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Thread: Feelings, Confessions and Eureka (Amourshipping, Chaptered, Rated PG-13)

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    Default Feelings, Confessions and Eureka (Amourshipping, Chaptered, Rated PG-13)

    Welcome, readers, to my first fanfiction. I wrote this story on fanfiction.net (and yes, it's my own story. Here's the link), but it didn't get enough reviews I wanted, so I kinda wanna spread the word to see if people want me to continue writing. That's because Termbreak ends next week, and I won't be able to write more often. With all that's been said, enjoy reading, and don't forget to review!

    EDIT: I forgot to mention this. There'll be an implied Pearlshipping and Laserbladeshipping in later chapter/s. Plus, If you don't like Amourshipping, I suggest you close this tab immediately.

    .~.~.~.~.~.
    Feelings, Confessions, and Eureka
    Chapter 1: Close Enough

    Pokemon Centre, Miare City…

    Satoshi's POV

    I have allowed myself once again to be captivated by her blue eyes. I could see the deep blue ocean in those eyes of hers. I don't know why I kept staring at them. I had friends with those same blue eyes, but I wasn't acting like this with them back then, so why do I keep staring at her eyes? I was snapped back to reality when she spoke to me.

    "S-Satoshi, are you OK?" Serena asked in concern. I could see a faint tint of red on her cheeks. Pikachu had the same concerned expression.

    "Y-yeah. Just coming up with a strategy to beat Citron in my gym battle." I lied. I don't want her to know that I was staring at her eyes the whole time, though I don't know if she was looking at me before. That would be embarrassing on my part. I felt my face heat up a little on that thought.

    "Eeehhh? I just saw you staring at-" I cut off Eureka with my hand over her mouth.

    "Staring at what?" Serena asked in curiosity.

    "A-at the wall". I answered, lying once again. "Anyway, let's go to the gym now. Maybe Citron is finish fixing up the gym. I can't wait to win my fifth badge." I said, changing the subject.

    "OK." They answered in unison.

    Miare streets…

    We were walking down the streets of Miare City going to the Miare gym, where I will obtain my fifth badge from my friend.

    As we were walking, a thought suddenly crossed my mind; who will Serena cheer for? The thought of her cheering for Citron made a tiny crack on my heart. I wanted her to cheer for me instead, but that would be selfish of me.

    I opened my mouth half way to ask that question, but I closed it, realizing I would sound selfish for asking that question. Luckily, someone asked the question in my stead.

    " Serena, who will you cheer for?" Eureka asked. I saw her eyes sparkling, indicating that she wants Serena to cheer for her brother.

    Serena thought for a moment, and answered, "I don't know yet. Satoshi and Citron are my friends. I don't know which one of them I will cheer for. I want them both to win, though that would be impossible, so… I don't know." Serena answered with neutrality. The short pause at the end of her sentence as well as her somewhat sad expression made me think otherwise.

    Eureka pouted, upset that Serena would not be cheering for her brother, but an idea popped up in her mind and said, "At least cheer for someone. Obviously, I'm going to cheer for my brother, so you should cheer for Satoshi. It will be equal."

    "Oh, ok. But is it ok for you? I don't really want to hurt your feelings." Serena asked.

    "Yup!" Eureka said, happily.

    To me, it felt like Serena was forced to cheer for me. I didn't really like it.

    ---------
    Serena's POV

    Honestly, I wanted to cheer for Satoshi. I have a tiny… ok huge crush on him since that incident back in Okido Hakase's Pokemon Summer Camp, and now we're here, reunited. I really wanted to confess to him, though I don't really know which one is the reason that is forcing me not to; I don't know how to find the words to tell him, or I don't have the confidence. Maybe it's both. My confession would be utterly useless if he doesn't have the same feelings as I do. Plus, I don't know when I will confess to him. His departure from Kalos is inevitable, so I must confess to him before that happens, maybe now, the next day, or before he boards the plane to Kanto.

    Outside Prism Tower…

    We are now standing in front of the Prism Tower.

    "We're here for the third time, and this time, there won't be anymore four-gym-badge rule, electricity shocking me, and trapdoors." Satoshi said jokingly.

    Eureka and I both giggled at his remark. Satoshi turned his head around to see us and said, "Well, let's go".

    For some reason, I saw him turn around in an extremely hunk-ish way. As I look at him, I felt the redness take over my cheeks and I found out I was staring at him for a couple of seconds before Eureka grabbed my hand and shook it.

    "Serena, what's wrong?" Eureka asked.

    "Umm, I - uh," I was still recovering from that moment, "It's nothing, don't worry about it", I finally said.

    "You sure?" Satoshi said with concern. "Pika Pi?" Pikachu said, also with concern. He came up to me and put his hand on my forehead. "You look like you have a fever", Satoshi said.

    I think he saw me blushing, but confused my blush with fever. That's a good thing, but even so, his action and concern made me blush deeper. "Oh my Arceus, you're burning up, Serena." Satoshi said.

    "I-It's nothing". I said, trying to hold back the redness. "Anyway, let's go inside now." I said, changing the subject.

    "Oh, ok. But you should let me know if you're having a fever." Satoshi said.

    "Ok." I said, my redness returning, but this time, I was able to hold it back.

    ---------
    Eureka's POV

    This is weird. 15 minutes ago back in the Pokemon Centre, thanks to Dedenne for shifting my attention to him, I saw Satoshi staring at Serena for some reason, and he answered that he was staring at the wall. And now, Serena, freezing on her spot staring at Satoshi, and she answered that she's not having a fever. I could comprehend with the 'at the wall' and 'not having a fever' statements, but their blushes says otherwise… blush... Oooohhhhhh. Now I understand. Hehehe.

    We were walking towards the door. Both Satoshi and Serena go in first. Before I enter the door, an idea popped up in my mind and I stopped in my tracks. "This is gonna be fun, hehehe". I thought, giggling, with a smile on my face.
    .~.~.~.~.~.

    Thank you for reading. Chapter 2 coming your way.
    Last edited by matthew11; 15th September 2014 at 8:01 AM.

  2. #2
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    Chapter 2: About Those Two

    Inside Prism Tower…

    Satoshi's POV

    I swear I felt her heat up when I put my hand on her forehead. I think she's really having a fever; she just doesn't want to make me delay my gym battle against Citron. Even so, her health is more important than my battle. Why am I so concern for her? Sure, I showed concern to my friends when they're sick back then, but this time, it felt more, I don't know, genuine?

    We took the elevator up to the top of the tower. Since the tower is so tall, I assume it would be a long ride to the top. An awkward silence enveloped the elevator, and someone had to break it. Luckily, someone did.

    "Who are you going to choose to battle with, Satoshi?" Serena asked.

    "Hmm, let's see. It's obvious one of them is Pikachu -" I said, but was cut off by Eureka.

    "By the way, Satoshi, it's a 3-on-3 gym battle. And since it's an Electric-Type gym, obviously, his going to use Electric-Type Pokemon, so he won't be using Harimaron or Horubi." She pointed out. So I need to choose 2 more Pokemon most suitable to get a type advantage.

    "Hmm, The last 2 Pokemon would be… Luchabull and Gekogahshier." I said.

    "But Satoshi, both of them are weak to Elecric-Types." Serena said.

    "Well, we did saw a Coil and a Rarecoil back here when we were bringing this gym back under control, so for Luchabull, it would be an equal match up, whether which one he will choose between the two." I said.

    "But what about Gekogahshier?" Eureka asked.

    "I have a strategy for him already planned out." I answered.

    When the elevator's door opened, we walked and stopped in front of the door leading to the battlefield, in which I remembered the first day I was asked by a robotic voice if I had 4 badges, shocked me and Pikachu, and sent us through a trapdoor to the exit. When I look at the door, I felt like I would relive that horrifying moment once more.

    When the door opened, we saw Citron fixing up Citroid.

    "Oh, hey guys. Could you wait for a few moments? I'm just fixing something here." Citron said.

    "Bro, why are you fixing Citroid? He's already fixed, remember?" Eureka said impatiently.

    "Well, I did modify him to be capable of commanding Pokemon in battle, but not as a referee." Citron answered.

    A few moments later, he was done fixing Citroid."I'm done! So, Satoshi, are you ready?" Citron asked.

    "You bet all your pokeballs I am!" I said, all fired up.

    ---------
    Serena's POV

    Eureka and I on the sidelines watched Satoshi and Citron go to their respective sides of the battlefield.

    "This battle will now commence. Each trainer will use 3 Pokemon. Only the challenger is allowed to use Legendary Pokemon. Are you ready?" Citroid said.

    "Ye-huh?" Satoshi and Citron said in unison. "What?" Eureka and I said from the sidelines.

    "Well, I think I might have tweeked his lines up too much hehe, but don't worry, he ment 'switch pokemon'." Citron said, scratching the back of his head.

    "Oh, ok. Anyway..." Satoshi said. "Yeah, we're ready!" both trainers said in unison.

    "Let the battle begin!" Citroid said, starting the battle.

    "Emonga, I need your assistance!" Citron threw a pokeball in the air and came out Emonga.

    "Emonga, emo." Emonga said with electricity forming on its cheeks while flying through the air with its wing-like flaps.

    "An Emonga. Alright! Gekogahshier, I choose you!" Satoshi said, throwing a pokeball and came out Gekogahshier.

    "Geko, geko." Gekogahshier said calmly.

    Even though he knew he is at a type disadvantage and staying calm, I couldn't help but feel nervous for Satoshi. I clasped my hands together, like when Satoshi battled Zakuro for his second badge, and I started to pray with all my heart and soul to Arceus that Satosh's recent training would pay off.

    "Serena?" Eureka said, snapping me back into reality.

    "Y-yes?" I asked.

    "You're nervous again. Is it about Satoshi?" Eureka asked with a sly smile on her face. The moment I saw that smile of hers, I knew something was up.

    "Yeah, it is." I answered, keeping it short so that no unnecessary words would come out of my mouth.

    "Why?" Eureka asked yet again, now with an even bigger smile and sparkling eyes. Why does she have to be so nosy?

    "I'm just hoping that Satoshi's training would pay off." I answered, half-right.

    "Sure." Eureka said.

    ---------
    Battlefield, Inside Miare gym, Prism Tower...

    Reader's POV

    "You may make the first move, Satoshi." Citron insisted.

    "My pleasure." Satoshi said. "Gekogahshier, use Water Pulse!" he commanded.

    Gekogahshier formed an orb of water between its hands and launched it to hit Emonga in the air.

    "Dodge it and use Aerial Ace!" Citron commanded.

    Emonga dodge the attack and began to decend to the groung with speed. Emonga attacked Gekogahshier with full force, pushing the latter 2 steps back, maintaining its stance.

    "Follow it up with Thunderbolt!" Citron commanded.

    "Use Double Team!" Satoshi commanded.

    Emonga began to charge bolts of electricity on its cheeks, but stopped when it saw multiple Gekogahshiers on the battlefield.

    "Now!" Citron exclaimed.

    Emonga released large bolts of electricity and hit many Gekogahshiers, but did not hit the real one.

    "Alright, use Cut!" Satoshi commanded.

    Gekogahshier jumped up in the air while forming a sword-like arm and hit Emonga to the ground below. Emonga nearly hit the ground thanks to its wing-like flaps.

    "Use charge!" Citron commanded.

    Emonga started to charge up for its next attack. "His going to make his big move." Satoshi thought

    "Gekogahsier, don't let it power itself up and use Quick Attack!" Satoshi commanded.

    Gekogahshier ran with incredible speed and power.

    "Just as I thought. Now Emonga, use Nuzzle!" Citron commanded.

    As Gekogahshier came into contact with Emonga, the latter started to nuzzle Gekogahshier with paralyzing electricity. Gekogahshier fell to the ground, barely standing.

    "Oh know. Satoshi, come up with a plan." Serena thought from the sidelines.

    Eureka saw Serena's worried expression and said, "Don't worry Serena. The battle's just beginning. And besides, you heard Satoshi before; he said he has a strategy for Gekogahshier"

    "You're right, but still…" Serena said.

    "As I scientifically predicted, you thought I was going to make a big move there, didn't you?." Citron said.

    Satoshi gritted his teeth. "Gekogahshier, can you still keep it up?" he said.

    Gekogahshier nodded to its trainer. "Alright, it's time for the plan to take action! Gekogahshier, jump and use Double Team!" Satoshi Commanded.

    Gekogahshier formed several images of itself in the air.

    "Emonga, sense where the real one is!" Citron said

    Emonga began to concentrate, finding the real Gekogahshier with its instinct. "Emo!" Emonga said.

    "Alright, use Aerial Ace!" Citron commanded.

    Emonga began to fly with incredible speed towards what it assumes is the real one.

    "Water Pulse!" Satoshi commanded.

    At the moment Emonga was about to come into contact with Gekogahshier, another one, the real one, suddenly appeared above Emonga and crashed its orb of water onto it, sending it crashing to the ground along with the orb of water which eventually exploded when it came into contact with the ground.

    "Oh no!" Citron exclaimed.

    "This is the moment we were training for." Satoshi thought. "Now, follow it up with Quick Cut!" Satoshi commanded.

    Gekogahshier used the air to push itself back to the ground towards Emonga with great speed while forming a sword-like arm.

    "Use Discharge!" Citron exclaimed.

    Gekogahshier used its speed to power up its Cut and Emonga begin to put all its power into one more attack. Their attackes crashed onto each other, causing smoke to appear.

    Gekogahshier came out of the smoke a little harmed. As the smoke clears, they saw Emonga lying on the ground, fainted.

    "Emonga is unable to battle. Gekogahshier wins." Citroid said.

    "You did it, Gekogahshier!" Satoshi said and giving it a thumbs-up. "Pika Pi!" Pikachu said, also gave a thumb-up.

    "Geko, geko." Gekogahshier said.

    "Oh my Arceus, that was so intense it's making my heart beat faster with worry."Serena thought.

    "The real battle's just beginning." Eureka said, making Serena worry even more.

    "Emonga, return." Citron called back Emonga to its pokeball. "Come out, Rarecoil!" Citron threw a pokeball and came out a Rarecoil.

    "Coil, coil." Rarecoil said with no emphasis on its voice.

    "Rarecoil. Just as I predicted." Satoshi thought. "Gekogahshier, return!" he said, returning his Pokemon to its pokeball.

    "Luchabull, I choose you!" Satoshi threw a pokeball and came out his powerhouse, Luchabull.

    "Chabull, chabull." Luchabull said.

    "Luchabull. So you took advantage with my Rarecoil's Steel-typing." Citron said.

    "Yup, and now it's an equal match up." Satoshi said. "Luchabull, use Karate Chop!" Satoshi commanded.

    "Dodge it and use Metal Sound!" Citron commanded.

    Luchabull charged at Rarecoil with its right hand glowing, ready to strike. Rarecoil dodged the attack and made an ear-bleeding metal-like sound enough to make Luchabull cover its ears.

    "Now, use Electric Terrain!" Citron commanded.

    Rarecoil released a flow of electricity and evenly distributed it in the surrounding area.

    "Although this move can't affect Luchabull since it's part Flying-type, it powers up Rarecoil's Electric-type attacks." Citron pointed out.

    "So it powers up its Electric-type attacks. This could be dangerous." Satoshi thought.

    "It's a risky move, but I have to try." Satoshi thought. "Luchabull. Use Aerial Ace!" he commanded.

    Luchabull began to fly towards Rarecoil with incredible speed and power.

    "Use Thunderbolt!" Citron commanded.

    Rarecoil released large bolts of electricity from its magnets and launched it onto the incoming Luchabull.

    "Dodge and use Flying Press!" Satoshi commanded.

    Luchabull barely dodged the attack upward which caused it to wince a little in pain. Luchabull started to glow and crashed its body onto Rarecoil, which caused them both to crash onto the ground below.

    Luchabull was seen standing firmly. Rarecoil was on the ground, trying to stand up, which it did.

    "Huh? But how? It should have been defeated." Satoshi said.

    "You forgot Rarecoil's ability. Sturdy, which you can't make a Pokemon who has that ability faint from one attack only." Citron pointed out.

    "Alright, so I only need to hit it once more." Satoshi thought. "Luchabull, High Jump Kick!" Satoshi commanded.

    Luchabull leaped up high while Its knee started to glow. It began descending to the ground onto Rarecoil with its right knee infront and pointing at Rarecoil.

    "Dodge it!" Citron commanded.

    Rarecoil dodged the attack. Luchabull instead crashed onto the ground and began to wince in pain.

    "Thunderbolt!" Citron exclaimed, taking the opportunity.

    Rarecoil unleashed massive bolts of electricity and launched it onto Luchabull, which caused an explosion. After the smoke clears, Luchabull was seen lying on the ground with swirling eyes.

    "Luchabull is unable to battle. Rarecoil wins." Citroid said.

    "No, Luchabull." Serena said with worry.

    "Satoshi was making too many risky moves there." Eureka commented. Serena can't come up with a defensive statement against hers, because she was right. Satoshi can take risks, but with arrogance, that's a different story.

    "You did well, Luchabull. Take a nice long rest." Satoshi said, returning Luchabull to its pokeball.

    "Come out, Gekogahshier!" Satoshi called out his first Pokemon once again.

    "Geko, geko." Gekogahshier said, somewhat weakly.

    "Jump and use Double Team" Satoshi commanded

    Gekogahshier leaped high in the air and created copies of itself.

    "Oh no, you don't! Rarecoil, use Discharge!"

    Rarecoil began to charge and release bolts of electricity on the surrounding Gekogahshiers.

    "Use Water Pulse!" Satoshi exclaimed, knowing it's the last move Gekogahshier can make.

    Gekogaihshier appeared above Rarecoil, and before its health go down because of the surrounding electricity, it crashed its orb of water onto Rarecoil. Both were so tired that they both sent themselves crashing onto the ground below. Afterwards, both Pokemon were seen with swirling eyes.

    "Both Pokemon are unable to battle. This match is a draw." Citroid said. Both trainers returned their fainted Pokemon to their pokeballs.

    "They're down to their last Pokemon. I'm really nervous." Serena thought.

    "Trainers, choose your last Pokemon." Citroid said.

    "Well, buddy? It's your turn." Satoshi said

    "Pikachu!" Pikachu said, all fired up.

    "Elezard, come on out!" Citron threw his last pokeball and came out his signature pokemon.

    "Ele, elezard!" Elezard said, also fired up.

    "Let's make this a battle we will never forget." Citron said.

    "You bet!" Satoshi answered.

    "Alright, Elezard, Dragon Tail!" Citron commanded.

    "Pikachu, counter it with Iron Tail!" Satoshi commanded.

    Both Elezard's and Pikachu's tail began to glow and collide their attacks with each other. Both were back on the ground.

    "Pikachu, use Quick Attack!" Satoshi commanded.

    Pikachu began to run towards Elezard with great speed and power.

    "Use Thunderbolt!" Citron commanded.

    Elezard launched several bolts of electricity onto Pikachu.

    "Dodge it!" Satoshi exclaimed.

    Pikachu successfully dodged the attack while maintaining its speed. Pikachu tackled Elezard with incredible speed and power, causing the latter to be pushed 3 steps back.

    "Use Bulldoze!" Citron commanded.

    Elezard stomped hard on the ground causing it to make ocean-like waves.

    "Jump and use Electro Ball!" Satoshi exclaimed.

    Pikachu dodged the attack and form an orb of electricity on its tail and launched towards Elezard.

    "Send it back with Dragon Tail!" Citron commanded.

    Elezard sent the incoming Electro Ball back to Pikachu with its glowng tail. Pikachu was hit with its own attack with minimum damage.

    "Pikachu, use Thunderbolt!" Satoshi commanded.

    "Elezard, Use Thunderbolt as well!" Citron commanded

    Pikachu quickly recovered from the attack. Pikachu and Elezard attacked with massive bolts of electricity, causing smoke to appear from collision. After the smoke clears, both were seen standing their ground firmly.

    Serena and Eureka were seen watching with worry. Serena began to sweat from the intensity the battle was giving.

    "You ok, Pikachu?" Satoshi asked.

    "Pika pi." Pikachu said.

    "Are you alright, Elezard?" Citron asked.

    "Ele, Elezard." Elezard said.

    "Let's continue the battle, Satoshi! Elezard, use Parabolic Charge!" Citron commanded.

    Elezard formed a large orb of electricity above itself. It lifted the orb in the air and began to randomly release bolts of electricity on the surrounding area while at the same time recovering its strength.

    "Pikachu, Dodge it!" Satoshi commanded.

    Pikachu continuously dodged its attack.

    "Keep it up, Elezard!" Citron said.

    Pikachu eventually got tired from dodging and was struck by the electricity the attack was producing.

    "Pikachu!" Satoshi exclaimed.

    Elezard had stopped its attack since it has fully recovered. Pikachu barely stood up.

    "Oh, Pikachu. Please, pull through…" Serena thought.

    At the short moment of silence, Satoshi was able to think clearly and came up with a move only he can come up with. "That's it!" Satoshi said.

    "Time to end this battle. Elezard, use Dragon Tail!" Citron commanded.

    Elezard's tail began to glow as it leaped high up in the air.

    "Pikachu, use Electro Iron Tail!" Satoshi exclaimed.

    Pikachu remembered its battle against Shooty's Jalorda back in the Higaki Conference. Pikachu then made its own tail into steel and at the same time formed an orb of electricity. Both attacks eventually collided with each other, causing yet another smoke to appear. When the smoke was cleared, both Pikachu and Elezard were panting from tiredness. After a few seconds of suspense, Elezard was down for the count.

    "Elezard is unable to battle, Pikachu wins. The victory goes to the challenger." Citroid said.

    "Yes! We did it, Pikachu!" Satoshi said, happily running towards Pikachu.

    "Pika Pi. Pikachu…" Pikachu said weakly, but happy.

    "You can take a nice long rest, buddy." Satoshi said.

    Serena and Eureka came running towards Satoshi's direction. Satoshi stood up, carrying Pikachu in his arms.

    "That was an intense battle, Satoshi! You got me really worried there for a moment…" Serena ended her sentence decreasing her volume. "Anyway, congratulations!" Serena said. "Congratulations, Satoshi!" Eureka also said.

    "Thanks, guys." Satoshi said, beaming a smile. Citron came up to Satoshi and held out the Voltage badge.

    "Since you have defeated the Miare gym, I present to you the Voltage badge.. Congratulations" Citron said formally.

    "Thanks, Citron." Satoshi said, taking the badge and did his usual pose when he gets a new badge.

    "Yes! I got the Voltage Badge!" Satoshi said.

    "Anyway, let's get something to eat. I'm starving!" Satoshi exclaimed, rubbing his growling stomach. "I'll meet you at the nearest restaurant!" Satoshi added, running towards the exit.

    "S-Satoshi, wait up!" Serena exclaimed, trying to catch up with the raven-haired teen.

    "I might as well go with them. I'm also starving." Citron said, walking towards the exit.

    "Big bro, we need to talk. It's important." Eureka said, stopping Citron in his tracks.

    "About what?" Citron asked.

    "… About those two." Eureka answered, pointing at the exit, indicating Satoshi and Serena.

    .~.~.~.~.~.

    Chapter 3 coming right up...

  3. #3
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    Chapter 3: Eureka's 'Greatest' Plan

    Miare streets…

    Citron's POV

    Eureka and I were walking down the streets to go to the nearest restaurant where Satoshi and Serena are eating.

    I feel really nervous about Eureka's plan, but she is happily walking beside me.

    "Eureka, are you really sure about this? I'm really nervous about this plan of yours." I said, reassuringly.

    "Of course, big bro! I mean, this is the greatest plan yet! This could definitely bring those two together!" Eureka said happily, making me even more nervous than ever before.

    "But Eureka, I feel like we're intruding in their affairs. And besides, it's none of our business, and chances are; we might ruin their friendship, you know." I protested.

    "Oh come on, big bro. You gotta be positive sometimes. You're right. We might ruin their friendship, but on the otherhand, we might bring them together as a couple. Eeeekkk!" Eureka said, squealing from the word 'couple. I saw her cheeks go red. She really wants this plan to play out.

    I sighed, and said, "Ok, Eureka. But if this plan doesn't work out, you're the one to blame." I tried to reassure Eureka one more time.

    "I'll be the one to blame if they became a couple! Eeeekkk!" Eureka said, squealing again. I gave up reassuring Eureka since she's really into making people into couples. Then again, there is a small part of me that want this plan to work out. Afterall, when I think about them, they do make a cute couple.

    Flashback, Inside Miare gym…

    "Come again?" I said, shocked at Eureka's statement.

    She sighed in disappointment that I didn't comprehend what she had said, and repeated, "Big bro, I think Satoshi and Serena have feelings for each other."

    "How can you be so sure about that? Do you have any proof?" I said, curiously.

    "Yup! First; when we were in the Pokemon Centre waiting for you to finish fixing the gym, I was playing with Dedenne. And then, Dedenna pointed at the direction where Satoshi was at. And when I looked at him, he was staring at Serena! Afterwards, I saw him blushing, and I know he lied when he said he was staring at the wall. Second; when we arrived outside the gym, I saw Serena beside me freeze on her spot and staring at Satoshi for some reason. And when Satoshi had put his hand over her forehead trying to see if she has a fever, I saw her face becoming really red as if people would have mistaken her for a Booster. Plus, when your battle began, Serena got nervous and clasped her hands together like she did back in the Shōyō gym, and she said that she hopes that Satoshi's recent training would pay off. Is that enough proof?" Eureka said.

    "Ohhhh… That is a solid proof. But where are you getting at with this?" I said.

    "I want them to become a couple. Eeeekkkk!" Eureka said, squeling.

    "What?! But Eureka, what does this have to do with us?" I asked.

    "I have a plan. First of all, when we arrive at the restaurant where they are, let's propose that we stay her in Miare City for a couple of days. And if they ask where we are staying, let's say at the Pokemon Centre, just not in our house. I feel like Daddy will jump into the plan if he heard us. He's too nosy. After that, when we go to our separate rooms, let's talk to them, you with Satoshi and me with Serena, about love. And you, big bro, have to encourage Satoshi to take Serena on a date. Eeeekkk! I'm so excited!" Eureka proposed.

    "Hmmm, that is a good plan. But Eureka, let's not intrude in their affairs. If it's true that they have feelings for each other, they should naturally cope with it and get their own confidence out of them. Plus, do they have decent clothes for the date?" I said.

    "But big bro, that would take a lot of time for them. If those two should become a couple, why not now? And about the clothes, we will take them to a shopping spree, you with Satoshi and me with Serena." Eureka said.

    I began to feel nervous about the plan. If we ruin their friendship, chances are; one of them will separate from the group. Then again, I felt a part of me saying that this plan should play out. I don't know why, but I'll find out eventually.

    "Anyway, let's go to the restaurant now. I'm really hungry." I said, taking my mind off the plan.

    ----------
    Present time, Restaurant Le Wow, Vernal Avenue, Miare City…

    Serena's POV

    I watch as Satoshi munch each and every bit of food he ordered in the menu. I was not surprised when he ordered everything. I mean, he is Satoshi, after all, and to me, he's really cute when he eats. I see Pikachu eating my Pokepuffs happily beside him.

    After a while, Satoshi lifted his head, facing me and said, "Serena?"

    "Yes?" I said.

    "I… umm, uh." He mumbled, scratching his cheek, looking to the left, his face turning red. Oh my Arceus! Is he going to confess? But, but what should I say? Noooo! I'm not yet ready!

    "Well… umm, are you… uh." Satoshi said. Is he going to take me on a date? But, but I don't have any dresses now! If he is, I need to buy some later. But for now, I'm nervous as to what he's going to say.

    "Y-yes?" I said, nervously

    "Umm, are you… going to eat that?" Satoshi finally said. I mentally smacked myself for jumping into conclusions. Oh well.

    "N-no, you can take it. I'm full." I said, disappointedly.

    "Great, thanks!" Satoshi said, taking my food from the plate and began munching. I sighed, and continue watching Satoshi cutely munch his… my food as a method to let time pass by.

    After a while, we saw Citron and Eureka arriving.

    "Oh, hey guys. What took you so long?" Satoshi asked.

    "Ohhh nothing." Eureka said. Eureka sat beside me and Citron beside Satoshi. They both called the waiter to order their food. After the waiter left, Eureka started a conversation.

    "Since we're here in Miare City, let's stay here for a couple of days so that Satoshi and Serena can go sight-seeing since they didn't have the chance to do so before." she said.

    "That's a great idea!" Satoshi and I both exclaimed. We turned to face each other, and my face began to heat up. Surprisingly, I saw Satoshi turning red also. We both looked away from each other. Since Miare City is the city of love as everyone says, I should plan my confession later.

    ----------
    Satoshi's POV

    I was about to say that to Serena before; to stay here and take a break from traveling and go sight-seeing, and maybe, take her on a date, and maybe she will wear a beautiful and matching dress on our date. Gaaahh! Satoshi, don't think about her like that. She's just your friend. I bet she doesn't feel the same way as you do.

    But I was nervous to tell her that idea, and so I changed it to wanting her food. Fortunately, Eureka brought that up, and so we all agree to stay here for a couple of days. I mentally thanked her for that.

    But something was a little off, and I said, "Where are we going to stay for the night?"

    "At the Pokemon Centre." The blonde siblings said in unison.

    "But what about in your house, Citron? We could stay there." Serena said.

    "I-umm… You see, our house is being cleaned up right now by our dad and Citroid. Dad doesn't want the house to be dirty again, if you must know." Citron said.

    "So it's decided then." Eureka said.

    "But first, let us eat before we go to the Pokemon Centre" Citron said, his stomach growling.

    Their food has arrived, and they started to eat. I started a small talk with Serena and Citron. Afterwards, we paid the bill and went to the Pokemon Centre. As we walked, I felt that the coming days would have a big impact on my life. I feel excited and nervous at the same time.

    .~.~.~.~.~.

    Chapter 4 is on its way...

  4. #4
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    Chapter 4: Suit and Dress

    Pokemon Centre, Miare City…

    Eureka's POV

    We were waiting for Joy-san to finish healing up Satoshi's and big bro's Pokemon. Big bro also already reserved us rooms for later and the coming days. While we were waiting, I started a conversation about where they want to go while we're staying here in Miare City.

    "So, Serena, Where do you want to go sight-seeing?" I asked.

    "Well, before that, I want to go to the clothing boutiques. I heard there are cute clothes there. It's been forever since I said that." Serena said.

    "Great! Can I tag along? I know the place and the clothes there very well. You might need someone to compliment you after all." I said. I volunteered to go with her since this is the perfect chance to get Serena a dress for their date tomorrow.

    "Sure! Thanks." Serena said.

    "So, Satoshi, where do you want to go?" I asked.

    "Hmm. I don't know yet. I'm not really familiar about the whole city. Is there a place here where I can train my Pokemon?" Satoshi said. It seems he's not taking his mind off his training.

    "There is. It's called the Battle Institute. You can opt for a Battle Test there, where you'll have 5 consecutive single battles or double battles with other trainers. It's similar to the one in the Isshu region. I can take you there." Big bro said. I was disappointed that my brother didn't suggest going to some clothing boutiques so that Satoshi can get a suit. Then again, Satoshi isn't the type of guy who is interested in clothes.

    When I looked at my brother, he gestured to me that everything will be according to plan. I feel relieved.

    "That's great! We'll go there as soon as my Pokemon are healed up." Satoshi said, enthusiastically.

    We heard the Pokemon Centre bell as soon as Satoshi finished his sentence. He and big bro went to Joy-san and took their pokeballs as well as Pikachu and thanked her.

    "Well, Citron, let's go! I can't wait to battle some trainers!" Satoshi said, excitingly.

    "Ok. See you guys back here." Big bro said to me and Serena. They walked outside the Pokemon Centre and went to their destination.

    "Let's go, too. I'm excited to see some cute clothes." Serena said.

    "Ok." I said. We went to our destination.

    Boutique Couture, Vernal Avenue, Miare City…

    "Welcome, ladies. May I help you?" A lady in the store asked.

    "Hi. Do you have any…" Serena said. I didn't bother listening as I was looking for some decent dresses for her right away.

    As I was looking, I saw the perfect dress for her; it was a high-low silver dress that was sleeveless. Surprisingly, it wasn't that expensive. It will sure go perfect with her honey-blonde hair. I might as well look for some matching shoes and accessories too.

    After I searched and found the matching shoes and accessories, I took these things to where Serena's dressing room is. She came out with a (insert clothes' description here) on.

    "Well, what do you think?" Serena asked.

    "It looks great on you!" I said happily. "Here, try this next." I said, handing the dress, shoes, and accessories over to her.

    "Eureka, what's this?" She asked.

    "I promise, you will look great, if not perfect with that." I said, winking childishly.

    "O… k? I'll try it." Serena said in confusion.

    After a while, she came out with the silver dress on with the small, light brown belt strapped around her waist, silver flats on, and holding the small, light brown purse I gave. She looked really beautiful. I almost fell in love with her at first sight, to be honest. I guess her beauty can also catch the eyes of girls, not just boys'.

    "What do you think?" She said.

    "Eeeekk! You look really beautiful in that dress! You should definitely get that!" I said, squealing over her beauty.

    "Well, OK. But how much is it?" She asked. "Let me see… It's 9000 Pokedollars, plus 1000 more with the shoes, and 500 more with the accessories." She said.

    "Since I do look good with this dress, I'll buy it. One can get an almost similar price with 3 Full Restores plus 1 Ultraball here, after all." She said. I'm going to break down into tears of she didn't.

    We didn't immediately went to the counter to buy the stuff since Serena had a lot of time remaining to search and try cute clothes on.

    After a while, we went to the counter to pay the items. I was surprised Serena has a lot of money. Maybe she was saving it for cute clothes.

    After she bought the items, we went sight-seeing from (insert place here) to (also insert place here).

    While the sun is shrinking, we went back to the Pokemon Centre to find big bro and Satoshi sitting at a table. They were talking about Satoshi's recent battles in the Battle Institute.

    "Hey guys!" Serena and I said in unison.

    "Hey girls. You went sight-seeing?" Satoshi asked.

    "Yeah! It was great; the views, the atmosphere, the environment, it's really great. I want to move here if that's possible." Serena said.

    "…Hmm? Satoshi, what's in that bag?" Serena asked, pointing at the shopping bag beside Satoshi.

    "Oh, this? It's clothes. I don't really know why I need to buy this though. Citron suggested buying clothes for myself." Satoshi said. I gestured big bro what kind of clothes they bought. He gestured to me that it was a suit, perfect for the date. I gave a thumbs-up to him.

    -------------
    Flashback, Battle Institute, North Boulevard, Miare City…

    Citron's POV

    "Man! That was awesome, guys! Great job on your battles. Thanks to you, I got so much Pokedollars as well as Battle Points." Satoshi said, thanking Pikachu, Gekogahshier, Hinoyakoma, and Luchabull for their hardwork. His Pokemon answered back by saying their own names. Satoshi returned his Pokemon to their respective pokeballs except for Pikachu, who jumped onto his trainer's shoulder.

    "Alright, this is a do-or-die move." I thought, nervously. "Hey, Satoshi." I said, calling his attention.

    "Yeah?" he asked.

    "I was… wondering if… you could get… some new… clothes… just for a change." I said, nervously.

    "Clothes? I'm not really good at picking clothes." Satoshi said.

    I thought the plan was about to go down the drain until an idea popped up in my mind and said, "Well, I am the man of clothes after all. I can help you look for the best clothes." I said.

    "Says the guy who always wears a blue jump suit." Satoshi said

    "Well, let's get going!" I said, ignoring his statement.

    "Hey, didn't agree to-" Satoshi said, but I cut him off by dragging him out of the Battle Institute towards Boutique Couture.

    Boutique Couture, Vernal Avenue, Miare City…

    We went to the second floor of the building since they sell men's clothes there. I looked for the best suit for Satoshi while he is sitting. I saw a black long-sleeve polo, a silver blazer, black pants, black shoes, and a light-brown bow-tie I got the items and went to Satoshi.

    "Here. Try this on." I said.

    "Huh? What's this suit for?" Satoshi asked, confused.

    "Just try it on." I said, pushing him towards the dressing room along with the stuff.

    After a while, Satoshi came out with the clothes and shoes on.

    "To be honest, I do look great in this." Satoshi said, looking at the nearby mirror, admiring his looks. "What do you think, Pikachu?" Satoshi asked Pikachu.

    "Pika Pikachu!" Pikachu said, saying he looks good.

    "As I said before, I am the man of clothes." I said, putting a fist to my chest, although I really am not. It was just luck that he came out looking good with the clothes I picked. "Let's get that." I said.

    "Hmm. Alright, I guess." Satoshi said.

    We went to the counter to pay. The clothes and stuff weren't really expensive. Satoshi can afford them, considering he won so much Pokedollars back in the Battle Institute. After paying, we went back to the Pokemon Centre.

    -------------
    Present Time, Pokemon Centre, Miare City…

    Serena's POV

    Why did Eureka make me buy that dress, and what's it for? Though I do look good in that dress, still, what's it for?

    Since it was such a long day, I got tired, yawned, and said, "I'm going to my room now. Citron, can I have the keys?" I asked.

    "Sure. Here, your room number is 216. Your room is just across our room." Citron said, handing over the keys to me.

    "Thanks, Citron." I thanked him. "Well, goodnight everyone." I said.

    "Goodnight." Citron, Eureka, and Satoshi said in unison. I went to my room, put down my shopping bags, and lied down on the bed. As I lay down, I feel tomorrow is gonna be a big day.

    -------------
    Satoshi's POV

    Why did Citron make me buy that suit in the first place, and what's it for? Though I do look good in that suit, still, what's it for?

    Since I got tired from commanding my Pokemon back in my battles in the Battle Institute and being dragged by Citron towards a clothing boutique, I said to the blonde siblings, "I'm also going to bed. I'm really tired. Citron, can you give me the keys?" I said.

    "Sure." Citron said, handing over the keys to me.

    "Thanks." I said. "Goodnight." I added.

    "Goodnight." the blonde siblings said in unison. I went to my room, put down my shopping bag, and lied down on the bed. As I lay down, I feel tomorrow is gonna be a big day.
    .~.~.~.~.~.

    Chapter 5 will be up tomorrow...

  5. #5
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    I love it! I liked how you used the Japanese names in this story too. The narration was brilliant, I haven't come across one grammatical or spelling error, and it was well-written. I could definitely tell you put a lot of time and effort into making this. (I read the final chapters on your FanFiction page)

    Great job matthew11. I hope to see more fanfics (hopefully Amourshipping again ) from you!
    Keep it up!
    Last edited by Spectro889; 15th September 2014 at 5:39 PM.
    "One shall stand in victory, and one shall suffer defeat in death."

    Feel free to send me a friend request!


  6. #6
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    Chapter 5: Citron and Eureka – The Match Makers

    Pokemon Centre, Miare City…

    Citron's POV

    The moonlight is shining down upon Miare City. It's really beautiful and romantic. Too bad Satoshi and Serena are missing their perfect moment right now. They're in their respective rooms, where Eureka and I will go have a talk with them about love. Well, that's what Eureka planned. I'm really not good in engaging in these 'love conversations'. It might not even last long, but I'll try my best not to disappoint my little sister. After all, I do think they are a cute couple if you put them together.

    "Big bro, what kind of clothes did you picked?" Eureka asked.

    "Well, it was a black long-sleeved polo, a silver blazer, black pants, black shoes, and a light-brown bow-tie." I answered.

    "Oh… My… Arceus!" Eureka squealed, surprising me.

    "Wha-what's wrong?" I asked in concern.

    "Nothing! It's just that… Aahhhhh…" Eureka said weakly, about to faint. What's wrong with her? Is she sick or something?

    I went and got a glass of water for her to drink to calm down.

    "Here, drink this." I said, handing the glass of water to her. She drank and gulped the water slowly.

    "Ahhh. That feels refreshing." Eureka said, calming down.

    "So, why did you suddenly screamed after what I said about the clothes?" I asked in curiosity.

    "Well, you and I picked matching clothes for them." She said, holding back what it seems to be her hype.

    "What did you picked?" I asked.

    "I picked the perfect dress, shoes, and accessories!" She squealed, once again. Her hype is returning, but not enough to make her faint once more.

    "What kind of clothes?" I asked once more so that she can get into details.

    "Well, it was a high-low silver dress that is sleeveless, sliver flats, a small light-brown belt, and a small light-brown purse." She finally said.

    When I imagine them on a date in those clothes Eureka and I picked, I somehow felt the urge to go hyper and squealed, "Oh… My… Arceus!" I sounded like a child there for a moment.

    "Big bro, what's wrong?" Eureka asked in concern.

    I was embarrassed by my sudden action. I cleared my throat and repositioned my round glasses. "N-nothing. Let's get this plan into action now before they fall asleep." I said, changing the subject.

    "Oh, you're right! Let's get going!" Eureka said. We both hurried to our respective rooms, me with Satoshi, and Eureka with Serena.

    --------------
    Room #217, Pokemon Centre, Miare City…

    Satoshi's POV

    I was lying down on my bed, but I don't know why I can't fall asleep. I mean, I am a heavy sleeper, as everyone says. But now, there's something that prevents me from closing my eyes. Maybe it's about something going to happen tomorrow? I don't really know. I continued searching for acceptable reasons inside my mind.

    "Pika Pi?" Pikachu said, with a concerned expression.

    "Pikachu, I really just can't fall asleep this time. I don't know why." I said.

    "Pika, pikachi, pi?" Pikachu said. I was surprised about what Pikachu just asked.

    "N-no! It's not about her. What makes you ask that?" I said. I can't seem to keep it in, can I?

    "Pikachu, pika, pi, pikachu." Pikachu said, with a sly smile. I think he knows.

    "It was just the sun back in the restaurant." I said, lying. I did, in fact, felt my face heat up when Serena and I said 'that's a great idea' simultaneously… or is that our faces were just inches away?... It was the sun. YES! It was the sun. Hahaha! Haha. Ha… I need to stop denying myself.

    "Pi, Pikachu, pika, pikachu." Pikachu said. He said that, in exchange for the Pokedollars I earned back in the Battle Institute, I need to tell Pikachu something which I have kept for myself when Serena and I reunited here in Kalos. Plus, he is my best friend. Why, Pikachu? Why you gotta be so smart and nosy?

    I sighed and said,"OK, Pikachu, I'm going to tell you a secret, but if you can't keep it, no ketchup for you for life." I said, threatening Pikachu. I wouldn't do that, obviously. He's my best friend, after all. Then again, he'd shock me just for a ketchup.

    "Pika, Pikachu." Pikachu said, putting a fist to his chest, indicating he would keep it. Well, there's no point in hiding it now.

    "To tell you the truth, I-" I said, but stopped when someone had come inside the room. It was Citron. I mentally thanked him for coming inside the room before the words came out of my mouth.

    "Oh, hey Satoshi. Aren't you going to sleep yet?" Citron asked. I saw Pikachu's expression towards Citron. He is somewhat annoyed, actually.

    "No. To be honest, I just can't seem to be able to sleep." I said.

    "Good, 'cause we need to talk about something, or someone, to be exact." Citron said.

    "Sure. What's it about, I mean, who?" I asked curiously.

    "It's about our traveling buddy." Citron said.

    "Eureka? What about her?" I asked.

    "No, not her. The other one." Citron said. My heart's starting to beat at a rapid rate. Why, oh why, Arceus? Why'd you have to bring another nosy one to me?

    "Wha-what about her?" I asked nervously.

    "First of all, do you feel something jumpy inside of you when you look at her?" Citron said, boldly. Oh no! He knows, but how?!

    "I-I don't know what you're talking about." I said, defensively.

    "Just say it, Satoshi." Citron said. If I keep on being defensive, he'll just keep on insisting. Well, here's another end of the road for me.

    "Well… Kind of?" I said.

    "Ha! I knew it!" Citron said in triumph.

    "What did you know?" I asked.

    "You have feelings for her, don't you?" Citron said. He actually knows. Oh well.

    "Y-yeah." I said, finally spilling the beans. I saw Pikachu's expression. He is very satisfied, and he immediately knew what to use to black-mail me. Arceus, take me now!

    "Why haven't you told that to her?" Citron asked.

    "Well, first of all, I don't want to ruin our friendship." I said.

    "I think that won't happen, ever." Citron said.

    "What makes you sure about that?" I asked curiously.

    "You'll find out soon enough. Continue." Citron said, with a smile on his face.

    "O…k? Well, another reason is it might hinder my goal on becoming a Pokemon Master." I said, honestly.

    "Hmm… How many Leagues have you participated in?" Citron asked. I don't know where he's getting at. I might as well answer it.

    "5." I said.

    "Did you win any?" Citron asked.

    "…None, to be honest." I said.

    "Why?" Citron asked. How many questions does he want to ask anyway?

    "Maybe because I didn't train enough. That's why this time, I will train very hard to win the Kalos League." I said.

    "Did you feel motivated when you go to the League's battlefield?" Citron asked.

    "Of course, I do." I said with all honesty.

    "No, I mean, did you feel emotionally motivated?" Citron asked. For once, outside his scientific gags, I didn't comprehend what he just said.

    "Emotionally? What do you mean?" I asked.

    "What I mean to ask is, did you have someone support you with all her heart and soul?" Citron asked.

    "Hmm… When I think about it, I guess, none." I said. "Where are you getting at with this, Citron?" I asked.

    "Well, it's time you should tell your feelings to Serena, and she will fulfill the role of supporting you all the way. That way, you'll be completely motivated to win the League here, and at the same time…" Citron discontinued what he began to say.

    "What at the same time?" I asked.

    "Well… You'll find that out too, eventually." Citron said. Now I'm really curious.

    "You're right. I should tell her, but when?" I asked, even though I should be asking that to myself.

    "On your date, tomorrow. You should ask her out." Citron said… Oohhhh… now I understand what the suit for is.

    "Hmm… Maybe that isn't a bad plan. Alright! I'll ask her out right away!" I said, as the sudden urge to tell her made me sprint to the door of our room.

    --------------
    Room #216, Pokemon Centre, Miare City…

    Serena's POV

    I was lying down on my bed, but I don't know why I can't fall asleep. Maybe because he's circling in my mind. I really am head over heels for him. He's just really, I don't know, imperfectly perfect. I saw the moonlight outside the centre. The stars are twinkling. How I wished for me and Satoshi, going star-gazing together, lying on the soft, green grasses outside Miare City.

    "Fokko, come on out." I said, throwing a Pokeball in the air and came out my starter.

    "Fokko, fokko." Fokko said. I went and got my brush, went back to bed, put Fokko on my lap, and started brushing her fur.

    After a while, I stopped, put Fokko on the bed, and started talking to her as if I understand what she's saying.

    "Fokko, to tell you the truth. I have a huge crush on Satoshi." I said, blushing a little.

    "Fokko?" Fokko asked. I don't know if she ment 'why' or 'huh'. I'm gonna go with 'why'.

    "Well, for starters, he's really kind, and soft-hearted. He's brave, although he becomes suicidal sometimes, I… I don't know. There're so many things I can say about Satoshi, things that made me deeply fall in love with him." I said.

    "Fokko, fok, fokko." Fokko said. Now I really don't understand what she's saying.

    "When should I tell him?" I asked.

    "Tomorrow." Fokko… said? Huh? She sounded like Eureka for a moment there.

    I heard the door opened, and came in Eureka.

    "You should tell him tomorrow." Eureka said.

    "Eureka! You were eavesdropping?" I said in horror.

    "Don't worry, I can keep that little secret to myself." She said, with a smile.

    "You better be." I said. Eureka went and sit beside me on the bed.

    "Why haven't you told him?" Eureka asked.

    "It's just that I don't have the words to say to him and I don't have the confidence to do so. Plus, I'm really nervous if he doesn't feel the same way as I do." I said with all honesty.

    "You won't be disappointed if you tell him." Eureka said.

    "How can you tell?" I asked.

    "Oh, nothing." Eureka said.

    "But why tomorrow?" I asked.

    "Tomorrow what?" Eureka asked. She already forgot about it?

    "About why I will confess to him tomorrow." I said.

    "Oh, that. Because tomorrow is Miare Day!" Eureka said, squealing.

    "What's Miare Day?" I asked curiously.

    "Well, it's the day the Miare City was built. After the city was built, everyone who wanted to move into the city, obviously, moved into the city, and then they started dating their loved ones." Eureka said.

    "Oh, so that's why it's called the City of Love." I said in realization.

    "So, you'll see everyone dating tomorrow, whether outside, or inside restaurants, outside Prism Tower, you name the place." Eureka said.

    "I suggest you take Satoshi on a date tomorrow before it's too late." Eureka suggested. Oohhhh. So that's what the dress is for.

    "Hmm… Alright, I'll ask him right away!" I said, sprinting towards the door.

    --------------
    Outside Rooms 217 & 216, Pokemon Centre, Miare City…

    Satoshi's POV

    I sprinted towards the door to ask Serena on a date.

    When I opened the door, the door to her room opened, and came out Serena.

    We were both facing each other. I got really nervous now. "Ha-hi, Serena" I said, lamely

    "H-Hi, Satoshi, how do you do?" she said, even more lamely.

    "The-there's something I have to tell you!" We both said at the same time.

    "You go first." We both said it again simultaneously.

    "Ok. I'll go first" We both said yet again at the same time.

    We both look at the ground shyly, and I said, "Serena, I… I was wondering …if…" I said, really nervously. I regret having the urge to take her on a date get the better of me. But I can't back down now. It's now or never!

    "Y-yes?" She said. I can't see her expression since I was looking at the ground.

    "I… was wondering if… you and I…" I said.

    "Yes?..." Serena said.

    "If… you and I… you know, umm… go on a dinner… tomorrow night, just you and me?" I finally said.

    I looked up to see her face. Her face is so red that someone can mistake her for a Booster.

    "I-I would love to go tomorrow, Satoshi!" Serena said happily, with a smile.

    "Really?" I said, shocked at her response.

    "Of course! I mean, it would be really nice." She said.

    "That's great!" I said. We both smiled to each other, but looked away shortly. I was blushing heavily. I don't know if she is, though.

    "Well… see you tomorrow, Serena. Goodnight" I said, returning to my room.

    "See you tomorrow, too. Goodnight." Serena said, returning to her room.

    I came back to my room.

    "So, how did it go?" Citron asked.

    "It was awkward at first, but mission accomplished!" I said. We gave each other a high-five.

    "Well, tomorrow's your big day. Oh and I almost forgot. Tomorrow's Miare day." Citron said.

    "What's Miare Day?" I asked curiously.

    "Well, it's the day the Miare City was built. After the city was built, everyone who wanted to move into the city, obviously, moved into the city, and then they started dating their loved ones." Citron said.

    "Oh, great timing!" I said.

    It was really getting late, and I felt my eyes go heavy, so I yawned and said, "Well, goodnight, Citron. I have a big day tomorrow." I said, going to bed.

    "Goodnight." Citron said.

    --------------
    Serena's POV

    I sprinted towards the door to ask Satoshi on a date.

    When I opened the door, the door to his room opened, and came out Satoshi.

    We were both facing each other. I got really nervous now. "Ha-hi, Serena!" he said, lamely

    "H-Hi, Satoshi! How do you do?" I said, even more lamely. I'm really embarrassing myself.

    "The-there's something I have to tell you!" We both said at the same time.

    "You go first." We both said it again simultaneously.

    "Ok. I'll go first" We both said yet again at the same time.

    We both look at the ground shyly, and the words that was supposed to come out of my mouth suddenly vanished. Luckily, I heard him say, "Serena, I… I was wondering …if…" he said, really nervously. Is he going to take me on a date, this time? No, I shouldn't jump to conclusions. He's not the romantic type, after all.

    "Y-yes?" She said. I can't see his expression since I was looking at the ground.

    "I… was wondering if… you and I…" he said.

    "Yes?..." Serena said. Or, maybe he is going to… no don't think about it.

    "If… you and I… you know, umm… go on a dinner… tomorrow night, just you and me?" he finally said.

    Am I dreaming? Is he really going to take me on a date? Well, I can't let this opportunity pass by without grabbing it. I felt the redness take over my cheeks. When I looked up to see his face, I saw him turning red also.

    "I-I would love to go tomorrow, Satoshi!" I said happily, with a smile.

    "Really?" he said.

    "Of course! I mean, it would be really nice." I said.

    "That's great!" he said. We both smiled to each other, but looked away shortly. I was blushing heavily. I don't know if he is, though.

    "Well… see you tomorrow, Serena. Goodnight" he said, returning to his room.

    "See you tomorrow, too. Goodnight." I said, returning to my room.

    I came back to my room.

    "So, how did it go?" Eureka asked.

    "It was awkward at first, but now we're really going on a date tomorrow!" I said squealing from excitement.

    I realized it was getting late, and I felt my eyes get heavier. I yawned and said, "Well, goodnight, Eureka. I have a big day tomorrow." I said, going to bed.

    "Goodnight." Eureka said.

    As I was lying on my bed, I mentally said to Satoshi before falling asleep, "I love you.

    --------------
    Satoshi's POV

    As I was lying on my bed, I felt something in the air and mentally said to Serena,"I… I like you? Yeah, let's go with that." After that, I fell asleep.
    .~.~.~.~.~.

    Last chapter will be up tomorrow or the next day after that...

  7. #7
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    Eh, reviews you say. Alright, I'll drop one here since I haven't done this in a awhile, so forgive me if I sound mean.

    First I think your chapters are a little too short, I mean I love how a little personality is mixed into the narration but I suggest that maybe you could describe the surroundings of our group a lot more. I mean just because it is fanfiction doesn't mean you don't have to describe the surroundings. Describe the gym and and what it looks like through Ash's eyes compared to Serena's. Also you could go into detail of the attacks and what they might look like to each character.

    A chapter needs a balance of dialogue and a block or two describing the scene, emotions or a flashback (short or long) because if you don't it will feel like I'm reading a script. I always prefer to write in 3rd person as a first time fic as you can put more detail at the beginning or end of a dialogue and you can jump from one scene to another with ease. In 1st person you can't really do it as the reader is placed as this one character and they see what they see, think what they see and feel what that character feels. Its a challenging perspective to write especially if you want to jump to another scene and add suspense or mystery towards the end of the chapter.

    But don't change perspective now. Keep it in 1st person. Just try to expand and add more detail where it is needed. Try to avoid writing a fanfic that ends feeling or reading like a script.

    Well I hope that helped you, until next time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Midnightmoon6o2 View Post
    Eh, reviews you say. Alright, I'll drop one here since I haven't done this in a awhile, so forgive me if I sound mean.

    First I think your chapters are a little too short, I mean I love how a little personality is mixed into the narration but I suggest that maybe you could describe the surroundings of our group a lot more. I mean just because it is fanfiction doesn't mean you don't have to describe the surroundings. Describe the gym and and what it looks like through Ash's eyes compared to Serena's. Also you could go into detail of the attacks and what they might look like to each character.

    A chapter needs a balance of dialogue and a block or two describing the scene, emotions or a flashback (short or long) because if you don't it will feel like I'm reading a script. I always prefer to write in 3rd person as a first time fic as you can put more detail at the beginning or end of a dialogue and you can jump from one scene to another with ease. In 1st person you can't really do it as the reader is placed as this one character and they see what they see, think what they see and feel what that character feels. Its a challenging perspective to write especially if you want to jump to another scene and add suspense or mystery towards the end of the chapter.

    But don't change perspective now. Keep it in 1st person. Just try to expand and add more detail where it is needed. Try to avoid writing a fanfic that ends feeling or reading like a script.

    Well I hope that helped you, until next time.
    So regarding what you said about the chapters being short; I'm still a beginning writer. So hopefully, I can make longer chapters in the near future. About the surroundings and stuff; I tend to forget describing them since I was too focused on the point of view of someone and his/her feelings. Thanks for pointing that out. And about the 1st person point of view, I believe it makes the readers 'feel' what the characters in the story feel. It's really hard TBH, and I think it won't affect the readers in any way depending on their preference of course and depending on how I describe the scene with each characters.

    Thanks for the feedback. That helped me a lot . Don't worry, you didn't sound mean at all.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by matthew11 View Post
    So regarding what you said about the chapters being short; I'm still a beginning writer. So hopefully, I can make longer chapters in the near future. About the surroundings and stuff; I tend to forget describing them since I was too focused on the point of view of someone and his/her feelings. Thanks for pointing that out. And about the 1st person point of view, I believe it makes the readers 'feel' what the characters in the story feel. It's really hard TBH, and I think it won't affect the readers in any way depending on their preference of course and depending on how I describe the scene with each characters.

    Thanks for the feedback. That helped me a lot . Don't worry, you didn't sound mean at all.
    Normally I don't reply to these type of things because normally the response is like "Oh, thanks." lol, oh well. I better say my peace.

    1st or 3rd person you can make anyone 'feel' what a character feels either way but I do understand where your coming from. You just have to reword it differently in order to get the same effect. (forgive me this is rough) Example:

    1st person:

    He was perfect. His smile; the way his stupid grin would send my heart into overdrive and or way he would carelessly slip his fingers into mine. Ash was that puzzle piece I had forgotten that I lost. I guess I stopped looking for that 'perfect' piece.

    I told myself it doesn't exist or that I was just some silly child that at that time still believed in fairy tails. Destiny, is it real or is it just a stroke or dumb luck? No matter, in the end we are here, holding hands, smiling as we take each day as it goes and a emotion not even I can put into words. Love to me is the only perfection between us.


    3rd person:

    Ash was perfection in Serena's eyes. His smile; the way that stupid grin of his would send the young girl's heart into overdrive or the way he would carelessly slip his fingers into hers. Ash was that puzzle piece Serena had forgotten that she had lost. Something in her convince her to stop to look for that 'perfect' piece.

    Her mind was convinced that no such word existed or it was only real in her head when fairy tails to her were just as real. Destiny...is it real or was her meeting with Ash just a stroke of dumb luck? Serena didn't ponder on the idea any longer as it no longer mattered with her as in the end here she was, with Ash. Together holding hands and smiling as they took each day proudly and feeling an emotion Serena and Ash knew they could never explain in words. Love was the only thing perfect between them and nobody was going to change that.


    I'm not saying 3rd is better than 1st but 3rd is much used than one because you can paint a image of more than one character in the same space of time. Either way I should not try to convince your style is wrong because in the end it is your personal writing choice and not mine.
    Last edited by Midnightmoon6o2; 16th September 2014 at 2:35 PM.

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    Well, the 3rd person of view does look more detailed. But, as I said before, I'm a beginning writer, so it's up to me to improve my writing skills, whether it should be in 1st or 3rd person point of view.

    Thanks again for another helpful feedback . I might change my writing style, but only temporary to see which one's better.

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    Chapter 6: Miare Day

    Ferry Port, Sinnoh Region…

    Serena's POV

    "Uuh… Huh?... Where… am I?" I said, waking up at a ferry port. I saw many big ships.

    I began walking aimlessly. I saw a souvenir store. Then suddenly, Satoshi and a guy with squinty eyes and brown, spiky hair rushed out of the store, holding many bags. They went to a girl with blue hair who was standing outside the store. I decided to hide behind a nearby wooden box to watch the scene.

    "Takeshi, that's a lot of bags." The bluenette, surprised. I guess his name's Takeshi?

    "Don't forget I have many siblings back home to take care of." Takeshi said.

    I heard a ship calling. Maybe it's about to set sail?

    "Our ship is about to set sail! Let's get going!" Satoshi said. The three of them began hurrying towards their ship.

    I see them standing, ready to board the ship. For some reason, I could hear them from a far distance, and I can see them as if I have binoculars on.

    "Thanks for helping me through my journey." The bluenette said.I saw her eyes watering and cheeks blush a little. I got a bad feeling about this girl.

    "We should be thanking you, Hikari." The guys said. So the girl's name is Hikari.

    Then Hikari raised a hand in the air. Perhaps asking for a high-five?

    Satoshi then got a look on his face, and then raised a hand in the air also. That's what friends are for; giving high-fives, but something feels a little bit off.

    I was surprised by what Hikari had done next; she hugged Satoshi! I saw him return the hug. In that moment, my heart began to beat faster from dread, mouth quivering, hands and feet shaking. I watched in horror as they share a romantic moment. I also saw Takeshi jaw-dropped, although that didn't help me feel better.

    And then I heard Hikari said, "Satoshi, don't go. I love you too much to see you go away." She began to sob into Satoshi's clothes. My eyes also began to water. I should be the one sobbing into his clothes, not you.

    "…I'm sorry, Hikari, I can't say that back to you…" Satoshi said. That did help me feel better a little. I immediately regret putting my guard down as I saw Satoshi's face closing in on Hikari's. Somehow, the moment was in slow-motion effect. I had the chance to break the moment. I began rushing towards them.

    Room 216, Pokemon Centre, Miare City…

    "Don't!" I shouted, getting up, stretching an arm as if I was reaching for something. I then realized I was in my room here at the centre. I felt myself soaked in cold sweat. I woke up Eureka and Fokko from my sudden cry early in the morning.

    "Serena, what's wrong?" "Fokko?" Eureka and Fokko said.

    I didn't quite hear them as I was trying to remember the terrible nightmare I just had. I haven't had nightmares in years, but this one's the worst of them all. I almost had a trauma because of it.

    "I… it's nothing, just had a dream. Don't worry." I said dream, not nightmare.

    "Oh. Ok. Well, it's still 7:30am, so you have plenty of time to prepare for your date." Eureka said.

    "Yeah…" I said. I can't seem to erase the nightmare in my mind.

    --------------
    Pokemon Centre lobby, Miare City…

    Satoshi's POV

    I woke up, feeling refreshed from my sleep. I saw Pikachu getting up also beside me.

    "Good morning, buddy." I said.

    "Pikachu." Pikachu said.

    I suddenly remembered what happened last night. Pikachu now knows my feelings for Serena. I started thinking possible situations where Pikachu will use it to black-mail me. I might start considering not giving Pikachu ketchup.

    I saw Citron's bed empty, maybe making breakfast? The word breakfast made me hungry.

    "I'm starving! Let's eat breakfast." I said.

    "Pika pi, Pikachu?" Pikachu asked. It said 'you're not taking a shower first?'

    "Oh, I almost forgot. Hehehe." I said. Now that I think about it, I don't remember myself taking a shower first thing in the morning. Oh man. I began smelling myself, and walked towards the bathroom.

    Pokemon Centre lobby, Miare City…

    I walked towards the lobby, completely refreshed from that shower, thanks to Pikachu reminding me. I saw Eureka and Serena sitting on a table. I came to them and greeted, "Good morning, girls."

    "Good morning, Satoshi." Eureka said with a bright smile. That's odd. Why didn't Serena answer? Moreover, why does she look sad, and somewhat distant?

    "Umm… Where's Citron?" I asked, not wanting to know what is going on with Serena 'cause I might ruin her mood more.

    "He's making breakfast. His almost done, actually." Eureka answered. My stomach began growling again from the word breakfast.

    "Oh, there he is." Eureka said, pointing at Citron, carrying a tray full of food.

    "Oh hey Satoshi, good morning." Citron said. I wasn't paying him attention as I my attention was stuck on the food.

    "Let's dig in!" I said.

    After we ate breakfast, all the food was gone, except for Serena's, who barely touched her food. I don't want her to miss breakfast.

    I gestured for Eureka to come with me for a second. We walked a fair distance from the table. I really can't help but want to know what's going on with Serena.

    "Eureka, what's wrong with Serena? She barely touched her food." I said with concern.

    "I don't really know, too, to be honest. But a while ago, she woke me up when she screamed, and I asked her what happened. She said she had a dream. I don't know what kind of dream it was, though." Eureka answered. It was a long shot. Oh well. Maybe I'll find about it later if I ask Serena myself.

    "Oh. Ok. Thanks." I said.

    In the remaining time before my date with Serena, we went to our separate activities; I went on the battlefield outside the centre to train my Pokemon, Citron and Eureka went to spend quality time with their father, and Serena , I think she went for a walk around the city, taking out whatever it is in her mind.

    --------------
    [B]Miare streets…[/B]

    Serena's POV

    I walked around the city to take my mind off of that nightmare. At the same time, I was thinking how to tell about that to Satoshi. I was looking down when I was walking, and bumped onto someone.

    "Oh, sorry mis-" I said, looking up to see a familiar face.

    "Pansy-san? Hey!" I said, greeting her warmly.

    "Serena? Hi! How's your journey going so far?" she asked.

    "Great, actually." I said. Then I remembered my nightmare. Why does it keep haunting me?

    "Is something wrong? You look pale." She said in concern. I might as well share it to her. It wouldn't really hurt.

    "It's just that… I had a nightmare last night." I said.

    We walked towards a table nearby, and we talked about my nightmare.

    "And that's what happened." I said, finally finished talking about my story.

    "Wait a minute… You have feelings for Satoshi?" Pansy-san said in surprise.

    "Y-yeah. You could say that." I said while a tint of red was on my cheeks.

    "That's great! Did you tell him?" Pansy-san asked.

    "Not yet." I said.

    "Actually, last night, he asked me to have dinner with him tonight. So I might confess to him… later." I added.

    "Good timing! Today is Miare Day after all. It will be really romantic for you two." she said.

    "Well, I think you should tell your nightmare to Satoshi. He can definitely help you with that. I'm not really good at giving advice." She said, standing up.

    "Oh. You're going to work now?" I asked.

    "Yup. I'm working on a new article. So, see you later. Bye, Serena." She said, waving goodbye.

    "Bye." I said.

    I continued walking around the city until I got a bit tired and went back to the Pokemon Centre to take a short nap.

    --------------
    6:00pm, Pokemon Centre lobby, Miare City…

    Satoshi's POV

    I'm standing inside, in front of the door of the Pokemon Centre, waiting for Serena to finish fixing herself up. For some reason, I feel confident about our date, and I think it's gonna go smoothly as expected. I'm already wearing the clothes I both back in the clothing boutique.

    I saw Pikachu running towards me, holding a light-brown bowtie. I forgot about that thing.

    "Thanks, Pikachu." I said, getting the bowtie, and attaching it.

    As soon as I finished fixing the bowtie, I heard a familiar voice. "Satoshi." Serena said.

    I looked up, and I thought I saw an angel. She wore a beautiful, silver high-low dress that is sleeveless, silver flats, a small light-brown belt strapped around her waist, and a small light-brown purse. Her hair is curled at the bottom. And the best part about that? She's not wearing any make up. As I look at her, I felt almost all my confidence go down the drain. I realized we look like a matching pair.

    "Wow, Satoshi! You look great in that suit." Serena complimented.

    I wasn't able to thank or compliment her back because I was still stunned by her beauty. I didn't realize my mouth is opened half-way. Pikachu went outside to leave us alone.

    She giggled, and went in front of me. She raised one hand and placed it below my chin and closed my mouth.

    "I-umm.. uh. Sorry… It's just that…" I said.

    "What is it?" she asked.

    "You… look… amazing." I said. To be honest, I can't find the words to describe her right now, so I went with that word. To my surprise, she blushed deeply on my compliment. Well, I think that's enough to satisfy her, isn't it? I don't really know.

    "Th-thank you…" she said, shyly. She's really cute when she's shy.

    "Well. Let's get going." I said.

    I opened the door for Serena to go out first. Then we went to our destination, unbeknownst to Serena, which I will tell her later while we walk.

    Miare streets…

    We are walking on the sidewalk towards the destination I have in mind.

    "By the way, where are we going?" she asked.

    "You know Restaurent Le Amour?" I said, credits to Citron for suggesting that place.

    "Oh my Arceus! That's the most romantic restaurant!" She squealed.

    "That's where we're going." I said.

    "Thank you, Satoshi…" she said, locking arms with me. We walked a comfortable silence until we arrived to the restaurant.

    Restaurant Le Amour, Miare City…

    "Welcome. Table for two?" a waiter asked.

    "Yes." We said in unison. The waiter walked us towards our table. The waiter went away.

    I pulled out a chair for Serena, and took a seat for myself. We hear smooth French music played by some bands. The waiter came back to ask for our drinks.

    "Water, please." We both said. The waiter went away. He came back with two glasses of water and went away to get a paper and pen to take our orders.

    I then remembered Serena having a problem this morning, so I decided to ask her about it.

    "Serena, you look really distant this morning. What's wrong? I asked.

    --------------
    Serena's POV

    Finally, he asked that. I was waiting for him to ask me about it this morning, though this place seems like a good place to talk about it.

    "Well, I had a dream last night, a nightmare, at least." I said.

    "What happened?" I asked.

    "Well, let's just say you went away." I said, kinda ending the story abruptly. Although I want him to ask me what's wrong, I didn't really want to tell him the whole story. I'll save it for later. Oh, and when I think about what I just said just now, it rhymes.

    "Why?" He asked.

    "I'll tell you why later." I said.

    Satoshi just sit back and pouted. He really wants to know what happened in my dream. He's really cute though.

    The waiter came and asked for our orders. Surprisingly, Satoshi didn't order everything. Well, this is a formal restaurant, so he should behave a little.

    The waiter went away. Satoshi and I engaged into small talks. The talk I'm really shocked about was when he was hated before by Pikachu when he started his journey. I just can't really see it in Pikachu when I think about it.

    The waiter came back with our food. We were busy eating that we can't really talk. For once, Satoshi is eating with discipline and grace, which surprises me. After we ate, we engage in yet another set of small talks, this time, some became a big conversation. After some time, Satoshi paid the bill. To my surprise, the bill was astronomically high. Luckily, Satoshi had the money he earned back in the Battle Institute. Why are there so many surprises today? I bet there are more surprises later.

    Miare streets…

    We went outside, and we saw a lot of people in pairs. There are some on the sidewalks, some near the fountain, pair here, pair there, pair everywhere!

    "I just can't believe Pikachu hated you before. I just can't see it." I said, bringing back the topic of Pikachu hating Satoshi.

    "Well, it didn't really trust humans before. I don't know why, but I'm not gonna find out." Satoshi said.

    Prism Tower, Miare City…

    We went In front of the Prism Tower. Since it's 8:30pm, the tower is glowing a beautiful bright yellow. Our breaths were taken away by the big and beautiful sight in front of us.

    Suddenly, in the corner of my right eye, I saw what it seems to be a girl with blue hair. If my nightmare is any indication of anything involving Satoshi, I won't take the chance of her seeing us, but I don't know where to go.

    I saw the door to the tower open by itself. Maybe an invitation from Arceus to get out of the impending situation? I'll take it!

    I was about to grab Satoshi's hand and drag him towards the tower's door, but I was surprised that it was the other way around.

    He grabbed my hand and said, "Well, let's go to the top." He said, beaming a smile. Oh Satoshi, I don't know how much I should thank you for unknowingly know about the approaching situation.

    We went inside, went to the elevator, and Satoshi pressed the button leading us to the top floor.

    I didn't notice it before. I was holding Satoshi's hand. I don't know if he already knows, though. He changed my mind when he spoke, shyly, "Your hand feels… nice." Did he just say that? Then again, he made my heart skip a beat.

    "Thanks…" I whispered, blushing lightly.

    Balcony, Prism Tower, Miare City…

    The elevator sounded a 'ding' when we were at the top. We went outside to the balcony, and our breaths are yet again taken away from us as we saw the big city's lights below and the stars in the night sky. This time, someone complimented the sight, and that's me.

    "It's beautiful." I said, hugging Satoshi's arm, releasing a light sigh when I said that.

    "Yeah. It is." Satoshi said.

    --------------
    Satoshi's POV

    I have thought of a rather corny line, but I was debating whether I should say or not.

    "You know, Serena, if you didn't exist, my life would be similar to that of a broken tip of a pencil." I started. I'm nervous. If she didn't ask why, I would probably relive the time when I jumped to save Pikachu when he fell from the top of this tower.

    "W-why?" Serena said. Thank Arceus for making her ask.

    "…It's pointless" I said.

    --------------
    Serena's POV

    When I heard him answer, my instinct got the better of me as I planted a quick kiss on his cheek. The redness that I was holding back took over my face.

    "Wha-what was that for?!" Satoshi said, surprised by my sudden action. I saw him turn red also. I guess he liked it? I don't know, but I don't care. I just did what I want to do.

    "N-nothing. Just had the urge to do that. Thank you, Satoshi…" I said softly.

    "Hehe, it's nothing." He said.

    I then remembered the nightmare I had. I was about to tell it to Satoshi, but an alternate method came to my mind.

    "Satoshi?" I said.

    "Hmm?" He said.

    "Would you… leave me for someone else?" I asked.

    "Why would I? I liked traveling with you too much to leave you." He said.

    "You… like… me?" I said, shifting the topic to 'like and love'.

    "Of course I do! You're my friend." He said. I think his obliviousness is getting the better of him. Time to bring out the big guns!

    "No… I mean… like 'like'." I said, giving more emphasis on the last word.

    "Uhh… umm…" he mumbled. I got impatient, and so I helped him.

    "Maybe this will help…" I said, preparing to do what I always wanted to do with him.

    I crashed my lips with his. My mind suddenly went blank. My heart is beating in a rapid rate. I closed my eyes, and wrapped my arms around his neck to deepen it. I don't know if his eyes are closed, though.

    --------------
    Satoshi's POV

    "No… I mean… like 'like'." Serena said. I didn't get what she said there.

    "Uhh… umm…" I mumbled. I really can't answer it.

    "Maybe this will help…" Serena said. Suddenly, her lips came into contact with mine.

    My mind went blank. I saw her eyes closed, and felt her arms wrap around my neck. The moment she crashed her lips onto mine, I felt something inside me came bursting out. I closed my eyes, and wrapped my arms around her waist. So this is what 'love' feels like.

    --------------
    Serena's POV

    I felt his arms wrapped around my waist. I think it finally came out of him. We shared a deep, loving, and passionate kiss. This is what I was wishing for the past years.

    When we broke away, I saw his face really red. But that didn't bother him, though, as he beamed a warm smile. I blushed, but didn't care either, as I smiled too.

    Wrapped in each others' arms, and not wanting to leave each other's hold, we watched as the lights of the city shine bright and the stars above twinkle.

    "Happy Miare Day, Satoshi." I said.

    "Happy Miare Day, Serena." He said.

    ...

    "I love you." We both said at the same time.

    --------------
    Outside Prism Tower, Miare City…

    Citron's POV

    "Well, big bro? How'd it go?" Eureka asked beside me.

    "Pika pika?" Pikachu asked too.

    I put down the binocular. "Well, Eureka, your plan worked out fine." I said.

    "Yes! Mission accomplished!" Eureka said in triumph.

    Then, in the corner of my eye, I saw a familiar face. It was Corni. What is she doing here?

    --------------
    Eureka's POV

    When I was jumping up and down from extreme happiness, I saw Corni, walking towards us.

    "Hi, Eureka. Hi Citron…" Corni said, blushing… when she said… Citron… Oh… My… Arceus!

    "Hi, Corni. It's been a long time. What brings you here in Miare City?" Citron said.

    "Well, I heard about the Miare Day… where people… you know… date and stuff…" Corni said, shyly. Hihihi, I know where this is going.

    "Oh. So, who's your date?" Citron asked.

    "Ummm… uhh…" Corni mumbled. Maybe big bro needs a little push, and so I pushed him towards Corni.

    Corni caught big bro falling in time. They were at a state so awkward and cute I'm going to faint.

    Corni then dragged big bro to wherever she wants to go with him.

    "Eureka! Help me!" Big bro shouted.

    "Bye bye, big bro! Take care of him for me Corni!" "Pikachu Pika!" Pikachu and I said, waving goodbye, with a smile on our faces.
    .~.~.~.~.~.

    Thanks for reading my fanfic Don't forget to review on your way out .

  12. #12
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    I think I'm going to be copying Midnightmoon here when I say this, but this is really something I really need to address in this story (yet again, sorry if I sound harsh). This is a good story, and it had very interesting plot. However, I think it would have been excellent hadn't several things bother me to take away from the experience.

    1. There is literally little to no setting descriptions, this is difficult to think of, write, I, personally, like to use the five senses when describing the scenery around the characters. For example, How do the Miare City streets feel, sound like, taste like (well, maybe not like that), smell like, and look like? The readers needs some idea of how the settings look to the character around me. The settings, you may not know it, can by themselves improve the mood the story is currently in:

    Example: The beautiful sunset upon the red and yellow sky, the light reflecting on Lumiose City, with the city beginning to calm down from volume of shoppers during the day, can easily create a great backdrop for a romantic scene (Just don't forget to describe the background in your story!)

    2. The biggest problem for me are the POVs. The first-person view may have worked when getting into the heads of two different characters in two different positions.

    However, this does NOT work when the characters are at the same place, especially at the date scene, where the switching was constant as Ash and Serena were at the same place in that scene.

    If you wanted to get into the heads of both characters, you could easily have used third person omniscient (the POV in which the narrator knows the thoughts and feelings of all of the characters in the story.) as an alternative for first person, to describe moments like this, as it gets into the heads of the writer. The kiss scene could have easily been this:

    "Maybe this will help," Serena said, as she moved in, fulfilling her desires, crashing her lips onto Ash's. Ash's mind had turned to blank, but as Serena's arms began to wrap around his neck, he relaxed, closing his eyes, beginning to succumb to the feeling of love in his veins, Whereas Serena sensed Ash's newfound feelings, as the two lovers locked in a loving embrace with the large backdrop of Lumiose City enhancing the mood.

    I hope this helped. Great work though!

    NOTE: Third Person Omniscient is a very different as opposed to third person limited (like Third Person Omniscient, but only focuses on the perspective of the main character, every other character is viewed only as the main character talks with him/her)
    Last edited by jjztiger; 15th October 2014 at 3:08 AM.
    "I'm the Canadian Infernape, been awfully cynical since 2011."

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by jjztiger View Post
    I think I'm going to be copying Midnightmoon here when I say this, but this is really something I really need to address in this story (yet again, sorry if I sound harsh). This is a good story, and it had very interesting plot. However, I think it would have been excellent hadn't several things bother me to take away from the experience.

    1. There is literally little to no setting descriptions, this is difficult to think of, write, I, personally, like to use the five senses when describing the scenery around the characters. For example, How do the Miare City streets feel, sound like, taste like (well, maybe not like that), smell like, and look like? The readers needs some idea of how the settings look to the character around me. The settings, you may not know it, can by themselves improve the mood the story is currently in:

    Example: The beautiful sunset upon the red and yellow sky, the light reflecting on Lumiose City, with the city beginning to calm down from volume of shoppers during the day, can easily create a great backdrop for a romantic scene (Just don't forget to describe the background in your story!)

    2. The biggest problem for me are the POVs. The first-person view may have worked when getting into the heads of two different characters in two different positions.

    However, this does NOT work when the characters are at the same place, especially at the date scene, where the switching was constant as Ash and Serena were at the same place in that scene.

    If you wanted to get into the heads of both characters, you could easily have used third person omniscient (the POV in which the narrator knows the thoughts and feelings of all of the characters in the story.) as an alternative for first person, to describe moments like this, as it gets into the heads of the writer. The kiss scene could have easily been this:

    "Maybe this will help," Serena said, as she moved in, fulfilling her desires, crashing her lips onto Ash's. Ash's mind had turned to blank, but as Serena's arms began to wrap around his neck, he relaxed, closing his eyes, beginning to succumb to the feeling of love in his veins, Whereas Serena sensed Ash's newfound feelings, as the two lovers locked in a loving embrace with the large backdrop of Lumiose City enhancing the mood.

    I hope this helped. Great work though!

    NOTE: Third Person Omniscient is a very different as opposed to third person limited (like Third Person Omniscient, but only focuses on the perspective of the main character, every other character is viewed only as the main character talks with him/her)
    Nah t'is ok. I always welcome criticism .

    This comment's gonna help me a lot for my current fic. I don't have that much to say to this though, except, yes, my POVs are horrible, I get it haha. Anyway, thanks for the helpful feedback

  14. #14
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    Well, well, well. I followed the link on the first post of the AmourShipping thread and wound up here. I was looking for a nice fic and you... you did not disappoint.

    As stated before, there are almost no descriptions. But, for me at least, that's a good thing. The way I tend to write is, I focus on the characters, on their dialog. If the image of something comes up, I'll describe it to the best of my ability. But I don't usually get that feeling, the need to describe locations, clothing and such.

    I had some issues with the japanese Pokémon names, but nothing Google wasn't able to handle.

    Now, let's talk about POVs, shall we?

    First person POV is good, I liked it. And I must thank you for not using "Normal POV"... When I see that, I lose interest immediately...

    Regarding the plot... There's one thing that bothers me a little. How did Serena get the information about Hikari (Dawn)? Dreams are manifestations of the subconscious, so she must have gotten that info from somewhere. And about Takeshi (Brock) and his siblings. That's the only thing.

    Keep writing. Repetition is the mother of skill.
    What Happens..., an AmourShipping fic.
    Read it if you want, I won't force you.
    Also, read my Amourshipping drabble, about Amourshipping.

    "An inspiring book on overcoming life's obstacles."
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    Write it down on your calendars.


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    Please stand by.


  15. #15
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    I think you already know where you should improve from everybody's advice, so I'll just drop this here to say that I enjoyed reading it. I admit there could've been a few improvements in some places, but it was overall enjoyable

    My deviantART page, check it out if you want.

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