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Thread: Max's Hoenn Journey

  1. #251
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    Quote Originally Posted by super riolu31 View Post
    Cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Thank you I guess, hope this doesn't come out wrong but in the future can you say what you like and what is cool but it's grea to have a new reader. Now some good news!

    I have finally finished Chapter 12 after a long time of writing it and I'm sorry for the delay between Chapters, I will try not to do it again as I have no valid excuse. Before you read Chapter 12 I would ask that you re-read Chapter 2 the part where Ryperior appears, it plays a big part in Chapter 12 and I have re-edited it! So here it is...hopefully the long awaited Chapter!



    Chapter 12: Once More Round the Bend

    A smell of diligent food wafted up Max’s nostrils tempting his taste buds, as their order was being prepared in the kitchen behind where he sat in the red luxurious chair, accompanied with a modern Japanese style that contrasted the red well. His view allowed him to gaze into the black night life of Petalburg City where young trainers were allowing their Pokémon to walk beside them and enjoy the cool breeze whistling through the streets. All of them he considered rivals that one day he would compete against and hopefully win with his ‘talent’.

    His family and Roxanne were hot in conversation around the white marbled table where May was telling her stories from Jhoto, the travels from towns to cities and the numerous adventures she experienced with old and new friends, “Wartortle has become such a strong asset to my team, and its personality has really grown along with its size and power. The baby it once was, is now a feisty adolescent who never takes no for an answer, which can sometimes get a little annoying, but that’s what I love about him.”

    “Well my dear, I remember when you were like that only a few years ago, always insisting on doing this and that and travelling to Birch on your own, and now Max has taken over that role. The two of you growing up, I never thought I would let this day come but it has and it’s great to have you back home where we can have a family meal together, like the old times,” Caroline softly said with a wave of calming emotions seeping into her children’s’ hearts; nearly bringing tears to Max’s eyes. He reached into his pocket to find a tissue to quickly dab at them while no-one was looking, but he found the leather case box that held his sisters present inside which immediately changed his mood. Grabbing it tightly, he brought it out and onto the table where May instantly took it from him.

    “Max? You haven’t opened it yet...why?”

    “Well, I guess I just wanted to open it once I overcame my first hurdle in a way...and now I have, I suppose there’s nothing stopping me anymore.” He took it in his hand, unclipping the golden coloured latch which released a majestic violet light as the lid slowly opened to reveal half of a pendant that had a jagged edge down its right side. “May...” Max was stunned; it was truly time for him to accept his journey and fulfil people’s expectations of him, however hard, and the first step lay in the palm of his hand.

    Inside a zipped compartment of his bag the same eerie light began to be produced, perplexing Norman and Caroline: what was going on? Max reached in and drew out an identical half of a pendant, something magical was held in the story behind it, and after 5 years of it being hidden it was time to finally tell.

    “Max, May! What is all this?” Caroline inquisitively asked looking into the two pieces of jewellery as it captured her gaze with its grand presence, seemingly untouchable in its power.

    “Well Mum, the short story, some years back Max and I were fishing down in the river that flows through the woods not far from here, and Max got a tug on his rod, being pulled into the water. It wasn’t that deep so he was fine but I still went in to help him out. When we had got out, attached to his shoes was this pendant you see. I grabbed it and so did Max but due to all our yanking it snapped in half and we’ve both kept our own pieces, until now. I believe that it’s a true sign of Max’s independence having both halves and how I no longer need to protect him as he travels with new friends.”

    She looked back around at her little brother who was fiddling with both pieces in his hand, in deep thought about what his sister had said and how he would proceed in his journey and life. Catching Pokémon was all he thought about the day he walked out of Birch’s lab, but now that wasn’t the only thing that mattered. Becoming friends with new creatures and having different experiences with them, like May had, that was what would make his travelling fun and adventurous. But being independent would leave him on his own, no-one backing him up if he encountered trouble in the form of Team Rocket where it would be him on his own. Would any accomplishments make up for the loss of companions?

    “Max, honey, what May has done for you is a gift any sibling would want, their independence from the rest of the family as they grow into a young adult and piece together themselves, and a way for you to start is by putting that pendant back together when we get home, and I’ll give you some help if you want to symbolise our last feat united,” Norman said, ruffling Max’s hair like he use to.

    “And a word from me...with your challenge against your Father and the battles you’ve overcome against that strange bunch of criminals, and even Mark, you should be able to prove to yourself that you are worthy of reaching the goal of a Pokémon Master already when there are numbers of trainers out there who still haven’t earned enough badges to compete in Pokémon leagues, for you that must prove something.” The kind words of Roxanne were causing a few more tears in Max as he began to realise what was needed of him and how to move on.

    “Well, I don’t know. It’s all fair and well saying I just need to believe but in practice it’s a whole lot harder...” Uttering these words he clasped his hands in frustration, evidently pushing the two parts together deduced because of the sheer blinding light that shone from his hands. He couldn’t move, it was like he was frozen in time as he gazed upon everyone around him who had jerked their heads to see the commotion, but things started to get stranger, they all began to slow down until they were halted and Max was thrown backwards into what seemed an endless spiral of multicoloured light!


    *****


    The sunlight began to break through Max’s closed eyelids as his senses all started to function again, allowing in the sounds of Murkrow to softly vibrate his ears. At first the light blinded him, taking a couple of seconds to focus and allow him to stare into the trees of a wood, surrounding him on all sides. It seemed the perfect bliss place to be, if it was in a movie, but for him this was just terrifying. There was no way he could have got here so quickly after being in a restaurant in the heart of Petalburg City. What a strange experience.

    After a few minutes of becoming use to everything once again, he attempted to get a secure hold in the bushes to prop himself up and crawl out of the foliage, except it was harder than he had first imagined. He reached up to hold onto one of the branches dangling from the Oak tree above him, holding on as tight as possible while lifting his body upright. After a few attempts it worked, and he stumbled from within its thresholds only to find he was lying by the road that led towards Professor Birch’s laboratory. How weird? What had successfully launched him a number of km in distance? Then he remembered. The pendant, some mystical force had caused him to teleport across the country, and at first glances it could prove to be handy in reaching his next goals without having to travel far to get there, now he just had to work it again and get back to Petalburg.

    While his thoughts continued to process all the relevant data, the noise of a whirring car crept over the horizon along with a churning cloud of dust that was visible even from where Max stood. As it neared, the car became more visible until it was clear whose it was, now he had to hide, no reason why, he just had to. He flung himself quickly back into the bushes as his Dad’s Porche roared past at great speed, gaining its approach towards Birch’s lab, but Max was still able to glimpse inside to where he saw his father and himself in heated conversation, an experience he had lived only a few weeks ago. What had that Pendant done?

    His expressions explained everything, a shock, bewilderment, one that was unexplainable. He wandered out onto the road and watched the car tail off toward the building that was faintly visible where Professor Oak and Professor Birch would greet him and offer him a choice of 6 Pokémon, a puzzling fact. There must be a reasonable answer to the situation, maybe he was dreaming or knocked unconscious and was reliving a past event, but things just seemed too real. He went into deep thought, trying to find an explainable answer; however he couldn’t. Maybe following the trail would help him figure out what to do.

    He sped off towards the laboratory, arriving not long after the car. His younger self was wondering into the room where the starter PokeBalls were lying on a table along with his Pokédex, about to receive Charmander. Suddenly a thought strayed across his mind, what if he changed his own fate? What if instead of Charmander he bonded with Mudkip, that way his journey might change, and Charmander could go back to Kanto and find another loving trainer. It could work. But he wasn’t thinking of the dire consequences that could follow in this fatal choice. He came first!

    Max carefully made his way to the far side of the building where he could see clearly through the window he had crouched by, watching himself look amazed as the first three Pokémon appeared with a gifted magical appearance, each Pokémon with their unique quality. Mudkip was adorable, why else would he have fallen in love with it. He gazed once again in awe at the water Pokémon’s majestic attributes; the orange external gills were what had attracted him to begin with, and something odd that made this Pokémon a beauty. What wonder! He attempted to move to the opposite window where he could distract Charmander and draw him away from the younger Max instead of having Mudkip distracted first, that way his younger self might follow the water type and not get drawn to the fire type. In the process of movement he clipped the windowsill with his bear elbow causing a faint noise which attracted Mudkip’s sensitive hearing. The blue Pokémon leapt from the table to investigate what had occurred outside being the only one to notice it while the others just played around with Max. Now there was no chance to get his favourite Pokémon, the upcoming trainer now had Charmander cradled in his arms, Max was the reason Mudkip wasn’t his; it was his own actions that made it this way, now what to do?

    He skulked down with his back against the white washed wall, crowded with unwanted feelings of regret and disappointment knowing that what he just attempted was wrong, although he realised that if he had succeeded nothing would matter anymore as he would return to a different world, without Charmander and possibly without Mudkip. Fate can’t be changed, he knew it, but the excitement of getting what he wanted or turning a situation into his own way was not a chance to give up at a snap of a finger, if anything it should be tried out in some sort of simulation chamber that only existed on the T.V. At least then...things could become easier, tough decisions made simpler by a pre-empted enactment and maybe his past few weeks would have become somewhat different, not meeting up with Roxanne or having to face the mysterious ‘Steel Team’ who put them all through torture. He sighed, there were all these ‘what ifs’ which became incredibly strenuous upon his mind as he juggled with the thought of changing some other occurrences, say causing his younger self to take a different route to Petalburg City and not becoming mixed up in everything he did, a year’s journey packed into a few small weeks. His face started to sag from the stress and burdens he had thrown over himself by trying selfish acts to enhance his life, the only thing he should worry about was finding a way back to his time, his reality. If only that was a simple answer.

    After a few minutes pondering over the same thought in his head, he decided that the best course of action was to leave after Max, loitering in the bushes as to hide from detection. Maybe the reason he was sent back was to confront something along the path, finding a certain secret out; anything seemed possible at the moment but Max had to find the answer and it would certainly lye on the path of his travels.

    He supported himself by clinging onto the ledge to give some leverage in his pull, as a precaution in being undetected and able to slip away without any fuss, or so he thought. Just as he was about to turn the corner the front metallic doors burst open with little effort and the group of professors wandered back into the grounds along with Norman, busy in conversation. Max slipped to the ground edging himself closer to listen intently to the words they were all saying, as he guessed it would most likely concern him.

    “Birch, you promise me you’ll watch over him until he reaches Petalburg?” Norman asked with an obvious agitation to his voice as he looked over to the horizon as his son trekked along the path to Oldale Town.

    “I’ve already said I have someone on it, Roxanne to be precise! She has a full back story for the trip at hand and someone in Oldale to go along with the story so if Max does question anything there will be no hesitations...don’t worry Norman; he’ll make it home in one piece.”

    “Thanks Birch, sorry to bother you...”

    “It’s okay Norman, being a worried father is part of your job,” Birch jokingly said tapping Norman’s shoulder as they all chuckled, except for Max. His Dad had presumed that he wouldn’t cope on his own, that being independent would prove too tough. Why though? He had been able to let May go on her travels without setting her up with someone to travel with, but when it came to him it did; anyway he was more mature than she ever was always making the right decisions; except...what he had just attempted to change a little thing that could easily alter time and space upsetting both Dialga and Palkia, two God like Pokémon. But at least he could say he would manage on his own and not have to cling onto home like a small toddler always holding onto Mummy’s leg as they walked leisurely down a supermarket isle.

    He looked back over to the men as they clambered into cars and drove off down the road, back into the direction of Petalburg City with Birch waving them goodbye as they hit the distance. Now would be his chance to catch up with novice Max, but like always, something interrupted him. All of Birch’s assistances had made it back indoors as the bushes and grass begun to whir and bend as a harsh noise protracted from the sky where a helicopter descended onto the road and a young woman gingerly climbed out with lush long brown hair. Max soon realised that it was none other than Roxanne starting her given task to tail after him and keep him safe from ‘danger’ that would arrive, like he really needed her in all the situations they became tangled in, but the more he thought about the more he disagreed with himself. Who was he kidding when thinking that Roxanne didn’t help or Charmander got in his way, life happened for a reason his Granddad always use to remind him, and in this case that was certainly true. If these events didn’t occur then instead of being released by the ‘Steel Team’ he could have been held hostage and taken back to their head base, but because his friends were there they were able to pull together and escape showing the criminals a thing or two about friendship.

    By this time, Birch had entered the laboratory and Roxanne had departed down the path into the Oldale Forest where the first few major experiences for the young trainer occurred like random fire works on a trajectory course for damage. Max cautiously rose from his current position and trailed after the Rock Gym Leader as she sank into the distance. His mind was still pondering over the case of how to get back to his time without disrupting anything else in the process, but he still hadn’t found a solid answer. There was the possibility of breaking the pendant now hanging round his neck to see if that undid the process of time travel but it was too risky, if anything went wrong he could be sent further back than he already was, if only he could consult someone else who could help. Then he realised the two closet friends he had were hanging from his belt inside their PokeBalls. He released his two Pokémon one by one, each landing straight onto the ground in the trail of white light that always appeared, both of them were still worn out from the Gym Battle earlier on in the day which left them feeling tired and aching. They had each fought a tough battle, especially the little Bud Pokémon who managed to defy the odds and defeat a Pokémon that towered over her, using some hidden power stored somewhere inside the tiny coiled body of herself. They looked toward their trainer gazing at him with slight bewilderment noticing their whereabouts had become different in a matter of hours.

    “Don’t really know how to put this, but we’ve travelled to the past, a few weeks to be exact right at the start of my journey and I have no idea how to get back without jeopardising our safety or that of others.” He paused while drifting into deep thought yet again, his confusion being felt by both his Pokémon, making them agitated and slightly worried. “I have one suggestion that I thought over earlier however; we could follow this road back to Petalburg City and see if that helps determine what our next move should be.” They nodded to show their agreement, and they even knew that the only possible solution to their undeniable problem was to continue on until their path home was shown instead of standing around waiting for something to happen. If nothing could be done then at least when he arrived at the restaurant he would be back to his present time and able to continue on the journey. Budew leapt into the arms of her trainer while Charmander sat on Max’s shoulders as he hastily ran to catch up with the first predicament, Ryperior.


    *****


    The sunlight had begun to disperse as the huge yellow ball of energy began to rise on the other side of the Earth, bringing warmth to different trainers and Pokémon as they continued on their current travels, or past encounters as Max looked at it. His legs were finally numb from the excursion he was putting them through as their sore and achy period had past, or were to come, very confusing, but his efforts had paid off as he was nearly there. The path had now begun to join the river which he and May had once found the pendant now sitting in his pocket, the cause for their bewilderment, but he couldn’t worry about that now as he was about to come across the camp site where his younger self was busy eating supper. Now he had to hide! The long perturbing branches of the bushes were piercing his skin as he slowly edged closer to Max, finally able to see him through the gaps in the undergrowth. He planted his behind in a soil patch that was warm and cosy while he had Charmander and Budew sitting on his lap, waiting for something, anything. The youthful Max was now busy looking for his Charmander who had disappeared only moments before into the hedge growth just a few metres away, following a trail of Gulpin slime that had intrigued him. Now it was time for the big cliché to arrive, with thunderous roars, Ryperior stomped around the corner ready to cause havoc, although he was still puzzled as to how it came ambling into the forest. It gave another huge roar as it charged a Hidden Power while Max was looking up all its details within the Pokédex. What a stupid mistake he realised as he eagerly watched from the safety of the vibrant green bushes. The attack was all it took to lunge the past Max into the river, sinking straight to the bottom, an experience he absolutely hated, but all he had to do was watch and wait for Roxanne to save him, although Ryperior had other plans. It suddenly turned its mass toward where Max and co were sitting comfortably as if they were on a sofa eating popcorn and watching a horror movie, except they were able to be injured by the creature. It once again began to charge a Hidden Power, just long enough for Max to get out before things reached critical; until Roxanne arrived he would have to face the giant Pokémon.

    “Budew and Charmander, use Bullet Seed and Ember now!” His commands were very decisive, direct and quick enough to allow time to collide with the oncoming Hidden Power and try and force it back with as much power from the two Pokémon as they could muster. The buzz and energy brought Max back to reality showing him how much he enjoyed battling and how well he could cope on his own. Yes it’s always great to have friends with you but if he was put on his own he could handle situations as long as he had the confidence. After these experiences it had clouded his beliefs, as all he saw was other people there coming to his rescue, but reliving it all put a spark back to the flame and he could let go of the burden. The answer had been given to him, independence; he was capable of doing that.

    His face showed it all, the confident smirk was a breath of fresh air to his friends battling with him with a new belief in themselves, “I’ve finally come to my senses! I can be independent if I believe!”

    The multicoloured light started to fade back into view surrounding all three as they were launched straight into the heart of the light. His journey had a new spark and the realisation made him safe, he was back on his travels!


    *****
    Last edited by harryheart; 26th April 2009 at 6:13 PM.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  2. #252
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    like it, budew better kick rypherhipers a*$

        Spoiler:- Credits:

  3. #253
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    Nice chapter, i was a little sad that he'd want to change meeting Charmander though.




    Credit to Mr. Joker for the Glee banner
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  4. #254
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    This is, quite possibly, the most well written and interesting chapter of this fic to date. The time travel sequence and Max's decision to try and alter his life were very interesting plot details. The only thing I didn't like was the big blocks of text. You need to split some paragraphs up into separate paragraphs because some of them are so big, they are hard to read.

    I say 8/10. Good job.

  5. #255
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    Quote Originally Posted by super riolu31 View Post
    like it, budew better kick rypherhipers a*$
    Well Budew did kick Ryperior to kingdom kum before being sent back to her normal time in the multicoloured spirlay light! But if you re-read Chapter 2 the Ryperior battle you'll understand that the attacks help Roxanne

    Thank You for reviewing and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Snover View Post
    Nice chapter, i was a little sad that he'd want to change meeting Charmander though.
    Thank You Snovy for picking that part out as I want people to concider what reprocusions could of occured if he had succeeded and also what it shows of Max. He loves Charmander but he saw an opportunity to enhance his life and took it which will help in Character development.

    Quote Originally Posted by chosen_one386 View Post
    This is, quite possibly, the most well written and interesting chapter of this fic to date. The time travel sequence and Max's decision to try and alter his life were very interesting plot details. The only thing I didn't like was the big blocks of text. You need to split some paragraphs up into separate paragraphs because some of them are so big, they are hard to read.

    I say 8/10. Good job.
    It's always nice to get a review from you and well this has to be the best so far. My improvement hopefully was helpful in understnading some things that occured early on and also hopefully was able to show a new part to Max's character.

    I will try and sort out paragraphing next Chapter and go over this one and make edits as soon as I've completed complete revamps of Chapters 2 - 3 and 4.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  6. #256

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    Uh, how to start?
    I mean, I don't know whether to love or hate this chapter. It was extremely well written, the twist was very creative, and you had amazing character development. However, if this whole time travel thing spans for too long, it will be extremely confusing to catch up on.
    Well, let's give it a 7.5/10 for now.

  7. #257
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    Quote Originally Posted by zen_master_dude View Post
    Uh, how to start?
    I mean, I don't know whether to love or hate this chapter. It was extremely well written, the twist was very creative, and you had amazing character development. However, if this whole time travel thing spans for too long, it will be extremely confusing to catch up on.
    Well, let's give it a 7.5/10 for now.
    Do not fear this was the only Chapter at the moment with time travel and will most likely be the only one and you will understand why at the beginning of the next chapter so don't really worry about that. If the ending wasn't clear they started their departure back to their present time.

    Thank You for the review as I'm glad you thought it was really well written as I'm intending to improve

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  8. #258
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    Good chapter, Harry. You're steadily getting better and I'm enjoying your series. Keep up the good work!
    nothing lasts forever, but this is getting good now.
    ~I've claimed Turtwig~

  9. #259
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    This Chapter was well written, probably your best ever. It was kind of sad how Max thought about having Mudkip and not Charmander. I can tell you have really been improving ever since Chapter 1 way back in September. I can't wait for more chapters and I read some of the edited Chapter 1 and it was way better then the one in September! Great Job!

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    Quote Originally Posted by TurtwigFan1 View Post
    Good chapter, Harry. You're steadily getting better and I'm enjoying your series. Keep up the good work!
    Thank you for reviewing as I also feel that I'm steadily imroving along the way, especially as I think that the plot line has inproved a great deal. But that might just be me as I know whats coming and so on.

    Quote Originally Posted by Torpoleon View Post
    This Chapter was well written, probably your best ever. It was kind of sad how Max thought about having Mudkip and not Charmander. I can tell you have really been improving ever since Chapter 1 way back in September. I can't wait for more chapters and I read some of the edited Chapter 1 and it was way better then the one in September! Great Job!
    I also felt sad to have to write it as I know that Max and Charmander will become close and inseperable but at the moment he is still thinking over the past and wonders whether he made right decisions and at the moment he does. Lucky for him the Pokemon don't know - yet!

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  11. #261

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    OMFG. I just realized what Pokemon he'll get next. Ralts, right?

  12. #262
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    Wow.... Sorry, I just started reading your fanfic, and I have to say, I love it! The beginning chapters lacked a little, but thanks to MM, your story has improved and I am waiting for the newest chapter! I really like the plot line, and how he got Charmander instead of Mudkip. Great twist!

    Your loyal fan,

    Chaotic_Darkness

    P.s: I think he'll get ralts too.
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  13. #263
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    Quote Originally Posted by zen_master_dude View Post
    OMFG. I just realized what Pokemon he'll get next. Ralts, right?
    Hmm...well we'll see won't we! How did you manage to come to this conclusion may I ask...? But I can tel you that there is a new Capture for someone in Chapter 13 and who it is and what it is is left up to your imagination.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chaotic_Darkness View Post
    Wow.... Sorry, I just started reading your fanfic, and I have to say, I love it! The beginning chapters lacked a little, but thanks to MM, your story has improved and I am waiting for the newest chapter! I really like the plot line, and how he got Charmander instead of Mudkip. Great twist!

    Your loyal fan,

    Chaotic_Darkness

    P.s: I think he'll get ralts too.
    You have no need to apologige...lol...yes my first few Chapters do lack that's why I plan on having edits up for all of them by the end of the summer. I would have done it for Spring but I ran out of time. MM really helped and I owe a great deal to him and it's a shame he can't do it anymore but he made his mark in my story and that was great. The plot will get even more weirder I can ensure you that! I touched onto it in Chater 6 but it wasn't completely free.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  14. #264

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    Well the Ralts on Max's shoulder on your banner is sort of a dead giveaway :P

  15. #265
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    The Chapter is not bad I always like reading your fan fiction.
    Continue making chapters.
    Click Jirachi to join the amazing Ever Grande City forums! You won't regret joining it!
    I've claimed this Pokemon.

  16. #266
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    Quote Originally Posted by zen_master_dude View Post
    Well the Ralts on Max's shoulder on your banner is sort of a dead giveaway :P
    Well yes that is a giveaway and it is most likely that he will encounter
    Ralts - lol - but next Chapter we'll see whether your prediction is correct...

    Quote Originally Posted by palamon View Post
    The Chapter is not bad I always like reading your fan fiction.
    Continue making chapters.
    Thank You Palamon...been a while since I saw a post and I'm glad you enjoyed the Chapter as I enjoyed writing it. Hope the next Chapter lives up to its predecessor.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  17. #267
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    i just read chapter 1 , i think the best part is where it give detail about his pokemon.
    Yes visit it and i made the banner

    I'm more active on bulbagarden than here.

  18. #268
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    Review Chapter 11: More Force behind the Punch

    We'll I have to say it was really good everything seemed to be in place and fitted well.
    May watching Max's battle was a good way to make Max happy and pumped that his beloved sister would be watching and it is a good thing, you planned it out well.

    Well the Buneary into Lopunny was good but I have to say I saw it coming kind of pradictable for me, I just had a feeling once Charmander dodge like a bridge so yep.

    Delcatty did good yet I think that since it was May's Pokemon it kind of was strong of the bat making her the star of the gym battle, yet you went for Budew which I was thinking would get crushed but hey. Also when I readed but May wished she didn't when she watched Max battle with Delcatty, I though May was thinking on giving her to Max and I was like ummm I hope not Max already got Budew from a trainer so yeppers.

    Snorlax really??? I mean I was hoping Norman would have a Ambipom or something. Yet using Snorlax?? It is kind of strong and for me I find it alittle unbelieveable for it to lose to a small little Budew... But the way it battled out was good still think Snorlax should have looked more harder and should have been like a close losing again and have Budew come in a use a new attack or something

    Overall gotta say was a really good chapter and I enjoyed it very very much!

    BTW Its JOHTO J-o-h-t-o!! Thats how they offical spell it in the game and show so yeah..

    Overall gotta say was a really good chapter and I enjoyed it very very much!


    Review Chapter 12: Once more round the Bend

    OMG I loved that plot line. Yet urgh -_- it has been done many times before it was like the one episoded in BF when May went back in time to see that old ladys husband didn't leave. Also like Harry Potter the Movie/Book 3 I forgot the name but yeah it was like that very very much!

    So thats why in Chapter 1 Mudkip ran to the window and Charmander came to him Icic.

    Just hmmm really why would out of the blue Max would want to get rid of the Charamander he loved and took good care of it would be like him saying "I'm tried of having May as my sister so I'll change it to Misty." He was so heartless and so urgh I can't even say it. For me I would have liked Max want to get Charamander this time.

    Chapter was good I liked it the plot line has been done and was very much like Harry Potter but hey it was good so yeppers.

    I found it abit stupid how after battling Rhypheior he learned his lesson and got back by the power of the pendant. I was hoping for like Rhypheior to break the Pendant and then there it a big light and he would go back and in his real time someone had hit him on the head with a football or something (Because I'm pretty sure no one would be playing football in a Noodle shop :P)

    The pedant was kindof a copy of May and Ash's ribbon and Ash and Gary's half of a pokeball thing. But it is a good thing so I'm not complaining.

    Overall good I like the plot thing yet it has been done so I really can't give it up because I don't know if you copyed the idea and had no idea it had been done before or you knew it had been done before and wanted to work with it.

    Anyways it was good.


    Also I know for a fact he will catch Ralts because I'm Psychic!!!!

    Pokemon Ranger Dan
    The New Ranger From Hoeen
    That Was turned into a Pokemon once... Than Turned Back Into A Human To Become A Ranger.
    Rank: 8
    Styler Level: 33
    On Mission: 14: Get The Yellow Gem!
    Credits To Sweet May For The Banner

  19. #269
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    Well thank you for reviewing...I knew of the ploit but thought I could pull it off in my own unique way and instead of it only lasting for 1 episode it will have reprocussions for a while...putting things on hold and causing him to do other things. Ralts - well we'll see!

    Anyway the pendant was thought of before I wrote Chapter 1 as it was a useful way to cause independance like never before...lol...and also be useful in an epic twist and so on...it will be seen loads!

    Anyway thanks for reviewing and the next Chapter is finished just have to wat till the 22nd!

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

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    He attempted to move to the other side of the building where he could distract Charmander and lead him away from the younger Max instead of Mudkip being distracted first,
    Yeah, yeah, yeah I do not want to hear this. Max wanting to replace Charmander. No way. If I were him I wouldn't even think about that. Have you seen the Pokemon Advanced episode when Max said May didn't like Torchic anymore? Well if you havn't then Ash and Brock said the first pokemon you get is the most SPECIAL one.

    Don't get me wrong though. The story is great so far. I just don't like this chapter.

    The outsider of Ash's team.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TorterraGuy View Post
    Yeah, yeah, yeah I do not want to hear this. Max wanting to replace Charmander. No way. If I were him I wouldn't even think about that. Have you seen the Pokemon Advanced episode when Max said May didn't like Torchic anymore? Well if you havn't then Ash and Brock said the first pokemon you get is the most SPECIAL one.

    Don't get me wrong though. The story is great so far. I just don't like this chapter.
    Hi

    Thank you for reviewing and you are the first to pick up that link to the Advanced episode...well done as this was what inspired me to perhaps include that in...and dont worry this next Chapter has Max feeling the guilt you may say...but it was needed for one plot line which has been set up

    Thank you again and hope you enjoy the future chapters...

    Also if any of you haven't realised yet:
    I have created an intro to Max's Hoenn Journey and posted the link on the first post - it has been approved by Zephy Flare so that's okay...

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

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    Hey all! Hope you enjoy this Chapter as someone new enters the fold! A few questions I wouldn't mind being answered are:
    What do you think of the Character Development from Chapter 1?
    What do you think of the plot at the moment?
    Which Pokemon is the most unique?

    Thank you and remember to check out my intro I created - link of first page

    Chapter 13: Time to Fly!

    The night was still full of energy as Max slowly finished off his large chunk of Fudge Chocolate Cake, drizzled with a warm milk chocolate sauce that gave the whole dessert an extra special feeling as it slowly slipped down Max’s spoon while he held it in his mouth. The experiences he had been through only a matter of hours before seemed long behind him but the family were still hassling him for some unexplained answers that had inadvertently cropped up in his initial description of the adventure. Yes, that was what it had become and he felt proud that he was able to overcome it, and so early on. If this was the way his travels would go then he would be raring to take the path as soon as the bowl had been completely ridden of the chocolate coating it, but he knew his family and friends deserved some answers, and in hindsight it would be a way for it all to sink in for him. But what an adventure to have, travelling through time by means of a pendant that had only one way to get back, through learning something about himself and feeling confident that he could complete all the tough challenges that would come his way. A gift any new trainer would desire, the chance to feel they could go all the way, practically at the start of their first journey with Pokémon.

    It didn’t take long for the last mouthful to quickly be shoved into Max’s mouth, soothing all the aches and hurtful mind for a few seconds before they realised the temptation that he was trying to overshadow them with. Along with the joyful side of the escapade there also came a price to pay, the guilt. He was lucky that his dearest friends had no idea that he attempted to replace them and start all over again, a foolish mistake that was carried out in the spur of the moment, or so he hoped to believe. But keeping something like this from the ones he trusted and valued the most would be a hard commitment and prey hard upon his values. He thought to himself that at least he wouldn’t have to make that decision right now; it could be saved till later when he could make a more paired conclusion after a nice relaxing sleep.

    The pendant still sat comfortably inside Max’s fleece, as if to play a vital role in keeping his morals correct and the decisions firm from lies and regret, but it still had a warmth to it. The idea that he could work and make intelligent decisions on his own without parental help, a contradiction to the other meaning it held. Altogether at this point, the only thing he could tell was that it would play a more key function in his travels than first speculated.

    He lent casually back in his chair, awaiting the hype of questions to begin their decent upon him again after his dismissal earlier on, to wait until the dinner was completely finished. Roxanne (having been rather quiet throughout the entire meal) jumped in with the first inquisitive comment.

    “Max, what on Earth happened? One minute you were here and the next you weren’t.”

    “A good question to start off with, like I said when I appeared back in this chair, the pendant had somehow sent me backwards through time to a few minutes before my younger self arrived at Birch’s lab. And on from there I learnt what Dad had planned with Birch to make sure I was safe, which involved giving you a back story to do with the Protector item that evolves Rhydon. Then on from there, I followed you and learnt that I could handle situations on my own and the multicoloured light re-appeared, and the next thing I knew I was sitting in front of my bowl of Chicken noodles.”

    A silence flounced across the table, no-one knew what to say in response to Max, anything at all could displease either side of the argument and that wasn’t needed at a celebratory dinner. Max looked around the table, seeing Norman fidgeting in his seat, what had he done? He was really close to his father yet he had managed to unnerve him and Roxanne too. Why condemn them when he had done wrong too, attempting to change events was worse than attempting to look after your child. For all it was worth, he could end up in the same position if he told Charmander and Budew what he endeavoured to do, it was time to forgive and forget. Without the Pendant, he would never have known, and that way things may have been better off.

    “But...you know, I guess I have to thank you for that, both of you. You had my welfare at heart and that’s what counts.”

    “Well, I think this should be something left for discussion at home,” Caroline timely mentioned, trying to get off the matter and speak about more desirable topics, “We should get all the leftover food packed up and pay the bill.”

    Caroline raised her arm in the air to catch their waiters’ eye abruptly, before he had a chance to attend another table; in a posh stance he slowly waltzed over to them, bending down to hear their requests. By his side was a relatively small Pokémon that seemed as if it was dressed as a clown, its personality appeared jokey and he always copied what his trainer did. Putting it blankly, it was a mimic.

    “Mime Jr., would you be a dear and carry their empty plates into the kitchen please,” the waiter kindly asked before turning back to the table and picking up the food. After a couple of minutes he walked back through the double doors that led into the white glistening kitchen carrying a tray filled with small compact boxes that held the remains of the meal. His little Pokémon was sitting comfortably on his neat black suit imitating the posture the waiter had acquired.

    “Here you are Madame, is there anything else I can do for you?”

    “No, I think that’s it. Here’s the money, and thank you for a wonderful meal.”

    “My pleasure, always good to see the Gym Leader and his family, and not only that but the famous Roxanne as well, you know, I hope I’m not out of line here but I would love it if I could have an autograph from you all?”

    “Sure, why not?” Norman replied, taking a pen and paper from the waiter and signing it, then passing it on to his wife, it wasn’t often they got asked for autographs but they always loved the occasional attention, and it seemed to help them all forget about what had just occurred, except Max. It was as if it would never be able to leave his mind, escape the horrors of jail bound captivity with bars strung across it until he revealed his mistakes, but it wasn’t the time or place to begin to worry about it again.

    The group stood up and handed the piece of paper back to the waiter and his Mime Jr. before heading for the bright musky coloured doors and leaving into the brisk evening air where there was still a party vibe flowing through all the young adolescents as they continued to shop and battle, taking in what was left of the day. The permanent carnival also drew large numbers of people and Pokémon to Petalburg City, especially during the holiday seasons where the Carnival never seemed to close. The Ferris wheel and Bumper cars were the main attractions that often would become flooded with tourists who allowed their Pokémon to partake in some of the activities. It was a social place to be and always welcome to all ages and species, but for some reason, tonight none of the group wanted to attend, they were all worn out from a long day and the argument didn’t help liven things up either. The Gym Battle was such a great victory that it seemed a shame to not bother to enjoy their evening, Max had progressed so much within the past week with his special training that would become a useful regime in his battling, but they all knew there was no point putting on brave faces and trying to show masked feelings. For Max, it appeared as if the rest of the night would drag on for as long as it could possibly muster, just as some sort of pay back against Max’s deeds, but he knew he deserved it.

    Max subconsciously sauntered along the street, not realising where he was headed, just walking. A hurried squeal broke Max’s deep concentration as he turned to face his sister who was gawping at the windows of fashion boutiques, “WOW! They’re all so beautiful. I could easily see Glaceon suiting that piece of clothing perfectly, and Delcatty in that. This new shopping walkway is great, and a good place to start adding a Pokémon Stylist look to all my Pokémon, just like Dawn did with her Buneary.” May rapidly went from store to store, eying up all the goods they had to offer in a frantic panic, as if it was all suddenly going to disappear from sight. She reached into her bum bag and brought out her purse rummaging through the coins and notes that she had concealed away for a special occasion. There was just enough in there to buy the green velvet jacket for Glaceon, that also had darker green diamond shapes upon it, an interesting piece of clothing that might help them in an appeal to show off her beauty.

    “I’ll be right back,” May called, not even looking toward her family as she sped inside the shop grabbing the jacket and thrusting it onto the counter before the shop employee even had a chance to greet her. Max gave a faint chuckle; his sister could always amuse him and keep him entertained, especially whilst on their journeys with Ash and Brock, and it was always a welcoming gift to see her obsessed with shopping.

    She came wandering back out onto the street with a hurried step to her, holding the coat in one hand and a PokeBall in the other, ready to try the new piece of clothing on Glaceon. She threw the red and white ball into the air before it burst open to let the Ice type come spiralling out shrouded in a white coat, which slowly dispersed into the black sheet in the sky leaving a sliver sparkle in its wake. Max no longer had endurance to watch his ecstatic sister; the joys of the moment were just flowing over his head not able to be absorbed in, and it just seemed pitiful to attempt to show any signs encouragement while he wished to be solitary and dwell over matters. The past still had that strong hold over him that felt unbearable to alleviate, something good would just have to do the work for him. He had ventured over to the benches set out across the middle of the path that ran through the new district, holding the bags containing the food. His family were still within his sight but he had a hefty gap suited in between them, there was hopefully not going to be any disturbances for a while.

    “Murkrow,” out of nowhere the piercing cold call sounded as defiant as a trumpet of war, symbolising the brutality that would follow. Before Max knew it, a swarm of Murkrow came crowding in on him with their night blue wings encased in an iron coating. Their presence was altogether frightening as they swooped down upon the young boy with their penetrating eyes fixed on one goal, the ample of free food. They all looked as if they were heading straight for the takeaway, except one that caught Max’s attention; this one instead was bearing straight for them, not looking for a succulent helping of food but a battle.

    “Charmander, let’s take care of these rascals,” Max shouted, throwing his friends PokeBall at the convergence of Flying Pokémon heading their way. Charmander emerged in a flash that lucratively intimidated the Pokémon momentarily giving him a slight speed boost when it came to the attack.

    “Charmander, sweep your Ember across the entire flock of Murkrow and then try and scare them with your Screech!”

    The smoking embers crackled through the air as they instigated a number of the Pokémon to be sent escalating toward the ground with a trail of smoke left behind, these then didn’t hesitate to stick around for more attacks and flew off back to their habitat, others decided to pull out of their decent and perch on top of buildings surrounding the battle zone to see the outcome of the unfair battle; they had full confidence that their fellow comrades would finish off the Charmander and steal the food. These Murkrow were just happy to sit there.

    Charmander was proud that he had successfully defeated a number of the aggressors already; the new confidence that was fizzing inside of Max also ignited itself inside of his little Pokémon, and he wasn’t going to give up just because of some faulty odds. The two were armed and ready, and knew that this would be a good chance to try their new attitude out.

    The Birds had now collected themselves back into a group, and instead of heading for the food they were now charging at Charmander as one big team, angry for what they seemed as an unprovoked attack. Max nevertheless saw this as an easier target for Charmander to take down with his Screech, as if they were only fighting one Pokémon.

    Charmander inhaled a vast amount of air that could vaguely be seen as some sort of mist entering his fiery lips, because of the bitter frostiness hanging in the atmosphere. The extra air acted as a power boost which concealed an extra kick within the attack to knock a few of the oncoming Murkrow off balance and hopefully cause them to leave the battle.

    The ripples in the air hit the Flying Pokémon, as if they were targets at a fun fair being fired at; Max watched cautiously as the Murkrow were blown backwards from the sheer force produced in the attack, beating a few of them against the paving who were caught off guard, slightly injured from the falls. The numbers had sufficiently decreased with a few enduring all of the attacks thrown at them while Charmander was not scathed at all, but Max still had the aggressive bird in the corner of his eye and was wary to let it disappear out of his sight. It stopped in mid air, catching Max’s look and returning it with a glare, he wanted a real battle and felt that this was an opportunity not to miss.

    “Murkrow,” he cried, shafting his glare towards his friends to signalise that he wanted to fight alone, with no interference; these two were now formidable opponents. He opened his wings with a forceful thrust that was just in time to allow him to catch the warm updraft that rose through the buildings, able to lift him higher into the night sky. His head cocked to face Charmander while his wings were once again becoming encased in the metal, Charmander could feel that this was going to be great experience and help in their next major battles.

    “Charmander, jump high into the air and blast the Murkrow with another Ember, then follow up with your Scratch attack,” Max eagerly shouted, already having a real sense of gratitude towards his Pokémon from all the dedication he put into his attacks and battles, it was a real mistake to try and change him for a Mudkip, a Pokémon on which he wouldn’t have bonded and had the same relationship with. He knew that for them to grow even more, they would have to be honest and truthful, and that would have to start with their recent events.

    Max quickly snapped back into reality to watch the two Pokémon lunge at one another, wings and claws sparkling with a dazzling white light, glinting amongst the stars; they both seemed eager to show their friends what power they concealed and weren’t willing to forfeit as they both wanted a great pride of knowing that you could defeat the odds.

    Charmander opened his mouth as the blazing embers began to form in a swirl of fire at the back of his throat, before spitting them toward the oncoming Murkrow with great energy. It didn’t seem to even consider the possibility to dodge, but charged right into them, tensing slightly as they burnt its pristine feathers, with mouth brewing an angry cry. A pungent fear struck Charmander as he realised his attack seemed to do nothing, stabbing at Murkrow clumsily with his claws from the panic that now overwhelmed him, not wanting to show signs of weakness, however they were cleverly deflected by the Steel Wings that caused the attacks to bounce right back and jar at Charmander’s arms. He was left defenceless. Charmander struggled to stay in the air for any longer, as gravity began its affect upon him; Murkrow saw this as an opportunity to double the damage dealt and swooped close enough to slam its strengthened wings into Charmander which sped up his plummet. Max watched in horror as their edge slipped away, out of their clasp, as the acute face of Murkrow started taunting them. The fear Max had previously was creeping inside all his veins, lurking within the shadows of his body and attempting to throw their rhythm off course. Max needed to think fast otherwise things would be over.

    I just have to believe! We can win if we have confidence! I just have to believe! It was now or never, the chance to make their comeback in the battle was nearing, if the timing was off then Charmander would hit the ground with brute force, surely knocking it out, “Okay Charmander, fire a full powered Screech at the ground!”

    The high frequency sound waves struck the cobbled ground just below Charmander, which sufficiently slowed him down enough to cause minimal damage. The waves continued their course, washing over the clean finished surface of the street; the angle at which it hit produced a convection current swirling back up into the air where Murkrow was hovering over the pavement. The distortion in the air could clearly be seen by everyone who had stopped to watch the fight, as well as the Murkrow that were perched o high rise buildings down the street. Unfortunately though, the Murkrow battling had no chance to escape and was clouted under the chin with the remaining waves that had circled around. It was taken aback, feeling dizzy and meek, not able to control its movements so well anymore. The images in its poached maroon eyes started to flash back and forth in his vision, becoming blurry by the second. The experience was causing terror to course through its body; it knew that the battle was over. With a few last flaps of the wings (as if it was fighting for the last gasps of life) it slowed down and halted all movement, before flopping to the floor. Max had not only used a move in a defensive way, but had successfully turned it into an attack in the same breath. Charmander had pulled through.

    “Max, that was brilliant,” May called, running over to her brothers’ side and embracing him with her tight grip, “You really showed the beauty and power that Charmander conceals and you deserve the win.” She turned her head to see the slumped figure of Murkrow hauled on the cold slab of cobbled street, “And you also deserve a new Pokémon!”

    “What? You think I could train this Murkrow?”

    “Yes, I do. You are an exceptional young trainer, so what are you waiting for, throw your PokeBall.”

    “Oh, okay,” Max surprisingly said in response, unsure of what to really do. All he knew on the subject was what he had seen others do, and was hesitant to try it out on such a powerful Pokémon so early on in his journey. But the first capture would have to be made at some point, so he unzipped the small compartment on the side of his yellow backpack that contained a few empty PokeBalls and cautiously took one out. The whole procedure was running through his head like clockwork:

    · you press the white centre button to enlarge the ball
    · then you take aim upon the Pokémon
    · after that you lob it at the Pokémon and watch it become encased inside
    · and lastly you wait to see if its caught
    · if unsuccessful you repeat the whole process

    “Okay then, the PokeBall is armed and ready so catch that Murkrow!”
    Max launched the red and white ball at the Murkrow who still seemed lifeless as it lay in solitude, abandoned by all of his fellow friends who had decided to fly off and get food through other means. The Bird became engulfed within a red flash as the ball opened and absorbed the Pokémon inside. It lay on the floor rolling numerous times before the centre button flickered red and the capture was finished.

    “Wow, I did it. I actually caught my first Pokémon!” Max cried with an overpowering sense of happiness that was sinking into his core, his memories. This was able to cloud the recent past and pass it off for something trivial, his mind was made up; this was the joyous occasion that was to release the horrible regretful memories from their prison, letting go of the burden. He felt chuffed at this, now he could bask in his accomplishment, wherever he went he could no longer be viewed as a novice because of the achievements of owning the Balance Badge and three Pokémon, one of which he had caught by himself.

    He looked at the PokeBall sitting in his hand, allured by its majestic pull to power, designed to capture these unique monsters and hold them pray to an owner. What changed their loyalties and obedience? Was there some sort of mechanism that altered their DNA or suddenly changed their opinions? The whole concept of PokeBalls was exceedingly complicated and delving into the privy of them in just one night was not enough. Extensive research would have to be carried out, just like the work professors did, or he could just ask the makers of them what exactly happened, if they knew. This was part of the wonderful, complex world of Pokémon.

    “Max, honey that was a wonderful display of battling technique and the capture you made...I couldn’t have done a better one,” Caroline energetically cried running over to her son with arms stretched out wide, while Norman and Roxanne trailed behind her. Her heart was pounding at a rapid speed, she was able to witness her son’s first capture and she couldn’t be any more proud of him.

    “Thanks Mum, you always have the right words on anything.”

    “That’s okay sweetie, it’s the job of a mother to do exactly that.”

    “Thanks, and I think it’s time for me to be getting home and giving my Pokémon all a rest before we set off for Rustboro tomorrow, so see you in the morning.”

    His cold parched lips rested against her cheek for a slight moment, before he set off toward the Gym, a place that he’d called home for 10 years, but now it was just acted like a hotel, somewhere he could often stay before starting his next journey through the likes of Jhoto, Kanto or Sinnoh. It would still be a stable secure environment for him and a latch onto something foreseeable, whereas he would experience the unknowing through his travels that would lead him too new places and too new friends.

    *****

    The climb up the wooden stairs seemed short compared to the norm, maybe it was because Max’s thoughts had delved into new matters and wasn’t concentrating on the flow of time or gravity pulling him down. He knew what to do now, the answer to his dying question. Was there a need to tell Charmander and Budew? No. They had a new friend, a new partner who was unaware of the entire situation. Why involve them?

    The bathroom cabinet now loomed in front of him, beckoning him to gaze into its illustrious metal coating, reflecting his image. His answer was given, now he just had one problem left to solve. The complexity of these thoughts beleaguered all his actions, that one idea of PokeBalls had escalated into questioning the true reality of what he saw and did, and questioning the matter of Pokémon, no matter how much he wished to avert his feelings.

    *****

    The musky walls were filled with the stench of evil, and he knew. Who or what was still unclear, but he was sure it would soon be revealed, and the wait was brief. A man clothed in the most undesirable attire stepped through the threshold of the darkened room, his silhouette just noticeable in the light.

    “Now what are you going to do ay? Going to magically escape your imprisonment and defeat us all? We have big plans for your companions you see, big plans, and we would like to know whether you’d oblige our little scheme or not. No, oh well. Our boss would like to get the experiments and tests started right away so we’ll need your little buddies right now!

    “No, leave them alone. Don’t touch them. You can’t have them. They’re mine!”

    *****

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  23. #273
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    Great Chapter, again! The battle against Murkrow was good and it was nice that Max caught it. There wasn't really any speling mistakes except Johto is spelt like how I just wrote it. Great Job!

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    I'm yet to read this, but I'm going to try to get round to it later. All these positive reviews give me hope

    I just have one thing to add (despite not having read it yet), if you're ever worried about poor grammar, try and find a proof reader. They'll point out a lot of the mistakes before you post it and give you tips for improvement. I hope this helps/makes sense, I've been up for ages and it's six am... so I apologise if it is confusing x]

  25. #275
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    Quote Originally Posted by Torpoleon View Post
    Great Chapter, again! The battle against Murkrow was good and it was nice that Max caught it. There wasn't really any speling mistakes except Johto is spelt like how I just wrote it. Great Job!
    Yes the Johto is always like that yea sorry! Just foget and thank you..what do you think of the capture? Does it suit him~?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aikou Bupiggu View Post
    I'm yet to read this, but I'm going to try to get round to it later. All these positive reviews give me hope

    I just have one thing to add (despite not having read it yet), if you're ever worried about poor grammar, try and find a proof reader. They'll point out a lot of the mistakes before you post it and give you tips for improvement. I hope this helps/makes sense, I've been up for ages and it's six am... so I apologise if it is confusing x]
    Yes a new reader...please say all your thoughts whe reviewing and i recently edited Chapter 2 so that will be better than it use to be

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

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