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Thread: Max's Hoenn Journey

  1. #326
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    ‘Shuuuuuuuuupeeeeeeeeeeet,”
    You should " at the end and not '.

    This was a great chapter! I was surprised to see Harriet again after so long! I hope Shuppet is able to pull of Charge Beam and hopefully win the battle against Emily!

    Great job and Good Luck!
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  2. #327
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow XD001 View Post
    You should " at the end and not '.

    This was a great chapter! I was surprised to see Harriet again after so long! I hope Shuppet is able to pull of Charge Beam and hopefully win the battle against Emily!

    Great job and Good Luck!
    Sorry for my late response but I was hoping more people would review but that obviously hasn't happened yet - lets hope people do review this Chapter as I'm hoping it made an impact.

    Anyway I'm not entirely sre about your idea asy you should stick with the same " or ' in one sentence. So starting a sentence with 'means I should finish it with' That is what I've been taight but if anyone else can shed light on this that would be appreciative as the majority are normally right.

    The battle with Harriet should be good but I'm afraid that it's short compared to most - even some of my older ones as Shuppet is obviously tained and has been practicing moves a lot more than Harriet so this helps speed up a battle but that doesn't mean Shuppet can win. Just stating why the shortness.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
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    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  3. #328
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    I especially liked this chapter. Don't know why, but it sort of... tugged at me, if you like.
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  4. #329
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    wow, this chapter was,... different in a good way

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  5. #330
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    Nice chapter. I caught a few spelling errors, but not many. I only have one problem...

    The presence of his other Pokémon seemed to be wiped completely from his knowledge, as if slapping white paint on top of a complicated, intricate pattern delicately painted onto a large canvas that wove numerous amounts of new lines onto its flexible fabric without any hesitation in actions.
    This, my friend, is called a long winded comparison. I came up with this term during my summer program this year to define some sentences which held comparisons in the Iliad. This isn't the only long winded comparison I spotted. Though they may be nice, try to limit them. Sometimes, the reader just wants to get to the point...Other than that, great job!

  6. #331
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    Useful Discussion

  7. #332
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    Quote Originally Posted by lugia*master View Post
    I especially liked this chapter. Don't know why, but it sort of... tugged at me, if you like.
    Sorry it's taken a while to respond I'm glad you are intrigued by it! Hope you enjoy everything!

    Quote Originally Posted by super riolu31 View Post
    wow, this chapter was,... different in a good way
    I'm glad that you enjoy it and hope things are different in the next one as well! The next chapter will be postecd at the end of August and I will change all release dates in due course. Sorry about that!

    Quote Originally Posted by chosen_one386 View Post
    Nice chapter. I caught a few spelling errors, but not many. I only have one problem...

    This, my friend, is called a long winded comparison. I came up with this term during my summer program this year to define some sentences which held comparisons in the Iliad. This isn't the only long winded comparison I spotted. Though they may be nice, try to limit them. Sometimes, the reader just wants to get to the point...Other than that, great job!
    Yay another review and sorry about the long winded comparison sentences. I am going through the next few chapters! Yes I have written them just havent had time to post and just really want to enjoy my summer instead of always on the computer.

    Thank you for reviewing!

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  8. #333
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    Major Announcement!

    I have been doing a lot of thinking recently and have had to come to a decision about Max's Hoenn Journey for the next year! Don't worry I will still continue writing it just now not posting chapters as for me it is my major exam year in the UK where my life literaly is in what I get! I do crap I work at Mcdonalds for my life do great and I can achieve success!

    So I will post up to Chapter 21 when I wrap a few of the existing plots up and open others for you to ponder over. I should have all of them up by Christmas but I may postpone a few so that you get them in gentle stages and when I come back to posting next year you won't have to re-read to catch up. I have written that many chapters so far but things have just been hectic and posting has been out of the picture.

    Sorry for this guys but it shall come back in its full swing next year with hopefully added improvements to my wriitng and hopefully completely re-written chapters of 3 - 11 so that they are taken up to my latest standard and maybe better if I can improve!

    Thank You for being loyal readers and hope you enjoy the next few chapters scheduled for release shortly!
    Last edited by harryheart; 6th August 2009 at 10:01 PM.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  9. #334
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    ok cant wait to read them and good luck with your major exam
    So, I've been away quite a long while, but hey, I feel like I can change that, thanks to Pokemon Y .

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  10. #335
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    Quote Originally Posted by sasukeanditachi View Post
    ok cant wait to read them and good luck with your major exam
    I'm so sorry that I never responded to you about this - I must thank you all for being really patoent and so on as the posting and everything has really had to take a backseat - the chapters were in the revising stages and are unfortunately still in the revising stages but I'm hoping that in the next 14 weeks I'll have 17 up for definite and also possibly 18!

    Sorry for everything I've put you all through - and I deserve all the hammers and bullets you shoot and throw at me!

    EDIT - I'll actually stick to the release dates now - bar Chapter 17 and then hopefully that'll give me time to write a few more!
    Last edited by harryheart; 17th February 2010 at 2:29 PM.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  11. #336
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    Default New Chapter!

    Well here it is another installment after a long time of waiting! I'm so sorry for that but here is Chapter 17 to make up for it! I would suggest reading Chapter 16 again to understand the start but besides that there are new ideas in it. Roxanne has development as her upcoming story arc begins!

    Just to say the first half of Chapter isn't as good as Second Half because I went and edited Second half as I felt I could add more in!

    Thank you for the patience!

    Check Out The New Intro starting from this Chapter - Max's Hoenn Journey Intro 2

    Chapter 17:Rise and Shine


    *****


    Intense voltages of electricity flung themselves from within Shuppet’s crinkled body in long chains, grouping together to form the ‘beams’, as the Pokémon withered itself together to keep control over the new attack. Everything was working fine; no mishaps and the electrical charges were accurately heading toward the bulk of Chikorita ready to cause a winning blow, whilst also taking out the oncoming Razor Leaves that were singed to ashes immediately upon impact. Whatever was compiled into the onslaught of the electricity must have been extremely high to get the leaves to crumble instantly. Max may just have done it, a little lesson could work wonders in someone’s battling skills and tactics and in the end bring trainer and Pokémon together, united in the battle! For once Max could feel proud in the knowledge that he still had much more to learn about the wondrous and mysterious creatures he was going to associate with more and more.

    Max watched delightedly at the battle, as his Pokémon continued to release numerous volts of electricity to scurry through the air, as if they were small afraid creatures hurrying away from a disaster; Harriet was most definitely in for a challenge to evade the Charge Beam, and she knew that if she failed Chikorita would be knocked out almost instantly!

    “Chikorita, try knocking the electricity off course with your Razor Leaf again,” Harriet cried out, watching as the inevitable was closing in with noises that sounded like evil cackles. Chikorita however hesitated, she was afraid of the worst like almost anyone would be in that situation, it thought that trying to dodge all the beams would work better than throwing more attacks into the fray, “Chikorita, you don’t have time to try and avoid them all, you’re going to have fire your Razor Leaves now!” The pale coloured Dinosaur knew that her trainer was correct, if Harriet could understand what she felt and still have the same answer then she would have to try it.

    ‘Chika,’ it roared as it released the sharp leaves towards its oncoming peril, hoping with everything it had that the attacks would be diverted and she would be safe, for now. Max on the other hand, was filled with a warm sense of accomplishment knowing that he had the win firmly in his grasp; he could tell that the leaves would be scorched upon touching the long streams of electricity passing through the air, and rightly so. The Razor Leaves dropped to the ground one by one in piles of crisp ash that layered the dusty earth below, as the continuous Charge Beams became only inches away from Chikorita, gaining upon her with a numinous sun tanned glow that had a sprinkle of black glistening along with it. It was beautiful, and for a few seconds ended Chikorita’s fear of the impending assault that was certainly going to inflict some intense damage.

    The attack struck with a vast explosion that knocked Harriet backwards and over onto her back. She immediately scraped at the earth trying to claw her way back to her feet, wanting to rush over to her Pokémon right away. The cloud of haunting smoke quickly lifted from the battlefield leaving a clear sight of the lifeless Chikorita just lying amongst the dirt.

    “Ah, Chikorita,” Harriet bewilderedly spoke, running towards her completely still Pokémon whose cream coloured fur was now a sickly colour of grey.

    “Chikorita is unable to battle, Max you are the winner,” Roxanne said, congratulating him with a quiet nod. She knew he was now thinking like a true trainer from his performance in battle, what an amazing maturity in such a short space of time, and being able to control a Ghost Pokémon was also a particularly tough challenge for any trainer at whatever skill level. In her eyes he had improved!

    “Well Harriet, that was a great battle, thanks for accepting my challenge and I can really see why I lost last time we met,” Max cheerfully commented.

    “Heh, that’s okay, it was an awesome battle against Shuppet, who I must say is a formidable opponent,” Harriet mentioned, chuckling a little as she pulled herself up off the floor and faced Max, looking deeply into his emerald glossy eyes, “I can see why Emily would’ve left it in your care, you have obviously trained it very well and made it accustomed to you in what...a week?” Her congratulatory words left Max with a bubbly sense of pride, if she could see improvement after nearly a month apart he knew he must be doing something right, “I look forward to our next battle Max, but right now I need to head off to Rustboro, see you guys later,” Harriet hurriedly said, recalling Chikorita into its PokeBall and charging off into the distance without time for anyone to answer her.

    “It’s a shame she left so quickly,” Max said to Roxanne, “We could’ve all travelled there together or at least as far as either of us were going to go...oh well,” he sighed, “I guess we’d better get back on the road then and find the Hotel Rise and Shine.”

    “Hmm, we should, especially before it gets too late, you still need to contact Emily,” Roxanne answered before hoisting her rucksack over her shoulders and following the path of Harriet, “Come on Max, like I said we better go soon.”


    *****


    The yearning smells of fresh morning dew were a welcoming fragrance for Max to wake to as he slowly rolled his body up the intricate wooden head attached to the single sized bed. He gazed out through the unlocked windows that had been thrown open to its greatest capacity, allowing for all the intriguing and greeting aromas to waft on in and take control of the entire room. It was as he expected a Royal to be treated, lush this, lush that; and everything was beyond extravagant. There were amazingly intricate and detailed masterpieces hooked upon the stone walls, painted by people with names that seemed to originate from a few centuries beforehand. All the furniture within the entire place was so divine and beyond things he had seen before that it made him feel snuggled inside a castle. It was comfort wherever you looked, and he particularly enjoyed the red linen cloths draped over him that had a soothing cool touch that he could frolic in all day to keep the same pleasure, if there wasn’t an urgent need to get up of course.

    “Max,” Roxanne calmly shouted from somewhere else in the Hotel suite rented out for her and Max’s stop the night before, “Max, Max, come on now, you need to get up if we’re going to meet with Emily and get to Rustboro with time sparing for what you want to do.”

    “Hnnn,” he groaned as a partial response to Roxanne, yet it could have just been the tiredness kicking in because of his body not being use to such early rising. The battle he undertook with Harriet the day before had also really drained him of nearly all his energy resources, so finding some of the best beds in the region were a delight for him and his almost limp body. Just thinking about those gorgeous comfy mattresses were enough to send him back into a dazed state where his eyes were gradually closing and losing sight while his mind began to play numerous triumphant dreams.

    “Max!” Roxanne shouted yet again, marching into the bedroom whilst fiddling with the loose strands of her hair that had come unattached from the plats and were resisting being pinned back into her two bunches. She looked over to the bed and her heart sank; Max was slumped in a rather awkward position against the rim of the bed as he slowly drifted back into a dreamy sleep looking particularly helpless and pathetic as he just lay there, “Ooh that’s had it young man, you’ve tipped me over the edge,” she grabbed the linen cloths that Max had snuggled into, tugging them from underneath him.

    “Just get up now!” Those were her final words before she swivelled around and stormed out of the room back into the lounge area that came with the suite, tuning the T.V. to Channel 17 which was broadcasting an interview with the recent kidnap victim that Max and Roxanne had met a week before, releasing the hidden memories from their seclusion. It had been a pleasure to help someone else in need, that was what Roxanne thrived on and what her nature was comprised of, also what she felt being a Gym Leader provided. If a challenger won, you helped them on their goal to reach the Pokémon league yet you could also provide training tips and suggestions to build their battling techniques. If a trainer lost you would help them see what it was that let their team down and give them tips to overcome those aspects, or simply just give praise to a gallant effort, it all helped. The job was a marvel and a huge opportunity to have, and Max was just another person who needed her help, but now only for a little while longer. They were so close to Rustboro and her time of travelling was so close to ending, Max was shortly about to face her for his second badge.

    A pronouncing yawn brought Roxanne back to her deviating senses, momentarily, as she remembered the young trainer she left in a heap on the middle of an indulgent mattress, what a silly mistake. But it seemed as if he had come to some sort of conclusion that it was beneficial to start his day and was slowly, yet surely making steady progression towards the bathroom; Roxanne need not worry any longer.

    “Roxanne, where’s my tooth brush?” Max inquisitively yawned, fumbling through the toiletries assorted on the basin.

    “I’m not entirely sure, you checked your bag?”

    “Oh...no...I’ll do that now.”

    His head pounded with a slow dull tune, not too much to become an aggravation, primarily because his sleep was erratic as his hyper emotions took over control of his body. But he didn’t mind, the headache was sure to go and it was just an inconvenient side affect of fun.


    *****


    “Hmm, these pancakes are delicious,” Max spat as he shovelled in the savoury mouthfuls that quenched his appetite, “You know what Emily said last night?” quickly diverting Roxanne’s thoughts to that of disgust.

    “Yea,” Roxanne replied placing her fork down to be polite in conversation, “You given any more thought over it?”

    “I have actually, and I’d very much like to take it up but there is that nagging thought that annoys me. Basically I have that bond but it just wouldn’t be right, I feel like I really want to make another friend as well but to let go of the friendship I have now would be reckless, so I was hoping you could tell me what to do.”

    “Do we have to go through this again? How many times have I told you that your decisions are your decisions, not mine, not your parents, but like I said yours!”

    “Fine, then I know what I must do ...”


    *****


    “Max, over here,” Emily cried waving from the Rock Brock cafe that had surfaced a couple of years back after Gym Leader Brock had travelled through here with his companions.

    “Hey Emily, how was your trip?” Max asked.

    “Not that bad actually, learnt quite a bit and I’m raring to implement it over here, and some people have given me some ideas of creating a new branch in other regions such as Jhoto and Sinnoh, which I must say would bring in quite a bit more publicity and revenue.”

    “You’ve put a lot of thought into it then, just like I have with your proposition, and it seems that with your new goals you’ll need Shuppet back like I promised, he could help you so much!”

    “Max it’s absolutely okay, I can have Shuppet meet me from time to time so we’ll never be out of contact. I mean you two have such a close bond and now you’re a trainer... well you could really help each other grow. Keep him, I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t ready.”

    “I’ve made my decision; it has to be this way. And like you said about having him meet you, I can have him teleport over from time to time, but at the moment taking him away from you just doesn’t feel right!”

    Roxanne’s face created a slight smile as she realized that Max had grown into his own person, probably a person who would often need help but not from her any longer. She had accomplished miracles in Max that were beyond her wildest dreams and a battle with him was going to be one of the toughest she would probably ever have to face. As she stated on many occasions, it’s never about the strength of your Pokémon but their mind set, and Max’s Pokémon had definitely got their strategies sorted.

    “So anyway, it has been the most remarkable few weeks, and I met the goal you set me! I suppose I should show you in a battle! What do you say?”

    “Well I don’t really have the time at the moment, but be sure that someday we’ll face off in a battle.”

    “That’s a deal,” Max replied as he unclipped Shuppet’s PokeBall from his belt and placed it in Emily’s palm. This was another farewell, he was leaving Shuppet again, but like last time he knew that they would cross paths in the future, he would make sure of it.

    “Well, it’s been brilliant catching up but I have a plane to catch so I can get back home for this evening. Be sure to look me up when you’re in that area, I know someone who’d want you too,” she chuckled.

    “I will, don’t you worry,” Max said as he grasped her hand in a passionate hand shake, “Be sure to give my regards to your cook so that when I turn up he’ll be more inclined to fill me up!”

    “You and your jokes Max,” Roxanne giggled, “And Emily, it’s been a pleasure to meet you.”

    “Likewise, see you around.”

    Max watched as his two growing friendships were once again put on hold as Emily drifted off into the distance. His recent experiences had really pushed him to the limit and some things he experienced he had found impassable but others he had achieved. These were going to develop him further and help create new tactics for him to use in his travels. Now all he had to do was get past the next hurdle and he’d be one step closer to his dream!

    “Max, are you okay?” Roxanne’s soft tone gently asked as she wrapped her arm around the young trainer.

    “I will be...but...not yet.”

    “That’s okay; you just take your time. Hard decisions come at high prices and you made a pretty difficult one today, and this isn’t much comfort but I’m extremely proud of you, keep doing what you’re doing and I see the title of Pokémon Master becoming yours sooner that you think.”

    “You always know how to cheer me up,” Max smiled, “But you know what’d be great, if we could go watch the Contest later on today, some appeals ought to lighten my mood.”

    “Very well, and you might happen to see a familiar face if my guess is correct.”

    “Oo, a puzzle, this should help past time.”


    *****


    The two were standing only metres away from the awe inspiring Contest Hall that’s colours sparked a hoard of emotions to roar through his mind. After having entered so many of these across Hoenn and Kanto he didn’t expect to feel any different, but being without his sister, becoming his own person enthused him and erupted valiant thoughts of inspiration inside.

    “Roxanne? Is it too late to...”

    “Hello there, fancy seeing you two here,” the pink enthused girl said with her Chikorita curled up in her arms, “Actually I suppose that it was expected seeing as you two did mention you were on your way but even so...”

    “Okay we get it, you babble, it’s a natural habit,” Max casually said making his attempt at humour to try and overcome the awkward feelings that for some reason had occurred.

    “Aren’t you the feisty one today!” she giggled, “So, I take it you’re entering then?”

    “Actually, that’s what I was just about to say to Roxanne before your interrupted me; anyway, if it’s not too late then I think I’d really benefit from the experience. What do you think Roxanne?”

    “I must say, I have participated in numerous contests myself, there’s always something you can learn in them that can be used in battle techniques to get an advantage and try and surprise your opponent so, with a bit of persuasion on my part count yourself in! And while we’re at it, make sure you’re both ready to take on me as I plan on entering as well!”

    Max seemed to have forgotten his heartache that had been looming over him hours ago and was now struck with an irremovable smirk. He was ready to experience what a contest had to offer and was secretly hoping that Roxanne would be paired against him so that he could try out some techniques before his day arrived. But his emotions didn’t quite compare to Harriet’s, whowas primed and ready for her first Contest debut.
    Last edited by harryheart; 19th February 2010 at 5:28 PM.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  12. #337
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    So, here I am with a quick review like I promised. I didn't quite have the time to re-read the whole thing, but I did read this latest chapter. I cannot comment on the storyline since I'm (obviously) not up to date so I'll just keep things general.

    Well, before that, I did notice this:

    “You and your jokes Max,” Roxanne giggled, “And Emily, it’s been a pleasure to meet me.”
    That's meant to be "you", right? Unless Roxanne has suddenly become very full of herself, of course .

    Moving on, I'm impressed with the levels of description you use. The way you describe paints quite a vivid picture in my mind. When Shuppet was using Charge Beam, and you used phrases like "intense voltages of electricity flung themselves from within Shuppet’s crinkled body in long chains", I can really imagine Shuppet using Chare Beam.

    Likewise, when you described the hotel suite, I could actually picture a very luxurious room that you'd find in a traditional castle - something fit for royalty. Very good work there.

    I'd love to comment on the characters and plot but like I said, I haven't read the other chapters I'm not qualified to comment. Just continue the good work and maybe one day I will actually catch up.

  13. #338
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    I've missed this fic so much. I'm glad it's back!

    Three things:

    1. I enjoyed the last stages of Max and Harriet's battle. I have trouble writing battle scenes, so I'm extremely jealous of yours. :P

    2. Max and Shuppet separating was kind of sad. I was hoping that he and Shuppet would travel together, but I'm sure they'll meet up again.

    3. Max in a contest? Well, at least this will give him a chance to see what challenges his sister faces in each contest.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VoltTacklingPika View Post
    So, here I am with a quick review like I promised. I didn't quite have the time to re-read the whole thing, but I did read this latest chapter. I cannot comment on the storyline since I'm (obviously) not up to date so I'll just keep things general.
    Firstly! THANKS FOR THE REVIEW! It;s always good to get them and take your time over the story as the other chapters need time to be written as well

    Quote Originally Posted by VoltTacklingPika View Post
    That's meant to be "you", right? Unless Roxanne has suddenly become very full of herself, of course .
    Changed that! Thanks for pointing it out!

    Quote Originally Posted by VoltTacklingPika View Post
    Moving on, I'm impressed with the levels of description you use. The way you describe paints quite a vivid picture in my mind. When Shuppet was using Charge Beam, and you used phrases like "intense voltages of electricity flung themselves from within Shuppet’s crinkled body in long chains", I can really imagine Shuppet using Chare Beam.

    Likewise, when you described the hotel suite, I could actually picture a very luxurious room that you'd find in a traditional castle - something fit for royalty. Very good work there.
    Thank You! Description is my strong point and it's a matter of writing without too much and without too little and I think I'm grasping the need of it at the moment and in what places I need to describe such as battle scenes or new places generally!

    Thanks for the review! Much appreciated!

    Quote Originally Posted by chosen_one386 View Post
    I've missed this fic so much. I'm glad it's back!
    Hello again! I'm glad you liked it as I've had this document sitting here for a few months with 40 more chapters planned and no-one writing it! So I decided in the break of my revision I would go through and edit 17 and actually post it lol!

    Quote Originally Posted by chosen_one386 View Post
    1. I enjoyed the last stages of Max and Harriet's battle. I have trouble writing battle scenes, so I'm extremely jealous of yours. :P
    Battle Scenes are quite hard! And I must admit I'm finally understanding how to write them! I think!?! I also generally like to make battles extremely long - hence why the Contest Chapters are taking 2 Chapters instead of one because I just generally can't write short battles anymore as I enjoy making them suspensful!

    Quote Originally Posted by chosen_one386 View Post
    2. Max and Shuppet separating was kind of sad. I was hoping that he and Shuppet would travel together, but I'm sure they'll meet up again.
    Hmm - this was a hard decision for me but my decision are also Max's! If he took Shuppet then it would unfortunately take away one more slot of his team which would be okay but I have things planned! Be sure that he will be making vital appearances and there is a possibility that Max might take him on!

    Quote Originally Posted by chosen_one386 View Post
    3. Max in a contest? Well, at least this will give him a chance to see what challenges his sister faces in each contest.
    Now this was an interesting idea! Because of the next couple of chapters Max gets some very interesting developments to his team and also to his future! It also gives him a chance to see Roxanne in battle if the cards are drawn right!

    Thank You for ther review! They're always helpful!

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  15. #340
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    This was worth the wait

    I was surprised to see Max in a contest, but it's nice to show another side of his character.

    The description is great as ever, keep up the good work




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    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Snover View Post
    This was worth the wait

    I was surprised to see Max in a contest, but it's nice to show another side of his character.

    The description is great as ever, keep up the good work
    Thank You for your review, there are quite a few surprises set for the next couple of Chapters really, some dark horrible surprises and some brilliant surprises all part of the Rustboro ark.

    Description is still being improved on lol and the start of Chapter 18 is annoying me because it's lacking description a lot and is really just dialogue so I'm going through and adding it in.

    I plan on having Chapter 18 and 19 edited out before their scheduled releases and possibly even 20 written which means I can get ahead of myself

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  17. #342
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    Okay, I was always wondering how would Max's journey look like so I stated readings this and I'll review as I go along.

    Chapter I

    Interesting twist with Max getting a Kanto starter even though I'm not sure how will it all work out. The description was decent and I enjoyed the first chapter. Glad to see Skitty and Munchlax have evolved into their respective forms.

    Chapter II

    Nothing much happened here other than Roxanne's appearance and the show off of Charmander's personality. And what's the deal with 'Protector'?

    Chapter III
    Yes, Max won his first battle, hehe. I didn't expect Max to get the Budew and I sure wonder how will she fit into his team. Again, what's up with Protector and why are they protecting it? All in all, I liked the first three chapters even though your battle descriptions were a little weak at this point.

    Well that was all from me. Looking forward to reading the rest of the chapters. Until next time, BP.


  18. #343
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    Quote Originally Posted by ben_pokemon View Post
    Okay, I was always wondering how would Max's journey look like so I stated readings this and I'll review as I go along.
    YES A NEW READER! Welcome to the fic! As you can see I'm quite into the story now with over 40 more chapters planned and needing writing. The only thing I'll say is that the writing style is quite porr to begin with - especially from Chapter 4 - 8 as they haven't been edited yet.

    Quote Originally Posted by ben_pokemon View Post
    Chapter I
    Quote Originally Posted by ben_pokemon View Post
    Interesting twist with Max getting a Kanto starter even though I'm not sure how will it all work out. The description was decent and I enjoyed the first chapter. Glad to see Skitty and Munchlax have evolved into their respective forms.
    Interesting thoughts actually! The description is decent because of edits but be warned that future chapters aren't as edited up to 8 generally. Skitty was orignally Skitty but then I evolved it for Chapter 10 and 11 as it was needed!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by ben_pokemon View Post
    Chapter II
    Nothing much happened here other than Roxanne's appearance and the show off of Charmander's personality. And what's the deal with 'Protector'?
    The Protector was going to be epically important but it lost it with a new plot. So sorry about that! It does have a little bit of importance in the next few chapters so don't worry about that!

    Quote Originally Posted by ben_pokemon View Post
    Chapter III
    Yes, Max won his first battle, hehe. I didn't expect Max to get the Budew and I sure wonder how will she fit into his team. Again, what's up with Protector and why are they protecting it? All in all, I liked the first three chapters even though your battle descriptions were a little weak at this point.
    Hmm Budew becomes a really close member to Max and part of the team as if he was always there! And be sure that he does have his development and Joshua does indeed make sure he visits!

    Quote Originally Posted by ben_pokemon View Post
    Well that was all from me. Looking forward to reading the rest of the chapters. Until next time, BP.
    Enjoy it an take your time!

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  19. #344
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    I've only just started reading your story but I'm really addicted to it. Max's character is interesting and the overall plot is gripping so keep it up. I can't wait for your next chapter.

  20. #345
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    Character Bios Up

    Go onto the first post to find them!

    Quote Originally Posted by AwesomeMudkip14 View Post
    I've only just started reading your story but I'm really addicted to it. Max's character is interesting and the overall plot is gripping so keep it up. I can't wait for your next chapter.
    Thank You for your review - it's always nice to get new reviewers as you can see what they think about something that was written over a year agi! Allowing me to gage on my improvements!

    Enjoy th story and I hope that the new banners made don't spoil too much! It's probably best you don't look at them yet lol!

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  21. #346
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    Default Chapter 18

    Well as stated in the Index the date may change and I've brought it forward because unfortunately I've got a lot of exams packed into 3 weeks which encompasses the release of this Chapter and the next 2 so they may have to either be delayed or possibly brought forward!

    Enjoy the first contest of the series and I hope I did it justice! Please note any mistakes as I'm not always the best judge! Thank You!


    Please review and rate!

    Also remember to check out - Max's Hoenn Journey Intro 2



    Chapter 18: A First Time for Everything (Part 1)

    The setting was set, place met and emotions trickling on a high as they entered through the fragile revolving doors that led into a gateway of Contest heaven, where everything that seemed to form around them was dedicated towards Contests. The walls were decorated with all the stupendous Pokémon that had won ribbons for their trainers, with avid colours used to enhance their stately attributes. It was splendour to the eye, something that brought rare beauty to your soul and spilled out warmth and calmness onto everyone within its walls. Harriet seemed to revel in the exquisiteness of the furniture and ornaments that littered the space. Everything was colour coordinated and placed in a fixed position that really implemented the idea of order and sequence, things that were at the heart of a Co-ordinator. The styles used created and supported this incredible world of Contests, grabbing and enticing some of the unexpected categories of people, which would generally have associations with other areas of Pokémon. Contests were contraptions that fused the bond between Humans and Pokémon alike in the most awe inspiring displays, and the best part was that they were for everyone!

    “Isn’t it amazing,” Harriet energetically spoke as she gawped at the beautiful decorations that lined the Contest Hall, not even worrying about where she was walking, just admiring, “My dreams are being fulfilled and I will nearly be in reach of my first ribbon! Oooo I’m just so excited!”

    “Good for you,” Max jokingly responded, seeing if he could provoke any sort of reaction from his friend, as she casually weaved in and out of ornaments spread across the entrance hall, “And if I may say so, I think...”

    “Max! Stop it,” Roxanne interrupted, using her keen eye to see where Max was going with his inevitable tease. The fact she had used judgment showed how interacted she had become with Pokémon throughout the years, considering judgement was the key to the most hefty decisions.

    “Fine, but she won’t realize!”

    “Err, yup, most certainly,” Harriet said spilling out confused ramblings in her speech, not entirely sure what she was agreeing to.

    “See!” Max chuckled, taking delight in being right.

    “Max, we can’t always have our own way, that’s been proven on many occasions beforehand, anyway, less chit chat and instead let’s prepare for the Contest, especially being that we haven’t had time to prepare a combination for the preliminaries.”

    “You could always think on your feet,” mentioned a rather stocky young boy, leaning over the counter to Nurse Joy’s kiosk as he waited for his Pokémon’s checkups to be completed, “I mean, isn’t that what Contests are for? Things don’t always go right and then you have to compensate for it. If you know your Pokémon then this should come quite naturally to you.”

    “Aren’t you the budding Professor,” Roxanne delightfully spoke seeing a version of her younger self through this boy’s persona, “I take it you’ve been travelling for quite a while then?”

    “Actually I have, going on four years now,” he responded without a noticeable hint of cockiness present in his words.

    “So you must have quite a built up team then that can combat most things I presume?” Roxanne rather intriguingly asked.

    “You are correct in some respects, but I only have my starter and my two Hoenn captures with me here, I felt giving myself a little fresh start might be beneficial to my tactics and help build up more of a collective amongst my Pokémon; and so far it hasn’t hurt,” said the red haired boy as he removed a Ribbon case from the outer most pocket of his matching coloured bag, immediately showing off his one Ribbon that was placed directly in the middle as a celebration of his first win.

    “Wow, that’s amazing!” Harriet quickly stepped back into the conversation at the first sign that glamorous winnings were on show, “The vibrant colours, and the shine...wow! I plan on receiving my first Ribbon today with the help of my friends.”

    “Talking of which, I guess we should get our registration completed then Max!” Roxanne hastily spoke as an immediate connection sprung from the depths of understanding content between Harriet and the spiky red head boy.

    “Definitely, seeing this has made me more energized than ever!” Both Roxanne and Max made a quick dash towards the registration desk, where they were hoping to receive their Participant Cards after their planned persuasion of the marshal had been accomplished to hopefully let them compete.

    “Friends ay,” Harriet giggled, returning her attention back to the masterpiece that lay in the comfy silk lining of the red Ribbon Case, “Anyway, I never quite caught your name.”

    “Probably because I never said,” the boy replied in a courteous gesture, “But on a new note, my name’s Curtis, and who might you be?”
    “I’m Harriet; it’s a pleasure to meet you Curtis.”

    “Likewise, it’s always good to...” Curtis was interrupted with an announcement through the speaker system, “Oh, guess I can’t talk now then, can’t keep Nurse Joy waiting...oh and remember this, I plan on seeing you in the Finals!”

    “Wha....What! Me?” Harriet said as her confused expression sprung into play and a contented nod fell upon her from Curtis, “Okay then, it’s a deal!”

    “Good, then I’ll see you later!” Spoke Curtis, as Harriet bit her lip as the husky boy casually strolled towards the desk where his PokeBalls were waiting to be collected, making an unconscious flick of his gelled red hair, allowing the sheen of the black highlights to appear that dragged Harriet’s drooling face further into attraction.

    Out of the corner of Roxanne’s eye she noticed the infatuated look spread like a thick gloop of goo over Harriet’s delinquent face, and she remembered herself, of that boy, back from her days in Pokémon School, the boy that later prospered into a mature and unbeatable man with a high position amongst the Elite Four, wasn’t he something. But just as it was a meaningless crush for her that somewhat 15 years ago, the same was the case for Harriet following some normal reactions that every young female went through. Roxanne only hoped that this crush didn’t cause Harriet to stumble in the Contest and lose the dream that she had been building upon.

    “Miss Roxanne, here is your registration card which allows you access to all contests in Hoenn but only Hoenn, and young Sir this is your registration card that is again only usable in Hoenn. Along with that you both receive a Seal Box with one Ball Capsule and a few Seals, we hope you enjoy the Contest and we look forward to seeing your demonstration,” the young maroon haired lady said sitting behind the desk plastered with numerous fliers about upcoming Contests, information on appeals and numerous other related materials. She mastered a vibrant smile as Roxanne and Max packed away the contest goods that they just received, wondering how they would manage to pull out a dazzling appeal within a couple of hours before the Contest began.

    “Well Max, I’ll see you shortly; I’m going to head back to the Gym now and practice a combination there, I would recommend you practice as well.”

    “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me!”

    “Now you know that’s not very easy,” she responded sarcastically, before picking up her bag and heading back to the revolving doors that led her out of the majestic wonder of the Contest World. She could see why Harriet was so attracted to these events; the sparkling pizzazz of the Pokémon combined with the ferocity of the battling makes this something extraordinarily unique, but her heart still belonged to Gym Battling.


    *****




    The afternoon was truly underway and it was only a matter of minutes until Harriet made her debut amongst the roars of the energetic crowd. Still uneasy due to the nerves and building anxiety she strolled out into the fresh air wearing her fluttering cerulean dress that was dotted with glistening small emerald beads that made her appear to be the Queen of the Sea. Her pink eyes shimmered with a hint of fear, yet in all honesty to herself she knew that the fear drove her to conquer, which flourished the sign of fiery ambition. She was primed to walk out onto the stage and shine brighter than any star, her Pokémon being the energy to produce spectacular light.

    The blasting speakers suddenly hissed as a monotone voice began speaking, “We’re asking all Coordinators into the waiting area where we shall begin momentarily! Audience please take your seats. We’re asking all Coordinators into the waiting area where we shall begin momentarily! Audience please take your seats.” The same message continued repeating as Harriet took in one last deep breath and returned backstage where she awaited her first presentation to the crowd.


    *****




    “And now we welcome you all to the Rustboro Contest with our three judges, Mr Contesta, Mr Sukizo and Rustboro’s own Nurse Joy. It seems as if we are sure to see some unexpected twists and turns as our Coordinators battle it out for this beauty,” Vivian held up the glorious Ribbon that was the prize every Coordinator wanted, “And gaining this means they’re one Ribbon closer to entering the competitive Grand Festival that will take place at Sootopolis every Summer if they receive the five Ribbons needed. Now, less chit chat and let’s begin the Preliminaries with a debuting Coordinator all the way from Johto, give it up for Harriet!”

    A loud holler from the crowd echoed off the walls of the stadium while the gold lined curtains that concealed the anticipating Harriet drew open with moderate speed and the purple linen creased at either end as the movement came to a holt. Harriet was now in the public eye, television cameras were tuned onto her position and the budding crowd had her fixed in their sight. She couldn’t afford to slip up while everyone was watching, especially as she knew her Parents and Grandparents were watching from their Pokémon Care Centre in Johto.

    She grabbed the Ball Capsule that concealed the PokeBall where her unexpected Pokémon, which she hoped would cause a stir, lay in wait ready for its first appearance

    “Okay then, let’s start things off with a bang,” Harriet cried as she flung the PokeBall past the blue coated walls decorated with furnishings of previous winners and the most stunning moments of their performances, until it burst high up in the open toped dome where numerous hearts sprayed over the audience away from the gigantic sponging heart that was close to bursting. The crowds’ faces were griped with awe as they continued to mask out others while their attention spanned across the intriguing display, waiting for the immense burst that would quell the entire antagonising wait.

    “I think it’s time to reveal you to everyone,” Harriet vibrantly yelled as the incredible heart shattered and the sparkles trickled to the ground, leaving a fluffy ball like creature with an appendage that stuck out poignantly from the top of its body in the position of the heart.

    “Okay then Burmy, time to kick things off with your Hidden Power!”

    Burmy swiftly sprang into action while the motions of gravity began to take effect, beginning to slowly compel it to the ground after the delayed force from the exploding heart had worn off. The Bug Pokémon coiled the attachment that seemed to snugly fit on top of the pink fur that surrounded the peaking face of delight. Suddenly an eerie gold light began to be absorbed into the coiled like branch and the intensity of the light glowed brighter and brighter with the increasing amount of energy that sank its way into the Pokémon.

    “Now, fire the attack towards the ground just like we practiced!”

    The golden energy rippled out of the coiled appendage until it encased the cherry coloured fleece, beating like the drum of a heart. On the count of a beat the energy pushed itself with a vibrant force out of Burmys’ body and shrouded the view of the entire audience. When the mask evaporated into the air, Burmy was surrounded by floating shards of light that slithered casually across the staging the area, controlled by the appendage that was positioned on top of Burmy.

    “Okay Burmy, now collapse each shard in on itself!” Harriet cried with enthusiasm feeling a notable sense of pride in her Pokémon. As she looked on at the spectacle the shards of light began popping throughout the stadium and releasing sparkling droplets to rain down amongst the crowd. Burmy landed in the grasp of Harriet’s loving embrace, they had pulled it off; she had been building up for this moment for over two months and it had paid off. The audience were thrilled, and it seemed she would be travelling through to the next round, but only if the judges appreciated her demonstration.

    “Wow, what wonderful control Burmy has,” Vivian smiled, “The shining amazement on all your faces really shows how this debuting Coordinator is set to make her mark on the Contest World, now over to the judges and their opinions, first let’s here from Mr Contesta.”

    “What an interesting combination from an interesting young lady, I can already see that you are going to make quite an impression in future Contests.”

    “What high praise from an honouree member of Contests, time to here from Mr Sukizo.”

    “It was rather remarkable, an honestly remarkable attempt!”

    “Well as always, a rather expected response, and finally let’s here from Nurse Joy.”

    “An intriguing turn of events I must say, Burmy shone with marvellous attributes and I could clearly see that it’s well looked after.”

    “And now let’s find out the scores,” Vivian dramatically spoke as the panels in front of the judges began to flash multiple colours, everyone was nervous for Harriet, everything was left down to these scores. Three numbers then pinged onto the screen, “Wow! Nines all around, an almost perfect score and it’s only her first ever attempt. This Contest has already had the bar pushed to the top; our remaining twenty eight Coordinators are in for a tough challenge. Anyway without further ado let’s congratulate Harriet and Burmy for such a wonderful performance and we shall let you get back to the comforts of the waiting room,” Vivian jokingly said watching a path of relief pave its way over Harriet.

    She raced back through the open curtains and darted behind the comfort of the concealing cloth. She had been able to fight against her fears and nerves and overcame them successfully with the help of her wonderful Burmy. Her first ever capture rested comfortably against her chest, no words were being spoken but Burmy understood the love that was flowing throughout Harriet and their connection had been fulfilled in an overly beautiful display.

    She pulled her sapphire coloured dress partially up her leg and broke out into a scurry back to the Contestant room, where she felt the need to relax before anymore worries about the contest could productively secure a foot hold in her thoughts. The speakers hissed on again and Vivian’s voice sparked through the booming black boxes, “And now our second contestant, this person has travelled all the way from Sinnoh where we all loved him there and has already earned his first Ribbon! Will he be able to secure his second win today? Well, we’re about to find out, give it up for Curtis!”

    Harriet immediately stopped dead in her tracks, whisking her head around on all axes searching for a TV screen. She spotted one, flashing the image of the red headed boy into her eyes. Her eyes gazed upon the screen deliriously and Harriet was captured by his well decoyed attire. He really did look the part.

    Curtis reached into his pocket and drew out the PokeBall encased by the Capsule; he was ready to pull off a splendid combination that would overpower the performance of Harriet before him. He knew what must be done, like he stated before, Contests are always about adapting to the situation, and the present situation required Curtis to take the next step and try something that if performed correctly would ensure his victory.

    “Slugma, take to the floor!”

    The fiery slug burst out amongst wisps of flames that spanned across the staging area. Curtis looked up amongst the crowd and noticed the same shocked look mastering their faces as it did when Harriet was performing; it was time for him to take it to the next stage of presentation.

    “Okay Slugma, brilliant entrance, now it’s time for your Ancient Power!” Blue rings of emanating light slowly formed around Slugma, beading and bending at occasional intervals. The light then shadowed itself into gapped forms that shifted in colour to a shining white beacon, shaping itself into jagged sections that appeared to be large shards of rock.

    “Now, distribute them evenly amongst the floor and cause them to spiral on a uniformed axis,” Curtis shouted amongst the roaring sound of the intense flames, which were now drifting in heat spirals around the stones. It wasn’t long until the fiery shards were all that remained, burning in syndicate around the scorched ground.

    “It’s time to draw this to a close, bring all the pieces together with great force!” The resounding echo rippled from wall to wall as the flames gradually dispersed from their circle and left the triumphant image of Curtis and Slugma, both of who had kept their calm amongst the raging heat.

    “This is amazing! Two gigantic demonstrations one after another and both with explosive results, going by what we’ve seen this Contest is going to be really action packed. Anyway, now onto the results,” Vivian said as she whisked herself from the view of the cameras and let the spotlight fall upon the judges.

    “In light of what we’ve just seen I can honestly say that this is the best performance we’ve seen from you. In your previous contest Slugma really performed amazingly well in the battle rounds and it’s a privilege to have seen it use these powerful attacks in a unique combination,” Mr Contesta spoke with a smile of admiration sealed firmly on his face.

    “That performance was even better than remarkable,” Mr Sukizo responded, “And I hope you act remarkably in the battle rounds.”

    “Your Pokémon really sparkled with a gallant sheen; you will go far my young friend,” Nurse Joy happily said, already keying in her score for Curtis’s performance, “I believe we’ve all decided on the scores, so let’s reveal them.”

    The screens flickered through their variety of colours again, sifting through the rainbow as if it was putty, but even though everything was dependant on these scores Curtis wasn’t flinching. The numbers revealed themselves in consecutive order of the judges, and it was now obvious why Curtis had no need to worry, three tens were left expressively noticeable.

    “And there we have it Ladies and Gentlemen; full marks have been awarded to Curtis and his Slugma. Let’s give them one last round of applause as he returns backstage.”


    *****


    “We’re now onto our sixteenth Coordinator, again a newcomer to the stage but someone who is very knowledgeable in the art of battling. It’s our very own Gym Leader, Roxanne!”

    The curtains drew back once again, and the bellow of applause leapt like partying sounds through the vast stadium, that had already witnessed fifteen outstanding performances, all of which receiving high marked scores. And now Roxanne was out there, ready to try her aptitude at Contests. She unhooked a regular PokeBall from the inner lining of her navy skirt, enlarging it in the palm of her hand. She felt no need to make the entrance fancy; a good old simple routine would justify a spectacular awarding where the Pokémon was the one shining in the glory and nothing else.

    “Anorith, I choose you!” A lobster like creature flew out of the white sheen, using its crimson wing like appendages to glide neatly to the ground, “We’ll start this off with your Rock Blast!”

    Tremendous chunks of rocks began forming between the two greyish claws that stretched out the front of Anorith’s body. The rocks flung themselves high into the air, which would allow Anorith enough chance to position himself for Roxanne’s next command.

    “Anorith, launch yourself at these rocks and slice each one with X-Scissor!”

    Just as instructed to, Anorith charged up its X-Scissor causing the two front claws to glow a poisonous violet colour, and the judges could clearly see a bubbling liquid flowing through the pincers. Although the Pokémon was distinctively small, the power Anorith could muster to produce its attacks was enormously high, and the crowd were about to witness this incredible strength!

    With just a few simple swipes of his claws, Anorith split the numerous rocks as they pelted back towards the ground; his speed allowed for quick movement in-between each target. As the shards of the shattered boulders scattered across the staging floor, the acidic poison produced from the X-Scissor left a residual trace upon the sediment and slowly eroded away at the coarse edges.

    “And that’s it! What an amazing show of strength, the intense rocks that started this appeal of to the boiling poison that eradicated them just as easily as they were produced. I’m sure the judges will like this one!”

    “And you are absolutely right Vivian, an outstanding appeal of real force and power left me rather bemused, why you’ve never considered Contests before I don’t know. This was an utterly brilliant performance on your behalf, and Anorith’s appeal was beyond my expectations. Well done.”

    “Hmm, a rather intriguing show of Anorith’s moves, it was unexpected and surprising to say the least.”

    “As Mr Contesta said, it was remarkable! Now it’s time to reveal our scoring of your appeal.” The boards displayed their usual multicoloured panels before flipping over and revealing a set of high scores.

    “Very nice numbers there, a ten from Mr Contesta, a seven from Mr Sukizo and a nine from Nurse Joy, giving Anorith and Roxanne a high total of 26; and now moving on to our next performer who has travelled all the way from Kanto to originally compete in the Gyms, but let’s see what he can accomplish here today, please welcome, Mathew Olson.”


    *****


    “And now, we move onto our final performance. The preliminaries are drawing to a close and the previous thirty minutes have been rather eventful. We’ve had many intriguing newcomers come to light today with what must be called rather unique displays. So, without further ado let’s welcome Max!”

    Max stumbled out from behind the purple drapes, seeming on the most part considerably okay in front of the roaring crowds. It was time for him to draw the appeal stage of the Contest to a close, and for this task he knew something extraordinary had to be accomplished.

    “Budew, it’s your turn to appeal! Start things rolling with your Water Sport!”

    The little bud shot out from a camouflage of multicoloured leaves, and it immediately put Max’s commands into action. But instead of the common vibration of the body to produce a shower of water droplets, the green coloured Pokémon started glowing a distinct blue as the water was slowly building up inside. Following the rules of general physics, something was going to have to give way.

    Budew was now gleaming the blue colour repeatedly; there was no noticeable change in colourings or markings. A concentrated burst succeeded and a jet of water spiralled upwards, shooting rapidly farther into the sky. Gravity started to compel its weight upon the stream of water and a hazy shower of droplets instigated a fall.

    “Move quickly into your Bullet Seed!”

    The green pellets exploded into the air, soaring towards the raining droplets from the earlier Water Sport. They cut through so easily like a knife cutting through a soft creamy sponge cake which dispersed the water across the diameter of the stadium. The audience were then treated with a rather refreshing sprinkling of water and blasted into a roaring applause.

    “That’s it folks, the preliminaries have come to an end with what must be said, a unique way of involving the audience. Now once we have the results of this performance we’ll go straight into announcing the eight competitors moving onto the next round, but first let’s return to the judges for the final time and hear their evaluation on Max’s appeal.

    “The overall performance was mildly remarkable; however the conversion of a defensive attack into an offensive attack really startled me and showed the potential of this trainer standing before us,” answered Mr Sukizo.

    “As Mr Sukizo said, the conversion of the move was something I’ve never witnessed in the entirety of judging contests and Max must be applauded for this effort.”

    “I’ve travelled to many different Contests across many different regions and never have I seen something as demonstrative as this, Budew is a real special Pokémon and as you’re quite aware young man, Budew now houses an incredible move to combat even the most diverse of opponents,” Mr Contesta responded, “And now for the results, I’ve awarded you a very worthwhile ten, while Mr Sukizo has awarded you a worthy six along with Nurse Joy awarding you a seven, giving you a total of 23.”


    *****


    “We now have the results of the preliminaries, and without further ado let’s reveal the eight trainers who have earned a spot in the battling rounds,” Vivian commanded with the utmost ease as she swivelled her arms around to indicate the significance of the board. Eight wildly decorated flash cards appeared in synchronised order against the turquoise background. The nerves within the Coordinator waiting room were reaching high tensions as many people realized that their scores wouldn’t secure them a spot in the battle rounds, the only person who was struck with relief was Curtis, mostly because he had been given what represented a free pass into the next round.

    “And now we reveal to you these eight Coordinators.”

    The cards swivelled on an axis and as expected, Curtis maintained the first spot, with what was an exceptional appeal. Now however though, the seven other cards were all Harriet had left to hope in, and as she scanned across the pictures she noticed her ecstatic face in the fourth position. She had made it, and on her first go none the less; managing to place in the top section of the battle rounds left her in a formidable position. She rotated her head around and caught a glimpse of Max’s relieving sigh, although he had placed in eighth position he had still shown his worth, and because of it retained a newly developed move.

    “Well Harriet, looks as if I may be seeing you in the finals after all,” Curtis joked, cracking a soft acknowledging smile, “And Max, pulling that Water Sport off was enough in itself to award you a position, I just think that the judges were marking you a bit too harshly considering...”

    “Well we all made it then,” Roxanne sighed with utter release, “It was a little nerve racking but we all made it, including Mathew.”

    “You know him?” Harriet asked.

    “Oh yea, Max and I met him a couple of weeks before we last saw you, quite a tough young fellow then, although he did say he was going to challenge Gyms, something must have changed that. Anyway, as you saw his Butterfree is extremely powerful and managed to hold its own against Max’s Murkrow, so, considering the Pokémon you and Curtis and Max are going to use, you might be in for some problems.”

    “We can all overcome type disadvantage, trust me, I’ve seen it many times! Contests are one of the most unpredictable things out there!” Curtis responded.

    “Oh don’t get me wrong, I know, many trainers have overcome type disadvantages against my Rock types but that Butterfree is going to be a rather tricky match.”

    The speakers crackled again and Vivian’s voice rang through the boxes, “And now we reveal who will be facing who and in what order they will battle!” The cards flipped again, this time becoming blurry pixels on an electronic board. A loud beep sounded and halted the movement of the pixels, rearranging them back into rectangular shapes. Once again the cards rotated and the four gazed upon their rivals. Seated on the far left was Max’s card, paired with Mathew, the wildcard trainer, next appeared Curtis’s card which was matched with Henry, another newcomer to Contests; yet the shock was to follow. Harriet and Roxanne had been coupled together, the third match of the afternoon.

    “Roxanne...I...I have Roxanne,” Harriet’s face slumped as a solemn feeling overwhelmed her. She felt as if her Contest desires were already crushed. How could she possibly overpower a Gym Leader?

    “It’s okay Harriet, trust me, Max has more to worry than you. Remember what I keep telling you, I’m going to see you in the finals!”


    *****


    “There are thirty seconds left on the clock, and Max and Budew have a marginal lead while Mathew and Butterfree seem to be taking a turn for the worst. Max’s new version of Water Sport has the Bug Type cornered in what seems to be a real concern.”

    “Okay Butterfree, it’s time to pull out a super powered Silver Wind, we need to pull back these last few points while we still can!” A silvery gust radiated from the inner most sections of the waxen wings, spiralling towards Budew with glittery essences captured inside the drift.

    “Right then, try and advert it with your Bullet Seed. Hopefully a continuous burst of the seeds might help to redirect the Silver Wind if we can cause a stream of wind. If not then use Synthesis!”

    The shots burnt their way through the endless drift, only diffusing the wind momentarily before the holes sealed and the attack loomed ever closer. Budew clenched its body, preparing to be struck by the almighty energy, its tight body already beginning to shimmer with the light from the Synthesis. The two forces collided, a catastrophe induced. The explosion slithered away along with the ashy clouds of despair. Despair for Max, and despair for Mathew as they anticipated the worse scenarios the blast could have caused. One of them would be walking out of here a loser.

    “The time is up!” Our first battle has come to a close with a rather explosive ending, and both Pokémon seem to be rather worn out from the ordeal, but according to our score boards and because no Pokémon have fainted, Max shall be the first participant going through to the next round! Both trainers may now proceed backstage while we hear our judges’ opinions on the previous battle.”


    *****


    “Turtwig use your Leaf Storm yet again and knock out Whismur’s Supersonic!” The red headed male yelled as he shielded his face from the possibility of a rather jolting hit.

    Turtwig cocked his head with a stiff nature and rigid leaves sprung from its turtle backed shell. The leaves abruptly stopped in their course, and with a flick of Turtwig’s head, hurled themselves at the oncoming attack.

    Vivian interjected into the battle with her own opinions, “It seems as if this is turning into a clash of small titans here, with neither sides attacks landing their mark. Someone will have to draw something out of the bag in the remaining few seconds otherwise we’ll result in a tie and turn to the preliminary results as the decider.”

    “Come on Whismur, we can’t lose this! Not now! Use your Screech attack, this is the last push!” The purple bodied teddy like creature tensed its body as the charging torrent of sound waves were preparing to destroy the resisting leaves.

    Ding! Ding!

    “And time is up competitors, and our second battle has resulted in a draw, which means Curtis travels through via default of the Preliminary results. Henry you performed magically and we’re expecting to see a lot out of your future challenges.”


    *****


    “And now onto our third match; please welcome Harriet from the Johto region and our very own Roxanne! Are both Coordinators ready?” Vivian asked with immediate determined nods, “Okay then, you have five minutes on the clock. Begin!”

    “Chikorita, it’s your turn!” Harriet cried, throwing Chikorita’s PokeBall straight out into the dusty field, where the Pokémon burst out amongst a flourish of flowers.

    “Anorith, we don’t need fancy seals, let’s show them what you’re made of in battles!” Roxanne cried, watching the white flow of light spark the creature into action, directly affronting Chikorita, “We’ll start this off! Go straight into an X-Scissor!” The bubbling claws glowed violet with a flickering current of poison, the intenseness being seen by everyone yet again.

    This battle was already raging with a passionate flame and unfortunately for Harriet she was close to burning horribly in the fiery licks. Something was now entirely different to before; although she had performed wonderfully in the preliminaries a change had occurred.

    “Anorith is now gaining upon the horrified Chikorita who seems helpless to combat at the moment. It too appears to be frozen by fear just like its trainer. Unless either does anything shortly this could be over sooner than we think!”

    “Harriet, come on! Respond!” Roxanne cried out to Harriet with a paining shriek of anguish as she saw how she was stripping Harriet’s chances of victory away without any resistance, “Harriet! Respond!”

    Life simmered back into her pink pupils as the realization of the situation was dragging its importance into her prominent thoughts. The daunting task she faced was nearing!


    *****
    Last edited by harryheart; 8th April 2010 at 7:00 PM.

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  22. #347
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    I actually like it alot, but that doesn't surprise me

        Spoiler:- Credits:

  23. #348
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    1. The battles were entertaining.

    2. You had good battle description.

    3. This contest looks like it could go to anyone.

    This chapter: 7/10

    Keep it up!

  24. #349
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    Quote Originally Posted by super riolu31 View Post
    I actually like it alot, but that doesn't surprise me
    Thanks Super! Glad you enjoyed it! I believe this Chapter turns out to be one of my longest so far, so I'm expecting most Contest Chapters will be quite big.

    Quote Originally Posted by chosen_one386 View Post
    1. The battles were entertaining.
    Thank You Chosen - I believe that I finally have got the idea of how battles should be written to follow an entertaining route, hopefully I can improve on this further!

    Quote Originally Posted by chosen_one386 View Post
    2. You had good battle description.
    Again related with comment above

    Quote Originally Posted by chosen_one386 View Post
    3. This contest looks like it could go to anyone.
    Intriguing, thank you, I didn't actually plan to make it look like this but I'm glad it has that feel as it may make things that bit more captive from Chapter 19!

    As always your reviews are really helpful Thank You

    Most Recent Chapter - Chapter 31: Don't Forget Me - Posted 26/01/13
    Credits to Sweet May and DanChimchar

    I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence

  25. #350
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    You did a great job on the contest appeals and battles.

    I wasn't too sure about a Burmy for an appeal Pokemon, but you managed to make it look good.

    I loved Budew's combinations, i couldn't have come up with a better one myself

    I look forward to seeing how Harriet and Roxanne's battle plays out, i don't think we've seen the best of Anorith or Chikorita yet.

    Keep up the good work.




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