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Thread: The other Side to Everything

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    Default The other Side to Everything

    Hi yesiree, I'm back with a new story. Sorry if it's a nightmare... I was writing this at 3:30 in the morning, and I'm very groggy.
    This is actually a chaptered fic. Can you believe it? No more one-shots!
    Main shipping: Contestshipping (obviosly, I mean look at my name.)
    other shippings (maybe): pokeshipping, ikarishipping
    Rated PG (again, bad at rating sorry!)


    The other Side to Everything: Chapter One:When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.


    "Drew? Hello? Are you there? Drew... ANDREW ROWE! AWNSWER ME RIGHT NOW OR YOU"LL BE SORRY! (A/N: Ack! OOC sorry!) a certain brunette was shouting like a madwomen. Her usually bright blue eyes showed irritation as she glanced at a boy with green hair.

    The boy looked up, his emerald eyes cutting the brunette also known as May.
    "What do you want May? And can't you speak like a normal person instead of screaming?" he asked flicking his hair. Now was her turn to roll her eyes.

    "Well unless you're deaf, Drew, I called you like any normal person will, but you were on cloud nine or something... wait you don't like anyone, do you?" she asked glancing across the table. Drew snorted, like whom? A crazy fangirl? I'm afraid not." May sighed in relief. "Wait," Drew said looking up. "When did you ever care? So you finally fell for me, I knew you will."

    "Shut up Drew, we're best friends, of course I'll care you doofus." she said, then she turned red, (A/N: Yes she does have a slow reaction) "What?!?! I do not like you Drew! We're best friends that's all we ever were and that's what we'll always be." Drew didn't know why but suddenly he felt like someone punched him in the stomach, and May, well she knew that she just told a stopid lie. Gosh, even Ash knows she likes Drew... or does he?

    "Sure whatever you say MayBelle." he said sarcastically.

    "Shut up Andrew!" she said in a mocking voice.

    "Just shut up guys." a voice rang out of nowhere. They glanced up to see a boy with raven black hair stuffing his face with a hamburger.

    "Whatever Ash, wait, Ash!?!?! When did you get here?!" May asked jumping to her feet.

    "Ouch." said a orange-redish headed girl. "We were here when you guys came and sat down.

    "Oops, sorry Misty." May said giggling slightly. Drew snorted, she looks so cute with that innocence. WAIT! What did I just say?! He shook his head.

    "Ketchum," Drew said looking at Ash.

    "Yeah what?" Ash asked.

    "Hurry up it's almost time for class." But then Ash pushed his burger together and the beef patty came out and landed on his pants.

    "Ummm... Drew? Do you have spare pant?"

    MNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMN

    "Finally! Schools over!" May shouted punching the air.

    Misty smiled. "Hey guys. You wanna go to the mall or something?"

    "No let's go to the movies." May argued.

    "NO!!! I want to go to a buffet!" Ash yelled.

    "And whose gonna pay for thet?" Drew asked. Ash pulled out his pocket revealing nothing but candy wrappers, a penny, and a fly flying out.

    "Ummm, let's just go to the movies." May said.

    MNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMN

    "Let's watch this one!" May yelled pointing at a poster.

    "I'm not watching that! Right Ketchum? Ketchum?" Drew asked turning around.

    "And I'll have a Extra-big popcorn with extra butter, and a mega sized coke."

    "Ash, I thought you only had a penny." Misty said staring at the price.

    "Oops! I forgot. Misty? Please?"

    "Fine. But just this once, you still owe May and I a bike." she said her eyes narrowing.

    Gulp.

    MNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNM

    Sorry folks but I'm out! It's 3:45 and I need sleep. Sorry it's so short. I'll make it longer next time. Once again, sorry.
    I forgot to tell you how old they are. So here you go.
    May: 14 3/4
    Drew:14 3/4
    Ash: 15 1/4
    Misty: 15 1/4
    All in grade 9. Hope you enjoyed it. The next chappie will be up soon, maybe.
    Reviews please! Bad or good, I don't care.

    Toodles! ^_^

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    2,075

    Default

    Well after reading this, I think I can give a little help.

    "Drew? Hello? Are you there? Drew... ANDREW ROWE! AWNSWER ME RIGHT NOW OR YOU"LL BE SORRY! (A/N: Ack! OOC sorry!) a certain brunette was shouting like a madwomen. Her usually bright blue eyes showed irritation as she glanced at a boy with green hair.
    It's not a very good idea to have Author's notes in between the fic, it kinda spoils the flow for some readers. You could always add the notes at the end of the fic, like you did with the ages.

    "Oops, sorry Misty." May said giggling slightly. Drew snorted, she looks so cute with that innocence. WAIT! What did I just say?! He shook his head.

    "Ketchum," Drew said looking at Ash.

    "Yeah what?" Ash asked.

    "Hurry up it's almost time for class." But then Ash pushed his burger together and the beef patty came out and landed on his pants.

    "Ummm... Drew? Do you have spare pant?"

    MNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMN

    "Finally! Schools over!" May shouted punching the air.

    Misty smiled. "Hey guys. You wanna go to the mall or something?"

    "No let's go to the movies." May argued.

    "NO!!! I want to go to a buffet!" Ash yelled.

    "And whose gonna pay for thet?" Drew asked. Ash pulled out his pocket revealing nothing but candy wrappers, a penny, and a fly flying out.

    "Ummm, let's just go to the movies." May said.

    MNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMN
    One thing I've noticed is that there isn't really a paragraph structure. The grammar and spelling looks pretty decent but the strcuture kinda lets it down. Although it's quite simple to read.

    I think you should do a little more description as well.

    I don't want to be a hundred percent negative, I think the idea is pretty sweet . And I'll quote some of my favorite parts.

    "Shut up Drew, we're best friends, of course I'll care you doofus." she said, then she turned red, (A/N: Yes she does have a slow reaction) "What?!?! I do not like you Drew! We're best friends that's all we ever were and that's what we'll always be." Drew didn't know why but suddenly he felt like someone punched him in the stomach, and May, well she knew that she just told a stopid lie. Gosh, even Ash knows she likes Drew... or does he?

    "Sure whatever you say MayBelle." he said sarcastically.

    "Shut up Andrew!" she said in a mocking voice.

    "Just shut up guys." a voice rang out of nowhere. They glanced up to see a boy with raven black hair stuffing his face with a hamburger.
    This part was pretty funny.

    I understnad it was pretty late when you wrote this, perhaps you can edit it when you have time to make it look better.


    ☆ Maya Fey: Ace Pokemon Trainer
    Carry On, BlisseyThe Other King☆
    Advancers Tumblr
    Banner by Sworn Metalhead at Dćdric Design ✠

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    In a cartoon
    Posts
    22

    Default

    Hey, I'm reviewing.... I didn't think you were ever gonna put something up!!! And yay you got a chapter fic!!! Now just to let you know if you didn't I'm no good at pointing out mistakes, sometimes if its as plain as day. I'll leave that to others. I love your story as always, it's really funny acually, and kinda cute. Can't wait for chapter two.
    I'm a positive reviewer by the way, so I don't do a lot of negative coments. And you do need a little more discriptive technecs. but who am i to talk. Well can you PM me when you get chapter two in. Please and thank you,
    Your bud,
    Waste my time

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