue T-shirt was soaked with sweat.

    The last few minutes had all been a blur. He had been walking home from his job when two men started following him. They both wore long grey trench coats and dark sunglasses. It was quite the odd choice of clothing, considering that it was a mild summer evening. He paid them no heed at first, figuring that they were heading somewhere else. But after a while, he glanced over his shoulder to see that they were still there, talking quietly amongst themselves as if they were planning something.

    Suddenly, he heard one of them shout something. Before he could react, he took a blow to the the head and found himself staring at the ground. For a moment, he was disoriented by the throbbing pain in his head. He soon found himself being dragged along by his right leg into a nearby alley. The only thing that ran through his head was freeing himself.

    Before either man could react, he tripped the man dragging him with his free leg. Freed from the grip, he quickly jumped to his feet and ran down the alley, dodging the outstretched arms of the other man.

    Now here he was, alone and disoriented in the labyrinth-like alleys of the city. His stitch was less painful now that he had been able to rest. I’ve stayed here too long, he realized, slowly standing up and looking out into the alley. No one was there. He stepped out and tried to decide which way to go. I have to get out or else…

    A nearby crash and shout of voices brought him back to reality. “Oh sh—” he cursed under his breath as he turned to run.

    He had only gotten a few feet when, out of nowhere, he nearly ran into one of the two men. The man reached to try and grab him. He dodged the man’s outstretched arms and turned to run the other way, only to find the other man standing at the other end of the alley, a pistol pointed at his heart. He was trapped.

    “Kesshi Saito…” the man with the pistol droned. His voice was as cold as ice, the kind of voice that shows no emotion and sends chills down the spine.

    The boy couldn’t believe what he just heard. “H-how do you know my name?” he asked nervously.

    “That doesn’t matter,” the other man spoke. His voice was no more reassuring than the other was. “You have something that we want.”

    What are they talking about? Kesshi thought to himself. I don’t even know these guys. “I don’t know—”

    A gunshot interrupted him. A bullet went whistling by his left ear. Kesshi hit the ground, fearing more shots. He dare not look into the face of the man with the gun, fearing that if he did, it would be the last thing he did.

    “That was a warning,” the man rasped as. “Unless you want to feel hot lead in your heart, I suggest you do not argue with us.”

    Kesshi wanted to speak, to make his point known to them. The fear of being shot, however, kept him quiet. He shook his head in frustration, anger beginning to build up in his chest.

    “You are coming with us,” the man spoke again as he walked towards Kesshi, his pistol still pointed at Kesshi’s chest.

    Many things ran through Kesshi’s mind as the man drew closer: his friends, his family…everything he knew was being taken away from him. The man was now only a few feet from him. He reached out and grabbed Kesshi’s right arm…

    Suddenly he let out a scream of pain and let go. He staggered backward, looking between Kesshi and his hands. Kesshi was very confused to the least. What…

    He looked down where he was grabbed and gasped. A blue, pulsating light surrounded his entire arm. “What the hell is this?” he asked himself under his breath as he looked at his arm. Whatever it is, it caused him a great deal of pain. He looked up to the man and found himself staring down the barrel of the pistol.

    Bam. There was no time to react. Kesshi shut his eyes, waiting for the inevitable. But seconds past and he felt nothing. Instead, he heard the click of the bullet hitting the pavement. Slowly he opened his eyes…

    He nearly jumped out of his skin. The light that surrounded his right arm only seconds before was now completely covering his whole body, almost like armor. It also felt like something was flowing through his body, like water in a river. Only it felt different than water. It felt…alive, like it had a life of its own.

    He now looked at his would-be killer. He dropped his pistol to the ground, backing away from Kesshi like he had seen a ghost. Kesshi came back to his feet, walking towards the man now, feeling his anger rising to epic heights. He felt like he was invincible, like nothing could hurt him.

    Then, giving absolutely no thought to it, as if he did it everyday, he clapped his hands together. Almost instantaneously, a sphere of the light formed between his hands, radiating a massive amount of energy. Letting out a cry of rage, Kesshi thrust the sphere as hard as he could at his would-be killer. The man let out a yell that was silenced on contact. The sphere smashed into the man’s sternum and sent him flying across the alley into the wall at one end. For a moment, the man’s body seemingly hung on the wall, like a portrait in a gallery. Then it fell, limp and lifeless, to the ground.

    Kesshi looked down at his hands. “What is this?” he contemplated to himself. “How could I do that? Where did this come from?”

    He now turned to face his other pursuer. The man was clearly afraid of retribution and attempted to run out of the alley. Kesshi had other plans. He reached out his right hand towards the fleeing man, almost as if he was pointing the man out to someone. Then, just as the man was about to turn the corner out of the alley, he jerked his arm back towards his body, as if he was pulling on a rope. The man let out a cry as he suddenly found himself flying backwards towards Kesshi. He landed in a pile on the ground a few feet away from Kesshi.

    The man groaned in pain and started to try to stand only to find Kesshi charging up another ball of light, similar to the one that had felled his comrade. He went to his knees and put his hands together almost reverently. “Please,” he pleaded, his eyes diverted from Kesshi. “Please don’t kill me. I-I promise I’ll leave the region. Just don’t kill me.”

    Kesshi looked upon the man and shook his head. “You attack me from behind,” he began gravely, “You threaten to kill me. And you expect to me to show remorse?” He thrust the sphere at the man. The man covered his head, in hopes of somehow surviving the blast. However, it proved to be futile as the sphere slammed into his chest and thrust him into the air. His body flew up…up…up high into the air, only to come crashing down into the dumpster that Kesshi had hidden behind only minutes earlier, now serving as his final resting place.

    Almost as soon as he had taken out the second man, the light that had surrounded his body disappeared suddenly. Just as suddenly, Kesshi fell to his knees, breathing heavily. It felt as though all the energy in his body disappeared. He looked down at his hands. “How…how did I…”

    “It is because of your aura.”

    Kesshi looked up. A tall figure stood nearby in the shadows in such a way that it was impossible to determine any definitive feature. He spoke in a smooth and reassuring voice.

    For a second, Kesshi was speechless. “Who…” But before he could finish, he was overcome by exhaustion and collapsed to the pavement. His world suddenly became shrouded in darkness.

    <End Prologue>
    Last edited by PokemonHero; 27th October 2008 at 3:59 AM.

    Now being reposted!


  2. #2
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    O_O

    NIIIIIIIIICE!!! ^0^

    What I liked:

    --description of the attack: very detailed, nice effect on this armor causing Kesshi to feel invincible. I'm guessing the armor was some kind of aura? :3

    --how he ends up fighting back: I mean, you'd have to be crazy to not be afraid when you've got a gun barrel in your face, but he fights anyways. And WINS!! WOO!

    There wasn't really anything I DIDN'T like, but two mistakes I found:

    He stopped. He was alone. I guess I lost them, he thought hopefully as he bent over behind a nearby dumpster to catch his breath. A painfully stitch ran up his left side and his blue T-shirt was soaked with sweat.
    Painful


    “Please,” he pleaded, his eyes diverted from Kesshi. “Please don’t kill me. I-I promise I’ll leave the Legion. Just don’t kill me.”
    Region

    Just a question, is there going to be any mention of Sir Aaron in the fic? I sincerely hope so! ^^

    But keep it up! ^0^


    Fantasy remains a human right: we make in our measure and in our derivative mode, because we are made: and not only made, but made in the image and likeness of a Maker.
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  3. #3
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    Hey there!!

    Wow, scary. I was frightened for a moment when the pistol barrel was stuck in Kesshi's face, but then the aura thing and...wow.

    I, too, liked the description of the attack. Very nice, Hero. Good imagery and details that really seemed like I was Kesshi staring at a gun.

    Um, other than those two that Kori got, I saw no grammar problems.

    I have nothing left to say except great work and I'll be sticking around!

    ~BM
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    Thanks to Zadros for the banner!

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  4. #4
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    Nice! I'm really intrested to learn more about this boy. Just like your other fic! I'm just worried haveing two fics will decrease their quality due to stress and confusion. I just hope you know what you could be in for. Both are really good, I just don't want you hurt.
    If you think the world should be a better place for everyone put this in you sig. (started by Mewmie the shiny Mew)
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    I AM OBSESSED WITH HARRY POTTER AND POKEMON AND DEATH NOTE AND PROUD OF IT!!!!

  5. #5
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    ...


    A tall, lanky teenage boy was weaving his way through the dark alleys of Goldenrod City at night.
    I feel the bolded part could be put somewhere else, maybe in a separate sentence. Idk...


    He had been walking home from his job when two men starting following him.
    Started.


    They both wore long black trench coats and black sunglasses.
    You used black twice here. Maybe make it a different shade of black, like ebony? Idk...


    It was quite the odd choice of clothing, especially considering that it was a mild summer evening.
    Not really an error, but I think the bolded part should be reduced. Either omit "especially" or replace "considering" with something like "the fact". But I guess that works, too...


    Before he could react, he took a blow to his head and was slammed to the ground
    Awkward sentence. To = wrong. It could've been better worded...


    He dare not look into the face of the man with the gun, fearing that if he did, it would be the last thing he did.
    Maybe "saw" would be a better word...


    “Unless you want to feel hot lead in your heart, I suggest you do not argue with us.”
    I don't think you wouldn't feel the hot lead since you're gonna die anyway... =P


    “You are coming with us,” the man spoke again as he walked towards Kesshi, his pistol still pointed at Kesshi’s heart.
    Maybe "chest" would be better, since you can't pinpoint the exact location of the heart...



    You've been hiding your writing ability from TC, since this is way better than most (if not all) of the chapters there. Okay, maybe "Aura" is a bit cliche, but hey, cliche done good becomes an epic masterpiece. =P

    I'm still trying to figure out what it has to do with Pokemon, but I assume you'll delve into the Pokemon factor of the fic in the next chapters.

    Great job. ^_^


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  6. #6
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    Great story, but do you mean Aurora, or Aura? Btw very well done story... Very talented!
    (Oh yeah I'm too lazy to think 90% of the time, :O :O :P :O )

    Good ay!

    ~Evanarios
    Hello my name is Evanarios, I will help you with anything... If you need help just ask me or Serebii Staff


    I suggest reading Advice for Aspiring Authors if you are starting to write, or even if you are experienced.

  7. #7
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    Yay, I finally got readers!

    @Koridojo_Blaziken: Thanks for finally breaking the ice on this story. I really wanted to describe the aura thing well because it is such an important aspect to the story. There will be a lot of learning about aura in this story. As for the errors, the second wasn't actually an error, but looking back at it, region does make a lot more sense (I'll explain the Legion thing later).

    @Blue_Mew22: Thanks for reading as well. I really tried to make the reader feel like they were there for the Prologue, especially when it came to Kesshi staring down the gun. I don't have personal experience with such a situation (thank god), but I tried my best to describe what it may feel like.

    @Mewmie the shiny Mew: It will definitely be interesting for me to try to balance doing two stories at once. Hopefully, I can finally get into some sort of routine where I post one chapter of a story one week and a chapter of the other story the next week. Unfortunately, I'm going to end up dealing with another problem starting next week: school. But do not fret, I will try to keep a fair balance of work between the two stories.

    @Dramatic Melody: Yeah, I seem to miss those things a lot, don't I? But glad the description here is much better. I'm trying to improve in TC, but sometimes I get stuck. And yes, aura is cliche and there will definitely be more moments that will be cliche, but I will try to twist some things that I can. Don't worry about the Pokemon aspect, it will come along as well.

    @Evanarios: I mean aura, like with Aura Sphere and all. Happy you like so far as well. I know I still have a long way to go before I become a great writer though.

    Now for my oh-so lovely story update. I am nearly finished with the first chapter of this story. I've been jumping back and forth between working on this story and The Twilight Chronicles, so neither are yet to be complete. I may get the first chapter done as soon as today, but I would say Sunday would be most likely. So keep an eye out.

    Now being reposted!


  8. #8
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    Hmm.

    I think I remember talking to you about this group a while back in the Author's Cafe. It's great that you decided to bring 'em to life and so far things look pretty good. Dramatic Melody already tackled the grammar issues so I won't rehash those. I am just ropping by to say hi and wish you luck on the story.

    Nice action too. Reminded me of the JL toon or Teen Titans than any pokemon ep. Keep up the good work!

    LX
    I am the author of the webcomic, Starbolts and host of the comic review show, Comic Showcase. Please check out the action here: http://starbolts.blogspot.com

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    Ooh, I really like this. I couldn't notice any grammar issues that hadn't been taken care of already, though. Heh. Anyway, I am very genre-savvy when it comes to Aura. I could tell what was going on at the very first mention of it. I don't know why. I'm the same way with my favorites; Treecko, Riolu, and Lucario.

    Regardless, I'm rambling a bit. I really, really like this. But I'd rather you update more often than around once a month.
        Spoiler:- Quote Qorner:

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    Really good prologue you have here. Aura...hmm... I wonder if it has anything to do with one of my fav Pokemon and one of my fav characters? Nah... I'm just probably reading too much into it. I wonder if those were Team Rocket members... Still, really good prologue. Keep up the good work!

  11. #11
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    Okay, a very good start on this fanfic PokemonHero. The description was well done and the dialog was too. Plot and character development will have to wait a bit (I mean its only the prologue after all) but so far it looks to be coming along well.

    Anyway, onto the review (what little of it there is =()

    “Kesshi Saito…” the man with the pistol droned. His voice was as cold as ice, the kind of voice that shows no emotion and sends chills down the spine.
    Might have been able to do better with this info. Don't tell it to us. Show it to us. Perhaps say something like: His voice was as cold as ice and completely devoid of emotion. Upon hearing this, it sent chill's down the boy's spine.

    Well, everything else must have been addressed in earlier comments, since I couldn't find anything else that was any cause of concern. Excellent work, keep it up! I look forward to the next chapter! (That's beginning to become my catchphrase isn't it? ^^' (I really am sincere every time I say it though))


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

  12. #12
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    @Ledian_X: Yeah, and I remember that you were the only one that ever responded to the preview I posted there. But yeah, I decided to bring it to life at last. The action was one the main things I worked on with the prologue. I can't count how many times I rewrote that scene trying to perfect it. This is definitely not your run-of-the-mill Pokemon story you read here all the time. Glad you like it so far.

    @Cariyaga: Glad you like it. I figured there would be some people who were interested in the topic of aura. I am really going to try to update this more than once a month. Unfortunately, I gave myself some pretty tight deadlines now that school has started. At this very moment, I am ignoring a pretty big AP Calc homework assignment to finish the latest chapter. I will put full effort into updating this and The Twilight Chronicles regularly. Speaking of which, I need to work on that chapter.

    @chosen_one386: We'll just have to wait and see what about that Pokemon and character. As for those men who attacked him, I will not reveal their identity yet. Glad you like it so far.

    @FocusPresenceEndurance: Nice to see you here as well. There seems to be quite a few readers from TTC here. I like the suggestion you had about describing the man's voice. I might change that, or at least, use a similar style in the future.

    Oh right, there's a story here. I forgot about that. Actually, I hadn't, but between vacation, school, and sheer laziness, I've been slow on getting chapters up in my stories. But I have good news. After a lot of brainstorming and ignoring my homework, I have finished the first chapter. As usual, all comments and suggestions are appreciated. Without further to do, it's time for...

    Chapter 1: The Light of Morning


    “How is our patient doing, Hana?”

    “He’s doing well, sir. He should be back on his feet in no time at all.”

    Kesshi could hear voices nearby. He had no idea where he was or how he got there. The only thing he really knew was the pain he felt across his body.

    “How is it now?”

    “His aura has pretty much completely replenished itself. It’s incredible. I’ve never seen anyone whose aura replenished itself so readily.”

    Aura? None of it made sense to him. Slowly he opened his eyes…

    The light of morning greeted him like an old friend as things came into focus. He was staring upward at rafters high above him in the ceiling. He was lying on some sort of bed. He turned his head to one side. The stone walls of the room were bare, except for a few small, vivid portraits that hung to provide some color. Other beds sat between Kesshi and the wall. Each bed had a small nightstand and a lamp. I think I’m in a hospital of some sort, he thought to himself. With his surroundings, that was a logical conclusion, though it was unlike any other hospital he had ever seen.

    Kesshi tried to sit up. Suddenly, a sharp pain cut across his abdomen. He winced and let out an involuntary cry of pain. Footsteps came running over across a wooden panel floor toward him.

    “Don’t overexert yourself. Your body’s still recovering.” A young woman, probably no older than twenty, put her hands behind Kesshi’s back, supporting his body temporarily. She turned and looked over to another part. “Chansey, could you help me out here?”

    A large, pink Pokémon came bumbling out from behind her. Kesshi recognized it as the same type of Pokémon you see at the Pokémon Center helping Nurse Joy. “Chansey!” she replied happily. Chansey took two pillows from a nearby bed and set them up on Kesshi’s bed behind his back to give his body support. It helped to alleviate some of his pain.

    “Thank you,” Kesshi replied gratefully. He looked over the foot of his bed across the room. A tall, thin old man was walking over towards the bed slowly. His long, pure white beard complemented his receding hairline. He wore a night robe of royal purple, much like a nobleman of old. He had the look of someone who had been through many years of trial, yet he seemed to radiate with kindness.

    “It’s good to see you awake,” he said upon noticing Kesshi looking at him. He spoke in a smooth, reassuring voice that…

    “Wait a minute,” Kesshi realized. “You’re…”

    “The man in the alley,” he finished, a smile visible within his beard. “Yes, that was indeed me.” The old man sat down at the foot of Kesshi’s bed.

    “Who are you?”

    The old man paused. “To most, I am known as Osamu.”

    “Osamu?” Kesshi contemplated. That was a very unusual name. Though he wasn’t one to talk. As far as he knew, he was the only Kesshi in the world.

    Osamu nodded to acknowledge him. “I had heard the fighting and arrived to find you on the ground, completely drained,” he said. “I brought you here in hopes that Hana, the head of the infirmary, would be able to help you.” He gestured to the young woman who had helped Kesshi moments before.

    “Where is here exactly?” Kesshi asked.

    “Unfortunately, I cannot give an exact location to where here is. All I’ll tell you is that we are located a fair distance outside of Goldenrod City.”

    Hana now approached Osamu. “If it is not a problem, sir, might I request that you let our patient here have some breakfast before…” She stopped when she saw the look of displeasure on his face.

    However, instead of being angry about the request, he shrugged. “All right, it’s no big deal,” he said. “Would it be possible for…” He now looked back over to Kesshi. “I don’t believe I caught your name earlier.”

    “Oh,” said Kesshi, a little surprised. He hadn’t introduced himself to anyone. “Kesshi. My name’s Kesshi.”

    “Thank you, Kesshi. I probably should have asked that sooner.” Osamu turned back to Hana. “Would it be possible for Kesshi to meet me in my office later to talk about last night’s ordeal?”

    Hana nodded. “That will be no problem with me, sir. Would you like me to bring him over or…?”

    Osamu put up a hand. “No, no. I shall not bother you with that task. I will come by later and pick him myself. With that, I shall take my leave.” He bowed respectfully to Hana before turning and walking out the door, shutting it behind him.

    Hana sighed. “He certainly has the strangest methods of meeting people,” she said quietly under her breath.

    “What was that?” Kesshi asked curiously.

    She blushed. “Nothing, nothing.” She turned to Chansey and whispered something into her ear. Chansey jumped up in excitement and left the room. “Breakfast will be here in a few minutes.” It was at that moment that Kesshi realized that he was starving. Perhaps he had been distracted by trying to figure out where he was to comprehend his own hunger.

    Sure enough, a few minutes later, Chansey came staggering back into the room, carefully balancing a tall tray of food. Kesshi was impressed by her ability to keep the food on the tray. That was until…

    “CHANSEY!!!”

    A floorboard was sticking up by just the slightest amount. In a scene reminiscent of a classic cartoon, Chansey tripped on it, sending the tray of food flying right at Kesshi.

    “Oh, crap…”

    A plate of eggs smacked him in his face. However that was the least of his worries. He couldn’t tell what felt worse: the glass of cold orange juice that running down his back, or the bowl of hot oatmeal that was running down his pants. He didn’t jump up in the air only because he didn’t have the strength to do so. He could only muster a stifled groan from behind his scrambled-egg mask.

    “Oh no, are you alright?” Hana asked as she came running across the room. She and Chansey immediately began cleaning up the mess that was all over Kesshi’s bed (not to mention all over Kesshi himself). All the while she kept apologizing and Kesshi kept trying to tell her everything was all right. He was at least able to get to a bathroom and clean himself off.

    Hana provided him with a long-sleeved shirt and pair of jeans. The shirt’s sleeves were too short for his long arms. Meanwhile, his jeans—while long enough—were way too large around the waist. He had to keep his hands in his pockets to hold his pants up.

    After the debacle was over and the clean up had ended, Chansey came back into the room with a fresh tray and food and—after safely navigating around the floorboard—delivered Kesshi his long awaited breakfast. Almost as soon as it arrived, Kesshi had cleaned all the plates and drank every drop of juice. Chansey watched, thoroughly impressed.

    After finally being able to enjoy his breakfast, Hana brought Kesshi a large cup of a bubbling, purple-colored liquid. “This isn’t poisonous, is it?” he asked, slightly concerned. The way that it was bubbling and steaming reminded him of a Halloween witch’s brew.

    Hana chuckled. “No, no. It’s actually a powerful pain reliever. Drink up.”

    Kesshi was still a little skeptical. After all, every pain reliever he had taken before was a pill that never seemed to work as well as they said it would, not a potent mixture that seemed more fit in some fantasy novel. He decided to play along. Slowly, he brought the cup up to his lips and drank it up. It tasted absolutely horrible, something like a mixture of motor oil and rotten vegetables. He wanted to spit it out, but he forced himself to swallow it. Almost as soon as it hit his stomach, a strange sensation began to resonate throughout his body. Just like that, the aches and pains had simply vanished from his body.

    “Wow, it worked,” he said, rather impressed by the promptness of the relief. This is a whole lot better than the commercial stuff, even if it does taste awful.

    “Of course,” said Hana. “I said it was a pain reliever, not a pain maker.”

    She does have a point, he thought to himself.

    Not long after, Osamu made good on his promise and returned to take Kesshi to his office. He was no longer wearing the night robe he had on earlier. Instead, he wore a long cloak of the same royal purple color. But what caught Kesshi’s eye was the gold symbol on his left breast. It reminded Kesshi of the Poke Ball symbol he commonly saw around Goldenrod City. However, this seemed different. It almost looked like an eye, staring out at him from across the room.

    Osamu smiled after looking over Kesshi’s new clothing ensemble. “Well,” he chuckled, “this is certainly different from what I saw you in this morning.”

    Kesshi explained what happened earlier with breakfast. Osamu simply shook his head. “Can’t say I’m surprised really.”

    “What do you mean?” asked Kesshi.

    “Well, Hana’s Chansey recently evolved from a Happiny. She still hasn’t gotten used to her larger size yet. I figured that she would have some growing pains. Now are you ready?”

    “I guess so,” said Kesshi with a hint of uncertainty. He still had no idea who this man was and what he wanted to talk to him about, but he figured that he would listen to what he had to say.

    Osamu held open the doors of the infirmary and led Kesshi out into the hallway. The hallway was very dark and cramped, unlike the infirmary. The only light came from a few ill-suited sconces on the walls. Faded, peeling oil paintings hung solemnly on the walls, further adding to the mood. Man, this place could use some updating, Kesshi thought as he looked around.

    He took a particular interest in one of the nearby paintings. It appeared to be quite old, yet the images depicted in it were quite clear. An interesting creature stood proudly next to a man. It bore a striking resemblance to a jackal, yet it stood on two legs. Three small spikes—one on the back of each front paw and on its chest—protruded from its skin. It stared up at man, almost reverently.

    The man himself was quite an anomaly. He was dressed in a heroic outfit of black and navy blue, holding a scepter high in the air. He wore a hawk-tailed hat over his mass of messy black hair. But the one detail that caught his attention was the gold symbol his hat. It appeared to be the same symbol that Kesshi had seen on the left breast of Osamu’s cloak. He tried to get a closer look…

    “You may look at the artwork later. However, now we must go to my office.”

    Kesshi looked up to find that Osamu standing next to him. “Oh, sorry,” said Kesshi, a little embarrassed about holding him up. Osamu nodded and beckoned him to follow. Kesshi stood for a moment, but quickly followed behind him.

    The rest of the hallways were similar to the first: dark, cramped spaces that made him feel claustrophobic. Kesshi walked silently behind Osamu, still thinking about the painting he had looked at earlier. It seemed quite strange that Osamu had the same symbol on his cloak as in a painting. Perhaps there is some connection between the two, he contemplated to himself. He added this to the long list of questions that were floating around his mind that he wanted to ask.

    After quite a long walk through the halls, they had reached a dead end. Kesshi looked around the hallway for a doorway. However, there was none. “Uh, I think we’re lost,” he said, slightly annoyed with the old man.

    Osamu just smiled. “All is not as it appears in this place,” he said. He bent down in front of the far wall, feeling around like a blind man feeling for a doorknob.

    A sweatdrop rolled down the back of Kesshi’s head. Is he joking? He turned around to leave. But then…

    “A-ha, there we go.” There was a loud click that made Kesshi stop.

    Suddenly, the floor below their feet started shaking. All the dust that had settled on the floor was knocked airborne, causing Kesshi to go into a coughing fit. He looked back just in time to see the wall open like French doors into a whole new room.

    Kesshi’s jaw dropped. “H-how…? What…?” he stammered, still in amazement with what he just witnessed.

    “As I said before, all is not as it appears in this place,” said Osamu, brushing the dust off of his shoulder. “Come.” He gestured to Kesshi, inviting him into the room. Kesshi nodded silently and followed Osamu inside.

    <End Chapter 1>
    Last edited by PokemonHero; 17th September 2008 at 1:31 AM.

    Now being reposted!


  13. #13
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    Very nice. I've only read through it for enjoyment so far; Later on, I may look through more thorughly, and review it. I thought it was pretty freaking awesome how you cameo'ed Sir Aaron.

    Hey, now, get to work on your calculus or I'll send Sara after you... Sara, of course, being a Lucario.
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    A rather interesting chapter. It leaves me curious about who exactly this man is, and what he wants with Kesshi. There were some pretty funny moments in this chapter too.

    And Yay! Now that I posted sooner, I can give a longer review! ^^

    With his surroundings, that was a logical conclusion, though it was very much unlike any other hospital he had ever seen.
    A little wordy IMO. Could have gotten the same message across with just as much impact without the underlined words.

    Kesshi recognized it as the same type of Pokémon you saw at the Pokémon Center helping Nurse Joy.
    Present tense would sound better for this I think. "see"

    “Thank you, Kesshi. I should ____ asked that sooner.”
    missing "have"

    Sure enough, a few minutes later, Chansey ____ staggering back into the room, carefully balancing a tall tray of food.
    Missing "came"

    A floorboard was sticking up ever so much.
    Wait... So the floor board was sticking FAR out of the floor? Or was it sticking out a very little amount? Right now you are saying that it is way out of the floor. Due to my experience with cartoons, I would think that it should stick out very little.

    A plate of eggs smacked him in his face. However that was the least of his worries. He couldn’t tell what felt worse: the glass of cold orange juice that running down his back, or the bowl of hot oatmeal that was running down his pants. He didn’t jump up in the air only because he didn’t have the strength to do so. He could only muster a stifled groan from behind his scrambled-egg mask.
    lol wow... poor Kesshi... And I bet he saw it coming in slow-mo too!

    So anyway. There are also a couple other things I thought worth mentioning. What does nurse Hana look like? You didn't mention much other than the fact that she was a women and that she was about 20 years old. Is she perhaps supposed to look like nurse Joy? And even though we all know what Chansey looks like, it would be best to describe her too. Kinda like you described Lucario in the painting. Don't get me wrong though. The description for many other things in this chapter were well done. Sometimes its easy to miss these things.

    Overall, though, I enjoyed the chapter. And, (you probably know what's coming next) I look forward to the next one! ^^;


    On Nsider I was known as Shadesninja.
    No need to call me by my full name. Focus will do just fine. Or you can call me FPE. You can save a second of writing that way! (and save me a second of reading *grins maniacally* Step 1 in world domination complete! Ah-Uh... I mean... um... well you see... grr... foiled again!)

  15. #15
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    I've got an odd feeling about this guy.... not a BAD feeling, just an odd one..... This is getting intresting!
    If you think the world should be a better place for everyone put this in you sig. (started by Mewmie the shiny Mew)
    [IMG]http://i35.*******.com/20rjyvk.jpg[/IMG] thx to Pokemon4eva for the amazing pic of me, the Mew, and Skyler, the Absol and my mate. You're great!!
    I AM OBSESSED WITH HARRY POTTER AND POKEMON AND DEATH NOTE AND PROUD OF IT!!!!

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    I've got an odd feeling about this guy.... not a BAD feeling, just an odd one..... This is getting intresting!
    If you think the world should be a better place for everyone put this in you sig. (started by Mewmie the shiny Mew)
    [IMG]http://i35.*******.com/20rjyvk.jpg[/IMG] thx to Pokemon4eva for the amazing pic of me, the Mew, and Skyler, the Absol and my mate. You're great!!
    I AM OBSESSED WITH HARRY POTTER AND POKEMON AND DEATH NOTE AND PROUD OF IT!!!!

  17. #17
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    @Cariyaga: Read it whatever way you like, as long as you enjoy reading it. Of course I would cameo Sir Aaron. This is a fic about the Aura Guardians after all. *Rubs shoulder* BTW, could you not send Sara over here again? She accidently destroyed the homework that I was referring to in my last post.

    @FocusPresenceEndurance: Why must you be so nitpicky? So I used a few too many or too little words. Well, I went back and fixed the errors you mentioned. I always try to have something in the chapter to lighten up the mood. In this case, Kesshi getting smothered by his breakfast was one of the first things that I thought of.

    @Mewmie the shiny Mew: Now what would make you say that? ;D You think things are interesting now, what until the next chapter is up.

    Now as for that next chapter, it is still in the works. So I guess this is my (patent-pending) Story Update. Hopefully, it should be up in a few days. It all depends on how much schoolwork I have (which, lately, there's been quite a bit). So yeah, keep an eye out for it.

    Now being reposted!


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    Well, I may or may not. Mostly it depends on if she wants to or not. Yay for independently-acting characters! Seriously, I sometimes feel like I have no control over what characters do. >_>

    Anyway, I'm far too lazy to review.

    He's nitpicky because he wants it to look good, because he likes the story. Or that's why I would be nitpicky.

    Anyway... This time I'll send Serena after you! She's a Riolu. And cute, too. Maybe she'll give you some inspiration.
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  19. #19
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    Miss this story? I bet you did. Admit it!

    @Cariyaga: Yeah, I guess so. Though it would be nice to see some sort of control. *Sees Serena* Hmm...I've got an idea for later in this story.

    Hey, did you think this story was dead? Not on your life. It's just taken me a long time to figure out how to write this chapter. Anyway, expect some more from this story now that I've gotten my act together.

    And this is it. Enjoy.

    Chapter 2: Revelation

    Kesshi looked around. Osamu’s office was a large pentagonal room. Three of the walls (including the one which they entered through) were covered by massive bookshelves, filled to the brim with books of all sizes. Some looked old, their bindings visible worn from years of repeated use. Others looked brand new, like they had just arrived from the publisher the other day. Large windows occupied the other two walls. From where he stood, Kesshi could see a vast number of trees taking precedent in the landscape beyond.

    Back inside, a large mahogany desk sat prominently in the center of the room. Even more books and large stacks of paper covered the desk, as well as the floor around it. Kesshi reached down and picked up one sheet. What surprised him was that it wasn’t paper; it was actually parchment. He tried to decipher the message, but the script it was written in was so intricate that it was almost impossible for him to read.

    “May I ask that you not look through my work?”

    Osamu stepped up next to Kesshi, taking the sheet of parchment out of his hands. Kesshi rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry about that,” he said apologetically. “I guess I was just a little curious.”

    “Well, it’s certainly not a crime to be curious,” said Osamu as he picked up the sheets of paper that had fallen off the desk. “I’m sorry about the mess. I wasn’t expecting a visitor today.”

    “Don’t worry about.” At least it’s cleaner than my room, Kesshi thought to himself. I haven’t cleaned it in forever. “This is an impressive office.”

    “Yes, I guess it is. It has taken me many years to amass this collection.” He now sat down behind his desk. “But that is not the reason why I wish to speak to you. I am sure you know why. Please, sit down.” He gestured to a wooden chair that sat in front of the desk, seemingly waiting for Kesshi to sit down in it.

    A strange pang of guilt built up in Kesshi’s chest as he sat down. He knew they were going to talk about last night. And most certainly, the first topic would be his killing of those two men. “Look, I don’t know how the hell I did what I did last night, but I had no choice,” Kesshi said defiantly, like he was being interrogated by the police. “That one guy had a damn gun pointed at my chest. What…”

    “Hold on, Kesshi,” Osamu cut in, holding his hand up in front of him. “First off, I would appreciate it if you would not use such language around me…”

    “Sorry, sir.”

    “…But you are not in any sort of trouble. I have already discussed the events of last night with the Goldenrod Police Department and they are not going to pursue the matter any further. You have nothing to worry about.”

    Kesshi let out a sigh of relief. “Really?” He relaxed himself in his chair. At least I don’t have to worry about that.

    “However, I do wish to talk about something else related to last night.” Osamu stood up and walked over to a bookshelf, apparently searching for a book. “When I saw what you did in that alleyway, I realized that you were something special.”

    “Special?” Kesshi asked, somewhat bemused. For as long as he could remember, he never recalled an instant where someone said he was special. When he was younger, he had tried his hand at being a Pokemon trainer. However, his journey was one disaster after another. He eventually returned home, dispirited and crestfallen. After some time to look over his options, he reenrolled in school. Event there, where he was among peers who had similar problems, he was nothing more than an average student. There’s nothing special about me.

    Osamu pulled a book off the shelf and returned to behind his desk. “You have an ability that most people in this world cannot even fathom,” said Osamu, a hint of mystery in his voice. “You have the capability to control a force that is invisible to average person, yet it is vital to our existence. Only a select few in this world are able to do such things.” He paused, building up Kesshi’s anticipation for the climax.

    The old man’s tactics were working well on Kesshi. “What? What can I do?” he asked, desperately wanting to know.

    Osamu didn’t answer right away, but instead he handed Kesshi the book he had taken off the shelf. Kesshi looked over it with great interest. It was a fair sized book, though small in comparison to the other books in Osamu’s collection. Yet the leather-bound book appeared to be one of the oldest books he owned, given how beaten up its cover looked. On the cover, in shining blue lettering, it read The Legend of Sir Aaron.

    “I assume you heard this story when you were younger.” He smiled as he observed the look of surprise on Kesshi’s face.

    Heard it? Kesshi thought to himself, I loved it! Growing up, he could remember his mother reading to him before he would go to bed. The most often requested story was the exact one he held in his hands. He looked up at Osamu and nodded. “Yes, I have. It was one of my favorites growing up.”

    Osamu said nothing. Taking advantage of the silence, Kesshi opened the pages and began randomly flipping through. Unlike the version at he grew up with, this copy featured intricate illustrations. One page showed Aaron on the back of a large brown-and-white bird (Kesshi recognized it as a Pidgeot) flying toward the Tree of Beginning, holding his scepter high in front of him. He turned to the next page…

    Kesshi let out an involuntary gasp. Before him on the page was a smaller version of the painting he had seen in the hallway moments ago. He looked up at Osamu.

    The old man nodded even before he had the opportunity to speak. “Yes, that was Sir Aaron in that painting outside.” Kesshi couldn’t help but notice that Osamu seemed to be enjoying this whole ordeal, a smile barely concealed under his beard. “Now, I hope you don’t mind me testing your memory of the story. Would you happen to remember what exactly Sir Aaron was?”

    It took Kesshi a moment to remember, having not heard or read the story for years. “Wasn’t he some sort of knight?”

    Osamu shook his head. “Not exactly,” he said, slightly disappointed with the answer. “Sir Aaron was an Aura Guardian.”

    “Oh yeah, I remember that now,” Kesshi exclaimed, recalling the small detail that had escaped his mind after all those years. “But what has this got to do with me?”

    “Patience,” Osamu assured him, “we will get to how this all connects to you. Now, do you know what aura is?”

    Kesshi racked his brain for any such knowledge. “No, I don’t,” he confessed. But then he remembered something. “But I did hear you and Hana talking about it when I woke up.”

    “Indeed, we were. So, I am correct in assuming that you do not know what aura is?”

    Kesshi nodded to confirm this belief. “So what is aura exactly?”

    “What is aura?” Osamu stood from his desk and started pacing around the room. “It is a very tough concept to explain. The world today has twisted it so much that it is hard to tell the truth from the fiction.

    “In the most basic of explanations, aura is the essence of all living creatures. It flows through the creature’s body, providing it with life. It is a very powerful and critical force in existence. To most people, it is invisible under normal circumstances. As such, there are many people who do not believe in its existence. They only believe the things that they can physically see themselves.

    “However, there are a small number of people in the world who have an incredible gift. They have the ability to control aura.”

    Kesshi stared at him blankly. “Control aura?” he inquired, trying to comprehend all that Osamu has told him.

    “Yes,” Osamu assured him. “These lucky few can take the energy that flows from any living thing and bend it to their will. Not only that, but they are able to see using aura, seeing where objects are based on the aura it emits. There are many wonderful powers associated with aura.”

    “I guess so,” Kesshi conceded. At that moment, something came to him. “But wait, does that mean...”

    Osamu sat back his chair and smiled. “Indeed. You, my young friend, have this power. You have the ability to control aura.”

    For a moment, there was silence. The only sound that could be heard was the breeze gently blowing outside. Finally, Kesshi found his voice. “I can control aura.” He looked down at his hands. The previous night, he felt an abnormal force surge through his body and out of those very hands. Now that force had a name: aura.

    “Yes…and no,” Osamu replied somberly. “You have the capability of doing so. However, at this very moment you cannot.” He noticed the bemused look on Kesshi’s face. “You do not have the proper training to accomplish this feat. Last night, your powers activated as a last resort to protect yourself. That is often how one learns of their ability.”

    “So can you…?”

    Osamu didn’t even have to wait for the question. “Yes, I can. I too have the ability to control aura.” He stood up and held his hands out. “Watch.”

    Almost instantaneously, a large orb of glowing green energy formed between the palms of his hands. Kesshi watched as with little effort, Osamu maintained the orb’s size to the nearest millimeter. Then, just as sudden as it appeared, the orb vanished, leaving not a trace of its existence. A content smiled crossed Kesshi’s face; he couldn’t help but feeling a little bit impressed. Sure, it wasn’t as flashy or powerful as the display he had put on last night. However, his was only a last resort. Osamu could summon his powers at will.

    “I see you are impressed,” Osamu said, taking notice of Kesshi’s reaction. It wasn’t like most of the other newcomers. Most were in awe and demanding him to do it again. However, Kesshi seemed to be much more mature. He could sense that he was different.

    Kesshi nodded. “That was pretty cool,” he said, looking back down at his hands again. Could I actually be able to do that? Is it really possible? He was about to ask something when he heard a knock. “What—?”

    Osamu let out a cheerful laugh. “That must be Hana telling me my time is up. She does tend to worry about her patients.” He walked over to the bookshelf that led out to the hallway. “Well, there’s no point in me holding you hostage longer than necessary. I would like to continue this conversation later though, perhaps when we take you home.”

    “That would be fine,” Kesshi said, trying his best to hide the disappointment in his voice. He still had a lot of questions to ask. But before he left, he wanted to ask Osamu one last question before he returned to the infirmary. “Excuse me. There’s one thing that I want to ask before I go.”

    “You wish to know why I showed you the book, don’t you?”

    At first, Kesshi didn’t know how to react. That’s exactly what I was going to ask. He hesitated, but then nodded to confirm Osamu’s belief.

    “I figured that you would be able to figure it out,” he said.

    Kesshi thought about it for a moment. “So you are a Guardian of Aura?”

    “I am not just any Guardian of Aura,” Osamu said quietly as he ushered Kesshi out of his seat and over toward the bookshelf. “I am the Grandmaster of the Guardians of Aura.”

    <End Chapter 2>

    Now being reposted!


  20. #20
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    Hm, really good, but a little short.


    I know this is just a chapter to tell of Kesshi's powers, but I felt sad that it ended so soon. May I ask how many pages it was on Word?

    So Kesshi is a Guardian of Aura, just like Sir Aaron. I always meant to do a fic on that subject.

    I'm not sure I trust Oromis just yet. He still seems too sneaky for my tastes. And cliffhangers annoy me, so I suggest a quick writing of Chapter Three?


    ~BM


    EDIT: Hehe, I apologize this is so short. I just type what comes into mind, no matter how long or short it is.
    ~Keep on truckin'!~


    Thanks to Zadros for the banner!

    Not coming soon, but
    it's a pretty banner, yes?

  21. #21
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    ...whoa...
    I wonder when is Lucario coming up?

    Surfing through the waves, diving deep into the sea,
    playing along the beach, having fun all day long.

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